Teacher story: That teacher is creepy AF and that's such a typical groomer phrase. The fact that the husband is defending him tells me he's probably also some sort of predator. No way you would let someone say that to your own daughter and find that normal. Husband is no better than that teacher. He shouldn't be allowed near his daughter either. He's probably the type to blame clothes and victims in grape cases. Absolutely disgusting
The man that won’t reciprocate with his wife anymore….he wants a caretaker for when he gets older and feels no need to try to put forth any effort. divorce.
The dude who got pissed at his wife about him not waking up is terrifying. She literally explained what happened, and he just started to yell at her? Locks her out of their room and then expects things to be normal? Mental illness is not an excuse to mistreat others, and you definitely can't expect someone you lashed out on to feel comfortable with just a crappy, delayed apology. Edit for Story 4: I find it concerning that the dad responded that way. Like I can't wrap my head around how he wasn't furious that a grown man made that comment to his underage daughter. Makes me wonder what comments he has made when his wife isn't around or the kind of friends he has. That's predator behavior.
Not only this but I'm listening to this again and his class is connected to a crime he committed. Plus, he said he's crappy when he gets woken up... Yeah, I wouldn't wake him either. Edit: This isn't to say that every criminal (or every crime) is inherently bad, only that we don't know the crime and thus don't know the class but it could be anger management in which case it sounds like he's failing
as someone with bipolar 1 and having been on a whole lot of meds for it: some medications especially mood stabilisers have a bunch of side effects that can cause shifts in behaviour. when i started lithium it turned me completely cold emotionally to the point of being very antisocial and almost pathologically numb while making me insanely irritable. i was lashing out at loved ones and generally just annoyed at anyone and anything for no reason. i’m not a violent or aggressive person at all,never have been and generally very conflict avoidant. i didn’t realise what was happening at first and ended up kinda freaked out about my lack of emotions. things normalised after the first few weeks thankfully but i can’t help and think this may have been a contributing factor to his behaviour. HOWEVER this is not an excuse to act like that and he absolutely needs to take accountability for his actions. he needs to work on himself and maybe talk to his psych about a possible med change. it is never an excuse or justification for violent actions but maybe a possible explanation.
It also sounds pretty scary for the wife that he was yelling "why why why?" at her over and over. Like, she went silent, then moved rooms, then locked herself in a room as he followed her yelling. And he doesn't seem to recognize that is some fucked up behavior
yeah that's why parentes need to stay vigilant, he's 1000% the kind of parent who would not believe their child if god forbid something did even happend demonstrated by his refusal to take this seriously.
Me too. My first relationship went on for 6 years and by like 3 years in things went downhill and I was miserable but the idea of ending the relationship was SO scary to me that I was willing to stay no matter how he treated me. He ended up ending the relationship with me and it is probably one of the BEST THING that has ever happened to me. I wish I'd understood back then that yeah, breakups are scary, but it is 1 million times better than being in a relationship that makes you miserable. Also, my parents split up a couple years ago and after spending some time apart they ended up getting back together and are infinitely happier together than they ever were before. Heartbreak is awful but it's often a hurdle to healing
First story, she is homophobic. If she is worried about people seeing the picture and others thinking they are dating, she is obviously insecure and will only cause problems in the future. The OP is amazing for offering to do that with his brother. The brother will appreciate that gesture the rest of his life. Having a supportive brother is extremely valuable, and he couldn’t be less of an AH in my opinion
Edit 1:04:20: They aren’t both benefitting from this experience. She’s forcing herself to get into the mood and it’s psychologically exhausting for her. He doesn’t want her to act like “she has to do this,” but he isn’t accepting that she doesn’t want to and he is refusing. Divorce saves lives! Yay divorce. Safe quick and easy divorce for everyone. Divorce keeps marriage sacred! Yay! ❤
Last story, it's fine for him to ask to watch, but as soon as she said no, he should have respected that instead of insisting and trying to invalidate her reasons to refuse
the domestic violence story- i am pre-menopausal, and i do get bouts of rage. HOWEVER, i am in therapy and am actively practicing coping skills to correct it! I take care of my elderly parents, so i cant afford to snap like that. Not only because i love them and my i would never resort to violence to begin with, but because an uncontrolled reaction would seriously hurt them ( they are 78&79). She has a daughter, a CHILD she is raising! And a husband with past trauma from abuse. He is valid in his feelings to want to divorce her
Story 7 - I totally get the wife. I don’t like people watching while I do stuff for myself bc no matter what I will be performing for them bc in reality doing it for myself takes a lot of focus and it’s pretty boring to watch. It would be totally awkward for me and I would not be relaxed if I was doing it seriously. He also needs to do his own research of how to be a good sexual partner. Also I wonder how much they’re communicating. Are they talking about what they like and don’t like? Because that can be foreplay as well. Sex should be fun, not an obligation and both parties should be excited to participate
Yeah I'm assuming there's zero foreplay going on here. I have a 3 year old and she sleeps in bed with me and my fiancé sleeps in another room, so I go to where he is to initiate sex (I have a higher sex drive in general than him and planning makes him feel pressure to perform) so I have a tiny purple bullet vibrator that I've used before going to have sex because 1) I know the chance I'll orgasm is higher if I use it immediately before or 2) it's more enjoyable after I orgasm and 3) because I'm waking him up and there's not much foreplay and I don't really like anyone's face between my legs. It's not my thing. But he's never complained about it, and I've let him use it while we have sex because he actually asks if it feels good or not, Shocker!
They also sounds like they're in the situation where him helping with the house or kids would practically be foreplay. She says she's tired, that the baby never sleeps through the night so neither does she, and that sex is a waste of time. Maybe show her you care about more than sex and she will have the energy to show an interest again.
yesss i totally get everything she’s saying. as someone afab, i struggle a lot with sex, and absolutely understand the need to “psych yourself up” for the act, and the feeling of pressure to perform for the partner if they’re in the room. not that sex isn’t fun, and that you can’t ever just let go while having it, but i find that a lot of men don’t really get how much it can be a performance and require a lot of mental energy and focus as a girl. i can empathize with where he’s coming from-that he feels left out and like she shouldn’t have to “psych herself up”-but it truly is not as about him as he thinks. [tho ur right, he should be more proactive about the house + kids because im sure that contributes]
Story 4. I use to work in education. I know of a teacher who was busted for certain images on his devices! Guess what grade level he taught? 4th grade! The images were about the same age group as he taught. His partner turned him in! Took the devices, went to the cops and handed it all over! You have NO IDEA the damage that was done to the reputation of the school! He was arrested and convicted. Barred from ever teaching again, can’t be near any kids. The school district I worked at does background checks. He was just never in trouble before this. My kids were in that school too! He got upset with one of them not wanting to participate in an after school program presentation. I was working and talking to my principal about something when my friend called me and told me she saw him pick up my kid and carry them. I put my badge on the principal’s desk and said, “I am not your employee right now, I am a mom. (Perv’s name) just picked up my kid and is carrying them back to the building! It’s on!” I walk fast down the little hallway and sure enough he’s got my kid and I said, “Put my kid down! NOW!” I walked up and told my kid to go back outside with my coworker and stay there. I looked around to make sure no one else could hear me, and went off. I made a report to my admin and to district officials. He was on the radar after that point on. Then his gf busted him and got turned in a few months later. For WEEKS of the new school year, my friend/coworker would get text messages all day long asking if their kids were safe in school. Having to calm parents down and make sure we kept an eye on male employees more. The men were so pissed, but understood why. They were just as protective as us women in the building. They were so mad! Dads were very watchful of their kids, especially their daughters. We were a small neighborhood school where everyone knew each other, so that was a great blow to our little safe school.
I love how the dumb husband in story 4 went from “it’s just a joke” to being scared the teacher would be violent and/or vindictive. Which is it? Is he a jokester or a whacko?? Can’t have it both ways! Report the teacher!
The way I gasped out loud at work after hearing the teacher's comment to the 4th grader, and then again at the reaction of the father of the child... 🤯. I would not only be reporting said teacher to the principal, school board, child/family services, I would be posting on social media and leaving my husband at the same time. "Going against my husband's wishes" foh with that bullshit.
Regarding the bonus story: I don’t like that OP is jealous of his wife’s private time. She’s not done literally sacrificing her body to carry, birth and nurse a child but all OP can focus on is her only enjoying sexual pleasure W/HIM. This is someone else nagging at her for access to her own body 🤦🏾♀️. He’s also indicating that her handling it alone is wrong when it’s natural& relaxing for her. Leave her alone! Let her breathe FFS
Right? My thoughts exactly She probably doesn't want to be judged for intimate things that helps her And thr "she says she doesn't have to worry about the face she's making wtc" tells me he probably focuses on himself the most during then didn't help her climax after like the considerate thing would have been
He also brushes off the fact that she's had MULTIPLE prolapses. Holy crow! I can understand why she'd not want to have sex when her body has required lots of therapy down there RECENTLY. He seems like he's thinking that since he has energy and his body is good to go, her should automatically be the same. No, boy. Bye.
Story 6: he needs to RUN!!! Nope! You run! I’m menopausal, and I don’t care how mad I get, I’m gonna go break something or scream some stuff in my room, but to do that?! No! Absolutely not! Grab your kid(s) and run! File a police report and get an order of protection for you and your kid(s)! Lawyer up and get your financials in order!
I can understand him not wanting to go that far that fast, but he can pack her a bag and tell her that they can work on reconciliation after she's worked with whatever doctors or therapists she needs to get herself back under control. She's a danger to her family until then.
My roommates 6 year old daughter was molested by a neighbor (the neighbor confessed to it via text) and we all cried our eyes out. Our sons were 11 and 12 and they were inconsolable. My roommate’s husband did not react. Seven years later the dad is watching his daughter take a showers. A father’s reaction is very telling.
As someone who is asexual, I want to clarify some things for y’all: Being asexual doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t like sex or have no libido; it simply means you don’t experience sexual attraction. Someone like the wife in Story 7 *could* be asexual, but she might just not enjoy having sex, which is completely valid (everyone’s experience with their sexuality is different). However, it’s very possible the wife *is* asexual and doesn’t have that attraction to her partner (which is why she prefers to have her own time beforehand). Obviously we can’t determine what the wife’s sexuality is from a single Reddit post, but thought it would be insightful to share my perspective as someone who is asexual and knows a lot of fellow aces. Love the podcast and hope y’all have a great rest of your day :)
But before the birth, she enjoyed the physical act. After she said it does not feel good physically. The only change was the physical trauma of the birth. Fix the body, knock some sense into the idiot husband, and things should go back to more towards her normal.
@@infjandcoping4614 We only heard from the husband, though. He wouldn't know if she's actually having fun or if she's pretending because this must be how everyone else feels. We can't tell from a reddit post from a husband what the wife's sexuality is. Edit: I just listened to the story again, not only do we only hear from him, but what we hear is him admitting that she barely ever orgasmed in a whole decade. It sounds like she only had sex with OP due to a sense of duty & commitment and to have the baby. According to what OP wrote, sex was never about his wife or even both of them. OP himself says that his wife said if he were there it wouldn't be about her anymore. That tells us a lot. (also the fact that parenting is mostly up to the wife... Yeah, partners become unattractive if you have children together and end up being the only one who takes care of the children.)
I once had an alarm clock that was on wheels. You could hit snooze once. The next time it went off it would roll off the table and run away from you, forcing you to get up to turn it off.
I absolutely love love love how the boys start by protecting the teacher like that’s a crazy difficult job. However the moment it was about a creepy dude they flipped on a dime! I love their support of teachers but also not blind support because some people stink and are creepers!
The guy in the bonus story doesn't seem very patient. He isn't giving his wife any time to get comfortable before he wants to be involved. Give it some time then talk to her about it.
I know it's been said before but I'll say it anyway - if I was trapped in an elevator with these guys, or anywhere for that matter, I would feel safe. They're like the big brothers you can call up when you want someone to get you bc some guy is being creepy AF. Sean's reaction to the teacher (all of their reactions really) but Sean's in particular just reassures me that there are people out there who won't let shit like that go unnoticed or not confronted. Kudos to the mom for taking it seriously. REPORT him please. Take the husband out of the equation too (we noticed, john)
The coffee cup story made me think of the story of my grandma and grandpa. This is when my grandparents were younger ( they were married), and my grandpa liked to drink occasionally, but sometimes it brought somethings out ( more verbal or what was on his mind). Anyway, something happened where he called my grandma a B. My grandma was so fed up that she cracked the mug in the back of the head. ( she was standing behind him when he said it) she knocked him out...
Story #4: I have a feeling that teacher may know that he, too, is switching schools and will be near this child for years. I absolutely agree that OP should leave. Any person who defends behavior like this teacher’s should be looked at in the same light. Story #6: I am currently going through peri menopause and also have these mood swings. However, I would NEVER act violently like this. I, too, was abused growing up and could never bring myself to abuse someone I love. He needs to run. If he excuses this, she will think she can run all over him. It only gets worse. My way of taking out frustration is to hit my bed/pillows with a golf club. 🙃 Haven’t done that in a while though.😂
When story 7 started, I thought my husband had posted. Ages match, but we’ve been together 14 years and don’t have kids. Everything else is spot-on though. I have a low drive as real life is a huge stress, and if I don’t warm up before we engage, we have to use lube and I can’t enjoy it as much. I don’t like being watched either, as it does become about putting on a show and I can’t focus on my own sensations. In fact, most engagement feels like I have to put on a show and his completion is the goal. I’m sure adult entertainment is to blame.
I think you're missing the point it's not about him having sex. It sounds like she still doesn't enjoy herself and is just doing this because she feels she has to. if it was just about the toys he wouldn't want to just watch at least. I think he is insecure about being left out and she is insecure about her partner seeing her and being comfortable with him again since birthing a child. I think John's last suggestion of sex therapy or maybe just couples therapy.
Am I crazy or is the wife with the vibrator expressing some serious issues? "I don't want to worry about how it looks," "I don't want to think about what my face looks like when I'm doing it," commenting that sex is not relaxing for her, etc. Coupled with the traumatic recovery after birth and how exhausted she is, it sounds to me like she's dealing with some body image issues. Her body has been completely and irrevocably changed by giving birth, she's constantly working with medical professionals to correct extra problems relating to her intimate body parts, she's exhausted from being the parent up with the baby, she's dealing with a complete identity shift from being herself to being somebody's mom. She is communicating that she has no sex drive. Her hormones are a mess. Her emotions are all over the place. She's dealing with trauma right now. While yes, sexual intimacy is important in their relationship, the dude needs to shut up and actually listen to what she's telling him instead of trying to pressure her to have sex HIS WAY. To me, it sounds like she isn't ready to go back to having sex yet. They do need to work with a therapist about this, there's no two ways about it. And he needs to listen to her and give her some control back, because it sounds like he's throwing a lot of pressure on her when she's told him she doesn't want it. Bottom line, she is telling him that she doesn't feel sexy and she doesn't want to do it. She's doing what she's doing to try to please him, not because she wants it. Especially because by his own admission, there's a history of her not being satisfied by sex. She is not getting the same level of satisfaction from him as he's getting from her. That's not healthy for her and he needs to listen. He keeps saying he wants to learn in order to get better at pleasing her, which is a good thought to have, but is this the first time in ten years that he's had that thought or what?
I showed my husband the story with the alarm, he said they are both silly. Since the wife did not think the alarm was for anything but he said it’s not her “job” to make sure he wakes up but it’s nice to do in a partnership.
Story 7: Maybe I’m just impatient with people like OP, but if my partner consistently pestered me about sex even after knowing how much it made me uncomfortable. I’d leave. Throughout this whole story OP claims he’s listening but he isn’t, and forcing/harassing his wife until she gives in & as sex is BOUND to cause resentment from her end. Then add in the fact that it seems like she’s doing most of the childcare. Yeah if OP doesn’t shape up and get a toy for himself or something I see him being single real soon.
As a teacher we get trained to be on the lookout for many dangerous situation. It is terrifying to know but a lot of small town places have creepy kid rings. A lot of gross adults run their own little Epstein Islands with school teachers being the main contact. The dad taking this as a joking comment terrifies me.
Story #6 makes me sad as it feels like no one has empathy for a woman in a 20 year marriage with no previous history of violence, as the husband explained their therapy history, and she is going through an obviously serious medical and psychological crisis. Everyone has different reactions when there are physiological changes in their bodies and she was obviously immensely upset about her reaction when she realized what happened. It was not at all like the bipolar husband who felt NO remorse for his actions and just wanted his wife to get over it. Women have to advocate for their care a lot more strongly than men do and who knows what kind of dosage her doctor has her on to help regulate her hormones. I grew up in a dysfunctional household with a bipolar parent and I would still have empathy for my partner if they were going through an abnormal behavior crisis such as this with a known underlying health condition. I would absolutely be going not only to their doctor’s appointments to help advocate for better care but also scheduling us for therapy to help work through it.
I don’t care if it’s a woman or man, whatever, in a 20 year relationship. Moment any violent or type abuse happens, it’s over. It’s no excuse to take it out on the partner just because you are having a crisis or something is off with medication. This is why people stay in marriages and become miserable. The moment he thought about wanting divorce and his trust was broken, then it’s over anyway. I rather he protect himself and his child anyway. Don’t want to risk a chance thinking you did something wrong and might be hurt because of it.
@TabbyWithMittens exactly, also has NOTHING to do with her being a woman. If anything it's probably bc she is a woman that people won't feel as bad for him or make him feel more inclined to stay. His wife is becoming abusive end of story
She is allowed to be frustrated. She is allowed to be emotional. She is allowed to be mad at her husband. Shes even allowed to break things (though I recommend finding better/safer ways of taking out frustration). She is not allowed to act violently towards another person. I’m a woman of color. I know how hard it is to be listened to. She crossed the line growing the cup AT her husband. In the moment she wanted to hurt someone and even acted on it. that isn’t love. That’s abuse
I'd agree that one incident in 20 years doesn't mean you jump to divorce, but you gotta do some restorative work then. She needs to acknowledge that she did something very wrong and that she needs help, she needs to remove herself from the household until she is safe and she needs to seek help to become safe. Once that is done, then you can consider how to rebuild the relationship when trust and safety have been lost.
story 3 if he’s bipolar AND in court mandated classes AND yells at and locks out his wife- yes he’s the problem! The biggest kind! Bipolar sometimes needs be looked at as the red flag it can be
1st story : It really happens to both gender, happened to my brother accompanied me to the hair salon (bless his patient heart) and I am 8 years older than him. Last story : OP should ask himself what he'd tell his daughter to do in the same situation and that is the answer. Bonus story : Have they considered couple's therapy? I'm hearing a lot of me on both sides and no one is listening (mostly OP though)
I feel so bad for the wife in the bonus story. It's clear she doesn't want to have sex but feels like she needs to because he keeps pestering her about it without understanding her situation at all, and after she finds a way to make it better for herself, he still has an issue and wants her to stop doing the one thing that helps her. Just sad.
In story 2 it’s way different from the past dead bedroom you covered because that was literally within a year of the wife giving birth and he was ready to divorce
Story 5: A rude ass comment infornt of everyone. No apology. And doubling down. Absolutely shameful. Wouldn't be an immediate divorce for me, but I think I'd be prepping myself for it if things don't change REAL QUICK.
51:54 oh my god the poor partner - NO he wouldnt be the asshole, file divorce shes a dick. Who just THROWS a cup from the kitchen to the living room HARD enough it BREAKS That was purposeful And as a kid who witnessed their dad throw shit at their mom to "avoid hitting her" when he got abusive there is no excuse to hit your partner violently ! All over the stupid coffee pot ??? Seriously ? Not worth it, at all, ever.period.
Hypothetically If that were my dad in the past throwing a mug at my mom so hard it broke the skin the cops would be called and they would be thrown out the house
Story 2 Yall had a similar one last week and flamed the dude for wanting a divorce because the wife wont have more sex with him. Even said "he should make himself attractive for her" super inconsistent.
In this story, the problem goes beyond not getting sex. She’s doing all she could to talk and work with him about the issue and all he’s doing is stone walling. There’s something wrong in the relationship or possibly wrong with his health that’s making him not want sex and It doesn’t sound like he’s even trying to figure it out, come up with ideas, thinking about it. It’s like he doesn’t think it’s important enough to really address the issue. He brushes all her concerns aside. It’s as if her concerns aren’t his. That’s not what a partnership is. If the issue was about anything other than sex, I would still leave my partner for behaving this way.
Everything said in the previous comment + he still asks for bj but doesn't do anything to her. Super disrespectful and the fact that he isn't willing to talk about it or find a solution that works for them both is just not good. There can be a similar issue on the paper but everything around it is what matters and makes the difference.
Guys, you've got NO IDEA about heavy sleep. Yup, guy's the asshоle, but the "teach yourself how to wake up" is unnecessary AF. Yeah, different kind of alarms exist. Vibrating ones don't work all that good when you can't feel that you get hit, bitten splashed water at, it's also not gonna help much. Even people waking you up is not always effective, because it needs to be done intricately. Especially if the guy takes the same meds as I do, which is likely, they basically send you into dаmn coma for 20+ hours. It's definitely not the girlfriend's responsibility, I just got really hurt by all the same comments about alarms that shock you all over again. Not helpful.
omg thank you. its... so... completely misunderstood. its honestly taken my personal potential and reputation to 1% of what I know I am capable of. the shame around knowing people perceive me as unreliable, irresponsible or disrespectful is overwhelming. its extremely debilitating and the way it affects people like us is really isolating and personally really detrimental to my mental health. if i didnt live with a roommate i could easily sleep into a state of medical emergency via dehydration, blood clots, kidney issues without issue. i miss entire days regularly but a very realistic common obstacle is an accidental ~18hr sleep. its genuinely as if i have been severely sedated and so difficult for people to believe me when i express that these arent exaggerations. sorry to jump on an old comment and kind of unload here but its so rare that i see others with similar experiences let alone voice them independent of needing to.
coming from both a heavy sleeper with a god awful memory, i too would be angry if my partner didnt wake me up when i obviously wanted to. i set multiple alarms, yes, but what if none of them wake me up anyways (it happens)? what if its something important or what if he wouldve gotten in legal trouble for missing this class? its just SO insane that she didnt wake op up when he had an alarm. "i didnt know what it was for" isnt an excuse. but op yelling at his wife and everything else he did isnt okay either. you can express your annoyance without going so far and communicate "in the future, if my alarms going off, wake me up" (even tho thats very obvious), so imo everyone sucks here
I mean I think that depends if he often has alarms for mornings when he doesn't actually have to get up and go somewhere. We just don't know enough about their lives.
its still literally not her responsibility. this comes from someone with a sleep disorder that pretty much remains the primary destroyer of my life. she might be an incompatible partner that doesnt make good decisions. she might just not be comfortable with waking people up due to her own experiences. the point is that he asked, she answered. sure be pissed and learn important information about this person so you can apply it going forward but she is not responsible for the consequences of his actions.
The only bad thing about the barbie movie is Ken. they could have shown the same message without him. And IF they needed a ken he could have went on the journey with barbie, the mom and daughter (forget their names 😅) and figured out there's more to him than barbie. Not immediately go back to barbie land and brainwashing the women.
Teacher story: That teacher is creepy AF and that's such a typical groomer phrase. The fact that the husband is defending him tells me he's probably also some sort of predator. No way you would let someone say that to your own daughter and find that normal. Husband is no better than that teacher. He shouldn't be allowed near his daughter either. He's probably the type to blame clothes and victims in grape cases. Absolutely disgusting
The man that won’t reciprocate with his wife anymore….he wants a caretaker for when he gets older and feels no need to try to put forth any effort. divorce.
The dude who got pissed at his wife about him not waking up is terrifying. She literally explained what happened, and he just started to yell at her? Locks her out of their room and then expects things to be normal? Mental illness is not an excuse to mistreat others, and you definitely can't expect someone you lashed out on to feel comfortable with just a crappy, delayed apology.
Edit for Story 4: I find it concerning that the dad responded that way. Like I can't wrap my head around how he wasn't furious that a grown man made that comment to his underage daughter. Makes me wonder what comments he has made when his wife isn't around or the kind of friends he has. That's predator behavior.
Not only this but I'm listening to this again and his class is connected to a crime he committed. Plus, he said he's crappy when he gets woken up... Yeah, I wouldn't wake him either.
Edit: This isn't to say that every criminal (or every crime) is inherently bad, only that we don't know the crime and thus don't know the class but it could be anger management in which case it sounds like he's failing
as someone with bipolar 1 and having been on a whole lot of meds for it: some medications especially mood stabilisers have a bunch of side effects that can cause shifts in behaviour. when i started lithium it turned me completely cold emotionally to the point of being very antisocial and almost pathologically numb while making me insanely irritable. i was lashing out at loved ones and generally just annoyed at anyone and anything for no reason. i’m not a violent or aggressive person at all,never have been and generally very conflict avoidant. i didn’t realise what was happening at first and ended up kinda freaked out about my lack of emotions. things normalised after the first few weeks thankfully but i can’t help and think this may have been a contributing factor to his behaviour. HOWEVER this is not an excuse to act like that and he absolutely needs to take accountability for his actions. he needs to work on himself and maybe talk to his psych about a possible med change. it is never an excuse or justification for violent actions but maybe a possible explanation.
It also sounds pretty scary for the wife that he was yelling "why why why?" at her over and over. Like, she went silent, then moved rooms, then locked herself in a room as he followed her yelling. And he doesn't seem to recognize that is some fucked up behavior
Comments like that teacher made happen so often to little girls. It’s really effed and those people are all pdf files.
yeah that's why parentes need to stay vigilant, he's 1000% the kind of parent who would not believe their child if god forbid something did even happend demonstrated by his refusal to take this seriously.
I love how pro divorce/breakup these guys are. It is very scary to end a relationship but they are very clear about how supportive they are.
Me too. My first relationship went on for 6 years and by like 3 years in things went downhill and I was miserable but the idea of ending the relationship was SO scary to me that I was willing to stay no matter how he treated me. He ended up ending the relationship with me and it is probably one of the BEST THING that has ever happened to me. I wish I'd understood back then that yeah, breakups are scary, but it is 1 million times better than being in a relationship that makes you miserable. Also, my parents split up a couple years ago and after spending some time apart they ended up getting back together and are infinitely happier together than they ever were before. Heartbreak is awful but it's often a hurdle to healing
First story, she is homophobic. If she is worried about people seeing the picture and others thinking they are dating, she is obviously insecure and will only cause problems in the future. The OP is amazing for offering to do that with his brother. The brother will appreciate that gesture the rest of his life. Having a supportive brother is extremely valuable, and he couldn’t be less of an AH in my opinion
alright settle down. hes not a hero lmao. he went to see a movie with his brother.
Edit 1:04:20: They aren’t both benefitting from this experience. She’s forcing herself to get into the mood and it’s psychologically exhausting for her. He doesn’t want her to act like “she has to do this,” but he isn’t accepting that she doesn’t want to and he is refusing. Divorce saves lives! Yay divorce. Safe quick and easy divorce for everyone. Divorce keeps marriage sacred! Yay! ❤
Bonus story... that was a lot of words for OP to admit to being a terrible partner. Damn dude, get it together.
21:45
I'm mildly obsessed with the surprisingly good Backstreet Boys impression.
John’s “TELL ME WHY!” LMFAO💀 just beautiful!!!
I've seen many women go through menopause and none of them have thrown ceramic mugs at their partner's heads
Peri-menopause is the years before you enter menopause. It can be pretty shitty. Not a reason for violence, though.
im bipolar and its not an excuse to lock people in rooms and scream at them over and over
i’m also bipolar and i absolutely hate it when it is used as an excuse for horrible behaviour
Past me needed to hear this thank you for sharing
Last story, it's fine for him to ask to watch, but as soon as she said no, he should have respected that instead of insisting and trying to invalidate her reasons to refuse
the domestic violence story- i am pre-menopausal, and i do get bouts of rage. HOWEVER, i am in therapy and am actively practicing coping skills to correct it! I take care of my elderly parents, so i cant afford to snap like that. Not only because i love them and my i would never resort to violence to begin with, but because an uncontrolled reaction would seriously hurt them ( they are 78&79). She has a daughter, a CHILD she is raising! And a husband with past trauma from abuse. He is valid in his feelings to want to divorce her
Story 7 - I totally get the wife. I don’t like people watching while I do stuff for myself bc no matter what I will be performing for them bc in reality doing it for myself takes a lot of focus and it’s pretty boring to watch. It would be totally awkward for me and I would not be relaxed if I was doing it seriously.
He also needs to do his own research of how to be a good sexual partner. Also I wonder how much they’re communicating. Are they talking about what they like and don’t like? Because that can be foreplay as well. Sex should be fun, not an obligation and both parties should be excited to participate
Yeah I'm assuming there's zero foreplay going on here. I have a 3 year old and she sleeps in bed with me and my fiancé sleeps in another room, so I go to where he is to initiate sex (I have a higher sex drive in general than him and planning makes him feel pressure to perform) so I have a tiny purple bullet vibrator that I've used before going to have sex because 1) I know the chance I'll orgasm is higher if I use it immediately before or 2) it's more enjoyable after I orgasm and 3) because I'm waking him up and there's not much foreplay and I don't really like anyone's face between my legs. It's not my thing. But he's never complained about it, and I've let him use it while we have sex because he actually asks if it feels good or not, Shocker!
They also sounds like they're in the situation where him helping with the house or kids would practically be foreplay. She says she's tired, that the baby never sleeps through the night so neither does she, and that sex is a waste of time. Maybe show her you care about more than sex and she will have the energy to show an interest again.
yesss i totally get everything she’s saying. as someone afab, i struggle a lot with sex, and absolutely understand the need to “psych yourself up” for the act, and the feeling of pressure to perform for the partner if they’re in the room. not that sex isn’t fun, and that you can’t ever just let go while having it, but i find that a lot of men don’t really get how much it can be a performance and require a lot of mental energy and focus as a girl.
i can empathize with where he’s coming from-that he feels left out and like she shouldn’t have to “psych herself up”-but it truly is not as about him as he thinks. [tho ur right, he should be more proactive about the house + kids because im sure that contributes]
Story 4. I use to work in education. I know of a teacher who was busted for certain images on his devices! Guess what grade level he taught? 4th grade! The images were about the same age group as he taught. His partner turned him in! Took the devices, went to the cops and handed it all over! You have NO IDEA the damage that was done to the reputation of the school! He was arrested and convicted. Barred from ever teaching again, can’t be near any kids. The school district I worked at does background checks. He was just never in trouble before this. My kids were in that school too! He got upset with one of them not wanting to participate in an after school program presentation. I was working and talking to my principal about something when my friend called me and told me she saw him pick up my kid and carry them. I put my badge on the principal’s desk and said, “I am not your employee right now, I am a mom. (Perv’s name) just picked up my kid and is carrying them back to the building! It’s on!” I walk fast down the little hallway and sure enough he’s got my kid and I said, “Put my kid down! NOW!” I walked up and told my kid to go back outside with my coworker and stay there. I looked around to make sure no one else could hear me, and went off. I made a report to my admin and to district officials. He was on the radar after that point on. Then his gf busted him and got turned in a few months later. For WEEKS of the new school year, my friend/coworker would get text messages all day long asking if their kids were safe in school. Having to calm parents down and make sure we kept an eye on male employees more. The men were so pissed, but understood why. They were just as protective as us women in the building. They were so mad! Dads were very watchful of their kids, especially their daughters. We were a small neighborhood school where everyone knew each other, so that was a great blow to our little safe school.
I love how the dumb husband in story 4 went from “it’s just a joke” to being scared the teacher would be violent and/or vindictive. Which is it? Is he a jokester or a whacko?? Can’t have it both ways! Report the teacher!
The way I gasped out loud at work after hearing the teacher's comment to the 4th grader, and then again at the reaction of the father of the child... 🤯. I would not only be reporting said teacher to the principal, school board, child/family services, I would be posting on social media and leaving my husband at the same time. "Going against my husband's wishes" foh with that bullshit.
Story 7: The only excuse for throwing a mug at someone's head is, like, self defense. He should not only divorce, he should press charges.
Right if roles were reversed cops would've been involved
THat lady had a uterine prolapse..her uterus was dropping out! Be glad she ever to touch you again, ever.
💯💯💯😭😭😭 Thank you!! I can only imagine how painful it must be physically and then add the emotional toll. 💔
The way I literally yelled at my television about story 4
Regarding the bonus story: I don’t like that OP is jealous of his wife’s private time.
She’s not done literally sacrificing her body to carry, birth and nurse a child but all OP can focus on is her only enjoying sexual pleasure W/HIM. This is someone else nagging at her for access to her own body 🤦🏾♀️.
He’s also indicating that her handling it alone is wrong when it’s natural& relaxing for her. Leave her alone! Let her breathe FFS
Right? My thoughts exactly
She probably doesn't want to be judged for intimate things that helps her
And thr "she says she doesn't have to worry about the face she's making wtc" tells me he probably focuses on himself the most during then didn't help her climax after like the considerate thing would have been
He also brushes off the fact that she's had MULTIPLE prolapses. Holy crow! I can understand why she'd not want to have sex when her body has required lots of therapy down there RECENTLY. He seems like he's thinking that since he has energy and his body is good to go, her should automatically be the same. No, boy. Bye.
Story 6: he needs to RUN!!! Nope! You run! I’m menopausal, and I don’t care how mad I get, I’m gonna go break something or scream some stuff in my room, but to do that?! No! Absolutely not! Grab your kid(s) and run! File a police report and get an order of protection for you and your kid(s)! Lawyer up and get your financials in order!
I can understand him not wanting to go that far that fast, but he can pack her a bag and tell her that they can work on reconciliation after she's worked with whatever doctors or therapists she needs to get herself back under control. She's a danger to her family until then.
My roommates 6 year old daughter was molested by a neighbor (the neighbor confessed to it via text) and we all cried our eyes out. Our sons were 11 and 12 and they were inconsolable. My roommate’s husband did not react. Seven years later the dad is watching his daughter take a showers. A father’s reaction is very telling.
As someone who is asexual, I want to clarify some things for y’all:
Being asexual doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t like sex or have no libido; it simply means you don’t experience sexual attraction.
Someone like the wife in Story 7 *could* be asexual, but she might just not enjoy having sex, which is completely valid (everyone’s experience with their sexuality is different). However, it’s very possible the wife *is* asexual and doesn’t have that attraction to her partner (which is why she prefers to have her own time beforehand).
Obviously we can’t determine what the wife’s sexuality is from a single Reddit post, but thought it would be insightful to share my perspective as someone who is asexual and knows a lot of fellow aces.
Love the podcast and hope y’all have a great rest of your day :)
As a demisexual, I was about to say the same thing lol
But before the birth, she enjoyed the physical act. After she said it does not feel good physically. The only change was the physical trauma of the birth. Fix the body, knock some sense into the idiot husband, and things should go back to more towards her normal.
@@infjandcoping4614 We only heard from the husband, though. He wouldn't know if she's actually having fun or if she's pretending because this must be how everyone else feels. We can't tell from a reddit post from a husband what the wife's sexuality is.
Edit: I just listened to the story again, not only do we only hear from him, but what we hear is him admitting that she barely ever orgasmed in a whole decade. It sounds like she only had sex with OP due to a sense of duty & commitment and to have the baby. According to what OP wrote, sex was never about his wife or even both of them. OP himself says that his wife said if he were there it wouldn't be about her anymore. That tells us a lot. (also the fact that parenting is mostly up to the wife... Yeah, partners become unattractive if you have children together and end up being the only one who takes care of the children.)
I once had an alarm clock that was on wheels. You could hit snooze once. The next time it went off it would roll off the table and run away from you, forcing you to get up to turn it off.
I absolutely love love love how the boys start by protecting the teacher like that’s a crazy difficult job. However the moment it was about a creepy dude they flipped on a dime! I love their support of teachers but also not blind support because some people stink and are creepers!
The guy in the bonus story doesn't seem very patient. He isn't giving his wife any time to get comfortable before he wants to be involved. Give it some time then talk to her about it.
I know it's been said before but I'll say it anyway - if I was trapped in an elevator with these guys, or anywhere for that matter, I would feel safe. They're like the big brothers you can call up when you want someone to get you bc some guy is being creepy AF. Sean's reaction to the teacher (all of their reactions really) but Sean's in particular just reassures me that there are people out there who won't let shit like that go unnoticed or not confronted. Kudos to the mom for taking it seriously. REPORT him please. Take the husband out of the equation too (we noticed, john)
The coffee cup story made me think of the story of my grandma and grandpa. This is when my grandparents were younger ( they were married), and my grandpa liked to drink occasionally, but sometimes it brought somethings out ( more verbal or what was on his mind). Anyway, something happened where he called my grandma a B. My grandma was so fed up that she cracked the mug in the back of the head. ( she was standing behind him when he said it) she knocked him out...
Story #4: I have a feeling that teacher may know that he, too, is switching schools and will be near this child for years. I absolutely agree that OP should leave. Any person who defends behavior like this teacher’s should be looked at in the same light.
Story #6: I am currently going through peri menopause and also have these mood swings. However, I would NEVER act violently like this. I, too, was abused growing up and could never bring myself to abuse someone I love. He needs to run. If he excuses this, she will think she can run all over him. It only gets worse.
My way of taking out frustration is to hit my bed/pillows with a golf club. 🙃 Haven’t done that in a while though.😂
You guys never fail to make me laugh and cheer me up when I’m having a bad day. Thank you for the endless laughs🎉
When story 7 started, I thought my husband had posted. Ages match, but we’ve been together 14 years and don’t have kids. Everything else is spot-on though. I have a low drive as real life is a huge stress, and if I don’t warm up before we engage, we have to use lube and I can’t enjoy it as much. I don’t like being watched either, as it does become about putting on a show and I can’t focus on my own sensations. In fact, most engagement feels like I have to put on a show and his completion is the goal. I’m sure adult entertainment is to blame.
I think you're missing the point it's not about him having sex. It sounds like she still doesn't enjoy herself and is just doing this because she feels she has to. if it was just about the toys he wouldn't want to just watch at least. I think he is insecure about being left out and she is insecure about her partner seeing her and being comfortable with him again since birthing a child. I think John's last suggestion of sex therapy or maybe just couples therapy.
John's moan on a black screen at 30:10 was just exquisite 🤣
Am I crazy or is the wife with the vibrator expressing some serious issues? "I don't want to worry about how it looks," "I don't want to think about what my face looks like when I'm doing it," commenting that sex is not relaxing for her, etc. Coupled with the traumatic recovery after birth and how exhausted she is, it sounds to me like she's dealing with some body image issues.
Her body has been completely and irrevocably changed by giving birth, she's constantly working with medical professionals to correct extra problems relating to her intimate body parts, she's exhausted from being the parent up with the baby, she's dealing with a complete identity shift from being herself to being somebody's mom.
She is communicating that she has no sex drive. Her hormones are a mess. Her emotions are all over the place. She's dealing with trauma right now. While yes, sexual intimacy is important in their relationship, the dude needs to shut up and actually listen to what she's telling him instead of trying to pressure her to have sex HIS WAY.
To me, it sounds like she isn't ready to go back to having sex yet. They do need to work with a therapist about this, there's no two ways about it. And he needs to listen to her and give her some control back, because it sounds like he's throwing a lot of pressure on her when she's told him she doesn't want it.
Bottom line, she is telling him that she doesn't feel sexy and she doesn't want to do it. She's doing what she's doing to try to please him, not because she wants it. Especially because by his own admission, there's a history of her not being satisfied by sex. She is not getting the same level of satisfaction from him as he's getting from her.
That's not healthy for her and he needs to listen. He keeps saying he wants to learn in order to get better at pleasing her, which is a good thought to have, but is this the first time in ten years that he's had that thought or what?
$50 says the class is anger management
Shaughan was on one this episode 😂😂
I showed my husband the story with the alarm, he said they are both silly. Since the wife did not think the alarm was for anything but he said it’s not her “job” to make sure he wakes up but it’s nice to do in a partnership.
Maybe she didn’t want to because he clearly has anger management issues and by his own admission is cranky when woken up
silly is..... an crazy to say lmao he's dangerous...
Story 7: Maybe I’m just impatient with people like OP, but if my partner consistently pestered me about sex even after knowing how much it made me uncomfortable. I’d leave. Throughout this whole story OP claims he’s listening but he isn’t, and forcing/harassing his wife until she gives in & as sex is BOUND to cause resentment from her end. Then add in the fact that it seems like she’s doing most of the childcare. Yeah if OP doesn’t shape up and get a toy for himself or something I see him being single real soon.
first story my brother took me and his girlfriend to see the barbie movie all together
I hope story #3 gets an update
As a teacher we get trained to be on the lookout for many dangerous situation. It is terrifying to know but a lot of small town places have creepy kid rings. A lot of gross adults run their own little Epstein Islands with school teachers being the main contact. The dad taking this as a joking comment terrifies me.
Story #6 makes me sad as it feels like no one has empathy for a woman in a 20 year marriage with no previous history of violence, as the husband explained their therapy history, and she is going through an obviously serious medical and psychological crisis. Everyone has different reactions when there are physiological changes in their bodies and she was obviously immensely upset about her reaction when she realized what happened. It was not at all like the bipolar husband who felt NO remorse for his actions and just wanted his wife to get over it. Women have to advocate for their care a lot more strongly than men do and who knows what kind of dosage her doctor has her on to help regulate her hormones. I grew up in a dysfunctional household with a bipolar parent and I would still have empathy for my partner if they were going through an abnormal behavior crisis such as this with a known underlying health condition. I would absolutely be going not only to their doctor’s appointments to help advocate for better care but also scheduling us for therapy to help work through it.
I don’t care if it’s a woman or man, whatever, in a 20 year relationship. Moment any violent or type abuse happens, it’s over. It’s no excuse to take it out on the partner just because you are having a crisis or something is off with medication. This is why people stay in marriages and become miserable. The moment he thought about wanting divorce and his trust was broken, then it’s over anyway. I rather he protect himself and his child anyway. Don’t want to risk a chance thinking you did something wrong and might be hurt because of it.
She's still the AH, no excuse to physically harm your partner, we all go through shit and it's inexcusable.
@TabbyWithMittens exactly, also has NOTHING to do with her being a woman. If anything it's probably bc she is a woman that people won't feel as bad for him or make him feel more inclined to stay. His wife is becoming abusive end of story
She is allowed to be frustrated. She is allowed to be emotional. She is allowed to be mad at her husband. Shes even allowed to break things (though I recommend finding better/safer ways of taking out frustration). She is not allowed to act violently towards another person. I’m a woman of color. I know how hard it is to be listened to. She crossed the line growing the cup AT her husband. In the moment she wanted to hurt someone and even acted on it. that isn’t love. That’s abuse
I'd agree that one incident in 20 years doesn't mean you jump to divorce, but you gotta do some restorative work then. She needs to acknowledge that she did something very wrong and that she needs help, she needs to remove herself from the household until she is safe and she needs to seek help to become safe. Once that is done, then you can consider how to rebuild the relationship when trust and safety have been lost.
Great stories and takes!
story 3 if he’s bipolar AND in court mandated classes AND yells at and locks out his wife- yes he’s the problem! The biggest kind! Bipolar sometimes needs be looked at as the red flag it can be
bipolar is absolutely unrelated to being abusive, having violent tendencies or explosive anger..
@ it’s definitely correlated lmao
1st story : It really happens to both gender, happened to my brother accompanied me to the hair salon (bless his patient heart) and I am 8 years older than him.
Last story : OP should ask himself what he'd tell his daughter to do in the same situation and that is the answer.
Bonus story : Have they considered couple's therapy? I'm hearing a lot of me on both sides and no one is listening (mostly OP though)
5th Story- My boyfriend and I do monthly check ins and have been for a while now. They are literally so wonderful and are really healthy.
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Hey guys! I’m hop into it! I made a Reddit account to join in the community!!!
I love you all!
I feel so bad for the wife in the bonus story. It's clear she doesn't want to have sex but feels like she needs to because he keeps pestering her about it without understanding her situation at all, and after she finds a way to make it better for herself, he still has an issue and wants her to stop doing the one thing that helps her. Just sad.
In story 2 it’s way different from the past dead bedroom you covered because that was literally within a year of the wife giving birth and he was ready to divorce
Story 5: A rude ass comment infornt of everyone. No apology. And doubling down. Absolutely shameful.
Wouldn't be an immediate divorce for me, but I think I'd be prepping myself for it if things don't change REAL QUICK.
51:54 oh my god the poor partner -
NO he wouldnt be the asshole, file divorce shes a dick.
Who just THROWS a cup from the kitchen to the living room HARD enough it BREAKS
That was purposeful
And as a kid who witnessed their dad throw shit at their mom to "avoid hitting her" when he got abusive there is no excuse to hit your partner violently !
All over the stupid coffee pot ??? Seriously ?
Not worth it, at all, ever.period.
Hypothetically If that were my dad in the past throwing a mug at my mom so hard it broke the skin the cops would be called and they would be thrown out the house
My husband is a deep sleeper too, try waking him up for army physical training… it’s a stressful experience lol
Story 2
Yall had a similar one last week and flamed the dude for wanting a divorce because the wife wont have more sex with him. Even said "he should make himself attractive for her" super inconsistent.
In this story, the problem goes beyond not getting sex. She’s doing all she could to talk and work with him about the issue and all he’s doing is stone walling. There’s something wrong in the relationship or possibly wrong with his health that’s making him not want sex and It doesn’t sound like he’s even trying to figure it out, come up with ideas, thinking about it. It’s like he doesn’t think it’s important enough to really address the issue. He brushes all her concerns aside. It’s as if her concerns aren’t his. That’s not what a partnership is. If the issue was about anything other than sex, I would still leave my partner for behaving this way.
Everything said in the previous comment + he still asks for bj but doesn't do anything to her. Super disrespectful and the fact that he isn't willing to talk about it or find a solution that works for them both is just not good. There can be a similar issue on the paper but everything around it is what matters and makes the difference.
🎉
Comment for algorithm
Guys, you've got NO IDEA about heavy sleep. Yup, guy's the asshоle, but the "teach yourself how to wake up" is unnecessary AF.
Yeah, different kind of alarms exist. Vibrating ones don't work all that good when you can't feel that you get hit, bitten splashed water at, it's also not gonna help much. Even people waking you up is not always effective, because it needs to be done intricately.
Especially if the guy takes the same meds as I do, which is likely, they basically send you into dаmn coma for 20+ hours.
It's definitely not the girlfriend's responsibility, I just got really hurt by all the same comments about alarms that shock you all over again. Not helpful.
Lol I was thinking about trying a shock alarm, electric shocks don't bother me, but I'm not a deep sleeper, just slightly lazy
omg thank you. its... so... completely misunderstood. its honestly taken my personal potential and reputation to 1% of what I know I am capable of. the shame around knowing people perceive me as unreliable, irresponsible or disrespectful is overwhelming. its extremely debilitating and the way it affects people like us is really isolating and personally really detrimental to my mental health. if i didnt live with a roommate i could easily sleep into a state of medical emergency via dehydration, blood clots, kidney issues without issue. i miss entire days regularly but a very realistic common obstacle is an accidental ~18hr sleep. its genuinely as if i have been severely sedated and so difficult for people to believe me when i express that these arent exaggerations. sorry to jump on an old comment and kind of unload here but its so rare that i see others with similar experiences let alone voice them independent of needing to.
carafe
Sup girl i know you watching lol
coming from both a heavy sleeper with a god awful memory, i too would be angry if my partner didnt wake me up when i obviously wanted to. i set multiple alarms, yes, but what if none of them wake me up anyways (it happens)? what if its something important or what if he wouldve gotten in legal trouble for missing this class? its just SO insane that she didnt wake op up when he had an alarm. "i didnt know what it was for" isnt an excuse.
but op yelling at his wife and everything else he did isnt okay either. you can express your annoyance without going so far and communicate "in the future, if my alarms going off, wake me up" (even tho thats very obvious), so imo everyone sucks here
I mean I think that depends if he often has alarms for mornings when he doesn't actually have to get up and go somewhere. We just don't know enough about their lives.
its still literally not her responsibility. this comes from someone with a sleep disorder that pretty much remains the primary destroyer of my life. she might be an incompatible partner that doesnt make good decisions. she might just not be comfortable with waking people up due to her own experiences. the point is that he asked, she answered. sure be pissed and learn important information about this person so you can apply it going forward but she is not responsible for the consequences of his actions.
The only bad thing about the barbie movie is Ken. they could have shown the same message without him. And IF they needed a ken he could have went on the journey with barbie, the mom and daughter (forget their names 😅) and figured out there's more to him than barbie. Not immediately go back to barbie land and brainwashing the women.
Why are people so obsessed with sex god its so weird
It’s sad y’all speak on things you don’t even know about like if you don’t know about something don’t talk about it