I like "the spoon theory" to explain chronic illness. But the biggest toll on mental health are the false 'spoons'. Those times when you wake up and, while resting in bed a bit before starting the day, you have SO much energy! You get excited because it is going to be a GREAT day where you finally get some chores done around the house. Then you sit up. Suddenly you remember that you can't make plans until you sit up. Even then, the plans you make when you sit up go right out the window as soon as you stand. It is the daily grief of thinking you can finally get something done, only to be reminded that you really can't. I have to remind myself not to make plans in advance. I can't keep building myself up and then getting hit with my physical limitations. It is just too much. I have learned to live my life moment by moment. Instead of planning for future activities I celebrate all the little accomplishments as they happen.
“You don’t need to have clinical depression to be able to benefit from mental health services.”. This statement is pure gold! I have ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, and PTSD. It can be a struggle to find that as well. I have a friend who is a nursing professor and she asked me to share my story with her mental health nursing students. I’ll be sharing again this week. What you do makes a difference!
My therapist also deals with chronic illness and this helps with the guilt often felt when having disabilities! Watching YT videos of other people dealing pain also helps me feel less alone!
Yes! Grieving is the word that fits it best. I mourned the huge drop in my cognitive abilities as well as my physical abilities. I suffered a spinal injury that robbed me of many physical abilities (including sleeping in a bed along with being able to lay flat for more than two minutes). All of a sudden I could no longer enjoy work or all the daily activities I enjoyed. I grieved for the loss of...me! I lost friends because I was unable to participate or keep up physically...I needed to rest several times a day and couldn't tolerate certain seating in restaurants and movie theaters etc... My social life died away and that is extremely depressing. I still miss going shopping for clothes etc... and I miss being able to climb steps easily and take long walks........sleeping in a bed! What worked for me was praying and studying the bible. God really helped me through this horrific trial and now I know it's okay if I can't do what I used to. I am focusing on what I can do, the fact that I can sleep as late as I want and that it's okay that my mind is not as quick as it used to be. I have a very high IQ and that last one just about killed me. Lol! I had to accept that there would be days that I wouldn't be able to think of a word or complete a sentence because of my pain levels. Reflecting on my life and where God had taken me, who He brought into my current life, and what He promised (that he was not done with me yet) made me get up out of my proverbial mud puddle and start taking my life one moment and one day at a time. Reading the bible helped keep me accountable because "He's" watching and I know that and I found so many stories that dealt with the feelings I was going through. Today I am happier and love being able to share my story and how I got through it with others. Huge kudos to you! Your story is precious...you came into my life via RUclips and I firmly believe it was for a reason. Your trials and triumphs give me reason to pray and that gets my mind off my daily trials. I'm so happy I happened upon you because I feel like I have one more person standing by my side who understands. Thank you and God bless you!
I have a very depressed 16yr old and I (I’ve had chronic daily migraines for about 24 years, with other physical maladies added in). Yesterday our first step was walking 3 times around the tiny culdesac outside my house together, and today we walked through a large store, like Target, just to get out of the house and get some exercise. That’s my first step for now-for my son and for me. Thank you for your video. I also went through 4 pregnancies while having migraines. My kids are getting older now, but it’s still embarrassing, guilt producing, etc. to admit to them that I can’t do fun stuff when I’m migrainey. Which is often; I also don’t have friends that understand my condition which makes life lonely at times. It’s good to know we are not alone in this journey of life! Thanks again.🌸
That's an amazing first step... HUGE step. Sunlight is important... don't underestimate sunlight. You're not alone, and thanks for reminding me that I'm not either. With love from migraine jen
Soo, I’ve been commenting on your YT channel about my situation for awhile because YOU were the reason I went looking for a POTS & Dysautonomia Diagnosis after TWENTY YEARS OF SUFFERING. Well, this week I was at a Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in Vallejo, CA & I passed out while driving the motorized scooter & went head-on into a wall. Thank goodness there wasn’t any damage but I was out cold for 22 mins. My hubby had stopped 3 security personnel to ask for park EMS & as I was coming to ONE person finally arrived. I was conscious for 2-ish mins or so before passing out again, that’s when they decided to call 911. I was out for 23 mins this time. The Fire Dept arrived 3 mins before I woke up. They asked if I could get up to the gurney & I said yes, but my next memory is laying down with them screaming “Move”, “Emergency”, “Get out of the way”, “Coming Through” as they literally RAN through the entire park. (I was told later that I had a MASSIVE Grand Mal seizure on the 🛵 where I kneed a fireman in the junk as he protected me from injury & sprained another’s hand as he protected my face from repeatedly slamming it into the scooter’s control panel..Go 1st Responders!!!) I spent 16-ish hrs in the ER at Sutter Solano Medical Center (#1WORST ER experience OF MY LIFE - and that’s saying A LOT) then I was transferred upstairs to the Telemetry Unit around mid-morning (it was hard to tell as I was so drugged up from the mass amounts of Ativan) where I stayed for another 34-ish hrs (one of the TOP 1-5 BEST hospital experiences of my life) After coming home on Tuesday, sleeping pretty much all of Wednesday, seeing my Neurologist on Thursday (we’re leveling up my meds, adding a 3rd which the hospital started & he’s recommending me for a long term telemetry program so we can pinpoint the exact type of seizures, the triggers, etc. all of which makes it easier to treat) Then on Friday I had a fairly mild seizure but I stopped breathing afterwards. My 20 yr old son, who’s my caretaker, quickly noticed, called my hubby to tell him I wasn’t breathing, hung up, then called 911, all while giving me CPR (the 2nd time he’s had to do so, the 1st time was when he was 10 & he learned from a poster in the nurse office at school) He continued until EMT arrived & took over. I had another grand mal seizure in the ambulance which they gave me Ativan for. I had the usual tests & was released since I was just seen by my Dr & I have an appointment with my regular doctor on Monday. (you know, the classic tale of: “we don’t want to deal with you so we’ll do the least amount of work possible. But don’t worry, it’ll be enough to look as though we actually care &/or are trying to help even though we all know that we’d rather send you on your way & make you someone else’s problem!!! I WISH TV was real & Drs were passionate about helping the “zebras” in the world instead of calling them “crazy horses” that aren’t worth their time!!!!! From one zebra to another…I truly hope your stripes are bold enough for them to see because you deserve every ounce of goodness this world has, even if that turns you into a unicorn 🦄 ❤️
So I just had a realization…. Therapists are supposed to help you analyze your thoughts/reactions. I always thought that therapists were just there to listen and say what you basically said, just someone I can vent to. I thought that I’d need a psychiatrist or psychologist. Mind blown that because I look healthy and don’t act immediately unwell I may have been gaslit that I don’t actually need help to change. Brings me to tears but maybe I’ll actually get better with the right therapist. Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it.
I reeeeeaaally needed this today. You’d think that after 15+ years of being chronically ill that I’d be a pro at knowing this by know but I just feel so useless and worthless I get confused as to why what I’m going through matters to my friends and family because I don’t think I matter.so it’s made things confusing for my brain and frustrating and upsetting for my loved ones. I also just feel like such a burden so I try to not ask for help from anyone or anything but my body sabotages that every damn time. I’ve gotten pretty far in life taking my own treatments independently but lately the combination of feeding tube stuff like cleaning the stoma, setting up feeds, crushing & taking meds, refilling bags, restocking my Med cart, and organizing my port care, putting away supplies, setting up fluids, figuring out when I’m getting together with a nurse (especially now that we’ve moved out of my trauma safe port care nurse), troubleshooting, not to mention drs office calls, my health messages, scheduling 20 tests and trying to get them at least in the same area on the same day, prescriptions, prior auths, etc etc etc. it’s just too much and too overwhelming to do all by myself so the last year or so I haven’t been the best at juggling all of it and a lot fell by the wayside. I feel bad for being “non compliant” but what do they expect me to do? Interrupt my amazing mom Whois pretty much the only income in our house, never has a second for herself, and already does everything she can to keep me alive and afloat? Nope. Y dad who lives out of state and is still bitter we had to leave IL for better healthcare or I was going to die plus who also complains to me about his aches and pains knowing full well what I’m dealing with, although I’m not saying not that other able bodied people shouldn’t be allowed to complain, but he doesn’t even really ask about me he just pretends to listen till I stop talking and ask about him. I think I’ll avoid that too. My siblings are too busy living their own lives and I never want to bring them in. And the few friends I have also have a ton of the same crappppp and I can’t bring myself to add my burden to theirs soooooo yep 🙃🥴👍🏻🤷🏻♀️ MOOD. Thank you for being so open and honest with us and if you made it to the end of this embarrassingly long comment, I’m so impressed by you and I’m sending a huge hug. Stay strong spoonies/sickies/however you identify in our community ♥️
This is the first video, ever, that I've had to stop and back out of. That means you're doing this right. I'm at 5:17. I'll come back. I'll make progress because you're right, this is my sign. Thank you for opening up.
The first 1:20 of this video really hit home, and I'm glad you are talking about this. Something I wasn't prepared for when I got POTS is the loss of all the elements of my healthy self. Every time POTS, or any illness, steals an aspect of your life, it's like morning a death. It's so heavy. It's taken me 5 years post diagnosis to finally beat my depression over it. Thank you for sharing💙. PS- the next step I'm going to take for myself is put up some Halloween decorations in my yard. Not only does it give me Joy to celebrate my favorite holiday, but it gives me joy knowing those decorations (including a 10ft inflatable archway) bring joy to others.
I see a therapist for my PTSD and now we have included my fibromyalgia. Find someone who specializes in your needs and who you can connect to. It has been so life changing for me.
Great advice. Finding the perfect match is one of the hardest parts of starting up therapy, so I was glad I could shop around & switch so easily on BetterHelp. (and now I have a link 😭: betterhelp.com/mommingwithmigraine)
This weekend I want to clean and organize my MotorHome that I live in so I feel more Harmony. Now on to your thoughts regarding loss due to Chronic illness. I get it fully. I was very active. I was a Tap dancer, Artist, I love the Ocean and on I could go on. It's still hard to ACCEPT my limitations. And I've been dealing with mental health issues, Chronic pain, a movement disorder and the worst Chronic Fatigue. Doctors are very worthless most all the time. Being a tuff Advocate isn't fun and thats what they dislike the most. I love your Sensibilities regarding how to hold ones disabilities. Learning how to walk through life is an art form in itself. Thanks for your transparency. I'd love to know that you read my comment. Thats very encouraging to me. Have a great weekend!
TOTALLY LOVE THIS VIDEO. I CAN TOTALLY RELATE. IM PHYSICALLY DISABLED FROM BIRTH AND I ALSO HAVE DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY SO I CAN DEFINITELY RELATE TO THE STRUGGLES OF NOT BEING ABLE TO FIGURE OUT WHO I REALLY AM. WHEN IM ALONE FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME MY MIND WANDERS AND I FEEL SO LOST AND ALONE
Thank you for this video! I think a lot of us needed to hear this. I'm still on my journey and hopefully 🤞 next week I find out some answers to whether I have a connective tissue disorder or autoimmune disease. It's definitely been a roller coaster mentally with almost all tests coming back "Normal". I've learned to accept my chronic pain and migraines but that doesn't mean it's not still frustrating. Just to reiterate what was said: Everyone's experience is Valid, and so are your emotions. Hugs to anyone that needs it 💜💓💛 Reminder it's okay to prioritize yourself.
As someone who's training to become a licensed therapist, it was really interesting to hear what you look for in a therapist -- and I highly encourage people to think about what they want from a therapist as well, and *ask* any prospective therapist if they're able to provide that. We're humans too, we can't read minds and know if something is working or not unless you tell us!
I needed this video after 2 years go trying to figure out and manage migraines and vertigo (vertigo just diagnosed last month). As a social worker who stepped away from the field due to burnout (supposed to be short term that then ran into figuring out and learning to treat and manage my health issues) I love hearing what clients want/like with a therapist/therapy. I totally agree that a therapist should be an active listener, be able to use your words to explore concerns or things that pop up, and be able to push you (with kindness and empathy) to and through. Love you Jen. Have fun playing with that adorable baby and amazing husband!
Thank you for the push, I scheduled some Dr.'s appointments I've been avoiding after I watched this. As a fellow mystery headache lady, finding your channel has made me more motivated to advocate for myself and not give up. I was so excited seeing you got a new diagnosis that fit your symptoms better. Mine might be out there too. :> 🖤 I will definitely try to find the value on the rough days, and I'm gonna text a friend this weekend because I've been way too isolated. Thats my goal! Thank you so much for your videos Jen.
YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! - I screamed it out loud when I read the first sentence. I'm so glad I was able to help you. Wow. GO GO GO! With love from migraine jen
Thank you for this video, it is kismit for me atm. Have been dealing with alcohol recovery, an autism diagnosis in my 30's, anxiety and depression, and now I'm being sent for more testing to see if I have supraventricular tachycardia. My heart rate hit 190 yesterday. Thank you for the advice and for continuing to advocate for your health. I knew it wasn't "just anxiety" and finally a dr listened.
When I was 3 I lost my leg. When I was 11 or 12 I started having mental health issues that made social interactions very very hard. I am now 51, and the most important thing I have learned is, if you focus on what you can't do, you will be lost into a winding smelly bog of depression and hopelessness. Instead, focus on what you can do. It is much easier said than done, and if you can't do it all the time, don't despair. *NO ONE* can do it all the time. It's one of the things I can't do; remain positive at all times, so I don't focus on being positive all the time. Even a perfectly healthy young person with their entire life spread before them will have a list of things they can't do, much longer than the list of things they can do. It is like a wise person once said: You can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes, you might find, you get what you need. Failing to accomplish a goal doesn't mean you are a loser. It just means you need a different goal.
Dear Jen, I cannot begin to say how grateful I am to you for making this video. Your story at the start of the video, about your grieving period when illness struck hit so close to home for me, I sobbed for a good half hour. I, too, was an exercise enthusiast: I biked, hiked, did some rock climbing, yoga, and danced (had always wanted to do martial arts and gymnastics, but got sick before I could). And I LOVED it! I still do! But my health has had a downward spiral since I entered puberty, and now, unfortunately, I'm the sickest I've ever been. After 13 years of fighting my pain and getting worse and worse, you've helped me to realize that I need to accept and acknowledge my pain while moving forward with my "new" life. Thank you, thank you for showing me a better way to manage my mental health as well as my physical health! Words alone cannot properly express my gratitude for your advice and your example of perseverance, optimism, and resilience you have bravely shared on the internet. Truly, you are the angel I've been praying for to help lift me out of the darkness of depression all of these long, lonely years. Thank you again, keep spreading the love, and God bless you and your dear, sweet husband and family! 😊💖
Comment below with one small step you are going to take for yourself THIS WEEK. A bath? A call/text with a good friend? A healthy meal? Booking your next appointment? Sit on the porch for 10 min of sunlight? I'll "heart" your comment to let you know I'm cheering you on! 💜
I'm going to lock myself out of my phone to disconnect every night for at least 8 hours (this is small because I already lock myself out when I am going to sleep for however much time I have left to sleep but I don't always go to sleep with enough time to be disconnected for 8 hours).
I am going to paint my nails. I love color and, even though this is kind of silly, if I look down and see a bunch of rainbows on my nails it makes me smile.
This week I am choosing to give myself permission and grace in listening to my body and doing what it needs regardless of how unproductive or lazy it may feel to me.
Hi Jen! My therapist is actually the one who recommended your channel to me. After dealing with chronic pain for 13+ years I was recently diagnosed with hEDS and my symptoms are progressing fast. I'm reaching a point where I may not be able to stay in my career field (vet med) much longer as I'm becoming less and less able bodied. I really needed this video today, thank you. ♥
My senior quote I wrote by myself in high school for the yearbook was: "To say you are suffering is to victimize yourself; to say you are challenged is to prove yourself a strong fighter. Keep fighting!" 💜🦋 I agree on workbooks being more effective because of the tangible skills! The DBT workbook/skills training manual (2nd edition by Marsha Linehan) is what helped me when nobody thought I'd make it out of my hardest point. I had residential mental health centers calling my mom saying helping me wasn't worth trying because I wouldn't survive the month. I am here 4 years later and thriving, living my best life AND more disabled than ever at the same time!
Thank you for the disclaimer / warning message in the beginning, I appreciate that! I’m safe, don’t worry, but I’ll come back and watch this when I’m in a better mindset ♥️❤️
I had ptsd before migraines and same as diagnosed I had to pick life when i struggled and had no choice at first but I'm glad where I'm at. Plus my brain figured at how to fix some ways but I will still struggle.
One thing I really hate is when people say "If the pain is "just" in your head, it isn't real." Any pain you actually feel is *REAL* pain. I heard a joke once, I guy goes to the doctor because he's having head aches. After a bunch of tests the doctor says, I have good news and bad news. The good news, it's all in your head. The bad news is, it's brain cancer." Like a wise man once said, Just because it's in your head, it doesn't mean it isn't real.
Your brain is what perceives pain, so of course pain is in your head--always. I'm a physical therapist and that's what I tell my patients to tell their people and their doctors if they try to pull that on them.
Thanks so much for this! It's been a hard day today, a year ago exactly (well from yesterday, the 8th) my "bff" nearly killed me and I'm thankful we survived and that we finally decided we had the right to be safe and be treated with respect, regardless of our physical or other abilities! We are pretty alone in the world now since getting out of that abusive relationship but we are so glad to be free and safe and we have our lovely dogs and a safe home and hopefully soon we'll be able to get more services to help us, this video really helped us feel confident that it is worth continuing to fight and advocate for ourselves! I related so much with this video and the first couple of minutes are something I'll likely go back to watch again in the future as a reminder. Thank you so much, we really needed to hear that. Ps I LOVE that you said healthy =/= able bodied! I might post that reminder somewhere on the wall to look at, it was so good to hear that and it's so true! Have an awesome weekend! :)
Girl!!! This is so good !!! I am legally blind from birth to the point where I can’t drive or travel well alone. I have just ended my cancer treatment, lost my son to SIDS and most recently just found out all the pain I’ve lived with my whole life is she to EDS. All the while hearing these are the cards you’ve been dealt you can try to change if or live with it is apparently what I needed to hear today. I’ve heard it a thousand times but so how it hit today. Even though we have led very different journeys you made an impact. Thank you for all your videos I always enjoy them !
Thank you Jen. I'm going to be sharing this with my friends and family because there are many in my life who suffer from chronic pain, chronic illness, or mental illnesses. Thank you for the virtual hug today.
I find it amazing that you always seem to be speaking about my chronic illnesses, Dysautonomia P.O.T.S., mental health issues and everything that goes with it. You use words and examples that I have said and been though so often. People just don't understand the loss of things in our lives. You speaking the truth is so needed. THANK YOU 💙 this was a great video.
There are several things I am doing. At this time, I am trying to do a lot for myself. One is owner training my 3rd sd. Doing some short PA work helps. Love hearing the comments about my boy doing well, so quiet, etc means so much. He is awesome. Watching some youtube: Nerdie Jackie, Molly Burke, Sandi Brock and you mean a lot. When I have over done it, giving myself permission to be still.
This video described a lot of what I went through during the diagnosis (several of them) process. I had to grieve for what I could no longer do and accept my new self with limitations. Just like you, I had to do this over and over. Today I am mentally preparing to get a feeding tube (gastroparesis) and accepting it will be a part of me. To take care of myself this week I am taking short walks to enjoy the fall colors.
I agree with you 100% about what makes a good therapist and that you have to WANT to get better in order to be able to take that step. This was a really well put together and expressed video. Also WTF with your post birth hospital treatment!? It sounds horrendous. This past year has really been an eye opener into just how uncaring the medical profession can be.
Such an important topic! Thanks for addressing this, sometimes I need to hear it. Something I found super helpful, especially in situations where you might not be able to physically do much, was superbetter by Jane McGonigal. There's a TED talk from her on the topic. This is also something that you can do, if you can't afford therapy to improve your mental health. What I love about this channel, that you base things in science, is what I also love about superbetter.
really appreciate this one. ♥️ I've been trying to work on separating out suffering vs. pain but it's still a work in progress. also, the line about how it's worth spending spoons just on yourself hit home too. on another note I'm lowkey inspired by you and your babies, and growing your family while your health is still "under construction" as it were... I'm in a similar boat but basically very afraid to start having babies before I'm "fixed", except there's no guarantee of a timeline there so I'm trying to consider ways to take control where I can and do the things I want to do in life anyway, on my own schedule. your family seems to bring you so much joy and I love it! I want to be brave enough to make it happen too!
Sometimes it’s easier said than done but I do the best I can even though sometimes just feel like checking in the towel but I got past my depression stuff and then the migraine problems hit or still not letting it get me down or depressed just trying to keep from getting dizzy lightheaded and the pain oh the pain yes that’s the biggest problem it keeps me in bed most of the time anymore
I'm terrified of both body doctors and head doctors because I've had bad experiences with both. Like you said, though, I'm in charge of taking care of.myself. I'm giving my current PCP their 3rd and final chance to do better, and then I'm moving on.
I suffer from neuropathy of fibular nerves - this illness caused me at some point to fight against extreme depression. Currently Ive been fighting PTSD, which has sources in some unnice situations, inclouding the ones coming from my illness... but I'm strong and I even study psychology
I originally found your videos on your service dog and then found that I can relate to you alot! Now thinking I should have my drs look into testing for pots because I have almost every symptom for it
@@MommingwithMigraine I am currently getting a ekg had dr appointment today took some blood work and dr is having me get ahold of my neurologist she thinks I may be on to something
The hardest part for me is OTHER PEOPLE getting tired of MY pain. Very few ever say anything, but you feel the disappointment and the silent eyeroll, and the "here we go again with this bitch". I promise I also wish I wasn't in pain, mister employer man.
YES, so much this. I'm SICK and TIRED of the silent, hidden eye rolls and lack of response or acknowledgment on days when I feel like I'm dying. Talk about learning true friends. I'm down to about 3. Hugs to you
Thank you for talking about this topic, especially ACT. I have been wondering if I need to add it to the therapy I'm already in, and your description helped me decide. This week I'm at an intensive complementary medicine treatment. It was a lot of work to get here, and I'm going to do everything I can to help it be productive.
I was hesitant to try ACT because it's a little tough love for some people, but I found it very easy to follow and I enjoyed having less-cheesy mantras to remind myself of when I was feeling down. In my eyes... it's worth a shot. Didn't even need to finish the book to have profound results. I hope your program goes well! With love from migraine jen
I suffer from chronic pain and anxiety and other problems my chronic pain has gotten much worse lately my depression and anxiety have followed I've lost friends because of it, 😭
I have a question how did test your runny nose for sf leek. I have a pain pump attached to my spine. I don't have any headaches. I'm just curious if I have a small leek.
Are you going to show your babies faces in pictures/ vids as they age? I was wondering bc you havent told us baby A's name but weve seen her (baby) face
As the kiddos get older, they'll most likely phase out. I bet they'll be off youtube before they're off instagram though! I include MUCH more baby stuff on instagram stories because those are so quick and easy to record & share, & it's a more intimate audience so I feel more comfortable sharing. instagram.com/mommingwithmigraine
Additional thought about guilt asking for help with baby; you could choose to see it as your daughter deserving the same quality time with Brian as she gets with you. Every child wants time with a parent 1on1 without sharing... so often there is still the expectation that mums should be primary caregiver for the family regardless of how balanced the parenting is, but Brian deserves just as much quality parenting fulfilment as mummy super-Jen. (This comment is only gendered because I'm talking about Jen & Brian, same sex parenthood can also have imbalances in how family life is allocated- it's perfectly normal and something parents have to go through to find what works for their unique set up!)
I know SOME. Short story long.... My husband was mute for a few years, so he would sign to me and I would be translator for him. So I can read HIS signing decently, I do know more than the average person... but I also can't sign anything past the alphabet myself because I've never had to practice it 😄
@@MommingwithMigraine at one point in this video, you were talking about someone saying or telling something, and you signed the word also, so I thought maybe. Haha.
I like "the spoon theory" to explain chronic illness. But the biggest toll on mental health are the false 'spoons'. Those times when you wake up and, while resting in bed a bit before starting the day, you have SO much energy! You get excited because it is going to be a GREAT day where you finally get some chores done around the house. Then you sit up. Suddenly you remember that you can't make plans until you sit up. Even then, the plans you make when you sit up go right out the window as soon as you stand. It is the daily grief of thinking you can finally get something done, only to be reminded that you really can't. I have to remind myself not to make plans in advance. I can't keep building myself up and then getting hit with my physical limitations. It is just too much. I have learned to live my life moment by moment. Instead of planning for future activities I celebrate all the little accomplishments as they happen.
I usually get to the end of the school run before finding out it was more a teaspoon than sundae spoon
“You don’t need to have clinical depression to be able to benefit from mental health services.”. This statement is pure gold! I have ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, and PTSD. It can be a struggle to find that as well. I have a friend who is a nursing professor and she asked me to share my story with her mental health nursing students. I’ll be sharing again this week. What you do makes a difference!
My therapist also deals with chronic illness and this helps with the guilt often felt when having disabilities! Watching YT videos of other people dealing pain also helps me feel less alone!
You are not alone
I feel the same way.
Thank you for your honesty Jen xxxx
Yes! Grieving is the word that fits it best. I mourned the huge drop in my cognitive abilities as well as my physical abilities. I suffered a spinal injury that robbed me of many physical abilities (including sleeping in a bed along with being able to lay flat for more than two minutes). All of a sudden I could no longer enjoy work or all the daily activities I enjoyed. I grieved for the loss of...me! I lost friends because I was unable to participate or keep up physically...I needed to rest several times a day and couldn't tolerate certain seating in restaurants and movie theaters etc... My social life died away and that is extremely depressing. I still miss going shopping for clothes etc... and I miss being able to climb steps easily and take long walks........sleeping in a bed! What worked for me was praying and studying the bible. God really helped me through this horrific trial and now I know it's okay if I can't do what I used to. I am focusing on what I can do, the fact that I can sleep as late as I want and that it's okay that my mind is not as quick as it used to be. I have a very high IQ and that last one just about killed me. Lol! I had to accept that there would be days that I wouldn't be able to think of a word or complete a sentence because of my pain levels. Reflecting on my life and where God had taken me, who He brought into my current life, and what He promised (that he was not done with me yet) made me get up out of my proverbial mud puddle and start taking my life one moment and one day at a time. Reading the bible helped keep me accountable because "He's" watching and I know that and I found so many stories that dealt with the feelings I was going through. Today I am happier and love being able to share my story and how I got through it with others. Huge kudos to you! Your story is precious...you came into my life via RUclips and I firmly believe it was for a reason. Your trials and triumphs give me reason to pray and that gets my mind off my daily trials. I'm so happy I happened upon you because I feel like I have one more person standing by my side who understands. Thank you and God bless you!
I have a very depressed 16yr old and I (I’ve had chronic daily migraines for about 24 years, with other physical maladies added in). Yesterday our first step was walking 3 times around the tiny culdesac outside my house together, and today we walked through a large store, like Target, just to get out of the house and get some exercise. That’s my first step for now-for my son and for me. Thank you for your video. I also went through 4 pregnancies while having migraines. My kids are getting older now, but it’s still embarrassing, guilt producing, etc. to admit to them that I can’t do fun stuff when I’m migrainey. Which is often; I also don’t have friends that understand my condition which makes life lonely at times. It’s good to know we are not alone in this journey of life! Thanks again.🌸
That's an amazing first step... HUGE step. Sunlight is important... don't underestimate sunlight. You're not alone, and thanks for reminding me that I'm not either. With love from migraine jen
Soo, I’ve been commenting on your YT channel about my situation for awhile because YOU were the reason I went looking for a POTS & Dysautonomia Diagnosis after TWENTY YEARS OF SUFFERING. Well, this week I was at a Six Flags Discovery Kingdom in Vallejo, CA & I passed out while driving the motorized scooter & went head-on into a wall. Thank goodness there wasn’t any damage but I was out cold for 22 mins. My hubby had stopped 3 security personnel to ask for park EMS & as I was coming to ONE person finally arrived. I was conscious for 2-ish mins or so before passing out again, that’s when they decided to call 911. I was out for 23 mins this time. The Fire Dept arrived 3 mins before I woke up. They asked if I could get up to the gurney & I said yes, but my next memory is laying down with them screaming “Move”, “Emergency”, “Get out of the way”, “Coming Through” as they literally RAN through the entire park. (I was told later that I had a MASSIVE Grand Mal seizure on the 🛵 where I kneed a fireman in the junk as he protected me from injury & sprained another’s hand as he protected my face from repeatedly slamming it into the scooter’s control panel..Go 1st Responders!!!) I spent 16-ish hrs in the ER at Sutter Solano Medical Center (#1WORST ER experience OF MY LIFE - and that’s saying A LOT) then I was transferred upstairs to the Telemetry Unit around mid-morning (it was hard to tell as I was so drugged up from the mass amounts of Ativan) where I stayed for another 34-ish hrs (one of the TOP 1-5 BEST hospital experiences of my life) After coming home on Tuesday, sleeping pretty much all of Wednesday, seeing my Neurologist on Thursday (we’re leveling up my meds, adding a 3rd which the hospital started & he’s recommending me for a long term telemetry program so we can pinpoint the exact type of seizures, the triggers, etc. all of which makes it easier to treat) Then on Friday I had a fairly mild seizure but I stopped breathing afterwards. My 20 yr old son, who’s my caretaker, quickly noticed, called my hubby to tell him I wasn’t breathing, hung up, then called 911, all while giving me CPR (the 2nd time he’s had to do so, the 1st time was when he was 10 & he learned from a poster in the nurse office at school) He continued until EMT arrived & took over. I had another grand mal seizure in the ambulance which they gave me Ativan for. I had the usual tests & was released since I was just seen by my Dr & I have an appointment with my regular doctor on Monday. (you know, the classic tale of: “we don’t want to deal with you so we’ll do the least amount of work possible. But don’t worry, it’ll be enough to look as though we actually care &/or are trying to help even though we all know that we’d rather send you on your way & make you someone else’s problem!!! I WISH TV was real & Drs were passionate about helping the “zebras” in the world instead of calling them “crazy horses” that aren’t worth their time!!!!!
From one zebra to another…I truly hope your stripes are bold enough for them to see because you deserve every ounce of goodness this world has, even if that turns you into a unicorn 🦄 ❤️
So I just had a realization…. Therapists are supposed to help you analyze your thoughts/reactions. I always thought that therapists were just there to listen and say what you basically said, just someone I can vent to. I thought that I’d need a psychiatrist or psychologist. Mind blown that because I look healthy and don’t act immediately unwell I may have been gaslit that I don’t actually need help to change. Brings me to tears but maybe I’ll actually get better with the right therapist. Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it.
I reeeeeaaally needed this today. You’d think that after 15+ years of being chronically ill that I’d be a pro at knowing this by know but I just feel so useless and worthless I get confused as to why what I’m going through matters to my friends and family because I don’t think I matter.so it’s made things confusing for my brain and frustrating and upsetting for my loved ones. I also just feel like such a burden so I try to not ask for help from anyone or anything but my body sabotages that every damn time. I’ve gotten pretty far in life taking my own treatments independently but lately the combination of feeding tube stuff like cleaning the stoma, setting up feeds, crushing & taking meds, refilling bags, restocking my Med cart, and organizing my port care, putting away supplies, setting up fluids, figuring out when I’m getting together with a nurse (especially now that we’ve moved out of my trauma safe port care nurse), troubleshooting, not to mention drs office calls, my health messages, scheduling 20 tests and trying to get them at least in the same area on the same day, prescriptions, prior auths, etc etc etc. it’s just too much and too overwhelming to do all by myself so the last year or so I haven’t been the best at juggling all of it and a lot fell by the wayside. I feel bad for being “non compliant” but what do they expect me to do? Interrupt my amazing mom Whois pretty much the only income in our house, never has a second for herself, and already does everything she can to keep me alive and afloat? Nope. Y dad who lives out of state and is still bitter we had to leave IL for better healthcare or I was going to die plus who also complains to me about his aches and pains knowing full well what I’m dealing with, although I’m not saying not that other able bodied people shouldn’t be allowed to complain, but he doesn’t even really ask about me he just pretends to listen till I stop talking and ask about him. I think I’ll avoid that too. My siblings are too busy living their own lives and I never want to bring them in. And the few friends I have also have a ton of the same crappppp and I can’t bring myself to add my burden to theirs soooooo yep 🙃🥴👍🏻🤷🏻♀️ MOOD. Thank you for being so open and honest with us and if you made it to the end of this embarrassingly long comment, I’m so impressed by you and I’m sending a huge hug. Stay strong spoonies/sickies/however you identify in our community ♥️
This is the first video, ever, that I've had to stop and back out of. That means you're doing this right. I'm at 5:17. I'll come back. I'll make progress because you're right, this is my sign. Thank you for opening up.
It's so much to go through. Love and hugs, you can do this 💪💜
Katie Tooker me too. This is my sign and I cried through most of it. Hugs
The first 1:20 of this video really hit home, and I'm glad you are talking about this. Something I wasn't prepared for when I got POTS is the loss of all the elements of my healthy self. Every time POTS, or any illness, steals an aspect of your life, it's like morning a death. It's so heavy. It's taken me 5 years post diagnosis to finally beat my depression over it. Thank you for sharing💙. PS- the next step I'm going to take for myself is put up some Halloween decorations in my yard. Not only does it give me Joy to celebrate my favorite holiday, but it gives me joy knowing those decorations (including a 10ft inflatable archway) bring joy to others.
I see a therapist for my PTSD and now we have included my fibromyalgia. Find someone who specializes in your needs and who you can connect to. It has been so life changing for me.
Great advice. Finding the perfect match is one of the hardest parts of starting up therapy, so I was glad I could shop around & switch so easily on BetterHelp. (and now I have a link 😭: betterhelp.com/mommingwithmigraine)
This weekend I want to clean and organize my MotorHome that I live in so I feel more Harmony. Now on to your thoughts regarding loss due to
Chronic illness. I get it fully. I was very active. I was a Tap dancer, Artist, I love the Ocean and on I could go on. It's still hard to ACCEPT my limitations. And I've been dealing with mental health issues, Chronic pain, a movement disorder and the worst Chronic Fatigue. Doctors are very worthless most all the time. Being a tuff
Advocate isn't fun and thats what they dislike the most.
I love your Sensibilities regarding how to hold ones disabilities. Learning how to walk through life is an art form in itself. Thanks for your transparency. I'd love to know that you read my comment.
Thats very encouraging to me. Have a great weekend!
TOTALLY LOVE THIS VIDEO. I CAN TOTALLY RELATE. IM PHYSICALLY DISABLED FROM BIRTH AND I ALSO HAVE DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY SO I CAN DEFINITELY RELATE TO THE STRUGGLES OF NOT BEING ABLE TO FIGURE OUT WHO I REALLY AM. WHEN IM ALONE FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD OF TIME MY MIND WANDERS AND I FEEL SO LOST AND ALONE
Thank you for this video! I think a lot of us needed to hear this. I'm still on my journey and hopefully 🤞 next week I find out some answers to whether I have a connective tissue disorder or autoimmune disease. It's definitely been a roller coaster mentally with almost all tests coming back "Normal". I've learned to accept my chronic pain and migraines but that doesn't mean it's not still frustrating.
Just to reiterate what was said: Everyone's experience is Valid, and so are your emotions. Hugs to anyone that needs it 💜💓💛 Reminder it's okay to prioritize yourself.
As someone who's training to become a licensed therapist, it was really interesting to hear what you look for in a therapist -- and I highly encourage people to think about what they want from a therapist as well, and *ask* any prospective therapist if they're able to provide that. We're humans too, we can't read minds and know if something is working or not unless you tell us!
I needed this video after 2 years go trying to figure out and manage migraines and vertigo (vertigo just diagnosed last month). As a social worker who stepped away from the field due to burnout (supposed to be short term that then ran into figuring out and learning to treat and manage my health issues) I love hearing what clients want/like with a therapist/therapy. I totally agree that a therapist should be an active listener, be able to use your words to explore concerns or things that pop up, and be able to push you (with kindness and empathy) to and through. Love you Jen. Have fun playing with that adorable baby and amazing husband!
And one more thing, Jen - remember, especially being ill - Youre not a weirdo / "other" - Youre unique human being
That's it. My fibro and migraine and balance and chronic dizziness have taken my life. This video is spot on.
Thank you for the push, I scheduled some Dr.'s appointments I've been avoiding after I watched this.
As a fellow mystery headache lady, finding your channel has made me more motivated to advocate for myself and not give up. I was so excited seeing you got a new diagnosis that fit your symptoms better. Mine might be out there too. :> 🖤 I will definitely try to find the value on the rough days, and I'm gonna text a friend this weekend because I've been way too isolated. Thats my goal!
Thank you so much for your videos Jen.
YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! - I screamed it out loud when I read the first sentence. I'm so glad I was able to help you. Wow. GO GO GO! With love from migraine jen
Thank you for this video, it is kismit for me atm. Have been dealing with alcohol recovery, an autism diagnosis in my 30's, anxiety and depression, and now I'm being sent for more testing to see if I have supraventricular tachycardia. My heart rate hit 190 yesterday. Thank you for the advice and for continuing to advocate for your health. I knew it wasn't "just anxiety" and finally a dr listened.
When I was 3 I lost my leg. When I was 11 or 12 I started having mental health issues that made social interactions very very hard.
I am now 51, and the most important thing I have learned is, if you focus on what you can't do, you will be lost into a winding smelly bog of depression and hopelessness.
Instead, focus on what you can do.
It is much easier said than done, and if you can't do it all the time, don't despair. *NO ONE* can do it all the time. It's one of the things I can't do; remain positive at all times, so I don't focus on being positive all the time.
Even a perfectly healthy young person with their entire life spread before them will have a list of things they can't do, much longer than the list of things they can do.
It is like a wise person once said: You can't always get what you want, but if you try, sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.
Failing to accomplish a goal doesn't mean you are a loser. It just means you need a different goal.
Dear Jen,
I cannot begin to say how grateful I am to you for making this video. Your story at the start of the video, about your grieving period when illness struck hit so close to home for me, I sobbed for a good half hour. I, too, was an exercise enthusiast: I biked, hiked, did some rock climbing, yoga, and danced (had always wanted to do martial arts and gymnastics, but got sick before I could). And I LOVED it! I still do! But my health has had a downward spiral since I entered puberty, and now, unfortunately, I'm the sickest I've ever been. After 13 years of fighting my pain and getting worse and worse, you've helped me to realize that I need to accept and acknowledge my pain while moving forward with my "new" life. Thank you, thank you for showing me a better way to manage my mental health as well as my physical health! Words alone cannot properly express my gratitude for your advice and your example of perseverance, optimism, and resilience you have bravely shared on the internet. Truly, you are the angel I've been praying for to help lift me out of the darkness of depression all of these long, lonely years. Thank you again, keep spreading the love, and God bless you and your dear, sweet husband and family! 😊💖
This makes so much sense to me, as I had to grieve losing my military career and my lifestyle... I agree with 100% with everything you've mentioned
Comment below with one small step you are going to take for yourself THIS WEEK. A bath? A call/text with a good friend? A healthy meal? Booking your next appointment? Sit on the porch for 10 min of sunlight? I'll "heart" your comment to let you know I'm cheering you on! 💜
I'm going to lock myself out of my phone to disconnect every night for at least 8 hours (this is small because I already lock myself out when I am going to sleep for however much time I have left to sleep but I don't always go to sleep with enough time to be disconnected for 8 hours).
I'm going to strain and can the bone broth I've made. (It's been in the crock pots for a couple of weeks by now!)
I am going to paint my nails. I love color and, even though this is kind of silly, if I look down and see a bunch of rainbows on my nails it makes me smile.
This week I am choosing to give myself permission and grace in listening to my body and doing what it needs regardless of how unproductive or lazy it may feel to me.
I am going to focus on the food I'm eating this week. Try and make healthier options whilst still keeping flavour.
Grieving is exactly the way to describe it.
I really needed this video, Jen. Thank you for making it. I’ve really been drowning lately.
Hi Jen! My therapist is actually the one who recommended your channel to me. After dealing with chronic pain for 13+ years I was recently diagnosed with hEDS and my symptoms are progressing fast. I'm reaching a point where I may not be able to stay in my career field (vet med) much longer as I'm becoming less and less able bodied. I really needed this video today, thank you. ♥
Jen, a good therapist is all of those things you said! The New Harbinger books are excellent-I'm so glad you found something that works.
My senior quote I wrote by myself in high school for the yearbook was: "To say you are suffering is to victimize yourself; to say you are challenged is to prove yourself a strong fighter. Keep fighting!" 💜🦋
I agree on workbooks being more effective because of the tangible skills! The DBT workbook/skills training manual (2nd edition by Marsha Linehan) is what helped me when nobody thought I'd make it out of my hardest point. I had residential mental health centers calling my mom saying helping me wasn't worth trying because I wouldn't survive the month. I am here 4 years later and thriving, living my best life AND more disabled than ever at the same time!
Thank you for the disclaimer / warning message in the beginning, I appreciate that!
I’m safe, don’t worry, but I’ll come back and watch this when I’m in a better mindset ♥️❤️
I had ptsd before migraines and same as diagnosed I had to pick life when i struggled and had no choice at first but I'm glad where I'm at. Plus my brain figured at how to fix some ways but I will still struggle.
One thing I really hate is when people say "If the pain is "just" in your head, it isn't real."
Any pain you actually feel is *REAL* pain.
I heard a joke once, I guy goes to the doctor because he's having head aches. After a bunch of tests the doctor says, I have good news and bad news. The good news, it's all in your head. The bad news is, it's brain cancer."
Like a wise man once said, Just because it's in your head, it doesn't mean it isn't real.
Your brain is what perceives pain, so of course pain is in your head--always. I'm a physical therapist and that's what I tell my patients to tell their people and their doctors if they try to pull that on them.
Thanks so much for this! It's been a hard day today, a year ago exactly (well from yesterday, the 8th) my "bff" nearly killed me and I'm thankful we survived and that we finally decided we had the right to be safe and be treated with respect, regardless of our physical or other abilities!
We are pretty alone in the world now since getting out of that abusive relationship but we are so glad to be free and safe and we have our lovely dogs and a safe home and hopefully soon we'll be able to get more services to help us, this video really helped us feel confident that it is worth continuing to fight and advocate for ourselves!
I related so much with this video and the first couple of minutes are something I'll likely go back to watch again in the future as a reminder. Thank you so much, we really needed to hear that.
Ps I LOVE that you said healthy =/= able bodied! I might post that reminder somewhere on the wall to look at, it was so good to hear that and it's so true!
Have an awesome weekend! :)
Loved this one Jen!!! I'm ordering the book to work through with my therapist!
Girl!!! This is so good !!! I am legally blind from birth to the point where I can’t drive or travel well alone. I have just ended my cancer treatment, lost my son to SIDS and most recently just found out all the pain I’ve lived with my whole life is she to EDS. All the while hearing these are the cards you’ve been dealt you can try to change if or live with it is apparently what I needed to hear today. I’ve heard it a thousand times but so how it hit today. Even though we have led very different journeys you made an impact. Thank you for all your videos I always enjoy them !
Thank you Jen. I'm going to be sharing this with my friends and family because there are many in my life who suffer from chronic pain, chronic illness, or mental illnesses. Thank you for the virtual hug today.
I find it amazing that you always seem to be speaking about my chronic illnesses, Dysautonomia P.O.T.S., mental health issues and everything that goes with it. You use words and examples that I have said and been though so often. People just don't understand the loss of things in our lives. You speaking the truth is so needed. THANK YOU 💙 this was a great video.
There are several things I am doing. At this time, I am trying to do a lot for myself. One is owner training my 3rd sd. Doing some short PA work helps. Love hearing the comments about my boy doing well, so quiet, etc means so much. He is awesome. Watching some youtube: Nerdie Jackie, Molly Burke, Sandi Brock and you mean a lot. When I have over done it, giving myself permission to be still.
This video described a lot of what I went through during the diagnosis (several of them) process. I had to grieve for what I could no longer do and accept my new self with limitations. Just like you, I had to do this over and over. Today I am mentally preparing to get a feeding tube (gastroparesis) and accepting it will be a part of me. To take care of myself this week I am taking short walks to enjoy the fall colors.
I just wanted to say thank you for being vulnerable. I have so much respect for you and you’ve helped me so much.
I agree with you 100% about what makes a good therapist and that you have to WANT to get better in order to be able to take that step. This was a really well put together and expressed video.
Also WTF with your post birth hospital treatment!? It sounds horrendous. This past year has really been an eye opener into just how uncaring the medical profession can be.
Thank you for making this video. How honest, touching and motivating. You are a light.
Thank you for sharing ❤
Such an important topic! Thanks for addressing this, sometimes I need to hear it. Something I found super helpful, especially in situations where you might not be able to physically do much, was superbetter by Jane McGonigal. There's a TED talk from her on the topic. This is also something that you can do, if you can't afford therapy to improve your mental health. What I love about this channel, that you base things in science, is what I also love about superbetter.
I had a rough weekend, and really needed to hear all of this. Thank you!
"I see you." God, I needed to hear that!
Great video! Thank you! Hugs to you and me!!
really appreciate this one. ♥️ I've been trying to work on separating out suffering vs. pain but it's still a work in progress. also, the line about how it's worth spending spoons just on yourself hit home too.
on another note I'm lowkey inspired by you and your babies, and growing your family while your health is still "under construction" as it were... I'm in a similar boat but basically very afraid to start having babies before I'm "fixed", except there's no guarantee of a timeline there so I'm trying to consider ways to take control where I can and do the things I want to do in life anyway, on my own schedule. your family seems to bring you so much joy and I love it! I want to be brave enough to make it happen too!
Thanks for sharing 💕 as always, wishing you the best:)
My pleasure, love and hugs to you!
Sometimes it’s easier said than done but I do the best I can even though sometimes just feel like checking in the towel but I got past my depression stuff and then the migraine problems hit or still not letting it get me down or depressed just trying to keep from getting dizzy lightheaded and the pain oh the pain yes that’s the biggest problem it keeps me in bed most of the time anymore
I'm terrified of both body doctors and head doctors because I've had bad experiences with both. Like you said, though, I'm in charge of taking care of.myself. I'm giving my current PCP their 3rd and final chance to do better, and then I'm moving on.
You are so close to my way of thinking, even though we are so different. Amazing.
Love that! Would love to hear more details if you're open to sharing.
You are amazing 👏 it's great to see how far you've come and that you're helping others through your experience.
Keep strong ❤
I need a hug😥😓 only a few people including you understand somewhat I'm going through😭😭😭
This was really helpful!
I suffer from neuropathy of fibular nerves - this illness caused me at some point to fight against extreme depression. Currently Ive been fighting PTSD, which has sources in some unnice situations, inclouding the ones coming from my illness... but I'm strong and I even study psychology
I originally found your videos on your service dog and then found that I can relate to you alot! Now thinking I should have my drs look into testing for pots because I have almost every symptom for it
That's so crazy! Never alone 😊
@@MommingwithMigraine I am currently getting a ekg had dr appointment today took some blood work and dr is having me get ahold of my neurologist she thinks I may be on to something
@@tashabergner5559 🤞🤞🤞
Thanks for the video it helped ❤💜
The hardest part for me is OTHER PEOPLE getting tired of MY pain. Very few ever say anything, but you feel the disappointment and the silent eyeroll, and the "here we go again with this bitch". I promise I also wish I wasn't in pain, mister employer man.
YES, so much this. I'm SICK and TIRED of the silent, hidden eye rolls and lack of response or acknowledgment on days when I feel like I'm dying. Talk about learning true friends. I'm down to about 3. Hugs to you
Thank you for talking about this topic, especially ACT. I have been wondering if I need to add it to the therapy I'm already in, and your description helped me decide. This week I'm at an intensive complementary medicine treatment. It was a lot of work to get here, and I'm going to do everything I can to help it be productive.
I was hesitant to try ACT because it's a little tough love for some people, but I found it very easy to follow and I enjoyed having less-cheesy mantras to remind myself of when I was feeling down. In my eyes... it's worth a shot. Didn't even need to finish the book to have profound results. I hope your program goes well! With love from migraine jen
Really wish this app was able to be used in Australia
Just what I needed. My big question is how did you heal your vestibular system? 🥴
I need a heart emoji!
I suffer from chronic pain and anxiety and other problems my chronic pain has gotten much worse lately my depression and anxiety have followed I've lost friends because of it, 😭
I have a question how did test your runny nose for sf leek. I have a pain pump attached to my spine. I don't have any headaches. I'm just curious if I have a small leek.
How's your head now. I've got pressure in myhead eyes and ears after a fall. X
Are you going to show your babies faces in pictures/ vids as they age? I was wondering bc you havent told us baby A's name but weve seen her (baby) face
As the kiddos get older, they'll most likely phase out. I bet they'll be off youtube before they're off instagram though! I include MUCH more baby stuff on instagram stories because those are so quick and easy to record & share, & it's a more intimate audience so I feel more comfortable sharing. instagram.com/mommingwithmigraine
I find it interesting that you refer to your energy as spoons. The only other time I have heard of "spoons" is referring to gastroparesis.
Additional thought about guilt asking for help with baby; you could choose to see it as your daughter deserving the same quality time with Brian as she gets with you. Every child wants time with a parent 1on1 without sharing... so often there is still the expectation that mums should be primary caregiver for the family regardless of how balanced the parenting is, but Brian deserves just as much quality parenting fulfilment as mummy super-Jen.
(This comment is only gendered because I'm talking about Jen & Brian, same sex parenthood can also have imbalances in how family life is allocated- it's perfectly normal and something parents have to go through to find what works for their unique set up!)
Jen, this is random, but do you know ASL?
I know SOME. Short story long.... My husband was mute for a few years, so he would sign to me and I would be translator for him. So I can read HIS signing decently, I do know more than the average person... but I also can't sign anything past the alphabet myself because I've never had to practice it 😄
@@MommingwithMigraine at one point in this video, you were talking about someone saying or telling something, and you signed the word also, so I thought maybe. Haha.
To be honest, I have never had an effective therapist. I no longer have any faith in mental health medicine.
Therapist aren’t always helpful. Sometimes they do make it worse. There are so many other ways. I hope you find your way.
@@YRTheyDoingThis In my experience, witch is extensive, theorists are never helpful.