*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
No matter how many times you hurt these narcissists, they are not going to change for the better. It is going to be a never ending cycle over and over again till they age out and their supply starts to dwindle away. Then this will drive them to the point of narcissistic collapse.
@@drdauger Some of the best answers I’ve read on the aging Narcissist is from HG Tudor & Dr Ramani. As they get older & lose their looks, they realize they can’t manipulate people as easily anymore and have also alienated so many that they are lonely & have no fuel. They then start to Implode. But, they never really take any responsibility for any of it.
@@drdaugerwhen they are buried. 😂 truly . My mom has my brother and his family as her flying monkeys , so she will die being adored by them. Not a lot of bed side confessions coming from a narc.
@@onyxbellz they have no shame. On contrary, they double down on their 2 year old selves. I’m holding two police case reports in 3 days. Plus obtaining stay away order/injunction on Monday. I went Friday but the office had 5 other victims to process. Asked me to come back Monday. It’s really pervasive in society with those abusers
They burnt their whole world down trying to take yours out and they cant find a way to blame you for what they did to themsleve so they just stop talking.
@@robinhenry-fussy5240- silent treatment is away for them to tell you that not only are they angry with you, but enforcing that you’re not worthy of their attention or thoughts or time. And certainly not any efforts to work it out. It’s a childish, manipulative behavior that has no place in adult relationships. But yet, it’s the go to for the narcissist. You deserve better, you deserve to be heard and valued and loved
@@CTHou13 I highly recommend getting out of these relationships as I did a few months ago. But in the meantime while you’re trying to get out of a relationship (or you can’t) I recommend this. Act like you are mad at _them…_ and don’t want to talk to them. A majority of the time they don’t wanna be around you when you are angry and quiet and will do anything to get rid of the anger and silence. Like admitting they are wrong or at least knocking off the childish silence treatment. This works for bosses as well. I have tried it multiple times! Successfully.
silence isnt always the best way… have video or audio evidence and show those who are closest to you or feel safe. You dont wanna feel alone in these situations.
When I used to teach, I got the silent treatment from a several colleagues. It took some time for me to realize they were "hurt" by the fact that I was living the life they felt should have been theirs (I was single and living on my own, in comparison to them.) Narcissists get hurt by the smallest things, and they can't tell you because they lack self-awareness. But once you figure them out, just stay away because they will do whatever they can to sabotage you. Hence I left teaching. I was done with the drama.
OMG. So true. My ex is a highschool teacher for 25 years. She creates alot of drama with other married coworkers. She is a single MOM, and gets jealous when other teachers have social affairs because she wants that attention.She has been around teenagers so long that she adopted poor behaviors. She is 46 with an 8 year old. It was alot to deal with and I had to leave because it was getting too toxic and changing my behavior. I hate myself for my reactions. I lost who I am.
Or they don't care because they are crooked even more so than they have ever been and they like to take the bad guys side. Super sad. Pray next time. God bless u
There came a time I found myself repeating " I've done all I could to help her, but it's never enough. Time to focus on myself and walk away. NOT only was I dealing with her behaviors, but her son's behaviors and the influence of her EX. Then her mother started with narcisstic behavior, and I'm NOT fighting a war on all sides. Time to retreat within myself.
Me too! She put on a barbeque for father's day, and invited everyone but me. She knows this hurt my feelings, and she never even attempted to apologise. I have gone no contact and I plan to stay away from her as much as possible. Hope you are okay dealing with your narcissistic sister.
If I'm willingly not talking to you, I've discovered something within you that I don't trust. It's that simple. I don't waste my energy, time or attention on insecure manipulators who only want attention, and not a relationship. It's all about them. Maturity, accountability and honesty are basic values I need and trust.
This ! prob they think you are the narc who is giving them the silent treatment ... I had a coworker who always tried to talk over everyone, and make the decisions for all others in the department. In the end i felt so done talking to him... the constant haugtiness & the domination games he had been running for months really turned me off. He felt really upset & did not understand why my friendliness dropped... I don't feel i need to explain this to a 50yo male with a university degree: If you constantly piss people off, they get fed up with you in the end.
You wonderfully explained how miserable narcissistic people are, and how much stronger, against becoming triggered they would be if they'd only go and get some help learning how to understand and process their feelings. You think this information would motivate them to get some help, but they won't even admit they are miserable, (unless of course it's all about receiving a supply of sympathy from someone who will believe them as they blame you for all their problems). Pride blinds. They can't hear you. Their automatic thinking is, "you can't possibly see or understand anything I can't already see and understand because I'm better than you. I have to be. It's a rule of the universe!" ...And they are too unthinking and lacking in insight to ever discover for themselves that they need help. I guess this is the high price of being superior to everyone.
"They won't even admit they are miserable unless it means they will recieve sympathy from someone who will listen. " My ex narc would send messages telling me how miserable, and lonely she was and how I didn't care. I would tell her to find a new partner if I made her feel that bad. It was hurtful. Eventually we broke up. I felt I couldn't do enough for her.
This is spot on... Getting out of four year relationship, with female narcissist . Never had any idea about any of this,until I started asking Google questions.... Omg i have been through so much. Run! Run!!! Run...if you're in a relationship with one...
I got the silent treatment when my husband was preparing to blindside me and leave to move in with his coworker. At the time, i had no idea what was happening
I could always tell when I hurt my narcissistic boss when she would start crying crocodile tears. And it occurred when she clearly lost control over the conversation and her tactics didn't work. My response is that when she would start talking, is I wouldn't say anything and just walk away. She really hated that more than anything I could ever say or do.
My narc sister use to dish out the silent treatment for 45 years till I gave her the permanent silent treatment. She even gave my narc mother the silent treatment and my she passed turning the silent treatment. Then the narc sister acts likes she so hurt because our mother died. But my mother was a narc and so was my sister. I am permanently no contact with her over 10 years now I am at peace.
Glad to hear it. This makes a lot of sense actually. I constantly experience this. Had another meeting with my narc mother's rage the other day where she screamed at me that she wished i "had another mental breakdown and unalived myself" and that she "hopes every day i walk under a bus" I'm glad she's hurt. At least i can take comfort in that.
They are so unforgiving and it doesnt matter how many times i said sorry he wouldnt accept it. He would never apologise or take responsibility for any of his behaviour. Everything was my fault, there was something wrong with me, and he did not care about my boundaries. If we argued, it took him a week to be fully right with me but would never let me forget about things id said or done.
I just love how they will start a fight from nothing then act like the victim. When you finally get mad and tell them to suck air they start puffing up and slamming shit and yelling. I tell him to quit acting like a 3 year old and his yelling/ breaking and slamming shit doesn't scare me. I'm like "I'll drag you to the front lawn and knock you tf out in front of the neighbours" lol. This is coming from someone who was always trying to please him and wondering why he's so weird and awful to me... but when I figured out after googling his behaviours it al made sense. Now I'm not entertaining his behaviour. He actually had me thinking it was me who was doing wrong. It wasn't ever me ❤️
So many times I apologized for things when I really shouldn't have. My NPD person is now in a Nursing home with a part time sitter. Wonder how thats working out...
Highly recommended: informative insights about typical narcissist personality types who are totally void of a “moral compass” unless you have a valid premise for a particular “situationship” your time and efforts will be better spent with absolutely no contact. Also keep in mind if alcohol is involved, which is quite common, it’s serving yet another purpose , so depends on your level and duration of involvement you not only will have an unexpected breakup to contend with when your discarded it may also be compounded with alcohol withdrawal and sex addiction. Notes on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Alcohol Usage Disorder (AUD): NPD and AUD frequently co-exist and can increase the effects of each other. People with a pattern of narcissism often turn to alcohol to reinforce a false sense of grandiosity. People with AUD, also known as alcoholism, can display patterns of narcissism, including self-absorption and an underlying craving for admiration.
Does alcohol give narcissists an escape from reality? Narcissists seem to drink more often than others. I never thought about the correlation between the two 😐
I cant thank you enough for this channel. You have been coaching me for a year getting out of a personal hell of living with a narcissist. I'm almost out of it and I don't think I could of done it without what I've learned from your videos. I'll repost in a month once I'm 100% free and clear.
I've gone through the first cycle. I'm SO glad to find out I've affected them, because I've been feeling like a speck, powerless. And the projection? OMG!
@brandonwalpole6058 I've cut all contact over a year ago, yet I'm still dealing with the effects of a lifetime of gaslighting and being told in various ways that I'm "less than . . ." Know what I mean? The damage is extensive. CPTSD type of extensive. It still hurts.
Starve them of attention without getting negative emotions and you will win. If asked about them on friendly terms by others, draw the line and suggest there’s no friendship there, just someone you know of and you don’t really know them that well. It drives them crazy, because they obviously do know you well and will be the first to prove that’s not a lie because that’s the only truth they have. The people who hear this will think “that’s odd, they have loads of things to say and they’re not even friends” Usually this is all done quite frustratedly, the crown slips quite quickly. This is exactly what they don’t want. It’s very toxic, but with regards to them, you have to play their game better than them. Don’t feel bad, they don’t really have feelings.
Narcissist are toxic for you because you are not trained and equipped to handle them..but its even more toxic to keep your focus on a Narcissist..you will start to call everyone a Narcissist in your world
5 things. You talked about one thing. 5 ways thay play games. I agree. Maybe it's just past time to walk away. Sure did help me to feel better. Have a great day
It may evolve to a degree, but as with current politics, it will reach a point where it has lost all credibility and all they have left is insane lies of one type or another that anyone paying any attention at all can see through with ease.
Christina,I want to thank you so much for this video. It is gold and it helps me understand my narcissist husband's behaviour. Everything you described is what he's been doing for year's and will never change. He gives me the silent treatment for months on end and so much rage.
My now ex narc said this after I called him out on a bunch of lies with evidence. He said (instead of addressing everything I just said), _Well just so you know… you’re not perfect._ I don’t anger easily and I’m not a violent person but I just about punched him in the face. Thankfully I only visualized it. Can anyone else relate?
😂 wow… “well just so you know, you’re not perfect. “ it’s so annoying they refuse to take accountability. Oh my God. They behave like terrified children & say you’re crazy… even when it’s obvious what’s happening
@@Nina-vv3ev Yes! He was mad at me for collecting evidence rather than just coming to him straight away with suspicions. I said - you’re denying things _now…_ WITH evidence. I’m supposed to believe you would’ve admitted to things WITHOUT evidence? Riiiight. He was mad about that rather than dealing with ME being mad that HE was lying. It’s amazing how tricky and sticky they can be if you’re not careful.
Omg can I relate!!! I caught the guy, I was dating, in SO many lies, he told me he was homeless and living in his truck, bouncing from friend to friend, we would meet, and then I would follow him home and he'd pull into his driveway. He lied to me about his daughter dying!!! and I called her, and she's alive, when I confronted him on all of this, which was hard to prove because I couldn't tell him how I knew... I had to do some of the things I did and follow him because I felt like I was going crazy. I knew he wasn't homeless and I knew these things, but I could never tell him how I knew or he would probably hurt me . When I said I knew about his lies he just went into a rage and it was all my fault and "I don't know anything" he said. He also threatened to get me fired from my job and ruin me financially because I didn't know what I was talking about. I'm just starting to try to heal...😢
@@kerirogers6923 This channel and Dr. Ramani really helped me heal. Definitely go no contact. It’s super hard but speeds up the healing process. No bday or holiday texts.
I'm surrounded by them...mother, father, relatives, 2 exes, all 5 siblings, a friend, and an adult child.. If one isn't giving me the silent treatment, then the rest are. I've gotten used to it, I go on about my life and shift the focus back to me and my youngest child. Narcs are very easily offended, don't like being told no, don't like hearing truth, don't like being called out on their crap or get mad because they can't control something. I feel like I'm babysitting adult todddlers.
I just discovered your channel in the recovery. I've watched several of your videos tonight. Andy's videos have done more healing for me than I'll be able to do for myself in the past year.
One thing they can NEVER do is admit being at fault and apologize for their intentional cruelty. The closest they ever get is "I'm sorry that you've chosen to be upset and unhappy."
Or, “ I only wanted you to find your purpose & make a difference,” (deflection) after destroying your character(gaslighting) in the process Yet I’ll always love her despite me blocking all contact. She helped save me from addiction over 30 years ago.
I was in a toxic relationship with a female covert narc, I had my own child hood issues I was always generally happy and consistent, but I didn't know why I was having anxiety, I'd come home and no matter what I did, it never seemed good enough, I'd come home to this week's then, I'd have enough I'd snap we'd have a bit of a row, I didn't know what this was but I'd not like to argue until we'd cool off but she'd chase me in to the bed room and I wouldn't be nasty to her per say, I'd tell her she's always so bloody miserable and always unhappy or always moaning a me about somethings that are silly little things, all I wanted was to come home and not talked to like crap she would leave room sta slamming doors and cupboards, thswas my first experience of narssasistic rage, when I would leave because I wasn't coping she would go completely crazy, I didn't know but that was a big rejection and injury to her, she'd hoover me back with sex then a promise to change and i did love her, I wasn't leaving I just wasn't putting up with it then she'd guilt me, anyway she cheated on me with an old man that was unhappily married I believe he also a narc, he's 60 she's 38, apparently I never knew how to understand her or could understand her, I did in the beginning but now she had changed, all her unhappiness is my fault, I said I never said one untrue thing to you I never lied ever to her, which turns out again the truth hurts I don't sugar coat thing I just say it as it is probably not a good trait to have but I'm not about bullshit, so she told me the truth hurt her, when the truth she be making you see and learn from it, still gaslights lies, I told her I know what she is now I still love her or rather who I thought she was called me a liar said I was delusional for explaining to her what she is mentally but if she knows it she won't say or even admit it, just telling them the truth mirror's back to them that's what hurt her, I hope she finds some happiness, but I know in my own mind I did the best I could and stayed way longer than I should of because I loved her, but she never loved me, just wasted those years living a lie sacrificed my happiness for her and her kids now I'm left with nothing, can't even see the kids no more, that's the hardest part is I have had to go no contact with them too, I acted crazy and irrationally in the end I was broken, never behaved like how I did in the end in my life, trauma bond and what I understand you take on some of yhere traits from the abuse and what has become the norm
I'm exhausted and at the end of my rope with my narcissistic ex-husband's gaslighting, extremely volatile personality and bouts of anger/rage that come out of nowhere every 48-72 hours. Each time he NEEDS something from me or my help, he acts so nice and polite and as soon as he gets what he wants, his personality switches 180 to an angry raging jerk. Every time I'm losing it, I come to this channel and watch and rewatch your videos for 1-2 hours. Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏
My very wise dad, told me over and over again…. If you want to know person’s “inside-outside” just pick a light fight, and listen very closely, how he/she reacted, what he/she said and how it been said.
I have also experienced minimizing your reliability and competence, constant hostility towards you and critical attitude to whatever you do or don't do as sign of having hurt a narc
Something that was eye opening for me that I didn't notice until after the relationship ended was that she ALWAYS went silent if she was ever in the wrong. It could be something simple like a random fact or something she got mixed up, anytime I corrected her or proved her wrong, she just got mad and completely quiet rather than saying "okay fine you're right". I thought it was just her being stubborn and didn't realize it was a narcissistic trait.
My girlfriend of 3.5 yrs has been giving me the silent treatment for almost 2 months. Yesterday she finally talked to me and was acting like nothing happened. I stopped her and tried to tell her it really hurt me and messed with my trust and she got defensive/upset. I'm getting the silent treatment again. This has helped me understand she's hurting and not just selfish.
She is ALSO hurting you… and that’s not ok. AND… if she is unwilling to do a deeper dive with you into what is going on that she would respond with such an extreme and hurtful action, then she ma be dealing with more than just selfishness….. dude this is a RED FLAG…. Do yourself a favor and deal with it sooner than later. Best wishes!!!
@@andrewrees8749 wow 10 yrs is so long! You must be an emotional wreck. I know I've changed, I don't do confrontation anymore and lost my backbone walking on egg shells. Then you have the sad/depressed, angry/hurt, and then you start to become ok and heal and say I'm moving on and they always pop back in and hoover you up again.
My younger sister is a narcissist , just recently she just got triggered for me telling her to give the keys back to our mom, she made threats and scream and wanted to fight me. My younger sister needs some psychological help and hopefully she get that help before it’s too late
I just got out of a 6 month relationship , with a textbook covert female narcissist , and even though I thought she was the greatest woman I've ever met , in 6 months , the way she treated me , life , and reality , made me physically , mentally , and spiritually ill. So , I made her leave , it's been 3 months , since I did , and she still contacts me , and blames me for everything , but wants to try again. No thank you
I keep hearing that people are stone walling, but what if you’re constantly cutoff when you try to explain anything, like your feelings? The exhaustion is deep boundaries or not
Oh yes they'll call you crazy B if you tell them you see thru them. They'll try to turn things around on you. I said stop. He blocked me. What a relief.
If you block them before they block you, your character will be assassinated everywhere and you will be punished. Hopefully they don't have any dirt on you.
He is reaching out to me after 6 months on WhatsApp. In these "thinking of you" , "hugging you in my thoughts" without a single syllable addressing his behavior (he gets so angry that he breaks up and leaves me stranded/locked out etc). I have not forgotten all that he has done and I am still in a place of peace without him in my life. Thoughts? Advice?
Stay the course….no contact. You’ll be much further ahead than if you take him back. Because then the cycle will start all over again and he will leave you stranded again….only this will be years later (or in my case, decades). Don’t waste another year of your life. He can’t change. Good luck to you!! Stay strong. 🥰
He's breadcrumbing you to see if/ how hard they need to work to get back in your life. Chances are they're trash love is not worth your peace of mind. move on and love yourself!! Life's short. Go have fun. You don't need a partner to do that!!
@@ShogunateDaimyo Hug you from afar! Thank you SO much for responding. Your description of his "bread-crumbing" is spot on and describes his MO accurately. I still have him muted. A piece of mail came offering up why he was texting through WhatsApp. He is in Europe on the trip that we planned forever ago. He had no idea that I cashed my ticket in for an e-credit. And probably showed up to take the trip magically thinking that I would still be heading there. Oy! I am ever grateful for your response and for the peace I have without him in my life. Thank you again for your positive energy!
I'm experiencing all this right now trying to heal and move forward. I feel Soooo stupid that I still miss him he pushed me in a rage left me stranded threaten my livelihood etc.... Ohh the lies!!! Then would sweet talk me . I hope I feel power and close the door and put him out of my mind soon, it's been the hardest thing ever!!
My husband is giving me the silent treatment...in it for almost 4 most now. I've hurt him a lot over the years, and have really been trying to work on my issues. Can the smear campaign refer to counselors too? We have had many counselors tell us how to try to communicate in a healthy manner. He insists that he is burnt out...though he refuses to communicate or to end the marriage. When I point out how his behavior is wrong and not acceptable...and that I've talked about different perspectives with my counselor (he says 'he may be burnt out, but he is still making a choice to do this...in an unhealthy way"). My husband says ' he is only getting one side. Id LOVE to talk to him". I think he is firmly expecting the counselor to say "oh, if she's been that awful in the past, you certainly have the right to do xyz". Is that considered smear campaigning? Like he's trying to pull the counselor to his side?
I doubt she believes deep down I am but in the end she claimed to all her friends I’m a narcissist. I gave the silent treatment but because I noticed and faced her narcisisstic abuse in the beggining of the relationship. She had me convinced I had something wrong with me but only thing wrong was Me falling for her gaslighting and blame shifting.
I rather like the idea that they get some kind of payback for some things, and it does seem like that’s the only way to make it stop. But then again you still can’t win Bcuz they only get worse and lash out or become an even bigger victim. But however, it has def been super helpful for me to reframe it. I feel a lot more empowered when I can simply realize that I’m not being attacked Bcuz I’m weak. I’m being attacked Bcuz I’m strong. Still ironic tho. How being “strong” seems to be a cause to get more flack. I still think it’s better to be strong tho…regardless. Truly tho. The only real fact of the matter is that they are attacking me. Everything else about why is totally up to interpretation. And what else are they ever besides perception twisters anyways? So I may as well interpret it in a way that helps me. This reframing has also been very helpful to me in the area of how their control over me is only a kind of illusionist show. It’s not real. I am free and they are by now desperately scrambling to try and get me to believe that they are still the Czar over my life (narc parents). It only hurts now if I start to believe in their fake show of high and mighty “prowess.” Like go home you fake little baby tyrant with your fake little crown. You have no real power here. I swat you like a fly and Jimmy cracked corn and I don’t care. Be gone. Lol.
I’ve gone no contact from my ex fiancé for a year and a half now and she used to do that silent treatment and lay in the bed facing the wall if I said no to something and I would just tell her to go to bed then I’m not dealing with temper-tantrums.. now I know why it pissed her off so much 😂 I said no to a narcissist.. thank god I got rid of her she was the most toxic human being I ever met.
Your content is great.. if I may, as a public speaker I have a small suggestion. You speak celery, but the points you make are often made quickly. It’s my personal and professional opinion that either a visual aid or a little extra pausing, with some slightly indulge extra explanatory example would go a long way in your already stupendous and informative content. With all the love and respect! Keep it up!
I have slightly narsastic friend he use to be a complete piece of human garbage but now he is chill. He might be a narc but he isnt a bad person. These are people as well. I just wanna put that out there.
I refused to pursue his landlord to accept late rent while he was out of town for work. He decided to get evicted and move without letting me know where he went. I blocked him, no contact when he asked for me to leave his mail I had picked up and my key inside( locks had been changed) I blocked him, knowing he would blame me somehow. My ex husband was also a narc.
Peace is a lie. There is only Passion. Through Passion, I gain Strength. Through Strength, I gain Power. Through Power, I gain Victory. Through Victory my chains are Broken. The Force shall free me.-Sith-😂 I am wrath. After 12 long years of misery I cannot do anything but become a dark empath and literally break that person down. Also raised by Narcissistic father so the feelings are deep. I will no longer carry others burdens and let stuff go.
ok the first one creates a mobius loop because the silent treatment/cut off contact is how to counter a narc yet it can be made to portray you as the narc. how do you counter that?
Asking partner with hearing loss to turn down the volume on their phone in a common space in the house, since they can be unaware of it being too loud: "Hey, would you mind turning that down a couple notches? It's just a little loud for me right now." *Partner grabs phone aggressively and storms out of room* "Whoa, I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean to upset you. What is your preferred way for me to ask you to turn things down?" "I'm not upset! You're always too sensitive to noise! You're always telling me to turn stuff down! Maybe you need to be wearing some ear plugs. I can listen to stuff at the volume I want, I'm hard of hearing" "Would you mind using The headphones I got you for Christmas that you like?" "I can use this when I want to, I don't have to work around all your sensitivities"
@@DannyTimms-j8q they don't try any of the solutions they have been given as gifts or otherwise, and they often don't need the volume to be turned up that high but they just don't realize it's that loud. The issue is not with them needing the volume to be high, it's with the disrespectful reactions, no matter how the situation is approached, and the lack of willingness to put in any effort to change anything even though we have agreed on several different potential solutions in the past. They get extremely defensive no matter what and get mad at me and make it seem like I'm a bad guy even if I bring them their headphones or something like that and ask if they will do that just for now if that's where they want to be and what they want to listen to. It's hard to convey through text, maybe, what I was focusing on the real issue being.
I'm going to risk painting myself with a bad brush here but I envy the Narc. I wish I had the social skills and lack of ethics to get a series of people to play different positive roles in my life. Wouldn't it be lovely to have a lovely person at home waiting for you while a team of others showers you with positive regard and tries to make you happy? Maybe. I've never had anything close. Ideally I'd like a mutual 2 way fair relationship with real love but in 47 years I've never seen it. I've been in a dozen serious relationships and every time I spotted the red flags of manipulation, isolation, catch 22 situations, pointless arguments over nothing, love bombing etc and every time I let it slide because if I didn't I'd have died a virgin! Not one single woman has ever shown interest in me who wasn't like this. Maybe it's the open book vulnerability or my lack of social skills or my anxiety or people pleasing instincts. I just can't attract real people, only ever these fakers who go on to cheat all over the place and lie to me from day one. I'd love to see my ex taken down a peg or two because she's sitting pretty with a dozen men serving her while I'm disabled by her actions for months. Living well is a great way to defeat the Narc if you're healthy but I'm not. I'm an empty shell too. Only I have no supply to keep my head above water. :(
Just done this with my ex wife. She claims she's tired...after she's been abroad on a hem doo and before she's planning to also spend two days at the wedding....with me having the kids... But she's so exhausted. Photos online show her partying hard.....no wonder she's tired. She's desperately trying to control me with kindness md lying to her parents and showing them anger texts from me to make me a bad guy.... I told her...tell the truth and we will call it quits She won't She's......gone quiet now she always does Predictable
well...firstly I think everyone goes silent when they are hurt right?...I refuse to be called a victim but I have a couple of narcs in my life, they hurt, I hide...so I don't think this applies in some instances.
I wonder if there is something like spectrum rather than saying that 1 out of 6 people will be a narcissist. It seems that narrcisists are truly everywhere or at least almost everyone engage to a degree in this game. When you call out on it the rest switches to silence. Typically nobody will support the truth and they will leave you standing alone. Is there really such a thing as fleshed out narcissist vs normally wired person? Looking at society, cultural norms, family involvements and almost everyone seeking attention I doubt that majority is ok. It's harder to find normal human beings to stick around than crushing into bunch of narcissists everywhere. Everyone on social media is engaging to a degree in this behaviour. Everyone who's seeking attention is acting like narcissist to me. You don't have to be narcissistic thug to be narcissist either. Majority is ruthless in passive aggressive way towards their closest circle and anyone willing to be vulnerable in front of them while being scared to do anything against more known prominent bullies. Maybe it's pessimistic view but majority of people is inhumane by default.
U are wise , seem like the whole world tries to mold you by default into a narcissistic, type person , it’s praised and highly encouraged to do this type of stuff , and it seems like u catch these traits in EVERY setting if you pay close attention. The good people are often put into situations to either , put integrity first and get shamed and harassed until you leave . Or they want you to conform and be a sell out
Not telling you why or what is wrong is a power play and their chance to see you in emotional distress for their pleasure as you jump through hoops... It is also in my case her inability to admit to cheating and her being angry that she was getting away with it... Our work shifts did not match .I was on 1st 2nd and 3rd at any given time while she worked a as needed job. She worked less hrs as I worked 40 at least. She had the time to not be caught and a excuse of random hrs yet was angry at me for not noticing ... She wanted to be caught and get away with it at the same time...
I treated the narc, just as he treated me.. reverse psychology.. But I decided to leave his sorry, miserable ass alone. He's texted, but I said that there wasn't anyone with my name at my number... We have to take control of our lives...
I’m sorry, but I’m unhappy deep down & sad because of how my covert narc & parents treat me, so no, I don’t have empathy for my brother who is textbook covert toward me & my spouse & child, and is so nasty, throws a tantrum or cruel passive aggressive & my parents enable him & want to just ‘shove it under the rug’ & expect me to act like he never behaved the way he did toward me & my family & they put on me to ‘move on’. I accepted his fake apology that he then went back-on & have been very nice & respectful when we have spoken, but he constantly does textbook narc actions, uses my parents to triangulate. I’m sad as I’ve tried to grieve the relationship I thought I had w him and my parents . I’ve made a big effort to continue a relationship w my parents, they constantly trigger me about my brother & how they enable & I work on being calm & trying not to respond, but right now I’m sad underneath. So no, I don’t care if my nasty hurtful disrespectful brother is sad underneath, we grew up together and there is no excuse of him behaving this way toward me & my family
I'm going through this for the past 10 years, I used to think that was my fault. However, I have started to realise that that's not possible. I'm exhausted and frustrated. But I'm concerned about leaving my children alone with a narcissist mother, there's a lot of conflict between them also. Is there any recommendations how to handle this issue? Thanks
5:48 I could ask my ex if she wanted vanilla or chocolate.. it would trigger a high-pitched screeching tirade. Funny thing is, we get along fine now after divorce.
Post divorce my EX and I were similar. She knew she fucked up and I had the better outcome and that any time she started throwing her BS around I could just walk away and there was nothing she could do about it.
It really depends on so many factors (including the relationship itself, its impact on you and how driven you are to do the work on getting back to you). I know that's not the answer you were looking for, but I hope it helps some 🙏❤
What about the injury these narc psychos caused to the parents, the families of the victims they killed? (All unarmed innocent civilians. surya kiran is one of them) . How should the victims act or react to their injuries.?
![State of Play | September 24, 2024 [ENGLISH]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/fVs0suPHAX8/mqdefault.jpg)
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
Your so interesting
No matter how many times you hurt these narcissists, they are not going to change for the better. It is going to be a never ending cycle over and over again till they age out and their supply starts to dwindle away. Then this will drive them to the point of narcissistic collapse.
One of the best comments I've ever read on this channel. Saved it as a screenshot. Thanks!
Great comment! At what age do they “age out”? Different age for female vs male narcissist?
@@drdauger Some of the best answers I’ve read on the aging Narcissist is from HG Tudor & Dr Ramani. As they get older & lose their looks, they realize they can’t manipulate people as easily anymore and have also alienated so many that they are lonely & have no fuel. They then start to Implode. But, they never really take any responsibility for any of it.
@@drdaugerwhen they are buried. 😂 truly . My mom has my brother and his family as her flying monkeys , so she will die being adored by them.
Not a lot of bed side confessions coming from a narc.
@@drdaugerI can see my ex gf ageing out once she reaches 50. She’s trying to slow it down with facial injections, keeping fit and other stuff.
Silent treatment isnt because they are hurt. Its because they are wrong and refuse to admit it.
Both
Amen. Silent treatment isn't a curse, but a blessing.
Being wrong hurts them because it causes them to feel shame and they blame you for that... So they punish you with the silent treatment...
@@onyxbellz they have no shame. On contrary, they double down on their 2 year old selves. I’m holding two police case reports in 3 days. Plus obtaining stay away order/injunction on Monday. I went Friday but the office had 5 other victims to process. Asked me to come back Monday.
It’s really pervasive in society with those abusers
They burnt their whole world down trying to take yours out and they cant find a way to blame you for what they did to themsleve so they just stop talking.
1. Silent treatment
2. Projection
3. Narcissistic rage
4. Guilt tripping
5. Smear campaign / revenge
And smear campaign. I know that one far too well.
In my home, the silent treatment is used as a way of punishing you for speaking the truth.
@@robinhenry-fussy5240- silent treatment is away for them to tell you that not only are they angry with you, but enforcing that you’re not worthy of their attention or thoughts or time. And certainly not any efforts to work it out. It’s a childish, manipulative behavior that has no place in adult relationships. But yet, it’s the go to for the narcissist.
You deserve better, you deserve to be heard and valued and loved
Thanks. I was going to do this.
@@CTHou13 I highly recommend getting out of these relationships as I did a few months ago. But in the meantime while you’re trying to get out of a relationship (or you can’t) I recommend this. Act like you are mad at _them…_ and don’t want to talk to them. A majority of the time they don’t wanna be around you when you are angry and quiet and will do anything to get rid of the anger and silence. Like admitting they are wrong or at least knocking off the childish silence treatment. This works for bosses as well. I have tried it multiple times! Successfully.
You can beg and beg to be told what is wrong and they refuse. So if nothing is wrong then I don’t have anything to fix .
Laughed out in the middle of the night. 😂👏🏽
Don't beg anyone, walk away
Hm
I actually stopped caring, forgive her for her mental illness and have quickly moved on with my life! I still enjoy your content!
I want to be you! I admire you! I feel like this person is crushing every part of me.
Exactly!! And you feel so much better when you do!!
I sometimes am ashamed that I secretly hope they will meet Karma and face the truth, crumble, and never get back their 'strength'.
Yup, simple as that, walking away!
I think i am moving into that stage
Beat a smear by saying absolutely nothing.... Take the attack standing.... Six months later the mutual people will know who is what.
Yes, that's what I started doing till I was helped to escape these roommates!
Yes stay quiet. They want to know you are upset. They love that. Screw them with silence.
silence isnt always the best way… have video or audio evidence and show those who are closest to you or feel safe. You dont wanna feel alone in these situations.
When I used to teach, I got the silent treatment from a several colleagues. It took some time for me to realize they were "hurt" by the fact that I was living the life they felt should have been theirs (I was single and living on my own, in comparison to them.) Narcissists get hurt by the smallest things, and they can't tell you because they lack self-awareness. But once you figure them out, just stay away because they will do whatever they can to sabotage you. Hence I left teaching. I was done with the drama.
OMG. So true. My ex is a highschool teacher for 25 years. She creates alot of drama with other married coworkers. She is a single MOM, and gets jealous when other teachers have social affairs because she wants that attention.She has been around teenagers so long that she adopted poor behaviors. She is 46 with an 8 year old. It was alot to deal with and I had to leave because it was getting too toxic and changing my behavior. I hate myself for my reactions. I lost who I am.
You will see this most if your situation ends up in a civil lawsuit dispute 😢
And a judge fails to take notice of the signs of a narcissist…
Or they don't care because they are crooked even more so than they have ever been and they like to take the bad guys side. Super sad. Pray next time. God bless u
Im going through this now and i ignore everything!
Stay strong! You’re not alone 😅
Get out asap
There came a time I found myself repeating " I've done all I could to help her, but it's never enough. Time to focus on myself and walk away. NOT only was I dealing with her behaviors, but her son's behaviors and the influence of her EX. Then her mother started with narcisstic behavior, and I'm NOT fighting a war on all sides. Time to retreat within myself.
Narc sister is currently giving me the silent treatment for something she did wrong! Unbelievable.
Me too! She put on a barbeque for father's day, and invited everyone but me. She knows this hurt my feelings, and she never even attempted to apologise. I have gone no contact and I plan to stay away from her as much as possible. Hope you are okay dealing with your narcissistic sister.
If I'm willingly not talking to you, I've discovered something within you that I don't trust. It's that simple. I don't waste my energy, time or attention on insecure manipulators who only want attention, and not a relationship. It's all about them. Maturity, accountability and honesty are basic values I need and trust.
This ! prob they think you are the narc who is giving them the silent treatment ...
I had a coworker who always tried to talk over everyone, and make the decisions for all others in the department. In the end i felt so done talking to him... the constant haugtiness & the domination games he had been running for months really turned me off. He felt really upset & did not understand why my friendliness dropped...
I don't feel i need to explain this to a 50yo male with a university degree: If you constantly piss people off, they get fed up with you in the end.
Dealt with this on and off for many years. Glad to be done with him and the games.
Games!!!
@@vickibazter3446
Yes, the mind games
Congrats. Be happy now
you will always be weak and insignificant lmfao
My dad like to turn the whole family against me. And doesn’t speak to me. And I just continue with my life , happy and listening to good music.
Dad lies to others about me. I can't be bothered with him!
You wonderfully explained how miserable narcissistic people are, and how much stronger, against becoming triggered they would be if they'd only go and get some help learning how to understand and process their feelings. You think this information would motivate them to get some help, but they won't even admit they are miserable, (unless of course it's all about receiving a supply of sympathy from someone who will believe them as they blame you for all their problems). Pride blinds. They can't hear you. Their automatic thinking is, "you can't possibly see or understand anything I can't already see and understand because I'm better than you. I have to be. It's a rule of the universe!" ...And they are too unthinking and lacking in insight to ever discover for themselves that they need help. I guess this is the high price of being superior to everyone.
"They won't even admit they are miserable unless it means they will recieve sympathy from someone who will listen. " My ex narc would send messages telling me how miserable, and lonely she was and how I didn't care. I would tell her to find a new partner if I made her feel that bad.
It was hurtful. Eventually we broke up. I felt I couldn't do enough for her.
This is spot on... Getting out of four year relationship, with female narcissist . Never had any idea about any of this,until I started asking Google questions.... Omg i have been through so much. Run! Run!!! Run...if you're in a relationship with one...
I got the silent treatment when my husband was preparing to blindside me and leave to move in with his coworker. At the time, i had no idea what was happening
I could always tell when I hurt my narcissistic boss when she would start crying crocodile tears. And it occurred when she clearly lost control over the conversation and her tactics didn't work. My response is that when she would start talking, is I wouldn't say anything and just walk away. She really hated that more than anything I could ever say or do.
My narc sister use to dish out the silent treatment for 45 years till I gave her the permanent silent treatment. She even gave my narc mother the silent treatment and my she passed turning the silent treatment. Then the narc sister acts likes she so hurt because our mother died. But my mother was a narc and so was my sister. I am permanently no contact with her over 10 years now I am at peace.
Glad to hear it. This makes a lot of sense actually. I constantly experience this. Had another meeting with my narc mother's rage the other day where she screamed at me that she wished i "had another mental breakdown and unalived myself" and that she "hopes every day i walk under a bus"
I'm glad she's hurt. At least i can take comfort in that.
They are so unforgiving and it doesnt matter how many times i said sorry he wouldnt accept it. He would never apologise or take responsibility for any of his behaviour. Everything was my fault, there was something wrong with me, and he did not care about my boundaries. If we argued, it took him a week to be fully right with me but would never let me forget about things id said or done.
I just love how they will start a fight from nothing then act like the victim. When you finally get mad and tell them to suck air they start puffing up and slamming shit and yelling. I tell him to quit acting like a 3 year old and his yelling/ breaking and slamming shit doesn't scare me. I'm like "I'll drag you to the front lawn and knock you tf out in front of the neighbours" lol. This is coming from someone who was always trying to please him and wondering why he's so weird and awful to me... but when I figured out after googling his behaviours it al made sense. Now I'm not entertaining his behaviour. He actually had me thinking it was me who was doing wrong. It wasn't ever me ❤️
So many times I apologized for things when I really shouldn't have. My NPD person is now in a Nursing home with a part time sitter. Wonder how thats working out...
Work for your self please
Put a few things in perspective that I was reading all wrong. Helped me a lot today. Thank you!
Glad it helped 🙏❤
Highly recommended: informative insights about typical narcissist personality types who are totally void of a “moral compass” unless you have a valid premise for a particular “situationship” your time and efforts will be better spent with absolutely no contact. Also keep in mind if alcohol is involved, which is quite common, it’s serving yet another purpose , so depends on your level and duration of involvement you not only will have an unexpected breakup to contend with when your discarded it may also be compounded with alcohol withdrawal and sex addiction.
Notes on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Alcohol Usage Disorder (AUD):
NPD and AUD frequently co-exist and can increase the effects of each other. People with a pattern of narcissism often turn to alcohol to reinforce a false sense of grandiosity. People with AUD, also known as alcoholism, can display patterns of narcissism, including self-absorption and an underlying craving for admiration.
Does alcohol give narcissists an escape from reality? Narcissists seem to drink more often than others. I never thought about the correlation between the two 😐
Set boundaries and moving on. Best why ignore the foolishness.
I cant thank you enough for this channel. You have been coaching me for a year getting out of a personal hell of living with a narcissist. I'm almost out of it and I don't think I could of done it without what I've learned from your videos.
I'll repost in a month once I'm 100% free and clear.
Yes!
Yes, thank you sooo much!
If you have children, google Tina Swithin. She is a Godsend.
I've gone through the first cycle. I'm SO glad to find out I've affected them, because I've been feeling like a speck, powerless. And the projection? OMG!
If youre seeing that, this whole thing is gonna end up in no contact. Save yourself the confusion and pain. Get away.
@brandonwalpole6058 I've cut all contact over a year ago, yet I'm still dealing with the effects of a lifetime of gaslighting and being told in various ways that I'm "less than . . ." Know what I mean? The damage is extensive. CPTSD type of extensive. It still hurts.
Unfortunately, I know exactly what you're talking about.
Starve them of attention without getting negative emotions and you will win.
If asked about them on friendly terms by others, draw the line and suggest there’s no friendship there, just someone you know of and you don’t really know them that well.
It drives them crazy, because they obviously do know you well and will be the first to prove that’s not a lie because that’s the only truth they have.
The people who hear this will think “that’s odd, they have loads of things to say and they’re not even friends”
Usually this is all done quite frustratedly, the crown slips quite quickly. This is exactly what they don’t want.
It’s very toxic, but with regards to them, you have to play their game better than them. Don’t feel bad, they don’t really have feelings.
Narcissist are toxic for you because you are not trained and equipped to handle them..but its even more toxic to keep your focus on a Narcissist..you will start to call everyone a Narcissist in your world
5 things. You talked about one thing. 5 ways thay play games. I agree. Maybe it's just past time to walk away. Sure did help me to feel better. Have a great day
even after leaving a narcissist… it’s important to keep educating yourself since narcissism is always evolving.
It may evolve to a degree, but as with current politics, it will reach a point where it has lost all credibility and all they have left is insane lies of one type or another that anyone paying any attention at all can see through with ease.
Christina,I want to thank you so much for this video. It is gold and it helps me understand my narcissist husband's behaviour. Everything you described is what he's been doing for year's and will never change. He gives me the silent treatment for months on end and so much rage.
My now ex narc said this after I called him out on a bunch of lies with evidence. He said (instead of addressing everything I just said), _Well just so you know… you’re not perfect._ I don’t anger easily and I’m not a violent person but I just about punched him in the face. Thankfully I only visualized it. Can anyone else relate?
😂 wow… “well just so you know, you’re not perfect. “
it’s so annoying they refuse to take accountability. Oh my God.
They behave like terrified children & say you’re crazy… even when it’s obvious what’s happening
@@Nina-vv3ev Yes! He was mad at me for collecting evidence rather than just coming to him straight away with suspicions. I said - you’re denying things _now…_ WITH evidence. I’m supposed to believe you would’ve admitted to things WITHOUT evidence? Riiiight. He was mad about that rather than dealing with ME being mad that HE was lying. It’s amazing how tricky and sticky they can be if you’re not careful.
Omg can I relate!!! I caught the guy, I was dating, in SO many lies, he told me he was homeless and living in his truck, bouncing from friend to friend, we would meet, and then I would follow him home and he'd pull into his driveway. He lied to me about his daughter dying!!! and I called her, and she's alive, when I confronted him on all of this, which was hard to prove because I couldn't tell him how I knew... I had to do some of the things I did and follow him because I felt like I was going crazy. I knew he wasn't homeless and I knew these things, but I could never tell him how I knew or he would probably hurt me . When I said I knew about his lies he just went into a rage and it was all my fault and "I don't know anything" he said. He also threatened to get me fired from my job and ruin me financially because I didn't know what I was talking about. I'm just starting to try to heal...😢
I relate 100%,!
@@kerirogers6923 This channel and Dr. Ramani really helped me heal. Definitely go no contact. It’s super hard but speeds up the healing process. No bday or holiday texts.
I'm surrounded by them...mother, father, relatives, 2 exes, all 5 siblings, a friend, and an adult child..
If one isn't giving me the silent treatment, then the rest are. I've gotten used to it, I go on about my life and shift the focus back to me and my youngest child. Narcs are very easily offended, don't like being told no, don't like hearing truth, don't like being called out on their crap or get mad because they can't control something. I feel like I'm babysitting adult todddlers.
I just discovered your channel in the recovery. I've watched several of your videos tonight. Andy's videos have done more healing for me than I'll be able to do for myself in the past year.
One thing they can NEVER do is admit being at fault and apologize for their intentional cruelty. The closest they ever get is "I'm sorry that you've chosen to be upset and unhappy."
Or, “ I only wanted you to find your purpose & make a difference,” (deflection) after destroying your character(gaslighting) in the process
Yet I’ll always love her despite me blocking all contact. She helped save me from addiction over 30 years ago.
I've heard " I'm sorry you feel I hurt you ". Bullshit apology.
@@clintonnagy1662 not an apology. Gross
Yes!! They hate admitting they are wrong!!
So true! I once got "sorry for whatever I did to you" it was the most insincere thing I'd heard
I was in a toxic relationship with a female covert narc, I had my own child hood issues I was always generally happy and consistent, but I didn't know why I was having anxiety, I'd come home and no matter what I did, it never seemed good enough, I'd come home to this week's then, I'd have enough I'd snap we'd have a bit of a row, I didn't know what this was but I'd not like to argue until we'd cool off but she'd chase me in to the bed room and I wouldn't be nasty to her per say, I'd tell her she's always so bloody miserable and always unhappy or always moaning a me about somethings that are silly little things, all I wanted was to come home and not talked to like crap she would leave room sta slamming doors and cupboards, thswas my first experience of narssasistic rage, when I would leave because I wasn't coping she would go completely crazy, I didn't know but that was a big rejection and injury to her, she'd hoover me back with sex then a promise to change and i did love her, I wasn't leaving I just wasn't putting up with it then she'd guilt me, anyway she cheated on me with an old man that was unhappily married I believe he also a narc, he's 60 she's 38, apparently I never knew how to understand her or could understand her, I did in the beginning but now she had changed, all her unhappiness is my fault, I said I never said one untrue thing to you I never lied ever to her, which turns out again the truth hurts I don't sugar coat thing I just say it as it is probably not a good trait to have but I'm not about bullshit, so she told me the truth hurt her, when the truth she be making you see and learn from it, still gaslights lies, I told her I know what she is now I still love her or rather who I thought she was called me a liar said I was delusional for explaining to her what she is mentally but if she knows it she won't say or even admit it, just telling them the truth mirror's back to them that's what hurt her, I hope she finds some happiness, but I know in my own mind I did the best I could and stayed way longer than I should of because I loved her, but she never loved me, just wasted those years living a lie sacrificed my happiness for her and her kids now I'm left with nothing, can't even see the kids no more, that's the hardest part is I have had to go no contact with them too, I acted crazy and irrationally in the end I was broken, never behaved like how I did in the end in my life, trauma bond and what I understand you take on some of yhere traits from the abuse and what has become the norm
I'm exhausted and at the end of my rope with my narcissistic ex-husband's gaslighting, extremely volatile personality and bouts of anger/rage that come out of nowhere every 48-72 hours. Each time he NEEDS something from me or my help, he acts so nice and polite and as soon as he gets what he wants, his personality switches 180 to an angry raging jerk.
Every time I'm losing it, I come to this channel and watch and rewatch your videos for 1-2 hours. Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏
That's for your insight! It helps us understand what goes in with them.
My very wise dad, told me over and over again….
If you want to know person’s “inside-outside” just pick a light fight, and listen very closely, how he/she reacted, what he/she said and how it been said.
Terrible advice.
🙋♀️more than a year of suffering from an abusive narcissist cheating partner
I have also experienced minimizing your reliability and competence, constant hostility towards you and critical attitude to whatever you do or don't do as sign of having hurt a narc
Something that was eye opening for me that I didn't notice until after the relationship ended was that she ALWAYS went silent if she was ever in the wrong. It could be something simple like a random fact or something she got mixed up, anytime I corrected her or proved her wrong, she just got mad and completely quiet rather than saying "okay fine you're right".
I thought it was just her being stubborn and didn't realize it was a narcissistic trait.
I am finally away from them, and havung 🙋🏻♀️nightmares still fron my CPTSD.
Thank you so much for your channel
It helps me validate my feelings.
Sorry to hear that. I hope you have a good support system now 🙏❤
@@CommonEgo I do, thank goodness. Thanks
I have not spoken to her for 5 months now she talks to me through a child phone.demanding money.she is so unbelievable.
They are dumbfounded when you walk away. Like: literally mouth open.
My girlfriend of 3.5 yrs has been giving me the silent treatment for almost 2 months. Yesterday she finally talked to me and was acting like nothing happened. I stopped her and tried to tell her it really hurt me and messed with my trust and she got defensive/upset. I'm getting the silent treatment again. This has helped me understand she's hurting and not just selfish.
She is ALSO hurting you… and that’s not ok. AND… if she is unwilling to do a deeper dive with you into what is going on that she would respond with such an extreme and hurtful action, then she ma be dealing with more than just selfishness….. dude this is a RED FLAG…. Do yourself a favor and deal with it sooner than later. Best wishes!!!
She will always do it , just walk away, 10 yrs I've put up with it, I know it's hard to deal with !
@@andrewrees8749 wow 10 yrs is so long! You must be an emotional wreck. I know I've changed, I don't do confrontation anymore and lost my backbone walking on egg shells. Then you have the sad/depressed, angry/hurt, and then you start to become ok and heal and say I'm moving on and they always pop back in and hoover you up again.
Nope, after 60 yrs of silent treatments, it's because they know they are wrong . Just leave now
My younger sister is a narcissist , just recently she just got triggered for me telling her to give the keys back to our mom, she made threats and scream and wanted to fight me. My younger sister needs some psychological help and hopefully she get that help before it’s too late
New sub here 👋🏾 Love all your content! Maybe I overlooked it or I haven’t gotten to it yet, but can you do a video regarding narcissistic friendships?
I just got out of a 6 month relationship , with a textbook covert female narcissist , and even though I thought she was the greatest woman I've ever met , in 6 months , the way she treated me , life , and reality , made me physically , mentally , and spiritually ill.
So , I made her leave , it's been 3 months , since I did , and she still contacts me , and blames me for everything , but wants to try again. No thank you
I keep hearing that people are stone walling, but what if you’re constantly cutoff when you try to explain anything, like your feelings? The exhaustion is deep boundaries or not
Thank you so much❤
Oh yes they'll call you crazy B if you tell them you see thru them.
They'll try to turn things around on you.
I said stop.
He blocked me.
What a relief.
If you block them before they block you, your character will be assassinated everywhere and you will be punished. Hopefully they don't have any dirt on you.
Absolutely love your content dear!! 💙💙💜
Thank you! 🙏❤
He is reaching out to me after 6 months on WhatsApp. In these "thinking of you" , "hugging you in my thoughts" without a single syllable addressing his behavior (he gets so angry that he breaks up and leaves me stranded/locked out etc). I have not forgotten all that he has done and I am still in a place of peace without him in my life. Thoughts? Advice?
Stay the course….no contact. You’ll be much further ahead than if you take him back. Because then the cycle will start all over again and he will leave you stranded again….only this will be years later (or in my case, decades). Don’t waste another year of your life. He can’t change. Good luck to you!! Stay strong. 🥰
He's breadcrumbing you to see if/ how hard they need to work to get back in your life. Chances are they're trash love is not worth your peace of mind. move on and love yourself!! Life's short. Go have fun. You don't need a partner to do that!!
@@ShogunateDaimyo Hug you from afar! Thank you SO much for responding. Your description of his "bread-crumbing" is spot on and describes his MO accurately. I still have him muted. A piece of mail came offering up why he was texting through WhatsApp. He is in Europe on the trip that we planned forever ago. He had no idea that I cashed my ticket in for an e-credit. And probably showed up to take the trip magically thinking that I would still be heading there. Oy! I am ever grateful for your response and for the peace I have without him in my life. Thank you again for your positive energy!
I'm experiencing all this right now trying to heal and move forward. I feel Soooo stupid that I still miss him he pushed me in a rage left me stranded threaten my livelihood etc.... Ohh the lies!!! Then would sweet talk me . I hope I feel power and close the door and put him out of my mind soon, it's been the hardest thing ever!!
@@kerirogers6923 I send myself 5 daily reminders of the things he did just so I won't fall for the sweet talk. Actually, it helps.
Trauma bond is also going through trauma together .
Or when someone adds themselves to your trauma .
My narc ex went hard with the smear campaign... That explains a great deal!
If you get the silent treatment and you tell them to stop and they don't: leave
It's patterns in narcissists.
I’m currently dealing with the silent treatment rn.
Consider yourself lucky, enjoy the silence
My husband is giving me the silent treatment...in it for almost 4 most now. I've hurt him a lot over the years, and have really been trying to work on my issues. Can the smear campaign refer to counselors too? We have had many counselors tell us how to try to communicate in a healthy manner. He insists that he is burnt out...though he refuses to communicate or to end the marriage. When I point out how his behavior is wrong and not acceptable...and that I've talked about different perspectives with my counselor (he says 'he may be burnt out, but he is still making a choice to do this...in an unhealthy way"). My husband says ' he is only getting one side. Id LOVE to talk to him". I think he is firmly expecting the counselor to say "oh, if she's been that awful in the past, you certainly have the right to do xyz". Is that considered smear campaigning? Like he's trying to pull the counselor to his side?
🖐️ Thank You for your RUclips Channel.
I doubt she believes deep down I am but in the end she claimed to all her friends I’m a narcissist. I gave the silent treatment but because I noticed and faced her narcisisstic abuse in the beggining of the relationship. She had me convinced I had something wrong with me but only thing wrong was Me falling for her gaslighting and blame shifting.
My ex used to tell me that he was unhappy [in the relationship] for a while. I thought it was me who was making him unhappy.
I told my boyfriend that he needs to eat more vegetables and drink water, told me Im using food to control him, and called me a narcissist!
Your opinion and help doesn’t matter to a narcissist 😊
I rather like the idea that they get some kind of payback for some things, and it does seem like that’s the only way to make it stop. But then again you still can’t win Bcuz they only get worse and lash out or become an even bigger victim.
But however, it has def been super helpful for me to reframe it. I feel a lot more empowered when I can simply realize that I’m not being attacked Bcuz I’m weak. I’m being attacked Bcuz I’m strong. Still ironic tho. How being “strong” seems to be a cause to get more flack. I still think it’s better to be strong tho…regardless. Truly tho. The only real fact of the matter is that they are attacking me. Everything else about why is totally up to interpretation. And what else are they ever besides perception twisters anyways? So I may as well interpret it in a way that helps me.
This reframing has also been very helpful to me in the area of how their control over me is only a kind of illusionist show. It’s not real. I am free and they are by now desperately scrambling to try and get me to believe that they are still the Czar over my life (narc parents). It only hurts now if I start to believe in their fake show of high and mighty “prowess.” Like go home you fake little baby tyrant with your fake little crown. You have no real power here. I swat you like a fly and Jimmy cracked corn and I don’t care. Be gone. Lol.
I’ve gone no contact from my ex fiancé for a year and a half now and she used to do that silent treatment and lay in the bed facing the wall if I said no to something and I would just tell her to go to bed then I’m not dealing with temper-tantrums.. now I know why it pissed her off so much 😂 I said no to a narcissist.. thank god I got rid of her she was the most toxic human being I ever met.
Your content is great.. if I may, as a public speaker I have a small suggestion.
You speak celery, but the points you make are often made quickly.
It’s my personal and professional opinion that either a visual aid or a little extra pausing, with some slightly indulge extra explanatory example would go a long way in your already stupendous and informative content. With all the love and respect! Keep it up!
My hand is up
I have slightly narsastic friend he use to be a complete piece of human garbage but now he is chill. He might be a narc but he isnt a bad person. These are people as well. I just wanna put that out there.
I refused to pursue his landlord to accept late rent while he was out of town for work. He decided to get evicted and move without letting me know where he went. I blocked him, no contact when he asked for me to leave his mail I had picked up and my key inside( locks had been changed) I blocked him, knowing he would blame me somehow. My ex husband was also a narc.
Peace is a lie. There is only Passion.
Through Passion, I gain Strength.
Through Strength, I gain Power.
Through Power, I gain Victory.
Through Victory my chains are Broken.
The Force shall free me.-Sith-😂
I am wrath. After 12 long years of misery I cannot do anything but become a dark empath and literally break that person down. Also raised by Narcissistic father so the feelings are deep. I will no longer carry others burdens and let stuff go.
Gives me nightmares when I think about those Narcissists family.. I moved away from them😂😂😂
100% correct
I do ignoring Silent Treatment and no reactions and uts effective its time for me to be happy ty sis
ok the first one creates a mobius loop because the silent treatment/cut off contact is how to counter a narc yet it can be made to portray you as the narc. how do you counter that?
My kids guilt trip for supply and guilty shaming of no patent is pregect
Asking partner with hearing loss to turn down the volume on their phone in a common space in the house, since they can be unaware of it being too loud:
"Hey, would you mind turning that down a couple notches? It's just a little loud for me right now."
*Partner grabs phone aggressively and storms out of room*
"Whoa, I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean to upset you. What is your preferred way for me to ask you to turn things down?"
"I'm not upset! You're always too sensitive to noise! You're always telling me to turn stuff down! Maybe you need to be wearing some ear plugs. I can listen to stuff at the volume I want, I'm hard of hearing"
"Would you mind using The headphones I got you for Christmas that you like?"
"I can use this when I want to, I don't have to work around all your sensitivities"
@@DannyTimms-j8q they don't try any of the solutions they have been given as gifts or otherwise, and they often don't need the volume to be turned up that high but they just don't realize it's that loud. The issue is not with them needing the volume to be high, it's with the disrespectful reactions, no matter how the situation is approached, and the lack of willingness to put in any effort to change anything even though we have agreed on several different potential solutions in the past. They get extremely defensive no matter what and get mad at me and make it seem like I'm a bad guy even if I bring them their headphones or something like that and ask if they will do that just for now if that's where they want to be and what they want to listen to.
It's hard to convey through text, maybe, what I was focusing on the real issue being.
I'm going to risk painting myself with a bad brush here but I envy the Narc. I wish I had the social skills and lack of ethics to get a series of people to play different positive roles in my life. Wouldn't it be lovely to have a lovely person at home waiting for you while a team of others showers you with positive regard and tries to make you happy? Maybe. I've never had anything close. Ideally I'd like a mutual 2 way fair relationship with real love but in 47 years I've never seen it. I've been in a dozen serious relationships and every time I spotted the red flags of manipulation, isolation, catch 22 situations, pointless arguments over nothing, love bombing etc and every time I let it slide because if I didn't I'd have died a virgin! Not one single woman has ever shown interest in me who wasn't like this. Maybe it's the open book vulnerability or my lack of social skills or my anxiety or people pleasing instincts. I just can't attract real people, only ever these fakers who go on to cheat all over the place and lie to me from day one. I'd love to see my ex taken down a peg or two because she's sitting pretty with a dozen men serving her while I'm disabled by her actions for months. Living well is a great way to defeat the Narc if you're healthy but I'm not. I'm an empty shell too. Only I have no supply to keep my head above water. :(
Just done this with my ex wife. She claims she's tired...after she's been abroad on a hem doo and before she's planning to also spend two days at the wedding....with me having the kids...
But she's so exhausted.
Photos online show her partying hard.....no wonder she's tired.
She's desperately trying to control me with kindness md lying to her parents and showing them anger texts from me to make me a bad guy....
I told her...tell the truth and we will call it quits
She won't
She's......gone quiet now she always does
Predictable
well...firstly I think everyone goes silent when they are hurt right?...I refuse to be called a victim but I have a couple of narcs in my life, they hurt, I hide...so I don't think this applies in some instances.
I wonder if there is something like spectrum rather than saying that 1 out of 6 people will be a narcissist. It seems that narrcisists are truly everywhere or at least almost everyone engage to a degree in this game. When you call out on it the rest switches to silence. Typically nobody will support the truth and they will leave you standing alone. Is there really such a thing as fleshed out narcissist vs normally wired person? Looking at society, cultural norms, family involvements and almost everyone seeking attention I doubt that majority is ok. It's harder to find normal human beings to stick around than crushing into bunch of narcissists everywhere. Everyone on social media is engaging to a degree in this behaviour. Everyone who's seeking attention is acting like narcissist to me. You don't have to be narcissistic thug to be narcissist either. Majority is ruthless in passive aggressive way towards their closest circle and anyone willing to be vulnerable in front of them while being scared to do anything against more known prominent bullies. Maybe it's pessimistic view but majority of people is inhumane by default.
I agree with ur sociology analysis!
U are wise , seem like the whole world tries to mold you by default into a narcissistic, type person , it’s praised and highly encouraged to do this type of stuff , and it seems like u catch these traits in EVERY setting if you pay close attention. The good people are often put into situations to either , put integrity first and get shamed and harassed until you leave . Or they want you to conform and be a sell out
Not telling you why or what is wrong is a power play and their chance to see you in emotional distress for their pleasure as you jump through hoops...
It is also in my case her inability to admit to cheating and her being angry that she was getting away with it...
Our work shifts did not match .I was on 1st 2nd and 3rd at any given time while she worked a as needed job. She worked less hrs as I worked 40 at least. She had the time to not be caught and a excuse of random hrs yet was angry at me for not noticing ...
She wanted to be caught and get away with it at the same time...
I treated the narc, just as he treated me.. reverse psychology.. But I decided to leave his sorry, miserable ass alone. He's texted, but I said that there wasn't anyone with my name at my number... We have to take control of our lives...
I’m sorry, but I’m unhappy deep down & sad because of how my covert narc & parents treat me, so no, I don’t have empathy for my brother who is textbook covert toward me & my spouse & child, and is so nasty, throws a tantrum or cruel passive aggressive & my parents enable him & want to just ‘shove it under the rug’ & expect me to act like he never behaved the way he did toward me & my family & they put on me to ‘move on’.
I accepted his fake apology that he then went back-on & have been very nice & respectful when we have spoken, but he constantly does textbook narc actions, uses my parents to triangulate.
I’m sad as I’ve tried to grieve the relationship I thought I had w him and my parents . I’ve made a big effort to continue a relationship w my parents, they constantly trigger me about my brother & how they enable & I work on being calm & trying not to respond, but right now I’m sad underneath.
So no, I don’t care if my nasty hurtful disrespectful brother is sad underneath, we grew up together and there is no excuse of him behaving this way toward me & my family
lol i have to say nthis ....i am going thru what you are saying as i watch the video you are definately on point thankyou for the knowledge and help
I'm going through this for the past 10 years, I used to think that was my fault. However, I have started to realise that that's not possible. I'm exhausted and frustrated. But I'm concerned about leaving my children alone with a narcissist mother, there's a lot of conflict between them also.
Is there any recommendations how to handle this issue?
Thanks
5:48 I could ask my ex if she wanted vanilla or chocolate.. it would trigger a high-pitched screeching tirade. Funny thing is, we get along fine now after divorce.
Post divorce my EX and I were similar. She knew she fucked up and I had the better outcome and that any time she started throwing her BS around I could just walk away and there was nothing she could do about it.
and I have to wear his pain ???
mine is up
So, If you hurt an narcissist, do they trauma bond on you??? Cause it sounds scary
How long does it take to recover once youve escaped the Narcissist?
It really depends on so many factors (including the relationship itself, its impact on you and how driven you are to do the work on getting back to you). I know that's not the answer you were looking for, but I hope it helps some 🙏❤
Once you watch this video you ll be able to totally understand and managing from escaping that person.
What about the injury these narc psychos caused to the parents, the families of the victims they killed? (All unarmed innocent civilians. surya kiran is one of them) . How should the victims act or react to their injuries.?
If the Narc ghost men he /she is somewhere love booming fake love
Looking good. You seem to get younger and younger. Or is that just the lighting ? ( just kidding...but only about the lighting )
I take on my narcissistic wife through you tube comments!
Its not hard to hurt a narcissist 😂
2 KITTY'S
🙋🏽♀️