I'm 30 minutes in listening. For the first time someone is describing what's happening inside for me as well. Literally started feeling physically better because of that. Thank you Elizabeth, thank you Forrest!🙏
I’ve never come across someone who so accurately captures my experience as someone with a disorganised attachment pattern. This was incredible to watch and hear.
Kudos and infinite gratitude to Elizabeth for being willing to be so open and vulnerable during this interview to help others in similar situations. It helps to *see* the truth, not just hear it. Love you two so much.
I relate to Elizabeth so much in this inner conflict of not trusting herself to use her voice, and also not trusting herself to not lash out. Appreciate this vulnerability and practical solutions for repair...amazing work guys. x
The fact that you both shared your personal relationship experience and how those inner intimate parts showed up, and HOW they showed up, is pretty remarkable. It really touched me to hear Elizabeth sharing her truth while yal were dating early on. Really gave me hope. And I found more respect for each of you. Thank you for caring about humans. Ty for all that you both do! Mad props! ❤😊
I developed OCD when I 11, and I'm 34 now. After several years of therapy, it wasn't until LAST MONTH that I realized I not only didn't trust other people, I didn't trust myself. I found this discussion enormously helpful, thank you guys so much ❤
It’s my favorite thing when you both cover these topics because they are so instantly relatable, and I love your chemistry. It makes feel warm that people can understand complex experiences and talk about it so lovingly.
Love how you acknowledge how lucky you are to have found emotionally intelligent, caring people in each other. Let's just say the fearful avoidants most of us dealt with had nowhere near the level of self-reflection and willingness to change, as Elizabeth is demonstrating. I especially appreciate her vulnerability in opening up, not many therapists do it; as well as her discernment and graceful way of expressing herself. Thank you for the episode!
I appreciate the episodes with Elizabeth so much! Her perspective is so helpful and relatable. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and expertise, Elizabeth!!
Why outsource our growth to others’ ideas of what’s "good for us"? Discernment matters. After 10 years of therapy, I’ve learned that staying with harmful people isn’t growth-it’s self-abandonment. Real growth comes from doing the inner work, honoring our somatic experience, and knowing when to step away. Isolation? Sometimes it’s not disconnection; it’s self-respect. Thanks so much!
This. I’ve stayed too long - eg wondering why I haven’t seen that I am as awful as they (family) say I am. Even as I write this 3;45 EST I feel I’m pulling wool over others’ eyes. Help.
Yes. Why put ourselves through a relationship that mainly means pain??? Some people are just not meant for us. I am practicing closeness and intimacy daily- with myself! Being still, listening, turning inward, regulating my nervous system and lots of parenting myself. It is possible to comfort and hold oneself and set boundaries for oneself, basically do all the things a parent would, to feel safer within. Connection doesn’t have to be with a person, it could be God, nature, a pet. I even take the opportunity to practice sitting next to someone on the bus and coregulate- discernment, sometimes someone is open to just sitting next to you relaxing and this doesnt require anything, but you still practice. Hugging a tree is practice, really tuning into oneself, how does this feel? How long do I wanna hug this tree? Etc. When we feel safe enough within ourselves, I believe the right safe people will enter our lives and it wont be as charged. But I am not there so I cannot say for sure of course. But I do feel connected and less lonely fully being with myself. Also: I am able to FULLY cry like a baby and comfort myself doing this. This I have developed through practice, I do not require another person to do this.
Stepping away, despite the insufficient fulfillment, feels like self torture to me. At least for now . But Future Me understands the concept, and will be grateful to Current Me for enduring what feels like pain, temporarily, while we work on building up sturdier foundational self love. I agree with you, it just feels painful for me right now. 🫤
Everything she said was so expressive and described how I have felt so well that I almost cried. I would put money on her being an amazing therapist. You better listen to her Forest, I think men can try to think their way through emotional expressions from us women, and take things a little personal sometimes. I think I speak for every woman on the planet when I say, sometimes we just need you to hug and hold us while we act like a two year old throwing a fit and yelling that "it's just not fair" 😅 quit trying to fix things guys you can't fix it you can only accept and try to feel and understand our pain, NO MATTER HOW UNREASONABLE IT IS FOR YOU! It's incredibly hard to stay vulnerable after being hurt so many times, and it is one of the bravest things a human can do. It of course would be so easy to just shut our hearts down and not let you hurt us. When we choose to give you access to us in that way we are putting our hearts in your hands and trusting you to hold it gently. Once you can recognize how much we need patience and acceptance, naturally your actions and words would reflect that and no "fixing" would be required. It is not complicated but it is also not easy. Never forget how convoluted, binary, and magical us women can be ❤😂 their are good women out here that really do want connection, trust, honesty, and are capable of giving you the connection you have always dreamed about but I think you guys have made it such a large fantasy now that you have a hard time believing it is real or right the eff in front of you, but since you have never experienced it, how are you to recognize it when you see it? No, recognize when you FEEL it actually? I think deep down you guys already know it's time to let go and trust y'all are just so damn slow sometimes that we get frustrated!We want to grow WITH you not FOR you. Sorry 4 the rant 😊
Thank you for putting our lived experience into words and for being so brave and vulnerable as to show what it takes for people with this kind of wounding to establish a healthy relationship 🙏
You guys give me hope! It's really nice to see an example of a healthy relationship involving someone with trauma and fearful-avoidant attachment. It's also very validating to hear about the direct experience of someone who has this kind of attachment and who has done the work, it gives us something to strive for. Thank you! Your videos are always insightful, and the difficult topics are very gently brought up, which is nice!
"We're on a mutual change adventure!" 🗺️ Back for a second listen and will revisit again, just wanted to reflect my deepest gratitude to you both for showing up with such a high degree of generosity and vulnerability in your communications and sharing with us here 🙏🏻💚 your connection with self and with one another deeply moves me- it's so helpful to feel such a deep degree of relatability mirrored back 🙏🏻the messages are sooo healing to receive 🌌
She is amazing. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your experience, I’ve never felt so understood than when listening to this episode. No one talks much about disorganized attachment, and it is needed! So thank you, THANK YOU! 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you both for sharing your story and advices on coping with fearful avoidant attachment. It’s really encouraging to see there’s hope in finding healing from relationships. I would like to suggest a future topic or group discussion on cultivating healing relationships. While topics like trauma-bonding, red/green flags, projection and defensive mechanisms really help naming the issues, and there’d be tons of tips on networking, there’s a lack of materials on building healing relationships. Often wounded souls only have ‘wishful thinking’ and ‘black-white thinking’ when it comes to forming relationships and lack the skills to discern people’s availability and capability to connect. This brings us to the vicious loop of always get disappointed for the wrong reasons/people
I resonated with what Elizabeth was describing with her experience on this subject. You both do a wonderful job on getting down into the nitty-gritty of the complex feelings involved. The authenticity and openness is beautiful to see between the two of you. Thank you so much. 🙏🏻❤
Hi Forrest Wow...thank you for this...Elizabeth is so honest...and her insight and empathy...a rare mix. I recently discovered boundaries after a lifetime of 'people pleasing'. The description of a disorganized attachment in Elizabeth's experience resonated and made sense to me. I am listening to the podcast in small bites.... It's so rich. With gratitude🙏
this was just a phenomenal conversation. Forrest - you're a lucky man - I have a girl similar to Elizabeth in the sense of her past --- feeling not safe, etc... I really commend Elizabeh's vulnerab ility and courage. She's amazing. Thanks for all you guys do, its really life changing work.
39:10 1st Repair is w/ Self 💎💎💎 This might explain why family members might require going "no contact". They need space for Self Repair. Unfortunately, the repair is not immediate. It will take time to attune to self and heal the nervous system, etc.
I really resonate with these interviews with Elizabeth. There's so much wisdom and insight that emerges from the intersection of both your perspectives. I feel Elizabeth's authenticity around her traumatic early experiences in a deep and visceral way. There is so much vulnerability and courage reflected in this episode. I will watch it many times and learn something new and valuable each time. Thank you!
25:16 that’s so fascinating how Elizabeth developed that elaborate fantasy world as a kid, where she found nurture and attunement. I wonder now if my avid, non stop reading of story books and novels gave me my own sort of safe place to feel my feelings and to feel seen (when imagining my self as the main character). Kids can be so amazing in their resilience
@@Babka113 So interesting to notice that need playing out in different ways by our younger selves. I had a baby doll that I would care for and nurture like a real baby. I gave that baby so much love. I’ve learned that what I was doing as a child, through a ‘play therapy’ lense was nurturing play. I knew somatically what I was missing. 😔
Oh my, Forest. 4:20 and I’m already so emotional hearing you speak. Your empathy and compassion is so gentle and considerate to someone with FA style. I come back to this podcast time and time again because of your approach and empathy. Thank you for being you and for putting this podcast out into the world.
Thank you both for doing these deep dives. And for the vulnerability showed. Elizabeth described my experience to a tee. I've spent my entire life as a yes man, to avoid conflict and stayed locked up. When I finally opened up in a longterm relationship it got used against me. Which lead me down this road of self discovery, setting boundaries, saying no, prioritizing myself and my welllbeing. Your channel has been integral in my process of finding modalities to experiment with. Thank you.
What an amazing podcast! It was so valuable, comforting, and supportive! I fully identified with Elizabeth! I am very, very grateful to you both. Much gratitude!
Wow!! This podcast was SO good!! I can relate to everything Elizabeth said in regard to being a fearful avoidant. Wow! One of the best podcasts I’ve listened to in a while.. and I listen to a lot! lol. Thank you to the both of you. 🙏🙏🙏
I realize watching this video is that i really needed to hear this right now. I came out of a dating situation where i felt very stressed and i didnt know wjy. I cut it off because i noticed i got nauseous and had trouble eating when i was with them. The part about "I should keep going because this is supposed to be healthy" is what kept me there longer than i should have. I should have listened to my gut and my signs and just let it be for what it is. I just find it hard when im attached to someone to let them go even if im hurting myself. Its important to choose your battles and some things just dont feel right for you but it is hard to trust yourself sometimes when you know part of you can also overreact. hank you for this perspective it confirmed my own realization once again that i know my internal compass even if its sometimes a bit crooked if something really isnt right its okay to say no.
What a sweet, raw episode, there were a few moments when Elizabeth looked like she was about to cry, and I ended up crying myself! Thank you for sharing this conversation with us Forrest, it was really powerful. The good news is, you can use some of the content in this episode to write your wedding vows LOL I have a somewhat tangential question for Elizabeth, if it's okay: I noticed at some points she takes really long pauses to seemingly gather her thoughts, so much so that if I'm not looking at the screen I need to turn towards it to ensure the video isn't paused for some reason. None of your other guests/co-hosts (ie Rick) does it iirc, and I'm wondering why she does that, where does that come from, if it's a personality thing or if it's part of all her trauma work. I relate a lot to her in many ways (such as ADHD, fearful attachment resulting from enmeshment with a mother strikingly similar to Elizabeth's, etc), and for me those kinds of pauses are the result of a lot of work I've had to do, to allow myself to create those spaces and more importantly to occupy them myself with my own silence (even and especially in the company of others), because IME, growing up there wasn't much opportunity for silence in my environment(s), either your voice takes the space or someone else's will. Idk, I'm curious about her perspective. Thanks so much to the both of you!
Finally a good description of my attachment patterning. I spent the whole day yesterday going over my thoughts and trying to find a logical solution to my relationship issue - should I stay or should I go? Didn’t know I was going through my avoidant mindset and actively not “liking” the person. It’s such a relief to know that these doubts are there for a reason. But how do I know and trust my protective parts that the relationship is right or not right for me?
Thank you so much for this episode! I learned so much about myself and my patterns that I also deal with. I felt like I was seen to a tee. The way that you and Elizabeth are able to explain things always leaves me astounded. I also noticed that it is time to switch therapists while watching this. I loved the vulnerability and I felt brought to life watching this. Thank you for what you and Elizabeth do for us. It means more than words ever could. This is truly healing information. Much love and be safe 🖤
I always love to see you together. Thank you so much for your openness & honestly Elizabeth. I relate so much to what you share here. It's very heartwarming to feel so in connection as I listen. Thank you
The worst thing for me is that i desperately want connection and intimacy, but as soon as I'm offered it I have an overwhelming desire to run😢. I'm learning to sit with it, but it isn't pleasant. Like Elizabeth says, there is a constant discomfort. I'm only 4 minutes in to the video, and it completely resonates. My husband is dismissive avoidant, so we constantly poke each others attachment wounds with our maladaptive ways of doing relationship. I'm desperate to heal. It seems like I had the same childhood as Elizabeth. I literally feel like my inside are crawling and itchy as soon as a similar dynamic that I had with my mum arises. Man😢
This is beautiful! I relate so much, and i've experienced some of these lessons myself through experience. Things in the past i didn't "allow" myself to see or to experience. Especially the part about confusing sadness with anger, healthy anger. I love this podcast.
Sadness as anger...makes sense .... I feel intense grief almost every day for seconds , or minutes. I'm grateful to be able to recognize it with compassion. When I feel a cause for more intense anger, I beat on a drum and vocalize. And my dog is fine with all that!❤❤
I'm curious if you two could do an episode on how to find an Ideal Therapist. What to ask, what to look out for, how to know it's a good match and understand if they can attune correctly to ones system etc 🙏🏻
I love listening to Elizabeth; I relate to her so much. I have been trying to build friendships, and with men, it’s just so hard. I’m still trying, but honestly, I don’t even know. I’m upfront with people about who I am and how I navigate relationships to protect myself, almost as if I’m asking, “Are you going to stay with me when I mess up?” or “Are we a team?” At the same time, I’m super scared that I’m asking too much from friendships. I would like to navigate friendships in a more organic way. With women, this works perfectly, but when it comes to men, I get all over the place. I understand that attachment styles apply to any kind of relationship, but in friendships, it seems that things should be more casual, and I’m just too intense. What would be a good way for me to relax while building friendships and not scare people off?
I think the way Elizabeth approached the dating period with Forrest: Stay in the here and now and enjoy it? Friends come into your life and they might go, I think usually people are more willing to stick around when they do not feel expected /pressured to stick around. But friendships are often so much built around a certain place or activity or life events, and all these things change. A move, health issues, break ups, having children, changing jobs, it is natural to have friendships change all the time because of changes in peoples circumstances. But that doesn't mean the X years you were friends are not meaningful because it did not last in time and intensity? Curious to know what you think about this. ✌️
@ Thank you for your reply. Yes, it’s beautiful, the enjoyment part is hard though when my feelings get intense and I end up attached to a possible friend. I am ok with the outcome. I even expect rejection, it’s when eggshells come to the party that I lose my mind. It’s when I don’t even understand if I can express myself because of the nature of our relationship that I overthink and analyze each detail. Or when maybe they are rejecting me or maybe not?! Hahaha It normally doesn’t go so far, usually I pull back and end it before it begins or I talk it out and it ends before it begins hahaha This last time was peculiar because it was with a colleague which messed up a lot for me. But still I don’t know exactly what the trigger was!
40:54 I have been a raging defiant tantrum-throwing toddler for the past five months. You cannot tell me A N Y T H I N G. I’m 33 and this is the first time I’ve let myself feel anger for more than a few days and this is the most solid, buildable, feel-good movement I’ve made in my life in 10 years. I can tell I still have so much anger to sort through, but this is a good start.
I’ve definitely made the hard choice of letting people in finally, and ended up in abusive relationships , so having protective parts with the ability to discern who to trust I’m assuming goes a long way
Please please can you two do something more extensive - a series, a course etc. - together? I've done so much therapy and inner work and IFS but I'm still so confused as to how a functioning, healthy relationship would be attainable to me. And here "you can't be what you can't see" is so fitting. I have no model of this. It is a genuine mystery to me how people deal with conflict healthily inside romantic relationships as a) none of my family ever did and b) not many of the people who are in these relationships share much about the exact "how". Us, who have not had a model genuinely don't know the ins and outs, the nitty gritty of what does that actually look like, sound like, feel like. I would love to know more about how you dealt with conflict early on and now, how you each manage to give yourself what you need as well as your partner and more. JUST a suggestion (but also plea thanks in advance haha). Much love for you guys, I've been listening to Being Well since the very first episode!
I feel as though my anger is always unwarranted. I say things I don't mean, even if some of it has truth to it. I feel terrible, and I end up pushing that person away. I wouldn't wish disorganized attachment on anyone. I truly do believe that I am better off alone than someone putting up with me, and my own internal expectations bubbling up as freeze/fight when they go unmet.
@@09ThunderOne I would say there may be some people who can truly see you - and maybe to let them in - in increments , would be worth it in the long term. Not easy , I know.
How to heal attachment wounds: every initiating is too much and overwhelming. Let the other person come to you. Give space. That is what I have learned . Be gentle, be kind, be patient, be there for them (consistancy) and mainly continue living your own life independently. If they really really like you, they will leave their lonely island.
I'm 30 minutes in listening. For the first time someone is describing what's happening inside for me as well. Literally started feeling physically better because of that. Thank you Elizabeth, thank you Forrest!🙏
RIGHTTT THESE VIDEOS ARE GETTING SO CLOSE THE ACCURACY IS NICE TO HEAR
the power of common humanity, my friends
@@MiPo3333 yes, exactly.💕
100%!
We need more Elizabeth! You guys are a great combo!
I agree 💯
I’ve never come across someone who so accurately captures my experience as someone with a disorganised attachment pattern. This was incredible to watch and hear.
Kudos and infinite gratitude to Elizabeth for being willing to be so open and vulnerable during this interview to help others in similar situations. It helps to *see* the truth, not just hear it. Love you two so much.
I relate to Elizabeth so much in this inner conflict of not trusting herself to use her voice, and also not trusting herself to not lash out. Appreciate this vulnerability and practical solutions for repair...amazing work guys. x
yes! such an internal dialogue that winds one up in complete knots/
Between partners this discussion was enormously real and generous.
I also appreciate that we were not subjected to loud, intrusive commercials. What a gift!
@@marilynoverton8142 Yes, it is so much appreciated!!
❤️✌️
As always, Elizabeth shines so bright, and by being so beautifully vulnerable and authentic, teaches so much. Love her!!!
I’m crying. How touching that you were so brave. And so fortunate to meet someone who could meet you.
Why was I frozen to my phone this whole time. Elizabeth is speaking my story.
The fact that you both shared your personal relationship experience and how those inner intimate parts showed up, and HOW they showed up, is pretty remarkable. It really touched me to hear Elizabeth sharing her truth while yal were dating early on.
Really gave me hope. And I found more respect for each of you. Thank you for caring about humans. Ty for all that you both do! Mad props! ❤😊
I developed OCD when I 11, and I'm 34 now. After several years of therapy, it wasn't until LAST MONTH that I realized I not only didn't trust other people, I didn't trust myself. I found this discussion enormously helpful, thank you guys so much ❤
It’s my favorite thing when you both cover these topics because they are so instantly relatable, and I love your chemistry. It makes feel warm that people can understand complex experiences and talk about it so lovingly.
Love how you acknowledge how lucky you are to have found emotionally intelligent, caring people in each other. Let's just say the fearful avoidants most of us dealt with had nowhere near the level of self-reflection and willingness to change, as Elizabeth is demonstrating. I especially appreciate her vulnerability in opening up, not many therapists do it; as well as her discernment and graceful way of expressing herself. Thank you for the episode!
I appreciate the episodes with Elizabeth so much! Her perspective is so helpful and relatable. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and expertise, Elizabeth!!
Why outsource our growth to others’ ideas of what’s "good for us"? Discernment matters. After 10 years of therapy, I’ve learned that staying with harmful people isn’t growth-it’s self-abandonment. Real growth comes from doing the inner work, honoring our somatic experience, and knowing when to step away. Isolation? Sometimes it’s not disconnection; it’s self-respect. Thanks so much!
This. I’ve stayed too long - eg wondering why I haven’t seen that I am as awful as they (family) say I am. Even as I write this 3;45 EST I feel I’m pulling wool over others’ eyes. Help.
Yes. Why put ourselves through a relationship that mainly means pain??? Some people are just not meant for us. I am practicing closeness and intimacy daily- with myself! Being still, listening, turning inward, regulating my nervous system and lots of parenting myself. It is possible to comfort and hold oneself and set boundaries for oneself, basically do all the things a parent would, to feel safer within. Connection doesn’t have to be with a person, it could be God, nature, a pet. I even take the opportunity to practice sitting next to someone on the bus and coregulate- discernment, sometimes someone is open to just sitting next to you relaxing and this doesnt require anything, but you still practice. Hugging a tree is practice, really tuning into oneself, how does this feel? How long do I wanna hug this tree? Etc. When we feel safe enough within ourselves, I believe the right safe people will enter our lives and it wont be as charged. But I am not there so I cannot say for sure of course. But I do feel connected and less lonely fully being with myself. Also: I am able to FULLY cry like a baby and comfort myself doing this. This I have developed through practice, I do not require another person to do this.
@@silvercarriage
Stepping away, despite the insufficient fulfillment, feels like self torture to me. At least for now .
But Future Me understands the concept, and will be grateful to Current Me for enduring what feels like pain, temporarily, while we work on building up sturdier foundational self love.
I agree with you, it just feels painful for me right now. 🫤
Dude, I click all these Elizabeth episodes SO FAST ^_^ Thanks for this, both of you.
Everything she said was so expressive and described how I have felt so well that I almost cried. I would put money on her being an amazing therapist. You better listen to her Forest, I think men can try to think their way through emotional expressions from us women, and take things a little personal sometimes. I think I speak for every woman on the planet when I say, sometimes we just need you to hug and hold us while we act like a two year old throwing a fit and yelling that "it's just not fair" 😅 quit trying to fix things guys you can't fix it you can only accept and try to feel and understand our pain, NO MATTER HOW UNREASONABLE IT IS FOR YOU! It's incredibly hard to stay vulnerable after being hurt so many times, and it is one of the bravest things a human can do. It of course would be so easy to just shut our hearts down and not let you hurt us. When we choose to give you access to us in that way we are putting our hearts in your hands and trusting you to hold it gently. Once you can recognize how much we need patience and acceptance, naturally your actions and words would reflect that and no "fixing" would be required. It is not complicated but it is also not easy. Never forget how convoluted, binary, and magical us women can be ❤😂 their are good women out here that really do want connection, trust, honesty, and are capable of giving you the connection you have always dreamed about but I think you guys have made it such a large fantasy now that you have a hard time believing it is real or right the eff in front of you, but since you have never experienced it, how are you to recognize it when you see it? No, recognize when you FEEL it actually? I think deep down you guys already know it's time to let go and trust y'all are just so damn slow sometimes that we get frustrated!We want to grow WITH you not FOR you. Sorry 4 the rant 😊
Thank you for putting our lived experience into words and for being so brave and vulnerable as to show what it takes for people with this kind of wounding to establish a healthy relationship 🙏
You guys give me hope!
It's really nice to see an example of a healthy relationship involving someone with trauma and fearful-avoidant attachment.
It's also very validating to hear about the direct experience of someone who has this kind of attachment and who has done the work, it gives us something to strive for. Thank you! Your videos are always insightful, and the difficult topics are very gently brought up, which is nice!
What am amazingly honest conversation. So refreshing! Thank you. ❤
Thanks, Elizabeth. As someone with enmeshment trauma, I needed this.
Elizabeth is always a great guest. 😌
"We're on a mutual change adventure!" 🗺️
Back for a second listen and will revisit again, just wanted to reflect my deepest gratitude to you both for showing up with such a high degree of generosity and vulnerability in your communications and sharing with us here 🙏🏻💚 your connection with self and with one another deeply moves me- it's so helpful to feel such a deep degree of relatability mirrored back 🙏🏻the messages are sooo healing to receive 🌌
Awesome podcast. These people are amazing at what they do! What an incredible duo. Thank you Elizabeth and Forrest. 💖
She is amazing. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your experience, I’ve never felt so understood than when listening to this episode. No one talks much about disorganized attachment, and it is needed! So thank you, THANK YOU! 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you both for sharing your story and advices on coping with fearful avoidant attachment. It’s really encouraging to see there’s hope in finding healing from relationships.
I would like to suggest a future topic or group discussion on cultivating healing relationships.
While topics like trauma-bonding, red/green flags, projection and defensive mechanisms really help naming the issues, and there’d be tons of tips on networking, there’s a lack of materials on building healing relationships. Often wounded souls only have ‘wishful thinking’ and ‘black-white thinking’ when it comes to forming relationships and lack the skills to discern people’s availability and capability to connect. This brings us to the vicious loop of always get disappointed for the wrong reasons/people
🩵thank you Elizabeth for sharing because it is helping me & thank you Forrest for holding space for Elizabeth to open up
I resonated with what Elizabeth was describing with her experience on this subject. You both do a wonderful job on getting down into the nitty-gritty of the complex feelings involved. The authenticity and openness is beautiful to see between the two of you. Thank you so much. 🙏🏻❤
I think you're doing a great job of describing and talking about these very difficult experiences. Thank you!
I cried many times listening to this.
I have a combination of all attachment styles, and for me ,different people bring out different attachment styles
Thank you for this topic. I found myself in Elizabeth's description. Still trying to reshape myself. It takes daily work to avoid the avoidance.
Hi Forrest
Wow...thank you for this...Elizabeth is so honest...and her insight and empathy...a rare mix.
I recently discovered boundaries after a lifetime of 'people pleasing'. The description of a disorganized attachment in Elizabeth's experience resonated and made sense to me.
I am listening to the podcast in small bites....
It's so rich.
With gratitude🙏
this was just a phenomenal conversation. Forrest - you're a lucky man - I have a girl similar to Elizabeth in the sense of her past --- feeling not safe, etc... I really commend Elizabeh's vulnerab ility and courage. She's amazing. Thanks for all you guys do, its really life changing work.
39:10 1st Repair is w/ Self 💎💎💎
This might explain why family members might require going "no contact". They need space for Self Repair. Unfortunately, the repair is not immediate. It will take time to attune to self and heal the nervous system, etc.
I am always happy to listen to Elizabeth here, she has so many resonating things to say ❤️🔥 Squeee 🎉
Omg another episode with Elizabeth in such a short span of time. We’re spoilt 🤩 super excited for this one
Grateful for your generosity, both of you.
Thank you for this Elizabeth and Forrest
Thank you Elizabeth.. so helpful and fully relate. Safety within yourself. But trusting others not so easy.
third or fourth time of watching since the video was released, really grateful to Elizabeth for showing such bravery and vulnerability ...
I really resonate with these interviews with Elizabeth. There's so much wisdom and insight that emerges from the intersection of both your perspectives. I feel Elizabeth's authenticity around her traumatic early experiences in a deep and visceral way. There is so much vulnerability and courage reflected in this episode. I will watch it many times and learn something new and valuable each time. Thank you!
Elizabeth's insight resonates 🥰; great episode ❤🩹
Elizabeth is the best guest
This is so sweet and so so so helpful for me thank you so much for sharing ❤❤❤❤
This is one of y'all's best podcasts to date. I have listened to it every night since you uploaded it, and I'm not done yet.
Finally disorganized video! Thank you
25:16 that’s so fascinating how Elizabeth developed that elaborate fantasy world as a kid, where she found nurture and attunement. I wonder now if my avid, non stop reading of story books and novels gave me my own sort of safe place to feel my feelings and to feel seen (when imagining my self as the main character). Kids can be so amazing in their resilience
@@Babka113 So interesting to notice that need playing out in different ways by our younger selves. I had a baby doll that I would care for and nurture like a real baby. I gave that baby so much love. I’ve learned that what I was doing as a child, through a ‘play therapy’ lense was nurturing play. I knew somatically what I was missing. 😔
Oh my, Forest. 4:20 and I’m already so emotional hearing you speak. Your empathy and compassion is so gentle and considerate to someone with FA style. I come back to this podcast time and time again because of your approach and empathy. Thank you for being you and for putting this podcast out into the world.
Thank you both for this wonderfully honest and vulnerable episode! And I really appreciate that you took the time to do a recap at the end
This was really unusual and good! Thank you both ❤
Thank you both for speaking about this sensitive issue in such a way, thank you so much❤
Thank you both for doing these deep dives. And for the vulnerability showed. Elizabeth described my experience to a tee. I've spent my entire life as a yes man, to avoid conflict and stayed locked up. When I finally opened up in a longterm relationship it got used against me. Which lead me down this road of self discovery, setting boundaries, saying no, prioritizing myself and my welllbeing. Your channel has been integral in my process of finding modalities to experiment with. Thank you.
What an amazing podcast! It was so valuable, comforting, and supportive! I fully identified with Elizabeth! I am very, very grateful to you both. Much gratitude!
Become your true authentic self and thank the younger protectors for being there when you needed them.
I would love a Part 2 deeper dive. This was really valuable to me,
an eye opening and thought provoking conversation
Incredible openness, vulnerability and authenticity from both of you here. Thank you for sharing this beautiful conversation with us. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
13 mins in, and I am so grateful. and thank you to Elizabeth for being willing to share. ... knowing that i am not alone in this is reassuring.
Wow!! This podcast was SO good!! I can relate to everything Elizabeth said in regard to being a fearful avoidant. Wow! One of the best podcasts I’ve listened to in a while.. and I listen to a lot! lol. Thank you to the both of you. 🙏🙏🙏
1:03:09 Elizabeth breaking the fourth wall to say "I give NONE" was my personal highlight. +1
(we working on it ok ;))
I absolutely love your podcast and videos Forrest. And of course when Elizabeth is there a part of me jumps up and down in excitement. 😁
40:30 This is gold. Thank you.
this made me feel so seen and validated. thankyou
I realize watching this video is that i really needed to hear this right now. I came out of a dating situation where i felt very stressed and i didnt know wjy. I cut it off because i noticed i got nauseous and had trouble eating when i was with them. The part about "I should keep going because this is supposed to be healthy" is what kept me there longer than i should have. I should have listened to my gut and my signs and just let it be for what it is. I just find it hard when im attached to someone to let them go even if im hurting myself. Its important to choose your battles and some things just dont feel right for you but it is hard to trust yourself sometimes when you know part of you can also overreact. hank you for this perspective it confirmed my own realization once again that i know my internal compass even if its sometimes a bit crooked if something really isnt right its okay to say no.
What a sweet, raw episode, there were a few moments when Elizabeth looked like she was about to cry, and I ended up crying myself! Thank you for sharing this conversation with us Forrest, it was really powerful. The good news is, you can use some of the content in this episode to write your wedding vows LOL
I have a somewhat tangential question for Elizabeth, if it's okay: I noticed at some points she takes really long pauses to seemingly gather her thoughts, so much so that if I'm not looking at the screen I need to turn towards it to ensure the video isn't paused for some reason. None of your other guests/co-hosts (ie Rick) does it iirc, and I'm wondering why she does that, where does that come from, if it's a personality thing or if it's part of all her trauma work.
I relate a lot to her in many ways (such as ADHD, fearful attachment resulting from enmeshment with a mother strikingly similar to Elizabeth's, etc), and for me those kinds of pauses are the result of a lot of work I've had to do, to allow myself to create those spaces and more importantly to occupy them myself with my own silence (even and especially in the company of others), because IME, growing up there wasn't much opportunity for silence in my environment(s), either your voice takes the space or someone else's will.
Idk, I'm curious about her perspective.
Thanks so much to the both of you!
Finally a good description of my attachment patterning. I spent the whole day yesterday going over my thoughts and trying to find a logical solution to my relationship issue - should I stay or should I go? Didn’t know I was going through my avoidant mindset and actively not “liking” the person. It’s such a relief to know that these doubts are there for a reason. But how do I know and trust my protective parts that the relationship is right or not right for me?
Thank you so much for this episode! I learned so much about myself and my patterns that I also deal with. I felt like I was seen to a tee. The way that you and Elizabeth are able to explain things always leaves me astounded. I also noticed that it is time to switch therapists while watching this. I loved the vulnerability and I felt brought to life watching this. Thank you for what you and Elizabeth do for us. It means more than words ever could. This is truly healing information. Much love and be safe 🖤
I always love to see you together. Thank you so much for your openness & honestly Elizabeth. I relate so much to what you share here. It's very heartwarming to feel so in connection as I listen. Thank you
Love you both! Great discussions as always.
She's brilliant!
I stg every episode of this podcast changes my life
i just love elizabeth. i relate to her so much. this video was really helpful
This was absolutely beautiful! Thank you for this wonderful and so real conversation. It gave me some real new perspectives to think about.
The worst thing for me is that i desperately want connection and intimacy, but as soon as I'm offered it I have an overwhelming desire to run😢. I'm learning to sit with it, but it isn't pleasant. Like Elizabeth says, there is a constant discomfort. I'm only 4 minutes in to the video, and it completely resonates. My husband is dismissive avoidant, so we constantly poke each others attachment wounds with our maladaptive ways of doing relationship. I'm desperate to heal.
It seems like I had the same childhood as Elizabeth. I literally feel like my inside are crawling and itchy as soon as a similar dynamic that I had with my mum arises. Man😢
🧡 Thank you for sharing, I feel less guilty about my experience!
Awesome video, I so relate to this.
This is beautiful! I relate so much, and i've experienced some of these lessons myself through experience. Things in the past i didn't "allow" myself to see or to experience. Especially the part about confusing sadness with anger, healthy anger. I love this podcast.
Sadness as anger...makes sense ....
I feel intense grief almost every day for seconds , or minutes. I'm grateful to be able to recognize it with compassion. When I feel a cause for more intense anger, I beat on a drum and vocalize. And my dog is fine with all that!❤❤
This is so good! Thank you❤
❤ Loved this one so much! 🙏
I'm curious if you two could do an episode on how to find an Ideal Therapist. What to ask, what to look out for, how to know it's a good match and understand if they can attune correctly to ones system etc 🙏🏻
Master class.
Love Elisabeth, she is such a gem✨ 💎
I love this, thank you❤
I can completely relate to you. My Mom treated me exactly the same way. Lots of enmeshment. Not feeling allowed to stand up for myself.
Oh, I so feel her experience!!
dropping those truth bombs Elizabeth
I love listening to Elizabeth; I relate to her so much.
I have been trying to build friendships, and with men, it’s just so hard. I’m still trying, but honestly, I don’t even know. I’m upfront with people about who I am and how I navigate relationships to protect myself, almost as if I’m asking, “Are you going to stay with me when I mess up?” or “Are we a team?”
At the same time, I’m super scared that I’m asking too much from friendships. I would like to navigate friendships in a more organic way. With women, this works perfectly, but when it comes to men, I get all over the place.
I understand that attachment styles apply to any kind of relationship, but in friendships, it seems that things should be more casual, and I’m just too intense. What would be a good way for me to relax while building friendships and not scare people off?
I think the way Elizabeth approached the dating period with Forrest: Stay in the here and now and enjoy it?
Friends come into your life and they might go, I think usually people are more willing to stick around when they do not feel expected /pressured to stick around. But friendships are often so much built around a certain place or activity or life events, and all these things change. A move, health issues, break ups, having children, changing jobs, it is natural to have friendships change all the time because of changes in peoples circumstances.
But that doesn't mean the X years you were friends are not meaningful because it did not last in time and intensity?
Curious to know what you think about this.
✌️
@ Thank you for your reply.
Yes, it’s beautiful, the enjoyment part is hard though when my feelings get intense and I end up attached to a possible friend.
I am ok with the outcome. I even expect rejection, it’s when eggshells come to the party that I lose my mind. It’s when I don’t even understand if I can express myself because of the nature of our relationship that I overthink and analyze each detail.
Or when maybe they are rejecting me or maybe not?!
Hahaha
It normally doesn’t go so far, usually I pull back and end it before it begins or I talk it out and it ends before it begins hahaha
This last time was peculiar because it was with a colleague which messed up a lot for me. But still I don’t know exactly what the trigger was!
40:54 I have been a raging defiant tantrum-throwing toddler for the past five months. You cannot tell me A N Y T H I N G. I’m 33 and this is the first time I’ve let myself feel anger for more than a few days and this is the most solid, buildable, feel-good movement I’ve made in my life in 10 years. I can tell I still have so much anger to sort through, but this is a good start.
Thank you!
AMAZING 😊
I’ve definitely made the hard choice of letting people in finally, and ended up in abusive relationships , so having protective parts with the ability to discern who to trust I’m assuming goes a long way
💯🎉 THANK YOU ❤️❤️
Happy for your relationship that’s nice
Please please can you two do something more extensive - a series, a course etc. - together? I've done so much therapy and inner work and IFS but I'm still so confused as to how a functioning, healthy relationship would be attainable to me. And here "you can't be what you can't see" is so fitting. I have no model of this. It is a genuine mystery to me how people deal with conflict healthily inside romantic relationships as a) none of my family ever did and b) not many of the people who are in these relationships share much about the exact "how". Us, who have not had a model genuinely don't know the ins and outs, the nitty gritty of what does that actually look like, sound like, feel like. I would love to know more about how you dealt with conflict early on and now, how you each manage to give yourself what you need as well as your partner and more.
JUST a suggestion (but also plea thanks in advance haha).
Much love for you guys, I've been listening to Being Well since the very first episode!
I feel as though my anger is always unwarranted. I say things I don't mean, even if some of it has truth to it. I feel terrible, and I end up pushing that person away. I wouldn't wish disorganized attachment on anyone. I truly do believe that I am better off alone than someone putting up with me, and my own internal expectations bubbling up as freeze/fight when they go unmet.
@@09ThunderOne I would say there may be some people who can truly see you - and maybe to let them in - in increments , would be worth it in the long term. Not easy , I know.
I love you both.
How to heal attachment wounds: every initiating is too much and overwhelming. Let the other person come to you. Give space. That is what I have learned . Be gentle, be kind, be patient, be there for them (consistancy) and mainly continue living your own life independently. If they really really like you, they will leave their lonely island.
this is me!