I Was Shocked By What Society Actually Tells Men
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- Опубликовано: 25 мар 2023
- After interviewing over 350 men, I'm not surprised that the suicide rates are so much higher for men than for women. What society tells men is damaging their relationships and all too often actually killing them... and for what? The messages that society teaches men don't pay off in the ways they promise.
If you want to stop the pain of divorce, regain your confidence and move forward with purpose, hope and energy, then I can help.
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Your divorce can either be the nail in your coffin, or it can be the catalyst you use to finally confront and heal your emotional wounds so they don't handicap you in relationships. You can become the best version of yourself and take control of your future.
Additional Resources
Free Masterclass: HOW TO TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AFTER DIVORCE
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Guide: Emotional Stages of Divorce for Men & How to Heal within Each Stage
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Dating After Divorce Checklist: Are you ready to date after your divorce?
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Helpful Books for Divorced Men (affiliate links)
► The Full Body Presence - Gives gentle, accessible exercises for somatic processing of emotional pain and trauma
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► The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time
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► Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself - Concrete tools and exercises for rewiring the brain and reimagining your sense of self and purpose
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► Legendary - Inspiration and a powerful perspective for stepping into your potential
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► The Myth Of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture - Brilliant, in every way. This is an amazing resource for understanding yourself and your ex wife and finding the clarity or compassion you need to forgive.
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► Lost Connections: Why You're Depressed and How to Find Help - Intense and well researched. I would recommend this book when you are past the early stages of divorce and have a stable support system in place.
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I’m Rachael Sloan, Master NLP Practitioner, certified life coach, and the creator of Better Beyond Divorce. I've helped hundreds of men move past the shock, betrayal, grief and anger they experience both during and after a divorce, to a place of clarity, calm and confidence. I hope to help you do the same.
DISCLAIMER: I am a Master NLP Practitioner and personal growth mentor. The material in this video represents my understanding and experience and nothing more. This content is not meant to replace professional medical advice, treatment or diagnosis. Always consult your medical provider before making any changes to your treatment.
Over the last 2 ½ years I’ve interviewed several hundred men, most of who were suffering after a painful divorce.
I’d been told, about how easy life is for men and that women are the victims of ociety steeped in patriarchy and misogyny, wasn’t entirely accurate.
But then I started talking to men.
Men don't have it 'easy'. In fact, men are already 3.5 times more likely to commit suicde than women. If you look at the divorced population, divorced men are 9 times more likely to die by suicide than divorced women. If that's not evidence that men don't have an easier lot in life, I don't know what is.
And the tragedy is that none of this is men's fault. Society tells men a lot of B.S. that is directly contributing to their suffering.
Here's just a few of the messages that society tells (and many men internalize):
Don't cry.
Your anger is dangerous.
You are the problem.
Your pain isn't as bad as her pain.
The more I learned the more I realized that society tells men to suppress everything. Suppress what you feel. Suppress what you need.
But it's a lose-lose situation. Because if you DO suppress everything, then you get accused of being a narcissist, a control freak, emotionally insensitive or even emotionally abusive.
Society lies to men.
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My ex wife told me time and time again that I was a bad father to our son. She said that I never wanted him and that my family was just a nuisance. I would get angry and try to defend myself. She would then accuse me of having anger issues. She made me believe I was abusive. It does make you question if you’re a bad person.
So deep to hear the truth, society asks men not to be angry (as they will be seen as violent), not to fight for their desires (as they will be seen as selfish) and not to be sad (as they will be seen as negative or toxic) while their wife is naturally entitled to feel and express these feelings that will be perceived in a positive way by the society.
I'm afraid we have some big messes to clean up on a societal level... but I'm hopeful we can start to do that as individuals. Thank you for watching and commenting.
You have a gift of understanding men. This is so rare in women. Thank you so much. Your voice should be amplified. Just this video alone is an invaluable contribution. Thank you, thank you so much.
The crying thing is strange, I feel even alone I struggle to cry at all - I've had a few rare moments but the rarity doesn't feel natural. Usually takes a lot like a passing of a loved family member or animal.
Spot on Ms Sloan. Very eloquently said,. Listened to this a few times.
Excellent video / speech / presentation. The world is a better place because you are in it (no sarchasm)
Thank you, Troy. That means a lot. Thanks for watching and taking the time to write.
Thank you Rachael. You should have 1000 comments and 1 million views, but because society is so messed up they don't want to hear your truth. Thank you for chipping away and fighting the good fight for us.
Thanks Tim! I have hope :) People want to be seen and heard and loved. We all want the same things. I am hopeful that eventually we can feel safe enough with each other to finally admit it.
Nah it's just this content is old. The only good she can do is improve the women. Coaching men does 0
At the end of the day, we all have our own struggles. We all feel pain and trauma, and different things hurt us in individual ways. Who are we to try to judge how easy or hard somebody else has it. We each have to find a way to make it through another day. Thanks for yet another beautiful video 👍🏿
I couldn't say it better. We are all individuals, and who are we to judge one another? Thank you for watching and taking the time to write.
Thank you! So much truth here.
You're welcome, Richy. Thank you for watching and taking the time to comment.
I never considered that learning to overcome or stoically deal with my pain and despair would cause me to develop contempt for my wife for not being able to do so. It seems to me that men have an advantage over women in our simplicity. We seem to be much more easily amused, and naturally content than women honestly; But I have personally experienced this frustration with the fragility of women and never heard content creators explain the unintended consequences in this way. Your perspective is appreciated.
I can appreciate what you are saying. I feel in healthy relationships and marriage it is not about amusement or what can you do to make me happy or complete.
I used to believe that I had to be with someone in order to be a completed person. That isn’t true at all.
While I love her dearly, I am a whole complete as I am. In fact I believe that embracing this and understanding that acknowledging the emotions of divorce the pain, depression, anger, feelings of betrayal of not being good enough has allowed me to finally overcome a very traumatic experience.
This is how I moved forward. Much like you over time resentment crept in and took hold because each time an argument happened I suppressed my feelings not always but sometimes especially when I felt myself triggered again and again. To me what is not acceptable is expecting people to “tough it out and man up.” We are able to experience emotions for a reason and doing so is healthy.
Thank you for watching and commenting. I'm glad you appreciated this video. It's funny, as I was reading your comment it reminded me that each of us has such a narrow field of experience - myself included. In my own marriage my husband often comments on how much more easily amused I am than he is, and sometimes expresses some jealousy that there are so many things I easily enjoy when he is easily bored. I also just responded to a comment on another video where the person was citing a Pew research study that suggested women are naturally happier than men.
Your experience has been the opposite! And many of my clients have had the same experience as you have.
In these videos I often speak to patterns in men and in women, but the reality is that we are all individuals, and to truly understand one another we have to really talk to each other, one on one.
Wow! This is so true. I’ve never heard this said before. It’s exactly what I’m going through right now. Thanks
Hi James, you're welcome! I'm glad it was helpful. I was inspired by this incredible artist: ruclips.net/video/HL6-6zdGDxU/видео.html
You might find her words powerful, I certainly did!
It's clear to me now that this life is a lie. Everything a partner says to you is to get something out of you and use you. Once you're all used up then they upgrade. Consciousness is a curse.
The fact that this video has only 3000 views, shows society doesn't care.
Thank you, Rachael.
You're welcome, thank you for watching and commenting. I'm glad you appreciated this video.
Thank you so much, I as man, father, was broken and still suffering from the women I still love, she how ever is on a femenist agenda and think about her and her rights, zero responsibility. It was my sister who brought me back in to life, I was on suicidal path, pushed by my wife, with out zero regret. It is time we really need to hear the man out, as feminism is just killing the society !!
Thank you so much for your work👍
You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed this video. Thank you for watching and commenting.
Once I learned to cry and that it was ok I found I was able to breathe and address the pain. Once I excepted I didn’t have to know why she left and just cried the grieving became easier. That dark moment when we almost take our life might just be a lack of crying openly. The more I cried the more I wanted to live.
I can't thank you enough for sharing this comment.
Thankyou Rachel
Well, I am pretty pro-men myself, but...men are typically bigger than their wives, and they are strong. Their anger is dangerous when they attack women physically. My spouse of 40 years recently started attacking me. The first time, he put his fist on my throat and pressed on my Adam's apple. It hurt, and I choked out the words...that hurts. He withdrew at that. The second time, I ended up on the floor. Third time, he drew his fists up to punch me in the face, but he didn't because I threatened to call the police. I left. I am living in another place now. I am 5' 1", and he is 5' 9". I weigh 108 pounds, and he weighs about 185. That's why they are dangerous. When you hit someone smaller than yourself, it's unfair, and you could kill her. Then, you will go to prison. So, unless a man can control his rage, he is dangerous to his wife and himself. Even mild-mannered men can explode when enraged.
I'd argue there are many aspects of a matriarchy now, especially in education.
Great observations.
But now what?
Do you think it's possible that I'm a monster? I think that is the core of it all. And the other side off that coin is the thought that women are angels of perfection. Monsters and angels. Wich meen that I'm as a man i wrong! And she, as a woman, i right! And that's before the question even being asked. That i personally think, is way harder than not being allowed to cry🤔
I agree, it is a terrible thing to question yourself in such a harsh way. Yet many (if not most?) men and women have these extreme doubts about themselves. The messaging is different for men and women, but the result is the same: many people of both genders growing up with a deep seated sense of self doubt and even self loathing.
I hope with increasing awareness we can start to break those cycles within ourselves and within our relationships, men and women both.
Hi my wife wants a divorce and having trouble with accepting it and letting go, im still inlove with her we were married for 17years and have 3kids together....
Please advise me
Hi Mubeen, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I would love to help. Please take a moment to read through this page on my website. It describes the way that I can help and how coaching can support you in finding acceptance and making peace with what is happening.
www.rachaelsloancoaching.com/better-beyond-divorce
If you have any questions about working together, please email anytime. rachael@rachaelsloancoaching.com
If I become a trans woman, am I finally able to express myself...??? 🤔🧐
How do I make the change without the shame and embarrisment, because of my years of training to be a "man?"
Just get your passport
I only found out I am Autistic at the age of 57,.. which meant up to that point,.. I had understood very little of myself?! I had thought I was odd; turns out I was always a white nigga' *_Elephant Man!?_*
Society never told me to keep my emotions to myself. It was always women teaching me thru their actions after I confided in them that I needed to guard my emotions. You are all emotional assasins.
Andrew Tate would disagree with most of what this woman says.
It's interesting that you bring him up, and I think you're probably right! One of my closest friends is an avid Andrew Tate fan, and I have to say I disagree with most of what he Andrew Tate says :) My friend and I have great discussions about it, and I'd be happy to chat with you about it here too if you're interested. Differing perspectives, if spoken to with curiosity and compassion, can help us all grow.
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoachyes I am interested.
great! @@tmcclone What is that about Andrew Tate's perspective that you have found the most helpful? Is there anything in particular you've been able to apply to your life that has made a concrete difference for you?
I do not believe you have listened to what he has said. With any kind of open mindedness. Are you a chick?
@@RachaelSloanRelationshipCoach To be a man today, means to NOT be a human being, just to be a thing to be used.
Also, I do not believe men exit because of a ´feeling´ of overwhelm. This is absolutely where women completely fail in understanding. I think it is many times an accurate realisation that nothing can get better. IE an entirely reaonable conclusion.