Got home from another solo night ride, googled gay loneliness cause im a lil blue, found this. Howdy! Cis masc gay buddhist in texas here. Great perspective Donny! I really wish this topic would be talked about more because the majority of us older 90s gay dudes like me do it to ourselves. (growing up in the 90s taught us behaviors of literal self harm/isolation/shame) Been a loner since I was 16, took me till I was 30 to start trying to stop self isolating. Was diagnosed with avpd and have been taking so many steps since therapy/treatment back then, now im 34 heh. I've grown a lot but I still just find myself opting out of every scene and just accept the loneliness with patience and self compassion. Just saying you can imagine again...be a masc white buddhist in the middle of yeeehaw land USA and you're too gay and the wrong religion on one side, and too straight acting/bro-y/religious on the other. Funny though, through therapy and social training I found myself getting into pupplay as a form of psuedo-drag (pupsona) and masc boy empowerment vibes to help me come out of my head a lil while getting sober (the entirety of my 20s was spent drinking myself into oblivion by myself in my room and working), which lead me to working out/gym/selfcare and leaning into my faith, which lead me into riding motorcycles....which yeah opens a lot of doors and took so much fear facing and purposeful self improvement through devastatingly heavy loneliness. Still struggle a lot with it, and still alone heh but I actually went on some dates for the first time! I've put myself out there more and expanded my understanding and compassion for others! TLDR: Nothing but love and life is ruff. The only solution is compassion for oneself and others. If anyone is reading this and in the depths of their own loneliness know we are kindred and all feelings come and go. Accept them and benefit the best you can from gratitude, cause you never know...maybe the loneliness is leading you to a better you! ^.^ AwRooo
Not being white in the gay community sucks I can tell you. My dating pool is a fraction of a fraction of what others are. There are so many gay people that will flat out not date ppl that aren't white.
@@DonnyWinter Realistically its not something that will change in my lifetime :/ Im from the UK (dunno if youve noticed the race riots atm) but my options i've found are to go to places where they celebrate none white people rather than demonise us. Ive had better dating experiences in very diverse cities like Toronto or places like Barcelona where they like darker skinned ppl.
It goes far beyond that. Some minority groups beyond Latino and Black don't even have a community of their own people to turn too. Gay or otherwise. So when your out and gay you are completely alone. I tried explaining this to past partners of different ethnicities but the vast majority didn't get it or couldn't comprehend that. In my case there's not even a dating pool of out men large enough for me choose from of my own mixes ethnic group. I'm lucky if once in a blue moon I meet someone of similar ethnic mix. 9/10 they aren't gay or interested back so it's very very isolating experience. In my youth I search high and low for men of a similar ethnic makeup of my mix. I found a grand total of 6ish and none were out or interested in dating. It was very depressing to say the least.
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Got home from another solo night ride, googled gay loneliness cause im a lil blue, found this. Howdy! Cis masc gay buddhist in texas here. Great perspective Donny! I really wish this topic would be talked about more because the majority of us older 90s gay dudes like me do it to ourselves. (growing up in the 90s taught us behaviors of literal self harm/isolation/shame) Been a loner since I was 16, took me till I was 30 to start trying to stop self isolating. Was diagnosed with avpd and have been taking so many steps since therapy/treatment back then, now im 34 heh. I've grown a lot but I still just find myself opting out of every scene and just accept the loneliness with patience and self compassion. Just saying you can imagine again...be a masc white buddhist in the middle of yeeehaw land USA and you're too gay and the wrong religion on one side, and too straight acting/bro-y/religious on the other. Funny though, through therapy and social training I found myself getting into pupplay as a form of psuedo-drag (pupsona) and masc boy empowerment vibes to help me come out of my head a lil while getting sober (the entirety of my 20s was spent drinking myself into oblivion by myself in my room and working), which lead me to working out/gym/selfcare and leaning into my faith, which lead me into riding motorcycles....which yeah opens a lot of doors and took so much fear facing and purposeful self improvement through devastatingly heavy loneliness. Still struggle a lot with it, and still alone heh but I actually went on some dates for the first time! I've put myself out there more and expanded my understanding and compassion for others!
TLDR: Nothing but love and life is ruff. The only solution is compassion for oneself and others. If anyone is reading this and in the depths of their own loneliness know we are kindred and all feelings come and go. Accept them and benefit the best you can from gratitude, cause you never know...maybe the loneliness is leading you to a better you! ^.^ AwRooo
This was very relatable and enjoyable to watch while I was drinking water.
thank you for stopping by!
Well said
thanks!
Not being white in the gay community sucks I can tell you. My dating pool is a fraction of a fraction of what others are. There are so many gay people that will flat out not date ppl that aren't white.
I hope that we can work toward improving this reality in the community. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. 💓
@@DonnyWinter Realistically its not something that will change in my lifetime :/ Im from the UK (dunno if youve noticed the race riots atm) but my options i've found are to go to places where they celebrate none white people rather than demonise us.
Ive had better dating experiences in very diverse cities like Toronto or places like Barcelona where they like darker skinned ppl.
It goes far beyond that. Some minority groups beyond Latino and Black don't even have a community of their own people to turn too. Gay or otherwise. So when your out and gay you are completely alone. I tried explaining this to past partners of different ethnicities but the vast majority didn't get it or couldn't comprehend that. In my case there's not even a dating pool of out men large enough for me choose from of my own mixes ethnic group. I'm lucky if once in a blue moon I meet someone of similar ethnic mix. 9/10 they aren't gay or interested back so it's very very isolating experience. In my youth I search high and low for men of a similar ethnic makeup of my mix. I found a grand total of 6ish and none were out or interested in dating. It was very depressing to say the least.