Managing Friendship Trauma and the Fear of Cultivating New Ones
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- Опубликовано: 4 июн 2024
- Trauma can show up in all relationships, not just romantic ones. And “friendship trauma” may sound dramatic, but experiences with others can legitimately affect your view of yourself, even the concept of friendship in general. In this episode, the Perrys talk about what it looks like to be a good friend, and how we need to work through past hurt and doubt to engage in future, healthy friendships.
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When he said, “Embrace the suffering of living with other fallen human beings”
He preached a whole sermon with that one! Powerful stuff
Right! 🙌🏾
I was like WHAT
“Even stuff being revealed to you, is a mercy from God” SHEESH.
“You become so introspective you actually loath yourself” too real
Yep that's me, when I really just need to chill lol. And certain churches that are always like "sin, sin, sin," do not help lol
@@Deanna974 no for real 😂
@@Deanna974ikr i’m out here trying to perfectionize myself. and for what 😑
@@Deanna974me. This is sooooooooooo me.
🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️🙋🏾♀️
YALL... Every time I watch this couple I learn and expand my vocabulary. I love learning new words and strengthening my knowledge. God making us saints smart out here lol!
Same! I've never used the word "antithetical"....but I am about to LOL
Right we’re gonna be some Christ saving geniuses by the end of it all 😂😂😂
Not me avoiding this video for a week then getting smacked with most serious words of truth in the first 30 seconds...I knew I wasn't ready! The Perrys be Preaching lol
OMG! Me toooo‼️ The preview for this video popped up on my feed about a week ago and I have been avoiding it. That opener smacked me straight in my face❣😏🤣
the house shoes reference was a word in itself. sometimes we hold on to things because we are used to them, we are comfortable with them. we think that thing is good for us because they have been around for so long but that is because we’re blinded by comfort. applies to people too
Crazy thing is I just processed this exact topic with the Lord. And then I click onto RUclips to see y'all posted this video 59 minutes ago. LOL thank you Lord.
I was processing this like two weeks ago and couldn’t quite fully process it or explain it and boom there go the Lord doing his thing!! I love Jesus
Me too ❤
God is Goooood yall!!
GOD IS GOOD YALL!!!
That's confirmation Right?!!!😮❤
Also, I love when Jackie gets happy when Preston is speaking and she get the holy hands out with the random speaking in tongues🤣
Yes!!! Or when she throws a book at him cause he's talking GOOD, and so spirit filled.😂😂😂
Prime example: The episode talking about relationships and Kevin Samuels, with Ezekiel Azonwu. Lol
Yesssss
This is the most intelligent, spirit-filled, Christ centered podcast in the WORLD,,,PERIODTT!
pe-re-iodt!
Amen
Preston is the perfect man for Jackie. ❤
For real
Was low-key expecting Jackie to start with hello saints and aints 😂😂
In friendship I do struggle with how people really feel about me and if they like me for me which is why I’m so awkward and hold back in fear of revealing too much me 🫢 rejection and lack of confidence
You're not alone, sis! I struggle with the same thing! God will heal and sanctify us both!
Me too
Same and for me i dont feel seen because I'm afraid to show up as myself to avoid rejection and bc I'm not showing up authentically the "bond" that I have with people really isn't the true bond I desire. Protecting myself so much that its hurting relationships that could've been built on authenticity.
Man oh man, I love listening to this podcast. A lot of times, what Jackie says goes right over my head and when she says, “Does that make sense?” I say out loud, “Absolutely not 😂” but Preston comes in and reiterates what she said and I’m like…..oooohhhh now I get it 😂.
Jokes aside, we need more Godly conversations around this topic.
I feel the same, but opposite. I always understand Jackie, but a bit confused with Preston. 😂
Love them both though!! ❤
@@e.jackson9443 😂😂😂….They are awesome!
I'm the opposite. I understand Jackie more
The thing you said about therapy and also needing to focus on worship and sanctification is why I love biblical counseling. You learn about yourself and you also learn about God and how to heal through Him.
I really need to look into a Bible centered counselor / therapist
@@andreajackson9906 I actually just graduated with my master's in biblical counseling and am taking on new counselees😁
I’m a simple gal…I see a Perry Podcast and I click that like button before it even begins💅
Lawwwwwwwdddd, y'all be coming for my whole life. Lawd have mercy.
Right lol
Forreals
Help lord😂
Okaaaaaaay!!😅
Chile I was read right at the half way mark
This is EXACTLY WHAT I’ve been talking to the Lord about, being kind to people, the being hurt when they turn out to be the opposite of what I expected etc. God has definitely been teaching me to still be kind and continue to set healthy boundaries! When you see others with ill intention the kindly walking away works,God bless you. Building friendships that’s God ordained! Amen 🙏
I really needed this. The spirit of rejection caused me to (unwittingly) choose friends that were going to reject or abandon me. It left me so hurt that I didn’t want friends at all anymore nor did I even believe it was possible to have real friends, and it was to the point where I couldn’t even pray about it. Now Im realizing I really need to just seek the Lord with all new people that come into my life and pray for wisdom and discernment with everyone, allowing HIM to be the one to choose instead of me just choosing whoever “seems” cool.
My story …
Thanks again guys for reminding me God will only grow me when I am uncomfortable
Preston is so wise.
10 years of marriage and Jackie still blushing 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 I love you two allow me to point out your growth as individuals and as a couple. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us.
It’s always hilarious when Jackie asks “does it make sense” …. Girl! You know be speaking facts. Now keep going so I can keep taking these notes 🤭🤭🤭
No seriously, there really is something going on with friends falling away from the lord. I pray about this everyday. I like to be observant because I know everybody don’t have good agendas. Sometimes god will bring you to a season to where you’re supposed to be alone…that’s our time to really lean into him🙏💜
That's so true! My prayer has been that God will use my friendship to bring them back to Him, and if that's not His will, to instruct me how and when to pull away! It's ROUGH out here!
This topic though 🫣😬🫣😬🫣 Seriously prophetic ‼️
“What if that analytical mind, thought about God more than anything” 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 Girllllllllllllllllll, a whole word for me! Praise Jesus 🙏🏽💗💗💗 Glory be to God❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
Yes!!!! The Lord spoke to me last year, and encouraged me to come out of isolation and seek community amongst believers.
I am so blessed to have immediately experienced a wonderful community of Godly ladies in February, by being in a small group.
I absolutely love and cherish my Godly lady friends. 😊
Happy for you! 🤗
@@KintaDienguele Thank you
Don’t stop the “it’s the saints and the ain’ts” song, please. 😭😭😭 cause some of us really like it and actually sing along to it. 🥲
“I’ve bonded with these shoes” 😂 Preston cracks me up!!
And how Jackie responds to him is even more hilarious!
The gum…. I can’t 🤣🤣🤣🤣
How am I already half way through this episode and dreading for the end of it to come :( Preston and Jackie, please make your podcast episodes longer. This is good stuff and I don't want it to end!!!!! God bless you!
From the opening clip, Colossians 3:13 came to mind when Preston talked about God calling us to be in a community with people who are not perfect.
My trust is so bad with people that even ones I consider associates especially clingy ones I get agitated before even reading their texts or seeing exactly what they’re reaching out about Sometimes I feel bad because it’s not even as deep as I make it when I find out what their reaching out about and once I evaluate I realize because I’ve been in positions where I’ve over extended myself and for most people they took advantage of that so now I feel everyone wants something from me all the time even though that’s not always their intentions and I’m not gonna dive into where my trusts is with men and the pain/trauma I’ve experienced from my choices in the relationship and theirs! Some trauma is self inflicted which can be just as worse Thank you Perry’s for this transparent convo and not only talking about it but helping people come to solution if they choose❤🙏🏾
34:10."Not to despise how the Lord has made me to think but to submit and surrender the way the Lord has made me think" ❤
I wrote this down as well 🙌🏾
Just woke up from a vivid dream where I was visited by old friends who had caused me crazy trauma years ago. The enemy was trying to play in my faceeee. Then I go on YT and saw this- God said let’s goooo😅
I need you guys to start posting twice a week
They got 8 kids, 13 books & a tour Leslie 😭
I know 😔 they’re just THAT good. Wish them blessings after blessings
@@WilliamsPinch😂😂😂😂😂
1900 books😂
no fr... and yes we want both vids to be 45minutes lol!!!!!
It is so amazing how The Loving FATHER confirms publicly what HE has said to me privately. Just this morning HE told me to trust HIM about this exact thing. AMAZING GOD!!! I just love HIM!♥️♥️♥️
"how dare you say such a thing?" Jackie felt that one 😂😂😂😂
As someone whose personality is similar with Jackie's, I felt it too 🙄
I really enjoyed myself at the podcast tour in Dallas this past Monday……. You two are amazing people and hilarious as well!!!!
My mind is a lot like Jackie's..highly analytical, highly philosophical (considered becoming a philosophy major in college) quickly calculating and overthinking. That part about setting my analytical mind on God..wow.
I have to tell myself, bro, just relax lol. The only person i can control is myself and i should focus more on serving others and not defending and "protecting" myself.
And also thankfulness and looking at the friends i DO have. I have like six friends who have walked with me through some tough stuff.
That will be a new prayer to entrust relationships to Him. I am finding my relationships very unfulfilling and there are clearly ways I need to be stretched but also trust His goodness for right connections.
OH my goodness, this is talking straight to my heart. I understand Jackie sooo much in the incessant thinking and the self loathing, and needing to just trust God to protect us, instead of using fear as a shield
"If you judge people you have no time to love them ." Mother Teresa
Do you believe that statement to be true?
After decades of crying, fighting, and cursing my own mind , it wasn't until I began to submit to God fully and faithfully, that, I too, realized my very busy mind is truly a gift from our Father God. It has been an incredible blessing to love that part of me again, even during the hard times.
I'm in a place rn where its hard to accept this truth about myself. May His everlasting mercy be my refuge to accept & love my busy mind
@@heliTg I pray this season you are in will soon pass. Like many, I used to lean on my autism and curse my brain. It wasn't until I gave myself fully to God, read His word and, truly began to know who Jesus is, that I began to lean on Him. Once I was able to do that (because it isn't easy) was I able to recognize that this busy mind of mine is a true gift and, I thank God every day for it now. I pray the same for you and with Him at your side, you will be free. See yourself as He sees you and love yourself as He loves you and, know you are worthy. Blessings to you.
36:14 Made me tear up.🥺
Deep analyzer of human behavior here!! Everybody doesnt get that its not by choice, but its by design; And we have to WORK to let others in or WORK to at least be ok to experience ppl for a moment of friendship even if its not meant to be for a long time.
Preston saying that really was a shot to the heart bc its where I am now with socializing.
Preston just upset me and my homegirls😂
one thing i learned about myself being in deliverance of codependency is that I talk alot because I need to feel heard and understood and that I depend on my strength of spiritual awareness, the only time i can be fully quiet is when someone is speaking an awesome word that edifies me but when they aren't I tend to cut them off alot with childlike outburst, i get anxious or excited and can never let them finish their thought. God has definitely been showing me myself through other people.
"How dare you say such a thing. Are you saying that we should be free?" Haha! Jackie, I could understand and relate completely to what you were saying. Your testimony and the blood of the Lamb is helping people overcome the lies the enemy told them about how they can trust themselves more than God in the areas of relationships. I definitely felt that. So, thank you both for this conversation and perspective. God bless your ministry.
I spend a massive amount of time protecting myself from potential hurt…from so many different angles. Just the idea of not doing that and just trusting God for my protection scares me to my core but that’s what faith and trust in God looks like. Thank you Perry’s for opening my eyes. It’s not going to be easy but it’s necessary work.
Phew! I’m on this table yall are shaking. This was meant for me.
I was also bullied as a child so I’m super vigilant around people and I always need to know who is safe.
Jackie's so funny. 😂😂😂 I love it. "Are you saying we are just supposed to be free?"😭🤣💀
Thiiiiis!!! Both of yall said some powerful stuff. Preston one thing you said I'm chewing on bro. The part you said about embracing suffering with other fallen human beings. My goodness. So so true. We all are fallen and in need of CHRIST. Which means we all will be bringing some form of baggage in our friendships.
Haven’t even heard this whole thing yet but the title and the intro had me. Thanking you in advance for this conversation!
Oh my goodness…I’m clutching my pearls with sis Jackie!!!
You haven’t got this difficulty on your own Jackie …the perceiving eye and busy mind. God is faithful.
I'm so scared and excited at the same time to listen to this !! Chile I KNOW I need to hear this.
Interested also if they will touch on boundaries and guarding your heart too, sometimes your observations are God speaking through you and to you by giving you discernment that says, "nahh, get away from them."
They did sis towards the end! Don’t be scared…Watch it ! 😂 I low key was too because I knew it was coming for me but that’s apart of the humility that we should seek it takes for relatable and transparent convos like this to get us to open up, see things about ourselves and others to make us become more aware and better in the end! Hope you enjoy it as much as I did ❤
THANK YOU for explaining the benefit of therapy! It may be sin, but there are things in between it and repentance to deal with!
Amen I'm gonna entrust my social circle to the Lord
I can definitely relate to Jackie. I love what she said at the end. We put it in God’s hands. Whoever should be in our lives ❤️🩹🙏🏼
The house shoes have me cracking up 😂😂 "just throw them" had me 💀💀💀💀
That got me, too! 😂
A conversation we ALL needed, because we ALL need people! God designed us to be in relationships with others in this fallen world and we must learn how to navigate according to God’s will and plan! 🙌🏽 So good!
In the intro Jackie said something so powerful even though they were talking about house slippers "it's something that your used to so you think that it's comfortable when it's not"
My therapist told me to set boundaries with my thinking.
That’s actually really helpful for me to read! We often hear the word boundaries and immediately think of setting them with others, but boundaries with your own thinking is transformative. So good!
Needed to hear this
The level of healing this is giving me
I so so needed this! I’ve been praying to the Lord to reveal things to me that I wasn’t aware of that needed surrendering to Him. And Oooffff, he REVEALED some things 😅 it made me realize that I need to go back to therapy. But before I do that. I gave it to God. And had an honest conversation with him.
I love how both of you talk about life and the Word. Blessings💚💚
Whoa! Not even a minute in. I have a friend and I asked her something and I know she lied to me. I'm now praying
Omg I can’t believe this is a topic…exactly where I am in my transition
This is INSANE to me. I've had a lot of trauma, and let me tell you this night I felt all the unsafety coming back. And I was just sick to my stomach from all the people I've misread, or let in that now feel so unsafe. But at the time they felt safe enough for me. This is crazy crazy crazy accurate. I was beating myself up over it also. Wow God is amazing
I brought a steamer from Goodwill and thought about those curtains 😂
😂😂😂
🤣😆
😂😂😂lol
This message was right on time. I’m dealing with my own self and anxiety. I’ve pushed people away for fear of being hurt. I wonder if people truly love me or take advantage of my kindness. But I’m worthy. I deserve good people in my life. But that fear on THEIR intentions… 🥴. Please help me Lord. Help me to capture my negative thoughts.
This confirmation what God told me that exact thing about myself… I struggle with trusting.. I have that same issue using my discernment with people and God told me I’m leaning on my own understanding and deciding of how I’m going to show up depending on people’s actions instead of just being me .. there is no way of being safe and avoiding getting hurt
I really enjoy Preston and he redirects back to scripture continually no matter what 😊 blessings Perry family ❤
Literally me and Jackie are very much aligned in our gift of seeing through the world’s facades. That it creates a “wise” barrier that very often paralyzes us in fear to give or to receive love. Because the one thing that enemy is good at is lying and that’s something I loath. It really comes down to not thinking so highly of the gift that God has given me and focusing more on the giver. Which is ANOTHER layer of trust and humility that I need to give through self sacrifice. Which brings me back to I’m afraid lol. BUT SANCTIFICATION IS A WORK OF A LIFE TIME AND JESUS WILL NEVER LEAVE US ! PERIODDDDDDT lol
I wasn’t going to say anything this time, until I watched “One Flesh” and “The Fall” for the first time. I don’t pretend to know how repentance became a reality for you both, but thank you for your obedience.
What a gift yall are!
I needed this conversation because Jackie mindset is mind, over analyzing, over thinking, constantly searching for observations in relationships, and it makes you guarded. Especially not having a father as well. And I’m realizing I’m teaching my kids the same thing and now I’m realizing how much I don’t trust God as much as I say I do. Mind is blown yet edified! This conversation is needed so much for people like me thank you guys
This is very insightful y’all. I noticed myself going through these types of situations for a few years now. You’re right, since Covid. Crazy how Covid made everyone scatter and we started connecting with people in a different way. People became more guarded and polarized. Thanks for this episode. ❤
The wisdom here can only have come from The LORD!
GOD bless you!
This is emotional intelligence and I love it!!
Jackie is so funny. Self-preservation. I love ur transparency.
I love this, there's so much to say, but how Jackie ended this was powerful. I've never prayed that God shows me who to be Friends with. Request prayer that God with surround me with people and love ones who loves Christ and truly here to elevate, Care, and support me and vice versa. I have no friends yall lol but know God is the Friend of All Friends, but I still would like just a few GODLY FRIENDS. AMEN 🙏🏽
This is a timely, what? MESSAGE🗣🗣🗣 nahhh this WHOLE conversation is lit-er-rally EVERYTHING I have been going through and processing with The Lord in my quiet time with Him, over the past year and a half. All the topics you both touched upon, HIT b2b. Thank you Lord for the anointing on The Perrys.
The patience on Preston though when Jackie goes off tangent 😂❤❤ that's love.
Hands down one of the BEST episodes. 🤩 Such a CRUCIAL topic and such STELLAR insights. Amazing conversation. 👏
This trailer already slapped me in the face
Funny. I plan not to be free in that regard but end up walking it out in freedom…I’m like Lord you are too funny. YOU know I wasn’t “planning” to act like YOU in this! 🤦🏽♀️😂😂
Everything that Mrs.Jackie said at the end was exactly the words I needed to hear today.
I can't wait to see you both Tuesday night June 11!!!! Been Praying for that night
What an awesome time it was!🙌🏽
Amen Saint!
“what would it look like for me to be a good friend “ 😮💨 that’s good!!
Listening to this one multiple times because I want these truths to stick. So beautifully worded, thank you
I’m like Jacky. Thanks for sharing this!
Can’t like this video enough just by hearing the gems in the intro. 👏
Wow! Community with folk who are not saved is necessary and we can’t run from it
Your videos are very timely! I’m increasingly in love with the Unity of The Spirit and willing vessels!
Preston done preached a whole sermon. 🙌🏾
I love watching your podcast because y’all both are different but and so good because instead of agreeing with each other you help build each other and see if in a different perspective and it has help me a lot to acknowledge my wrongs
And how I want to be a better friend as we are looking for that friend Lord help me be that too
this is such a rich conversation.
Love the Perry’s. We appreciate every video and it helps me navigate life better!
Man, me and Jackie have so much in common it's crazy... my level of awareness brings me to God, and his word quickens me or prunes me, and I learned to willing stay in His presence to experience what greater work He wants to do in my life. Father, you are worthy of it all❤
Knowing that you serve a God that knows your heart. Woooooo
38:15 this is what I've done to myself 😢 I isolated myself for so long to run away from negative feelings and experiences but I shut out good things too
Preston made me hit pause in just the intro...I was like Dear Lord, noooooo, umh umh 😅 Lord you hit me right at the intro...ugh I'm listening lol
This was good y’all 😢