When caught in a lie, my narcissist would tell another lie to get out of it. When I exposed that as a lie as well, she would then mix another lie with a little bit of truth. It was a sad thing to witness.
Once you found them out lying you can’t go back to believing them. They cut their own flesh with that. I have once been in the same situation. You cut off one bullshit argument then the next arrives. You cut that short, they dish up a complete new argument as false as the first. They keep trying to fool you. And finally he told me I didn’t love him anymore. So they believe when you stop believing them it’s the love that’s dead. It was not, but it’s impossible to stay with someone like that. Unfortunately the love dies very slowly or never at all. But you have to protect yourself. In the end you get really ill. And that doesn’t really cure either. Autoimmune diseases are caused by narcissistic abuse.
Mine would just lie or tell a story based on what little bit of facts you know. Once you find out more info that would contradict her lie. She would refuse to talk about it. I told you what happened and why and I don't want to keep repeating myself.
From my experience with a Narc is that their whole life consists of convincing you that they are something that they are not and that their "enemies" are something that they are not. It is like they are inviting you to live in their own "reality show" where they are the star and you are just a prop and if you do not do your part in their "show" you are discarded as an "enemy" and they look for someone else that will play the part of the "prop". Its always about them - forever.
1. That dress is CUTE! 2. Thank you for this playlist regarding narcissists. I have recently been abused by one I believe to have these narcissistic tendencies, and these videos have completely put my mind at ease.
Five major characteristics differentiate a normal person from a narcissistic one.1. Ego. 2.Fictional creation and construction of conditions, situations, things , people, always according to their very best interest, no matter the type of that. 3. Constant presentation of a faultless , mistake free character. 4. Total lack of empathy, self criticism, self evaluation, self correction. 5. Manipulation and exploitation. As always correct and on point material Jill.
I get that there are times they believe exactly what they're saying, but I also know from experience 26 years with an narc husband he definitely knows when he is lying, he will purposely say I'm going here or I'm doing this, look me right in the face walk out the door knowing that's not where he's going or not what he's doing, and then doesn't tell me about the other things that he's going to be doing! Or he'll say I'll be right back, knowing he's going to take 6 hours, so he knows he's lying! I'm sure on other things he really thinks he's right, but there's a lot of times he knows damn well he's not! But of course he'll always justify everything and usually his justification is me, the scape goat, an of course its my fault the target! But as usual your video was totally awesome and of course right on! And thank you it did help me!
@ kellie cole WOW! That phrase "I will be right back", was the first trigger for me in my ex relationship with a Narc. I called him out on it, so every cycle he used another new phrase. When he started the discard, he would just walk out the door & return without a word to me as if I wasnt there.
I would always get the same thing with my ex husband leaving the house and never telling me where he was for hours . Naturally his sadistic actions would provoke a reaction and down the rabbit hole argument from me And his pathological lying gaslighting and blameshifting would always follow With me as his skapegoat
Oh my goodness! My ex would sometimes call and say he would be home in 15 minutes...then show up 7 hours later at 3 in the morning. I never asked where he was because i knew it would be a Lie. I am soo blessed he is my EX!
I aggree I think it’s a mix of believing their own lies and sometimes knowing full well they are lying, it will vary to the degrees of how much they believe their lies and how much they are aware they’re lying from one narcissist to the next. Also it can happen that when they first tell the lie they are aware they’re lying but after they’ve told it many times and time has past they actually start believing it as the truth. I think also the closer to the antisocial personality disorder end of the narc spectrum they are , the more they are consciously aware they are lying . Also the grandiose/ overt narcissists believe their lies far more than the vulnerable or covert narcissists who often have a lot. Ore times of awareness that what they are saying is far from the reality , where as a grandiose narcissist believe his idealised self completely . Also I’ve observed that narcissists can have brief windows of realising the truth and even admitting ( though it’s a rare occurance ) to a lie but they quickly deny it later and act like they never admitted to it. Sort of like sometimes their self delusional is pierced and for a brief moment they see reality but quickly throw back on their fake maritime because the truth doesn’t please them or serve their agenda. I have experienced my ex narcissist admitting to a tiny part or some of the truth because it serves him in that situation to do so eg If he needed to convince me or others that he is capable of admitting fault but then with shortly after deny he ever said that. Or another example is if admitting a tiny bit of a hurtful thing he did could he used for ever and a day to prev that he’s too honest because the hurtful truth resulting in me being angry or upset . Or if it would mean He could get me to believe he was capable of honesty .
This was very deep and so beyond accurate to my experiences with narc ex and sister. The mental mechanisms that are set in place are so complex to keep themselves and others believing who they perceive themselves to be! Gosh, it must be exhausting being them!
I learned the extremely hard way after years of enduring my malignant npd ex husband’s abuse that everytime his lips were moving a lie and more gaslighting was coming out and don’t ever try to reason with insanity as you end up looking like the insane one
I was with my ex narc almost twenty years. So much betrayal and lies piled on top of lies. Finding out about his obsession with young girls I knew I had to leave, he chose this time to bring out that he had been sexually assaulted by an older neighborhood boy when he was young. Whether it is true or not, I really don't know but he pulled that out to be used it as a manipulation tool for me to feel sorry for him. After I left he apparently had a mental breakdown, I don't know if that was true either! They'll stop at nothing to get their desired reaction from you. He thought he knew how to get my forgiveness through engineering empathy in me as he had done so many times before but this time, I figured him out!! Knowledge is power.
Sounds so familiar. The Narc I knew claimed to be sexually abused. Not sure if it was even true. When I brought it up years later, he denied anything happened.
@@misskay5459 If it were true when you brought up the subject his reply would have been "I don't care to discuss it at the moment". To say that it never happened was pure manipulation for whatever he was going to benefit from you.
It’s actually quite likely that it was true . Narcissists have been abused as children in some form or another. Not necessarily obvious abuse it can also be emotional neglect , smothering and spoiling, absentee parents not all abuse is as obvious as sexual abuse but many narcissists have been sexually abused as children. It’s possible it was one of the rare times she told you something true
I told him several times that he believes his own lies, including in my last correspondence with him via email ending the relationship. Ironically, when caught in a BIG lie I called him out on he responded with "I don't know how you think you're "entitled" to feel that way. You are "delusional!". I hung up on him. Projection much?!?! He immediately called me back, knowing he had gone too far and began grovelling, back stepping, gaslighting, full well knowing I had nailed him and trying to talk his way out of it. I gave him an earful leaving him totally silent and aware he just lost his "supply". So sad, too bad, for him, nope I was right and nailed it! The beginning of the end of the relationship for me, enough had become enough...and trust me...his paybacks became a b*tch! I believe his intelligence his high enough that he knew he blew it. He amped up the games but my eyes were now wide open and my level of intelligence was higher than his. Too bad that trauma bonding makes it tough, very tough, to cut the chord but I did!
"Not true, but believe what you want" "I'm sorry you feel that way". Typical I know that you know what I have been doing, saying responses, but still to selfish and cowardly to end our pain and distress and just be honest.
@@natashastewart8203 which is why we have to end it for ourselves. They could give a flying fawk about causing pain. After all, that's why they're here, doing the devil's work.
Kat Has Faith: Well done! The thing is, once your eyes are open you can’t go back and it becomes all Crystal clear to you. Then you are cured from the trauma bondig but hell it takes à lot of time and effort. You did it!
Brilliant.. I’ve experienced this myself in others. Feeling like you’re in the twilight zone, with another person. It’s all mind .. when you’re around someone who’s Connected, you can feel it, just as much as you can feel when someone isn’t quite down to earth.
Who could love someone that treats them THIS BAD? Nope. I spent a total of 53 years with this awful man. I stopped loving him decades before I finally threw him out and divorced him. PURE EVIL.
JLS same for me. I had credible death threats made, by my own so-called “family”, who forced me to flee and go into hiding. There was never love from them, ever. I only want their total absence from my life, forever.
@ JLS ...if that's not proof enough. You went through it "53" years! They only get worse as they get older. They need to add to their strategies because everyone ages along with them and are not as naive as they once were. Sick, sick games!
Wow this exchange super toxic, keep in mind your words are public. To see anyone so embittered, it’s really hard to watch.. just a reminder. God Bless your souls.. you’ll need it.
@enFuego. These people who have recounted their stories have suffered years of narcissistic abuse and have endured toxic situations for YEARS and for you to come along and call their exchange toxic is quite dismissive. And they for you to try to hide under the cloak of God pretending good intentions? You sure sound like the narcissist to me. Good Day.
After having gone through this narcissistic abuse, it helps to understand the mechanics of the gaslighting as they rewrite the narratives. A realistic perspective of why it is near impossible to attain any lasting progress in these relationships. As for the dress, I noticed briefly, that you looked professional and wearing a classically tailored dress, however, I found the presentation of this valuable content to be, no less than riveting! @The Enlightened Target, you bring a wealth of applicable knowledge to a very hurting community; thus facilitating much healing as we apply this information 🌟✨🕯
When lying is your default setting then you don't give it a second thought. Somebody should put out a video titled "Do narcissists know when they are telling the truth?"
Thank you for straight to the point explanation. What i cant wrap my mind around, is that they get away with it all the time, not feeling consequences, people mostly dont correct or oppose them because they see it only makes things worse, or they are too scared to oppose them, or they just leave them be “its not about you, do dont take it to heart” approach. So basically these people walk around tolerated, never corrected or approached on their crazy behaviour, and they get away with anything, but normal good healthy people are the ones who carry burden, have to research how to heal, how to forgive etc. which is very overbalanced, because there got to be something in life that gives naracissists a wake up call or at least challenge them, i think the only one who can deal with them is God who goes straight to their inner wounds with healing.
Great Video! I have a narc sister that has told so many destructive lies about me to everyone. One day I asked my mom why she keeps lying about me and events that never happened. My mom told me that she believes the lies are truth. I didn't understand, but now I do. Thank you!
100% right and very well explained. I've seen this for 23 years. She constantly justified her horrible wrong-doings because she is entitled to, due to her being so special and unique. And that cognitive dissonance is real. Jill has been a tremendous help.
This answers my fundamental question, "Is he lying or does he actually believe what he's saying?" Thank you! This info has helped me more than any book I've read on subject.
Just like my x wife saying before she left she was trying everything to make our marriage work. But at the same time she was sleeping with someone else. Makes perfect sense now
@@chynadoll77cyn59 sorry to hear that! These people are sick! I've been through more in the past 2 years then I would ever want anyone to have to go through. I hope your healing goes well! Or at least as well as it can go. I have good days and bad days. If you ever need to chat and or vent I will be an open ear for you! God bless!
Omg so relateable ! My ex narc would always say how hard he tryed to make it work with me how he tryed everything and how much he cared when in reality he did nothing to make it work apart from breadcrumbs of sweet super short times mixed in with abuse
Excellent information. Thank you. It’s becoming easier for me to see people whose “thinking is off”. Maybe this is the distortion you were referring to. Often, it turns out that these people have characteristics of NPD, but I don’t discern those right away. But the “thinking is off” I can perceive quite rapidly.
I'm at the point where I don't care about them anymore I want to move on with my life but I have to stay away from all my friends that talk to her and tried to forgive which has not happened yet not when I'm damaged goods for the rest of my life never got closer I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder myself things like this make it really really bad I mean I can't even like my own family
Thank you. I posed this same question to my therapist recently. I was struggling with the scenario of the narcissist consciously engaging in his hurtful and destructive behaviors. While my therapist said something similar, it was more general . This was a wonderful, detailed answer. I needed to see this today. Thank you.
Being a scapegoat the narcissist targets & claim I am what they are just projection they are never gonna admit any wrong doing they always need someone to blame .
Strangely, I think it goes both ways with a narc. Some they believe and some are from defiance, which they have awareness of there manipulation of others.They do it so much!. Be save everyone.❤💖❤✌!
Were you speaking directly to me when you asked, "Does that make sense?" YES! And the distinction is vital for getting free of my own cognitive dissonance about the narc. Thank you, Jill!
My cognitive dissonance is driving me up the wall right now. It is such a prison. I want to believe so much that they are the person i once knew…or thought i did.
It's so wierd how they lie....making stuff up that never happened....like fabricating lies Intentionally...then maintaining them. Like , what a waste of time and energy.
Sometimes they make up stories to have a certain effect, and they change their story to obtain the Desiree effect so they know that their story is made up. My narc father once told me he told stories of grandeur to convince himself, because he found it hard to believe he did something good . So he kept telling over and over how people were over the moon about his achievements , which was partly true. It was his way of believing his own story about himself to feel better than he actually felt about himself. He answered me in that manier when I told him we already knew what he had achieved and that it was unnecessary to keep repeating it. Modesty is unknown to them because they need their big stories to suppress the constant dépression behind the mask of the false self. It took me years to figure it out, now I find it terribly predictible. I have stopped seeing him because it made me so miserable.
Their defense mechanism of contentment, absolutely reeks havoc on a normal person. If only people understood their behavior and why they’re doing it they wouldn’t take it so Personal and have complex PTSD, and Trauma. Education just like driving a car. The stuff should be in high school. If a narcissist feels threatened They will do crazy behaviors to protect themselves from the normal person.
My narcissistic eldest sister and her husband chased her sister in law out of her own home, smear campaigned her pit her mother against her, she lied to a judge and jury in court then had her sister in laws children taken away by CPS, the girl was beautiful, intelligent and likeable yet my sister destroyed her. A few years later my sister did similar to me chased me out of my home, pit family against me, gaslighting, mind games, manipulation tactics, bullied me and pit my own mother against me. I can't be controlled so she hates me and is trying to destroy me, i have had to get the police involved and now she has been hoovering again.
King Tiger and on the increase, thanks to social media and the constant media narrative that is pushed down our throats 24/7. Me-llennials have almost breathtaking levels of narcissism, and entitlement. It’s even been studied and documented in peer reviewed research that each generation has become more narcissistic than the previous.
@@dotdashdotdash I agree with u 100. I don't resonate with many people, and especially the Me-lleninals. Ugh, these brats nowadays are absolutely pathetic. So, mouthy, so lazy, so disrespectful to the maximum. Besides them, people in general are pathetic. There are literally narcissists EVERYWHERE!! My job is full of narcissists. Everywhere i go narcissists. Half my family narcissists. I am deeply spiritual so I dont resonate with them, or thr fake media, and their fear mongering false narrative they shove down our throats. People are so brainwashed, by narcissists, and the false fear narrative that they believe it. It's a sad, evil controlled world we live in. Its corrupted, and fortunately this is gonna change!! Praise God, and the light!🙏✝️💙
@@kingtiger836 Met so many making accusations about me online when they don't take a look in the mirror .They just keep pointing fingers saying I'm the problem ! They just paint a negative picture .
@@craig3714 yep, me too! People, besides being narcissistic, are heavily opinion, bipartisan, asleep, and egotistical sheeple. People are so brainwashed by the fake news media, fake social media, and by their own evil controlled egos that they would never consider that they are part of the actual problem, no way. It's a blessing, and a curse, both, being an awakened individual.
@@kingtiger836 I believe most of the flyin munkeez are sheeple they believe whatever my narc family & neighbors say they cannot think for themselves they just hop on the bandwagon with the bullshit smear campaign .
Narcissists never, ever change. I know I lived with one for 40 years. I felt like I was always swimming against the tide, the harder I tried the stronger the opposition to anything and everything. I “worked”very hard towards understanding his contradicting behavior, his extraordinary need to be right. The truth is that I gave him the power and I became totally dependent or codependent of him. Eventually “reality” became unbearably clear and I was done. Forgive yourself for your blindness and leave sooner than later!
olympia zinni Oh your post is my story. I was in for 48 years. It was amazing the day I found video on covert narcissism. A light went on in my brain and I will never forget the knowledge I learned. I threw him out the next day. When I start questioning myself and feel depressed it is my cue to pull up another video. Then I am as good as new again.
Brenda Hilgert , you are FREE! Don’t ever question what you know is the truth. Don’t feel depressed, congratulate yourself that you are alive and ready to enjoy every minute of your life. Open the windows, get out the door, smile and be happy because you’re FREE!!!
Worse thing is when the narc is a liar and a hypocrite, just got out of a very abusive , controlling relationship, I'm 20 years in give take a few splits and no they don't change just for the worse .. the lies coming out his mouth is awful but head up as I'm am out out of this for good the final time . Your videos is my therapy atm thank you
They do it because they really believe it, as they are deeply hurt inside from their childhood and parents & it's simply a subconscious defense-mechanism which throughout life turns them into these illusive types of personalities! They know it deep inside, but their ego is so huge & trained from childhood in unusual believes - positive & negative - depending on each individual experiences! That's why they're sometimes real and most of the time with a mask - deep inside it's missing childhood love or narcissistic parents as well. Still look at it both ways - those people who want to heal it - great. Those who don't - run, as it can be really dangerous at certain levels!
My boyfriend is a narcissist. Sometimes he makes me feel loved but then when I have an issue about something, he makes everything my fault. If I end up getting upset and start crying, he doesn't want to comfort me. Instead he blocks me out completely and he shifts our issues as my fault. He makes me doubt myself. I can never tell when he's telling the truth or lying to me. He as lied to about many things but at times I get sad about it. When I try to have a healthy conversation about it, he turns it toxic by turning it against me. I don't know if I'll be okay being apart of a narcissistic family one day. Since I can barely keep myself together. Part of me wants to go as far away as from him but another want to stay because he can get better but he won't. It doesn't help when I'm on the edge of just leaving he tells me, he needs me then I fall into the same toxic cycle.
He lied about where he went to school. He lied about what he did at work, and why he was increasingly marginalized - all their fault. He lied about people he hurt - all their fault. He lied about "working for the CIA and NSA pro bono" (yes, in front of a judge, wtf?!) He lied about why friends deserted him - all their fault. He lied about his infidelities. He lied when he denied the awful things he did to me - all my fault. He lied and lied and lied. Yup - superhuman levels of cognitive distortion. He made me miserable and crazy and drove me to drink. Since I left? All better! I'm not miserable, crazy, or drunk! Those of you in this kind of horrible web, take a lesson and RUN!!! Literally, for your life.
It may be better to describe the narc ego as "sensitive" instead of "fragile". Sensitive covers their reactions, but fragile implies delicacy and lack of strength. I think their egos are strong (and destructive) but very sensitive... but -- anything but fragile.
What amazes me is I have a relative that has convinced another one how terrible I am. Conversely anyone that knows me see through it. My problem is I have no immediate family of my own. I have a lot of $$ and I just can’t see leaving it to one that lies and one that believes, so I guess my fortune goes to a good charity. It’s a shame I don’t want to leave it to my only niece that doesn’t give me the time of day. The Narcissist can ruin other people’s life in oh so many ways!😢
My narc ex convinced my daughter that I was the one who caused his affair, and to make a long story short, she hasn't spoken to me for 7 years. She won't answer a text, call, or email. He's painted me to be a psycho to everyone we knew. It's hard to get through it, I'm still not healed. Maybe never will be.
Mine lied about sending my next door neighbour even though I had the messages she had sent me! I literally had to shove them in his face to get him to admit it lol looked like it was agony for him to admit it 😂
"They just don't care enough to make the necessary changes . . . " It's hard to accept that someone you love (or once loved) so much cares so little about you but I think Jill is right. They just don't care. It's not personal. That's the thing to keep in mind. They don't care about anyone -- except maybe the new source of supply they are chasing or the old source of supply they are hovering. Those are the only times they "care" about someone else. They are vampires.
The narcissist only cares about someone in that its what that person can do for them or give them. It can be prestige (if the supply is a popular or well known person), money, or social standing. The narcissist will not see you as a person but as someone who can benefit them.
It’s true. They make promises during hoovering and you realize those exact things they were unwilling to do for you when you were with them. It’s a manipulation.
My Ex actually went into court telling the novel of lies she had been making up for years. My barrister pretty quickly proved her wrong on everything she had accused me of. What annoyed me the most is the court never seemed to look down on her or question her on her lies. Even though in the court order it is reported that she was ‘Very Unreliable’. I was still looked down upon through the entire experience.
She was told that she wasn't suitable to be president of a local volunteer club. She reacted by blaming her advisors for blocking her and boy, the fury that followed! Yes a very fragile ego was trying to be protected. My friendship with her evaporated as I at last saw her for who she truly is.
Sometimes they believe their lies. Sometimes their lies are just gaslit games designed to pervert your sense of reality, keeping you off balance, uncertain and anxious. Sometimes their lies are just for their amusement; Dupers' delight. I know something that you don't. Sometimes their lies are temperature checks to see where you are on a subject, a concept or a story that they'll return to down the line. IDK if this is true? but I've heard their experience of guilt and shame is almost like physical pain. Something they'll avoid at all costs. A preposterous lie is better than accepting they're a cheating sleaze; A truth that would spoil their oh so perfect false persona. Liar!! Liar!! Your pants are a raging inferno!!
I think my narcissist transcended into a sociopath as a result of a narcissistic injury after I divorced him. He’s even started a RUclips channel smearing me and saying he’s a victim of abuse as well as charging unsuspecting individuals for counseling. Some of his clients have posted in other RUclipsrs comments they’ve been sexual with him. So so sick! It’s like I’m living a Lifetime movie and just want to live a normal drama free life. When does it finally stop?
hmm... I don't think they ever stop. My mother smears my dad 16 years after their divorce she still won't stop. Huge narc injury when my dad initiated the divorce. Hmm.. It gets easier to ignore. People see through them eventually! Stay true to you 🙏🏾
It stops when you go completely no contact. Don't watch his RUclips channel, don't look at any of his social media, and block him on everything. NO contact.
Wow you are really clearing things up. I'm new to your Channel. I was married to a very sick border line. He was diagnosed with malignant narcissistic disorder in college , but we were raised in different states so I didn't see it coming.. I didn't see the diagnosis. He told me shortly after marrying him that he could pass a lie detector test if he believed what he was saying was even if he was lying.🥺 something about the fingertips and the Brain You are so right. There are layers of sickness. I wasted 25 years of my life with a psychopath. Good riddance to him for 10 years. Unfortunately, that stuff is genetic.
Jill, I don't know how to help a friend. His father is a Narcissist/Sociopath & it's as if he can not let go of the drama, he was treated so unfairly & all he has done is relive it over & over again. Can you make me understand why he doesn't just tell him the heck off to his face, ask him to change & if not, block him on all platforms? He has actually lost touch of fulfilling his own happiness. Why are children of narcissist so obsessed with the narcissist parent? I'm finding this disturbing.
I hope that they believe their lies. My mother is a narc who always accused me of saying disgusting things, things that would never even have entered my head. Then I received tortuous physical punishment for things she 'heard'. These episodes were so horrendous and spin chilling, I hope she really believed her lies otherwise she was just a cruel ??? I can't even think of a word to describe this.
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My mother is a Narcissist. Everyone feels sorry for her because she grew up poor and uneducated. She gets away with making my life difficult bc I'm educated intelligent and overall am a good person vs her. So many haters that I have to deal with. So many stupid people. I hate being a minority in this country. No I'm not black.
@@judyscheiber3661 of course they lie. they are parasites posing as partners, parents, and friends. demonic parasite that are not humans. humans do not parasite
When I would record my Ex. talking and then play it back when they changed their story she would then take away my tape player and smash it. I went through a lot of tape players before I gave up.
My mother believed all her lies, including the ones where she COMPLETELY rewrote history. For example, I worked every summer as a kid, starting with a full time babysitting job when I was 14. Her account of my childhood was that I "never" worked. I could hunt down witnesses, but what would it matter? Another false accusation would only take its place. I was "bad" for leaving, and "bad" for trying to please her. I started planning my escape as soon as I learned that running away from home to try to find a family that would love me was never going to happen because everyone else was snowed. She knew she didn't mistreat others as she did me, but neglected to take into account that she forgave herself her own trespasses, and cultivated the false impressions of others. I saw her true face, and she really did think of me as an extension of herself. Like that entitled her.
The whole being of the narcissist is just sad and pathetic, their whole life is just one big cowardly joke, it's a life wasted in a dark fantasy world of fake grandiosity, the best thing you can ever do is go no contact regardless if they are your parent, spouse, friend, any relationship is not worth it with these people.
He never said sorry or show remorse, and the times that I tried to explain that what he did and said was very painful his answer was always "I will always tell or say the truth to you", "Do you want me to lie to you?"..... How is that insulting and humiliating me every time is telling "The Truth" ....so, I never received an apology from him including during the hoovering periods and by exhaustion manytimes I was at the end the one asking for forgiveness ☹
I personally feel like most narcs are neither aware OR unaware they're lying. Their minds and intentions don't branch out past their own desires and percieved needs. In other words, they're too self absorbed to even consider what they're doing and if it's wrong, they just know what they need to do to feel/be in control. Which they also don't seem to understand or realize- their need to feel and be in control.
Projection is the issue, they believe everybody is playing games & therefore they’re winners of their own game.. some are aware they’re manipulative fakes, less intelligent ones don’t have any insight, the covert ones are more intelligent, premeditated sadists who know they wear a masks to blend in.
I strongly believe they DO believe the lies they tell everyone else are the truth or close enough to the truth, perhaps an exaggeration at most. That’s my experience. No matter how many facts you present to discredit their lies, nothing will crack their confidence in their “story!” They will consistently swear that the green grass in front of you both is purple and you are downright crazy for thinking it’s green
When my dad died, my mum said things like, "No wonder your dad didn't wake up from his coma having a shitty daughter like you.. Aww your poooor daaaaad" Even though me and my dad were best friends and they had been divorced for 20 years, she knew nothing about my relationship with my dad. But because your in raw grief, your so vulnerable and you do the what ifs. So, hearing these kind of comments literally nearly killed me. Not only has she never been remorseful, she went on to tell everyone that in actual fact it was me who said stuff about her dad (my grandad). I knew she told this lie in order to justify the vile things she was saying to me about my dead dad, like well she said this first kind of thing. Everyone believes her which is sad. The lie has gone on for 2 years and I truly believe shes taken it so far that she now actually believes her own lie. She has managed to completely diminish her mental abuse towards me and now shes the victim. It's shocking! Had to lock her and her flying monkeys off! It's always so malicious and calculated and if you dont run for the hills you will go insane with all the blindsiting.
Wellll...I still believe when my narc ex husband committed insurance fraud (multiple times in a variety of situations) he knew he was lying because he kept details hidden from me. I did catch him early in one of these ventures and told him he better fix it immediately or I would turn him in. He undid it - and complained for years. I should have turned him in. (It took me a couple of times to realize what was going on) I think he believed some of his distortions/lies, but he was brilliant - not wise, but very intelligent, and could really plan elaborate crap. He did feel that the insurance companies owed him money because of all the fees he'd paid over the years. Maybe that's the lie he believed.
My mom did this to me. She would say "you were too young to remember that. By the way it happened this way". Funny thing is I remember from 2 to 4 in spurts and completely from 5 on. My mom a covert Narcissist.
"Don't focus on the narcissist. Narcissists don't change. They only get worse. Focus on what you can change- yourself" 💙
Being antisocial NPD, HPD I got much worse. I tell the truth incognito only, well mostly.
When caught in a lie, my narcissist would tell another lie to get out of it. When I exposed that as a lie as well, she would then mix another lie with a little bit of truth. It was a sad thing to witness.
Yessss absolutely soooooo ridiculous they think we believe their lies we r 2 s.art 4 that
Once you found them out lying you can’t go back to believing them. They cut their own flesh with that. I have once been in the same situation. You cut off one bullshit argument then the next arrives. You cut that short, they dish up a complete new argument as false as the first. They keep trying to fool you. And finally he told me I didn’t love him anymore. So they believe when you stop believing them it’s the love that’s dead. It was not, but it’s impossible to stay with someone like that. Unfortunately the love dies very slowly or never at all. But you have to protect yourself. In the end you get really ill. And that doesn’t really cure either. Autoimmune diseases are caused by narcissistic abuse.
Mine would just lie or tell a story based on what little bit of facts you know. Once you find out more info that would contradict her lie. She would refuse to talk about it. I told you what happened and why and I don't want to keep repeating myself.
From my experience with a Narc is that their whole life consists of convincing you that they are something that they are not and that their "enemies" are something that they are not. It is like they are inviting you to live in their own "reality show" where they are the star and you are just a prop and if you do not do your part in their "show" you are discarded as an "enemy" and they look for someone else that will play the part of the "prop". Its always about them - forever.
👏Brilliant!
Yes very spot on. Miserable repetitive projection, pathological lying and triangulation.
Exactly.
Yep!
I know the "prop" feeling.
My covert sister lies about things she doesnt need to lie about. Its bizarre.
This prooves that they lie with no reason at all, just because it is who they are.
1. That dress is CUTE!
2. Thank you for this playlist regarding narcissists. I have recently been abused by one I believe to have these narcissistic tendencies, and these videos have completely put my mind at ease.
Five major characteristics differentiate a normal person from a narcissistic one.1. Ego. 2.Fictional creation and construction of conditions, situations, things , people, always according to their very best interest, no matter the type of that. 3. Constant presentation of a faultless , mistake free character. 4. Total lack of empathy, self criticism, self evaluation, self correction. 5. Manipulation and exploitation. As always correct and on point material Jill.
Spot on!!!! They do believe their own distortions & narrative.
But when they are gaslighting they know what they are saying is not true.
Beautiful, wise and empathic..
You are a dying breed and a breath of fresh air..
I get that there are times they believe exactly what they're saying, but I also know from experience 26 years with an narc husband he definitely knows when he is lying, he will purposely say I'm going here or I'm doing this, look me right in the face walk out the door knowing that's not where he's going or not what he's doing, and then doesn't tell me about the other things that he's going to be doing! Or he'll say I'll be right back, knowing he's going to take 6 hours, so he knows he's lying! I'm sure on other things he really thinks he's right, but there's a lot of times he knows damn well he's not! But of course he'll always justify everything and usually his justification is me, the scape goat, an of course its my fault the target! But as usual your video was totally awesome and of course right on! And thank you it did help me!
@ kellie cole WOW! That phrase "I will be right back", was the first trigger for me in my ex relationship with a Narc. I called him out on it, so every cycle he used another new phrase. When he started the discard, he would just walk out the door & return without a word to me as if I wasnt there.
I would always get the same thing with my ex husband leaving the house and never telling me where he was for hours . Naturally his sadistic actions would provoke a reaction and down the rabbit hole argument from me
And his pathological lying gaslighting and blameshifting would always follow
With me as his skapegoat
Oh my goodness! My ex would sometimes call and say he would be home in 15 minutes...then show up 7 hours later at 3 in the morning. I never asked where he was because i knew it would be a Lie.
I am soo blessed he is my EX!
I aggree I think it’s a mix of believing their own lies and sometimes knowing full well they are lying, it will vary to the degrees of how much they believe their lies and how much they are aware they’re lying from one narcissist to the next. Also it can happen that when they first tell the lie they are aware they’re lying but after they’ve told it many times and time has past they actually start believing it as the truth. I think also the closer to the antisocial personality disorder end of the narc spectrum they are , the more they are consciously aware they are lying . Also the grandiose/ overt narcissists believe their lies far more than the vulnerable or covert narcissists who often have a lot. Ore times of awareness that what they are saying is far from the reality , where as a grandiose narcissist believe his idealised self completely . Also I’ve observed that narcissists can have brief windows of realising the truth and even admitting ( though it’s a rare occurance ) to a lie but they quickly deny it later and act like they never admitted to it. Sort of like sometimes their self delusional is pierced and for a brief moment they see reality but quickly throw back on their fake maritime because the truth doesn’t please them or serve their agenda. I have experienced my ex narcissist admitting to a tiny part or some of the truth because it serves him in that situation to do so eg If he needed to convince me or others that he is capable of admitting fault but then with shortly after deny he ever said that. Or another example is if admitting a tiny bit of a hurtful thing he did could he used for ever and a day to prev that he’s too honest because the hurtful truth resulting in me being angry or upset . Or if it would mean
He could get me to believe he was capable of honesty .
This was very deep and so beyond accurate to my experiences with narc ex and sister. The mental mechanisms that are set in place are so complex to keep themselves and others believing who they perceive themselves to be! Gosh, it must be exhausting being them!
I learned the extremely hard way after years of enduring my malignant npd ex husband’s abuse that everytime his lips were moving a lie and more gaslighting was coming out
and don’t ever try to reason with insanity as you end up looking like the insane one
So true
My wife said she was sexual abused as child, but it very hard to believe what she tells me because she lies all the time.
I was with my ex narc almost twenty years. So much betrayal and lies piled on top of lies. Finding out about his obsession with young girls I knew I had to leave, he chose this time to bring out that he had been sexually assaulted by an older neighborhood boy when he was young. Whether it is true or not, I really don't know but he pulled that out to be used it as a manipulation tool for me to feel sorry for him. After I left he apparently had a mental breakdown, I don't know if that was true either! They'll stop at nothing to get their desired reaction from you. He thought he knew how to get my forgiveness through engineering empathy in me as he had done so many times before but this time, I figured him out!! Knowledge is power.
@@crystaljean522 Thank you for sharing your story 🙏. These are some really wicked and sick people.
Sounds so familiar. The Narc I knew claimed to be sexually abused. Not sure if it was even true. When I brought it up years later, he denied anything happened.
@@misskay5459 If it were true when you brought up the subject his reply would have been "I don't care to discuss it at the moment". To say that it never happened was pure manipulation for whatever he was going to benefit from you.
It’s actually quite likely that it was true . Narcissists have been abused as children in some form or another. Not necessarily obvious abuse it can also be emotional neglect , smothering and spoiling, absentee parents not all abuse is as obvious as sexual abuse but many narcissists have been sexually abused as children. It’s possible it was one of the rare times she told you something true
off topic but that is a cute dress!
That what I said. It sure is ☺️
Thank you!!
Right.
Ha ha! I was going to say so too, such a hot librarian or teacher vibe! 💖🔥
Adorable! It's so nice to see dresses in stores again!
I told him several times that he believes his own lies, including in my last correspondence with him via email ending the relationship. Ironically, when caught in a BIG lie I called him out on he responded with "I don't know how you think you're "entitled" to feel that way. You are "delusional!". I hung up on him. Projection much?!?! He immediately called me back, knowing he had gone too far and began grovelling, back stepping, gaslighting, full well knowing I had nailed him and trying to talk his way out of it. I gave him an earful leaving him totally silent and aware he just lost his "supply". So sad, too bad, for him, nope I was right and nailed it! The beginning of the end of the relationship for me, enough had become enough...and trust me...his paybacks became a b*tch! I believe his intelligence his high enough that he knew he blew it. He amped up the games but my eyes were now wide open and my level of intelligence was higher than his. Too bad that trauma bonding makes it tough, very tough, to cut the chord but I did!
"Not true, but believe what you want" "I'm sorry you feel that way". Typical I know that you know what I have been doing, saying responses, but still to selfish and cowardly to end our pain and distress and just be honest.
@@natashastewart8203 which is why we have to end it for ourselves. They could give a flying fawk about causing pain. After all, that's why they're here, doing the devil's work.
Kat has Faith, the projection alone would've knocked me over!!!👺👿🤡
Kat Has Faith: Well done! The thing is, once your eyes are open you can’t go back and it becomes all Crystal clear to you. Then you are cured from the trauma bondig but hell it takes à lot of time and effort. You did it!
@@marjet2228 Actually I am still working on it...breaking the trauma bond I mean. But thank you for your support!
Brilliant.. I’ve experienced this myself in others. Feeling like you’re in the twilight zone, with another person. It’s all mind .. when you’re around someone who’s Connected, you can feel it, just as much as you can feel when someone isn’t quite down to earth.
Who could love someone that treats them THIS BAD? Nope. I spent a total of 53 years with this awful man. I stopped loving him decades before I finally threw him out and divorced him. PURE EVIL.
JLS same for me. I had credible death threats made, by my own so-called “family”, who forced me to flee and go into hiding. There was never love from them, ever. I only want their total absence from my life, forever.
Yes pure evil I left my husband of 33 years and now I’m in freedom
@ JLS ...if that's not proof enough. You went through it "53" years! They only get worse as they get older. They need to add to their strategies because everyone ages along with them and are not as naive as they once were. Sick, sick games!
Wow this exchange super toxic, keep in mind your words are public. To see anyone so embittered, it’s really hard to watch.. just a reminder.
God Bless your souls.. you’ll need it.
@enFuego. These people who have recounted their stories have suffered years of narcissistic abuse and have endured toxic situations for YEARS and for you to come along and call their exchange toxic is quite dismissive. And they for you to try to hide under the cloak of God pretending good intentions? You sure sound like the narcissist to me. Good Day.
After having gone through this narcissistic abuse, it helps to understand the mechanics of the gaslighting as they rewrite the narratives. A realistic perspective of why it is near impossible to attain any lasting progress in these relationships. As for the dress, I noticed briefly, that you looked professional and wearing a classically tailored dress, however, I found the presentation of this valuable content to be, no less than riveting! @The Enlightened Target, you bring a wealth of applicable knowledge to a very hurting community; thus facilitating much healing as we apply this information 🌟✨🕯
So well explained. Thank you so much.
When lying is your default setting then you don't give it a second thought.
Somebody should put out a video titled "Do narcissists know when they are telling the truth?"
lol! Omg so true! Love this
Thank you for straight to the point explanation. What i cant wrap my mind around, is that they get away with it all the time, not feeling consequences, people mostly dont correct or oppose them because they see it only makes things worse, or they are too scared to oppose them, or they just leave them be “its not about you, do dont take it to heart” approach. So basically these people walk around tolerated, never corrected or approached on their crazy behaviour, and they get away with anything, but normal good healthy people are the ones who carry burden, have to research how to heal, how to forgive etc. which is very overbalanced, because there got to be something in life that gives naracissists a wake up call or at least challenge them, i think the only one who can deal with them is God who goes straight to their inner wounds with healing.
Great Video! I have a narc sister that has told so many destructive lies about me to everyone. One day I asked my mom why she keeps lying about me and events that never happened. My mom told me that she believes the lies are truth. I didn't understand, but now I do. Thank you!
100% right and very well explained. I've seen this for 23 years. She constantly justified her horrible wrong-doings because she is entitled to, due to her being so special and unique. And that cognitive dissonance is real. Jill has been a tremendous help.
Jill, the cards metaphor really speaks to me. Your insights are so accessible. Thanks for all you do!
This answers my fundamental question, "Is he lying or does he actually believe what he's saying?"
Thank you! This info has helped me more than any book I've read on subject.
Thanks, Jill! This was very helpful!💕💕
Narcissist should be required to register as one as a neighborhood warning.
Then most of our political and religious leaders would have to register. That will never happen....
Yes
Just like my x wife saying before she left she was trying everything to make our marriage work. But at the same time she was sleeping with someone else. Makes perfect sense now
Mine too before he walked out with no closure, 4 months later he was engage , gave the girl my old ring .
@@chynadoll77cyn59 sorry to hear that! These people are sick! I've been through more in the past 2 years then I would ever want anyone to have to go through. I hope your healing goes well! Or at least as well as it can go. I have good days and bad days. If you ever need to chat and or vent I will be an open ear for you! God bless!
Omg so relateable ! My ex narc would always say how hard he tryed to make it work with me how he tryed everything and how much he cared when in reality he did nothing to make it work apart from breadcrumbs of sweet super short times mixed in with abuse
Excellent information. Thank you. It’s becoming easier for me to see people whose “thinking is off”. Maybe this is the distortion you were referring to. Often, it turns out that these people have characteristics of NPD, but I don’t discern those right away. But the “thinking is off” I can perceive quite rapidly.
From my experience, yes they do believe their own lies.
Also, they are very cleaver changing the narrative, when they may need to.
Their delusion is to use others for their convenience(when needed) and be accepted for who they are, users.
Facts 💯
Thank you !!
Narcs are horrible to be with. HORRIBLE
I'm at the point where I don't care about them anymore I want to move on with my life but I have to stay away from all my friends that talk to her and tried to forgive which has not happened yet not when I'm damaged goods for the rest of my life never got closer I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder myself things like this make it really really bad I mean I can't even like my own family
Thank you. I posed this same question to my therapist recently. I was struggling with the scenario of the narcissist consciously engaging in his hurtful and destructive behaviors. While my therapist said something similar, it was more general . This was a wonderful, detailed answer. I needed to see this today. Thank you.
They know they are lying but they don't care. It's their way of life. They lie and lie and lie to their end.
🤣
Shits a lifestyle😂😂
Not true most don’t know they are lying
A small amount of them are always aware they’re lying( antisocial end of the spectrum ) , most however believe their lies most of or a lot of the time
Being a scapegoat the narcissist targets & claim I am what they are just projection they are never gonna admit any wrong doing they always need someone to blame .
Craig The person closest to them gets the blame they cannot accept is really on themselves. I’ve seen it happen over and over.
@@marjet2228 Well I get the blame for everything . Why do they need a scapegoat ?
Facts
It feels like their lying is offensive and sadistic and not defensive and self-protective.
This is SO relevant for me right now! Thank you so much!! ❤️
I’ve always asked myself this and started to believe it!! Yes!
"Narcissist will not change but became worse " so true
Strangely, I think it goes both ways with a narc. Some they believe and some are from defiance, which they have awareness of there manipulation of others.They do it so much!. Be save everyone.❤💖❤✌!
Absolutely true
Another great video beautiful. Very interesting and informative - thank you 😊
Thankyou so much, great video really well explained. You make a lot of sense out of these very senseless beings. 🙏🍀💜
Amen to that!
Were you speaking directly to me when you asked, "Does that make sense?" YES! And the distinction is vital for getting free of my own cognitive dissonance about the narc. Thank you, Jill!
My cognitive dissonance is driving me up the wall right now. It is such a prison. I want to believe so much that they are the person i once knew…or thought i did.
P L how I overcame it... remember all those times they did evil to you? That is who they really are. Always remember that.
It's so wierd how they lie....making stuff up that never happened....like fabricating lies Intentionally...then maintaining them.
Like , what a waste of time and energy.
Sometimes they make up stories to have a certain effect, and they change their story to obtain the Desiree effect so they know that their story is made up.
My narc father once told me he told stories of grandeur to convince himself, because he found it hard to believe he did something good . So he kept telling over and over how people were over the moon about his achievements , which was partly true. It was his way of believing his own story about himself to feel better than he actually felt about himself. He answered me in that manier when I told him we already knew what he had achieved and that it was unnecessary to keep repeating it. Modesty is unknown to them because they need their big stories to suppress the constant dépression behind the mask of the false self. It took me years to figure it out, now I find it terribly predictible. I have stopped seeing him because it made me so miserable.
Their defense mechanism of contentment, absolutely reeks havoc on a normal person. If only people understood their behavior and why they’re doing it they wouldn’t take it so Personal and have complex PTSD, and Trauma. Education just like driving a car. The stuff should be in high school. If a narcissist feels threatened They will do crazy behaviors to protect themselves from the normal person.
My narcissistic eldest sister and her husband chased her sister in law out of her own home, smear campaigned her pit her mother against her, she lied to a judge and jury in court then had her sister in laws children taken away by CPS, the girl was beautiful, intelligent and likeable yet my sister destroyed her. A few years later my sister did similar to me chased me out of my home, pit family against me, gaslighting, mind games, manipulation tactics, bullied me and pit my own mother against me. I can't be controlled so she hates me and is trying to destroy me, i have had to get the police involved and now she has been hoovering again.
The sad fact of the matter is they are everywhere! Family, friends, work, random bullies on the streets. Always on the hunt for victims.
King Tiger and on the increase, thanks to social media and the constant media narrative that is pushed down our throats 24/7. Me-llennials have almost breathtaking levels of narcissism, and entitlement. It’s even been studied and documented in peer reviewed research that each generation has become more narcissistic than the previous.
@@dotdashdotdash I agree with u 100. I don't resonate with many people, and especially the Me-lleninals. Ugh, these brats nowadays are absolutely pathetic. So, mouthy, so lazy, so disrespectful to the maximum. Besides them, people in general are pathetic. There are literally narcissists EVERYWHERE!! My job is full of narcissists. Everywhere i go narcissists. Half my family narcissists. I am deeply spiritual so I dont resonate with them, or thr fake media, and their fear mongering false narrative they shove down our throats. People are so brainwashed, by narcissists, and the false fear narrative that they believe it. It's a sad, evil controlled world we live in. Its corrupted, and fortunately this is gonna change!! Praise God, and the light!🙏✝️💙
@@kingtiger836 Met so many making accusations about me online when they don't take a look in the mirror .They just keep pointing fingers saying I'm the problem ! They just paint a negative picture .
@@craig3714 yep, me too! People, besides being narcissistic, are heavily opinion, bipartisan, asleep, and egotistical sheeple. People are so brainwashed by the fake news media, fake social media, and by their own evil controlled egos that they would never consider that they are part of the actual problem, no way. It's a blessing, and a curse, both, being an awakened individual.
@@kingtiger836 I believe most of the flyin munkeez are sheeple they believe whatever my narc family & neighbors say they cannot think for themselves they just hop on the bandwagon with the bullshit smear campaign .
Narcissists never, ever change. I know I lived with one for 40 years. I felt like I was always swimming against the tide, the harder I tried the stronger the opposition to anything and everything. I “worked”very hard towards understanding his contradicting behavior, his extraordinary need to be right. The truth is that I gave him the power and I became totally dependent or codependent of him. Eventually “reality” became unbearably clear and I was done. Forgive yourself for your blindness and leave sooner than later!
olympia zinni Oh your post is my story. I was in for 48 years. It was amazing the day I found video on covert narcissism. A light went on in my brain and I will never forget the knowledge I learned. I threw him out the next day. When I start questioning myself and feel depressed it is my cue to pull up another video. Then I am as good as new again.
Brenda Hilgert , you are FREE! Don’t ever question what you know is the truth. Don’t feel depressed, congratulate yourself that you are alive and ready to enjoy every minute of your life. Open the windows, get out the door, smile and be happy because you’re FREE!!!
Worse thing is when the narc is a liar and a hypocrite, just got out of a very abusive , controlling relationship, I'm 20 years in give take a few splits and no they don't change just for the worse .. the lies coming out his mouth is awful but head up as I'm am out out of this for good the final time .
Your videos is my therapy atm thank you
I really like the way you explain this. Really good. Thank you.
Damn shame how a person can believe their owns lies.
They do it because they really believe it, as they are deeply hurt inside from their childhood and parents & it's simply a subconscious defense-mechanism which throughout life turns them into these illusive types of personalities! They know it deep inside, but their ego is so huge & trained from childhood in unusual believes - positive & negative - depending on each individual experiences!
That's why they're sometimes real and most of the time with a mask - deep inside it's missing childhood love or narcissistic parents as well.
Still look at it both ways - those people who want to heal it - great. Those who don't - run, as it can be really dangerous at certain levels!
Bet explanation on the Internet! Great job!
They live in a fantasy world where they are the victims
Really appreciate your in-depth psychological analysis. So helpful in understanding if I can get inside their psyche. Great presentation! Thank you!
They live inside a bubble of their own lies.
Thank you this was so informative and eye opening!! LOVENJOI 💕💕💕
My boyfriend is a narcissist. Sometimes he makes me feel loved but then when I have an issue about something, he makes everything my fault. If I end up getting upset and start crying, he doesn't want to comfort me. Instead he blocks me out completely and he shifts our issues as my fault. He makes me doubt myself. I can never tell when he's telling the truth or lying to me. He as lied to about many things but at times I get sad about it. When I try to have a healthy conversation about it, he turns it toxic by turning it against me. I don't know if I'll be okay being apart of a narcissistic family one day. Since I can barely keep myself together. Part of me wants to go as far away as from him but another want to stay because he can get better but he won't. It doesn't help when I'm on the edge of just leaving he tells me, he needs me then I fall into the same toxic cycle.
Babe I hope you managed to escape.
He lied about where he went to school. He lied about what he did at work, and why he was increasingly marginalized - all their fault. He lied about people he hurt - all their fault. He lied about "working for the CIA and NSA pro bono" (yes, in front of a judge, wtf?!) He lied about why friends deserted him - all their fault. He lied about his infidelities. He lied when he denied the awful things he did to me - all my fault. He lied and lied and lied. Yup - superhuman levels of cognitive distortion. He made me miserable and crazy and drove me to drink. Since I left? All better! I'm not miserable, crazy, or drunk! Those of you in this kind of horrible web, take a lesson and RUN!!! Literally, for your life.
It may be better to describe the narc ego as "sensitive" instead of "fragile". Sensitive covers their reactions, but fragile implies delicacy and lack of strength. I think their egos are strong (and destructive) but very sensitive... but -- anything but fragile.
What amazes me is I have a relative that has convinced another one how terrible I am. Conversely anyone that knows me see through it. My problem is I have no immediate family of my own. I have a lot of $$ and I just can’t see leaving it to one that lies and one that believes, so I guess my fortune goes to a good charity. It’s a shame I don’t want to leave it to my only niece that doesn’t give me the time of day. The Narcissist can ruin other people’s life in oh so many ways!😢
My narc ex convinced my daughter that I was the one who caused his affair, and to make a long story short, she hasn't spoken to me for 7 years. She won't answer a text, call, or email. He's painted me to be a psycho to everyone we knew. It's hard to get through it, I'm still not healed. Maybe never will be.
Victoria Bolton . You truly are in need of a good person around you. Maybe an angel.
@@bls837 Thanks, I appreciate your comment.
Mine lied about sending my next door neighbour even though I had the messages she had sent me! I literally had to shove them in his face to get him to admit it lol looked like it was agony for him to admit it 😂
"They just don't care enough to make the necessary changes . . . " It's hard to accept that someone you love (or once loved) so much cares so little about you but I think Jill is right. They just don't care. It's not personal. That's the thing to keep in mind. They don't care about anyone -- except maybe the new source of supply they are chasing or the old source of supply they are hovering. Those are the only times they "care" about someone else. They are vampires.
The narcissist only cares about someone in that its what that person can do for them or give them. It can be prestige (if the supply is a popular or well known person), money, or social standing. The narcissist will not see you as a person but as someone who can benefit them.
No they never care about anyone
It’s true. They make promises during hoovering and you realize those exact things they were unwilling to do for you when you were with them. It’s a manipulation.
This is very helpful. Thank you for this resource for better understanding.
My Ex actually went into court telling the novel of lies she had been making up for years. My barrister pretty quickly proved her wrong on everything she had accused me of.
What annoyed me the most is the court never seemed to look down on her or question her on her lies. Even though in the court order it is reported that she was ‘Very Unreliable’. I was still looked down upon through the entire experience.
These p o s are everywhere unfortunately. The fact there are so many in the 'justice' system is scary.
As a person that has experienced one .they sure do!
Great job and thank you. 😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
She was told that she wasn't suitable to be president of a local volunteer club. She reacted by blaming her advisors for blocking her and boy, the fury that followed! Yes a very fragile ego was trying to be protected. My friendship with her evaporated as I at last saw her for who she truly is.
Thanks Jill 😊
Thank you 👍
Sometimes they believe their lies.
Sometimes their lies are just gaslit games designed to pervert your sense of reality, keeping you off balance, uncertain and anxious.
Sometimes their lies are just for their amusement; Dupers' delight. I know something that you don't.
Sometimes their lies are temperature checks to see where you are on a subject, a concept or a story that they'll return to down the line.
IDK if this is true? but I've heard their experience of guilt and shame is almost like physical pain. Something they'll avoid at all costs. A preposterous lie is better than accepting they're a cheating sleaze; A truth that would spoil their oh so perfect false persona.
Liar!! Liar!! Your pants are a raging inferno!!
And that's why they will be "weeping and gnashing their teeth" on their way to hell when Jesus tells them to DEPART FROM HIM at the Judgment .
Pretty much, yes!
A narc will piss on you and tell you it's just rain. Gotta laugh to keep from crying with a narc..
I think my narcissist transcended into a sociopath as a result of a narcissistic injury after I divorced him. He’s even started a RUclips channel smearing me and saying he’s a victim of abuse as well as charging unsuspecting individuals for counseling. Some of his clients have posted in other RUclipsrs comments they’ve been sexual with him. So so sick! It’s like I’m living a Lifetime movie and just want to live a normal drama free life. When does it finally stop?
hmm... I don't think they ever stop. My mother smears my dad 16 years after their divorce she still won't stop. Huge narc injury when my dad initiated the divorce. Hmm.. It gets easier to ignore. People see through them eventually! Stay true to you 🙏🏾
It stops when you go completely no contact. Don't watch his RUclips channel, don't look at any of his social media, and block him on everything. NO contact.
Wow you are really clearing things up. I'm new to your Channel. I was married to a very sick border line. He was diagnosed with malignant narcissistic disorder in college , but we were raised in different states so I didn't see it coming.. I didn't see the diagnosis. He told me shortly after marrying him that he could pass a lie detector test if he believed what he was saying was even if he was lying.🥺 something about the fingertips and the Brain
You are so right. There are layers of sickness. I wasted 25 years of my life with a psychopath. Good riddance to him for 10 years. Unfortunately, that stuff is genetic.
Excellent video.
I would suggest that HG Tudor's lesser/mid range/greater system explains even further the variables on this spectrum.
Their father, the devil, is the father of lies - so it's basically their second nature. It's all they know.
Jill, I don't know how to help a friend. His father is a Narcissist/Sociopath & it's as if he can not let go of the drama, he was treated so unfairly & all he has done is relive it over & over again. Can you make me understand why he doesn't just tell him the heck off to his face, ask him to change & if not, block him on all platforms? He has actually lost touch of fulfilling his own happiness. Why are children of narcissist so obsessed with the narcissist parent? I'm finding this disturbing.
You are wise , you are brilliant
Thank you very much 😥💔
"The crap that comes out of their mouths" 🤣🤣🤣
I hope that they believe their lies. My mother is a narc who always accused me of saying disgusting things, things that would never even have entered my head. Then I received tortuous physical punishment for things she 'heard'. These episodes were so horrendous and spin chilling, I hope she really believed her lies otherwise she was just a cruel ??? I can't even think of a word to describe this.
I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whatsapp +1(661) 485-5860 or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ?We have 2 kids together it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger..
Gotta love how depressing the next to last statement always is, then comes the “well ok 👌🏾!! Skippity hoppity do” that’s all folks see ya” 👋🏾 “ 😩😢😟
She said in another video that the narcisist knows exactly what they are doing!!! And deliberately!!!
My mother is a Narcissist. Everyone feels sorry for her because she grew up poor and uneducated. She gets away with making my life difficult bc I'm educated intelligent and overall am a good person vs her. So many haters that I have to deal with. So many stupid people. I hate being a minority in this country. No I'm not black.
they know that they are lying. they lie to continue abusing people
They enjoy lying and do so like the rest of us breathe.
@@judyscheiber3661 of course they lie. they are parasites posing as partners, parents, and friends. demonic parasite that are not humans. humans do not parasite
Love you Jill 💕🌹
When I would record my Ex. talking and then play it back when they changed their story she would then take away my tape player and smash it. I went through a lot of tape players before I gave up.
Both yes and no. They're well aware of themselves being liars usually. But at times they seem to gaslight themselves into believeing their own lies..
My mother believed all her lies, including the ones where she COMPLETELY rewrote history. For example, I worked every summer as a kid, starting with a full time babysitting job when I was 14. Her account of my childhood was that I "never" worked. I could hunt down witnesses, but what would it matter? Another false accusation would only take its place. I was "bad" for leaving, and "bad" for trying to please her. I started planning my escape as soon as I learned that running away from home to try to find a family that would love me was never going to happen because everyone else was snowed. She knew she didn't mistreat others as she did me, but neglected to take into account that she forgave herself her own trespasses, and cultivated the false impressions of others. I saw her true face, and she really did think of me as an extension of herself. Like that entitled her.
Yes they do believe their own lies! Sad
Very very informative.thank you so much.
The whole being of the narcissist is just sad and pathetic, their whole life is just one big cowardly joke, it's a life wasted in a dark fantasy world of fake grandiosity, the best thing you can ever do is go no contact regardless if they are your parent, spouse, friend, any relationship is not worth it with these people.
He never said sorry or show remorse, and the times that I tried to explain that what he did and said was very painful his answer was always "I will always tell or say the truth to you", "Do you want me to lie to you?"..... How is that insulting and humiliating me every time is telling "The Truth" ....so, I never received an apology from him including during the hoovering periods and by exhaustion manytimes I was at the end the one asking for forgiveness ☹
I personally feel like most narcs are neither aware OR unaware they're lying. Their minds and intentions don't branch out past their own desires and percieved needs. In other words, they're too self absorbed to even consider what they're doing and if it's wrong, they just know what they need to do to feel/be in control. Which they also don't seem to understand or realize- their need to feel and be in control.
Projection is the issue, they believe everybody is playing games & therefore they’re winners of their own game..
some are aware they’re manipulative fakes, less intelligent ones don’t have any insight, the covert ones are more intelligent, premeditated sadists who know they wear a masks to blend in.
I strongly believe they DO believe the lies they tell everyone else are the truth or close enough to the truth, perhaps an exaggeration at most. That’s my experience. No matter how many facts you present to discredit their lies, nothing will crack their confidence in their “story!” They will consistently swear that the green grass in front of you both is purple and you are downright crazy for thinking it’s green
Excellent!!!👌✨😅
When my dad died, my mum said things like, "No wonder your dad didn't wake up from his coma having a shitty daughter like you.. Aww your poooor daaaaad" Even though me and my dad were best friends and they had been divorced for 20 years, she knew nothing about my relationship with my dad. But because your in raw grief, your so vulnerable and you do the what ifs. So, hearing these kind of comments literally nearly killed me. Not only has she never been remorseful, she went on to tell everyone that in actual fact it was me who said stuff about her dad (my grandad). I knew she told this lie in order to justify the vile things she was saying to me about my dead dad, like well she said this first kind of thing. Everyone believes her which is sad.
The lie has gone on for 2 years and I truly believe shes taken it so far that she now actually believes her own lie. She has managed to completely diminish her mental abuse towards me and now shes the victim. It's shocking! Had to lock her and her flying monkeys off! It's always so malicious and calculated and if you dont run for the hills you will go insane with all the blindsiting.
Wellll...I still believe when my narc ex husband committed insurance fraud (multiple times in a variety of situations) he knew he was lying because he kept details hidden from me. I did catch him early in one of these ventures and told him he better fix it immediately or I would turn him in. He undid it - and complained for years. I should have turned him in. (It took me a couple of times to realize what was going on) I think he believed some of his distortions/lies, but he was brilliant - not wise, but very intelligent, and could really plan elaborate crap. He did feel that the insurance companies owed him money because of all the fees he'd paid over the years. Maybe that's the lie he believed.
I think they do believe the lies. They go on to cover one lie with another and another.
I don't pay my taxes voluntarily, but nobody's ever forced me to buy an insurance policy.
Distorted reality....YES
My mom did this to me. She would say "you were too young to remember that. By the way it happened this way". Funny thing is I remember from 2 to 4 in spurts and completely from 5 on. My mom a covert Narcissist.
I like your channel much.