Lol right like blame the doctors or researchers or God (not that any of them are actually at fault). I can understand looking for someone to blame but a grieving mother? Gtfo. She’s horrible and the family that can’t see that are probably equally as horrible. I hope her husband sees the light or it will be a lifetime of dealing with her shit and guilting mom into being a part of this and any future children’s lives.
If he wants a relationship with his mum, he can go to the dinner. But she has no obligation to his mother. She doesn’t have to accept the apology, especially considering it’s not a genuine apology, MIL just wants to be involved with the new kid.
“A woman who lost her husband is called a widow, a man who lost his wife is called a widower, and a kid who lost his parents is called an orphan. But there is no word for a parent who lost their kid. Know why? There’s no word in this world that can describe the excruciating pain.” -a quote from the kdrama Hi, Bye, Mama
I had a miscarriage four months ago and my partners mum continues to ask me when I’m getting pregnant again because she misses the grandchild that she could of had
@@TwoHotTakes it’s been quite hard I’ve definitely felt like I’ve let people down by having a miscarriage (even though it was completely out of my control) but I wish people would stop asking questions
@@TS-ec5jv please don't think you've let people down!! 🥺💔💜 I'm so sorry for your loss, it's not your fault and you shouldn't feel like you have to make up for it. You went through something really sad and no one should be treating you that way 🥺
@@TS-ec5jv you definitely did not let anyone down. This was so so out of your control. It’s okay to set boundaries with people and say you’re not comfortable talking about it, and if they don’t respect that then don’t see them. You deserve to heal and practice some good self-care!
I’m mad at the husband for not sticking up for his wife at the funeral when his mom was being crazy, like If my mom tried to do that to my partner at my child’s funeral I would tell her to shut up and respect my partner and leave. Why did he not say anything? Also mad he wants to go back to his mom for the shitty apology, like they said MIL has no respect for her
Dude. You can’t completely blame him. As much as the OP had lost their kid, their husband also his child and was obviously not in a good mental or emotional place during the funeral. OP said that they had no idea how they kept it together and that it was their mother that kicked out the MIL while her husband was crying (understandably so). It’s kinda a dick move to get mad at the husband for being too emotionally broken at the funeral of their own child to stand up and yell at his mother. Get mad at him wanting to hopefully mend the bond between his mom and wife but don’t get mad at his reaction at the funeral.
Some people just freeze in those moments. Seeing that after the scene his mother made he wrote an e-mail to clarify what happens is very probably that he just disasociate and couldn't even speak (had happend to me). Is not his fault, just his mother. Edit: I didn't see the part when he tells her to go, but I still think that *in that moment* he just could be disasociating. However, he is an 4ssh0le for telling her to go to the dinner.
The fact he'd even suggest she go to that dinner after everything she said is a red flag. He's clearly enabling his mother's bad behavior like everyone else on that side of the family. I stg that marriage is gonna fall apart.
@@sunburstwolfdog I get what you're saying but that is also his literal mother. You can't assume he's a bad person or enabling it because we don't know exactly what he said. He could've said "she wants to apologise and maybe we could go, but we don't have to if you don't want to". I don't think we should blaming the husband here when we don't know much about his stance. He lost his baby too, so expecting him to be in a clear mental state is ridiculous.
@@mistoolau At the funeral? Yeah I'd be pissed if my partner didn't defend me but I could let it go because that's difficult. All this time after? Absolutely not. I love my mother to bits and even if she wasn't my blood I'd still want her as my family, but if she had said anything HALF that bad to my partner for ANY reason I wouldn't have a mother anymore. Full stop. I don't even think he's a bad person, he's probably just an ignorant mama's boy, but that doesn't mean he isn't enabling her. It doesn't matter if he knows what he's doing, he's still doing it.
My aunt lost her three-year-old daughter back in 2012, and her husband’s family kind of gave her shit for how long her grieving process was, so she and her family decided to distance themselves early on. In recent years, his family has started to reach out and ask, “what can we do to keep Gracie in our hearts?” And their response has basically been, “Too little, too late. Becky’s side of the family has been asking that from the start, meanwhile you were judging a woman who had to bury her own child for still being upset about it.”
My mother, after being told specifically NOT to bring my brother who abused me when my husband died, to my sons funeral , brought my brother. I hadn't spoken to him in a decade, due to this abuse. At the wake, she told me off for ignoring him, "go and speak to your brother, he's upset" She thought bringing my brother to my sons funeral, even after being told not to, was 'a good opportunity to heal the family rift" I didn't speak to her again, she died last year.
I’m so sorry about your losses, my condolences, unfortunately I don’t know why some family members think the best time to resolve issues is at the worst time ever (funerals, for example). I hope you have found peace, genuine happiness, and stayed far far away from your brother. Sending love your way 💙
i know a tiktok couple that the husband doesnt talk to his mom because of how awful she is to his wife and people literally rip him apart for it, but you said it that is his family now!
You don’t own anyone a relationship when they treat you or someone you love like trash. I’ve seen that guys tiktok and some of his stories hit close to home. I feel so bad for him with all the toxic comments he gets.
Good for him. Some ppl really haven't been abused, neglected and mistreated their entire lives by their parents and it *shows* . Also even if that weren't thr case, why would u allow your parents tho do that to your wife or kids? Full no contact is the only option unless the mom decides on her own that she wants to do better
Couldn't have said it better. When you get married you CHOOSE for that to be your family. That should be the first priority because you chose that to be your first priority
It doesn’t matter what went down between them, MIL had absolutely *no* business saying something like that and doesn’t deserve forgiveness at all. She is for sure gonna start something with OP if she attends.
Doesn't matter. Just because she provided money doesn't legally give her any right to make medical decisions. But then I've been through enough family drama, from my side and Ex in-laws, and even current husband's family. I'm just done. Don't care. Scorched Earth.
@@emerencespringer It's not about the legality. Having experience with this sort of person, it's about encouraging financial dependence so that you can then withhold it later as punishment. As in "If you don't let me do XYZ or if you don't treat me like ABC then I'll cut you off." And if someone is in a situation where they're GENUINELY financially dependent, that can be massively catastrophic.
My problem is that the husband isn't keeping his family in check. Like they are blaming her for not forgiving MIL. He needs to step up and say the it is MIL own fault.
Victims of abuse sometimes have a difficult time standing up to the abuser. If we can geneealize MIL’s attitude, I’m guessing she’s been manipulating her son since he was a child.
You can’t blame the husband for not thinking straight. He lost his child and now has to see how wife and mother on opposites ends of an argument. For us to think that he has to just get up and keep it all in check is a bit of stretch.
I understand why he didn't at the funeral but now knowing he has another baby on the way, knowing his on sister told his family and seeing how his wife's family is supportive compared to his own family. I 1,000,000% agree with you. He needs to wake up fast or he will lose a wife next. It is time to take action to protect his wife and child on the way to protect them from the same abuse he may have received growing up. I say this as a daughter from two very abused parents (one physically one sexually) that made sure we were supported and protected from their abusive families. He can stand up or he needs to bow out of his wife's life altogether.
I feel so bad for OP I am sure she did everything for her son. Holy hell the MIL! Screw her! She is horrible person and only wants to be in OP's life because she is having another baby. OP's husband wanting her to go to the dinner is also ridiculous. His mother INSULTED HIS WIFE AND DEAD CHILD AT HIS FUNERAL!!! He expects her to go chat with her?!?! I am so pissed off that husband would even consider that! I know its his mother but she lost that title the minute he insulted his wife and dead child. If he really wants OP to reconnect with his mother he needs to ask her this: What is she sorry for? Why is she sorry? Why hasn't she apologized to his wife? She need to tell her family to stop defending her or trying to get OP to forgive her. If she doesn't give him a straight answer, starts to ramble, or just deflects that how he knows she doesn't care and just wants to see her grandchild. I really hope OP has seen a therapist or has been talking to someone, I wish her luck with her pregnancy, the baby, and wish nothing but the best for her.
To be fair... As someone with a narcissistic mother... It can take a lot of time for those rose colored glasses to fall off and even then it's still harder to break a cycle. The gaslighting they do from birth is a lot to break out of. You learn from a young age that only their feelings matter and have to walk on egg shells. It can be a mess
If he still wants to have a relationship with his mother that’s fine. However the original poster is not obligated to have a relationship with her and she is also not obligated to allow the MIL around their new child.
I'm not mad at the husband for asking her to go. He's the child of a narcissist and has been brainwashed by his mom since birth. He also lost his child, to lose his whole family would be to lose his support system. Is it wrong for him to want his family together during the darkest time in his life? No. Does that mean she should go? No. It's his family. If he wants to hear out his narcissistic mom, he can go.
Families put pressure on you to forgive the most toxic person because 1. They don’t want to deal with the crazy, and if they’re focused on you, they aren’t focused on the rest of the family. 2. If you cut off the Toxic Avenger, you’ve proven you’ll cut out toxic behavior, which means they may have to *gasp* behave.
Absolutely no way should she or her new baby be around this toxic person and her husband needs to fine a backbone and stick up for his wife and baby and move on from his mother!!! So angry for this person I had a hideous MIL...
The husband shouldn’t expect OP to go to the “apology dinner” when he wasn’t called the bad mother he wasn’t being attacked by your mother in law and he wasn’t being called at fault for not ending the drama with the fam
As a mom, NOPE. Never speak to that MIL ever again. If your husband doesn’t stand up and support you, leave him. You can’t take back saying “You’re a horrible mother.” at a funeral. 🤬
This is similar to my family. I have PTSD and intractable epilepsy (26f) and my dads side of the family tell my mom she’s handling everything wrong. They’re so mean to her bc she wasn’t pushing me enough to do things that made me anxious and that I’m not being healthy enough to help my epilepsy.
I feel like in a few years he will cave in and be in contact with her and maybe make the kids be in contact as well. Thats a hugeeee no to me. I would rather terminate the baby and divorce the husband than to even have the chance of any of my future children be associated with her
I agree 1000000000% you would never know that you took huge chunks out of a video with how seamless it is! When I first watched one of the full videos on RUclips I was so surprised at how much was actually cut out but you’d never know because of how seamless it is!
1. MIL shouldnt act that way during funeral. No decent person should be that disrespectful during a funeral. 2. MIL should try to reach her and apologise personally first before publicly -imo 3. Everyone should give PO space, she doesnt need to be pressured especially on her early pregnancy.
MIL didn't call herself, because she wanted an audience. It wasn't about apologizing to the OP, it was about getting to be the center of another big scene. Good for OP standing her ground. If MIL was really sorry, she'd accept that OP doesn't want to be a prop in her stage play and apologize in private (and be prepared for a long time to pass before OP is willing to accept the apology)
This is something that's unforgivable & I think it's kind of shitty of her husband to sort off "force her" or put her in an uncomfortable position to go to this dinner.
OP and husband might benefit from therapy together but the Husband needs therapy to deal with his Mother. He was raised by an apparent narcissist and will continue seeking out any form of love from his Mother because he never got it and never will. He's being manipulated and the sooner he gets help and cuts this woman out of their lives the better. Nothing excuses her terrible behavior and she won't change.
It makes me furious when grandparents don't respect the parent by thinking that the fact that the child is "their grandchild" somehow trumps the fact that its the parent's CHILD
I am a congenital heart defect survivor! I’ve had a pacemaker since I was 6 months old and have had 12 surgeries in total, I’m 30 years old now. My pacemaker is literally my favorite thing about myself.
Speaking from experience here. The husband needs to stand behind his wife. Not his mother. She will only take advantage and make everything about. Best thing to do is to ignore and not participate in the public mind games. The fact that the family is enabling the MIL and holding the wife accountable instead of the MIL shows none of them can be trusted. I’ve always told my husband “I don’t care who they are, if they don’t love or respect me they won’t be involved in our kids life”
She wants to financially support the new baby... aka.... wants to guilt trip you later with that so you "can't" get mad at them again. My MIL tried that on us and thankfully my husband put a stop to it!
“Can’t I have a complicated emotion without having to resolve it so you can feel better?” I love this quote from The Magicians. Like, you hate feeling guilty, so you want me to absolve you of your guilt. You’re not doing it for me, you’re doing it for you.
even if it had been something she did inadvertently or she didn't do everything she could have done treatment wise, it's not something to blame her for. when you're under that stress and you're given medical options and only have a short time to choose one, you don't always choose the one you wish you would've. it's a terrible situation to be in
Every time I heard this kind of stories. I’m so thankful that I don’t have a MIL. What a horrible MIL she lost her baby !!! And she thinks everything is about her. 🤯
This one was triggering. My son passed of a congenital heart defect at 2 and a half. He had three open heart surgeries and a pacemaker. He passed unexpectedly, we thought we he was ok and he would grow up. We had tons of issues with my MIL and my SIL. There is something about losing a child and a toxic MIL reaction, that really shows you where they prioritize you in their life. We purposely moved hours away to keep our distance and preserve the little happiness we have left with our daughter. If you lose a child and you feel uncomfortable with ANYONE for ANY reason, especially their motives, you don’t need an explanation to remove them from your life.
The worst thing is, she doesn't regret it. She only hosted that dinner after she found out OP was pregnant. She just wants to mend the relationship so she can see her grandchild.
I Hate when people act like someone says sorry and your suppose to forgive. Forgiveness takes time, and what that MIl did is so not ok. Praying for the Mother who lost her baby.
Omg my heart is completely broken for this mother. My son is 20 months old I can not even imagine losing him at this age or earlier. This MIL can rot in heal! She’s the worst kind of person ever.
These stories make me so thankful for my mother in law and the fact that she is who she is. Also knowing that if my MIL were to act this way my husband would back me up 100%. Thankfully that is not the case because if it were there would be a lot of family cut out.
I actually had this exact thing happen to me. It took me and my mother-in-law’ around 4 years to even be able to speak to one another. We now are super close and I’m very thankful for her!
Oh my goodness thank you! We are not obligated to forgive someone who has hurt us. I had a toxic friend for like 2 years. She hurt me literally so many times and then she'd blame it on the fact that she struggles with her mental health, that she doesn't have a good relationship with her mother, that she feels like her boyfriend doesn't love her enough so that makes her insecure. And I'm like "ok, but I also have mental health issues but you don't see me going around and hurting everyone around me because of something/someone else". And for 2 years I accepted her excuses, sometimes even FOUND excuses for her, and forgave her for every single time she hurt me. Then this past February it was the last straw. She went off on me *again* for absolutely no reason obviously but this time I was like "okay you know what, I'm over this" and I *blocked* her on literally every social media platform. It's been the most peaceful 3 months so far. No regrets at all. And absolutely no going back.
My mom was telling me something the other day that when a group of people are grieving there are circles: the imediate family like the parents in this situation are in the middle and then the grandparents outside the parents circle and siblings outside their circle and then friends and so on and you can ask for help from anyone further away from the centre of the circle than you but you shouldn't ask anything of anyone closer to the middle
unless the father actually said something that the family isn't struggling and the parents are the only ones experiencing grief, there is no reason to say that and they are just still trying to publicly shame the parents 6:17
My MIL and I used to not get along with each other because she thought I wasn't good enough. As time went on, my husband stood up for me and now my MIL and I get along with each other. Not that it was just this one thing that brought us together lol. Now I'm estranged with my bio Mom and my MIL has been there for me through this tough time and she calls and tells me she loves me everyday.
There is never a day where anyone in my family could raise their voice at my wife let alone this bullshit. Respectfully the husband needs to be stronger and stand up for his wife
Found you guys through tiktok! You presented this well, and gave thoughtful points. Well done, you don't always have to forgive and forget. Hope you have a good day!
This absolutely breaks my heart. My son was born with congenital heart disease as well, and it is so easy to blame yourself for their condition, but 85% of congenital heart diseases have unknown causes. This is NOT her fault at all, and I guarantee she did everything she could for her baby. She has gone through enough, and doesn't need to deal with this. I just want to hug this poor mom. 😭😭😭
I'm going to say this, OP might be suffering, but it was the child that was suffering more. The MIL could had stressed that child out, too, from controlling him through the procedures, down to the medicine that could had prevented his untimely death. His little heart probably couldn't handle the stress from his overbearing grandmother, to the point that his heart just gave out.
This woman is just like my mil. Pure evil! I wouldn't go to that "dinner". They're using her as a scapegoat. If she goes, they will gang up on her and gaslight her. She will never be safe in their presence.
The thing is, nobody knows how to parent a child with health issues. Nobody knows what decision is the best to make, even with the doctors helping you because nobody can guarantee the outcome. But as the parents, that is their decision and theirs only. Grandparents always seem to think that they have mor authority over their grandchildren than the actual parents. She has every right to cut off her MIL. Why would she open herself back up to abuse from the MIL when she could have an easier and more simple life without her? A funeral is the WORST place, to start a sh** fight. It is nobody’s fault that the child was sick. It was a CONGENITAL heart problem. The MIL is only deciding to be “nice” because she wants to see the new baby. So selfish. This family is exactly like mine. It’s toxic, and as a child from the parents who were treated like crap. My life was HARD. I am the black sheep of the family and it sucks. I would never have anything to do with the MIL again.
If my mother in law said that she did never see me again or my husband. We already went through a lot with her. She did never see my kids either. My husband made his own decision to not see his mom. And to not allowed her to be around me when we are expecting. I hope her husband is backing her up on it. I also told my husband if he wants to see his mom I would not want to be around her. And he said if I don’t feel comfortable with it. Then he doesn’t want to see her. We have not seen her in 3 years. We are high school sweethearts. She also made up a bunch of lies about me 😒.
This incident reminds me of a concept called the ripples of grief (it might be called something else.)Those who are directly affected by the event that caused this grief, in this case, the parents of the baby, are in the center. Everyone else is still affected and their feelings of grief are valid but we’re not directly involved in the tragedy, so they are in the further ripples (grandma and the rest of the family would be in the 2nd or 3rd ripple.) Anyone in the levels can reach out to the other layers for support/venting but they can’t reach in (so, the center could reach out to anyone but ripple 4 can only reach out to ppl within their ripple or further ripples like 5,6,7.) What this mil did was bypass all those ripples and tried to force herself into the center. Her grief is valid but upsetting the people who are most affected by this tragedy (in this case the mom) is making this event all about herself. The center should have all the support from the other ripples but now they can’t get that support. Just awful.
To deal with the pain of losing a child and simultaneously deal with a crazy MIL. That’s way too much to handle!! I cannot even imagine the hurt of losing my son. I’d loose myself because even though I’ve only known him for a part of my life he’s become my whole life. Just hearing his laugh brings joy into my soul and thinking of a day that I may not hear that laugh hurts already.
i have cchd (childhood congenital heart defect) my parents have been through hell with me and my health! this poor mother needs a hug and to be told how strong she is!
My MIL is so different from most. She's loved me for 20 years- to her only son and the baby of their family Even thru the break ups, she's never bad mouthed me ever. She's an awesome woman. His extended family tho, always had unrealistic ideals and creepy claims over him. He cut out the toxicity over a decade ago. Man, I'm lucky. I'm so sorry people actually go thru this shit. 🤦 it's completely heart breaking.
I loved my MIL, did all kinds of favors and helped cook with them, and then I found out they hated me from DAY 1 because I refused to be subservient to them, wait on my hubby hand and foot, and because I had some health issues. They offered him money to leave me. They made my miscarriage at 3 mos about them and said I shouldn't adopt after needing a hysterectomy due stage 4 endometriosis right after losing my dad. Well I adopted a 2 yr old from DCFS and he is now 8 yrs old and amazing. I have been married over 20 yrs but do battle psoriatic arthritis but they are the ones losing out.🤷♀️
Not that I want my bf to hate his mom but I know that he would NOT let this shit happen. That MIL and family is fucking ridiculous. I can't even imagine being in this situation. I hope OP is healthy and happy at the end of all this.
Yall were preaching some hard truth in this video. My parents divorced a couple years ago because my dad's mom moved into a mother-in-law suite attached to our house and over time he constantly sided with her over my mom during disagreements and disrespected every boundary that my mom tried to establish so that she could be comfortable in her own home. In the end, my mom realized that it was a pattern that had been there even before she moved in with us and that there was nothing she could do to change it and that SHE had to be the one to prioritize herself and choose what was best for her. It was fucking rough for all of us but I think they're both happier now.
I can understand why the husband would want to reconnect, but at the end of the day once he got married that was the family that is supposed to come first. The MIL didn’t just make a faux pas, she did everything she could to somehow make this loss about her instead of a loss for the whole family. She’s selfish and manipulative and the husband has to realize that and continue to keep her out of his life and focus on his wife and this new baby.
Honestly used to think my relationship with my future Grandma-In Law was bad but I honestly don’t think she would ever do this if me and my fiancé ever lost a child or if I ever lost him...I hope that she wouldn’t stoop to this MIL level cause I won’t be as calm as the OP😂😂
My question is, why did the MIL take it out on her and not her son? He’s the parent too. Neither of them deserved that, but it proves that she was just doing it out of spite.
I can see where forgiveness with boundaries would apply if mil cause a scene/issue ONCE during this whole ordeal. BUT op said that shes been at it since the beginning of their childs illness, so months on end. You cant blame her behavior as a stage of grief at all. And since the mil caused problems from the beginning its like she found flaw in the child and had to blame someone. Not only did she harass the mom but also the child. Not accepting them and had to blame someone for their illness instead of loving and accepting the fate of the child. Not to mention the straight disrespect to the dead.by causing a scene at a funeral. I personally believe that the deads soul can her and sense energy so for her to cause a scene and disrespect the child and their mother is absolutely disturbing regarding how the child could've been aware of what was going on even dead. Id cut the mil 100% and would even divorce the husband if he decides to rekindle the relationship with his mom again. I refuse to have that in my life and I refuse any future children to be in any contact with her as well if this happened to me personally. An edit: If I was in this position id reevaluate the husband because maybe in a few years he might rekindle things with mom and make our kids be in contact as well. Thats a big no for me, if rather terminate the pregnancy and divorce the husband than to ever EVER have any of my kids be associated with the mil. Thats how bad it is.
Imagine your mil blaming you for the death of your child at their own funeral in front of everyone and expect to be forgiven when she is pregnant again after not being in contact for years, I can’t imagine losing a child and being blamed for the death of my baby, and then expecting me to come to a dinner, OH HELL NAH NOT GOING TO HAPPEN EVER
I used to have big problems with my brother, he stole from me and hurt me and he was rude to my parents and grandparents on many occasions, but my parents would always come to me and ask me to forgive him before he even apologizes, because he feels bad. Most of the time he only feels bad because he got caught and not because he hurt me or someone else. When I don’t want to forgive him because he betrayed my trust and made me paranoid and anxious, they make me feel like I did something wrong or that I am a bad person for not forgiving him. He repeated the same wrong actions so many times because he was never really punished, it was always more about me forgiving him than him being punished for doing something wrong, people care more about how he is crying or feels bad and not about how much he hurt me. I feel so bad for this woman, it’s not fair that parts of her family are making her feel bad for not wanting to let her MIL to feel like everything is fine when it is definitely not.
The MIL sounds like someone who thinks that essential oils would have cured the grandsons congenital heart disease.
I was thinking the same thing. Probably a Juice + distributor 🤦🏻♀️
This.
that’s the first thing that crossed my mind “what? essential oils?”
it’s crazy how this person acted
Just rub some lavender on it, it’ll be fine
absolutely
The fact that the "apology" dinner was a family dinner sounds like it's a trap and something to make mil look like the "bigger" person..
Yeah she clearly didn’t care about making things right with the DIL, just about looking good for the rest of the family
DEFINITELY!! sounds like a narcissist trying to manipulate their way back in..
It is a performance not a true apology!
Yup, narcessits always have their own agenda. I wouldn't go.
Right! Why did she wait until she found out her daughter in law was pregnant again to apologize?
“Mothers raise their daughters but love their sons” Realest quote I’ve ever heard.
100%
So true!! Its ridiculous
Absolutely true
the cruel truth
“Fathers raise their sons but love their daughters” I feel like this is also true
This story always pisses me off. Whether the MIL needed someone to blame or not she’s a terrible person!
No doubt
Lol right like blame the doctors or researchers or God (not that any of them are actually at fault). I can understand looking for someone to blame but a grieving mother? Gtfo. She’s horrible and the family that can’t see that are probably equally as horrible. I hope her husband sees the light or it will be a lifetime of dealing with her shit and guilting mom into being a part of this and any future children’s lives.
If he wants a relationship with his mum, he can go to the dinner. But she has no obligation to his mother. She doesn’t have to accept the apology, especially considering it’s not a genuine apology, MIL just wants to be involved with the new kid.
MIL is really treating this new grandchild like it’s some shiny new toy or a puppy
He shouldnt want a relationship with her after this.
@@glitterlover3244 If he's a good husband. What kind of man allows his wife to be treated so terribly by his family?
@@Lady-Fearn that’s what I’m saying. He shouldn’t want a relationship with his mother after this.
@@Lady-Fearn one raised by narcessits, terrified of their judgment or loosing their love. It's awful and not a good excuse. It's unhealed trauma.
“A woman who lost her husband is called a widow, a man who lost his wife is called a widower, and a kid who lost his parents is called an orphan. But there is no word for a parent who lost their kid. Know why? There’s no word in this world that can describe the excruciating pain.” -a quote from the kdrama Hi, Bye, Mama
exactly
I don’t wanna sound like an ass hole but it’s actually from the Book an orphans tale by jay neugeboren
@@Glorper1000 nah ur not an asshole, the kdrama prolly also quoted that specific quote and they heard it from the kdrama. ur just stating faxs
So true
"vilomah" is the word for a parent who has lost a child
I had a miscarriage four months ago and my partners mum continues to ask me when I’m getting pregnant again because she misses the grandchild that she could of had
I’m so sorry for your loss. Disgusting that she’s acting like that. Don’t feel like you need to put up with her because she’s family. Sending love ❤️
@@TwoHotTakes it’s been quite hard I’ve definitely felt like I’ve let people down by having a miscarriage (even though it was completely out of my control) but I wish people would stop asking questions
I'm sorry for your loss. Just know, this internet stranger is ready and willing to fight your MIL for that nonsense
@@TS-ec5jv please don't think you've let people down!! 🥺💔💜 I'm so sorry for your loss, it's not your fault and you shouldn't feel like you have to make up for it. You went through something really sad and no one should be treating you that way 🥺
@@TS-ec5jv you definitely did not let anyone down. This was so so out of your control. It’s okay to set boundaries with people and say you’re not comfortable talking about it, and if they don’t respect that then don’t see them. You deserve to heal and practice some good self-care!
"You can’t win with a Narcissist. All you can do is refuse to play and let them find someone else to torment." DROP THE MIC WOW.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I’m mad at the husband for not sticking up for his wife at the funeral when his mom was being crazy, like If my mom tried to do that to my partner at my child’s funeral I would tell her to shut up and respect my partner and leave. Why did he not say anything?
Also mad he wants to go back to his mom for the shitty apology, like they said MIL has no respect for her
Dude. You can’t completely blame him. As much as the OP had lost their kid, their husband also his child and was obviously not in a good mental or emotional place during the funeral. OP said that they had no idea how they kept it together and that it was their mother that kicked out the MIL while her husband was crying (understandably so). It’s kinda a dick move to get mad at the husband for being too emotionally broken at the funeral of their own child to stand up and yell at his mother.
Get mad at him wanting to hopefully mend the bond between his mom and wife but don’t get mad at his reaction at the funeral.
Some people just freeze in those moments. Seeing that after the scene his mother made he wrote an e-mail to clarify what happens is very probably that he just disasociate and couldn't even speak (had happend to me). Is not his fault, just his mother.
Edit: I didn't see the part when he tells her to go, but I still think that *in that moment* he just could be disasociating. However, he is an 4ssh0le for telling her to go to the dinner.
The fact he'd even suggest she go to that dinner after everything she said is a red flag. He's clearly enabling his mother's bad behavior like everyone else on that side of the family. I stg that marriage is gonna fall apart.
@@sunburstwolfdog I get what you're saying but that is also his literal mother. You can't assume he's a bad person or enabling it because we don't know exactly what he said. He could've said "she wants to apologise and maybe we could go, but we don't have to if you don't want to". I don't think we should blaming the husband here when we don't know much about his stance. He lost his baby too, so expecting him to be in a clear mental state is ridiculous.
@@mistoolau At the funeral? Yeah I'd be pissed if my partner didn't defend me but I could let it go because that's difficult. All this time after? Absolutely not. I love my mother to bits and even if she wasn't my blood I'd still want her as my family, but if she had said anything HALF that bad to my partner for ANY reason I wouldn't have a mother anymore. Full stop.
I don't even think he's a bad person, he's probably just an ignorant mama's boy, but that doesn't mean he isn't enabling her. It doesn't matter if he knows what he's doing, he's still doing it.
My aunt lost her three-year-old daughter back in 2012, and her husband’s family kind of gave her shit for how long her grieving process was, so she and her family decided to distance themselves early on. In recent years, his family has started to reach out and ask, “what can we do to keep Gracie in our hearts?” And their response has basically been, “Too little, too late. Becky’s side of the family has been asking that from the start, meanwhile you were judging a woman who had to bury her own child for still being upset about it.”
My mother, after being told specifically NOT to bring my brother who abused me when my husband died, to my sons funeral , brought my brother. I hadn't spoken to him in a decade, due to this abuse.
At the wake, she told me off for ignoring him, "go and speak to your brother, he's upset"
She thought bringing my brother to my sons funeral, even after being told not to, was 'a good opportunity to heal the family rift"
I didn't speak to her again, she died last year.
That most have been horrible , I really wish you are surrendering youself with positive and supportive people you deserve better than what she did .
I’m so sorry about your losses, my condolences, unfortunately I don’t know why some family members think the best time to resolve issues is at the worst time ever (funerals, for example). I hope you have found peace, genuine happiness, and stayed far far away from your brother. Sending love your way 💙
wow.... thats beyond insensitive. I'm so sorry that happened!
i know a tiktok couple that the husband doesnt talk to his mom because of how awful she is to his wife and people literally rip him apart for it, but you said it that is his family now!
You don’t own anyone a relationship when they treat you or someone you love like trash. I’ve seen that guys tiktok and some of his stories hit close to home. I feel so bad for him with all the toxic comments he gets.
Good for him. Some ppl really haven't been abused, neglected and mistreated their entire lives by their parents and it *shows* . Also even if that weren't thr case, why would u allow your parents tho do that to your wife or kids? Full no contact is the only option unless the mom decides on her own that she wants to do better
Good for the guy standing up for his wife. 👏👏👏
Couldn't have said it better. When you get married you CHOOSE for that to be your family. That should be the first priority because you chose that to be your first priority
It doesn’t matter what went down between them, MIL had absolutely *no* business saying something like that and doesn’t deserve forgiveness at all. She is for sure gonna start something with OP if she attends.
There are unforgettable things and telling a mother that it's her fault that her child died of a health condition is one of them.
She wants to financially support the baby because she wants to have the right to make it’s medical decisions 😤
This!!!!!
Doesn't matter. Just because she provided money doesn't legally give her any right to make medical decisions. But then I've been through enough family drama, from my side and Ex in-laws, and even current husband's family. I'm just done. Don't care. Scorched Earth.
@@emerencespringer It's not about the legality. Having experience with this sort of person, it's about encouraging financial dependence so that you can then withhold it later as punishment. As in "If you don't let me do XYZ or if you don't treat me like ABC then I'll cut you off." And if someone is in a situation where they're GENUINELY financially dependent, that can be massively catastrophic.
@@Solutad THIS!! Its financial abuse
yes and to put generally more pressure on OP. its just more leverage!
My problem is that the husband isn't keeping his family in check. Like they are blaming her for not forgiving MIL. He needs to step up and say the it is MIL own fault.
Victims of abuse sometimes have a difficult time standing up to the abuser. If we can geneealize MIL’s attitude, I’m guessing she’s been manipulating her son since he was a child.
You can’t blame the husband for not thinking straight. He lost his child and now has to see how wife and mother on opposites ends of an argument. For us to think that he has to just get up and keep it all in check is a bit of stretch.
I understand why he didn't at the funeral but now knowing he has another baby on the way, knowing his on sister told his family and seeing how his wife's family is supportive compared to his own family. I 1,000,000% agree with you. He needs to wake up fast or he will lose a wife next. It is time to take action to protect his wife and child on the way to protect them from the same abuse he may have received growing up. I say this as a daughter from two very abused parents (one physically one sexually) that made sure we were supported and protected from their abusive families. He can stand up or he needs to bow out of his wife's life altogether.
I feel so bad for OP I am sure she did everything for her son. Holy hell the MIL! Screw her! She is horrible person and only wants to be in OP's life because she is having another baby. OP's husband wanting her to go to the dinner is also ridiculous. His mother INSULTED HIS WIFE AND DEAD CHILD AT HIS FUNERAL!!! He expects her to go chat with her?!?! I am so pissed off that husband would even consider that! I know its his mother but she lost that title the minute he insulted his wife and dead child. If he really wants OP to reconnect with his mother he needs to ask her this: What is she sorry for? Why is she sorry? Why hasn't she apologized to his wife? She need to tell her family to stop defending her or trying to get OP to forgive her. If she doesn't give him a straight answer, starts to ramble, or just deflects that how he knows she doesn't care and just wants to see her grandchild. I really hope OP has seen a therapist or has been talking to someone, I wish her luck with her pregnancy, the baby, and wish nothing but the best for her.
To be fair... As someone with a narcissistic mother... It can take a lot of time for those rose colored glasses to fall off and even then it's still harder to break a cycle. The gaslighting they do from birth is a lot to break out of. You learn from a young age that only their feelings matter and have to walk on egg shells. It can be a mess
@@gabriellevalentino7319 fair point. I am just furious on how OP’s husband has been handling everything.
If he still wants to have a relationship with his mother that’s fine. However the original poster is not obligated to have a relationship with her and she is also not obligated to allow the MIL around their new child.
I'm not mad at the husband for asking her to go. He's the child of a narcissist and has been brainwashed by his mom since birth. He also lost his child, to lose his whole family would be to lose his support system.
Is it wrong for him to want his family together during the darkest time in his life? No.
Does that mean she should go? No. It's his family. If he wants to hear out his narcissistic mom, he can go.
Mother in law will use the money against her in the future.
Yep!
My MIL does that exact thing even though I’m going through a fraud battle with her,
Families put pressure on you to forgive the most toxic person because 1. They don’t want to deal with the crazy, and if they’re focused on you, they aren’t focused on the rest of the family. 2. If you cut off the Toxic Avenger, you’ve proven you’ll cut out toxic behavior, which means they may have to *gasp* behave.
Absolutely no way should she or her new baby be around this toxic person and her husband needs to fine a backbone and stick up for his wife and baby and move on from his mother!!! So angry for this person I had a hideous MIL...
The husband shouldn’t expect OP to go to the “apology dinner” when he wasn’t called the bad mother he wasn’t being attacked by your mother in law and he wasn’t being called at fault for not ending the drama with the fam
As a mom, NOPE. Never speak to that MIL ever again. If your husband doesn’t stand up and support you, leave him. You can’t take back saying “You’re a horrible mother.” at a funeral. 🤬
This is similar to my family. I have PTSD and intractable epilepsy (26f) and my dads side of the family tell my mom she’s handling everything wrong. They’re so mean to her bc she wasn’t pushing me enough to do things that made me anxious and that I’m not being healthy enough to help my epilepsy.
So happy you have a strong mom that’s looking out for you ❤️❤️❤️
@@TwoHotTakes I would be absolutely lost without her. She’s the best woman in the world and I make sure to tell her every day
I can't believe the husband would say she should go😬😬😬
I feel like in a few years he will cave in and be in contact with her and maybe make the kids be in contact as well. Thats a hugeeee no to me. I would rather terminate the baby and divorce the husband than to even have the chance of any of my future children be associated with her
The TikToks of these are so seamlessly edited
This made my month 🥺 cutting 22 mins into 2 is a challenge let me tell ya
No absolutely! Agreed. I was SHOCKED that the reading of the posts didn't happen all at once in the full videos
I agree 1000000000% you would never know that you took huge chunks out of a video with how seamless it is! When I first watched one of the full videos on RUclips I was so surprised at how much was actually cut out but you’d never know because of how seamless it is!
@@hannahmae113 ugh thank youuu 💛
1. MIL shouldnt act that way during funeral. No decent person should be that disrespectful during a funeral.
2. MIL should try to reach her and apologise personally first before publicly -imo
3. Everyone should give PO space, she doesnt need to be pressured especially on her early pregnancy.
MIL didn't call herself, because she wanted an audience. It wasn't about apologizing to the OP, it was about getting to be the center of another big scene. Good for OP standing her ground. If MIL was really sorry, she'd accept that OP doesn't want to be a prop in her stage play and apologize in private (and be prepared for a long time to pass before OP is willing to accept the apology)
8:13
*sighs* (in unison): bitch.
lmao loved that
This is something that's unforgivable & I think it's kind of shitty of her husband to sort off "force her" or put her in an uncomfortable position to go to this dinner.
OP and husband might benefit from therapy together but the Husband needs therapy to deal with his Mother. He was raised by an apparent narcissist and will continue seeking out any form of love from his Mother because he never got it and never will. He's being manipulated and the sooner he gets help and cuts this woman out of their lives the better. Nothing excuses her terrible behavior and she won't change.
It makes me furious when grandparents don't respect the parent by thinking that the fact that the child is "their grandchild" somehow trumps the fact that its the parent's CHILD
Glad I found this RUclips channel on TikTok
Same
Same!
Same
Same
Same
I am a congenital heart defect survivor! I’ve had a pacemaker since I was 6 months old and have had 12 surgeries in total, I’m 30 years old now. My pacemaker is literally my favorite thing about myself.
MIL are either the best or the worst, nothing in between.
Speaking from experience here. The husband needs to stand behind his wife. Not his mother. She will only take advantage and make everything about. Best thing to do is to ignore and not participate in the public mind games. The fact that the family is enabling the MIL and holding the wife accountable instead of the MIL shows none of them can be trusted. I’ve always told my husband “I don’t care who they are, if they don’t love or respect me they won’t be involved in our kids life”
She wants to financially support the new baby... aka.... wants to guilt trip you later with that so you "can't" get mad at them again. My MIL tried that on us and thankfully my husband put a stop to it!
I would never forgive this women. Ever.
“Can’t I have a complicated emotion without having to resolve it so you can feel better?” I love this quote from The Magicians. Like, you hate feeling guilty, so you want me to absolve you of your guilt. You’re not doing it for me, you’re doing it for you.
I love that you link the reddit post not everyone does that and it drives me insane
I’m divorcing the husband and removing myself from the entire family.
This is easier said than done but yes I would definitely agree. This woman will never know peace until she leaves.
100%
Im so lucky my in laws are amazing(we actually live next door to them), for sure if i was in this situation I would be out.
I'd do the same
I think I'm with you guys
Not to mention that congenital heart disease truly has no known cause and it is not commonly caused by ANYTHING the mother did during pregnancy
even if it had been something she did inadvertently or she didn't do everything she could have done treatment wise, it's not something to blame her for. when you're under that stress and you're given medical options and only have a short time to choose one, you don't always choose the one you wish you would've. it's a terrible situation to be in
Every time I heard this kind of stories. I’m so thankful that I don’t have a MIL. What a horrible MIL she lost her baby !!! And she thinks everything is about her. 🤯
This one was triggering. My son passed of a congenital heart defect at 2 and a half. He had three open heart surgeries and a pacemaker. He passed unexpectedly, we thought we he was ok and he would grow up. We had tons of issues with my MIL and my SIL. There is something about losing a child and a toxic MIL reaction, that really shows you where they prioritize you in their life. We purposely moved hours away to keep our distance and preserve the little happiness we have left with our daughter. If you lose a child and you feel uncomfortable with ANYONE for ANY reason, especially their motives, you don’t need an explanation to remove them from your life.
The worst thing is, she doesn't regret it. She only hosted that dinner after she found out OP was pregnant. She just wants to mend the relationship so she can see her grandchild.
And use money as enticement and leverage and be seen to be generous in front of others!
I Hate when people act like someone says sorry and your suppose to forgive. Forgiveness takes time, and what that MIl did is so not ok. Praying for the Mother who lost her baby.
Omg my heart is completely broken for this mother. My son is 20 months old I can not even imagine losing him at this age or earlier. This MIL can rot in heal! She’s the worst kind of person ever.
These stories make me so thankful for my mother in law and the fact that she is who she is.
Also knowing that if my MIL were to act this way my husband would back me up 100%.
Thankfully that is not the case because if it were there would be a lot of family cut out.
So who’s here from TikTok?
I actually had this exact thing happen to me. It took me and my mother-in-law’ around 4 years to even be able to speak to one another. We now are super close and I’m very thankful for her!
Oh my goodness thank you! We are not obligated to forgive someone who has hurt us. I had a toxic friend for like 2 years. She hurt me literally so many times and then she'd blame it on the fact that she struggles with her mental health, that she doesn't have a good relationship with her mother, that she feels like her boyfriend doesn't love her enough so that makes her insecure. And I'm like "ok, but I also have mental health issues but you don't see me going around and hurting everyone around me because of something/someone else". And for 2 years I accepted her excuses, sometimes even FOUND excuses for her, and forgave her for every single time she hurt me. Then this past February it was the last straw. She went off on me *again* for absolutely no reason obviously but this time I was like "okay you know what, I'm over this" and I *blocked* her on literally every social media platform. It's been the most peaceful 3 months so far. No regrets at all. And absolutely no going back.
I’m so glad I found this channel I love y’all
My mom was telling me something the other day that when a group of people are grieving there are circles: the imediate family like the parents in this situation are in the middle and then the grandparents outside the parents circle and siblings outside their circle and then friends and so on and you can ask for help from anyone further away from the centre of the circle than you but you shouldn't ask anything of anyone closer to the middle
unless the father actually said something that the family isn't struggling and the parents are the only ones experiencing grief, there is no reason to say that and they are just still trying to publicly shame the parents 6:17
If the MIL wants to apologize write a letter or have a conversation, a dinner is not necessary.
Sick how this shit happens more than you think. My dads mother did this kind of thing at my sisters funeral in October.
My MIL and I used to not get along with each other because she thought I wasn't good enough. As time went on, my husband stood up for me and now my MIL and I get along with each other. Not that it was just this one thing that brought us together lol. Now I'm estranged with my bio Mom and my MIL has been there for me through this tough time and she calls and tells me she loves me everyday.
OP does not have to be the bigger person when she was berated at HER CHILD’S FUNERAL!! Well nobody ever has to be the bigger person in all honesty.
There is never a day where anyone in my family could raise their voice at my wife let alone this bullshit.
Respectfully the husband needs to be stronger and stand up for his wife
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Hate is consuming and passionate.
I am so glad I came across your channel. Very important conversations are being had here. 👏👏
the MIL is making this entire thing about herself from the loss to the funeral to the consequences of her own actions
Only regretful because she wants to see the baby and bother the parents again. Like she needs a whole audience again.
Found you guys through tiktok! You presented this well, and gave thoughtful points. Well done, you don't always have to forgive and forget. Hope you have a good day!
From the title I can tell this is gonna be dramatic and very sad sending prayers for the mom 🥺🙏
I always like to say:
I can forgive you without forgetting, and I can forget you without ever forgiving
LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE YOUR ENERGY ON PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT DESERVING OF IT, ONE MORE TIME
I can’t stop looking at the spill from your cup and having the urge to get a coaster lololol
"Thanksgiving can be a rocky holiday". Me as a Brit: I'm thankful that we don't have thanksgiving in the UK
Every felt like there is a person you really wanted to have a good relationship with but they continue to hurt you without knowing they are
This absolutely breaks my heart. My son was born with congenital heart disease as well, and it is so easy to blame yourself for their condition, but 85% of congenital heart diseases have unknown causes. This is NOT her fault at all, and I guarantee she did everything she could for her baby. She has gone through enough, and doesn't need to deal with this. I just want to hug this poor mom. 😭😭😭
I'm going to say this, OP might be suffering, but it was the child that was suffering more. The MIL could had stressed that child out, too, from controlling him through the procedures, down to the medicine that could had prevented his untimely death. His little heart probably couldn't handle the stress from his overbearing grandmother, to the point that his heart just gave out.
to me, setting boundaries doesn't automatically imply nobody else is struggling. and assuming that is nothing but a cop out.
And the fact that the MIL wanted to apologize in front of family and everyone instead of privately apologizing just shows she's a narcissist.
1. I’m so glad that I found this channel
2. I’m so sorry for all the people experience this kind of things especially the person in this story .
This woman is just like my mil. Pure evil! I wouldn't go to that "dinner". They're using her as a scapegoat. If she goes, they will gang up on her and gaslight her. She will never be safe in their presence.
i love watching y’all’s videos
I finished listening to ur Podcast on Spotify and now I can't wait to have new episodes HAHAHA
The thing is, nobody knows how to parent a child with health issues. Nobody knows what decision is the best to make, even with the doctors helping you because nobody can guarantee the outcome. But as the parents, that is their decision and theirs only. Grandparents always seem to think that they have mor authority over their grandchildren than the actual parents. She has every right to cut off her MIL. Why would she open herself back up to abuse from the MIL when she could have an easier and more simple life without her? A funeral is the WORST place, to start a sh** fight. It is nobody’s fault that the child was sick. It was a CONGENITAL heart problem. The MIL is only deciding to be “nice” because she wants to see the new baby. So selfish. This family is exactly like mine. It’s toxic, and as a child from the parents who were treated like crap. My life was HARD. I am the black sheep of the family and it sucks. I would never have anything to do with the MIL again.
If my mother in law said that she did never see me again or my husband. We already went through a lot with her. She did never see my kids either. My husband made his own decision to not see his mom. And to not allowed her to be around me when we are expecting. I hope her husband is backing her up on it. I also told my husband if he wants to see his mom I would not want to be around her. And he said if I don’t feel comfortable with it. Then he doesn’t want to see her. We have not seen her in 3 years. We are high school sweethearts. She also made up a bunch of lies about me 😒.
This incident reminds me of a concept called the ripples of grief (it might be called something else.)Those who are directly affected by the event that caused this grief, in this case, the parents of the baby, are in the center. Everyone else is still affected and their feelings of grief are valid but we’re not directly involved in the tragedy, so they are in the further ripples (grandma and the rest of the family would be in the 2nd or 3rd ripple.) Anyone in the levels can reach out to the other layers for support/venting but they can’t reach in (so, the center could reach out to anyone but ripple 4 can only reach out to ppl within their ripple or further ripples like 5,6,7.)
What this mil did was bypass all those ripples and tried to force herself into the center. Her grief is valid but upsetting the people who are most affected by this tragedy (in this case the mom) is making this event all about herself. The center should have all the support from the other ripples but now they can’t get that support.
Just awful.
Some of y’all are so nice 😂 if I had a MIL who acted like that or any family members that acted like that they can catch these hands 😤
To deal with the pain of losing a child and simultaneously deal with a crazy MIL. That’s way too much to handle!! I cannot even imagine the hurt of losing my son. I’d loose myself because even though I’ve only known him for a part of my life he’s become my whole life. Just hearing his laugh brings joy into my soul and thinking of a day that I may not hear that laugh hurts already.
i have cchd (childhood congenital heart defect) my parents have been through hell with me and my health! this poor mother needs a hug and to be told how strong she is!
My MIL is so different from most. She's loved me for 20 years- to her only son and the baby of their family Even thru the break ups, she's never bad mouthed me ever. She's an awesome woman. His extended family tho, always had unrealistic ideals and creepy claims over him. He cut out the toxicity over a decade ago. Man, I'm lucky. I'm so sorry people actually go thru this shit. 🤦 it's completely heart breaking.
I loved my MIL, did all kinds of favors and helped cook with them, and then I found out they hated me from DAY 1 because I refused to be subservient to them, wait on my hubby hand and foot, and because I had some health issues. They offered him money to leave me. They made my miscarriage at 3 mos about them and said I shouldn't adopt after needing a hysterectomy due stage 4 endometriosis right after losing my dad. Well I adopted a 2 yr old from DCFS and he is now 8 yrs old and amazing. I have been married over 20 yrs but do battle psoriatic arthritis but they are the ones losing out.🤷♀️
Not that I want my bf to hate his mom but I know that he would NOT let this shit happen. That MIL and family is fucking ridiculous. I can't even imagine being in this situation. I hope OP is healthy and happy at the end of all this.
Yall were preaching some hard truth in this video. My parents divorced a couple years ago because my dad's mom moved into a mother-in-law suite attached to our house and over time he constantly sided with her over my mom during disagreements and disrespected every boundary that my mom tried to establish so that she could be comfortable in her own home. In the end, my mom realized that it was a pattern that had been there even before she moved in with us and that there was nothing she could do to change it and that SHE had to be the one to prioritize herself and choose what was best for her. It was fucking rough for all of us but I think they're both happier now.
This is actually the ONLY podcast I listen to and enjoy because I don't get bored🥰
I can understand why the husband would want to reconnect, but at the end of the day once he got married that was the family that is supposed to come first. The MIL didn’t just make a faux pas, she did everything she could to somehow make this loss about her instead of a loss for the whole family. She’s selfish and manipulative and the husband has to realize that and continue to keep her out of his life and focus on his wife and this new baby.
Honestly used to think my relationship with my future Grandma-In Law was bad but I honestly don’t think she would ever do this if me and my fiancé ever lost a child or if I ever lost him...I hope that she wouldn’t stoop to this MIL level cause I won’t be as calm as the OP😂😂
My question is, why did the MIL take it out on her and not her son? He’s the parent too. Neither of them deserved that, but it proves that she was just doing it out of spite.
I can see where forgiveness with boundaries would apply if mil cause a scene/issue ONCE during this whole ordeal. BUT op said that shes been at it since the beginning of their childs illness, so months on end. You cant blame her behavior as a stage of grief at all. And since the mil caused problems from the beginning its like she found flaw in the child and had to blame someone. Not only did she harass the mom but also the child. Not accepting them and had to blame someone for their illness instead of loving and accepting the fate of the child. Not to mention the straight disrespect to the dead.by causing a scene at a funeral. I personally believe that the deads soul can her and sense energy so for her to cause a scene and disrespect the child and their mother is absolutely disturbing regarding how the child could've been aware of what was going on even dead. Id cut the mil 100% and would even divorce the husband if he decides to rekindle the relationship with his mom again. I refuse to have that in my life and I refuse any future children to be in any contact with her as well if this happened to me personally.
An edit:
If I was in this position id reevaluate the husband because maybe in a few years he might rekindle things with mom and make our kids be in contact as well. Thats a big no for me, if rather terminate the pregnancy and divorce the husband than to ever EVER have any of my kids be associated with the mil. Thats how bad it is.
Absolutely true about women vs men with dealing with their mothers!
Imagine your mil blaming you for the death of your child at their own funeral in front of everyone and expect to be forgiven when she is pregnant again after not being in contact for years, I can’t imagine losing a child and being blamed for the death of my baby, and then expecting me to come to a dinner, OH HELL NAH NOT GOING TO HAPPEN EVER
I will never understand the audacity that in-law’s have. Unbelievable.
Crazy how they all defend the MIL but I’m sure if it were the wife’s mom saying something to the hubby all hell would break loose 🤦🏻♀️
i’ve been obsessed with your tiktoks so i went over to ur yet channel (best decision ever)
You can still forgive and learn boundaries and when to say no.
I used to have big problems with my brother, he stole from me and hurt me and he was rude to my parents and grandparents on many occasions, but my parents would always come to me and ask me to forgive him before he even apologizes, because he feels bad. Most of the time he only feels bad because he got caught and not because he hurt me or someone else. When I don’t want to forgive him because he betrayed my trust and made me paranoid and anxious, they make me feel like I did something wrong or that I am a bad person for not forgiving him. He repeated the same wrong actions so many times because he was never really punished, it was always more about me forgiving him than him being punished for doing something wrong, people care more about how he is crying or feels bad and not about how much he hurt me. I feel so bad for this woman, it’s not fair that parts of her family are making her feel bad for not wanting to let her MIL to feel like everything is fine when it is definitely not.