Not sure if her comment was racially charged but, typically Asians (Korean, Japanese and Chinese) have always fawned over and pedestalized white/ fair skin. It's actually pretty ingrained into their culture so, its pretty safe to say he was inferring that she was too dark to take home.
OP is a hero, IMHO. I'm a boomer and the ex-fiance's kind of thinking was normal when I grew up - I was guilty of it myself. Fortunately, I had friends who helped educate me. The ex's behavior needs to be shamed out of existence..
In some east Asian cultures pale skin is a beauty standard.i believe it originated from if you have pale skin it means you were wealthy enough to not need to work outside
Yep they were being colourest. She was using the same type of stereotypical back. Her white friends not getting it tracks, if they're not come across it before
Fun fact! Historically was the case in places like the england too. for the exact same reason. Only changed when overseas holidays started becoming common, and so being tan indicated the wealth to afford repeated holidays in sunny locations, alongside general working conditions shifting to indoors work. Going even further back, the same is the case for being overweight! since said people could afford so much exess food that they could gain such weight, and so it was indicitive of wealth. (for example Henry the 8th weighed 400 pounds) But nowadays being skinny is seen as wealthy, and so attractive, as it shows you can afford healthy food and the time to cook healthy meals.
Hey stepmom! Make like my dad and leave me the eff alone! I wonder if OPs mom gave them OPs number? If so, she needs to be in a time out and the “dad’s” family needs to be read the riot act.
I don't how it works in other countries but, here in the states, if you're being coerced into donating, the doctor will tell the patient that you're not a match, and they can't disclose why because of patient privacy laws
"Your mom is late making the peanut brittle this year!" "Yeah, because she PASSED AWAY RECENTLY." "...well when are you going to pick it up, then?" Found the narcissist in the neighbourhood. Just got told that someone passed away and all they think of is 'ME ME ME'.
Neighbor really needs instead to read a book called The Room because her entitlement showed even more horribly due to her extreme lack of empathy. Lady if you want peanut brittle, get your butt to the store!
I can't imagine hearing such a sweet, kind neighbor died, and the first thing coming out of my mouth being anything other than "I am so sorry for your loss"
It is hard to imagine someone as selfish and unkind as that woman. When my husband died my neighbours all dropped food off. Lots of it. One neighbour said she knew there'd be a lot of people at my house so she dropped off which was practically a banquet to ensure everyone was fed and so I didn't have to worry about it. Another neighbour continued to drop off food even weeks after - she'd say "Oh I cooked too much and we don't like eating leftovers so you might as well have it" Just kind and decent people.
@@ditzycup8140 Yeah, make fun of the guy who actually understands the words you don't & who didn't make fun of you 🙄 Don't use words you don't understand.
Honestly anytime OP in any of these stories says 'I wasn't really abused' or something along those lines, it always makes me more skeptical, because that usually means they were abused, but just didn't realize that it was abuse
3rd story: I feel like comparing what OP said to a racial slur is a bit far. She didn’t say “Asian guys have small dicks” she made a general dick joke, while definitely not taking the high road I would not place it on that level. It’s also fare to say the man’s comments were racially charged, him rejecting the one girl there who was not white and the phrases “beauty standards” and “someone to take home to my parents” are phrases often used against minorities when talking about why they are not relationship material. The face that OP said the response didn’t surprise her means she has heard these sort of things before. Could she have handled it better? Sure. But I don’t think equating her insult to racial slurs is fare to a woman who has most likely been told most of her life that her race makes her ugly.
She made a comment with subtle racist undertones. Just as his comment subtly suggested that white women were inherently superior in terms of beauty. She matched tone for tone. I also think her white girlfriend agreed with him, which is why she attacked her friend.
Also wouldn't that make OP's friend racist for assuming that it was because he's asian??? Just because you associate racist thoughts with things I say, doesn't mean what I said was racist. If anything it says a lot about you for immediately jumping to racist stereotypes. Idk if that makes sense or not, but that's where my mind went. It sounds like the friend is the one thinking about race, not OP..
@@81bajajI was coming to say the same thing too. Dick jokes aren't segregated to a specific race. He was at minimum calling her ugly and racially motivated at worst. Either way, people need to get over this limp wristed way of thinking. No one should be insulted and disrespected to their face and not being able to defend themselves with an equally low blow.
@Nicholem718-1 see i didn't pick up any undertones though. And you can't just automatically assume something commonly said is linked to a racial stereotype. "You have a tiny pp" is literally the most common insult thrown at men, especially when those men are being judgemental about other people's looks. And think occam's razor... the answer with the least amount of assumptions is likely the true one.
Story 3: Insulting a guy's size is universal across all races. That line would have the same effect against a white guy, a Black guy, a Latino guy, whatever because men of all ethnicities are weirdly sensitive about this. She never said the reason he was small was because he was Asian; that's an association her white friends came up with afterward. Kind of makes you wonder who's actually stereotyping here.
@@morningstar9849 The fixation on size is weird. I’ve never been able to understand why men are so hung up on this. Like, what could be less important?
I agree but the mother does make a point. While OP feels no guilt in saying no now how will OP feel after the guy dies and knowing the family he left behind is grieving? I still say no but that is an aspect for OP to consider.
Cruise story has an update. My boyfriend and I got to the cabin late Wednesday night. I gave his mother a bouquet of her favorite flowers and she loved them. We had a quick glass of wine while talking with his family before heading to bed. I was still a bit uncertain of my decision so I probably wasn’t as peppy as usual, but they didn’t seem to mind. That night I made a promise to myself that I would put my own family issues aside during the trip and just focus on having a good time with my boyfriend’s family who have always been so gracious to me. On Thursday, we woke up early and helped his mom with some preparation for the food and set the table. After, we played some cornhole with his cousins and sadly lost due to my complete lack of athletic ability. The Thanksgiving meal itself was delicious and his mom is such a good cook! Everyone was very sweet to me and made me feel so welcome as part of the family, which helped me feel much better about my decision to spend the holidays with them. Towards the end of the night, his mom even said to me that she knows it is ultimately up to my boyfriend, but she hopes I can join the family for real someday! I told her I would be honored if that happens and we hugged. I really do hope it will. I love my boyfriend so much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. His family is also an incredible bonus. I had such a wonderful time on Thanksgiving and enjoyed the rest of the weekend as well. We went on some great hikes, hung around by the bonfire, played board games, and watched movies. My boyfriend also spent some time looking after his little nephew and watching them play with legos together definitely gave me some slight baby fever (though that is not something I want to act on for at least a couple years). We got back yesterday afternoon and I am already missing everything. It was genuinely a blast and there was no family drama, which made my family seem like even more of a mess. I feel like I’m rambling a bit now (honestly, I probably have been the whole time) but I’m just so excited to share what a good time I had during the holiday and that I definitely made the right decision! Unfortunately, this update isn’t entirely positive. I wish it could be. My parents reached out last night and they still weren’t happy about my choice. I guess the sea air and unlimited drinks didn’t do enough to relax them. My dad sent a passive aggressive text of cruise pictures with a message that said “Sad that you chose not to be with your family in such beautiful places…” and I sent back a picture from my trip with my boyfriend’s family and said “Looks like you guys had a good time, so did we!” Then my mom called and said she hoped I regretted missing out on a great family vacation and spoiling their memory due to a “petty grudge” against my brother. I told her my issue wasn’t with James but rather their unfair preferential treatment between the two of us. My mom said that I was the one being unfair by comparing our situations since James needs help while he figures out his direction in life and I’ve always been much more independent. I told her the only reason that’s true is because they never truly allowed me to depend on them. She said she wasn’t going to apologize for raising a self sufficient daughter, and that I should either grow up and be grateful for everything they’ve done or leave them alone for good and break their hearts all at once instead of doing it piece by piece. She called me cruel for dangling the hope of a wonderful holiday only to snatch it away at the last second. (Even though they seemed to be just fine without me there based on the photos my dad sent and what they posted on social media). I was really upset by this point and pointed out multiple examples of how they prioritize James, just hoping I could finally make her understand how growing up like this has affected me. My mom said I had a lot of nerve to put their parenting under a microscope when I have no children myself and have never had to make tough decisions. I had enough of the conversation and said I guess I’ll just leave you guys alone like you want since I’ll never be enough for this family anyway. I hung up and started crying, but my boyfriend was really supportive as always and we spent the rest of the night eating ice cream and watching The Hunger Games to cheer me up (I absolutely love the series and am so excited for Haymitch’s movie to come out!) It was weird to go back to work today after everything and act like nothing was the matter, but I think it was also a good distraction. Since I chose my boyfriend’s holiday plans instead of my family’s, I actually came back feeling mostly refreshed (besides the events of last night) instead of drained like I most likely would’ve been after the cruise. I haven’t heard anything more from my parents yet but I have a feeling they’re just bluffing. I’m sure once they need something they’ll reach out, or they’ll probably try and smooth things over by Christmas so they don’t have to explain the situation to our extended family. I haven’t decided yet if I’ll be open to reconciling. On one hand, I know I deserve better than to be treated as a burden and an afterthought while doing so much for them. I’m tired of trying to live up to their expectations and I’m not optimistic about their behavior ever changing. But on the other hand, they are my family and it’s just so difficult to fully walk away. I just want to feel the love and acceptance from my own family that I get from my boyfriend’s family. Why is it so hard for them to treat me like I matter? I’m also worried that if I don’t make nice with them, they’ll twist the story to make me seem like the problem and my extended family will be mad at me too. There are people I like within my family, but my parents have a lot of influence over everyone’s opinions. I don’t know if it’s worth putting up with them to at least keep some ties to my family, or if it would be better to accept the loss and move on from a dynamic where I am clearly not appreciated. I want to keep my brother at least, but maybe I’m just holding on to the past and that version of James doesn’t exist anymore. I hope that’s not true. I just don’t know how to get through to him since he is so brainwashed by my parents and thinks they can do no wrong. I’m not sure if I’ll ever truly get my brother back. I’ve got some big things to think about now, and I don’t know if I’m ready to make sure a major change to my life. I do believe I’d feel much freer and lighter if I at least distance myself from them, and maybe even cut contact entirely. I guess I’ll just have to see what happens. I’m sure I already know the answer to this, but is it stupid to still hold out hope that things can work out?
The second I heard that op was a woman I knew that chances are her parents care less because of that. Why give a shit about a daughter when you have a son. I honestly hope she integrates even more into her boyfriends family, maybe she should try build up those connections with the family that she likes.
My personal feeling was that she actually wouldn't have had fun on that cruise and it sounds like she had a lot more fun without them, since being with her boyfriend's family sounds like a much more supportive environment. And we all need supportive environments. I am confused as to why they even wanted her there. It sounds like they barely like her.
@javaman7199 my guess is to either keep up with appearances of a "happy family" since people like that care more about their damn reputation than their children. Or so they can keep using her as an ATM to fund their loser golden child.
Thank you for sharing this though as I read more and more I wanted to slap OP. Maybe she just can't be strong enough to stop talking to her family after they abused her for so many years but uhrg its so annoying to hear/read these stories when you know all they have to do is block the people and move on with their lives but they are so wishy washy about it. "I KNOW I'll feel better if I stop talking to them buttttt I don't know if I want to take those steps." 🙄
"Your father is very sick" What op should have said: "funny I thought he was dead given how he didn't even bother contacting me" Nta and if everyone thinks you're selfish tell them to get tested themselves.
And who is willing to bet that they haven’t been tested? They figure OP is a resource and they wouldn’t have to pay for her medical bills for doing the procedure
Much as rslash's idea - 'tell them OP is a match but OP still isn't going to donate' - I think getting a doctor to tell them OP is not a match would get them off her back. (If OP tells a doctor the circumstances, any doctor will tell them there is not a match.)
There is a lot of colourism in east-Asian culture and the fact that the guys were flirting with OP's friends and ignoring the only person with brown skin because they were looking for someone they "introduce to their family" makes it clears that OP was ignored based on race, it's tit-for-tat not random racial insults from OP.
8:01 so the asian guy can be racist about the skin color but she can't be racist to asians, that is some double standard there rslash, at least the asian guy should have a bigger score, he could have said she is not his type o something
Rslash is going off the friends being corre t and the comment was racially charged making both people well, racist. That's bad. Op never she wasn't being racist which I for one would have led with.
@alexanderhenby1362 it's just double standards. Her friends don't stand up for OP and yet when she responds back with a great reply, she is the problem?
She didn't say anything about race, though. She just said he had a small dick. It's actually concerning that people are jumping to race because it means they are thinking about the stereotype, not OP
Story 3: she never assumed their member was small because they were Asian. She just made a general insult a n out something that could be true about any guy. Everyone else defaulted to racism. OP did nothing wrong. Besides, we can assume the Asian guy can have that beauty standard based on both racism and classist assumptions
"I wasn't comparing those black people to monkeys because of racism, but because they were making loud sounds and jumping around! I didn't know that was a thing!"
You are CORRECT!! ANY race could have a small peen, & the ones saying she said it because he was Asian are the REAL racists, because they ASSUMED that she meant because he's Asian, though she did not imply that. If they had told a white guy he probably wasn't big enough, they wouldn't assume anything racist unless she had been black, or with a black guy!!
"General insult" ain't worth a damn when she clearly stated the race of the 'two Asian guys'. She could've just left it as 'two guys' and it would've been fine. Not saying the guys were in the right either. They were equally as terrible as OP.
This is a common dog whistle that POC people hear. He could have simply left it as "Youre not my type" but decided to mention that she doesnt match the beauty standard that he can bring home to his parents. They only flired with the two white girls but said that the brown girl didnt match the standard. I support her going low here.
@@soychansa Same here. Kinda annoying, even, that OP's "friends" said that she's TA after said friend said that OP is "single and ready to mingle"; like...OP didn't...ASK for the attention, like wtf? "I only invited you to hang with the guy, why'd you have to be mean to him?" Like, what, was OP supposed to just...accept abuse like a doormat? Because that's the precedence everyone who's saying that OP is the butthole is setting, imo. So it's not okay to be racist, but it IS okay to be sexist? Because everyone's apparently only willing to give the DUDE benefit of the doubt in spite of the fact HE WAS RACIST FIRST! Dude started shit, OP finished it. "All's fair in love and war" as the saying goes. And to clarify, I'M a White male; if *I* acted like that to ANYONE (and I wouldn't, but, I'm playing devil's advocate for a moment :3), I'd be FULLY expecting and ACCEPTING that to be done back to me: it's that whole "do unto others" deal, ya know? Don't want someone talkin' shit to you, don't talk shit to them first, simple as. Far as I'm concerned, OP's fine. ;)
I really wish people would stop acting blind to the social aspects that are involved in dating. Meaning a lot of cultures place fair skin at the top of the dating pool, so yeah, that guy was not only being racist, he was also being prejudice. Her comeback comment was in my opinion perfectly fine for that specific situation.
Oh, and personally, I’m a firm believer in people are attracted to based off of their own personal life experience. However, he could’ve simply stated I’m not interested, or he could’ve just been friendly with her and then let her know, privately that he wasn’t interested.
Honestly, I feel that it wasn't a race case on this one, I feel that the way those guys were flirting with the girls, they were treating them as thots and that OP simply treated them as one who isn't interested
Rslash, what do you think that dude ment when he said op "didn't fit the beauty standard"? Op even clarified she was average looking, he was 100% talking about her race/skin color. While I definitely don't encourage racism ofc, I can't say I'm surprised someone responded to racism with racism. Edit: It's also a possibility she didn't know that was a racist stereotype, I wasn't aware of that stereotype until I watched this video, and insulting a man's genitalia is pretty common.
right! like can you not come at an asian guy for not being big enough? lol also the asian beauty standard is short, skinny, pale, and small face etc like it was def racism. if she wasnt his type he could say that but he just said it wasnt good enough for the asian beauty standard and his parents lol
Not to mention that guy said she doesn’t fit “the beauty standard,” which sounds a little racist to me considering she’s Latina and her friends are white. OP did nothing wrong imo.
It's a general insult but a racist one towards Asians. They are always being made fun of all across media for small dick sizes. You'd have to live under a rock to not know that. Both were racist sterotypes.
True, that insult is thrown around with dudes of all ethnicities. Plus even then, when you insult somebody, whatever you get back is fair game. Shouldn't have been a dick in the first place
Being half Thai and visiting overseas, the 'beauty standard' is being fair-skinned and slender as a willow with soft, clear skin. It seems to carry through most southeastern Asian countries. My mother explained it to me that having dark skin equated to manual labor, because so many people who do such work out in the sunlight, tanning their skin. Hands that are rough are rough from work. 🤷🏽♀️ It's archaic thinking, but it doesn't make it any less true.
Mexican here. I am also very pale. I cannot tell you how many times my aunts put their arms next to mine and sighed wishing they could have "pretty" skin like me. Meanwhile, I'm over here looking either like a boiled lobster if I go out into the sun for more than ten minutes or like a sickly Victorian era woman who needs to be sent to the coast for her health. So yeah, I'm with OP on this one. Yeah, it was a low blow, but he started it. She simply ended it.
For the 4th story, forget the slur for a moment. She basically told OP, "I hate the most important person in your life and will absolutely try to keep you from him in the future". OP didn’t ruin her life...she did. She can pound sand.
Story 3:) NTA; people saying YTA clearly have double standards. Note that op was the only non-white person of her friend group (Latina I think), and was judged for it. If anyone's judging based on race, it's the asian guys, not OP (the small d insult is not solely for asians, it's used on anyone now). Quote:) "He told me that he's looking for someone who would fit the beauty standard and would be good enough to maybe be introduced to his parents."
@lory_luna5186 It's the idea that op is in the wrong for making a comment that is arguably (it's used on almost every kind of person now) racist, but it is OK for the guy to make an arguably racist statement about her (depends on exactly how he worded it, op only gives a description, so it could be off). I can understand an ESH (I'm still mostly NTA), but YTA is just biased imo. If this was solely because she got rejected (if he never made the specific comments), then I would probably go with YTA.
Both of them were leaning heavily into coded racism. He started it, she clocked it and matched his energy to show she understood what he was getting at, but the only people that didn’t seem to understand I think were her friends. They might not see her ethnicity and understand the coded micro aggressions because they see her as “one of them.” The guys however are separate so they recognize their racial identity and can see how a comment like that can be loaded. Her friends thought she was just mad at getting rejected instead of recognizing she was rejected for her ethnicity.
@@eksassy901this! Both infiltrator equally coded. And if you try and say that hers wasn't then you have to also admit that there's a possibility that his wasn't. Anyone who thinks her comment wasn't charged is clearly not paying attention there's no world in which her comment was innocent and his with charged either both were or neither of them were.
Stereotype story: I think it was less of a racists comment and more of a get back after op had been insulted, sounds like he was racists first bc op said she wasn’t surprised when he said that like it’s happened before.
Eh, it felt more like she was used to people flirting with her friends but not her. I kinda think nobody was in the wrong because he's not required to find her attractive he just worded it badly and she was upset fair enough
I agree especially with the "one to introduce my parents" knowing the Asian beauty standards. I wonder why op isn't worth meeting with his parents...? Because he's also being racially motivated. She's just matching his energy. Rslash clearly can't recognize racist undertones like he can't mean girls.
@@lahlybird895 the small wiener joke isn’t always related to someone’s race dude it’s how someone acts and he was the one that brought up race in the first place.
@sailorstar3148 yeah and saying I don't think you're my type is also not necessarily related to race. Sure the small joke isn't always about Asians but it also is used specifically a lot against agents in particular so it's the most common with them. If we're going to say his Pacific comments that could just be applying to anybody have to be racially coded just because she thinks they are then it's equal in reverse and he didn't bring up race first he just said he didn't think it was going to work out and then she pressed him to explain why he wasn't attracted to her and he did then she got mad because he answered the question she asked him
@@lahlybird895 Once again, you need to stop speaking on stuff that you don’t understand he should’ve said “ you’re not my type” instead of “ you’re not the beauty standard” which is race related a lot of Asian countries. Saying the small wiener insult is towards guys who act like that not because he’s Asian. It may remind you that OP’s friend, set them up like that knowing that he’s attracted to people with white skin.
Story 3: was it racist though? This isn’t even the first time I’ve heard this insult towards any random douche bag, that insult woman looks for no reason. I mean, if it was a white dude racial stereotypes wouldn’t have even entered anybody’s mind. Heck or any other ethnicity, nobody would be harping on OP for this. I’m just saying there is intentional racial discrimination, and there’s a clap back that just so happens to have also been a stereotype, but it’s not the intention.
Even if it wasn't racist that's not the point. The guys didn't find her attractive and she got offended so she needed to insult him. And at the very least that insult is sexist.
An asian dude saying a woman is not the beauty standard is 100% telling her she's too fat and too dark to show his parents. Also, Kate super suck for defending the guy and not defending OP.
Yup, she needs to ditch those so called friends and get better ones. By defending the Asian guy that girl is agreeing that she has more worth just for being white
3rd Story: The Asian guy WAS being racist. The beauty standard is WHITE SKIN. But a white person like Dabney or OP's friends wouldn't clock that insult as racist because they are the beauty standard. OP was right to match energy by making her own racial offending statement.
Well here's the crazy thing, Rslash is married, and has had a daughter with, an Asian woman. Surely his wife, or her parents, has at least made him AWARE of the issue...right? I can't imagine something so ingrained in Asian culture would just...slip her mind like that? Maybe it did, though? Who knows, really. Honestly the way I see it she wasn't even intending to be racist: she was just clapping back with a classic go-to insult - insulting the size of his wee-wee - and that just so happens to be an Asian stereotype (not...really sure why, though). So probably more accidental racism (it happens; we all make mistakes), whereas he was being INTENTIONALLY racist. "All's fair in love and war" as the saying goes. ;)
@@bluestreaker9242Reality is, RSlash has no real opinions anymore... He's a doormat to his own wife and will by default anyone in any story that reminds him of his own wife... That's why in the majority of stories he gives women that physically assault children a lower asshole score than men insulting women orally... The one exception is when it comes to protecting his wifes heritage.... Everyone knows that Japanese are some of the strongest racists in the world. But rSlash ignores that because he wouldn't dare to say something negative about a group of people that might include his wife...
Story 3: Also yes, the guys were being "ist" just not racist but colorist. He wasn't simply saying "I don't find you attractive" he was saying "I don't want people to see me with someone with dark skin because that would be humiliating." In Asian cultures having darker skin is looked down upon because it means you weren't rich enough to not work outdoors. It's classist and colourist.
Here's an interesting fact; apparently if you get tested for a transplant, and the test comes back positive, but you tell the doctors that you're doing so under duress, they'll say that the test result was negative.
Story 3, RSLASH you misunderstood the story. He insulted op, she gave back the same enegery. Whats even worse her friend scolded her for insulting him when he complimented the friend. The friend is a pick me girl, defended the guy because he called her pretty
@@tibbynibby exactly. OP could have just said "oh yeah, my parents are racist too, they wouldn't approve of you either, you don't fit the male beauty standard for them" and it would have been exactly the same and the friends would still probably have said she was being "mean" 😂
It definitely was. Espeically the "one to introduce my parents to" comment. Nothing about op said she was a bad person or scantily clad. Clearly it's based off her race. Poc can recognize racist undertones she was just more outward with her comment. And clearly he could dish it out but he can't take it.
yeah that's why i'm surprised by people telling OP yta, clearly the guy was racist first, there's no way he meant anything else by "beauty standards" if not her skin color 😬
@@bryn1063 yeah nothing indicates it's race based either except your own personal prejudice. The guy was asked to elaborate why he didn't find op attractive and he did. She got triggered and insulted the guy. Guys are allowed to have beauty standards, and for all you know he wanted a thin girl.
A lot of people really dont realize that the body style thing is actually asian racism. Maybe because you come from a western country, but actually meet asians not asians whos assimilated even minorly to your country and see its the same sexual racism and its all equal. Besides, her diss wasnt a serious statement of belief, it was just meant to hurt his feelings to regain her boundaries back.
You're allowed to not like a skin colour particularly. Your rant is more racist than their preference. It's weird how no one says anything at women having similar preferences.
@@InitialDraal yeah people are allowed to have their preferences, but that still dosen't change the fact that a lot of it is rooted in colorism and prejudice. You can justify it all you want, but in the end, he was basically assuming she was not girlfriend material because of her skin colour and not on her character.
@@Dragon_spite685 how do you know that though ? You assume it which is "colourism". For all we know she could not meet his beauty standards like too short, too ugly etc.
@@overlords2722 so not being attracted to her and telling her why when she asked is enough to get racial slurs ? Damn didn't know there was so many colourists here.
With the neighbor in the peanut brittle story. If it was me, I am hoping I would just close the door without saying some insults. But I also had this one thought, of OP making a batch just for that neighbor.... with some heavy-duty laxative in it. "Here you go, and enjoy the rest of the day." .... LOL
3rd story. The asian man’s comment was obvious indirect stereotypical racism as the difference between the latina and the white girls is skin tone. So her response is appropriate. You give what you get. Also her response would have been perfectly acceptable if the guy was any race. Insult for insult.
Last story had an update: OP went to spend the holidays with her Fiancée and had lots of fun. When OP's family came back, dad tried to make OP jealous by posting pictures of the cruise but OP posted pictures of all the fun they had with Family in-laws. Also, mom called and told OP to choose their family or in-laws, OP chose in-laws, so OP went no contact with them.
The last story about the cruise, I would tell my parents they are paying me back every penny or they will have grandchildren they will never see until the debt is paid.
Story 3: OP was not in the wrong. She didn't say anything racist. Everyone frothing at the mouth calling her an AH are showing their own stereotyping. Definitely not the AH. Especially when you consider that the comments made towards her could also be assumed to be racial.
Literally my thoughts exactly. The way I see it, everyone saying what she said was "racist" is really just having a Freudian Slip. Like my god...I swear, too many people are just so terminally online and hair-trigger sensitive/wound-up that they have to claim EVERYTHING is offensive nowadays. The art of chilling out just seems to be lost to so many nowadays it feels like. Like for real, what benefit is there in FORCING oneself to be offended? That ain't healthy, smh... :/
Story 5: Honestly, it wouldn't have been a pleasant cruise, they clearly favorite the failure brother way too much for them to care about OP. So, why not just spend the time with people that actually care about OP? The brother is in for a rude awakening once the parents can't spoil him anymore
Plus I think if OP told them sooner that she wasn’t going, they would’ve tried to wrangle her for free house sitting and maybe pet sitting for brother’s dog. I agree that she wouldn’t have had a good time and would just had an expensive view of being an outcast.
What shitty "Friends" too, like, I'm sorry, if I were one of OP's friends my immediate response would've been "...Why the F--- did you put up with them for so damn long? _YOU'RE_ acting spoiled? _YOU?_ While they pay for every damn whim your Brother has? What c--ts."
Yeah, the parents didn’t buy cruise tickets or the brother’s dog, OP did with that back money and everything else. I suspect part of the reason they were trying to strong arm her on the cruise was because they felt the tiniest bit of remorse.
Stereotype story, at no time did OP say anything racist to the two Asian guys. She merely insulted the size of his ding-a-ling. Everyone is assuming her clap back was based upon a stereotype.
Story 2 makes me think that we could use some measurement of "butthole score relative to the effort required not to be a butthole." Demanding peanut brittle of a dead woman is nowhere near as awful as some of the awful stories we hear about here. But it would have been so easy for the neighbor, upon hearing the mother was dead, to say, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't know." I think any minimally decent person would have had that reaction. The fact that she didn't - and that she in fact doubled down by texting the father - says something reeeeeaaaalllly ugly about her soul.
Very bold of you to presume presume she has a soul. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people like this who exist. I used to know someone just like her. She totally lacked empathy. Because of that, it led her to veer across every single boundary placed in front of her whether it was ethical, legal, moral but mostly social. She had zero understanding of the word no and no accountability. She did something very similar to the woman in this story by saying the day my father died after I dared tell her not to make his death into one of her moments, that we “never got along anyway.” I cursed her out up one side and down the other, ended the call then she proceeded to spam call me, text and private message trying to explain away her crappy behavior. You know the whole classic narcissistic non-apology. When she tried to whine to her husband and her adult daughter about it, they were appalled once they finally got the truth out of her. Apparently, they ripped to shreds and had her in tears. Did that make her realize she had screwed up? No, of course not. She projected the result of her horrible, disrespectful behavior on to me claiming that I had caused a problem in her family. Her whole family was a dumpster fire. Them fighting was nothing new, but her total lack of awareness was staggering. Doubling down, a few weeks later, she had the absolute audacity to call up to see how I was doing in the wake of my father's death. I didn't buy it. I told her I was studying materials for work but she wouldn't do the polite thing and excused herself from the call. She kept hinting around and whining about how she was behind on bills. Nothing new, because she never kept a job long enough for it to have a positive financial impact. Therefore, all financial responsibility fell on her husband's shoulders. She had the absolute nerve, to ask if I had an inheritance and when I told her that it was none of her business, she then boldly asked that I should ask my mom for money from my father's life insurance policy because “he had to have had coverage.” I told her off and she tried to play the pathetic victim whining that “it was just a question.” I was so aghast, I told her she better back off or I would expose her affairs to her husband. Now it was a shot in the dark. I didn't know if she was cheating or not, but she often talked about how she would if you could find someone better than her husband, she never wore her wedding ring and they fought all the time. So it was a safe bet she already had or was planning to cheat. She shut her mouth instantly.
I had a coworker who donated a kidney to an aquantaince. He told me that family members are often pressured to get tested. But the hospital will lie to the patient if the person declines to donate but is a match. So, nobody is guilted into donating an organ if they don't want to.
The second story is very similar to my own story. We had to close our mom's shop for a few days cause my dad got MURDERED. She has a haberdashery and had services like putting clasps on clothes. Well, once we reopened this old hag came in demanding to know why her clasps weren't done in time. Even as I tried to explain it we had a emergency death in the immediate family she was adamant that we should've called her to let her know that we couldn't get it done and to come pick it up. Some people are unreal.
The deadbeat loser only calls OP when it’s “convenient” for HIMSELF, not his daughter. OP’s not obligated to return the favor to a joke of a “dad” who never ONCE called or seen her, in favor of his “new family”. So he can suck that rotten lemon.
Story 3: Rslash, that wasn’t a racist comment. What was racist was that guy telling her she didn’t fit the beauty standard. OP clarified her race because it was what he was referring to when he said that. OPs insult could’ve been aimed towards anybody of any color.
“Youre not the beauty standard” = you’re not pale enough. I don’t think a junk size insult is racist, just unfortunate given the stereotype, but the guy definitely was
Men base an absurd amount of their masculinity on the size of their package. The dude told her she wasn't the beauty standard so OP simply told him in return that he wasn't' the standard for a man. It wasn't racist, it was a quid pro quo.
Story 1: When you go to get tested you can tell them that you are being coerced into it and don't want to donate and they'll tell the family that you aren't a match.
With the two guys who said about the "beauty standard," in my opinion, OP calling the guys is small wasn't really a racial thing, she was only telling him by his actions. Most people see almost everything as racial these days, which is sad. OP did well telling him that, he needed knocked down a few pegs thinking he could call a girl not cute enough for him or his family. Beauty shouldn't be seen on the outside but should also be seen on the inside.
Story 1 - dad abandoned OP, dad gets no kidneys. Story 2 - neighbor is stupid Story 3 - not racist, it's a general insult to men in response to a insult
Stereotype story: I don’t think she was saying it as a racist thing and more like a clap back that could work on any man. It just so happens that the dudes happen to be Asian
Story 4: A word she knew was bad and unacceptable for OP, especially when referring to his brother. Given she spent weeks, avoiding that word when telling OP she didn’t want his Chad at the wedding. Going as far to never giving him an answer until she finally cracked because he wouldn’t blindly do what she said. And like it’s never just the wedding, it starts with the wedding, but then she’ll get comfortable, excluding him from more things hiding behind her family’s hate. Eventually demanding he be cut out of OP’s life entirely for being gay. Lucky she’s an idiot that couldn’t come up with a lie, and show their true colors before the I do.
Rslash, you should've consulted your wife on that third story Her being someone from an east asian background she would've absolutely been able to inform you about how having glossy pale white skin IS the beauty standard to the point where people use "whitening"(bleaching) creams on their skin and dye their hair light brown to fit a certain mold A lot of east asian racism about brown and black people is born out of sheer ignorance and tradition, including the beauty standards What that guy said to OP was NOT "You're not my type" it was "My family is racist and they would make fun of me if I brought you home, so I just won't bother trying." It WAS about her skin tone/race not being acceptable to his family I'm very familiar with a friend of mine's east asian family and I know for a fact that if he brought home a POC girl who didn't fit his mother's standards that his mother would be extremely passive aggressive towards him about his partner until they broke up Even if the guy in the story isn't actually racist himself, he parroted his family's talking points about "beauty standards" and insulted a random stranger because of it I think OP's friends are out of touch with what the guy actually said to her, and assumed that she was making a racially motivated comment about his dick At worst I would call this an ESH since all of these people sound a little insufferable, but I don't actually believe OP's comment about his "little buddy" was racially motivated Edited for spelling and such; Extra to add If OP has curly hair that could also be a problem for his family since it used to be a big part of the beauty standard; believing that having pin straight hair is beautiful and would flat iron any waves out of even toddler's hair for aesthetic purposes Its only in the last couple generations that curling/having curly hair has been a looser part of the beauty standard
She laid out in the preface that she was Latino, her friends were white. I'd take the guy's comment as racially based if they couldn't take 'no' from the taken friend, then basically gave OP the side eye and said she wasn't good enough based on looks. Looks include her Latino heritage, so yeah. Meet that energy with like energy! Eventually some of them may learn to have respect to others.
@013rena I'm not really sure it kinda felt like op was used to her friends being approached but not her.she even described herself as average but didn't mention the friends appearance
@@013rena she asked for the answer knowing full well the guy wasn't interested and took offense at the answer. She even threw a classic racist and sexist remark. She's the buthole here.
Its as simple as "you insulted someone, they insult you back" rslash lets be real here. That asian man was mostlikely being racist too, especially by saying "someone i can introduce my parents to" knowing the beauty standard in asia is pale and skinny and ops darker and normal weight. I say NTA.
I feel like people who call only OP the asshole don't understand the context of the asian dude's comment. For them it sounds like he politely said "You're not my type" when in fact what he said was "You're not white enough to be accepted by me and my family". OP was absolutely justified for her response, stereotype to stereotype, even if it might be petty.
its so hard for estranged family (especially when they were the ones to abandon you in the first place) to not want you to give them things because they'd have to think of you as a person who has feelings first, long before they could think "maybe i don't have the right to ask things of this person"
In the stereotype story, it was NOT a racist insult. She could have said what she said about any guy regardless of ethnicity acting the way they were. Just because it happened to be a couple of Asian guys, a racist retort it does not make.
Lol. They were also racial stereotyping. She was just handing it back. Men sexualizing and insulting women they don't know and then can't take it back. Clap back girl.
Right? Don't dish it out if ya can't take it, yeah? Dude had it coming. Though if it were me, I'd be asking them what they meant by what they said, acting as dumb as possible to get them to out themselves and then just leave it with that once they've made an ass out of themselves. XD
My thought exactly. Just because he was asian doesn't mean calling his dick small is racially motivated. You can call a white guy or whatever limpdicked and not get the race card pulled on you. And 'Beauty Standard' is all about the 'Pretty white girl' from what I've seen.
Third story: She didn't mention his race, so how is it Racist? Genuinely confused. I can understand why she mentioned everyone's race for the context of the story but OP didn't outright say “Because you're Asian your peepee is small.” She just said. “I don't think you'd be big enough.”
Story 1: NTA, OP's dad abandoned her and now needs an organ from her. I'd laugh in private then out of spite tell the doctor you don't want to donate my organs so he'd say to the dad that you 2 aren't compatible.
3rd story: how come no one is talking about how horribly the friend set her up like that? She did not have to direct the attention to OP if clearly she wasn’t getting the attention from those guys and was básically asking for OP to get rejected in some way.
That first story is similar to a subplot of one of the main characters in the TV show Lost, only in that case the dad pretends like he never knew he had a son until recently, makes him think he wants to be part of his life, convinces him to give him one of his kidneys, and then abandons him again after he gets what he wants.
Story 3: NTA in my opinion. The guys walked up to a group of 3 girls, flirted with the 2 white girls, and told the brown skin latina, "you don't meet the beauty standard." and "I can't take you home to my parents". That's pretty obviously based on (atleast partly) race and colour
The current popular beauty standard is white, slim, still curvy, long hair, and let me emphasize white or white passing. When the guy told her that she didn’t meet the beauty standard that was also a racist comment so if she wanted to make one back, who are we to judge?
@idkkkk7588 exactly that’s what I’ve been saying and I know the racial stereotype of Asian man having small areas, but this insult can be towards men who act like that guy.
"so...no peanut brittle?" Aint no way someone is actually this shameless in life holy shit- the way catching these hands would've immediately become unisex entirely for this moment.
When OP made that wang joke in the third story, I was initially going to give her a pass on any sort of racial jokes. I mean, any guy can be told they have a small wang; it has nothing to do with stereotyping. My problem is, when her friend said "not all Asians have small wangs", OP did not appear to make any effort to confirm that and say anything like "I'm not saying they do; I was just making a general insult". This means that she likely WAS stereotyping. So, yeah, I gotta go with ESH
The beauty standard thing the Asian guy was stating is actually a form of racial profiling too as it's used to say Latinas or Latios have look a specific way like Cuban women must have a big butt and some big squishy knockers or for males they must have a specific haircut or dress a certain way, it's not the most racist thing but it's there heck it's even used on other ethnicities
I think it's worse, because the line is so blurry that it makes it so much easier for non "others" and those that haven't spent their lives living it, to deny it's a thing; 'you're imagening', 'you're paranoid', stop pulling the race card'. Ugh. So tiring. Growing up in "liberal" New England has to be at the top of the list of the most toxic gaslighting professionals
Responding to an insult with an insult is never wrong. Crying about the insult being a racial stereotype is ridiculous. it's an insult. It's meant to be insulting.
I don't think op in story 3 was stereotyping purposfully, because i feel like the "small buddy" joke is just for any ahole guy, but I do understand that it kinda comes off that way. I don't think she's the ahole though. Saying someone is small is no where near the implications of what he said, which is basically that because she wasn't the right kind of pretty, she was completely worthless and didnt deserve the time of day
STORY 3: Asian beauty standards includes pale skin. He looked at her, with brown skin. Said “yeah not good enough“. Thats racist, too. She's not good enough bc she's BROWN!!! THATS RACIST. She said nothing about race (they just assumed it was bc they know the stereotype), just something that just so happens to be an unfortunate stereotype on Asian men. She's NTA.
"Yeah, i'm a match for a transplant but i really want to take up heavy drinking so i'll need to keep my oil filter for myself thanks but no thanks..." ahahaha
Story 3: as a black man, I'm so sick and tired of everyone's saying that a minority needs just to take the racial insults and not say anything back with the same wavelength that people givr. RSlash, what that person did was microageession to OP. It's plain as day based on the context of the situation and what they said to OP compared to her friends. As I (assume) you are a Caucasian descent, you have not grown up having to deal with the day on day on day. It is incredibly unfair, and to judge a person as an asshole for fighting back with the same energy they get is wrong. So I highly disagree with you, and just reinforces the stigma that minorities just have to take abuse
Well remember his wife is Chinese so you would think he would understand a little better. Considering what their daughter might have to go through in the future. How would he feel if some douche spoke to his daughter that way?
Story 3: I have a black woman who have been in a very similar situation of calling an Asian guy, dick small as an insult. And in the same context, I was not talking about the fact that the guy was Asian for his dick to be small. It’s one of those circumstances where a stereotype crosses over with a general insult and people look too deep into it. I will also say that the guy saying that the Latino woman does not fit his beauty standard can be racist because despite with some people think there is a lot of racism and colorism within the Asian community . Which I have seen as a black woman.
I didnt register that "you dont fit the beauty standard" might be racially charged. I think that whole exchange went over my head
I think you should probably have a second person to consult for some of these as some of your takes are interesting to say the least
Why did this specific bad take warrant a comment and not all the countless other ones
Not sure if her comment was racially charged but, typically Asians (Korean, Japanese and Chinese) have always fawned over and pedestalized white/ fair skin. It's actually pretty ingrained into their culture so, its pretty safe to say he was inferring that she was too dark to take home.
@@hydeme I second this.
per usual
Story 4: OP didn't ruin the relationship, his ex did. She literally threw out an F-slur at OP's Bi brother, I wouldn't side with that.
OP is the goat and screw that harpy who can’t even muster an apology.
And she won’t even attempt to fathom an apology.
OP is a hero, IMHO. I'm a boomer and the ex-fiance's kind of thinking was normal when I grew up - I was guilty of it myself. Fortunately, I had friends who helped educate me. The ex's behavior needs to be shamed out of existence..
If they got married, future family gatherings would be unfair to OP’s brother and OP because the wife would exclude him from everything.
Op is the asshole for demanding that a predator is allowed at the wedding
In some east Asian cultures pale skin is a beauty standard.i believe it originated from if you have pale skin it means you were wealthy enough to not need to work outside
Yep they were being colourest. She was using the same type of stereotypical back. Her white friends not getting it tracks, if they're not come across it before
Yeah I got that vibe too. Glad I'm not off base
Okay that's still racist
Yea, racism. Caste systems & colorism...
Fun fact! Historically was the case in places like the england too. for the exact same reason. Only changed when overseas holidays started becoming common, and so being tan indicated the wealth to afford repeated holidays in sunny locations, alongside general working conditions shifting to indoors work.
Going even further back, the same is the case for being overweight! since said people could afford so much exess food that they could gain such weight, and so it was indicitive of wealth. (for example Henry the 8th weighed 400 pounds) But nowadays being skinny is seen as wealthy, and so attractive, as it shows you can afford healthy food and the time to cook healthy meals.
Oh no, it's the consequences of my actions! OP, he cut you out of your life, he doesn't have to cut your kidney out too.
Hey stepmom! Make like my dad and leave me the eff alone!
I wonder if OPs mom gave them OPs number? If so, she needs to be in a time out and the “dad’s” family needs to be read the riot act.
I don't how it works in other countries but, here in the states, if you're being coerced into donating, the doctor will tell the patient that you're not a match, and they can't disclose why because of patient privacy laws
"Your mom is late making the peanut brittle this year!"
"Yeah, because she PASSED AWAY RECENTLY."
"...well when are you going to pick it up, then?"
Found the narcissist in the neighbourhood. Just got told that someone passed away and all they think of is 'ME ME ME'.
Neighbor really needs instead to read a book called The Room because her entitlement showed even more horribly due to her extreme lack of empathy. Lady if you want peanut brittle, get your butt to the store!
Yeah, the neighborly thing to do is to make treats for the family, not to demand the grieving family to make food for them.
Even if the mother was alive, the fact that she deemed these things to be a requirement instead of a kind and generous act is really telling
Narcissist is not an adjective, it is a diagnosis. Stop. All narcissists are selfish but not all selfish people are narcissists.
@@MarssBarss-k3e Oooh!! Found the narcissist in the comment section!!
I can't imagine hearing such a sweet, kind neighbor died, and the first thing coming out of my mouth being anything other than "I am so sorry for your loss"
It is hard to imagine someone as selfish and unkind as that woman.
When my husband died my neighbours all dropped food off. Lots of it. One neighbour said she knew there'd be a lot of people at my house so she dropped off which was practically a banquet to ensure everyone was fed and so I didn't have to worry about it. Another neighbour continued to drop off food even weeks after - she'd say "Oh I cooked too much and we don't like eating leftovers so you might as well have it"
Just kind and decent people.
Story 4: “Our parents weren’t abusive or anything…” proceeds to describe neglect and emotional abuse
Proceeds*
Preceding things happen BEFORE, not after.
@ i fixed it grammar police, please don’t detain me 😭
@@ditzycup8140
Yeah, make fun of the guy who actually understands the words you don't & who didn't make fun of you 🙄
Don't use words you don't understand.
Honestly anytime OP in any of these stories says 'I wasn't really abused' or something along those lines, it always makes me more skeptical, because that usually means they were abused, but just didn't realize that it was abuse
3rd story: I feel like comparing what OP said to a racial slur is a bit far. She didn’t say “Asian guys have small dicks” she made a general dick joke, while definitely not taking the high road I would not place it on that level. It’s also fare to say the man’s comments were racially charged, him rejecting the one girl there who was not white and the phrases “beauty standards” and “someone to take home to my parents” are phrases often used against minorities when talking about why they are not relationship material. The face that OP said the response didn’t surprise her means she has heard these sort of things before. Could she have handled it better? Sure. But I don’t think equating her insult to racial slurs is fare to a woman who has most likely been told most of her life that her race makes her ugly.
Exactly! Thanks for saving me having to type that. What if the guy were white? Or black? Then it would be ok?
She made a comment with subtle racist undertones. Just as his comment subtly suggested that white women were inherently superior in terms of beauty. She matched tone for tone.
I also think her white girlfriend agreed with him, which is why she attacked her friend.
Also wouldn't that make OP's friend racist for assuming that it was because he's asian??? Just because you associate racist thoughts with things I say, doesn't mean what I said was racist. If anything it says a lot about you for immediately jumping to racist stereotypes.
Idk if that makes sense or not, but that's where my mind went. It sounds like the friend is the one thinking about race, not OP..
@@81bajajI was coming to say the same thing too. Dick jokes aren't segregated to a specific race. He was at minimum calling her ugly and racially motivated at worst. Either way, people need to get over this limp wristed way of thinking. No one should be insulted and disrespected to their face and not being able to defend themselves with an equally low blow.
@Nicholem718-1 see i didn't pick up any undertones though. And you can't just automatically assume something commonly said is linked to a racial stereotype.
"You have a tiny pp" is literally the most common insult thrown at men, especially when those men are being judgemental about other people's looks.
And think occam's razor... the answer with the least amount of assumptions is likely the true one.
Story 3: Insulting a guy's size is universal across all races. That line would have the same effect against a white guy, a Black guy, a Latino guy, whatever because men of all ethnicities are weirdly sensitive about this. She never said the reason he was small was because he was Asian; that's an association her white friends came up with afterward. Kind of makes you wonder who's actually stereotyping here.
This right here is what I was going to say. Anyone who jumped to that thought is who is stereotyping him. She just returned his insult
I agree, but it's not weird to be sensitive about anatomy that you can't change.
Yeah! Like take race out of this, and that feels weird thing as a minority but alas. He called her ugly. She responded with you have a tiny peep.
Typical White Leftist. They think by accusing others of being racist, it makes them somehow less racist.
@@morningstar9849 The fixation on size is weird. I’ve never been able to understand why men are so hung up on this. Like, what could be less important?
Story 3: OP never said anything about his race. If he was a white guy, and she said the same thing, no one would've had an issue.
Exactly what i was thinking!
I was also thinking that he was referring to her skin tone. Since Asian beauty standards tend to value being very pale and she’s Latina.
Yeah, I don't know what rslash was smoking with that one
Exactly… she probably didn’t mean he’s small cause he’s Asian…
.... An Asian stereotype is having a small penis..
I would keep my liver too. Especially since he needed a kidney 😂
😂❤ I thought I heard that too
😂😂😂
Fun fact: if you donate part of your liver, the rest grows back! Not true with kidneys (hence the built-in redundancy 😁)
I agree but the mother does make a point. While OP feels no guilt in saying no now how will OP feel after the guy dies and knowing the family he left behind is grieving?
I still say no but that is an aspect for OP to consider.
I thought I heard kidney lmao
Cruise story has an update.
My boyfriend and I got to the cabin late Wednesday night. I gave his mother a bouquet of her favorite flowers and she loved them. We had a quick glass of wine while talking with his family before heading to bed. I was still a bit uncertain of my decision so I probably wasn’t as peppy as usual, but they didn’t seem to mind. That night I made a promise to myself that I would put my own family issues aside during the trip and just focus on having a good time with my boyfriend’s family who have always been so gracious to me.
On Thursday, we woke up early and helped his mom with some preparation for the food and set the table. After, we played some cornhole with his cousins and sadly lost due to my complete lack of athletic ability. The Thanksgiving meal itself was delicious and his mom is such a good cook! Everyone was very sweet to me and made me feel so welcome as part of the family, which helped me feel much better about my decision to spend the holidays with them.
Towards the end of the night, his mom even said to me that she knows it is ultimately up to my boyfriend, but she hopes I can join the family for real someday! I told her I would be honored if that happens and we hugged. I really do hope it will. I love my boyfriend so much, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. His family is also an incredible bonus.
I had such a wonderful time on Thanksgiving and enjoyed the rest of the weekend as well. We went on some great hikes, hung around by the bonfire, played board games, and watched movies. My boyfriend also spent some time looking after his little nephew and watching them play with legos together definitely gave me some slight baby fever (though that is not something I want to act on for at least a couple years).
We got back yesterday afternoon and I am already missing everything. It was genuinely a blast and there was no family drama, which made my family seem like even more of a mess. I feel like I’m rambling a bit now (honestly, I probably have been the whole time) but I’m just so excited to share what a good time I had during the holiday and that I definitely made the right decision!
Unfortunately, this update isn’t entirely positive. I wish it could be. My parents reached out last night and they still weren’t happy about my choice. I guess the sea air and unlimited drinks didn’t do enough to relax them. My dad sent a passive aggressive text of cruise pictures with a message that said “Sad that you chose not to be with your family in such beautiful places…” and I sent back a picture from my trip with my boyfriend’s family and said “Looks like you guys had a good time, so did we!”
Then my mom called and said she hoped I regretted missing out on a great family vacation and spoiling their memory due to a “petty grudge” against my brother. I told her my issue wasn’t with James but rather their unfair preferential treatment between the two of us. My mom said that I was the one being unfair by comparing our situations since James needs help while he figures out his direction in life and I’ve always been much more independent.
I told her the only reason that’s true is because they never truly allowed me to depend on them. She said she wasn’t going to apologize for raising a self sufficient daughter, and that I should either grow up and be grateful for everything they’ve done or leave them alone for good and break their hearts all at once instead of doing it piece by piece. She called me cruel for dangling the hope of a wonderful holiday only to snatch it away at the last second. (Even though they seemed to be just fine without me there based on the photos my dad sent and what they posted on social media).
I was really upset by this point and pointed out multiple examples of how they prioritize James, just hoping I could finally make her understand how growing up like this has affected me. My mom said I had a lot of nerve to put their parenting under a microscope when I have no children myself and have never had to make tough decisions. I had enough of the conversation and said I guess I’ll just leave you guys alone like you want since I’ll never be enough for this family anyway.
I hung up and started crying, but my boyfriend was really supportive as always and we spent the rest of the night eating ice cream and watching The Hunger Games to cheer me up (I absolutely love the series and am so excited for Haymitch’s movie to come out!)
It was weird to go back to work today after everything and act like nothing was the matter, but I think it was also a good distraction. Since I chose my boyfriend’s holiday plans instead of my family’s, I actually came back feeling mostly refreshed (besides the events of last night) instead of drained like I most likely would’ve been after the cruise.
I haven’t heard anything more from my parents yet but I have a feeling they’re just bluffing. I’m sure once they need something they’ll reach out, or they’ll probably try and smooth things over by Christmas so they don’t have to explain the situation to our extended family.
I haven’t decided yet if I’ll be open to reconciling. On one hand, I know I deserve better than to be treated as a burden and an afterthought while doing so much for them. I’m tired of trying to live up to their expectations and I’m not optimistic about their behavior ever changing. But on the other hand, they are my family and it’s just so difficult to fully walk away. I just want to feel the love and acceptance from my own family that I get from my boyfriend’s family. Why is it so hard for them to treat me like I matter?
I’m also worried that if I don’t make nice with them, they’ll twist the story to make me seem like the problem and my extended family will be mad at me too. There are people I like within my family, but my parents have a lot of influence over everyone’s opinions. I don’t know if it’s worth putting up with them to at least keep some ties to my family, or if it would be better to accept the loss and move on from a dynamic where I am clearly not appreciated.
I want to keep my brother at least, but maybe I’m just holding on to the past and that version of James doesn’t exist anymore. I hope that’s not true. I just don’t know how to get through to him since he is so brainwashed by my parents and thinks they can do no wrong. I’m not sure if I’ll ever truly get my brother back.
I’ve got some big things to think about now, and I don’t know if I’m ready to make sure a major change to my life. I do believe I’d feel much freer and lighter if I at least distance myself from them, and maybe even cut contact entirely. I guess I’ll just have to see what happens. I’m sure I already know the answer to this, but is it stupid to still hold out hope that things can work out?
The second I heard that op was a woman I knew that chances are her parents care less because of that. Why give a shit about a daughter when you have a son. I honestly hope she integrates even more into her boyfriends family, maybe she should try build up those connections with the family that she likes.
My personal feeling was that she actually wouldn't have had fun on that cruise and it sounds like she had a lot more fun without them, since being with her boyfriend's family sounds like a much more supportive environment. And we all need supportive environments. I am confused as to why they even wanted her there. It sounds like they barely like her.
@javaman7199 my guess is to either keep up with appearances of a "happy family" since people like that care more about their damn reputation than their children. Or so they can keep using her as an ATM to fund their loser golden child.
Damn, that last line. Powerful
Thank you for sharing this though as I read more and more I wanted to slap OP. Maybe she just can't be strong enough to stop talking to her family after they abused her for so many years but uhrg its so annoying to hear/read these stories when you know all they have to do is block the people and move on with their lives but they are so wishy washy about it. "I KNOW I'll feel better if I stop talking to them buttttt I don't know if I want to take those steps." 🙄
"Your father is very sick"
What op should have said: "funny I thought he was dead given how he didn't even bother contacting me"
Nta and if everyone thinks you're selfish tell them to get tested themselves.
And who is willing to bet that they haven’t been tested? They figure OP is a resource and they wouldn’t have to pay for her medical bills for doing the procedure
Much as rslash's idea - 'tell them OP is a match but OP still isn't going to donate' - I think getting a doctor to tell them OP is not a match would get them off her back. (If OP tells a doctor the circumstances, any doctor will tell them there is not a match.)
@@condorboss3339 however there have been stories which the attendant doesn’t respect this
There is a lot of colourism in east-Asian culture and the fact that the guys were flirting with OP's friends and ignoring the only person with brown skin because they were looking for someone they "introduce to their family" makes it clears that OP was ignored based on race, it's tit-for-tat not random racial insults from OP.
8:01 so the asian guy can be racist about the skin color but she can't be racist to asians, that is some double standard there rslash, at least the asian guy should have a bigger score, he could have said she is not his type o something
Because he is dating an Asian woman who's country is very racist toward dark skinned people
Rslash is going off the friends being corre t and the comment was racially charged making both people well, racist. That's bad.
Op never she wasn't being racist which I for one would have led with.
@alexanderhenby1362 it's just double standards. Her friends don't stand up for OP and yet when she responds back with a great reply, she is the problem?
She didn't say anything about race, though. She just said he had a small dick. It's actually concerning that people are jumping to race because it means they are thinking about the stereotype, not OP
its also an assumption to say it was even a racist thing its not like saying someone has a small penis is an insult exclusive to asian men.
Story 3: she never assumed their member was small because they were Asian. She just made a general insult a n out something that could be true about any guy. Everyone else defaulted to racism. OP did nothing wrong. Besides, we can assume the Asian guy can have that beauty standard based on both racism and classist assumptions
you're wrong
"I wasn't comparing those black people to monkeys because of racism, but because they were making loud sounds and jumping around! I didn't know that was a thing!"
That's what they all say..
You are CORRECT!! ANY race could have a small peen, & the ones saying she said it because he was Asian are the REAL racists, because they ASSUMED that she meant because he's Asian, though she did not imply that. If they had told a white guy he probably wasn't big enough, they wouldn't assume anything racist unless she had been black, or with a black guy!!
"General insult" ain't worth a damn when she clearly stated the race of the 'two Asian guys'. She could've just left it as 'two guys' and it would've been fine. Not saying the guys were in the right either. They were equally as terrible as OP.
This is a common dog whistle that POC people hear. He could have simply left it as "Youre not my type" but decided to mention that she doesnt match the beauty standard that he can bring home to his parents. They only flired with the two white girls but said that the brown girl didnt match the standard.
I support her going low here.
Thank you. This. People who are missing this are upsetting me.
absolutely! what he said was 100% a dog whistle bordering on white supremacy as well.. so if she also wants to make a racial remark? 100% justified!
Heh, both figuratively and literally
@@soychansa Same here. Kinda annoying, even, that OP's "friends" said that she's TA after said friend said that OP is "single and ready to mingle"; like...OP didn't...ASK for the attention, like wtf? "I only invited you to hang with the guy, why'd you have to be mean to him?" Like, what, was OP supposed to just...accept abuse like a doormat? Because that's the precedence everyone who's saying that OP is the butthole is setting, imo. So it's not okay to be racist, but it IS okay to be sexist? Because everyone's apparently only willing to give the DUDE benefit of the doubt in spite of the fact HE WAS RACIST FIRST! Dude started shit, OP finished it. "All's fair in love and war" as the saying goes. And to clarify, I'M a White male; if *I* acted like that to ANYONE (and I wouldn't, but, I'm playing devil's advocate for a moment :3), I'd be FULLY expecting and ACCEPTING that to be done back to me: it's that whole "do unto others" deal, ya know? Don't want someone talkin' shit to you, don't talk shit to them first, simple as. Far as I'm concerned, OP's fine. ;)
@@bluestreaker9242 I like you. You said exactly what I want to say. But if i say it I get my comment erased.
I really wish people would stop acting blind to the social aspects that are involved in dating. Meaning a lot of cultures place fair skin at the top of the dating pool, so yeah, that guy was not only being racist, he was also being prejudice. Her comeback comment was in my opinion perfectly fine for that specific situation.
Oh, and personally, I’m a firm believer in people are attracted to based off of their own personal life experience. However, he could’ve simply stated I’m not interested, or he could’ve just been friendly with her and then let her know, privately that he wasn’t interested.
Honestly, I feel that it wasn't a race case on this one, I feel that the way those guys were flirting with the girls, they were treating them as thots and that OP simply treated them as one who isn't interested
@@karmencarmen1720Honestly Rslash probably doesn't realize his wife chose him because he is white
It's not also. Racist is a type of prejudice.
@@karmencarmen1720sometimes people don’t interact to even have an experience to compare to. Sometimes it just stores and television
Rslash, what do you think that dude ment when he said op "didn't fit the beauty standard"? Op even clarified she was average looking, he was 100% talking about her race/skin color. While I definitely don't encourage racism ofc, I can't say I'm surprised someone responded to racism with racism.
Edit: It's also a possibility she didn't know that was a racist stereotype, I wasn't aware of that stereotype until I watched this video, and insulting a man's genitalia is pretty common.
I thought she said average size? Either way I do agree that he may be referring to her skin color which not cool
she pointed out he was asian. it was absolutely a racist comment.
right! like can you not come at an asian guy for not being big enough? lol also the asian beauty standard is short, skinny, pale, and small face etc like it was def racism. if she wasnt his type he could say that but he just said it wasnt good enough for the asian beauty standard and his parents lol
So.... It's automatic that it's racist against her but ..whaaa, she probably didn't know that stereotype.
She probably was fat, not black ...
@@dreamaphobicchaving preferences isn't racist
7:38 it’s not really racist it’s just a general insult
Not to mention that guy said she doesn’t fit “the beauty standard,” which sounds a little racist to me considering she’s Latina and her friends are white. OP did nothing wrong imo.
@@rachaelautera5150It was racist. Like I don’t think people realize that to him the beauty standard was someone who wasn’t tan/brown…
It's a general insult but a racist one towards Asians. They are always being made fun of all across media for small dick sizes. You'd have to live under a rock to not know that. Both were racist sterotypes.
True, that insult is thrown around with dudes of all ethnicities. Plus even then, when you insult somebody, whatever you get back is fair game. Shouldn't have been a dick in the first place
Agree 💯
Being half Thai and visiting overseas, the 'beauty standard' is being fair-skinned and slender as a willow with soft, clear skin. It seems to carry through most southeastern Asian countries.
My mother explained it to me that having dark skin equated to manual labor, because so many people who do such work out in the sunlight, tanning their skin. Hands that are rough are rough from work. 🤷🏽♀️
It's archaic thinking, but it doesn't make it any less true.
R slash should know that one of the reasons his wife probably chose him is because he is white. China is very racist toward dark skinned people
this isn't an isolated way of thinking. I'm Mexican and the mindset has been similar for many years. I agree that it is an archaic way of thinking.
It was actually that way in Europe too, until tan became fashionable because the wealthy started to vacation on the beaches of France.
Mexican here. I am also very pale. I cannot tell you how many times my aunts put their arms next to mine and sighed wishing they could have "pretty" skin like me. Meanwhile, I'm over here looking either like a boiled lobster if I go out into the sun for more than ten minutes or like a sickly Victorian era woman who needs to be sent to the coast for her health.
So yeah, I'm with OP on this one. Yeah, it was a low blow, but he started it. She simply ended it.
For the 4th story, forget the slur for a moment. She basically told OP, "I hate the most important person in your life and will absolutely try to keep you from him in the future". OP didn’t ruin her life...she did. She can pound sand.
It's insane to me she thought that would fly. Chad would probably have been the best man since they were so incredibly close.
Story 3:) NTA; people saying YTA clearly have double standards.
Note that op was the only non-white person of her friend group (Latina I think), and was judged for it. If anyone's judging based on race, it's the asian guys, not OP (the small d insult is not solely for asians, it's used on anyone now).
Quote:) "He told me that he's looking for someone who would fit the beauty standard and would be good enough to maybe be introduced to his parents."
She could’ve move on after being rejected by him. But she pressured him to explain why he rejected her. She can’t get mad, if she asked
@lory_luna5186
It's the idea that op is in the wrong for making a comment that is arguably (it's used on almost every kind of person now) racist, but it is OK for the guy to make an arguably racist statement about her (depends on exactly how he worded it, op only gives a description, so it could be off).
I can understand an ESH (I'm still mostly NTA), but YTA is just biased imo.
If this was solely because she got rejected (if he never made the specific comments), then I would probably go with YTA.
Both of them were leaning heavily into coded racism. He started it, she clocked it and matched his energy to show she understood what he was getting at, but the only people that didn’t seem to understand I think were her friends. They might not see her ethnicity and understand the coded micro aggressions because they see her as “one of them.” The guys however are separate so they recognize their racial identity and can see how a comment like that can be loaded. Her friends thought she was just mad at getting rejected instead of recognizing she was rejected for her ethnicity.
@@eksassy901this! Both infiltrator equally coded. And if you try and say that hers wasn't then you have to also admit that there's a possibility that his wasn't. Anyone who thinks her comment wasn't charged is clearly not paying attention there's no world in which her comment was innocent and his with charged either both were or neither of them were.
@@eksassy901 he was the one that brought up race. She didn’t and no saying that a guy has a small wiener doesn’t relate to someone’s race.
Stereotype story: I think it was less of a racists comment and more of a get back after op had been insulted, sounds like he was racists first bc op said she wasn’t surprised when he said that like it’s happened before.
Eh, it felt more like she was used to people flirting with her friends but not her. I kinda think nobody was in the wrong because he's not required to find her attractive he just worded it badly and she was upset fair enough
She was basically matching his energy.
I agree especially with the "one to introduce my parents" knowing the Asian beauty standards. I wonder why op isn't worth meeting with his parents...? Because he's also being racially motivated. She's just matching his energy. Rslash clearly can't recognize racist undertones like he can't mean girls.
maybe OP is black? I know Asian people are racist against black people in some cases.
Is there some sort of small Weiner Asian thing?
@rSlash, in story #3 there was nothing racist by this woman. I can guarantee you that she was insulting his manhood, not his race.
And the insult was a not-very smaill thing of beauty.
Yeah they're totally isn't a very well-known stereotypes about Asian manhood specifically
@@lahlybird895 the small wiener joke isn’t always related to someone’s race dude it’s how someone acts and he was the one that brought up race in the first place.
@sailorstar3148 yeah and saying I don't think you're my type is also not necessarily related to race. Sure the small joke isn't always about Asians but it also is used specifically a lot against agents in particular so it's the most common with them. If we're going to say his Pacific comments that could just be applying to anybody have to be racially coded just because she thinks they are then it's equal in reverse and he didn't bring up race first he just said he didn't think it was going to work out and then she pressed him to explain why he wasn't attracted to her and he did then she got mad because he answered the question she asked him
@@lahlybird895 Once again, you need to stop speaking on stuff that you don’t understand he should’ve said “ you’re not my type” instead of “ you’re not the beauty standard” which is race related a lot of Asian countries. Saying the small wiener insult is towards guys who act like that not because he’s Asian. It may remind you that OP’s friend, set them up like that knowing that he’s attracted to people with white skin.
Story 3: was it racist though? This isn’t even the first time I’ve heard this insult towards any random douche bag, that insult woman looks for no reason. I mean, if it was a white dude racial stereotypes wouldn’t have even entered anybody’s mind. Heck or any other ethnicity, nobody would be harping on OP for this.
I’m just saying there is intentional racial discrimination, and there’s a clap back that just so happens to have also been a stereotype, but it’s not the intention.
Even if it wasn't racist that's not the point. The guys didn't find her attractive and she got offended so she needed to insult him.
And at the very least that insult is sexist.
@@InitialDraalthey were rude to her face unprovoked, which earned them a rude reply. And no one was racist here.
@@InitialDraal Oh no... a rude guy got met with the same energy...
@@overlords2722 she literally asked for it and he wasn't rude.
@@mariposa9506 she literally asked for it and he wasn't rude.
An asian dude saying a woman is not the beauty standard is 100% telling her she's too fat and too dark to show his parents. Also, Kate super suck for defending the guy and not defending OP.
Yup, she needs to ditch those so called friends and get better ones. By defending the Asian guy that girl is agreeing that she has more worth just for being white
3rd Story: The Asian guy WAS being racist. The beauty standard is WHITE SKIN. But a white person like Dabney or OP's friends wouldn't clock that insult as racist because they are the beauty standard. OP was right to match energy by making her own racial offending statement.
Well here's the crazy thing, Rslash is married, and has had a daughter with, an Asian woman. Surely his wife, or her parents, has at least made him AWARE of the issue...right? I can't imagine something so ingrained in Asian culture would just...slip her mind like that? Maybe it did, though? Who knows, really. Honestly the way I see it she wasn't even intending to be racist: she was just clapping back with a classic go-to insult - insulting the size of his wee-wee - and that just so happens to be an Asian stereotype (not...really sure why, though). So probably more accidental racism (it happens; we all make mistakes), whereas he was being INTENTIONALLY racist. "All's fair in love and war" as the saying goes. ;)
@@bluestreaker9242Reality is, RSlash has no real opinions anymore...
He's a doormat to his own wife and will by default anyone in any story that reminds him of his own wife...
That's why in the majority of stories he gives women that physically assault children a lower asshole score than men insulting women orally...
The one exception is when it comes to protecting his wifes heritage....
Everyone knows that Japanese are some of the strongest racists in the world.
But rSlash ignores that because he wouldn't dare to say something negative about a group of people that might include his wife...
The audacity of some people to do something nasty like abandoning a child and expecting organs later in life.
Audacity was on sale that day.
Story 3: Also yes, the guys were being "ist" just not racist but colorist. He wasn't simply saying "I don't find you attractive" he was saying "I don't want people to see me with someone with dark skin because that would be humiliating." In Asian cultures having darker skin is looked down upon because it means you weren't rich enough to not work outdoors. It's classist and colourist.
They were just rude. Not everything's ist.
@@mariposa9506before I say anything else do you believe that the girl was being racist?
@@Eebie_Jeebies no. Why would it be?
@@Eebie_Jeebies of course not. How is that racist?
@@Eebie_Jeebies no, why on earth would I find that racist?
Here's an interesting fact; apparently if you get tested for a transplant, and the test comes back positive, but you tell the doctors that you're doing so under duress, they'll say that the test result was negative.
Story 3, RSLASH you misunderstood the story. He insulted op, she gave back the same enegery. Whats even worse her friend scolded her for insulting him when he complimented the friend. The friend is a pick me girl, defended the guy because he called her pretty
He didn't though, he answered the question op asked
He was being racist too "she doesn't meet the beauty standard to meet his parents "
Her friends seriously suck.
@@tibbynibby exactly. OP could have just said "oh yeah, my parents are racist too, they wouldn't approve of you either, you don't fit the male beauty standard for them" and it would have been exactly the same and the friends would still probably have said she was being "mean" 😂
@@InitialDraal so how is saying that someone isn’t a beauty standard to meet his parents isn’t an insult?
the way it sounded in story three is that they were excluding her for being brown(not meeting asian beauty standards)......
It definitely was. Espeically the "one to introduce my parents to" comment. Nothing about op said she was a bad person or scantily clad. Clearly it's based off her race. Poc can recognize racist undertones she was just more outward with her comment. And clearly he could dish it out but he can't take it.
yeah that's why i'm surprised by people telling OP yta, clearly the guy was racist first, there's no way he meant anything else by "beauty standards" if not her skin color 😬
@@bryn1063 yeah nothing indicates it's race based either except your own personal prejudice. The guy was asked to elaborate why he didn't find op attractive and he did. She got triggered and insulted the guy.
Guys are allowed to have beauty standards, and for all you know he wanted a thin girl.
She simply matched the guy's energy imho
3rd story: NTA. He insulted her and she returned the favor
She asked, he didn't.
The friend ask not her
Agreed. Plus, the small member insult these days isn't solely directed to Asian men anymore. It gets told to men of other races too.
She matched energy, that’s it.
Yeah op is not getting a boyfriend anytime soon with how she reacts. She asked the guy why he doesn't want her and then gets offended by the answer.
A lot of people really dont realize that the body style thing is actually asian racism. Maybe because you come from a western country, but actually meet asians not asians whos assimilated even minorly to your country and see its the same sexual racism and its all equal. Besides, her diss wasnt a serious statement of belief, it was just meant to hurt his feelings to regain her boundaries back.
You're allowed to not like a skin colour particularly. Your rant is more racist than their preference.
It's weird how no one says anything at women having similar preferences.
@@InitialDraal yeah people are allowed to have their preferences, but that still dosen't change the fact that a lot of it is rooted in colorism and prejudice. You can justify it all you want, but in the end, he was basically assuming she was not girlfriend material because of her skin colour and not on her character.
@@Dragon_spite685 how do you know that though ? You assume it which is "colourism".
For all we know she could not meet his beauty standards like too short, too ugly etc.
@@InitialDraal And all of those things still make him deserving of being met with the same energy he gave her...
@@overlords2722 so not being attracted to her and telling her why when she asked is enough to get racial slurs ?
Damn didn't know there was so many colourists here.
"be the better person"
Translation: "We're allowed to be as much of a jackass to you as possible and you aren't allowed to complain about it."
Story 5
Goes to Christmas cruise rslash suggested.
Mom: hey, you could’ve taken us!
OP: don’t be greedy, green is a bad look on you.
With the neighbor in the peanut brittle story. If it was me, I am hoping I would just close the door without saying some insults. But I also had this one thought, of OP making a batch just for that neighbor.... with some heavy-duty laxative in it.
"Here you go, and enjoy the rest of the day." .... LOL
3rd story. The asian man’s comment was obvious indirect stereotypical racism as the difference between the latina and the white girls is skin tone. So her response is appropriate. You give what you get. Also her response would have been perfectly acceptable if the guy was any race. Insult for insult.
Last story had an update:
OP went to spend the holidays with her Fiancée and had lots of fun. When OP's family came back, dad tried to make OP jealous by posting pictures of the cruise but OP posted pictures of all the fun they had with Family in-laws. Also, mom called and told OP to choose their family or in-laws, OP chose in-laws, so OP went no contact with them.
Story 4: yeah RSlash, if the dude married someone thats homophobic, how is he ever gonna go on a gaycation?!?
😂
The last story about the cruise, I would tell my parents they are paying me back every penny or they will have grandchildren they will never see until the debt is paid.
Story 3: OP was not in the wrong. She didn't say anything racist. Everyone frothing at the mouth calling her an AH are showing their own stereotyping. Definitely not the AH. Especially when you consider that the comments made towards her could also be assumed to be racial.
Literally my thoughts exactly. The way I see it, everyone saying what she said was "racist" is really just having a Freudian Slip. Like my god...I swear, too many people are just so terminally online and hair-trigger sensitive/wound-up that they have to claim EVERYTHING is offensive nowadays. The art of chilling out just seems to be lost to so many nowadays it feels like. Like for real, what benefit is there in FORCING oneself to be offended? That ain't healthy, smh... :/
Her comment wasn't even racist 😂 she just said he has a small dic and people got mad about it
3rd story: i dont think op was sterotyping, a LOT of people make small "area" jokes
@@Ramencakecup cause usually when a guy is acting like that the small wiener joke is well-deserved.
Story 5: Honestly, it wouldn't have been a pleasant cruise, they clearly favorite the failure brother way too much for them to care about OP.
So, why not just spend the time with people that actually care about OP? The brother is in for a rude awakening once the parents can't spoil him anymore
yeah, these "parents" sound like they'd be the type to seek OP out just to make her miserable on the cruise.
Plus I think if OP told them sooner that she wasn’t going, they would’ve tried to wrangle her for free house sitting and maybe pet sitting for brother’s dog. I agree that she wouldn’t have had a good time and would just had an expensive view of being an outcast.
What shitty "Friends" too, like, I'm sorry, if I were one of OP's friends my immediate response would've been "...Why the F--- did you put up with them for so damn long? _YOU'RE_ acting spoiled? _YOU?_ While they pay for every damn whim your Brother has? What c--ts."
Yeah, the parents didn’t buy cruise tickets or the brother’s dog, OP did with that back money and everything else. I suspect part of the reason they were trying to strong arm her on the cruise was because they felt the tiniest bit of remorse.
He's probably just gonna beg OP for money, like a baby bird waiting for a worm to jump in their mouth.
Stereotype story, at no time did OP say anything racist to the two Asian guys. She merely insulted the size of his ding-a-ling. Everyone is assuming her clap back was based upon a stereotype.
Story 2 makes me think that we could use some measurement of "butthole score relative to the effort required not to be a butthole." Demanding peanut brittle of a dead woman is nowhere near as awful as some of the awful stories we hear about here. But it would have been so easy for the neighbor, upon hearing the mother was dead, to say, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't know." I think any minimally decent person would have had that reaction. The fact that she didn't - and that she in fact doubled down by texting the father - says something reeeeeaaaalllly ugly about her soul.
Very bold of you to presume presume she has a soul.
Unfortunately, there are a lot of people like this who exist. I used to know someone just like her. She totally lacked empathy. Because of that, it led her to veer across every single boundary placed in front of her whether it was ethical, legal, moral but mostly social. She had zero understanding of the word no and no accountability. She did something very similar to the woman in this story by saying the day my father died after I dared tell her not to make his death into one of her moments, that we “never got along anyway.” I cursed her out up one side and down the other, ended the call then she proceeded to spam call me, text and private message trying to explain away her crappy behavior. You know the whole classic narcissistic non-apology. When she tried to whine to her husband and her adult daughter about it, they were appalled once they finally got the truth out of her. Apparently, they ripped to shreds and had her in tears. Did that make her realize she had screwed up? No, of course not. She projected the result of her horrible, disrespectful behavior on to me claiming that I had caused a problem in her family. Her whole family was a dumpster fire. Them fighting was nothing new, but her total lack of awareness was staggering.
Doubling down, a few weeks later, she had the absolute audacity to call up to see how I was doing in the wake of my father's death. I didn't buy it. I told her I was studying materials for work but she wouldn't do the polite thing and excused herself from the call. She kept hinting around and whining about how she was behind on bills. Nothing new, because she never kept a job long enough for it to have a positive financial impact. Therefore, all financial responsibility fell on her husband's shoulders. She had the absolute nerve, to ask if I had an inheritance and when I told her that it was none of her business, she then boldly asked that I should ask my mom for money from my father's life insurance policy because “he had to have had coverage.”
I told her off and she tried to play the pathetic victim whining that “it was just a question.” I was so aghast, I told her she better back off or I would expose her affairs to her husband. Now it was a shot in the dark. I didn't know if she was cheating or not, but she often talked about how she would if you could find someone better than her husband, she never wore her wedding ring and they fought all the time. So it was a safe bet she already had or was planning to cheat. She shut her mouth instantly.
I had a coworker who donated a kidney to an aquantaince. He told me that family members are often pressured to get tested. But the hospital will lie to the patient if the person declines to donate but is a match. So, nobody is guilted into donating an organ if they don't want to.
The second story is very similar to my own story. We had to close our mom's shop for a few days cause my dad got MURDERED. She has a haberdashery and had services like putting clasps on clothes. Well, once we reopened this old hag came in demanding to know why her clasps weren't done in time. Even as I tried to explain it we had a emergency death in the immediate family she was adamant that we should've called her to let her know that we couldn't get it done and to come pick it up. Some people are unreal.
Story 1:Keep your kidney,OP. This filth doesn't even deserve a cent.
And funny how he’s not calling OP but has sent his minions including her mom
The deadbeat loser only calls OP when it’s “convenient” for HIMSELF, not his daughter.
OP’s not obligated to return the favor to a joke of a “dad” who never ONCE called or seen her, in favor of his “new family”.
So he can suck that rotten lemon.
8:55 If you preface your parents parenting with “it wasn’t abuse”, it _was._
Story 3: Rslash, that wasn’t a racist comment. What was racist was that guy telling her she didn’t fit the beauty standard. OP clarified her race because it was what he was referring to when he said that. OPs insult could’ve been aimed towards anybody of any color.
“Youre not the beauty standard” = you’re not pale enough. I don’t think a junk size insult is racist, just unfortunate given the stereotype, but the guy definitely was
1:14 she should tell them “I am selfish and heartless? I must get it from my father”
Men base an absurd amount of their masculinity on the size of their package. The dude told her she wasn't the beauty standard so OP simply told him in return that he wasn't' the standard for a man. It wasn't racist, it was a quid pro quo.
Story 1: When you go to get tested you can tell them that you are being coerced into it and don't want to donate and they'll tell the family that you aren't a match.
With the two guys who said about the "beauty standard," in my opinion, OP calling the guys is small wasn't really a racial thing, she was only telling him by his actions. Most people see almost everything as racial these days, which is sad. OP did well telling him that, he needed knocked down a few pegs thinking he could call a girl not cute enough for him or his family. Beauty shouldn't be seen on the outside but should also be seen on the inside.
Story 1 - dad abandoned OP, dad gets no kidneys.
Story 2 - neighbor is stupid
Story 3 - not racist, it's a general insult to men in response to a insult
Stereotype story: I don’t think she was saying it as a racist thing and more like a clap back that could work on any man. It just so happens that the dudes happen to be Asian
Story 4: A word she knew was bad and unacceptable for OP, especially when referring to his brother. Given she spent weeks, avoiding that word when telling OP she didn’t want his Chad at the wedding. Going as far to never giving him an answer until she finally cracked because he wouldn’t blindly do what she said.
And like it’s never just the wedding, it starts with the wedding, but then she’ll get comfortable, excluding him from more things hiding behind her family’s hate. Eventually demanding he be cut out of OP’s life entirely for being gay. Lucky she’s an idiot that couldn’t come up with a lie, and show their true colors before the I do.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if someday a title read "Give me your uterus"...
There was a story like that but it was a couple years ago so I can’t really remember the context
there actually is a video titled that lmaoo
Rslash, you should've consulted your wife on that third story
Her being someone from an east asian background she would've absolutely been able to inform you about how having glossy pale white skin IS the beauty standard to the point where people use "whitening"(bleaching) creams on their skin and dye their hair light brown to fit a certain mold
A lot of east asian racism about brown and black people is born out of sheer ignorance and tradition, including the beauty standards
What that guy said to OP was NOT "You're not my type" it was "My family is racist and they would make fun of me if I brought you home, so I just won't bother trying."
It WAS about her skin tone/race not being acceptable to his family
I'm very familiar with a friend of mine's east asian family and I know for a fact that if he brought home a POC girl who didn't fit his mother's standards that his mother would be extremely passive aggressive towards him about his partner until they broke up
Even if the guy in the story isn't actually racist himself, he parroted his family's talking points about "beauty standards" and insulted a random stranger because of it
I think OP's friends are out of touch with what the guy actually said to her, and assumed that she was making a racially motivated comment about his dick
At worst I would call this an ESH since all of these people sound a little insufferable, but I don't actually believe OP's comment about his "little buddy" was racially motivated
Edited for spelling and such;
Extra to add
If OP has curly hair that could also be a problem for his family since it used to be a big part of the beauty standard; believing that having pin straight hair is beautiful and would flat iron any waves out of even toddler's hair for aesthetic purposes
Its only in the last couple generations that curling/having curly hair has been a looser part of the beauty standard
Thank u like how is he so informed on a stereotype most never knew existed yet he's so ignorant towards blatant micro aggressions s
Story 3. She wasn't being racist. Saying someone has a small penis isn't racist.
@@lafan999 I know that there’s a racial stereotype of Asian guys having small wieners, but this insult can be towards guys who act like that
Story 3: if you're gonna be rude and dismissive about someone's appearance then prepare for them to behave the same way. Simple as that.
Re 3rd story: op met energy with energy.
OP isn't in the wrong.
She laid out in the preface that she was Latino, her friends were white. I'd take the guy's comment as racially based if they couldn't take 'no' from the taken friend, then basically gave OP the side eye and said she wasn't good enough based on looks. Looks include her Latino heritage, so yeah. Meet that energy with like energy! Eventually some of them may learn to have respect to others.
@013rena I'm not really sure it kinda felt like op was used to her friends being approached but not her.she even described herself as average but didn't mention the friends appearance
@@013rena she asked for the answer knowing full well the guy wasn't interested and took offense at the answer. She even threw a classic racist and sexist remark. She's the buthole here.
No, she didn't. She's a racist idiot. She met honesty with racism.
I don't think the story where they trade insults is necessarily racist IF she would say the same insult to anybody regardless of race.
Its as simple as "you insulted someone, they insult you back" rslash lets be real here. That asian man was mostlikely being racist too, especially by saying "someone i can introduce my parents to" knowing the beauty standard in asia is pale and skinny and ops darker and normal weight. I say NTA.
I feel like people who call only OP the asshole don't understand the context of the asian dude's comment. For them it sounds like he politely said "You're not my type" when in fact what he said was "You're not white enough to be accepted by me and my family". OP was absolutely justified for her response, stereotype to stereotype, even if it might be petty.
Why is it so hard so estranged family to NOT want money or favors from you. You obviously didnt value the person so leave them alone !!
its so hard for estranged family (especially when they were the ones to abandon you in the first place) to not want you to give them things because they'd have to think of you as a person who has feelings first, long before they could think "maybe i don't have the right to ask things of this person"
0:58 Id be so tempted to say "I'm sorry, who is this? I think you have the wrong person, I don't have a father"
3rd story: I didn't even know that was a stereotype for Asian people. Thats just a pretty standard insult, she just returned energy.
In the stereotype story, it was NOT a racist insult. She could have said what she said about any guy regardless of ethnicity acting the way they were. Just because it happened to be a couple of Asian guys, a racist retort it does not make.
Story 3: Dude was being rude and kind of racist. OP just gave him a taste of his own medicine.
Lol. They were also racial stereotyping. She was just handing it back. Men sexualizing and insulting women they don't know and then can't take it back. Clap back girl.
Right? Don't dish it out if ya can't take it, yeah? Dude had it coming. Though if it were me, I'd be asking them what they meant by what they said, acting as dumb as possible to get them to out themselves and then just leave it with that once they've made an ass out of themselves. XD
Nah, if you can dish it, you gotta be able to take it 8:01
My thought exactly.
Just because he was asian doesn't mean calling his dick small is racially motivated.
You can call a white guy or whatever limpdicked and not get the race card pulled on you.
And 'Beauty Standard' is all about the 'Pretty white girl' from what I've seen.
Don't ask questions you don't want answered.
My thoughts exactly
If you can ask it, you can take it.
@@InitialDraal she didn’t ask though.
Did you even pay attention?
Third story: She didn't mention his race, so how is it Racist? Genuinely confused. I can understand why she mentioned everyone's race for the context of the story but OP didn't outright say “Because you're Asian your peepee is small.” She just said. “I don't think you'd be big enough.”
Story 4: her name is “Karen” that already tells us everything we know about her
Story 1: NTA, OP's dad abandoned her and now needs an organ from her. I'd laugh in private then out of spite tell the doctor you don't want to donate my organs so he'd say to the dad that you 2 aren't compatible.
He said she wouldn't fit the stereotype he wanted, so she said neither would he. I think it's perfectly fair.
3rd story: how come no one is talking about how horribly the friend set her up like that? She did not have to direct the attention to OP if clearly she wasn’t getting the attention from those guys and was básically asking for OP to get rejected in some way.
7:24 rSlash, what the heck do you think the guys were doing?
right? he just jumps to the racist card now.
@ and his own wife is Chinese.
Thank you like he was obviously being racist
RSlash is married to a Japanese...
He'll obviously ignore blatant racism committed by Japanese people on a daily basis~
That first story is similar to a subplot of one of the main characters in the TV show Lost, only in that case the dad pretends like he never knew he had a son until recently, makes him think he wants to be part of his life, convinces him to give him one of his kidneys, and then abandons him again after he gets what he wants.
Story 3: NTA in my opinion. The guys walked up to a group of 3 girls, flirted with the 2 white girls, and told the brown skin latina, "you don't meet the beauty standard." and "I can't take you home to my parents". That's pretty obviously based on (atleast partly) race and colour
Your opinion is as racist as op.
No one was racist. They were just regular rude, and op gave it back to them.
@@InitialDraalso not racist
@@Name-gi8dr so race obsessed levels of racist
@@mariposa9506 once again he implied the beauty standard of Asians was being pale
The current popular beauty standard is white, slim, still curvy, long hair, and let me emphasize white or white passing. When the guy told her that she didn’t meet the beauty standard that was also a racist comment so if she wanted to make one back, who are we to judge?
Let's face it, the asian guy was talking about race first. So insulting his area is fair game!
@idkkkk7588 exactly that’s what I’ve been saying and I know the racial stereotype of Asian man having small areas, but this insult can be towards men who act like that guy.
"so...no peanut brittle?"
Aint no way someone is actually this shameless in life holy shit- the way catching these hands would've immediately become unisex entirely for this moment.
Rslash didn't understand story 3. It's a clear NTA.
no, she was being racist even if it was deserved. he understood just fine. stop defending her because she's brown
𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑎𝑛 𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑡, ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑢𝑝 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑢𝑡𝑦 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑑𝑎𝑟𝑑 𝐵𝐸𝐶𝐴𝑈𝑆𝐸 𝑜𝑓 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑏𝑟𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑠𝑘𝑖𝑛. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑚 𝑤𝑎𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑤 ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑑 𝑖𝑡.
@@topasu9454 Please wxplain how she was racist.
@@topasu9454 dick size is not limited to one race. You guys are pulling that shit out of thin air lol
Yta
When OP made that wang joke in the third story, I was initially going to give her a pass on any sort of racial jokes. I mean, any guy can be told they have a small wang; it has nothing to do with stereotyping.
My problem is, when her friend said "not all Asians have small wangs", OP did not appear to make any effort to confirm that and say anything like "I'm not saying they do; I was just making a general insult". This means that she likely WAS stereotyping.
So, yeah, I gotta go with ESH
Story 3: So, when OP gave him a clapback for his insults, that was a dick move?
Just a small one! 😉🦐
I recently heard Samantha Lux say you *can* fight homophobia with homophobia, so I guess you can fight racism with racism. 🤷🏻♀️
The beauty standard thing the Asian guy was stating is actually a form of racial profiling too as it's used to say Latinas or Latios have look a specific way like Cuban women must have a big butt and some big squishy knockers or for males they must have a specific haircut or dress a certain way, it's not the most racist thing but it's there heck it's even used on other ethnicities
I think it's worse, because the line is so blurry that it makes it so much easier for non "others" and those that haven't spent their lives living it, to deny it's a thing; 'you're imagening', 'you're paranoid', stop pulling the race card'. Ugh. So tiring. Growing up in "liberal" New England has to be at the top of the list of the most toxic gaslighting professionals
Responding to an insult with an insult is never wrong. Crying about the insult being a racial stereotype is ridiculous. it's an insult. It's meant to be insulting.
Parents in the final story get 3.5 or 4/5 easily for the blatant favoritism (and sexism?).
✅️ Facts
3rd story as an Asian I don't think that's the same as a slur , The beauty standard is Asia can be super racist so yeah I think op is NTA
I don't think op in story 3 was stereotyping purposfully, because i feel like the "small buddy" joke is just for any ahole guy, but I do understand that it kinda comes off that way. I don't think she's the ahole though. Saying someone is small is no where near the implications of what he said, which is basically that because she wasn't the right kind of pretty, she was completely worthless and didnt deserve the time of day
I wholeheartedly agree, yeah. People really need to chill out and go outside and touch grass, I swear. :/
Story 1: this is an ORGAN we’re talking about 😅
STORY 3: Asian beauty standards includes pale skin. He looked at her, with brown skin. Said “yeah not good enough“. Thats racist, too. She's not good enough bc she's BROWN!!! THATS RACIST. She said nothing about race (they just assumed it was bc they know the stereotype), just something that just so happens to be an unfortunate stereotype on Asian men. She's NTA.
"Yeah, i'm a match for a transplant but i really want to take up heavy drinking so i'll need to keep my oil filter for myself thanks but no thanks..." ahahaha
Story 3: as a black man, I'm so sick and tired of everyone's saying that a minority needs just to take the racial insults and not say anything back with the same wavelength that people givr. RSlash, what that person did was microageession to OP. It's plain as day based on the context of the situation and what they said to OP compared to her friends. As I (assume) you are a Caucasian descent, you have not grown up having to deal with the day on day on day. It is incredibly unfair, and to judge a person as an asshole for fighting back with the same energy they get is wrong. So I highly disagree with you, and just reinforces the stigma that minorities just have to take abuse
Well remember his wife is Chinese so you would think he would understand a little better. Considering what their daughter might have to go through in the future. How would he feel if some douche spoke to his daughter that way?
It's the racist op that shows the story in a racial light.
For all you know the dude didn't want someone fat or ugly.
No one wad racist, just insulting.
@@InitialDraalhe could’ve worded it differently but you incels love offending and get butthurt when someone gives the same energy back
@@mariposa9506 saying “ you’re not the beauty standard” meant that she’s not pale
Story 3: I have a black woman who have been in a very similar situation of calling an Asian guy, dick small as an insult. And in the same context, I was not talking about the fact that the guy was Asian for his dick to be small. It’s one of those circumstances where a stereotype crosses over with a general insult and people look too deep into it.
I will also say that the guy saying that the Latino woman does not fit his beauty standard can be racist because despite with some people think there is a lot of racism and colorism within the Asian community . Which I have seen as a black woman.