*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
They try to dictate and control your life and then turn around and claim that you “hate them” if you don’t agree with every single absurd thing they demand you do. I have someone in my life like that, and dealing with her is hell. She even tried to control what I was going to wear to my own wedding, & then accused me to my face of getting mad at her. Even though I was actually being super nice to her, just not giving in to her.
I'm actually quite proud of myself recently. I don't normally start to make a point with a certain family member if I don't think I can finish it. So, I was in the car with them and listened to the points over why she was doing what she was doing with a sibling and I asked a question because I really wanted to know her thoughts and it was constantly being deflected to she's doing what she's doing because of our current situation when it had no relivence to my actual question and I had no desire to be stuck in this circular argument and then go back to her explaining what and why she is doing now but because I had no desire to listen to this I kept bringing the conversation topic back to what I wanted to discuss and I actually got her to discuss it a little bit and I am so proud of myself because I didn't get sucked in to her trying to stear the conversation her way. I feel like I had to post this because I felt that this particular conversation went my way for a change
There must be a how to be a narcissist book that they’re all in on and that no one else knows about because they are well versed in all these tactics and it’s crazy they have these in common.
A good explanation of common logical fallacies. Maybe one thing to add, the burden of proof fallacy is often also used in a way where a person makes a claim and instead of backing it up with evidence, they put the burden of proof on you by requiring you to disprove their claim.
I purposely held religion out of the video, but there are A LOT of examples I could have used. It happens so often, unfortunately 😔 A toxic brew for sure
@@CommonEgo Yes, it certainly is. He thought he had a special connection to God that I didn't have and he had me scared of God because I wasn't treating my ex the way I was supposed to---mostly about sex. So glad I can say ex!!!!!!!
Allow me, please, to share my experience and enlightenment : My late father recovered from alcoholism, at age 54. . Our last conversation was his advice for me , as the child of an alcoholic . He said, “ You , see, Honey , for us alcoholics it is our egos that get us into trouble.” I’ve began to see this a lot as I become more aware of personality disorders , especially when my ex-husband divorced me. . My dad had narcissistic tendencies. I wish I had more time getting to know him as a sober father . I have no doubt that my dad loved me . He was was tremendously pained after burying two children . I never saw him cry, down -right wailed after their deaths .
Although we have already known for a long time its their way or the highway, so the dilemma of you're either with me on this or you're not also makes sense. Even if you understand their points in their arguments, but you dare suggest you can see another side they just don't want to know. Sometimes, I've held my families eye contact and said, "Yes, I understand how you're looking at it." And then left it like that. Knowing fully well, there was more to what had happened. Sometimes I've elaborated on why I know they think what they think because I know my family so well even though I don't agree with them, but it saves the arguments plus you can't argue with an unreasonable person.
"trustworthy" Shortly before saying she wanted to divorce, my ex went on a 10 day trip to California by herself. She made the plans for this trip in secret, hide them until about 2 weeks before her flight, etc. To get time off from her job, she had to ask 3 months in advance. Planned for a long time. Made her reservations about 2 months before the trip. I was very upset and hurt by this. My narc wanted me to believe that this mini vacation was impromptu, that she just needed a break. While on this trip, she texted me saying that she was "honest, trustworthy, and loyal", all of which were contractidicted by her actions. After she returned, she refused marriage counseling and wanted a divorce, saying that my reaction to her trip showed that I did not love her. She may even have believed herself. Her real reason for going on this trip was to look for a new place to live, she wanted to move to California.
they look for supply and people they can use and devalue . its good to have healthy boundaries to keep my inner child and true self safe. And choose available connections where I can get my needs met and share my true self. Calling out the reflags in the beginning, they want others to be ok with abuse, and microagressions, its healthy for me to stand my ground in healthy way, and won't be deflected by them, honor the reflags I see and speak my truth , disengage, and instead find available people where I feel I can talk trust and feel and shammy true self and get my needs for connection met im worth itinerary good way were worth it. :) thanks for letting me share!
Ms. Christina is on point. I informed my X now and in the beginning of our relationship that I had little tolerance for bullshit. 10 strikes she's out.
Being accused of purposely doing small things to upset them. Example: putting a check instead of heart or comment on a Facebook post they made, means you did it to insult and upset them. Showing them you don’t respect them. But your dog just died and you were sick so you just quickly responded so they wouldn’t feel offended by not having a response that you saw their post. When trying to explain, I’m told what it meant and I did it on purpose knowing it shows everyone I don’t care enough to comment or heart their post, so then I’m a narcissist who is full of myself and knowing full well how they would feel. I won’t accept responsibility for hurting them. I got so. Sick of walking on eggshells. It was always me and I was always doing something. I was not allowed to explain or I was full of myself and then he always said that I think I’m always right.
My partner has destroyed our 21 year relationship I've seen all the signs and still denies to my face even though she can not explain where 5 finger print Mark's on both her knee caps saying she cant explaine and wont discuss it. At least she said one thing that gave me the answer in one of her reply " I know it wasn't you because me and you were not intimate like that last summer". Tell me it's someone else and that it was caused by being intimate. Which she claimed it did not come from trying to have the guts to leave her she is 100% narcissist being the victim but really the villain. Only thing holding mr back is my 9 year old son hes the world to me and so am I to him but since I found out 5 months ago she has made my life a nightmare walking away will give her a reality check but at cost of my sons future which will be misery. She hardly has any real time for him I'm always there with him days off after work.
My narcissistic ex was arguing that the are I live in was unsafe. So I had information that would show that the area was actually relatively safe, but she would claim that it is unsafe because she feels that way (circular argument). I then just brought up the stats and showed them to her, and boom, I am forcing her to think my way, and become the bad guy. She would also constantly point out people who are “weird” on the street (mostly homeless ones) and say they’re “not normal” (comparatively fallacy). Oh, and she would also say that she cannot introduce me to her family or see a future because my brother used to suffer from substance abuse (for by association). And the claims that no “normal” guy talks loudly (no true Scotsman + tone policing). Am over her, and glad it’s over.
Ah, the false dilemma… the most recent one I experienced was effectively “Did you ask that because you are ignorant and stupid, or, because you are arrogant and selfish?” 🤪 …err, option C “genuine question with no undertones”??? 🤦♂️
I've been struggling with being a people pleaser becase I grew up with a parrent who is a narcisist, and this has happen to me too many times for me to be able to count with numbers of people. I'm really bad at judging who is a narcisist until they stop trying to make me like them. And at the same time I don't seem interested in non narcisists, I feel kinda broken of being used so many times :0
Oh, my goodness, its long story, but I caught my husband cheating. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt during this confrontation and when I did, he gleefully proclaimed I didn't have any pictures (proof). While I didn't have pictures, I did have other evidence that I refused to disclose- to my benefit. I added, "his body language was all the proof I needed".
My baby mother goes hard to prove to others that she's an empath so unnecessarily. I never thought she was a narcissist until recently cause i never fell for her tactics since she was never good at her manipulations. It went on so much I became hostile towards her. She created acrimony with my siblings and her and I often reminded her not to force me to choose between them. She would even become physical with me occasionally. Because Im a man I often found her attacks triffling. However it went on until i started retaliating. Thats when we agreed to seperate. She overtime withheld my children and has now manipulated them to disregard me. My children is the only reason I never cut her off. We live in different countries. She has employed every one of these tactics. She's just not good at scheming. Her arguments are very transparent. And thats why I grew impatient with her. But she has my children. This why it remains hard for me
The False Dilemma example: Johnny Cochran telling the jury, “If the glove doesn’t fit you must acquit”. Guilt by Association example: Obama telling democrats if you listen to FoxNews you and I have already lost.
For someone who loves dogs so much your not very loyal... The burden of proof is on the believer ... where's your proof christian ... Im a terrible Scots man
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
They try to dictate and control your life and then turn around and claim that you “hate them” if you don’t agree with every single absurd thing they demand you do. I have someone in my life like that, and dealing with her is hell. She even tried to control what I was going to wear to my own wedding, & then accused me to my face of getting mad at her. Even though I was actually being super nice to her, just not giving in to her.
I have been through everything u said with my mom...its crazy and no point in "talking" to her anything to her to solve an issue...
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
yes... same here...
Wow i never knew about straw man argument but certainly witnessed many! Thanks xx
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
I'm actually quite proud of myself recently. I don't normally start to make a point with a certain family member if I don't think I can finish it. So, I was in the car with them and listened to the points over why she was doing what she was doing with a sibling and I asked a question because I really wanted to know her thoughts and it was constantly being deflected to she's doing what she's doing because of our current situation when it had no relivence to my actual question and I had no desire to be stuck in this circular argument and then go back to her explaining what and why she is doing now but because I had no desire to listen to this I kept bringing the conversation topic back to what I wanted to discuss and I actually got her to discuss it a little bit and I am so proud of myself because I didn't get sucked in to her trying to stear the conversation her way. I feel like I had to post this because I felt that this particular conversation went my way for a change
I know EXACTLY how you felt in that moment…. And it’s a huge deal! Proud of you also!✨☺️✨
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
Oh my, the appeal to hypocrisy hit me hard. I’ve never heard that, but I’ve been through it.
Philosophy 101!!! Thanks for the reminder of these solid concepts Christina
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
There must be a how to be a narcissist book that they’re all in on and that no one else knows about because they are well versed in all these tactics and it’s crazy they have these in common.
You may not be able to walk away, but you can leave anytime in your mind.
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
Thank you for your videos. They have been so helpful to me and have helped me understand what I have actually been through ❤
A good explanation of common logical fallacies. Maybe one thing to add, the burden of proof fallacy is often also used in a way where a person makes a claim and instead of backing it up with evidence, they put the burden of proof on you by requiring you to disprove their claim.
My ex did all 9f these, and mixed religion in with it all. A toxic brew.
I purposely held religion out of the video, but there are A LOT of examples I could have used. It happens so often, unfortunately 😔 A toxic brew for sure
@@CommonEgo Yes, it certainly is. He thought he had a special connection to God that I didn't have and he had me scared of God because I wasn't treating my ex the way I was supposed to---mostly about sex. So glad I can say ex!!!!!!!
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
@@CommonEgothe Like you brought out in one of your videos-‘truth will always come out.’ eventually. 😊❤️
Best thing to do is ask a narcissist yes/no questions.
Narcissistic people will try to take your kids away if you don’t fight for them.
They never answer a yes/no! They sideball with a different question!!! Just say No!
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
Allow me, please, to share my experience and enlightenment : My late father recovered from alcoholism, at age 54. . Our last conversation was his advice for me , as the child of an alcoholic .
He said, “ You , see, Honey , for us alcoholics it is our egos that get us into trouble.” I’ve began to see this a lot as I become more aware of personality disorders , especially when my ex-husband divorced me. . My dad had narcissistic tendencies.
I wish I had more time getting to know him as a sober father . I have no doubt that my dad loved me . He was was tremendously pained after burying two children . I never saw him cry, down -right wailed after their deaths .
thank you for sharing your story 🙏❤️
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
Although we have already known for a long time its their way or the highway, so the dilemma of you're either with me on this or you're not also makes sense. Even if you understand their points in their arguments, but you dare suggest you can see another side they just don't want to know. Sometimes, I've held my families eye contact and said, "Yes, I understand how you're looking at it." And then left it like that. Knowing fully well, there was more to what had happened. Sometimes I've elaborated on why I know they think what they think because I know my family so well even though I don't agree with them, but it saves the arguments plus you can't argue with an unreasonable person.
You are very beautiful
Shitting bricks is easier than dealing with a narcissist...
"trustworthy"
Shortly before saying she wanted to divorce, my ex went on a 10 day trip to California by herself. She made the plans for this trip in secret, hide them until about 2 weeks before her flight, etc. To get time off from her job, she had to ask 3 months in advance. Planned for a long time. Made her reservations about 2 months before the trip.
I was very upset and hurt by this. My narc wanted me to believe that this mini vacation was impromptu, that she just needed a break.
While on this trip, she texted me saying that she was "honest, trustworthy, and loyal", all of which were contractidicted by her actions.
After she returned, she refused marriage counseling and wanted a divorce, saying that my reaction to her trip showed that I did not love her. She may even have believed herself.
Her real reason for going on this trip was to look for a new place to live, she wanted to move to California.
they look for supply and people they can use and devalue . its good to have healthy boundaries to keep my inner child and true self safe. And choose available connections where I can get my needs met and share my true self. Calling out the reflags in the beginning, they want others to be ok with abuse, and microagressions, its healthy for me to stand my ground in healthy way, and won't be deflected by them, honor the reflags I see and speak my truth , disengage, and instead find available people where I feel I can talk trust and feel and shammy true self and get my needs for connection met im worth itinerary good way were worth it. :) thanks for letting me share!
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
They tell you you’re crazy and sick in the head.
narcsts control others secretly
I'll say the 'Tin Man' apathy is when a narcissist has from lack to no empathy. Thats a new interesting parallel. 🤔
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
Ms. Christina is on point. I informed my X now and in the beginning of our relationship that I had little tolerance for bullshit. 10 strikes she's out.
Being accused of purposely doing small things to upset them. Example: putting a check instead of heart or comment on a Facebook post they made, means you did it to insult and upset them. Showing them you don’t respect them.
But your dog just died and you were sick so you just quickly responded so they wouldn’t feel offended by not having a response that you saw their post.
When trying to explain, I’m told what it meant and I did it on purpose knowing it shows everyone I don’t care enough to comment or heart their post, so then I’m a narcissist who is full of myself and knowing full well how they would feel. I won’t accept responsibility for hurting them.
I got so. Sick of walking on eggshells. It was always me and I was always doing something. I was not allowed to explain or I was full of myself and then he always said that I think I’m always right.
My partner has destroyed our 21 year relationship I've seen all the signs and still denies to my face even though she can not explain where 5 finger print Mark's on both her knee caps saying she cant explaine and wont discuss it. At least she said one thing that gave me the answer in one of her reply " I know it wasn't you because me and you were not intimate like that last summer". Tell me it's someone else and that it was caused by being intimate. Which she claimed it did not come from trying to have the guts to leave her she is 100% narcissist being the victim but really the villain. Only thing holding mr back is my 9 year old son hes the world to me and so am I to him but since I found out 5 months ago she has made my life a nightmare walking away will give her a reality check but at cost of my sons future which will be misery. She hardly has any real time for him I'm always there with him days off after work.
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
My narcissistic ex was arguing that the are I live in was unsafe. So I had information that would show that the area was actually relatively safe, but she would claim that it is unsafe because she feels that way (circular argument). I then just brought up the stats and showed them to her, and boom, I am forcing her to think my way, and become the bad guy. She would also constantly point out people who are “weird” on the street (mostly homeless ones) and say they’re “not normal” (comparatively fallacy). Oh, and she would also say that she cannot introduce me to her family or see a future because my brother used to suffer from substance abuse (for by association). And the claims that no “normal” guy talks loudly (no true Scotsman + tone policing).
Am over her, and glad it’s over.
You are very beautiful, a queen.
Ah, the false dilemma… the most recent one I experienced was effectively “Did you ask that because you are ignorant and stupid, or, because you are arrogant and selfish?” 🤪
…err, option C “genuine question with no undertones”??? 🤦♂️
I've been struggling with being a people pleaser becase I grew up with a parrent who is a narcisist, and this has happen to me too many times for me to be able to count with numbers of people. I'm really bad at judging who is a narcisist until they stop trying to make me like them. And at the same time I don't seem interested in non narcisists, I feel kinda broken of being used so many times :0
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
Oh, my goodness, its long story, but I caught my husband cheating. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt during this confrontation and when I did, he gleefully proclaimed I didn't have any pictures (proof). While I didn't have pictures, I did have other evidence that I refused to disclose- to my benefit. I added, "his body language was all the proof I needed".
My baby mother goes hard to prove to others that she's an empath so unnecessarily. I never thought she was a narcissist until recently cause i never fell for her tactics since she was never good at her manipulations. It went on so much I became hostile towards her. She created acrimony with my siblings and her and I often reminded her not to force me to choose between them. She would even become physical with me occasionally. Because Im a man I often found her attacks triffling. However it went on until i started retaliating. Thats when we agreed to seperate. She overtime withheld my children and has now manipulated them to disregard me. My children is the only reason I never cut her off. We live in different countries.
She has employed every one of these tactics. She's just not good at scheming. Her arguments are very transparent. And thats why I grew impatient with her. But she has my children. This why it remains hard for me
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
The False Dilemma example:
Johnny Cochran telling the jury, “If the glove doesn’t fit you must acquit”.
Guilt by Association example:
Obama telling democrats if you listen to FoxNews you and I have already lost.
Too bad my family law lawyer from legal aid didn't get it.
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
If you’re from the Caribbean, one of your parents is all of these.
Hi what is your specialty are you a coach a therapist a psychologist?
Is your partner manipulative, you want to have access to their phone?google chat eaglespy72
For someone who loves dogs so much your not very loyal...
The burden of proof is on the believer ... where's your proof christian ...
Im a terrible Scots man