Over the years i have instinctively used these techniques and they have backfired. When I've been vulnerable and admitted weaknesses or mistakes he has later used them against me. It seems to get lodged in his brain about what a flawed human being I am and he forever after looks at me through that lens and does not let me live it down and he will tell other people about my flaw or weakness. Also, complementing him about his strengths or what I like about him seemed to build his arsenal against me about what a great human being he is and that I'm not carrying my weight in this family. What I do now is complement him about smaller things like your hair looks good today, or I like those shorts your wearing. When I've been wrong or made a mistake it's on a case by case basis as to whether I will apologize or admit it to him
Strangely, maybe, I find these "how to get someone else sober" videos very useful and instructional for getting ME sober. It opens my eyes how to more effectively self talk and behave toward myself. So that's kind of an interesting twist / aspect to watching these for that reason - I'd think the audience would be (and is) the people with addicts in their lives but the videos are also specifically useful for the addicts.
💯Love this, Tina! I didn't think about it that way but you're spot on! We have to learn how to help keep ourselves motivated (and beating yourself up, isn't helpful)
👍 I’ve been working your Invisible Intervention program to get my 25yr old son to want to get healthy. He lives with us and it’s been stressful and challenging since he’s also dealing with depression/anxiety which is common. He’s not where he needs to be but he’s definitely not where he was. Getting him to talk has been an on going issue and getting him to find a job and him not over think it so his anxiety won’t kick in. We’re so much better at holding our boundaries and that’s made things better. It’s a process and we’ve made mistakes for sure but I’m confident he’ll (we’ll) get there! Thanks for your info it’s nice to know you have our back in this struggle. ☮️💕💪
@@jayraymond9707 I finished with my partner two weeks ago as couldn’t stand the lies anymore I felt I was going mad his saying this is the kick up the arse he needs my head and heart are torn. I hope this works out for you!
When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. If we wish for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior. Instead, the more directly we can connect our feelings to our own needs, the easier it is for others to respond to us compassionately. Marshall B. Rosenberg,
PLEASURE!!! After 17 years trying EVERYTHING, 31 year old precious son., including ten years of therapy for myself directly related to this, almost going off the cliff in insanity being helpless what to do - You are the ONLY ONE including Naranon WHO KNOWS WHAT WORKS. iTS LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING IN MY HOUSE and READING MY MIND!!! I have left such messages on several other videos, but so glad you were able to catch this ONE. YOU ARE TRULY SENT FROM FATHER GOD AND YESHUA - JESUS CHRIST.- IN THEIR PERFECT TIMING. It is more now me learning how to be sane and avoid abuse at all costs before my mind altogether splits.
While all these things do work, I am so tired of treating my husband like a 3 year old! I am tired of being married to a child. I am so tired of him being the center of everything. I do love him, and we are making headway, but am I going to resent it in the end? All the wasted years. All the years I've put my life on hold waiting for him to GTFU. Obviously, I am having a bad day.
This was awesome! I am gonna try to do some of these things. I am going try using more empathy and humility when dealing with my addicted loved ones! Great series, 🙏
#3 is going to be the hardest, I admit my faults often but I'm so afraid he might throw anything I admit in my face because he already brings up everything he hates.
I'm using the silent treatment and I think this is the most effective method to prevent chaos especially violence with your Addicted loved one.you get relief when you let your addicted loved one do what they want.like I'm hanging out with my friends and you say ok 👌no problem no discussion no chaos and no violence.
thank you so much for your insights. Mу husband has been smoking weed for 25years now, I have been smoking with him for 10 years (since the start of our relationship). We've been through hard times fighting and arguing and so on.. but last year I joined an everyday yoga class focused on breathing and mindfulness meditation. It really changed the way I feel and I realized weed is not a good thing as I really used to believe. We have kids together. Until now, I thought he has a narcissistic personality patterns, but now I see it is all from the addition thing. Although I think I have stopped needing joints, I still do smoke with him occasionally. it makes me feel sort of connected to him. But I don't need it, I don't really want it . Now he left for a month on a business trip and I don't even think about smoking weed. Am I an addict, too?
I had a whirlwind romance with my boyfriend. We moved in together pretty quickly and I thought I was in heaven because we were both in love and had high hopes for our future. Fast forward one year later and I have come to the conclusion he is an alcoholic. If that wasn't hard enough, he has deep ties to his immediate family all of whom share the same drinking problem. He hangs out with his mother and sister at a local bar and calls it "quality time ". In many cases the person with alcohol dependency has loved ones who are enablers. In this instance, the loved ones are co-addicts. How does one confront and deal with this kind of situation? I feel isolated and neglected in this relationship.
Hi there. I love your videos. You are definitely helping me and my family. Thank you for your time and videos. My husband is in denial although he gets very sick functioning alchoholic moring to night drinking he works with it and all. I often tell him I dont know how he does it. He has moments of clarity that he needs to stop and whatever but it's very short lived. I'm trying all kinds of things. Denial is a huge part. Getting him to see he needs help is difficult. We have detox close by but he does not want to leave the family and the kids of a week. I told him I get it but that we would probably all be grateful at the end.. to me it's better than other possibilities. I'm not sure how to say hey you know our daughter would love to have her father here and present than drunk picking and or just dead in years... what I see is that he is dieing and it's scary I try to be all the good things I just feel.like everything I do makes it worse. Panick attacks like its extreme his physical health is declining. I watch your video over and over watch how I say things. Any useful kind words
When the moment is right, maybe say something like, "that week in detox is going to bring you back to us. The alcohol took you away a long time ago. If you really want to be with your family, please address this issue. I'm scared we are going to lose you forever" (say it with love and empathy of course).
@@PutTheShovelDown I try the love empathy. I get the addiction and the pain. But then he gets aggressive I get defensive and all the good gets lost.. like how can we keep the arguments from ruining the positive work? Is there a way. I try to say like "I know I just overreacted I didnt mean what I said I'm sorry". I feel like im trying to do so much and yes glimpse of positive but then at night hes tired sometimes he hasnt eaten and gets sick then everything makes him angry and pick on anyone in his sight. I try to go in another room sometimes it works and he falls asleep others hed attacking all the right areas and is triggering and throwing my difficulties of childhood to make.me react.. in the arguments how do I deescalate it. Can I change his mind frame? Sometimes i feel like he hates me saying things I've said in the past and starts being mad about it. Like if I'm stilling saying them.
@@solic8048 I am not an expert but the thing is that he is abusing you now. That anger over time is emotional abuse and it will give you and even your children PTSD. If you are suffering from walking on eggshells then your children are too. At some point you might have to say that you put your children first and he must leave the house. He is destroying you and your children's lives. I know you want to be empathetic but you have to see how selfish this is and how he is acting like a big baby. If he is in deep denial and you have tried all these steps for a number of years to no success then maybe it's time to call it a day. Some addicts alcoholics never stop and it only ends with their death. A friend of my family only stopped because he lay dying on the floor and if his wife didn't come back he would be dead. Death frightened him to sobriety. So he is sober now but he is still abusing his wife! He treats her like a slave and screams at her and refuses to take doctors advice medication. I think at this point she may be hoping that he will die soon because she said 'he is destroying my life'. I think this is demonic by the way. I think people become possessed through drug and alcohol. Thats why they all act the same way, possession. It may be better for you and the children to help him from a distance. It would be better if he moved out so you could look out for the children.
HI Amber. Thank you for this! I am wanting to sign up for your invisible intervention program online and use the coupon code you sent me, but it will not accept the coupon code. Can someone help me with this?
My husband likes to say that I make him feel shitty about himself and how he is so tired of it. That droves me crazy! I wish he would take the blame on himself instead of me.
if you are having trouble saying something genuinely nice about your loved one like me, find something genuinely good about yourself first. it will open your heart towards the other person
What if got their "trust" the last time they got sick and needed medical attention and admitted to addiction after a year, but I ruined it by confronting bc my anxiety attack? He's gone out of our family home for 2 months, so am I just writing them off ? Am I a fool or raising kids on my own with an addict husband on the streets? I asked him if he wanted a divorce bc he keeps straddling these two lifestyles. It sucks to even be here after 18 yrs of marriage. It looks like our family IS NOT a factor in his life, drugs ARE. So is this video irrelevant to me because I fumbled this chance?
I feel building credibility is hopeless. I can't say anything right. I get personally attacked and then told to do something for her. But when I wasn't too talk about being sober or even about what she thinks could be better she fixated on a disagreement we had last year when she was in Psychosis and accusing everyone of molesting her daughter. I am trying but feeling like I'm failing at being able to build and credibility at all. The way she sees it is that I am ignoring the problem..ie her daughter, when it was her Psychosis. I have custody and I could not allow visits because it was unsafe for her to be around her daughter due to the Psychosis. And now I'm the whole problem.
asked for help from family and friends for about 2 years, two people came by once in that time, no one offered help. (i needed help doing laundry, bringing garbage to the dumpster 3 floors down, needed help with meals), then they got together behind my back, staged an "intervention" that consisted of calling dcfs, reporting me for neglect, and getting my teenager taken from the home. then, they ghosted me. i asked for help again and was told to get my life together and realize how im just screwing everything up. fun times. still alone, still need help.
How are you supposed to have these discussions and actually have results when they are messed up and don't even remember what you all talked about 30 min ago?? 🤔
Would love to get your take on Sarah Boone. She is the one who went to bed after zipping up her boyfriend in a suitcase. Rather than the crime itself, I think it would be interesting to get your take on her/their alcoholism. Thanks
Hi Amber, Great practical tips as usual with really well thought processes and methods to be used at the right stages Have been reading about the psychology of seduction recently, and how l think it could possibly be applied to getting through to an addict as part of the change process in getting Alcoholics out of denial. There seem to be certain elements of the seduction process that if used subltety with honour, the highest integrity, empathy and compassion could help your relationship. Some people will be horrified at the word seduction. Often associated with sex, money and crime, and coupled with lies and manipulation and using people. These are the very traits that many Alcoholics are superb at. Even masterful at using to exploit their loved ones. l know all about this after unwittingly being on the receiving end if emotional and financial abuse. Robert Greene says very frankly, in his book the Art of Seduction that "Every seduction has two elements that you must analyze and understand: first, yourself and what is seductive about you; and second, your target and the actions that will penetrate their defenses and create surrender.” Obviously despite their insults, contempt and vitriol on bad days. . I am sure your alcoholic loved one on better days, stll shows signs of being attracted to or liking you, even just a little bit . So what can you offer them in supporting their fragile selves in getting better And l really think this is what Amber is saying in a similar form in her sweet, caring, subtle but expert manner. What do people think?
This is a post I recently saw from another channel called @addictionmindset.... A common weed relapse trigger that got me every time… The simple compliment of someone saying “you look good” Every time I would begin quitting smoking someone would eventually tell me “you are looking good Frank” This would often lead to an immediate relapse. My brain would immediately go to the thought of “you think I looked bad, I must have looked really bad ???” This is why I often don’t compliment people in early sobriety on their looks. Sometimes they are going through withdrawals and they look rough 😂 as expected! Other times they are sober for a period of time and do in fact look much better, BUT the last thing I want to do is make them think they looked bad, especially in early sobriety. Someone says: “Frank your looking good” Franks brain says: “I will show you looking good, goes and smokes weed, OD’s on nicotine, and watches P0rn” Weird how the brain works. Can you relate or am I just wack?
@@PutTheShovelDown it’s hard… you try to be supportive and ya can’t even do that. He’d say thank you… he didn’t seem defensive. If I don’t say anything he says, you didn’t even notice. Damned if you do… I told him I can’t mention it or he will drink. That seemed to hit home. 🤷♀️ thank you for sharing the post.
Over the years i have instinctively used these techniques and they have backfired. When I've been vulnerable and admitted weaknesses or mistakes he has later used them against me. It seems to get lodged in his brain about what a flawed human being I am and he forever after looks at me through that lens and does not let me live it down and he will tell other people about my flaw or weakness.
Also, complementing him about his strengths or what I like about him seemed to build his arsenal against me about what a great human being he is and that I'm not carrying my weight in this family.
What I do now is complement him about smaller things like your hair looks good today, or I like those shorts your wearing.
When I've been wrong or made a mistake it's on a case by case basis as to whether I will apologize or admit it to him
Humility, vulnerability, honesty. Also essential in recovery!
Strangely, maybe, I find these "how to get someone else sober" videos very useful and instructional for getting ME sober. It opens my eyes how to more effectively self talk and behave toward myself.
So that's kind of an interesting twist / aspect to watching these for that reason - I'd think the audience would be (and is) the people with addicts in their lives but the videos are also specifically useful for the addicts.
💯Love this, Tina! I didn't think about it that way but you're spot on! We have to learn how to help keep ourselves motivated (and beating yourself up, isn't helpful)
👍 I’ve been working your Invisible Intervention program to get my 25yr old son to want to get healthy. He lives with us and it’s been stressful and challenging since he’s also dealing with depression/anxiety which is common. He’s not where he needs to be but he’s definitely not where he was. Getting him to talk has been an on going issue and getting him to find a job and him not over think it so his anxiety won’t kick in. We’re so much better at holding our boundaries and that’s made things better. It’s a process and we’ve made mistakes for sure but I’m confident he’ll (we’ll) get there! Thanks for your info it’s nice to know you have our back in this struggle. ☮️💕💪
Thanks DR!
Sounds like our home ! We have not gained much in 8 months..we have been watching Amber's videos but maybe time to invest in more..so exhausting
@@jodibeswick9619 It is soooo painful, how long do we be watch them
✔️❤️
Watch Step 2: 👉🏻 ruclips.net/video/mbkPS0ZER2A/видео.html
I’m anxiously awaiting it!
I’m going to try. Prayers please!!!
Sending lots of prayers, Jennifer 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
You can do it!
Currently working on this with a person I care deeply about. Thanks for the help.
Glad I could help, Jay 😃
Thank you, Amber. This is the best way to help them.
Hi Jay how did you get on?
@@charleneellis9261 it’s progressing. NAD treatments helped with symptoms and lots of therapy
@@jayraymond9707 I finished with my partner two weeks ago as couldn’t stand the lies anymore I felt I was going mad his saying this is the kick up the arse he needs my head and heart are torn. I hope this works out for you!
Ok, this hits the spot. I love how practical these steps are. Thank you for making this series!
You're so welcome!
When people hear anything that sounds like criticism, they tend to invest their energy in self-defense or counterattack. If we wish for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior. Instead, the more directly we can connect our feelings to our own needs, the easier it is for others to respond to us compassionately.
Marshall B. Rosenberg,
Beautifully said! ⭐⭐⭐
EVERYTHING A GILLIZILION PERCENT TRUE!!!!!!!!!1 GOD BLESS YOU ANGEL, FOR CONFIRMING IT AND REMINDING KEEP IT UP. NOT GIVE UP.
So glad you like it. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this nice comment. 😀
PLEASURE!!! After 17 years trying EVERYTHING, 31 year old precious son., including ten years of therapy for myself directly related to this, almost going off the cliff in insanity being helpless what to do - You are the ONLY ONE including Naranon WHO KNOWS WHAT WORKS. iTS LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING IN MY HOUSE and READING MY MIND!!! I have left such messages on several other videos, but so glad you were able to catch this ONE. YOU ARE TRULY SENT FROM FATHER GOD AND YESHUA - JESUS CHRIST.- IN THEIR PERFECT TIMING. It is more now me learning how to be sane and avoid abuse at all costs before my mind altogether splits.
Loved the ideas and examples for Say this, NOT that.
Many thanks👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thanks Catherine!
While all these things do work, I am so tired of treating my husband like a 3 year old! I am tired of being married to a child. I am so tired of him being the center of everything. I do love him, and we are making headway, but am I going to resent it in the end? All the wasted years. All the years I've put my life on hold waiting for him to GTFU. Obviously, I am having a bad day.
I so much wisdom. I need your perspective! Thank you Amber.
You are so welcome!
One of your best videos!!
Awww thanks, JRG!
This was awesome! I am gonna try to do some of these things. I am going try using more empathy and humility when dealing with my addicted loved ones! Great series, 🙏
😁😁😁
#3 is going to be the hardest, I admit my faults often but I'm so afraid he might throw anything I admit in my face because he already brings up everything he hates.
You're right Melissa! There's a chance it could backfire. However, sometimes admitting it takes away their ammunition.
I'm using the silent treatment and I think this is the most effective method to prevent chaos especially violence with your Addicted loved one.you get relief when you let your addicted loved one do what they want.like I'm hanging out with my friends and you say ok 👌no problem no discussion no chaos and no violence.
I'm glad things are improving for you?
Hey Sunshine, do you mean silent treatment or the Invisible Intervention!
thank you so much for your insights. Mу husband has been smoking weed for 25years now, I have been smoking with him for 10 years (since the start of our relationship). We've been through hard times fighting and arguing and so on.. but last year I joined an everyday yoga class focused on breathing and mindfulness meditation. It really changed the way I feel and I realized weed is not a good thing as I really used to believe. We have kids together. Until now, I thought he has a narcissistic personality patterns, but now I see it is all from the addition thing. Although I think I have stopped needing joints, I still do smoke with him occasionally. it makes me feel sort of connected to him. But I don't need it, I don't really want it . Now he left for a month on a business trip and I don't even think about smoking weed. Am I an addict, too?
You're certainly not an addition.
I had a whirlwind romance with my boyfriend. We moved in together pretty quickly and I thought I was in heaven because we were both in love and had high hopes for our future. Fast forward one year later and I have come to the conclusion he is an alcoholic. If that wasn't hard enough, he has deep ties to his immediate family all of whom share the same drinking problem. He hangs out with his mother and sister at a local bar and calls it "quality time ". In many cases the person with alcohol dependency has loved ones who are enablers. In this instance, the loved ones are co-addicts. How does one confront and deal with this kind of situation? I feel isolated and neglected in this relationship.
👍 thank you
Welcome 👍
Will these techniques work with a narcissist who happens to also be an addict?
Hi there. I love your videos. You are definitely helping me and my family. Thank you for your time and videos. My husband is in denial although he gets very sick functioning alchoholic moring to night drinking he works with it and all. I often tell him I dont know how he does it. He has moments of clarity that he needs to stop and whatever but it's very short lived. I'm trying all kinds of things. Denial is a huge part. Getting him to see he needs help is difficult. We have detox close by but he does not want to leave the family and the kids of a week. I told him I get it but that we would probably all be grateful at the end.. to me it's better than other possibilities. I'm not sure how to say hey you know our daughter would love to have her father here and present than drunk picking and or just dead in years... what I see is that he is dieing and it's scary I try to be all the good things I just feel.like everything I do makes it worse. Panick attacks like its extreme his physical health is declining. I watch your video over and over watch how I say things. Any useful kind words
When the moment is right, maybe say something like, "that week in detox is going to bring you back to us. The alcohol took you away a long time ago. If you really want to be with your family, please address this issue. I'm scared we are going to lose you forever" (say it with love and empathy of course).
@@PutTheShovelDown I try the love empathy. I get the addiction and the pain. But then he gets aggressive I get defensive and all the good gets lost.. like how can we keep the arguments from ruining the positive work? Is there a way. I try to say like "I know I just overreacted I didnt mean what I said I'm sorry". I feel like im trying to do so much and yes glimpse of positive but then at night hes tired sometimes he hasnt eaten and gets sick then everything makes him angry and pick on anyone in his sight. I try to go in another room sometimes it works and he falls asleep others hed attacking all the right areas and is triggering and throwing my difficulties of childhood to make.me react.. in the arguments how do I deescalate it. Can I change his mind frame? Sometimes i feel like he hates me saying things I've said in the past and starts being mad about it. Like if I'm stilling saying them.
@@solic8048 I am not an expert but the thing is that he is abusing you now. That anger over time is emotional abuse and it will give you and even your children PTSD. If you are suffering from walking on eggshells then your children are too. At some point you might have to say that you put your children first and he must leave the house. He is destroying you and your children's lives. I know you want to be empathetic but you have to see how selfish this is and how he is acting like a big baby. If he is in deep denial and you have tried all these steps for a number of years to no success then maybe it's time to call it a day. Some addicts alcoholics never stop and it only ends with their death. A friend of my family only stopped because he lay dying on the floor and if his wife didn't come back he would be dead. Death frightened him to sobriety. So he is sober now but he is still abusing his wife! He treats her like a slave and screams at her and refuses to take doctors advice medication. I think at this point she may be hoping that he will die soon because she said 'he is destroying my life'. I think this is demonic by the way. I think people become possessed through drug and alcohol. Thats why they all act the same way, possession. It may be better for you and the children to help him from a distance. It would be better if he moved out so you could look out for the children.
HI Amber. Thank you for this! I am wanting to sign up for your invisible intervention program online and use the coupon code you sent me, but it will not accept the coupon code. Can someone help me with this?
Hi Vonalda, shoot me an email and I’ll figure out what’s going on with it. Amber@hffrc.con
My husband likes to say that I make him feel shitty about himself and how he is so tired of it. That droves me crazy! I wish he would take the blame on himself instead of me.
Hi Aimee. Take a look at this video. I think it might help. It's about how they always make everything your fault: ruclips.net/user/liveOP8Dtn2AMak
if you are having trouble saying something genuinely nice about your loved one like me, find something genuinely good about yourself first. it will open your heart towards the other person
What if you have done all this and they arw not listening
What if got their "trust" the last time they got sick and needed medical attention and admitted to addiction after a year, but I ruined it by confronting bc my anxiety attack? He's gone out of our family home for 2 months, so am I just writing them off ? Am I a fool or raising kids on my own with an addict husband on the streets? I asked him if he wanted a divorce bc he keeps straddling these two lifestyles. It sucks to even be here after 18 yrs of marriage. It looks like our family IS NOT a factor in his life, drugs ARE. So is this video irrelevant to me because I fumbled this chance?
How am I supposed to build credibility if my loved one doesn’t live with me anymore and rarely texts back?
I feel building credibility is hopeless. I can't say anything right. I get personally attacked and then told to do something for her. But when I wasn't too talk about being sober or even about what she thinks could be better she fixated on a disagreement we had last year when she was in Psychosis and accusing everyone of molesting her daughter. I am trying but feeling like I'm failing at being able to build and credibility at all. The way she sees it is that I am ignoring the problem..ie her daughter, when it was her Psychosis. I have custody and I could not allow visits because it was unsafe for her to be around her daughter due to the Psychosis. And now I'm the whole problem.
RIP To my grandson Mason Miller.
💖😥
😭💔
❤❤❤
What if their drinking is due to depression to regulate their emotions?
Alcohol makes depression and anxiety 10X's worse!
👍🏻relate
asked for help from family and friends for about 2 years, two people came by once in that time, no one offered help. (i needed help doing laundry, bringing garbage to the dumpster 3 floors down, needed help with meals), then they got together behind my back, staged an "intervention" that consisted of calling dcfs, reporting me for neglect, and getting my teenager taken from the home. then, they ghosted me. i asked for help again and was told to get my life together and realize how im just screwing everything up. fun times. still alone, still need help.
Try AA, it helped me to slow my drinking down, and eventually stop.
👍
❤
👍 🙏
How are you supposed to have these discussions and actually have results when they are messed up and don't even remember what you all talked about 30 min ago?? 🤔
Write a letter and ask them to reflect on it and what they have learned
Would love to get your take on Sarah Boone. She is the one who went to bed after zipping up her boyfriend in a suitcase. Rather than the crime itself, I think it would be interesting to get your take on her/their alcoholism. Thanks
First ;)
Way to be on top of things! Impressive 😃
👍🏼
Thanks Buffy!
I swear when I do this my husband goes backwards. Rebels. Does anyone else experience this?
👍🏽
👍💜🙏🏼
👍👍
Hi Amber,
Great practical tips as usual with really well thought processes and methods to be used at the right stages
Have been reading about the psychology of seduction recently, and how l think it could possibly be applied to getting through to an addict as part of the change process
in getting Alcoholics out of denial.
There seem to be certain elements of the seduction process that if used subltety with honour, the highest integrity, empathy and compassion could help your relationship.
Some people will be horrified at the word seduction. Often associated with sex, money and crime, and coupled with lies and manipulation and using people.
These are the very traits that many Alcoholics are superb at. Even masterful at using to exploit their loved ones. l know all about this after unwittingly being on the receiving end if emotional and financial abuse.
Robert Greene says very frankly, in his book the Art of Seduction that
"Every seduction has two elements that you must analyze and understand: first, yourself and what is seductive about you; and second, your target and the actions that will penetrate their defenses and create surrender.”
Obviously despite their insults, contempt and vitriol on bad days. . I am sure your alcoholic loved one on better days, stll shows signs of being attracted to or liking you, even just a little bit . So what can you offer them in supporting their fragile selves in getting better
And l really think this is what Amber is saying in a similar form in her sweet, caring, subtle but expert manner.
What do people think?
Love this! I'm going to have to get that book. I've read some of his stuff but that that one. His work is usually very deep!
👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
When I say I’m proud, or I see how hard he’s trying he gets drunk. I guess to celebrate… IDK 😢
This is a post I recently saw from another channel called @addictionmindset....
A common weed relapse trigger that got me every time…
The simple compliment of someone saying “you look good”
Every time I would begin quitting smoking someone would eventually tell me “you are looking good Frank”
This would often lead to an immediate relapse.
My brain would immediately go to the thought of “you think I looked bad, I must have looked really bad ???”
This is why I often don’t compliment people in early sobriety on their looks.
Sometimes they are going through withdrawals and they look rough 😂 as expected! Other times they are sober for a period of time and do in fact look much better, BUT the last thing I want to do is make them think they looked bad, especially in early sobriety.
Someone says: “Frank your looking good”
Franks brain says: “I will show you looking good, goes and smokes weed, OD’s on nicotine, and watches P0rn”
Weird how the brain works. Can you relate or am I just wack?
@@PutTheShovelDown it’s hard… you try to be supportive and ya can’t even do that. He’d say thank you… he didn’t seem defensive.
If I don’t say anything he says, you didn’t even notice. Damned if you do… I told him I can’t mention it or he will drink. That seemed to hit home. 🤷♀️ thank you for sharing the post.
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