Narcissistic Naivety: How Easily Narcissists Get Manipulated
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Hey guys, so sorry that we haven't posted the past 2 weeks. I've been going through a very tough period mentally, but now am back with new content! This video discusses how narcissists are prone to get manipulated (a video I really wanted to do as no one really talks about it, but instead talk about how being a narcissist is equal to being a master manipulator, which is not the case).
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REMINDER: I am professionally diagnosed with ASPD, as well as NPD traits. Everything I mention here is talked through my lenses and the ones of my close friends with Cluster B disorders. I only speak for high functioning individuals with ASPD/NPD, not low functioning. I am NOT a mental health professional, & only have a degree in abnormal psychology.
DISCLAIMER: This is a safe spot for others with personality disorders. Any negative or unnecessary comments will be deleted & users will be blocked.
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When people find out I have NPD they always say "but you're so nice" and it's like of course I'm nice I want them to like me..
Haha well most of us are nice. Just like most neurotypicals will be nice too to get people to like them, they really need to feed this into their brain haha
@@KanikaBatra I'm not a Narcissist so i don't know how that feels but that sounds awful.
@@KanikaBatra no but the difference is alot of times we are nice just cus? i dont know how to explain cus we feel sympathy and empathy to random stranger. its not really bout being liked :( alot of times
@@KanikaBatra I am not nice only because I want to be liked. Yes, I want to be liked but if someone doesn't like me, I don't care that much. I am nice to everyone because it is the right thing to do. I am even nice to people I know don't like me and I know being nice to them is not going to convince them to like me. I am nice to strangers I will never see again. When I see someone who is having troubles, I feel empathy for them and I try to help in whatever way I am able, even if I will never see them again. Even if they don't like me. Even if I don't like THEM. Since it doesn't bother me if people don't like me, it's no skin off my nose to treat everyone with respect and have empathy for my fellow humans.
@@saraflores3124 I think it’s meant in the other direction: IF you want someone to like you, you would be nice too. Ppl with NPD want other ppl to like them, so it should not be a surprise for neurotypicals that ppl with NPD can be nice.
The statement has nothing to do with other reasons why someone act nice.
I’m autistic and don’t keep being nice if I feel exploited. I hate both compliments and criticism. Self esteem makes no sense to me. Self respect is all that’s important to me socially. I’m an introvert and can’t stand but so much social interaction.
I understand to a certain extant, I’m on the Spectrum too. I had to leave a toxic church because I felt like I had to dress ‘wealthy’ to even participate. Someone in the clergy literally mentally split when he found out I was on the spectrum and not wealthy despite the clothing. That’s where being in the Spectrum might overlap with NPD for those who are self-aware, you feel like you have to cover any signs of Autism for any opportunities and validation. I’m not sure how similar it is for guys, it’s frankly very sick.
This sounds healthy to me
I felt this way after I turned about 30 and had kids. There are more important things than validation in life. If I am insulted I just wonder what their motive is and move on.
Indeed, too much of both makes me so uncomfortable and I will do anything to avoid it generally.
Same here. Love or praise without respect means nothing to me. Respect is the key to developing any close relationship to me... I'm a bit aspergers, I feel a lot but I can be callous, in order to be fair.
*If we are abusive it's because we've made a choice to be abusive. Just like everybody else.* This! Choices matter.
I think people without a mental disorder simply don’t want to be abusive. It’s not a choice, it’s like not wanting to hurt yourself or not wanting something terrible to happen. It’s not a choice it’s just how we are.
Choices don't exist in life..it's an illusion. You're gender, your intelligence, your genetics, your environment both politically, geographically and socially, the era the culture..all those are fed into your computer before you even start. Then you have to become conscious if your own traits which doesn't happen til about 40.
The seven ages of man..we adhere to those...we are prisoners of the human condition.
If you have genetic tendencies for say alcoholism, I'd like to see your idea of choice. I know an alcoholic, often comes with schizophrenia, the one feeds the other. You have no choice in that at all
I have noticed emotion rules first and then choice comes in second in cases of severe mental health issues. Not an excuse, just that its far more intense for some and not as easy to control the self and thus make a choice to not harm.
Normal people don't plot to harm others. Especially those closest to them! Kids, spouse, friends. Its truly disgustin.
@@Mayaparaguaya Being abusive is still a choice
Weird how they hate abandonment
But set themselves up for that
And then blame someone else for that
its bascially like BPD but it goes deeper. i think thats why BPD are called vulnerable narcs.
Yeah it's like they're stuck into this very deep loop of going back to do it again and again and they claim to people they don't want to get attached, but when they make someone a part of their lives even in friendships it's absolutely impossible for anyone to not become attached it just is, they're majorly kidding themselves because i feel they want the benefits without the attachment which is what people with an insecure attachment style say "oh i just want to be free to do whatever i want, but i still want you in my life"😏it doesn't work like that.
Why even try to start any kind of relationships when they know they're really messed up? and people say "oh they're just crazy it doesn't actually make sense" no that doesn't make sense lol why get so emotional and go ballistic when you leave them either when you see the discard coming or they just leave you? why despite them discarding you do they still try to keep your attention and emotionally attached?.
Very confused people indeed because they don't even know themselves, all i get from them is a huge amount of loneliness and confusion and that alone isn't a good enough reason to start relationships with people. Is it any wonder so many of us are confused about ourselves these days being raised by narcs both our parents and by those who bred us in the system? because they are.
You know, I feel we ALL have the capacity to manipulate and the vulnerabilities to be manipulated, narcissist or not. What I’ve found with narcissists that end up abusing is that they just don’t want to learn to communicate their needs clearly, they don’t want to see who they are and what they need, so they manipulate, grow resentful, hurt, get envious, etc. And since they can’t confront themselves, they project and shield their ego, ergo they never grow as people and they keep abusing the people who want to love them.
Yes! Agreed.
Because of truma by parents.
What I find is a toxic double standard.
I agree 100%! In hindsight I see how my ex's manipulations were just his way of getting his needs met because he did not have the capacity to communicate and obtain them in a healthy way.
I don't think they don't want to learn. I think they genuienly have a difficult time to change. You just can't change how your body and mind reacts to things that easily. I think in the moment when they are abusive all that is there is anger, they can't control. They lack Empathie and therefore there is nothing there what tells them "this is wrong" and as long as there is no one outside that helps them to notice that, they can't change alone. They need therapy and help to learn and change for the better.
I LOVE the point you made "there's nothing abusive about NPD. To abuse is a personal choice."
See here's the thing though, when u lack empathy, be it bc of aspd or nod you're more likely to abuse. Anyone who lacks empathy, and lacks the ability to self reflect w/I projecting will by very nature be prone to abusive behavior intentional or not. Npd ppl are only good to ppl during the love bombing stage, and after that they shred u apart as they're going into the devaluing and discarding stage. It sucks.
@@oglefrugalbugel9646 yes! They’re more prone to it. But to abuse is still a choice, the lack of empathy might contribute or explain it but it by no means justifies (not saying you were justifying) being abusive. That is a choice.
I have to disagree because these narcissistic behaviors are so ingrained subconsciously and they learned to behave this way since early on in their childhoods and there was clearly nobody there to correct them and explain this behavior isn't right or normal. The hell do teachers want to do that because they are narcissistic people and it's probably where kids get the biggest idea from that this behavior is somehow right just because they experience them treating themselves and others like this all the time and as we know kids and teenagers get this idea all the time to start treating others this way as a defense but then it gets out of hand to very dysfunctional levels.
This is how they exist though and when you're receiving this behavior big time this is the person they're acting like and exist as even if it may be some kind of persona, therefore they are being an abusive person and we have to acknowledge that. It's why psychologists highlight this in a person's recovery because it's just true and we can't recover if we don't accept that truth, defense mechanism or not this is still the person they were and still exist as so we have to see it that way. That's what everybody means by this because it's just all they live for to act as an abusive person because of how they feel about themselves.
It's not black and white.
@ilinavelkova858 I've heard that concept multiple times of black and white thinking but i definitely don't do that and i see the nuances in this and as i said "it's how they exist" meaning it's not just a linear existence this is where they live even in their spiritual realm.
When they are doing the damage to you though as this abusive person they're existing as mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually and they make us exist in that very painful existence while they are a part of our lives well they were indeed being an abusive person to us. That part is black and white to us because ours and everyone else's experience of them this is how they were and probably still existing like this and is who they are being whether or not it is or isn't their real self.
What's interesting is even though I don't have NPD I can see a lot of parallels to my own experience with a very different diagnosis. Especially the need to seek external validation, the inability to generate that self esteem internally. You are doing a very good job of humanizing your disorders in a way that is very helpful for an outsider.
Can I ask what your disorder is? Feel free not to answer though.
@@Shadow-zf5uc Sure! I'm pretty open about this kind of stuff. I have a combination of anxiety(and panic disorder), depression, and avoidant personality disorder. I also suspect I have adhd(inattentive) but do not yet have a diagnosis.
@@hel117 I have anxiety/OCD and depression. It sucks but I'm happy to meet someone who has similar issues to the ones I deal with. So thank you for sharing.
@@hel117 are you familiar with c-ptsd? It's like ptsd only from repetitive trama over time and often from childhood trama and/or cluster b relationships. Symptoms very similar to yours.
@@liz.217 I know of it. However in my specific case I don't think any kind of trauma disorder is likely, while I have some trauma it's not major and most of my issues seem to just run in the family. Basically all of my blood relatives share some of my symptoms to some extent.
😳Damn… I’ve destroyed several narcissistic/socio/psycho people that tried to hurt & manipulate me… threw them in the hole to escape, before they tried to trap me… discarded ASAP…before they could continue testing me with their abusive pattern… had the nerve to tell the truth & EXPOSE… then walk away forever…because they will say I’m crazy anyway & attempt to smear my reputation💀it’s scary & nauseating & difficult to watch & disturbing to experience NGL
From my perceptions: you are honest, hardworking, articulate, funny, intelligent, inspiring, insightful and beautiful. These are just some of the traits I believe you are, and this isn't my attempt to manipulate you, its a reminder you're a good person making good choices. Thank you for sharing.
I can’t express how much I appreciate your authenticity and candor, Kanika. Recovering empath here, raised by a covert narc who died in ‘21. I nearly killed myself trying to get that woman to love and accept me but she couldn’t because she was locked in her own trauma and alcoholism. My sister was the golden child and she hates me. Thank you for bravely and beautifully sharing yourself in such an enlightening way.
Who wouldn't go into a depression if they were constantly told they're dumb and ugly? You would have to have EXTRAORDINARY levels of self-esteem to not be crushed by that. That much self-esteem isn't 'typical' for most people, especially not when they're young. Very few people even develop it when they're old.
Well u gotta stand on ur 2 feet knowing ur worth regardless of the external validation / criticism, and thas the ultimate blow to narcissists... they cant really 'work' anything out of you.
@NoName12344o great comment 👍
Right? Ego is extremely important for men, that’s why it’s higher in men apparently
What we have to remember is narcissists actually hate themselves quite alot, and have a deep sense of emptiness, for which they are compensating. Of course they are easily manipulated, they have such a fragile sense of self if any, they are still human beings and if you understand them and they understand themselves they can be good people.
NT here: it's refreshing to see this.
Tbh I feel like your statement in itself is controdictory bc self-reflection, and taking responsibility is often something the npd simply isn't capable of bc it causes narcissistic wound, and is to painful to the narc. There are exceptions to almost every rule perhaps but as a rule, no they can't be truly good ppl until they overcome their npd bc part of the disorder is lack of empathy, and the tendency to project instead of honestly self-reflect, and wether they're aware of it or not, most npds are abusive bc of those things (apathy, projection, and lack of self-reflection). Many even see empathy and being a good person as a weakness, and won't hesitate to mock u and tell u how worthless they think u are in the devaluing stage. If you're to good they'll get jealous, if you're not good enough they'll devalue. Either one causes their insecurities to flare, and then comes rage. They'll go off on u then blame u (which is abusive) either way like a man hitting his wife then asking why she made him do it. It is perhaps pp possible for all ppl to learn to be good ppl but in order for the npd to be good ppl they must first overcome the npd traits that stop them from being good ppl (which is the whole disorder).
Yes they are human beings but be weary of being to empathetic to ppl who don't respect or have empathy themselves bc they will not only disappoint but will turn around and shame u for it. No ty to that mess. Been there done that.
@@oglefrugalbugel9646 everyone is evil without self awareness.
They absolutely can, they just don’t usually find it worthwhile to do so beyond their own convenience… which kinda isn’t really doing so. Turns out having principles except when they actually matter is the most despicable type of unprincipled. I remember my dad saying something about courage when I was a teenager being the first time I was aware of his narcissism (even though I didn’t know the implications or what to call it) because it was obvious he thought of courage as the absence of fear and I was too stunned to even try to explain to him that it was being scared to death and doing the right thing anyway. Pretty obvious why a person who can’t do that doesn’t manage to feel good about himself on his own. They think they are good people because they don’t realize what they don’t realize (which makes them do do things like overlook the role of objectivity and proceed to believe their own self assessments).
Anyway, you sound gaslit as hell and if you did that without any help obviously the function of posting something like this is narcissistic self delusion. Otherwise it’s your privilege not to have been abused sufficiently to realize your own inexperience. Empathetic people don’t mock abuse victims though, so you’re leaning toward the N-word you know. It’s a shame if stuck with self hatred that it should be wasted on hating themselves for the wrong reasons. They would be free to be so much more if not for all that preoccupation with imaginary and insignificant (if they had reasonable perspective) concerns.
@@Zarathustran and what disorder do you have where you can agree with me then proceed attack and accuse me of being narcissistic or delusional? bit odd isn't it. why does the prospect of human beings with mental health conditions being human so offend you? Of course narcs are most often abusive, so are with BPD but the stigma isn't exclusive. by nature bpd results in abuse but there is always hope for people that that? Why? Beacsus BPD is a common female disorder and narcissism is a common male disorder. Of course men can't not be abusive even if they are treated and have worked very hard to recover. It's bullshit. narcs have empathy and are capable of self awareness same as BPD. As a mental health professional I have seen every disorder when correctly treated, leave a kind and good person behind. it's dogmatic to think a disorder could make you incapable of what is most human.
So lovely to my eyes opened to this Kanika. Iv only known the negative affects of a narcissist that chooses to lie, cheat & abuse. Iv had a 1sided opinion of this disorder but im learning so much from your videos. Thank you💝 Im in Sydney too👌🌻
so far she describes BPD
i have ASPD friends and they not like this. they re actually the opposite. these "people" that manipulate her are either healthy people with boundaries, herself living in her own reality, or simply sociopaths that cant get enough of her.
@@sperk01 It'd a spectrum and they are both in the cluster B. Theres alot of correlations
I ones read a quote from someone saying; that what other people say about you, changes nothing about who you actually are. This opened my eyes immediately! And I started reminding myself every time I felt bad about somebody else his/her opinion about me. When you learn to look really honestly to yourself, you know who you are and what your strong and weak sides are. And nobody can put you down.
When I was younger I could feel really hurt when someone said something negative about me. Now I just ask myself if I believe that it is true. And try to be as honest as possible. Sometimes it is and I try to learn from it and grow. If I don't believe it's true, I just let go. It takes some practice, but it gets quite easy really fast. Makes life a lot more peaceful and stable. And it becomes easier to change what you want to change about yourself. Plus it makes accepting the parts of yourself that are still work in progress also less hard. I love that quote! It was a real game changer for me. 😊
You are so brave Kanika for sharing your vulnerability’s online, I can’t imagine what it would be like putting this out to the world and knowing people are going to insult you which would be very hard and draining. You are spreading awareness which is so important and you are extremely strong for doing so.
The public mostly thinks of people with narcissism as being harmful to other people, but your video, Kanika, shows that it works the other way around too.
This is new for me. I appreciate your videos. I’ve been a victim of narcissistic abuse but everyone is human and deserves a voice.
Hey I’ve heard that the term narcissistic abuse is disrespectful/damaging, because it implies that npd is linked the being abusive and also shift the blame from the person to there disorder and that it’s the equivalent of saying depression abuse or autism abuse etc
We all live and learn.
If people were taught in school how to understand " personalities..." self love 1st" boundaries,
Instead of...lets say...sociology.
Harm by others would exist much less.
I think one thing we can all practice is being present. We do not even have to talk, just sip tea together lol.
Your videos about narcs have really helped me understand them better,I greatly appreciate you sharing. Thank you.
You are amazing. Thank you so much for this. I was with my Narc for nearly 5 years and it's been 8 years since the breakup and i'm still on the floor where they left me. People such as you give me hope that Anyone can change. I'm BP type 1, BPD, PTSD, ADHD and BPD can overlap into Narcisstic traits. This helped me more understand on your view so that it can help me move along the process. 5 years was a long time, especially in my 20's. Thanks for sharing!
It can be difficult to understand Narcissistic rage, but when I think about how it must feel to trustingly give someone your all and end up feeling taken advantage of, it makes sense. Your vulnerability and investment in others are greater. I’m not saying violence is ok, but there is nothing wrong with the rage and resentment itself. Feelings are all OK and need to be validated and worked through. Of course it is an individual‘s responsibility to have boundaries about the energy we put into people but that’s harder for some than others. I can’t believe how narcissists are simply condemned for these feelings when, with any other mental disorder people are treated with compassion. Even when I see true crime shows about a Narcissist committing murder, I realize the perpetrator must have been in pain and crisis to destroy not only other people’s lives, but also their own. As long as society tells ANYONE to rot in hell and calls them a monster (rather than a human being), we will never get to the bottom of interpersonal violence. Hurt people hurt people.
P.S. Please forgive me if I have used inaccurate terms... I previously thought Sociopaths, Narcissists, etc. fell under the umbrella term of ASPD and I see, from this video, there are differences. Well I have been close to people with Cluster B diagnoses, I have not researched and experienced it, like you have. That is why I am here to...learn.
Today I discovered all nars are not evil or abusive. Thnx.
✨ Choices ✨
It's funny how my narcissistic father wouldn't stand to hear even one little correction on the work we were doing together. I'd think ahead and make up all these positive points on the project, just so he doesn't get so mad when I mention this one negative ,actually wrong it wasn't negative it was a correction I thought should be done .There was no way to get through to him ,no matter how many compliments I gave ahead. But then again he did no therapy, had no idea he was a narcissist exc
same
Yes. Narcissists are inherently abusive.
It's interesting to know what pain they feel, but that doesn't change the facts about how they treat you.
It's all fine and good that they want someone to fill their empty souls. What about those of us who are abused? We also feel pain. We also may end up feeling empty.
The narcissist doesn't care. Yes that's because they lack the capacity to care, and their own emptiness and pain overwhelms them. But so what? They're hurting other people.
@@barrydworak What is the definition of „care for someone“? There are a lot of rational motivations to find someone’s well-being important (also in the long term), which is my definition of „caring“. Surely not all ppl with NPD lack intelligence?
@@lelununu one "rational" reason for someone with NPD to find someone's wellbeing important is that that person is a source of supply. When that person isn't providing supply, there's no reason to value their wellbeing. Add in NPD deficit of object constancy, and that means you're going to trauma bond people, not care about them.
You know this because you are not unemotional. You just don't care what effect your extracting what you need from others, has on their state.
@@barrydworak narcissists are absolutely not inherently abusive. Humans in general are. Any human can be abusive. It's your conscious choices to not be that is the difference. Awareness is key.
Watch her other videos. Lack of empathy does not mean you don't care. It just means you can't feel what they feel. You can care and objectively understand emotions and how someone feels without feeling the same emotion someone else is feeling.
Okay,seriously!You’re awesome. Love your honesty, beauty, and intelligence. Please do not believe otherwise.
The key for someone coming from your perspective is how you react to those treatments from others. What you might need to consider is that everyone receives this level of critique on a persistent basis - even from those who do not intend to divulge it or cause you harm by revealing it - even despite how there are absolutely those who would do such things maliciously.
How you choose to react to that treatment is the key to maintaining your sense of self and self-esteem with more resilience; Choosing not to treat others maliciously or with contempt or manipulation DESPITE them being malicious is key to not falling into the negative aspects of narcissism that people suffer so much from, and which gives narcissists such a bad rap.
Regardless of what your neurological state may be - taking these approaches to social interactions is crucial to maintaining the most peace in life, and maintaining your sense of self and being grounded. You can't protect yourself from negative interactions, you can only make yourself stronger to those challenges; more resilient.
Very well- said
"Let's just say . . . I wanted to murder Alice ---- BUT, I didn't though, because choices 😉"
LMFAOOOOOOO 💣💯💥💫
simp any?
I did not do it tho because of choices. I fucken love you 😂🤣😂🤣💞
Girl, I know someone who has the exact same symptoms/behaviours that you described about narcissistic people. It’s insane how accurate it is
I got an ad at the same time you went “I wanted to murder-“ 😂
Like a bleep that got cut off
That was perfect timing
All the traits you are mentioning are also the traits of codependents and highly sensitive people (who aren't NPD or ASPD). The only difference is highly sensitive latch onto people and don't lovebomb, devalue, disengage and/or discard others.
That’s why there’s a re 5 types of narcissism I think. There’s one called vulnerable narcissist, and HSP & ASPD can still fall in that category as a trait or both disorders.
The Chicago psychotherapist Ross Rosenberg has written a book called The Human Magnet Syndrome in which he theorises that narcissists are codependents and codependents and narcissists are two sides of the same coin which is why they are so drawn to each other, its really interesting.
Now there, that’s my precious soul.
@@Sophie-uc8vp I 100% believe this
She's been diagnosed by professional psychologists. Codependents and highly sensitive people are not mental illnesses or in the DSM V, they are personality traits that a lot of people could have weather they are cluster B or not...
I also despise all the 'get back at the narccissist' videos. That does no good and only feeds suffering for everyone. I was abused by a narcissist I loved, he was very spiteful at times and too selfish, but still only wish there was help for him to heal. I did see he was easy to manipulate. I always wanted to protect that part of him it made me worry for him when we were together. I don't think he ever recognized how I was protecting his vulnerability. Its too bad he did not decide to be self aware and choose to not be abusive to me. I dont think he even realized what all he was doing, just going after what he wanted.
I agree. They are extremely easy to manipulate, and yet I have never manipulated my narc ex, even though he did.
I could destroy him in a second if I wanted to.
But I'm better than that.
Reading this and watching this video gave me big insight on why my ex best friend was so. She manipulated me but I also saw how easily people manipulated her too.. and it was because other people fed her ego. I see things so much clearly now.
You are truly beautifull , I don't see how you think you are not even with low self esteem. Sorry, I don't want to be condescending or anything of the sort. I understand you look for validation but at the same time I wonder how you don't see that you are so nice. Not to mention, people ellected you for Miss Australia , so people appreciate you clearly. Anyway , take care :)
Kanika, I am happy that you are out of bed from the depression and back again... Keep up the great work 'Beautiful Heart'... 'Excellent Video'...
I'm autistic. I actually understand how you feel and the thought process behind it. Just know that you're not as misunderstood as you may think
Thank you so much for helping me getting a better understanding of this. What you do is very important, please keep up the good work!
I love my (now ex) narc partner. I've loved him more than any man ever. I love his dark side as well as his light and I would have supported him despite his disordered personality, despite his trouble with relating, despite the hard drugs. I would have supported him until the day we died but some girl young enough to be our daughter 🤢🤢🤢 threw herself at him and that was it, he wouldn't come back. The appeal of the love bombing phase was too great for him. I know how fragile he really is, she doesn't. She'll leave him in a few years as he'll be too old then and I'll be so sad for him, he's lost true love and a mature relationship 💔 he can't let me go though, he keeps coming round.
I’m rlly sorry :(
You deserve better ❤️
Girl what.. you wanna be the second Option? You can do better
Hard drugs?? Well that is a heavy problem to deal with... Heavier when people are not trying to recover from it. Hope you are ok.
Girl he is very unwell (if untreated) and you are supply. Please look to heal for yourself ❤️
Thanks so very much for your honesty, it's so good to hear what you are going through and dealing with... hopefully you can help, encourage and motivate all those who are in your situation to become self aware and seek help and healing! Our mind has a tendency to sabotage us....
Best of wishes to you!
You are a very beautiful and intelligent young lady!
I love these videos because just because being in any relationship w/a narcissist isn't easy, or always healthy, no relationship is.
I'm kind of a "Narcissist Whisperer" among ppl who know me, I think it's because I lean that way, but it's always been easy for me to "seed" Narcissists to do the "right thing" thru personal growth, know it's their idea, and then everyone loves them for it! It's manipulative and beneficial.
It always feels like a win:win:win!
Vulnerable, broke narcissists do not spend money on people even when they have a little...the narcissists I've known are stingy and don't have enough empathy to reciprocate and give to others.
im only 4 minutes in but i have to say, i had several extremely similar situations that u had with "Alice" while i was in grade school. the second time, there was something of an explosive break that resolved years later when I (MYSELF) apologized to the other person for the things i had said. it was months after this that, casually, they told me one of the only reasons we had hung out was that i had a family dog and they did not, and they liked my dog (more than they liked me, implicitly). this was something i hadnt even considered beforehand and i felt so stupid, i still feel stupid. it hurts to think about these years i spent under their spell, and the retrospection has entirely changed how i see the world. but that desire to please them has never left me. furthermore, the subtlety of it has created this all pervasive fear of being manipulative myself as i worry so much about leaving others the way i felt myself
I am a teacher and see this in some children. It's easy to see things in children that you can't see in adults because the adults have learned to hide it.
I have noticed that there are a few children that go around treating other children badly and as soon as someone gives them a dose of their own medicine, they have an absolute fit with crying and carrying on. This is real crying, I can tell they are really hurting. But when I try to explain that maybe if they treated the other children better, that they wouldn't get that kind of retaliatory treatment.
I can see that in the other children: they try to put up with this kid's behavior but at a point it just gets too much for them and they say something back.
Anyways, the kid having a fit just cannot see how their own behavior has anything to do with the situation. They don't see their behavior as a problem at all or they excuse it by saying that everyone picks on them.
In this video you laid out how some narcissists are super sensitive and get very hurt. That is why you behave coldly. This world is getting very cruel, especially on social media which you have exposed yourself to. A lot of people write comments with the sole purpose of cutting other people down. The key is to learn to not be hurt by it. This ugliness comes from within those people and has nothing to do with you. If you can somehow really take that to heart and learn to love yourself, you won't need the narcissistic supply.
I used to be very sensitive but I was a people pleaser trying to get the love I so craved but that was destroying me bit by bit.
Since then I have learned that God loves me. The bible says I am the child of the one true king. Then I realized that means that in his eyes I am a princess. So it doesn't matter what people think of me, God tells me my true worth. I am free to let go of all the bad treatment that people give me and treat others with respect no matter what.
I want you to know that God loves you too. If you turn to him, he will reveal to you your true worth and slowly but surely you will be able to let all the hurt go.
I will be praying for you.
Sometimes loving someone means telling them the truth. ❤
You're really beautiful! A compliment with no strings attached, I'm not subscribing, just telling a beautiful woman she's beautiful.
I think this helps to challenge the stigma that narcissists are these superhuman people that should be admired and their victims are these incredibly weak people that should be criticized. Of course all of that is hurtful and should be challenged.
I love these videos they give me a better understanding of NPD. I have quiet BPD and inattentive ADHD, my fiancé of 4 years is a subclinical narcissist, who’s very self aware and trying to change his ways and these videos are great for us..
i have BPD and my bf of 7 years has NPD and it was hell on earth until i learned about and studied about NPD and im much more educated and understanding of it and him and i are doing amazing the past year regardless of the ups and downs and every video i watch is saying that us together could never last this is why i absolutely love you and whatr you do on youtube because you show that its possible to be all these things and beat the odds i Love You miss
Don’t let him manipulate you just because he uses the excuse of him being the victim or a narcissist. Just remember there is no excuse for him or whoever to mistreat you and you should leave if he is toxic. It’s not your job to cure your partner.
Just remember to put yourself first. Don't just stay because you "love" him and don't want to be alone.
Im actually quite happy that the NPDs and BPDs find each other. Just dont have kids.
Can I contact you to do a interview with you & your BF ?
As a highly empathetic man i find it absolutely refreshing and liberating listening to your videos enlightening my being. I really salute your openness with your personal life and your perspectives has helped me being a better being by having a better understanding of these kinds of people. I hope you recoved well. I am Norwegian who lived in Sydney for three years
It sounds like Alice might have a personality disorder as well. I don't think a neurotypical would intentionally take advantage of a narcissist (or anyone) by manipulating them. We just don't do that because it physically hurts us at the thought of hurting other people. We have empathy so we hurt ourselves by hurting you. That's why I say Alice might not be a neurotypical, that is, if you are sure she was intentionally doing it knowing it would hurt you. Now some neurotypicals don't realize they are hurting you. I think many of us have done things that we later regret when we realize that it hurt someone and we did not intend it that way. I guess the only way to know would be to ask Alice and see if she seems genuinely remorseful.
But I truly believe that people who are abusive are either suffering from some sort of personality disorder or addiction which has affected the way they treat others. But neurotypicals are not normally abusive. I'm so sorry for your suffering from what people have said to you. People who intentionally say cruel things like that are not mentally healthy. That's just so cruel. You know you have INHERENT self worth, whether you are physically beautiful or intelligent or not, right? You have value simply for being human. You are here for a reason. We all are. Try to remember that.
I think we all crave validation, not only narcs. Its rooted in our biology, belonging , love and acceptance is in need for our survival.
I disagree. “Crave” is what I take umbrage with. I don’t crave that. Do I appreciate it? Yes. Does it make me feel good? Of course. Do I SEEK IT OUT? Nope. Does it ruminate in my head that I NEED this thing then go and seek it out? Lol that’s insane. Actually that’s the woman I used to be when I was an unhealed BPD. That’s what ppl with very low self esteem do because they can’t fill themselves up.
It’s a human trait 😉
I think that’s just a woman thing other than male npd
Thank you kanika. I learnt a lot of new things about narcissism that no one talks about. You're the best. Love you.
I think some people are more narcissistic than others I think just because you’re diagnosed doesn’t mean you are the most narcissistic
There’s a spectrum but it’s not really like most to least it’s more like how you adjust, function, and conform to society. How prevalent certain symptoms are.
Your doing great🌸thanks for your honesty! That’s how easy it is! ( I just assume it’s easy for you too- not sure though) and you do look great! If your arrogant and talk rude that’s what will turn real friends away- I know it’s not as easy as that- don’t let people use you to much to make yourself feel good either- just build up your own inner voice - by saying I’m actually nice! After a while it will sound real to you and you won’t have to look outward as much -
Aw.❤❤❤❤ we have to find more and more ways for people of all ages to find ways to build themselves up inside at any age. It’s a lie to call people broken and we need to find new ways to heal inside and out. You are doing great work which thus defines you in a permanent way which now no one can ever change by any means. 💕
The fact that it was the special victims unit and not the regular 'someone killed you but didn't sodomize you' Law and Order. Its that for me.
"It's like hole. The narcissistic supply constantly drains out the hole. We need constant, endless resupply". Such a crucial concept for healthy partners to understand right there.
Thanks for your candidness and vulnerability. Its refreshing!
i had some bad experiences but i wanted to say THANK YOU for sharing this, you candidness and ability to be vulnerable forces admiration and... kudos to you for that ! if all the people who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder had the courage to bypass the shame and gain the courage to be open about it, there would probably not be the whole demonization of "narcissists" that is happening on youtube and internet ...and maybe some peaceful and open exchange and coexistence would be possible, and therefore... less hurt on both sides !
Thank you for being an honest ASPD online! As for this dependence on pleasing people, OMG, I totally remembered this one time I was doing a project at work with a narcissist. She told me (something along the lines): "now, we need to do this reEEAAally good and we CANNOT fuck it up because everyone after us will know we were the first one doing it..." and some other intense shit that made my blood freeze, lol. I couldn't fathom why that's so important, it's just work, we'll do it and people will come after us thinking what they will (probably something wrong xD). But I have my own problems that others would find weird, too.
This is great! EVERYTHING you've mentioned about yourself I have observed in a doctor friend of mine. She is a narcissist who is EASILY manipulated. At first, I wasn't quite sure how an intelligent person such as herself can be a Narc- yet easily manipulated. Unfortunately i discovered how easily it was to manipulate her. I'd be lieing if i said i didnt take advantage of that once. I dont know if she knows she is easily manipulated. Hard to tell her because she doesn't pay attention when you give advice. They have too many windows open. NPD is real and they really need help. Lastly, the sense of emptiness NPD people experience can only be fulfilled by understanding your God given purpose on Earth. Otherwise you'll be running around trying to find purpose & fulfillment from people who don't care about you. Thanks for sharing Kanika! You are Gorgous & openminded ♡
Kanika you look extra beautiful here. You really suit black hair 😍
Kanika, you have managed to overcome my skepticism. My initial reaction to your channel was "a self proclaimed sociopath is armchair diagnosing other psychopaths', eyeroll". However, you're right. As a "normie", i had a crash course in malignant narcissism with the traditional side of psychopathy 8 years ago when i married and subsequently divorced my husband. Had we not had a child together, i would have dropped him like a hot potato and never looked back. Alas, not so easy when you have kids. Thus i developed a set of behaviors that effectively serve to "keep him checked". When he gets out of line, i simply restrict his access to me, and by so doing cut off his lifeline of emotional positive reinforcement. Its a delicate dance. A little bit like playing with a highly emotionally reactive grenade. But what i found interesting about this particular video is, it forced me to view these behaviors as straight up manipulation. Because that's what they are.
I find these videos really help- and insightfull. But at the end of the day it didn't matter why I was treated bad. There was no change for the better and I'm glad to be totally free from my Ex.
Yes. Abuse is a choice. I had a family who blames everything to me, verbally abuse me and justifies this because he's a victim of some sorts. There are no excuses when you hurt someone. But I understand that he struggles.
I’ve got CPTSD & PTSD from childhood s€x trafficking n abuse, my mother was a abusive narcissist and she did all of this to us but I was/still an her primary target of all forms of abuse. Sadly she told me at age 12 she wished I would have died instead of the son she lost before me…
I’m just saying that due to my severe traumas and such, I compartmentalized most every thing thus letting nothing in to hurt me but it also shuts me off from everything.
I agree every thing action related is a choice! I’ve had to hold back unleashing a full rage attack on my ex because of his lies and his manipulative behavior. He knows it doesn’t work on me but he does it anyway and I let it go until I have enough.
Thank you for your honesty. I’ve got children with mental health issues also that started in their teens and was it ever hard to find doctors and therapists!
My ex is a covert, I had some expensive ear phones and broke one (my fault) and he offered to buy me a new set but I said no because he didn't have the money, he seemed to get really hurt, if I had realized at the time that he was a narcissist I would have handled it differently and not said it like that, I didn't want to take advantage of his generosity but looking back now and knowing what I know now I see why he raged soon after, I tried to get him into therapy but that didn't work so I ended it with him, he had done some pretty horrible things to me and I was completely confused, I don't even know if he ever really loved me or not, maybe one day he will go get help!
...wow this was just like my ex best friend. I did not understand why she would try to shower me with things. It felt too much for me. and one time, I flat out rejected because I couldn't stand it and she was so deeply hurt that she cried, which I did not understand... Now I know why that was so. But also, she would guilt trip me, manipulate me, listing everything's shes done for me if I didn't do what she wanted me to do.
I know this video is older but 😢 I just had to comment I totally agree and respect u I’ve had multiple relationships with narcissistic people and at the time I was with them I didn’t even know it’s what I was dealing I know exactly what u mean when u say that people don’t understand how hard it must be just to exist in this life for u guys my daughters father was definitely npd however I didn’t really know it until after I got pregnant and was left alone and he left me out in the cold the whole time and was super mean and I consider myself super empathic individual I’m a giver and protector of anyone that I love and I feel others emotions and their wounds so personally it’s like the mothering instinct just wants to fill that void for them I tried this with him I just saw him as a magical being and with so much potential I wanted him to see himself thru my eyes n yet even I can say that I hurt him probably so much more then I ever realized unintentionally cuz I only saw my hurt my pain and instead of loving him as he was I wanted to turn him into my picture of a good guy and I can see how many times I invalidated him by criticizing or nit picking or just disappearing when I got tired and moments when he needed me the most when he was alone in town after he came out of a program and I just thought a lil tough love would help him be a better boyfriend and father and totally stop talking to him cuz I was so depressed and he was all alone in a town he was in for me and yes he was stubborn but I didn’t even consider the abandonment he must have felt He did lose his mom and grandma back to back in two years and even tho he ain’t who it I’m sure it hurt I know I was a supply now but still I only learned how he felt in my next relationship cuz I was treated the same and the person just cut me off after breakup and the immense panic and utter fear it triggered my own abandoned wound and I instantly bawled even more my eyes out cuz life was showing me how My ex felt when I just cut him off n it was pure agony and I’m technically an empath I realized how we use these labels and demonize a broken soul forgetting that they r just on aspect of childhood trauma that npd is just one side two a coin and
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your experiences and feelings. I imagine a world where we can all be seen and validated. Without this we as individuals just stay un-evolved and on the merry-go-round of suffering.
you look gorgeous in this video
Interesting. I have a question - if people complement you because you need it (ie your close family and friends see you need a pick me up), does it still have the desired effect if it’s done to help rather than out of genuine spontaneous emotion?
Not sure why I'm saying this, and if you do actually read it, I'm not sure if or why you'd care considering we don't know each other, but I feel compelled to say I like you. Not for your looks or anything (you are in fact quite beautiful and well spoken but that that has little to do with what I'm trying to express right now). I like you, I think, because I can see that you are trying to be as honest as possible and there is such bravery in that opening yourself up like that. You usually have a shield up that shows in your eyes, but I don't see it in this video. I see the most honest and open eyes I think I've ever seen and that alone is extremely attractive (meaning likable) in my opinion. All I can say is thank you. You deserve unconditional love and support for what you try to do.
It's very important for us to learn what we are, so that we can consciously make better choices about our behaviors.
"let's just say... I wanted to murder Alice" i'm dead you're so funny 😂👑
this is so relatable... I wonder if BPD is just the failed narcissist?
I am BPD. How do we fail at it? Serious question. In hindsight I have had BPD symptoms since I was 10, if not before. I don’t recall my childhood so I can’t really speak to before. All I know is that I’ve always felt too sensitive and triggered by abandonment. So
I’m trying to understand what you mean as “failed narc” because that insinuates that narcissism is a good thing and we couldn’t quite get it right 😂. They’re two sides of the same coin. They’re two different manifestations of childhood trauma.
I would love to see a video on how the comorbidity works. I have always wondered about that. For example, how can you experience issues with lack of self-esteem if you also have ASPD and they DO have self-esteem? Is it just a matter of which disorder is more dominant in you? And in a given situation, will you tend to react with NPD or ASPD traits and reactions? Or are they not really in conflict most of the time? If they do conflict, which one will you express over the other? That would make a very interesting video.
she didn’t make a video but as a person with ASPD and NPD comorbidity, I can say that it depends on what disorder is dominated. for me, it’s NPD, but for many ppl I know it’s ASPD. as a person with ASPD I “don’t” have to worry about what other people thinks but I do, I do a lot bc of NPD. my reaction on social situations is usually ASPD(when I talk to somebody if im not masking, i rarely have reaction) but if they get me to the point where I have narc crash/high, i get pretty emotional and react like normal person. it feels like my emotions are muted but NPD emotions feel the same strong as not cluster-b person.
I also have psychosis and I don’t really fear real life situations bc of ASPD but while episodes im terrified.
As far as groups and categories of people go, to be a more honest NPD would still be a tough deal. Everyone in your group makes you look bad to the world 😓
Some NPD would wanna be secretive just to maintain a steady supply, but if all NPD were honest about it, ironically I think that would help them get the care and attention they need without as much need for schemes.
Yes, it's pretty wild as a neurotypical when you realize that the narcissist is naive. I remember thinking WTH??? I realized they really are in their own world and not even aware of other's feelings to the point that they don't even know when they've made themselves vulnerable to us. I remember thinking I could use that to my advantage, not to harm the narcissist, but just to protect myself by not triggering her, but then I was not capable of doing anything that I felt was manipulative. I just don't have that in me. So when she started the devaluation and discard, I disappeared and never once responded to her love bombing. It's been about 8 years since I left and just the other day I saw her following me on a new social media channel. After all these years, she still tries to keep tabs on me. But anyway, I got off topic. Yes, this is a fascinating subject about the naivete and it really just shows you how deep narcissism goes in a person's psyche. That is something a neurotypical would have to see with their own eyes to believe. Thank you for your videos. Take good care!
Kanika Im rooting for you
Better days are ahead!
Why does it feel as if she is painting Narcs to be victims and the people who want to take justice against them as the abusers?
You are very biased people with npd ≠ abusers some individuals with npd are but some of every group has bad/abusive people it’s a personality disorder not evil disorder. Many people with this mental illness are easy to manipulate because of what she explained in her video, most people with mental illness are easier to prey on
@@S5S5066 No. Narcs are inherently abusive.
Their lives basically suck. It's not about justice, it's about knowing how to deal with them. Usually that means not.
My ex npd boyfriend (for 3 1/2 years) overnight dumped me and took this girl( who always had the hots for him) on a mini vacation that same week. He then played both of us for 7 months and now, has been quiet for a little over a month. I must add I’m an attractive woman and she looks like she gets her clothes from a garbage, never brushes her hair & all her teeth are rotten. It’s so sad because our relationship was so full of love, vacations, laughter, same values, high end dinners, great sex, great everything. He’s blown my confidence, my self esteem, my head…..all after leaving me. How much I want the old him back. I want him to desperately want me & I want revenge. You are definitely the one who can help me here.
“I wanted to murder Alice”🤣😂😂😂
When she first came back after couple of years and was saying how she gained 5 lbs (up to 115#,) fishing for a compliment... my answer was, "Give them to me I can use them." and they were gone in 2 weeks. You've got to restrain your gentle criticisms. I could not have a relationship with her if I were not constantly thinking of how to get a good reaction from her and to do what I want.
I think it’s malignant narcissism that people are talking about ( the abusive narcissist). You seem pretty sweet tbf. A few content creators are recognising this now. Thank you for your honesty ☺️
I like those videos on NPD, I don’t have this and really don’t have a… ego. I wouldn’t lie I do love getting admired but I won’t die if I don’t and I do absolutely my best to be liked but more as a tactic , I think that if people with NPD have the same kind of emptiness that I feel the nothingness the anger the boredom and also have their self worth on other people- like I only take in positive feedback and most negative kind of jump away on my ‘out side anger shield’ I get annoyed , but to take everything in sounds like hell really…
To be clear kids that come from wealthy parents don't themselves always have money. My parents do rather well. They spend a lot of time worrying about their outer image. I got a dollar a day to get me on the bus had no food and both of my parents are alcoholics. In order for me to get new clothes I would have to steal them from the Goodwill because I stopped getting clothing purchased for me when I was 10 years old. Alice's background while it might have looked nice from the outside you don't really know the inner workings of it. Just want to throw that out there.
So I've come to the conclusion that I'm an empath. I attract narcissists. I also for some reason attract Gemini's, not sure if that means anything but it seems to be a trend in my life. I feel like the narcissist needs to be taken care of. I've always been the person to take care of people. I can't seem to find anyone to settle down with but, I do get my sex supply from a narcissist. I have told him and proved to him that he does not matter to me. That he is simply a tool for my muse. I moved away for 6 months and he still continued to reach out to me. He tries to make me think that I'm the one who is unhealthily attracted to him but it's clear to see who's chasing who. I can't break the cycle. I can't meet normal people for some reason cuz I don't attract them. It's daunting and tiresome.
I think your confusing the actual personality disorder npd with the pop culture definition ( witch is a really harmful definition not your fault btw )
Well shit you just described me to a Tee, I don't know why I've been too ashamed to admit that this has been such a big part of me for so long. The stigma around narcissism Is truly toxic and that's something I really haven't helped with either.
I’m learning to accept these conditions in others without getting triggered
Dear Kanika :) Hope U R Feeling Better Now ! ! ! XoXo
Okay loved this video, you explained something I've known for a while in a great way. I always felt that the people with a lot of narcissistic traits were easy to manipulate because of there addiction to supply/fuel. And have been able to play some of them like a fiddle. I choose most of the time to stonewall them or ignore them and that works as well but when I was a shift supervisor or manager they were pretty easy to deal with and people seemed amazed sometimes by how I controlled them to some extent.
So...... what goes around comes around? We all have lessons to learn.
I recently got a Mercedes from my mother. It’s like bordot red on the outside with black accents instead of metal. And your intro music makes me want to order myself a custom made silver Emily the Strange keychain with morphed with Mercedes logo.
Like this outsider goth cartoonish aesthetic of a fully fledged brand collaborating with even bigger brand.
We need more gothic luxury aesthetics.
I’m undiagnosed person with strong coping mechanisms through possessions and I resonate both with your personality and Jessica McCabe’s, but I feel like my issues are more developed as my life went then I was born with it.
(Just in case if anyone thinks it makes it any easier please follow Cardi B’s advice and for choking on a duick).
For example- if my ex had been in the scenario you described he would've paid several times until he felt like Alice was genuinely his friend and then he'd have started to devalue her & eventually got very angry and abusive- if Alice didn't provide what he wanted any longer or he became bored of her he'd have discarded her in am instant. Or completely turned off all affection and validation until Alice complied once again.
I know - I've been Alice to his narcissism & I've seen many Alices come & go.
Soooooo how do you prevent using & manipulating people with the same tactics & patterns as other narcissists or sociopaths?
I don't think you do avoid it- I just think you've learned those closest to you so you've learned how to get the attention you want & me from them.
Otherwise they'd hold no value for you
In her story, Alice was objectively lying to her about her situation to take advantage of her. I think most (neurotypical) people would get angry and may say hurting/devaluing words before cutting of the unhealthy relationship.
I think the differences here would be how easy we can hold our impulses back to say/do hurting/abusive things. I do think it is possible to find mechanisms to avoid acting on impulses.
About the other point with „seeing value in other people“: From what I learned here, narcissists seek validation. But that doesn’t mean they are too dumb to see that there are other (rational) values in keeping relationships?
Your truth is very helpful and brave. Thank you. 👍😇
I think your videos are very enjoyable and have much valuable insight. Thank you for the personal perspective. ❤
Even though you made some comments that are sympathy inducing, thanks for sharing this.
LIVE LOVE KANIKA ❤
narcissists are large children that need adult kindergarden is how I see it.
Everyone needs support from outside 😢
Do you think Alice may have been a psychopath?
@@desiderata333 no no lol, a schoolfriend of Kanika that used her for years. She talks about her in the video.
@@victoriaalbastra6325 hahahahah! Thank you so much!🤣🤣
I think she was a narcissist too, but maybe malignant
@@victorgonzalez2499 some people literally just don't have PDs and can manipulate people. It happens all the time. Also it fuels stereotypes/stigma for people to say "oh someone did this so they must have a PD".
@@deenothereforit6423 Calling someone a narcissist is not diagnosing them, it's describing their behavior. NPD is a diagnosis when the narcissistic behavior is causing distress or impairment to the person, but I can't know that. What I can know is that the behaviors described are narcissistic
I do hope you "discarded" her.
How do you pull yourself out of a depression? The biggest problem my partner & I have had is her pathological lying. I am a licensed counselor, many people wonder WHY I am with her or why I CAN'T help her. I'm too close to the situation.
I do find myself saying I miss the person you were when we met. You are making me realize this is not what I should be saying, I do feel she deserves love, but she's HURT ME A GREAT DEAL. When is it time to say I can't anymore? I discovered 2 yrs in what I was dealing with, just from my education. I asked her if she had ever been diagnosed, finally she said yes. But due to the lies, who knows if she ACTUALLY has been?
I'm not a professional, but I've taken a few college psych courses, and on my own researched much more. It took me 4 months to figure my similar situation out. First I thought it was multiple personalities because at night she would say what a great night we had, then in the morning was complaining that we didn't have a good time last night. She would say polar opposite things. Then I realized it was textbook grandiose narcisissism. I confronted her about it. She had told me on our first night together that her mom had "had her head checked," as a warning, but would not elaborate. She gave me tons of clues, trying to tell me. I know she knows. She can barely function for 3 minutes with most people before thy decide she is too narc for them. Finally, only recently, I realized her biggest problem is sociopathy, that's the root. Lucky for me, my girl won't lie. Never. She knows* I'd slap her and wash her mouth out with soap (how she was punished as a child) even though I never would of course. She also won't have sex with guys she teases, and unfortunately she's histrionic af, looks like a fitness model, and spends all day every day doing her looks. It's really hard. She says the only reason I need a hot girlfriend is for her to be my teddy bear like it's an insult. It's true. Maybe you just like your teddy bear? What's wrong with that? My guess is she's been diagnosed, but like my girl.. just absolutely cannot let herself be vulnerable enough to tell you, no matter how much you've assured her that you're a safe space. She's probably just absolutely certain it will be used against her later.. To admit - It means self mortification I think. My girl has paranoid delusions and other serious issues and is to the point at age 49 that she's non-functional without me or someone else taking care of her. When she's with me.. I can't just "leave" her like a normal girl. She'd end up institutionalized within a month, if not almost immediately because of her fear of abandonment being so strong that she can't be more than 30 feet from me without fear. IF you want ot keep her, you've got to offer the prize.. but only if she obeys the rules. Clear rules. You don't want to treat her like a bitch. I know. But if you don't, she will lose respect and leav you I can almost guarantee it, and in the process destroy you. She's probably half way there from the sounds of it. She's easily manipulated. Put that bitch in line. Punish her when she needs it. No slack, no excuses. It's hard for us nice guys to do and think.. but it's what she wants and how you keep her. If you don't love her enough to make her your bitch then let her go before she destroys you.
I feel so bad for you, everything will be alright, don't worry,even I went through the same situation.