Should You Cut Ties With Your Alcoholic Parent?
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- Опубликовано: 2 окт 2024
- Should you cut ties with your alcoholic parent?
Many people seem surprised when I give my views on this. Cutting ties is such a he decision but it is a very real one for so man and I really hope this video can help in some way.
If you need support please look at Nacoa.org.uk
#acoa #alcoholism
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YES. YES. YES AND YES...I DID AT THE AGE OF 12 AND I DON'T REGRET IT AT ALL...SHE DIED BY MY COMPLETION OF MY 17TH BIRTHDAY, WHY SHOULD I HAVE STAYED?...MY LIFE WOULD HAVE BEEN TERRIFYING, INSTEAD I WENT TO SCHOOL, COLLEGE AND GOT MARRIED...NO NO REGRETS....RUN IF YOU CAN...
I hope people see this comment because it’s important
You are right. I did the same. Best decision ever. My brother stayed with my alcoholic mom and he's still trying to get rid of the emotional baggage imposed by decades of proximity to mom. Horrible.
@Krishna Patel Bro I feel the exact same way that you feel😥😓
But how can I do that ?because I want to take and my sister .please 😩😫someone reply
@@justanother4515 I'm here!
I needed to hear this today. Dad's an alcoholic. He quit drinking in 2005, and last year he relapsed, and he became very abusive and, as much as i loved him, i can't anymore and it's sad, but it's my reality.
Stay strong, people. I hope we all find peace some day.
thank you for sharing. i really needed that today.
Going through the same. Hope you are alright!
I'm so tired of it , thought they say prayers changes situations,why my prayers for my father to stop drinking and things to get better not working?with 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
@@uguruchiamakaeunice3821same :) i hopw u r doing okay
Same thing happened here at my small ones bday. Momz relapsed after 15 years. No dad or spouses here to help. I pray for all of us for peace.
Thanks. My mother is an alcoholic and she also has a personality disorder. There has never been a nice day with her. She is very argumentative and hurtful.
Yes, if you’ve tried giving them advice and they keep giving you toxic shit fuck them. Don’t feel guilty for their mistakes and don’t give into any guilt. If you have always been there for them and they are not prepared to admit their mistakes and seek professional help and don’t do that then it’s not your problem to have to put up with. It’s their problem. Not yours. Focus on yourself and your life.
I hear every word and totally agree with you!
But parents are part of our lives so can we abandon them and stay happy with out them
My daddy rarely drank when I was younger. He was a brillant daddy but he went through some stuff when he was younger and he also has schizophrenia. He turned to alcohol after the break up from my mum. He drinks a litre bottle of vodka everyday, he is incointant , can barely walk and has basically given up on himself, he has eight children and five brothers and sisters, we have all tried to help him. I hate going down to him as I worry everytime I go down I will find him dead, he is in and out of hospital with falls because of being so drunk. It is just so hard to watch him like that, it breaks my heart, I started having really bad anxiety and panic attacks so I stayed away for a while but I will always feel guilty for not helping, so I go back to helping him, then it starts all over again, the constant battle in my head everyday, do I help or do I stay away it always hurts no matter what I do.
Thank you for sharing in this way. Such a horrible situation to have to navigate. Hope you’re coping ok. You sound super strong
Wow your really not alone, constant fight of putting yourself first or the guilt of not helping. I do this weekly my mum has been told so many times if she drinks again she will die but continues to do it I just have no idea what to do so your not alone but just stay strong x
I live the same situation with my father. I don´t know what to do. It´s an eternal cycle of trying to help him, get hurt because It´s painful to see him that way, so l cut ties with him, then I feel guilty...
This is so sad. I'm sorry your going through this. Your poor dad.
You are not alone. I am struggling with my dad too. I feel so alone in this 😞 and it's so incredibly hard. I have not cut ties and I don't know if I can. Just like you every single day I am scared to come home and find him dead or get a call from someone telling me they found him. It breaks my heart...and don't know how to cope or what to do.
I hate the amount of respect the general term “mother” gets because my mum is a complete narcissist alcoholic psychopath who nearly killed my dad and has abuses everyone in the house
Yep, I hear you 100%
I could relate with this. On Mother's Day i just couldn't be happy or feel happiness.
Your mum sounds like my mum...
My mum was a violently abusive blackout alcoholic for almost my entire childhood.. worse during my early teens..
She was psychotic in her relationships and I never remember a day when I saw her not drink.
She never reached out for help and would actively push away any help offered to her, even from her own children..
It took my until I was in my forties to finally cut her out of my life.
I just could do it any more.. I refuse to play the dutiful son ever again to her psychological abusive narcissistic shit.
Last I heard she is dying from alcoholic dementia.
I'm not even slightly surprised... she never gave herself a chance.
It's sad and I feel sorry for her... but I feel nothing else...
The woman who was my mother and that I loved died many years ago in the bottom of a bottle and was replaced by a monster that I want nothing to do with.
I only wish I had mad this choice earlier before she caused me so much damage.
i feel you
@@pingukin18 how do you feel about not seeing her with the dementia? I've just cut mine out of my life again..I'm worried if she dies and I don't see her ill regret it..but to be in the same room as her is s nightmare. Plus she's narrcisstic and always accuses me of kissing her ass if I try to sort things out first as she never tries to sort things out. ..or just calls me when she's drunk talking shite about other people.
Spot on.. going through this myself with my Mum, it's making me ill watching her destroy herself.
So sorry to hear his! It must be so hard for you
Mate listen iv got the same thing my mums in and out of hospital every week literally on deaths door, nothing you can do bro there really ain't but your not alone it's more common than you think. Hope your good man I really do understand your struggle
Same :/
Sorry haven't replied all, sadly my mum passed away back in January after a long fight. Thank you for all your kind messages, means the world to me. For those who are going through the same thing, stay strong, understand that it isn't you and you will get through it. Alcohol is poison. My only advice I can give is to just enjoy every minute you can with them as hard as it can be. Stay strong, much love to all xxx
@@emilyshai stay strong Emily, its the toughest thing to go through in life but you will find a way to get through it.
Thank you so much for this video. My two parents are alcoholics. Sadly my mom died last year, 2 months after I stopped talking to her because I couldn't watch her hurting herlself anymore and because I was very ill. I blame myself because the last time I saw her I was really angry, she was the most amazing mother and friend, so kind and lovely, but I needed to do it for me and my health. My father and my sister try yo blame me because we were so close and she was very sad and depressed the last days, but I know it wasn't my fault, even when she was drunk she knew I loved her and I Will miss her forever. Now my health is better and I am working on myself, I needed to step away. 💜
You sound like an incredibly strong person. I’m sorry you had to go through this!
For anyone who has or is still dealing with an alcoholic family member…. Save yourself the stress / fear/ mental complications that will or may progress further if you decide to stay with them.
Regardless of how severe your situation is … you have to understand that no matter how much you try to help, how far you go… how much effort you apply to helping them… many times it might seem like it will fix things but usually will not…
They need to want to do so as well as understand the main cause of there addiction…. W/o this they can forget in a moment of negative random emotions why they want this change and the end goal.
I’m speaking from experience here and one of the hardest decisions of my life was cutting off my alcoholic father !! But also the most life altering aspect of it all was when I relized that the day I did so was the exact day my healing began… this won’t happen for others as we are all different..
My dad started drinking when I was around 6/yo and as you can predict it only worsened and I can’t recall many moments of him being sober .. and if I could they were of him withdrawing or going to work or even if he took a small T-break…
He got worse as the years passed and from a extremely young age I had alot of development issues when it came to socializing/ anxiety/ depression/ a safe place / a bond with both parents as my mother would serve as that protection and when he was sober enjoyed the peace and short taste of silence before the next un predictable storm !
I recall times where we did have a good time but that bond I wanted with him was absent as I always worried what he would say.. if I made him mad .. I’f I did everything right so I could avoid any problems as he’d constantly lecture me about how I’m a horrible child … & many more horrible sentences.
I was convinced I was the issue and that it’s due to my behavior my dad was getting drunk ! I became very distant from everyone… I became a bit reckless and worry free in a bad way as well as started useing substance’s to cope with the trauma.. what was weird is I wasn’t aware that I did these things due to my environment as I stated before I thought it was my behavior..
As time progressed he became worse … he’d become physical and being older attempting to defend myself he’s get angry and find a reason to further his abuse .. some years passed I educated myself more about his addiction.. found some decent friends and resized how horrible the situation was . This is what I regret the most….
I was 18 when I had the opportunity to leave with some friend’s who wanted to start there young adults journey right from the legal age !but refused to do so because in that year he relaxed with his drinking habits and for the first time I felt a bit relief as I thought this might be a time where things are normal for the first time …. Fast forward to the holidays I was completely wrong and many of you are aware that during these holidays where happiness / bonding & love are meant to be spread … it’s a bad mix for those who are unable to feel those emotions only to bond with the one thing they know best !! There addiction..
I’ll save you the details .. but it was a horrible year… I was lost confused.. at my lowest point …. And you can guess the rest… I then found a great job as a delivery driver. And saved my money .. worked so much and finally left at 21 ( 3 more years of this shit)
It was a good transition as I had a lot of money saved and didn’t struggle financially but I left after a bad fight and felt horrible for leaving my mom and brother aside even after begging them to come with me … I cut contact with my father but continued it with my mom & brother but what we had left as a bond was slowly becoming faint as they were being tormented…
And I was worried sick.. He was so angry about me leaving that the anger was pushed on them .. I called the cops when I felt uneasy and nothing ever happens when they showed up to them because they were terrified to say anything.. which I couldn’t understand because they knew they had the choice to leave ..
I told my mother if she doesn’t do anything I’ll call cps as I fears for my brother’s sanity & didn’t want him to make any irrational decisions! But that didn’t work either and eventually he to tuned to drugs .. he was a straight A student .. played sports to becoming a addict himself.. he was soon sent away to juvie snd thankfully redirected his life .. he was 18 at that point and came to stay with me but my mother was still in that situation…
To summarize all this my mom is still taking his abuse .. while my brother lives with me and I know she said she will be leaving soon ! Regardless.. I have no love left for my father … I truly despise him and wish for the day karma hits him because in the end he will be left alone with his emotions and the only thing he had been there for his whole life .. and that my friend is the handy bottle which will further his addiction and I’m aware this can be extremely dangerous but I feel like he’ll then relize that he has no one left snd hopefully that low point can redirect his morals as well as it did for me but I guess that for him to decide and only time will tell !
I do wish him the best in that sense but won’t be there for him to support it .. I’m still healing along with my brother and my mom has a long journey ahead herself but in the end I’m putting this out there to make that decision and start your healing when they get the chance .. even if you struggle a bit financially anything is better then your metal health stripped as your mental will always be present and won’t be easy to reverse and in many cases won’t ..
But new opportunities will and can show if you push yourself and you’ll find your safe place and hopefully live your life in peace and joy as you should! No one deserves this kind of life and I’m well aware every one’s situation is different but please at least try and do what you can! I promise it is well worth it and it gets worse before it gets better! My prayers go out to all dealing with this and I hope my experience can also help or at least motivate that push you needed! Thanks for reading and stay safe out there ✊🏼‼️🙏🏼!
I hate the fact that whole family is dependent on him same situation with me 18+ trying to get into nice college so I could find a job the moment I find a job it's over for my father
My alcoholic narcissistic mother makes me feel bad for not helping her. It's hard to help her when she's drunk and in another world. Now she's getting really old and the alcohol is really killing her.
It just feels like it's not fair. But life is not fair ....😢
Thanks so much for speaking about this. There's usually so much shame, fear and silence talking about being the child of an alcoholic. I still choke up but if I'm ever going to be free of this it's time to start acknowledging I'm not alone in this. And it's natural to feel how I am ❤️.
It’s totally natural and nice to know we are not alone
My shame was the reason for leaving....I have never returned to my old neighborhood...
I'd say cut off your relationship with your alcoholic parents. Toxic relationships are incredibly damaging, they create stress induced mental illness amongst family members, they can create broken families and usually give complete disregard to other people. Coming from experience, it's very rare to see an alcoholic parent quit drinking.
Thx you for this. I'm sorry for your loss. How sad. I'm in my 40s and all my life I've seen how alcohol damages and divides relationships. I don't know what to do at this point in life with my parents. My mom doesn't think she has a problem and my father enables her addiction. I feel sad and want to help but they don't care and don't see what they are doing is wrong.
I’m going through the exact same thing. Have things improved? If not, just know you’re not alone and are so strong.
This was incredibly helpful because I’ve noticed how much my moms drinking damages my mental health. My mom is not only an alcoholic but a diabetic, and it’s terrible watching her destroy herself slowly. I understand her sadness because she was my grandmas caretaker for 7 years due to Alzheimer’s. My grandma passed this year in March and that’s when she started drinking more. I’ve realized there’s no changing someone who doesn’t want to change themselves. I want happiness and a life different from this. Thank you for confirming it’s ok to think like this.
I had simmilar experience with my mom,i moved away because I realised she will not change,it is the best you can do if she denies a problem,at ine point you realise I cant do anything and you move on,I still talk to my mom but going home for few days gives me enxiety,I hope you are doing good now
I’m still dealing with my mum and her alcohol issues. I cut her off for a year, I hit rock bottom, so much childhood trauma. She still doesn’t see how all her children were affected. We all have mental health problems now and ptsd, it’s a struggle, but we are defo resilient, not a good thing to say but it’s the truth. I’m so blessed to have my grandparents. They are the most stable parental figures in my life.
My mum has been an alcoholic since covid and sometimes it feels like it’s getting better but it just always goes back to square one. She just never thinks she has an alcoholic problem even when trying to communicate that her drunken state has caused so much mental, emotional and physical trauma to all of my family members.
My mum hasn’t had a great childhood and has lived quite a tragic life and I know this is a part of self harm. And I always listen to her and try and support her but sometimes it’s too much where I’m also being hated and called horrible shit for truthfully saying she has a alcoholic problem. Whenever I suggest professional help because clearly I don’t have enough power to change her ways, she just says this is my life and I can do what I want. There’s times it gets so bad that I should lose connection with her because she is just so toxic but I’m so scared to because I’m worried she would end up 6 foot under.
Thank you for this video. I'm about to turn 29 and my dad is a vicious alcoholic. He just divorced his 3rd wife and I knew that he was bound to spiral- he has and it's effecting me in a horrible way. The worst part about this is that I know he won't listen to reason- even if it's during the day while he is sober.
My mom died a week ago after literally drinking herself.
I was estranged after a year and a half.
After so much torment i watched her drown herself.
I tried for 8 years and completely had enough
I got my business started and never looked back.
I went back and paid for her last wishes.
Her viewing and cremation
I was her punching bag.
You can't save them
She looked unrecognizable.
Had to cut off my mom today. Feeling sad but relieved that her burdens will not be mine any longer.
I feel you ❤️
Same!!!!❤❤❤
"as a child of an alcoholic, you didn't ask for this".... somehow alcoholics make their children feel like it is their fault, my mother should never ever have had children but she did probably she thought it was a way to make a man take care of her, purely selfish, she is so toxic she is practically a psychopath, she is an awful awful person and I have to get her out of my life
Never, if theres only one person who can help an alcoholic father/mother if not themselves then the only people who can keep ahold of what strengh left is their offspring, I have an alcoholic dad and some people tell me just get away but I am not a quitter I have so many fond memories with my dad and I am making it my lifes mission to make him better, me and my partner live at home with him and my grandmother we all love him and want him to get better because deep down hes a nice guy, the brightest bulb in the box and anyone who knows him can tell you that for a FACT, yeah some people have worse, abusive parents but my dad is just lost but an amazing soul❤❤❤
I stopped speaking to my mum when I was 21-22, and it was the correct choice.
When I made things about myself, I was able to get back in touch with my mum because I knew what to expect from the relationship, which isn't much!
But it's better than nothing, and as long as I feel like the relationship isn't controlling me or causing me harm, I can keep it.
I did and I have no regrets. She passed in 2016 and that brought up some complicated emotions, but I still do not regret pulling away.
Im going to vent here! My dad has been an alcoholic ever since i was a kid. I had to hear and see him beat my mom a lot and and he also would abuse my older brothers. One night he grabbed one of my brothers arms and told him that he'll break it. The scariest thing ive seen him do is have a knife in his hand and repeatedly tell my mom that he'd kill her.
Fast forward to now, he still has not changed at all, these previous years, he still starts altercations and last year my oldest brother and him ended up getting into a physical fight!
I have a strong dislike towards my mom because she keeps bringing him back when she always promises us that she won't let him comeback. She knows that me, my brothers and my sister all have mental problems because of his actions and i feel like she doesn't care about our mental health at all. Its so dumb to keep bringing someone around who caused so much pain that hasn't even tried to change for the better, it makes me very angry! Im also mad at one of my brothers because he keeps taking him to get more alcohol. He currently sneaks it by sitting in my brothers car so my mom wont see it but very close to telling her about it.
Im trying to find a high paying job so i can move out as quick as possible. Once im able to, im cutting all ties with him. I have no more tolerance for it!!
It’s so unfair isn’t it? As you said, one never asked to be put in this situation. Yet, I feel like I can’t leave them behind as they used to be the loveliest people up to my 11yo. And still are sometimes. I just find it’s a pity when two people leave their children behind for alcohol. And when their lives are a disaster because of it. I think the worst part is that you cant do anything about it but can’t help keep trying. I’m grateful for my sister who’s been my guardian angel ever since and with whom I went through this. Couldn’t have done it alone 🙏
Alcoholic father, parents divorced when I was 3. I was supposed to spend weekends at his but his then gf (whom he had left my mom for) ended up watching me while he drank beer in front of the computer or went out drinking. Contact pretty much stopped when I was 13. Last saw him when I was 20. Thats 15 years ago. Radio silence from him until now that he found me on fb, and left a couple of erratic, noncommittal "hey kiddo!" PUBLIC comments. 🤦♀️ I bear no grudge towards him but also have zero intention of getting someone into my life again who didn't give a damn for iver 15 years and now expects to regain a relationship from a bunch of incoherent social media comments. An honest, explanatory message would have been a dufferent story but that? Nah brah.
My mother has been drinking for 25 years, its been such ups and downs over the years the pain and damage i feel at age 36 is immense. She says the most hurtful things when drunk and acts completely out of character, she holds grudges and does not let go oh her painful past or little mistakes her children make. She is toxic and i am done trying to help i am mentally tired of it. I wish i left sooner because the longer you stay the more you endure. I have lost every faith in her she will never change 💔
I'm here because I just went through one of those stressful encounters with one of my alcoholic parents. They get really angry and aggressive. Sometimes they get violent and they used to beat me up when I was a kid/teen. Now I'm an adult and older and they can't really hurt me with their bare hands. The thing is these encounters leave me shaken up and really stressed out. I've been dealing with this my whole life and they're never going to change, I mean it's been decades at this point. They're a good person when they're sober so I won't completely cut them out but I'm going to finally put some distance between us. I might move to a new city to get away from my family. I have family addicted to harder drugs also and it's just a mess being near these people. How can anyone function like this? I started dating a nice guy who doesn't have this in his family and it made me realize I don't have to deal with this. We're all adults not, this isn't my problem anymore and theres no helping them anyways. Felt good to just randomly vent that out.
I’m glad you’ve found a space to vent it too. Massive respect to you for putting yourself first
So well done, I needed to hear this, don’t have anyone around to say this, they just guilt trip and judge, thanks so much 🙏
Josh, this is the BESTTTTT VIDEO I HAVE EVER HEARD!!!! I am a 50+ adult dealing with a serious alcoholic father who has caused me so much pain and drama that it has become time to cut it off for good at this point. Thank you for this fabulous message that I really needed to hear.
It’s literally a demon that takes over. Not an excuse for the behavior though. I’ve been dealing with an alcoholic parent for 31 years off my life. My parent admitted that they knew the history of alcohol (Al-kuhl, alcool) but can’t stay away. I’ve given up due to my own mental health… God bless all that’s dealing with this issue. All we can do is try to change the narrative going forward in our families.
This is so hardddd.... I can't even express my feelings fully because it is so damn complicated!My dad is an alcoholic... He doesn't physically abuse me but emotionally... Everyday, sometimes several times a day I need to hear that this world is a shitty place and that he doesn't want to live and similar things... It has been like this for about 15 years, even though the frequency has changed and now as I said it is everyday.....Alcohol exacerbate depression and he is definetely depressed.... It is so damn hard to live with him, I feel that he sucks my energy to live. Right now, I am in a shitty condition, my mom passed away 3 months ago due to breast cancer and I currently don't have a job because I am about to finish my master's degree... Also, at the moment I live with my dad if it wasn't clear and my financial situation is not good and honestly I do feel that I want to stay home because my mom lived here and this is my fucking home but he ruins my mood a lot....I don't even know if he is aware how much the things he says about life, about god and his drinking habbits affect me because I think when he says those nasty things I usually say nothing....
Hi❤❤! I just came to this RUclips video because of my alcoholic father, I read your comment and I truly can’t believe how similar my situation is to yours. Im in college and I do not have a job at the moment. My mom passed away at age 13 due to alcoholism, so now it’s just me and my dad. He is extremely emotional abusive towards me and also tells me that he doesn’t want to live, negative things about the world and god…. Ect. My dad has been drinking my whole life and the trauma and mental abusive is so difficult! It truly does feel like being surrounded by abuse every day is sucking the light and energy out of me.I am an only child but do have a great support system around me. Right now I feel so helpless, Im leaning towards cutting him off but it’s so hard cause I live with him and I also love my home and room! Reading your comment really helped me so much and i thank you for posting it , I feel a lot less alone in my situation and I hope you know that you are not alone too ❤️I am so sorry that you had to go through all that and I hope that things are better this year! I am sending all my love your way
@@Graciejane17
Hi, thank you for the honest comment.
Thankfully, I am doing better. I moved away from home to get closer to my workplace and I go to my father's home at the weekends so it is less intense and still for me I feel that I did not completely abandon him.
I am working for a year and almost 5 months, so my financial situation got much better.
My dad still drinks of course, but he is not the "classical alcoholic", so it is probably not as extreme as the experience of others might be (not to belittle my experience but taking it with proportion).
It is not easy at all to cut off the relations, because eventually we love our dads despite the pain.
Anyway, every choice you make is understandable.
Sending love as well!
My neighbour who I love dearly has been abusive and all I do is care for her she is 81 but for 3 years I’ve had no rest until her own son advised me to cut ties as she’s been accusing me of all sorts because I stepped away after been extremely exhausted from it all. Even when she’s sober she’s moody.
I totally wish this videos would have been there 10 years ago when my family was into this hell of addiction. But even nowadays as I am beginning to work trough my past after over 10 years your videos are helping me a lot. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me and others to guide trough our journeys 🙏
Thank you. This means so much to read
my mom wasn’t an alcoholic when i was really young. yeah she drank often, but it hadn’t completely taken over her, she’d still play with us all the time and was an extremely caring wonderful mom. then when i was about 10-11 years old, it all changed and she became a raging alcoholic. over time it went from 6 beer, to 12 beer, to 24 beer. some nights she’ll drink all night into the next day then drink all day long too before she passes out. this is where i feel that it becomes complicated for me, because when she’s sober she’s still that amazing wonderful mom that i’ve always dreamed of having back, but when she’s drunk she’s so mean. i’m 21 now, she’s been to rehab 3 times and over the past 3 years keeps making all these promises to get better and go to AA and get a sponsor, but she can’t stay sober longer than a day! she’s hopeless! i know how hard addiction js, but she obviously doesn’t want help if after 3 years of AA and 2 years of rehab that she’s only ever been able to stay sober for a day! (aside from rehab itself since she literally couldn’t get alcohol in there, but she left early each time to go spiral out drinking for several months each time) and it hurts me so much because i love her so much still, yes she hurts me all the time but she sober her that’s stuck inside is an amazing woman that i wish i could get back. but i think i know i might have too eventually because her alcoholism really does affect my life, my jobs, my school. it’s just hard because i still love the sober her and a part of me is still holding onto the hope that i’ll get to see that part of her again. but i know that in the end that chance is slim and for me to be happy i’ll probably have to cut ties. it’s just so hard because i still love her no matter all the pain she’s caused me
Hey, just wanted to say you are so strong for dealing with this. Also, I am currently going through the same situation with my mother as well. Although she was actually sober for a year, but just a few days ago she relapsed. I can totally relate to what you said about how when your mom was sober she would be the most wonderful person, but when we are dealing with a situation involving alcohol it can be very damaging, especially when they turn to rage. I truly hope things have gotten better for you and I hope you have been able to focus on yourself. I admire your words as they make a lot of sense to me. Personally, I have tried convincing my mother that she has to stop and I tried explaining that she has to take care of my little sister (who lives alone with my mother and who is 11 years old). She honestly seems like she doesn't care. And it is really painful to watch this amazing person turn into a depressed and abusive alcoholic. Not only is she hurting herself, but everyone around her as well. And it is very difficult to manage such a situation because we are pressured to find the "right" thing to do, when there is in fact no solution. It's basically just going through the motion whilst doing what we feel is right for us. Therefore, I admire your decision and you are very strong to be going through with it. Sending only good vibes to you :)
You don't have to cut ties. Just be very clear, there are consequences. Like a little kid.
If you're drunk, I'm leaving. Period. Leave them right there. Hang up and block. Turn phone off.
The only cure for an active drunk is a sober one. They MIGHT be able to remind them who they are.
I’m going thru the worst time rn with my alcoholic father he almost died last night n doesn’t remember
We’re all in this together people, we are not alone!
Thank you for this video. I can't describe the wave of emotions I'm feeling right now after cutting ties with my alcoholic father... But your video helped me feel okay with it. Thank you so much and I hope everyone here heals and become the best you that you can be.
You are not your alcoholic parent!
My father is an alcoholic for the past 60 years. I have tried to help him but he doesnt admit he has a problem. On the other hand the rest of the family members are narcissists and i am the scapegoat in this situation. I have decided not to no longer engage situation but i still live in the house. How can my dad want to quit the bottle if he lives like a King and gets waited on by my mother. So i will be moving out and cutting the family off. Thanks for this video. It was really helpful.
Same !!
Very good video. Thank you so much. Yesterday I cut my ties to my alcoholic mother. She also has beginning Alzheimer's symptoms and that made it so much more difficult to abandon her. I feel like vomiting from the bad feeling I'm having over this but I know it was the only option if I ever want to become happy or at least less miserable.
Her drinking had been going on for over 10 years and it has shadowed my life all this time. I feel so much anger, resentment, sadness, disbelief, disappointment and to put it mildly rage. I will not take it anymore. Not one bit.
I've had dreams in which I kick her teeth out and then felt like a monster when waking up.
No one should be destroyed by their loved ones. I still love her but she's out of my life forever now and will not be allowed to speak to me ever again. I will stand by this no matter what. It's over now.
I only just cut off my mum 3 years a go who is a hearing inpeard toxic non functioning alcoholic she has been this way from my earliest memory the age of 7 to 8 im now 32 i don't know if she is trying it get help as I have not seen her since this time She was also mentally verbally abusive which to this day leves me with mental health issues What I want to ask is I still feel guilt over this 3 years later after cutting her off is this normal and been told I'm a horrible person for doing this as she has a disability and I'm an only child so she has no one else
Yes you should but its hard when you are young and need good male role models in your life.
You hope your dad is one.
That is right because alcoholic parents sometimes don’t deserve to have friends and family around due to if they are lying to them and themselves.😇
Son of a parent that's an alcoholic dudes always drinking buying cocaine. Always complaining he's faults on my mom and me. Saying he never has money and wasting he's work money on drugs and never has a good meal. I think he's gonna die from drug addiction. My mom's already an older woman she's already tired of it. Sometimes u cant change somebody u just gotta set boundaries I believe. I changed my number but didn't cut the ties. I'ma just gonna set boundaries.
Its really sad but as a young man or woman you need to think about yourself your future i spent 5 years worrying and trying to help my dad 5 years wasted hes still never gonna change hes still wants to fight me and my brother tell my sister to gtfo the house and argues with my mom every other week or even days sometimes
Same, I am still wasting my energy to try to help my dad who is an alcoholic for more than 15 years. But I have to stop it, I recently graduated and now I am able to move and let it behind me. He is drinking every week and it doesn`t matter how much I try because the addicition is stronger than anything else. I am 18 years and I hope that I can move on and live my life and let the traumatic experiences behind me.
Thank you so much. I really needed this type of answer. I thought you were going to say the opposite and say something like, “you need to talk to your alcoholic parent and try your best to have a good relationship. It doesn’t matter whether they are rude or abusive and what you’re feeling is incorrect.” This is what I’ve been told numerous times from people I know and I never agreed with it. Thank you!
I currently just turned 18 and all my older sisters moved out due to my alcoholic parents and my mother is bipolar on top of that always saying she wish she never had us and I really want to cut contact when I fund's to move out but I want to have custody of my 14 yr old brother who is also facing this abuse and it really hurts because I really love my parents, but since I've watched this video I'll make the decision to be happy and sane
Great video, I never considered it wasn't anyone's choice to have alcoholic parents and it's true it does take a lot of courage to actually sit down and talk about it. Even if your parents are not angry drunks it's hard to listen to them talk sometimes, because you know their brain and sometimes basic cognitive functions have been so affected by it; you can't help but imagine a world where they didn't destroy the person inside with excessive alcohol, and it's naturally a tough subject to deal with. Thanks for making this!
I hear you on every word here too!
I'm 22, and for the last 4 years, my dad had started drinking again after not touching alcohol for 15+ years. He became more violent but the most frustrating thing was that every decision he made ultimately pushed our family into a bad situation both financially and mentally.
And he had the guts and shamelessness to blame my mom (Even when he didn't follow a single one of her advice) he also stopped my education (I had to reach out to another family member to sponsor it) and keeps threatening my siblings that they shouldn't be born.
It got to the point whenever he got violent I defended my mom and siblings and fought back, parental respect be damned, but through that, I realized sadly my mom wouldn't cut ties with him and in turn told me to respect him since he was my father no matter how bad he was.
I'm sorry but I couldn't follow this BS.
If anything it pains me to eventually also cut ties with my mom but honestly, I don't even think I have it in me to even pretend to care for my dad, I really tried to convince my mom I don't know if she has either Stockholm syndrome or she has some delusion, She's a kind soul and wanted what's best for me.
But I refuse to allow my 11-year brother and 4-year-old sister to live in such an environment it would be a disaster to their mental health. I just hope my mother chooses us and hopefully, we can live in a good environment because I fully intend to break ties with him for the good of my family.
I've been with my partner for 4 years and she has literally never spent an afternoon with my mother and father in which they have not been completely inebriated. I've spoke to them over the years and tried to get them to stop but there's nothing that can be said or done to stop them from drinking. They're not mean or abusive drunks - they just live in their own world where they think it's ok to pull this crap.
For example - my friend brought a girl he was seeing to my house. My dad, completely pissed with his tshirt off came over and said jokingly "Ah it was a different girl last week!". I doubt my friend will see that girl again and she was really nice.
I love them and they love me but jesus christ it's getting to a point where I can no longer hear them talk or it makes me angry. Listening to the slurred words, stupid philosophical conversations that make no fucking sense and the stumbling around - I almost want to say if you don't stop you'll never see me again.
Thissssss^^^
But my brother lives with my mom. I’m so worried for him. I feel so guilty. I don’t know when I will have the courage to completely cut ties
thank you for this video. it is hard to belive our feelings, whether our decisions are right..
My heart is broken, it’s the same cycle of talking to my mother, her saying she’s going to change, she lies and drinks behind my back and tells me she isint drinking. She thinks I’m being a parent to her, I’ve tried not to get mad at my mom for telling me the truth about he drinking but I know she’s lying to me and I can’t trust her, I can always tell when she has drank. I know my mother and the person she becomes when she drinks is not my loving mother. She says she’s just having fun and I’m judging her, but is it fun drinking so much in her bedroom that I see her passed out face down on the floor in piles of trash, or in the past she’s gotten so angry towards me that she tries to fight me. She doesn’t see the pain she puts in me and my brother and I’m just so done but I love her and I don’t want to cut ties
No no no! I can't imagine cutting ties with my mom or dad because of alcoholism, then have one of them die without making amends.
Thankyou for your video, It has helped me alot to reaffirm my past decision to do this with my father.
I watched this video straight after receiving two random emails from my father, I haven't opened them yet but a big part of me just doesn't want to.
Godbless 🙏
The worst part is also having younger siblings
Thank you for this video. I have cut ties with my dad 10 years ago but felt guilty about it and called him 2 years ago. Big mistake. I also bought him a phone around the same time if he wanted to have more contact with me. He never called, didn't even install WhatsApp on his new phone. But recently he called my sibling to tell he stopped working since last year and his electricity will get cut off if we don't help him getting it paid. Not only that, but he also wants a monthly allowance until he go in retirement (2 years from now). Honestly I was heartbroken, but as I am writing this, I am becoming angry because he asks his children for this. Same kids he damaged and still try to heal what he broke. If we were rich, it was different, but we both have money only enough to meet our needs. We understood we will never be able to find safety in him, but why he has to burden us even more now?
Good question. If you feel its the right thing to do, then cut ties with your alcoholic parent. Biological or not. You have seen and experienced that what that alcohol problem brings to the family. Many people may ask why did you cut ties with your parent... or you have not seen your dad /mom long time. Etc questions. There is always that kind of people who knows what is best for your life. They say that Alcoholic is not so big problem, he or she is good parent, sure, same people does not need to live with that alcoholic parent or have not experienced what kind of parent he is.. Because for those people that alcoholic person is good ole drinking buddy. etc.
Only you know what is best for your life!!!!
Part of me sits here and thinks "You lost them at 9, you were the lucky one". Mine is still alive an poisoning everything he touches and I'm 32 now. I took the decision to cut him out once my son was born 8 months ago.
The first 3 times he met my son he was under the influence of alcohol which I pulled him up on which ended in him threatening to turn up and kill me and then himself infront of my partner and son.
He destroyed enough of my life. I will not let him spread his poison to my son. I will protect him the way people did not protect me.
Well i hope my dad stops hitting me 😖 he just puts all his anger is me acting like i ruined his life
My father has been an alcoholic for over 40 years and never wanted to give up alcohol, every day he came home from work late and of course drunk and always invented some reason why he drinks, and there were over 50 reasons from his life. I think that's one of the reasons why I don't drink alcohol and that's why it's hard for me to understand him. He recently almost hit my mother with a chair because I told him I would take his car keys so he wouldn't drive drunk, and that's when his aggressiveness started. There were more outbursts of anger while drunk, I would like to say that he was fighting alcoholism, but when you don't stop drinking for even a week in your life, it's no longer a fight, it's giving up and surrendering to the evil we call alcohol. In a way, it's easier for me when I know that others have similar problems to me and my mom with my alcoholic father, and in another way, when I see that there are so many alcoholics in the world who are destroying their families, my heart breaks. 😢💔
Absolutly YES. Self Care is better than NO Care.
Alcoholics actually trigger me because my stepdads were alcoholics and also abusive.
This is excellent. Everyone has their own story. I personally do minimal contact. That's ME. My first husband dropped dead at 42 to prescription drugs, but there's a couple more who could be more I my life. #boundaries
I love my dad so much and can't leave him even thought he had been drinking for 10 years. When He drinks, he is aggressive and narcissistic. But when he's sober, he is such a nice person that understands you and loves you. But he's drinking affects me, making me not want to be near him. I becomes disrespectful and makes me ashamed. Now that I turned 18 he demands I pay him money
Same
One thing about these alcoholic parents are that they never accept their fault and always puts their blame on others......
Like my father is a massive drunkard, remains drunk from morning to night 24 by 7 and puts blame on by mom that my mom is responsible for his condition
This video may have been posted 3 years ago but has touched and resonated with me deeply. My mum has had a problem since I was 8 but is a wonderful woman. I’m 28 this year and I’m still fighting to help and handle her addiction. I can’t give up on her until she is here no more. I have 2 children and not spoken to her for weeks because of the emotional damage but always go back when I’m strong enough to handle it. My partner doesn’t understand but I have to always try until I can’t try anymore… and that will be a very dark day for me
Keep trying to the best of your ability. Then, when sadly, your Mom passes away some day, you will have no regrets. Good luck to you all and God Speed. !
I had to do this about 15 years ago with my father (I was still only a child/teen). It was hard, but by then I'd had enough. I learned early on that you can't help or change someone if they don't want to change. That wound will always be there, but I have found peace and I am thriving without him. Someone who repeatedly emotionally abuses and neglects you is not a parent to keep in your life.
Dealing with it my whole life. Christmas Eve is tomorrow and I was planning on going to his house with my family for Christmas. We already had the time set and everything so I went in Target and spent like $130 on gifts for the family only to come out to my car and read the text: “we are cancelling the party tomorrow have fun at your moms.” Apparently he’s bitter I’m seeing my mother for Christmas?? Their parties are on different nights anyway so I am really confused. My heart sunk to the floor and I got that sick feeling. It seems like every holiday it’s something. I’m in my late 30s btw.
I'm almost 60 and I been put through hell with my alcoholic dad and a narcissistic mom
My kids grandma (not my mum the dads mum) is such a lovely woman. The kids dad is living his best life far away but I see her and speak to her on a daily basis. She has a drinking problem and it’s because she has had a horrendous life. But this is an illness and she is hurting me financially. She hasn’t got any money cause she drank it all and borrows off everyone she can with no way of paying it back and I can’t afford to pay for her addiction but somehow it’s fallen on my shoulders. She said she wanted to quit and I was there for her but now I see she isn’t strong enough and me giving her money to keep her alive (cause apparently if she stops drinking she will have a seizure and potentially die), is just funding it and not helpful at all. I’m not sure what to do. I feel bad but if I could magic money out of thin air I’d be a millionaire. The money pot is empty right now but she knows my pay days. I really don’t know how to handle it. 😔
Understood the context, but this video could be 2 minutes long.
Pure horror alcohics parents, there but never there, when the tail wags the dog game over,
You are awesome. I just ignored my narcissistic alcoholic dad on Father’s Day, after 50years of him being abusive to me. I felt wonderful. It was refreshing
Great video, thank you so much!🙂💕
after 33 years from today i will cut my ties with her completely after fighting with me and trying to mess my relationship with my wife
Thank you really. For years my Mom hasn’t been okay. There would be a week where it seems she is finally getting better. She might be downstairs watching TV or reading on the deck. But, without fail there she is back to spending all the time she can in her room. I want her to be with us. I really want her to get better. I’ve never even told her how I feel. Dad’s now got two jobs, it’s killing him. He’s completely miserable which is almost ironic because he got his second job so Mom wouldn’t have to work because of her depression. Some days I feel like I’m losing both of them. And I can’t. I have my siblings and my TV shows and movies, one friend in the same boat as me, but turns to their obsessions to cope and I can barely have a day they don’t talk about them. Some days are miserable I sometimes I can pretend I’m fine. I don’t want to cut her off. She sometimes really listens to me and we laugh. But then I think of all those others times. And I don’t know what to do.
My mom is a great person when she's sober but a totally different person when she's drunk. She will fight for more alcohol and feel sorry for herself and start blaming everyone for what's happening to her.
I am 18 now and I've been traumatized all my life.
I find that I can't handle situations like normal people.
When she got arrested I felt nothing because I felt that when she's sober things will get better.
When traumatic things happen like seeing people pass out does not affect me because I've seen it over and over growing up.
I've tried to commit suicide many times and I just don't know what to do anymore.
I care about her but when she's drunk she enjoys the attention
She'll threaten to take her life.
Go for a walk and disappear until someone looks for her
My mother is a massive alcoholic, and I used to be too. I just turned 40, and spent the 39th year of my life losing about 70lb from 250lb to 180, quitting a 15 year alcohol habit, and getting my career going again. I got a blood clot in my right lung in 2020, and almost died of the complications. That experience aided my decision to get healthy, and to start taking life seriously again. I'm happy to say I'm in the best physical shape I've ever been in (even better then when I completed boot camp in 2002), and I should make 6 figures this year. I had moved back in with my mom when I got sick, and had planned on just staying and paying her house off early so we could get our names on the title as co-owners, however her alcoholism is proving to be to much for me. I've tried everything I can think of to get her to at least limit her drinking to a couple days a week, but to no avail. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life to cut ties with her, but at this point I don't even feel safe with her outbursts. She just turned 65, so I think she views her life as pointless maybe? I ask her all the time what I need to do to get her out of her funk, but she's not receptive at all. She is the only family I really have (father committed suicide in 2007), and my relationships with my sister is super strained due to the theft of my father's life insurance by his mother and half sister. My sister was part of the theft along with my grandmother, and half-aunt. The suicide of my father plus subsequent theft by my family greatly amplified my alcoholism back in my mid-twentys that took me 15 years to overcome. I'm not blaming anyone else for my decision to destroy my health, career, and freedom with alcohol during those dark days, however it did not help. I'm at the point where I truly recognize that success is the best "revenge" though that does sound spiteful lol. I'd do just about anything in my power at this point to "fix" my mother, but she has to want it for herself, and unfortunately she's just not at that point.
I'm living with my alcoholic mom, after a recent breakup she had with a man due to an argument, she went on a drinking binge and developed pancreatitis. She is suffering from depression and hasn't been to work in a month. I want to move out within the next 6 months to a year and I fear that I have to mourn her now even though she is still alive. Even though this is the best decision for me, I have an immense amount of guilt because I feel like I'm abandoning her by moving out and I know how she'll take it. But I also know I can't help her.
Great video! How would you communicate to the person that you no longer want contact with them? What are some direct kind words that set the boundary that you don’t want contact until they start looking after themselves.
I just wanted to thank you for making this video. I'm really struggling with my alcoholic parent right now. While I already know and accept the things you said deep down I just needed to hear it from another person, to feel the comfort of hearing someone else say it. It helps give me strength to make a hard decision that I know I need to make for my own welfare. Thank you.
Wow. Yes. My feeling is correct.
How do you deal with a binge drinker my mother
Both my parents are alcoholic
Having break downs recently this has really helped with my mixed feelings cried a few times during this video amazing work putting it to words
cut all ties with your alcoholic parent as soon as you can you should leave any human being that is toxic whether they are your parents,your partner, your siblings just leave them and dont ever look back even when they are dead dont visit their graves
My father is 71.. has had a drinking issue his entire life while abusing us kids and my mom for 50 years until her death in 2022.. as a 40 year old man I chose to live with him so he wasn’t alone and to help and now I regret it .. he is trying to ruin my life with his addictions
yeah, where does an alcoholic parent stand then?
I'm walking out on him
BIG thank you Josh, you have really explained things VERY WELL. For me you touched on a lot things - situation wise and emotion/feelings wise. Thank you so much for this great video and your explaining things.
Damn today’s Father’s Day and I’m watching less about my mom. Last night she got drunk as fuck, started a bunch of shit with me. Try to call the police on me. Try to assault me. All in front of my kid
I was in the car when my dad was arrested for a DUI. I was 12 the first car crash I was in with my drunk dad. 13 when I realized how much his words and actions hurt so bad. His negligence lead to my mental health disorder, dissociation. Its bin so hard any time anyone is drinking I, dissociate. If I’m playing the game on my phone I was playing the day we crashed, I dissociate. Just like the day I was in the back of a police car having a panic attack after my dad’s arrest. the kind officer helped and hugged me till my mom was there. I just want to thank him even though I know he wouldn’t see this. I love my dad. But the more my parents fight the more scared I get. The more the words hurt. And the more I hurt myself as an way to ease the pain. I can’t take it anymore. One day if I grow up to be a mother I won’t let my kids suffer. I won’t make them drag there father in bed drunk from the yard. I won’t make their brother cover their ears from the fighting of their parents. Like my brother does for me. I will show them what it means to be loved, I promise. I am 13 years old, my name is Lexi and I’m a normal girl in 8th grade you wouldn’t notice from how I act but I’m hurting. So the next time you see someone struggling go eat lunch with them or play 4 square it’s means the world. I promise…
I needed to hear this, both of my parents are drug addicts and alcoholics. I am giving serious thought into letting them go. This is very helpful, thank you so much.
I desperately need some advice here. I am paternal grandmother and guardian (appointed and approved by social services after they removed him from his mother). I have had him for 2.5 years now and he is an amazing kid now but was mute and introverted when i first took him in. His mother loves him and he her. I have allowed supervised visits with her family. They seem to go well tbh. However last night one of her famiky members contacted me (he was staying overnight) and sent pics of her room. You couldn’t move for bottles and apparently she has been seen arguing with a local drug dealer in the street twice lately. He loves her so much, i really don’t know what to do. It will break her heart too but her alcoholism is obs out of control, though she never appears drunk to me
My ex husband grew up with an alcoholic father eho threatned to kill him. He had s gun. My ex had nightmares when we were married and apparently he still has them to this day. He is very insecure and does not have a bond with any of his children. He is lioking for love from them but is not sble to give love!
I never cut ties with my grandpa, he drank half a bottle of whiskey every night, my mom says he was never the same when he came back from the Vietnam war. Shit, I would drink that much too if I’d seen all shit he’s seen.
YES I didn’t grow up with an alcoholic parent but my husband did his mom is an alcoholic and his brothers have followed in her footsteps too. We try many times to give her a chance to be around us and our kids but we had enough and we blocked them on everything and have stayed away for over 9 yrs now. We are done trying
guys I need help. I’ve been dealing with an alcoholic father and I don’t know if leaving him alone si the right thing. He suffers from severe devastation
I gave my alcoholic mum a few chances and tried to help her but after 15 years of constant abuse, I decided to cut her off. I know a lot of people disagree with my decision but not having her in my life is the best thing that could have happened.
Alcohol is their true love, not you. Why waste time on someone who is selfish and self=centered and could care less about you?