Narcissist: Your Pain is his Healing, Your Crucifixion - His Resurrection
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- Опубликовано: 24 июл 2024
- The narcissist needs to hand over to you his own suffering and this way regain his inner peace and sense of control. Your pain is his healing, your crucifixion - his resurrection.
Narcissism is a delusional disorder but with 2 peculiarities:
1. The delusions are self-centred. Even idealization is co-idealization.
2. The narcissist is self-aware but attributes the discrepancies that inevitably and invariably arise not to impaired reality testing but to the inferiority, malice, envy, etc. of others. He uses devaluation to bridge the gap between perception and reality (the grandiosity gap).
Narcissist is emotionless and is uninterested in people. He is a spectacle: good for an hour or two, but dull and excruciatingly boring with his interminable monologues. He is a one trick pony. He is internally dead (destrudo, Thanatos).
Yet, the narcissist is convinced that he is awe-inspiring and fascinating.
Narcissist is hateful, aggressive, and destructive to both self and others, even significant others. But realizing these qualities lead to ego-dystony. So the narcissist project them. But he is dimly aware of his projection, so he uses projective identification to coerce people to act hateful, aggressively, and destructively.
Narcissism feels special. But he is cast in a mold, cloned stereotype or archetype (Jung’s divine child). So, he needs counterfactual narcissistic supply to buttress his sense of uniqueness. Healthy people have a sense of self-worth and idiosyncrasy. The narcissist has a sense of superior idiosyncrasy.
Is the narcissist ambitious?
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I love this video. My ex has called me again after half a year now, he doesn't have any supply at the moment. It's fun for me to watch his actions.
But I'm sorry about him. Even if he hurt me unimaginably, I can't hate him. After all, it is just a tiny abused child trapped in an adult body. He lives in hell and in this hell he will live until the end of this life.
If you look at the narc in this way, you will understand their actions and it will not be possible to hate them. They're just kids, I'm not kidding.
I wish a speedy healing to all who are currently undergoing healing.
Love y'all ♥ ️
@@Dtella55 Omg that's crazy. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.
Sounds dangerous, he's really not normal.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed, be strong.
He will find another victim in a moment and you will have peace for a while (or I hope forever! ♥ ️).
BTW I found out that my ex is also running out of money (he really had a lot of them), so I'm also preparing for a big hoovering in a few months, because he will need money and sex and he will no longer be able to buy luxury whores.
But I won't let him into life anymore. He has nothing to do there.
I dont hate, its shear pity!!
@@Rosare Thank yoou 💖
I look at everyone through the eyes of the source.
And above all, each one of us is responsible for how we feel. So when we are strong in ourselves, the narcissist has no place in our lives. It all starts with us 🌈
By blaming the narc, we only lower ourselves to his level and thus lose our power.
Well said. Much Love your way
@@stephaniem7132 💕💟
I am living happily ever after, I eliminated them all. I have a family based on love and respect, not blood. I live in a rainforest and teach sustainable living with my soul mate . They will have to get their pain somewhere else! Suffering is optional, I opted out ☺️🌺
Yaaaaaay
This is beautiful how did u heal!
@@OneWhoKnowz I grew up in a family of psychopaths . I was trained to be an enabler and I was good at it .
5 years ago I started studying abuse and narcissists and psychopaths . I started eliminating them from my life and slowly I got rid of the people who were eating my life and surrounding me with drama .
My “ soulmate” was also a narcisist . He is gone, too.
I am free. The trick now is maintaining a life free of abuse . That is not easy , it is like maintaining a huge weight loss , daily discipline and being ALWAYS conscious of how I feel around people .
@@robbiePlanetaSano that’s awesome 👏 have u attended therapy tho? For codependency and CPTSd?
@@OneWhoKnowz yes, extensively . I was diagnosed with ptsd over 25 years ago . By my therapists. I had emdr at the time .
At least 15 years of therapy .
"You pain is the raw material in which he constructs his inner peace"
It's the ending for me
It hit me hard.
@@aliyahadaannithat is so true
Yep, it took me almost a lifetime to realize my primary abuser, mother - took pleasure in watching me suffer from her torture and abuse. Once one sees this reality, one cannot unsee it.
Watching your videos is incredibly cathartic. You structure and put into words this madness so well, it’s like attending one funeral after the other, being able to grieve and to leave a bit more human every time.
I was continually shocked how, after a considerable commotion, my narcissistic wife spoke happily on the phone with a friend, laughed, etc. I always thought it was crazy. Now I understand it is the feeling of liberation on her part when she's causing me or the children pain and confusion. Amazing insight.
As I sat on the floor broken and defeated, completely rejected, he became powerful, I saw it happen in front of me, he became aroused and in control. The more I tried to do thing correctly, the more he hated me.
I actually feel ill but astounded watching this. Thank you.
Evil is sick and perverted.
Omg I experienced this exact thing. It was so awful…
@Halie C, how are things with you now? I am going through this and I am soooo longing for the pain to end.. it takes too long, how did this story unfold for you? Did he ever come back and regret rejecting you?
It happened to me too. It was very strange and I never understood why the narc behaved the way he did but watching this video, resolved the mystery! I never understand that psychology of the narc when they are being mean to other people, especially those who never intentionally hurt them. No matter how nice people are, it is not the narc's concern. It is because the Narc needs reason to hate and abuse people. It rather makes them unhappy if people are nice and good so he has no excuse to abuse these people.
“Every time you care for the narcissist, you undermine their ability to project onto you. Your love, you intimacy, your acceptance is perceived as sabotage, obstruction... The narcissist needs to project their negative parts onto you” 👏👏👏👏 💯 💯 💯
You have just explained what happened to me during my years with the narcissist. Things were going too well...he had to gradually destroy it all with his nonsensical ravings, blaming and interpreting the most innocent of comments (“I think it’s going to be cloudy today”) as personal insults. In hindsight, the moment I realized his mother was a rude, psychologically damaged person who had inflicted her personal pain on her children, I should have ran out the door and never looked back.
Nonsensical ravings...perfect
next time - we ask for MUMMY - then we turn around ...........
Are u still there with him?
@@lisaporcaro820 Praise God, no! I left shortly after his worst rage…he went berserk over his last roll of toilet tissue that was “missing”. I kid you not. His tantrum lasted a few hours and then on into the next day…and I stayed awake all night wondering if my life was in danger. The man was mentally ill, and I believe he wanted me to leave so that he could play the role of the innocent “victim” whose wife had “abandoned” him. He got his wish and I am free.
My ex narc once told me “ I won’t answer that question to keep you feeling frustrated” at that point I knew he liked my suffering
Brilliant! Thank you for explaining! I now understand why, when I was dating a narc, he kept saying "I am special", "I am different" ..RED FLAG !!!
Mine was at his happiest when I was upset, unsettled or crying. When I realised that it was the beginning of the end
This lecture is a masterpiece!!! I’m so grateful to you, Professor! You saved my life!Only you, no one else, really own this topic. Only your videos respond in every cell of my body and deeply describe and explain what happened to me. God bless you!!!
He describes my husband to the tee
He wants to switch places with me. I was whole before and he saw that AND he wanted it! It was never about me...he's a black whole consuming...yet never satisfied.
Exactly.
He also wanted to convince me that I did not have any of the qualities he wanted in me. He tried SO HARD to brainwash me... almost did.
Ahh makes sense now!
@@garimaheath same!
They only see in people what can benefit them. They are obsessed with obtaining status and will use your beauty, success, whatever to make themselves look good. There is a overwhelming sense of emptiness with narcissists because they aren't actually interacting with you, the real you, but the idealized version they made for you, so they can idealize themselves.
My parents are, but when I was gone how the f did they deal w life? They dragged me back home for this. And when I leave them by escaping cause I see what they r doing now but before this, I didn't know. I'm acting like I'm depressed and dead, just not caringbut I do care and I have this plan of escaping. It's realistic. Ive never spoken to anyone about it so I'm hoping that I'll succeed nd escape w o them suspecting it.
Why did she smile a tiny smile when she could see that she inflicted pain on me?
My narcissistic girlfriend did the same thing when I was crying 😢
The truth to all said here gave me chills! I wish you would make a video on how we can recover from the trauma the narcissist in our lives have inflicted on us. I am starting to get my identity back & am so disgusted at all the time I wasted with this person.
He did
Honestly, going to all the comments is so helpful too; learning the patterns... Every now & then a special comment is a "wow ah-ha moment" & I screenshot it!
This was exactly what I experienced with the narc. He suddenly appeared happier, more alive and hyper after the breakup. Wow the other narc I knew in h.s confessed to me he felt happier after the breakup like everything was going good for him after the fact and he felt great then boom, out of nowhere one day everythin came crushing down. First his car tires popped on the highway and it was hell from and it has been hell on earth for him ever since: Thirteen years later, he can’t find a perfect fix and tries to Hoover me every couple of years includin recently. It’s quite laughable as this attempt is beyond delusions at this point. I never laughed so hard in my life. This human is courageous indeed. Jst know watever relief they after doing you dirty is never permanent
samvak.tripod.com/abuse14.html
They steal your energy
@@hildehausikujohannes7664 Yep
@@OneWhoKnowz Yes! Yes they do. In so so many ways! Energy vampires are real ha ha-they are called narcissists!
Update: I happened to boomed into this narc in question nearly two years after my final discard. The narc was with a supply. Can’t tell whether new or recycled or one of the hammered garage holders. But I can tell you, the energy is forever gone! As he was as miserable lookin of a man I’ve ever seen. Utter mystery. Poorly groomed, over grown facial hair and weight gain etc., made no attempt to look me in the eyes as he kept his face glued to the ground. Likely ashamed to be caught in public with the new supply. As she appeared to be a downgrade (not I can say but knowin this narc, wasn’t someone I expected the narc to be with since their grandiose beliefs is they get with the best of the best. Big lies. They’ll take watever they can get over no supply. Yes. This energy vampire is no longer sucking on my good sources. Kudos to say. Cheers 🥂
He moved my hair...not to comfort me but to watch me have an anxiety attack and cry hysterically after he upset me on purpose. It was the most evil feeling. I will never forget it.
OMG, that is so creepy...
Smfh
My nex never showed me an iota of compassion when I was upset not one fuxking time!
She hugged me cause she needed a hug or wanted to have sex
This is exactly what I witnessed, and never understood for 20 painful years. It’s good to learn about narcissism- just wish I understood it better years ago. Mine was my therapist before becoming my partner. He betrayed my trust in every way, and used my vulnerabilities to exploit, pathologize, isolate, and humiliate me. I wish I had found the strength to leave, but I felt so confused…..he destroyed me.
I figured this out gradually although I didn't know the reason behind it. He was anxious and exhausted when I was happy because he was left to deal with his own emotional baggage. So he would do something to make me upset or angry, then he felt confident and calm. It was as though he dumped all his negative emotions on me.
Wow sadly my father display this. He would get so mad to see our mom happy. She’s always so slum, moody and sad around him while seem so powerful. He’s only this way when she sad. She’s always, I mean always unhappy
@@MegaLadylove2012 that's so sad. I hope one day she finds the strength to leave.
@@mamacitasalsera
I hope so but i dont see this happenin
@@MegaLadylove2012 😔
yes. i feel that way at times in my current relationship. If i am hurting, unhappy etc. he feels good and has a piece of mind. When i am feeling good mind, body, and spirit, he will say something negative, or whatever he can do to change my frame of mind.
Thank you, Mr. Vaknin. Last night my narcissist, when I tried to confront him about how I feel unsafe in the relationship, attempted to blame me for the times when he has choked, hit, pushed and emotionally attacked me. He said that it is within every man to do such things. And I refuse to believe that. I feel so sick with the realization of who this person is. I’m trying to escape.
DO NOT tell him your plans to leave. Just secretly make your plans and RUN!! Be sure to take all your important documents. There are many resources available online to advise you with your escape to HAPPINESS.
I know, easier said than done.
Run for your life. You deserve better! Good luck
It’s like you have to turn into him weirdly speaking but it’s true. I went through this and I work with him. He stalks me at work but I act as if he doesn’t exist and I don’t know him at all. There’s no contact no acknowledgement no reaction NOTHING AT ALL to him. I make sure he stays nonexistent. A non mutha fucking factor! You have to or he will wheel you in again and hurt you even worst. Leave quietly for your safety
Please try to leave as soon as possible, choking means you have a much higher risk of being killed.
Please run! He is extremely dangerous!
Sam this was so eye opening! This all makes perfect sense now. Would have never known the profundity of this disorder , and the destruction they cause, and the horror inside of them.
Once I told my Narcissist -we (me and children) love you just the way you are with all your flaws and he wasn't happy at all with this words. No I see, he heard only that it means he is not perfect..
Mine got the job that he coveted but was having a tough time getting into. I said wow that's great, you've found someone who believes in you. To him that was an insult.
I think this is why so many narcissists become pastors.
Yes, sam your the best information I have come across on understanding the narsccisist and the big part I played in this abusive relationship, that I was in for 56 yrs ,now he's dead from virus ,and how the abuse I took to stabilize him ,knew something was very wrong but I needed knowledge to get it ,yes he always used fear and trauma to get his way and to calm himself down ,your exactly right ,and always controling me back to what he wanted ,yes,the dead mother is what he wanted ,under his spell ,wanted me to abuse him ,by pushing him back with screaming and and degradation, putting him down ,ect, then things would be ok for awhile ,it was up and down ,yes constant negatively to me ,always saying how negative I was ,and convincing me ,its all me ,right ,exactly, this was us ,but I came to this knowledge and would tell him these last 3 yrs ,he knew I was on completely on to him ,and framed him as to what he was ,and I stopped playing his game ,he's always torcherd me but I stopped letting him ,I understand, I use to say to him ,to stop treating me and making me pay for what his mother did to him ,your decribing him completely, this is what he did and made my children, especially my daughter to abuse me ,totally disrespect me ,also ,and act like him to me ,always making me totally inferior, I'm the bad one , when you described the Jesus thing ,yes,thats it ,to a tee ,finally I understand, thank you ,he had no empathy at all ,he wasn't human ,he was completely empty, and when he was dying these past 2 yrs ,he slowly disentagraded ,like the wicked witch in the wizard of oz ,in front of me ,went completely into himself, I couldn't even reach him most days ,and he would just stare at me ,and then he would retreat into his fantasies, I could tell ,and he would never tell me or ever open up ,about anything, this is text book ,l wasted my whole life trying to fix this ,for nothing ,now I'm old ,but I have peace and knowledge, thanks to your analysis of this terrible predicament that I was in ,I feel vindicated and relieved,like a teenager, by myself, learning to get over the trauma.
Ditto...... even to the influence on my daughter; ‘the golden child’. Unfortunately, this narc is still living, and so it continues. Kind of brings out the worst in me, I wouldn’t ordinarily wish harm to anyone . Would be so good to be ‘me’ again instead of a miserable shadow of myself.
I’m sorry 😞 but u still have life. Check out Narcisstic abuse recovery by Melanie tonia
May you be blessed with ongoing peace now.
To the average person has an almost impossible time explaining how the narcissist goes about their sick ways. It goes so far beyond some people’s vocabulary. Even today I struggle explaining what goes on . I feel paralyzed because I know in my mind what’s going on but to put it into words is absolutely the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do. All I know is that he is not happy until I’m miserable . What kind of sick fuck does this?
The Dr./Professor is brilliant. What a gift to receive this lesson.
Gold gold gold... this is the best explanation yet so far! I dated someone who incessantly kept creating situations where I can experience every single trauma that they had experienced in their childhood and sometimes adulthood like a Motorcycle scratch, they would manifest it immediately that I would fall into the same accident and get scratched in the same place. It’s almost a super power because their trauma runs their entire energetic system and everyone in their reach have to suffer the same.
I think of it as being raised by vampires. I was born to feed on, then become a feeder and pass on the virus. I was trained from birth to think I was to be 'a gift' to humanity, special, others were....other. How could you not become a narcissist raised by narcissists? And yes, finding a way to not feed other vampires or feed off others is very difficult - especially given the special power you have as a narcissist. It's hard to exercise your own demon. You need a traumatic experience (self created or not) to crack that shell and let you see yourself and except what you are and how you were created...and what to do now!?
The child of a narcissistic mother is just like her toy. I have seen it. U can tell by that child's behavior how traumatized he is. When with his mother, he is just like a puppet, a doll, an emotional punching bag (as everyone calls it). It's a pathetic and heartbreaking sight, indeed. It's even more heartbreaking to realise that this child will never be able to lead a normal, happy life. What was his fault? :"(
Exactly- i was 57 before i escaped my narc mother
I had moved on. I wasn’t bothering him. He came back to my life to tell me a grand apology and that he missed me and our son , and loved me and knew that he had treated me bad, and felt bad about it. I ignored the messages and calls and then happened to see him one morning and we talked and decided to try things again. I was so stupid to believe him again. So stupid! I was doing so well. He made me feel so ugly this time. So ugly and unworthy.
You are beautiful the way you are!
You have a good and forgiving heart. You are now wiser. It happened this way to affirm your leaving him the first time and to reaffirm people rarely change although change is possible. I hope you are well and again cares for as you were before the 2nd chance given to him trying to ruin and destroy you.
I noticed the pattern of him provoking negative emotions from me. Just observing his patterns, you are the most accurate on this subject matter that I have found on youtube.
We've been friends for 15 years and I did not notice these traits until he sucked me in. Weirdly, I've always loved him as a very good friend. Now I'm confused.
Once again I have had an ah moment! My ex brought out the worst anger in me while he played victim. Sam is brilliant ! He is the only person I listen to on this subject.
@Fanon Frantz unrelenting and various levels of ongoing antagonism - not sure if there is a subtle difference between provoking and antagonising ? What do you think?
Run. I had a long term 'friend' similar situation. It wasn't until he was married etc... until AND he was ready to discard because I wasn't falling for his crap. Then...let me know we are not friends (after 20 years) And it was all a figment of my imagination!😆 Whatever! I'm just glad that I didn't marry an Ahole! ,🤮 He's just checking your temperature...like 3 year old...how much can he get away with...with you. That will determine your worth...or value to him. Once you stand up for your values (get some by the way)...he will move for the discard. This is a good strategy moving forward to exposs these nutcases...for me to avoid and place in the correct category of person, to place or thing.lol
@@atlfun08 I discarded him first. Had I known his true nature 15 years ago we wouldn't even have been in contact ever. I feel like I dodged a bullet as I would never sit around and be his insignificant other.
@@user-dk1by4fz2h Your lucky! You got to discard him. I discarded and went back cause I "missed" or now I realize that I was probably just bored. Lol. But it was a big mistake...he tried to figure out if I still "wanted" him...once I fell for it...he was very cruel. The mortification. But I'm glad that I know what I know now...there are tons of these folks in the world. Now I know to run...or turn and walk away...never looking back...no matter how attractive the guy. Lol
HOLY. SH----- this has been my life for a year and a half.... all of it... even watching my narcisst get scammed out of all his money on grandiose adventures by people smarter than him... and him not ever even seeing the scam. And when I warned....I was harshly, harshly silenced. This is insanely accurate.
Narcissists feed off of your good and force feed you their bad.
Thank you for rescue all of us here and showing valuble inside so we can heal and navigate.
wow. Brilliant. You summed up perfectly why the only way to survive is to leave: narcissism is vampirism. The irony of the Gottman negative/positive ratio is that my narcissist ex actually quoted it and used that as a principle to measure our relationship. When the quota for negative was high, he would share his disappointment in my behavior (counting the ways in which I "fucked up" or "destroyed us") and he would refuse to meet, or give me the silent treatment for days. He said we should "work on ourselves" until "we deserve to meet", only once the scale is balanced again. He knew I was into self-help and psychology, so he managed to turn Gottman's relationship advice into a tool for abuse. Not sadistic, but absolutely twisted
Amazing and unbelievable clarity and understanding given of a tragic , but very real human condition. I thought I could save him. Thank you Dr Vaknin
Misery loves company. The partner or associate to the narcissist with issues makes him or her feel better about themselves. Many times you will notice that they can be great superficial friends and go to someones aid and will neglect their close partner at home. They truly hate when you are doing better then they are.
Even if he is a robot needing supply , he is still a victim , he is a human choosing a robot mode to protect his fragile broken real self .
I can't hate him , but can't allow him to hurt me by cheating on me .
I will stay far from him forever , but I will never hate him .
We are all humans , we have our defects , we should accept the other .
I think the same: I can't hate my narcissist after all he's a human being, just like me. But it doesn't mean I'll let him to do whatever he wants and I'll be there, standing by his side, without helping myself to get out of that situation. Enough is enough!
Mine is in jail...where I once prayed for him to be...now that he is losing everything he’s worked hard for all his life I feel bad for him...karma has come and I thought I’d be happy about it but I’m not😿
@@ModernGoddess81 You cannot find joy in another's (his) suffering because you have a good heart. This is a trait lacking in the world.
True 💯
I was engaged to a covert narcissist I was in a 7.5 year relationship with. She is a Filipina woman with two children and the widow of a much older American man. I attributed her rude, inconsiderate, selfish behaviors to cultural differences. I was always open with her about having mental issues. When I understood I have borderline traits I shared that with her hoping she might want to educate herself on BPD. She just used my vulnerability as a opportunity to demean me by saying no one in the Philippines ever gets depressed. This wasn’t the first time I watched her create her own narrative of reality. I was utterly destroyed for almost a year after finally walking away, of course she moved on to new supply within a few months. I would have left much sooner but I loved her two children and believe they loved me as well, I felt like I was abandoning them. When I finally realized she was teaching her children it was perfectly acceptable to disrespect me I ended it. I didn’t even know what narcissism was then but your videos have been invaluable in understanding it and myself. I know you hate everyone but thanks anyway Sam.
Every thing you said makes sense to me now. My ex said to me after the infidelity and lots of crying between me and him that you have to feel pain in order to feel pleasure.
I had no idea what I was dealing with I knew there was always something wrong with him not being able to feel love all they do is use you financially he try to ruin me I have to move on and that is going to be really hard on me
Sam, thank you from the bottom of my heart for this brilliant video. You have answered my last remaining questions about the 'whys' of the end of my relationship with a covert narcissist. Here, you have described his propensities and motivations exactly. It is as if you have created this video specifically about him. After two months of abject suffering and sleepless nights over my remaining love for this man, now I finally feel inner peace. Thank you 🙏🏻
Thank you, this is the best explanation I have ever heard or seen on WHY a person who is a narcissist does what they do to victimize another person. I have looked for years for a good full explanation, and this is it. I do believe the self-aware part. Also, the grandiosity gap that can never go away, paranoia, projection, making you bad, no matter how good you are/do. It is very healing to find and hear this, especially when no one else believes you or understands if you try to explain it. I am glad to hear of a strategy for healing that the narcissist can take, if they can bear it.. Thanks.
Hmmm... let’s all remember those wise words reference the best revenge - A Life Well Lived... Thank you Dr. Vaknin.
“you have seen one narcissist you have seen them all” that includes the Dr. We, the survivors of narcissistic abuse, with our gratitude and admiration, are his supply. Overall, a fair transaction if you ask me, but we need to validate everything he says. As 90% of what people say are lies, exaggeration, or manipulation [based on some studies the Dr. mentioned in another video].
@@danak5958 Interesting! So we should take all this info with caution, right?
@@NB-2020 Dr.Vaknin, in another video, suggested that people lie 90% of the time and recommended to verify things people say. He is also a narc. So yea, I agree with him that not to believe everything is a pretty good rule.
There are probably exaggerated descriptions of himself and his accomplishments and studies he refers to that have some flaws, and taking with a grain of salt would be a good practice.
@@danak5958 AA@a@a
@@alyngrace123 I am confused a bit about what exactly are you saying? clarify the point?
But note I am actually not claiming that 90% of the things people say are lies, I claim that *Dr. Vaknin said it* suggesting that people are liars. And as such we should probably exercise awareness when listening to him too.
Brilliant Prof. Vaknin!
You just put 50,000 pieces correctly in my 100,000 piece puzzle!
In the last 20 years, I have managed 150 myself.
Can't thank you enough.
Listened a few seconds and got an answer to why my ex was cool as a cucumber when I was raging. He could not stand it when I was harmonious, just reading a book for example. He had to make me upset in order to be able to be calm himself. Any negative emotion he could spot in me made him feel content.
My children asked me once if I hated him. The answer is no. He taught me a great deal and I have two beautiful daughters because of him.
He made me hurt, but I do not wish him to hurt. I wish him love and peace of mind if it is possible.
Thank you for providing a context for understanding why the narcissist’s irritation, contempt, provocation, harassment, and abuse are unrelenting. I’ve struggled for years trying to make it end without success even though I have had no contact for years. Your shared insights have helped me greatly.
My NPD/Psychopath ex gave me hiv and then gaslit me into believing I'd infected him when he was MSM & using meth for decades...it's been 30 yrs of this hell for me but I'm finally escaping the Stockholm Syndrome forced on me...unfortunately due to chronic illness & handicaps I'm forced to share my home with him as he pays the bills.The love of friends has kept me alive & sane throughout this...also learning all I could about psychology & biology...your videos are an extremely helpful tools in my journey to wellness & freedom (the mind is breaking free even when my body is trapped) ❤
I’m so sorry for what you have gone through. You deserved so much better!
Thank you Sam for this video. I finally understand the trauma and the background of all of this disorder...the projecting etc. I was always puzzled when I experienced all of a sudden blaming and negativity. You explained wonderfully. Thank you so much!
I love the way the speaker explains everything. He is awesome. Very insightful!
When you explain it I feel very sad for the person I love. Even if he makes me suffer it really breaks my heart that he must be so little and afraid inside.
Used to comfort parent with my own pain so I understand why I “give him my pain”. I’m depressed and broken after these years and he would never ever help me. So obviously I’m the one with huge problems 🤦🏽♀️
When it comes to Understandings Narcissism Sam you are a Demigod . The Demons that have entered my life with malice have been neutralized with the tactics you have provided. Without this channel I would never have understood the psychology of the Narc.
Amazing and clear descriptions! Esp. the one similar to infectious trauma and the need for isolation. Every video you describe this disorder more and more geniously!
Deeply appreciative of your work and for sharing it with us. You provide exceptional clarity and a depth of understanding that is healing and incredibly valuable.
Wow! I had no idea til now the magnitude of damage the Narc still holds inside from such traumatic childhood experience. That is ever relived. Just Wow! Thank you for sharing your expertise in this area. ☺️👍🏽💯
Absolutely amazing video. Left me speechless.
Thank you! You had my full attention with this subject! I learned so much about my experience, I saved it. I have to rewatch this a few times! I now understand about the projection with narcissism which has kept me in a quandary for 2 decades. I understand and now, can utilize your teaching. Thank you for your outstanding dedication to Psychology. I especially love your delivery. Intrinsic charm. 😉
Best video yet that I've heard from you and I've seen some good ones. It really helped me to see why he kept picking at me, trying to get me to argue with him but I wouldn't. The rare times is say something he either looked stunned or happy. Strangest 6 months ever was spending time with him but this explains a lot. Thank you
Went through the same. 7 months of confusion. This video gives me answers to everything. And l thought she was just crazy 😂. I went through every single stage 🤷🏻♀️.
I always leave feeling smarter and wiser after listening to Dr. Vaknin. Love it!
Hey Vanessa😊
Dr Sam , your knowledge and u understanding on this subject is highly undoubtedly EXCEPTIONAL! I am speechless on the depth of knowledge you have ! BEST OUT THERE!
I’m screaming as I’m listening to this, it explains everything 😅
Thank you Sam for this masterpiece on the subject. You’ve put my experiences into a context I can understand and for that I’m eternally grateful. Having this awareness is pivotal in my healing and restoration of peace. I no longer grant his trauma a free ride in my body.
Let Dracula find another blood bank. I'm not feeling bad because the blood sucker ran out of juice.. not my problem 😂
I'm so grateful to have discovered you. Thank you for your intellect, insights, and extensive knowledge about this very complex matter.
Wow, is all I can say. You frame the Narcissist in a way no one else I have listened to. I have Narcissistic family members, and this made me vulnerable to other relationships with Narcissistic people. You, Professor Vaknin, are the real deal. Thank You!
Wow! This lecture is a work of art. . . by far the best I have listened to. The information, rhythm, and tone were all skillfully delivered. My analytical mind appreciates your content. I learned about your videos in a comment left for another presenter; I am forever grateful to them. I've been married 29 years to my narcissist who discarded me last December. Within a couple of months he was in a new "serious" relationship with someone he met on a dating APP. We have 3 sons together. Our divorce will be finalized this December. Your videos deliver such clarity and understanding, which ultimately brings me peace and strength . . . along with moments of shock. You have no idea how grateful I am. 🙏
Hurt people; hurt people. Thanks for sharing
Thanks a lot Dr Vaknin.Your videos help me recover from my abuse by understanding that my ex narcissistic husband is mentally ill
Now I understand why the narc attacked me wildly, madly when I was actually... kind and caring to him. He came back home late and he came back drunk after playing cards with his pals. Instead of being a bad witch I offered him a treat of a lovely, descent french cheese. God, how badly he attacked me! He shouted and screamed all possible accusations and insults untill he finally got tired and fell asleep. In the morning he went mad again... because I didn't do the ironing. Thank you, professor for explaining the nature of a twisted narcistic mind and irrational behaviors of these people.
So true about never feeling guilt and shifting to the other and feeling good about himself.
Absolutely true, I have seen it countless times, the heart felt happiness after saying very hurtful things in a fight and seeing me hurt
I understand what you are saying Sam, but it's so crazy. I feel bad hurting anyone's feelings. Narc's feel good when hurting others. So, crazy for me to rap my head around that. Thank you for the video and sharing your knowledge.
Yup they project. I fortunately embrace my trauma instead of fight it. My mother hates it that I accept life as it is. Apparently im abusive when i set boundaries. Omw yes, very spoilt. Always concerned about public image.
When you don’t play the game she gets no supply. And yes they are consumed with their looks…and yours. You are only an extension of them and will never be good enough.
Much respect to you for making a point to consider one's sources of education. You are a (the) pioneer of many of the terms and theories associated with NPD.
Prof. Sam Vaknin, I'm a survivor who felt like in a horror movie, detached from reality after the narcissist had finally replaced me with another female supply after 8 yrs. In between I was just in a fear and freeze state. I couldn't see through him because he was people pleasing, but everything around his pleasing and his smile was red flags when I think back today. Today I'm fine again, diagnosed anxious attachment style. This was your video that put in words everything I already had found out in my head about the narcissist without having the right terms, leaving me feeling like I was crazy before I saw this video. I can honestly say here and now: You saved my life with your videos. Thank you.
That’s probably one of the best videos I’ve seen on why the narc does what they do. Very informative..
“Your crucifixion is their resurrection”
They need to abuse and make you suffer to self regulate their emotions and control their impulses…WTF?
O man, I’m on round 2 Hoover.. I can’t wait to see what she does now.
He did say that they are overachieving obsessively compulsive workaholics..
I have that trauma brain and feel special that she is doing all of this for lil ol’ me..
She’s like a Bentley with no air conditioning..
Sam Vaknin knows his shit..
This video proves it better than any others.
Yes, it gives him a great sense of power and superiority to see his narc harem members cry over and desire him. To tell him "I love you" as he devours and absorbs those words with no intention of ever reciprocating them. It is HELL!!!
Bingo. Finally… Someone that knows about (and is qualified) what he’s saying. Thank you.
So to nudge a narcissist person to get some kind of healing you have to become borderline .
Wow, thanks to your explanation of projective identification I realize I was not and hopefuly am not crazy and a monster. Thanks so much Professor Vaknin. Bless you always!
Thank you so much for your videos and books, I’ve read the Malignant Narcissist and it helped me tremendously get out of a very toxic and dangerous situation. 🙏🏻
Thank you very very much Pr Vaknin , bravooooooooo
Bravoooooooooo
You nailed it .
I cried while you explained the unexplainable truth about the True nature of Narsicisst and why they hurt other people !
I loved her( my Narcisisist Ex) with all of my heart , you helped me to understand that Narsicissts are not Evil !
I cried while you opened the Pandora's box !
My heart goes for them in spite of the deep hurt I've suffered by them!
Now I fully understand the whole dynamic thanks to your vast knowledge
God bless you !
Now I can sleep in peace
Now I can forgive them
You are a very kind person.
@@angelamilne2054
Thank you !
Everything my ex narc did was to induce suffering pain and damage. It took me eight years to figure it out. I happen to have the narcissist... psychopath and a Machiavellian sadist. There are no words to describe the pain this person put on everyone. She destroyed our children...the dog... All of our friends... And even flirted with my sons. 5 months out the dust is starting to settle thanks to watching videos from people like Sam. The truth will set us free.
MASTERPIECE !!!
Thank you 🙏😇
Thanks for this enlightening video. The truth shall set you free. I am just learning about narcissism and realize I have been married to a covert one. He is not the aggressive type but he managed to destroy my life in every aspect. He suffered a lot as a child, he had a young single mother that neglected him, he also lived in extreme poverty. I understand now the dynamics going on inside of him. I always wondered why he hurt me so much while he was telling me he loved me..I always felt like his punching bag. Knowledge is power, this will help my own healing.
This video is so eye opening! I have said - my husband is like a missile - he seeks to hurt. He purposely says things to hurt and to let them land like a missile. I couldn’t believe some of things he would say. Now I understand it.
Yes! In response to a comment on the pandemic he said “I thrive on chaos!”
Prof Vaknin, your lectures are life saving 💕thank you for your hard work 🙏🏻💗
I love this video. Great to know what goes on in their heads!!
I have thoroughly enjoyed listening to your very detailed understanding of this devastating disorder I am just now leaving a relationship that I completely fell in love with and I did so with my whole heart and it’s been the most hurtful and confusing unreal situation I have ever been in of all the men in the world my ass believed that this damaging set of hurtful patterns that have controlled my entire life for 3 yrs have profoundly changed who I am as a woman in a relationship it’s made me think I can’t trust anyone I’ve second guessed my own mental health like I don’t even kno why either because I love myself and I knew when I was having to explain basic human emotions to a grown man, that I was probably in for it but sometimes the hope in me makes me stupid I guess but thank u so much for this
WOW! This is incredible!!!
My father is a very successful person in life. Well he is a narcissist though and that’s probably what kept him going to where he is now.
Dr.Vaknin, first off thank you for your videos. Everything i have seen in your videos has been dead on. I am trying to get free of a trauma bond. I was in a relationship with a sociopathic narcissist for alnost 3 years. The last year he was in jail. I tried to heal and get better. Stronger. But im not strong enough. Your videos and books are helping me so much. So thank you
This is all so true im going through this right now, thank you for helping me understand or i would lose my mind.❤❤❤❤❤❤
So strange hearing your existence dissected and portrayed with such detail. Chilling and gut wrenching.
Sad, lonely and screaming into a void that does not even honor your sacrifice with a echo of your pain. All is absorbed. Knowledge does not always equal power. Perhaps it was kinder to think I was insane instead of being methodically drained and erased. I understand it was my innate weakness and fear that allowed this process to occur and to continue to this day. The only difference is that I intellectually know what is happening. It’s harder to shock me because I know it’s inevitable, no matter what I do. Shockingly, I am still sometimes blindsided. My N has gotten better at gorilla tactics. Loneliness is getting harder to endure. I don’t have the fantasy anymore that I am actually ever heard. I truly am a snapshot.
Extremely insightful. Thanks for sharing.
Saving lives! Thank you so much!
This transfer of trauma may be why my NPD mother tells me over and over (in handwritten letters now I've blocked her emails) that I am 'sick in the head' and need counselling because I've gone no contact. Lately she's been saying she's disinheriting me if I don't let her pay for a psychiatrist. She's been trying to contact my doctor to get me sectioned. The most recent one screamed, "Why won't you get help for your mental illness, do you want me to die?!"
Same here, in no contact since 10 yrs
Manipulative mother of yours. You are doing well without her. You are a grown woman not in need of her control anymore which she hates. Best to you.
How are you now, still in no contact? Don't let her pay for your psychiatrist. My mother already gaslighted me when I was 4 or 5 years old. As a little girl she send me to the therapist as if I were the problem! During adolescence the same, she send me to the same therapist.. Guess what happened? She fell in love with him and wrote him love letters. That is simply sick behavior. Get out and stay out and never look back!
@@alicewonderland8027 Oh no, what embarrassing behaviour! She's the one who needs therapy.
Projecting her mental agony onto you.
Ive been listening to Sam Vaknin since 2005. This guy is the TRUTH. If anyone has any doubts about his credentials, which he can back no doubt, just listen to what he's saying. He knows what he's talking about. His knowledge has helped me tremendously to understand these narcissists who cause so much emotional devastation to those around them. Sam Vaknin is the leading expert hands down!
Why are people doubting his credentials? Just by how he strings words together i can tell he is educated, experienced and knows exactly what he is talking about
Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤