Guy here. Just got out of an abusive relationship 2 weeks ago and my takeaway from this that I don't think a lot of people understand is that just because that person is completely out of your life doesn't always mean that things change for the better overnight. It still takes a lot of time to heal from that trauma. It can take weeks, months, and even years but in the end it's all worth it ❤ much love to everyone struggling! ❤️
Happy to hear you got out. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it is so important. Now you can take however much time you need to heal. The ride or die crew has your back. 😊❤
keep going I left mine 37 years ago two days ago you can do it hun, sadly I left when I was pregnant and had to leave the country altogether for our protection GOD BLESS and hold your head high, I also now have a service dog due to the ptsd from childhood and my first marriage my ex was a closet drinker and got nasty after drinking. Give yourself some time, the dreams will ease if you can get a dog and train them to help you through the panic and anxiety my girl Stella has helped me more than I could tell you. I have also had to stay hidden for the entire time since I left he tried more than once to take my son I had to get custody and a restraining order and he still manages to come out from under his rock every now and again. People like them will do whatever they can to wear you out in every way possible to try and get you back. Stay away please and never ever look back, I made the mistake of trying to give him a chance twice. Even after I got remarried he harassed us in every way he can. Your ex will God willingly slow down with his bs, stay away and never ever ever look back people like him will do and say whatever they can to confuse and twist things for their benefit. Take care of yourself and your kids GOD BLESS
My mother is still with the abuser. I left at 15, I’m now 28 and she’s still with him. It hurts that a mother chose them over her children, so seeing you doing whatever you can for your babies has healed a piece of me.
My narcissistic ex made me feel like I was crazy. He even tried to point the finger at me. He told me I was a narcissist. My relationship with him was such an emotional rollercoaster. My divorce was final in March of 24. This was after a year and a half of separation. I started the process and he vanished. He's now in prison for the next 3.5 years for multiple B&E charges. I'm homeless carless and jobless but I'm the happiest I have been in years.
Been through this and didn't have money, he stole the kids and put the restraining order on me! I had to leave to get my own shit together. I left with my car and a backpack and that's it and now I'm happy with all my babies.
My mum left her abuser over 18 years ago now. I’m so incredibly proud of her for getting us out. She is such a strong person and I will be forever grateful that she didn’t stay even though I know it was so hard for her to leave. That was at the beginning of 2006. By the end of that same year, she had met my dad and they have been together ever since. ❤ I can’t even begin to imagine where we would be if we had stayed. She got out fast for me, and she got out for herself.
I came across your channel while I was in the middle of the mess that was leaving my ex. Your videos gave me strength in a way. Like I wasn’t alone. Another dope, Nirvana loving, strong woman was going through a similar situation. So relatable, so raw, so eye opening, so motivating. Thanks girl.
So few people get specific in their stories or super real for that matter. I appreciate you as a creator telling the bad part no matter how it may be received by others.That is the real part. Life is the long game. Your realness got you here, you can pivot 100 tines if you want, you are good at this. Telling people your not ok is one thing, telling them why with relatable specific content is the pivot you need. 2023 is over, and no one should have to endure such vile behavior from strangers. I am sorry . I look forward to hanging out and watching the next part. I never comment but have been around for many years. I am proud of you and I hope you keep using your voice cause I promise it helps people. Your realness makes people feel less embarrassed. Love the set too.
Just 4 months shy of my 3 year mark when I left my abusive ex of 7 years. I’m still struggling with my mental health, but I’ve already healed through the pain of losing him and I pray I never see that man again! Everyone heals differently and at a different pace. I know you’re going to make it through this, that’s what you do, you’re a survivor! Love you girl sending all the positive vibes with you and your fam the absolute best! 💔❤️🩹❤️
Jess I'm so proud of you for standing your ground and doing what was best for you and your littles. With all the hate and bullshit lies that were perpetrated towards you I admittedly questioned the accusations and I'm ashamed to admit I ever questioned you. I never unfollowed or left a mean comment, but people are insufferable morons?! I been following you for Many many years and proud to say will always! I'm a patron member as well cuz duh it's only ever gonna be two dollas! I relate to you so much because I have been in a relationship for 15 years and he's an extreme narcissist and the pain and disappointment and insufferable situations I have gone through have all but broke me. I relate to you and I look forward to seeing you grow and continue to thrive in happiness! Congratulations beautiful ❤❤❤❤
So I watched an interview with Terry Crews and he said “we’re all doing the best we can with the wisdom we have right now.” In sharing your story you’re sharing your wisdom. I believe you’re helping more than you know.
A lot of what you said helped many people, Jess. Thank you for your willingness to share such intimate and anxiety producing parts of your life. You are helping to validate those of us who still question ourselves and aren't sure if we are victims of narcissistic abuse.
I left my 1st one after 13 years and 2 children. The children were the best out of my relationship. They were 6 and 9 years old. Then after they graduated from highschool, I did it again. I thought I knew better. After 24 years he passed away and now I'm old but I am free and happy!❤❤❤
I admire that you set money aside for leaving some day but the amount you're talking about is So Out Of Touch for most women who don't have $20.00 to their name and need to find a way to get away!
I understand that. It’s important to find a way to make money! I did it all online .. creating content while raising the kids and earning a degree. It’s hard! Not impossible.
You were blessed to have the money to leave, but for those who don’t have the money, there are places to go that won’t charge you. However, Jessica is giving great advice so listen to her other advice. Thank you Jessica.
Yeah, Jessica! Lets rebuild this fucking channel! Leave all of the people that "don't want to work with you" anymore behind and build yourself back better! I know you can do it! You just need to find your stride again, stability is the first key. We love you. 🧡
This is by far one of the best videos I've EVER seen and by far the most honest and real video. I've been here an EVERY person in a relationship should watch. I went threw a narc. Abuse marriage from 8 years an almost died. It is horrible and my heart goes out to you Jess ❤😢
You only need to watch tv to see and hear of women that lost their lives thinking they can trust the bad partner. Those type of people DO NOT DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE…
My mom left her abuser of 13 years, a year ago. She's thriving, but trauma takes a long time to work through. You're stronger than you realize. Keep fighting 💞
I left an abusive sitaution myself and most of her issues stemmed from her autism but i would never call it autistic abuse. i really wish we would all stop this trend of calling abusive people "narcissistic abuse". NPD is a mental health condition. They are suffering. People are not automatically abusers just because they have NPD. Yes people with NPD can be horrible and do horrible things but they also have a mental health condition and its so so stigmatising and people wont get help and change if we keep doing this. Yes get help, call out your abusers but just call it abuse, it doesnt need the narcissistic descriptor added on
It’s been 2 years already!! I’m 21 now I started watching your videos when I was 16 so 5 years I’ve been watching you wow! You’re a strong woman very proud of you ❤️
I dont tend to comment on your videos, but I do find them really interesting and cool (ps. amazing soothing voice, like helloooo??). You tend to talk about more or less controversial topics that really is like such a great conversation and to listen to your opinions is really refreshing as well. I think you're super strong and well done for changing your life from this event 100%. Hands down, you're safe, the kids are safe, things seem to go in a positive direction even if it's just baby steps, they are still going forward. And you know, it's okay to look back sometimes and have troubles with certain things - it's life. We can't change people. People need to want to change to their core, and we can only help. Again, you're safe and the kids are safe. I'm happy you shared, thank you. Love and virtual hugs from a stranger in Sweden.
I totally understand and it really hit home. When u said that when u finally left that everything that u thought u knew about him u found out was a lie. The same thing happened to me which made me feel like I was in the twilight zone. I’m so glad ur safe and loved now. You’re amazing and u deserve happiness. I’m proud of you.
I admire your courage, and I never could understand why my friend stayed with her abuser. He was just a super selfish addict, not a narcissist afaik. He did shitty things but wasn't physically abusive, but abusive in every other way. I honestly talked with a couple of people of having him 'taken care of' because it seemed so hopeless. Seriously. Glad I didn't follow that path. They had a 4 year old daughter at the time. Once she left him for good, he got clean and worked on his ish. *BECAUSE* she dumped him. Eventually, he got clean and worked on himself and EARNED his way back into his wife and kids' life. They are the exception to the rule. He's been clean for 14 years now. But I've seen it go the other way too many times with other people. Jessica, you did the right thing for yourself and your kids. You're my hero. Someday, I pray he'll leave you alone and I'm happy to hear you feel nothing for him.
You are such an inspiration, i absolutely admire how courageous and honest you are. Being so honest feels very vulnerable to me and I think you are a light of realness and truth in a world that is full of dishonesty and untruths. Thank you so very much
I'm so proud of you for leaving that relationship and recovering from the trauma. By the way, I hope everyone understands that recovery, from anything, is an ongoing process.
And now the door opened for Jessica’s new life and hopefully those of us that got out of abusive relationships can help the next person to have hope and remain positive, have a good support system to find their way out alive, thriving and grateful. ❤
This is an intense situation to discuss! I think you did a great job! You hit all the important points! I’m so happy for you all getting into a loving committed caring relationship with Berner and his daughter ❤ 🙏🏼 What a gift! Give yourself a big hug! This video will be helpful to those who are struggling! I hope you will consider at some point writing a book! You are thriving ♥️
Just here to say you have all of my respect and I'm so sorry you had or you're still going through this. Can I just reflect back to you how incredibly strong you are and what a massive light you are in this world. Thanks for being you and for sharing your story
Your vulnerability, open rawness is so inspiring. Thanks for advocating for women in this way and so many other ways. ✌️👏🕊️💫❤️🔥keep on keeping on, pretty lady! You took your power back. 👏💪
This is all great advice!!!!! I went through this for almost 20 years! Yes, I’m hard headed and I have been recovering g for almost 10 years. I am saying g this to let people know that they don’t always realize they are being abused and recovery could take years and years. Be kind to yourself and let your healing take the time it needs
I so know what you mean, when you say you feel nothing:) I went from I can't live without you, to I don't know how I ever did it! It took me a long five to seven years to clear my head, and face all that had happened. I was in it 12 years had four kids, and raised a daughter he had outside our marriage. She is still with me, graduating this year!! It's been a lot!! ❤
Proud of you for leaving. You are so strong. That man always had a dark, negative, disturbing energy about him. I always felt that when I saw him in your videos.
Wow I can’t believe what you went through, such terrible times. I hope you feel better with time! And to anyone trying to leave an abusive relationship - so sorry you are dealing with this. It’s not your fault and please take care of yourself ❤
Journeys all look different, but we’re all searching for the same result. Here’s to being two years stronger Jess ❤️💪🏼 it’s another chapter in your story! Everyone loves to focus on others situations instead of their own, to distract them from their own demons, as you know. You got this sis!
Jessica I'm going thru hell due to my narcissistic husband, covert narcissist to be exact. I'm so ready to get out. The only & I do mean the only reason I haven't is the fact that I can't pay for a divorce lawyer. Although I work full-time the only way that I will be able to survive is by receiving alimony and child support which I totally deserve. I truly have emotionally detached myself The best I can with him still here. I'm ready for the great escape it's just that I have nothing protecting mine and my kids' future. Both of my parents died of cancer and I have very little family and it's just a nightmare wanting something so bad & the only thing standing in your way is $$$. I'm so happy for you and I hope you continue to thrive and learn from this difficult time in your life. That's all we can do is learn from our life and take what we've learned to make it better.
I left my abuser almost 10 years ago. I have rebuilt my life, got fully sober and have a beautiful family. He's still stuck in the loop of tormenting his mother and partner. The more distance you get away from that situation, the healthier you get then the more you're going to see how they stay the same. Jess, thank you for your honesty and transparency 🖤
I remember when all of this was happening, and you were taking all these steps. I’m forever and always proud of you. No one else I’d rather raise kids with 😉💜
Good advice, J. Thanks for sharing this with us. There was no abuse in my marriage. We still coparent our kids and nobody’s in any danger, but divorce still SUCKS! Even if everything seems ok, try to have a plan for if the world drops out from underneath you! Good people get left behind every day; don’t you DARE feel guilty about leaving a bad person! God bless you. Stay safe.
I got out 13ish years ago, still have flash backs & anxiety comes out of no where.. but so glad I found the strength and survived... dont give up if your in this situation you DO deserve better love yourself!!
I will be honest I have been slightly skeptical of you in the past with your opinions on drugs and prison etc. But I absolutely agree with everything you’ve said. I left my abuser almost 7 years ago, and the flashbacks are a lot less but they occasionally happen. Family court was some of the worst years of my life. They stop at nothing. 5 house moves later, And life is good. Credit score is bad but I can live with that. Leaving was the best thing i ever did. I’m glad you’re out and happy and I hope more people can find the strength to leave x
You gave really great advice. I wished I had this list 26 years ago. I’m going to go back and write it all down so that I will have it if I ever see someone who needs it. btw I have a wonderful husband now of 14 years.
Jess--I have listened to many of your podcasts, and all come across as very honest, heartfelt, and actually pretty optimistic. Two things: First--what do you, Jess, want? I'm pretty sure you are financially independent or able to become so again. Great. Second, I'm not hearing anything at all from you about your faith. I'd say get to a very quiet place, alone, and decide what that is. That would give you a solid picture of exactly who you are. (Visit a church and talk to someone there.) Then, I'm thinking you will know how to handle any and all relationships. It will help you to recognize people's motives. Anyway, you are a wealth of knowledge and experience that you can and do share very effectively. Keep on keeping on, Jess. Many totally respect you as a presenter and a mom.
I left in 2017, and the nightmares still continue. I’m not sure it will ever go away. I don’t have kids and in a lot of ways it makes it easier. He sent me a Catholic Annulment out of nowhere last year. It scared me, but I got through it.
For the backup phone, I highly recommend getting an Obama phone. You can fix the settings so that your phone can’t be tracked. I also recommend getting a VPN. You can put a VPN on your phone as well as your computer. Though you should have it on that too. Especially if you have a laptop.
I grew up in this from 64-84 when I got married. we were terrified to leave. Then there was no help!! we felt safer knowing where he was and watching his moods. thinking we could keep him happy. when we left we had such anxiety over where was he? would he kill us like he had always said. The PTSD is insane. my Dad was so evil!
Jess I love you so much I wish I could reach out and give you a hug I've been through so much of the exact same story that you're telling, and to this day it's been 11 years since I left my abuser my first abuser it's been eight since I left my second. Finally I'm in a place of serenity but all the baggage that comes with it subsides but never really goes away fully mentally who are the stars that you have to look at that they put on your body when you look in the mirror it's very hard thank you for being so vulnerable in this video is way more helpful than I think you would ever know thank you for being such a strong woman in the face of a law system and court system that favors the narcissists. But you're a fighter and I just want to tell you that I am a long time subscriber and supporter of yours and I really just want to give you a hug and tell you I love you you've come such a long way and fuck with the internet says nobody knows your Truth and what you truly had to live through keep making great content for me to watch LOL huge supporter Alyssa❤❤❤
Congrats on getting out of a dangerous , toxic relationship. I know from experience it is not easy. But you did it. So happy for you having a happy , healthy life. And congrats on your engagement. P S. I did not love my ex bf. I actually hated him.
Jess I’ve been with u since the beginning….just wanted to say you’re giving great advice! Lost my 21 yr old son in November to my husband …all because we were separated and I had a Dvo on him! I’m so lost in life now!
Jess, I was in a very toxic relationship for 8 years. It was terrible and when I finally left he did everything to get me back. I went back once and realized he hadn’t changed at all. I found myself making excuses for his behavior. We’d get into an argument and literally he would say 10 minutes later “why are you bringing that up, it’s in the past”. SMH. I live right next to this man so it’s been difficult but like you I feel nothing for him, just nothing. I’m so proud of you for leaving. I wish you all the best in your future 💜💜💜
8:17 she was speaking straight facts here, there’s another woman from my country on RUclips going through smt very similar to this and they really will drain their own bank accounts to make you go broke and torture you, idk why they can’t just leave their ex partners alone, they really do everything in their power to put you through hell. It’s been about 3-4 years and he’s still bothering her, it’s really sad and I wish everyone going through this finally finds peace
This video made me cry. It’s so sad how far the system goes to entrap women into marriages. This is all intentional. Like how can a stay at home mom without a job EVER be able to leave? This is so sad 😢
Guy here. Just got out of an abusive relationship 2 weeks ago and my takeaway from this that I don't think a lot of people understand is that just because that person is completely out of your life doesn't always mean that things change for the better overnight. It still takes a lot of time to heal from that trauma. It can take weeks, months, and even years but in the end it's all worth it ❤ much love to everyone struggling! ❤️
Glad you are out of it. Stay strong, you will be ok😊
Yes!! Stay strong!! It’s absolutely worth it and you’ll find someone who respects you and treats you right!
Happy to hear you got out. It’s not an easy thing to do, but it is so important. Now you can take however much time you need to heal. The ride or die crew has your back. 😊❤
@@hydrorouge I still have really bad dark dreams, it's been 10 years.
@@helenapappas7891
🙏🏼💜🤍🙏🏼
I figured out how to leave while watching you leave. You helped me figure it out. A year ago this month.
Wow, good for you both!! 🎉🎉🎉
Good for you!! Glad you left!
Wow! I can't believe it's been 2 years already. Hugs!!! Thank you for sharing your story!!!
My Mother stayed and waited until the last one of us (of 4 children) turned 18. I wish she left a decade sooner.
keep going I left mine 37 years ago two days ago you can do it hun, sadly I left when I was pregnant and had to leave the country altogether for our protection GOD BLESS and hold your head high, I also now have a service dog due to the ptsd from childhood and my first marriage my ex was a closet drinker and got nasty after drinking. Give yourself some time, the dreams will ease if you can get a dog and train them to help you through the panic and anxiety my girl Stella has helped me more than I could tell you. I have also had to stay hidden for the entire time since I left he tried more than once to take my son I had to get custody and a restraining order and he still manages to come out from under his rock every now and again. People like them will do whatever they can to wear you out in every way possible to try and get you back. Stay away please and never ever look back, I made the mistake of trying to give him a chance twice. Even after I got remarried he harassed us in every way he can. Your ex will God willingly slow down with his bs, stay away and never ever ever look back people like him will do and say whatever they can to confuse and twist things for their benefit. Take care of yourself and your kids GOD BLESS
My mother is still with the abuser. I left at 15, I’m now 28 and she’s still with him. It hurts that a mother chose them over her children, so seeing you doing whatever you can for your babies has healed a piece of me.
@@bree5681 my mum chose her ex over me. After he propositioned me. At 17 years old.
Going no contact was the best thing I ever did for myself.
My narcissistic ex made me feel like I was crazy. He even tried to point the finger at me. He told me I was a narcissist. My relationship with him was such an emotional rollercoaster. My divorce was final in March of 24. This was after a year and a half of separation. I started the process and he vanished. He's now in prison for the next 3.5 years for multiple B&E charges. I'm homeless carless and jobless but I'm the happiest I have been in years.
🫂
i’m so glad you’re happy but i really hope you’re able to find a home, etc 🤍 you got this.
PTSD ,grief and trauma bonds take their own time. I send you huge hugs and am so grateful you, your bravery, and everything you do ❤
Been through this and didn't have money, he stole the kids and put the restraining order on me! I had to leave to get my own shit together. I left with my car and a backpack and that's it and now I'm happy with all my babies.
You left yours right after I did mine so I feel like we've been on this journey together somewhat. Congrats on two years girl! We got this!
My mum left her abuser over 18 years ago now. I’m so incredibly proud of her for getting us out. She is such a strong person and I will be forever grateful that she didn’t stay even though I know it was so hard for her to leave. That was at the beginning of 2006. By the end of that same year, she had met my dad and they have been together ever since. ❤ I can’t even begin to imagine where we would be if we had stayed. She got out fast for me, and she got out for herself.
So glad youre out and with someone who loves and cares about you and your family now 🖤 ty for helping show me my worth
I came across your channel while I was in the middle of the mess that was leaving my ex. Your videos gave me strength in a way. Like I wasn’t alone. Another dope, Nirvana loving, strong woman was going through a similar situation. So relatable, so raw, so eye opening, so motivating. Thanks girl.
You are such a strong, brave woman. What an amazing example for your girls. 💙
So few people get specific in their stories or super real for that matter. I appreciate you as a creator telling the bad part no matter how it may be received by others.That is the real part. Life is the long game. Your realness got you here, you can pivot 100 tines if you want, you are good at this. Telling people your not ok is one thing, telling them why with relatable specific content is the pivot you need.
2023 is over, and no one should have to endure such vile behavior from strangers. I am sorry . I look forward to hanging out and watching the next part. I never comment but have been around for many years. I am proud of you and I hope you keep using your voice cause I promise it helps people. Your realness makes people feel less embarrassed.
Love the set too.
Just 4 months shy of my 3 year mark when I left my abusive ex of 7 years. I’m still struggling with my mental health, but I’ve already healed through the pain of losing him and I pray I never see that man again! Everyone heals differently and at a different pace. I know you’re going to make it through this, that’s what you do, you’re a survivor! Love you girl sending all the positive vibes with you and your fam the absolute best! 💔❤️🩹❤️
Being transparent about the financial situation is a great thing. No one talks about that so openly but it’s so important
Jess I'm so proud of you for standing your ground and doing what was best for you and your littles. With all the hate and bullshit lies that were perpetrated towards you I admittedly questioned the accusations and I'm ashamed to admit I ever questioned you. I never unfollowed or left a mean comment, but people are insufferable morons?! I been following you for Many many years and proud to say will always! I'm a patron member as well cuz duh it's only ever gonna be two dollas! I relate to you so much because I have been in a relationship for 15 years and he's an extreme narcissist and the pain and disappointment and insufferable situations I have gone through have all but broke me. I relate to you and I look forward to seeing you grow and continue to thrive in happiness! Congratulations beautiful ❤❤❤❤
@@HeatherBeKind420 you can do it too, I believe in you!
Jess your videos are so helpful to so many ppl. It's so amazing that you have berner. I cld so relate to you as you were going through it. Thank you
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So I watched an interview with Terry Crews and he said “we’re all doing the best we can with the wisdom we have right now.” In sharing your story you’re sharing your wisdom. I believe you’re helping more than you know.
A lot of what you said helped many people, Jess.
Thank you for your willingness to share such intimate and anxiety producing parts of your life. You are helping to validate those of us who still question ourselves and aren't sure if we are victims of narcissistic abuse.
I left my 1st one after 13 years and 2 children. The children were the best out of my relationship. They were 6 and 9 years old. Then after they graduated from highschool, I did it again. I thought I knew better. After 24 years he passed away and now I'm old but I am free and happy!❤❤❤
I admire that you set money aside for leaving some day but the amount you're talking about is So Out Of Touch for most women who don't have $20.00 to their name and need to find a way to get away!
I understand that. It’s important to find a way to make money! I did it all online .. creating content while raising the kids and earning a degree. It’s hard! Not impossible.
You were blessed to have the money to leave, but for those who don’t have the money, there are places to go that won’t charge you. However, Jessica is giving great advice so listen to her other advice. Thank you Jessica.
Yeah, Jessica! Lets rebuild this fucking channel! Leave all of the people that "don't want to work with you" anymore behind and build yourself back better! I know you can do it! You just need to find your stride again, stability is the first key. We love you. 🧡
This is by far one of the best videos I've EVER seen and by far the most honest and real video. I've been here an EVERY person in a relationship should watch. I went threw a narc. Abuse marriage from 8 years an almost died. It is horrible and my heart goes out to you Jess ❤😢
I am so in awe of your strength! You are truly an inspiration to so many! Thank you
You only need to watch tv to see and hear of women that lost their lives thinking they can trust the bad partner. Those type of people DO NOT DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE…
My mom left her abuser of 13 years, a year ago. She's thriving, but trauma takes a long time to work through. You're stronger than you realize. Keep fighting 💞
I left an abusive sitaution myself and most of her issues stemmed from her autism but i would never call it autistic abuse. i really wish we would all stop this trend of calling abusive people "narcissistic abuse". NPD is a mental health condition. They are suffering. People are not automatically abusers just because they have NPD. Yes people with NPD can be horrible and do horrible things but they also have a mental health condition and its so so stigmatising and people wont get help and change if we keep doing this. Yes get help, call out your abusers but just call it abuse, it doesnt need the narcissistic descriptor added on
Spot on advice, Jess. Well done 👏
It’s been 2 years already!! I’m 21 now I started watching your videos when I was 16 so 5 years I’ve been watching you wow! You’re a strong woman very proud of you ❤️
Thanks for sharing!! So happy for you that you are happy and living your best life!! You are awesome 🥰🥰🥰💜💜💜💜💜💜
I dont tend to comment on your videos, but I do find them really interesting and cool (ps. amazing soothing voice, like helloooo??). You tend to talk about more or less controversial topics that really is like such a great conversation and to listen to your opinions is really refreshing as well.
I think you're super strong and well done for changing your life from this event 100%. Hands down, you're safe, the kids are safe, things seem to go in a positive direction even if it's just baby steps, they are still going forward. And you know, it's okay to look back sometimes and have troubles with certain things - it's life. We can't change people. People need to want to change to their core, and we can only help.
Again, you're safe and the kids are safe. I'm happy you shared, thank you. Love and virtual hugs from a stranger in Sweden.
I totally understand and it really hit home. When u said that when u finally left that everything that u thought u knew about him u found out was a lie. The same thing happened to me which made me feel like I was in the twilight zone. I’m so glad ur safe and loved now. You’re amazing and u deserve happiness. I’m proud of you.
Yea, and then we’re the crazy and dangerous ones. 😢 I’m so proud of all of us that have walked away and survived and eventually thrived 🤘🏻
I admire your courage, and I never could understand why my friend stayed with her abuser. He was just a super selfish addict, not a narcissist afaik. He did shitty things but wasn't physically abusive, but abusive in every other way. I honestly talked with a couple of people of having him 'taken care of' because it seemed so hopeless. Seriously. Glad I didn't follow that path. They had a 4 year old daughter at the time.
Once she left him for good, he got clean and worked on his ish. *BECAUSE* she dumped him. Eventually, he got clean and worked on himself and EARNED his way back into his wife and kids' life. They are the exception to the rule. He's been clean for 14 years now. But I've seen it go the other way too many times with other people. Jessica, you did the right thing for yourself and your kids. You're my hero. Someday, I pray he'll leave you alone and I'm happy to hear you feel nothing for him.
23:50 and you get to say YOU DID THAT. One of the hardest things someone can go through, you did it and you got to the other side!
You are amazing Jess! I have so much respect for you. You’re a badass and a real one for being so vulnerable. 💕🙏
Good for you babe! Your resilience is amazing. I too got out of a narcissistic relationship. It wasn't easy but I built myself back up.
This is such a good video! You are very determined and I'm so glad you are in a better place!!!
I went through this exactly this really helped me understand I’m not alone and my thoughts and feelings are normal thank you Jessica!!!
From 0 to Prison... Girl you crack me up so much. Love It 😆
You are such an inspiration, i absolutely admire how courageous and honest you are. Being so honest feels very vulnerable to me and I think you are a light of realness and truth in a world that is full of dishonesty and untruths. Thank you so very much
S0 proud of you Jess❤
Love your openness despite feeling anxious you seemed super calm, clear and comfortable🩷 ride or die for life
I left my abuser 23yrs ago and still randomly have nightmares 😢
I'm so proud of you for leaving that relationship and recovering from the trauma. By the way, I hope everyone understands that recovery, from anything, is an ongoing process.
So proud of you for getting your kids and you out of the abuse and starting all over. You are such a wonderful person and you inspire me everyday.
And now the door opened for Jessica’s new life and hopefully those of us that got out of abusive relationships can help the next person to have hope and remain positive, have a good support system to find their way out alive, thriving and grateful. ❤
This is an intense situation to discuss! I think you did a great job! You hit all the important points! I’m so happy for you all getting into a loving committed caring relationship with Berner and his daughter ❤ 🙏🏼 What a gift! Give yourself a big hug! This video will be helpful to those who are struggling! I hope you will consider at some point writing a book! You are thriving ♥️
Just here to say you have all of my respect and I'm so sorry you had or you're still going through this. Can I just reflect back to you how incredibly strong you are and what a massive light you are in this world. Thanks for being you and for sharing your story
Healing isn't linear, love. Go easy on yourself.
Your vulnerability, open rawness is so inspiring. Thanks for advocating for women in this way and so many other ways. ✌️👏🕊️💫❤️🔥keep on keeping on, pretty lady! You took your power back. 👏💪
So proud of you! Not just for your safety, but for the two beautiful baby girls you have!
This is all great advice!!!!! I went through this for almost 20 years! Yes, I’m hard headed and I have been recovering g for almost 10 years. I am saying g this to let people know that they don’t always realize they are being abused and recovery could take years and years. Be kind to yourself and let your healing take the time it needs
Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable with us ❤
I so know what you mean, when you say you feel nothing:) I went from I can't live without you, to I don't know how I ever did it! It took me a long five to seven years to clear my head, and face all that had happened. I was in it 12 years had four kids, and raised a daughter he had outside our marriage. She is still with me, graduating this year!! It's been a lot!! ❤
It's been 6 years for me and it's still really hard but it does get easier 💚 So glad you're safe now
Wow I’m so glad you’re out of there you’re so strong even if you don’t always feel it xx
I really liked this video. Congratulations on 2 years!
Good job on talking about having everything financial in their name. This is always a huge red flag. Hugs to you. You touched on all the right things.
Proud of you for leaving. You are so strong. That man always had a dark, negative, disturbing energy about him. I always felt that when I saw him in your videos.
Wow I can’t believe what you went through, such terrible times. I hope you feel better with time!
And to anyone trying to leave an abusive relationship - so sorry you are dealing with this. It’s not your fault and please take care of yourself ❤
Journeys all look different, but we’re all searching for the same result. Here’s to being two years stronger Jess ❤️💪🏼 it’s another chapter in your story! Everyone loves to focus on others situations instead of their own, to distract them from their own demons, as you know. You got this sis!
Thank you for this Jess ❤ We love you
The burner phone idea is soo good Jess. Idk how many times my ex narc took my phone and keys from me before I left.
Jessica I'm going thru hell due to my narcissistic husband, covert narcissist to be exact. I'm so ready to get out. The only & I do mean the only reason I haven't is the fact that I can't pay for a divorce lawyer. Although I work full-time the only way that I will be able to survive is by receiving alimony and child support which I totally deserve. I truly have emotionally detached myself The best I can with him still here. I'm ready for the great escape it's just that I have nothing protecting mine and my kids' future. Both of my parents died of cancer and I have very little family and it's just a nightmare wanting something so bad & the only thing standing in your way is $$$. I'm so happy for you and I hope you continue to thrive and learn from this difficult time in your life. That's all we can do is learn from our life and take what we've learned to make it better.
I left my abuser almost 10 years ago. I have rebuilt my life, got fully sober and have a beautiful family. He's still stuck in the loop of tormenting his mother and partner.
The more distance you get away from that situation, the healthier you get then the more you're going to see how they stay the same.
Jess, thank you for your honesty and transparency 🖤
Thank our creators that you and Burner finally crossed path!! 💙
Wonderful advice, Jessica. Spot on. ❤ so so proud of you & beyond happy for you and your beautiful family of five! ❤
I remember when all of this was happening, and you were taking all these steps. I’m forever and always proud of you. No one else I’d rather raise kids with 😉💜
Just an average middle aged, white male here. I'm sure your an inspiration to many young women. Keep telling your story.
I celebrated 5 years of freedom from my narcissistic ex this year. Healing takes a long time. Love
Good advice, J. Thanks for sharing this with us. There was no abuse in my marriage. We still coparent our kids and nobody’s in any danger, but divorce still SUCKS! Even if everything seems ok, try to have a plan for if the world drops out from underneath you! Good people get left behind every day; don’t you DARE feel guilty about leaving a bad person! God bless you. Stay safe.
On a different topic Girl you are 10k away from a milli 🎉 Congratulations
This was a really great video. You gave great practical advice. I am shocked that $120k wasn’t enough.
Hope the future is full of warmth and positive vibes.
I got out 13ish years ago, still have flash backs & anxiety comes out of no where.. but so glad I found the strength and survived... dont give up if your in this situation you DO deserve better love yourself!!
I will be honest I have been slightly skeptical of you in the past with your opinions on drugs and prison etc. But I absolutely agree with everything you’ve said. I left my abuser almost 7 years ago, and the flashbacks are a lot less but they occasionally happen. Family court was some of the worst years of my life. They stop at nothing. 5 house moves later, And life is good. Credit score is bad but I can live with that. Leaving was the best thing i ever did. I’m glad you’re out and happy and I hope more people can find the strength to leave x
You gave really great advice. I wished I had this list 26 years ago. I’m going to go back and write it all down so that I will have it if I ever see someone who needs it. btw I have a wonderful husband now of 14 years.
Jess--I have listened to many of your podcasts, and all come across as very honest, heartfelt, and actually pretty optimistic. Two things: First--what do you, Jess, want? I'm pretty sure you are financially independent or able to become so again. Great. Second, I'm not hearing anything at all from you about your faith. I'd say get to a very quiet place, alone, and decide what that is. That would give you a solid picture of exactly who you are. (Visit a church and talk to someone there.) Then, I'm thinking you will know how to handle any and all relationships. It will help you to recognize people's motives. Anyway, you are a wealth of knowledge and experience that you can and do share very effectively. Keep on keeping on, Jess. Many totally respect you as a presenter and a mom.
I left in 2017, and the nightmares still continue. I’m not sure it will ever go away. I don’t have kids and in a lot of ways it makes it easier. He sent me a Catholic Annulment out of nowhere last year. It scared me, but I got through it.
I learned this from Bashar:
Circumstances don’t matter, only your state of being matters
For the backup phone, I highly recommend getting an Obama phone. You can fix the settings so that your phone can’t be tracked. I also recommend getting a VPN. You can put a VPN on your phone as well as your computer. Though you should have it on that too. Especially if you have a laptop.
I grew up in this from 64-84 when I got married. we were terrified to leave. Then there was no help!! we felt safer knowing where he was and watching his moods. thinking we could keep him happy. when we left we had such anxiety over where was he? would he kill us like he had always said. The PTSD is insane. my Dad was so evil!
Thank you for this ❤️
Jess I love you so much I wish I could reach out and give you a hug I've been through so much of the exact same story that you're telling, and to this day it's been 11 years since I left my abuser my first abuser it's been eight since I left my second. Finally I'm in a place of serenity but all the baggage that comes with it subsides but never really goes away fully mentally who are the stars that you have to look at that they put on your body when you look in the mirror it's very hard thank you for being so vulnerable in this video is way more helpful than I think you would ever know thank you for being such a strong woman in the face of a law system and court system that favors the narcissists. But you're a fighter and I just want to tell you that I am a long time subscriber and supporter of yours and I really just want to give you a hug and tell you I love you you've come such a long way and fuck with the internet says nobody knows your Truth and what you truly had to live through keep making great content for me to watch LOL huge supporter Alyssa❤❤❤
Girl you did a great job
Congrats on getting out of a dangerous , toxic relationship. I know from experience it is not easy. But you did it. So happy for you having a happy , healthy life. And congrats on your engagement. P S. I did not love my ex bf. I actually hated him.
We love ya Chica, you and the girls are very brave. Keep up the good work :)
Been following you since Covid and just feel sorry for the girls.
Proud of you Jess!
Jess op I think it's very vulnerable of you to have done this 😭 and I hope it helps others
Jess I’ve been with u since the beginning….just wanted to say you’re giving great advice! Lost my 21 yr old son in November to my husband …all because we were separated and I had a Dvo on him! I’m so lost in life now!
Jess, I was in a very toxic relationship for 8 years. It was terrible and when I finally left he did everything to get me back. I went back once and realized he hadn’t changed at all. I found myself making excuses for his behavior. We’d get into an argument and literally he would say 10 minutes later “why are you bringing that up, it’s in the past”. SMH. I live right next to this man so it’s been difficult but like you I feel nothing for him, just nothing. I’m so proud of you for leaving. I wish you all the best in your future 💜💜💜
8:17 she was speaking straight facts here, there’s another woman from my country on RUclips going through smt very similar to this and they really will drain their own bank accounts to make you go broke and torture you, idk why they can’t just leave their ex partners alone, they really do everything in their power to put you through hell. It’s been about 3-4 years and he’s still bothering her, it’s really sad and I wish everyone going through this finally finds peace
I highly encourage people to get into the safe at home program. It's a way to protect your address to help keep you safe
This video made me cry. It’s so sad how far the system goes to entrap women into marriages. This is all intentional.
Like how can a stay at home mom without a job EVER be able to leave? This is so sad 😢
Hope you’re doing ok! Left an abusive relationship, and I live half way across the world, but the issues are still the same ❤
❤❤❤ I’m so proud 🥲 of you!!