FEELING LOST AND ALONE: THE TOXIC GRIP OF FAMILY ABANDONMENT
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
- Toxic family dynamics almost always include some form of abandonment.
Abandonment issues can start as young as infancy.
If you continue throughout the development of your childhood and adolescence with these same feelings of abandonment, you can develop abandonment trauma.
When a parent or toxic family makes you feel unloved and abandoned, it may take years for you to unfold the damage this causes.
In this live chat, I discuss the psychology of abandonment and psycho-social distress.
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#trauma #tamarahilllpc #TOXICFAMILY
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DISCUSSED IN THIS CHAT:
1:44 intro
3:13 psycho-social distress
5:15 psychological and emotional abandonment
7:28 examples of psycho-social distress (what makes this worse)
13:48 "complete abandonment"
19:11 when abandonment may start
21:23 FAMILY ABANDONMENT
34:00 FAMILY ISN'T ALWAYS EVERYTHING
43:33 abandonment vs no-contact
44:49 DIFFERENT LEVELS OF FAMILY ESTRANGEMENT
47:22 WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU IF YOU ARE ABANDONED
*discussion in-between content
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Mentioned In The Video (research & further information):
1. The Co-Development of Relational Aggression and Disruptive Behavior Symptoms from Late Childhood through Adolescence
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
2. Differential parenting and sibling jealousy: Developmental correlates of young adults' romantic relationships
www.ncbi.nlm.n...
3. Parenting Characteristics and Callous-Unemotional Traits in Children Aged 0-6 Years: A Systematic Narrative Review
link.springer....
4. The Heritability of Callous and Unemotional Traits
www.psychology...
5. Psychological Games: How Mind Works
mantracare.org....
6.Untangling the concept of coercive control: Theorizing domestic violent crime
journals.sagep...
7. 15 Signs of Mind Games in a Relationship
www.marriage.c...
8. Is Rejection, Parental Abandonment or Neglect a Trigger for Higher Perceived Shame and Guilt in Adolescents?
www.ncbi.nlm.n....
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DISCLAIMER:
*Videos are provided for exploration and educational purposes only and does not constitute clinical suggestions or consultation for individual cases.
If you or someone you know is having a medical emergency involving harm to self, please reach out to the suicide prevention hotline suicideprevent....
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----Contact me-------(BUSINESS INQUIRIES ONLY)
I'm Támara, a licensed and internationally/Board certified trauma mental health therapist, with over 15 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.
If you'd like to contact me or inquire about my international consultations, you may email me at contact@anchoredinknowledge.com. *Please note: all consultations are charged a fixed rate fee based on the case content.
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PO BOX 15747
Robinson Township, PA 15244
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RUclips will make the VERY LIVELY chat box available to you within 12 hours of this live chat ending. This is ALWAYS the best part! Stay tuned.
Hi Tamara! For context my dad abandoned me when I was a baby and I met him again at 15 yrs old and he stayed in contact through text messages for about a year or give or take and suddenly he changed phones and lost contact. I have met my grandparents on that side once as a teen and just a year or so ago I called her and tried asking for my dad and she said i couldn’t or shouldn’t talk to him and it feels unfair because he is my dad too (he has other kids). I still sometimes try calling my grandma to see how she is and sometimes she answers and other times I just get the voicemail box. It’s sad because what did I ever do to be abandoned? It lead to deep shame for me because I’m also disabled so i have a belief that I’m a bad person and that he didn’t want to be there because I was disabled and not a healthy child. Am I wrong for assuming it if I don’t genuinely know his side or what he would say since i did grow up hiding my feelings because my mom was the first person that makes me feel doubtful about whether my dads side of my family cares about me or not whenever I would read their responses to her when she would ask me what my dads side of the family would say.
I put myself on the road so I could isolate and regain my dignity. I have been learning boundaries and gaining strength.
That is great! Good for you. Sometimes that's what it takes.
@@OHMar711 same here, and now that I am able to deal with my family, it feels awkward at times, want to talk about the same thing and I don't engage 😮💨🤦
I was adopted and lied to about it. I'm not close to a any of them. There's nobody I can call for help except GOD. Thank you❤
I’m going to guess, but I bet there’s a whole heck of a lot of DOUBLE STANDARDS going on in these cases. Picture a sensitive person, who’s loyal, good hearted,and kind. And now we come across a situation where family should be supportive. I’m not talking about money/property/goods n services, no, I’m talking about SUPPORT emotionally. People you don’t have to convince. Not only that, when you take a closer look at these GOLDEN ONES as I like to call them, their judgment of you is palpable. And it’s all probably because the people who required the most help, support, advice, opportunities, are the ones most blessed. And they will single handedly do the toxic judging when it comes to opinions of you.” 🤢👈🏻💯
Then it gets to the point you no longer want contact, but they won't quit stalking you.
Ty for expressing this.sentment. I was doing fine untill they.messed around saying ," it's a lesson to be treated at work " I had maybe one goid friend in that group
My abandonment is generational from her mother to me. I pray all who have experienced this get through this.
Sometimes your family can be your worst enemy because of jealously and greediness.
Very much agree. That's the sad reality of it all for most people.
Thank you so much- the emotional pain is overwhelming at times. I'm so thankful for your videos!❤
Me too❤
Oh yes. I understand.
I'm glad these conversations are helpful to you. 🤗
My sis for yeas kept her two sons from being brothers. Denies all she does to everyone i havent had friends or suport system sinse i came up here i do finally have an aid im 71 even after no contact she continues to send people trying to convence me i must reconcile with sis.
this entire broadcast hurts so much to listen to, every minute is like another knife in the gut…. but also so very necessary and useful.
thank you for your time and effort, it make such a big difference. ❤️
Mutual abandonment is the best thing that ever happened to me. My relatives--true family never misuses like thar--overstand and now respect my boundaries.
I am so glad I have found your channel it has popped up at the right time. I am the oldest of three girls. Mom and dad was married then divorced my senior year. Dad was left to be raised by his grandmother while his sisters went with his mother. And mom was raised by her parents. So dad had problems showing emotions but I felt more love from him than my mom and close to him. My sisters feel the same about my dad but the difference is my mother turned them against my dad in the divorce and growing up she enforced him to be the disciplinary while especially of me but sometimes he would see the imbalance of discipline and discipline my sister when she needed it and all of us when we needed it. My mother always criticized me about everything. I was too loud, I was not trying in school, I was showing off in front of company but my baby sister was loud and obnoxious and still is and my mother thinks she’s funny. I have always wanted to be accepted and feel love and wanted by my mother and feel supported but she never did. I was bullied all my life in the neighborhood and in school she would say oh it’s just words but if I said anything to my sisters mean I got in trouble. I always remember her in church telling my friends they were gorgeous and pretty but she never told me that. This lead me to having low self esteem and looking for love in all the wrong places. I was sheltered until my senior year after mom and dad got divorced mom decided to move out get her own place and leave us with my dad. So dad moved back in and he worked shift work which left us with free time. I met an older guy got pregnant and had my first child. You would have thought i murdered someone but my mom’s mother who loves me so much and my dad were supportive but my mom would get mad and throw my pregnant back in my face. I guess i ruined her image. My baby sister and my mom have always hanged up on me for years my mom would call me a trash mother which was a lie because I was young and learning she was supposed to help me not try to turn my child against me. Well my sister had her child in 11 grade my mom threw a baby shower for her and my friends threw one for me. That’s when i realized she did not like me. I’m different from them. I’m very into fashion, I can sing I’ve always worked more than one job and I have raised five kids alone ages 30, 26, 22,18,and 16. I am not religious but I believe in God she’s an elder and my sisters follow her lead but smoke and drink all weekend. My baby sister son in and out of jail she didn’t raise him. And her other two their dad and his mom basically helped raised them because she lived with them most the time while having a great job and partying. My other sister got married had a good job had two kids but something happened to where she lost custody after her divorce and her ex husband raised them then she had a child with a married man abandoned him with my mother until two years ago and he’s now 15 but I’m still the black sheep. The baby sister I’ve never liked because she keeps stuff going I’ve tried but it’s a no me and my other sister we use to be close but her being gone all those years I lost respect for her. All they have done is make joking remarks about how evil and meaning am because I don’t take a liking to a lot of people well because I did not like meeting new people especially females because of bad experiences. But it took continuous isolation and feeling out of place when I was around and a lot of other things that made me say in December enough is enough and I cut them off. They have talked trash about me. My mother even told her pastor things and tried to act innocent and i showed her a text where she didn’t think I was in a group chat and she was mad and she called me a cow and said she should slap me. She tried to get into meet and said it was the devils work and I said no disrespect but the devil has nothing to do with a grown woman who won’t go get help for her dislike and jealousy for her own daughter. I have no desire now to rekindle or to have a relationship with her cancer or not I’m not going to the funeral
I missed this chat of you… this is such a good chat. I got abandoned by my mother (while I grew up with her). She alienated my biological father and she made me hate him with her lies. After my mother died I finally wanted to meet him, and I did. I asked him about the past. He told me everything, that was so good as I found out it were all lies. He now also died, but I’m so happy I finally got the real story. I had such a good conversation over the past. I met him for the first time when I was 51. We had 5 meetings and he was so empathic… Inever had that in my life with my mother(or sister).
My mother and sister where both high on the scale of Npd. After my mother died my sister left, excluding me off the stuff…and gave me the silent treatment. Did a smearcampaign and she left me for death.
I was always the scapegoat and my npd sister was the goldenchild.
Maybe I should write a book about this topic. I been on my own since 14 abandoned by both parents without any involvement with dcfs. I made it but I don't know any other American who grew up at 14 and raised themself.
♥️
You should. You may find you are not alone.❤ Glad you're making it. Awesome.
It's been that way for me for all of my life. I decided over 30 yrs ago to abandon them back. Three yrs ago some DNA Relatives started calling me, texting me & even sent me Christmas cards. I found it hilarious. I still don't want those ppl around me. I have JESUS CHRIST & he's all I need. I felt more alone around them than I've ever felt away from them. For the mental & physical health of myself & my offsprings I stay away from what I call DNA Relatives!!!
this really gives me hope. I did the same but i feel so guilty. The video made me afraid that i might cause them to feel bad which i do not want. I just want to be at peace. You are so right, JESUS is all we need. God bless you sister
@@AS-gj9hs GOD Bless u Sister & don't u feel bad for wanting to live in Peace! It's your GOD given right. Don't allow anyone to abuse their power over u! Take back your power! Peace be unto u!!!
I feel you. Experienced the same thing. I moved away when I was 19, there has never been the emotional support and I've got to the point of wanting to change my number and keep them out for good. For the sake of my mental health. I can't allow this toxicity anymore 💯
Omg! You finally put a name to what I'm going thru, I felt bad, new it was serious, but didn't know how to get it out! So yes family pushed me out, and they are making new family without me, huge problem is I have a 16 yr old son who is supposed to be living with me, and (used to be in summer only when school out) but happens during school now where he wants to spend time with grandma and grandpa, (GMA is 87 yrs old) so he's worried they will pass soon, and his dad, and myself, he wants to make it even for everyone, I always get shortest amount of days! Spent mother's day alone,because my mom and son "forgot " it was mother's day! My mom is totally taking my son from me! Spoils him,and my son hates me know too,but everyone forgets "I'm mom" no one asks me anymore they tell me!
I was never lost. Thank God I was shown the true light of abuse. The 2 old geezers now are mentally ill. I was abandoned as a child and teen. I abandoned the abuse put upon me when my grandson was abused by my mother. Get a life sister's. What a shame!
Thank you for covering this! 😢 So sad.
No problem 😊 And yes, it is.
1:08:35 I share your pain. My sister did the same¹
I wouldnt call this abandonment- we had no choice; therefore its alienationm. The devastation i experienced from this nearly killed me, and i unintentionally abandoned my child in the struggleml. It literally broke my brain and has me etuck in freeze, huzing, ashaedm
Thank You For Nurishing Us Peeps That Were Once Helplessly & Seemingly Hopelessly Neglected.
🤗
God bless u thank u for the videos. ❤
You're welcome! Thank you. God bless you too.
I had went live yesterday afternoon and got hated on, I normally get love but I go on later in the day or night; I believe it was a group hateration like a planned event or something but I handled it it and took it as an opportunity to try to keep my cool but also to stand up to bullies that’s what I do I try to do it in the most intelligent way and safe space to talk and explore but some comments sometimes don’t dignify a response and you got me thinking about that just with people period in life if I have to give a dull stare, at least I will save my energy
Omg, my phone was hacing going black issues, I zoned, will watch later.
Love your videos❤❤
Thanks so much!!
❤
Cordial is:
cor di al
Persephone is:
per sefff an eee
hahahahaha Thank you!!
Cor di al
Tamara, I didn't get a notification on this chat tonight. I am watching your play back. There was a person with a similar name as mine....just wanted you to know that wasn't me. I hope to catch your next live chat. I need to email you with an update on my situation. I've missed you! ❤🫂🫂. YES we are breaking heat records in Colorado (oven heat) I can't stand it and there's no end in sight.🥵