my favorite parts are the parts where one option is so passionate and gets placed immediately and then the horror on your face when you remember the other two options. 10/10 love it
This is amazing but I also love the "well it's dnd so I just assume if they speak a language I can magic my way into communicating" vs "well, they live underwater but I can't breathe there sooo"
I love watching videos like these because it's a humbling experience, y'know? You get comfortable after a while, start thinking you're normal. Keeps you grounded. Reminds you the Maticore isn't an obvious fuck for everybody, and that "scary looking" is actually a negative, not a bonus to most.
I love how the ground rules include the fact that as long as something understands a language you can do magic about it, but we're just ignoring the fact that potions of water breathing exist the whole time
this video genuinely sent me off on the thought train of how to make a marriage work with a succubus. like, "oh, well we can just have a polyamorous and/or open relationship where we get certain needs met elsewhere, but we can still love each other and communicate! i imagine the succubus will also want an additional partner because it's not like she's getting her needs met from what she does, right? it's not like she's doing it to have fun, she's trying to gain sustenance. she's a sex worker is what i'm saying. really what is sex work other than having sex as a food source but with more steps and less soul-stealing?" and then of course that would mean the claw would go in the penthouse. i have only one thing to say about that: what that hand do?
Question: Do you have to actually fight the ones you say you'll kill, or do they just drop dead, because that seems like a very important detail that would change my answers drastically.
Love the video!! We love to realize how fckable things can be in the right circumstances. Also for future videos I think it would be good to boost the audio volume by about 45%!
the joy? when I saw this video was out? Unparalleled. Unprecedented. Sleeptime listening handled for the next three weeks I think. Then back to old verbs compones.
The energy this entire video was immaculate 10/10 This and the Ice Age video had me laughing the entire time, love the energy, love the vibes (and love the podcast)
22:00 "Hands are a necessary component for the top category" I beg to differ, and so would InCase in what I believe is chapter 10 of Alfie, Aka, Voroni night. Also, snake with wings would have MAD cuddles I wouldn't pass up.
You know what we learned today? That our ideas of what is fuckable is entirely different, and I may need to consider raising my standards one day. Not today, but one day.
I'm surprised at how many undead you let through, because that just can't be sanitary -- but of them all, you consistently skipped all the undead that happened to be high level wizards. They can shapeshift, control matter, make magic items, and do all kinds of things to your senses -- if undeath and touch attacks aren't a hard no, what's wrong with a (demi/draco)lich? Maybe you can be the living caretaker/heir of their scary tower or whatever, if you put a ring on them. Also, one thing I love about the older DnD monster manuals, is that they include an entire section just for ecology stuff and what kinds of interesting stuff wizards could make out of the monster's bits. Sometimes you need to know that they nest in pairs with 2d4 nestlings, or that fairy dragons love apple pie, or that the mucous can be refined into potions of water breathing. I'm also a little surprised that you decided "we can use magic to talk", but didn't go for rings of fire protection. There's plenty of creatures that successfully crossbreed with fire elementals, so there's ways to survive it in reasonable health.
My RUclips app crashed immediately as soon as you said “snog, snatch, send away,” and I think that was a sign “Make out, murder, matrimony” is genuinely a very good one though
When I need some tavern stories for my players to overhear I will come back here. Honestly, I am very into the Beauty and the Beast style romance with the nothic. Or a story about a knight who embraced a will-o-wisp, sounds bittersweet, I like it.
I think the considerations should have also included how hard it would be to kill the one you pick kill for. Possibly with your marriage choice as backup in the fight
Animal friendship fails on creatures with an inteligence of 4 or more so I would argue thats the minimum line to draw forthe "of humab or greater inteligence" part of the Harkness test
Absolutely perfect and incredible video as always Haley, please keep up the good work!! (but also please turn up your volume going forward, this video is very quiet compared to most others on youtube)
I'm 3 minutes in and I'm just gonna keep watching this video to see how many different ways she can say FMK without saying FMK. Best so far imo is " rail, ring, rid" Edit: she said it like immediately after the rules 😂
I don’t think the death slaad can involve you in the horrible slaad reproductive cycle. I think that’s only red, blue, and _maybe_ green. Been a while since I looked at them though. Why’d you kill the coatl, they’re endangered :( also they can shapeshift so they can have hands! “There is an entire D&D adventure about why you shouldn’t wanna marry a vampire, but like… what if I could change him?” I’ve played through that module multiple times and have learned absolutely nothing. Their fault for making Strahd hot tbh
The Harkness test would have been a problem for Neelix from ST Voyager LOL. And yes the kobold would make a great provider, they are very organized creatures
My experience with a couatl in an actual game is when my dragonborn swashbuckler stole one of their eggs and then hatched it and raised the couatl as her oldest child. Also, I'm sure if you show the hag a good time, then she'll only give you a mild curse, like a magical sti.
Part 1: F Saytr M Vine Blight K Cyclops F Weird M Drider K Incubus F Cloaker M Weretiger K Goristro F Planatar M Deathknight K Ogre F Spectator M Monodrone K Quasit F Bulliwug M Beholder K Hook Horror F Chuul M Bugbear K Slaad F Manticore M Orc K Ettin F Marid M Jackalwere K Otyugh F Mind Flayer M Rakshasa K Chimera F Giant M Dragon K Marilith I refuse to justify any of these
“The guy too angry to become a regular ghost is going to the pit” Damn, so strong you’re just going to kill something that’s already dead. Also, Suc/Incubus are literally made for the F in FMK and are the perfect option.
I feel like this list should have a 9+ intelligence requirement, and I say that knowing full well almost every 5e/BG3 character I have ever made has had 10 or less int.
... so what if... you made a Reborn Bard... who had gone through the cycle a crazy number of times... and each of these Trio's are highlights of each of lives.... Too bad about that one card going missing though D=
This is great. I feel like it would make for a neat party game or just me bothering my friends with cursed knowledge. Is there any chance you have the list of all creatures lying around in a way that cab be easily shared?
“All metallic dragons are prime spouse material” as someone who listens to Unprepared Casters, this take doesn’t surprise me at all lmao
This has huge BDG/Unraveled vibes and I love it so much
I imagine this as banter around a campfire
Brian David Gilbert reference let's go!
"would he *murder* me at any point in the marriage?"
the bar for a D&D monster partner is so low 😔
Things I learned from this video:
1. Haley ✍️ has ✍️ a ✍️ thing ✍️ for ✍️beholders.
2 Haley is engaged
Haley and the Crawling Claw are so great together 🥰
my favorite parts are the parts where one option is so passionate and gets placed immediately and then the horror on your face when you remember the other two options. 10/10 love it
"This hand and I are getting MARRIED. And we're going to be HAPPY together."
"Nutty Buddy Box" is another good phrase for fmk.
There once was a bard on the horn
Who happened upon a Xorn
He denies they conspired
But nine months transpired
And his new darling daughter was born!
😂😂
Hahahahaa
This is amazing but I also love the "well it's dnd so I just assume if they speak a language I can magic my way into communicating" vs "well, they live underwater but I can't breathe there sooo"
I love watching videos like these because it's a humbling experience, y'know? You get comfortable after a while, start thinking you're normal. Keeps you grounded. Reminds you the Maticore isn't an obvious fuck for everybody, and that "scary looking" is actually a negative, not a bonus to most.
Look, I'm a monster fucker like any other, but if there is *one* monster I wouldn't boink it's the manticore.
My EXACT sentiment when she sincerely called the manticore "too scary" 😔
this and the baldurs gate video combined give a great picture of where specifically haley falls on the monsterfucker scale
Surprisingly low, all things considered, which honestly makes it funnier
Marrying the mono-drone gives me the same energy as being married to your *spicy* electric “toothbrush”
It has ONE JOB and it's very good at it
5:00 in the immortal words of Adam Savage: “The only difference between science and goofing around is writing it down”
imagine asking a crawling claw for its hand in marriage
New challenge: take all the monsters you put in the marriage category & play this game with just them
Worse challenge: do this with the slain beasts
😆😂
"Maybe they're cool! I've consulted the book; they're *not* cool"
😂😂😂
This is why I love you so much, Whipjack. You are amazing 😂
Just got on the Whipjack train today and I respect how much of your content consists of performing unethical psychological experiments on yourself.
The fact this video is over an hour long and I'd been laughing continuously through the first 12 minutes means this is going to be a personal favorite
I cannot believe how often we disagreed, but it told me more about myself than I ever wished to know. Thanks for that.
“The couatl doesn’t have enough limbs.” “The xorn has too many limbs”
honestly a good portion of the monsters in the monster manual are fckable
like a surprising amount
I love how the ground rules include the fact that as long as something understands a language you can do magic about it, but we're just ignoring the fact that potions of water breathing exist the whole time
this video genuinely sent me off on the thought train of how to make a marriage work with a succubus. like, "oh, well we can just have a polyamorous and/or open relationship where we get certain needs met elsewhere, but we can still love each other and communicate! i imagine the succubus will also want an additional partner because it's not like she's getting her needs met from what she does, right? it's not like she's doing it to have fun, she's trying to gain sustenance. she's a sex worker is what i'm saying. really what is sex work other than having sex as a food source but with more steps and less soul-stealing?"
and then of course that would mean the claw would go in the penthouse. i have only one thing to say about that: what that hand do?
Psuedodragon on the bottom because small dragon immediately after marrying the faerie dragon fucking sent me
I think we all learned a very important thing today
Haley gives a convening amount of thought into hands
I think it’s funny that you are a bard but won’t spend any spell slots to breath underwater, fire resistance, etc.
She spent all her spell slots on charm person
In watching this, I learned that I have some very weird hills to die on-- including that cyclopses get the pit. They know what they did
Words to live by: if you have the opportunity to marry a metallic dragon, you BETTER put a ring on it.
Question: Do you have to actually fight the ones you say you'll kill, or do they just drop dead, because that seems like a very important detail that would change my answers drastically.
Y'know, you're right! 😂
Love the video!! We love to realize how fckable things can be in the right circumstances. Also for future videos I think it would be good to boost the audio volume by about 45%!
good to know, thank you!
the joy? when I saw this video was out? Unparalleled. Unprecedented. Sleeptime listening handled for the next three weeks I think. Then back to old verbs compones.
cannot explain how much it means to me that i am someone's nighttime comfort audio
My favorite thing about any Haley video is the big "Is she okay?" energy she gives off.
now i want to play a wizard that was power-of-love'd out of being a nothic
19:16 Baldur's Gate 3 has aged this section well
The energy this entire video was immaculate 10/10
This and the Ice Age video had me laughing the entire time, love the energy, love the vibes (and love the podcast)
Truly the hunger games of "I can fix him" candidates
I think the part of haley that refused the flameskull was also aster on her shoulder being petty and annoyed by what happened to him
22:00 "Hands are a necessary component for the top category" I beg to differ, and so would InCase in what I believe is chapter 10 of Alfie, Aka, Voroni night. Also, snake with wings would have MAD cuddles I wouldn't pass up.
You know what we learned today? That our ideas of what is fuckable is entirely different, and I may need to consider raising my standards one day. Not today, but one day.
The change in part 2 about dragons being fine even if they don't shapeshift is such a vibe
“And The Spector. Which is different from a ghost because it’s.. purple 🙂”
I'm surprised at how many undead you let through, because that just can't be sanitary -- but of them all, you consistently skipped all the undead that happened to be high level wizards. They can shapeshift, control matter, make magic items, and do all kinds of things to your senses -- if undeath and touch attacks aren't a hard no, what's wrong with a (demi/draco)lich? Maybe you can be the living caretaker/heir of their scary tower or whatever, if you put a ring on them.
Also, one thing I love about the older DnD monster manuals, is that they include an entire section just for ecology stuff and what kinds of interesting stuff wizards could make out of the monster's bits. Sometimes you need to know that they nest in pairs with 2d4 nestlings, or that fairy dragons love apple pie, or that the mucous can be refined into potions of water breathing. I'm also a little surprised that you decided "we can use magic to talk", but didn't go for rings of fire protection. There's plenty of creatures that successfully crossbreed with fire elementals, so there's ways to survive it in reasonable health.
My RUclips app crashed immediately as soon as you said “snog, snatch, send away,” and I think that was a sign
“Make out, murder, matrimony” is genuinely a very good one though
Truly life changing content. The absolute pinnacle of (fmk) listings! Bravo all the way around
I think the one you lost is the Aboleth, whose absense I noted only because it's the best monster ever.
Couatl has Change Shape, so I don’t think the snake thing would be a problem. I would’ve married him.
I love that we have this collective hatred for Onis just because of one character from one Podcast. Justice for Mollymauk, long may he reign.
The unicorn kids are celestial patron warlocks, and spells are their allowance.
Honestly I so *strongly* agree with your stance on FMK vs. Smash or Pass.
imagine someday in the future this is the only remaining record of the DnD monsters
I have watched this video several times and on none of those occasions have I played along. I just really love listening to you talk.
The Chimera, Rakshasa, and Mindflayer was the easiest- BG3 already decided one for me
"Sometimes the Nutty Butty box gives you a break"
Bed, wed, behead
I’m about halfway through the video now but the way you just lost your mind by the time you got to the crawling claw had me in stitches 😂😂😂
“I’m sure I had a good reason at the time” for the only decision you didn’t explain at all 😂
A year later, I wonder just how many of us have snogged or snagged a mind flayer.
Huge BDG vibes and I love it
You're wrong with the coatl! They're very kind and I think they'd give me gifts and be loving. Marry them
But would you then snuggle the Goblin? That doesn't feel right.
When I need some tavern stories for my players to overhear I will come back here. Honestly, I am very into the Beauty and the Beast style romance with the nothic. Or a story about a knight who embraced a will-o-wisp, sounds bittersweet, I like it.
I think the considerations should have also included how hard it would be to kill the one you pick kill for. Possibly with your marriage choice as backup in the fight
I love your vibe and I love that you clearly play/or enjoy the concept of dnd!
The Nothic section was literally "I can fix him" LMAO
This. This right here is my comfort human
Let's be honest the behir probably just fights wyrmling (and maybe young) dragons and brags that they killed a dragon
This is my new favorite RUclips video ever
What a wild ride! FMKs should be a new self reflection tool
Animal friendship fails on creatures with an inteligence of 4 or more so I would argue thats the minimum line to draw forthe "of humab or greater inteligence" part of the Harkness test
the crawling claw could also give the family owlbear some really good head scritches, which is important
50:55 Fun fact. Despite a 20 INT Demilich stat block has no languages. So they fail the Harkness test
At some point I started thinking of of this you randomly collecting a harem, and honestly I feel like you acquired a pretty good harem
I truly lost it at the intellect devourer reveal
we just fought a Vrock (@30:55)! They drip spores! Smash!
This is amazingly entertaining lol
Hey the cyclops in castle crashers is LOYAL to his boyfriend and that is the kind of commitment you deserve.
tbh i would marry a bugbear purely because of one captain kp hob from dimension 20
Absolutely perfect and incredible video as always Haley, please keep up the good work!! (but also please turn up your volume going forward, this video is very quiet compared to most others on youtube)
the spectator and the beholder are pretty chill. they just wanna watch as you get your freak on with one of the others up there.
Oh Haley, oh no on being one short XD
Your videos are such a delight. Never change. ❤
I was so confused why the heart had a ball-gag but that’s a ring 😭😳😅
I'm 3 minutes in and I'm just gonna keep watching this video to see how many different ways she can say FMK without saying FMK.
Best so far imo is " rail, ring, rid"
Edit: she said it like immediately after the rules 😂
I don’t think the death slaad can involve you in the horrible slaad reproductive cycle. I think that’s only red, blue, and _maybe_ green. Been a while since I looked at them though.
Why’d you kill the coatl, they’re endangered :( also they can shapeshift so they can have hands!
“There is an entire D&D adventure about why you shouldn’t wanna marry a vampire, but like… what if I could change him?”
I’ve played through that module multiple times and have learned absolutely nothing. Their fault for making Strahd hot tbh
The Harkness test would have been a problem for Neelix from ST Voyager LOL. And yes the kobold would make a great provider, they are very organized creatures
My experience with a couatl in an actual game is when my dragonborn swashbuckler stole one of their eggs and then hatched it and raised the couatl as her oldest child.
Also, I'm sure if you show the hag a good time, then she'll only give you a mild curse, like a magical sti.
Watching this while cleaning but when I rewatch I'll play the home game
HERE WE GO
Part 1:
F Saytr M Vine Blight K Cyclops
F Weird M Drider K Incubus
F Cloaker M Weretiger K Goristro
F Planatar M Deathknight K Ogre
F Spectator M Monodrone K Quasit
F Bulliwug M Beholder K Hook Horror
F Chuul M Bugbear K Slaad
F Manticore M Orc K Ettin
F Marid M Jackalwere K Otyugh
F Mind Flayer M Rakshasa K Chimera
F Giant M Dragon K Marilith
I refuse to justify any of these
I watched this entire thing, and I don't know why.
“The guy too angry to become a regular ghost is going to the pit”
Damn, so strong you’re just going to kill something that’s already dead.
Also, Suc/Incubus are literally made for the F in FMK and are the perfect option.
I feel like this list should have a 9+ intelligence requirement, and I say that knowing full well almost every 5e/BG3 character I have ever made has had 10 or less int.
“Mephit composed of earth and water”
🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
... so what if... you made a Reborn Bard... who had gone through the cycle a crazy number of times... and each of these Trio's are highlights of each of lives....
Too bad about that one card going missing though D=
Despite the metric ass-load of incorrect info, I absolutely love this video. It's so beautiful
Yes I watched through the whole thing
Hayley don't you know I love you
You can spend hours talking about anything and I WILL watch it
This is great. I feel like it would make for a neat party game or just me bothering my friends with cursed knowledge. Is there any chance you have the list of all creatures lying around in a way that cab be easily shared?
The rakshaka backwards hands are, at least to my understanding, a left/right flip
Flipped 180°, the palms are where the back of your hands are
I'd so funny to see a video marry, makeout, murder but its for every npc on critcal role
The amount of effort and time spent on this video, all for regrets of 66% of the choices. I love it. Great content
This was a life-altering experience.
love watching this in the era after bg3 i know the mindflayer ranking would be different!!!
THE RED DRAGON CAN POLYMORPH INTO A PERSON why the literal demon afdsjbahbdbwkdjb
Haley’s voice reminds me of the animated Anastasia it’s so comforting
i have never in my life heard so many synonyms. love it