I'm like that with ad Naseum. Every day since about 1982 I say things from the album, apply phrases from the album and insert tirades from the album inappropriately to real life.
@@hickster222 I wonder if Professor Hawking would've given Peter Cook the horn? I, I can't tell you e, e, every time I s, see a picture of Ssstephen Hawking... I can't prevent myself from having a wank immediately. They're all kunce out there and besides, I have got the fucking horn and I want to know what the fucking hell the fucking Labour Party are going to do about the fucking horn?
As as student in Sheffield we would go out on weekend night get home at some daft hour and then drink awful home brew and listen to Derek & Clive until dawn.
All these years later, and still as funny as fuck! One of the greatest double acts that there ever was. I'm off to listen to Squatter & the Ant now! :)
Chicken young bloke huge nob LMFAO I listen to these guys religiously. They will never be equalled in comedy, to raw for most yes, fucking more clever than anything ever recoded undoubtedly.
This is proper 'clever' filth done by two of the most revered duo's ever..especially Cook.Forget about all the rubbish that Brand & Ross in their futile way try to aspire to-this is the real outrage !!
It's simply impossible. To replicate Cook alone would be impossible, but both? that's like infinite levels of impossible. Derek is essential to Clive as Pete is to Dud, they always do their best work together.
This is based on a true story. Peter Cook just got into a cab, and said to Peter, "Do you know whzt I had in here the other day?" "Bertrand Russell......" "So I asked him "whats it all about" "And he said,"he didn't know!!"
I always wanted Dud to keep quiet and let Peter loose. Peter was the comedic genius, and Dud was mostly a bit naff, not always but mostly, although Peter did bounce off Dud’s nonsense brilliantly. I always enjoyed Dudley just cracking up in the background.
CLIVE: How you doing 4105? DEREK: (belches) What? (belches again) CLIVE: I said, "How you doing 1045?" DEREK: Oh, not so bad 305-stroke-Z. CLIVE: No, 'cause I had, er ..... I've had a fucking terrible day. DEREK: Yeah? CLIVE: I had, er, you know that, er, that, er, what's he called? - that philosopher? DEREK: Philosopher? CLIVE: Er, philosopher, yeah. DEREK: Errr ..... CLIVE: The one who knows words and everything like that. DEREK: What, er, Des O'Connor? CLIVE: No, not Des. No, Des ..... DEREK: No. CLIVE: Des is clever but he's, he's not quite as reputed to be as clever as this, erm ..... DEREK: Other bloke. CLIVE: RUSSELL! Russell! DEREK: Oh, Jane Russell! CLIVE: No, Bertrand - Bertrand Russell. DEREK: Bertrand Ru-, Oh, BERTRAND RUSSELL!! CLIVE: I had fucking Bertrand Russell in the back of my cab. DEREK: Yeah, mmm, yeah ..... CLIVE: I looked round, you know, I recognised him and I said, "Hallo Bertie." DEREK: Yeah, right. CLIVE: And, you know, he, he was a bit surprised 'cause, you know, he's not used to ..... DEREK: Pissed out of his head, wasn't he? Fucking hell. CLIVE: Yeah, pissed out of his fucking head. DEREK: Cunt. CLIVE: Fucking dwarf ..... DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: Wide-headed cunt ..... DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: So I said, "'ere, Bertie, you've written the history of the fucking Western World, ..... DEREK: Right. CLIVE: ..... what's the fucking answer?" DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: He looked round, didn't fucking know. DEREK: Probably farted, didn't he? CLIVE: He farted ..... DEREK: Knowing him, mate, you know. CLIVE: He farted twice, he clouded up the windscreen. DEREK: Yeah, right. CLIVE: And, er, I said, "Look, Bertie, Bertie, Bertie, ..... DEREK: Yeah, right, right. CLIVE: ..... get out-, GET OUT THE CAB!" DEREK: Right. CLIVE: "GET OUT THE CAB!" DEREK: Right, right. CLIVE: Yeah, I always use those words when I've got some cunt and ..... DEREK: And you want to get him out the cab. CLIVE: Yeah, I said, "GET OUT THE CAB!" DEREK: "GET OUT THE CAB!" CLIVE: He said, he said, "What is the meaning of getting out the cab?" I said, "There's no fucking meaning, it just means 'get out the cab'." And he went into some philosophical argument ..... DEREK: Oh, fuck. CLIVE: ..... about whether getting out the cab was getting the same as in the cab ..... DEREK: In this ..... CLIVE: All that crap, I thought, "fuck it." DEREK: Yeah, fucking dualistic world crap. CLIVE: And, er, you know ..... know what I got for a tip? DEREK: What? CLIVE: Nothing, absolutely nothing. DEREK: I suppose that was his philosophical joke. CLIVE: Yeah, heh-heh, you get a philosopher in the cab you get nothing, the same with, with Picasso. DEREK: Yeah? You had Picasso in your cab? CLIVE: Picasso. You know, I-, I knew him at once 'cause he was ..... DEREK: (belches) CLIVE: ..... enigmatic. DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: And I said, yeah, you know, just as a friendly joke, I said, er, ..... DEREK: What, did he have a paintbrush out of his arsehole? CLIVE: He had, er, he had a fucking oil painting coming out of his arsehole. DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: And, er, neolithic style, erm, abstract on his, erm, ..... DEREK: On his knob. CLIVE: ..... on his knob. DEREK: Yeah, I know ..... CLIVE: So I said ..... DEREK: ..... he paints his knob. CLIVE: He paints his knob different colours then photographs it and sells it to other people. DEREK: Yeah, dirty fucking cunt! CLIVE: The fucker. So I said, "You know what I call you, Mister Picasso?" DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: I said, "I call you 'Mister Pick-Arsehole' ..... DEREK: Right! Fucking hell. CLIVE: ..... 'cause as far as I'm concerned you take shit out of other people's arseholes, shove it on the canvass and sell it to other cunts." DEREK: Right. CLIVE: And, er, he was non-plussed. DEREK: Yeah, well I had the same experience. I, er, opened the cab door for somebody who hailed me on the corner ..... CLIVE: Who was that? "Hailed" you? DEREK: Richard Wagner. CLIVE: Richard Wagner? DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: But he's been dead two hundred years. DEREK: That's what I thought but, no, he was large as fucking life in the King's Road. So I said ..... CLIVE: You're not confusing him with Richard Wagner? (pronouncing "W" sound) DEREK: Er ..... Robert Wagner? CLIVE: Robert Wagner. DEREK: Errr ..... CLIVE: No, 'cause he's been alive for ..... DEREK: No, 'cause he was humming ..... CLIVE: ..... he's, he's been alive for years, hasn't he? DEREK: No, h-, he's been alive for years, you'd know the difference. CLIVE: Yeah. DEREK: No, Richie, Richie came into my cab humming, you know, snatches of, er, Tristan And Isolde. I thought, "fucking hell" ..... CLIVE: Ye-, ah, fucking hell. DEREK: I thought he was dead, I thought, you know. Anyway, he sat in the cab, whistling away, all, you know ..... CLIVE: (whistles tunelessly) DEREK: I said, "Hello! A-huh, I recognise that leitmotif!" CLIVE: Yeah. DEREK: Yeah, and he recognised, er, you know, er, er, another soul on his, er, wavelength, and he said, er, "Fuck off, cunt!" I said, I said, "Hold up ..... " CLIVE: What, w-, in German? Or English? DEREK: No, in English. I said, I said, "You speak very good English for a cunt." Anyway, I pulled over, I said, "Wha-", I looked round, I said, "What was that all about?" I said, "You can fucking get out the cab, as far as I'm concerned," I said, "get out the fucking cab." I said, "You may be Richard Wagner, but," I s- ...... CLIVE: BUT! DEREK: "You can't come in my fucking cab ..... CLIVE: BUT! DEREK: ..... and tell me to fuck off!" CLIVE: No. DEREK: So I got, I said, "You just fuck off out the cab." I never saw him again - he didn't give me nothing. CLIVE: He gave you n-, no tip whatsoever? DEREK: Nothing! No tip, no fare. CLIVE: NO TIP, NO TIP WHATSOEVER? Like all celebrities I've had in my cab, Lord, er, Bradwell. DEREK: Yeah, right. CLIVE: Lord Bradwell. DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: Well, I didn't know he was poofter. DEREK: No? Oh yeahhhh, oh ..... CLIVE: I had no reason to suspect. DEREK: I could have told you that. CLIVE: Well I didn't know that. DEREK: Oh yeah. CLIVE: He just came in his, his fine fishnet stockings with this, erm, young, erm, 'chicken' with him. DEREK: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. CLIVE: You know, what they call in the trade, a 'chicken' is ..... DEREK: Yeah, right. CLIVE: ..... a young bloke with a huge knob ..... DEREK: Yeah, yeah ..... (laughs) CLIVE: ..... wearing nothing at all. And, er, he come in with this chicken, he said, er, he said, er ..... DEREK: (as a chicken:) Fucky-fucky. CLIVE: ..... he said, he said, "I'd like to go to my flat, please." I said, "All right, O.K." DEREK: "Where the fuck's that," I bet you said, did you? CLIVE: I said, "Where the fuck is that?" DEREK: Yeah, cunt. CLIVE: He said, "Kensington." DEREK: Yeah, yeah. CLIVE: I said, "O.K., O.K., ..... DEREK: Yeah, right. CLIVE: ..... Kensington, right, yeah, ..... DEREK: Yeah, right. CLIVE: ..... all right, nude boy, nude boy, ..... DEREK: Kensington Frensington. CLIVE: ..... Kensington Frensington, nude boy in there with you" DEREK: Nude chicken. CLIVE: This fucking Lord Driberg, or Lord Bradwell I think he's called. DEREK: I don't care what he's called, mate, I don't give a shit. CLIVE: No, I don't, I didn't care either. DEREK: No, frankly, I don't give a shit. CLIVE: He pulled out his cock ..... DEREK: He could be called ..... CLIVE: He pulled out his cock and he pulled out this young, erm ..... DEREK: And said, "What a good boy am I." CLIVE: No, no, no, he didn't. DEREK: No. CLIVE: I wish he had, I wish he had. DEREK: Yeah, right. CLIVE: He said, "What a bad boy am I." DEREK: Right. CLIVE: 'Cause he still felt guilty. DEREK: Yeah, right. CLIVE: And he pulled out the little bloke's, er, cock, you know, ..... DEREK: Knob. CLIVE: Knob, yeah. DEREK: His little knob, yeah. CLIVE: And all began wanking, wanking, wanking, wanking, wanking all over the fucking ..... DEREK: Cab. CLIVE: ..... Bac-k of the cab. DEREK: The "bac-K"? CLIVE: All over the fucking windows, everywhere was glazed up, ..... DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: ..... I had no view from the rear mirror, I didn't know where the fuck I was, ..... DEREK: What, with s- CLIVE: I said, "Stop wanking otherwise - ..... DEREK: What, with spunk-? CLIVE: ..... I'M GONNA CRASH!!" And - voomp! - I did. DEREK: Yeah, what, with spunk all over the, all over the, er, over your glasses probably. CLIVE: I had spunk ..... DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: ..... everywhere in the cab. DEREK: Yeah. CLIVE: And, I thought, you know, if this is the peerage ..... DEREK: Right, fuck 'em. CLIVE: ..... what's the House of Commons like? DEREK: Yeah, fuck 'em, eh? Humpf.
I have a get out the cab tattoo, upon death (in my wake so to speak) I am simply going to ask them to play one thing ,Being "What's it like to die"? To which will be playing in the background.. "Its not as bad as its made out to be be....eugh but not as good"
Richard Wagner/Robert Wagner, what's the difference? One of them may have been involved in Natalie Wood's death... or not, other than that there's not a lot between the two, frankly.
@@garyturner5739 No. Cook is exaggerating the absurdity of 'hailing' a cab i.e. an everyday occurrence made comedic by over-emphasis. His good or bad relationship with Moore was always subservient to the humour.
Bertie, Bertie, Bertie. Philosophers are terrible tippers. Mind you no worse than a member of the peerage and a chicken in the cab. Kensington Frensington.
I've listened to this ''album'' by Derek & Clive so many times over the decades that my brain is ahead of what is being said, in the same voices.
I'm like that with ad Naseum.
Every day since about 1982 I say things from the album, apply phrases from the album and insert tirades from the album inappropriately to real life.
@@ThePaulv12it's the only way to be. I'm the same with this album. Can't you see what's afoot?
@@hickster222 I wonder if Professor Hawking would've given Peter Cook the horn?
I, I can't tell you e, e, every time I s, see a picture of Ssstephen Hawking... I can't prevent myself from having a wank immediately.
They're all kunce out there and besides, I have got the fucking horn and I want to know what the fucking hell the fucking Labour Party are going to do about the fucking horn?
@@ThePaulv12I thought I was the only one who did that. That's just given me the orn...
We used to recite this verbatim we listened to it a million times..😂
Fun fact no.666 this piece was actually performed word for word (plus burps, pauses etc) with the fine fellows holding a script.
This was take 1, 793!
"Stop wanking, otherwise I'm gonna crash!" gets me every time.
And boom I did!
As as student in Sheffield we would go out on weekend night get home at some daft hour and then drink awful home brew and listen to Derek & Clive until dawn.
It is actually written into my will to have this sketch played at my funeral. This is true.
W2354 Tell me when
I'll come,fart and cloud up the stain glass windows
This bloke come up to me at W2354’s funeral, and he said “you cunt”
Hurry up & die then, you ©unt! I want to hear it. 😀
pro trick: you can watch movies at Flixzone. I've been using it for watching all kinds of movies lately.
All these years later, and still as funny as fuck!
One of the greatest double acts that there ever was.
I'm off to listen to Squatter & the Ant now! :)
Squatter Madras?
6 years laters..
@@RIGTHEMORT 6 years laters!?
Gawd
The part that always breaks me: "You speak very good English, for a c**t."
I suppose getting into a cab wearing just fishnet stockings and a naked man was a bit of a giveaway 😅 class genius 😂
I had this BBC news reader in the back of my cab. He came in with this young chicken.
Wearing fine fish-net stockings?
@@hickster222 Yeah was shwing me pictures of a mate of his with another chicken he met at ITV studios on This Morning.
Spot on ! Very good
Miss these two... big Time! 😍
This is pure drunken chaos
This is sublime poetry...poetically beautiful, that is, innit?
In German?
"whistling snatches of Tristan and Isolde..." hahahahhaha!!!!
"If that's the Peerage, what's the House Of Commons like?" "Yeah, fuck 'em."
🤣🤣🤣 That makes me laugh so much every time!!
This was inspired by a Kenneth Williams story told to Peter Cook. Cook wrote an article about it in his Daily Mail column during the 1970's.
The Bertrand Russell story, wasn't it?
Am convinced they got blindingly drunk before recording these. Going to try it one day. Priceless.
They actually did record these beautiful sessions while very drunk 💖
@@susiehenders Peter was smoking weed as well. 😁
@@zedcarr6128 Strunk Cook 😱🤣
@zedcarr6128 Indeed they were. On the video release with the outtakes the police turn up and dudley says "Hide the spliffs"
Chicken young bloke huge nob LMFAO I listen to these guys religiously. They will never be equalled in comedy, to raw for most yes, fucking more clever than anything ever recoded undoubtedly.
"Bertie Bertie Bertie... GET OUT THE CAB!"
Mr Picarseole 🤣👏
Lol 😅
I recognise that leitmotif.
Bertie Bertie Bertie......GET OUT THE CAB!
"You speak very good English for a...." XD
I used that one for some Indian phone scammers the other day😜
@@andrewlee2040 🤣
- You're not confusing him with Richard Wagner?
-Robert Wagner?
-Robert Wagner.
he's been alive for years
@@gazriley624 you'd know the difference.
This is proper 'clever' filth done by two of the most revered duo's ever..especially Cook.Forget about all the rubbish that Brand & Ross in their futile way try to aspire to-this is the real outrage !!
Clem the Gem😀😀😀
the benchmark ..to which none have risen>>
It's simply impossible. To replicate Cook alone would be impossible, but both? that's like infinite levels of impossible. Derek is essential to Clive as Pete is to Dud, they always do their best work together.
Pete was a one man band, unrivalled wit.
I think their finest work, this one🤔
Bertie, Bertie, Bertie….. Get out the cab!
Des O Connor the philosopher hahahahahahaha.
"and a neolithic abstract on 'es knob...."
🤣
*Seamless burp*
Get out the cab!
Pure Genius
This is based on a true story.
Peter Cook just got into a cab, and said to Peter,
"Do you know whzt I had in here the other day?"
"Bertrand Russell......"
"So I asked him "whats it all about"
"And he said,"he didn't know!!"
And so I thought "If this is the peerage - what's the House of Commons like?!?"
'You speak good English... for a cant'
I was once enigmatic
He was non-plussed.
lol
kensington frensington
GET OUT THE CAB
GET OUT THE CAB !!!!!
fine fishnet stockings with a chicken
I always wanted Dud to keep quiet and let Peter loose.
Peter was the comedic genius, and Dud was mostly a bit naff, not always but mostly, although Peter did bounce off Dud’s nonsense brilliantly.
I always enjoyed Dudley just cracking up in the background.
"He was nonplussed"
Get out the cab!!!
Robert Wagner?
CLIVE:
How you doing 4105?
DEREK:
(belches) What? (belches again)
CLIVE:
I said, "How you doing 1045?"
DEREK:
Oh, not so bad 305-stroke-Z.
CLIVE:
No, 'cause I had, er ..... I've had a fucking terrible day.
DEREK:
Yeah?
CLIVE:
I had, er, you know that, er, that, er, what's he called? - that philosopher?
DEREK:
Philosopher?
CLIVE:
Er, philosopher, yeah.
DEREK:
Errr .....
CLIVE:
The one who knows words and everything like that.
DEREK:
What, er, Des O'Connor?
CLIVE:
No, not Des. No, Des .....
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
Des is clever but he's, he's not quite as reputed to be as clever as this, erm .....
DEREK:
Other bloke.
CLIVE:
RUSSELL! Russell!
DEREK:
Oh, Jane Russell!
CLIVE:
No, Bertrand - Bertrand Russell.
DEREK:
Bertrand Ru-, Oh, BERTRAND RUSSELL!!
CLIVE:
I had fucking Bertrand Russell in the back of my cab.
DEREK:
Yeah, mmm, yeah .....
CLIVE:
I looked round, you know, I recognised him and I said, "Hallo Bertie."
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
And, you know, he, he was a bit surprised 'cause, you know, he's not used to .....
DEREK:
Pissed out of his head, wasn't he? Fucking hell.
CLIVE:
Yeah, pissed out of his fucking head.
DEREK:
Cunt.
CLIVE:
Fucking dwarf .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Wide-headed cunt .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
So I said, "'ere, Bertie, you've written the history of the fucking Western World, .....
DEREK:
Right.
CLIVE:
..... what's the fucking answer?"
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
He looked round, didn't fucking know.
DEREK:
Probably farted, didn't he?
CLIVE:
He farted .....
DEREK:
Knowing him, mate, you know.
CLIVE:
He farted twice, he clouded up the windscreen.
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
And, er, I said, "Look, Bertie, Bertie, Bertie, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, right, right.
CLIVE:
..... get out-, GET OUT THE CAB!"
DEREK:
Right.
CLIVE:
"GET OUT THE CAB!"
DEREK:
Right, right.
CLIVE:
Yeah, I always use those words when I've got some cunt and .....
DEREK:
And you want to get him out the cab.
CLIVE:
Yeah, I said, "GET OUT THE CAB!"
DEREK:
"GET OUT THE CAB!"
CLIVE:
He said, he said, "What is the meaning of getting out the cab?" I said, "There's no fucking meaning, it just means 'get out the cab'." And he went into some philosophical argument .....
DEREK:
Oh, fuck.
CLIVE:
..... about whether getting out the cab was getting the same as in the cab .....
DEREK:
In this .....
CLIVE:
All that crap, I thought, "fuck it."
DEREK:
Yeah, fucking dualistic world crap.
CLIVE:
And, er, you know ..... know what I got for a tip?
DEREK:
What?
CLIVE:
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
DEREK:
I suppose that was his philosophical joke.
CLIVE:
Yeah, heh-heh, you get a philosopher in the cab you get nothing, the same with, with Picasso.
DEREK:
Yeah? You had Picasso in your cab?
CLIVE:
Picasso. You know, I-, I knew him at once 'cause he was .....
DEREK:
(belches)
CLIVE:
..... enigmatic.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And I said, yeah, you know, just as a friendly joke, I said, er, .....
DEREK:
What, did he have a paintbrush out of his arsehole?
CLIVE:
He had, er, he had a fucking oil painting coming out of his arsehole.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And, er, neolithic style, erm, abstract on his, erm, .....
DEREK:
On his knob.
CLIVE:
..... on his knob.
DEREK:
Yeah, I know .....
CLIVE:
So I said .....
DEREK:
..... he paints his knob.
CLIVE:
He paints his knob different colours then photographs it and sells it to other people.
DEREK:
Yeah, dirty fucking cunt!
CLIVE:
The fucker. So I said, "You know what I call you, Mister Picasso?"
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
I said, "I call you 'Mister Pick-Arsehole' .....
DEREK:
Right! Fucking hell.
CLIVE:
..... 'cause as far as I'm concerned you take shit out of other people's arseholes, shove it on the canvass and sell it to other cunts."
DEREK:
Right.
CLIVE:
And, er, he was non-plussed.
DEREK:
Yeah, well I had the same experience. I, er, opened the cab door for somebody who hailed me on the corner .....
CLIVE:
Who was that? "Hailed" you?
DEREK:
Richard Wagner.
CLIVE:
Richard Wagner?
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
But he's been dead two hundred years.
DEREK:
That's what I thought but, no, he was large as fucking life in the King's Road. So I said .....
CLIVE:
You're not confusing him with Richard Wagner? (pronouncing "W" sound)
DEREK:
Er ..... Robert Wagner?
CLIVE:
Robert Wagner.
DEREK:
Errr .....
CLIVE:
No, 'cause he's been alive for .....
DEREK:
No, 'cause he was humming .....
CLIVE:
..... he's, he's been alive for years, hasn't he?
DEREK:
No, h-, he's been alive for years, you'd know the difference.
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
No, Richie, Richie came into my cab humming, you know, snatches of, er, Tristan And Isolde. I thought, "fucking hell" .....
CLIVE:
Ye-, ah, fucking hell.
DEREK:
I thought he was dead, I thought, you know. Anyway, he sat in the cab, whistling away, all, you know .....
CLIVE:
(whistles tunelessly)
DEREK:
I said, "Hello! A-huh, I recognise that leitmotif!"
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
Yeah, and he recognised, er, you know, er, er, another soul on his, er, wavelength, and he said, er, "Fuck off, cunt!" I said, I said, "Hold up ..... "
CLIVE:
What, w-, in German? Or English?
DEREK:
No, in English. I said, I said, "You speak very good English for a cunt." Anyway, I pulled over, I said, "Wha-", I looked round, I said, "What was that all about?" I said, "You can fucking get out the cab, as far as I'm concerned," I said, "get out the fucking cab." I said, "You may be Richard Wagner, but," I s- ......
CLIVE:
BUT!
DEREK:
"You can't come in my fucking cab .....
CLIVE:
BUT!
DEREK:
..... and tell me to fuck off!"
CLIVE:
No.
DEREK:
So I got, I said, "You just fuck off out the cab." I never saw him again - he didn't give me nothing.
CLIVE:
He gave you n-, no tip whatsoever?
DEREK:
Nothing! No tip, no fare.
CLIVE:
NO TIP, NO TIP WHATSOEVER? Like all celebrities I've had in my cab, Lord, er, Bradwell.
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
Lord Bradwell.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Well, I didn't know he was poofter.
DEREK:
No? Oh yeahhhh, oh .....
CLIVE:
I had no reason to suspect.
DEREK:
I could have told you that.
CLIVE:
Well I didn't know that.
DEREK:
Oh yeah.
CLIVE:
He just came in his, his fine fishnet stockings with this, erm, young, erm, 'chicken' with him.
DEREK:
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
You know, what they call in the trade, a 'chicken' is .....
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
..... a young bloke with a huge knob .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah ..... (laughs)
CLIVE:
..... wearing nothing at all. And, er, he come in with this chicken, he said, er, he said, er .....
DEREK:
(as a chicken:) Fucky-fucky.
CLIVE:
..... he said, he said, "I'd like to go to my flat, please." I said, "All right, O.K."
DEREK:
"Where the fuck's that," I bet you said, did you?
CLIVE:
I said, "Where the fuck is that?"
DEREK:
Yeah, cunt.
CLIVE:
He said, "Kensington."
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
I said, "O.K., O.K., .....
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
..... Kensington, right, yeah, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
..... all right, nude boy, nude boy, .....
DEREK:
Kensington Frensington.
CLIVE:
..... Kensington Frensington, nude boy in there with you"
DEREK:
Nude chicken.
CLIVE:
This fucking Lord Driberg, or Lord Bradwell I think he's called.
DEREK:
I don't care what he's called, mate, I don't give a shit.
CLIVE:
No, I don't, I didn't care either.
DEREK:
No, frankly, I don't give a shit.
CLIVE:
He pulled out his cock .....
DEREK:
He could be called .....
CLIVE:
He pulled out his cock and he pulled out this young, erm .....
DEREK:
And said, "What a good boy am I."
CLIVE:
No, no, no, he didn't.
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
I wish he had, I wish he had.
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
He said, "What a bad boy am I."
DEREK:
Right.
CLIVE:
'Cause he still felt guilty.
DEREK:
Yeah, right.
CLIVE:
And he pulled out the little bloke's, er, cock, you know, .....
DEREK:
Knob.
CLIVE:
Knob, yeah.
DEREK:
His little knob, yeah.
CLIVE:
And all began wanking, wanking, wanking, wanking, wanking all over the fucking .....
DEREK:
Cab.
CLIVE:
..... Bac-k of the cab.
DEREK:
The "bac-K"?
CLIVE:
All over the fucking windows, everywhere was glazed up, .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... I had no view from the rear mirror, I didn't know where the fuck I was, .....
DEREK:
What, with s-
CLIVE:
I said, "Stop wanking otherwise - .....
DEREK:
What, with spunk-?
CLIVE:
..... I'M GONNA CRASH!!" And - voomp! - I did.
DEREK:
Yeah, what, with spunk all over the, all over the, er, over your glasses probably.
CLIVE:
I had spunk .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... everywhere in the cab.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
And, I thought, you know, if this is the peerage .....
DEREK:
Right, fuck 'em.
CLIVE:
..... what's the House of Commons like?
DEREK:
Yeah, fuck 'em, eh? Humpf.
Copied from
www.phespirit.info/derekandclive/come_again_08.htm
'You take sh@t out of other people's arseholes and put it on a canvas and sell to people.'
the bacK
no he's been Alive for years
what is the meaning of get out the cab?
Great stuff!
'chicken' fucky fucky! hahahaha
I have a get out the cab tattoo, upon death (in my wake so to speak) I am simply going to ask them to play one thing ,Being
"What's it like to die"?
To which will be playing in the background..
"Its not as bad as its made out to be be....eugh but not as good"
you know what i got for a tip, what, nothing, oooohhhhh
No tip, no fare......
there is a derek and clive appreciation page on facebook
Im in it, you caant
And BOOM I did!!!
How you doing 4015? 😅
Save the Lobsters.
Posthoctaprock
Lobsterisamus bumakisamus also known as lobsters up the arse
genius chaps
You're not confusing him with Richard Wagner...
Robert Wagner?
Oh Jane Russell...
in fine fishnet stockings
Oh yehhh I could have told you thaaaat
fine fishnet stockings Kensington friendsington
He's been dead for 200 years. That's what I thought . Hahaha
Oh I could have told you that!
Sounds like Joan Crawford
Facky Facky
Des o' connor? LOL
gaz riley Robert wagner?
DJosephWells no he's been alive for years
no no he didn't i wish he had i wish he had
Do you people realize that what most say about Brand & Ross today was said about Cook and Moore when they came out with this?
The difference being that Brand and Ross had 1/100000000000000000th of the talent Cook and Moore had
lord driver
if this is the peerage...
fuck em
Mr.Pick-Arsehole :D
Wouldn't be him he's been alive for years
LORD BRADWELL
Richard Wagner/Robert Wagner, what's the difference? One of them may have been involved in Natalie Wood's death... or not, other than that there's not a lot between the two, frankly.
I've had a fucking terrible day
😢
That's your problem.
@newcomer700 - Not surprised you have had no luck considering they're dead.
Why does Cook Question Dudley saying he hailed a cab.Thats what you do
This is when they were breaking up as a comedh partnership.Peter was awful to Dudley in many of these Derek and Clive skitches they did.
@@garyturner5739 No. Cook is exaggerating the absurdity of 'hailing' a cab i.e. an everyday occurrence made comedic by over-emphasis. His good or bad relationship with Moore was always subservient to the humour.
Picasshole
Hello 40105
I can paint with brushes oot ma ass too and there magical
@Pommit no they;ve been alive for years like robert fucking Wagner!!
Dwarf 😂
@KonFusedKid23 well ge outa cab...
@JPdab
who the fuck is Jimmy wagner
Bertie, Bertie, Bertie. Philosophers are terrible tippers. Mind you no worse than a member of the peerage and a chicken in the cab. Kensington Frensington.
Robert Wagner?
@@MrCatalysis101 He's been alive for years...you'd know the difference
BUT!
Dudley is being owned by Cooky isnt he.
Probably farted didn't he
dualistic world bullshit eh
he paints his nob
Dualistic world crap
Russel and Ross are completely futile end of story.
i really dont get british humour