A Brief History of Hating My Face | NYT Opinion
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
- Shaina Feinberg feels horrible about how she looks. This anguish has consumed an incalculable amount of her life. She classifies her self-loathing as body dysmorphic disorder, a condition in which people fixate on perceived flaws in their appearance, causing significant emotional distress.
It’s an odd admission, she confesses, because she’s a filmmaker who, for two decades, has been making films featuring herself.
In the Opinion video above, Ms. Feinberg makes her condition public and examines it with remarkable honesty and a wry touch.
“Having B.D.D. has really defined my time on this planet, but I don’t like talking about it,” she says in the film. “So when I do, I keep it light. I tell people, ‘Basically, I think I look like Robert De Niro.’”
Ms. Feinberg, of course, is not alone. Some studies estimate that the disorder affects 2 to 3 percent of people in the United States. Among them is Ms. Feinberg’s friend Nafé, who is also featured in the film.
It can be a complicated condition, and in the case of these two women, it involves cultural and ethnic identity, gender, family and the pressure of social expectations.
“But just knowing Nafé and I share this condition,” Ms. Feinberg says, “gave me the confidence to make this film.”
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Hi, my I'm Shaina Feinberg, and I produced this Opinion film about Body Dysmorphic Disorder, or BDD. I've struggled with BDD since I was in sixth grade, and spent most of my life hiding my face, which is pretty absurd considering I'm a filmmaker who makes films with myself in them! I've always been hesitant to make a film about BDD because it's super personal, but about a year ago something shifted and I decided to open up about my experience. I'd love to know what you thought of my film, especially if it resonates with you. Let me know your thoughts and questions in the comments below, and I'll try to respond!
Wow I sure learn lots about Jewish people from this channel. You should upload more videos about Jews because there aren't enough.
I think you have a demon causing your disorder, Shaina.
Hi Shaina. I hope this doesn't come out as creepy, I live in a whole other continent from you and this is not me trying to make a pass at you at all., but I think both you and Nafé are very beautiful women.
I have a situation a bit similar to you as both my parents look white but all the indigenous genes in our family seem to have decided to express themselves on my face. I was very self-conscious about my appearance as a kid, but I guess I learned not to let it affect me so much with age.
@@themroc8231 That is great that you learned not to let it affect you. I wonder how you were able to do that. Thank you so much for watching my film! x
lol, you really not _that_ bad looking. chillax! 😄
as someone thats struggled with bdd for years and severely recently, i really appreciate this
I hated cameras my whole life and can’t stand images of me or look in the mirror, I never thought of it as a disorder but this video was really relatable!
Wow very relatable of my parents are Mexican and there is a lot of colorism there. My mother is fair skinned with European features and my father (who I look like) is darker with more indigenous features. My own grandmother begged my mom not to marry my father. I think I internalized that I was ugly because I looked like my father for a long time as opposed to my fair skinned green eyed cousins.
I tell my daughter she's beautiful all the time.
I’m 47 and at some point in my adulthood I decided “Screw what anybody else thinks, I am what I am.” Once you get to that point life becomes a lot less stressful. Also good to remember that NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE AT ALL. We are all just extras in other peoples’ life story.
That’s categorically not true at all. Being unattractive can hurt all sorts of career, social, and romantic opportunities. People will also actively hate on a person for the way they look. It will be the chance where you stay as an extra or be an annoying side character even, when you could be part of an ensemble.
When you're ugly they do care
I am gonna remember this everytime I feel bad about myself. "we are just extras in other people' stories" - you. Thanks
I mean, those 2 ladies are truly beautiful, and to think they have spent so much of their lives feeling ugly? Feels like a truly unjust weight to bare. But a very touching piece. Thanks.
Great job on the film! I LOVE the ending-with subtlety that exposed the true root of the problem. Thanks for sharing.
You are both very beautiful women. I know this probably won’t matter but you should not worry so much. First thought was not Robert De Niro but Phoebe Waller-Bridge.
Yep, I second Phoebe Waller-Bridge.
I grew up hearing and watching a women who I’ve always thought was so beautiful saying out loud to herself “these are too big, these are too small” etc, and hating her self in the mirror. I think it’s why I’m the exact same way and my has it gotten worse as I’ve aged to 35. But I don’t blame her for it. She really is beautiful inside and out🤍
Appreciated this film! Really well made, and thoughtful exploration.
I hate my face I hate my body
That's sad/interesting to hear because I wouldn't have thought this in a thousand years, they're both super cute in my opinion.
As the daughter of a French Canadian mother and a Mizrahi/Sephardic middle eastern father,. I really related to this! Well done.
"I was used to you being overly dramatic I personally didn't think of it as anxiety or depression."
Now that you mention it….that’s me………thanks.
Shaina, I want to tell you that I genuinely think that you are pretty. I can understand why you feel the way you do, because I feel that same way about myself. As a guy, I can say that I've hated how I look since I was in my early teens. Truth be told, I don't really know how I look to other people. That's not entirely true, my mom says that I'm the most handso...well, you know.
Thanks for shining a light on this issue, and know that it has already been of help.
Is there any solution for BDD? I can imagine that there's therapy, but how do you get through hating the way you look? How can you accept things that can't be changed, like my wide, Julius Caesar looking forehead? I can't just surgery that away. Do I have BDD?
Anyhow, I'm glad I clicked on this video, and I hope it does well for you and for others.
Let’s all pretend her mothers coldness and critical voice didn’t have something to do with this. 😑
I don't know if I have this. I just know I have a terrible self esteem and truly hate myself. I never take selfies, won't take pics with others, would never be on film, etc. It's frustrating to be ugly.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, though. You are not ugly...people love you and you could never be ugly to them.
this was very informative and helpful...thank you so much.
I think the article about Mr. Narita in the New York Times comes from the ignorance of the situation in Japan.
A Japanese secretary committed inexcusable human rights violations against the vulnerable in public. This should be criticized more strongly. On the other hand, Mr. Narita was nothing more than telling a black joke to the vested interests from his standpoint. In Japan, there is a culture of respecting the elderly, so young people cannot speak freely to vested interests, who are said to be harmful to the elderly. Vested interests (old harm) are overwhelmingly more powerful. Mr. Narita only expresses the situation with black humor and is not a discriminator at all.
It is not rational to capture only the bottom of the word and put it on the newspaper.
I am really disappointed with this article. And I think that there will be a considerable negative impact on Japan. Japanese people are vulnerable to authority, so they suddenly started attacking Mr. Narita under the umbrella of the New York Times.
間違ったビデオがあるかもしれません。
I couldn’t stop thinking something during this whole piece that really intrigued me, you might think it’s kind of a cruel question but I am genuinely curious, how do people get diagnosed with BDD instead of being diagnosed with being really really really ridiculously ugly? Does the doctor say “oh you are not ugly it’s just in your mind”? Or “don’t worry you are sane but ugly”?
I was thinking the exact same thing. To be honest, quite a few people, while not being outright utterly hideous, aren’t attractive either.
That was a cruel question, you should delete it
@@lucbloom it's not constructive, it's a dumb question which is also cruel
@@jrisner6535 It’s not a cruel question. This person has the luxury and privilege to pursue plastic surgery, if she’s genuinely unsatisfied with her appearance. In fact, plastic surgery would likely fix most of her concerns and obsessions regarding her appearance, which to be honest, isn’t the easiest on the eyes. Instead, she does a documentary, which is basically an exercise in attention-seeking and narcissistic behavior.
@@jrisner6535 if it’s a dumb question, answer it… go ahead, imagine you are the doctor (I suppose a psychiatrist) and you get a patient going “when I look at the mirror I think I’m hideous “ but you know this person IS objectively ugly… what would be your diagnosis? Also, and this goes to anyone reading this, what would you prefer? Sane and ugly, or crazy and handsome/pretty?
Thanks for bringing awareness to this issue. And great film and really makes me think! Very interesting that potentially women who get defining features of their fathers may feel this anxiety. I wonder if men who get defining features of their mothers have similar feelings. It also makes me wonder if these fathers who are passing down their defining features may have gotten some of these from their mothers and hence we really shouldn't consider these features masculine or feminine traits.
One of the few videos where I've seen an Arab and a Jewish person talk positively about their experiences instead of pit themselves against one another like we've seen especially more so since 7 October. Good!
I suffer with BDD at 50 years old.
Sorry to hear that!
I love the positive energy of these girls ❤
I’m a Jewish girl and I related a lot to internalizing antisemitism regarding feeling like my nose is manly sometimes … for me it’s about my body more than my face but both … anyways watching this made me feel less alone so thank you ❤
great piece!
I am crying my eyes out right now
Cutest film ever!!!!! Im crying because how naive you are. Much love
Read "Autobiography Of A Face" by Lucy Grealy to see real pain.
Omg she has beautiful eyes, a unique nose, and a pretty smile
What are the french songs?
They look perfectly fine. Their voice is kind of unique, though.
A thought :: Maybe you don't want to end a documentary about body dysmorphia with a negative comment on weight? It's great that you feel less affected by it, but for me, it really negated the eight minutes you spent understanding how to rise above and manage your condition, which is so common for women. We constantly receive messages that basically threaten to confine us to that state, so I think the most important thing is our instinct rather than what other people have to say.
There was a point to ending it with that, and you completely missed it.
Where did she get the idea that her face wasn't pretty enough? What started all of this self-loathing?
Her mother, when she was young, telling her she had a chubby, round face and that she didn't take good pictures because of it.
i don’t stuggle with bdd i am just ugly
Great little opinion vid, but I don't get why the woman part is highlighted so strongly in the video, cause I think this applies more broadly. Although I have no diagnosis, I related to a lot of what was said in the video, and I'm a guy. I think that some degree of bad body-image is (sadly) very common in a lot of people. Though the manifestations might differ; This video focused on facial features, which isn't that big of an issue for me, but when I look at the rest of my body I see precisely nothing that I like.
Yes I’ve heard this from several people who are not women.
These women need a job than obsess over how they look and then chitchat over it!
I had BDD, Jesus healed me.
Please please tell me more
@@teresamathew8683 So, I have some deformities on my body, face. They didn't disappear, but the obsessive thoughts about them did. I struggled with it for 5 years, until I realized how much I had ruined my life. I was totally paralyzed and could do nothing but call Jesus, and Jesus came. It was not a one-time event, but a process that lasted a year, daily prayers, listening to the pastors, reading the Holy Scriptures. And my life slowly began to change as I drowned in His word. God gave me new eyes, with which I have a different perception of the people around me and myself. And now the only thing I long for is His presence. That peace and joy that God can give you is something indescribable, I want every person in the world to experience it. Many people have other experiences, incredible healings. I don't know how you will start and what your background is. To begin with, you need a small grain of faith to begin your new relationship with Jesus.
I'm baffled that people to whom I impute intelligence and resources seemingly never sought therapy. Or considered plastic surgery? Obviously, neither of you need to change how you look, but changing how you view yourselves ("Hey Bro, a referral, please?!”) is kinda the point, right?
Primeira vez ouvindo sobre esse problema, quando algo se torna repetitivo você tem que continuar fazendo pois você não sabe o que você tanto observa, mas posso me questionar por que você não usa uma caneta para mudar o nariz enquanto se olha no espelho? E repetir a si mesmo "eu quero voltar a ser como uma criança que não se preocupava com isso"
Pois o problema tem origens que nós não entendemos pois sua mãe falou: "Eu também já passei por isso". Mas os tempos passaram e isso está se tornando perigoso. Sei que não passo por nada disso. Mas eu faria isso.
Eu só me olhei uma vez no espelho quando era mais novo " não sou bonito nem feio vou ser feliz na terra. " 🤣🤣🤣
Fear not clouds over Ohio. Be afraid when it turns to the center and it starts to rain from it.
This time I will refrain from popcorn and will observe away from such precipitation.1
💗💗💗
Lovely
Your beautiful.
Me too.
Does it count as Body Dysmorphic Disorder if the individual so afflicted is kind of ugly, by conventionally accepted standards of beauty? Because, if we are being blunt, most people who think that they are unattractive have an accurate perception of their own appearance.
totally agree with this. I find it pretty cruel when people tell me I am beautiful, when I know for a fact that I do not conform to either conventional beauty standards in my society, not to what is proven to be more beautiful in any culture, i.e. symmetry. I find it far more painful when people gaslight me instead of supporting me by e.g. highlighting what is good about me,
Interesting
Whats the opposite of this? I have that. People keeping making sure I know that I am horrifying. In low lighting "You're so scary!" and in bright lighting "Don't sneak up on me like that!" and when I try to be firendly "You're so intimidating." Oh. Wait. I'm just a male.
Does the NYT even know what a woman is???
Gorgeous girls
Yes it is my case,))))
As a lefty, I say well done but for having gender critical articles recently, standing up to the Orwellian bigotry from elitist biology deniers.
Rich people problems…..
Wishful thinking, poor people can also have BDD.
They look and act crazy.
What?
Why is it only attractive people who get BDD?
Apart from me - I am the exception! Lol
The United States and other countries that were behind the sabotage on the Nord Stream should compensate for the damage to the affected states, Russian Permanent Representative to the organization Vasily Nebenzia said at a meeting of the UN Security Council. "The day has come. And it may become a harbinger of an era in which cross-border and transcontinental communications will become a legitimate target for operations aimed at weakening certain states - an era of chaos and unimaginable damage to all mankind," Nebenzia said. "The chance that it will come is extremely high if those responsible for the undermining of the Nord Stream are not found and are not punished accordingly, and the countries that were behind it do not compensate the affected states for the damage suffered in the way provided for by international law. Only then do we have a chance to avoid this chaos," he stressed.
Loved this film, it felt like it came from the niestat brothers’ school of filmmaking!
1st world...
This seems less like genuine self-loathing and more like an excuse to talk about yourself.
This girl made a whole short film to fish for compliments. Next level
"You have Mediocre Taste."
😄😁😆🫠😉😆🤣😂😂☺️😊☺️☺️🤗🤣😂😂😂😂
You're Words. Not Mine. Lol
😁😅☺️🫠🙃🙂🙃😄😅😂😂
Could have just said “I have pride syndrome.” It is fascinating we’re calling that a mental illness now though
Me me me me is all I hear.
man, i wish i was priviliged enough to be pre-occupied. If the developed nation is like this, I guess it's not very developed
Stop with the first world problems
I am unsubscribing. Report some real news.
So sensitive.
You are darkness.
People always have body issues even when Nothing is wrong with them. Because they focus on themselves in the mirror too much.
I put a pillow on top of my partners face so I can not feel self conscious while that.
One more 'new' story on that generation disorders.
There is always a first in everything.
I’m sorry to break it to her but it’s not BDD she’s actually not pretty …sorry ….😅
There are plenty of people who aren't pretty though that don't compulsively obsess over it or not know what they look like. That's bdd
Your opinions are bad, sorry to break it to you 🫤
I suffer with BDD at 50 years old.