What It's Like Having a Hoarder Parent | Minimalism Series
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- Опубликовано: 26 ноя 2018
- This video became a bit emotionally for me, sorry for that. It's not something talked about very often so leave your story or share your experience with someone who hoards down below.
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For my current lifestyle, it’s to only own things I love and need + have everything I own fit in my car (minus my couch and mattress) so I can move easily. 
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My mom is like this. She always saves stuff because “it could be used some other time”.....6 years later still there.. still unused...
My mom is the same, and if she can find a way to use one of the 30 empty boxes she has, keeping the other 29 is justified.
I do the same thing
One thing I learned about the always "it could be used some other time" is when you finally need it you won't remember you have it and will end up buying a new one anyways.
hahahahh the same as my mom, except she says it this way: 'What if we need it some time??' like it's a threat :D hahhaha obviously, we could die in absence of that crap in case we needed it
@@shashistudios5463 Same ive been trying to convince my dad to throw out stuff that hes owned before i was born that will "be used in the future" even though it wont because he always forgets he owns that item or "I want to get a newer one"
So is my mom she keeps so many bottles and containers and she never use it. Plus it’s a fire issue my mom well never understand,she used to be not like this but with having kids she became like it.
My mom is a hoarder and so is my sister to the extreme. Being a minimalist is my own form of therapy.
Ahh, same here
Yeees, same
Saaame, I opened my eyes about 2 years now, did you watch the documentary called "the minimalists" in Netflix? It's awesome, also check their potcasts, 10/10
Good for you
Can you convince your parents to stop?
I swear this sounds almost exactly like my life growing up. The worst part was not being able to explain to friends at school why they couldn't come to my house. I lost so many budding friendships because they just thought I was rude. I want my children to grow up in a neat and stable environment. That's one of my life's goals.
Look at the room she is filming in. So fresh, so clean and void of clutter. Bliss!
Lmao, it's insane I read these comments and I feel your pain so much
Devoid of
Exactly. I even dream one day to track the amount of plants I commit to taking care of in my future minimalist home so that it doesn’t overwhelm me.
“The Things You Own End Up Owning You”
-Tyler Durden
this ^
Well said. So true.
Yes
Do you think a childhood history like this is why Tyler and the Narrator turned to making soap? Just wondering aloud.
I guess a lot of minimalists have hoarder parents, because often it is as a reaction to what they've experienced.. For me it's the same.. My grandparents never let my mom have anything or buy anything, so she now is a moderate hoarder.. Always buying crap, never throwing anything out… And as a reaction I'm a minimalist now.. I wonder if my kids will be hoarders then? It's like a cycle a bit.. I guess the answer is to keep always a balance, never extreme.. If you're a minimalist and you have kids, you still can let them have stuff, in order for them not to become hoarders when they're older..
I'm in the process of fully decluttering my life. And I get you on that one a lot. We're really careful when it comes to getting rid of my son's things. His clothes he has very little say over: he's 5, some stuff just doesn't fit anymore. And broken toys get the auto veto too. But his good toys we give away while he's with us. We did a fun game where he picked out toys to give to Santa to help out other kids who don't have toys like he does. We filled a bucket up like that. Just get your kids involved and let them feel like they've got a say in their surroundings.
Yeah I think my mom hoarded because her mother was abusive and would donate all her toys while she was at school
Don't be an extremist, teach your children to live their emotions and to think about what they buy without policing them for owning a few things more than you would :)
Only reason my family has lots of junk NOW is because we moved from a tiny apartment to a large house back to a smaller town house. (But we’re slowly getting rid 👍🏻) I became the hoarder because I never wanted to get rid of my toys as a kid. My dad use to purge my toys as a kid (in secret) and when I found out my favorite “toys” weren’t lost but given away. I developed a mentally that I need to keep things. I collected all sorts of things. 🙂 it didn’t help when I became a teen I was told if I continued collecting junk/ trash in my room I’d become a hoarder. Now that I’m an adult it still is hard letting go but I won’t lie I gotten rid of a few boxes this year of stuff I just knew I wasn’t going to use. 🤷🏻♀️ so yeah I think it’s a cycle.
Yes! I just want to take all the crap we dont need in our house and take it to the dump.
Hi! My mom was a hoarder, too. She was even on that TV show, Hoarders. Hoarding is a bona fide mental illness, and of course that sucked, but she was a great mom in most other ways. Despite never having dinner at the dinner table, she played the piano for my school choir and came to all my school plays church activities. My older sister taught me how to do my own laundry when I was 10, so she didn't have to do it. I relate to the rotten food, dirty dishes and THE MAIL! Most kids sneak out to hang with friends. I'd sneak out to throw out the trash without it being inspected...
What episode?
The secretly throwing out trash part hit home
I feel like I’m doing this with my partner.. throwing away their things without them knowing. It’s not like the tv show but they had a storage unit for years and wouldn’t even go for almost a year. Finally they got rid of it but brought a lot of it to my home.. for instance their currently holding on to a FILM CAMERA. Meanwhile I just tossed out 3 digital camera I found. I’m never going to use them!
Oh my God. I am so glad that this video popped up in my recommendations. The title piqued my interest right away. I grew up with no memories of ever having a clean house. I remember being 5 or 6 years old, trying to waltz into the kitchen to find some food for myself because my parents worked a lot, my eldest brother was gone at school, and my high school year old brother at the time was too preoccupied with video games to care--upon stepping onto the kitchen floor I felt little mushy things on my feet and wondered what they were--TO MY HORROR, I was stepping on dozens of maggots (I am assuming they were fly maggots as we had a lot roaming around the kitchen and the house). I have always had a phobia of worms and things alike, so when I found out I had stepped on tons of maggots, I almost fainted on the spot, but somehow my tiny self regained control and backed up into the living room to flick all of the maggots off my foot. I was utterly disgusted and was literally trembling in fear at what just happened and was at a loss at what to do. I was so hungry that I had to convince myself to suck it up and some how get rid of all those maggots on the floor. I put on some slippers and got a piece of paper and started grabbing those maggots one by one off the floor until they were all gone. I could feel each one being squished in between my fingers and the paper, and each squish just made me want to vomit. After throwing all of the maggots in the trash I opened the fridge and tried to find something edible to eat. Like you, opening the fridge was always like Russian roulette, you wouldn't know what foods had been expired and what foods were okay to eat. Especially being so young, you could imagine what a predicament I was in. So I settled for a box of lunchables until one of my parents or eldest brother came home.
I never knew how much this all fucked me up because it just became normal to me since this is all I ever experienced. I definitely knew other people had cleaner houses because I had visited my cousin's houses. On top of my parent's hoarder tendencies, they never allowed me to have friends over (not that I wanted to because I was always embarrassed of our house), and they were very strict and never allowed me to go out. Before 18 and going to college I had never attended a friend's birthday party, or any social outing. I felt liberated once college gave me an excuse to finally escape and be free, however the first two years of college were the most depressing years of my life (even though I was already pretty sad from childhood-adolescence). Once I hit my most severe depressive episode at the end of sophomore year, I decided to visit my school psychologist. It was through therapy that I finally discovered how much this all had affected me. I always thought I was weak or that I was overreacting to my situation, because my two older brothers didn't seem to be affected by the environment as much as I was, and I always told myself that there were kids who had it worse than me...I mean it wasn't like my dad was an alcoholic/drug addict or was physically abused. Even one of my brothers even engaged in the very hoarder tendencies that my mother did...but worse. You could literally not see the floor or any surface of his desk. He had a rotting fish in his fish tank. There were piles of old dishes, rotten food, old drinks. Piles of them. All over the ground. Everywhere. Trash on his bed that he slept with. Cockroaches everywhere, crawling out of every nook and cranny. I am very grateful for my therapist because she woke me up to reality and told me the obvious that this was not NORMAL or HEALTHY, and that my symptoms were a very normal and delayed reaction to something that was very dysfunctional and disturbing. I suppose these feelings were something I was trying to suppress for a long time because I didn't want to think my parents were bad people or that they were neglecting me. Even though they also tried to blame the mess on me (well more like my mom)...even though I am such a neat freak now that I live on my own and am very organized. I learned through the next two years of therapy that all that I had experienced caused me a lot of emotional and physical stress (because I had allergies and eczema-- the environment severely exacerbated it).
I don't know if you have made it this far, but wow this video really hit home for me. I have never seen a RUclipsr cover a topic like this, and I just felt so compelled to leave a comment about my story to let you know that you are definitely not alone. This doesn't even scratch the surface of everything, but I wanted to spare you an even longer essay to read. I don't really write comments at all on YT, but this video just really evoked a lot of strong emotions in me that I just had to share.
Thank you once again for posting this video. I really enjoyed listening to your story, and my heart really goes out to you for everything you had to endure in the past. I am glad you are in a better place now, and hope you are happier because of it.
It's very special to hear someone share difficult personal experiences on yt and I really appreciate it. 👏🏻💕
you are clever and strong. you can only define yourself just through your actions.
you did choose a very well way to handle that stress and not repeating the same pattern!!!!!!!!
everything YOU CAN DO , YOU DID IT RIGHT. ♡✊
much love from austria,
emina h.
Hi Sophia, I am so sorry that you had to experience such a neglectful isolating childhood. I myself had a very similar one unfortunately. It's terribly abusive and causes such harm. The only thing I would pick out and correct about your analysis is that it wasn't you that didn't want to name it for what it was, it was your parents who didn't want you to. We as children who have experienced these things need to see the controls they implant in our minds that are definitely not our genuine thoughts and feelings, to truly break free from their destructive grip on our lives.
😭❤️❤️❤️
My sister and I always "reminisce" about the time our carpet became infested with maggots and we were up half the night trying to find and kill them all. I relate so hard to so much of your comment, but the maggot part really struck me because it's always felt like something completely unique to my upbringing. Thank you for sharing your experiences - it has made me feel less alone. ❤
My girlfriends parents are hoarders. Every room and garage is full of new things and unused. So one day when they were going on a trip I offered to clean the kitchen cause it was the only reachable space. I just threw out everything that was expired, seriously just that stuff, and it was 2/3 of the kitchen. There was tea there from the 70s! And when they got back, her mom literally had a full on 3 year old tantrum. She's never mentioned it since. They're still hoarders. The kitchen filled back up after a few weeks
Oh, I'm so sorry. I know just how that feels. When I was a teenager and my hoarder parent went on a trip, I decided to surprise her by cleaning up and painting the kitchen. I threw away food and medicines older than myself. And oh boy, was she surprised! Same tantrum. She just cannot wrap her head around the fact that the things I threw away, were actually toxic for us.
I can relate to that.
That was thoughtful of you to clean. I’ve learned through dealing with my own family of hoarders, things are not just things. They are an extension of that person and it’s difficult to get rid of something you feel is a part of you. It’s truly an emotional and mental condition. Hoarders need professional therapy to actually get rid of things/junk to us. That’s why the kitchen was filled back with junk, it’s an extension of her.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
My best advice is to get these people out of your girlfriend and yours lives. You will be so much happier.
I just want to say thank you all for being supportive of this video, this was my third time filming it and because it difficult to share so much about something personal at an overall negative time in my life. I love you guys
Janell Kristina Another important video from you. Very honest.
The mail and food part of your story is very familiar for me... my mom is the same with those things. If my brother or I didn’t clean things out of the fridge they would literally stay in the same spot for months. When we would return home for holiday visits we would spend the first hour or more clearing all of the expired and rotten food out of the kitchen...only to do the same thing on the next visit, again and again, year after year. Very frustrating. And the mail! Black plastic bags, paper and plastic grocery bags, duffle bags stuffed full of unopened mail, in closets and under beds. Incredible.
Thanks for your courage in sharing your story.
@@djsec7207 it's nice to know I'm not the only one with these experiences, thank you for the love!
Janell Kristina thank you so much!!!
Like you said it's not like on tv but I understand what you mean. Downstairs is fine or at least fine enough for people to come over . But the papers and mail ! I usually clean up but doesn't last. Everything that is a mess or they complain about it's from them. They always complain that the house is a mess but it's them. When I was a way at college and lived with my friend i never had a problem with them constantly asking me to clean because we both of us kept it up p the apartment.up stairs guest room is actually what you see on tv . The whole room is completely full with the stuff that is taken from downstairs or bags of clothes in that room. Everything you said it's understandable.
♡
The story about the photo album and printer paper...I think it says a lot about how living in that environment distorted the value of possessions. I grew up in a house where things I valued disappeared but one of my parents hoarded. I wasn't allowed to keep things I valued. Because of that I fight my own hoarder tendencies....I'm a parent now and when I tell I needed to see this I'm saying with tears in my eyes. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing the experience as a child in a home like that💗💗💗
It seems that we all either have a hoarder, or someone who took everything as a parent. Those things definitely have influence on us. Mine were hoarders, personally, but having everything taken is equally damaging. The important thing to do is to see this, and be better. We don't have to be either of those if we can take note of it.
I hope you and everyone else here (me included) can avoid these habits. ❤
Inkpressedpage *Sierra Hunter* I’ve made decisions just like that. I thought I was alone in that aspect.
My biomom had ocd cleaning issues. We got punished a lot for not cleaning n keeping the house tidy. I think her childhood was of want. Ours was of More than enough.
I did know she said my paternal grandmother would hold on to gift wrap n ribbons. I think Because She had so little For my early childhood I grew up with privations n a no biomom.
I carried around my important papers n awards from school n One day at her home She starts to clean n she tossed it. So I have nothing from back then.
We are opposites I started to hang on to things n kept n lost storages full of stuff . the last storage I had my kids Birth Certificates n Baby photos. We call it the Fire of 64.
I think its a combination of emotional unwellness n OCD heredity.
So my Ex is One that Won't hold on to things n while we lived together in the Early Romantic Exciting Start of our New home apartment I Didn't have any issues holding on to things. But It was a DV relationship that cause me a lot of sadness anger n feeling stuck n unable to fix things.
I started to hold on to more things the more unhappy I got.
The interesting thing was while Pregnant I would Clean my apartment 24/7 n Would Make Room for my baby's things n Get rid of Old broken or had better days... Even Can foods. I would Clean Up n get rid of everything. It was Exhausting.
I wanted my new baby to come home to a beautiful place to be wanted Loved n Live safe n Not in danger.
Once I left him n I got hold of my emptiness n emotional deficits I started to pack n Decide Throw it Away. Keep. Take I put a lot of things in storage n left him. I live here all alone n We started in a Brand new home n Full of happiness n excitement n then My biomom contributed to problems with my own son n my son contributed to problems with her my biomom who hates me.
I was fighting getting emotionally free of my Ex n healing myself. I do think Its an emotional deep Disfunctional Incapacitated emptiness.
That Year I moved here my Worthlessness feelings got so extreme. Life goes on. N My kids n I were ok. 3 yrs we were doing great away from my Disfunctional family n I was ok with my Ex. But Like always We started to have more problems n my feelings of out of contol emotional voids n inability to save myself got so bad.
Im doing Great Now. Its possible to be Managed n I tell my kids If Im old Do not let me be like a horder on tv or videos. Why keep trash.. Why keep spoiled food n U gotta keep the toilet n bathroom clean n functional.
If I don't keep my home CPS can come n take U I love U more than any item im trying to hord.
My Ex will come n throw away everything I tell him Don't show me just get rid of it. Everything outside gotta go.
Everything ruin in our garage. It leaked during rains gotta go.
We had a rodent problem that drove me insane because someone poisoned the feral cat colony outside n those disgusting creatures got in here n destroyed everything worth anything.
Nothing was salvageable. In 5 yrs never a rodent problem. N then in a few months terrible
Now im on the other End. Aftaid to keep anything except our clothes n blankets. I double bag n store in containers. Not drawers. We got rid of those.
My kids are allergic n for them I had to Make sure we stay on top of our stuff.
I am happier than I ever was as a child. I had a lot of hard issues Like sexual child abuse n feeling unwanted n unloved by my biomom. My biological father took her when she was 13 yrs old. Her stepfather n mom force her to marry my dad. My dad is a great father I grew up with him n he is loving n kind but because of his evil act I was born yrs later n My biomom has hated me all my life. That's the only reason I can be sure of why she hates me n was so hard on me as a child.
My daughter she tells me Mom your family is Disfunctional so much. I'm not dealing with them. She would try to visit n take my younger kids to be with them.
The hording for me was external. I felt worthless n found joy in garage sales or good deals. Today I look but forbidden myself from buying anything I already own or have no room for.
I hope this helps someone. I don't share this part often. The other day someone at the flea market offered me something n I said Im working on cleaning up n getting rid of things. Til I do nothing else can come into my space here.
He ask me if I had trouble getting rid of things. I said Yes Im a Recovering Horder. I don't want to get unwell again I work hard to heal inside my body mind n emotions n spirit.
Good point, I agree.
My mom is a moderate hoarder. My room was the cleanest in the house.Literally it was the hangout spot it was that bad. And every time I tried to go straighten up the house she would go through my closet and throw out half my clothes (I barely had any). There was a point in time when i was in high school i was still wearing middle school clothes because she was scared to see her baby growing up and would throw a fit when I cleaned. She has so many clothes shoes and paper that the pile is the size of a couch in her room. There was one moment where I cleaned off a kitchen counter and she was happy but if she'd been there while I'd done it she would've saved near everything I'd thrown out. I don't live with her now. But every time I go to her place I make sure to at least fill a trash bag while she's gone. I have siblings that still live with her and they don't bother straightening up. They've seen how she reacted to me so they don't bother.
Damn, you just explained why I became a minimalist. This is my parents. They keep everything and anything. There are broken and expired things everywhere.
Girl... that’s a form of abuse... especially the cereal part..
missfitlick 10 Yah that was heartbreaking. It sounds like the mom was gaslighting by making her feel like everything was her fault.
I can so relate to that. Half the food in my house was always expired. Betweens months and years expired. All my friends would freak out and say how gross we were and eventually my friends didn’t want to come over. I didn’t fully understand the idea of something expiring until I was in high school.
Emi Lou My mom says medicine is good multiple years after it’s expired and that things like food are never bad until they are visually spoiled. It’s gross as hell, anyway, I can relate to what your saying. I feel like I am just now understanding my mom might also have been a hoarder. Except when it got dirty she left and stayed at friends houses, blaming us for the house being dirty.
@@Phenrex most medications do stay longer than the expiration date by a few years. A few don't.
Food is more complicated but better safe than sorry in reguards to that.
I'm jealous of the way you can talk about your mom's hoarding. I personally love my parents but living in a hoard household was extremely traumatic for me. I think it all felt worse though because I was an only child and literally had no one to talk to about the issue except for my dad. The secrets that I built up makes the situation feel a lot of heavier for me and to this day I have only shared with my therapist and boyfriend what it was like growing up. Idk if I'll ever be able to talk about it nonchalantly like you.
I couldn't love a comment more ❤ Same for me
I give you soooo much credit for not just bashing your parents, but instead recognizing their humanity, and acknowledging that they did one better than the generation before. Very healthy way to process, I feel. Thank you for such a candid response. In Good Faith, ~Toni
This. I see a huge process there cos I can't stand my hoarding parents rn, like I can't see past that. I hope I am gonna get there soon.
@@yeyint4289 Aw, you're already doing a GREAT job by simply acknowledging your true feelings. Glean the good from them, and try to remember that hoarding is on the mental health spectrum. In other words, they don't WANT to do it, but there is a compulsion TO do it (like an itch, it has to be "scratched.") You'll get there. It's OKAY that it bothers you. There's still room in a heart to unconditionally love someone while not validating every aspect of who they are or what they do. Be patient with yourself on this journey. Best wishes, Ye Yint. 💜
this is a very relatable video. my mom is a hoarder and i grew up in a messy house full of useless stuff. i was embarrassed to have friends over and never felt quite at home. I have a good relationship with my mom but I'm so much happier now that I live on my own in a minimalist apartment. Still, whenever I visit home, I get upset because of the clutter.
This is me too
Same
Same
Saaaame
Me too. Im happy now i am married, live our own house. But, whenever i come to visit my parents im happy yet im sad because it reminds me to bitterness of my childhood.
My mother is a hoarder and an abusive bully emoitionally and physically I'm saving up money to move away so she will never find me.
If you don't hear it from anyone else you'll hear it from me, but good for you for making space between you and toxic relationship
It’s so hard I spent my life lying about why friends and family couldn’t come over, had to leave my cousin stranded outside when it was raining and he was locked out, had to do the same to a pregnant friend, ended up loosing all my friends due to these lies, if we didn’t lie she would beat us. Now at my age due to all the lies I have no friends. I had to allow my friend to walk around with period blood on her because my mother wouldn’t allow her to clean up in our bathroom.
ellen king I honestly had the same experience and ended up losing all my friends bc of my pathological lying now i keep my group of friends small and not get close to them its the hardest situation but i will leave their house asap so i get to breath and actually have healthy relationships
Bushra Mohamed wow, I had no idea someone else’s experiences would be similar to mine, it really brings me comfort, I actually had a cry yday I get anxious around my bday and public holidays because I have no one to share them with. Thanks for sharing, it’s a lonely existence but I know we’ll be ok 😊. We have learnt from our experiences and we will make sure the next generation do not suffer like we do.
Most hoarders are narcissists. I'm going through the same exact thing but she is a micro hoarder
My house was awful so, I can relate. I was a "minimalist" before it was a life choice. I moved out ASAP at 18. To this day I can't even stand a picture on a wall in my house. My home was the neighborhood home and friends home. I had kids coming and going all the time. At mid 50's I still am uncomfortable with anything that doesn't have a specific purpose. I can be really tough and I'm so sorry you had to experience that.
I literally have only had one friend over at my house out of my whole childhood... I legitimately get yelled at for throwing away expired food too... It takes a toll on mental health!
I had the exact same experiences. I’ve learned to clean the fridge when no one’s home or else it’s an hour argument. And never having anyone over really takes a toll on your social life. People think I’m rejecting or keep them at a distance when in reality i would just be mortified if they came over. 😔 but I’m thankful I found minimalism it keeps me at peace
It seems a lot like growing up w alcoholism...
@@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823 Indeed it is, and I myself found a ton of help by attending Alanon 12-step groups, particularly those for Adult Children of Alcoholics (or ACA meetings). My parents were not alcoholics, but Alanon and other 12-step groups helped me more than any expensive therapy did and I heard stories from people there that could have been about my own family.
Big same. I'd often get yelled at for eating what good food we had because there wasn't much else edible despite having a full fridge. I live with roomates now who don't mind if I eat leftovers and are surprised that I'd ask. Plus everything is clean the dishes are done nightly. It's really healing and refreshing.
The unopened (unloved) gift forgotten under crap is so sad.
That's what my parents do too, I've never really seen them use anything I've given them :(
When my 76 year old mom died I found gifts I'd given her over the years still in the original boxes. I wish I'd known she had hoarder tendencies. (It wasn't like that growing up.) I could have saved lots of money and not contributed to the stuff to get rid of. Wish I'd known a lot sooner.
I stopped giving gifts to my sister in law as well as my best friend because of the unused and lost gift issue.
I’ve experienced this too but never thought about it within the framework of hoarding. It makes sense now.
I no longer give gifts to my mom because of this. She’ll go on sprees at the thrift store and come home with so much junk but if I give her something really nice and thoughtful, she’ll literally say “oh great more junk”
I was super abused so living a minimalist life helps with my anxiety.. clears my head helps me cope
missfitlick 10 I understand! Sending love!
I was abused as a child up until my teen years Sexually and mentally so Ive been trying to declutter as I also feel like it would help my anxiety but its so hard sometimes agh :/
Jasenka Vukelić thank you!
Emilyy Vazques uhhh :( it’s so rough.. we can do this gurl it will get better with time
@@missfitlick1083 Thank you! wishing both of us the best! hopefully each day it gets better ❤🙌
My moms favorite line is “this is going to triple in value in the future”. Thank you so much for making this video. My whole life I’ve tried declutter and my mom would go out and dig things out of the trash I hadn’t used in literal years. I had NO IDEA other people were as affected as me growing up with hoarder parents.
Thank you
My grandmother and father are both hoarders. I always had to make excuses to why friends couldn’t come over because I was always going over to their houses and they would ask to come to mine. Father would yell at us to clean but we weren’t allowed to throw anything away. When cleaning our bedrooms he would search through our trash to see what things were “valuable”. Now I’m married and I throw everything away. I can’t stand having things around that aren’t being used. My husband hates it because sometimes I’ll throw important things away that didn’t seem important to me at the moment but could be weeks later
Dude... My mum goes through my trash all the time. It makes me want to cry. I think she sort of stopped once I was a bit older and I started having sex, she'd find condoms lmfao.... But sometimes she will still insist to go through it and be convinced that I'm trying to throw away something of HERS... I'm done. It's literally so fucked up and unhealthy. I've never been able to talk to her and make her see just how wrong it is for her to be doing that. And just the fact she doesn't trust me to not throw out her things is proof of how fucked her mindset is. She can't stand not being in control of every little thing in this god damn house. And she also always made cleaning my responsibility, not a shared thing. She never set an example. She'd tell me she felt depressed coming home to a messy kitchen, and yell and complain and put me down and punished me if I hadn't done the dishes BUT ALL OF THE DIRTY DISHES WERE HERS. She made up a rule that whoever cooks doesn't have to clean. But when I went vegan, and was cooking almost every single day, she'd still let the dishes sit for days before she'd get angry about it, and then I'd have to do them eventually anyway. She's always said she's never been a 'domestic' person, and she's a single mum so it's never been easy for her to handle it all, but jesus it really feels like it's destroyed my childhood and any sense of growing up in a safe and mentally easy house... It is paralysing just living here, I never ever feeling like doing ANYTHING. There's too much for me to handle :'(
smelly lorenny that is exactly my situation. I never realized why I am striving for minimalism but your story and similar ones helps me understands
Hahahahahahaha omg relate!!!
smelly lorenny i’m so sorry for you, i live in a situation like this too. we also have animals so sometimes it gets really dirty...if the house is like this i feel so depressed and i can barely do anything.
hopefully tomorrow i ll go to a psychologist and maybe i ll tell her so we can find a solution...
Everything is relatable af. I got goosebumps a few times. Not being able to have friends over due to my messy gross house was the hardest. My parents also told the lie about how we would one day move, we would constantly look at the same houses over and over, but I knew we would never move. I had to share a room with my mom and two other siblings, my parents didn't sleep together. To this day it's hard to visit with my parents, I talk with them outside the house I grew up in and they still live in, and I can still smell the mold and mildew. I'm very thankful for finding minimalism and not taking after my parents.
I'm not close with mine either, for a few reasons though. Cheers to us for getting out
Me too I've never had my own room I had to sleep with my mother my whole life
The mail thing is so real. Anything with a coupon, receipt, or bank info is kept indefinitely.
I'm at the point where I don't know to decide which ones to throw away. I think it's just time for a shredder, I have medication brochures with my info on it that I've set aside because of that 😭.
One of my parents definitely hoards and she only ever reorganizes things more efficiently so that she can just accumulate more stuff. I've tried to talk to her about it and she just cannot get rid of things.
Me and my siblings are either very minimal in what we own and buy or are just like her. My mom never had anything growing up so all she cares about now is keeping stuff. And her parents were the same way. This stuff is passed down from generations and it's interesting how certain people continue the cycle, and certain people break it.
The continue vs break cycle is super interesting to see over time actually, I didn't think much of that before
it’s also a mental illness so hard to overcome
I grew up in an a home that was comparable to an episode of hoarders. It was horrible and I actually got sick a few times and was removed from the home a few times for safety concerns When I was younger I didn't have any friends that could relate so I always felt alone and tended to isolate myself because of it. Watching this gave me an odd sense of comfort. Thank you for coming out with your story.
That's it! I've been trying to figure out why it looks so much like growing up w alcoholics. You nailed it.
I'll bet you'd ge a great writer if you expand that a bit. I've been thinking about it for YEARS, published a few little things and I STILL didn't get it.
You just blurted it out on a comment. Lol
I think I'm still too isolated.
when you talked about the empty promises, man... my parents always talked about when we’d move out of the city and live in farmland. never happened. they’ve lived in the same house for 23 years. it messed with me as a kid, because i always felt like i was supposed to hate where i live. they taught me to be dissatisfied with what i had. it wasn’t until i was 17-18 that i could finally leave the house by myself, and i realized my city is not horrible. also both my parents are borderline hoarders, and i’m a recovering hoarder. i still have a hard time recycling or throwing out something that i “could use for an art project.” but yeah, the mild fucked-up-ness of my childhood was 100x better than their childhoods. we just have to learn from their mistakes and do better for ourselves and the next generation
brb going to clean out my closets
Thanks for sharing this. My girlfriend during college was daughter to a really bad hoarder. There was a lot of unhappiness in that house. Her parents were always in debt, but her mother just kept buying things and things kept piling up. We stayed close after and my friend passed a few years ago. I remember that among all the other feelings I was processing at the time, I felt a big relief that she was at peace from all her other problems, but especially that she wouldn't have to deal with her mother's hoard. It was something she thought a lot about and lived dreading having to take care of. I was able to pick up a few sentimental item's from my friend's apartment right after, but a lot of others were in too much shock to do so. I sort of knew that anything that wasn't collected right away would disappear into the horde after. Her parents ending up putting all of her stuff in storage. Other friends in the area would like to get or even buy her old records and similar just to remember her, but they've never been able to get the parents to open up the storage locker.
I send her parents messages every now and then. Her mother sent me one containing this line a while back: "My leg problems prevent me from going anywhere much cause I'm scared to drive too far. Anyway there's really not anywhere around here to go except shopping and that's no fun without [friend] plus I don't really need anything. It's funny how you work for material things and I wanted to be able to give the house and stuff to [friend] after we died, but now it doesn't matter. Whatever is left and sold, I want to set up a scholarship in [friend]'s name." On one hand, it's sad that this woman is too unwell to even hoard anymore, but also intriguing to hear that she saw her hoard as something to pass on as a legacy. There's of course some valuable stuff there, but most of it was just piles of consumer goods going back several decades.
I also have a parent who has trouble throwing things away, but it was never so bad growing up that I would be embarrassed to have friends over. I think it helps that the parent isn't a huge consumer. I could definitely relate to your comments about old food just sticking around forever. I still find stuff that expired when George W. Bush was in office when I visit. I have a very different relationship with keeping things than the rest of my family now, and it can make visits very anxiety inducing.
Thanks anyone who read this far. This video brought up a lot of strong feelings.
Gurl, my mother was a hoarder too. She always was buying stuff we really couldn't afford and was always buying stuff to organize stuff. When she passed, it was a monumental task to purge all her stuff and find out all the crap she had. I rarely go home now. People are surprised at how organized and orderly I am in my own space. They thought I would take after my mother. Nope.
Just remember, by telling your story and by getting your emotions out, you're changing your future and possibly the future if you have a family of your own. And even if you don't have a family of your own, your story is powerful to those around you. I grew up with what I would call organized hoarders and both of my parents smoked so it made it 10 times worse. I live very simple now and I love it and my son is tending to take on more of a minimalist lifestyle and has learned that life is about living and not stuff.
Love you!
If you have a merch idea you could use this phrase. "Life is about living not stuff" it's so smart
Wow I really liked the kindness and understanding you gave to your parents even though it must have been very difficult for you growing up like that
It was/is but I get it
I’m so sorry about your baby photos-I hope you do not blame yourself. It’s not a child’s job to guard and keep the truly precious things and markers of milestones in our childhood-that’s the parents job. You should’ve been weightless at that age-free to save pink reams of paper till your hearts content. Not tasked to judge what what truly most valuable. I’m sorry they put that on you 😔
You seem so well though:) Happy for you♥️
in time this is a really sweet comment 💜
What hurts me more is to know that none of the parents took those photos with them..
Yes that was NOT your job as a child to worry about those. This is beautifully said. 💛
I can relate. Emotionally, it really takes a toll on me. I'm tired of being surrounded by trash, materials up to the wall that are not even being used. I feel like I'm drowning in it and I want to escape to be free. The only thing I can control is what I have, so I've chosen to only have what is necessary and anything I don't use I donate. But it's not enough because when I step out of my clean room, everything is a mess.
I can definitely relate and this is how I feel currently I can only control my room and maybe part of the living room but I leave my room and everything is a mess
my dad was the complete opposite. he hated clutter and made us clean all the time. i often would come home and find some of my belongings thrown away
Honey fuck that girl me too! I remember some shoes I bought when I traveled abroad in Sweden (I’m from the US) I was so proud I had them and he fucking threw them away.. other than being an Abusive ass hole that’s like one of the heart wrenching memories I have...
I am so sorry. They had no right to do that to you.
missfitlick 10 well that sucks. I didn’t pick up anything from my trip abroad. But if I had I would keep that shit on lock down.
Wow I’m sorry :(
That sucks because having your things thrown away can lead to you becoming a hoarder. That's what happened to my dad and every other person you see on TV with a problem. I think you should write a list of all the precious things you lost over the years and try to emotionally let go of them. It sucks that your parents didnt value your sentimentality enough
It makes me so depressed to watch this, so many things I thought 'me too!!!' with my mum. She's a single mother, and she's definitely not in the most extreme case of a hoarder, but she really CAN NOT let go of things, even when she brings new things into her life (and her house...) and because she's been working to raise me on her own she's never had the time to properly clean and declutter the house for my entire life but it became a really big point of conflict between us because i have grown immensely stressed and depressed in our house by the sheer amount of crap piling up everywhere. Like i said, it's definitely not the worst case of hoarding, and at least she tries to sort of store things, but it's not tidy, it's not organised, and its just too excessive and I've never been able to convince her to just... WORK... to have a liveable house. I'm now in my early 20s but still mostly living with her, and I am so embarrassed to have people over, or even not just embarrassed but straight up just say its not feasible at all because there's no way people can comfortably fit in our house... It's a pretty small house but the stuff inside just make it even more claustrophobic. And what's worse is I've picked up the sort of tendencies of her, where I collect stuff too freely because I love collections and I love owning things that make me happy, but I have a really intense desire for it to all be tidy and neat and organised too, but I have no way of figuring it out. I'm just confined to my bedroom because my mum flips out if I have any of my stuff in any of the other rooms -_- so like you, she would blame ME for the mess and put all the responsibility of cleaning on ME. Even though it's all HER stuff and HER mess and HER clutter. AND we have a letter and paperwork pile too... its on our dining room table... And it never gets sorted, it just sort of gets shoved into bags that she stacks under the table.. it's too much. I know this is a long comment but I need to vent. I'm just so frustrated and tired of living like this. I have my entire life. And I wish I could afford to move out and into my OWN home where I can control all of MY belongings and make sure it's cleaned WEEKLY and MONTHLY... But it's such a long way off... :'(
I grew up in a hoard house as well and it made me a minimalist too. I get crazy overly stimulated by even normal household clutter. Like I straight cant think or function when surrounded by crap.
My mom has done a great job getting rid of 75% of her stuff. I'm proud of her.
that's amazing!
We had a similar experience in our house particularly with cleaning. My parents made us responsible for the house cleaning at a very young age with very little guidance. Once me and my sisters could wash dishes, my parents stopped cleaning all together. And when we couldn’t manage things just started to become messy. It’s very frustrating to live in and you want your parents to take responsibility but would blame us or just let it get so bad. It causes me so much anxiety being home because nobody can communicate well enough to keep the house together for longer than a few weeks. When I went to college it was so refreshing because I had a cleaning schedule for myself and having all that space made me feel so safe and good. I know how you feel, I never had anyone at our house as a kid because I was so embarrassed. It really sucks.
OMG THIS IS EXACTLY MY LIFE. My parents SWEAR me and my siblings make the mess but it’s rly them. It’s them ALL THE TIME I literally have to hangout in my room 24/7 cleanest spot in the whole house
Jesus, it’s insane to know you grew up on such a messy environment. I’m so happy you found a different path.
Thank you for this video, really brave of you to put it up here
I feel like we grew up together! Everything you said is exactly what I went through. Even our parents are the same. Except I’m the white version of this. I HATED our home. I never brought friends over either.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t as strong as you. I found comfort in food, I was obese by the time I was 12. I was sick and unhealthy. I didn’t fully move out until I was 22.
I am now on my own health journey and in my own place.
You’re amazing and love your videos!
I grew up in the same kind of conditions. I'm sorry you became obese.
my parents smoke heavily in the house and they are hoarders too and I absolutely understand the "shy, introverted" childhood and being madly embarrassed about our house. thank you for posting this, it makes me feel a little more okay about my moderately fucked up childhood.
Oh my gosh honey! I just want to give you the biggest hug in the world; I would be so happy and proud to have you for a daughter. I'd keep everything that you'd ever produced, any photo I had of you, any gift you'd ever given me. You've become a wonderful young woman despite it all. Never be embarrassed or hesitant to release your tears; it's a way to heal. You cannot push them down or away, it's not healthy. Tears heal you psychologically, emotionally and physically.
I just came upon your channel by chance and I'm glad I did. I'm looking forward to following your journey :)
Take good care of yourself sweetheart,
Donna
My mom was a hoarder, still is tbh but actively working on consolidating her junk lol. It was embarrassing for me to bring friends over too, whenever my siblings and i would encourage her to get rid of things or use gifts we or other people got her, she would just get angry. This video speaks to me, i'm glad someone made a vid about this serious issue.
I wish I could articulate how necessary this video is. Thank you so much for sharing. I know it wasn’t easy, but it’s so important for the deeper side of minimalism and our relationship with things.
Wow, this video hits home. I grew up with an animal hoarder. My mom to this day, still hoards animals and will never stop. Her house is filthy and she will not let anyone help her. It's so sad and heartbreaking to grow up and live in that kind of neglect and also see it happening to helpless animals around you. I left when I was 15 and I will never live with her again. This video reminded me of my childhood. Now I am older with a 10 year old daughter and I go overboard cleaning this place. It's extremely open and airy. I always try to keep it looking nice. I have my own pets but they are pampered and well taken care of. I will never be like her. I love her but she has problems even deeper than animal hoarding. When a person refuses help and won't help themselves, it's time to move on. I really can relate to you, it's possible to break the cycle but you have to know something is wrong in the first place. These kind of videos are important, thanks for making this!
This is so relatable that it hurts. I actually started crying when the childhood you left the photo all of your baby pictures behind in the garage because childhood you thought that leaving it behind would leave the pain in the past. Thank you for sharing all of this.
I too remember Moths and worms in the expired cereal and rice.... laundry piling up so high that our cats (6 of them) began using the piles of laundry as litter boxes..... urine everywhere that *I* got blamed for.....expired cans in the pantry.... things you couldn’t reach at the back of shelved.... fridge stuffed full of rotting food and groceries.... unwashed pots and pans growing mold on the counters for 2 weeks..... when things break, they *never* get fixed. You can’t find anything because the piles of papers are so high. The garage is stuffed so full of junk and boxes that you can’t park the car. The car itself is so dirty that you are embarrassed to ride in it with friends. Sink full of dishes that takes hours to do. Carpets full of dirt and pine needles and who knows what else.
Like I said, it’s very relatable and I’m trying very hard to break that hoarding streak that runs in my family. I have children of my own and I honestly hate having ...stuff. I hate extra furniture, I just want to have a semi-bare room but that’s hard with kids. I purge things all the time and am very aware of what’s in my fridge as an adult. I’m always throwing things out. I think I must have felt like there was never enough food while I was growing up (I’m from a large family) because I am overboard on making sure we have food stocked up and never run out. I do remember being a child and going into the pantry and feeling guilty about eating the baby teething biscuits, but there just wasn’t much to eat.
I do tend to have clutter piles and have certain places where things are allowed to pile up but then I take a weekend and purge it. Same with closets. I feel organized but I hate hanging onto things.
After hearing you (honestly it is bringing so much healing to me, just hearing you talk) I feel so immensely validated. I hated my childhood in many ways. It’s almost to traumatic to visit my parents. Last time when I walked into my parent’s house (I live out of state), I actually got tears in my eyes and had to go out to the car to pretend to get something I forgot, because the overwhelming sadness I felt at being there in such a hoarded, dilapidated environment was triggering such sad memories.
To this day I absolutely hate things piling up in our home, things getting stored in the garage and basement, and the “maybe I’ll use this one day!” mentality. However as the mother in the home now, I do realize it takes a family effort to keep the house at a good, clean level. I’ve burned myself out by trying to clean up after everyone and I’ve had to talk to our kids (oldest is age 6) about how many toys we have and set up organizing methods that work for the little ones. Honestly, Americans just have too much stuff....
You are a brave and courageous soul. I see that your'e empathetic, sympathetic,insightful,observant and willing to learn,change,understand and heal. Kudos to you for sharing such a delicate, confusing and emotional part of your story.
I definitely know how you feel. My parents are the same way and it drives me crazy. They just collect things and avoid all their problems by collecting more things. They keep saying they’re going to get rid of stuff but they never do. It’s so frustrating because I feel like they’ll never change.
“ My parents are older, like 60” 😳😂I thought you were going to say 80. I’m 60😉
@@user-wp5cf4uf3b OOF. My parents are 60, and I'm 16 years old...
I found this video several years late, but this is exactly the experience that I am still living now. It keeps getting worse, I'm 25, and trying really hard to actually break away from my parents (I stayed out of guilt) but hearing someone else go through the same is surreal. Thank you for sharing, this gives me hope that I can actually move out and get better.
This was my childhood too! I don’t have any photos from my childhood because they are still today in a pile of boxes in my mom’s spare room. She says she is going to “go through them soon”... I’m 36 and figure I won’t see those photos until she dies. So sad seeing her live her life spending all her energy on stuff. I definitely have worked hard to let go of those habits but it is a daily struggle. Great job taking mindful advances in your own life!
That part where your parent wanted things to appear tidy but not get rid of anything I relate to so much. This was also a struggle and point of contention with my mother. She always used the word consolidate and now I can barely stand the word. I cringe slightly anytime I end up saying it.
A lot of this reminds me of growing up in my parent's house. Even when I was just over for Thanksgiving I couldn't believe all the crap that was in the fridge, I barely had room to put my dog's wet food in there.
I definitely had hoarder tendencies too and I'm still trying to get over them. I've definitely improved my mindset within the last few months and for 2019 aim to attempt a shopping ban (like Cait Flanders) so I can better save for the things I want!
You have such a beautiful gentle energy about you! I saw sooooo many angelic orbs flying around in your video. Powerful video. Thank you for being so transparent!
When I was a teen to twenty-three (when I got married and moved out), my dad would come home from work and ask what I had done to help my mom in the house. My mom and dad are both hoarders and are not very good about throwing away trash (that they recognize as trash and don't want to keep). At the time my dad would ask me that, I was either in high school all day or, after graduation, cleaning houses with my mom (oh, the irony) doing equal if not more than what she was doing. I feel it necessary to tell my husband what I did in the house on my days off and he always acts like "Babe, you don't have to prove what you did." I'm still messed up.
wow. thank you for sharing. I'm currently living at home with a less extreme hoarder I definitely understand the mess and when you talked about losing your favorite shirt or jeans and just having to face the fact that you'll never see it again. Our basement is filled with so much crap...i could go on and on, but it's very similar to your story.
Right now I'm in the process of becoming a minimalist while still living within these conditions. My room is my only safe haven. I found myself in the past (actually just about a month ago) living so horribly. My room was never clean, clothes never in the closet but on the floor, the closet is filled with everything but clothes, wraps of food, trash everywhere, every surface covered with some kind of crap (same as the state of the rest of my house) and I just stood in the middle of my room and looked at my filth and cried. That same day I spent 9 hours, literally 9 hours cleaning my room, decluttering, donating and getting rid of stuff. Now I only have a desk, bed and mini fridge in my room. That night I slept the best I had in months.
I have to constantly remind myself not to bring in more than I need. It's a hard habit to break, but I feel the happiest I have felt in years. Please continue to make more videos like this. Your transparency is greatly appreciated.
My grandma used to be hoarder and messy person at once and I'm lucky that my mom was so sick of it that she likes to be tidy and is not affraid to throw away things. My grandma is 93yo and my mom 60yo right now, sometimes I still see my mom getting furious when she smells something nasty from my kitchen that my grandma was cooking (old bones for example), like it triggers the memory of her being a kid, living with shame and disgust, while she couldn't do anything with it;
So interesting to find this. I’ve been fantasizing a lot lately about my dream minimal apartment. I’ve stayed with my grandma at different points in my adolescence. I am 20 now and living with her. She is a hoarder, more mild of case. But even that is hard to live in. The horrible smells. Getting sick and coughing from fumes, mold. The pests... the poison the pest control sprays I know we’re ingesting because it just soaks in the piles of stuff, they come again and again and the bugs and rodents never really fully go away. The out of control spending and ordering multiple stupid senseless items, then claiming she’s “on a budget.” Blaming the mess on others. Broken things. Any surface that gets cleared off is filled with stuff seems immediately. Everything is “sentimental” but when my sister colors a picture and tapes it to the wall to bring some beauty, she takes it down and puts it in a pile. Smh. Thankfully I haven’t spent my whole life in her home and I won’t be here forever.
My mother is like this she "saved" clothes for 30 years. I wasn't allowed to get rid of anything. My closet was full of clothes I wore when I was 5 til I was 12 and empty everyting in rage. She told me I was ungratefull. I stuggle with hoarder tendencies for years. Minimalist is the way to go.
My mother got mad at me and told me TO SHUT UP because SHE spent money on me and that the clothes are MONEY THAT CAN BE RECUPERATED.
She is annoying the fuck outta me.
These are MIDDLE SCHOOL CLOTHING.
I am 24 now.
I’m a minimalist and my mum is a hoarder too. It sucks to live in such an environment (amongst other issues). You’re right that it’s great motivation to not have a home like that once you’re out of the house.
My grandparents grew up in the Depression and became hoarders after that. It's been passed down throughout my family. We all seem to have some form of it. I tend to buy too much and never feel like my home is tidy even though it isn't as bad as what I grew up with. Videos like yours are helping me change my brain and things are becoming more tidy and manageable as I de-clutter, donate and stop buying. RUclips is literally saving me from a hoarder's future.
morglee93 same! Seeing other people fight the struggle on RUclips has been such a big inspiration to me to keep on trying
Listening to your experiences, it was almost like listening to you talk about my own life, I relate to SO MUCH - from being too embarrassed to have friends over, to the holding on to things because of "sentimentality"...to the expired foods, to the unopened presents...girl, thank you, thank you for sharing your story
I am currently going down my path of minimalism. It’s a process I’m learning. I can’t wait to get to a place where I feel solid. It’s totally from my dad being a hoarder. There are so many other elements that fold into it too; but thank you for sharing; especially from a POC perspective, because we are taught not to talk about it.
Thank you for sharing your story. I always felt alone having a hoarder parent, not necessarily because they were a hoarder, but because all of the other things that triggered my parent to be a hoarder (e.i. Being a poor immigrant family). Now I try to encourage my younger siblings to be strong as they live through it and learn from our parent’s mistakes. It is a generational problem, and unfortunately we have to be the first to fix it and do better. Minimalism has brought me so much peace and your videos have educated and inspired me to be more thoughtful about my environment. Looking forward to your next video.
I can totally relate! The sad thing is that, as an adult, I worry about something happening to my parents and having to deal with the massive, exorbitant amount of stuff they have. (Obviously I don't want anything to happen to them anyway, but it would be so much more complicated by all of the stuff) Everything you're saying is just speaking to me.
I am living at my terminally ill mother's and will be dealing with the hoard soon. Fortunately there is no morgage on the house so no rush.
@@squidge125 so sorry you're having to go through that!!
I feel the same x
Google Swedish Death Cleaning... it really is so awful to leave that mess for yr children... I couldn't find any documents or anything when my dad died, and it was another layer of difficulty during a time when I should've been able to just grieve. I pray that yr folks will have a change of heart, but if they don't, I encourage you, as uncomfortable as it is, to help them get at least the paperwork in order for you or a sibling to have on hand. Life insurance, bank accounts and pin numbers, deeds to home and cars and any other property, SS#s. Because at the end of the day, it will be someone else's problem. And everyone deserves proper time to grieve, and everyone deserves to BE GRIEVED when they pass on, but a lot of people get robbed of that process because of the excess in people's lives. PS I totally don't mean to be a Debbie Downer or to sound callous or uncaring... just having been through the situation you said you are afraid of, it hit my heart what you wrote, and I just wanted to share with you what I wish someone would have shared with me... in having that uncomfortable conversation with my dad, it would have saved my sister and I so much time and fear and heartbreak and stress in the end. That being said, you can totally message me if I can help ready you for that conversation. Be blessed!
This is my fear as well
This made me shed a tear honestly. My parents were both hoarders in their own ways growing up and still to this day (now 22), they hoard in moderation. The mounds of clothes we didn't need, the dirty dishes, my dad hoarding appliance parts, my mom hoarding home decor, my family members giving us stuff thinking "aw look, poor kid". It fucked up my brother and I due to the fact that we HAD to live in it. Although I still live at home and I've helped tone down some hoarding, you can tell a massive difference when you walk into my room. I only own a few pairs of jeans, a few shirts, nothing on my walls, I don't own much "stuff". Anyway, done with my rant. Thanks so much for this video. I didn't know this was going to be so relatable.
Janelle, thank you so much for sharing this video! I too am striving for minimalism after learning what it was a few years ago and fight those hoarder tendencies. I grew up with a loving parent and grandparents, but who were too hoarders (again not to the extreme of the shows ,but bad) things were always very dirty. A lot of it stemmed from financial issues. I have tried explaining to my husband why minimalism is important to me after how I grew up. He had a very different childhood (wonderful parents and siblings) He went to the house I grew up in to help us throw everything away/take anything that wasn't ruined and sentimental. Not really anyone I know gets it as they did not grow up this way. I too am an emergency room nurse♡ I just really resonated with so many things that you said and experienced. Again thank you so much for sharing♡♡♡
i really appreciate you going out of your way and posting this personal video. it reminded me of my situation.
i’m 20, going to school, and still live with my parents. i’ve been practicing minimalism for about a few months now and one of the things that fueled me to embrace minimalism is my household. my parents are sorta like hoarders and hold onto stuff that we never needed in the first place, they have too many clothes, have so much stuff in their room, living room, and kitchen, that i feel the house to be uncomfortable.
they’ve gotten upset with me because of my minimalism practice and believe i need more clothes, more shoes, or just more materialistic stuff.
I love listening to you. You are so awesome at telling your stories and thank you for showing us that you can overcome toxic childhood 💕
this is so relatable, it is indeed so frustrating to live in that type of situation. I finished my second year of college this May and when I had the chance of cleaning the house it took me days and I noticed stuff (junk) was always coming back to the house, I'ved talked to my parent about this, but they don't even believe they have a problem and it's so exhausting to keep on cleaning knowing more junk is on the way all the time
i relate to this so much. for my parents it's clutter, everywhere. old clothes, old furniture, things piling up in the garage. the mail. and we do those "big cleanups" that never last. repairs take forever to happen, and they've also been promising a better house. hasn't happened
This was my childhood but with no siblings I took the brunt of the blame for things being messy. Unfortunately, my parents both passed away by the time I was 21 and I had to deal with cleaning the house to try to sell it ...this meant I had to shamefully ask so many in my life who had never seen how bad it was to help me get it in some sort of order while I was grieving losing my dad. It was rough and I have had to deal with my own habits that I learned from them. Mess also really triggers my anxiety and depression and I'm only now feeling like I'm getting a handle on things with the help of my partner. A lot of what really messes me up is the guilt of having people over...I still get so anxious when people come over. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Sorry long post alert!! That is so sad about the photo album. Like you said the hoarder parent had lost sight of what was good and valuable as there was so much stuff, because that is something most parents would be desperate to keep. It's horrible to think of you as an 8 year old having to decide what was important to keep. I know I at that age would probably have left the photo album too. Hoarding is now defined as a mental health problem in the UK. I was telling my Mum I've been watching your videos as I’m not a hoarder but I do have issues with attaching emotions to objects, even if they're no longer my taste or useful. It is especially pronounced if somebody bought the item for me, I feel like I'm betraying them getring rid of it even years and years later so I do end up with too much clutter. I don't know if it is to do with my bipolar as my mind can be quite chaotic but I am gradually breaking these attachments and stopping myself buying multiples of things. It's a process I guess. To hear you talk about slavery as so recent for your family blew me away. As a white English woman from a normal working class family that has never really touched my life or that of any of my friends. I now realise how lucky I am and my friends are. It makes me think more about why your hoarder parent is doing it as slaves couldn't own anything so maybe a message got passed down the generations somehow that lead to them holding onto all these things. One thing I am curious to know is what does your hoarder parent think of how you and your siblings live, you in particular being a minimalist. Do they have an opinion on that? Do they try to give you things so your home has more in it? I think your so down to earth about minimalism and your lifestyle that you are probably helping a lot of people. As I saw in the comments after your apartment tour a lot of minimalists are very judgemental and sort of preachy. You don't do that and I love your videos because of it. I feel your lifestyle is sustainable because you aren't denying yourself things you're just working out what is truly important for you.
she's visited me once since college and thought I couldn't afford clothes lol, everything at that time fit in a large suitcase including my shoes. She tried to given me money for more stuff and thought I was living an empty life lol. We have an estranged relationship and what she thinks about my lifestyle doesn't phase me one way or another. And thank you! I try not to be preachy and just share the about something I think could improve others lives as much as it has for me
Thank you. You will never truly know how much this helped me. It's so amazing to feel understood and not alone. I live with my mom. She's not a full blown hoarder but there's stuff everywhere. She never cleans. The dishes thing you talked about is so true. It didn't use to be like this when I was little but it's slowly getting worse. We have trails through the stuff to get to where we need to go. I never have friends over anymore and my bf only comes over when my mom is at work so she doesn't know because she would be so embarrassed. Im 16 and tired of living like this.
oh my gosh thank you so much for sharing your story. It actually made me realize that my parent was/is a hoarder and reminded me of how much that affected my childhood and even various parts of my adult life. I identified with so much of what you shared it was almost eerie. I didn't have any childhood friends who's parents were also hoarders... and like you said- people don't just go around talking about it so it's just really comforting to know there are others who had a childhood experience similar to mine.
I love watching videos where people talk about their lives and their stories. I can totally relate with knowing there are far worse things that could have happened in my life, but still coming to terms with the crappy things that did happen. I felt like I had a mini therapy session. Thank you for sharing your story ♥️
This was my childhood as well
Ohh my, you just told my childhood story, i tought i was alone in this.
I appreciate your openness to share. I am definitely on my personal journey to let go of stuff and your stories gives such a perspective on how much stuff effects your life.
I also grew up like this. I never had friends over as well, cause even when I tried to clean up, they'd complain they couldn't find anything anymore. Now, I don't live with them anymore but I used to have a room in their house. Last time I was there, my father had put two tables and a cabinet he found on the streets inside this freakin' tiny room. I worry a lot.
My parents were hoarders and my house was always cluttered and had too much stuff, much more than we needed. Am now on my minimalism journey. It feels liberating.
Honestly thanks so much for posting this. I'm still going through something similar, and every time I come back from college it's the same shit all over again. I finally had anxiety from other causes and one time I came home from college and kept having panic attacks from being surrounded by so many things. My mom and I argue over throwing/giving away MY things that I don't need anymore, and I keep trying to have this talk with her, but she won't listen. I'm glad you're doing well now, and I also have been gravitating towards minimalism as a form of therapy. Thank you for sharing this ❤️
This really hit me emotionally. Thank you for your openness & courage of making a video about this. Seeing everyone’s comments made me feel less alone.
I too grew up in a hoarders home. 4 kids all together. It was a small home, with a basement and a garage. I remember being 4 or 5 and my sister and I could run though it. Not much was in the garage until a relative died, then more passed. A few years later cars are sitting in there with stuff piled on them up to the rafters. More close relatives pass, junk, magazines, paperwork or bills accumulated in stacks in the basement...We barely had room for our toy box and dollhouse.
We seldom had friends over. The only friend allowed over anytime also had a messy house, but she is 3 yrs older than me. As soon as she was a teen, she rarely came around. I felt lonely, scared to make more friends at school...they were never allowed over and we weren’t allowed to leave very often. I also remember a lack of money.There was always tension. It was a constant blame game. We kids were always cleaning, and throwing things away, only for some discarded items to reappear in the house. Nowadays, My parents have been making phenomenal strides at purging. However, getting rid of some items that belonged to anyone deceased is still an issue.
When I moved out, I personally started to struggle with severe depression and clothing hoarding. I stored most of it away in totes; In the closets neatly hung or folded. My closet stared to bust at the seams.
I am currently on the path towards minimalism.
You are very inspiring, Janell. Thank you for your channel 🙂
This video is such a good way of addressing hoarding, the fact that it is because of further mental issues and that its not just as simple as getting rid of stuff. When i was younger (around the age of 13/14) i went through such anxiety and depression, and this caused me to deal with it by keeping every bit of paper, memorabilia, even sometimes food scraps even. I went through bins to find things my family had thrown out, and if i couldnt find the thing, it would affect me so strongly. Ive gotten out of that mindset (thankfully), and now i am trying to practice a minimalistic lifestyle. Thank you for making this video, and sharing your experience with us. Love always x
I'm so sorry you went through this and that your parents lost their house. Unfortunately, a by-product of hoarding is financial ruin, too. I have family members who mirror your family. People who hoard and overshop often neglect other pressing aspects of their life. They often don't have their real estate taxes paid, their utilities are shut off almost as often as they are on. They are constantly evicted from rental spaces. They don't have life insurance. They don't have car insurance. They don't have savings. When they do save, they spend the savings. They need dental work but will shop on Black Friday instead. A hoarder or shopping addict will neglect their basic needs and the needs of their children to hit the malls, the flea markets, the thrift stores, to drop $100 a week at the Dollar Tree, to overshop on eBay or Amazon, etc.
I don't judge people like that. I empathize with them. I don't think hoarders/shopping addicts mean to do it. They need therapy, counseling, medication. Hoarding and overshopping are manifestations of depression and they are mental health illnesses.
I feel about ready to cry. I was raised in a hoarders house too, and catch myself falling into hoarding patterns. I don’t know how to clean or keep my house organized like “normal” people do. Just seeing an influencer be able to talk about this, makes me feel so much less alone. It’s so helpful to see someone be able to heal from it too. I want this
I was like this to when I first moved to live alone in Japan. Then the UK. It was the Japanese and the Brits (and my Aussie host fam) I guess who taught me to throw away things. I guess it’s just changing your mindset and your relationship with your possession. Anything that no longer has an immediate purpose or ‘sparks joy’ should just be disposed of…
What a huge stressful depressing thing to suffer through and to overcome. I hope you are so so proud of yourself and that you can see how far you've come. You are amazing 💜💜💜
My parents weren't hoarders but they would do like your parent and leave mail piled up on the kitchen table unopened for weeks. It got to the point that we'd have cable or power cut off because bills weren't paid. They wouldn't clean out the fridge either so we'd have expired food. Once I ate expired yogurt and got sick. They just brushed it off and didn't go through the fridge.
I immediately open mail, go through it, pay bills immediately and shred/recycle the rest. Leaving mail laying around unopened drives me crazy. So does expired food. #moderatelyfuckedupchildhood
thank you for sharing. your vulnerability took serious strength. ❤️
it's definitely uncomfortable, thank you
Thank you for sharing your story. I grew up with a Mother who hoards and I can relate to a lot of what you said. Your video brought me to tears, it is heartbreaking when those who you love cannot admit to their hoarding, and won't confront their deeply rooted issues in order to move forward in life. For years I tried helping her to clean, organize and donate items, but she refuses to be helped. I am currently purging my own belongings and learning more about minimalism, it is like a breath of fresh air to create a clean and organized home to call your own. Upon listening to your video and reading others comments, it really helps me feel less alone in dealing with a parent who hoards. From the bottom of my heart, I hope hoarding parents can heal their trauma and eventually find solace in living a tidy lifestyle.
Thank you for your vulnerability and for keeping it real. It must have been difficult recalling some of those memories. Just came across your channel recently and finding lots of value in your content. Thank you so much.
It's like I'm listening to my own story. I'm trying to stop my hoarding tendencies and be a minimalist.
Janell, your video brought tears to my eyes. The way you see your parents with such compassion and kindness albeit you too have suffered is a real achievement in life. You drew the most humane conclusions from your childhood experience. Best regards to you.
Janelle, I recently stumbled upon your channel after looking into more minimalist videos, and this talk really connected with me. One of my closest friends has grown up with hoarder parents, whom I also love and appreciate as humans, flaws and all, and this topic is just not spoken about enough publicly. The emotional ties that we have to our things make getting rid of anything tough for most of us, and encountering someone who truly cannot control the impulse to retain every little thing can be jarring to many. I feel that my experience has been that of gentle encouragement, for my friend and her mother who I am close to, and we have seen slight improvement in the quality of their life. It’s a life long process, one just like any other addiction out there. Your honesty is appreciated and valued. You are important, your story is important, and the more each one of us really embraces that fact, the better we will all be. Also, I really love how direct your videos are. They make me feel just slightly less intimated to start my own youtube channel (soon!) because I don’t know any fancy video techniques to begin with! Lol. I will be looking into your travel vids soon! Cheers to traveling and living your best life!! Peace to you.
Thank you for sharing your story and being so compassionate towards your parents and acknowledging the issues they faced which might have made them hoarders. You're an articulate, kind soul. The world could use more people like you. Take care!
This is SO well put. Literally every moment hit me so hard, I could relate so much to everything you were saying. Especially not being able to have friends over and how it affected you... wow. Thank you for validating my experience my family has spent years pretending doesn’t exist. You are so brave. 🙌🏼🙌🏼
I’m now into extreme minimalism. I can’t have clutter or I get anxious. I sell everything I don’t use everyday because it makes me so uncomfortable and I’m never gonna let myself turn into that.
You’ve really shed light on why I am the way I am now...
Please make more videos like this, they’re so real and open!
My grandmother has lived with my family all my life, and has always had a hoarding issue. It has always severely impacted me and my family because she buys tons of things and never uses anything. I’ve never had a good relationship with her and it’s gotten to the point that I can’t even stand being near her or talking to her anymore even though she still lives here. She will buy crap tons of hair products and doesn’t ever use them. Whenever I throw away any old or expired makeup, notebooks I’ve used up, or pens that no longer work, she will dig through the trash and keep everything. She saves any plastic containers that takeout food comes in. She also is the kind of person who buys a lot of food and cooks multiple meals a day even when our fridge is completely stuffed with meals she cooked from the past few days or weeks. It makes me want to move out so bad because of the hoarding as well as other ways that she’s made my life hellish. Sometimes it feels like no one really understands how much I hate having her around. She has had such a negative impact on me and has just been someone who everyone generally dislikes. It really sucks because she doesn’t speak any English and my family can’t send her away. But all I really want is just to be far from her permanently. And because her hoarding happens in my family’s house, one day, when she passes away, my family is going to have to deal with all of the garbage that she keeps and for some reason that makes me really mad. There are just so many ways she’s hurt me and made me feel shitty in one way or another, including this that just makes me feel pretty hopeless.
Some tips! Throw stuff away in other people's trash the night before trash day. Even if it means keeping a trash bag in you room so she can't take it. It's a lot of effort, but at least this way she couldn't use your trash to fill her hoard.
GreenGorgeousness Thanks for the tips! It’s funny because that’s exactly what I do! Haha I want to do what I can about this issue
You could tear things up before you throw them away that way she won’t be inclined to reclaim them.
Post too damn long. See a therapist.
That sounds horrible. I do recommend talking to a therapist or reading books about it, might help you cope
I can't wait to be a minimalist.
A room with a big plant 🌿 and a chair and only the basics will make me feel brilliant for once!
My mom has been a hoarder for as long as I can remember. I still live with my parents because I'm going to school and its too expensive for me to live on my own, especially here in the California bay. Currently we have a Patio, 2 sheds, 2 pop up tents, the living room, the family room, the garage and basically every room in the house all filled with crap. It's brought my "family" to the breaking point numerous times. Every time my mom tries to "organize", more and more crap gets brought in. I have to walk sideways and maneuver around the house every day. It stresses me out to no end. I can't have friends over at all anymore. I can't even get rid of my own junk because my mom has to "go through everything". I can never find anything of mine in this giant crap hole of a house.