@@SuperMurray2009 nope, because if he really cared about her, he would have showed some evidence that she was wrong and he was honest, right? Put yourself in her shoes, you've never had any doubts on your partner ever before, you care about him/her, you love him/ her, you're innocent, the most logical and reasonable thing is, you want things to get back to how they were before the misunderstanding happened. What do you do then? You give them every proof that they are wrong. If this is a repeated scenario, you might call him or her paranoid. But only if, given every evidence of innocence, they still don't trust you.
@@francescamssc22 wrong,no need for him to show her his phone, if she really had issues wait until he came back from the trip then talk. hes right about feeding her insecurity. once he show her his phone he going to ask for it all the time.
Yes he is hurting the relationship by not showing the screenshots. If you have nothing to hide show it. Never ever give your partner a reason to doubt you.
Or at the very least emotionally cheating on her AKA Being the "Man about town" ...not okay and I am only pretty sure he would not tolerate if she respinded in kind
I agree. She is feeling doubt due to something her boyfriend did. Her boyfriend should respond in a way that he would appreciate if the shoe was on the other foot. By responding in that way, he raises more doubt.
I believe the reply he gave to her goes a lot deeper than just being manipulative or giving her a lecture on trust. It comes from a place of mental cruelty, gaslighting and...a touch of dark narcissism. He places himself above her, as an authoritarian lecturer. Not an equal relationship. How can we talk about the ' team' concept then? She should drop him asap. A toxic man...
What the guy said is exactly what my ex used to say to me. My ex ended up cheating on me so I would tell her to run. When it comes from a place of genuine concern he should've reassured her and then talk about trust exactly like it was said in this video. Because when you aren't reassured the first time then it'll always linger in her mind and at any time she can start wondering if he's cheating, start analysing everything and it'll consume her more and more. It totally destroys trust, the bond they have with each other, the relationship and it can damage severely the person who has doubts. Because I wasn't reassured the 1st time, I started hating myself so much because I felt bad to not be able to stop the wandering and the jealousy and I hated who I had become because of jealousy
He’s definitely cheating. Your intuition is everything. She should’ve been strong and not let him twist the situation back on her. She needs to break up with him, protect your heart and don’t waste your time on someone who is playing you.
L Coleman Yes I‘ve been in a similar situation before and he talked his way out calling me insecure. But in the end I was absolutely right! Often we WANT to believe him b/c we can’t handle the truth.
Señorita_Alegría I have also been in a situation. I knew something was going on, but I ignored it because I thought he was my soulmate and was in love. Turns out that I was right and he’s now living with the person I knew he’s interested in. Matthew gives great advice, but overall love is complicated and there’s no set rules to it. You can give tools and guidance to find someone special. At the end of the day, I believe loves comes to you when you are meant to have it. But during that process before,it sucks going through each heart break because we’re here on earth to love. It’s difficult getting yourself out of that, you have to be strong!
Me too . Made me seem like I was crazy one yet he did in fact cheat. Is he wasn’t doing anything wrong he would love to prove you wrong and show you the text.
camila de la vega Late to the party but that’s the question I’m trying to answer today. My spidey sense has been tingling for a while but I don’t want to react out of fear rather than knowledge, and I’ve no evidence.
I agree with Matt; his immediate reaction to the very first fishy incident tells me dude's a fast talker vs an evolved psychiatrist. He's using the old best-defence-is-offence trick, putting her on the defensive i.e. I am not a cheater, YOU are insecure. The swift smoothness shows he's successfully pulled it off before. Remember that old show Cheaters? The caught red handed cheater was often outraged, scandalized, "how DARE you follow me, you don't trust me?!" Well...duh!
Two years ago my husband left me for another woman and i was dis-organise during that period, in search for help on how to get him back i was decieved by so many fake spell casters until i meant this great genuine who helped in bringing back my husband and restored love and peace into my family, i will be forever greatful to him. Contact him for any kind of problem, wealth making, looking for a genuine relationship, need pregnancy, want to be famous, need good job, need protection, etc. contact him for in him you will find sincerity and trust Also you can whatsApp his private line: (+2348024971239)Am great and you are indeed a blessings. To me
Guys, I've received those kind of texts, too. He was cheating and kind of a bad liar. Needless to say we are no longer together. She is 100% valid in her request.
I think when out of the blue, you receive a weird message that was not meant for you and you ask your man for a little bit of reassurance regarding that particular weird message and his response is "a lecture" on trust and self confidence and rises more doubts, there is definetely something wrong with the way he's handling this... I don't know if it is that he is cheating or not, but it also seems like he doesn't put himself in her shoes, not once and is not trying to be a teamplayer with his SO here....so definetely something is off ...
I think she should trust her gut and consider taking a closer look at pattern of prior relationships with people who have broken trust with her in past. I’m a 66 year old widow of two years, just started seeing someone and it feels too familiar in a not good way. Word familiar and family come from the same place. I’m thinking that when one partner is engaging in hurtful deception... it can turn easily into a form of sadism. Really preaching to myself here and trying to listen to my gut. BTW ... sad truth about aging is that mentally, physically, emotionally see the world as someone in her thirties. It wasn’t until I got old that I realized what old meant.
Agreed. If it was me I would immediately send the screen shots because to be honest I'd be afraid of causing doubt in my partner and then as Matt said, I would tell him that I need more trust in the future.
I completely agree, if its the first time he should want to put her mind at rest, not hurt the relationship by making her have doubt, Because up to this point she never doubted him right !
He is being manipulative and trying to use her past insecurity as a tool for his manipulative behavior. She is not being insecure bud, you need to be accountable to your partner in this situation because she asked you to. She hasn't before. She doesn't need a lesson, you gave her a reason to have questions/concerns. Pony up or step off.
Gaslighting much? So the guy could have been messaging a friend maybe some embarrassing "guy talk" that he didn't want her to see but still, I agree with Matthew here. He placed doubt in her mind with the text so the onus is on him to add the context.
To me, if this was actually the first attempt at doubt, whether he's cheating or not, his response lacks respect. If there's no respect left after 3 and a half years, I would advice the lady to see this as a serendipitous event not to make a big life mistake. She should master the courage to leave him behind.
I once got a weird message and he tried to make it seem like it was indeed intended for me. Turned out he was cheating. Also, whenever I would notice he might be cheating, he would get defensive and make me feel guilty for not trusting him. If it looks like he's cheating, he is cheating... Of course, you should trust a man until he gives you a reason to doubt him but never ignore the signs when your instinct is telling you something is wrong. If I were that woman, I would insist to see that conversation. It will save her a lot of time. In any case, I can see she is smarter than me since she immediately asked Matthew for advice so I'm sure she'll handle this well :) ( ps I do often think to myself "What would Matthew tell me?" :))
If at any time in the "relationship" either has doubt and if someone doesn't follow through w/sharing their life honestly, then there really isn't a relationship....someone is being used.
Two years ago my husband left me for another woman and i was dis-organise during that period, in search for help on how to get him back i was decieved by so many fake spell casters until i meant this great genuine who helped in bringing back my husband and restored love and peace into my family, i will be forever greatful to him. Contact him for any kind of problem, wealth making, looking for a genuine relationship, need pregnancy, want to be famous, need good job, need protection, etc. contact him for in him you will find sincerity and trust Also you can whatsApp his private line: (+2348024971239)Am great and you are indeed a blessings. To me
For my money, I would bet that nine times out of ten that if someone’s hiding their messages and demanding that his or her partner trust them blindly-then they’re definitely cheating. The script then becomes: what do I say to my partner if I suspect he’s cheating but I know he will deny it. Btw: that tactic of “you should trust me” is very familiar to me because I’ve not only had it used on me, I used it to retaliate against the same guy when I cheated on him! Bottom line, if there is no trust, there is no relationship. If she doesn’t believe deep in her heart that he’s innocent, she needs to address the situation with him directly, and if he loves her, he would take her concern seriously, not try to punish her or “teach her a lesson.” If that doesn’t happen then the best thing to do is to escape the relationship or at the very least, not to cheat back. I learned the hard way that two wrongs will never make a right.
Trust is one of the cornerstones of any healthy growing relationship. She needs to LISTEN and SEE that this man gets defensive and if he doesn't respond respectfully to her inquiries (which there is evidence of) she needs to understand that this unhealthy disrespectful comment is how this man will respond to her in future communications. Then she needs to figure out whether this is how she wants to be treated going forward.
Matthew, give us some guidance on how to deal with such situation, will you? It's so very painful to hide insecurities and is devastating when the other person seems to disdain! My heart goes out to this woman and I wish her well.
His response was absolutely unempathetic. THAT is the red flag. Whether he is cheating or not is almost secondary to the concern that he is not hearing her and refuses to care about her scared feelings. This incident is not a dealbreaker, but she should proceed with her eyes open about this selfish behavior of his because my guess is that there are many other circumstances in which he is minimizing her feelings. A lifetime of that with someone leads to a lot of loneliness in a relationship. IMO Partners should care if the other is afraid and want to help comfort them, not cast them out for having inconvenient feelings.
Two of my biggest pet peeves is deflection and projection. People do it for a variety of reasons but generally it's because they're hiding something and I have no tolerance for that I believe always and transparent honesty in every aspect and the only way for me I believe to have a healthy relationship is to have that.
I went through "the best defense is offense" thing ... when I realized my bf was cheating on me, he actually convinced me it was MY FAULT for making him feel insecure. and I believed him (ughhhh). never ever ever again will I buy that sort of crap, but it took me years to understand I was being manipulated.
Interesting video. This topic could go on and on for sure... I was in a long relationship at one point where he cheated multiple times. This guys response is pretty much the defensive mechanism of a typical “cheater”. That said i would never go into a future relationship expecting the same results however if one isn’t looking for signals and they happen to come at them, that is in no way insecurity. It’s call a red flag and following your gut. inquiring about that strange text etc if your gut tells you too doesn’t have to be about jealously either. It’s called being smart and not standing for any bs. Truth is anyone is capable of making a mistake but the difference is seeing the signals as to if this mistake is a common one. Thanks for the vid!
She has a right to ask for a screen shot b/c this came to her. She didn't go out looking for it. If he has nothing to hide, he would do it and be done with it so it doesn't cause more problems between them. When a woman gets that feeling, she's usually right!
I had a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years but I knew him previous to out relationship and I went to visit him roughly every 6 months. During our relationship my friend had told me that he was messaging her on Instagram without knowing that shes my friend and telling her that he's single and when I confronted him about it he started crying and saying it wont happen again... I went to visit him during the Christmas holiday 2018 and he was really protective of his phone. I ended up on his phone one night after he had left it at home and gone out and I saw him talking to this girl on WhatsApp and telling her how she's his whole world and when shes coming over next and things like that. When I confronted him again he told me that she wasn't the only one that he was talking to and that in fact he was speaking to 2 other girls not including me. I was soo heartbroken yet all he could say was why I was on his phone.
Yup, been there. The guy spends a lot of time on his phone, texting a "colleague". The phone lights up with a new message, I see it. It makes me do a double take. I check the whole conversation... His bags are out the door really fast.
He deflected things back on her by saying she was insecure so he didn't have to send the screenshot. When someone acts in a defensive manner such as this, there is usually something they are guilty of or want to hide. Great video guys! ❤❤
Yes cheating! I was married to a man who’d always manipulate me or blame me for his cheating! A man who truly loves a woman will respond in the way you did in this video... not point out her insecurities .
That lecturing tone from the bf is highly suspicious...I assume he is not even a professional ...it's terrible when half educated people use these guru expressions, like they are professionals. If the girlfriend did not ask this regularly before than he is covering something.
If he has nothing to hide, showing her the text should not be a problem. Also, given that it has been 3.5 years, they probably would have discussed insecurities and/or past relationship failures and so it would be considerate of him to put his partner at ease. A women's intuition is important! As a person who has caught a cheater (without looking) but through his mistake (the truth always comes out), you have to be strong and break things off immediately or the lies and evasion will continue. He will try to convince you that you are the one that is insecure and crazy!
In this situation, it seems like her intuition was trying to tell her something. I wouldn't just let it go. However, I agree with you, Matthew- if this is a recurring theme, then neither of them need to be in the relationship.
Trust should be built, not taken for granted. I've been in a similar situation, but my boyfriend was the one who actually offered to send me a screenshot. I owe him a debt of gratitude. 😊
I agree with Mathew that he must show the screen shot so that she beleives him much more than earlier. There is a way of handling girl friends as even that guy was with her frim long time.
I would have looked at the situation and said -If it were reversed, what would I have done? In his shoes, I would have sent the screen shot if asked...or prior to being asked would have explained the conversation... I just don't think that would have been unreasonable to do for someone that I care about and am invested in. I don't know their relationship, where they have strengths and weaknesses. . . but I don't tend to feel like a very jealous or competitive person, and I would definitely have questions based on his reaction to her request. So if I were in her shoes, being myself I would say to him that if the situation were reversed that I would want to reassure someone I care for, because there are no guarantees in life that the person we are with will never cheat on us, and tell him that his response has caused me to create a story in my head in order to explain his behavior...and that there is a chance that this is nothing, but there is also a chance that it isn't, because the response he gave is the one that would be most likely used by a guy who was guilty of something. Bottom line, I think in relationships we either do things regularly to show, tell and remind our partner that we love them and are still interested and excited to be with them or doubts begin to arise over time. I don't think it's a matter of being insecure to want to know what you mean to someone... We are not in each other's minds. I have been with people who left me in doubt of the depth of their affection and I have been with people with whom I never had to question how they felt about me. In the situations where there was doubt and uncertainty, looking back I can see very good reasons for my doubt and I know that I would not choose to be with someone who would leave me in a state of doubting what I mean to them, because they either don't know themselves or they don't want to say the truth and deal with the repercussions and the pain that it would cause me...either way-That's not for me. I want to be with someone that I am sure of, and I want them to feel sure of me as well. Doubt and needing reassurance are not something that only women struggle with... Hopefully they are able to work through this and communicate better with each other. Hugs and courage to her 💛
I still don’t understand why people don’t want to show their phone while they r in a relationship. They r just sneaky and wants to talk to other girls, don’t be in a relationship. If u want to be in a serious relationship, then be transparent as much as possible.
My ex cheated on me, and would lie and say it was me being jealous or thinking things up in my head. And he would literally watch me just fall apart crying and so confused and then continue to tell me lies and try to manipulate. Any man who’s okay with that doesn’t love you, and doesn’t actually care for you. If it was insecurity then he would reassure you. What’s happening here sounds like manipulation
He is DEFINTELY cheating on her ... oh And another thing .. if he sent her the screenshots of the conversations, that would not be a good proof because he could have easily erased or archived the suspicious conversation
Hi gentlemen, It's hard when from one message you can jump into conclusions because of all the possible meanings and scenarios it can have. if it was my boyfriend and this happened, he would give and/or explain what was the context of the message and involve me at whatever he and his friend is laughing about. In my opinion, as the woman who says she's very good at handling her insecurity contradicts to the act of her asking for screen shots immediately.
I think we should be careful not to become our partners therapist. So the reaction of the boy friend is not appropriate at all! He’s her best friend and partner not her shrink! He needs to be more compassionate if he really didn’t cheat on her.
I CHOOSE not to trust someone who abuses the word trust and uses it against me. I would walk away from that type of guy. Not worthy of my attention and energy.
I am genuinely curious how this works out. Not like in a soap opera curiosity, buy like in a real case study. You've received "professional" input in your challenging situation, how does it work afterwards?
Yeah, if he has nothing to hide he's behaving pretty suspiciously. Like Matthew said, if she was constantly insecure then he has every right to set a limit with that. But if this is the first time she's asked, and it's in response to a text HE initiated without her snooping, then the fact that he's refusing to show her is suspicious. Best case scenario is that he's not doing anything wrong, but has a need to keep secrets. Not conducive to a healthy and open relationship. Does the caller really want to be in a relationship with a guy who wouldn't want to clear that up immediately?
If he is actually cheating then even if she asks him politely, the way matthew said, the boyfrnd would make it a big deal and use that as an excuse to make distance
I am sensing there is manipulation here. My ex was just like that. He would always put a blame on me and then I would feel like I am the bad person. Yes, people can f*ck with our mind like that. As Matt and Jameson said, it’s about being the team and sharing everything. Bad stuff and good stuff. Love you, guys! ❤️
Guess what one of the guys at my college was like that , but what he didn't know was he fell in love with one of my alter egos cause i suffer from dissociative identity disorder , i used my other alter ego to manipulate and play his real ego as a person and cheated on him and making him think that i liked him but in real i always hated him from day one. I was looking for something with someone and i also slept with someone i like... Bwahahhahhaa
Sounds like he is gaslighting her. If he truly cared about her and it was not a repetitive pattern, no way one would ruin a relationship not to prove that there was nothing fishy going on. That text is clearly fishy-sounding
I just accused my boyfriend of cheating on me and for the past 2 weeks he hasn't forgave me. He has been giving me the cold shoulder and now he decided to dump me through text because according to him " i reminded him of all his pass relationships accusing him and his aunt accusing him of stealing money" i believed him and told him sorry and here we are now single. He had no faith in me moving forward which i did and only asked him once.
A man that is saying such a thing " like teaching you " that is disprespectful to a women especially there together for 3 .5 yrs . She has the right to ask even if she felt in secure, this is her life. She shouldnt be scared of losing him. She is the prize .
I don't think I would have asked him for a screenshot. I mean if I would have been with a guy for more than 3 years I would trust his word. I would have asked him about the message. And If I would have got an answer that I did not like maybe I would have waited for him to return and to sort that out face to face.
If you have a partner who is insecure and knows it, it takes trust and consistent reassurance to overcome that. I would say it is the job of the secure partner to do what needs to be done to help them overcome their fears (sending screenshots to confirm the situation, checking in a reasonable amount, etc). Any secure, rational women can be made to feel irrational if the behaviour isn't supportive, so how much more for anyone who has a history of being cheated on! Find yourself a man that goes the extra mile to make sure you feel secure, not takes it as some kind of power trip "lesson" to keep you in a sense of insecurity.
Yes! Thank you for saying this, I totally agree 💙 Why do so many people make it sound *toxic* (overused word, but gets the point across) to have a slightly more high needs emotional state due to actual lived experience? These kinds of insecurities are based in empirical evidence, not some imbalance within that's never occured irl. There's too much weight on the side of people who roll their eyes and get annoyed at the first whiff of their partner's doubt. SMH! The question is why wouldn't you want to make sure, especially in the beginning, that you're deliberately trying *not* to make the person insecure? Isn't that sort of what falling in love makes you want to do - show up fully and *not* ruin things? It's so odd to me that people jump right to "oh they're controlling" because they have a question... And no, nobody wants to be living through reassurance scripts every single day of the week, but if you do something legitimately sketchy, and then dig yourself a further sketchy hole, you can deal with the consequences. Most people, especially intimate relationships, I have deeply attuned intuition about things; when they shift; people pulling away; dynamics changing. It's not a big mystery, if we admit that it's happening, and yeah often it's not about the other person at all. I just don't see how denying it and therefore creating a deeper chasm it's the mature thing to do
I would hope after three years they knew there was trust between them. I would want him to tell me face to face if he lost interest rather than sneaking into a new relationship in a “work situation” or elsewhere.
Yes what Matthew said at the end as a response to the woman was very validating and would create trust. What the guy said to his girl friend is the manipulative things my ex would say to me, and I soon found out he was a serial cheater. Yuck..
Jeopardizing a 3.5 years of relationship for a questionable message he sent himself, is raising the red flag itself. If it was her who had sent him that kind of message I'm sure he must have demanded the same. Let's just be fair here. No one wants to be cheated upon, and if that's the case at least have the decency to accept and tell them truth. If it happened as a mistake and you don't plan to do it again tell them. We are all flawed. But gas lighting someone, making them question everything / any one else going forward is just terrible. If she keeps bottling up those insecurities, it will burst open some day. The healthy part here would be to really just sit and talk it through, not expect from her to sit back when you wouldn't do that yourself.
...."LOL....a little agressive for me".....could mean anything....if she has been dating him for 3.5 years and doesn't trust him then why is she still in the relationship???.....this guy should run
The boyfriends response was to gaslight his girlfriend. Since we don’t know the full details of their relationship it’s difficult to say but guilty or not his response would not be reassuring to most people. Yes, she has a responsibility to understand herself and background. I love what Brené Brown says “The story I’m telling myself...” but the outcome does depend on both parties and what kind of emotional safety they both create for the relationship. Conflict is normal, it’s how you repair that makes the difference.
I think if this happened to me and my boyfriend asked for screenshots and prove I wouldn't feel comfortable in the relationship anymore because it shows a lack of trust. If this was genuinely an innocent message, I would explain what conversation I was having and with whom and all the details necessary, but if he still needs me to show him my phone what kind of relationship is this? I am a really private person and wouldn't want to show my private conversations with friends to anyone unless I want to. I wouldn't ask for screenshots or to see anyone's phone either, I think if someone is cheating you would eventually find out in other ways but breaking into someone's privacy is wrong and because is your partner does not mean you have the right to ask for this. I would show conversations to my partner on my own will but wouldn't like at all if he is forcing me to show him
Hey Matthew! could you please do another video about dealing with long distance relationships? Specifically about not being able to express your self well with words and how to get better at it or help your partner be more expressive when it doesn't come naturally to him. I would love that, Thanks so much!
My ex boyfriend was cheating on me for over year. Everytime I see him online & ask him who he is chatting with he would send me a screenshot of a conversation. So I would believe him. But actually he was texting her the whole while. So instead of the messages list, he would just send me a screenshot of one conversation. People who want to cheat will find some way to hide it. In my case he was sending the screenshots but he was cheating on me. It took me 13 months to find out. And I didn’t find out by getting a wrong text or someone telling me. I found out in the most roundabout way possible. Then he called me a liar & the 2 of them are still together..
My ex husband did this all the time. I would come to him calm and open with something that had caused me concern and he instantly got angry and defensive, turning the tables so it became about how sad and insecure I was, how pathetic - I would often endure a very long and painful word-salad lecture about every one of my faults and feel so lousy about myself, I stopped asking towards the end. Turns out, my concerns were well-founded; he was cheating, lying, stealing my money, drinking in secret, etc. This defensive reaction is a nice big red flag you should never ignore!
People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If her attachment style is anxious, then he well knows that and can imagine the reasons behind it, and and all hes gotta do is comfort her and alleviate her concerns. If hes not willing to do that, its bc he isnt compatible or he dont know. He can learn. And they can do well.
@ManOna: Man0na, No, it is NOT super easy to walk away when you really love someone! Im sorry but that way of putting it, is simply ridiculous. And the longer she waits for “the truth” to show up on its own, the more of her life that she wasted. I wasted FIFTEEN years that I will never get back, trying to tell myself that I was “just too jealous” and listening to that cheater tell me that I needed to work on my insecurities! Until, I caught him with his mistress. That image of the moment will NEVER leave my mind! While I don’t believe in being in a relationship with someone that is constantly questioning and jealous, if some concerns arrive every once in a while, the doubter should be reassured if the relationship is worth it to you. Losing a good partner and a fulfilling relationship over PRIDE for an occasional “questioning” on your partner’s part is not worth it in the end.
I was in a similar situation once, but not nearly as bad as actually seeing the act. I'm sorry. They should be ashamed. Also, maybe think of it this way: All the time you spent, all the work you put into that relationship with someone who obviously did not work as hard as you. That shows strength, and commitment. That shows that with the right person (unlike those two) you will be able to be really truly happy, because you can go the distance. The best they can do is fake it. Think of all the lil moments with your ex, good or bad as proof of how you can grow and how hard you work. Because you grew in that relationshit and they are incapable. You did not waste, you take what you can, and be better off next time.They are doomed. You do not have to be. I wish you the best. Thank you for sharing.
Finally 😍😍 glad to see you Jamison .. and the answer of this situation I think .. she's right .. if he sent her a screenshot this will explain something .. but if he don't then he is defiantly sheating
So you show the message, it was a male coworker, everything is out of context. Now what do you do when she demand to alleviate her insecurity again a couple days later? Or after a couple months after the guy sits her down to assure her of his trustworthiness and that they are on the same team but she asks for proof again?
My soon to be ex husband cheated on me. Once that seed of doubt has been planted it is hard to come back from that, I never trusted him again and I hated it. The best thing the lady can do is just leave he ain’t worth the mind games any self respecting man or person would just screen shot it to put the persons mind at ease. I hope the lady finds the truth and the peace she needs x
I didn't think anyone was cheating on me until RUclips kept recommending this video. And I was like "maybe he's cheating on me and this was a sign" But then I remembered, I had no boyfriend or husband.😅
He’s most likely cheating, if not, he doesn’t seem to mind hurting her. I’ve been in relationships with unfaithful men, they always turn it around, guilt trip you and make you doubt yourself. My advice is to leave him.
Lesson you need to learn? Why people are so eager to teach their partner a lesson? And it doesn't make sense since she's never done such a thing before. In order to say that, she must have had tried to do it couple of times before this. We try our best to be understanding in all of our other relationships, but why is it hard to do in a romantic relationship? Like people don't say stuff like that to their parents, siblings or friends. And sometimes they also do things that annoy you or offend you. We still try. But somehow when it's a romantic relationship, people are more cruel and quick to judge. I agree with the video. He should have sent a screenshot just for this time and tell how offended he is because she doesn't trust him. That's actually what someone would do when they have nothing to fear and when they care about their partner enough.
I think a screenshot of a conversation is a bit off. I dont want my boyfriend to ask me to do this if the tables are turned. It feels like a violation of my privacy and a precedent. But his response is fucked up just to avoid her questions. So, how do you actually handle this with grace? NO GRACE. I just harmlessly flirt with the next bartender. Im a catch and he’s not my world. Im not gonna waste my time overthinking that text. Guys tend to text flirt when theyre bored. You cant monitor them 24/7 and youll be suspicious of his moves from now on. No win. Attend to yourself, to your friends, to your dog to anyone but him. See how it goes from there.
I imagine an innocent guy would say, “I can see how you could misinterpret that text out of context.” Attempt to share the backstory but end up sending a screenshot because it’s easier. And then laugh, not at her but himself because of all the texts he could accidentally send her, he sends one that is incriminating. Then maybe they could both laugh at how funny the situation is. But yeah... his response is a bit dodgy.
I was the girls in these situations. Woman for me were never respectable to me and were always never actually honest. My last girlfriend would barely even answer questions. My second last actually slept with another guy over 9 years ago. I have been single to this day. :(
I don't know friends! But I think after 3 and half years it's really hard to build the trust again. Yet it was short time to show his faithfulness to her. That's means it's need long time to come back together normal! If she's. Still wanna stay with him after all.
Not only is he probably cheating, but he's messing with her mind as well, and making her feel like the crazy one. Bless her.
I agree! If he has NOTHING to hide then show the text.
Agree, he is totally gaslighting her!
Sarah Davies I agree girl. Women's intuition...
@@jordanallen8420
How much it cost u?u remember?
Exactly he is gaslighting her
The guy is clearly manipulative and guilt tripping her.
Yeah cause that's what it's easy to assume right?
@@SuperMurray2009 nope, because if he really cared about her, he would have showed some evidence that she was wrong and he was honest, right? Put yourself in her shoes, you've never had any doubts on your partner ever before, you care about him/her, you love him/ her, you're innocent, the most logical and reasonable thing is, you want things to get back to how they were before the misunderstanding happened. What do you do then? You give them every proof that they are wrong. If this is a repeated scenario, you might call him or her paranoid. But only if, given every evidence of innocence, they still don't trust you.
leena Vie exactly.
@@francescamssc22 wrong,no need for him to show her his phone, if she really had issues wait until he came back from the trip then talk. hes right about feeding her insecurity. once he show her his phone he going to ask for it all the time.
remind me of my bf
Yes he is hurting the relationship by not showing the screenshots. If you have nothing to hide show it. Never ever give your partner a reason to doubt you.
The guy is being defensive and yes I think he is cheating on her and manipulating her mind!
Agree!!!
@@frankendoll1455 so do I!
Agreed
Or at the very least emotionally cheating on her AKA Being the "Man about town" ...not okay and I am only pretty sure he would not tolerate if she respinded in kind
Yup X10...
I am surely never falling for the "you are insecure" speach again. Run!
I feel like this comments about privet investors or able to see there info on the phone is just advertising from the person itself not customers
I agree. She is feeling doubt due to something her boyfriend did. Her boyfriend should respond in a way that he would appreciate if the shoe was on the other foot. By responding in that way, he raises more doubt.
I believe the reply he gave to her goes a lot deeper than just being manipulative or giving her a lecture on trust. It comes from a place of mental cruelty, gaslighting and...a touch of dark narcissism. He places himself above her, as an authoritarian lecturer. Not an equal relationship. How can we talk about the ' team' concept then? She should drop him asap. A toxic man...
What the guy said is exactly what my ex used to say to me. My ex ended up cheating on me so I would tell her to run. When it comes from a place of genuine concern he should've reassured her and then talk about trust exactly like it was said in this video. Because when you aren't reassured the first time then it'll always linger in her mind and at any time she can start wondering if he's cheating, start analysing everything and it'll consume her more and more. It totally destroys trust, the bond they have with each other, the relationship and it can damage severely the person who has doubts. Because I wasn't reassured the 1st time, I started hating myself so much because I felt bad to not be able to stop the wandering and the jealousy and I hated who I had become because of jealousy
I went trough the exact same thing...
100% correct. A narcissistic cheater always blames the victim.
@@akino17 I'm sorry you had to go through that too. Nobody deserves that. I hope you found better or are happy single now
I can totally relate!
A manipulative lecture. When any guy starts to do that my red flag goes up. Just answer the damn question dude.
He’s definitely cheating. Your intuition is everything. She should’ve been strong and not let him twist the situation back on her. She needs to break up with him, protect your heart and don’t waste your time on someone who is playing you.
L Coleman Yes I‘ve been in a similar situation before and he talked his way out calling me insecure. But in the end I was absolutely right! Often we WANT to believe him b/c we can’t handle the truth.
Señorita_Alegría I have also been in a situation. I knew something was going on, but I ignored it because I thought he was my soulmate and was in love. Turns out that I was right and he’s now living with the person I knew he’s interested in.
Matthew gives great advice, but overall love is complicated and there’s no set rules to it. You can give tools and guidance to find someone special. At the end of the day, I believe loves comes to you when you are meant to have it. But during that process before,it sucks going through each heart break because we’re here on earth to love. It’s difficult getting yourself out of that, you have to be strong!
Me too . Made me seem like I was crazy one yet he did in fact cheat. Is he wasn’t doing anything wrong he would love to prove you wrong and show you the text.
Señorita_Alegría yes girl I hear you! But how do you know for sure it’s a gut feeling and not paranoia?
camila de la vega Late to the party but that’s the question I’m trying to answer today. My spidey sense has been tingling for a while but I don’t want to react out of fear rather than knowledge, and I’ve no evidence.
I used to wonder if Jamison was fake, this proves otherwise😂 Sorry I doubted you Matthew 😭😂
Why would you think he's fake? You can always hear him talking in the background.
He does exist!
😂I thought Mat had a camera stand called Jamison
Imaginary friend.
You should have trusted Matthew!
I agree with Matt; his immediate reaction to the very first fishy incident tells me dude's a fast talker vs an evolved psychiatrist. He's using the old best-defence-is-offence trick, putting her on the defensive i.e. I am not a cheater, YOU are insecure. The swift smoothness shows he's successfully pulled it off before.
Remember that old show Cheaters? The caught red handed cheater was often outraged, scandalized, "how DARE you follow me, you don't trust me?!" Well...duh!
I agree!!
Also known as "projection"
well said girl
Two years ago my husband left me for another woman and i was dis-organise during that period, in search for help on how to get him back i was decieved by so many fake spell casters until i meant this great genuine who helped in bringing back my husband and restored love and peace into my family, i will be forever greatful to him. Contact him for any kind of problem, wealth making, looking for a genuine relationship, need pregnancy, want to be famous, need good job, need protection, etc. contact him for in him you will find sincerity and trust Also you can whatsApp his private line: (+2348024971239)Am great and you are indeed a blessings. To me
Worried he’s cheating?Dont worry he’s definitely cheating.
Virginia leontaridou haha
Amen.
Works both ways. If the guy thinks the girl is cheating, she usually is.
Guys, I've received those kind of texts, too. He was cheating and kind of a bad liar. Needless to say we are no longer together. She is 100% valid in her request.
I think when out of the blue, you receive a weird message that was not meant for you and you ask your man for a little bit of reassurance regarding that particular weird message and his response is "a lecture" on trust and self confidence and rises more doubts, there is definetely something wrong with the way he's handling this... I don't know if it is that he is cheating or not, but it also seems like he doesn't put himself in her shoes, not once and is not trying to be a teamplayer with his SO here....so definetely something is off ...
joually PERFECTLY SAID
I think she should trust her gut and consider taking a closer look at pattern of prior relationships with people who have broken trust with her in past. I’m a 66 year old widow of two years, just started seeing someone and it feels too familiar in a not good way. Word familiar and family come from the same place. I’m thinking that when one partner is engaging in hurtful deception... it can turn easily into a form of sadism. Really preaching to myself here and trying to listen to my gut. BTW ... sad truth about aging is that mentally, physically, emotionally see the world as someone in her thirties. It wasn’t until I got old that I realized what old meant.
Agreed. If it was me I would immediately send the screen shots because to be honest I'd be afraid of causing doubt in my partner and then as Matt said, I would tell him that I need more trust in the future.
Aaaaaagreed. He should have a droplet of empathy
He’s a manipulator...
I completely agree, if its the first time he should want to put her mind at rest, not hurt the relationship by making her have doubt, Because up to this point she never doubted him right !
He's DEFINITELY cheating! RUN.
He would send her a screen shot if he was an innocent...
He is being manipulative and trying to use her past insecurity as a tool for his manipulative behavior. She is not being insecure bud, you need to be accountable to your partner in this situation because she asked you to. She hasn't before. She doesn't need a lesson, you gave her a reason to have questions/concerns. Pony up or step off.
I totally agree with Matt! This guy could be a little more supportive if he was interested in keeping his relationship save 🤷🏼♀️
Gaslighting much?
So the guy could have been messaging a friend maybe some embarrassing "guy talk" that he didn't want her to see but still, I agree with Matthew here. He placed doubt in her mind with the text so the onus is on him to add the context.
To me, if this was actually the first attempt at doubt, whether he's cheating or not, his response lacks respect. If there's no respect left after 3 and a half years, I would advice the lady to see this as a serendipitous event not to make a big life mistake. She should master the courage to leave him behind.
Transparency is key for a trusting relationship. If he's not showing it, he's hiding something.
I once got a weird message and he tried to make it seem like it was indeed intended for me. Turned out he was cheating.
Also, whenever I would notice he might be cheating, he would get defensive and make me feel guilty for not trusting him.
If it looks like he's cheating, he is cheating... Of course, you should trust a man until he gives you a reason to doubt him but never ignore the signs when your instinct is telling you something is wrong. If I were that woman, I would insist to see that conversation. It will save her a lot of time. In any case, I can see she is smarter than me since she immediately asked Matthew for advice so I'm sure she'll handle this well :) ( ps I do often think to myself "What would Matthew tell me?" :))
If at any time in the "relationship" either has doubt and if someone doesn't follow through w/sharing their life honestly, then there really isn't a relationship....someone is being used.
Jameson is so cute :O i thought he was matt's imaginary boyfriend
He’s cheating and didn’t want to admit it so he flipped it on her. Typical trash men behaviour.
Why do you hate men?
Just.
Mayo Dog if they initiate divorce it’s because the guy did something wrong.
Two years ago my husband left me for another woman and i was dis-organise during that period, in search for help on how to get him back i was decieved by so many fake spell casters until i meant this great genuine who helped in bringing back my husband and restored love and peace into my family, i will be forever greatful to him. Contact him for any kind of problem, wealth making, looking for a genuine relationship, need pregnancy, want to be famous, need good job, need protection, etc. contact him for in him you will find sincerity and trust Also you can whatsApp his private line: (+2348024971239)Am great and you are indeed a blessings. To me
If he's being defensive instead of reassuring then he's cheating. Always go with your gut!
For my money, I would bet that nine times out of ten that if someone’s hiding their messages and demanding that his or her partner trust them blindly-then they’re definitely cheating. The script then becomes: what do I say to my partner if I suspect he’s cheating but I know he will deny it. Btw: that tactic of “you should trust me” is very familiar to me because I’ve not only had it used on me, I used it to retaliate against the same guy when I cheated on him! Bottom line, if there is no trust, there is no relationship. If she doesn’t believe deep in her heart that he’s innocent, she needs to address the situation with him directly, and if he loves her, he would take her concern seriously, not try to punish her or “teach her a lesson.” If that doesn’t happen then the best thing to do is to escape the relationship or at the very least, not to cheat back. I learned the hard way that two wrongs will never make a right.
Trust is one of the cornerstones of any healthy growing relationship. She needs to LISTEN and SEE that this man gets defensive and if he doesn't respond respectfully to her inquiries (which there is evidence of) she needs to understand that this unhealthy disrespectful comment is how this man will respond to her in future communications. Then she needs to figure out whether this is how she wants to be treated going forward.
smartest answer out there
..say the same...walk away
Exactly my reaction, RESPECT first
Matthew, give us some guidance on how to deal with such situation, will you? It's so very painful to hide insecurities and is devastating when the other person seems to disdain! My heart goes out to this woman and I wish her well.
People tend to act defensive when caught in a lie.
His response was absolutely unempathetic. THAT is the red flag. Whether he is cheating or not is almost secondary to the concern that he is not hearing her and refuses to care about her scared feelings. This incident is not a dealbreaker, but she should proceed with her eyes open about this selfish behavior of his because my guess is that there are many other circumstances in which he is minimizing her feelings. A lifetime of that with someone leads to a lot of loneliness in a relationship. IMO Partners should care if the other is afraid and want to help comfort them, not cast them out for having inconvenient feelings.
This should have a bazillion upvotes
So so true about if they minimize your feelings or don’t want to deal with them it equals so much loneliness.
Two of my biggest pet peeves is deflection and projection. People do it for a variety of reasons but generally it's because they're hiding something and I have no tolerance for that I believe always and transparent honesty in every aspect and the only way for me I believe to have a healthy relationship is to have that.
From my past experience and what the man said. He was cheating or preparing to.
I went through "the best defense is offense" thing ...
when I realized my bf was cheating on me, he actually convinced me it was MY FAULT for making him feel insecure.
and I believed him (ughhhh).
never ever ever again will I buy that sort of crap, but it took me years to understand I was being manipulated.
Interesting video. This topic could go on and on for sure...
I was in a long relationship at one point where he cheated multiple times. This guys response is pretty much the defensive mechanism of a typical “cheater”. That said i would never go into a future relationship expecting the same results however if one isn’t looking for signals and they happen to come at them, that is in no way insecurity. It’s call a red flag and following your gut. inquiring about that strange text etc if your gut tells you too doesn’t have to be about jealously either. It’s called being smart and not standing for any bs. Truth is anyone is capable of making a mistake but the difference is seeing the signals as to if this mistake is a common one. Thanks for the vid!
She has a right to ask for a screen shot b/c this came to her. She didn't go out looking for it. If he has nothing to hide, he would do it and be done with it so it doesn't cause more problems between them. When a woman gets that feeling, she's usually right!
I had a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years but I knew him previous to out relationship and I went to visit him roughly every 6 months. During our relationship my friend had told me that he was messaging her on Instagram without knowing that shes my friend and telling her that he's single and when I confronted him about it he started crying and saying it wont happen again... I went to visit him during the Christmas holiday 2018 and he was really protective of his phone. I ended up on his phone one night after he had left it at home and gone out and I saw him talking to this girl on WhatsApp and telling her how she's his whole world and when shes coming over next and things like that. When I confronted him again he told me that she wasn't the only one that he was talking to and that in fact he was speaking to 2 other girls not including me. I was soo heartbroken yet all he could say was why I was on his phone.
Yup, been there. The guy spends a lot of time on his phone, texting a "colleague". The phone lights up with a new message, I see it. It makes me do a double take. I check the whole conversation... His bags are out the door really fast.
Fatima Ali shit bag. U deserve better. Horrible that they make us have to check their phones n compromise our integrity
@@MaddiedeVillada honestly it makes us feel like we can't trust anyone after that
@@StormTanyaLane aww thank you x yeah you're right like why cant they just be honest if they're not happy in the relationship
A real man would have sent the screenshot even before she asked for it.
Yes, a good and wise man would.
There are NO such good men in the world tbh.
@@dimpleparmar_ There are :) I mean, there are good women and bad women too, so...
True
He deflected things back on her by saying she was insecure so he didn't have to send the screenshot. When someone acts in a defensive manner such as this, there is usually something they are guilty of or want to hide. Great video guys! ❤❤
Yes cheating! I was married to a man who’d always manipulate me or blame me for his cheating! A man who truly loves a woman will respond in the way you did in this video... not point out her insecurities .
That lecturing tone from the bf is highly suspicious...I assume he is not even a professional ...it's terrible when half educated people use these guru expressions, like they are professionals. If the girlfriend did not ask this regularly before than he is covering something.
He is hurting the relationship by saying that to her caused it would make me more suspicious and think that he is cheating
Even if he is not cheating its still bad..
If he has nothing to hide, showing her the text should not be a problem. Also, given that it has been 3.5 years, they probably would have discussed insecurities and/or past relationship failures and so it would be considerate of him to put his partner at ease. A women's intuition is important!
As a person who has caught a cheater (without looking) but through his mistake (the truth always comes out), you have to be strong and break things off immediately or the lies and evasion will continue. He will try to convince you that you are the one that is insecure and crazy!
In this situation, it seems like her intuition was trying to tell her something. I wouldn't just let it go. However, I agree with you, Matthew- if this is a recurring theme, then neither of them need to be in the relationship.
Trust should be built, not taken for granted. I've been in a similar situation, but my boyfriend was the one who actually offered to send me a screenshot. I owe him a debt of gratitude. 😊
I agree with Mathew that he must show the screen shot so that she beleives him much more than earlier.
There is a way of handling girl friends as even that guy was with her frim long time.
Matthew hires the same actor to play jameson, that’s dedication ✊
I would have looked at the situation and said -If it were reversed, what would I have done? In his shoes, I would have sent the screen shot if asked...or prior to being asked would have explained the conversation... I just don't think that would have been unreasonable to do for someone that I care about and am invested in. I don't know their relationship, where they have strengths and weaknesses. . . but I don't tend to feel like a very jealous or competitive person, and I would definitely have questions based on his reaction to her request. So if I were in her shoes, being myself I would say to him that if the situation were reversed that I would want to reassure someone I care for, because there are no guarantees in life that the person we are with will never cheat on us, and tell him that his response has caused me to create a story in my head in order to explain his behavior...and that there is a chance that this is nothing, but there is also a chance that it isn't, because the response he gave is the one that would be most likely used by a guy who was guilty of something.
Bottom line, I think in relationships we either do things regularly to show, tell and remind our partner that we love them and are still interested and excited to be with them or doubts begin to arise over time. I don't think it's a matter of being insecure to want to know what you mean to someone... We are not in each other's minds. I have been with people who left me in doubt of the depth of their affection and I have been with people with whom I never had to question how they felt about me. In the situations where there was doubt and uncertainty, looking back I can see very good reasons for my doubt and I know that I would not choose to be with someone who would leave me in a state of doubting what I mean to them, because they either don't know themselves or they don't want to say the truth and deal with the repercussions and the pain that it would cause me...either way-That's not for me. I want to be with someone that I am sure of, and I want them to feel sure of me as well. Doubt and needing reassurance are not something that only women struggle with... Hopefully they are able to work through this and communicate better with each other. Hugs and courage to her 💛
I still don’t understand why people don’t want to show their phone while they r in a relationship. They r just sneaky and wants to talk to other girls, don’t be in a relationship. If u want to be in a serious relationship, then be transparent as much as possible.
My ex cheated on me, and would lie and say it was me being jealous or thinking things up in my head. And he would literally watch me just fall apart crying and so confused and then continue to tell me lies and try to manipulate. Any man who’s okay with that doesn’t love you, and doesn’t actually care for you. If it was insecurity then he would reassure you. What’s happening here sounds like manipulation
He is DEFINTELY cheating on her ... oh And another thing .. if he sent her the screenshots of the conversations, that would not be a good proof because he could have easily erased or archived the suspicious conversation
Hi gentlemen,
It's hard when from one message you can jump into conclusions because of all the possible meanings and scenarios it can have. if it was my boyfriend and this happened, he would give and/or explain what was the context of the message and involve me at whatever he and his friend is laughing about. In my opinion, as the woman who says she's very good at handling her insecurity contradicts to the act of her asking for screen shots immediately.
I think we should be careful not to become our partners therapist. So the reaction of the boy friend is not appropriate at all! He’s her best friend and partner not her shrink! He needs to be more compassionate if he really didn’t cheat on her.
I CHOOSE not to trust someone who abuses the word trust and uses it against me. I would walk away from that type of guy. Not worthy of my attention and energy.
I am genuinely curious how this works out. Not like in a soap opera curiosity, buy like in a real case study.
You've received "professional" input in your challenging situation, how does it work afterwards?
He is cheating bcz if therz nothing to hide then show it!
Once a cheater always a cheater! His evasive tactics would make me immediately feel like he has something to hide!
Yeah, if he has nothing to hide he's behaving pretty suspiciously. Like Matthew said, if she was constantly insecure then he has every right to set a limit with that. But if this is the first time she's asked, and it's in response to a text HE initiated without her snooping, then the fact that he's refusing to show her is suspicious. Best case scenario is that he's not doing anything wrong, but has a need to keep secrets. Not conducive to a healthy and open relationship. Does the caller really want to be in a relationship with a guy who wouldn't want to clear that up immediately?
If he is actually cheating then even if she asks him politely, the way matthew said, the boyfrnd would make it a big deal and use that as an excuse to make distance
Cheating and gas lighting I think.
I am sensing there is manipulation here. My ex was just like that. He would always put a blame on me and then I would feel like I am the bad person. Yes, people can f*ck with our mind like that. As Matt and Jameson said, it’s about being the team and sharing everything. Bad stuff and good stuff.
Love you, guys! ❤️
Guess what one of the guys at my college was like that , but what he didn't know was he fell in love with one of my alter egos cause i suffer from dissociative identity disorder , i used my other alter ego to manipulate and play his real ego as a person and cheated on him and making him think that i liked him but in real i always hated him from day one. I was looking for something with someone and i also slept with someone i like... Bwahahhahhaa
Sounds like he is gaslighting her. If he truly cared about her and it was not a repetitive pattern, no way one would ruin a relationship not to prove that there was nothing fishy going on. That text is clearly fishy-sounding
Textbook manipulation. It’s always the genuine sweet people who get taken advantage of the most on these situations. How sad.
I just accused my boyfriend of cheating on me and for the past 2 weeks he hasn't forgave me. He has been giving me the cold shoulder and now he decided to dump me through text because according to him " i reminded him of all his pass relationships accusing him and his aunt accusing him of stealing money" i believed him and told him sorry and here we are now single. He had no faith in me moving forward which i did and only asked him once.
A man that is saying such a thing " like teaching you " that is disprespectful to a women especially there together for 3 .5 yrs . She has the right to ask even if she felt in secure, this is her life. She shouldnt be scared of losing him. She is the prize .
I don't think I would have asked him for a screenshot. I mean if I would have been with a guy for more than 3 years I would trust his word. I would have asked him about the message. And If I would have got an answer that I did not like maybe I would have waited for him to return and to sort that out face to face.
forsure cheating and manipulating her
If you have a partner who is insecure and knows it, it takes trust and consistent reassurance to overcome that. I would say it is the job of the secure partner to do what needs to be done to help them overcome their fears (sending screenshots to confirm the situation, checking in a reasonable amount, etc).
Any secure, rational women can be made to feel irrational if the behaviour isn't supportive, so how much more for anyone who has a history of being cheated on!
Find yourself a man that goes the extra mile to make sure you feel secure, not takes it as some kind of power trip "lesson" to keep you in a sense of insecurity.
Yes! Thank you for saying this, I totally agree 💙
Why do so many people make it sound *toxic* (overused word, but gets the point across) to have a slightly more high needs emotional state due to actual lived experience?
These kinds of insecurities are based in empirical evidence, not some imbalance within that's never occured irl. There's too much weight on the side of people who roll their eyes and get annoyed at the first whiff of their partner's doubt. SMH! The question is why wouldn't you want to make sure, especially in the beginning, that you're deliberately trying *not* to make the person insecure? Isn't that sort of what falling in love makes you want to do - show up fully and *not* ruin things? It's so odd to me that people jump right to "oh they're controlling" because they have a question... And no, nobody wants to be living through reassurance scripts every single day of the week, but if you do something legitimately sketchy, and then dig yourself a further sketchy hole, you can deal with the consequences.
Most people, especially intimate relationships, I have deeply attuned intuition about things; when they shift; people pulling away; dynamics changing. It's not a big mystery, if we admit that it's happening, and yeah often it's not about the other person at all. I just don't see how denying it and therefore creating a deeper chasm it's the mature thing to do
I would hope after three years they knew there was trust between them. I would want him to tell me face to face if he lost interest rather than sneaking into a new relationship in a “work situation” or elsewhere.
It's called gaslighting and he's absolutely doing it.
Yes what Matthew said at the end as a response to the woman was very validating and would create trust. What the guy said to his girl friend is the manipulative things my ex would say to me, and I soon found out he was a serial cheater. Yuck..
He definitely has something to hide...not a good sign.
Like I always say...if ya do not want to be questioned...don't do questionable shit
Funny introduction 😁
If your gut tells you something is off, something is off. Trust your heart.
Jeopardizing a 3.5 years of relationship for a questionable message he sent himself, is raising the red flag itself. If it was her who had sent him that kind of message I'm sure he must have demanded the same. Let's just be fair here. No one wants to be cheated upon, and if that's the case at least have the decency to accept and tell them truth. If it happened as a mistake and you don't plan to do it again tell them. We are all flawed. But gas lighting someone, making them question everything / any one else going forward is just terrible. If she keeps bottling up those insecurities, it will burst open some day. The healthy part here would be to really just sit and talk it through, not expect from her to sit back when you wouldn't do that yourself.
...."LOL....a little agressive for me".....could mean anything....if she has been dating him for 3.5 years and doesn't trust him then why is she still in the relationship???.....this guy should run
The boyfriends response was to gaslight his girlfriend. Since we don’t know the full details of their relationship it’s difficult to say but guilty or not his response would not be reassuring to most people. Yes, she has a responsibility to understand herself and background. I love what Brené Brown says “The story I’m telling myself...” but the outcome does depend on both parties and what kind of emotional safety they both create for the relationship. Conflict is normal, it’s how you repair that makes the difference.
I think if this happened to me and my boyfriend asked for screenshots and prove I wouldn't feel comfortable in the relationship anymore because it shows a lack of trust. If this was genuinely an innocent message, I would explain what conversation I was having and with whom and all the details necessary, but if he still needs me to show him my phone what kind of relationship is this? I am a really private person and wouldn't want to show my private conversations with friends to anyone unless I want to. I wouldn't ask for screenshots or to see anyone's phone either, I think if someone is cheating you would eventually find out in other ways but breaking into someone's privacy is wrong and because is your partner does not mean you have the right to ask for this. I would show conversations to my partner on my own will but wouldn't like at all if he is forcing me to show him
Hey Matthew! could you please do another video about dealing with long distance relationships? Specifically about not being able to express your self well with words and how to get better at it or help your partner be more expressive when it doesn't come naturally to him. I would love that, Thanks so much!
How about "online dating/chat" what should we expect..
thank you
My ex boyfriend was cheating on me for over year. Everytime I see him online & ask him who he is chatting with he would send me a screenshot of a conversation. So I would believe him. But actually he was texting her the whole while. So instead of the messages list, he would just send me a screenshot of one conversation.
People who want to cheat will find some way to hide it. In my case he was sending the screenshots but he was cheating on me. It took me 13 months to find out. And I didn’t find out by getting a wrong text or someone telling me. I found out in the most roundabout way possible. Then he called me a liar & the 2 of them are still together..
My ex husband did this all the time. I would come to him calm and open with something that had caused me concern and he instantly got angry and defensive, turning the tables so it became about how sad and insecure I was, how pathetic - I would often endure a very long and painful word-salad lecture about every one of my faults and feel so lousy about myself, I stopped asking towards the end. Turns out, my concerns were well-founded; he was cheating, lying, stealing my money, drinking in secret, etc. This defensive reaction is a nice big red flag you should never ignore!
i couldn’t be more agree with the things that you said man..
People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If her attachment style is anxious, then he well knows that and can imagine the reasons behind it, and and all hes gotta do is comfort her and alleviate her concerns. If hes not willing to do that, its bc he isnt compatible or he dont know. He can learn. And they can do well.
@ManOna:
Man0na,
No, it is NOT super easy to walk away when you really love someone! Im sorry but that way of putting it, is simply ridiculous. And the longer she waits for “the truth” to show up on its own, the more of her life that she wasted. I wasted FIFTEEN years that I will never get back, trying to tell myself that I was “just too jealous” and listening to that cheater tell me that I needed to work on my insecurities! Until, I caught him with his mistress. That image of the moment will NEVER leave my mind!
While I don’t believe in being in a relationship with someone that is constantly questioning and jealous, if some concerns arrive every once in a while, the doubter should be reassured if the relationship is worth it to you. Losing a good partner and a fulfilling relationship over PRIDE for an occasional “questioning” on your partner’s part is not worth it in the end.
I was in a similar situation once, but not nearly as bad as actually seeing the act. I'm sorry. They should be ashamed. Also, maybe think of it this way: All the time you spent, all the work you put into that relationship with someone who obviously did not work as hard as you. That shows strength, and commitment. That shows that with the right person (unlike those two) you will be able to be really truly happy, because you can go the distance. The best they can do is fake it. Think of all the lil moments with your ex, good or bad as proof of how you can grow and how hard you work. Because you grew in that relationshit and they are incapable. You did not waste, you take what you can, and be better off next time.They are doomed. You do not have to be. I wish you the best. Thank you for sharing.
Very good advice and suggestion by you mathew 👏. I completely agree with you and how the girl reacted.
Finally 😍😍 glad to see you Jamison .. and the answer of this situation I think .. she's right .. if he sent her a screenshot this will explain something .. but if he don't then he is defiantly sheating
So you show the message, it was a male coworker, everything is out of context. Now what do you do when she demand to alleviate her insecurity again a couple days later? Or after a couple months after the guy sits her down to assure her of his trustworthiness and that they are on the same team but she asks for proof again?
My soon to be ex husband cheated on me.
Once that seed of doubt has been planted it is hard to come back from that, I never trusted him again and I hated it.
The best thing the lady can do is just leave he ain’t worth the mind games any self respecting man or person would just screen shot it to put the persons mind at ease.
I hope the lady finds the truth and the peace she needs x
I didn't think anyone was cheating on me until RUclips kept recommending this video. And I was like "maybe he's cheating on me and this was a sign"
But then I remembered, I had no boyfriend or husband.😅
He’s most likely cheating, if not, he doesn’t seem to mind hurting her.
I’ve been in relationships with unfaithful men, they always turn it around, guilt trip you and make you doubt yourself.
My advice is to leave him.
Lesson you need to learn? Why people are so eager to teach their partner a lesson? And it doesn't make sense since she's never done such a thing before. In order to say that, she must have had tried to do it couple of times before this.
We try our best to be understanding in all of our other relationships, but why is it hard to do in a romantic relationship? Like people don't say stuff like that to their parents, siblings or friends. And sometimes they also do things that annoy you or offend you. We still try. But somehow when it's a romantic relationship, people are more cruel and quick to judge.
I agree with the video. He should have sent a screenshot just for this time and tell how offended he is because she doesn't trust him. That's actually what someone would do when they have nothing to fear and when they care about their partner enough.
It seems like he has something to hide, wouldn't want to be with a guy like that
I think a screenshot of a conversation is a bit off. I dont want my boyfriend to ask me to do this if the tables are turned. It feels like a violation of my privacy and a precedent. But his response is fucked up just to avoid her questions. So, how do you actually handle this with grace? NO GRACE. I just harmlessly flirt with the next bartender. Im a catch and he’s not my world. Im not gonna waste my time overthinking that text. Guys tend to text flirt when theyre bored. You cant monitor them 24/7 and youll be suspicious of his moves from now on. No win. Attend to yourself, to your friends, to your dog to anyone but him. See how it goes from there.
I imagine an innocent guy would say, “I can see how you could misinterpret that text out of context.” Attempt to share the backstory but end up sending a screenshot because it’s easier. And then laugh, not at her but himself because of all the texts he could accidentally send her, he sends one that is incriminating. Then maybe they could both laugh at how funny the situation is. But yeah... his response is a bit dodgy.
I was the girls in these situations. Woman for me were never respectable to me and were always never actually honest. My last girlfriend would barely even answer questions. My second last actually slept with another guy over 9 years ago. I have been single to this day. :(
I agree with Matthew very well said
I don't know friends! But I think after 3 and half years it's really hard to build the trust again. Yet it was short time to show his faithfulness to her. That's means it's need long time to come back together normal! If she's. Still wanna stay with him after all.