Don't F- with Swans or Geese
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
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Josh Wolf is a comedian, actor, and writer. He is best known for his standup, his work on a number of sitcoms, including All of Us and Cuts, and regular appearances on late night television. To get the most of the Wonderful World of Josh, make sure to subscribe and turn on all notifications.
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Keep it up man, love the content.
That was so fuckin funny. I was high but still so fuckin funny :D you make finnish guy laugh and happy :D
LMAO 🤣 Josh, You Probably were too busy Laughing your Ass Off to Even think to go start the Van.. lmao 🤣 🤣 🤣
Thats fucking hilarious!
It's even more hilarious how Josh adopts the same mannerism he uses to portray his kid while telling an embarrassing story about *himself* this time! "Yo... ok... like, so..."
I think that is just how he portrays people that are butt of the joke in stories and normally does a voice but didn't this time because it was him
Hi
Bye
I'll never forget being on Komodo Island. On the ship we had a 10min lecture on "Do NOT go near the dragons. If you get bit, the ship is going to drop off your stuff and leave, because you WILL be in the hospital.
We then had a 10 lecture by the guide saying "Do NOT go near the dragons. Never walk past the guide, these things can KILL YOU."
First fucking thing a woman walks past the guide to try and get a picture.
That was awesome 😎, would love to here more stories about the dog !
Seen swan's take a nine iron to the face multiple times and not flinch.
I love it when comedians interact with nature
Ikr it’s rare
I feel like we should stop them, because they're so ill equip for it, but the ones that survive do have such funny stories to tell!
When I was 10, we moved from Seattle back to the small town my dad had grown up in. One day, he decided that we should have a picnic, just him and his 10 y/o daughter. So we go to a park notorious for it's duck/geese/swan pond, lay out a blanket and start the picnic. Maybe halfway through our sandwhiches we realize we are spontaneously surrounded by geese. And my dad slowly starts packing up our stuff and just says "Run." And we take off sprinting towards the car with all our stuff- AND THE GEESE FUCKING FOLLOWED US ALL THE WAY TO THE PARKING LOT
When u said "run" I thought of that song lmfao heheeh
Always carry a gun to a picnic... so you can deal with yourself before the geese can, don't give them the satisfaction
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Dude geese are fucking terrifying. They have a second set of teeth on their tongues.
The ducking what
I need sleep, i laughed way too hard at this
@@josephdixon7697 it's true lol
And just like that, geese are part of my nightmares now
Their bites don't hurt at all though
I can confirm about geese.. they're fearless a-holes! 😂
I tried to pet a goose once. It left a mark on my soul. They sure are nice when you're feeding them from a bag of bread. You think they're sophisticated and classy just because they're museum geese. But nooooo, just try to pet one. You'll hear the loud honking sound barrel forth from their beaks as they assume the aforementioned Karate Kid stance, you'll see and hear every single one of their feathers separate in mid-air as their wings ascend skyward, and with beaks open they start to chase you. It was absolutely terrifying 🤣😂😅.
The males in my family have a history of being attacked by swans and geese that all started with my great grandad who was attacked by a whole flock of swans. I have it the worst because for whatever reason I've been getting attacked by geese my whole life. Now I just try to avoid them at all cost.
Turkeys too
@@1997jankuschef lol there were literally turkeys outside my house 15 minutes ago. They don't really attack me but they do scratch up your car.
@@fudgenugget2690 I've been hiking around groups of turkeys, and the males can be very protective of the females
My brother got bit on the a** by a goose when we were younger. I blame my mother. We were feeding the ducks and she had him in white shorts with yellow trim... I don't know why she decided to dress him like bread. It didn't work out so well for him 😂
Look I’ll tell you something that may help with your problem there it’s something called Remington model 870 depending on where you live shouldn’t be to hard to make that fix happen
When I was growing up, we had a neighbor down the street who had a goose. That thing was better than a watch dog! In fact, it kept the dog in line, too.
One time I told them I wanted to meet their goose, and they said, "No you don't." LOL
Hey brother same here, back in the day a Friend that had a goose they didn't even need to have a guard dog, everyone was terrified of that goose (cirilo was his name) including my friend every day he had to run from his front gate to the door and i asked my friend and why in hell do you have cirilo the goose? And my friend responded GOOD PROTECTION! 🤣
We call Canada geese, hissing cobra chickens.
Seems legit they're just real big murder ducks thats got murder on the mind 24/7
They even have little teeth or their fucking tongues
Haaa As a Canadian that's hilarious
LOL OMG THAT is the Best description !
Bunch of pansies!
I relate to this on so many levels.
Side note roosters are dicks as well, learned that at about 5 years of age.
In Canada we call Canadian geese Cobra Chickens. They are not afraid of anything and will fuck you up.
As someone from Canada, I can confirm. Sometimes murder chickens if they’re particularly bad.
Geese are the only animals that kinda deserve to be volleyed at full power they're just pure hatred and nothing else got bit as a kid and I've held this grudge ever since also no other bird can put the fear of god into me like those A-holes
Angry goose makes good dinner. Grab em by the neck, lift and swing.
As a pitbull owner, IM DYING OF LAUGHTER. I can imagine my dog doing this.
great video!
Turkeys man... they're in that category too, even worse, you can't turn your back on them and have to chase them away or they'll peck and claw you first.
sometimes.
This joke is a perfect example of how comedy is more than just the story/joke your telling. The story on its own is only a little funny, worthy of a chuckle maybe. The way he tells the story, his timing, and movement is what actually makes this hilarious! Josh is the best!
Only Josh can put so much work into one joke. Glad his life experiences can be for our amusement
this doesn't involve geese or swans, just general birds...but one of my favorite pictures from childhood is my little brother (5 at the time maybe?) being descended upon by a literal flock of birds...we had been feeding them so they were around...by some unspoken means me and my dad looked at each other, knew what we were gonna do...I threw half a bag of chips on him while my dad snapped the picture...the pure terror on my brothers face
he wasn't hurt, I went in after the pic and ran them off...and then died laughing
video is glitchy?
As a Canadian you learn this pretty fast 😂
I met a really nice Canadian goose out on Lake Ontario last summer. It would nibble crackers from my hand, very patient and sweet, and it mostly shared with the ducks. My sister and I went down the next day and fed the whole flock. They'd surround us and the bolder more aggressive ones eventually started nipping whenever we held the food out. Eventually we didn't have anything left to give them so as we left just a fleet of geese followed us on the water. I plan on bribing all the neighborhood birds with the highest quality snacks this summer. The idea is to befriend them enough they start following me around/recognize me.
But yeah, don't mess with geese unless you're prepared to placate them with food, and may God help you if you run out...
When I was a kid, I didn't know I could jump over a bench until those two swans decided they didn't like the bread I brought them that morning. And I guess my birthday with my mom at the zoo wasn't as much fun while I was being pummeled on the ground by a goose I said hi to as I walked past.
Having grown up in the Midwest, this speaks to me on a spiritual level. Side note, where can I get that awesome shirt?
When I was 10, we went camping in northern WI with our dog named Rock. He was mutt of husky, german shepard, and rott. Needless to say he was quite an intimidating dog and had an extremely stubborn attitude(hence his name). As we pulled into a camp ground, there were two dobermans laying down in front of their tent. The back windows on our suburban were open just enough that Rock managed to squeeze out and started rushing towards them. As he got about half way around the back of the truck, they both stood up and that's the day we started calling her Ronda. Ronda lived another 5-6 years after that incident, but she was never the same. Swear she caught the PTSD because every time we went to a new campground, Ronda pooped a little.
Please tell me the her is a typo and not what i think it means quq that poor dog
Castration omfg pls no
My daughter was feeding swans at a park. When she ran out of bread a swan bit her in the back. I punched it in the head, when he lifted his head again I was ready to punch again. The bird looked at me and walked away. Don't run from a bird, unless it's a bird of prey
This guy definitely makes my day 😂😂😂😂
basically birds in general. If they fly, then their home turf is the air. You can't beat what has the skies as their limit. If Emu or Ostrich...that's a Welterweight, so get a gun.
You shoud go pet the swan 😂😂😂
St. Louis geese are built different, I went to a Chicago suburb and they acted normal
When I was younger I had a pet Peking duck. That damn thing would chase grown men out of the yard. It would never go all Karate Kid, but it did stand up tall and puff itself up. If you weren't running away at the point it would start shaking its head like it was having some sort of seizure and then run full speed at you with it's beak of pain and misery opened, just hoping that it could get ahold of some part of your body to bite. And it didn't just bite, it would clamp down and then twist its head so that the sharp parts would literally start cutting into your skin. It was a terrifying creature... and that was a DUCK. The toddler version of a goose. Josh may be a comedian, but you should totally listen to his advice. Don't ef with Swans or Geese (or ducks for that matter).
Random side thought: It had AMAZING eyesight. That thing would always spot any plane flying overhead, no matter how small or how high up it was. Didn't matter if it was just a silent speck slowly moving through the horizon, that duck would see it (and usually start...squawking).
When I was a kid I hunted ducks and geese. One time I winged a goose and it landed in the field I went to chase it down but when I got to it, it was very much alive and not happy with me. I was terrified as it hissed at me and went to bite me as I would go to grab it. My young brain decided it was best to throw dirt clumps at it to try to knock It out. Eventually my cousin came and grabbed it effortlessly.
Other comments: _"Yeah, I once looked at a goose wrong as I was walking past and it followed me home and killed my family lol"_
Thomas Martin: _"I shot a goose out of the air, and it hissed at me when I went to collect it's mangled body"_
_There are two types of people_ /lh
@@TrackpadProductions found the vegan🤣
@@thepoifectionist Kidding, my dude! S'what tone tags are for! /lh
@@TrackpadProductions same here I didn't take it personally although I have no Idea what a tone tag is🤣
@@thepoifectionist The /lh thing. It's an easier way to get across meaning over text.
/lh means "lighthearted", /j means "joking", /srs means "serious", /s means "sarcastic", e.t.c. There's lists online if you're not familiar, it's pretty useful
All truth
How come i only got pleasant memories with geese? Everyone here saying they pricks but I remember when i was a kid going to a park almost every weekend with my nan and this one goose would give me soft noogie if i had my hair tied (I always did i loved when she did that) and would feed out my hand and at one point let me kind of hug her.
My cousin lived on a small farm when we were young that included geese. One day they decided to chase us all over the yard and backed us up against the fence. My cousin decided to defend us by karate chopping one of the geese in the neck. Damn thing walked around with it's neck bent like a question mark for a week. 😳🤣
One time me and my friend were climbing our school buildings, basic teenager stuff, and we decided to hit up the high school first (the middle and high school are directly across from each other) so we do that. Well we turned a corner to where the high school meets with the middle school, and there is just this army of geese IN FORMATION LIKE A GROUP OF FIGHTER JETS, staring us down. Let’s just say we decided to go back to the middle school for a little
“START THE VAAANNNNN!!!!!!”
Yes pet the swan, an don’t expect the Aflac duck / swan to kick your ass!
Who else thought their screen was glitching at 2:10
Funny story: when I was young (3 or 4) we went to a theme park. At the park was a pond with some geese that hung around since people fed them all day. Anyways, one of the geese tried to mess with me and from what I turned the tables and started to chase the goose. One of the workers saw this whole thing happen and they gave us free rides all day long.
Let me guess...
...everybody clapped
When I was younger I chased 3 of them and they ran away but I think it was because my arms were outstretched head forward. You probably did the same?
how many people thought that the device they are watching this on was broken when the camera glitched?
Where can i hear the song @ the end?
I would love to sit n talk with ya, someday ima do just that... feel like you see through the extra and get to the root of every subject.. ways to relate understand . geese were fun to learn once how mean they are...
That is one game you do not want to play that involves a goose.
I have a pit/boxer mix so his description of his dog meeting the geese really hit home! 😆 😂
The dislike is a Swan.
My husband and I were in a park in the 80s with my 2 year old niece. 4 geese started running towards me and I put my niece in front of me for protection. My husband scarred them off, but I have never lived down the part where I put my niece out in front of me. Ha!
Goddamn COBRA CHICKENS LMAO!
His dog reminds me of Chance in Homeward Bound.
Chance sees his first rooster.
Calls it Birdzilla. When Shadow and Sassy leave the yard, chance says he is staying there. At that moment, Birdzilla comes bustin toward the porch.
"ahhhh Birdzilla returns!". He jumps up on metal trash cans like a klutz and leaves the yard too.
LMAO 🤣.. Birds Can FUCK YOU UP... Run...Forrest... Run
Josh, You Should have started the Van, but I'm sure, You were too bust Laughing your Ass Off.. lol 😅🤣🤣🤣😅
I have geese and I like to watch them chase my little sister around the yard
Some people create chaos some like to try bring peace and then theres those who just wanna watch everything burn whist they laugh I think you may be the latter
I got chased my friend got bit on her upper inner thigh and when she went to look 👀 I saw it coming right at her head down I couldn’t stop laughing I pissed my pants while she was screaming and yelling crying running on her tippy toes head all back mouth wide open lol 😂 omg omg omg LMMFAO rotfflol
yo josh love your work, but something is wrong with the sensor on this camera. See that weird green blocky flash within the first second of this video? I've seen it in a ton of your videos. New camera time?
0:01 0:24 0:27 0:30
its happening like all the time my dude
😂😂😂 I love your videos, but the best is when you crack yourself up & get to laughing. Idk why but when you get to cackling it makes me laugh THAT MUCH harder 😂😂😂☠️
Wow, no joke combined with really sloppy story telling. That was bad. He kept forgetting where he was going with it and saying “uh, uh”…
Don’t mess with geese. I had a Maltese who liked to chase the. One day several of them chased after my him and rolled him a few times before I could rescue him. After that he would take the long way around geese. He was like, “fuck that shit, I’m not going near them. Those bitches will roll you.” 😵💫
Half American Bulldog, half Pitt? You know where the "bull" in Pitt bull come from right?
We have Canadian geese where I live. They give no fucks. They will walk right in front of your car because they know you won't risk injuring them but not killing them.
Awww shit lmmfao thats the funniest shit i ever heard from u lol START THE VAN!!!!
I was 11 and at my bro’s baseball game and saw a goose just chilling. Literally all I did was put the finger up at it for fun. No big movements or anything. Immediately started flying after me lol
I was in a park with my mom in Norfolk Nebraska (31 years old) I saw geese and started to feed them. Not a good idea! The male chased me around the park, as I screamed like a little girl for quite awhile. I did not learn my lesson the first time-thought it just a mean goose. Tried another group, once again got chase around the park screaming like a little girl as it tried to literally peck me like a son of a bitch. My mom laughed at me the second time hard. Because it takes 2 times for me to learn my lesson. And she knows it.
Best way to pacify a swan or goose is to reach out, grip it by the upper neck, lift it up for a few seconds then release it.
Groups however... you're probably still fucked.
Hollow bones and the like they're lighter than they look.
well....ever since ive seen this video... ruclips.net/video/TfLpcennXE0/видео.html&ab_channel=RadarForRad
i dont fuck around with ducks/geese or what so ever.....
The last place I worked had a pond out front... geese and ducks would be there almost year round, with babies in the spring...... one of the supervisors dared one of the not so bright employee’s to grab a baby goose..... the employee lost that particular dare.....
We used to take my 3 yo son to this little pond by a legit convent in Oklahoma. I watched a nun, in full uniform, beat a giant swan over the head with a brown bag full of bread. We just stood there in silence watching, even my son lol
Ron white, Dave Chappell, Larry the cable guy all the know greatest and not a one can make me laugh like you do...your an amazing artist
I love Josh Wolf but I think he’s getting a little more stoned (if possible) over the years and it’s making his delivery not quite as funny.
at least your dog was smart enough to turn around and gtfo. my dumbass husky would've seen the two of them charging him and been like, "oh yay! new friends!" smh
I know a guy who had swans. He went to check their nest for eggs. The swan slapped him with its wing and broke his ankle. He caught he'll trying to get away from that bird with his stuff broken.
Ducks too Bro. What’s your fishing too close to a nesting mom and got attacked. Stood there for a few seconds with a dumb look on my face like is this happening? Threw.my pole in the water and ran like the hounds of hell were after me. Good times🤣
Geese are assholes. I've have a few encounters with them and none good. Last year a friend was trying to move away from her toxic boyfriend's house while he was away, so she asked if I could come help, but also if I could bring my carry with me in case he showed up and tried to start something. Anyway, I obliged and when I got there was doing stuff outside. She warned me about the geese, and they kept running at me and hissing, so I did it to them and they had no idea how to react. It almost became a game.
for sure, go near a momma goose with her babies. NOT SMART IDEA LOL
Just like Ron white 😂😝😐 for real go to Netflix and check it out it's hilarious
I use to waitress at a retirement home. There were ducks and one goose that would hang out at the lake/ pond. Anytime you had to go out in the back to throw trash, that goose would try to attack you. I swear it waited for the door to open. Thing scared the shit out of me. I don't fuck with geese or ducks that have that red bumpy shit that looks like some kind of STD all around their face. Shit freaks me out!
I went to Penn State Beaver. The campus has a large pond with a fountain near the entrance. So the road into the campus was always blocked by geese at the beginning and end of the school year. And those things were so used to cars that they would NOT move out of your way no matter how close you got to them. If you were late for class and they were crossing the road, you were fucked, you just had to wait for them to go away.
I remember my brother came back home from the army and he took me, my sister, his girlfriend amd her siblings to a big park that had swans. I didnt know they were aggressive, so i walk by them and sure enoigh it came charging at me. I got so startled i sock that fucker in the face and began beating the shit out of that bird. We ended up getting kick out but best day of my life.
Dude you're fucking hilarious!!! 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆
You know, you could have made it simpler by saying the swan helicoptered his neck around at you
Tip for anyone who needs to here it.
Never attempt to pet any animal that is not on a leash.
The don’t want scritchies, they’ll think your going to eat them and they’ll get defensive and fight back
Swans have killed people so yay don’t fuck with pretty bird demons lol
Geese are worse swans usually have reason to be pissed off geese just got murder on the mind (24/7) the evil little bastards
There are, who knows how many, geese that live on my college campus and they aren't scared of anything.
Have you never heard of the Canadian cobra chicken....yeah thats a Canadian goose..
Don't fuck with big birds and sidenote thanks for making me think my screen broken lol
Oh My God 🤣🤣🤣
You're Sooooo One Of Those People Who'd Be Chased By A Swan 🦢🤣🤣
EVERYBODY:....
geese : WAR IS THE ONLY OPTION!!!!!!!!!!!
When i was 5 i used to like to chase the ducks at the park. And i thought it was good idea to chase the geese. And none of them flew away about 6 geese chased me back to the car. My dad took me to another park after that day.
My husband was in a war with a goose that at his paps pond for 7 years. The goose bested him everytime they came in contact with each other.
Hahaha 🤣 🤣🤣🤣 “start the fucking van” too funny 🤣🤣🤣🤣
My dog come from bird dog blood line black lab she dont hunt she is scared of guns because the neighbors shot her in the neck so no hunting for her she just won't do it but her blood line kicks in and she loves to chase birds and a few rabbits i alwas stop the truck when im in the field and i see Canadian geese and let her out to chase them i wanted to see who would win she almost caught one once man the fight would be epic i wondered who would win
I am canadian, we ALL know you don't f*ck with the geese. Those things got teeth
You don't f--k around with dinosaurs who have wings :) 🦖🤣
I just remembered my childhood memories.... those bastards 😤 🦁
Have u ever seen a pit bull fly ? Cos mine tried to fuck a horse and he achieved a height i can only describe as "fatal" he hit the floor like a flat piece of cheese an ran back to me like "did u see that"
I DIDNT FUCKING KNOW HES IS LEXINGTON THATS LIKE AN HOUR AWAY FROM ME WTFFFFF
Geese are so BRUTAL! Stay away from their babies 😅
The 22 ppl who dislike every video your rude this video was funny as hell
I got video evidence of me petting my goose friend an actual goose in NorCal
Watched a friend stoned try to pet a geese, it was funny asf when the geese attacked him after I said It would too