This reminds me of that story of the guy who, after discovering his wife's infidelity, just went numb to the world and tried to ghost his entire life. That guy absolutely wasn't okay, and neither is this OP.
Same. Guy had PTSD and a response to the trauma he experienced. It's very dangerous, especially for men, because it's been so ingrained into our society that men possibly cannot have trauma related to such situations, and that them isolating and being 'okay' (spoiler alert, being okay translates to 'being numb due to PTSD') is totally expected and they shouldn't fuss with therapists and medications. SO dangerous... Just one bad news away from ending it all...
'I think ok is debatable. I mean human connection with any sense behind it sounds bad but it might be better getting dosed with psycho active drugs on a regular base.
I'm fine guys and NEVER think about my divorce. By the way did you know I divorced my ex wife 3 year 24 month 8 days, 24 hours 81 minutes and 54 seconds ago.
I gauge my recovery from my wife who was a narcissistic abuser, by how much I count. First I counted the days, then I counted the weeks, then I counted the months, then I counted the years, and now when someone asked me how long have we been divorced and/or separated, I have to stop and think. When I recently applied for social security, I'm retiring, the interviewer asked me how long my ex-wife and I were married. Yes I could quote off exactly, but I couldn't remember how long after the marriage my family court visit was. In other words I think I have recovered very well.
Total loser. The type of men who choose these women is unreal. Not even two years into his marriage and she lost interest. Guys stop picking these types of women! Stop being a beta!!
Yeah, the OP in this story is definitely not “OK”, each update sounds horrifically more depressing than the last. Definitely sounds like OP is one bad day from offing himself.
Honestly, some of us just get irreparably broken. No amount of therapy or trying to move on will change that. It sticks to us and we learn to be numb. And eventually it kills us. I look forward to my one bad day, personally.
nah i think he will just continue to live. If he just feels empty and indiffrent he´ll just rot till he dies or finds a way to find something. people off them self out of anger or other strong emotion not out off no emotion whats so ever. If your emotional drive is smaller than your drive for self preservation nothing happens. Your emotional drive combined with your Ratio (the latin word) need to overcome your inate desire to live.
@@LocksAndChains It's probably Dysthymia, honestly. It's a long lasting, low grade depression. I always describe it as normal people start a day feeling between 4-6 in terms of mood, the day's events factoring in to that up or down. Dythymic people start the day like 3-5 but never dip below 3 or go above a 6.
@@LocksAndChainsit’s been four months since your comment; are you safe? I’m so sorry you feel like this. I know what it’s like. I’m not going to give you all the cliches, because you don’t want them. I care, even if I am just an internet stranger. Love and strength to you ❤
Bro says he's over it and is not sad, but then gives updates without any developments. OP should get help and move on. It's just entertainment for people on reddit, so he shouldn't listen to people asking for updates and move on with life.
The man is trying to pick himself back up and his next girlfriend is another cloaked wh*re asking for polyamory, then he finds out one of his next fling is another married wh*re, what do you expect?
Try therapy. If after 3 yrs your just fine, not sad but not happy, you've let your ex wife's cheating rule your afterlife. You are a survivor, but even survivors need help.
This man was absolutely manipulated, lied to, and humiliated. He then found another girl who said she could not only be with one person. He then finally gave in and had a fling with someone who wound up being married. Yeah… I don’t blame him for feeling how he does and not wanting to date
yup, cheating can absolutely destroy emotions in a man. might take some time to recover, and even that recovery might not be complete. I hope he finds happiness for himself, in whatever form.
This sounds A LOT like “apathy syndrome.” It comes on after a traumatic event as a way for the brain to protect itself. It doesn’t happen to everyone of course, but without actual treatment it can last for years. Secluding yourself is not going to help you heal on your own. Also (and this very important): apathy CAN be a symptom of depression. Depression doesn’t just mean you’re sad, it can also be a lack of “feeling anything.” If you’re feeling a lack of happiness, sadness, anger, etc. for an extended period of time, even if it’s just a couple weeks, please look into mental health options.
The fact the wife stopped going to therapy, did the blame-shifting, and of course got pregnant from the AP...nah..OP should've bounced and not entertain her bs further.
This guy is describing depression. That numb, kinda empty feeling is a kind of depression. It's not all sobbing in your bed. What he's describing is an type of clinical depression. Like to a T. The empty dead, unfulfilled feeling with only kind of distant feelings is depression.
@@ghafu4464 or worse, she'll chase him for child support stating "he gave me the house foe the baby, so he should be financially responsible too" and since the system is corrupt she'll likely get it unless he has a really good lawyer
Bro is definitely not anything close to OK. This therapist is correct: he has some real problems that need a more advanced level of help. The biggest _immediate_ problems for him seem to be stubbornness and fear. If someone can get him past those, he'll (hopefully) at least understand _why_ he needs more advanced care.
i remember the story, in the end he did the right thing for him by divorcing her and kicking her to the curb, and the gall of this woman to call him after chad dumped her. She tought because he was kind to her he automatically has to take her back, but thats the thing, he his kind, but not a doormat.
He didn't do the right thing, he was in an at fault state and gave his house to her. He literally lost everything he owned and it shouldn't have ended that way
The substanceless updates is OP silently asking for help isnt it. He really isnt ok right? Maybe its just me....but i used to be like this with my own trauma and maybe still am. I hope that someone will notice the pain I'm was/in but will never vocalise it nor admit to it if anyone hints at it
But then he'll have the money from that ring to spend on something. And he'll know that the ring is still out there somewhere, that someone has it. It's not truly letting go of it if he just sells it, though I understand why your first thought was to sell it. Mine was too.
Did the OP steal the story of my first marriage, I mean, word for word, action for action, I was in the military so I didn't get to wallow in the sh*tshow that was the end of my marriage but I hope OP get better. Edit: Cheaters must be born with the playbook memorized
My husband, too. He was deployed while his wife and their 2 kids were home, she partied all night and slept while she was supposed to care for them; Son ended up on a shed roof and daughter had to go over to make sure he didn't fall. Husband was told his kids were about to be put up for adoption bc of her actions, so he had to choose a military discharge and sacrifice the career and life he'd built over 12 years, but he'd keep his kids OR he could stay and they'd be adopted out. He left, ofc. Left her, too. He'd somehow been overlooking her cheating for ages but that was finally the last straw. She made it so infuriatingly difficult for him, taking away his career, risking his kids' lives, making him a single father with skills that no one needed bc military; All so she could party and fuck whomever she wanted. Ugh.
OP sounds like how I have been my entire life. I do feel happy quite often, but I am basically never social outside of my family or close friends, maybe once a week. I just don't have the need to be social that often. I could probably be a hermit without any problem, only social contact I regularly crave is contact with my two dogs. But even I can see that OP is having mental problems. He's has had a traumatic event which has caused him to drastically change his personality. He needs help, but I also don't think that he has to go on heavy medication. Consultation with a psychiatrist, family, friends or even a priest or other spiritual consultant should be a priority for op. If none of the social therapeutic actions work then he might have to try medical intervention unfortunately.
OP really needs to seek professional help. He's never gotten "over it" and is in complete denial. I'm afraid he may wake up one day and decide that day will be the day to unalive himself...
I get his sister cares, but she's got some nerve leading on two women in dating apps for him without telling him. People change all the time, he doesnt need to "get back in the dating scene" to heal from this and thats not her choice to make for him. Even if he was over it (which while he may be he's definitely disassociated emotionally) he probably wouldn't be the same person he was. He's right, betrayal leaves you different than it found you. When someone that important commits that Ultimate betrayal, it's extremely unlikely you will ever be exactly the person you were before it happened. You can't always get back what was broken in the same way it was before, even if you're all healed.
OP is absolutely not okay. However.. he's also not wrong in his "can't we just let okay be okay?" mindset. I've been there before. And the medication, doctors, etc can be extremely overwhelming. Sometimes you just need to rot in it. If you're just floating by, sometimes you need to just need to let yourself float. You just need to wallow in it for a while until you're ready to get help. And sometimes, that might only be years after having the seed planted. But it was planted. The first step to changong is knowing. And he knows now that he needs help. It's in his hands for him to hit rock bottom so he can start climbing back up. I hope the climb won't be hard on him.
It's like trying to swim against the current or huge waves so you gotta rest in the uncomfortable feelings to gain some strength back or another idea how to get away from them. Sometimes it's a decision waiting to be made, sometimes it really is just some resting.
He said party for the second girl and I thought straight out, 'did he not learn?' The polygamy was a surprise though still. As going to parties does not mean they are a bad person.
Polyamory, I'm going to assume this will come up more and more in these cheater stories. It's something cheaters try and push to not feel guilty about their actions. I am not going to invalidate people who actually practice it, but it feels like something that may come up more.
As someone who is Polyarmorous myself, it really pisses me off that those selfish fleshbags use it as an excuse. Polyarmory's number 1 rule is consent! From both current AND prospective partners. The person OP met was absolutely right to be upfront about it. There are occasions where a partner(s) simply does not like a prospective partner and will veto any relationship with that person. In the end you stay faithful to your partner(s), to some faithful is monogomus, to others it's a little more complicated.
@@draconicdusk5911 exactly, even how the person in this stated it to op, it seemed more like an open relationship then a poly one, from my knowledge and experience Poly relationships are both physical and emotional in all parties (consented too, obvs there are differences where its one or the other) where open relationships is one romantic partner and other physical partner(s)
If that was his last update, it sounds a bit like they may have locked OP in the Loony Bin. Bad spot to leave us hanging. But he may be tied up at the moment. I feel for the guy, and he's right. Being cheated on changes you forever. You will never go back to being the naive trusting fool you were before; and maybe that's a good thing. It just seems like we as humans should be able to learn that lesson without having to deal with the indescribable heartache.
just a heads up for any of y'all unsure: If a therapist wants to put you on meds--YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT. You can say "no I'd rather do this naturally if that's okay" You can say that to ANY doctor you want. Obviously hear them out and make sure you're not a severe case that MAY *need* meds, but if you're like this guy and things are okay, you can absolutely say no to drugs. They also need to work WITH you and your restrictions.
If you’re here kind sir, I don’t know the experience of a love betrayal. However that don’t mean I haven’t felt it, be aware that you’re never alone. I can assure you it’s not ptsd, it’s more like I rather be alone in my own good company. Not many people can make it that far what you gone through, we’re just a good different, years of being alone can change, but it’s a good change. Never forget, you are never alone
This got his heart ripped out, smacked and spit on. It is beyond repair. Someone needs to literally to fix it, and stitch it back together, which will take a long time. I really hope this guy gets the happiness he deserves.
He has PTSD. Trauma from the betrayal of his wife cheating on him, and trying to pin APs baby on him to raise. He needs therapy, like today. He's not fine. He's absolutely not fine. And yes, the therapist talking about doctors, and clinics and medication ... I can see that being necessary. He's 'flat', indeed. And that's very, very dangerous. Because one day it'll be okay to just NOT put the seatbelt on, and NOT brake in that specific corner. Especially seeing as he has access to weapons. Medications have undesireable side effects, indeed, but you never know how they affect you until you try it. And not just a single one. What he's doing is literally giving up. He says he doesn't want to, but it sounds more like he doesn't care anymore. And that's dangerous. That's the "not suicidal ideation" but "one bad news away from ending it all because it doesn't MATTER anymore" thing.
Yeah hes not ok, hes emotionally numb because the shock made him unable to feel emorions because feeling emotions can and will hurt so hed rather not feel. He keeps asking if its ot ok to be ok, ut he never asked himself if its ok to never feel happiness again
"The difference between having a neurologic disease/disorder and a psychiatric one is that in the latter, you're not aware that something's wrong." Dude just shut down after finding out, he definitely needed help.
Out of all these stories in here this one really broke my heart! This poor man sounds like he's just existing. He's not living, not even surviving. Just existing. Going through the motions. I really wish him well and I hope he gets the help he needs to get better. But for that to happen he needs to let himsef be helped, and at the end of the story it sounds like he's just making excuses for himself or finding reasons to justify not continuing with treatment 😕
I'm similar. I don't trust anyone outside my family because of something painful when I was younger. Never wanted to feel that way again. So I keep everyone at arms length. All I have now is my work. I'm content...I think. The medication part at the end is what kept me from seeking any form of help. Medications freak me out.
If you are not the same person you were before situation after the situation, then you haven't truly healed, you might be doing way better but you prolly haven't heald, it's sad but that's the way of the world,
This guy is so broken from his wife her betrayal he just doesn't see it. He is still numb,shell shocked. He never truly recovered from that. He is in survival mode non stop and he isn't living life,he just exists. He needs help,professional help. Yes,men change after such betrayal but this OP is going to crash down hard. I hope he got help and recovered
Speaking from experience with poor mental health, this poor guy needs the help. Getting any amount of better is a lot of hard work, but being able to feel is worth the effort.
What many people fail to understand is that, if you hurt someone badly enough, they can change drastically in an instant. Some traumas are so terrible, they alter how a person views reality. It’s not just one person hurting them. It’s as if the rules of reality itself are rewritten a different way. OP going cold and numb is more common than people think.
So I've posted this elsewhere, I know as an American that all of our states each have a two-letter abbreviations. My home state of Washington uses a WA abbreviation and the TN that OP used for his home state is, to my recollection, Tennessee.
Poly and cheating are different though. Cheating you do out of the purpose of hurting your partner, for a cheap thrill, and you want to keep it secret. Polyamory is truthful outright, telling new potential partners what to expect, and making sure everyone is alright and on board with that. Polyamorists also most often look for relationships with several people, thus the polyAMORy. That doesn't mean everyone is in a relationship with each other, or everyone sleeps with each other, just that all partners know that AND CONSENT TO the poly-person having other relationships/sexual partners than themselves. Same as the BDSM circle. It's "Safe, Sane, Consensual" If someone cheats and then uses polyamory as an (frankly ridiculous, because in most cases, if their AP has someone else on the side, they usually react extremely jealous, because they expect the AP to only have affection for them. Selfishness in it's purest form.) excuse, they're just, as I said, using it as an excuse. Because cheaters are the scum of the barrel of humanity, and excuses fly left and right to keep their partner under control and the affair secret, because that's what's giving them a thrill.
@@TheHelper151 polyamory is consensual. It means the partners agreed to it. Cheating is not. I get your sentiment, but it’s important to point out the differences.
When going through divorce or relationship and social traumas, people think you’ll be the same. That’s far from the truth as relationship and social traumas change who you are as a person. The people who knew you before the trauma think that’s who you’ll be after. Basically in order to completely move forward you need to change who you are. Not completely but enough to a point of you won’t make the same mistakes. Ops family and friends remember a naive person who would fall into a relationship at the first sight of lust. Now they see a cautious person who only gets mad when people are mistreating them.
I am totally bias against proven cheaters, they never learn and are only sorry that they were caugth and the consequences of their actions catch up to them.
You can tell that OP is using "fine" like every other depressed person. I've seen what this stuff does to good men. He needs to talk to a therapist. He needs to work through this because he, just like most men (from observation anyway) he literally closed off his emotions. He couldn't handle them fully and cut them off. But in that... he did sever a part of himself. He really needs to work through that baggage in a real way so he can start to emerge from his shell of depression.
OP has shut himself down so hard because he doesn't want to feel the pain that still has, in abundance. He is denying needing any treatment, not because of side-effects etc but because he doesn't want to open that can of worms. There are many women out there who want a faithful partner but maybe he is subconsciously picking someone yo date who he knows is not right for him.
Nobody is sad or happy all the time because that would just be exhausting, most of the time we are just neutral, tho you might describe it as happiness if your life is pretty much in order and you are content. Yet you don't deny yourself feelings of happiness, sadness or any other emotion either. I feel that is what OP is doing tho, just denying himself to feel anything at all, because feeling something is exhausting or feeling something might make you lose control. Which is what genuine emotion is, it's mostly involutary. It's always good to get a second opinion but I do hope OP continues therapy and will start things again in major ways instead of the minor numbed feelings like the happiness his dog obviously seems to give him.
Actually there are people with chemical imbalances that can cause constant sadness (I think there's also a condition for always feeling happy but I think that might of been just a d9ct9r house episode)
@@kingthe13 That is true, and might also be something that is troubling OP, we can only speculate. I actually knew someone like that, plenty of weatlh, kids, beautiful wife and home. Yet he was still depressed but got brought back from the brink by medication. So yeah being in trouble or having experienced certain traumatizing life experiences is certainly not the the only forms of depression. You can have everything that would make anyone happy and still be depressed, a scary uncomfortable truth about it. Also I am basically just a armchair psychologist so for anyone reading this, don't take anything I say as the complete truth and do your own research and see a real professional. I just find the topic of mental health and the psyche really interesting.🙂
Bro really doesn't sound "fine" from the way i listened to this he just sounds like a numb broken man and every path he takes just gives him more pain and suffering due to his trust issues, first his wife cheated on him then wanted him to raise another mans child with her and every post he seems to remember her or take about her, then a girl he found wanted muliple relationships and from the sound of it i don't think she would have let him do that too not that it matters but damn he really has a lot on his plate
He talk as if he some middle aged man , I thought when he talked about the age gap and so so he would be in his late 30s or something but then when he said he is 27..I'll be like man I know its hard to move on from something horrible like this but just remember your age at times like you are young , you have the energy to explore, enjoy with friends and family and get mind in order and more clear...
OP was traumatized by his ex and it sounds like hes doing ok. Dont let other tell you how long it takes to get over something. Healing takes different methods and time for everyone.
If anyone gets to the comments before or during the video. Don't watch all of it. It gets boring and just him going on and on about he's fine. And then claiming he doesn't think of his wife much anymore but still thinks of her.
Nah, his family has got him pegged. He ain't over it, and all the coping mechanisms he's built into his daily life is basically a constant reminder of why he switched to those new things. He keeps coming back and saying "no seriously I'm not feeling anything at all about it" while the wound is still plainly visible and open. With that said, it sounds like he's got some terrible luck. One woman using him to cheat on her husband, and one woman asking that she whore herself out while he handles the financials. Psych isn't trying to fix him so much as leech as much of his health insurance as possible before he kisses a gun barrel. I guess in his case, it'd be going missing 10 miles out at sea. He needs to seriously hash it all out. The wife, her cheating and gaslighting, the dates, the extreme shift in lifestyle, the lying to friends and family. It's a common thing for people to try cutting out everything they can relate to someone that hurt them, but he's gone overboard and cut out so much there isn't enough "him" left. He's doing things even he is appalled by, but he's become so disconnected and distant that he's doing it anyways. I think he needs someone to confide in, that will absolutely not judge him for what he has to say. Once that's done, he needs to remember that every piece of himself he's cut out, is a piece he's ceded to his cheating wife, even all these years later. While I personally believe his best option is to reconquer everything that was stolen as the whore deserves absolutely nothing, I'm no psych and they'll probably have a more consistent method of fixing the problem, like exposure therapy or something. Hopefully, it's not a "pump 'em full of drugs" solution.
Some people can only experience true heartbreak once in their lives. It's okay to not be okay. You have to gauge whether you can take it again by getting back ok there but many cannot. And are content to live the rest of their lives with an okay-ish situation. Very few people find true happiness in today's modern climate
He def shouldn’t drop his therapist. I understand being apprehensive about taking meds but he needs to heal and I don’t think he can do this himself. I mean even after 3 years he says he’s okay but he’s updating about nothing changing in his life only elaborating about his apathy towards it. He def had some form of depression or PTSD.
Glad he's getting therapy, he needs to keep away from the suicide drug as he has no support system to keep a close eye on him, stay out of the clinic as he lives a very safe and relaxed lifestyle that is better than the clinic, just needs more therapy appointments. But he is ok doing the rest of it. Glad he has realised he had no emotions, was seriously depressed and needed serious help. Hope in a few years we get an update that he found a partner who is on the same wavelength. Might be worth getting a little unfit and flabby to keep the sxx psychos away.😅
This makes me think of the lyrics of that song by Gordon Lightfoot "Sundown" and the passage "Sometimes I think it's a shame when I get feeling better, when I'm feeling no pain".
![[Full Story] My Sister-in-Law is Planning a Wedding at My House And I'm Not Invited, But](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5vQQ0Elu-mc/mqdefault.jpg)
For more interesting stories check out this channel - www.youtube.com/@storytalestube
This reminds me of that story of the guy who, after discovering his wife's infidelity, just went numb to the world and tried to ghost his entire life. That guy absolutely wasn't okay, and neither is this OP.
I remember that one. Went to go live in the woods and off the land mostly. Fortunately he had other family and a daughter to reel him back.
Same. Guy had PTSD and a response to the trauma he experienced.
It's very dangerous, especially for men, because it's been so ingrained into our society that men possibly cannot have trauma related to such situations, and that them isolating and being 'okay' (spoiler alert, being okay translates to 'being numb due to PTSD') is totally expected and they shouldn't fuss with therapists and medications.
SO dangerous... Just one bad news away from ending it all...
@@skyure and as long as our society keeps going the way it's going, that will never change.
know what the stories called? sounds like an interesting watch
I remember this one and well, the guy are truly in bad condition. Not only heartbroken, he got ptsd as well.
OP saying he is OK is the biggest lie in this reddit story.
'I think ok is debatable. I mean human connection with any sense behind it sounds bad but it might be better getting dosed with psycho active drugs on a regular base.
He may be ok but sure as hell ain’t happy
Being OK is exactly what he is. Not happy, not fine, Ok.. comptempt... surviving.
I'm fine guys and NEVER think about my divorce. By the way did you know I divorced my ex wife 3 year 24 month 8 days, 24 hours 81 minutes and 54 seconds ago.
him: I NEVER think about my ex and my divorce
also him: writes 5 times same story about his past relationship, reliving the trauma
@@frogbrain944”guys I’m okay I swear”
Constantly wonders if everyone in earth is also unfaithful
I gauge my recovery from my wife who was a narcissistic abuser, by how much I count. First I counted the days, then I counted the weeks, then I counted the months, then I counted the years, and now when someone asked me how long have we been divorced and/or separated, I have to stop and think. When I recently applied for social security, I'm retiring, the interviewer asked me how long my ex-wife and I were married. Yes I could quote off exactly, but I couldn't remember how long after the marriage my family court visit was. In other words I think I have recovered very well.
Total loser. The type of men who choose these women is unreal. Not even two years into his marriage and she lost interest. Guys stop picking these types of women! Stop being a beta!!
Yeah, the OP in this story is definitely not “OK”, each update sounds horrifically more depressing than the last. Definitely sounds like OP is one bad day from offing himself.
Honestly, some of us just get irreparably broken. No amount of therapy or trying to move on will change that. It sticks to us and we learn to be numb. And eventually it kills us. I look forward to my one bad day, personally.
nah i think he will just continue to live. If he just feels empty and indiffrent he´ll just rot till he dies or finds a way to find something. people off them self out of anger or other strong emotion not out off no emotion whats so ever. If your emotional drive is smaller than your drive for self preservation nothing happens. Your emotional drive combined with your Ratio (the latin word) need to overcome your inate desire to live.
@@LocksAndChains It's probably Dysthymia, honestly. It's a long lasting, low grade depression. I always describe it as normal people start a day feeling between 4-6 in terms of mood, the day's events factoring in to that up or down. Dythymic people start the day like 3-5 but never dip below 3 or go above a 6.
Exactly what I was thinking. I feel sorry for him but Jesus, his nihilism was SO frustrating.
@@LocksAndChainsit’s been four months since your comment; are you safe? I’m so sorry you feel like this. I know what it’s like.
I’m not going to give you all the cliches, because you don’t want them. I care, even if I am just an internet stranger.
Love and strength to you ❤
He DEFINITELY doesn't sound "fine" or "over it".
Bro says he's over it and is not sad, but then gives updates without any developments. OP should get help and move on. It's just entertainment for people on reddit, so he shouldn't listen to people asking for updates and move on with life.
The man is trying to pick himself back up and his next girlfriend is another cloaked wh*re asking for polyamory, then he finds out one of his next fling is another married wh*re, what do you expect?
Try therapy. If after 3 yrs your just fine, not sad but not happy, you've let your ex wife's cheating rule your afterlife. You are a survivor, but even survivors need help.
@@jdavis7613 yup
I feel the same and therapy in SA is not affordable. For some ppl it's like a piston going through the side of the block. It's not repairable.
Yes, he is clearly broken and refuses to acknowledge it.
This man was absolutely manipulated, lied to, and humiliated. He then found another girl who said she could not only be with one person. He then finally gave in and had a fling with someone who wound up being married. Yeah… I don’t blame him for feeling how he does and not wanting to date
I think op is emotionally numb after that event
yup, cheating can absolutely destroy emotions in a man. might take some time to recover, and even that recovery might not be complete. I hope he finds happiness for himself, in whatever form.
“I don’t get angry, I don’t get sad, I don’t get happy, I am just fine all the time” dude is hella depressed and hasn’t come to terms with itZ
Dude live in at fault state and still lose in that divorce. He speaks the truth when he said his heart and brain did not connect.
This sounds A LOT like “apathy syndrome.” It comes on after a traumatic event as a way for the brain to protect itself. It doesn’t happen to everyone of course, but without actual treatment it can last for years. Secluding yourself is not going to help you heal on your own.
Also (and this very important): apathy CAN be a symptom of depression. Depression doesn’t just mean you’re sad, it can also be a lack of “feeling anything.”
If you’re feeling a lack of happiness, sadness, anger, etc. for an extended period of time, even if it’s just a couple weeks, please look into mental health options.
This man is in a terrible place and in denial.
The fact the wife stopped going to therapy, did the blame-shifting, and of course got pregnant from the AP...nah..OP should've bounced and not entertain her bs further.
He's a dead guy walking.
This guy is describing depression. That numb, kinda empty feeling is a kind of depression. It's not all sobbing in your bed. What he's describing is an type of clinical depression. Like to a T. The empty dead, unfulfilled feeling with only kind of distant feelings is depression.
OP was extremely generous giving her the house for the baby, he should've gone scorched earth on her
Right?for a baby really isn't his, dumbest thing ever, he will comeback for sure
@@ghafu4464 or worse, she'll chase him for child support stating "he gave me the house foe the baby, so he should be financially responsible too" and since the system is corrupt she'll likely get it unless he has a really good lawyer
Bro is definitely not anything close to OK. This therapist is correct: he has some real problems that need a more advanced level of help.
The biggest _immediate_ problems for him seem to be stubbornness and fear. If someone can get him past those, he'll (hopefully) at least understand _why_ he needs more advanced care.
i remember the story, in the end he did the right thing for him by divorcing her and kicking her to the curb, and the gall of this woman to call him after chad dumped her. She tought because he was kind to her he automatically has to take her back, but thats the thing, he his kind, but not a doormat.
He didn't do the right thing, he was in an at fault state and gave his house to her. He literally lost everything he owned and it shouldn't have ended that way
Do you have the link to the OG post?
The substanceless updates is OP silently asking for help isnt it. He really isnt ok right?
Maybe its just me....but i used to be like this with my own trauma and maybe still am. I hope that someone will notice the pain I'm was/in but will never vocalise it nor admit to it if anyone hints at it
Dam that’s one of the most brokened op I’ve ever seen
Brother isnt ok
Bro should have sold that ring.
can't blame him, I threw both rings in the Atlantic, once I was a day or two in my deployment
@@lastofadyingbreed4850 How much were the rings?
But then he'll have the money from that ring to spend on something. And he'll know that the ring is still out there somewhere, that someone has it. It's not truly letting go of it if he just sells it, though I understand why your first thought was to sell it. Mine was too.
She cheated on him, and he gave her a whole house, i think he deserved all he got
That ring don’t worth nothing anymore
Did the OP steal the story of my first marriage, I mean, word for word, action for action, I was in the military so I didn't get to wallow in the sh*tshow that was the end of my marriage but I hope OP get better.
Edit: Cheaters must be born with the playbook memorized
My husband, too. He was deployed while his wife and their 2 kids were home, she partied all night and slept while she was supposed to care for them; Son ended up on a shed roof and daughter had to go over to make sure he didn't fall. Husband was told his kids were about to be put up for adoption bc of her actions, so he had to choose a military discharge and sacrifice the career and life he'd built over 12 years, but he'd keep his kids OR he could stay and they'd be adopted out. He left, ofc. Left her, too. He'd somehow been overlooking her cheating for ages but that was finally the last straw. She made it so infuriatingly difficult for him, taking away his career, risking his kids' lives, making him a single father with skills that no one needed bc military; All so she could party and fuck whomever she wanted. Ugh.
@@CherryGryffon I'm glad he made it out the other side, alot of us don't
OP sounds like how I have been my entire life. I do feel happy quite often, but I am basically never social outside of my family or close friends, maybe once a week. I just don't have the need to be social that often. I could probably be a hermit without any problem, only social contact I regularly crave is contact with my two dogs.
But even I can see that OP is having mental problems. He's has had a traumatic event which has caused him to drastically change his personality. He needs help, but I also don't think that he has to go on heavy medication. Consultation with a psychiatrist, family, friends or even a priest or other spiritual consultant should be a priority for op. If none of the social therapeutic actions work then he might have to try medical intervention unfortunately.
I was like that my whole life. It was clinical disassociation. For me - it was being trans and ignoring it.
OP really needs to seek professional help. He's never gotten "over it" and is in complete denial. I'm afraid he may wake up one day and decide that day will be the day to unalive himself...
The first thing Op must accept is the fact that he's in denial
I get his sister cares, but she's got some nerve leading on two women in dating apps for him without telling him. People change all the time, he doesnt need to "get back in the dating scene" to heal from this and thats not her choice to make for him. Even if he was over it (which while he may be he's definitely disassociated emotionally) he probably wouldn't be the same person he was. He's right, betrayal leaves you different than it found you. When someone that important commits that Ultimate betrayal, it's extremely unlikely you will ever be exactly the person you were before it happened. You can't always get back what was broken in the same way it was before, even if you're all healed.
OP is absolutely not okay. However.. he's also not wrong in his "can't we just let okay be okay?" mindset. I've been there before. And the medication, doctors, etc can be extremely overwhelming. Sometimes you just need to rot in it.
If you're just floating by, sometimes you need to just need to let yourself float. You just need to wallow in it for a while until you're ready to get help. And sometimes, that might only be years after having the seed planted. But it was planted. The first step to changong is knowing. And he knows now that he needs help. It's in his hands for him to hit rock bottom so he can start climbing back up.
I hope the climb won't be hard on him.
It's like trying to swim against the current or huge waves so you gotta rest in the uncomfortable feelings to gain some strength back or another idea how to get away from them. Sometimes it's a decision waiting to be made, sometimes it really is just some resting.
@@captainjoy8976 Yes absolutely. You put it in words better than I did. Thank you 💜
"I am not emotionless"
Proceeds to explain how he is emotionless
He said party for the second girl and I thought straight out, 'did he not learn?'
The polygamy was a surprise though still. As going to parties does not mean they are a bad person.
for someone who says he's over his ex, she sure does live cozy rent free in his head.
Polyamory, I'm going to assume this will come up more and more in these cheater stories. It's something cheaters try and push to not feel guilty about their actions.
I am not going to invalidate people who actually practice it, but it feels like something that may come up more.
The polyamory had nothing to do with the cheating tho…?
As someone who is Polyarmorous myself, it really pisses me off that those selfish fleshbags use it as an excuse. Polyarmory's number 1 rule is consent! From both current AND prospective partners. The person OP met was absolutely right to be upfront about it.
There are occasions where a partner(s) simply does not like a prospective partner and will veto any relationship with that person. In the end you stay faithful to your partner(s), to some faithful is monogomus, to others it's a little more complicated.
@@draconicdusk5911 exactly, even how the person in this stated it to op, it seemed more like an open relationship then a poly one, from my knowledge and experience Poly relationships are both physical and emotional in all parties (consented too, obvs there are differences where its one or the other) where open relationships is one romantic partner and other physical partner(s)
If that was his last update, it sounds a bit like they may have locked OP in the Loony Bin. Bad spot to leave us hanging. But he may be tied up at the moment.
I feel for the guy, and he's right. Being cheated on changes you forever. You will never go back to being the naive trusting fool you were before; and maybe that's a good thing. It just seems like we as humans should be able to learn that lesson without having to deal with the indescribable heartache.
just a heads up for any of y'all unsure: If a therapist wants to put you on meds--YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT. You can say "no I'd rather do this naturally if that's okay" You can say that to ANY doctor you want. Obviously hear them out and make sure you're not a severe case that MAY *need* meds, but if you're like this guy and things are okay, you can absolutely say no to drugs. They also need to work WITH you and your restrictions.
Poor dude, she broke him 😢. The best revenge is being happy, my man ❤
If you’re here kind sir, I don’t know the experience of a love betrayal. However that don’t mean I haven’t felt it, be aware that you’re never alone. I can assure you it’s not ptsd, it’s more like I rather be alone in my own good company. Not many people can make it that far what you gone through, we’re just a good different, years of being alone can change, but it’s a good change. Never forget, you are never alone
Nurses have some of the highest levels of infidelity.
and least empathy
This got his heart ripped out, smacked and spit on. It is beyond repair. Someone needs to literally to fix it, and stitch it back together, which will take a long time. I really hope this guy gets the happiness he deserves.
He has PTSD.
Trauma from the betrayal of his wife cheating on him, and trying to pin APs baby on him to raise.
He needs therapy, like today.
He's not fine. He's absolutely not fine.
And yes, the therapist talking about doctors, and clinics and medication ... I can see that being necessary.
He's 'flat', indeed.
And that's very, very dangerous.
Because one day it'll be okay to just NOT put the seatbelt on, and NOT brake in that specific corner. Especially seeing as he has access to weapons.
Medications have undesireable side effects, indeed, but you never know how they affect you until you try it. And not just a single one.
What he's doing is literally giving up.
He says he doesn't want to, but it sounds more like he doesn't care anymore.
And that's dangerous.
That's the "not suicidal ideation" but "one bad news away from ending it all because it doesn't MATTER anymore" thing.
Never fucking suggest shit like therapy casually that is his decision, therapy does not work for everybody
Yeah hes not ok, hes emotionally numb because the shock made him unable to feel emorions because feeling emotions can and will hurt so hed rather not feel. He keeps asking if its ot ok to be ok, ut he never asked himself if its ok to never feel happiness again
"Am I a dinosaur?!"
Bro that cracked me up pretty badly!! I shouldn't have laughed like that 😂😂
The fact he holds so tightly onto the divorce anniversary says a lot. I think he dodged and lucky he didn’t have any kids with her prior.
The guy's heart is absolutely shattered, poor bastard
"The difference between having a neurologic disease/disorder and a psychiatric one is that in the latter, you're not aware that something's wrong."
Dude just shut down after finding out, he definitely needed help.
Out of all these stories in here this one really broke my heart! This poor man sounds like he's just existing. He's not living, not even surviving. Just existing. Going through the motions. I really wish him well and I hope he gets the help he needs to get better. But for that to happen he needs to let himsef be helped, and at the end of the story it sounds like he's just making excuses for himself or finding reasons to justify not continuing with treatment 😕
I'm similar. I don't trust anyone outside my family because of something painful when I was younger. Never wanted to feel that way again. So I keep everyone at arms length. All I have now is my work. I'm content...I think. The medication part at the end is what kept me from seeking any form of help. Medications freak me out.
If you are not the same person you were before situation after the situation, then you haven't truly healed, you might be doing way better but you prolly haven't heald, it's sad but that's the way of the world,
This guy is so broken from his wife her betrayal he just doesn't see it. He is still numb,shell shocked. He never truly recovered from that. He is in survival mode non stop and he isn't living life,he just exists. He needs help,professional help. Yes,men change after such betrayal but this OP is going to crash down hard. I hope he got help and recovered
Speaking from experience with poor mental health, this poor guy needs the help. Getting any amount of better is a lot of hard work, but being able to feel is worth the effort.
What many people fail to understand is that, if you hurt someone badly enough, they can change drastically in an instant. Some traumas are so terrible, they alter how a person views reality. It’s not just one person hurting them. It’s as if the rules of reality itself are rewritten a different way. OP going cold and numb is more common than people think.
So I've posted this elsewhere, I know as an American that all of our states each have a two-letter abbreviations. My home state of Washington uses a WA abbreviation and the TN that OP used for his home state is, to my recollection, Tennessee.
Polyamory is just a fancy word for cheating. Never trust or enter a relationship with anyone who's into it.
Poly and cheating are different though.
Cheating you do out of the purpose of hurting your partner, for a cheap thrill, and you want to keep it secret.
Polyamory is truthful outright, telling new potential partners what to expect, and making sure everyone is alright and on board with that.
Polyamorists also most often look for relationships with several people, thus the polyAMORy.
That doesn't mean everyone is in a relationship with each other, or everyone sleeps with each other, just that all partners know that AND CONSENT TO the poly-person having other relationships/sexual partners than themselves.
Same as the BDSM circle.
It's "Safe, Sane, Consensual"
If someone cheats and then uses polyamory as an (frankly ridiculous, because in most cases, if their AP has someone else on the side, they usually react extremely jealous, because they expect the AP to only have affection for them. Selfishness in it's purest form.) excuse, they're just, as I said, using it as an excuse.
Because cheaters are the scum of the barrel of humanity, and excuses fly left and right to keep their partner under control and the affair secret, because that's what's giving them a thrill.
@@skyure It is still cheating.
@@TheHelper151 polyamory is consensual. It means the partners agreed to it. Cheating is not. I get your sentiment, but it’s important to point out the differences.
@@abicrystalwing1543 It is still cheating. A relationship is a CLOSED affair between two people.
When going through divorce or relationship and social traumas, people think you’ll be the same. That’s far from the truth as relationship and social traumas change who you are as a person.
The people who knew you before the trauma think that’s who you’ll be after.
Basically in order to completely move forward you need to change who you are. Not completely but enough to a point of you won’t make the same mistakes.
Ops family and friends remember a naive person who would fall into a relationship at the first sight of lust. Now they see a cautious person who only gets mad when people are mistreating them.
This is what cheater never think about. This man is completely broken.
I guess if he is unsure…he could try therapy to talk it out.🤷🏾♀️
Sounds like depression to me. You have been through a lot. I hope you get what makes you happy.
The OP definitely has some intense PTSD and Depression.
I am totally bias against proven cheaters, they never learn and are only sorry that they were caugth and the consequences of their actions catch up to them.
OP is stuck eternally and not over it. Super denial.
You can tell that OP is using "fine" like every other depressed person. I've seen what this stuff does to good men. He needs to talk to a therapist. He needs to work through this because he, just like most men (from observation anyway) he literally closed off his emotions. He couldn't handle them fully and cut them off. But in that... he did sever a part of himself. He really needs to work through that baggage in a real way so he can start to emerge from his shell of depression.
Sounds like his brain and body are working overtime to protect him from intimacy 😢😢😢😢😢😢
OP has shut himself down so hard because he doesn't want to feel the pain that still has, in abundance. He is denying needing any treatment, not because of side-effects etc but because he doesn't want to open that can of worms. There are many women out there who want a faithful partner but maybe he is subconsciously picking someone yo date who he knows is not right for him.
Nobody is sad or happy all the time because that would just be exhausting, most of the time we are just neutral, tho you might describe it as happiness if your life is pretty much in order and you are content. Yet you don't deny yourself feelings of happiness, sadness or any other emotion either.
I feel that is what OP is doing tho, just denying himself to feel anything at all, because feeling something is exhausting or feeling something might make you lose control. Which is what genuine emotion is, it's mostly involutary.
It's always good to get a second opinion but I do hope OP continues therapy and will start things again in major ways instead of the minor numbed feelings like the happiness his dog obviously seems to give him.
Actually there are people with chemical imbalances that can cause constant sadness (I think there's also a condition for always feeling happy but I think that might of been just a d9ct9r house episode)
@@kingthe13 That is true, and might also be something that is troubling OP, we can only speculate.
I actually knew someone like that, plenty of weatlh, kids, beautiful wife and home. Yet he was still depressed but got brought back from the brink by medication. So yeah being in trouble or having experienced certain traumatizing life experiences is certainly not the the only forms of depression. You can have everything that would make anyone happy and still be depressed, a scary uncomfortable truth about it.
Also I am basically just a armchair psychologist so for anyone reading this, don't take anything I say as the complete truth and do your own research and see a real professional. I just find the topic of mental health and the psyche really interesting.🙂
OP brain just broke
The only things you need are your dog, a Mustang, and Gentleman Jack.
It hurt me to hear this, really hurt. I see myself in him somewhere
Honestly just sad. Guy doesn't even realise he's in a severe depression and is in DESPERATE need of therapy.
Bro really doesn't sound "fine" from the way i listened to this he just sounds like a numb broken man and every path he takes just gives him more pain and suffering due to his trust issues, first his wife cheated on him then wanted him to raise another mans child with her and every post he seems to remember her or take about her, then a girl he found wanted muliple relationships and from the sound of it i don't think she would have let him do that too not that it matters but damn he really has a lot on his plate
He talk as if he some middle aged man , I thought when he talked about the age gap and so so he would be in his late 30s or something but then when he said he is 27..I'll be like man I know its hard to move on from something horrible like this but just remember your age at times like you are young , you have the energy to explore, enjoy with friends and family and get mind in order and more clear...
OP was traumatized by his ex and it sounds like hes doing ok. Dont let other tell you how long it takes to get over something. Healing takes different methods and time for everyone.
Sounds like he's livin' the good life!
What the hells the point of an at fault divorce if you just give her everything anyway!
Saying “I’m fine” means you are not fine. Saying “I’m fine 30 times in 2 minutes def means you are not fine
I would've given her nothing, don't care about her or her kid. We split the money from selling the house
If anyone gets to the comments before or during the video. Don't watch all of it. It gets boring and just him going on and on about he's fine. And then claiming he doesn't think of his wife much anymore but still thinks of her.
This is most painful to hear this 💔 😢
Nah, his family has got him pegged. He ain't over it, and all the coping mechanisms he's built into his daily life is basically a constant reminder of why he switched to those new things. He keeps coming back and saying "no seriously I'm not feeling anything at all about it" while the wound is still plainly visible and open.
With that said, it sounds like he's got some terrible luck. One woman using him to cheat on her husband, and one woman asking that she whore herself out while he handles the financials. Psych isn't trying to fix him so much as leech as much of his health insurance as possible before he kisses a gun barrel. I guess in his case, it'd be going missing 10 miles out at sea.
He needs to seriously hash it all out. The wife, her cheating and gaslighting, the dates, the extreme shift in lifestyle, the lying to friends and family. It's a common thing for people to try cutting out everything they can relate to someone that hurt them, but he's gone overboard and cut out so much there isn't enough "him" left. He's doing things even he is appalled by, but he's become so disconnected and distant that he's doing it anyways.
I think he needs someone to confide in, that will absolutely not judge him for what he has to say. Once that's done, he needs to remember that every piece of himself he's cut out, is a piece he's ceded to his cheating wife, even all these years later. While I personally believe his best option is to reconquer everything that was stolen as the whore deserves absolutely nothing, I'm no psych and they'll probably have a more consistent method of fixing the problem, like exposure therapy or something. Hopefully, it's not a "pump 'em full of drugs" solution.
i am just going to research divorce laws before ever considering getting married
Some people can only experience true heartbreak once in their lives. It's okay to not be okay. You have to gauge whether you can take it again by getting back ok there but many cannot. And are content to live the rest of their lives with an okay-ish situation. Very few people find true happiness in today's modern climate
Bro tripping i wouldve pawnd the shit outta that ring 😂😂😂 and buyme tickets to a water park 😂😂
Don't ruin your life for cheaters, move on thats the best revenge you can give them.
This is literally clinical depression. Emotional numbness and apathy to life are the tell-tale markers for clinical depression.
He def shouldn’t drop his therapist. I understand being apprehensive about taking meds but he needs to heal and I don’t think he can do this himself. I mean even after 3 years he says he’s okay but he’s updating about nothing changing in his life only elaborating about his apathy towards it. He def had some form of depression or PTSD.
This guy needs a Hug
He suffered way too much and this wasn't even his own fault
This is why you don't take the cheater back.
op have some awerness, my guy telling how he is getting emotionally numb with obv signs of depression
Men stop marrying before the age of 30 and wait up to 3-5 years before you marry anyone.
As soon as he said...she was in nursing school...I was like woooooooo😮
OP turned into a lvl100 yapper after the divorce, huh?
bruh lmao. im sitting here in my emotions, scroll down to the comments and you broke me out of it instantly LOOOOOOL
"Oh, youre saaaad? Take this drug cocktail!👍" cant give anyone else advice, but i draw a line somewhere. We all go through horrible shit.
Im sad OP didnt take the house in the divorce. In his shell shocked state he wasnt as vicious as he could have, should have been.
Yall be letting the cheaters have power of you move on and heal and then find someone else don’t let it get you feeling empty that shit not good
He needs therapy. Like yesterday.
Somehow y’all all assumed okay means perfect. He didn’t say he was perfect and no one is ever 100% over something that happened to them.
op's sister gave the last update, op lost the lawsuit and offed himself, his parents and brother tried to attend his funeral
OP definitely needs counseling, but seriously, he can just meet new friends. A relationship isn't the only way to connect with people
He's broken to the core.
Glad he's getting therapy, he needs to keep away from the suicide drug as he has no support system to keep a close eye on him, stay out of the clinic as he lives a very safe and relaxed lifestyle that is better than the clinic, just needs more therapy appointments. But he is ok doing the rest of it. Glad he has realised he had no emotions, was seriously depressed and needed serious help. Hope in a few years we get an update that he found a partner who is on the same wavelength. Might be worth getting a little unfit and flabby to keep the sxx psychos away.😅
This makes me think of the lyrics of that song by Gordon Lightfoot "Sundown" and the passage "Sometimes I think it's a shame when I get feeling better, when I'm feeling no pain".