Arguments are Necessary for Relationships
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- Опубликовано: 11 дек 2024
- Watch the full video - • 2017 Maps of Meaning 0...
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This is wisdom, and it applies to more scenarios than just the marriage.
Yes! Every relationship can be this way.
If your relationship can't handle a fight then its not a strong relationship
"Periods of peace punctuated by a good fight". Nice jordan
if I played this near my girl I already know she'd want to argue that he's wrong 😂
🤣
Lolll fucking right
Exactly same as my wife as she is very shallow in thinking 🤔
@@robertderkach650that’s a really bad idea to bad-name your own wife publicly as you did.
@@7776-g6eWhy is it strange to say your partner is shallow, if they are? This person did not disclose his, nor his wife's identity. He seems to simply be venting and connecting.
My husband & I never fought for 28 yrs & Jordan is not wrong. I didn't have a marriage...
actually went through this the past 9 years .. the 'fight' was always dramatised to serve the mentioned retreat and was upheld until expected compliance .. I didn't understand the problems until coming across JP content 2-3 years ago and it put things into perspective .. the other has tried to ambush me on a few occasions since, but it was evident as a dead end. Narcissistic people don't like being outed and will cause a lot of trouble.
I dont need fights, neither does my wife.
What we need is a productive Discussion about things we disagree about.
He does say if it goes to far that's no good duh
@@gary5799 And i say that i dont need that trouble at all..
No need to point that phrase out if going that way is not even an option.😊
Have a great day!
I did think a bit more and you are right, a fight isn't what anyone wants, I think the point of what he says is that couples that just roll along happy or not is not a good thing, partnerships each should grow to be better ppl, together, fight is maybe a bad word for that
That marriage isnt going to last long 💀 if you cant handle a fight then your marriage is weak. Is it already over?
@@silentkaine9352 a marriage that requires a fight is already over.
This is exactly what I deal with on a daily basis. I provide love and emotional support and make sure she knows she’s beautiful everyday. Still the fights. Women check out emotionally and mentally before ever leaving physically. Communication is the only thing that makes any relationship work
Facts!
Wish my bf would tell me he loves me and I look nice
@@susang.8549 find someone that does.
I never thought of it this way but it's brilliant
I’ve been with my spouse for almost 20 years he avoids all conflict it’s to a breaking point for me. I can’t take his silence and stonewalling anymore. It causes more conflict than the actual issues at hand
“A grappling phenomena that you both emerge transformed from”. Is that what the kids call it these days.
😂😂😂😂
When your friend or partner continually tells you they are a private person the silence is deadly. Narcissism can come in many forms as well as with added issues that explains the why.
Absolutely correct.
I am very happily married and we have times where we have civilised disagreements and things to work through, but we’ve never had a fight and I’m happy about that! I used to think fights were inevitable but then I realised I was in a bad relationship (the one before my marriage)
How's that going? If your marriage can't handle a fight and you need "civil discussions" then A its a weak marriage and B tensions are gonna keep slowly rising and lead to a huge fight
@@silentkaine9352 No it’s not that we can’t ‘handle’ a fight - it’s just that it’s genuinely not necessary! By fighting I mean raised voices, anger, and perhaps saying things you regret later. We have had disagreements though for sure like I said. We do make sure to raise issues so that resentment doesn’t grow.
@@sherbetstraw Great way to lead to a dried up marriage
@@silentkaine9352 Aw dude why are you so cynical! 🧡 It genuinely works for us. Are you married yourself??
@@silentkaine9352 there can be civil disagreements and the relationship is healthy and communitcative
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾real talk
So, so true! Spot on as usual Professor Peterson 👍👏🖖!
I’m middlingly narcissistic. I’d call myself a self-aware narcissist. My wife is very subordinate. I see her subordination and my dominance traits as weights on a two-sided scale. So long as it balances, you can have a successful relationship so long as both parties can adjust their temperament when necessary.
As long as everyone's happiness and respect is prioritized and nobody's happiness or respect is coming at the expense of the other person's happiness or respect, a relationship is healthy.
A fight with a good mate can be done with humor and objective analysis. And throw some play karate into it. Both have transcended and feels there never was a fight.
this sounds right to me, but disagreements just make my husband sad and silent 😔
@@MinFidler I don’t yell fight. Mostly I’m peaceful, but I can playfully combat, or else converse… mindful & respectful conversations are essential for close relationships. I hope your communications get better. ❤️🩹
This is such pure wisdom, not knowledge you get from a book.
I think JBP might be the next Carl Jung
Yes. At times, we must wrestle with angels and they with mortals
Love never did run smooth....if its always bliss its fake.
Thank you
When couples fight every single day over stupid shit it's not healthy. Everyone person that lives around them have to hear the bullshit especially the people that are closest to them. If you can't get your point across drop it or go about it without the turmoil. That's the problem to much negativity in the world.
"mistreat them beyond belief, and perhaps deservedly so" is the perfect formula for a healthy and beautiful romantic relationship in the zeitgeist of modern America.
Yes, this is what psychology is all about: Wisdom.
This is what modern psychology should've been. It's what it CAN be, still, thanks to JP.
Add a good dose of understanding to the wisdom you'll get the why and how.
This form of relational psychology is nothing but a toxic relationship... its two personalities trying to get their needs met, and colliding.
You wanna call that healthy?😅
Goodluck.
I had a gf where wed schedule a fight every Sunday!, and can vent without getting the other mad* with no lingering resentment.*
But,
** UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Plus GOOD COMMUNICATION**
are the most important things to a healthy relationship!!!!
My wife is not subordinate
Perhaps I am
Anyway we don’t fight
We dont like to fight
30+ years
Congrats brah
Deserving? Nope. I can’t agree with you on that. Understandably so, as a matter of simple consequence? Yeah, maybe. But not deservedly so. That’s too harsh.
What if I am agreeable and my wife is agreeable then we won't have fights?
What would be the outcome?
Excellent, organized insight!
Thanks, professor! 👍
"... perhaps deservedly so."
Isn't it always?
That's the part I don't get!
Calling it a fight or argument sounds like anger is involved. Do you really need to get angry at your spouse, to get your point across
Sometimes it's very challenging to hide those emotions. Just cause you or your partner sounds angry when communicating or arguing doesn't mean you need to get triggered by it and try to regulate the whole process of however you want it to go. Sounding angry doesn't either have to involve ugly language or talk down or yell. Some just get triggered by certain words or strong emotions without anything truly alarming happening or being said.
You have to define argument. If you're arguing about stupid stuff, there's a much deeper issue. If you never argue, but discuss differences with a happy and cooperative tone, it will never feel like arguing. Just mutual problem solving.
My partner needs to deliver exactly what he wants to. If there is an error in it or if he doesn't get it on "his time." He will never take it. And fights are important except I have to be submissive over a fight that happened 3 days ago.
I still believe no arguments should be the GOAL. Goals don't have to seem achievable. The higher you set your overall goal, the more you will be able to achieve though. It is highly unlikely that we will ever achieve anything beyond whatever goals we set. If you have the goal set too low, what is going to keep you going after you reach that goal?
Arguments arise from mistakes. If the goal is to have arguments, the goal is being indirectly set to make mistakes. That's not a fully healthy way of looking at things. Even if in someone's current state they know they will make mistakes that cause arguments, they should still set their goal to avoid those arguments. That's how the engine for personal growth is formed.
It is important that in arguments nobody takes things personally and that the argument isn't being created for someone to avoid accountability for a mistake. Arguments require both parties to be keeping themselves in check making sure they are taking accountability for whatever they contributed. In the hypothetical "perfect relationship" where the personal growth of each party is prioritized, each side of an argument would actually be fighting to take the most accountability for themselves. My thinking is, if an argument isn't being caused in order for someone to avoid accountability, that's the best way to show it and that is a great goal for any couple in need of one. "What can I do to help?" is a good question to ask when someone is feeling stuck in an argument. "What can we do to improve this situation for both of us?" is another.
I have to add those caveats but otherwise I fully agree arguments are an acceptable and healthy way to resolve disagreements :)
Very true
The video is pure gold to me. Thank you.
This man is a genius
I instantly thought of Jacob wrestling with God. It’s a relationship. That was deep.
I love the Mr Roger's sweater. He's right my husband won't debate. He slams doors and leaves .says he is right but refuses to stand his ground and explain his point of view. He steals my snacks and acts entitled
Not his snacks because of diabetes.
Having a partner sucks.
Hi everyone Sandman here.
@@Ricky_Evans1611 LOL. Yeah even I can't take that guy.
He says "fight" or "match" but a good example is "fighting" a pal in JiuJitsu, where you are trying certain things, some of which they would prefer you didn't and can be dangerous, but all in all both sides prefer to "fight" in order to grow...and/or have fun and all that jazz
Yes
Yes!
Exactly
Ouch.. this is accurate aha. That's this is scary they don't communicate with you :!
Stefan Molyneux says him and his wife never argue, and that anybody who quips that 'everybody argues in relationships' is just normalizing.
Makes me think of George & Amal Clooney saying they have never had a fight. She's probably the pushover & he's dominant.
Anyone knows where the full video of this? Would love to watch all of it. Advance thanks!
why do you need to fight to grow? why do you constantly need to be challenged or engage in a “wrestling match” ?
The path of least resistance will not help you prosper, what he's saying is women challenge men at all times, and in turn this sharpens us. The relationship as a whole.
The narc will mistreat their spouse beyond belief, and perhaps deservedly so.
Same😂
Bliss from mymy partner sounds good to me I mean im just saying. 💆
Deservedly? No one deserves to be mistreated 😮
I'll happily wrestle with my partner.
😳
Similar to Jordan beating the jazz in the playoffs
Not true. Communication is the key.
Class is in session💯
👏👏👏
WOW. Gracias, Pescador
de Hombres! The Advocate is with you, ALWAYS. The Gates of Hades, shall NOT PREVAIL.
JBP isn't saved. He's an agnostic that dresses up his beliefs in flowery religious language. If you're looking for a real religious education I'd advise listening to the work of Pastor Steven Anderson.
@@Ricky_Evans1611 Thank you for reading my comment, and responding. But nothing can stop me from admiring him and loving him. NOTHING. Your opinion has absolutely no effect on my feelings. But, you gave me what I wanted-a response. THANK YOU.
His influence of the bible showes here. A relationship with God is equated with wrestling with God. In addition there is a marriage metaphor where the congregation is a wife preparing for marriage with the groom, God
what if you do just want bliss? i can do without the punctuation of a good fight wtf
Relationships are just sibling fights
With sex involved
What if the argument is evedsy about everything you do she has something to say and her views are better and she thinks she a better parent by not including me
💜
No, you want a good friend that you can trust and who tells you the truth, respectfully. You don't need to scream and fight. You cam debate and encourage.
Bull to the shit
Wait why did you say deservedly so? No one deserves to suffer narcissistic abuse.
Deservedly so? No one deserves abuse from a narcissist. Weird place to use that phrase.
He is referring to the weakness that is required to he fully taken advantage of by a true narcissist, most people have no idea what thats even like because they will say/do something before it ever gets to that point but they are terribly weak people out there who need to stand there ground and own their life
he didn't drink the cola!
Day 63 of VERY highly recommending that you read Berserk
Is it a manga?
Sorry the bulls
Relationships suck. Especially if your so called partner is woke.
🤔😳
BS.
Dr Petersen needs to update his relational knowledge.
What he described is actually a toxic form of relationship wrapped in good Intention.
A relationship can be anything, because it's how you relate.. it can be a dog or the mailman.
What you want however in a partner is to actually just feel safe.
How you look for that will.be defined by what you missed in the past, whether that's security, being heard, being held... you will always seek that In a partner.
That's what you want.
The wrestling match that he describes is the unhealthy boundaries not being met colliding in a personality conflict, trying to get your needs met.. and relying on another perpson to get your needs met is the very definition on a toxic relationship...
Dr Petersen isn't always right.
He is brilliant when it comes to freedom of speech. But he's still in a feudal system when in comes to healthy growing relationships
The bible advises men's subordination to God and women's subordination to men -- but clearly the men wrestle with God....
This goes along with Dr. Gottman’s ratio of needing 5 positive interactions to balance out every 1 negative interaction.
In a relationship, there needs to be a healthy flow of conflict so that communication, compromise, and change can occur. But it can’t be a constant flow, and it has to be healthy conflict, not toxic or abusive.
Shower twice a day , Good Hygiene, wash your ass properly & You smell good 😂. Hygiene is the most important in a Relationship before anything else. First, First !!!
Jordan gets dark sometimes man
I'd rather be dead than argue with my wife, there is no winning, you are always the villain, win or lose the argument.
I'm just hoping that due to Dr Petersons hair colour this is a recent clip. 😎👍
this is the first video i disagree with him on. 'Fighting' is always degenerative. You dont want or need to have this type of tension in your life and this is not a normal way to be. This is not healthy by any means for you and your partner because not only is it an energy pit for you both, its a toxic cycle in of itself that forms dependency.
Fight needn’t be with abusive language, in this case it means a disagreement that people discuss over.
There is a difference between not agreeing and expressing your views and toxic fighting. You should be able to see the difference.
@@g3nj1 he called it a fight smooth brain, understand that, and realize thats why you have had trash relationships
@@NalinKhurb so call it what it is, a disagreement followed by respectful JBP type dialogue that leads to understanding or potentially a resolution, deeming a simple argument a fight is beyond immature... you dont want a fight with your partner, you want someone who is able to handle a difficult conversation and respond with passion and intent.
oh my, this right here jrmelly, this right here is the absolute truth brother. Thank you, I wish there was a way Jordan could read this and then do another ramification for. The term 'fight' is absolutely floating and needs to be addressed. If your partner isn't willing to get in a good old fashioned, then they are not willing to be open for whatever reason and it needs to be addressed.
Honestly you made my day with this, thank you much love
❤❤❤