I just got out of a 15 year relationship and I was devastated. As someone who can be overly logical and not process emotions well, this channel has been incredibly helpful in giving me action steps to work towards healing and moving on. You are greatly appreciated.
@@seancollister8263 You will eventually. I mean yes there are thoughts of her but not as emotionally strong as they once used to be. Healing was slow for me but now I'm in a much better place. Staying in an abundant mindset is the key, it's difficult but you must try. Life has better plans.
What makes it really difficult for me is that I really, REALLY, lack social skills. It's always been difficult for me to meet new people and make new friends, and I also don't share too many things in common with most people. So with my ex we had a lot in common, I felt understood and it was nice always having someone there for me. I didn't care if I didn't fit in with the rest of the world because I had her, but now that she's left me, this loneliness hits hard, and it's difficult to think that I'll meet someone else. I know it's not an absolute truth and I'm in this phase of idealizing my ex, but it's hard not to. Still trying my best here, and I appreciate the videos. They really help getting some perspective on moving forward.
The first 3 minutes of the video were exactly the conclusions that I've come to myself ~1.5 months post being dumped. Emotionally, I can't help from being flashed back to our memories by the smallest cues; Logically, I feel like there is nothing left to analyze. No new insight can be made and I am just ruminating on our memories to keep her alive in my mind. I guess I have some time to go until I reach true acceptance. Thank you for your professional insight in these videos as all of us try to heal.
I am still upset after being discarded after 12 plus years 14 weeks ago blocked on all no reply to letters so cold never like that with me , long way to go but trying to have positive thoughts I wish anyone in this situation to try keep busy with anything to keep your mind good
Sometimes I wish I had not met my ex. Had I known how much it would hurt and how hard is to get over her I would not have entered the relationship. I feel I have wasted four years of my life. For what? Just a lot of pain…
The denial element of this conundrum always fascinates me. It's surprising that wishing for something so tensely can make us think that there's some loophole to it. But it appears to me that it's largely because of viewing it as "the one thing we need to succeed" or "the happily ever after illusion"
“I ruined everything”…. How did you know I thought that way?!?! Seems like each time I watch one of your videos, you are speaking directly to me…thank you so much!
This is helpful, and I still can’t get the feeling of regret for a conversation that didn’t happen. I am feeling this after experiencing deep grief after significant deaths, and am having trouble reconciling my feelings and thoughts in no contact without “closure.”
This exactly is happening. I want to give proper closure to them. I "think" i know trigger points what i have ruined. But at the same time i just don't know if I tell her I might then more away or may be my subconscious is expecting some loving reply or i won't be satisfied from their answer. I am not able to move anywhere from last 2 weeks mentally same thoughts again and again repeating. Fragmented mind.😊
Thank you so much. Honestly you’ve been helping me so much with this whole process. She broke up with me a few weeks ago and I can’t help but keep thinking we’re going to get back together. We’re not, and I need to understand that. I always thought I was the problem in the relationship and I still can’t see any problems with her. I just need to strengthen my resolve to move on. Thank you.
I liked the question about what rumination is trying to achieve or avoid? I tend to blame myself when things go wrong and my partner was more than happy to help me think that way. Any faux-apology ended with, "... but you did xyz!" Abusive or even mildly abusive people have a talent for seeing your genuine weaknesses and hitting you there, since you're pre-programmed to believe.
Dearest Maika...i have been following you for 6 months now and every step of the way you have covered a topic that I needed addressing at that exact time!. The pain after my 6yr+ when my fiance called off our wedding was unbearable. Like nothing I'd ever felt before. But... I am still here. It hurts so much still and I still cry everyday BUT I no longer contact him and will use these tactics to push through to the next step. The worst has been unlearning and unprogramming my brain and heart from our past life together. The companionship, the love, the laughter, the places we went, the things we shared. But with the help of God and I am starting to think I can do this. And if I can, you ALL can! Thank you Maika...keep up the wonderful work 🌟 it IS so appreciated 💕
It’s hurts to think of life without my man, I never imagined it would get to this point where I would let go. I know I'm not supposed to write this here but I’m gradually loosing myself and I don’t know what to do. I’m still holding unto the beautiful moments we shared and I hope that he finds happiness.
I completely understand how you feel. I went through something similar when my long term relationship ended. It felt like my heart was shattered, and no matter how much time passed, I couldn’t shake the memories. I tried everything to get him back, from reaching out to friends for advice to even writing letters I never sent. Eventually, I came across this father tosin who came through for me and helped get my man back.
Oh boy, did I need this. This has given me so much hope and I'll be revisiting it many times. Sound, practical, expert advice. A world away from the bogus charlatans who a offer a facile panacea. Thank you once again Dr. Maika.
Again, you offer sound, practical advice on exactly my issue of ruminating and the potential unconscious / obscured motivations for me not letting go. You’ve helped me so much with self-healing and self-enlightenment. I’m still in the process of letting go absolutely and think I may have to live with the fact I never will. 😢
I feel so much betrayal from her side. I don't know what to do. I want to text her all this but at the same time i know she will be cold and she is not coming back. This is increase the chain.
It's been over 2 years since the break up of my 7 year relationship. I have attempted to date and meet other people. Nobody comes close to the relationship I had or the friendship I had. I try so hard not to reach out to my ex and I dont. But it doesnt change how I feel. She left me for someone else, and monkey branched. I believe I will be single as I cannot find someone new in my age that I feel I connect with on a deep level. I want to email her telling her i missed our conversations. But i did not because i dont know where it could lead. I hate this. I cant move on. I truly miss her.
Someone i was seeing just started acting cold and distant after over a year, we had a falling out when they acted resentful which left me confused. they didnt speak to me afte that. I reached out to talk however they were cold and took no accountability for their side. They then ghosted me and we had a another conversation where again they didnt say much around what the issue was or what they wanted. I was left completely shattered as it felt like i was slow faded out and was never really told directly what the issue was or what they wanted, no closure whatsoever. I have so many questions, confusion and disappointment as i really loved this person. Not really sure how to move on without that sort of mature conversation between adults as ive had before when things havent worked out.
The reason i can't get over him is family. I never ever got basic minimum care and love from my family and from the close relatives. Am from a dysfunctional family. Have dady issues. From close relatives i got ignorance insult and bullying. So even the breadcrumbing of my ex feel something very big that i nver had before. I have self value ,self esteem am proud of my self , am an independent self made lady. I love my self, but we are social animals , isn't it ?. Self love is not enough for us to survive, we need other fellow humanbeings sincere love ,care ,attention etc. Self love only can't help us to heal.
I know my reason was because I didn't have high self esteem. I often felt like that I wasn't good enough. It's just felt like there's was something out there.. better than me. That's how my ex made me feel and I fell for that because of my self esteem.
My ex told me that she doesnt want to try and reconcile, that she wants to be friends. I told her I couldn't do that. Last night I got the super satisfying text from her that just said, "Hey"...
Don't entertain it brother remember the pain is too much. I broke up with a girl who I work with and ddoe two months it was unbearable but I don't feel that pain much but I promised myself never again. Just remember how you felt when she told you she wanted to be friend and that should be your drive
My ex was dismissive avoidant. I know i got anxious and i am blaming myself more and more. I wish i could change past and more calm but i just cannot do it. Also i posted one picture on insta with one friend which might triggered jealousy in her and all bottling up and up she broke up.
I feel truly weird - my 5 and a half years with her ended through avoidance and abandonment from her side and even though it went this way... We both had personal problems that affected our dynamic, it's just that I dealt with mine and she didn't care about hers long enough it started to rust its way into her life. And the easiest way to clean this rust was to get rid of person who supported her through all hardships, current ones included. I'm not even sure if this is even a heartbreak since I don't want her back in my life. Maybe it's really subconscious need and a habit combined?
What about when its your spouse and youre stuck in a separation and theres been no mention of divorce or working things out? Youre trying to give the other person space and youre stuck in limbo. What about that?
That's definitely a challenging place to be in. I usually suggest to decide upon how long you want to give the other person space - for example 3 or 6 months. It's helpful to know the limbo phase won't go on forever.
That depends on the circumstances... Questions like: “How will our kids get time with both parents?“, “How will we split the assets?“, “Who will live where?”, “Who will take care of the dog?“... it could also be questions like, “What am learning from this about myself and my attachment style? What do I want to work on?“...
I just got out of a 15 year relationship and I was devastated. As someone who can be overly logical and not process emotions well, this channel has been incredibly helpful in giving me action steps to work towards healing and moving on. You are greatly appreciated.
🙏🏻
It's been exactly a year to the break up today. Happy to say that I'm over her, no longer think about her. Feel like my old self again. Feels good!
That’s great! 🙌🏻
@DrMaikaSteinborn Your videos have been of great help. Thank you.
Well done if you managed to do that i hope i can get to where you are now
@@seancollister8263 You will eventually. I mean yes there are thoughts of her but not as emotionally strong as they once used to be. Healing was slow for me but now I'm in a much better place. Staying in an abundant mindset is the key, it's difficult but you must try. Life has better plans.
What makes it really difficult for me is that I really, REALLY, lack social skills. It's always been difficult for me to meet new people and make new friends, and I also don't share too many things in common with most people. So with my ex we had a lot in common, I felt understood and it was nice always having someone there for me. I didn't care if I didn't fit in with the rest of the world because I had her, but now that she's left me, this loneliness hits hard, and it's difficult to think that I'll meet someone else. I know it's not an absolute truth and I'm in this phase of idealizing my ex, but it's hard not to.
Still trying my best here, and I appreciate the videos. They really help getting some perspective on moving forward.
You were justing hiding your problems behind her, work on yourself first, you can improve your skills
The first 3 minutes of the video were exactly the conclusions that I've come to myself ~1.5 months post being dumped. Emotionally, I can't help from being flashed back to our memories by the smallest cues; Logically, I feel like there is nothing left to analyze. No new insight can be made and I am just ruminating on our memories to keep her alive in my mind. I guess I have some time to go until I reach true acceptance. Thank you for your professional insight in these videos as all of us try to heal.
Same situation here! We will be ok
I am still upset after being discarded after 12 plus years 14 weeks ago blocked on all no reply to letters so cold never like that with me , long way to go but trying to have positive thoughts I wish anyone in this situation to try keep busy with anything to keep your mind good
Sometimes I wish I had not met my ex. Had I known how much it would hurt and how hard is to get over her I would not have entered the relationship. I feel I have wasted four years of my life. For what? Just a lot of pain…
same here, I empathise. 💔
I’ve definitely been stuck in my mind. I doubt I’ll ever find another person that wonderful.
I feel ya right there.
I know where your coming from but were they really that wonderful
The denial element of this conundrum always fascinates me. It's surprising that wishing for something so tensely can make us think that there's some loophole to it. But it appears to me that it's largely because of viewing it as "the one thing we need to succeed" or "the happily ever after illusion"
“I ruined everything”…. How did you know I thought that way?!?!
Seems like each time I watch one of your videos, you are speaking directly to me…thank you so much!
This is helpful, and I still can’t get the feeling of regret for a conversation that didn’t happen. I am feeling this after experiencing deep grief after significant deaths, and am having trouble reconciling my feelings and thoughts in no contact without “closure.”
This exactly is happening. I want to give proper closure to them. I "think" i know trigger points what i have ruined. But at the same time i just don't know if I tell her I might then more away or may be my subconscious is expecting some loving reply or i won't be satisfied from their answer. I am not able to move anywhere from last 2 weeks mentally same thoughts again and again repeating. Fragmented mind.😊
Thank you so much. Honestly you’ve been helping me so much with this whole process. She broke up with me a few weeks ago and I can’t help but keep thinking we’re going to get back together. We’re not, and I need to understand that. I always thought I was the problem in the relationship and I still can’t see any problems with her. I just need to strengthen my resolve to move on. Thank you.
I liked the question about what rumination is trying to achieve or avoid? I tend to blame myself when things go wrong and my partner was more than happy to help me think that way. Any faux-apology ended with, "... but you did xyz!" Abusive or even mildly abusive people have a talent for seeing your genuine weaknesses and hitting you there, since you're pre-programmed to believe.
Thanks for another great video Dr. Steinborn. I feel really blessed that you’re releasing these videos right when I need them most.
Dearest Maika...i have been following you for 6 months now and every step of the way you have covered a topic that I needed addressing at that exact time!. The pain after my 6yr+ when my fiance called off our wedding was unbearable. Like nothing I'd ever felt before. But... I am still here. It hurts so much still and I still cry everyday BUT I no longer contact him and will use these tactics to push through to the next step. The worst has been unlearning and unprogramming my brain and heart from our past life together. The companionship, the love, the laughter, the places we went, the things we shared. But with the help of God and I am starting to think I can do this. And if I can, you ALL can! Thank you Maika...keep up the wonderful work 🌟 it IS so appreciated 💕
It’s hurts to think of life without my man, I never imagined it would get to this point where I would let go. I know I'm not supposed to write this here but I’m gradually loosing myself and I don’t know what to do. I’m still holding unto the beautiful moments we shared and I hope that he finds happiness.
I completely understand how you feel. I went through something similar when my long term relationship ended. It felt like my heart was shattered, and no matter how much time passed, I couldn’t shake the memories. I tried everything to get him back, from reaching out to friends for advice to even writing letters I never sent. Eventually, I came across this father tosin who came through for me and helped get my man back.
Wow, this really lifted my spirit.
How do I get in touch with this father tosin
It’s so easy, his handle is father tosin just talk to him about it Trust me he’s a very good listener and gives good therapy too.
Thank u so much🙏 indeed sharing problems brings solution. I'm so grateful
Oh boy, did I need this. This has given me so much hope and I'll be revisiting it many times. Sound, practical, expert advice. A world away from the bogus charlatans who a offer a facile panacea. Thank you once again Dr. Maika.
Again, you offer sound, practical advice on exactly my issue of ruminating and the potential unconscious / obscured motivations for me not letting go. You’ve helped me so much with self-healing and self-enlightenment. I’m still in the process of letting go absolutely and think I may have to live with the fact I never will. 😢
I feel so much betrayal from her side. I don't know what to do.
I want to text her all this but at the same time i know she will be cold and she is not coming back. This is increase the chain.
It's been over 2 years since the break up of my 7 year relationship. I have attempted to date and meet other people. Nobody comes close to the relationship I had or the friendship I had. I try so hard not to reach out to my ex and I dont. But it doesnt change how I feel. She left me for someone else, and monkey branched. I believe I will be single as I cannot find someone new in my age that I feel I connect with on a deep level. I want to email her telling her i missed our conversations. But i did not because i dont know where it could lead. I hate this. I cant move on. I truly miss her.
I appreciate your channel
Someone i was seeing just started acting cold and distant after over a year, we had a falling out when they acted resentful which left me confused. they didnt speak to me afte that. I reached out to talk however they were cold and took no accountability for their side. They then ghosted me and we had a another conversation where again they didnt say much around what the issue was or what they wanted. I was left completely shattered as it felt like i was slow faded out and was never really told directly what the issue was or what they wanted, no closure whatsoever. I have so many questions, confusion and disappointment as i really loved this person. Not really sure how to move on without that sort of mature conversation between adults as ive had before when things havent worked out.
Thank you for this, it helps a lot:)
The reason i can't get over him is family. I never ever got basic minimum care and love from my family and from the close relatives. Am from a dysfunctional family. Have dady issues. From close relatives i got ignorance insult and bullying. So even the breadcrumbing of my ex feel something very big that i nver had before. I have self value ,self esteem am proud of my self , am an independent self made lady. I love my self, but we are social animals , isn't it ?. Self love is not enough for us to survive, we need other fellow humanbeings sincere love ,care ,attention etc. Self love only can't help us to heal.
Disconnecting from my emotions sounds pretty darn good.
😬
Great video! Thank you ❤
I know my reason was because I didn't have high self esteem. I often felt like that I wasn't good enough. It's just felt like there's was something out there.. better than me. That's how my ex made me feel and I fell for that because of my self esteem.
I can relate as well.
I really liked this video, could we get one on how to support an anxiously attached partner?
-Malachi
Yes 💯
This is day 2 of no contact for me again I want to finally end the cycle for good.
You are my life coach! Thank you so much
My ex told me that she doesnt want to try and reconcile, that she wants to be friends. I told her I couldn't do that. Last night I got the super satisfying text from her that just said, "Hey"...
😬
Don't entertain it brother remember the pain is too much. I broke up with a girl who I work with and ddoe two months it was unbearable but I don't feel that pain much but I promised myself never again. Just remember how you felt when she told you she wanted to be friend and that should be your drive
Wish I could be friends one day with mine. She was the best friend ever, coolest and funniest I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.
Update please :)
My ex was dismissive avoidant. I know i got anxious and i am blaming myself more and more. I wish i could change past and more calm but i just cannot do it. Also i posted one picture on insta with one friend which might triggered jealousy in her and all bottling up and up she broke up.
Thankyou so much for this video....
I feel truly weird - my 5 and a half years with her ended through avoidance and abandonment from her side and even though it went this way... We both had personal problems that affected our dynamic, it's just that I dealt with mine and she didn't care about hers long enough it started to rust its way into her life.
And the easiest way to clean this rust was to get rid of person who supported her through all hardships, current ones included.
I'm not even sure if this is even a heartbreak since I don't want her back in my life. Maybe it's really subconscious need and a habit combined?
This pretty much exactly describes my break up as well.
Thank you
You are saving me
If you look back too much, you’re gonna miss what’s coming.
Thank you!
Is it possible to stay friends through a breakup?
Still learning to accept that we broke up. Don’t know how to let him go out of my life completely.
It's possible, but often difficult and can complicate things...
This lady has some good advice she should become a therapist or something
What about when its your spouse and youre stuck in a separation and theres been no mention of divorce or working things out? Youre trying to give the other person space and youre stuck in limbo. What about that?
That's definitely a challenging place to be in. I usually suggest to decide upon how long you want to give the other person space - for example 3 or 6 months. It's helpful to know the limbo phase won't go on forever.
Dr. Steinborn would be the best EX. She would tell you exactly how to get over her lol. Jkjk.
😄
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What are some questions you can ask yourself in problem solving mode?
That depends on the circumstances... Questions like: “How will our kids get time with both parents?“, “How will we split the assets?“, “Who will live where?”, “Who will take care of the dog?“... it could also be questions like, “What am learning from this about myself and my attachment style? What do I want to work on?“...