INFJ Perfectionist Paralysis
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- Опубликовано: 27 авг 2024
- The INFJ is a perfectionist. In this video I talk about perfectionism and the need to move beyond it.
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🔴 Here's another video you'll like: Unhealthy INFJ: 7 Signs You're an Unhealthy INFJ ruclips.net/video/AwATt5_nXNM/видео.html ⭐
Frank James I am an INFJ You are truly Amazing and describe everything perfectly. Good Luck to you!💙
Perfectionist paralysis. This kind of keeps us a step backwards. May be.
I do this all the time. I think of all these awesome projects or ideas, but will never start it until I brainstorm and plan out how to make it perfect. Which usually takes a really long time or me realizing I'm not good enough to do it.
You're awesome Frank James, I absolutely love your videos.
I am an INFJ, Empath, Heyoka, scapegoated black sheep. So if you can imagine what that'd be like, then you'd be imagining me. LOL. I'm so dyslexic when I try to explain anything of importance so I've been working on a book, if you know any good editors let me know. Hit me up on Facebook, if you find me as interesting as I do to you. 😘
You are so right Frank- the ideas and thoughts and especially dreams in my head are so fantastic and perfect that I never get to do them, I don't even take a first step. It's very frustrating.
"It's a perfect idea cause it's not real." - Frank James
That one hit me hard!
Damn I had to watch this video twice
Yep. Half the time I can't even leave a comment on a video because of over thinking.
hieuwey Lol thanks, I think? Checked out your channel, nice! I love watching other INFJs!!!
me too!
Me too but I do get it done quite a lot of the times...just takes me like 30 minutes lol
I thought I'm the only one 😂😂
Jasmine Marie I tend to leave really Loooooooong comments. I need to tell a whole long story. Sometimes I'll have the urge to comment, realize how long it would take, and just go Nope, And keep my fingers shut.
Literally why I'm single, childless, and going to die alone. Two thumbs up!
This made me laugh so much because it's like something I would write
Hi, you said all my fears do we know each other? :D
Yep, same :D
How about you hide your infj and got a girlfriend. Without telling her that you were an infj because you did not know it 10 years ago, got married and had a child. Girlfriend turned wife and notices you have the symptoms of infj, decided to leave you with your child. Now you are alone, watched this video, identified you are an infj and realized that you are not the one who is experiencing this amazing gift.
As a fellow INFJ:
When I listen to you talk, I feel like I’m listening to myself talk about myself. Your monologues literally feel like exactly how my brain works when I’m extroverting the feels.
@cheri moya Same here, I thought the exact same thing. It was like listening to a psychic and I even said many of these things to myself this week.
Same
INFJ writer here. Had to pause this every half-minute because everything was so ridiculously on point.
Same😂
Me too😫😭
Loser here
oh mY GOD SAME. I KEPT CREDITING IT TO WRITERS BLOCK BUT IM JUST AN INFJ BISH
Yes, this is why writing is cathartic and excruciatingly painful.
It feels like we are friends and you've made this video for me. I have been struggling with the INFJ Perfectionist Paralysis for my whole life... It gets worse when I'm depressed... When I'm depressed It feels like I just want to ignore everything and everyone and I just want to stay in my bed for the whole day.
Yes, me too!!
I swear I’ve never related moreeee! Yessssss this is exactly how i ammmm
Damn! it’s like I am seeing myself in the mirror this words resembles me .men I feel u just take it easy
Me too!! i worry all the time i am going to make a fool of myself and it terrorize me!! it's so hard...................this perfectionist part of me makes me hate me because i am not perfect the world is not perfect..................;so how can i make perfect stuff??
Disconnected from the world
"better done than perfect" was my first small step towards leaving perfectionism behind!
I left it behind too
Good luck writing any kind of academic paper as an INFJ. It's a real struggle.
😔
I feel you! I sucked at that part of school.
Not even to save my life. 😭
omg honestly!!
This. Oh my word.
I think the problem lies in translating the FEELINGS into words
this!!!
Damnnnn this is legitimately describing my life. I always just considered myself a lazy perfectionist, because I wouldn't even try to go for my ideas but this is definitely why. My expectations are just too high that I dont even want to try because itll never be as perfect as what I envisioned. I love this channel!!
Fellow coke cancer boi here. I got this quote in exchange for your quote: "What nobody tells people who are beginners… is that all of us who do
creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap.
For the first couple years you make stuff, and it’s just not that good. It’s
trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not… your taste is why your work
disappoints you… We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want
it to have. We all go through this… It is only by going through a volume of work
that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your
ambitions." Ira Glass
enso that’s awesome
It's the first couple of years that I would love to skip, so I could be at the accomplished level of doing artwork. I'll think on this.
This is me. Gotta fight against this sh*t. Fail forward and all that. We need to be humble and allow ourselves to look stupid, silly, a failure, be judged by others, grt rid of false pride...
Thank you for outlining the exact reason I have never made a video... Fe tells me to do it, Ni knows it would inevitably suck and not be perfect, and Ti gets out of it by being overwhelmed with the thought of editing.
joubinha333 your explanation is perfect!
Yasssss!!! Completely this comment. 110%
Ha! Also aptly explains why my living room looks the way it does. Unrealistic goal for tonight: clean living room. Ni/Ti loop I'm about to enter: Blade Runner 2049. Again.
jlryder97 Sometimes I have to invite someone over just to give myself enough motivation to clean. Lol
joubinha333 🤣🤣🤣🤣Yes!
So, while I no longer worry about perfectionism, I do procrastinate a lot. Is procrastination perfectionism's ugly cousin? Hmmm, I thought I was past perfectionism. Is procrastination a passive aggressive form of perfectionism? I have Perfectionism Paralysis Procrastination Passive Aggressiveness :-) Shit, so much for being older and wiser.
Ha ha, yeah I think you're right about procrastination being the ugly cousin. It's like perfectionism affects things you want to do, but procrastination affects the things you *have* to do. Hmmm I may make a video about it...
Frank James We want it to be perfect, but we know it won't ever be perfect, so not only do we procrastinate, sometimes we don't bother even trying because we know we will fail. Several years ago I heard the perfectionist and procrastination put together into a made up word like Spork: It's Procrastifectionist.
Procrastination is the apathetic result of perfectionism. It sounds something like "even if it comes out the way I want it, I probably wont like it, anyway."
If perfectionism is a form of anxiety related to results, procrastination is a form of depression linked to the method,
Perfectionism says "you must be this tsll to ride", whereas procrastination says "the ride probably isnt that funanyway".
I think theres a tendency to be hard on ourselves, because theres this public pressure to do something that means something to others (and Im not saying that as a bad thing, but we live in a culture, i feel, thats a little too ready to see the results of your efforts, while shunning the smell of persperation -- we have the term"try hard" in Western culture thats the perfect example of how engrained this is in most minds).
Procrastination is the sound of a well running dry -- you dont feel inspired, but pressured, the tick-tock of passing life-moments spurring you on.
My advice? Dont double down on the guilt, but look for what legitimately inspires you. Get a little Ne and explore some concepts, rather than just trying to hit the bullseye.
Doodle, dont draw
Tinker, but dont invent
And when you find something that wakes you up in the middle of the night and leaves you unable to falla asleep again, thats when you know youve hit the spring at the bottom of the well.
Recovering Soul I am pretty sure I have that.... all the time. It's frustrating
I know. I really dont want to grow up. Literally right now this is all too much like I have deadlines and might have to start a job and literally I'm afraid of like doing anything because of all this. It's the worst and currently I dont even know how to speak to like my best friend in the whole world because shes thinking I'm crazy coz I just wanan talk to her but everything I say is never liek right
All. Day. Long. ANALYSIS PARALYSIS is the phase my therapist used. I have so many projects I've thought of that I wear myself out planning them in my mind. This goes on and on and on...the research, the order of the steps, the sudden tightness in my chest, the nausea in my stomach, I'm so tired now, I need to lie down. Tomorrow, I'll start tomorrow.
U literally just described my life 😂
INFP messy perfectionist. I start projects and get frustrated and give up 5 hours in because I feel like I'm a talent-less piece of trash. I always say I will come back to them later and i never do.
Same
Lmaoooo
I love your butchered quote haha I totally agree with everything you've said. INFJs should embrace their greatness and just keep moving forward. "Done is better than passable" 👌
I actually liked the "butchered" quote better than the original one, it felt perfectly ;-) concise.
"That's the only way to get the perfection, ironically, is to go through the imperfection." Love it!!!
This INFJ perfectionism is a strange thing. Like you said, part of it is fear that reality is not going to line up with your own vision. But I noticed in myself that, at the same time, that there is also a fear that reality is actually exactly going to manifest as I envisioned it. Like a double-edged cluster fuck, lol. It is because I think that us Ni-users we actually want our reality to kind of line-up with our visions, but not perfectly, because that would be boring. And there would be nothing else to do when we do actually achieve what we set out to achieve. We actually do need that friction of reality, even though in our minds we initially do not like that friction at all. You gotta embrace it. Set your aim point and let it roll, have fun in seeing life throw you curve balls. And have fun in trying to catch them, and don't be too discouraged when you miss a few. Life would be so boring if every ball thrown at you was perfectly straight and exactly how you want them to be thrown. Just don't be so harsh on yourself. Life really isn't trying to screw you over, it's trying to give you a challenge. Something to play with.
Awesome
Your insight into infjs is incredible. When you started talking about delaying action to learn and then achieve a goal for “10/20 years” to tackle it when you’re better skilled or knowledgeable, i was dumbfounded. It is a terrible habit that has in some ways helped me achieve but im sure has held me back even more.
Action and failure are probably even more important than absorbing knowledge. You can only learn so much by listening and reading, when you start putting it into action is when class really begins.
I call it analysis paralysis.
Lara O'neal Ralph Smart does you mean
Oh my god I freaking love this, I'm using this. FJ needs some merch w this fr
Thank you for this! I now have an actual line for when people ask me out and I am totally uninterested, "I'm sorry, no. I don't want to go out with you. I am an INFJ and you don't live up to my imagination. Thank you though, I appreciate the thought."
Frank! Finding you on RUclips has been a Godsend. Kismet. Nirvana. Whatever. It's been REALLY HELPFUL SO DO NOT STOP DOING THESE VIDEOS, PLEASE!!
You verbalize my thinking. You talk about things that matter deeply to me. You make me realize that there are other people in the world who think, feel, and process life in ways that are like my ways.
Thank you for helping me know that I am not alone in my perception of this world.
Keep up this good work!
You're doing a great job!
Progression not perfection. I still struggle with this. 🌹
Angel blessings
Now that you mention it, I had a therapist tell me almost the exact same thing: "Progress, NOT Perfection. Take One Step at a Time. BREATHE." (Stylized how she wrote it.) I'm getting it as a tattoo to help with coping.
Thank you for the reminder.
Glad I was able to remind you.I was thinking of painting this on a piece of wood.Progression Not Perfection.😌
Angel blessings I could definitely see that~
I love (the idea of) you.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I have been told exactly that by a former boyfriend. He said he wants to marry someone like me, but not me. My world crashed when he said that. 😔
I have been told that too. She said that I was in love with the " idea of her ". I didn't understand it at the time. I do now.
I had to cackle at this one lol
This is the most accurate thing ever
“Little did I know I was in fact butchering the quote” had me choking on my salad hahaha
I love this and it rings very true, especially to how I used to be when I was in my very early 20s. (I even wrote a song about writing songs that was like, "What if the world could hear it all, before I was ready for the world to hear it all?")
I have to say I appreciate my position as an educator, where I teach the same lesson 4 or 8 times in a week. By the 8th time around, I've worked through all the kinks in delivering the lesson. By the following year, everyone gets a great lesson.
On the flip side, my perfectionism completely paralyzed me when I came back to work at the end of March after a long health leave. My program was not what it was and I wasn't afforded the mental (or physical-no classroom) space to work through how I could limp through the rest of the school year.
One of the tools that has helped me immensely with the perfectionism paralysis is making music. (Sorry it's all I ever talk about.) Especially with other people. They are depending on me to do the job, and while it's great if it's perfect, it's still better than someone not sitting there playing the part.
Thanks again for a great morning think sesh!
Stephanie Douglass what broke your barrier in terms of writing and sharing it please help? I have a little trauma from my teenage years my mum would always find my poetry and say horrible things about it and I would end up feeling ashamed and judged for the way I think. I'm ashamed of way I form lines and progress with topic more than of content itself at this point. I'm thinking to start anonimus podcast to read /rap my things to people who don't know me, do you have any other ideas how to let go of.... Being ashamed of myself?
Sharon is there Wow Sharon, I am so honored that you would ask my point of view on this subject. It is probably one of the hardest (if not THE hardest) feelings to shake and can take so many forms. I love that you are planning to broadcast your words, that's an important first step.
Thinking about this only briefly, here are the two tools that stand out as helping me the most, and it just depends on what form the shameful feeling is taking. When it gets very bad and I start thinking negative things about *myself*, my job is to counter that with at least 3 things that are great about me so I can convince the mean voices that those thoughts just aren't true.
When I get paralyzed with fear about honoring my *craft,* I remind myself that everything is a process and nothing is ever really "final." Your product is more of a snapshot of what you could express at the time. You can reliably improve as long as you take honest assessments of your growth. But there's nothing to assess if you don't have anything made.
The beginning part is usually the most fun and exciting because you'll see big improvements, really quickly. Staying disciplined and committing to having *something* on a regular basis will reap deeper, intrinsic rewards.
Best of luck! 💛💛💛
Stephanie Douglass thank you so much for your answer it's so comforting to hear that someone understands... Can't share myself with people and can't live without that part of me either. Thank you so much again it's 7 am here, you inspired me to be productive today. Best of luck with your work🌹💜
Dear Sharon is there,
Good for you!!!
Eireann Leigh If we don’t listen to criticism then how can we grow?
I heard an interesting perspective on this from Jordan Peterson. The example was say your dad full on yells at you, telling you everything you’ve done wrong. 90% was wrong and harsh but 10% was true and that’s why it stung so much.
If we strive to pursue the truth and grow, I think we’ll all live more fulfilled lives and be able to better help others accomplish the same. 💫
As a fellow INFJ, I'd gladly buy your draft and would probably find it beautiful. We usually shy away from releasing what we write because we find it crappy as perfectionists when, in reality, it's probably very decent and enjoyable.
Yep. I never write fiction. Wrote a short story, thought it sucked, stuck it on the shelf. Always remembered it. Ten years later, re-read it, damn, it's quite good. Imagine that. Way better than I remember.
Hey Frank, I just wanna say that I do enjoy your videos. Watching them makes me feel like I'm weirdly understood. This is probably one of my fav vids of yours.. only coz Perfectionist Paralysis is something that I suffer most in my daily life. Also, there's nothing much for me to say bout the vid itself, only because I agree with everything you've said. Thanks again and I'm looking forward for the next one. Good day. :)
wow thanks... INFJ PhD student here. Writer’s block everyday
Do you have any methods that help you with this? I am still an undergrad, but thinking about doing a phd sometime in the future and sometimes I am so afraid I will destroy all my potential :(
@@lillimarl2022 a PhD, if you chose a field aligned with your soul, could only illuminate your potential
@@thejungianastrologer Thank you, I think I did, I am studying history
It's like you're talking to me directly. Thanks for your videos, they make so much sense to me and make me feel a bit better about myself knowing I'm not the only one who feels and experiences things this way
I'm an INFP but a lot of things you're saying are really similar to what I experience. I also tend to develop and try to perfect concepts in my own head, and afraid to bring them to reality because I'm afraid they won't be like how I imagined them. I often feel not ready to express them, and when I do, they turn out to still be abstract blobs. I guess maybe the main difference is in how Ne, as opposed to Ni, form the ideas in the first place, because I tend to bounce around in my mind to gather knowledge and experiences (often blurry) that would support my ideas. I've always had a difficult time understanding what Ni and Ti exactly are, and your recent videos help explain a lot! But at the same time I'm sort of confused with how INFPs and INFJs have such similar experiences when they don't share a single main cognitive function.
ruclips.net/video/OIHWe_a0AoE/видео.html Leon (INFP) explained that very well...
Yes!!!!!! Never get it off the ground because we lack everything we need in order to make into the perfection in our mind! Every.damn.day.......
"Done is better than passable." This is like divine knowledge right now and what I need to realize. Thanks so much.
Two of the greatest writers were believed to be INFJs: Tolstoy and Dostoevsky. Once INFJs can express their ideals on paper, they can delve so deeply into human behavior and experience. Looking forward to you finishing your book!
story of my life. even though Carl Jung never actually identified this kind of state as an actual Archetype in itself, i found it very helpful to do so on my own. The Imperfect Paralysis Archetype (i see it as a man sitting on the floor with a perfect picture in his mind, looking down at the very imperfect object of it in his hands). people so often think i am the epitome of laziness because of this. i have come up with so many ideas for short stories/writing but because i must have every detail worked out in my imagination/mind first i wont get to the first page... but i may tell someone about it and they will say "are you crazy that is an awesome idea just fraking do it!". i will paint 10 paintings and trash like 9 of them every time over simple things like a color not drying the way i wanted it. and when i had more friends, they would often say "i want that one!" just so i wouldnt throw it away...
Frank, you really do a good job explaining the metaphors INFJ's see in life that make it difficult for others to communicate well. and you also do a good job painting an image of certain Archetypes that INFJ's gravitate to. though i notice you don't seem to mention them in that way... do you ever listen to Jung talk about the Archetypes at all? i know i mention them a lot, but it is because they have helped me so much. also Frank, i am terribly sorry if my *grammar* disturbs you... hahahahaha. but i have severe neck damage and have for years and it has really messed the nerves/nervous system all down my arms and in my hands... i cant keep up typing with what my mind is giving me to say because it makes my hands and fingers go numb/tingly, and just really weak. it also gave me heart failure which can make it harder to focus, but i don't see it as some awful thing so no feeling bad from anyone *please*?
This is beyond spot on. This is the best explanation of what it really is like to go through it. I'm constantly working on just doing it and trying to get out of my head. Progress not perfection has been my mantra for the past two years.
The Perfectionism is the immature or unrealistic attitude behind a rigid approach to life. Although it can sometimes be a fuel towards uncompromising vision seen through to realisation or activated manifestation, it may more often risk rendering the creator into a paralysis and stay stuck into a limited limbo of the theoretical. It may very well be a beautiful and sincerely and genuinely preference or vision, however, in over-fastidutude, it equates to nothing being created in the outside shared world, and hinders more than helps.
Then before you know it, you're a middle aged still-self-proclaimed recovering-perfectionist, who has finally woken up, only to realise that they've spent all their formative and prospective years and decades, having half lived, and only in the astral... Noticing how their 'being uncompromising of one's vision' *didn't* get exactly help them and their dreams anywhere.. Only blindly shackling one to sit on the fence one's entire life, in a dream of eternal indecision, never tackling head on the negotiation between the petty pipe dream preferences of the hypothetical, and the other side: the place of both accepting and committing to what is, in this world, and to finally opening one of the still-open wonderful doors ~ taking some active steps to dare to live in all it's imperfection as is ~ To living life more fully...
Good luck to all us INFJ's, and everyone...
I stumbled onto your videos, and now I can’t stop watching them. I intellectually know there are other INFJ’s out there but to hear you talk about us makes me feel so understood and not alone. I do not know any other INFJ’s personally. I had gotten to a point, I was rejecting myself entirely because I’m so different from others. You’re helping me to understand and accept myself. Thank you.
Frank, your INFJ videos are the only ones that really resinate with me. Thank you so much for these, it honestly makes me feel like I’m not alone 💜
OMG!!!! SO Freaking related! Like finally I found someone that can articulating what's in my mind and the good thing is find its reasons!! Thx frank for making this video
"The only way to get to the perfection is to go through the imperfection" I love that. Thanks!
This video has left me speechless. ¡Maravilloso! 👌🏼
FJ you are so cute 😁
Hugs from a lazy, perfectionistic, messy weirdo INFJ!
You spoke my life. Thank you so much. This is helping me a lot. I’m a writer, always under a pseudonym as the attention would kill me, but my best ideas and plots actually never make it onto paper. I tell my INTP husband the stories and he loves it, but when it comes to bringing them to life on paper, I am so super respectful of the characters I created, that I feel I can do neither them nor their story justice. I’m going to start right now. I wish I were as wise as you obviously are at a young age, but it is never too late to learn. Thank you.
Thank you. I struggle to put into words so much of what I feel & as a fellow INFJ, I'm so glad I've stumbled upon your channel
I commend you on finishing your manuscript. I can't get my outline where I want it... that's always been the case with any writing I've done. In high school and college I would receive so much praise from teachers... always "Bravo," "Well Done," and lots of exclamation points. When I was a sophomore in high school I was accepted into a highly competitive "Gifted in the Arts" summer program at OSU with my writing. Thousands of kids from all over the state applied and only maybe 10-15 in each artistic category got selected. Yet I have never seen any piece of writing through to completion beyond a school paper. Nor have I ever stuck with the violin lessons, guitar lessons, art classes or any other endeavor. And that summer institute? I quit within the first week because I felt like I wasn't good enough. Other kids would have killed to get in and I quit?
Your video isn't the first time I've come across the idea of a "perfectionist paralysis" but it is certainly helpful to have a reminder as I work through this new book outline.
Thank you for posting this, I am going to show it to my daughter who is very bright and capable but has mild Aspergers and really struggles with Perfectionist Paralysis and Social anxiety as well as generalized anxiety, which leads to depression, I have mentioned your videos to her and hope she is watching because I really think you are very encouraging. I am very curious to see if she is an INFJ type or maybe INTP because there are so many things that seem like a description of her. She has all the lovely traits as well.
I love the saying “done is better than passing.” I can use this when I have to write reports at work- I will rewrite something 10 times when the reality is that it doesn’t matter because the people “auditing it will tell me how they want it worded. (Edited 3 times.)
I just need to express the epiphany I just had. I am an INFJ, like most of us here, and I used to wonder why I constantly wonder why I always come back to watch Frank. I know that INFJ's are birds of the same feather but used to never really acknowledge the drastic similarities between us dodo's. (Yes, I know they are extinct. It's an exaggeration to show how rare we are.) It's like myself is explaining myself to myself and I am so grateful. I now know myself more than I'd ever think possible because of him. So, thank you Frank.
"Done is better than perfect" is exactly what I needed to hear. This has held me back my entire life from accomplishing what I really want to do. I even printed it out to put up at home...but spent forever looking for the perfect font to print it in...
When we allow ourselves to "fail" we begin to no longer fear it -- and that is when we become truly free. Also, this quote: "There is no such thing as failure, only feedback." Also, I'm a perfectionist and used to see it as a curse, but have slowly learned to tame it. I have "failed" many times and have grown the most from those experiences. I still don't like the feeling, but am not afraid of it as much because i know there's always a golden nugget of wisdom being imparted. I say, bring it. I want all the golden nuggies. Also, thank you for your golden nug.
In high school, took a shops class which was incredibly stressful. Part of it was a machine class where I was making a waterproof match container. Drove the teacher insane with questions, kept going over the procedure while most of the class was half done. My teacher: just start and try!!!! 😂
I'm almost crying. I can't believe you understand me so well. I'm a writer too and I've definitely experienced this. I like to tell people that I have genius ideas and terrible execution of them. I also compose music and sometimes it's even worse. I've only ever finished one piece of music and when I showed it to the orchestra teacher at my school to see if the Philharmonic orchestra would play it he was completely unimpressed. I was crushed. I've definitely been feeling paralyzed because of my perfectionism for a long while now. I'm trying to stop, but it's hard--I feel worthless when what's on the paper doesn't match what's in my brain. If you could just look into my head and see all that's in there--it would be so beautiful, so perfect... But instead I'm mediocre.
You are so right, Frank James! A POS manuscript is better than the nebulous vision floating in our heads. I was laughing and crying with you. I'm listening to this one again. Incidentally, I do want to thank you for staying on course and sticking to the point. Your videos are short enough that I can make myself focus to the end. You make some GREAT points!! Thank you for being a flashlight in my moonless night.
this is ME lmao. also I feel ya on the soda. it is so bad but tastes so good.
sooo goooooood
my vice is pepsi zero (or diet pepsi if i can't find it). i shouldn't touch the stuff but it tastes awesome
I've had so many ideas I have lost count, and, I just might use that term to tell myself, being done is better than perfect. (LOL) I want to write, draw, sing, and dance about the Human Condition. You have my admiration to even do your vlogs. BTW you do a most excellent work with your vlogs.
This was for some reason a little difficult to watch, but so useful and so important. I just remembered a bunch of things I keep postponing to do because I think they aren't good enough yet, no matter how simple they actually are. So thank you for this reminder, to just do it.
This makes so much sense. I can't do the things I want because I think that it's going to hurt me if I try and fail so I am left with lots of ideas and dreams and i can't start the action process. I hate it so much! I made lots of mistakes in the past by trying and it hurt really bad. And now, I can't even start because I remember how it hurt and I am scared! There's this constant dilemma in my life and I can't get out of this loop! I am learning though.. learning myself and who I am more. That really really helps! Thank you!
Frank, you make me laugh! What you say in this video is so true of me too. In my mind I'm a writer. However, I can't seem to get an idea together long enough to formulate an outline. Kudos to you for getting your first draft done. I have watched videos and read advice from writers who actually write and they say the first draft is usually a POS and they rewrite many times before they have something written that is moderately close to what they want. Don't despair. I suggest you go back to it again when you are ready and work on it some more. Is your book an INFJ comedy too? LOL
"It's a perfect idea because it's not real." me irl
This resonates so deeply within me. This is a huge problem I have and why I've been stuck in the same place for the past few years. I will start something, and not finish it or throw it away because it isn't the perfect thing I imagined.
Wow. . so spot on .. In my school and college days , I have written short stories, poems and little articles to children's magazines. But, obviously most of my writings haven't left my rough drafts , not to mention my dream novel. Nowadays, as a mum of three, writing is out of the question. I know the feeling, its hard. You look like my male version. As you said, I have made so many mistakes in friendships, now, I've learnt a lot through psychology and fully aware of my friends, unfortunately, narcissistic friends to be precise. But, I have gained a true friend like myself, in terms of empathy , compassion, I think she is an INFP. Thank God for that. . Because, I was in the grasp of narcissistic turmoil for the past 9 years. Now my life is good, as I am cautious in choosing people. I am concerned about my children's future. But, perfectionism is in making mistakes and learning from them, isn't it? Excuse my English, sorry, my comment is too long. Anyway, thank you for this timely video. .
you are a very eloquent speaker :-) I hope you will make a video about our inferior function (Se) since nobody really talks about it and I want to understand how Se works in us and thank you for making videos... it makes me feel being completely understood...
@Jam Paz
You need to checkout Bo Miller, another INFJ. He explains a lot about Se and how it works for us INFJs.
thank you :)
I recently discovered that I am an INFJ and also recovering perfectionist lol.
My goodness. I found this channel yesterday and this has put my entire life into perspective. Why I am the way I am. How to approach things. "Done is better than Perfect" blew my mind. Relationships have been Rocky with me, I wanted to be an illustrator but nothing was ever perfect so I never finished alot of my work and just settled for something comfortable. I've set new goals and maybe I'll approach my art again and just get something done instead of perfect! Thanks for these videos.
THANK YOU!!! A million times thank you. I have been so lost most of my life feeling I was weird or I was damaged some how. I stumbled across your videos for the first time a few days ago and have watched several now and in ALL of them you hit the nail on the head. I took the M/B test years ago but no one ever explained it to me. I have been going through such horrible depression my whole life and I watched that one video INFJ rarest personality type in the world and cried through it and watched it again. I have been trying so hard to fix something inside me that wasn’t broken I was just drawn this way. And It was such a relief (I am 50) so you can imagine a lifetime of not understanding who I was or why I did things the way I do etc. and for you to explain everything so clearly I just watch and weep thinking wow you are amazing and I wish I had watched this when I was 16. Thank you so very much for being you and for the videos. They really are a game changer for me.
Ohhh can you read an exerpt from your book?
Why are you so charming? 😂💘💘💘
Yes! Fail fast and fail often.
I notice my perfectionist tendencies come out when my anxiety increases. I start micromanaging and fixating on countless details. I have had to learn to let my mind rest and to also extrovert my problem solving, so that I do not become overwhelmed and paralyzed. that Ni-Ti loop narrows our options and I need to remember that other perspectives and outcomes possible and available. Expressing myself and getting others perspectives helps me overcome that narrowing.
I have also been learning to give myself and others more grace in their mistakes/less than ideal choices.
Being a perfectionist has kept me from so much and blocked me from becoming my true & best self. I have always wanted to be good at art, to have some sort of innate talent. My teachers would often see my talents (especially in writing but also in my ability to adapt and learn many subjects easily) but I could never see what they did. Big time imposter syndrome. I have wanted to be a talented artist since I was a child. I wished I had the talent and skill to draw or paint; and I would try over and over throughout the years, but never stick with it when I realized I wasn’t living up to that ideal in my head.
I’ve let go of needing to be perfect (in those regards at least) and now I write and draw unabashedly. I like to try all different kinds of creative mediums, and creativity is a necessary and joyful part of my daily life now. :)
Good morning fellow INFJ,
I stumbled upon your channel around 4:30am. I've been binge-watching it ever since. LOL It's now 9am down here in S.C.
I greatly appreciate the precision and directness you wear so lightly. Along with a good old shot or two of unmistakable humility.
Please allow me to offer you some crucial advice. I mean no offense by what I'm about to tell you.
NEVER give ANYONE the smallest opportunity to snuff out your gifts of personability. My friend, that is only a tiny glimpse I was able to see of your endless, priceless treasures.
Whenever you begin feeling depressed, read aloud II Corinthians 10:3-5 (KJV) Then, seal the prayer saying, "IN JESUS' NAME. AMEN..."
Those verses are for the pulling down of strongholds off your mind.
I just want to say thank you very much for your help. I have been smiling non-stop, because it's as if you're speaking straight to me. Saying the same things that I'm always thinking. I finally have the confirmation I've been needing for so long. I feel as if you and I are kindred spirits. Thank you so much! You have a real knack for unmasking some of the mystery of our personality type. You are one of very few who truly understand what being an INFJ is really like.
Thank you so very much. You have my full support.
Brandy Wood-Beck
I guess i'm in love with you🙈
Ece Gülşan I think what might be happening with everyone who says they love him, is that they love themselves, and they see themselves in him. As rare as INFJ's are, I don't expect I will ever meet one in real life, or I might not recognize them. Good thing I'm old enough to be his mother, but he is adorable.
All us girls are. And none of us stand a chance lmao.
@@racheldahliamusic I am too, and I'm not even gay or bi 🤔
Damn. I thought it was just me.
@@recoveringsoul755 Mother, you have explained exactly why I love Frank so much. I used to wonder why I love to watch his videos just to hear him talk, while simultaneously learning about myself more. Now I realise it is because I'm an INFJ, like him, and it feels like it is myself explaining myself to myself!
Kinda random, but do any of you guys clench your jaw tight and grind your teeth at night? I thought it was from caffeine but not anymore.
I just found your channel and I love it. While working in an office position, I was administered the MBTI test and found out I was an INFJ, and subsequently given my own office. I'm a Psychology (and English) graduate, so your channel is interesting to me. It's great that you're a writer. You don't see many youtube writers who talk about something else, other than writing structure and "the writing life." My first attempt at a novel was 50 pages of "beautiful" rambling, along with scraps of "brilliant" ideas that I would somehow fit into the novel. Then, I read The Writer's Digest Complete Handbook of novel writing and watched some youtube videos and I was like, "duh." I was creative and knew how to write, but needed someone telling me about the structure (even though I was consciously aware of it by reading all my life). Though my novel will never be what I first envisioned (I feel you there), it's an object, something tangible, which also isn't almost the most important thing for an INFJ (Is that also why we care more about dreaming, than actually accomplishing?). I guess more importantly, it will be something to share (I just have to make myself believe it will be useful and profound to someone, but in actuality it's really just helping myself because I can't not write). At the same time, I tell myself no one will ever read my novel while I'm in the act of writing. That helps with the dreaded double P. Those scenes are the best, because I'm not thinking of the million different views readers will have of my word usage or character trait or setting. Being a true creative writer is hard because it's so revealing, but if we think about it in terms of writing tools, it's much easier. I'd love to message you about writing and how we, as writers, can create a process/structure for turning "big, bold" ideas into an actual novel that fully encapsulates the ideal we set out to create. We can envision novels and bring them to fruition :)
I watched a lot of INFJ videos, but these ones are truly striking it to the point, finally somebody verbalizes exactly how I feel and think. Amazing.
Why, why, whyyyyyy...are you drinking battery acid? 😩☹️
battery acid has a ph below 1 , cola is around 2 and a half
Celine And aluminum is found in the brains of dementia patients (post mortem of course). I drink water, or tea, sometimes coffee with hot chocolate i a reuseable thermal mug. Actually I drink distilled water because there isn't fluoride in there.
Cos sugar is far more toxic than artificial sweeteners.
Because all my batteries are good and this shit has a use-by date
I really needed to hear this one today. Thank you so much for posting these INFJ videos. They help more than you know 🥺💜
Great topic! Better to do and fail than not do. I am great at making mistakes because there just in an intricate part of my life. I am busy in my head and so unaware of where I am physically so I am so clumsy
This is exactly what I've been looking for for years!
I am an INFJ and struggled so much with perfectionist paralysis. I was afraid to do anything because it wasn't the right time, the right feeling, the right anything... I never did anything and it made me feel worthless and depressed. It's because my imagination and creativity is so vast that reality hits me like a truck.
This is with my art... I have an idea in my head and when I go to draw it---not at all what I imagined. I feel upset because I think my failure means I'm a failure. I base my self-worth and identity in what I do... but you're so much more than that. If it failed IT failed YOU did not.
Spot on!! I feel like this is why I’ve started 4 novels and never finished cause I’m always letting Fear win. I’m going to watch the trees for the forest 🌳 video
The thing I love about writing is that you can continually improve a piece over time. And nearly everyone’s first draft is not up to their personal par, no matter how brilliant they are. I published my first book in March and I continually had to tell myself “this is good enough” to keep my own perfectionism at bay. I’m an INFP though.
As far as reality not matching with the ideals in ones mind, I’ve found it helpful to build the habit of looking for more and more things I enjoy in reality. The tiny wild flowers in my front yard, how the light comes through my window to create soft beams, appreciating witnessing someone’s level of acceptance toward a certain person or situation, admiration of seeing the effectiveness of other cognitive functions I don’t have at play in others. In the beginning I found it difficult, but now I see these potential nice moments everywhere and I’ve shifted from wanting a particular situation to happen (with the assumed hope it would make me feel a certain way) to focusing on the emotion I want to feel and finding tons of equivalent outlets that allow me to feel that way.
You totally hit the nail on the head with this topic about perfection. I have an idea of how to make this amazing cake. But once I tried executing it, it doesn't look anywhere close to what I imagine in my head. It still taste good, but ... The description about perfect mate is so accurate. Thank you for putting my thoughts into words.
We INFJ think in pictures, not in words. Pictures are so full of information, that you don't know where to start to articulate your thoughts. I struggle with this on a daily basis, at work and at home. I need a lot of time to sort out the words in my head describing the pictures I think. That could be a reason why some people might think that INFJs are a bit "slow". For writers this trait can be beneficial or detrimental (i.e. Square P).
Keep up the great work. I enjoy your videos very much, they are very insightful and acknowledging! Thanks!
Thank you so much FJ, RUclips suggested this video, and I'm so thankful to learn more about INFJ's with your videos.🧡
This is meee. I have all these ideas but I never even attempt, because I have such high expectations. These expectations cause a lot of self doubt, to the point that I just feel paralyzed. I even struggle with day to day things like cleaning my house. Things become so overwhelming that I just give up and kind of ignore and isolate. I'm also afraid of failure, so just this video makes sooo much sense to me.
This is one I totally identify with. Creating is like climbing a mountain, all the overthinking and vision of how it ‘should’ be
YES! Finally I understand why I can’t seem to move forward with any of my ideas. I learned to stop telling my family about them awhile ago because nothing ever came to fruition and I felt so worthless. The ‘big picture’ is always so clear to me...why can’t I execute?!
this was so helpful in understanding my laziness. I often prevent myself from doing things because of the thought of failure, however I did'nt know where my strong inhibitions came from exactly. I'm not terrified of failure per se, I just know it's going to happen the way I want it. I talk myself out of doing it at all because it won't be what I imagined so why even try? Being more aware of that tendency will hopefully help me start making baby steps to achieve things, even if it's not perfect. Thank you for this video!
i cannot express how valuable this information is…
i’ve been stuck in my own mind for so many times (and so many years) and now almost magically you pop up with all this
unbelievable…
and i must confess: learning about this INFJ stuff causes me such a relief… i’m definitely in love with it
And we get a lot of self hatred because we are deeply aware of not accomplishing the imagined thing, not being able to force ourselves to begin that life changing idea. Your videos are perfect! Thanks for your incredible work.
I wrote a comment on your previous video about this. I cannot make anything happen to save my life because I'm overthinking it so much I can't make anything a reality. I can't even pick what I want in a restaurant without someone choosing for me. I never dated any of the boys I liked, or even attempted a relationship before my current parnter/fiance of 9 years. I knew in my mind that no relationship would be the one I wanted, and I couldn't see the point in having messy experiences just for the sake of them. It took my partner 2 years of wearing me down to go out with him. Thank god he was very patient.
Oh, honey. Just found your videos and channels recently. As an INFP with a whole bunch of traditional academic training, I get it. Thanks for sharing.
Same for me. I began writing when I was 12. Wrote a novel at 19...took me 2 years. Publishers liked it, but I couldn't come up with an ending. That was 1990. Still have it mouldering and unfinished.
Hi Frank, I just found your videos and have found them to be pretty accurate for me. I've been calling myself "a writer" for years but can seldom start manifesting an idea let alone finish one. Over the last six months, I've been receiving therapy and doing a lot of work on myself. Something I realized is that my perfectionist paralysis for things like writing or home improvement projects also extends to my EXISTENCE sometimes. In my imagination, I can envision a more perfect society/world, but I don't feel like I have the skills/agency/ability to implement the changes I so deeply desire to see. So I stay home and escape into media and wallow in misery and become more and more depressed and anxious about how I'm doing nothing and the world is shitty. Lately I've been combatting this largely with the advice you've given: "something is better than nothing". I've also benefitted from regular exercise and spending more time with people I love. Best of luck to anyone else who finds that they've let perfectionist paralysis take over their lives. I can't say I've made my peace with the imperfection of the world, but I'm learning how to keep it from overwhelming me.
This paralysis is for sure going to be the end of me. The darn P² torments me also now as I am in the Ni-Ti depression loop. So annoying!!! So I am camping out on my sofa till the kingdom come and probably after that too.
*Hope you do write a book, two, three as you have already us, your faithful RUclips audience, convinced you are more than talented!*
👏👏👏
*Love the way you paint with words and between us; not many get into the level you are on. So "go out there, write, and please, do not over-correct yourself!*
This is why whenever I complete a project for school, I am always filled with disappointment because the project never matches the beautiful idea I had in my head. Whether it’s a lack of resources or a lack of skill, there’s always something that makes it so I just can’t reach that perfect image I had in my mind. And if I mess something up along the way, I lose motivation to finish it or switch ideas completely because I can’t handle something being that far from my idea of perfection. It also makes it hard to work in groups, because I’ll have an image of what I want in my mind but the others will do something else, and it leads me to be frustrated and ultimately disappointed with the projects end result. This video was spot on and put a lot of my struggles into words, thank you.
Thanks for your videos Frank, they're healing. I appreciate the experience that I am not alone in these ways of functioning in life. Perfectionist paralysis, overthinking, analysis paralysis, thinking and behaving in a loop, big picture necessity but yet questioning every single minor detail of life, and everything is pondering toooooo looong on the "but why?" like a 6 year old, isolation, depression, nagging thoughts, loop, loop, loop, edit, edit, edit ((sigh)) aha ha.
Mistakes are my friend. The most annoying friend that makes me a better person every time they invite themselves to hang out.
candice m. I learn the best that way ✌🏻
Makes sense. Finally decided this year that I'm gonna take time off from college and finish writing my book. It's been a work in progress for almost 8 years now, and I convinced myself that the reason I haven't worked on it more is because I haven't had time. While that is partly true, I just spent my entire winter break avoiding working on it. So what's up with that? Well, it's mostly because anytime I sit down to pick up where I left off, I always go back and read over everything I've written and begin critiquing things I wrote anywhere from a few months to a few days beforehand. I begin tearing it apart, nitpicking every sentence or bit of dialogue to make certain I've missed nothing, ensuring that everything must be _absolutely_ perfect. I could move on if I wanted to, write other scenes if I liked, but I don't. Instead I choose to agonize over everything I've written in excruciatingly tedious detail. And by the time I've finished, my creativity has successfully been stifled for that writing session.
I made enormous progress with the book last year because I was forced to rewrite the book after losing the last draft of it. I think there was some desperation to do so since I had nothing to go off of except a crappy earlier draft and my own memory. And I tell you, what I wrote this go around was far better than anything I'd written before. But my progress halted when school started last fall, and returning to what I'd written over the summer months later during the winter break, I couldn't ignore some of the flaws which persisted in the book. I felt an unquenchable need to edit and revise it, and that is how I got stuck in this rut. I keep telling myself how incredible this idea is, how detailed my storyboarding is and the character development and if I just started writing in earnest the story would come to life again. But even when I have all this free time, I avoid doing it like the plague. What makes it worse is that I know I'm good at writing, I've been singled out by multiple professors for how good I am at it, and the people I've let read parts of my story love it. I love writing, even writing essays to some extent. But good God do I love procrastinating on it as well.