I used to watch your content a couple years ago back when I was still in college and needed help with studying and time management. It helped a lot. I graduated, got a job, became more successful than I could ever imagine. Eventually I stopped watching your videos as I was doing pretty great in life and felt like I didn't need anymore help. I've grown a lot in the past 5 years but I'm now realizing that so have you. You're more articulate with your speaking and definitely a lot more charismatic compared to 5 years ago. It's really great to see that even after all these years, you're still out there making all this self-improvement content for the world and clearly you don't just give out all this advice, you actually apply it to yourself too and that's pretty evident imo. Keep going my dude! Really good stuff.
Some of the most charismatic people I know are the most comfortable with being vulnerable to others. They admit their faults without shaming themselves, they lower their guard for you so that you feel comfortable near them, and they share their genuine thoughts and emotions.
@@LiveTypetrust me man I used to think the same as you but you have to realize that being emotionless and alone is not better. A good quote that I think is from a movie says “whatever you do do it 100%”
@@LiveType they say practice makes you skilled... if you "fail" a lot, maybe try to practice with people you don't know and you don't care about :) that way your failure will not have any real consequence for you. However being content in your own company is something rare and something very good imo. I just hope you trully are.
@@LiveTypeyou’re never really alone there’s someone in your head shit talking you all the time telling you how worthless you are but after some time even they give up and that’s when it gets peaceful and now I can enjoy myself in my own thoughts. But now I can’t talk to anyone then again we don’t have to unless it’s about work and those talks are so easy even a bot can do that. Wait did I just become an NPC? Well damn.
The most charismatic person I’ve ever met was recently - a retired member of the board for a government agency. He stood confidently, spoke clearly, and looked everyone in the eyes when they spoke and smiled a lot. We asked him a lot of advice in the one day we spent with him and he said that his most important lesson is to “care about the people” and you can tell he truly meant it. This dude was making 250k+ a year and people truly liked him. Now we have a terrible and political board rep and our agency’s productivity has been going downhill since everyone knows he doesn’t really care about the employees. If you care about people, listen, look them in the eyes, smile, and try to put yourselves in their shoes for even just a minute - people will like you! It’s really that simple (no really!)
@@MoriohAnime haha he was very very very old and not my type at all. I think the steps to be more charismatic are fairly simple yet people have a hard time trying to grasp the concept. That’s what makes charismatic people, like the retired guy, very likeable people. It’s pretty clear when you see someone that exudes charisma naturally. It’ll stand out just like how Joey is describing it And I’ll even add - that’s probably what made him so successful, in his career and with people
Here are my favorite 'tricks' to show warmth: 1. Have a neutral face (not smiling, not angry) and when you see that person, wait a split second to look them in the eye and then give the warmest smile you have, as if someone just offered you ice cream. This little pause would make them feel that the smile was for them because in that split second, you noticed them, and that made you smile. The same thing works in phone calls - even if you see who is calling, answer with a neutral semi-dry 'hello' and then when you hear 'Hi, it's Suzie,' have genuine joy and smile, 'Oh! Suzie! Hi! So good to hear you!' Again, they would feel that warmth as directed to them and more genuine. 2. MICRO-touching. Really, really small because you don't want to invade someone's boundaries. But I like to do a super gentle tap on the shoulder to emphasize a point "Yeah, that story was great BUT (gentle touch, more like a tap, lasts maybe half a second) did you know the author blah blah..." When you do this intentionally, it comes off as genuine and bonding than creepy. Learn to read their body language and don't do it too often. 3. Specific compliments. What's better - "You look so beautiful!" or "I love that Rick and Morty T-shirt, you got some style!" One is generic and meh, the other is more specific and makes the other person feel like you are paying attention to the small details. I love to compliment people on things I notice about them and especially their actions, the things they have control over, that resonated with me. It's more original and makes the other person feel seen. 4. Finally - treat people as treasure islands. They are people with life stories filled with gems. Maybe someone has a hilarious story that I wouldn't know if I didn't start asking about who they are. This is the hardest for me because, like Joey in the video says, most people are not charismatic, and they don't know how to tell a story or talk engagingly. But try to be interested anyway. I usually start really small like "What brought you to work here? Oh really! What is your favorite thing so far?" From this question alone I found out there is a closet our work building full of merch that we could take for free. You never know!
I think another part of having charisma is being genuine. It’s one thing to come off as charismatic but another to ACTUALLY be it. I find it’s really rare nowadays for people to wholeheartedly give a shit about how you’re feeling, what you have going on etc. You can tell almost immediately when someone is being fake and talking to you out of boosting their own ego. The world needs more people that actually care and want the best for one another.
That’s empathy, not necessarily charisma. I can authentically not care about you or what you’re doing and still be charismatic. What you’re describing is more so charm. A charming person, gives a shit about you. A charismatic person will just be themselves whether they care about you or not.
honestly i don't want to watch the whole video. Imma just get the core points and bugger off. It gets annoying seeing something I'm not doing on purpose ruining my life. I'm fucking trying, man. I'll take this shit with a grain of salt or whatever and keep moving.
He's slowly becoming like everybody else, not a single interesting point in this video. And the whole exhaling power thing sounds like some Andrew Tate shit
Having charisma is not second guessing yourself- acting with certainty, being genuine to other people and sticking by your principles. It’s also about self respect.
It's about making up half the things you say to seem like you know something you don't. It's about pushing the people's right buttons to manipulate them. It's about over gesturing and inquisitive body posture to seem bigger than you are. It's all a trick of the mind that fails in truly reasonable beings.
This is all so wrong that its funny. Not second guessing yourself - Doesnt benefit anyone but you Acting with certainty - Doesnt benefit anyone but you Being genuine to other people - A lot of people dont give a F for you being genuine to them or being nice to them. Sticking by your principles - Doesnt benefit anyone but you True charisma is how you make people FEEL. Thats it.
@@Pawpawmissionbeing nice is the opposite of being genuine, being genuine is saying something nice only when you naturally feel like doing so, or on the other hand criticising when you naturally feel it
Charisma is nearly identical to NARCISSISM. When you truly care about others you put others first. And guess what people like that tend to be pushovers and not charismatic at all. But they truly care about the people.
@@TheIsraelProphetessfacts. People like charismatic people and all charismatic people are toxic and bullies behind other peoples back that they like and are charismatic around. Charismatic also being fake. So called nice boring people are who are not charismatic but are genuine and brutally honest. With them you get no bullshit. You make a choice who to be around got nothing but yourself to blame. Choosing childish fun over maturity.
Such an amazing video, literally nailed how I lost all my social skills over the pandemic lockdowns, still struggling with trying to gain them back in university. One thing I don't quite understand is becoming charismatic is a key goal of what I'm trying to become and my feeling of inadequacy is the main driving force behind this want to change. If I must be comfortable with myself before I can be charismatic, I find it hard to believe I would still want to be charismatic.
Can we discuss how exhausting it is trying to be charismatic as an introvert in a space full of extroverts. It feels like a chore to come off as likable all the time, and if you’re naturally a “boring” person, or someone who hasn’t experienced a lot of the things the people your age have, it’s even harder.
It is hard but it is not impossible. An extrovert will get the group’s attention and hold it naturally as an introvert/being a more quiet person you may get overheard an that’s okay. Find out your social strength for example very genuine, authentic and passionate about topics you like and things you want to know about people in one on one conversations and people will connect with you on a different way but still will like you even though you may not be always the elephant in the room. It’s cost’s some work but the more you put your self out there and reflect on certain situations you will get the idea and eventually will get better and comfortable with being introverted. By the way you wrote this comment I guess you’re a deep thinker so try to put this out, stop thinking that you’re boring and you will notice how much people actually appreciate talking to an introvert. It takes time but it is very much achievable. I hope this helps these are my observations over the years being an introvert myself.
It will only be a chore if you're in a conversation you don't care to engage. Worrying about being likeable is a problem. If you have something to say, or bring up, you'll have space to speak. You don't have to match an extroverts outward energy. Your subtle energy can be interesting too, your introspection can help you find interesting things to say. Many extroverts confer with introverts due to this quality. They often have insight as being people that are better observers since their concentration is more about gauging the room rather than themselves.
As an extrovert introvert, I think it’s easier to put the focus on the person I’m talking to. I’m not a dancing monkey, but I’m naturally curious about people and people love to talk about themselves. So ask open questions and follow up what they are talking about. People love the attention
It is, but at the same time human beings are very adaptable. I’m autistic, I used to have horrible posture before I started yoga, and I was painfully shy from a childhood of bullying. I thought my physically glow-up would be enough but it backfired hugely, I could no longer get away with being shy, people would just assume I thought I was better than them. People don’t WAN’T to like a shy pretty girl. My new bf introduced me to two other couples and recently one of the other women admitted to me that she wanted to hate me because I’m skinny and she thinks I’m pretty but I was so charming and sweet that she can’t help but love me. I NEED charisma to survive and I still struggle with things like eye-contact due to my autism but I figured if this is a skill I need to move through the world successfully… I may as well try to sit with the fear and have some fun with it where I can. I focus on being excited to learn new things about socializing. People love it when you use their name, people love it when you are an active listener, if you ignore a person’s jealousy and pretend you don’t notice it and are just interested in getting to know them it will dissipate! I guess it’s turned into an autistic special interest of mine but it’s a skill worth learning and getting comfortable with. Just be gentle with yourself and push yourself to do the scary things in bite-sized pieces. I also let my loved ones know that sometimes I need my long walks down by the river with just my dog to recharge and they understand!
Charisma is essentially the ability to make other people feel at ease. In order to do this you must first have the desire to make people feel at ease without expecting any benefit in return for yourself. If you have the ability to do this, you will always win in the interaction.
I've experienced a sort of ego death over the past few years. I used to be charismatic but life cuts you down and sometimes you just don't know where your past self went.
So to summarize, a charismatic person is one who is listening and responding (Present), pinpoints the things that matter most (Warmth), and is ready to take action on those things (Power). So to become charismatic, one should engage with people more (Present), compliment them (Present/ Warmth), identify what matters most to them and what problems they have (Present/ Warmth), and give help even if it is just a word of advice or a shoulder to cry on (Present/ Caring/ Power).
Here's the TRUTH: One of the best ways to have and develop charisma is to be doing things in your life that you'd be excited if the people you're speaking to found out about. If you're concerned that people might find out who the loser is underneath the facade of social skills, then true charisma will not shine through. The way out is to have a grind we are on each and every day so that we can create the kinds of things in life we both want to share externally and are intrinsically passionate about internally. It might be a hard pill to swallow, but there it is. Thanks BetterIdeas!!
Right! The only "self-help(ish)" I listen/read to anymore is Mark Manson. I'm definitely a fan. I have heard him say, "why act attractive when you can just BE attractive"? Fake it till you make it is bullshit and counter productive. Take the energy you're using to fake shit and use it to truly make yourself whatever the hell it is you're trying to fake.
@@themacocko6311 Yes exactly. Mark Mason actually inspires a lot of my own content so I totally see where you're coming from dude. Amazing comment. Would love to have you over in my community tbh. Keep contributing, your comments are dope!
Facts! If you’re not building towards anything that you’re excited about, you’re not going to have much to talk about or contribute and you’ll KNOW IT. Hence, a lack of confidence and charisma In other words, self improvement is the only real advice. There are no shortcuts, tips or tricks. There is only progress or stagnation. One breeds charisma, the other decay
Thanks for the fresh content Joey. You're such a nice break from all the "alpha sigma ultra male" advice. You're just a dude, giving good life advice that I and many others can relate to. And you always put it simple and easy to understand. We need more of this
@@f_society91 the warmth part goes a huge way, a lot of those vids try to push this super cold and self-focused advice that isn't going to help you much
@@f_society91To me, the “alpha” male is obsessed with superiority and not wanting to be a “beta,” and I don’t get that feeling of a power hierarchy with this channel.
I find the key to being more charismatic is to quiet your thoughts, especially negative ones in public. Thoughts are real. They produce an energy others can feel, not just through your body language and actions, but human beings are deeply connected on a higher level and can sense when your energy is out of sorts. You can't think your way into making people like you. Get some sleep. Handle your life and tell your mind to be quiet.
@@ivy8483 within yourself ultimately. Spend enough time thinking on life as I do and at some point, if you're truly seeking to live positively, all the information and experience you've accumulated throughout your life comes together it just makes sense. It's very useful to think, however if you're thoughts are negatively bent as mine tends to be, it poisons how you experience life. You can't think negatively and act positively and you can't fix problems by worrying about them. You tend to create the outcomes your afraid of that way. If you find you can't change your thoughts to positive ones, focus on keeping your mind quiet and interact with the world around you instead of drowning in your thoughts. You will always have bad days regardless of how you think but you won't be defeated by them. And seriously, get consistently good sleep. That's like 90% of it, honestly.
You can't have charisma if you don't like other people, and you can't genuinely like other people if you don't like yourself. Those who are at home in themselves (body, mind, spirit) have a clarity and stillness that makes them strongly likeable. Mental turbidity and emotional stress make us feel trapped in our own bodies and separates us from reality. Taking a minute or two to try and feel content -- a feeling of not wanting or lacking anything in the present moment -- can make a huge difference in our behavior moving forward.
I have severe mental illness. Bipolar delusions and some episodes of psychosis. And most people around me consider me really charismatic. I am a musician and singer. I am 95% of the time completely lost in my thoughts and detached from everyone. Usually anxious and scared. But growing up being mentally ill, I got used to pretending to be someone cool while dying inside. Charisma is in the eye of the beholder. I learned how to perform the role of a charismatic person. It is all about acting.
I like when I realize I do most of these things, but I’m still able to draw something from the video. I’ve learned that “treat people the way you’d like to be treated” really does ring true, and simply treating people well and caring enough to ask them about themselves has done wonders for my relationship building. This is awesome thank you
I think it also depends on the society. I was kind enough to people and putting them first just to be taken as a fool while their admiration was for those who let them down, who ghosted them. There's evey a saying in my culture, "I better be taken as hell of a man than a fool".
Absolutely! Whenever I start my day in the office I go in with the mentality of "treat others how I'd like to be treated" and it does wonders to create such a warm, fun environment with the people you work with. I've made lifelong friends through work by having this mentality and just being genuine and caring, not just for the sake of appearing that way, but because I do actually genuinely care about them and want them to be happy.
@@sims2lovealot I think you also have to know the social game because I’ve tried to talk to people at work but they rarely reciprocate positively. One person in particular keeps making negative assumptions of me yet I see this person enjoy the company of people who make fun of them. People like fun, not “boring” people.
Charisma is like a superpower in life! It's not about changing who you are, but enhancing your connection with others. This video is a great reminder that charisma can be cultivated.
I agréé it is when you truly discover yourself, your values who you are and what you like and don’t like that is what makes you unique but if you don’t know do don’t live those things and that makes you look boring
Easily my favourite RUclips channel. You've been consistently uploading bangers for many years, and I thank you for that. You've genuinely taught me a lot about being my best self. I deleted social media completely about 2 years back, bought and read Atomic Habits using your affiliate link, and done many other things that have completely reshaped my life. You are appreciated greatly Joey, not just by me, but by countless other people who you have inspired to change for the better. Best of luck!
I've pretty much completely reframed my mindset and proven to myself that I am capable of much more than I previously thought I was. For example, I always had the belief that I was a terrible runner, and that there was no way that I would ever implement it as a habit in my life. After reframing my whole mind and lifestyle, I gave it a good shot. I ended up running 13 kilometres, then a half marathon (21km) 2 days later, only about 2 weeks after I decided to start running. This is just one of many huge leaps that I have made since then. I could write a whole book about how my life has been completely transformed physically, spiritually, and mentally.@@samadmerchant7649
When I reached the part of the video regarding compliments, I had to pause to share an epiphany I had a few years ago. Compliments can be really easy actually. How often do we see something, that we find remarkable, about a person but we keep that internalized? I took the approach of verbalizing those moments as often as I can remember to. It makes giving compliments really easy. People pick up on the honest enthusiasm and I prefer discussing something I was genuinely interested about. Just don’t be a weirdo. 😄
I totally agree this is a great point! One thing I find tricky sometimes is people interpreting my compliments as hitting on them which I genuinely don’t mean to do, like you said I would just notice something wonderful and want to share it because I know I’d feel amazing if the roles were reversed
Very true. Whenever I'm out and about and in a bad or depressed mood, I challenge myself to find someone to compliment. It lifts their mood, it lifts your mood and self-confidnece, and it shifts your perspective so that you're looking for the positives about people rather than the negatives
Big + for the presence. I noticed when i really forget about everything else and try to be really "present" with the person infront of me, it suddenly becomes much much easier for me to act in a way that makes the other person feel comfortable with me and for some reason it also helps me with any kind of anxiety i might have.
Well, for me, the most charismatic character that I've ever seen in a movie was Frank Abagnale Jr., interpreted by Leonardo DiCaprio, from the movie "Catch me if you can". I guess this movie really shows how confidence and charisma can become such a source of power. Anyway, I love your content my dude. Keep up with the good work.
My first thought of the most charismatic character in media instantly was Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke. And I didn't even realize why I like him so much until you explained why. He constantly proves time and time again throughout the film that he is capable with his physical strength & skill, he is confident and sure of himself- displaying this unwavering resolve to maintain balance in the forest -he carries himself well, and despite all of this power he strives to genuinely listen to and understand both sides of the conflict in the people of Iron Town AND the spirits. His warmth is unmistakable. Ashitaka has always been my favorite character maybe because he stands as this tantamount example of what it means to be a good person. Without knowing it, I looked up to him as a role model. Maybe we all should.
Thank you. I was having a vague feeling like something going wrong with my social relationships, not bad but also not good.. people don’t unlike me but don’t seem to give me respects that I thought they would. I was feeling like I was missing something that I was doing wrong, and was kind of trying to find something in common from people I thought were being respected and that I personally thought as capable of themselves, somewhat cool.. I think I am now having a grasp of how to change myself. I am extremely thankful I ran into your video(channel) in this particular time of my life. This helped me a lot. Definitely subscribed your channel, have a nice day. Love from Korea❤️
The last point about warmth is so incredibly true, and it immediately made me think of a song I really like, "How's the Heart?" by Nightwish. It's a song that speaks about human empathy, and how little it takes sometimes to make someone feel better and genuinely cared for. I hope more people will realize that just asking someone "How's your day going?" can make a big impact on that person's wellbeing. Honest compliments are also essential. By the way-thanks for your videos, Joey! Your "Inaction is a slow death" masterpiece is one of my favourite videos on this platform. Hope you're doing great, man.
This has to be one of the most personal, deep talks I've heard ever from RUclips. It almost feel like you're talking to me 'personally'. You communicate so well, you don't please anyone, and you state your opinion and being outspoken. Thank you mate. I'll definitely watch this video when I need it.
I'm autistic so even though I do genuinely care about others and genuinely want to treat them well and be charismatic, it's been a lifelong struggle for me to be able to learn how to do that and not come across as bossy, or rude or mean. It's still something I'm working on and probably always will be, but now that I'm in my late 20s I genuinely think I've got the process down pat of how to make my genuine intentions known. I've built it up through my years in the workforce and I've come away from each job more confident and more able to tackle any sort of person and create a positive interaction with them. It's done wonders for my confidence and for my career and has led me to getting better and better jobs and leaving each job with lifelong friends that I'm so grateful for. I was so happy when you mentioned Aragorn! He's honestly the definition of a good leader in that he cares, he's present and he commands attention. Someone else I think who has those abilities is Faramir. He's such a kind, genuine person and you like him from the first scene. He doesn't let his childhood trauma get in the way of how he interacts with people and he cares for those around him. Inspirational!
A couple of days ago when I was into a pool, I asked some guy that I had seen there and after talking a little bit, I discovered that he went to my high school. He had graduated a year ahead of me. I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't asked how he was doing. Some of the most charismatic people that I know present themselves as warm, kind and confident and the latter is something I struggle with a lot but it's thanks to them that I have been improving on.
As a young nerd, I came to know charisma as one of the three non-physical D&D attributes, alongside intelligence and wisdom. I always avoided charisma-based characters because irl I'm not conventionally bold and extroverted like a charming bard or an inspiring paladin. Then one day another player said to me, "of course you're charismatic. When you say something, everyone listens". I hadn't really thought about it that way until then.
@@jennifermarie3158 in game terms, whether you’re able to use your social skills to change outcomes is only one aspect of charisma, and depends on what the DM will allow. It also determines the power of your spells for a lot of classes, so people who want to play warlock or paladin are still going to need it. In the abstract, charisma represents both a kind of charm/magnetism, but also a certain metaphysical force of will.
Definitely I have noticed how detrimental is to be addicted to social media.. we just have to become more present. I hope you guys are having a great summer. Positive vibes to everybody here 💕✨🌴
You're one of the RUclipsrs who post videos that I have to rewatch and rewatch and learn from and I love it. They're always super beneficial. August 17th is my 27th birthday so I think I'm gonna have to join that Livestream and read that book.
Yes I have no charisma. Yes I've tried and tried and tried to become more confident/charismatic/warm/likeable over many years - trying too hard, not trying hard enough, trying not to care what other people think, trying to be positive, trying to put on a brave face, but after all that effort with very little to show for it, I'm depressed, lost in life and completely exhausted. Thanks for rubbing it in.
Totally agree with you and Warren Buffett, public speaking is a key life skill. Best classes I've ever taken. Being an engineer I never thought I'd need this, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Getting your points across are key, and negotiation is a major life skill to get what you want even if you don't think about it. "You don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate."
Someone who I admire a lot in fictional character roam is Ted Lasso. The calm charisma in the sense of kindness. That's what I aspire to be like. I know he struggles but he usually never takes it out on other people. You could argue there's spirituality in it as well.
I worked with an officer on a ship who was so present and kind and hilarious. He always came to the bridge (wheelhouse) feeling alive and lit the room up. An absolute joy to work with and competent at his job.
The best advice about charisma I’ve every heard was live a life that others want to be a part of . If you are doing thing that make you happy it shows and the charisma comes out.
@@ryanstarlight8018 doing thinks you enjoy, for me it’s playing sports, participating in my classes, and just overall doing things that make me happy. It’s gonna be different for everyone but as long as your passionate about it it will attract others.
I absolutely love how real you are. When you say something or promote something then instantly realize you contradict yourself and so on, that’s my whole life
The most charismatic person I ever met was this random guy I helped while working at a thester concession stand. He was just a dude, my age, and he had a cane which I thought was odd He said: "hey man, how's it going?" I said: "its alright." Him :"is there anything I can do to change that?" Then I said something along the lines of "make everyone leave" or something like that. Thats all I remember, but what stuck with me was the charisma of this seemingly normal dude with a cane. I hope he is doing well and the cane isnt for some illness
I think that for me at least, it's important to realize that even if we aren't charismatic, it is actually something we can develop over time. I always thought of it as kind of like a trait, either you have it or you don't. This video also made it clear to me that there are different kinds of charisma. I recently met someone who I would consider to be pretty charismatic, but my charisma doesn't need to be the exact same as his. I don't need to change or force it or act a way different than I want to. I'll let my charisma take whatever form it will.
@@Ghost____Rider There are guys with 0 charisma who get girls. It's not so important as you people claim it to be. Don't project your beliefs on others.
15:11 Something i've found to always help with compliments is to compliment CHOICES and especially not things the person cant control. It seems like a good way of know if what you're about to say could be taken as creepy
As I was set on fixing some of my life issues in the past years, I've been thinking a lot about all these points you express in the video as the next natural step to be a better version of myself and have a better influence on the world and those around me. Thanks for putting a name on it !
I've been doom-scrolling and feeling unmotivated for the past two days...thankfully this video came out so I can get on top of my game for a day and then go back to doom-scrolling and feeling unmotivated until you make another video👍👍
If I'm being completely honest, whenever I'm talking to someone and they choose to not be present, personally it feels really off-putting for me and I don't feel good continuing to entertain the conversation unless they choose to put the phone down. Sometimes I think I'm overthinking things because being on your phone is so normalized. It feels unfair when you give undivided attention but is not given back completely. I would also like to point out that giving small compliments can be really impactful and at the same time, being open to receiving compliments also exudes confidence. In the past, I would be embarrassed to receive compliments but when I decided to be open to receiving compliments instead of showing that I felt embarrassed because of the fear of coming off as not humble I actually found that when I started being open to receiving, not only did I feel more confident but people could also sense that I was owning it because I was confident and showed that I was secure in myself.
As someone with ADHD I've battled with this my entire life. It's actually only after going into university 2 years ago that I realised I have ZERO charisma. This is why my relationships ended, this is why I made no friends in university and self destructed 2 years of my life through inattentiveness. Now I find myself having to transfer universities, but this time... I'll be going in with 100% in mind. I've worked on my impulses for the last 3 months now, and I'm the happiest I've been in 5 years. I wish I knew about this channel a lot sooner, I couldn't respect your content more!
Same. Exept I am not diagnosed with ADHD and I probably wasted about 3 years. Dropped out of college twice so far.. Just ghosted everyone I knew there. I'm feeling pretty lost right now and I feel bad for how much time I have wasted.
@@sally.g. Unfortunately It really is just all about starting a new, and trying again. Pushing yourself to do things you’d never do. It is easier said than done, but If you think you might have adhd, definitely talk to your doctor. The medication they can provide is life changing and helps steer you in the right direction to build the future you want. It’s also incredibly helpful to understand how your brain operates, because it allows you to make more informed decisions in the moment. And of course. Keep watching Better Ideas, because he really does know what he’s talking about. Guess this is a note to myself as well. Lol
Day by day, one step at a time my friend. Commit to working on yourself and remember to appreciate the little things in life everyday. Keep fighting soldier!
Great video, always appreciate your perspective, Joey. I think another framing that I have found deeply useful thanks to its simplicity, is that love is attention. Giving someone your time is an act of love. By love I am not referring any specific type like romantic/brotherhood/whatever, but simply that truly paying attention, and being open to current experience is an act of love - and love is a verb, it is something to be done, not a static state. Pay attention, it is the basis of all love.
Oh hell yeah a “fake compliment” does wonders. I’m a good looking gay dude but Im like a regular dude. Older and old lady’s come into my work and I smack them with a “you’re hair looks pretty today” or “that’s a cute dress” you can tell it just makes them feel so good. I like that.
Clive Rosfield from Final Fantasy XVI absolutely radiates charisma. He's caring, confident, willing to put his life on the line to save everyone around him. But he cares so much about everyone, he hasn't put any effort into saving himself. (don't forget, character flaws are also charismatic because nobody is perfect, but they're flaws as a result of selflessness)
I agree. After covid I had a hard time talking to a starbucks cashier. I would be anxious and fearful to asking for a flat white. I realised covid was effectively the reason (mainly it was because I was working on my business) but yeah my social skills took a big hit. Now I’m starting to come out of my shell a little bit as I’ve realised social skills are the holy grail to exercising things to come fruition in life (relationships, networking, friendships, business, etc). We’re social animals and if you are introvert (like me) you can he an extrovert for 30 minutes. You can do it.
bro i literally watch your videos and somehow brainstorm ideas at the same time and i suddenly realized that all my happiness comes from presence while also listening to you so i barely understood anything you said but i farmed you a view and i also found my source of happiness that's some good business
Using social media as a platform to bring people more into a full experience of life is the future of social media. At least I really hope that is the case. All we can do is try! ❤🙏
This explains why I enjoy being around some people and cringe when others come around. Sometimes you don't like to be around someone, but just can't put your finger on why. It dawned on me after listening to this that the people that I want to run and hide from are definitely people who I can tell aren't really listening to me if I talk and keep checking their phones or look lost in their own thoughts. One friend, if I'm saying something, she will cut me off mid-sentence and just start talking about something else that had nothing to do with what I was saying. When I'm around these people, I can tell that the only reason they come around is because they don't want to be alone and need a warm body around to talk at and keep them entertained. 🎉 However, I have other friends that when we get together, I just want to hang out with them all day. They're fun, our conversations are exciting, I can tell they're listening when I talk and they show genuine emotions responding. Also, another friendship killer is being judgmental towards people . The people I'm closest to and have the deepest friendships with are the ones I feel the least judged around. I'm able to be myself around someone who's not judging me, which makes me feel relaxed and I'm myself around them, which also makes me more pleasant to be around.
One of the people i found to be charismatic recently is nas, every interview he is so calm and says whats on his mind and answer questions truthfully and honestly which is dope
You could have the most brilliant mind but if nobody likes you nobody will listen to you. 1) Presence: Be fully genuinely present, Actually listen. Be aware. Stop living in a passive state, do things with intentionality. Have a mindset of providing value and gaining value. 2) Power: Build self-esteem, be aware of your posture and the way you present yourself physically and emotionally. Be useful and capable physically and mentally, take up space, and be proud of yourself. Like your life, be content. Carry yourself with intention. 3) Warmth: Actually care, be empathetic. Spend less time in your own head, and have an awareness of others' struggles. Actively listen to problems, and be encouraging. Compliment. Tying it all together: Be present with intention, cultivate power with intention, and have warmth with intention.
I would add #4 Smile! It just radiates so much confidence and Warmth if you smile a lot. And also look into people's eyes. So often I have heard people say that I'm sort of shining. That comes from smiling (especially smile with your eyes) and making eye contact. And #5 Seek to understand before being understood.
I mean, it's great advice in general I guess. But as someone who's had to deal with tons of unwanted advances from men 2-3x my age and got sucked into work drama that ultimately ruined my job because I just wanted to be friendly with everyone, it works better in my favor (and in some others) to just stay reserved and mind my own business until I actually come across people I find safe to interact with. I don't want everyone's attention and I don't need to be everyone's buddy anymore. Great advice to learn social skills as a late bloomer though
Two weeks ago, I stopped wearing headphones whenever Im outside. I feel a lil more positive, I feel a lil more confident. I feel present. I feel more talkative to people. Im not trapped in my own head. The habit of wearing headphones whenever Im outside since 2019, added with the effects of lockdown, really affected my social skills. Before that, I can talk to ppl for hours. I can make small talk and strike up some convos. Still struggling a bit, but well, Im getting back at it. Also, I went back to using IG and FB only on my ipad and laptop, meaning i can only access them when Im home. Them being not in my phone is also making a difference.
I tried that for a while. I was the same as you, I realized one day that I haven't had a conversation with a stranger since 2017. That's when I got my very first Bluetooth earphones. So I stopped wearing them for about a week or so. And I constantly overheard other people's conversations and wanted to add to them. And people were more open to come and talk to me because they weren't afraid of disturbing me. It was... horrible actually. I then realized that I like music more than I like people, and the whole charisma thing is not for me.
I picked up headphones since 2015 and now even without it my brain just plays some random tune I heard and it’s fun, talking to people yeah no thx. Personally I think starting a conversation is disturbing someone as all of us have things going in our heads and those are more important than whatever meaningless small talk I(I will never but I can only talk about myself)would ever make so yeah, I don’t wanna be disturbed and I will never disturb others.
Man been working hard on this myself! Being a person 80% deaf with hearing aids i’ve avoided conversations just cause listening takes effort. Realized now this isn’t good for me. Great video man!
11/25 in notes Character traits are skills (soft skills) that can be learned by breaking a trait down to its most basic/fundamental tasks and practicing them until you get better at doing them (identity is repeated actions): Charisma is the ability to influence (the extent of which comes from how you come across visually/superficially through how you carry yourself and how you look and audibly through your tone/attitude): if you wanna influence people you must believe (be passionate and convicted) what you are influencing them on. It’s a lot like (honest) selling (or teaching), if you genuinely believe and are passionate about what you're selling it doesn’t feel like you're selling it, it feels like you're trying to give away gold. You’re convicted because your intent is to serve them. You have the most charisma/charm when you’re heart/intent is to serve (chipotle/teaching) because you’re confident (11/25 in notes, true confidence). You’re confident in those situations because: -you’re trying to give not take -you don’t need anything (you’re truly content, you’re not looking to get anything from them, you don’t have desperation, deprivation, or lack of contentment) -they trust you (and you trust you: confidence) because you are who you say you are (proved by action/work and displayed which is evidence) (you're not lying/posturing you're being sincere/honest/genuine/authentic and telling the truth so it comes naturally and isn't something you're trying to make up) 0:00 The best/experts always do the basics/fundamentals. The average doesn’t do the basics/fundamentals, so doing them already puts you in the top percentile. 2:07 Be completely present, be focused, and gift whoever you’re speaking to your undivided attention. Be in the zone, block out everything and everyone else, focus is about saying no to everything else except what you're focused on. MJ was great because of his ability to be in the zone and focused and present no matter the distractions externally or internally. 2:04|3:09 Actually caring not just trying to show you care, be present, only think of what/who is in front of you, and focus 6:20 Power is the ability to change reality, to go from thought to action. The extent of your power is measured by how long it takes you to go from thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles to action. Everyone wants pretty much the same things (everyone has pretty congruent/similar thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles) the powerful ones are the ones that change their reality to receive what they want (the thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles) by doing the hard work and not procrastinating. If you are not powerful (you don’t have the ability to change your reality or act on your thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles) it's displayed in the way you dress, your hygiene, your posture, how you carry yourself, your tone/attitude, your mannerisms: 9:06 These things display you don’t have discipline (which is the measure of your power, the time it takes for you to go from thought/desire to action). These things display/signal that you don’t have the power to get what you want (because why else would you display/signal/advertise the negative form of these things when you could have the positive form if you were disciplined/powerful). If you don’t have these displays/signals/advertisements down to a T then they have the opposite effect you want, displaying your lack of competence/ability/discipline/power. If you have a good product then advertising helps you (and is easy as the product markets itself, word-of-mouth/reputation compounds, and people want it without you trying very hard at all to sell it), but if you have a bad product advertising works against you (and you have to try very hard to sell it by posturing/lying and dressing it up to look like what it actually can't deliver on). 6:33 Act/Look as you want to be perceived (this isn't posturing/faking it till you make it, you actually have to put in the work (evidence) to be that person, then act/look like (display/advertise) that person). If what you display/signal/make-known/advertise (the way you dress, your hygiene, your posture, how you carry yourself, your tone/attitude, and your mannerisms) is bad then you're either signaling/displaying/advertising that you don't have good thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles or, worse, you're signaling/displaying/advertising that you do have good thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles but you don't have the power/ability to carry them out and achieve them. In every moment you are signaling/displaying/advertising your level of competence, but this will not be daunting/tiring/scary if you are actually competent (put the work in every day behind the scenes and gather the evidence), it'll just be natural/you. 8:05|9:11 It’s not about posturing/faking it (that’s lying/deception) it’s about putting in the work to actually be that person (identity is your repeated actions). You are known truly by your works and the fruits are a side effect that displays it. What you display should be who you are, a tree that displays that it is fruitful but has only thorns is cursed. Tell the truth. Tell the truth about who you are with what you display/make known/advertise. If you want to be perceived as someone different you must become him (by doing the things he does repeatedly), you cannot get there by lying/posturing, the truth is apparent and always comes out eventually. 10:07|9:57 must be content, but that’s not something you fake, you must actually be content and that comes from having everything that you need already, lacking nothing, and not feeling deprived of anything. This means a complete lack of desperation and needing anything from anyone/anything except God. Contentment means having already achieved the goal/result of your work (the goal is the work and becoming the person you wanna be (identity is repeated action), so you receive your result at the end of every night after a perfect day of completed tasks (discipline) which is gathered evidence that you are who you say you are. This also means every morning you have motivation because motivation comes from deprivation and every morning you are deprived of your goals/results which is the work) You’ll find that it’s when you don’t need it (when you're not desperate for it) that it seems to come to you (at which point it’s up to you to decide if you want to add it because your content, you don’t need it and you’ll only add it if it benefits you further) 11/25 in notes 11:43|13:16 Actually care, actually think about others more than yourself, actually love people (then it’s not a struggle to show that you’re interested, paying attention, or care because you actually do.) Charisma and charm comes naturally when: -You love others more than yourself -You treat others how you wanna be treated 15:13 chipotle
Being authentic is also a big part of charisma, wich is mostly also a byproduct of the three mainpoints in this video and I think you at least showed this form of charisma in the last seconds of your video while somehow ignoring every aspect you have talked about in the video.
Idk how, but your videos seem to find me right at the point when I need them the most every time, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thanks for making this content in the first place
I agree. As an introvert myself I remember when I was in high school I believed this Hollywood fantasy that introverts will be more successful later in life than the extroverts, but as an adult I realized that couldn't be farther from the truth. From high school I learned that people usually remain the same as they were in high school (of course there are exceptions but this is the general rule). Most of my ex classmates are as successful now 10 years later as they were as teens; those who had high grades and were extroverts with charisma are the most successful and many of them have successful businesses, those who were introverts with high grades got good degrees and specializations and are usually working 9-5 jobs either in the tech industry, medical industry or as engineers and making a decent pay but nothing crazy. The bullies remained bullies and work as construction workers, factory workers, policemen, etc, others joined gangs or do some kind of job where they can yell at people without any consequence. The guys like me who were introverts, suffered from mental disturbances and had not particularly good grades are usually working a normal job, only 50% got degrees and the others are working lame jobs (in my case I'm trying to improve my skills in all aspects so I can change that). The other introverts with average grades that got degrees usually have the lowest paid jobs in their fields because they lack charisma and connections; they remained average. Also it's important to mention that those whose family had more money had a much higher rate of success compared to those whose families were poor, confirming that parents with money make your life much easier (even though most of them deny this reality and claim "they worked hard for what they have"). Now, keep in mind I'm from probably the worst country in South America, where poverty plays a major role. I don't know if it's the same in first world countries, but I read a study that concluded extroverts in the US have the highest paid jobs, so that might be a universal truth. Moral of the story: Charisma, matters! Mental health matters! And you usually remain the same as you were in high school unless you do something radically different to change. This is the truth, like it or not, we can't escape society.
🎉100% Teens of Today are missing out. They are distracted in confusions, when they have the mighty internet. It is not only a source of learning, but also a source of earning!🔥 You can make thousands of dollars online, within months. Atleast spend 4+ hours a day for 1 year learning a general skill online, while performing cold outreach. You'll surely get your hands on some cash.
Gran punto... vivo en latino América (Republica domincana para ser más específicos) y para salir adelante, en un ambiente de pobreza, escasez y subdesarrollo, tienes que ser muy carismático, tener buenas calificaciones, esforzarte por hacer conexiones con la mayor gente posible. Ese es el punto. Aunque sea cuesta arriba ser carismático y optimista, es la única opción que tienes para sobresalir.
Theres is very few people out in the world with genuine charisma. Lots of people try to fake it but they generally fail hard and their as dull as dish water too. And no... trying doesnt count. You've either got it or you havent. Same goes for being funny. or having a good singing voice.
Richard Feynman was an incredibly charismatic person. Even though he wasn't perceived as "serious" or "grave" when talking. He was authoritative and present in any conversation while deeply caring about the other person. I really recommend watching any interview with him.
I think authenticity is a big one here, too. I admire people who are 100% themselves and don’t care about what others might think of them. (Ofc without being rude or hurting anybody on purpose). Our society consists of too many people thinking and acting the same way without questioning anything and just go with the flow, stuck in old and unhealthy patterns - too afraid to be and live their true self. Social media makes it even worse by pushing posts that you have to be and look a certain way and own certain stuff to be happy. When in reality the things that do make you happy are the things you just mentioned. Being fully present. Living a healthy life, being proud of yourself and caring for the people around you. Really trying to be more charismatic by being more present and less consuming. Thanks for another nice input of yours 🫶🏼
In my situation, I have autism so displaying facial expressions and using proper body language is my biggest obstacle in life. In my head, I believe my responses are gonna come off naturally but the "natural" response isn't natural for anybody else. It comes off as awkward even when I put in the effort to blend in. Is being a charismatic person possible for someone with these issues?
Yes, it's definitely possible. I believe it can even be an advantage in some ways. Do you know the comedian Rick Glassman? He's both charismatic and autistic and has a podcast on RUclips. Someone else who's quite charismatic and has very flat facial expressions is the streamer/RUclipsr Destiny. Not everyone will find these guys charismatic but a lot of people do. I think the key is to not try to "blend in" but to be comfortable with being different than most people.
Charisma is another thing neurotypicals made up to justify judging people. Your body language is fine how it is. Don’t listen to this guy this video doesn’t acknowledge the neurodiverse experience at all. Why pay him any attention when he pay us any?
I can't bear it anymore. I SIMPLY CANNOT. I AM TORTURED AND TORMENTED. I'm drowning in turmoil and grief and emotional pain. 44 years of hell, that's my life. I just try so very hard to heal from the PTSD... But the PTSD flashbacks rape my soul... 🕊 💫✨ I will experiment with healing myself, using the below affirmations: I am loved I am beautiful I am secure/safe I am worthy of true love and real friends I love myself and my life If we're chasing butterflies, they'll fly away... When we're busy creating and tending our garden, the butterflies come to us. Don't chase. Attract!❤💕
I appreciate that you said all of this without devolving into something about masculinity and how feminine men have become. A lot of guys will say a lot of what you said with the addiction of "no more real men", when its NOT about masculinity, and its about passive lifestyle
It's cheap trick to triangulate your way to connection. Picture Marge and Sally at the water cooler: "did you hear what Edna did?". "Oh not again, what this time?" Except Edna is feminism
If someone seems super interesting, they are usually full of themselves. If someone seems super boring, they are either private or hiding something. This is a truth. Eye of the beholder, everyone. I hear "charisma" and I instantly think "self advertisement". I come off as boring, but that's because I'm not full of s#&!.
What you did this weekend Extrovert;Did you know I did go to the beach this weekend and stayed in a 5star hotel with indoor swimming pool and eat crab at dinner Introvert: went to the beach 😂😂😂😂Lol 😂
Wrong. Charisma is not about advertising yourself but making other people feel good and comfortable around you. You have to show empathy and interest to make them feel wanted and heard. Charisma is not advertising yourself. Charisma is essentially giving off warmth and kindness.
@@Jamal-mq6xn Just remember, that's the number 1 thing everyone said about Hitler when he was alive. "He was extremely charismatic", and that's how he was able to reach the ranks he did. I see charisma, I immediately become suspicious. It's usually a sociopath that wants something from you. Don't trust.
Going into 2024 trying to change. My life so far. Im 22 and living without care for myself, gaming everyday, listening to music, always working, and find it hard to talk to people except the people that's already been there in my life. Charisma is incredibly hard for me which leads to refusing to even finding a relationship. I'm not alone, but I feel lonely.
A big part of charisma for me was self-acceptance. Once I let go of the idea of being this perfect, charismatic man, I become way more charismatic in conversations. Also realizing that paradoxically, I will never become this 'better me' (who is self-accepting) if I don't accept the way I am now. So you have to adopt the mindset that you are that person - now. Without acceptance, you won't have presence, because you'll be worrying about how you're perceived, you won't have power, because you consider yourself incapable (whether that's true or not) and you won't have warmth, because you're too busy with yourself to notice anyone else. Bonus: Self-acceptance also turns into acceptance of other people and different situations, because true confidence is not only a lack of belief in yourself, it is also a lack of belief in the people and things around you. People notice that kind of thing. They are intuitive, and feel your doubt when you are not expressing yourself authentically. It's very infectious. Once you realize that, you also feel a certain responsibility to help raise the mood of a room. You leave the victim mentality behind and step into a mentality of service - which goes back to your warmth point.
I think I used to have charisma last year but completely lost it this year after several shortcomings. Slowly trying to get it back. Had a bad day at work but my dad convinced me to do a small workout. Thanks for the video
I don't find it hard whatsoever to be charismatic, but when you're being charismatic and you're surrounded by a lot of vile, problematic, emotional vampires they leach you out of your life force. You become drained. You've leveled up, but you can't force people to do the same. You identify their toxic traits, but you can't do anything about it even if you tell them gently. Only option is to distance yourself, so you isolate yourself. It's such an unfortunate conundrum. And then you ask yourself "Why should I be charismatic when all these people are so far off?"😕
A real good book in the same wave length is how to win friends and influence people by Carnegie. Its actually really good and interesting. Lots of cool stories and anecdotes.
It's been 8 months since I used a "ruining your life" title and I couldn't hold it in any longer. It is my destiny.
😂
Understandable.
The "killing your gains" of Better Ideas
Idk man I think it might be *ruining your life*
Ruining your life is killing your gains.
Killing your gains is ruining your life.
I used to watch your content a couple years ago back when I was still in college and needed help with studying and time management. It helped a lot. I graduated, got a job, became more successful than I could ever imagine. Eventually I stopped watching your videos as I was doing pretty great in life and felt like I didn't need anymore help. I've grown a lot in the past 5 years but I'm now realizing that so have you. You're more articulate with your speaking and definitely a lot more charismatic compared to 5 years ago. It's really great to see that even after all these years, you're still out there making all this self-improvement content for the world and clearly you don't just give out all this advice, you actually apply it to yourself too and that's pretty evident imo. Keep going my dude! Really good stuff.
Some of the most charismatic people I know are the most comfortable with being vulnerable to others. They admit their faults without shaming themselves, they lower their guard for you so that you feel comfortable near them, and they share their genuine thoughts and emotions.
Yeah. There is a fine line b/w being vulnerable and emotional, and being self deprecating
@@LiveType Damn bro thats fucked up. Willing to share one of those times? I would definitely understand if you don't want too.
@@LiveTypetrust me man I used to think the same as you but you have to realize that being emotionless and alone is not better. A good quote that I think is from a movie says “whatever you do do it 100%”
@@LiveType they say practice makes you skilled... if you "fail" a lot, maybe try to practice with people you don't know and you don't care about :) that way your failure will not have any real consequence for you. However being content in your own company is something rare and something very good imo. I just hope you trully are.
@@LiveTypeyou’re never really alone there’s someone in your head shit talking you all the time telling you how worthless you are but after some time even they give up and that’s when it gets peaceful and now I can enjoy myself in my own thoughts.
But now I can’t talk to anyone then again we don’t have to unless it’s about work and those talks are so easy even a bot can do that.
Wait did I just become an NPC?
Well damn.
Depression stole my charisma but I'm slowly recovering and getting it back!
Hoping the best!
how is it going then
My dude I've been exactly there like you, and you can absolutely regain your charisma. I believe in you and I am sending fistbumps your way 👊
Dude keep pushing we all have those struggles ur not alone ✊hope ur doing better now!
Same
The most charismatic person I’ve ever met was recently - a retired member of the board for a government agency. He stood confidently, spoke clearly, and looked everyone in the eyes when they spoke and smiled a lot. We asked him a lot of advice in the one day we spent with him and he said that his most important lesson is to “care about the people” and you can tell he truly meant it. This dude was making 250k+ a year and people truly liked him. Now we have a terrible and political board rep and our agency’s productivity has been going downhill since everyone knows he doesn’t really care about the employees.
If you care about people, listen, look them in the eyes, smile, and try to put yourselves in their shoes for even just a minute - people will like you! It’s really that simple (no really!)
everyone I've known to do that came off as comically robotic-almost annoying.
Columbo foils this point.
This is cap. You found him attractive and he made money so you was like “yeah he’s a very charismatic person”. Lmao a paragraph full of nonsense.
@@MoriohAnime haha he was very very very old and not my type at all. I think the steps to be more charismatic are fairly simple yet people have a hard time trying to grasp the concept. That’s what makes charismatic people, like the retired guy, very likeable people. It’s pretty clear when you see someone that exudes charisma naturally. It’ll stand out just like how Joey is describing it
And I’ll even add - that’s probably what made him so successful, in his career and with people
😊 lío Im I’ll I’lll
Here are my favorite 'tricks' to show warmth:
1. Have a neutral face (not smiling, not angry) and when you see that person, wait a split second to look them in the eye and then give the warmest smile you have, as if someone just offered you ice cream. This little pause would make them feel that the smile was for them because in that split second, you noticed them, and that made you smile. The same thing works in phone calls - even if you see who is calling, answer with a neutral semi-dry 'hello' and then when you hear 'Hi, it's Suzie,' have genuine joy and smile, 'Oh! Suzie! Hi! So good to hear you!' Again, they would feel that warmth as directed to them and more genuine.
2. MICRO-touching. Really, really small because you don't want to invade someone's boundaries. But I like to do a super gentle tap on the shoulder to emphasize a point "Yeah, that story was great BUT (gentle touch, more like a tap, lasts maybe half a second) did you know the author blah blah..." When you do this intentionally, it comes off as genuine and bonding than creepy. Learn to read their body language and don't do it too often.
3. Specific compliments. What's better - "You look so beautiful!" or "I love that Rick and Morty T-shirt, you got some style!" One is generic and meh, the other is more specific and makes the other person feel like you are paying attention to the small details. I love to compliment people on things I notice about them and especially their actions, the things they have control over, that resonated with me. It's more original and makes the other person feel seen.
4. Finally - treat people as treasure islands. They are people with life stories filled with gems. Maybe someone has a hilarious story that I wouldn't know if I didn't start asking about who they are. This is the hardest for me because, like Joey in the video says, most people are not charismatic, and they don't know how to tell a story or talk engagingly. But try to be interested anyway. I usually start really small like "What brought you to work here? Oh really! What is your favorite thing so far?" From this question alone I found out there is a closet our work building full of merch that we could take for free. You never know!
あっぷ
those are insanely good tips! thanks for sharing.
I tried this with a guy outside of the gas station and now he wants to play hemorrhoid hunters can someone help?
underrated comment. this chic gave game haha. I appreciate it!
what a great comment! thx
I think another part of having charisma is being genuine. It’s one thing to come off as charismatic but another to ACTUALLY be it. I find it’s really rare nowadays for people to wholeheartedly give a shit about how you’re feeling, what you have going on etc. You can tell almost immediately when someone is being fake and talking to you out of boosting their own ego.
The world needs more people that actually care and want the best for one another.
Charisma comes from being yourself and having confidence in yourself, I find that when I look after myself properly that's when I have more charisma
That’s empathy, not necessarily charisma. I can authentically not care about you or what you’re doing and still be charismatic. What you’re describing is more so charm. A charming person, gives a shit about you. A charismatic person will just be themselves whether they care about you or not.
@@jc3productions362 Good point. Two totally different things and what you said makes a lot sense, especially that last sentence.
Bravo. Great comment ❤️
This world needs this kind of people way too much. Thank you!
I think that's part of warmth
In short:
1. Be present at the moment 2:04
2. Be powerful 6:18
3. Have warmth 11:42
4. watch the full video
honestly i don't want to watch the whole video. Imma just get the core points and bugger off. It gets annoying seeing something I'm not doing on purpose ruining my life. I'm fucking trying, man. I'll take this shit with a grain of salt or whatever and keep moving.
He's slowly becoming like everybody else, not a single interesting point in this video. And the whole exhaling power thing sounds like some Andrew Tate shit
5. Realise you'll never be charismatic because you hate talking to people
5. Care about your Hobbits
@@patricknelson86256. Let go of your fellow hobbits and become Sméagol
Having charisma is not second guessing yourself- acting with certainty, being genuine to other people and sticking by your principles. It’s also about self respect.
It's about making up half the things you say to seem like you know something you don't.
It's about pushing the people's right buttons to manipulate them.
It's about over gesturing and inquisitive body posture to seem bigger than you are.
It's all a trick of the mind that fails in truly reasonable beings.
This is all so wrong that its funny.
Not second guessing yourself - Doesnt benefit anyone but you
Acting with certainty - Doesnt benefit anyone but you
Being genuine to other people - A lot of people dont give a F for you being genuine to them or being nice to them.
Sticking by your principles - Doesnt benefit anyone but you
True charisma is how you make people FEEL. Thats it.
@@Pawpawmissionbeing nice is the opposite of being genuine, being genuine is saying something nice only when you naturally feel like doing so, or on the other hand criticising when you naturally feel it
Charisma is nearly identical to NARCISSISM. When you truly care about others you put others first. And guess what people like that tend to be pushovers and not charismatic at all. But they truly care about the people.
@@TheIsraelProphetessfacts. People like charismatic people and all charismatic people are toxic and bullies behind other peoples back that they like and are charismatic around. Charismatic also being fake. So called nice boring people are who are not charismatic but are genuine and brutally honest. With them you get no bullshit. You make a choice who to be around got nothing but yourself to blame. Choosing childish fun over maturity.
Such an amazing video, literally nailed how I lost all my social skills over the pandemic lockdowns, still struggling with trying to gain them back in university. One thing I don't quite understand is becoming charismatic is a key goal of what I'm trying to become and my feeling of inadequacy is the main driving force behind this want to change. If I must be comfortable with myself before I can be charismatic, I find it hard to believe I would still want to be charismatic.
same heree... in my first semester of uni
Can we discuss how exhausting it is trying to be charismatic as an introvert in a space full of extroverts. It feels like a chore to come off as likable all the time, and if you’re naturally a “boring” person, or someone who hasn’t experienced a lot of the things the people your age have, it’s even harder.
It is hard but it is not impossible. An extrovert will get the group’s attention and hold it naturally as an introvert/being a more quiet person you may get overheard an that’s okay. Find out your social strength for example very genuine, authentic and passionate about topics you like and things you want to know about people in one on one conversations and people will connect with you on a different way but still will like you even though you may not be always the elephant in the room. It’s cost’s some work but the more you put your self out there and reflect on certain situations you will get the idea and eventually will get better and comfortable with being introverted. By the way you wrote this comment I guess you’re a deep thinker so try to put this out, stop thinking that you’re boring and you will notice how much people actually appreciate talking to an introvert. It takes time but it is very much achievable. I hope this helps these are my observations over the years being an introvert myself.
It will only be a chore if you're in a conversation you don't care to engage. Worrying about being likeable is a problem. If you have something to say, or bring up, you'll have space to speak. You don't have to match an extroverts outward energy. Your subtle energy can be interesting too, your introspection can help you find interesting things to say. Many extroverts confer with introverts due to this quality. They often have insight as being people that are better observers since their concentration is more about gauging the room rather than themselves.
As an extrovert introvert, I think it’s easier to put the focus on the person I’m talking to. I’m not a dancing monkey, but I’m naturally curious about people and people love to talk about themselves. So ask open questions and follow up what they are talking about. People love the attention
It is, but at the same time human beings are very adaptable. I’m autistic, I used to have horrible posture before I started yoga, and I was painfully shy from a childhood of bullying. I thought my physically glow-up would be enough but it backfired hugely, I could no longer get away with being shy, people would just assume I thought I was better than them. People don’t WAN’T to like a shy pretty girl. My new bf introduced me to two other couples and recently one of the other women admitted to me that she wanted to hate me because I’m skinny and she thinks I’m pretty but I was so charming and sweet that she can’t help but love me. I NEED charisma to survive and I still struggle with things like eye-contact due to my autism but I figured if this is a skill I need to move through the world successfully… I may as well try to sit with the fear and have some fun with it where I can. I focus on being excited to learn new things about socializing. People love it when you use their name, people love it when you are an active listener, if you ignore a person’s jealousy and pretend you don’t notice it and are just interested in getting to know them it will dissipate! I guess it’s turned into an autistic special interest of mine but it’s a skill worth learning and getting comfortable with. Just be gentle with yourself and push yourself to do the scary things in bite-sized pieces. I also let my loved ones know that sometimes I need my long walks down by the river with just my dog to recharge and they understand!
go outside dont be a bot
Charisma is essentially the ability to make other people feel at ease. In order to do this you must first have the desire to make people feel at ease without expecting any benefit in return for yourself. If you have the ability to do this, you will always win in the interaction.
I've experienced a sort of ego death over the past few years. I used to be charismatic but life cuts you down and sometimes you just don't know where your past self went.
This is real and true. Stay up brotha.
You’ll be reborn as a different version of yourself! Take care of yourself and momentum will build once again.
Same
I think it’s more of a rebirth
@@Onthegrindmedia1 not a rebirth when it's a gradual deterioration of your identity until there's nothing left but a husk
So to summarize, a charismatic person is one who is listening and responding (Present), pinpoints the things that matter most (Warmth), and is ready to take action on those things (Power). So to become charismatic, one should engage with people more (Present), compliment them (Present/ Warmth), identify what matters most to them and what problems they have (Present/ Warmth), and give help even if it is just a word of advice or a shoulder to cry on (Present/ Caring/ Power).
Here's the TRUTH:
One of the best ways to have and develop charisma is to be doing things in your life that you'd be excited if the people you're speaking to found out about.
If you're concerned that people might find out who the loser is underneath the facade of social skills, then true charisma will not shine through. The way out is to have a grind we are on each and every day so that we can create the kinds of things in life we both want to share externally and are intrinsically passionate about internally.
It might be a hard pill to swallow, but there it is.
Thanks BetterIdeas!!
Right! The only "self-help(ish)" I listen/read to anymore is Mark Manson. I'm definitely a fan. I have heard him say, "why act attractive when you can just BE attractive"?
Fake it till you make it is bullshit and counter productive. Take the energy you're using to fake shit and use it to truly make yourself whatever the hell it is you're trying to fake.
You are awesome
@@themacocko6311 Yes exactly. Mark Mason actually inspires a lot of my own content so I totally see where you're coming from dude. Amazing comment.
Would love to have you over in my community tbh. Keep contributing, your comments are dope!
@@amdonut8091 Thank you donut! Appreciate it. You're awesome too. Keep making moves and pushing forward!!
Facts! If you’re not building towards anything that you’re excited about, you’re not going to have much to talk about or contribute and you’ll KNOW IT. Hence, a lack of confidence and charisma
In other words, self improvement is the only real advice. There are no shortcuts, tips or tricks. There is only progress or stagnation. One breeds charisma, the other decay
Just a few days ago I realized that one of the biggest problems I had was a lack of charisma. This video came out at the perfect time.
bot
so now you are very charismatic?
@@timmenhoff no lol I still haven’t watched the full video
bro what@@juliusblind3365
Thanks for the fresh content Joey. You're such a nice break from all the "alpha sigma ultra male" advice. You're just a dude, giving good life advice that I and many others can relate to. And you always put it simple and easy to understand. We need more of this
He is talking about charisma, power and being present...how is this different than "alpha" advice videos?
real
@@f_society91 the warmth part goes a huge way, a lot of those vids try to push this super cold and self-focused advice that isn't going to help you much
@@f_society91its not
@@f_society91To me, the “alpha” male is obsessed with superiority and not wanting to be a “beta,” and I don’t get that feeling of a power hierarchy with this channel.
I find the key to being more charismatic is to quiet your thoughts, especially negative ones in public. Thoughts are real. They produce an energy others can feel, not just through your body language and actions, but human beings are deeply connected on a higher level and can sense when your energy is out of sorts. You can't think your way into making people like you. Get some sleep. Handle your life and tell your mind to be quiet.
Enlighten me more brother where do I gain this knowledge?
@@ivy8483 within yourself ultimately. Spend enough time thinking on life as I do and at some point, if you're truly seeking to live positively, all the information and experience you've accumulated throughout your life comes together it just makes sense. It's very useful to think, however if you're thoughts are negatively bent as mine tends to be, it poisons how you experience life. You can't think negatively and act positively and you can't fix problems by worrying about them. You tend to create the outcomes your afraid of that way. If you find you can't change your thoughts to positive ones, focus on keeping your mind quiet and interact with the world around you instead of drowning in your thoughts. You will always have bad days regardless of how you think but you won't be defeated by them. And seriously, get consistently good sleep. That's like 90% of it, honestly.
@@Wolfman7870 thank you
yeah that explains a lot why drunk people appear charismatic. Their thoughts are usually empty XD. But thank you for this knowledge.
@@lethinhphongthx ima go to a bar and get hammered this weekend see how charismatic ill be then
You can't have charisma if you don't like other people, and you can't genuinely like other people if you don't like yourself. Those who are at home in themselves (body, mind, spirit) have a clarity and stillness that makes them strongly likeable. Mental turbidity and emotional stress make us feel trapped in our own bodies and separates us from reality. Taking a minute or two to try and feel content -- a feeling of not wanting or lacking anything in the present moment -- can make a huge difference in our behavior moving forward.
The amount of bullshit and myths in your comment . 😂
Beautifully said!! Thank you!!
Being likeable is not equal to being charismatic. I tend to be liked by people but I'm not charasmatic at all
I have severe mental illness. Bipolar delusions and some episodes of psychosis. And most people around me consider me really charismatic. I am a musician and singer. I am 95% of the time completely lost in my thoughts and detached from everyone. Usually anxious and scared. But growing up being mentally ill, I got used to pretending to be someone cool while dying inside.
Charisma is in the eye of the beholder. I learned how to perform the role of a charismatic person. It is all about acting.
So im fucked forever thanks
It's great how you get so accurate with things like people noticing you or darting around.
Truly helpful man, thank you!
I like when I realize I do most of these things, but I’m still able to draw something from the video. I’ve learned that “treat people the way you’d like to be treated” really does ring true, and simply treating people well and caring enough to ask them about themselves has done wonders for my relationship building. This is awesome thank you
I think it also depends on the society. I was kind enough to people and putting them first just to be taken as a fool while their admiration was for those who let them down, who ghosted them. There's evey a saying in my culture, "I better be taken as hell of a man than a fool".
Absolutely! Whenever I start my day in the office I go in with the mentality of "treat others how I'd like to be treated" and it does wonders to create such a warm, fun environment with the people you work with. I've made lifelong friends through work by having this mentality and just being genuine and caring, not just for the sake of appearing that way, but because I do actually genuinely care about them and want them to be happy.
@@sims2lovealot I think you also have to know the social game because I’ve tried to talk to people at work but they rarely reciprocate positively. One person in particular keeps making negative assumptions of me yet I see this person enjoy the company of people who make fun of them. People like fun, not “boring” people.
Charisma is like a superpower in life! It's not about changing who you are, but enhancing your connection with others. This video is a great reminder that charisma can be cultivated.
Or is having no life ruining your charisma?
Deep bro deep
No literally 😭
+1 bro
I agréé it is when you truly discover yourself, your values who you are and what you like and don’t like that is what makes you unique but if you don’t know do don’t live those things and that makes you look boring
100% yes
Easily my favourite RUclips channel. You've been consistently uploading bangers for many years, and I thank you for that. You've genuinely taught me a lot about being my best self. I deleted social media completely about 2 years back, bought and read Atomic Habits using your affiliate link, and done many other things that have completely reshaped my life. You are appreciated greatly Joey, not just by me, but by countless other people who you have inspired to change for the better. Best of luck!
recently read atomic habits and it helped me reshape my life too, what other things have you done since?
I've pretty much completely reframed my mindset and proven to myself that I am capable of much more than I previously thought I was. For example, I always had the belief that I was a terrible runner, and that there was no way that I would ever implement it as a habit in my life. After reframing my whole mind and lifestyle, I gave it a good shot. I ended up running 13 kilometres, then a half marathon (21km) 2 days later, only about 2 weeks after I decided to start running. This is just one of many huge leaps that I have made since then. I could write a whole book about how my life has been completely transformed physically, spiritually, and mentally.@@samadmerchant7649
When I reached the part of the video regarding compliments, I had to pause to share an epiphany I had a few years ago. Compliments can be really easy actually. How often do we see something, that we find remarkable, about a person but we keep that internalized? I took the approach of verbalizing those moments as often as I can remember to. It makes giving compliments really easy. People pick up on the honest enthusiasm and I prefer discussing something I was genuinely interested about. Just don’t be a weirdo. 😄
I totally agree this is a great point! One thing I find tricky sometimes is people interpreting my compliments as hitting on them which I genuinely don’t mean to do, like you said I would just notice something wonderful and want to share it because I know I’d feel amazing if the roles were reversed
Very true. Whenever I'm out and about and in a bad or depressed mood, I challenge myself to find someone to compliment. It lifts their mood, it lifts your mood and self-confidnece, and it shifts your perspective so that you're looking for the positives about people rather than the negatives
Have u heard that men joke about how rare they get a compliment? Sometimes we say, 'we'll, I got my 1 compliment for the year.' Haha
Big + for the presence. I noticed when i really forget about everything else and try to be really "present" with the person infront of me, it suddenly becomes much much easier for me to act in a way that makes the other person feel comfortable with me and for some reason it also helps me with any kind of anxiety i might have.
Well, for me, the most charismatic character that I've ever seen in a movie was Frank Abagnale Jr., interpreted by Leonardo DiCaprio, from the movie "Catch me if you can".
I guess this movie really shows how confidence and charisma can become such a source of power.
Anyway, I love your content my dude. Keep up with the good work.
Great example of charisma. His entire M.O. was built on it.
I also feel that Leonardo DiCarpio portrayed Gatsby from The Great Gatsby movie as very charismatic as well
The most charismatic guys I've seen are Craig Ferguson, Jeff Goldblum, Riff Raff (Jody Highroller), Russell Brand, Noel Fielding
My first thought of the most charismatic character in media instantly was Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke. And I didn't even realize why I like him so much until you explained why.
He constantly proves time and time again throughout the film that he is capable with his physical strength & skill, he is confident and sure of himself- displaying this unwavering resolve to maintain balance in the forest -he carries himself well, and despite all of this power he strives to genuinely listen to and understand both sides of the conflict in the people of Iron Town AND the spirits. His warmth is unmistakable.
Ashitaka has always been my favorite character maybe because he stands as this tantamount example of what it means to be a good person. Without knowing it, I looked up to him as a role model. Maybe we all should.
Yeah, not all of us are capable of being some knight in shining armor like him. All of this stuff is true but I just think "im not capable", sorry.
The inner voice in my head has so much charisma but whatever comes out of my mouth is less interesting than watching paint dry.
Thank you. I was having a vague feeling like something going wrong with my social relationships, not bad but also not good.. people don’t unlike me but don’t seem to give me respects that I thought they would. I was feeling like I was missing something that I was doing wrong, and was kind of trying to find something in common from people I thought were being respected and that I personally thought as capable of themselves, somewhat cool.. I think I am now having a grasp of how to change myself. I am extremely thankful I ran into your video(channel) in this particular time of my life. This helped me a lot. Definitely subscribed your channel, have a nice day. Love from Korea❤️
The last point about warmth is so incredibly true, and it immediately made me think of a song I really like, "How's the Heart?" by Nightwish. It's a song that speaks about human empathy, and how little it takes sometimes to make someone feel better and genuinely cared for. I hope more people will realize that just asking someone "How's your day going?" can make a big impact on that person's wellbeing. Honest compliments are also essential.
By the way-thanks for your videos, Joey! Your "Inaction is a slow death" masterpiece is one of my favourite videos on this platform. Hope you're doing great, man.
You just made my day by mentioning Nightwish ❤
This has to be one of the most personal, deep talks I've heard ever from RUclips. It almost feel like you're talking to me 'personally'. You communicate so well, you don't please anyone, and you state your opinion and being outspoken. Thank you mate. I'll definitely watch this video when I need it.
I'm autistic so even though I do genuinely care about others and genuinely want to treat them well and be charismatic, it's been a lifelong struggle for me to be able to learn how to do that and not come across as bossy, or rude or mean. It's still something I'm working on and probably always will be, but now that I'm in my late 20s I genuinely think I've got the process down pat of how to make my genuine intentions known. I've built it up through my years in the workforce and I've come away from each job more confident and more able to tackle any sort of person and create a positive interaction with them. It's done wonders for my confidence and for my career and has led me to getting better and better jobs and leaving each job with lifelong friends that I'm so grateful for.
I was so happy when you mentioned Aragorn! He's honestly the definition of a good leader in that he cares, he's present and he commands attention. Someone else I think who has those abilities is Faramir. He's such a kind, genuine person and you like him from the first scene. He doesn't let his childhood trauma get in the way of how he interacts with people and he cares for those around him. Inspirational!
A couple of days ago when I was into a pool, I asked some guy that I had seen there and after talking a little bit, I discovered that he went to my high school. He had graduated a year ahead of me. I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't asked how he was doing.
Some of the most charismatic people that I know present themselves as warm, kind and confident and the latter is something I struggle with a lot but it's thanks to them that I have been improving on.
As a young nerd, I came to know charisma as one of the three non-physical D&D attributes, alongside intelligence and wisdom. I always avoided charisma-based characters because irl I'm not conventionally bold and extroverted like a charming bard or an inspiring paladin. Then one day another player said to me, "of course you're charismatic. When you say something, everyone listens". I hadn't really thought about it that way until then.
Wow thats actually awesome asf
whoever said that definitely had high charisma
@@yomer355 lmao so true
@@jennifermarie3158 in game terms, whether you’re able to use your social skills to change outcomes is only one aspect of charisma, and depends on what the DM will allow. It also determines the power of your spells for a lot of classes, so people who want to play warlock or paladin are still going to need it. In the abstract, charisma represents both a kind of charm/magnetism, but also a certain metaphysical force of will.
Definitely I have noticed how detrimental is to be addicted to social media.. we just have to become more present. I hope you guys are having a great summer. Positive vibes to everybody here 💕✨🌴
I used to think having people skills was unnecessary until I started to actually get out there, I had to fake it until I made it.
You're one of the RUclipsrs who post videos that I have to rewatch and rewatch and learn from and I love it. They're always super beneficial. August 17th is my 27th birthday so I think I'm gonna have to join that Livestream and read that book.
Yes I have no charisma. Yes I've tried and tried and tried to become more confident/charismatic/warm/likeable over many years - trying too hard, not trying hard enough, trying not to care what other people think, trying to be positive, trying to put on a brave face, but after all that effort with very little to show for it, I'm depressed, lost in life and completely exhausted. Thanks for rubbing it in.
Totally agree with you and Warren Buffett, public speaking is a key life skill. Best classes I've ever taken. Being an engineer I never thought I'd need this, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Getting your points across are key, and negotiation is a major life skill to get what you want even if you don't think about it. "You don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate."
High self-esteem and charisma go hand in hand. So be proud of yourself and shine your light.
Someone who I admire a lot in fictional character roam is Ted Lasso. The calm charisma in the sense of kindness. That's what I aspire to be like. I know he struggles but he usually never takes it out on other people. You could argue there's spirituality in it as well.
I've never seen that show but that actor Jason Sudekis is someone who I think is very convincing in the charismatic role.
I worked with an officer on a ship who was so present and kind and hilarious. He always came to the bridge (wheelhouse) feeling alive and lit the room up. An absolute joy to work with and competent at his job.
The best advice about charisma I’ve every heard was live a life that others want to be a part of . If you are doing thing that make you happy it shows and the charisma comes out.
How do you live a life that others want to be a part of?
@@ryanstarlight8018 doing thinks you enjoy, for me it’s playing sports, participating in my classes, and just overall doing things that make me happy. It’s gonna be different for everyone but as long as your passionate about it it will attract others.
I absolutely love how real you are. When you say something or promote something then instantly realize you contradict yourself and so on, that’s my whole life
The most charismatic person I ever met was this random guy I helped while working at a thester concession stand. He was just a dude, my age, and he had a cane which I thought was odd
He said: "hey man, how's it going?"
I said: "its alright."
Him :"is there anything I can do to change that?"
Then I said something along the lines of "make everyone leave" or something like that.
Thats all I remember, but what stuck with me was the charisma of this seemingly normal dude with a cane. I hope he is doing well and the cane isnt for some illness
"Theater" connection stand?
@@themacocko6311 concession stand, where you buy food
seems like a little much imo, guess it would depend on how it was said tho
I think that for me at least, it's important to realize that even if we aren't charismatic, it is actually something we can develop over time. I always thought of it as kind of like a trait, either you have it or you don't. This video also made it clear to me that there are different kinds of charisma. I recently met someone who I would consider to be pretty charismatic, but my charisma doesn't need to be the exact same as his. I don't need to change or force it or act a way different than I want to. I'll let my charisma take whatever form it will.
So basically having no rizz is ruining my life 😂
Precisely 😂
No Rizz ? No problem, eat rice !!
Are you telling us that guys with girls are have charisma?
@kishanchali8752 no, it's because rizz is short for charisma (cha rizz ma)
@@Ghost____Rider There are guys with 0 charisma who get girls.
It's not so important as you people claim it to be.
Don't project your beliefs on others.
A simple "How are you doing?" really saves lives and shows concern for others' mental health. Profound. Very Christian.
Something tells me you’re probably a brilliant writer. I’m glad I found your channel! ❤
Thanks for being here!
so much warmth in the comment section
@@chalupapoopa1562 Your entire view of the world can shift depending on what corners of the internet you frequent.
@@betterideasSir i have a question.
I found many tiny hairs on my pillow every morning.
Those hairs are very tiny.
Is it bad?
15:11 Something i've found to always help with compliments is to compliment CHOICES and especially not things the person cant control. It seems like a good way of know if what you're about to say could be taken as creepy
It's the difference between "you're pretty" and "I like how you did your make up"
Absolutely loving these frequent uploads!!!!
Thanks broooo
As I was set on fixing some of my life issues in the past years, I've been thinking a lot about all these points you express in the video as the next natural step to be a better version of myself and have a better influence on the world and those around me. Thanks for putting a name on it !
I've been doom-scrolling and feeling unmotivated for the past two days...thankfully this video came out so I can get on top of my game for a day and then go back to doom-scrolling and feeling unmotivated until you make another video👍👍
If I'm being completely honest, whenever I'm talking to someone and they choose to not be present, personally it feels really off-putting for me and I don't feel good continuing to entertain the conversation unless they choose to put the phone down. Sometimes I think I'm overthinking things because being on your phone is so normalized. It feels unfair when you give undivided attention but is not given back completely.
I would also like to point out that giving small compliments can be really impactful and at the same time, being open to receiving compliments also exudes confidence. In the past, I would be embarrassed to receive compliments but when I decided to be open to receiving compliments instead of showing that I felt embarrassed because of the fear of coming off as not humble I actually found that when I started being open to receiving, not only did I feel more confident but people could also sense that I was owning it because I was confident and showed that I was secure in myself.
I'm with you on the being present part. I have a sibling that likes to talk mainly when he's driving. Lol such a negative.
As someone with ADHD I've battled with this my entire life. It's actually only after going into university 2 years ago that I realised I have ZERO charisma. This is why my relationships ended, this is why I made no friends in university and self destructed 2 years of my life through inattentiveness. Now I find myself having to transfer universities, but this time... I'll be going in with 100% in mind. I've worked on my impulses for the last 3 months now, and I'm the happiest I've been in 5 years.
I wish I knew about this channel a lot sooner, I couldn't respect your content more!
Same. Exept I am not diagnosed with ADHD and I probably wasted about 3 years. Dropped out of college twice so far.. Just ghosted everyone I knew there. I'm feeling pretty lost right now and I feel bad for how much time I have wasted.
you guys are in a good place on this channel
@@sally.g. Unfortunately It really is just all about starting a new, and trying again. Pushing yourself to do things you’d never do. It is easier said than done, but If you think you might have adhd, definitely talk to your doctor. The medication they can provide is life changing and helps steer you in the right direction to build the future you want.
It’s also incredibly helpful to understand how your brain operates, because it allows you to make more informed decisions in the moment.
And of course. Keep watching Better Ideas, because he really does know what he’s talking about. Guess this is a note to myself as well. Lol
Proud of you bro
Keep going 💪
Day by day, one step at a time my friend. Commit to working on yourself and remember to appreciate the little things in life everyday. Keep fighting soldier!
Great video, always appreciate your perspective, Joey. I think another framing that I have found deeply useful thanks to its simplicity, is that love is attention. Giving someone your time is an act of love. By love I am not referring any specific type like romantic/brotherhood/whatever, but simply that truly paying attention, and being open to current experience is an act of love - and love is a verb, it is something to be done, not a static state. Pay attention, it is the basis of all love.
Oh hell yeah a “fake compliment” does wonders. I’m a good looking gay dude but Im like a regular dude. Older and old lady’s come into my work and I smack them with a “you’re hair looks pretty today” or “that’s a cute dress” you can tell it just makes them feel so good. I like that.
I never believe those people 😂
@@weird-guypeople like people who like creating happiness in people, even in the ones others view as NPCs.
Clive Rosfield from Final Fantasy XVI absolutely radiates charisma. He's caring, confident, willing to put his life on the line to save everyone around him. But he cares so much about everyone, he hasn't put any effort into saving himself. (don't forget, character flaws are also charismatic because nobody is perfect, but they're flaws as a result of selflessness)
Hell yeah!! Can’t wait to get into that game. I need to make some space on my ps5 😩
I agree. After covid I had a hard time talking to a starbucks cashier. I would be anxious and fearful to asking for a flat white. I realised covid was effectively the reason (mainly it was because I was working on my business) but yeah my social skills took a big hit. Now I’m starting to come out of my shell a little bit as I’ve realised social skills are the holy grail to exercising things to come fruition in life (relationships, networking, friendships, business, etc). We’re social animals and if you are introvert (like me) you can he an extrovert for 30 minutes. You can do it.
bro i literally watch your videos and somehow brainstorm ideas at the same time and i suddenly realized that all my happiness comes from presence while also listening to you so i barely understood anything you said but i farmed you a view and i also found my source of happiness that's some good business
Using social media as a platform to bring people more into a full experience of life is the future of social media. At least I really hope that is the case. All we can do is try! ❤🙏
I agree
This explains why I enjoy being around some people and cringe when others come around.
Sometimes you don't like to be around someone, but just can't put your finger on why.
It dawned on me after listening to this that the people that I want to run and hide from are definitely people who I can tell aren't really listening to me if I talk and keep checking their phones or look lost in their own thoughts. One friend, if I'm saying something, she will cut me off mid-sentence and just start talking about something else that had nothing to do with what I was saying.
When I'm around these people, I can tell that the only reason they come around is because they don't want to be alone and need a warm body around to talk at and keep them entertained. 🎉
However, I have other friends that when we get together, I just want to hang out with them all day. They're fun, our conversations are exciting, I can tell they're listening when I talk and they show genuine emotions responding.
Also, another friendship killer is being judgmental towards people . The people I'm closest to and have the deepest friendships with are the ones I feel the least judged around. I'm able to be myself around someone who's not judging me, which makes me feel relaxed and I'm myself around them, which also makes me more pleasant to be around.
I feel like being quick witted is also incredibly important with charisma.
One of the people i found to be charismatic recently is nas, every interview he is so calm and says whats on his mind and answer questions truthfully and honestly which is dope
You could have the most brilliant mind but if nobody likes you nobody will listen to you.
1) Presence: Be fully genuinely present, Actually listen. Be aware. Stop living in a passive state, do things with intentionality. Have a mindset of providing value and gaining value.
2) Power: Build self-esteem, be aware of your posture and the way you present yourself physically and emotionally. Be useful and capable physically and mentally, take up space, and be proud of yourself. Like your life, be content. Carry yourself with intention.
3) Warmth: Actually care, be empathetic. Spend less time in your own head, and have an awareness of others' struggles. Actively listen to problems, and be encouraging. Compliment.
Tying it all together:
Be present with intention, cultivate power with intention, and have warmth with intention.
I would add #4 Smile! It just radiates so much confidence and Warmth if you smile a lot. And also look into people's eyes. So often I have heard people say that I'm sort of shining. That comes from smiling (especially smile with your eyes) and making eye contact. And #5 Seek to understand before being understood.
I mean, it's great advice in general I guess. But as someone who's had to deal with tons of unwanted advances from men 2-3x my age and got sucked into work drama that ultimately ruined my job because I just wanted to be friendly with everyone, it works better in my favor (and in some others) to just stay reserved and mind my own business until I actually come across people I find safe to interact with. I don't want everyone's attention and I don't need to be everyone's buddy anymore.
Great advice to learn social skills as a late bloomer though
Two weeks ago, I stopped wearing headphones whenever Im outside. I feel a lil more positive, I feel a lil more confident. I feel present. I feel more talkative to people. Im not trapped in my own head. The habit of wearing headphones whenever Im outside since 2019, added with the effects of lockdown, really affected my social skills. Before that, I can talk to ppl for hours. I can make small talk and strike up some convos.
Still struggling a bit, but well, Im getting back at it.
Also, I went back to using IG and FB only on my ipad and laptop, meaning i can only access them when Im home. Them being not in my phone is also making a difference.
I tried that for a while.
I was the same as you, I realized one day that I haven't had a conversation with a stranger since 2017. That's when I got my very first Bluetooth earphones.
So I stopped wearing them for about a week or so. And I constantly overheard other people's conversations and wanted to add to them. And people were more open to come and talk to me because they weren't afraid of disturbing me.
It was...
horrible actually.
I then realized that I like music more than I like people, and the whole charisma thing is not for me.
@@ChefofWar33same, honestly there's no going back from it humans are awful heavy breakdowns and cool choruses however, that shi hits
I picked up headphones since 2015 and now even without it my brain just plays some random tune I heard and it’s fun, talking to people yeah no thx.
Personally I think starting a conversation is disturbing someone as all of us have things going in our heads and those are more important than whatever meaningless small talk I(I will never but I can only talk about myself)would ever make so yeah, I don’t wanna be disturbed and I will never disturb others.
Man been working hard on this myself! Being a person 80% deaf with hearing aids i’ve avoided conversations just cause listening takes effort. Realized now this isn’t good for me. Great video man!
Having no charisma also contributes to failing more spell saves.
And not getting to f*uck a dragon
I dumped charisma cause they said wisdom saves were more common but now I don't know how to talk to people :(
The fuck are you going on about?
spell saves
@@sethgleason7611 talking is overrated
11/25 in notes
Character traits are skills (soft skills) that can be learned by breaking a trait down to its most basic/fundamental tasks and practicing them until you get better at doing them (identity is repeated actions):
Charisma is the ability to influence (the extent of which comes from how you come across visually/superficially through how you carry yourself and how you look and audibly through your tone/attitude):
if you wanna influence people you must believe (be passionate and convicted) what you are influencing them on.
It’s a lot like (honest) selling (or teaching), if you genuinely believe and are passionate about what you're selling it doesn’t feel like you're selling it, it feels like you're trying to give away gold. You’re convicted because your intent is to serve them.
You have the most charisma/charm when you’re heart/intent is to serve (chipotle/teaching) because you’re confident (11/25 in notes, true confidence).
You’re confident in those situations because:
-you’re trying to give not take
-you don’t need anything (you’re truly content, you’re not looking to get anything from them, you don’t have desperation, deprivation, or lack of contentment)
-they trust you (and you trust you: confidence) because you are who you say you are (proved by action/work and displayed which is evidence) (you're not lying/posturing you're being sincere/honest/genuine/authentic and telling the truth so it comes naturally and isn't something you're trying to make up)
0:00 The best/experts always do the basics/fundamentals. The average doesn’t do the basics/fundamentals, so doing them already puts you in the top percentile.
2:07 Be completely present, be focused, and gift whoever you’re speaking to your undivided attention. Be in the zone, block out everything and everyone else, focus is about saying no to everything else except what you're focused on. MJ was great because of his ability to be in the zone and focused and present no matter the distractions externally or internally.
2:04|3:09 Actually caring not just trying to show you care, be present, only think of what/who is in front of you, and focus
6:20 Power is the ability to change reality, to go from thought to action. The extent of your power is measured by how long it takes you to go from thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles to action.
Everyone wants pretty much the same things (everyone has pretty congruent/similar thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles) the powerful ones are the ones that change their reality to receive what they want (the thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles) by doing the hard work and not procrastinating.
If you are not powerful (you don’t have the ability to change your reality or act on your thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles) it's displayed in the way you dress, your hygiene, your posture, how you carry yourself, your tone/attitude, your mannerisms: 9:06
These things display you don’t have discipline (which is the measure of your power, the time it takes for you to go from thought/desire to action).
These things display/signal that you don’t have the power to get what you want (because why else would you display/signal/advertise the negative form of these things when you could have the positive form if you were disciplined/powerful).
If you don’t have these displays/signals/advertisements down to a T then they have the opposite effect you want, displaying your lack of competence/ability/discipline/power.
If you have a good product then advertising helps you (and is easy as the product markets itself, word-of-mouth/reputation compounds, and people want it without you trying very hard at all to sell it), but if you have a bad product advertising works against you (and you have to try very hard to sell it by posturing/lying and dressing it up to look like what it actually can't deliver on).
6:33 Act/Look as you want to be perceived (this isn't posturing/faking it till you make it, you actually have to put in the work (evidence) to be that person, then act/look like (display/advertise) that person).
If what you display/signal/make-known/advertise (the way you dress, your hygiene, your posture, how you carry yourself, your tone/attitude, and your mannerisms) is bad then you're either signaling/displaying/advertising that you don't have good thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles or, worse, you're signaling/displaying/advertising that you do have good thoughts/desires/plans/goals/virtues/principles but you don't have the power/ability to carry them out and achieve them.
In every moment you are signaling/displaying/advertising your level of competence, but this will not be daunting/tiring/scary if you are actually competent (put the work in every day behind the scenes and gather the evidence), it'll just be natural/you.
8:05|9:11 It’s not about posturing/faking it (that’s lying/deception)
it’s about putting in the work to actually be that person (identity is your repeated actions). You are known truly by your works and the fruits are a side effect that displays it.
What you display should be who you are, a tree that displays that it is fruitful but has only thorns is cursed.
Tell the truth. Tell the truth about who you are with what you display/make known/advertise. If you want to be perceived as someone different you must become him (by doing the things he does repeatedly), you cannot get there by lying/posturing, the truth is apparent and always comes out eventually.
10:07|9:57 must be content, but that’s not something you fake, you must actually be content and that comes from having everything that you need already, lacking nothing, and not feeling deprived of anything.
This means a complete lack of desperation and needing anything from anyone/anything except God.
Contentment means having already achieved the goal/result of your work (the goal is the work and becoming the person you wanna be (identity is repeated action), so you receive your result at the end of every night after a perfect day of completed tasks (discipline) which is gathered evidence that you are who you say you are. This also means every morning you have motivation because motivation comes from deprivation and every morning you are deprived of your goals/results which is the work)
You’ll find that it’s when you don’t need it (when you're not desperate for it) that it seems to come to you (at which point it’s up to you to decide if you want to add it because your content, you don’t need it and you’ll only add it if it benefits you further) 11/25 in notes
11:43|13:16 Actually care, actually think about others more than yourself, actually love people (then it’s not a struggle to show that you’re interested, paying attention, or care because you actually do.)
Charisma and charm comes naturally when:
-You love others more than yourself
-You treat others how you wanna be treated
15:13 chipotle
""Just be charismatic bro"
I was listening to this video while running because I needed something to make me think not about the fact that I am running. it worked. thank you
Being authentic is also a big part of charisma, wich is mostly also a byproduct of the three mainpoints in this video and I think you at least showed this form of charisma in the last seconds of your video while somehow ignoring every aspect you have talked about in the video.
Idk how, but your videos seem to find me right at the point when I need them the most every time, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to say thanks for making this content in the first place
I agree. As an introvert myself I remember when I was in high school I believed this Hollywood fantasy that introverts will be more successful later in life than the extroverts, but as an adult I realized that couldn't be farther from the truth. From high school I learned that people usually remain the same as they were in high school (of course there are exceptions but this is the general rule). Most of my ex classmates are as successful now 10 years later as they were as teens; those who had high grades and were extroverts with charisma are the most successful and many of them have successful businesses, those who were introverts with high grades got good degrees and specializations and are usually working 9-5 jobs either in the tech industry, medical industry or as engineers and making a decent pay but nothing crazy. The bullies remained bullies and work as construction workers, factory workers, policemen, etc, others joined gangs or do some kind of job where they can yell at people without any consequence. The guys like me who were introverts, suffered from mental disturbances and had not particularly good grades are usually working a normal job, only 50% got degrees and the others are working lame jobs (in my case I'm trying to improve my skills in all aspects so I can change that). The other introverts with average grades that got degrees usually have the lowest paid jobs in their fields because they lack charisma and connections; they remained average.
Also it's important to mention that those whose family had more money had a much higher rate of success compared to those whose families were poor, confirming that parents with money make your life much easier (even though most of them deny this reality and claim "they worked hard for what they have").
Now, keep in mind I'm from probably the worst country in South America, where poverty plays a major role. I don't know if it's the same in first world countries, but I read a study that concluded extroverts in the US have the highest paid jobs, so that might be a universal truth.
Moral of the story: Charisma, matters! Mental health matters! And you usually remain the same as you were in high school unless you do something radically different to change. This is the truth, like it or not, we can't escape society.
🎉100%
Teens of Today are missing out. They are distracted in confusions, when they have the mighty internet.
It is not only a source of learning, but also a source of earning!🔥
You can make thousands of dollars online, within months.
Atleast spend 4+ hours a day for 1 year learning a general skill online, while performing cold outreach.
You'll surely get your hands on some cash.
This was a great read and very insightful too. Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
Gran punto... vivo en latino América (Republica domincana para ser más específicos) y para salir adelante, en un ambiente de pobreza, escasez y subdesarrollo, tienes que ser muy carismático, tener buenas calificaciones, esforzarte por hacer conexiones con la mayor gente posible. Ese es el punto. Aunque sea cuesta arriba ser carismático y optimista, es la única opción que tienes para sobresalir.
Love your comment, thank you for sharing!
I am from switzerland and can confirm, it's the same here...
Thanks for sharing. Interesting.
Theres is very few people out in the world with genuine charisma. Lots of people try to fake it but they generally fail hard and their as dull as dish water too. And no... trying doesnt count. You've either got it or you havent. Same goes for being funny. or having a good singing voice.
Richard Feynman was an incredibly charismatic person. Even though he wasn't perceived as "serious" or "grave" when talking.
He was authoritative and present in any conversation while deeply caring about the other person.
I really recommend watching any interview with him.
I have tried to falsify this hypothesis and failed.
This feels like a perfect video for me. Just jam packed with helpful content, instead of excessive waffling. Thank You! Thank you so much!
I am an introvert, I dont like beeing around people so much
This is spot on, I'll be rewatching this a few times. Thank you.
My vote for most charismatic character in media; Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks.
I think authenticity is a big one here, too. I admire people who are 100% themselves and don’t care about what others might think of them. (Ofc without being rude or hurting anybody on purpose). Our society consists of too many people thinking and acting the same way without questioning anything and just go with the flow, stuck in old and unhealthy patterns - too afraid to be and live their true self. Social media makes it even worse by pushing posts that you have to be and look a certain way and own certain stuff to be happy. When in reality the things that do make you happy are the things you just mentioned. Being fully present. Living a healthy life, being proud of yourself and caring for the people around you. Really trying to be more charismatic by being more present and less consuming. Thanks for another nice input of yours 🫶🏼
In my situation, I have autism so displaying facial expressions and using proper body language is my biggest obstacle in life. In my head, I believe my responses are gonna come off naturally but the "natural" response isn't natural for anybody else. It comes off as awkward even when I put in the effort to blend in. Is being a charismatic person possible for someone with these issues?
Yes, it's definitely possible. I believe it can even be an advantage in some ways.
Do you know the comedian Rick Glassman? He's both charismatic and autistic and has a podcast on RUclips. Someone else who's quite charismatic and has very flat facial expressions is the streamer/RUclipsr Destiny. Not everyone will find these guys charismatic but a lot of people do.
I think the key is to not try to "blend in" but to be comfortable with being different than most people.
Charisma is another thing neurotypicals made up to justify judging people. Your body language is fine how it is. Don’t listen to this guy this video doesn’t acknowledge the neurodiverse experience at all. Why pay him any attention when he pay us any?
I can't bear it anymore.
I SIMPLY CANNOT.
I AM TORTURED
AND TORMENTED.
I'm drowning in turmoil
and grief and emotional pain.
44 years of hell,
that's my life.
I just try so very hard to heal from the PTSD...
But the PTSD flashbacks rape my soul...
🕊 💫✨
I will experiment with healing myself,
using the below affirmations:
I am loved
I am beautiful
I am secure/safe
I am worthy of true love and real friends
I love myself and my life
If we're chasing butterflies, they'll fly away...
When we're busy creating and tending our garden,
the butterflies come to us.
Don't chase.
Attract!❤💕
I loved all 17 minutes of this video!! Great Job as usual!!
Its quite refreshing to see your videos, always well put, narrated and often relatable. So, thank you for them.
Uhtred from the Last Kingdom is one of the best examples of charisma I can imagine. Aragorn is a fantastic example as well Joey.
Maybe Ragnar from Vikings as well.
Your channel works wonders for my mental state. Thank you.
I appreciate that you said all of this without devolving into something about masculinity and how feminine men have become. A lot of guys will say a lot of what you said with the addiction of "no more real men", when its NOT about masculinity, and its about passive lifestyle
It's cheap trick to triangulate your way to connection. Picture Marge and Sally at the water cooler:
"did you hear what Edna did?".
"Oh not again, what this time?"
Except Edna is feminism
I strongly dislike when people ask how I’m doing and I know they don’t give a shit…
If someone seems super interesting, they are usually full of themselves. If someone seems super boring, they are either private or hiding something. This is a truth. Eye of the beholder, everyone. I hear "charisma" and I instantly think "self advertisement". I come off as boring, but that's because I'm not full of s#&!.
What you did this weekend
Extrovert;Did you know I did go to the beach this weekend and stayed in a 5star hotel with indoor swimming pool and eat crab at dinner
Introvert: went to the beach
😂😂😂😂Lol 😂
Wrong. Charisma is not about advertising yourself but making other people feel good and comfortable around you. You have to show empathy and interest to make them feel wanted and heard. Charisma is not advertising yourself.
Charisma is essentially giving off warmth and kindness.
@@Jamal-mq6xn Just remember, that's the number 1 thing everyone said about Hitler when he was alive. "He was extremely charismatic", and that's how he was able to reach the ranks he did. I see charisma, I immediately become suspicious. It's usually a sociopath that wants something from you. Don't trust.
@@weird-guyI was day dreaming, im addicted to it.
Going into 2024 trying to change. My life so far. Im 22 and living without care for myself, gaming everyday, listening to music, always working, and find it hard to talk to people except the people that's already been there in my life. Charisma is incredibly hard for me which leads to refusing to even finding a relationship. I'm not alone, but I feel lonely.
Recently read "the charisma myth". Fantastic book
Edit: Oh I see this video is based around it. Cool
A big part of charisma for me was self-acceptance. Once I let go of the idea of being this perfect, charismatic man, I become way more charismatic in conversations. Also realizing that paradoxically, I will never become this 'better me' (who is self-accepting) if I don't accept the way I am now. So you have to adopt the mindset that you are that person - now.
Without acceptance, you won't have presence, because you'll be worrying about how you're perceived, you won't have power, because you consider yourself incapable (whether that's true or not) and you won't have warmth, because you're too busy with yourself to notice anyone else.
Bonus: Self-acceptance also turns into acceptance of other people and different situations, because true confidence is not only a lack of belief in yourself, it is also a lack of belief in the people and things around you. People notice that kind of thing. They are intuitive, and feel your doubt when you are not expressing yourself authentically. It's very infectious. Once you realize that, you also feel a certain responsibility to help raise the mood of a room. You leave the victim mentality behind and step into a mentality of service - which goes back to your warmth point.
Not all teachers need to demonstrate or practice what they preach. The idea matters as well.
I think I used to have charisma last year but completely lost it this year after several shortcomings. Slowly trying to get it back. Had a bad day at work but my dad convinced me to do a small workout. Thanks for the video
"I don't have any charisma" "Anyways here's a video about charisma"
The “idk guys” got me good. Funny as hell. Great video man, sticking around for sure
I don't find it hard whatsoever to be charismatic, but when you're being charismatic and you're surrounded by a lot of vile, problematic, emotional vampires they leach you out of your life force. You become drained. You've leveled up, but you can't force people to do the same. You identify their toxic traits, but you can't do anything about it even if you tell them gently. Only option is to distance yourself, so you isolate yourself.
It's such an unfortunate conundrum. And then you ask yourself "Why should I be charismatic when all these people are so far off?"😕
A real good book in the same wave length is how to win friends and influence people by Carnegie. Its actually really good and interesting. Lots of cool stories and anecdotes.