Baby M and the Question of Surrogacy | Retro Report | The New York Times
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- Опубликовано: 20 сен 2024
- The custody battle over Baby M was the first time a court considered surrogacy. Today's families are created in many different ways. But have we resolved the question of surrogacy?
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Baby M and the Question of Surrogacy | Retro Report | The New York Times
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"I gave her life, I can take her life away." A mother wanting the best for her child does not say something like that.
Parents wanting what's best for a child also do not bring a kid to court knowing it will be a media circus. That's what MaryBeth and Richard did to their daughter, Tuesday. The kid looks terrified of the crowd. Even now MB has Tuesday doing media events. I hope Tuesday isn't as crazy as her mother.
Sounds like the king Solomon story about the baby
A drug addicted mother could. And want the best for her child.
That chilled me, it's not even her child. She agreed to carry the baby for the couple and got paid.
wow. you lack so much empathy. any woman in a distressed enough state will do anything and say anything, even murder her own children. learn about post partum psychosis. and NEVER go into law - or any profession requiring empathy or responsibility for another human life. at least until you learn to feel.
she breached a signed contract then kidnapped the child...it was never her baby.
Except it WAS and IS her baby, because it is her own biological child. That makes it HER baby.
Surrogacy is not a legal act so a contract is not a legally binding contract. It was her egg, her womb, she bore all the pain, she took the risks of giving birth it is her child. He has the right to demand partial custody and even full custody if she is not suitable but you can not cut her out of that childs life forever.
Sami Kay she accepted his sperm with the understanding it would create a child for him and his wife to raise. She is the one who could demand the rights. The father and his wife were understanding that she needed a few more days with the baby and let her take the child, then she crossed state lines without their knowledge and with the intent to keep the child. Even if she were his wife that is still illegal.
philipface30 A custody holding parent moving to another state is not illegal it only became illegal when she would not allow him to see the child (this is not kidnapping it would only be kidnapping if she only had visitation) since she is the biological mother she holds custody and 50% rights of the child from day one. Just because the original deal was that she would essentially drop her rights and put the child up for adoption and allow the wife to adopt the child ( this is what this type of surrogacy arrangement is because of her biological tie to the child and the fact that it is ILLEGAL) she has every right to back out of the adoption if she feels so inclined. Is what she did wrong? Of course it is cruel, heartless and takes a special kind of crazy to do this kind of thing but her saying no I want to keep the child especially if there is no solid reasoning like she witnessed abuse in the home but it is not illegal and completely within her rights. The fact that this couple paid her to essentially drop her rights and allow the wife to adopt the child is the illegal thing here.
Lawfully it isn't hers
Idk... She agreed to carry his baby for him. It was clearly a preemptive decision to give the baby away. She should keep her promise.
That's my opinion
Have either one of you given birth? You never know exactly how you will feel about something until it happens to you.
Like I said you never know how you'll feel until it actually comes down to that moment. Giving birth is different than carrying the fetus for months. I never said anything about dad's not having rights. Calm down and think.
I understand where you're coming from but I imagine this woman didn't realize how painful it would be. My opinion is that surrogacy is probably not a good idea most of the time because this can happen. Not just the legal process but everyone was hurt and I can't imagine putting anyone through that
Alexis Condit I’ve had two kids and I agree that she agreed to carry the baby for them. It’s not her baby.
Same. But that's the reason why surrogacy is so contraversial. Legislature knows that women giving their babies up is very risky, justifiably. And it makes it very hard for courts to decide who should, in fact, be considered a parent. Therefore, in vitro fertilization makes it somewhat easier, because it seems as the woman carrying a baby is just 'a host', as it was mentioned in the video, because it is clear that she is not genetically conntected to the baby. But still, I think not all women who think can give babies away are ready to do that. I'm pretty sure that there still are a lot of women, regardless of knowing that it is not their child, who have a hard time accepting the fact that after 9 months of carrying a baby and giving birth to it, they have to give it away to other people, because they probably feel as if it were their child, again justifiably. That being said, I'd always recommend other options, like adoption, over surrogacy.
Once Melissa became an adult she legally sued the surrogate and was legally divorced from having anything to do with her.
Chicken Curry You don't have to look it up, it's actually in the video.
Good.
WOW!!
Smart girl
If you read the book about the case, they make that pretty plain. The surrogate was a poor woman relying on benefits (the main reason they chose her was because she was physically attractive and cheaper) and Melissa spent most of her time in a very expensive, very well kept house where both of her parents said terrible things about the surrogate all day. What child wouldn't prefer the expensive home? And what child wouldn't be swayed by 18 years of "your mom is crazy and a terrible person", hm?
I am 100% for surrogacy and don't even think this case was right but a lot of you people have a lot of anger and venom for a woman who had post-natal depression whom the rich coupled admitted they were exploiting and are demonising her for being poor and sick. She later regretted the whole case. If the family had paid for her to have postnatal treatment for her depression none of this would have happened, but they cut off her medical expenses *two hours* after she gave birth. She had to pay out of pocket to even get standard post natal drugs.
There are no heroes in this story, but everyone in this comments section is way too sympathetic towards the family. Also for the record, she attempted to give the money back, and even offered to give it back, plus her medical expenses, plus interest if it meant she could at least visit her child.
4 minutes in and the surrogate sounds really unstablea "I gave her life and I can take it away"; Situation aside, that poses a danger to the child!
Right? Doesn't matter which side you stand on, that statement is so disturbing.... "It only shows how much she cares"; lmao, I don't care how much you think someone mentally unstable "loves" someone else, if the environment is unsafe, they shouldn't keep the child.
Post-partum depression is real. Educate yourself.
RanochVTX it can make you unstable and women should get counseling. That statement was uncalled for either way.
RanochVTX The surrogate should have educated herself.
Yeah, that was irrational.
She was obviously not sound of mind to be a surrogate. I work in an obgyn and we see surrogates and this is a very rare case. Generally the surrogate is sound of mind and capable of giving the baby to the rightful mother and father of an agreed upon contract
I think using a donor egg rather than the surrogates would make things easier for all.
Yeah, it was biologically HER own baby with her DNA
Wjamimah unfortunately it does still happen. And as someone who’s infertile I wouldn’t trust this. Because the contract signed isn’t recognized by law. Until things change I will never consider a surrogate.
@@FukaiKokoro Whether or not the contract is recognized, depends on many things. The country you live in, the state/province within that country, donor egg vs surrogates egg... best to hire an attorney.
It might be referred to as “sound of mind”, but I think what screening looks for are submissive women who will swallow their feelings not to kick up a fuss but to surrender to the system. To me, this tragedy should have wakened us all up to put an end to such a barbaric scheme.
I was a surrogate mother in 1987, and this was foremost in my mind. Even though it was my egg, it never was my baby. I am proud of what I did--I helped to make a family!
You sold a baby
@@casandra1533 shut up
@@casandra1533 more like she rented out her womb-
@@casandra1533 why can men donate sperm but women can’t surrogate?
@@casandra1533 yeah it’s weird
Until adoption is made more affordable I say surrogacy should be an option.
On another note, if someone paid you to have their baby and you consented to it, it's their baby. I believe therapy should be a part of the process for the birth mother and that there should be STRICT laws regarding surrogacy on both end's part to prevent exploitation of vulnerable women in poverty and for women pulling this crap.
They didn't pay for their baby? They paid for the services rendered ie: the use of her womb and genetic make up.
Pantafle What Angelica said
akitaken adoption is in no way, shape or form anything resembling "free"!
+Andie akitaken was talking about foster care adoption. You do not have to pay fees to adopt from foster care like you do with adoption agencies.
But then, you also don't get babies from foster care, so a lot of people won't even consider it, because they don't want a child that remembers where it comes from.
TheYasmineFlower You do pay for foster care children. It’s free to FOSTER them (in fact, they pay YOU) but they aren’t your children. You’re a temporary home. I have many family members (all siblings) who aged out of the foster care system.
She threatened the babies life wtf
the 80s and 90s were so dramatic...
Sylin Bueno 🤣
It's when baby boomers were just approaching midlife crisis. Makes perfect sense for such a narcissistic generation
@@2126Eliza one day we too will reach that age. Hopfully our kids wont say that about us...
As if the 2010s and 2020s weren’t/wont be
Lmao THIS YEAR IS DRAMATIC
It would feel a little wrong to *not* pay the surrogate... pregnancy is costly, risky, and puts people out of work for a time. Surely a surrogate should be compensated for that? It's a little reductive to just call it "selling a baby." People pay for adoption, too. Heck, some people pay for fertility treatments in order to conceive on their own. And if you donate blood, plasma, etc., there is often money compensation, and nobody bats an eye. So long as it's regulated for health, safety and exploitation risk, it's perfectly reasonable. There's money involved in baby making, nothing new.
Exactly! Great points.
EggNoggin honestly, I feel like compensation should be allowed, but no after the fact payment. And, of course, the family pays for all the medical bills.
"And if you donate blood, plasma, etc there is often money compensation and nobody bats an eye." In the US, maybe. Other countries, including Brazil, forbid financial recompensation for donating blood/organs/eggs and participating in scientific experiments. The idea is that poor people would do dangerous things for money, often misinformed about the dangers. This video talks about the problem, with poor women in poor countries "renting their uterus" for money. And, like the clinic owner said, many are misinformed. As you said, regulations need to be taken, but I'm not sure financial compensation (besides medical costs, obviously) should be given. Bioethics is tricky
EggNoggin maybe in American culture it works that way. In my country (Slovakia) it is illegal for people to take money for blood donations, organ donations, etc. Even offering to sell is illegal and can result in jail time. Yet a lot of people still give blood and organs for free. But I guess the mindset of a lot of American people is mostly money oriented. Btw surrogacy is illegal in my country. Even IVF is legal for married couples only even though they pay for it themselves.
Actually there are moral issues with all of those practices.
There's something so incredibly cruel about all this. Whichever side you choose, it can't be denied that exploitation and classism had a huuuuggee role to play in all of this.
It's even worse now, as wealthy couples travel to third world nations and pay deeply impoverished women, who are desperate, to have their babies for them, or give up their children. I recall watching a short documentary some years ago, where they will literally walk up to women who are pregnant and start offering them money. Some will even intimidate the women by telling them their babies will be taken away anyway, they may as well sell them now. Granted, it's not always the case, but the fact that it has a possibility of happening, means there's something seriously messed up with the system.
Agreed. People should just adopt instead. There are millions of unwanted children that need a home..
It's not as if human exploitation prevents you or I from buying clothes or electronic gadgets. The only difference is you won't see the video of those sweatshop workers on national TV.
Z Z yeah and?!? Also sweatshop workers were on TV a year ago asking for help did you donate anything?
@@mysta4478 adoption is far more exploitative than surrogacy.
I understand her pain, but she stole their baby, not the other way around, and I don't like how they ignored the woman who was suppose to be the mother, just because it wasnt her egnetic material being used. Theyre only saying "well what about the father"?
Well, cause legally she was an outsider. She had no claim to the baby because it wasn't hers biologically. Legally she was the stepmother
I agree. I think it is weird that they only spoke about the father.
That woman did not have any claim or right over that baby. It was her husbands baby, not hers.
In her head she was the mother. I’m sure she had decorated the bedroom and booked time off work and everything else, but as far as the baby was concerned at this point, she was nobody.
That might have been correct if the egg was of the mans wife. But it wasn't.
This woman was not exploited. She wanted the money. If you do this sort of thing, then you are nothing but a mercenary. Extremely selfish of her to deny the child a better life with the father. She already got two, and will she provide for all three kids a good quality of life?
lol feminatzis of 1900s
This was explotation and totally degradation of woman.
Why is it if a woman decides to do anything that doesn't go 100% in her favor it's a tragedy for a woman kind?
I hate being a woman. I hate being a politic.
@@tuSombraFatal no it wasn't. She signed a contract and knew exactly what it meant. She just decided to change her mind and go against it. No one got exploited here. She should never have agreed to sign that contract and be paid if she had even the slightest bit of doubt. She made everything difficult because she couldn't stick to her word and give the baby away like she agreed.
You said "This woman was not exploited. She wanted the money."
Need or want of money is exactly how people are often exploited.
It took them 87 days to realize she was hiding at her mother's house? Wouldn't that be one of the first places you look?
P D I think it took so long because of state warrants don’t cross state line. I might be wrong tho
I assume there wasn't any psychological screening involved. Mary Beth should not have attempted to be a surrogate and it's too bad nobody was there to tell her that.
That said, exploiting poor women to get babies is indeed pretty ugly. That clinic in India turned my stomach.
Why are you calling her poor? It was her choice
She did receive a psychological assesment, and she was obviously deemed unfit for surrogacy. They even predicted she would want to keep the child. But this was ignored by the surrogacy clinic and possibly the Stern's.
The were clearly deferring to the clinic in India when they said "poor women".
EyeLean5280 Many poor families in India had improved their lives through surrogacy. It gave these people some measure of happiness and security. If you think they are exploited you are naive. Don't infantalise poor third world women. They know exactly what they are doing and are not dumb.
@UndergroundGrower UK though quite often it's not actually their child and full ivf can be and is done. The only real people that "buy" children are the pedofiles and celebrities like angelina jolie, most are paying for conception of their dna, not to buy a baby that doesnt belong to them.
My question is why did it take them 87 days to find her at her Mom’s house? 😂
Yeah, that was weird.
Top notch police work
This was before GPS. Nobody knew how to get anywhere.
@@westjkl9064
Yeah, that's the ticket!
Because she spent 6 weeks moving around Florida before she stayed at her mother's. 80s so no GPS.
I went through an agency to become a surrogate. The screening process is VERY intense and includes things like medical records, DMV records, mental screening for you and your spouse. The couples pay over $100,000 for the baby and the process from screening to IVF to baby can take 2 years or more. The contracts are 30 pages with lawyers appointed for both intended parents and surrogates. The agency I went through took extremely good care of us. Most of the surrogates just want to help couples realize their dream of being parents. Being paid is a way to off-set the discomfort of fertility treatments, pregnancy, childbirth, and your time. No one that did it just to make money would ever get past the application process in an agency.
MsSunhappy surrogacy is illegal in India lmfao
@MsSunhappy Serbia? No, they don't. Not sure what country you mixed us up with, but in Serbia the surrogacy is not even legal yet. It has been announced that a law is going to regulate and allow this process, but that law is yet to be made. Our women actually connect with agencies in Ukraine to find their surrogates and that is also very uncommon as it's very expensive.
That is now, not then. And MsSunhappy is correct, in part. Wealthy couples do go to impoverished nations to pay desperate women to be their surrogate. It's cheaper and easier that way. Think of the Australian couple who paid a woman in Thailand to be their surrogate. She gave birth to a healthy girl and a boy with Down Syndrome. The couple abandoned the boy and took the girl. Which is awful. MORE upsetting in my opinion is, the father is a convicted Pedophile! He was arrested and convicted of repeatedly sexually assaulting small girls. And he got to go buy a baby girl from a poor woman in Thailand, and everyone is ok with that?
@@supriyakumar1007 Um, did you watch this video? It literally talks about women in India being surrogates.
That's just the agency you went through. That doesn't mean the law requires those safety checks. It only means the agency you went through had those regulations. All kinds of arrangements are happening all over the world that are far less careful.
She did not honor her contract. She thought that $10k is too little togive the baby away. She even threatened to take the baby's life away!!! She is crazy!!!
She had post-natal depression. It was diagnosed, and its a problem in surrogacy to this day. She was medically unfit at that point. She recovered and regretted the whole thing, but she was ill at the time.
The contract was void.
Why do people act like contracts have unlimited power and can bind anyone to do or sell anything under any state of mind?
10K is too little to give a baby away. Sounds like human trafficking.
The unregulated nature of this makes me worry about the human trafficking aspect of this surrogacy business.
exactly, this is a sensitive topic and parenthood shouldn't be ambiguous. I feel sorry for this woman, it was her child too basically.
@@catadan236what women would ever put a price on “their child” she agreed to be a suragate with her OWN eggs, no mother would do that only a suragate would do that.
I think adoption needs to be changed so that it can be more accessible for suitable families. We don't need to be paying all this money to make children when there are so many children out there who need loving homes.
100% agree, surrogacy shouldn't be a thing. There are millions of children in foster and adoption who deserve a loving family, surrogacy is about 'ego' for the need to have a biological child.
adoption is accessible. people just don’t want anything but a white newborn.
@@AATCgal I think you're right. Since I wrote this comment, I've looked more into how terrible the adoption industry is, particularly in America. I think fostering is much more important and beneficial, but all these systems need an overhaul if they're ever going to benefit children.
@@AATCgal Ding, ding, ding.
I remember this case, I often wondered what happened to Baby M. She grew up happy and healthy and is doing very well, I'm glad to hear that!
How does threatening the life of the baby show how much she cares?! I don’t think so
Unpopular opinion, but unless you _really_ want to experience pregnancy, you should be adopting, there are already a lot of kids in the foster system who need a home
THAT BEING SAID, I don’t think surrogacy should be outlawed, but people who want it should really analyze why they want to do it
If I can't have a child myself then I want to adopt. I actually may adopt even if I can have biological children myself because I want a lot of kids and I know that after a certain number of births pregnancy and childbirth often are riskier for both mom and baby. If I do adopt I'm hoping I can adopt siblings because older kids aren't as expensive and I like the idea of keeping brothers and sisters together (I've heard they have a harder time finding homes because they don't wanna be separated and not everyone's willing to take all of them)
The reason they did surrogacy was because adoption was getting too complicated. That’s part of the issue, adoption is too difficult but if they make it too easy the poor children could be put in bad homes :( the point being the poor parents from the first story were in a hard predicament
Harlequin 9 Understandable, we need to find a balance that keeps children out of abusive homes but isn’t so complicated that it takes 10 years to adopt a child
At the moment, the system does neither of those things
We have been trying to adopt a newborn since 2012, but the laws abroad and at home are really messed up. So we are finally having a surrogate (gestational carrier) carry our embryo to term (via IVF). If I carry if myself, I may be severely disabled or die. So this turned out to be a wonderful blessing for us! Our surrogate/GC has 4 children already and is not poor. She loves being pregnant, wants to help others, and sees the compensation as a plus for her own growing family (especially for college). We have a strict agency with lawyers and everything is above board. This is the only biological child we will ever have, until potentially being fosters down the road to older children.
Surrogacy sounds just as expensive as adoption
Honestly, I believe it should be more expensive.
I implore everyone go do research on what pregnancy is like. It’s not a walk in the park. In fact, it’s a battle with death and complete acceptance of destroying one’s body. It could never be me. I see me giving up my eggs; heck, I’d do it for free for the right person and or couple, but my womb? Never. No money is enough. It’s more than just my womb I’m renting. I’m not renting my life and accepting the side effect of death.
It should be extremely expensive. Renting someone’s body, emotions and future?? Adopt!
The "They stole my baby, dont let them get away with it!" Really irritates me. You were the surrogate. You agreed to give up custody before you got pregnant. You stole their baby. Not the other way around.
@Brittney Pagan People are entitled to their feelings, but their actions are what matter, and the actions MaryBeth Whitehead took here were completely WRONG.
@Brittney Pagan girlwtf
I felt so bad for the husband and wife. They put all this trust and hope in her and she took advantage of them. And in the end the girl wanted nothing to do with her.
Maybe don’t buy human beings?
One more comment regarding those here who say she sounds like a whack job: post-partem depression is *extremely* common. Hormones are out of balance, your body is changing, and the process of carrying a baby to term and giving birth can be both physically and emotionally exhausting. Breastfeeding and skin contact help correct the imbalance and lowers your chances of getting depression or anxiety, among a host of other health benefits to both mother and child. This woman needed help but most of us have refused to recognize her hardship. Giving birth is not a simple matter of a $10K check.
that women is selfish and insane.
Tory Berry ?
Hannah Meadus selfish because she made a promise and broke it
and insane because she threatened to take the babies life away
L O she did it for money. So it’s selfish of her to take the child AND the money
Hormones are a crazy drug
Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES could I EVER contemplate carrying a child, going through all that effort, the morning sickness, endure my body being distorted and depleted of nutrients, the very uncomfortable last 3 months, only to give it away.... for money that soon dries up.
Remember everyone, this was 30+ years ago and we didn't have the same laws and scientific advancement. They would use the surrogates eggs so the argument, in many eyes, was valid. However, she signed a contract, she knew what was going to happen. Maybe she had withdrawals or postpartum depression?? Maybe that explains her reactions? At least she serves as a lesson for others, think twice before signing a contract of this magnitude.
I suppose the issue was that her feelings changed when she saw her biological baby. It's a really sad story, obviously becoming a surrogate was a big mistake for her. Personally, i think surrogacy shouldn't happen. So sad.
Any adult could have taken into consideration what it would feel like to give birth and have to give that baby up. The fact it’ll be hard is obvious to even men. Women do this all the time when they give up babies for adoption.
This woman had over 9 months to prepare herself mentally and she had time before agreeing to this contract. She is at fault. Unless you require a surrogate or plan to volunteer to become one, why would you have an opinion on what other consenting adults choose to do in their private lives?
Jenelle D because it is human nature to care about other humans, especially infants. Throughout our evolution we have been raised in communities who care about us. Today those communities have dispersed and we are cut off and look to social media as an outlet for our natural desire to connect and protect.
...plus, you never know if it might come up. What if my daughter were to come up to me one day and spring it on me that she’s thinking of being a surrogate? When I was at school our teacher got us to debate abortion. None of us were pregnant.
Is it just me, or did they not make it clear that they used HER egg? Genetically that was her child. Yeah she signed a contract stating she would give the baby away but still. Yes she was obviously unstable. This is a crazy story.
people have to pay tens of thousands to adopt a baby… but it’s illegal to pay a surrogate???
Opinion Disclosure before watching the video: I do not think surrogacy is ethical. Signing a paper to say you'll give the child for a sum of money is equivalent to selling your child. As a society should there be people so in need of money that they will sell their bodies for cash? is that not a sign of society failing? is that not a form of slavery (In fact one could argue that is the very definition of slavery)?.
If you really want a child, why do you not consider adoption? why not love a child that could not find love? why not foster?.
After the video: they presented one case where the woman was positive about surrogacy, and read statistics about others who are not so positive. I would love to hear their stories as well.
3:44 Always an interesting take to hear, as someone who’s mother gave up custody. Being raised by one’s birth mom is not always the best option.
I was adopted, I guess that's what you're saying you were to? Even though I have had contact on and off with my biological mom, both she and I know she did the right thing when she gave me away. She was deep into the claws of addiction until I was 13, but after she got clean we had a pretty good relationship - she's like my cool aunt, that's how I see her. I fell down into addiction when I was 14, and she's been the best help I ever could've had during all those years. Now I'm 33, clean since 3 years and she's still an awesome person to have on my side. She got a daughter when I was 16 or 17, and she's the coolest girl ever. I absolutely love my bio-mom, but my adoptive parents are my *parents* and that's the greatest difference. I wouldn't change them for the world.
There's an article out there where Melissa Stern describes studying the Baby M case in college. Its a good perspective on her side.
Liz booth-pillsbbury I don't feel that mrs whitehead's obvious mental instability should be confused with the serious complications of this case or cases like this.
She threatened the baby's life. She's clearly nuts. She signed a contract and took money. I'm happy how the case was handled.
tickycup Don’t you just hate when people mouth off in the RUclips comments about things they do not know. She never took the money.
“I gave her life I can take it away.” I reckon she was trying to get more money from them.
1988: that woman should have rights to choose what to do with her baby
2019: that woman doesn’t have any rights to choose what to do with her baby
Alex Not sure what’s being compared here. This woman chose to enter into a surrogacy agreement. She chose to get pregnant to have a baby for this couple. She signed a contract. She had choice then, same as she would have now. No one forced her to give birth to that child. No one forced her to get pregnant. What’s your point?
Jenelle D um one is giving life one is killing
@@JenelleD12 Would the same point apply to giving away basic human rights? Contracts don't hold unlimited power over a person.
Yup. We’re hurtling away from nature at lightning speed now. This is just one of so many insane things happening on in the world now. People are losing a grip on reality.
So I'm assuming she returned all the money then. Does anyone know?
Sorry for the wrong info. The money was rejected.
She refused to take the money.
Her poor daughter! She did not need to go through that. I feel so bad for her when she was being pushed through crowds and screamed at by the press like wtf why would you put your child through that??
they should make surrogacy legal. all countries should do this. surrogacy is not only about money! surrogacy is a treatment for infertility. I'm infertile and this procedure was my only option to become a mother. but unfortunately it's illegal in my country. so I found clinic abroad, in Ukraine. I'll become mother in 3 months and I'm happy about it!
B.B. Mac Congratulations
Sure hope everything went great for everyone involved and you are a happy new Mother. Congratulations.
Congrats!
just out of curiosity why wouldn't you adopt?
How's your four month old doing?
The biggest problem with this case was that Mary Beth never should have been approved as a surrogate. Her psychological evaluation showed that there was a reason to be concerned about her ability to give the baby to the father and his wife.
I think she was definitely mentally unstable but I cannot help but feel empathy for her, directly after childbirth a mother will be experiencing intense hormonal changes that can severely affect your mood, the connection a mother forms with her child will often be significantly important in determining how a mother mentally recovers from such a process, contract in place or not the 'handover' should not be seen as a straight forward transactional affair. Most surrogates must feel an emptiness when the child is gone which is why this practice should not be legalised without strict supervision over how it is provided e.g mental health checks and counselling throughout pregnancy and after pregnancy etc.
It also raises concerning questions over whether humans should be able to 'buy' another human (their own baby or not).
And further concerns relating to women's rights in poorer countries where lack of quality of life is pushing women into providing a service like this for cheap for foreign or rich couples who have no concern for the women's health.
She is Hello..wacko.
Melissa escaped her. Yeah.
I think it’s important to make sure also that the surrogate mother is prepared, in every aspect, to not only carry but to give birth and let go of that child. It was clear as day what she was getting into but she wasn’t prepared for it.
She literally said she could take the child's life...yet was allowed to have custody. Yeah ok
I feel so bad for Melissa This situation is heartbreaking
I hope at least after all that's said and done that she still
has some sort of relationship with Ryan and Tuesday
(her brother and sister)
*The potential for abuse is so high.*
This is so sad. There is a better option. I currently have two moms and one dad. My surrogate mom and my real mom and dad. I love them all the same.
Sam Hammond Wow! I had been thinking that would be the perfect solution. I had no idea it already exists!
Just one thing though, what do you mean “currently”?
The Sterns were willing to let MaryBeth Whitehead be part of the baby’s life from the beginning, but that wasn’t what she wanted.
She wasn’t even willing to share custody with the Sterns.
MaryBeth wanted that baby all to herself, to be raised by her and her husband, and wanted Bill Stern, the biological father, to only get to have involvement with the baby under her terms.
That is not acceptable for any woman to do, even under normal circumstances of having child.
She was 100% WRONG.
10K is not very much money for this amount of work, by the way. 40 weeks of carrying a child is no walk in the park, and it takes months to recover afterwards. There are also bodily risks that you could never be the same again, and if things go wrong you could even die. 10K sounds like a lot to someone that doesn't have much money, but I think 200K would be a more equitable compensation.
To be fair 10k was about 25k back in '85. I am not disagreeing or agreeing with your claim, however I think it is important to consider she agreed to 10k upon signing the contract. I don't think this issue arose from financial disputes- she just wasn't a good surrogate candidate considering her mental health
This is wrong ... I can't have kids myself, we are thinking a lot about it. But not surrogacy ... There's so many kids to adopt and care for already.
This happened to my teacher a few years ago. The mother decided to keep the child, and it broke her heart. She understood why but it still sad that women do this
Sopana Carolina your wording...did you realize that you referred to the surrogate as “the mother”? Don’t you think that’s because that’s what surrogates are, at least to the baby, who has no idea what’s going on. The first thing a baby learns in life is who mommy is, and then it has to learn that the first thing it learns is not so. I think we mustn’t underestimate the impact of these things. A baby doesn’t process events the same way we adults do, but they take everything in, in their own way. They’ve been hearing the rhythm and tone of their mom’s voice for the last 9 months. Having the most important person in their life unceremoniously swapped for someone else as if that’s normal has got to set them off on a warped path. Ok baby’s adapt...but the scars show later. I feel for your teacher, but for the baby it was for the best.
@@doraymeandyou this is a very western viewpoint , in many cultures children belong to the entire village going so far as not even knowing who birthed them. Everything is conditioning and life is more random that we like it to be , please be careful of your words as there are many kids who suffer from not knowing their biological parents many don’t and we just have to accept that’s it is just that complex. Adoption (and later on surrogacy ) if done ethically-serves a purpose in all societies and minimizing the bond between a non biological parent and a child is not an option
@Gringa Maluca You forget that mother tends to have a biological connotation whereas something like mom has a caregiver connotation. They aren’t the same word.
Little fires everywhere touches on this subject a lot and I would recommend it to explore other points of view.
In my opinion adoption is a better option. There are millions of kids world wide who need a home.
Meanwhile thousands of children are waiting for a family, but grow out of the foster care system. Then, when they’re out most of them turn to drugs, and are on their own without anyone to fend for them. People have grown so selfish, and have turned their heads on the children of, not only America, but the world and are basically saying “you don’t meet MY standards, and are not good enough, and you’ll never be legitimate.” It’s quite disappointing, but I understand the longing to have someone who carries a part of you. But, people spend literally hundreds of thousands of dollars just for the experience, and truth be told that money could be used more wisely.
100% agree, surrogacy shouldn't be a thing. There are millions of children in foster and adoption who deserve a loving family, surrogacy is about 'ego' for the need to have a biological child.
I remember reading Celeste Ng's 'Little Fires Everywhere' and found it so weird that she was trying to justify the surrogate literally stealing another couple's baby and making it out to be something heroic.
Did you even read the book? Bebe wasn't a surrogate at all, she was her biological mother who got pregnant and then abandoned May Ling/Mirabelle at the fire station and then the McCulloughs ADOPTED her so it was more of a "What does it mean to be a mother?" and "Is blood thicker than water?" not to mention the cultural/racial aspect of the case. She wasn't a surrogate. As for the ending idk, I don't know that she justified it so much as tried to seem like both sides got a win in an unwinnable argument.
@@perdition3 Yes I read the book and I wasn't talking about the waitress. Stop jumping to conclusions. I was talking about Mia.
This lady is a nut. I gave a child up for adoption, this kind of emotional imbalance especially when you are prepared for the separation, needs to be treated.
You know all these anti-surrogacy people what, forget that it’s so easy for them to have kids and there’s so many millions of couples who can’t have their own kids and this is probably the only way they can have their own kids it’s major discrimination
Wait, why is she being called a surrogate if she was actually related to the child??? If anything she was an egg donor/carrier?
Because the guy gave the sperm to have her carry the child for him and his wife but not keep the child
That is a type of surrogacy, where the woman provides both the egg and the womb. Now there are more restrictions in most states where a surrogate cannot also be the egg donor for the child.
@@WZ-tp3jm ah, got it.
I think people in the comments are being far too harsh on the surrogate... she had postpartum depression and the parents cut off her medical care 2 hours after the babies' birth meaning that she had no acess to therapy nor even pills for her depression
I love how judges are so quick to say that this woman has all the rights to this baby, because she carried it, and people in these comments saying she never should've lost rights, because she carried it, but as soon as we're talking about a woman who doesn't want to carry a child, her rights don't matter jack s**t over the rights of a fetus with no more thought power than a worm or less.
I want that guys purple glasses can someone ask him where he got them lol
Surrogacy is very useful for infertile couples. Couples who can't have a baby naturally due to any reason can go through surrogacy to have a baby. It helps the people to fulfill their dream of holding and having a baby to complete their families. I am also one of the people i mentioned above. I am trying to have a baby from last 17 years but had no luck with having a baby. I had 3 miscarriages and many complications related to pregnancy. So now i have decided to go for surrogacy to have a baby. Wish me luck.
I saw the thumbnail and all I could think was “I smell like beef”
Even the Bible mentions serrogacy, and that it isn't morally wrong to help a future mother and father.
It's like someone giving consent to try equipment they fully know is dangerous and damaged, then blames someone else for being electrocuted by using said faulty equipment.
In those times it was never a surrogacy. It was concieving a child naturally and then giving it up. It was more like adoption/foster parenting.
So many kids in foster care waiting to be adopted, but most people want to have newborns. Breaks my heart.
Foster care and animal shelters; we shouldn't need them but society sucks. Always wanting the newer, younger and cuter. 😥
I read that his lawyers label her a bad mother just because she dyed her hair and she used to work as a stripper and she used to have mental health problems and because she only let the baby play with stuffed animals rather than pots and pans.
Some women were upset by those statements, including Gloria Steinem, Nora Nephron, Meryl Streep, and Carly Simon.
Holy sh*t!! I’m seeing this for the first time and surprised to see Farid and his husband, George. We met 9 years ago when I lived in NY and he is such a caring, beautiful soul. We lost touch after I moved to California and seeing him with his child makes me so freaking happy.
wow sorry but 30.000 wouldnt be worth the 9 months of flippin pregnancy! can someone calculate the wage per hour? :-D
TrueCrimeRIP If we go on 40 weeks, that's $750 per week. 168 hours in a week and $4.40 per hour.
@@lizzieladuke6332 You need to study what pregnancy actually is like.
I don’t know, playing Russian roulette with my life doesn’t sound like it’s worth $4 an hour. Absolutely not.
@@lizzieladuke6332 lol I’m curious if you’ve ever been pregnant because it really sounds like you never have. Pregnancy is not just “having a back problem for 9 months”...you sound like you failed 2nd grade.
@@WZ-tp3jm i’m apologizing for that comment, i do know now. i don’t even remember making it plz forgive me
I'm infertile and this procedure was my only option to become a mother. but unfortunately, I have lost. In days I'm soo worried about my situation. At last, my friend to suggest the Biotexcom clinic. I visited the clinic. This treatment method very good. Now I have a baby boy. I'm enjoying the motherhood.
Spending over $100,000... to have two children biologically as their own... when they could make the effort to adopt?
IVF and Surrogacy is one of the most selfish things I’ve ever seen.
Adoption can also be quiet costly and take a lot of time and wanting a child of your own isn’t selfish it’s what many people want any many surrogates are willing to help work
That woman had postpartum depression. She needed to be in treatment, not given a baby, that was not biologically hers.
I think I remember the child staying her bio mom was mean and unstable. She was unstable the whole time which is the issue.
That’s most likely why, when Melissa turned 18, she had all of MaryBeth’s rights to her terminated, cut off all ties with her, and had herself legally adopted by Betsy Stern, the mom who helped raise her, was her true psychological mother, and the only mother she wanted.
It serves MaryBeth Whitehead right that this little girl grew up to want nothing to do with her.
This really needs to be regulated for safety.
8:47 jenny gave me hope in humanity. ❤️
Y’all got some fire stories in the vaults! Love these keep ‘em coming pleaseeeee
Commenters here are horrible and show they didn't watch or pay attention to the video.
1. Baby M was Mary Beth's biological baby. Hence she had parental rights despite the contract, because...
2. The contract was found to be unenforceable, unconscionable because it involved buying and selling a baby. That she signed a contract is irrelevant, and she was NOT bound by it despite so many comments with tons of likes claiming otherwise.
3. Mary Beth isn't the only one who did something immoral because she sold her baby, the Sterns, especially bio dad Mr. Stern, also did something morally wrong by paying a woman to give up her/his biological baby. He bought the baby she sold. He and his wife were wrong as well. We are talking about another human being here, Baby M. Three (four if you count Mary Beth's husband) adults got involved here and agreed to buy and sell a baby, take a baby from her bio mom to give to her bio dad and his wife. For money. It is wrong.
I see a lot of misogyny in these comments, blaming Mary Beth only, saying she knew what she was doing, it wasn't her child, etc. This case showed the problems with traditional surrogacy which is now luckily very rare. Gestational carriers/surrogates are more common now, mostly thanks to this case, and the much better option because the woman carrying the baby is not the baby's biological mother. It's a much easier situation to deal with. It does not involve a bio mom carrying her baby then giving him or her away to the bio dad for money. It is more of a situation where a neutral third party is helping two people become parents, usually to their own bio baby.
I don’t think you understand how the process works.
I understand exactly how it works, care to elaborate on this vague and unhelpful comment?
Surrogacy still remains a fantastic process. It's clear as daylight that it's helping people. It's helping create families for the less fortunate. It should NOT be banned. There will always be one-off incidents. You cannot rule them out. You can however avoid them from happening by introducing proper laws for surrogacy. Certainly like the ones followed in Ukraine.
a high school drop out married to a garbage collector. great journalism
You know who I feel sympathy for? Aside from the adults?
Tuesday.
The daughter Mary Beth carted to court and had her on camera. That girl is no more than twelve during the case, and she is being recorded sobbing. Because for Tuesday, Baby M is biologically her half-sister and she was also in the middle of the court’s determination in if Baby M would be raised by their biological mother.
Sorry, I just can’t help to think how traumatic being in court and being in public scrutiny is. On top of that, she was also probably very confused as to what Baby M’s place was.
I did read that they stayed in touch and that Melissa was a bridesmaid in Tuesday’s wedding. So at least they got to know one another.
Yup, that poor girl got exploited by her own mother for sympathy and wasn't old enough to understand any of it
An excellent point, and surrogate mothers are required to already have kids of their own, so there are always going to be siblings that go through this and have absolutely no say in any of it right from beginning.
The fact that she dragged her own daughter through the whole ordeal, bringing her to court and getting absolutely hysterical around and with her shows how unfit Mary Beth was as a parent to any child. She didn’t care enough about her existing child to protect her from the media and court circus so why would anyone believe she genuinely cared about Baby M?
or adoption theres that , because im sure with overpopulation global warming and all the orphans in the world the kid looking like you is whats most important
im sorry but do you really think a woman who just gave birth to a baby really is going to put global issues like overpopulation on a higher importance then the baby? dont think so.
***** I'm saying the adoptive mother and father should have adopted instead surrogacy is inherently explatative
the adoptive mother is obviously adopting, in'tthat what u want? she never intended to have her DNA passed on
sarah ann king Agree, selfish of humans to want someone in their own image. Trust our species to stuff things up. The world needs a one child policy.
mrnibblesmommy If we don't look after the planet, we can kiss our lifestyle, even our survival goodbye. People like you and this woman are the problem of this world. No foresight at all.
$10k is all you get paid to carry a 9 month pregnancy? With all the struggles and physical changes and risks? Whaaaat lol
And this is why I'm happy commercial surrogacy is illegal in my country.
Surrogacy of someone else’s fetus ,meaning someone else’s sperm & someone else’s egg that created a fetus,I’m definitely behind that 💯but when the surrogate is using her OWN egg that’s where things get a little tricky. So to cut out future conflict/confusion/changed feelings I do think it ought to be against the law. For the child’s sake too... but surrogacy using someone else’s fetus made of someone else’s dna I think she totally be legal.
@Breeze fetus is a term used to describe an unborn baby. Embryo is used up until eight week, then the term fetus is used, and then after birth, baby is used. Alison used these terms correctly.
One of the biggest reasons I see to regulate surrogacy is to ensure that the woman who will gestate the child is indeed strong enough to surrender it without fuss. That would require support, perhaps a circle of others also on this journey. I know I couldn’t do it unless I could watch as a loving auntie, the child grow up. And even then...
Can someone explain to me why, at 3:40 , that man said that "adoption is no longer a viable process in this country"? Were there no abandoned children?
ioanakat It's a complicated process that costs thousands more than surrogacy and, alongside from racist and homophobic rules that aren't federally outlawed, doesn't even guarantee getting a child.
ioanakat ~ It is very expensive and there are no guarantees you'll get a baby. Which is why many couples go outside of the US to adopt. Plus, many couples want babies. They don't want what they might perceive as
"someone else's problem child".
I looked into adopting a child because I did not want to have a child through pregnancy but wanted another child. I thought even a child from another country. The rules are insane! The process is insane! For example I could not adopt a child if I was over 35, or if I did not make a certain amount of $$ per year....and we make well above middle class income. I gave up and am happy with my two kids.
ioanakat Not enough white babies!
alize0623 explain the racist and homophobic rules. What are you talking about exactly
Fortunately total surrogacy (in which the mother doesn't use her own egg) is more common now to help mothers feel less attached.
The baby in the thumbnail.....
Me when I've had a long day.
I think surrogacy should be legal. People who use the service should just try to maintain a healthy relationship with the surrogate mother. Like she's a kind of godmother to the kid(s).
I've never really understood the big deal with surrogacy, is it REALLY that important to you that you'll pay upwards of $150k just to have your baby have your say genetics? Adopting a baby is far more affordable and assuming they know they're adopted from an early age it's basically a non-issue.
Dec everyone gets a baby that is there, why should they get any less
This comment shows just how little you know about adopting. Healthy white infants are very rare. Most children available for adoption are toddlers or older. Many have special needs, many not readily visible but extremely difficult to manage and treat such as reactive attachment disorder, etc. That's not to say adoption isn't worth it or viable, but it's hardly as easy as some people think it is and it can also be very expensive.
I think the most important thing is having legal clarity: surrogacy can be illegal, and then it won't happen; but if it is legal, then the contract whatever it is should be followed.
The adoption process has to be changed drastically so that this doesn’t happen as often. Nothing against it, but there are already kids out there
The video "Baby M and the Question of Surrogacy" highlights the complex ethical issues that arise with the practice of surrogacy. The case of Baby M, a child born through a surrogacy arrangement who was then fought over by her biological father and the surrogate mother, raised important questions about the rights of children, the responsibilities of surrogates, and the ethical implications of commercial surrogacy.
The video touches on the importance of informed consent and the need for legal protections for all parties involved in surrogacy arrangements. The ethical dilemma presented in the video is whether surrogacy is a legitimate means of having a child, or whether it exploits women and commodifies babies.
This video raises several ethical questions and dilemmas that can be further explored in the context of medical ethics. The book "Resolving Ethical Dilemmas: A Guide for Clinicians" provides a framework for analyzing ethical dilemmas in healthcare settings, and it can be applied to the ethical challenges presented in the Baby M case.
One of the key ethical principles relevant to this case is beneficence, which refers to the duty to promote the well-being of patients. In this case, the well-being of the child is paramount, and the decisions made by the biological father and surrogate mother should be made with the best interests of the child in mind. The book emphasizes the importance of weighing the potential benefits and harms of any given action, and ensuring that the actions taken are in the best interest of the patient.
Another relevant ethical principle is autonomy, which emphasizes the importance of respecting the rights of individuals to make their own decisions about their healthcare. This principle is relevant to surrogacy, as both the surrogate and the intended parents have the right to make decisions about the surrogacy arrangement. However, the book highlights the importance of ensuring that all parties involved have a clear understanding of the potential consequences of their decisions and are fully informed before making any decisions.
Finally, the principle of justice is relevant to this case, as the question of whether surrogacy is exploitative and commodifies babies raises concerns about fairness and equity. The book emphasizes the importance of ensuring that all individuals are treated fairly and that resources are distributed equitably.
Overall, the Baby M case raises important ethical questions about surrogacy and the rights and responsibilities of all parties involved. The book "Resolving Ethical Dilemmas: A Guide for Clinicians" provides a useful framework for analyzing these ethical issues and making decisions that are in the best interest of all parties involved.
if you make a contract you have to honor it. Surrogacy is a beautiful gift. Not all of us our strong enough to part with a baby we have given life to. It takes a special kind of woman to do this. If you have any doubts or attachments do not offer!!! Terrible of this woman to back out of her contract.
Do people not realize that if you're infertile you're not supposed to have children. It's clearly not in your plan to have natural born children, why not adopt on of the million kids who need a hope across the world.
People need to be okay with the idea that they may not be parents. It's such a wasteful industry that caters only to those who can afford it.
Whitehead agreed to give up the baby. If she wasn't ready and equipped to do that, she shouldn't have been a surrogate. I think it is right to the family keep the baby and let Whitehead visit. 6:50 this is particularly bothered me about this whole surrogacy thing though. People don't understand the bond between mother and child wether there's genetic connection with them. I remember listening to my mother talk about when she had me, my brother, and my sister. I remember her talking about the struggle when the doctors take the baby out to be cleaned, for only a few minutes. And I see the horror in her eyes when she talks about her miscarriage. The doctors pulled out and cleaned a pile of bones wrapped in skin. No matter what, there is a bond between mother and child. It has been over 20 years and my mom still sometimes cries about Jessie the unborn miscarriage
I’m interested to know how donor conceived kids feel about their bio parents feel about their situation. As an adoptee, I’m very uncomfortable thinking that parents can give away their dna without accepting responsibility for their children.