i had 3 months left before graduation and i dropped out. thats how bad it was. depression is a bitch. i dont regret it though. its good to focus on your health before anything else. your story gave me feels
You have not completely dropped out, right? If You're within commuting of a good university or college, you could always return to finish. I predict you will find it much less stressful and lots easier this time. I've taught students in their late teens and those who have return to university in their twenties. Those in their twenties tend to have their heads together and know how to make their university experience work for them. So think about maybe giving it another spin. (I had to come back to edit the run-on sentence at the end of my comment. Teaching university English has rendered me a terminal perfectionist. Not a great condition when I'm as prone to gaffs as I am :)
You can always go back and finish whenever you want. :) But you seem to be doing well regardless. I'm glad you took the time to take care of yourself, though. That's the most important thing.
I am very surprised to read that Shoe has battled depression. I had one bought early in my undergrad days, which led me to drop out for 2 years. A second bought late in my grad school days led me to delay finishing for 13 years. I was never diagnosed with depression. Only in my mid 30s did I discover the truth about my past. I now suspect that I am latent bipolar. With age, my body chemistry has moved away from bipolarity.
I dropped out, and I plan to return; But I have PTSD, severe anxiety, and social anxiety so going to college was incredibly hard! My daily commute was over two hours just to get to school by bus across state lines, and I had to deal with being bullied just about everyday! Even so I only missed like 3 classes, and kept my grades relatively good, :), but...:(...(TnT)...I had to drop all my classes for mental health reasons when I was sexually assaulted. That was just too much to try and power through, and I would've risked seeing my assaulter every single day since we took the same bus system. I don't have a good support system, and being taken advantage of sexually made my mental health spiral out of control. So, I prioritized my mental health and dropped out, :(. i'm glad I did, but unfortunately it just fed the narrative that i never finish anything I start. Which is something my friends and family believe about me, and it makes it harder for me to reject that narrative for one of my own creation; But typing my story out, and realizing just how beast mode I was, to actually tackle college with EVERYTHING i had against me, is kinda inspiring, :D I'm going back to college, and I'm going to get a whole host of degrees, ;D
Thank you that means a lot, :D! I don't get a lot of positive reinforcement right now, so your comment is very much appreciated, :) I hope your day is absolutely fantastic!
I dropped out of biochemistry because of my mental health. I wasn't able to sit in a lecture and not cry, let alone spend 8 hours in the lab and go home and write papers... I completely broke down. In hindsight it was good because turns out, I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a lab coat. I went into inpatient and am now in therapy and doing a voluntary service year (I don't know if that's the right translation, it's a specific thing you can do in Germany). I will start university again in October studying social sciences, but I am scared shitless. I am not as well I had hoped I would be at this point and I am very afraid I won't be able to follow my courses. But I also don't really know what else to do with my life.
I'm a music therapist, so a lot of my training in college centered around mental health and disability. I felt myself and many of my close friends slipping into really negative patterns in college. Now that I'm done, I still find it difficult to treat myself with the same kindness I treat others, especially when I feel pressure to be some sort of invincible expert (even though I know that's ridiculous and part of mental health stigma!) In many ways I think college creates a toxic environment for mental health. Most college students are financially insecure, not sleeping well and not eating well. Often, they're in a temporary living situation and may be separated from childhood support networks. At least in my experience, there also was this expectation that college is your life--no separation between "work" and "personal time". The whole point of college imo is to take time to grow, learn and be challenged on everything--which becomes extremely draining when you're not able to maintain life balance. And then people wonder why binge drinking is an issue on college campuses...
I'm currently a college student (going into my 3rd year next month) and sophomore year was the biggest struggle for me. I needed time off so badly but I also needed to push myself through. Basically I had a mental break and ended up voluntarily entering the hospital to get some help for a few days. I just needed the word to stop for a second so I could catch up. I completely sympathize and understand where you are coming from and thank you for talking about this because I feel stress on a completely other level compared to those who don't suffer with extreme mental illness (I was just diagnosed as bipolar in the hospital) and trying to balance your sanity with your school work.
I went through the exact same thing. I was an honor student in high school and I did sports and extra curricular activities. College early on was easy and then I transferred and fell behind and had to take an extra year. My last few years I was struggling with depression and anxiety while working almost full-time and doing poorly in school. I had to go to therapy and I was going to the hospital over my panic attacks. I finally went on medicine and graduated and I'm doing a lot better now but College is definitely very mentally jarring. You are not alone
1) This was 100% me in the last two years of high school 2) I'm currently in college and I lowkey want to drop out because my course is currently destroying my soul 3) You look really cute in this video!!
I made it to junior year of college. I couldnt do it. I wanted to not exist if it meant not going. I didnt even go to my finals. I went from all A's to all C's. I feel like a failure because my close friends with depression did graduate and I wasnt able to.
You are not a failure!!! Look up Frankjavcee on youtube, he's one of my favorite youtubers and he dropped out his junior year too. I really relate to you, going to class makes me depressed but skipping class made me more depressed.
I am about to get my PhD degree. I don't know how this happened. I've had depressions and a serious eating disorder during university and my PhD, but I never felt that getting the degree was a struggle. Staying alive was hard. Getting the degree was like a straight path that I had chosen and so I just had to walk it. I don't know what I want to say with this. I hear you and the people in the comments when you talk about how hard it is, but I hope to find someone with a similar experience to me, to also feel less alone I guess.
I've been there. I was having a really hard time financially my second year of college and two of my sisters were pregnant and I was 6 hours away, so that was really hard too. I had to meet with my o chem professor and, after explaining the situation to her and breaking down in tears, she basically just told me I'd have to take it again the next year. So I did. I also took an MCAT prep course, which made me decide against medical school. I called my mom crying because I didn't know what I'd want to do if being a doctor was no longer an option. But I finished school (livid that I was retaking a class I no longer needed) and now I just got a new job, which doesn't require my degree, but it's biology adjacent, so I'm okay with it. The tens of thousands of dollars of debt on the other hand...not so much.
Oh my god, everything about this is just so familiar. I've struggled with mental health issues on and off since middle school and since moving out and attending college it steadily went downhill. I put off seeking professional help for 2 years and I'm on medication now and have started therapy and I've improved but I'm still nowhere near where I wanna be. The lack of motivation is my biggest struggle. I've gotten fairly good grades and I don't mind putting in the work for my classes as long as I don't actually have to leave my apartment and go to class. I've got a long commute and that surely plays into that but it's mostly just getting out of bed, getting dressed and making myself go. It's worse this semester than it's ever been because I'm not very interested in any of my classes and I'm holding out hope for next (also my last) semester but I'm not happy at all with where I am at right now. But it feels so good to hear this from someone else (hope you're not taking this the wrong way, I'm obviously not glad that you're struggling).
I actually really needed this video now. It is so creepy on how good the timing is. I am considering just focusing my efforts on attending the mandatory classes and staying home for the recorded lectures in order to keep my stress down. I feel like I will burn out if I don't pace myself. It is really hard and it does impact your grades if you don't take time to take care of yourself. Thank-you for making the video. It's really brave of you. The shame is so hard to manage. You try to tell yourself it is not your fault and that most people will be understanding but I can't help but feel judged by my tutors and lecturers, no matter how nice they are. I am in the position where going through university is also taking a while with two courses changes and me just being completely out of it for at least two years. I find that while I do love the university environment that not finishing your degree IMO is not the worst thing in the world. Like I definitely have plans to finish my Journalism degree but Uni/College is not what it is cracked up to be. Congratulations on finishing your degree and thank-you once again for making this video. I swear to God I needed it so much. I was dreading the next semester so much to the point I felt ridiculous. Love you xoxo
I'm in my fifth year of college and prob will be here another 1.5-2 years. I've switched majors twice, had my depression get so bad that I dropped out twice. I was pursuing a career in a health field bc I felt pressured and obligated to since my entire family are all doctors. After a major breakdown, I quit my program and am now pursuing a business degree (accounting). It's still fucking hard, but way less stressful than medicine. I've changed my attitude towards school-I don't expect to find a path/career that I'm truly passionate about, but I want to hang in and work hard to get a career that will make me comfortable and successful enough to pursue my passions on the side. As for my mental health, I've tried meds and ultimately decided I'm better off without them. I'm still so scared about the future. I don't want to quit again. I'm 23, and it sucks everyone else from highschool already graduated. But I can't think about that. All I can do is keep on trying, trying, trying. If anyone out there is going through stress, hang in there. Just don't give up, and you're not alone.
I needed this video so much. I'm in my second year doing engineering. Even though I've managed to excel in my courses, I've constantly been struggling with depression and social anxiety (possibly the worst combination for a university student). Especially due to the fact that I live alone, have absolutely NO friends, university has been an uphill battle. But this channel just gave me motivation to carry on; maybe there is hope for awkward balls of cringe like myself after all. Thank you so much!
I can totally relate to this! Depression hit me at the end of my first year, and by the end of my second year I nearly crashed and burned. I'm returning this fall for my third year, but super afraid I'm not even going to be able to start. I've had social anxiety all the while, my only 3 friends being my roommates, two of which are my siblings. Just wanted to let you know that I'm an "awkward ball of cringe" too who's never really been able to make friends.
I know what you were going through. I realized I had social anxiety and depression really bad after my grandpa died. everyday I dreaded going to work and tried to figured out any type of excuses to not go in. I always constantly sleeping all the time. After many years I finally decided to get help. What's funny I decided to do it after I watched one of your videos. I'm still struggling but I'm slowly working my way to get better. Thank you again for being an inspiration
I started college in the fall of 2010. A lot of really shitty things happened over the next three and a half years, and I tended to either do really well or really horribly in my classes. Finally, in the fall of 2013, I got really really sick. I was on bed rest, and that spurred a huge tidal wave of emotional chaos. I was a fucking mess, even compared to when I was in the psych ward the year before. I broke up with my boyfriend, moved back home, and decided to drop out so I could go into intensive therapy. I was so frustrated and humiliated that my mental illness put me in a place where school just wasn't a possibility, and it was disheartening as hell to see so many of my classmates from high school and college graduate and get Grown Up Jobs while all I was capable of doing was going to therapy. I transferred to a new university last fall. While I hated it at the time, I'm so glad I took a break from college. Not only am I in a much more stable place, I also know so much more about what kind of environment and systems I need to manage my illness and support my education. My grades this spring were the best they'd been since friggin' 2004. It sucks to feel like your illness is preventing you from pursuing an education, particularly if you're like me and have been taught that your intelligence determines your value and yada yada yada. The thing I learned, though, is that school will *always* be there. If taking classes isn't a possibility right now, focus on what needs your attention and reevaluate in a while. I wish I could visit myself at the beginning of 2014 and tell her that taking a step back from school is the very best thing she could do for herself.
As someone who's at university (college) and has depression and social anxiety I just wanted to say that I know where you're coming from and thank you for making this video. I know this won't be applicable for everyone, but the way I deal with it is trying to maintain a manageable course load, giving myself a lot of selfcare time and sometimes saying no to opportunities and other things that I may be interested in but I know would overwhelm me. I think you instinctually know when you take on too much and there's definitely no shame in dropping a course or taking time off when you need it.
Eve Black those things have helped me a lot to. Forgiving myself for not being able to meet my own expectations for what I should do is difficult but when I can get less off my plate (a course, another responsibility) it really eases a lot of the anxiety that would have prevented me from working on the rest of the things on my plate.
I had a professor who had an "about me" form for everyone to fill out the first day. One of the questions was "what is something that could hinder your ability to be successful in this class, and what are some things you and I can do to combat it?" It was a great way to share some of my struggles while still being accountable and working together with your class and professor.
Erika Joy two of my profs have done that (an English and sociology course) and it was very helpful even just feeling like IF I needed to speak with them regarding extensions or other accomodations I wasn't so ashamed of myself for it.
Same! I almost dropped out of college before my senior year. My depression and anxiety were terrible I could barely make it through the day! I honestly have no clue how I survived. For those feeling the same way-it does get better. Yes I still struggle sometimes. But I am doing a lot better therapy with an amazing therapist and a low dose of an anti anxiety/depression medicine have helped a lot.
Yo I'm so proud of you for finishing college!! I can relate to those struggles so much. I never realized how much my anxiety was exacerbated by being a college student until I graduated tbh. My last semester was literally one of the most difficult periods everrrr and I basically dragged myself through it day by day. College is so fucking hard for people with illnesses and I just want everyone to know how strong they are for that, whether they finished school or not!!
This is so relatable for me. I've been in the process of qualifying as a psychologist and came to the startling realisation recently that during my fourth year honours I was in such bad shape towards the end that I literally met the criteria for a panic disorder. It taught me a huge lesson that taking a little longer to finish isn't a reflection on my abilities, but I'm still worried about how I'm going to handle going back to do my masters degree next year. It's so messed up that even in studying to work in the mental health field, this sort of story is way too common :/
Hearing your experiences from this was heartbreaking. It was an emotional and powerful video and I felt myself start to cry watching it. Another great video as always.
Thank you so much for talking about this! It made me very emotional as well. Over the last year, and especially the last semester, my anxiety and depression have gotten so bad that I've had to drop three of the five courses I was taking. I was in the honours program and had to drop out of that too because it was a super unhealthy environment for me and I couldn't combine it with all of my courses and therapy on top of that. It's been a huge blow to my confidence and my sense of identity, because being "the smart kid" and "the overachiever" has always been a big part of how I see myself and what I base my self-worth on. Having that taken away from me made me feel worthless and like a huge failure. It got to the point where my therapist told me it would be better if I dropped out of university, which was a huge blow, and it made me feel so trapped. I love university, I'm so passionate about my field and when I'm doing okay I'm really fucking good at it too! But even aside from that, dropping out just isn't an option for me. I live in student housing and my anxiety makes it impossible for me to work in retail or catering, so dropping out of uni would leave me homeless and with no income. Plus, without the structure and fulfillment that uni provides I honestly think I would kill myself. Doing well in uni is the one thing that gives my life any sort of direction and hope for a future and I know it's an unhealthy situation but I honestly couldn't do without it. Thankfully a few of my profs are really supportive and I am trying to prioritize my health. Last week I started taking antidepressants so I hope that will help make things more manageable when summer break ends. One thing that was really important for me to realize is that emotional labour is also labour, and so, when you're working on your mental health, it's perfectly normal that you don't have as much time and energy left to also work on essays and exams. So when I feel like I'm not getting any work done (which is all the time), I need to remind myself that in fact, I am actually working my ass off, it's just another type of work, that is sadly severely undervalued in out current society. Thanks for sharing your story, it's an important one!
Oh Marina, I have so much love for this. I dropped out my post grad due to depression and struggled so much in undergrad too. I felt ashamed that uni was such a bad time for me when other people were having the time of their lives. Well done on graduating, and thank you so much for talking about this.
College for sure made my mental health worse, but on the bright side, my parents finally took my mental health seriously and I was able to talk to a doctor and get life-saving medicine! Fun side note: when your kid is having a panic attack when filling out their FASFA, maybe don't just tell them to "stop being hysterical" ! (And also maybe take them to a hospital? Dang that was scary)
Girl, I literally see myself in this video. I'm an upcoming senior at my university (it's a public school, but it's very competitive) and I battle with severe anxiety and depression. My two biggest battles have been mental strength studying and poor spending habits on a low, independent budget. My GPA is currently at a 2.0 because I had days where I was very prepared for class and class work, then other days where I could not fathom even going to class. Also, I worked 2 jobs every semester and my creative outlet and release was theater, which took up most of my nights. To be honest, I just needed someone to listen, understand, and guide me off the academic and financial cliff. Too many times I blamed myself for being lazy or irresponsible with money when I was suffering through mental health, which only made it worse. My new policy is that if you're not there to help and you're only there to judge without considering what I have to go through everyday, leave me to figure it out by myself or somewhere else. I still make mistakes, but understanding myself really helps me prioritize my health and focus on finding a solution.
Thank you for making this video, I am literally going through mental illness while staying at school,I am a senior high school student and it's incredibly stressful, it is so hard, but now I am encouraged by you.
College was such a tough time for me--overachiever high school student with visions of an academic paradise struggled to get motivated/go to class/stay awake in class/come out of my room--and I don't know how I got through it without antidepressants--I am now on two of them! Your video about antidepressants really struck a chord with me, and I had to fight to get them prescribed. Thank you so, so very much.
you are SO SO SO not alone here. i had to drop out of high school for similar reasons. i actually had anxiety attacks so severe I had to be hospitalized, I had to stay there for entire nights. like until the sun came up. but it's honestly been so worth it? i've never been happier in my life, my family has luckily been completely supportive and we're figuring out getting me on SSI at some point :)
My situation was like yours. I transferred to a University from my junior college and my parents could not afford to help me at all. I was already experiencing depression since age 12 and I hit a low point in college. I was anxious all the time too so I'd get down on myself for not working hard enough and at the same time I was too depressed to even care. I spent a lot of time in bed over holiday breaks, too much time. I do value my college experience and I wouldn't take it back, but my God was it mentally hard.
Thanks so much for sharing. I relate and had a similar experience. After three years as a full-time traditional college student, I essentially did drop out because I was in a really bad place mentally. However I started working full-time and was so much happier than when I was in school. After three years I went back and now I have a full-time job and I'm a part-time student at 26. I don't love it, but I'm following through on my choice and believe it will be worth it in the long run. I wish there was more of a dialogue about taking a break early on. I tried transferring schools to fix my unhappiness, but moving far from home only made things worse. But I will say I don't regret any of the decisions I made.
I struggled real bad with anxiety and depression during uni. I was kinda lucky I guess in that I was doing an art course where most of the time I was in it was just studio time and I'd be working on my own which takes off the pressure off of "if I don't go to this lecture I'm going to fail" thing that a lot of people deal with. It was only going into my final year that actually got help, like the amount of anxiety I was feel was just unbelievable like physically feeling it. I do however wish that I had told my lectures about how much I was struggling, instead of vaguely hinting hoping they'd put the pieces together. I don't think I ever thought about dropping out tho, I've always been someone who sorta sticks through things even when I'm doing good. But that doesn't mean I think dropping out is bad, sometimes it is the right choice.
I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Hearing what you said about the lack of motivation really resonated with me bc around when I went to the doc, that was one of the biggest issues for me (and negl it still is and I'm working on it). bc of this I'm trying to lower my responsibilities on campus so I can focus on things that make me happier. I'm going into my last year of college so I hope this year is better than the others!
I've always been a bit of a slacker in school bc I knew I could do well enough with just my test scores. But when I got to college, my mental health took a dive and it became a struggle to even go to school let alone keep my grades up. I was having anxiety attacks on campus and in classes in front of people and struggling with suicidal thoughts almost constantly. I felt like a failure and I really wanted to drop out but I knew how ashamed of myself I would be if I did. I still struggle with my mental health now but I'm working on getting my grades up and I'm doing better than I have in year. I still feel like I'm moving too slowly and that everyone judges me for taking so long in school and thinks I'm a failure, so hearing you talk about this means a lot to me! Thank you Marina
wow, I REALLY needed this video, thank you!!! I have depression & anxiety and have been extremely stressed about the fact that it's going to take me more than 4 years to graduate. With the way my life is currently going (changed majors multiple times, getting rejected from nursing school, failing 2 science gen eds) it's going to take me 5 and a half years to get a bachelors. I am pretty much half way there and there's no way I am stopping! Videos like this motivate me so much and remind me why I'm in college in the first place. I have been stressed on trying to graduate "on time" because I know mostly everyone I went to highschool with is and my parents and relatives seriously expect me to! I can't live up to everyones expectations but that's ok if it means it's better for my mental health. Lol thanks if you got through this whole mess, just happy knowing that I'm not alone in my struggles~
Thank you for this. I am a sophomore in college. I transferred, switched my major a bunch of times, and tried paying for school myself last semester because the idea of loans was too overwhelming for me. I'd get panic attacks thinking about my debt (I'm a creative writing major so the "unsafe" major added more stress). This past year i worked four days a week at a job I hated, making barely anything, and went to school part time because it was all i could afford. This was one of the hardest years of my life. I struggled to commute to school every day. I struggled to pay attention in class. To then have to work all weekend and have no social life. Im also in a ldr so the loneliness was intense. I ended up not doing super well (two Cs, a B, and an A) but I'm just glad I survived this year without hurting myself tbh. It was really really really rough. Lots of stress, zero motivation, loneliness, and a lot of growing up. This is the first year that I feel like I truly got a taste of what adulthood is like, and as someone who has struggled with their mental health for over a decade, facing life has been horrifying
Oh man did this hit home. I also came from a lower-middle class background, so paying for school has always been a struggle that I felt I alone had to burden, and I spent almost my entire college career deeply suicidal. Now 6 months after graduation I'm still dealing with depression, but not having to put forth a monumental effort to even get up for a 1pm class is such a relief. My mental health improved so much the minute I got the hell out of there.
I feel you, Marina! I did drop out of college after going for several years and only having a semester and a half to finish. I have depression, anxiety and cystic fibrosis so it just wasn't meant to be. Everything is fine now though and it was NOT the end of the world! I'm so proud of myself in the end because I may not be here if I had tried to stick it out. You have to put your health (mental and physical for me especially) first! I'm proud of you too!
I was one credit away from graduating before I dropped out. I was taking Visual Art in university. All the studio classes were amazing, and I was able to do well in them, but the theory and history classes were awful. I kept failing the courses, and my mental health suffered. I wasn't even taking a full course load, either. Nothing I did helped: seeing the counselors, accessing the student resource centre, even medication. I was overwhelmed and I didn't make it.
Im a college drop out and only recently went back to school in another field of study. The whole process of dropping out and figuring shit out in my life and taking a new start literally took years. I am def still dealing with mental health issues and financial repercussions and stuff. School is tough. Glad you made your way through it, but also I empathize with the strength and pain it took.
Sometimes I get into one position and it takes effort to move or my eyeballs get fixed in place and I have to move my whole head, I imagine depression being that but always. The worst I get for my undiagnosed "mental illness" is being patronized and people trying to put labels on me. I've read some school reports from me and they sound like they're trying to make me into Rain Man. I hope it gets better in college where no one cares as long as you complete your work.
I am academically 'gifted' but I also have severe depression and anxiety that went undiagnosed until I was 20 and in my third year of college. My mental health prevented me from studying abroad and resulted in my getting suspended from school when I attempted suicide on campus. I started to get a handle on the depression after that and transferred to a different school that seemed like it would be a better fit. Mostly it was but their program was far more intense than the one I came from and I struggled to pass for the first time in my life, leading me to believe I was stupid. I dreaded school every day but did not think dropping out was an option. My parents told me that if I needed to drop out that wasn't a problem, so I did. I found a job and worked for a few years, which gave me the time and space to reassess my goals and priorities. Then I found out that the school I got my associates degree from, that always held a special place in my heart, had added Bachelors degree programs. In 2015, I quit my job and returned to that college, I will graduate this Spring. Even at my busiest and most stressed, I have been able to deal with the challenges in a way that would have been impossible before and come out with grades consistently higher than at any other time in my academic career (over 3.8 each semester). While I am not exactly happy to be graduating at 30, I certainly appreciate how far I have come and that I have reached a level of mental health where I can deal with my challenges and finish on a positive note. Sorry for the wall of text but thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story. I also want to make the following suggestion: take advantage of your school's counseling department. I have a standing appointment every week with one of the counselors every single week, whether I have a crisis or not. Just having that time and space to talk about my feelings or anything that's on my mind has helped immensely!
So much of this is similar to my experience studying in 2017 and 2018. My parent can't help out with costs, I couldn't motivate myself to get out of bed and do the assignments even though I absolutely loved my course, I always felt stressed and tired beyond my limit. Thankfully I had an amazing and supportive instructor too, if only for the second year. I probably would have failed the course if it wasn't for his help and encouragement. Because of all that, late last year just before the final group project started I worked up the nerve to finally get professional help, mainly thanks to RUclipsrs like yourself helping me to build that confidence. Turned out to be a huge mistake in the end though, the lady I was referred to took my repeated explanations of "I can't even make myself do the things I love and enjoy, please help me" and re-explained it to me as "needing to incentivise yourself to do the things you don't want to do" (I already told her I'd tried this, and that it effects everything) and that "I have that problem too, it's normal". Even said to me when I told her that's not what my issue is that "how you would explain it doesn't matter, that's how I would explain it". At the end of the session her final bit of "advice" was "find something that can motivate you" as if I hadn't told her I'd been desperately trying to the entire time. I never went back after that. Wasn't that long after I had someone lecture me about talking about my mental health issues when haven't been officially diagnosed with anything, like I can even get an official diagnosis when shit like that happens if I try. I don't know if I can make myself try again, but it helps to hear someone with such a close experience to mine and see that they came through alright. Basically, thank you.
I almost dropped out of college like you, and for very similar reasons. Not only that, but I had been attending for more than a decade (though I recently graduated in the spring of this year with honors). It was truly a struggle for me because I have depression too, and I come from a poor family where I often had to skip semesters or attend half-time in order to be able to work. What's even worse is that now my state is going to offer free college for all individuals over the age of 25, and that even includes those who are aiming for a bachelor's degree. So now a ton of student loans to take care of. Really awful, but I try not to dwell on it too much. I am also going back to school to complete a technical degree, and find a better job. It's been a long journey, but there are some positives in it. One thing I can say for certain is that my school (and many others) should work to be more supportive, and find meaningful ways to reach out to students, especially those who dealing with similar challenges. Going to school is not easy, but I am glad to see more states creating better opportunities for students, even though I wish they would have done it when I was still in school.
I just wanted to say Marina, thank you so much for the videos you make. I'm in college right now but spent this summer waitressing, and your videos have made me feel so much better about the disgusting sexualization I experience from my own coworkers every day and your videos are just so delightfully insightful. They're truly a breath of fresh air, so thank you.
I had a very similar experience, but for me, it happened in my first year of college. I had done well in HS and decided to go to school in the biggest city closest to my hometown. I moved out and was excited to branch out. The school I chose didn't really have a campus and the social atmosphere there was not what I expected. That combined with me deciding that I didn't want to follow through with my major and just all of the major changes that were happening really brought out the anxiety I definitely had previously and I was super depressed. It took me 3-ish years (with over a year completely off from school) to find my way back to a positive college experience. I don't love school, but I moved back home and I've been taking online classes and I'll be graduating in the spring. It is incredibly difficult to do school in general, but add in work and other commitments and it is so draining. Taking that year off really helped me and I agree that college isn't for everyone. Luckily I'm coming out on the other side feeling super proud that I made it through, but it sure as hell wasn't easy.
I went through all of this my first year of college. I got to the point where I was sleeping until 4pm because I couldn't handle the stress of being awake through the days where I was missing class because I was having so much anxiety and depression about literally EVERY thing. But I'm back in a college class after three years and it's fucking amazing. I'm proud as hell of myself.
I relate to this so so much and I honesty wish I didn't. I almost dropped out after my freshman year b/c the pressure to do well in school and the stigma surrounding MI was so bad. I'm Indian and mi is not really a thing you discuss in my culture and you have to go to college after high school. Your videos helped me get through the four years and I'm glad that we can have conversations like this. Not going to school to prioritize yourself and your health is the right thing if you need it and there's no shame in it. I hope this helps someone who needs it.
I went through that too and I had to drop out, I literally couldn't do it (it was the second year of uni, two more left) and tbh it's one of the best desitions I've ever made and I've gotten so much better after struggling for so long. Therapy and medication helped a lot. My parents didn't take it well and it was so difficult. That's why it took so long for me to finally drop out. I'm still struggling obviously but yeah, university is not for everyone. Thank you for making this video
I can relate. I had a psychotic break during my first year of college & developed a panic disorder afterwards which will probably never go away. The only reason I was able to graduate is because I intentionally picked a major I knew would have lenient professors. Proud of you for pushing through!! At least you'll never have to do THAT again, right?
I had to stop going to school completely my junior year of high school because my depression and anxiety got so bad. I was incredibly fortunate to be able to finish high school at a specialized school for students who can't attend regular school. I'm taking a gap year before college and I'm worried about being able to cope once I do get to a university, which is something i really want to do and will need for how I want my career path to go. Thank you for sharing this video. Anyone with mental health issues who is in school has my utmost respect, even if you never make it to class. I hope everyone can remember that your mental health is always more important than anything else. ❤️ on the note of your professor, I had a very similar experience with my AP Chemistry teacher when my attendance first started dropping. She told me not to worry about her class at all and to prioritize my mental health. To this day I am incredibly grateful to have had her in my life.
i went to a really big university straight out of high school across the country and dropped out after my first semester. being away from my support system and being alone in a really big school was too much and i had a lot of stress about picking a major. i took a year and a half off of school basically just doing nothing to try and heal myself and now two years later i'm preparing to go back to school in the fall, but at a much smaller and closer school where my friends are already studying and i have a solid support system. fingers crossed that i make it through the next 4 years without freaking out and dropping out again!!
Yeah, college has definitely been detrimental to my mental health. And I'm so excited to be done this December. I've had to take 2 semesters off to save money for school and to pay for everything along stopping myself from my depression ending...less than well.
I relate so much to this video. I think my college course was designed with the idea that people would only do a quarter of what they were asked to do so the work was piled on; this made me feel like a complete moron for not being able to do do all the work. Every day I talked about dropping outfor the the last 2-3 years. In my last year, the college counselling (which was a lot better and had a much shorter waiting list than other colleges) did kind of imply that, hey, this is what 4th year is like for everyone, which made me think, maybe you should change it then? I have to admit that the piece of paper I've got now I've graduated has given me a lot more confidence in myself, so in a way it's helped my anxiety, but only now that it's over. I'm still recovering. Thanks for the vid!
I had multiple panic attacks when I was in college. And I felt extremely guilty about it, because my parents made huge sacrifices to put me through college. The worst was people around me not understanding where I was coming from, and telling me I was overreacting. I thought of dropping out, but my parents warmed me that if I did, they wouldn't support me anymore. So... it was hell! Thank you for sharing your experience.
I'm starting my freshman year of college in the fall, and I have struggled with very severe anxiety for pretty much as long as I remember. I was surprised I even made it through high school alive. But now I've finally started going to therapy so I can learn how to manage my anxiety while I'm away at college. I know I will still go through bouts of anxiety and probably a couple mental breakdowns at college, but I finally feel like I'm in a better place and I'm strong enough to handle it
I so completely relate to the impact higher education has on mental health. I just finished my second (of three) year of uni and I'm taking a year out to recover from how hellish this year has been. I have depression and anxiety as well, I had to take a year out in between my A Levels a few years ago too because I got so sick from anxiety that I couldn't go to school, so dropping out isn't new to me really but it's still kind of hard not to feel like I'm failing because I'm not doing all three years in one go. I had some awful awful weeks of catching up on thousands and thousands of words of essays that I'd left until beyond the last minute because I had no motivation to do them (whilst also worrying about them every second ofc), I think the most I wrote was about 10000 words in a week and a half across four different essays. I know that this is absolutely the right thing for me to do (all of this shit has also been compounded by multiple family deaths and other personal crap this year but if already made the decision to take the year out before some of these happened) but it was still a pretty hard decision to make. This is really long and rambling sorry it's like 3am but there you go
i just discovered your channel and I already want to stay here forever because you're amazing!this video is so relatable to me and I'm glad someone talks about mental health and college. I'm from Russia and our education system is pretty different from yours, but university was and is a real struggle anyways. we have an option of free education here but it's very difficult to get it (especially in a good university). and the quality of education is pretty low in our country in comparison with the USA so we have only a couple of real qualitive schools ):I have ocd which caused a very shitty form of situative depression last two years of studying. plus I hated myself and my university because I felt it wasn't answerable to my ambitions. I was really scared of telling my parents about it because it was a real fight for me to get accepted (there wasn't any option for my parents to pay for my college so I worked real hard to get accepted for free)but I knew I just can't make it and I should change my university before it destroys me. my father forbade me to leave because he was sure I must graduate as soon as it's possible and entering another university means starting from the very beginning. well I dropped it anyway and got accepted into another university which I dreamed of all the time. and I'm in the first year of college again, yay! but I still got ocd and my father has no idea I changed my university ): I don't know what to do with that but at least i'm in the place I want to be..
I went through the same thing, except it took me 3 times of getting kicked out of uni to get my shit together and not fail my classes to graduate. Life just felt so meaningless when I was a student there, especially when I felt so inadequate compared to my peers, and I felt lonely at times because I didn't have many friends (lost a few because I avoided keeping in contact in them). My self-esteem is pretty shit as a result of being in uni and it's making it really hard for me to find a job rn as well.
I'm glad you talked about this. I knew I was a little depressed and anxious when I started college, but college made it all come to the surface. After 1 semester, I went to my family doctor crying about my anxiety who sent me to psychiatrist who put me on multiple meds that made it all worse. I also had to talk to my teachers(through email) about why I was doing so badly. I would spend 5 hours writing an essay that took my peers 1, just trying to perfect everything. It drove me insane. My second semester I had to drop 2 out of my 5 classes so I wouldn't fail. And now I'm 21 and have yet to go back after that first year. I want to go back soon, but I don't want to fall back into my old ways. Motivation and fear of failure were my biggest enemies aka depressions and anxiety. But I could easily work 60 hours a week now, so it's not that I'm lazy. Idk. It sucks because I want to go back because I want to be a preschool teacher or a children's counselor and I could make an amazing impact on the world but idk if I can do school or at least the way school is now, which just isn't fair to me or the kids that I'm not helping right now. Maybe we need to rethink the college structure
Yes 100%. I was in an undergraduate humanities program, and I loved and was so passionate about everything I was learning but anxiety was a huge detriment. Most of my classes were small, very discussion/participation based, and had a lot of reading each others writing, etc. I understand why it was like this (and definitely benefitted from the other perspectives), but I just have never done well with speaking off the cuff and never felt like I articulated anything well. I always felt like the least qualified person in the room and like I didn't really know anything when I would write. I have always been a good student but almost failed multiple classes due to anxiety causing literal blockages to where I just could not force myself to write or I would skip classes. I saw a therapist but it never really helped. Reading about "imposter syndrome" probably helped me the most, and realizing a lot of people deal with it in academia. The whole thing culminated in a huge thesis paper that was 2 semesters long and the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I'm super proud of finishing, but still struggle with anxiety about whether any of it was worth it (I am in a lot of debt)!
At this point I am studying business and economics and I am not really passionate about it tbh. But also I dont know what I am passoonate about.. So it is a struggle for me to find something I actually enjoy. I honestly dont know if I will continue in this major or not.. I found it pretty interesting at first but there is a lot of math classes and I am horrible at it.. So like I dont know if I should keep going or if I should just quit thos major and go for something where there is no math involved. :/
I was in a PhD program and was miserable from day 1. It took me a year and a half to admit that I needed out, and another half a year to finish up with my Masters degree. But leaving grad school was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. It has made a world of difference on my mental health, and I no longer have that feeling of being trapped. My parents weren't disappointed in me, no one said I was a quitter, my husband was proud of me for taking such an important step for myself. So many people in my program have said that they wish they could do or had done the same thing. Sometimes you're not where you need to be, and there's nothing wrong with making that realization and acting in your own self interest. "The only way out is through" doesn't always hold, sometimes the best way out is just out.
I can understand this completely, and like I can understand how doing a more independent class when you have mental health issues is extremely hard and nearly impossible. i had to take an independent seminar class for my thesis and i tried to layer it on along with 18 hours worth of classes (my scholarship only covers 4 years and im in a 5 year program so i'm taking on a larger courseload in order to graduate early) and i tried to balance this with advanced courses. I ended up having a mental breakdown, dropping my thesis class but still failing another course, barely passing my other classes. college is also hard if you're there on scholarship, because i can't take break semesters or i lose everything and since im only able to afford school due to scholarships im fucked if i mess up next semester. like my mental health since college has become a complete rollercoaster down
I am also poor in college and have had several breakdowns. Having financial issues compounds everything else. I've not had anything this severe though, so sorry you struggled so much. I have always really liked your personality and content even though I'm not a feminist and I mostly disagree with you. You got a good heart and you're articulate. I wish you the best in coping with your mental health issues Marina.
I am so close to being done with college, and I've hated every part of it. I only have a few weeks of classes left, and these classes have been great, but I'm so scared of breaking down again every single day. I only very recently realized that I had a mental disability that was hindering my academics, which caused a lot of anxiety, which I still feel even though I can manage that disability a little more now. I wished I could drop out, but I had the opposite experience of you, where my parents paid and I was very aware of the burden I was putting on them. I didn't want to appear ungrateful and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. But the finish line's almost in sight, so at least I can have a degree at the end of it all.
I just graduated. It's been hard since graduating. At university, I had spent a lot of time creating safety blankets to go when it was too much. I found getting support there very easy. It's easy to get a week off for mental health at college when you need it, harder with a job. With college, I could drop classes or society commitments. It's harder to drop shifts when that's your only source of income.
I feel you so much, my college experience was... something... i'm not happy with it honestly. But yeah, my mental health is kinda shitty even in nice stress-free situations, and i thought of dropping several times during college so, the last couple of semesters my brain just went down the drain and i was so done, i had pretty much perfect attendance up to that point, and then suddenly i just couldn't do it, sometimes i would drive to campus and just end up sitting somewhere instead of actually going to class. Don't want to admit it but my final projects during those semesters where kinda shitty and idk how i passed... i honestly don't even remember that much about the classes i had (If only i knew it would get worse, like... being out of college actually made my brain go even further down the drain and slowly descend into a breakdown) And i totally agree with you that college isn't for everyone, it can be awful and extremely harmful for some people, like, a guy at my college actually tried to jump off a roof and (obviously) dropped later...
I was never a great student in high school. I'm lazy and I never studied. I took online courses for my local community college and I ended up flunking them all. I wasn't ready for college and I was just overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety, the fact that I was effectively wasting my parent's money made it even worse. I didn't tell them how bad I was doing until the semester was nearly over. Hearing your story makes me realize how shitty a person I am. Here I am stressing out over things because I'm so lazy to be bothered to do them, and end up procrastinating until it's too late.
I am currently attending college (U of Utah) and I have one semester left before i'll have my bachelors in psychology! Woo! A few months into my time at the U I started having severe panic attacks, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and quickly got on an anti-depressant. With my background in psychology I understood what was happening in my brain when I experienced panic attacks - but that did not help ease the struggle. I remember going to an 8 AM Abnormal Psych class and at about 8:15 the panic hit me and I had to leave early and have my boyfriend pick me up. I spent the rest of the day beating myself up about missing class. I decided to tell my professor the truth - and she was so kind and understanding. I told her that it could happen again but I would try to take 5 minutes in the hall and work through it. Simply telling her what I was dealing with was helpful enough for me to not have any more panic in her class! Most of my school anxiety now comes from the pressure I put on myself to get really good grades - DEANS LIST OR BUST. I've been following you for a few years now and appreciate what you do. Congratulations on your graduation!!
its weird, school has always triggered my anxiety. i finished high school recently and i remember struggling w my math classes so many times that i actually cried because i felt bad that i didnt understand it. now i graduated with a good amount of ap credit(i even got an ap scholar award thingy) but just thinking abt delving back into it all over again but it being 10000x harders makes me :/
I have OCD and normally school was a good distraction from my obsessive thought. I did have one class though that I hated and wanted to drop but I was scared of disappointing my parents. I couldn't drop it till my dad told me he wouldn't be disappointed
I haven't even applied to college yet, largely because of anxiety and depression (the other half being not knowing what the hell I'd do once I'm in). Just thinking about it gets my heart racing, and talking about it usually goes nowhere. I want to do something with my life, but outside of working in shitty retail jobs, I don't really have any other options. And there's no guarantee that school won't do anything to help either my mental, financial, or whatever the hell else health.
I graduated, and did (what I hope) was my best, but yeah College was tough for me socially. I don't really have friends/keep in contact with the people I met there in large part because it wasn't really an environment that made it easy for students with social anxiety.
I ended up dropping out of an expensive university because my anxiety and depression got so bad I could barely complete my classes on a reduced course load. This September I'm going to be attending a college that is cheaper than university and hopefully will be easier on my mental health. Having the extra burden of paying for college yourself puts extra stress because the longer you take to complete a degree the more debt you're in by the end.
I ended up "losing" 2 years of my college education because I couldn't go. Now I still have 2 more years to graduate and I don't want to drop out because I already finished 3 years of classes, and the pressure of family is hard to deal with. But I have to spend total 4 hours on the road to go to college and come back home everyday and even the road alone is so hard for me to deal with. Being in public makes it a lot harder than it already is and I know I won't be able to finish those classes in 2 years so I don't know what to do really... I was a successful student before and I was (I think maybe I still am?) really into learning. But college just does not work for me because of mental illnesses. Thank you for making this video, it meant a lot. 😿💕
I also have anxiety and occasionally experience depressive episodes, the most severe of which happened my sophomore year in college. I actually did really well academically because I dove into schoolwork in an attempt to shut my brain up, but I realize in hindsight that I shouldn't have stayed for the entirety of that semester because I was much more in the woods than I realized -- but hey, hindsight's 20/20, I guess. It helps to note that at that point pretty much my entire campus was dealing with a traumatic event (very small, community-minded school + nonconsenual voyeurism) which faculty and staff were aware of, so they were very open to extensions and such. The staff and faculty were also super great when my dad got very sick and almost died my senior year while my thesis was due in about a month. I guess I was just lucky in that I went to school where the professors (or at least the ones I took classes with) were genuinely concerned with the well-being of their students.
I'm doing my Masters degree at the moment and oof... It is rough. It feels like it is like two or three times harder than my bachelor had been, and I was quite ready to drop out. The courses weren't what I expected them to be like, the workload was far greater than I expected, some test didn't go well, and then there were a bunch of things happening in my personal life as well, which really took a toll on my mental health. What really helped my mental health was to partly drop one of the courses, and to simply no longer show up for those classes, accepting that maybe I'd fail the class and have to come back next year or compensate for it some other way. But the time I saved with that really helped me do well in the other courses and also helped me not go insane from the stress. What also helped though was talking to the other students. Partly just to know that I wasn't the only one who was struggling. In fact, everyone seemed to struggle and several others were also considering to drop out. So far, none of us have dropped out, but what we also did was go to our teachers and try to work with them to drop certain deadlines which didn't add much value to the course, to change some of the required reading, or to move deadlines so we'd have more time to do them. It's still a struggle, and this definitely is not for everyone and I certainly can't fault someone for not doing this, but it has become a little easier to manage. I still don't exactly like the study, I'm going to go through with it though.
I had a very similar experience. I never really wanted to go to college, but my parents really pushed me into it. Well, I took some relatively basic courses to start with, and I did okay. I missed more days than I should've, but I did okay. But um... well, in the second semester the Depression and the Anxiety got -really- bad. I was literally afraid to interact with my roommates and I stopped taking showers normally. I sought out the free counselling that was available on my campus, and while it was nice to be informed that yes, I did in fact have depression, I didn't really get anything else out of it. My depression defeated me. I flunked out of my second semester of college, and even though my parents were pretty much paying for my college experience, I still came out with over $4,000 in debt and nothing to show for it. And I can't get a job. Flunking out of college was the worst (but seemingly unavoidable) mistake I ever made. My life is just... so much worse off because of it.
I've considered taking a semester off so many times since I started college but have never seriously considered transferring or dropping out. I was sexually assaulted my first year, realized I was bi and had OCD going into my second year, and now am going into my third year. It's been tough, but I'm excited to done with gen eds and am going abroad. Also, I've decided to donate to you monthly via Patreon! Xox
I started having (or recognizing the worsening of) mental health issues in highschool. I somehow managed to still be involved in choir, ball hockey, soft ball, student leadership, start my school's gsa, and graduate with academic honours as valedictorian of my class despite dealing with suicidal ideation and focus issues most of it. And then those mental health issues just followed me to uni. My first semester has been my best grade wise, which is really frustrating. I dropped a course. I have to drop another retroactively. I have retaken a course and need to retake another to get the reqs to do the next course. I applied twice to the social work faculty and couldn't get in because grades. I've had to talk to multiple profs for extensions. It makes me feel dumb and lazy and crazy and self-hating. But I've gotten through 2 years. I'm in the sociology faculty now and will do social work as a second degree. The last couple semesters I got connected with a counsellor on campus. Working out coping and organization strategies have helped a lot, and just being able to discuss what's going on in my head. I started medication within the last few months and my doctor is trying to get my dosages figured before September. I also have a part-time job as an RA and am a board director for my uni's sexual and gender advocacy group and I am a facilitator for my local transgender peer support group. I wouldn't be as far as I am without the patience and understanding of many of my profs, and always having some friends or family to support me (of Which I have more now with people coming to accept my gender and transition as a real and valid and necessary thing). I deal with depression, adhd, and anxiety related to both plus ptsd. But situationally and chemically things have improved. I'm at another rough patch bc of medication effects but I feel hopeful that things will come into place. I am driven to get my education and pursue a career in social and community work. I am confident I can be a successful student. And mapping out my first degree I have 2 years and a semester left. (I'm also lucky my province's university has the lowest tuition in Canada. And despite my family being working-class they saved up from when I was a year old, and I had scholarships from high school and above minimum wage full-time summer employment).
It took me 7 years to graduate. I got properly diagnosed with major depression and anxiety disorder at the end of my first year of undergrad, but I and all my doctors already knew I had mental health issues for way longer than that. I dropped out of classes, I took 5 semesters off and actually failed out twice, but managed to go back and finish my degree last year. Now, I'm doing my masters in Europe, still struggling with school and depression, but I am way more aware of my limits and am able to push myself just the right amount. And also say no and talk to my professors when I'm not doing so well and need a little more time to finish assignments. It's so, so hard and I understand not wanting to go through it. For me, it was my dream to get my diploma in journalism and not getting my masters in international communication and development and when I first got my diagnosis I promised myself I wouldn't let it limit my dreams, I'd just have to be more patient and take my time to get there
I'm in college (for another semester, if it goes as planned) and it has been really difficult sometimes because of my depression. But I am lucky because I go through depressive episode that usually only last about six months (never longer) so I just kinda have to wait them out and also I have health insurance that pays for therapy. Also, academia is always the last thing to be affected by my mentahl illness (I have always been a good student). I get pretty good grades even when I don't go to class, sit at home crying instead of hanging out with friends, restrict my food intake, selfharm and overall feel like shit. But I get that experience of really struggling to get out of bed in the morning. When I am depressed I miss a lot of classes because I just can't bring myself to get up and go.
Anxiety and depression really put a huge roadblock in the way of my education. It started in high school when at 16 I dropped out because of anxiety. I then went to TAFE (which is like community college), where I proceeded to drop out of 2 out of 3 courses because of motivation problems. I went back the following year and finished one of the ones I dropped out of, though for some reason they never recognised it so I still don't have the certificate. It was not until I started medication for my anxiety at age 26 that I managed to complete some courses, one at TAFE and then finally a Masters course at university, which I recently graduated from. My anxiety was under control but over that 5 year period, I definitely struggled with depression and continue to do so.
I dropped out because of bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, chronic pain and aspergers. I am also from a lower middle class family so the stress of money, social relationships (both things I don't have a very firm understanding of) and course work was too much. Along with attempting to hold a part time job and participate in extra curricular activities that related to my studies, my body and mind completely broke down. That was a few years ago and honestly I'm still not in the mindset of it was okay. I think that may be my perfectionist nature, but I am in a place now where I want to finish my degree and am making steps to do so. Dropping out when I did definitely helped me to straighten out my health and relationships in a way that would not have been possible had I stayed in school. Having time to focus on more important things has greatly benefited me. Like I said, though, I still do feel like I failed a part of myself and I'm very determined to succeed when I go back. With the correct medical and personal supports in place, now the only issue I see facing me is finances. I try to remind myself that it was not my fault and does not define me as a person, but it is hard. I'm so proud of you for finishing your degree, you are a warrior!
this is what i am going/will go through... i am starting my second year of uni in september, and i am really struggling with my mental health. i have always struggled with depression, really really mild anxiety, and self harm, since when i was like 12, but since the start of uni i started to really struggle with panic disorder like symptoms, where i literally could not function. i couldnt sleep because i am too busy panicking, and wake up multiple times at night in a panic, i would just sit in front of the computer trying to work and have my mind racing so fast i just freeze and shake and feel like i am going crazy. somehow despite all these i still managed to get a gpa 0.02 away from being on the deans list. so i really understand how bad mental health and decent grades are not mutually exclusive, even though a lot of people would use one's good academic result to invalidate one's experience with mental health struggles. when i went to see a psych nurse to try and get a appointment with a psychiatrist, the first question he asked was about my grades (which was average A at the time) and said that he didnt understand how i claim that i am struggling when i performed so well at school. while i understand that resources may not be very helpful and accessible for a lot of people, i got a lot of help from those resources. i am able to get regular therapy sessions (albeit only once every 2-3 weeks) with a clinical psychologist (in where i am from, with a population of 8000000, we only have about 300 registered CPs...) and get to see a doctor and be prescribed anti-depressants and xanax with the resources i have at uni. while there are A LOT of things that are needed to be improved, I am still so so grateful that i have these resources, and i even think that if for nothing, at least i am grateful that i got to be at least stablized in uni lol but looking forward i am so scared. i only finished one year, and i am already in such a bad place. i am also so so sad and angry at myself that while my peers seem to be getting a social life and are focussing in new experiences and meeting new people, i am just here being a mess and ignoring my social life and just struggling to even function or get myself to a place where i dont think about killing myself every single minute, its such a waste of time and opportunities... i dont know, i just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this topic as it is so so close to home, and i know that i am not alone in this, even if i feel like so most of the time. thanks so much for making this vid :)
This summer is my last semester. 6 years and I'm ready to join the workforce and move on with my life. I keep telling everyone I know how much I hate school but they always shrug me off. Like hello, I need support but no one in my family went to college so they don't understand.
I started college in 2012 in California and dropped out the end of my first semester because I was dealing with an abusive friendship and I was extremely depressed. I took a year off and transferred to a school in Maine (as far away from CA as you can possibly get) and the distance really helped. I still struggled quite a bit and sought out help from the counseling center on campus. They were helpful at first but then they got rid of their only psychiatrist and set in a new policy that students were only allowed 3 therapy sessions a year. Being out of state I didnt have a car and public transportation in buttfuck ME is nearly non-existent so I had to go off my meds and gave up on therapy altogether. Im going back to finish off my senior year in like a week and i'm nervous that i'm not going to be able to do it. But like you, it's taken me 5 years and I just want this hell to be over.
I had pretty bad depression in high school (and sleep deprivation) from pushing myself hard. Was taking lots of AP courses and taxing stuff. I tried to tell my parents about the depression and was blown off. They wouldn't agree to take me to a doctor. I got accepted at a college I wasn't expecting to get into (prestigious), and I didn't care for the school but I knew a degree from there would get me a good job. My family and friends were of the attitude of "if you got accepted why *wouldn't* you go?" and I kind of let that pressure me, a bit. Anyhow, I went, was never able to find my place there, and got gradually more depressed until I failed out after the second year. I had to pay student loans within a few months and my mother bailed me out. I was finally able to convince them to get me treatment after that, but it was just bad times. Since my GPA was shot after that, no other school I've found has wanted to accept a transfer of credit. So I'd basically have to start college from scratch if I did want to go back. But, probably not. I'm trying to make it without the degree for now and it's going okay.
i had 3 months left before graduation and i dropped out. thats how bad it was. depression is a bitch. i dont regret it though. its good to focus on your health before anything else.
your story gave me feels
You have not completely dropped out, right? If You're within commuting of a good university or college, you could always return to finish. I predict you will find it much less stressful and lots easier this time. I've taught students in their late teens and those who have return to university in their twenties. Those in their twenties tend to have their heads together and know how to make their university experience work for them. So think about maybe giving it another spin.
(I had to come back to edit the run-on sentence at the end of my comment. Teaching university English has rendered me a terminal perfectionist. Not a great condition when I'm as prone to gaffs as I am :)
Shoe0nHead hi shoe😀
You can always go back and finish whenever you want. :) But you seem to be doing well regardless. I'm glad you took the time to take care of yourself, though. That's the most important thing.
Shoe0nHead Oh hi Shoe.
I am very surprised to read that Shoe has battled depression. I had one bought early in my undergrad days, which led me to drop out for 2 years. A second bought late in my grad school days led me to delay finishing for 13 years. I was never diagnosed with depression. Only in my mid 30s did I discover the truth about my past. I now suspect that I am latent bipolar. With age, my body chemistry has moved away from bipolarity.
If I had a £ every time I considered dropping out of university, I'd be able to pay off my debt
I dropped out, and I plan to return; But I have PTSD, severe anxiety, and social anxiety so going to college was incredibly hard! My daily commute was over two hours just to get to school by bus across state lines, and I had to deal with being bullied just about everyday!
Even so I only missed like 3 classes, and kept my grades relatively good, :), but...:(...(TnT)...I had to drop all my classes for mental health reasons when I was sexually assaulted. That was just too much to try and power through, and I would've risked seeing my assaulter every single day since we took the same bus system. I don't have a good support system, and being taken advantage of sexually made my mental health spiral out of control.
So, I prioritized my mental health and dropped out, :(. i'm glad I did, but unfortunately it just fed the narrative that i never finish anything I start. Which is something my friends and family believe about me, and it makes it harder for me to reject that narrative for one of my own creation; But typing my story out, and realizing just how beast mode I was, to actually tackle college with EVERYTHING i had against me, is kinda inspiring, :D
I'm going back to college, and I'm going to get a whole host of degrees, ;D
Hell yeah! I'm proud of you for prioritizing your mental health! School will be there when you're ready to go back.
Thank you that means a lot, :D! I don't get a lot of positive reinforcement right now, so your comment is very much appreciated, :)
I hope your day is absolutely fantastic!
I dropped out of biochemistry because of my mental health. I wasn't able to sit in a lecture and not cry, let alone spend 8 hours in the lab and go home and write papers... I completely broke down. In hindsight it was good because turns out, I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a lab coat. I went into inpatient and am now in therapy and doing a voluntary service year (I don't know if that's the right translation, it's a specific thing you can do in Germany). I will start university again in October studying social sciences, but I am scared shitless. I am not as well I had hoped I would be at this point and I am very afraid I won't be able to follow my courses. But I also don't really know what else to do with my life.
I'm a music therapist, so a lot of my training in college centered around mental health and disability. I felt myself and many of my close friends slipping into really negative patterns in college. Now that I'm done, I still find it difficult to treat myself with the same kindness I treat others, especially when I feel pressure to be some sort of invincible expert (even though I know that's ridiculous and part of mental health stigma!) In many ways I think college creates a toxic environment for mental health. Most college students are financially insecure, not sleeping well and not eating well. Often, they're in a temporary living situation and may be separated from childhood support networks. At least in my experience, there also was this expectation that college is your life--no separation between "work" and "personal time". The whole point of college imo is to take time to grow, learn and be challenged on everything--which becomes extremely draining when you're not able to maintain life balance. And then people wonder why binge drinking is an issue on college campuses...
I'm currently a college student (going into my 3rd year next month) and sophomore year was the biggest struggle for me. I needed time off so badly but I also needed to push myself through. Basically I had a mental break and ended up voluntarily entering the hospital to get some help for a few days. I just needed the word to stop for a second so I could catch up. I completely sympathize and understand where you are coming from and thank you for talking about this because I feel stress on a completely other level compared to those who don't suffer with extreme mental illness (I was just diagnosed as bipolar in the hospital) and trying to balance your sanity with your school work.
I am so with you on this one, Marina.
I went through the exact same thing. I was an honor student in high school and I did sports and extra curricular activities. College early on was easy and then I transferred and fell behind and had to take an extra year. My last few years I was struggling with depression and anxiety while working almost full-time and doing poorly in school. I had to go to therapy and I was going to the hospital over my panic attacks. I finally went on medicine and graduated and I'm doing a lot better now but College is definitely very mentally jarring. You are not alone
1) This was 100% me in the last two years of high school
2) I'm currently in college and I lowkey want to drop out because my course is currently destroying my soul
3) You look really cute in this video!!
If your insurance covers it, I suggest occasionally seeing a psychologist or counselor.
I made it to junior year of college. I couldnt do it. I wanted to not exist if it meant not going. I didnt even go to my finals. I went from all A's to all C's. I feel like a failure because my close friends with depression did graduate and I wasnt able to.
Clamurtits you're not a failure.
You are not a failure!!! Look up Frankjavcee on youtube, he's one of my favorite youtubers and he dropped out his junior year too. I really relate to you, going to class makes me depressed but skipping class made me more depressed.
You're not a failure. Don't compare yourself to others, everyone's different. HUGS
I am about to get my PhD degree. I don't know how this happened. I've had depressions and a serious eating disorder during university and my PhD, but I never felt that getting the degree was a struggle. Staying alive was hard. Getting the degree was like a straight path that I had chosen and so I just had to walk it. I don't know what I want to say with this. I hear you and the people in the comments when you talk about how hard it is, but I hope to find someone with a similar experience to me, to also feel less alone I guess.
I've been there. I was having a really hard time financially my second year of college and two of my sisters were pregnant and I was 6 hours away, so that was really hard too. I had to meet with my o chem professor and, after explaining the situation to her and breaking down in tears, she basically just told me I'd have to take it again the next year. So I did. I also took an MCAT prep course, which made me decide against medical school. I called my mom crying because I didn't know what I'd want to do if being a doctor was no longer an option. But I finished school (livid that I was retaking a class I no longer needed) and now I just got a new job, which doesn't require my degree, but it's biology adjacent, so I'm okay with it. The tens of thousands of dollars of debt on the other hand...not so much.
Oh my god, everything about this is just so familiar. I've struggled with mental health issues on and off since middle school and since moving out and attending college it steadily went downhill. I put off seeking professional help for 2 years and I'm on medication now and have started therapy and I've improved but I'm still nowhere near where I wanna be.
The lack of motivation is my biggest struggle. I've gotten fairly good grades and I don't mind putting in the work for my classes as long as I don't actually have to leave my apartment and go to class. I've got a long commute and that surely plays into that but it's mostly just getting out of bed, getting dressed and making myself go. It's worse this semester than it's ever been because I'm not very interested in any of my classes and I'm holding out hope for next (also my last) semester but I'm not happy at all with where I am at right now. But it feels so good to hear this from someone else (hope you're not taking this the wrong way, I'm obviously not glad that you're struggling).
I actually really needed this video now. It is so creepy on how good the timing is. I am considering just focusing my efforts on attending the mandatory classes and staying home for the recorded lectures in order to keep my stress down. I feel like I will burn out if I don't pace myself. It is really hard and it does impact your grades if you don't take time to take care of yourself. Thank-you for making the video. It's really brave of you. The shame is so hard to manage. You try to tell yourself it is not your fault and that most people will be understanding but I can't help but feel judged by my tutors and lecturers, no matter how nice they are. I am in the position where going through university is also taking a while with two courses changes and me just being completely out of it for at least two years. I find that while I do love the university environment that not finishing your degree IMO is not the worst thing in the world. Like I definitely have plans to finish my Journalism degree but Uni/College is not what it is cracked up to be.
Congratulations on finishing your degree and thank-you once again for making this video. I swear to God I needed it so much. I was dreading the next semester so much to the point I felt ridiculous. Love you xoxo
I'm in my fifth year of college and prob will be here another 1.5-2 years. I've switched majors twice, had my depression get so bad that I dropped out twice. I was pursuing a career in a health field bc I felt pressured and obligated to since my entire family are all doctors. After a major breakdown, I quit my program and am now pursuing a business degree (accounting). It's still fucking hard, but way less stressful than medicine. I've changed my attitude towards school-I don't expect to find a path/career that I'm truly passionate about, but I want to hang in and work hard to get a career that will make me comfortable and successful enough to pursue my passions on the side. As for my mental health, I've tried meds and ultimately decided I'm better off without them. I'm still so scared about the future. I don't want to quit again. I'm 23, and it sucks everyone else from highschool already graduated. But I can't think about that. All I can do is keep on trying, trying, trying. If anyone out there is going through stress, hang in there. Just don't give up, and you're not alone.
I needed this video so much.
I'm in my second year doing engineering. Even though I've managed to excel in my courses, I've constantly been struggling with depression and social anxiety (possibly the worst combination for a university student). Especially due to the fact that I live alone, have absolutely NO friends, university has been an uphill battle.
But this channel just gave me motivation to carry on; maybe there is hope for awkward balls of cringe like myself after all. Thank you so much!
I can totally relate to this! Depression hit me at the end of my first year, and by the end of my second year I nearly crashed and burned. I'm returning this fall for my third year, but super afraid I'm not even going to be able to start. I've had social anxiety all the while, my only 3 friends being my roommates, two of which are my siblings. Just wanted to let you know that I'm an "awkward ball of cringe" too who's never really been able to make friends.
Mo Mosia shoutout to all the awkward balls of cringe out there
I know what you were going through. I realized I had social anxiety and depression really bad after my grandpa died. everyday I dreaded going to work and tried to figured out any type of excuses to not go in. I always constantly sleeping all the time. After many years I finally decided to get help. What's funny I decided to do it after I watched one of your videos. I'm still struggling but I'm slowly working my way to get better. Thank you again for being an inspiration
I started college in the fall of 2010. A lot of really shitty things happened over the next three and a half years, and I tended to either do really well or really horribly in my classes. Finally, in the fall of 2013, I got really really sick. I was on bed rest, and that spurred a huge tidal wave of emotional chaos. I was a fucking mess, even compared to when I was in the psych ward the year before. I broke up with my boyfriend, moved back home, and decided to drop out so I could go into intensive therapy. I was so frustrated and humiliated that my mental illness put me in a place where school just wasn't a possibility, and it was disheartening as hell to see so many of my classmates from high school and college graduate and get Grown Up Jobs while all I was capable of doing was going to therapy.
I transferred to a new university last fall. While I hated it at the time, I'm so glad I took a break from college. Not only am I in a much more stable place, I also know so much more about what kind of environment and systems I need to manage my illness and support my education. My grades this spring were the best they'd been since friggin' 2004.
It sucks to feel like your illness is preventing you from pursuing an education, particularly if you're like me and have been taught that your intelligence determines your value and yada yada yada. The thing I learned, though, is that school will *always* be there. If taking classes isn't a possibility right now, focus on what needs your attention and reevaluate in a while. I wish I could visit myself at the beginning of 2014 and tell her that taking a step back from school is the very best thing she could do for herself.
As someone who's at university (college) and has depression and social anxiety I just wanted to say that I know where you're coming from and thank you for making this video. I know this won't be applicable for everyone, but the way I deal with it is trying to maintain a manageable course load, giving myself a lot of selfcare time and sometimes saying no to opportunities and other things that I may be interested in but I know would overwhelm me. I think you instinctually know when you take on too much and there's definitely no shame in dropping a course or taking time off when you need it.
Eve Black those things have helped me a lot to. Forgiving myself for not being able to meet my own expectations for what I should do is difficult but when I can get less off my plate (a course, another responsibility) it really eases a lot of the anxiety that would have prevented me from working on the rest of the things on my plate.
I had a professor who had an "about me" form for everyone to fill out the first day. One of the questions was "what is something that could hinder your ability to be successful in this class, and what are some things you and I can do to combat it?" It was a great way to share some of my struggles while still being accountable and working together with your class and professor.
Erika Joy two of my profs have done that (an English and sociology course) and it was very helpful even just feeling like IF I needed to speak with them regarding extensions or other accomodations I wasn't so ashamed of myself for it.
Same! I almost dropped out of college before my senior year. My depression and anxiety were terrible I could barely make it through the day! I honestly have no clue how I survived. For those feeling the same way-it does get better. Yes I still struggle sometimes. But I am doing a lot better therapy with an amazing therapist and a low dose of an anti anxiety/depression medicine have helped a lot.
Yo I'm so proud of you for finishing college!! I can relate to those struggles so much. I never realized how much my anxiety was exacerbated by being a college student until I graduated tbh. My last semester was literally one of the most difficult periods everrrr and I basically dragged myself through it day by day. College is so fucking hard for people with illnesses and I just want everyone to know how strong they are for that, whether they finished school or not!!
I'm gonna be a senior soon, and this past semester really wore me down. Nice to see that I can confide in this video with a kindred spirit.
This is so relatable for me. I've been in the process of qualifying as a psychologist and came to the startling realisation recently that during my fourth year honours I was in such bad shape towards the end that I literally met the criteria for a panic disorder. It taught me a huge lesson that taking a little longer to finish isn't a reflection on my abilities, but I'm still worried about how I'm going to handle going back to do my masters degree next year. It's so messed up that even in studying to work in the mental health field, this sort of story is way too common :/
Hearing your experiences from this was heartbreaking. It was an emotional and powerful video and I felt myself start to cry watching it. Another great video as always.
Thank you so much for talking about this! It made me very emotional as well. Over the last year, and especially the last semester, my anxiety and depression have gotten so bad that I've had to drop three of the five courses I was taking. I was in the honours program and had to drop out of that too because it was a super unhealthy environment for me and I couldn't combine it with all of my courses and therapy on top of that. It's been a huge blow to my confidence and my sense of identity, because being "the smart kid" and "the overachiever" has always been a big part of how I see myself and what I base my self-worth on. Having that taken away from me made me feel worthless and like a huge failure. It got to the point where my therapist told me it would be better if I dropped out of university, which was a huge blow, and it made me feel so trapped. I love university, I'm so passionate about my field and when I'm doing okay I'm really fucking good at it too! But even aside from that, dropping out just isn't an option for me. I live in student housing and my anxiety makes it impossible for me to work in retail or catering, so dropping out of uni would leave me homeless and with no income. Plus, without the structure and fulfillment that uni provides I honestly think I would kill myself. Doing well in uni is the one thing that gives my life any sort of direction and hope for a future and I know it's an unhealthy situation but I honestly couldn't do without it.
Thankfully a few of my profs are really supportive and I am trying to prioritize my health. Last week I started taking antidepressants so I hope that will help make things more manageable when summer break ends. One thing that was really important for me to realize is that emotional labour is also labour, and so, when you're working on your mental health, it's perfectly normal that you don't have as much time and energy left to also work on essays and exams. So when I feel like I'm not getting any work done (which is all the time), I need to remind myself that in fact, I am actually working my ass off, it's just another type of work, that is sadly severely undervalued in out current society. Thanks for sharing your story, it's an important one!
Oh Marina, I have so much love for this. I dropped out my post grad due to depression and struggled so much in undergrad too. I felt ashamed that uni was such a bad time for me when other people were having the time of their lives. Well done on graduating, and thank you so much for talking about this.
College for sure made my mental health worse, but on the bright side, my parents finally took my mental health seriously and I was able to talk to a doctor and get life-saving medicine! Fun side note: when your kid is having a panic attack when filling out their FASFA, maybe don't just tell them to "stop being hysterical" ! (And also maybe take them to a hospital? Dang that was scary)
Girl, I literally see myself in this video. I'm an upcoming senior at my university (it's a public school, but it's very competitive) and I battle with severe anxiety and depression. My two biggest battles have been mental strength studying and poor spending habits on a low, independent budget. My GPA is currently at a 2.0 because I had days where I was very prepared for class and class work, then other days where I could not fathom even going to class. Also, I worked 2 jobs every semester and my creative outlet and release was theater, which took up most of my nights. To be honest, I just needed someone to listen, understand, and guide me off the academic and financial cliff. Too many times I blamed myself for being lazy or irresponsible with money when I was suffering through mental health, which only made it worse. My new policy is that if you're not there to help and you're only there to judge without considering what I have to go through everyday, leave me to figure it out by myself or somewhere else. I still make mistakes, but understanding myself really helps me prioritize my health and focus on finding a solution.
Thank you for making this video, I am literally going through mental illness while staying at school,I am a senior high school student and it's incredibly stressful, it is so hard, but now I am encouraged by you.
College was such a tough time for me--overachiever high school student with visions of an academic paradise struggled to get motivated/go to class/stay awake in class/come out of my room--and I don't know how I got through it without antidepressants--I am now on two of them! Your video about antidepressants really struck a chord with me, and I had to fight to get them prescribed. Thank you so, so very much.
you are SO SO SO not alone here. i had to drop out of high school for similar reasons. i actually had anxiety attacks so severe I had to be hospitalized, I had to stay there for entire nights. like until the sun came up. but it's honestly been so worth it? i've never been happier in my life, my family has luckily been completely supportive and we're figuring out getting me on SSI at some point :)
My situation was like yours. I transferred to a University from my junior college and my parents could not afford to help me at all. I was already experiencing depression since age 12 and I hit a low point in college. I was anxious all the time too so I'd get down on myself for not working hard enough and at the same time I was too depressed to even care. I spent a lot of time in bed over holiday breaks, too much time. I do value my college experience and I wouldn't take it back, but my God was it mentally hard.
Thanks so much for sharing. I relate and had a similar experience. After three years as a full-time traditional college student, I essentially did drop out because I was in a really bad place mentally. However I started working full-time and was so much happier than when I was in school. After three years I went back and now I have a full-time job and I'm a part-time student at 26. I don't love it, but I'm following through on my choice and believe it will be worth it in the long run. I wish there was more of a dialogue about taking a break early on. I tried transferring schools to fix my unhappiness, but moving far from home only made things worse. But I will say I don't regret any of the decisions I made.
I struggled real bad with anxiety and depression during uni. I was kinda lucky I guess in that I was doing an art course where most of the time I was in it was just studio time and I'd be working on my own which takes off the pressure off of "if I don't go to this lecture I'm going to fail" thing that a lot of people deal with. It was only going into my final year that actually got help, like the amount of anxiety I was feel was just unbelievable like physically feeling it. I do however wish that I had told my lectures about how much I was struggling, instead of vaguely hinting hoping they'd put the pieces together. I don't think I ever thought about dropping out tho, I've always been someone who sorta sticks through things even when I'm doing good. But that doesn't mean I think dropping out is bad, sometimes it is the right choice.
I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Hearing what you said about the lack of motivation really resonated with me bc around when I went to the doc, that was one of the biggest issues for me (and negl it still is and I'm working on it). bc of this I'm trying to lower my responsibilities on campus so I can focus on things that make me happier. I'm going into my last year of college so I hope this year is better than the others!
I've always been a bit of a slacker in school bc I knew I could do well enough with just my test scores. But when I got to college, my mental health took a dive and it became a struggle to even go to school let alone keep my grades up. I was having anxiety attacks on campus and in classes in front of people and struggling with suicidal thoughts almost constantly. I felt like a failure and I really wanted to drop out but I knew how ashamed of myself I would be if I did.
I still struggle with my mental health now but I'm working on getting my grades up and I'm doing better than I have in year. I still feel like I'm moving too slowly and that everyone judges me for taking so long in school and thinks I'm a failure, so hearing you talk about this means a lot to me! Thank you Marina
wow, I REALLY needed this video, thank you!!! I have depression & anxiety and have been extremely stressed about the fact that it's going to take me more than 4 years to graduate. With the way my life is currently going (changed majors multiple times, getting rejected from nursing school, failing 2 science gen eds) it's going to take me 5 and a half years to get a bachelors. I am pretty much half way there and there's no way I am stopping! Videos like this motivate me so much and remind me why I'm in college in the first place. I have been stressed on trying to graduate "on time" because I know mostly everyone I went to highschool with is and my parents and relatives seriously expect me to! I can't live up to everyones expectations but that's ok if it means it's better for my mental health. Lol thanks if you got through this whole mess, just happy knowing that I'm not alone in my struggles~
Thank you for this. I am a sophomore in college. I transferred, switched my major a bunch of times, and tried paying for school myself last semester because the idea of loans was too overwhelming for me. I'd get panic attacks thinking about my debt (I'm a creative writing major so the "unsafe" major added more stress). This past year i worked four days a week at a job I hated, making barely anything, and went to school part time because it was all i could afford. This was one of the hardest years of my life. I struggled to commute to school every day. I struggled to pay attention in class. To then have to work all weekend and have no social life. Im also in a ldr so the loneliness was intense. I ended up not doing super well (two Cs, a B, and an A) but I'm just glad I survived this year without hurting myself tbh. It was really really really rough. Lots of stress, zero motivation, loneliness, and a lot of growing up. This is the first year that I feel like I truly got a taste of what adulthood is like, and as someone who has struggled with their mental health for over a decade, facing life has been horrifying
Oh man did this hit home. I also came from a lower-middle class background, so paying for school has always been a struggle that I felt I alone had to burden, and I spent almost my entire college career deeply suicidal. Now 6 months after graduation I'm still dealing with depression, but not having to put forth a monumental effort to even get up for a 1pm class is such a relief. My mental health improved so much the minute I got the hell out of there.
I feel you, Marina! I did drop out of college after going for several years and only having a semester and a half to finish. I have depression, anxiety and cystic fibrosis so it just wasn't meant to be. Everything is fine now though and it was NOT the end of the world! I'm so proud of myself in the end because I may not be here if I had tried to stick it out. You have to put your health (mental and physical for me especially) first! I'm proud of you too!
Proud of you!!!! Definitely do what's best for your mental health!
I was one credit away from graduating before I dropped out.
I was taking Visual Art in university. All the studio classes were amazing, and I was able to do well in them, but the theory and history classes were awful. I kept failing the courses, and my mental health suffered. I wasn't even taking a full course load, either. Nothing I did helped: seeing the counselors, accessing the student resource centre, even medication. I was overwhelmed and I didn't make it.
Im a college drop out and only recently went back to school in another field of study. The whole process of dropping out and figuring shit out in my life and taking a new start literally took years. I am def still dealing with mental health issues and financial repercussions and stuff. School is tough. Glad you made your way through it, but also I empathize with the strength and pain it took.
Sometimes I get into one position and it takes effort to move or my eyeballs get fixed in place and I have to move my whole head, I imagine depression being that but always.
The worst I get for my undiagnosed "mental illness" is being patronized and people trying to put labels on me. I've read some school reports from me and they sound like they're trying to make me into Rain Man. I hope it gets better in college where no one cares as long as you complete your work.
I am academically 'gifted' but I also have severe depression and anxiety that went undiagnosed until I was 20 and in my third year of college. My mental health prevented me from studying abroad and resulted in my getting suspended from school when I attempted suicide on campus. I started to get a handle on the depression after that and transferred to a different school that seemed like it would be a better fit. Mostly it was but their program was far more intense than the one I came from and I struggled to pass for the first time in my life, leading me to believe I was stupid. I dreaded school every day but did not think dropping out was an option. My parents told me that if I needed to drop out that wasn't a problem, so I did. I found a job and worked for a few years, which gave me the time and space to reassess my goals and priorities.
Then I found out that the school I got my associates degree from, that always held a special place in my heart, had added Bachelors degree programs. In 2015, I quit my job and returned to that college, I will graduate this Spring. Even at my busiest and most stressed, I have been able to deal with the challenges in a way that would have been impossible before and come out with grades consistently higher than at any other time in my academic career (over 3.8 each semester). While I am not exactly happy to be graduating at 30, I certainly appreciate how far I have come and that I have reached a level of mental health where I can deal with my challenges and finish on a positive note.
Sorry for the wall of text but thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my story. I also want to make the following suggestion: take advantage of your school's counseling department. I have a standing appointment every week with one of the counselors every single week, whether I have a crisis or not. Just having that time and space to talk about my feelings or anything that's on my mind has helped immensely!
So much of this is similar to my experience studying in 2017 and 2018. My parent can't help out with costs, I couldn't motivate myself to get out of bed and do the assignments even though I absolutely loved my course, I always felt stressed and tired beyond my limit. Thankfully I had an amazing and supportive instructor too, if only for the second year. I probably would have failed the course if it wasn't for his help and encouragement. Because of all that, late last year just before the final group project started I worked up the nerve to finally get professional help, mainly thanks to RUclipsrs like yourself helping me to build that confidence. Turned out to be a huge mistake in the end though, the lady I was referred to took my repeated explanations of "I can't even make myself do the things I love and enjoy, please help me" and re-explained it to me as "needing to incentivise yourself to do the things you don't want to do" (I already told her I'd tried this, and that it effects everything) and that "I have that problem too, it's normal". Even said to me when I told her that's not what my issue is that "how you would explain it doesn't matter, that's how I would explain it". At the end of the session her final bit of "advice" was "find something that can motivate you" as if I hadn't told her I'd been desperately trying to the entire time. I never went back after that.
Wasn't that long after I had someone lecture me about talking about my mental health issues when haven't been officially diagnosed with anything, like I can even get an official diagnosis when shit like that happens if I try. I don't know if I can make myself try again, but it helps to hear someone with such a close experience to mine and see that they came through alright.
Basically, thank you.
I almost dropped out of college like you, and for very similar reasons. Not only that, but I had been attending for more than a decade (though I recently graduated in the spring of this year with honors). It was truly a struggle for me because I have depression too, and I come from a poor family where I often had to skip semesters or attend half-time in order to be able to work. What's even worse is that now my state is going to offer free college for all individuals over the age of 25, and that even includes those who are aiming for a bachelor's degree. So now a ton of student loans to take care of. Really awful, but I try not to dwell on it too much. I am also going back to school to complete a technical degree, and find a better job. It's been a long journey, but there are some positives in it. One thing I can say for certain is that my school (and many others) should work to be more supportive, and find meaningful ways to reach out to students, especially those who dealing with similar challenges. Going to school is not easy, but I am glad to see more states creating better opportunities for students, even though I wish they would have done it when I was still in school.
I just wanted to say Marina, thank you so much for the videos you make. I'm in college right now but spent this summer waitressing, and your videos have made me feel so much better about the disgusting sexualization I experience from my own coworkers every day and your videos are just so delightfully insightful. They're truly a breath of fresh air, so thank you.
I had a very similar experience, but for me, it happened in my first year of college. I had done well in HS and decided to go to school in the biggest city closest to my hometown. I moved out and was excited to branch out. The school I chose didn't really have a campus and the social atmosphere there was not what I expected. That combined with me deciding that I didn't want to follow through with my major and just all of the major changes that were happening really brought out the anxiety I definitely had previously and I was super depressed. It took me 3-ish years (with over a year completely off from school) to find my way back to a positive college experience. I don't love school, but I moved back home and I've been taking online classes and I'll be graduating in the spring. It is incredibly difficult to do school in general, but add in work and other commitments and it is so draining. Taking that year off really helped me and I agree that college isn't for everyone. Luckily I'm coming out on the other side feeling super proud that I made it through, but it sure as hell wasn't easy.
I went through all of this my first year of college. I got to the point where I was sleeping until 4pm because I couldn't handle the stress of being awake through the days where I was missing class because I was having so much anxiety and depression about literally EVERY thing. But I'm back in a college class after three years and it's fucking amazing. I'm proud as hell of myself.
I relate to this so so much and I honesty wish I didn't. I almost dropped out after my freshman year b/c the pressure to do well in school and the stigma surrounding MI was so bad. I'm Indian and mi is not really a thing you discuss in my culture and you have to go to college after high school. Your videos helped me get through the four years and I'm glad that we can have conversations like this. Not going to school to prioritize yourself and your health is the right thing if you need it and there's no shame in it. I hope this helps someone who needs it.
I went through that too and I had to drop out, I literally couldn't do it (it was the second year of uni, two more left) and tbh it's one of the best desitions I've ever made and I've gotten so much better after struggling for so long. Therapy and medication helped a lot. My parents didn't take it well and it was so difficult. That's why it took so long for me to finally drop out. I'm still struggling obviously but yeah, university is not for everyone. Thank you for making this video
I can relate. I had a psychotic break during my first year of college & developed a panic disorder afterwards which will probably never go away. The only reason I was able to graduate is because I intentionally picked a major I knew would have lenient professors. Proud of you for pushing through!! At least you'll never have to do THAT again, right?
I had to stop going to school completely my junior year of high school because my depression and anxiety got so bad. I was incredibly fortunate to be able to finish high school at a specialized school for students who can't attend regular school. I'm taking a gap year before college and I'm worried about being able to cope once I do get to a university, which is something i really want to do and will need for how I want my career path to go. Thank you for sharing this video. Anyone with mental health issues who is in school has my utmost respect, even if you never make it to class. I hope everyone can remember that your mental health is always more important than anything else. ❤️ on the note of your professor, I had a very similar experience with my AP Chemistry teacher when my attendance first started dropping. She told me not to worry about her class at all and to prioritize my mental health. To this day I am incredibly grateful to have had her in my life.
This video means so much to me. Thank you for making it.
i went to a really big university straight out of high school across the country and dropped out after my first semester. being away from my support system and being alone in a really big school was too much and i had a lot of stress about picking a major. i took a year and a half off of school basically just doing nothing to try and heal myself and now two years later i'm preparing to go back to school in the fall, but at a much smaller and closer school where my friends are already studying and i have a solid support system. fingers crossed that i make it through the next 4 years without freaking out and dropping out again!!
Yeah, college has definitely been detrimental to my mental health. And I'm so excited to be done this December. I've had to take 2 semesters off to save money for school and to pay for everything along stopping myself from my depression ending...less than well.
I relate so much to this video. I think my college course was designed with the idea that people would only do a quarter of what they were asked to do so the work was piled on; this made me feel like a complete moron for not being able to do do all the work. Every day I talked about dropping outfor the the last 2-3 years. In my last year, the college counselling (which was a lot better and had a much shorter waiting list than other colleges) did kind of imply that, hey, this is what 4th year is like for everyone, which made me think, maybe you should change it then? I have to admit that the piece of paper I've got now I've graduated has given me a lot more confidence in myself, so in a way it's helped my anxiety, but only now that it's over. I'm still recovering. Thanks for the vid!
I had multiple panic attacks when I was in college. And I felt extremely guilty about it, because my parents made huge sacrifices to put me through college. The worst was people around me not understanding where I was coming from, and telling me I was overreacting. I thought of dropping out, but my parents warmed me that if I did, they wouldn't support me anymore. So... it was hell! Thank you for sharing your experience.
I'm starting my freshman year of college in the fall, and I have struggled with very severe anxiety for pretty much as long as I remember. I was surprised I even made it through high school alive. But now I've finally started going to therapy so I can learn how to manage my anxiety while I'm away at college. I know I will still go through bouts of anxiety and probably a couple mental breakdowns at college, but I finally feel like I'm in a better place and I'm strong enough to handle it
I so completely relate to the impact higher education has on mental health. I just finished my second (of three) year of uni and I'm taking a year out to recover from how hellish this year has been. I have depression and anxiety as well, I had to take a year out in between my A Levels a few years ago too because I got so sick from anxiety that I couldn't go to school, so dropping out isn't new to me really but it's still kind of hard not to feel like I'm failing because I'm not doing all three years in one go. I had some awful awful weeks of catching up on thousands and thousands of words of essays that I'd left until beyond the last minute because I had no motivation to do them (whilst also worrying about them every second ofc), I think the most I wrote was about 10000 words in a week and a half across four different essays. I know that this is absolutely the right thing for me to do (all of this shit has also been compounded by multiple family deaths and other personal crap this year but if already made the decision to take the year out before some of these happened) but it was still a pretty hard decision to make. This is really long and rambling sorry it's like 3am but there you go
"as an academic, prioritize your mental health" Thank you, best tip I've heard.
i just discovered your channel and I already want to stay here forever because you're amazing!this video is so relatable to me and I'm glad someone talks about mental health and college. I'm from Russia and our education system is pretty different from yours, but university was and is a real struggle anyways. we have an option of free education here but it's very difficult to get it (especially in a good university). and the quality of education is pretty low in our country in comparison with the USA so we have only a couple of real qualitive schools ):I have ocd which caused a very shitty form of situative depression last two years of studying. plus I hated myself and my university because I felt it wasn't answerable to my ambitions. I was really scared of telling my parents about it because it was a real fight for me to get accepted (there wasn't any option for my parents to pay for my college so I worked real hard to get accepted for free)but I knew I just can't make it and I should change my university before it destroys me. my father forbade me to leave because he was sure I must graduate as soon as it's possible and entering another university means starting from the very beginning. well I dropped it anyway and got accepted into another university which I dreamed of all the time. and I'm in the first year of college again, yay! but I still got ocd and my father has no idea I changed my university ): I don't know what to do with that but at least i'm in the place I want to be..
(sorry for my miserable english through..)
I went through the same thing, except it took me 3 times of getting kicked out of uni to get my shit together and not fail my classes to graduate. Life just felt so meaningless when I was a student there, especially when I felt so inadequate compared to my peers, and I felt lonely at times because I didn't have many friends (lost a few because I avoided keeping in contact in them). My self-esteem is pretty shit as a result of being in uni and it's making it really hard for me to find a job rn as well.
I'm glad you talked about this. I knew I was a little depressed and anxious when I started college, but college made it all come to the surface. After 1 semester, I went to my family doctor crying about my anxiety who sent me to psychiatrist who put me on multiple meds that made it all worse. I also had to talk to my teachers(through email) about why I was doing so badly. I would spend 5 hours writing an essay that took my peers 1, just trying to perfect everything. It drove me insane. My second semester I had to drop 2 out of my 5 classes so I wouldn't fail. And now I'm 21 and have yet to go back after that first year. I want to go back soon, but I don't want to fall back into my old ways. Motivation and fear of failure were my biggest enemies aka depressions and anxiety. But I could easily work 60 hours a week now, so it's not that I'm lazy. Idk. It sucks because I want to go back because I want to be a preschool teacher or a children's counselor and I could make an amazing impact on the world but idk if I can do school or at least the way school is now, which just isn't fair to me or the kids that I'm not helping right now. Maybe we need to rethink the college structure
Yes 100%. I was in an undergraduate humanities program, and I loved and was so passionate about everything I was learning but anxiety was a huge detriment. Most of my classes were small, very discussion/participation based, and had a lot of reading each others writing, etc. I understand why it was like this (and definitely benefitted from the other perspectives), but I just have never done well with speaking off the cuff and never felt like I articulated anything well. I always felt like the least qualified person in the room and like I didn't really know anything when I would write. I have always been a good student but almost failed multiple classes due to anxiety causing literal blockages to where I just could not force myself to write or I would skip classes. I saw a therapist but it never really helped. Reading about "imposter syndrome" probably helped me the most, and realizing a lot of people deal with it in academia. The whole thing culminated in a huge thesis paper that was 2 semesters long and the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I'm super proud of finishing, but still struggle with anxiety about whether any of it was worth it (I am in a lot of debt)!
At this point I am studying business and economics and I am not really passionate about it tbh. But also I dont know what I am passoonate about.. So it is a struggle for me to find something I actually enjoy. I honestly dont know if I will continue in this major or not.. I found it pretty interesting at first but there is a lot of math classes and I am horrible at it.. So like I dont know if I should keep going or if I should just quit thos major and go for something where there is no math involved. :/
I was in a PhD program and was miserable from day 1. It took me a year and a half to admit that I needed out, and another half a year to finish up with my Masters degree. But leaving grad school was one of the best decisions I've made in my life. It has made a world of difference on my mental health, and I no longer have that feeling of being trapped.
My parents weren't disappointed in me, no one said I was a quitter, my husband was proud of me for taking such an important step for myself. So many people in my program have said that they wish they could do or had done the same thing. Sometimes you're not where you need to be, and there's nothing wrong with making that realization and acting in your own self interest. "The only way out is through" doesn't always hold, sometimes the best way out is just out.
I can understand this completely, and like I can understand how doing a more independent class when you have mental health issues is extremely hard and nearly impossible.
i had to take an independent seminar class for my thesis and i tried to layer it on along with 18 hours worth of classes (my scholarship only covers 4 years and im in a 5 year program so i'm taking on a larger courseload in order to graduate early) and i tried to balance this with advanced courses. I ended up having a mental breakdown, dropping my thesis class but still failing another course, barely passing my other classes.
college is also hard if you're there on scholarship, because i can't take break semesters or i lose everything and since im only able to afford school due to scholarships im fucked if i mess up next semester. like my mental health since college has become a complete rollercoaster down
I am also poor in college and have had several breakdowns. Having financial issues compounds everything else. I've not had anything this severe though, so sorry you struggled so much. I have always really liked your personality and content even though I'm not a feminist and I mostly disagree with you. You got a good heart and you're articulate. I wish you the best in coping with your mental health issues Marina.
I am so close to being done with college, and I've hated every part of it. I only have a few weeks of classes left, and these classes have been great, but I'm so scared of breaking down again every single day. I only very recently realized that I had a mental disability that was hindering my academics, which caused a lot of anxiety, which I still feel even though I can manage that disability a little more now. I wished I could drop out, but I had the opposite experience of you, where my parents paid and I was very aware of the burden I was putting on them. I didn't want to appear ungrateful and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. But the finish line's almost in sight, so at least I can have a degree at the end of it all.
I just graduated. It's been hard since graduating. At university, I had spent a lot of time creating safety blankets to go when it was too much. I found getting support there very easy. It's easy to get a week off for mental health at college when you need it, harder with a job. With college, I could drop classes or society commitments. It's harder to drop shifts when that's your only source of income.
talking about how school makes your life miserable is the content i am ready for i could talk about this all damn day
I feel you so much, my college experience was... something... i'm not happy with it honestly. But yeah, my mental health is kinda shitty even in nice stress-free situations, and i thought of dropping several times during college so, the last couple of semesters my brain just went down the drain and i was so done, i had pretty much perfect attendance up to that point, and then suddenly i just couldn't do it, sometimes i would drive to campus and just end up sitting somewhere instead of actually going to class. Don't want to admit it but my final projects during those semesters where kinda shitty and idk how i passed... i honestly don't even remember that much about the classes i had
(If only i knew it would get worse, like... being out of college actually made my brain go even further down the drain and slowly descend into a breakdown)
And i totally agree with you that college isn't for everyone, it can be awful and extremely harmful for some people, like, a guy at my college actually tried to jump off a roof and (obviously) dropped later...
thank you
I was never a great student in high school. I'm lazy and I never studied. I took online courses for my local community college and I ended up flunking them all. I wasn't ready for college and I was just overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety, the fact that I was effectively wasting my parent's money made it even worse. I didn't tell them how bad I was doing until the semester was nearly over.
Hearing your story makes me realize how shitty a person I am. Here I am stressing out over things because I'm so lazy to be bothered to do them, and end up procrastinating until it's too late.
I'm currently in college have depression/anxiety/ADHD and whew Marina thank you for this video!
I’m taking a year off because of my mental health and it’s good to know other people have struggled as well and I’m not the only one
I am currently attending college (U of Utah) and I have one semester left before i'll have my bachelors in psychology! Woo! A few months into my time at the U I started having severe panic attacks, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, and quickly got on an anti-depressant. With my background in psychology I understood what was happening in my brain when I experienced panic attacks - but that did not help ease the struggle. I remember going to an 8 AM Abnormal Psych class and at about 8:15 the panic hit me and I had to leave early and have my boyfriend pick me up. I spent the rest of the day beating myself up about missing class. I decided to tell my professor the truth - and she was so kind and understanding. I told her that it could happen again but I would try to take 5 minutes in the hall and work through it. Simply telling her what I was dealing with was helpful enough for me to not have any more panic in her class!
Most of my school anxiety now comes from the pressure I put on myself to get really good grades - DEANS LIST OR BUST.
I've been following you for a few years now and appreciate what you do. Congratulations on your graduation!!
its weird, school has always triggered my anxiety. i finished high school recently and i remember struggling w my math classes so many times that i actually cried because i felt bad that i didnt understand it. now i graduated with a good amount of ap credit(i even got an ap scholar award thingy) but just thinking abt delving back into it all over again but it being 10000x harders makes me :/
I have OCD and normally school was a good distraction from my obsessive thought. I did have one class though that I hated and wanted to drop but I was scared of disappointing my parents. I couldn't drop it till my dad told me he wouldn't be disappointed
I haven't even applied to college yet, largely because of anxiety and depression (the other half being not knowing what the hell I'd do once I'm in). Just thinking about it gets my heart racing, and talking about it usually goes nowhere. I want to do something with my life, but outside of working in shitty retail jobs, I don't really have any other options. And there's no guarantee that school won't do anything to help either my mental, financial, or whatever the hell else health.
I graduated, and did (what I hope) was my best, but yeah College was tough for me socially. I don't really have friends/keep in contact with the people I met there in large part because it wasn't really an environment that made it easy for students with social anxiety.
I ended up dropping out of an expensive university because my anxiety and depression got so bad I could barely complete my classes on a reduced course load. This September I'm going to be attending a college that is cheaper than university and hopefully will be easier on my mental health. Having the extra burden of paying for college yourself puts extra stress because the longer you take to complete a degree the more debt you're in by the end.
I ended up "losing" 2 years of my college education because I couldn't go. Now I still have 2 more years to graduate and I don't want to drop out because I already finished 3 years of classes, and the pressure of family is hard to deal with. But I have to spend total 4 hours on the road to go to college and come back home everyday and even the road alone is so hard for me to deal with. Being in public makes it a lot harder than it already is and I know I won't be able to finish those classes in 2 years so I don't know what to do really... I was a successful student before and I was (I think maybe I still am?) really into learning. But college just does not work for me because of mental illnesses. Thank you for making this video, it meant a lot. 😿💕
THANK YOU FOR THIS MARINA
I also have anxiety and occasionally experience depressive episodes, the most severe of which happened my sophomore year in college. I actually did really well academically because I dove into schoolwork in an attempt to shut my brain up, but I realize in hindsight that I shouldn't have stayed for the entirety of that semester because I was much more in the woods than I realized -- but hey, hindsight's 20/20, I guess. It helps to note that at that point pretty much my entire campus was dealing with a traumatic event (very small, community-minded school + nonconsenual voyeurism) which faculty and staff were aware of, so they were very open to extensions and such. The staff and faculty were also super great when my dad got very sick and almost died my senior year while my thesis was due in about a month. I guess I was just lucky in that I went to school where the professors (or at least the ones I took classes with) were genuinely concerned with the well-being of their students.
I'm doing my Masters degree at the moment and oof... It is rough. It feels like it is like two or three times harder than my bachelor had been, and I was quite ready to drop out. The courses weren't what I expected them to be like, the workload was far greater than I expected, some test didn't go well, and then there were a bunch of things happening in my personal life as well, which really took a toll on my mental health. What really helped my mental health was to partly drop one of the courses, and to simply no longer show up for those classes, accepting that maybe I'd fail the class and have to come back next year or compensate for it some other way. But the time I saved with that really helped me do well in the other courses and also helped me not go insane from the stress. What also helped though was talking to the other students. Partly just to know that I wasn't the only one who was struggling. In fact, everyone seemed to struggle and several others were also considering to drop out. So far, none of us have dropped out, but what we also did was go to our teachers and try to work with them to drop certain deadlines which didn't add much value to the course, to change some of the required reading, or to move deadlines so we'd have more time to do them. It's still a struggle, and this definitely is not for everyone and I certainly can't fault someone for not doing this, but it has become a little easier to manage. I still don't exactly like the study, I'm going to go through with it though.
I had a very similar experience. I never really wanted to go to college, but my parents really pushed me into it. Well, I took some relatively basic courses to start with, and I did okay. I missed more days than I should've, but I did okay. But um... well, in the second semester the Depression and the Anxiety got -really- bad. I was literally afraid to interact with my roommates and I stopped taking showers normally. I sought out the free counselling that was available on my campus, and while it was nice to be informed that yes, I did in fact have depression, I didn't really get anything else out of it.
My depression defeated me. I flunked out of my second semester of college, and even though my parents were pretty much paying for my college experience, I still came out with over $4,000 in debt and nothing to show for it.
And I can't get a job.
Flunking out of college was the worst (but seemingly unavoidable) mistake I ever made. My life is just... so much worse off because of it.
I've considered taking a semester off so many times since I started college but have never seriously considered transferring or dropping out. I was sexually assaulted my first year, realized I was bi and had OCD going into my second year, and now am going into my third year. It's been tough, but I'm excited to done with gen eds and am going abroad. Also, I've decided to donate to you monthly via Patreon! Xox
I started having (or recognizing the worsening of) mental health issues in highschool. I somehow managed to still be involved in choir, ball hockey, soft ball, student leadership, start my school's gsa, and graduate with academic honours as valedictorian of my class despite dealing with suicidal ideation and focus issues most of it. And then those mental health issues just followed me to uni. My first semester has been my best grade wise, which is really frustrating. I dropped a course. I have to drop another retroactively. I have retaken a course and need to retake another to get the reqs to do the next course. I applied twice to the social work faculty and couldn't get in because grades. I've had to talk to multiple profs for extensions. It makes me feel dumb and lazy and crazy and self-hating. But I've gotten through 2 years. I'm in the sociology faculty now and will do social work as a second degree. The last couple semesters I got connected with a counsellor on campus. Working out coping and organization strategies have helped a lot, and just being able to discuss what's going on in my head. I started medication within the last few months and my doctor is trying to get my dosages figured before September. I also have a part-time job as an RA and am a board director for my uni's sexual and gender advocacy group and I am a facilitator for my local transgender peer support group. I wouldn't be as far as I am without the patience and understanding of many of my profs, and always having some friends or family to support me (of Which I have more now with people coming to accept my gender and transition as a real and valid and necessary thing).
I deal with depression, adhd, and anxiety related to both plus ptsd. But situationally and chemically things have improved. I'm at another rough patch bc of medication effects but I feel hopeful that things will come into place. I am driven to get my education and pursue a career in social and community work. I am confident I can be a successful student. And mapping out my first degree I have 2 years and a semester left. (I'm also lucky my province's university has the lowest tuition in Canada. And despite my family being working-class they saved up from when I was a year old, and I had scholarships from high school and above minimum wage full-time summer employment).
It took me 7 years to graduate. I got properly diagnosed with major depression and anxiety disorder at the end of my first year of undergrad, but I and all my doctors already knew I had mental health issues for way longer than that. I dropped out of classes, I took 5 semesters off and actually failed out twice, but managed to go back and finish my degree last year. Now, I'm doing my masters in Europe, still struggling with school and depression, but I am way more aware of my limits and am able to push myself just the right amount. And also say no and talk to my professors when I'm not doing so well and need a little more time to finish assignments. It's so, so hard and I understand not wanting to go through it. For me, it was my dream to get my diploma in journalism and not getting my masters in international communication and development and when I first got my diagnosis I promised myself I wouldn't let it limit my dreams, I'd just have to be more patient and take my time to get there
I'm in college (for another semester, if it goes as planned) and it has been really difficult sometimes because of my depression. But I am lucky because I go through depressive episode that usually only last about six months (never longer) so I just kinda have to wait them out and also I have health insurance that pays for therapy. Also, academia is always the last thing to be affected by my mentahl illness (I have always been a good student). I get pretty good grades even when I don't go to class, sit at home crying instead of hanging out with friends, restrict my food intake, selfharm and overall feel like shit.
But I get that experience of really struggling to get out of bed in the morning. When I am depressed I miss a lot of classes because I just can't bring myself to get up and go.
Anxiety and depression really put a huge roadblock in the way of my education. It started in high school when at 16 I dropped out because of anxiety.
I then went to TAFE (which is like community college), where I proceeded to drop out of 2 out of 3 courses because of motivation problems. I went back the following year and finished one of the ones I dropped out of, though for some reason they never recognised it so I still don't have the certificate.
It was not until I started medication for my anxiety at age 26 that I managed to complete some courses, one at TAFE and then finally a Masters course at university, which I recently graduated from. My anxiety was under control but over that 5 year period, I definitely struggled with depression and continue to do so.
I dropped out because of bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, chronic pain and aspergers. I am also from a lower middle class family so the stress of money, social relationships (both things I don't have a very firm understanding of) and course work was too much. Along with attempting to hold a part time job and participate in extra curricular activities that related to my studies, my body and mind completely broke down. That was a few years ago and honestly I'm still not in the mindset of it was okay. I think that may be my perfectionist nature, but I am in a place now where I want to finish my degree and am making steps to do so. Dropping out when I did definitely helped me to straighten out my health and relationships in a way that would not have been possible had I stayed in school. Having time to focus on more important things has greatly benefited me. Like I said, though, I still do feel like I failed a part of myself and I'm very determined to succeed when I go back. With the correct medical and personal supports in place, now the only issue I see facing me is finances. I try to remind myself that it was not my fault and does not define me as a person, but it is hard. I'm so proud of you for finishing your degree, you are a warrior!
this is what i am going/will go through... i am starting my second year of uni in september, and i am really struggling with my mental health. i have always struggled with depression, really really mild anxiety, and self harm, since when i was like 12, but since the start of uni i started to really struggle with panic disorder like symptoms, where i literally could not function. i couldnt sleep because i am too busy panicking, and wake up multiple times at night in a panic, i would just sit in front of the computer trying to work and have my mind racing so fast i just freeze and shake and feel like i am going crazy. somehow despite all these i still managed to get a gpa 0.02 away from being on the deans list. so i really understand how bad mental health and decent grades are not mutually exclusive, even though a lot of people would use one's good academic result to invalidate one's experience with mental health struggles. when i went to see a psych nurse to try and get a appointment with a psychiatrist, the first question he asked was about my grades (which was average A at the time) and said that he didnt understand how i claim that i am struggling when i performed so well at school.
while i understand that resources may not be very helpful and accessible for a lot of people, i got a lot of help from those resources. i am able to get regular therapy sessions (albeit only once every 2-3 weeks) with a clinical psychologist (in where i am from, with a population of 8000000, we only have about 300 registered CPs...) and get to see a doctor and be prescribed anti-depressants and xanax with the resources i have at uni. while there are A LOT of things that are needed to be improved, I am still so so grateful that i have these resources, and i even think that if for nothing, at least i am grateful that i got to be at least stablized in uni lol
but looking forward i am so scared. i only finished one year, and i am already in such a bad place. i am also so so sad and angry at myself that while my peers seem to be getting a social life and are focussing in new experiences and meeting new people, i am just here being a mess and ignoring my social life and just struggling to even function or get myself to a place where i dont think about killing myself every single minute, its such a waste of time and opportunities...
i dont know, i just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this topic as it is so so close to home, and i know that i am not alone in this, even if i feel like so most of the time.
thanks so much for making this vid :)
This summer is my last semester. 6 years and I'm ready to join the workforce and move on with my life. I keep telling everyone I know how much I hate school but they always shrug me off. Like hello, I need support but no one in my family went to college so they don't understand.
the literal fear I have going into my last semester is insane, because I know how much it's going to fuck up my mental health
I started college in 2012 in California and dropped out the end of my first semester because I was dealing with an abusive friendship and I was extremely depressed. I took a year off and transferred to a school in Maine (as far away from CA as you can possibly get) and the distance really helped. I still struggled quite a bit and sought out help from the counseling center on campus. They were helpful at first but then they got rid of their only psychiatrist and set in a new policy that students were only allowed 3 therapy sessions a year. Being out of state I didnt have a car and public transportation in buttfuck ME is nearly non-existent so I had to go off my meds and gave up on therapy altogether. Im going back to finish off my senior year in like a week and i'm nervous that i'm not going to be able to do it. But like you, it's taken me 5 years and I just want this hell to be over.
I had pretty bad depression in high school (and sleep deprivation) from pushing myself hard. Was taking lots of AP courses and taxing stuff. I tried to tell my parents about the depression and was blown off. They wouldn't agree to take me to a doctor. I got accepted at a college I wasn't expecting to get into (prestigious), and I didn't care for the school but I knew a degree from there would get me a good job. My family and friends were of the attitude of "if you got accepted why *wouldn't* you go?" and I kind of let that pressure me, a bit.
Anyhow, I went, was never able to find my place there, and got gradually more depressed until I failed out after the second year. I had to pay student loans within a few months and my mother bailed me out. I was finally able to convince them to get me treatment after that, but it was just bad times. Since my GPA was shot after that, no other school I've found has wanted to accept a transfer of credit. So I'd basically have to start college from scratch if I did want to go back. But, probably not. I'm trying to make it without the degree for now and it's going okay.