@@carlacatyoI absolutely hate when parents put everything on their kids. It is not our responsibility to just put up with their garbage behavior to maintain relationships with them. Hearing stories like this makes me glad I don't have to deal with my mom anymore.
I’m from a Caribbean household. An 18 year old is still a “child” to me. I moved out at 31 when I was financially stable and not struggling. Kicking kids out at 18 is WILD!
I’m also from a Caribbean household. I was welcome to stay as long as I needed and could come back whenever I wanted. I moved out at 19, came back at 21, and moved back out at 22. My mom was actually sad I was leaving
if i said at 18 that i’d move out my parents would have had a heart attack, my mom tells me i should live at home until i get married but i don’t know 😂
I ran away at 20 and people keep belittling me telling me it's "normal to move out at that age, you didn't run away, you moved out" uhhhhhhh no????? Being abused and terrified to the point I'd rather be homeless isn't moving out, nor is it normal to move out 18,19,20.
I am on the opposite side of being kicked out, I’m being kept in, my parents don’t want to allow me to become an adult. I feel like I have to do the same and “run away” because they’re not teaching me anything, but they’re constantly treating me like shit and wanting me to do everything they want even if it’s not good for me. But I’m so scared of failing, I can’t bring myself to do it 😭
Hey, similar deal here. Running away into homelessness is DEFINITELY not the same as moving out, and whoever thinks otherwise needs to have their brain checked.
Omg same 💔 Had to deal with a jerk who said something very similar about my situation, where I had money stolen and was beaten terribly in my late teens...having to run from an abusive person and leaving everything behind (including my job!) is NOT the same thing as someone who had the option to save and move out peacefully. They know the difference, their just CHOOSING to not understand you. 💔
Left at 18 and never considered it running away, for my own well being I made the effort to live away from my parents and that involved being disconnected from any little support I had. You definitely ran away from a situation but you also moved out by finally maturing enough to make a decision for yourself and leave.
Some parents like to make every excuse in the world from "I raised them wrong" to "they need to learn real life" when they could just admit they don't care for their kids well-being and only had them because they felt pressured to have them by society.
My sister is being kicked out at 18. She honestly deserves it. Shes difficult to live with. Shes horrible to my mother (telling her f*ck you, i hate you etc etc). Shes horrible to me. My mother is a good woman and shes a good mother. Sis and i have the typical sibling thing (we get along just not best friends and not all the time). Neither of us have done anything to deserve it. And we are being verbally and mentally abused by my sister. Some kids are absolutely awful and just NEED to leave. Shes got 7 months. We count down the days. Sometimes its not the parents fault. It’s entirely the kids fault
My mom kicked me out when I was 19. I was homeless and she locked me out of my accounts. She fell terminally ill during this time and demanded I come home and take care of her. She even got all her friends to try and contact me telling me to leave the school and housing I just got into to come back home and take care of her. Come back to what home? I remember how she smiled while telling me that was no longer my home and I wasn't welcome there. For years, she told me she wished she aborted me, threatened to put me up for adoption, threatened my life. She told me when I was 18 I wasn't her problem, as well as the "I'm your parent, not your friend. I'll take away whatever I want and you can't do anything about it." So, because I blocked all her attempts to make me come back, she left me out of the will entirely and I was NOT allowed to come to the house after and collect the things I BOUGHT. All because she believed I owed her my time after she put me in a dire situation for the second time. All because I was finally controlling my life, and for once she couldn't do anything about it. I don't miss her. I grieve the mother I deserved, not the one that passed away. I paid bills since I was 16, took care of the farm and her animals, took care of her, gave her all MY money I made, and I was still garbage in her eyes no matter what I did. If you turn your back on family, don't be surprised when their backs stayed turned to you too. Blood doesn't mean anything, and no one has to put up with or forgive abuse because your folks decided to bring a kid into the world. Period. Don't like kids? Keep your legs closed and keep it in your pants. It's not hard to do.
I experienced the same at 18! Was homeless in college. Dropped out after it's got pregnant (my issue) but I took accountability and grind to provide what my kid needs. She will never be treated how I was
Wow I’m so sorry you went through this, your mother sounds truly evil and sadistic; I truly believe my father is a narcissist so I can definitely relate. I’m glad you are out of that situation! God bless you, and here are some scriptures that I pray will fill you🩷🩷 Matthew 11:28 - Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:29 - Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. Matthew 11:30 - For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. 1 Corinthians 15:1 - Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand; 1 Corinthians 15:2 - By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:3 - For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; 1 Corinthians 15:4 - And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures: Romans 4:5 - But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.
And when the parent reaches the age where they can't wipe they own behind the kids should leave them to fend for themselves 🤷🏾♀️ I'm all for reciprocity
My grandmother was lucky my mom was a good person She emotionally abused my mom her entire life and she still took care of her until she couldn't and was there when she died because no one should die alone. Her brother was treated like a saint by her and never saw her.
Yeah my parents are Asian and they would never kick me out. Usually Asian parents just let their children live with them until they're able to move out on their own.
I’m an African American female and that was my parents they didn’t kick me nor my sister out even after we graduated college. They didn’t charge us rent and wanted wanted us to save up to buy a house.
My 25yr old 'baby' just walked past my room on his way to get more Thanksgiving leftovers!! He has a job (found out a few hours ago that he is a candidate for a promotion at the turn of the year, yay!), he has a little business/side hustle and he wants to study some more. He will be here until HE decides he doesn't want to be, however, we recently had a conversation about trying to buy a house - we live in an apartment - so we can stay together but he can have his own space. One thing that he mentioned that kind of surprised me - but made me so touched, grateful and proud - was that staying with me gave HIM piece of mind because he didn't have to worry about me: economically, health-wise and safety-wise since he is my only child and I'm single. Even if he decided he wanted to go try it out, my door will NEVER be closed to him!!
Whenever he marries . If it’s okay with him And his spouse maybe you guys can get a house with a mother in law suite. Some are just like a one bedroom apartment (bedroom, living room, dining area, kitchen) with it’s own entrance and parking area. That way you all can have privacy.
I was a bad kid, and my parents sent me away to fix my shit. I fixed it and came back home, and my parents gave a phone, computer, and support to go to college. They used to even drive me to college and have always let me stay with them. I am incredibly grateful for them and want to continue to talk to them and take care with them. It's crazy that parents expect their kids to come back and take care of them when they are old, when they throw their kid out at 18.
My parents did this... I'm 30 now and my life is an absolute mess. They let my siblings stay until they were better established and they're doing much better than me
Story of my life and a struggle ever since. My parent was obviously n a r c in personality but a different personality around everyone else. Never diagnosed. Ppl hardly could believe anything I said happened to me
This is 100% American culture. For a country that claims to value family, it takes every opportunity to destroy it. I don't believe you can say you truly love your child and kick them out unprepared, basically making them homeless Can't believe in this economy any parent would still show such abhorrent behaviour 😡 Hopefully karma reaches back to these so-called parents.
Fr lol here in east europe everyone lives close with family unless they move for work, multi generational households are key for a healthy society, everyone needs a safety net and a tribe to rely on
Fellow African here. My mum didn’t let none of her kids go to University until a year after graduation. She wanted to make sure we had common sense before sending us to another man’s land/property to fend for ourselves. You had to know how to shop, cook, clean, manage your time and be proactive. THEN you could go to the school of your choice I. Whatever country would accept you. Still fumbled the ball sometimes. But I could always go home/call home for help or advice. Every vacation was spent at home or with my sisters. After University. We moved back home until we were ready to leave. It’s so normal in Africa.
Wait so I’m confused, did you have a job in the area when you were home? I’d love to do this but there are no jobs in my area, and my career is so competitive that it’s encouraged to get an internship every summer while in college. I attend a college 12 hours away now. I’m thinking of settling for a job close enough to where I can come back to my parents on the weekend cuz there aren’t many if any at all in my hometown. ( I’m American btw!)
Thank you for sharing! I might do this with my kids! If they want to go right out of high school I don’t want to stop them but I love the idea of a gap year to teach them how to survive as an adult!
Your mom sounds freaking awesome and has a great head on her shoulders. I wish there wasn't shame in doing that in the US, that this was normalized. Taking a gap year to figure out how to be an adult and get a foothold on being somewhat self sufficient is seen as being lazy. Why? Don't know. Bootstrap culture, I guess? Doesn't make it less heinous.
THIS is what I want to do. I come from Med/ Eastern cultures (parents born not in the UK) and even I could tell my husband was NOT ready for university. His mother kicked him out & said if he doesn’t go he has to get a job & move out anyway. I tried to advise him to stay near & pursue more education with the support of living at home. That wasn’t an option. Madness to me bc I could see he wasn’t ready. He went anyway & just partied his time away. He didn’t graduate. Why? Because he wasn’t emotionally ready, he wasn’t mature enough to stand up to his flat mates who encouraged dr*gs & constant binge drinking. He ended up super depressed & left. Each kid is unique. You need to know your kids & their personalities & abilities to be able to advise them. But she didn’t bc of all the trouble she had. 🤷🏻♀️ all I can do is try to learn from our parents mistakes.
Many parents who seemingly want their children out of the house as soon as they're 18 are usually the ones who only wanted children because babies are cute and completely reliant on you so when they start growing and learning, their parents grow bored with them.
That's so true, the love is entirely superficial to the poor child, it's fun to show it off and to tell everyone "look at our cute baby!!" but the moment needs basic child necessities it's suddenly a burden. I unfortunatly know quite a handful of people that are in big families just because their mother wants to "experience having a baby" because she misses when they were all little kids. (sorry for my bad grammar english is not my first language)
You are not kidding. I swear just because babies are cute and all that doesn’t magically peaches and cream. No and when that ball of joy grows up and learn that they only wanted them because there cute or just cause, that’s not good enough. I can’t stand people that use that excuse
"if i haven't taught you how to live on your own by the time you're 18 then I've failed and you have to go figure it out on your own" Admitting you failed as a parent and making it their problem is crazy work.
What does he mean "how to live on your own by the time you're 18" that was in the PAST my guy, the boomer parent struggles to comprehend how inflation or economies work and doesn't realize that while for him it was pretty feasible to move out at 18 since college wasn't a hard requirement and houses didn't cost as much, nowadays the minimum you can move out at is at 20-22 because you still either need community college, vocational school or college degrees to get any job that will allow you to live unless you want to be stuck at a dead end job or 2-3 jobs. The child didn't fail and the parent didn't fail in that regard (he failed in the fact that is too up his arse to see the state of everything right now) it's just how the world works right now and what's it asking of you. The world wants qualified and educated professionals and yet the parents still think the world wants cheap interns ready for training like it did for them.
I do agree that 18 is adult age, but reminder. The number very much has the word 'TEEN' in it. You are very much expected to still be in schooling. Yet that's the magic number you're allowed to stop giving a crap about your kid. Before they even really matured into adulthood. Gross.
They’re just jealous of people who are smart enough/allowed to stay home and save up as much as they can to not only support themselves once they do move out, but also treat themselves to vacations and nice things. The idea of moving out once you become an adult is pushed so hard to get people to spend more instead of saving.
Yes, I was kicked out when I was 17 originally but the police found me and told my dad he couldn't do that. They made me pack my things in a suitcase because we had a disagreement and just walk down the sidewalks outside of our suburban neighborhood at 11pm on a Sunday night and I was absolutely terrified of cars passing me and seeing me so I hid in dark less visible spots with my bags. A police officer who was off duty did see me and asked where I was going, and what happened. I told her I was heading to walking towards my best friend's house. I didn't have a car and I still don't right now. My dad who kicked me out didn't show up to look for me until 1.5 hours had passed, and if that police officer had not found me i am scared to think what could have happened to me. I picked a college far away from my parents and lived on campus in the dorms at 18 so I didn't have to deal with them. however I dreaded having to head back home for summer and Christmas break, because during summer and Christmas break my parents would kick me out AGAIN during those breaks until I had to go back to college. At the time, I just thought we couldn't get along or live together which is what they said (even tho I was a big introvert and avoided them like the plague in the house, I barely left my room, or came downstairs to the kitchen, or came downstairs to talk to them at all). They still found ways to make my life harder. Now that I am grown up and in my late 20's I realize they may have been trying to sabotage my potential and my success while I was very young, by traumatizing me in this way and giving me major trust issues. I had to dropout of college because at the time they refused to financially pay for it since we weren't getting along. Before that in high school, I was a very good student got a 3.75 GPA in high school, took all honors or AP classes, and had a bright future. I realized later on they just wanted to dim my light and my potential success, that's all. They did not succeed. I went back to college in 2021 when I turned 24 and got my bachelors degree and graduated college THIS YEAR without any of their help. I also got jobs and my own apartment without their help.
American here... my parents kicked me out the summer right after HS graduation. It's set me up for a life of failure and set backs that I am still paying for (literally and figuratively) at 46 years old. My mom decades later said she regretted it, but the damage was already done. I will never do this to my kiddo. He can stay with me for as long as he needs and/or wants to....especially if he needs to. He didn't ask to be born. He didn't ask to struggle out there by himself. It is the bare minimum I should be doing as my JOB as a parent, to help give him a boost in life. Plus...he's my kid!!! My only family left at that! I will always want him around.
Same, after my graduation ceremony, outside the building,she told me I had to leave. I lived in a trap house slum. I jumped into relationships just to have roof over me. I'm homeless again at 30
I'm 27 and this is 10 years of failures for me. From high honor roll to homeless shelters. I'm currently crying right now because I have nothing and no one.
My parents didn't wait until I was 18. I was 15 (and involuntarily committed to a mental health facility after a recent attempt) and one of the counselors sat me down and told me that my parents had signed their rights away and they were trying to come up with somewhere for me to go. My sweet 16 was spent with strangers in an abusive Southern Baptist group home. I allowed them room in my life after that, but they just kept victimizing me (even kidnapped my son from me, lied about the circumstances so they could sue me for custody and I never got to be his mom). Finally had enough therapy I was able to cut ties. This will be the first Christmas "without" them and it's bittersweet. Not because I miss THEM, but because I missed out on having loving parents to begin with and will never know what it's like to have anything like love and support.
dont let your life go to waste because of some corrupted nut cases. You have the ability to still make the best out of your life and keep the toxic ones behind. You cant fix them, but you can give yourself what you deserve
I have alot of questions. How did your son get kidnapped and how were you never allowed to be his mom? You don't have to answer I am sorry this happened to you.
@Purplepie404 I developed a drug problem when my son was a year old. I overdosed and lost Custody of him. Custody was temporarily given to my parents so I could go to rehab. I got clean, got a job, got an apartment (they lived a few states away and I moved to their state after I got out of rehab). After I was clean for a year, I attempted to get him back. My mom took him and hid out with a family member a few counties away, and filed court papers stating I abandoned him with them (with those same family members providing false witness for them). I couldn't afford a lawyer (and they had thousands to spend for theirs) and I couldn't get legal aid to help. The judge nearly threw me in jail because I showed up to a hearing without a lawyer. He made a phone call to legal aid and I was assigned a lawyer. I met with her one time before that, and she showed up to the custody hearing with a blank legal pad and a small box of raisins in case her sugar dropped. She didn't really ask any questions (even when I was providing her info and asking her to do so). They presented "evidence" that I wasn't around by providing a bunch of pictures of my son with me in none of them. Because I took them. (One picture was even from my birthday!) I couldn't get her to challenge that. They also brought his father (who resented me because I wouldn't get an abortion, and who moved in with them from out of state shortly before the hearing) to testify against me (they made a deal regarding child support if they won). Of course I lost, and I had to spend the next 13 YEARS swallowing it so I could have access to my son (although there was a period of about 4 years where she wouldn't let me see him, only talk to him on the phone; I didn't have money to take them to court over it and I didn't have much faith in the legal system, anyway). Now that he's an adult, he moved out as quickly as he could and doesn't have much contact with them. He hasn't spoken to his dad in over a year, and I don't think he's even met our new grandbaby. I found out a few months ago that my mom once told my son that the reason why they raised him instead of me was because I tried to sell him for drugs. I'm planning on doing a series of videos exposing the various horrendous things they've done. I'm very nervous in front of a camera and this is sensitive stuff to put out there, but they've spent my whole life trying to put out my light and steal my truth. And I think it would be cathartic to finally name it and let it go. My sister also sent DHS to my house at the beginning of the school year saying something to the effect of my kids were in danger because my husband and I argued sometimes. The worker knew it was a BS claim and only showed up to get our signatures so she could close out the case. I recently found out that my dad subscribes to my channel (I usually post dash cam videos or videos of me singing), so this ought to be fun (I've been 'no contact's since the end of summer when they tried to keep my 12 year old daughter (I let her go visit my sister as we had spent the last year "reconciling"). I immediately got her home and cut them all off. Anyway, yeah, just trying to get the "balls" to do it. I don't know what I'm so scared of. It's not like they can hurt me any more (unless writing letters to disability judges in order to torpedo my claim is a thing). I don't know why, but I always felt like a scared kid around them, even though I'm 41 now. But they are coming. Getting that weight off will be a Christmas present to myself.
My boyfriend lived with his parents on and off until he was 22. When he turned 18 they were pushing him to move out and he kept saying it wasn’t affordable. They set out to prove him wrong by making him set aside money every month(in a savings account for him). They made him set aside the amount in the average price of a studio apartment including utilities, wifi, etc. He ended up with not enough money to afford his own groceries after those payments each month. Keep in mind, at this time he was working an entry level tech job that was very high paying for his demographic. He ended up proving his parents wrong and they let him stay as long as he needed. They looked at the numbers and realized how unrealistic it truly is…
It just seems so COLD to me. They aren't baby birds leaving the nest. It says to me that their "obligation" is over and they no longer have to deal with you. Sad
It’s funny to compare this kind of parenting with baby birds. Baby birds don’t get kicked out of the nest, they leave when they are ready! Even when they do leave, they still don’t know how to feed themselves and are still under the care of their parents long after they’ve fledged! 🙃🥲
@@scarbine1396 aww that's very true. You think the parents are done with them but if you go around the baby on the ground you'll soon find out they're parents are watching 😁 I think it's more an expression than reality 😉
My mother tried to put me up for adoption at 16/17. they said no suck it up shes almost an adult. when i turned 18 she wanted me to stay so she wasn't alone.
@@cookiesncream8490no contact should only be initiated after both parties engage in therapy to fix their relationship. It should never be the first course of action unless it’s violent
I was "kicked out" at 18. I fought for my literal rights to stay in the house because my family took all of my earnings from any job I had before I got out of school, then I was able to move out into a boyfriends parents house. I learned to drive, got a bank account and schooling to become a groomer and moved out with my own money. My relationship with my family is nonexistent. I have much more to the story but its honestly quite a lot. I did try to reconcile with them after my first divorce and they treated me like a dog, haven't seen them in years now and happy about it.
It's wild how some people will commit serious abuse and not stop to think that maybe they're in the wrong. How did they expect you to move out if they took all your money? I have multiple friends who experienced financial abuse from their parents, some people just see their kids as something to milk money and later care from.
The people who kick their kids out at 18 or younger, clearly never got the, "Once youre a parent, you're a parent for the rest of your life" memo literally the entire rest of the planet got.
Sadly many, like my mother, think their obligations end at 18. In fact, it goes further. There's an expectation of RETURN. When you grow older, you MUST eventually come back to take care of not only said mother, but also her children that she had well after you turned adult. You should be happy to visit and do all the chores in the house and take care of everything for free after having over half your paycheck stolen from you every single payment because "You owe me for everything I've done for you." the entire time you're in highschool. Did I mention I was forced into employment at 16? This was in response to me struggling in school. That's right. Me doing worse in school urged my mother to force me to just try and skip it and make money now. What?? I was born and suddenly I'm saddled with debt before I even get out the gate? And no discounts despite all the beatings, how fun. I'm abandoning her completely. I'm proud to say I can't even really remember her face anymore. People are such horrible, gross creatures. It's only in typing this out now, honestly, that I realize I was purely a financial investment for my mother. I'm glad that investment detonated for her.
What doesnt make sense to me is that people in the United States want their kids to leave the house at 18 but they also want their kids to take care of them when they' re old
I wasn’t kicked out at 18 but I had plenty of friends that were. And they hated their families for it. One of my friends left on her own because she was being SA’d by a family member that lived with them. And her parents chose him over their daughters. The rest were just thrown to the wolves. They couldn’t do much of anything for themselves because they weren’t taught by their parents. They asked me for financial advice because nobody taught them at home.
I know you mean well, but don't offer them financial advise, or if so, offer them the basics and resources to learn more, you aren't a financial advisor, it's not your job, and if you do give it to them you are not only legally obligated, but also if they lose money they'll look badly at you. Give basics like investing into funds, diversifying and online resources, more than enough.
@@Rose-uf1eh the police and the social worker believed my mother that I was just severely mentally ill and just made the whole story up because when I told her what happened the first time she refused to believe me nor take me to a hospital so there really wasn’t much evidence and I was kept under lock and key in that house so I couldn’t really just leave and go to the hospital on my own at the time. I’m 24 now it’s been years I had time to process it I stil view my grandmother as my mother honestly. But I’ve heard a lot of similar stories from other women as well some people just shouldn’t be parents.
This happened to my husband. He was a good hard working child, teen and as an adult. His parents kicked him out at 18 for wanting to hang out with his friends for 2 hours after getting off work WITH ONE HOUR NOTICE! His parents have been nothing but trouble for us. He is the only one of his siblings that had never been arrested and actually became a cop later. His parents have the emotional maturity of 3 - 8 year Olds. They have never done him any favors and yet expect him to be their butler, they have wasted all their money doing exactly what they wanted but resent him for being an adult and having his own life now.
The first time I was kicked out, I was 11. She proceeded to kick me out every time she was mad, if I spoke back, or what it felt like..if she was bored. Homelessness was a form of punishment. I never felt a sense of security. What do little girls do on the streets? I wasn't even old enough to get a job. She didn't raise me at all or teach me anything. Now at 40, she is sick and her hand is out. She need to keep that same energy!! I'm protecting what I built. ❤
My wife’s dad did something like this but a bit more sinister. Around when she was 17 going to 18; He charged her $600 for rent on their house and would increase it so he could buy stuff for himself or Christmas presents for the family. He’d also tell her it was due at a certain day and then come for it early and threaten to kick her out if she didn’t give it to him early. He’d threaten to kick her out the house at the drop of a hat all the time and wouldn’t let her eat any of the food in the house. I know some people are thinking “maybe he was making a savings account for her” he was not. He spent every extra dollar he charged her. Then he was shocked and angry when she up and left his house. Dude had a lot of issues but this was arguably the worst thing he ever did.
14:50 ish when she said, "I didn't have my kids to abandon them," that brought me to happy tears. It is beautiful when a mother (or future possible mother) truly loves her children.
The same people who are kicking their kids out at 18 they are same ones being mad at millennials and gen z for not having kids not knowing that most are either traumatized or not stable enough to raise a kid, why have kids to let them suffer? Why have kids if hate them? Why have kids if you’re going to compete with them?
I was not able to live at home past 14 due to neglect and abuse. I'm now 37 and have friends still living at home at 27 - they've never been outside the home. This means when she does leave she will buy her own home as she's saving the rent money for a deposit (In Aus most rental properties are now $500+ per week). Families supporting each other should be the norm, especially in this economy and with how the world is Xx
I had to leave home at 18/19 because of abuse as well and it worked out because i had a bf at the time amd i got a couple of nice lucky breaks. My parents did help financially a little at the start because they felt guilty and had talked a big game about not being like "those" parents who's kids need to move out at 18. But it was at the cost ofy mental health and they were incredibly unreliable with their financial help. So, I just had to figure it out by myself. The kicker was that in those early years they would call *me* for help with their taxes or ask me to fork over my tuition credit. I eventually learned to refuse it. The last nail in the coffin was when my mother asked me for my tuition credit for the year where she refused to offer any financial help and I was starting to work in a career field tied to my degree. I still remember how baffled she was when I told her no.
@mydarlingfreak796 To be honest. It is the norm in other countries around the world. That's why we are so shocked and appalled that it is even happening in America. On paper, they are adults at 18, but in reality, it couldn't be further from the truth.
Relatable. I was kicked out at 14 and was very abused and neglected also. Now. I’m in my 30’s with my own children. And feel like a migrant in my own country. And stuck living in a hotel. Because I can’t afford any of these places. And even if I did fork out the cash? Idk how I’m expected to be able to afford feeding my kids. Also. It’s not going to happen. Oh Canada 🇨🇦🤦🏻♀️☠️
I’ve been estranged from my mom over half my life. And my parents? Know me and their grand kids are homeless in a hotel rn. And can not be bothered with it and still want to sell their house.. they hung up on my 11 year old daughter recently and block and ignore my call now.. thanks mom and dad!
My mental health was absolutely tanking around this time and it caused fights around the house. I would try over and over again to talk to my parents about getting me help. mom walked into my room one day at age 19 and said to me " you need to leave." It was also at the beginning of covid on new years eve. I was able to stay with a friend until i got back on my feet but it still plays through my mind to this day. She claims she doesnt remember, but I always will.
Recently turned sixteen and my mum said that if I didn’t get a job, she’d kick me out. I went, got an interview, got accepted only to find out that I cannot legally be hired for another 6 months until I’ve finished my GCSEs. She still wants to hold it over my head, saying she’ll kick me out if I don’t get a job, mama I can’t even work yet!!
My mum is Japanese married to someone from the UK and so often gleefully told me growing up how she would kick us out at 18 and she couldn't wait. I left home at 17 actually to start uni. Soon after I turned 30, something bad happened and I ended up in another country not being able to work or find a job and with no money. My father invited me home to find a job and get back on my feet. After four days back in my home country/parent's home (I hadn't lived there for about 5 years) my mother demanded I start paying rent, called me a ungrateful failure and that I should already be married. She grabbed me and tried to push me out the door at 2am to walk the streets. I was an adult at that point, but if you don't want me there, don't invite me. I've learned I can't rely on my parents for anything to be honest, and even if it's hard it's better to never ask them.
The lady that took a ride from a stranger, that story hit hard. Thank God she crossed paths with a dad that warned her. That could have easily turned fateful or SA otherwise. Vulnerability is what evil people look for.
I had to legally fight my mom evicting me from her house. She "thought" I was autistic growing up but I went without any therapy or basic parental guidance for life, despite my very evident struggles. I was diagnosed with autism and ptsd in my early 20s. Kicking me out in that state would have been a death sentence. I'm now almost 30 and have never been able to afford the tens of thousands of dollars for the specialized therapy I need to function in life. Please guide your kids and address any major issues immediately.
I was undiagnosed autistic until i was 19 years old, and my mother thought i was lazy/freeloading her when in reality i was struggling and had been, especially in school since 4 years old and i ended up dropping out and i started working but couldn’t keep a job when my mental would decline and now i have serious depression that would worsen in the winter even worse. I love her but id ended up leaving to live with my dad. I’m 21 years old and work at toyota now.
Wow this is so similar to my life too.. My mum used my autism against me to have me removed from our home that I was on the lease for because I was SA’d by a family member and not getting over it like she wanted. She also happened to kick me out 2 weeks before the whole world shut down from C*vid. I had thousands of dollars sitting in an account for my disability costs. She sabotaged the couple of therapies I already had in place like occupational therapy & physiotherapy and flat out didn’t want to organise anything to do with the SA or trauma fueled meltdowns that were affecting me badly, let alone pay for anything even when the money was accessible to her. She used it for cigarettes though. She tried to turned my therapists & family on me and verbally abused them when they wouldn’t join her in her smear campaign to have me “committed” to a mental hospital. She even called me a sl*t for the SA and smirked while saying it, then denied ever saying so saying I “made it up to make myself feel better” while saying my ptsd flashbacks were just like my dad, who did have ptsd & passed away years before I was diagnosed. He is the reason why I had the money for help in the first place and all it got spent on was her and then all of my moving costs since she kicked me out. I still don’t have a permanent place to live & am extra scared of homelessness because I have nowhere to go & now have no car to sleep in again like I had to two years ago. I’m almost 30 and have achieved nothing in life in 10 years trying to clean up the mess still from her act of punishment because as I’ve found out since, she doesn’t like me & never has, I’ve never been a normal little girl, I’ve always been f*cked in the head, I’m not the only one it happened to or that has problems and she “wants me to suffer in the same way she did until she had to get over it as well” word for word how she said these things & I’ll never forget any of them. She’s also bipolar so it’s wonderful having this stuff randomly thrown at me in her often manic episodes with no preparation whatsoever or knowing where she’s going to come from even when blocked on multiple devices/accounts. Sorry for long reply but I really resonate with your comment. Narcissism is a different world to be in but being in that world having autism yourself, is honestly like walking hell on earth. You don’t need enemies when you have a mother like this.
@@Bug.Carltonare you expecting a child to fund the costs of medical bills 100% themselves? I need to ask how that would practically work and do you expect children to pay their own dental bills, pharmacy bills, maybe even grocery bills as well?
The majority of parents in America women in particular hate their children and regret having them because they were told it was their job to grow up and have kids they had them to comply not because they wanted them this is why I fully support the 4b movement I was an unwanted and hated child
Yes! I’m in my 60’s and was treated as a burden (in private) and a show pony (for public display). From 12 I had to work for money for clothes and personal products. I would receive “fancy” clothes as presents, so I could be dressed up to show off at church and events. Attended an Ivy at 17. She bragged on me (even though she told me I could not go) and complained about how expensive it was (even though she only paid my transportation home for holidays, because I told her I wouldn’t pay a dime to return). Parents definitely didn’t want us (4 kids) and didn’t want us to do better than them. They enrolled my brother in Navy at 17 (kicked him out), wouldn’t pay for our college, actual stole money that was gifted to us. Instead of lifting us up, they tried to stomp us down.
My older sister told me that she would be kicking out her only child on her 18th birthday...and THEN, she literally said that since her only child had turned 18, she was no longer a mother!!! That her days of being a mother were over!!! 😮🤯 I have four kids...and I will be absolutely thrilled if they want to live with me after they turn 18. They can live with me forever if they want to! Either way, I will always be their mom. That's a lifetime commitment and title!
How much do you want to bet that if her child has a child she’ll start thinking she has grandparent’s rights? I hope her kid sets huge boundaries with her during that time if she decides to have children of her own.
My mother bought me dishes, silverware, drinking glasses, pots and pans for Christmas during my Junior year in high school. Not that she didn’t tell me my whole life, after high school I need to move out; message was loud and clear that day - Merry Christmas My daughter is 20, she can’t decide on a direction and feels guilty for needing my financial support. I told her numerous times I’d rather her move out when she was ready, not before, and she’s welcomed to stay as long as she needs. (divorced her father 12 years ago. Finances was a struggle until recent years.) It saddens me, this is one of the take aways from her childhood - anxiety around finances.
I'm American, but my mom is Filipino, and i was raised very culturally Filipina. My son is 23, lives at home, and as far as I'm concerned he can continue living here as long as he likes, regardless of how many years that is. It's definitely a Western culture thing, this out at 18 stuff, and there's a lot of contributing factors as to why. But that doesn't change the fact that it's a selfish and cruel idea, and one that I'd like to see go away. Multigenerational households make sense, and it sets your young adult up for success later on down the road. Shouldn't that be what every parent wants for their kids?
My in-laws are Filipino and can attest to this. My husband and I had to move home in out 30s to save up to get stability but we still helped with bills. That welcome home was a huge turning point and am so grateful
@@Maialeen It's illegal to not support your child, if they're not able to support themselves yet here in Austria. Whether it be because of Uni, bad job market or illness.
It's not a Western culture thing. This is illegal here in Austria. You have to support your children if they're not able to work yet, because of Uni, a bad job market or illness. It's a pull-yourself-up-by-bootstrapsmentality thing.
Most of the time multi generations living together in America just isn’t possible. A lot of people live in tiny apartments or homes, and the others just don’t have contact with a lot of family members… it’s sad honestly
When I became a teenager, my mom kept counting down the days until I turned 18 despite me being great in school/nerd, no drugs/alcohol, giving money to her, etc. When I did turn 18, she kept asking me when I’m going to move out especially with my evil stepdad in the household. Mind you I stayed in my room and out the way🤦🏾♀️ I’ve been living on my own since last year basically since my mom and stepdad purchased a new construction home. The previous house was my childhood home that he moved into and was very abusive. I have no generational wealth and my mom would ask me for money.
@@jazzisojazzy2642that’s truly so sad. She cares more for her husband than she does you and you still find it in your heart to love her. Better than me.
In my country you are financially responsible for your kid until they are 18 if they are not going to school or until they are 26 if they continue their education. Not only you can't kick them out but you have to buy them food, clothes, etc or give them money for that. If parents don't want to do that you will go to court and the law will force them to give their kids enough money so they can live at the same living standard as parents are. You would think in a culture where you have to pay for education parents will be more likely to let their children stay with them but no... what's wrong with so many americans? Are there still lead water pipes in the US?
@@yeetthefeetus3384 Poland, and we have (somewhat) free education and (somewhat) free health care and you are still financially responsible for your kid. Now here you are getting money from the national budget for having a child but laws about being financially responsible for your kid are much older than those social benefits. Social benefits for having kids are from 2016 and law about being financially responsible for your kid even if they are adult is from 1964
@@toidIllorTAmI you should work on your reading skills because you should clearly see "MANY Americans". Not even "most", just "many". Or was it sarcasm? It's hard to tell just through text
What's not to understand? They never wanted to be parents in the first place but didn't think about that before popping out babies - probably unplanned and irresponsible. That, or they had kids for selfish reasons and realized part way through that the benefits they were seeking didn't outweigh the responsibilities. Either way, they became parents without understanding what parenting is. It doesn't end when kids turn a certain age. It’s a role that lasts until you die. How dare these people bring life into the world and treat their own children like burdens? It's actually disgusting.
My mother was a troubled teen, but she was pregnant whem her parents kicked her out. She ended up moving in with her grandparents and still kept contact with her parents all her life, but she will never forget how they treated her when she messed up. She needed support and compassion in that moment and all they had for her was a cold shoulder
I moved out at 19. came back at 25. still here at 31. Grateful that the house type we have lets me have my own apartment so we have shared and separate spaces. but it's nice to be able to rely on each other. I've had friends move in for a time to save money too because their parents didn't let them move back. I can help my mom out more. We have brunch every Sunday morning. it's nice and i don't regret it. plus. it's letting me pay down my student debt.
I left for University at 18 for my own sanity. My mum tried to sabotage the whole thing. In toxic parents, they expect you to provide for THEM. I can’t imagine treating my daughters the way I was treated. They can live with me as long as they need to get on their feet ❤
I turned 18 half way through my senior year. I still had a whole semester of high school. Can't imagine my parents doing that. Our rule was as long as you were still going to school you didn't have to pay rent to stay.
That was my parents rules too lol. If I quit, which I did. I had to pay rent but I ended up moving out anyways with my now husband. Which I think is pretty fair. Not the whole rent obviously lol
I grew up being told my job as her kid was to finish school. I was 18, still had a year of highschool left and I got kicked out because I couldn't be financially abused anymore due to my age. I wish I could was it wasn't a traumatic experience but it was. She wouldn't just let me pack in peace (which I was already doing before my birthday cause I had a feeling), taunting me and calling the cops on me. They didn't even exercise MY RIGHTS they backed her up when I was still a kid. She sprayed my babies cats with raid all other their faces and foods. They were babies. Three months old. It left scars ontop of the ones I already had. I finish highschool but since I have to work a lot to provide for myself and the family I fought to have for myself.. I couldn't attend my graduation. That I put myself through. It hurts. Even more so because everyone thinks finishing your highschool is something anyone and everyone can do and it's nothing special... Other kids had support.. I'm 23 now pretending im not damaged goods to everyone so I don't get seen as lesser.
I am a parent whose child left at 18. I had people judging and saying I pushed him out too soon, which I didn’t. He was ready to go. I raised him to be independent and taught him how to take care of himself. He is thriving, married, has a child, never needed to move back in which he is welcome if his family needed to, never asks me for money. My son impressed me with how well he did after he moved out. He is my baby, and that's why I prepared him. What I think some people don't understand is that you aren’t raising a baby. You're raising a future adult. It is possible for young people to do just fine after high school.
I was cut off at 16 , officially kicked out at 18 as well. I was homeless by 19-20 .. homelessness had me doing drugs, involved in gangs, committing crimes , the one thing I refused to do was sell myself, which resulted in me being raped by a few men ..and is what made me sit down . I met my childrens father at 20 , he put a roof over my head and taken care of me/ put me on my feet . Which I'm very thankful for. 4 children / 10 years later we are no longer together but is someone I can still call ,he always stays close by . And is someone I will always look out for as well. I have no regrets.. but I am very protective of my children and I have broken generations of curses . I know what to teach my children.. my trauma makes me look at life completely different and with humbleness . I hope to raise my children to be grateful , motivated and humble as well. With lots of love .. My home will always be my childrens . And one day their childrens ❤️
The tiktok by Slippy brings up a really solid point. As a parent, unless you have fulfilled your responsibility to teach, encourage and support your child in building the necessary skills to succeed in this world, you have no business trying to kick them out as soon as you can. Now if the child chooses to reject your efforts that falls on them, but if you completely neglect your role as a parent to help your child prepare for living on their own and just hope they figure it out themselves… you’re failing them as a parent.
i live in germany and earn a lot of comments and looks for living at home at the age of 31. but i do have and lead my own very independent life and i absolutely adore being with my family. they would never ask me to leave, nor throw me out. they dont want to take money from me, not even for rent, thats why i put gas in their car tanks and buy groceries and pay a portion of their bills. this sharing experience makes me feel so loved and makes me want to give them back the feeling of shelter and love i have received all my life! if i ever get to have kids, they will be living in this house and with me, for as long as they need and want.
I graduated high-school at 17. My family and I went out to eat after my graduation ceremony, and then I went to the senior graduation party by myself. When I came home the next day, my Mom had all of my stuff packed up in boxes and informed me that I no longer lived there. She didn't leave me homeless, thankfully. She paid a month's rent on my new place 30 miles away. 😊 Now, I'm a parent. I will let my kids stay as long as they need.
I’m from Greece, and my parents were heartbroken when I moved abroad. I’m 30 now, and they still tell me I have a bed and a plate of food if I need to come back.
@ they’re Greek parents he umbilical cord will always be there in spirit.😂 But it’s nice to know I have a support system in case of emergency. I feel bad for other people who don’t and end up in hard or dangerous situations because the people that should have been there for them let them down. I guess it’s part of my culture.
@ yes I’m American. It’s a good thing 18 is the legal age because we have to grow up sooner! parents should not be worried about their 30-year-old children that are financially responsible for themselves
I was kicked out at 17 and at 20. When i was 17, my parents decided i was grown enough to take care of myself. I moved back in when they begged me to come back to continue managing the household and raising my sibs after 6 or so months. The second time, I'd failed out of college, had to move back home, and was dealing with severe depression. My mom kicked me out after two weeks for making her feel bad that she'd intentionally sabotaged me in college so i would come back. Moved in with my grandparents and refused to come back after that.
I live my parents in my 30s. It's seen as I'm lazy or a failure. Doesn't matter that I pay rent because it's cheaper than starving to death in an apartment I can't afford.
Great topic! My kids are 13 and 16, they know they can live here as long as they need to. My parents are well off but made me leave at 18 and still refuse to help me as a single parent.
But why opt to have children when you are struggling? Knowing what I went through, there's no way in hell I am having children until I can afford them ON MY OWN. Why would you put yourself in that predicament?
@@ferzinhaN The fucking privilege you have to think having children is always a choice. "Why would you put yourself in that predicament" assuming people have full control of the entirety of issues they have to deal with?, go outside and socialize with actual humans. Your sense of reality is fucked.
I'm South African, 21 still living with my parents but my mom is quite abusive so while I'm here I'm trying to save up to leave as soon as possible. Being the oldest child comes with more burden of no enjoyment or free time because I take care of the kids and my parents just have me as a free babysitter.
I'm Mexican Guatemalan, and my kids and I live with my parents and disabled brother. We help each other out any way we can. My kids are 18 and 26. I'm thankful and grateful for my family.
One of my friends were kicked out from home when he was 19. He found a job the same day and started to live together with his girlfriend and so far, he's doing good. I'm really proud of him and I admire him because he became mature pretty quickly and even has his own band now and a circle of friends who support him.
I'm 33 and I'm living with family for school. Before that, I was living with my parents after I graduated college. Both are luckily well off and are happy and willing to give me a room. For sure, I felt so embarrassed that I didn't have my own place or a job, but my dad said to never feel shame about that. As long as my end goals are being financially stable and independent, I can stay as long as I need.
Yeah... I'm 24, and my parents never explicitly kicked me out, but basically deprived me of food and support to the point I no longer felt welcome, and I left. It's been rough going since, but at least I know how to survive the worst of things (even though that's genuinely not necessary...)
This is why I hate the pressure from society to have kids, it leads to parents who shouldn’t be parents. It leads to neglected and/or abused kids. Don’t have kids if you don’t want to. Don’t have kids if you’re not financially able to. Don’t have kids if you’re gonna treat them like slaves and be their landlord instead of their parent. I’m so tired of people underestimating the massive and never ending responsibilities of having kids.
Yes! Humans are not a monolith. All of us are not capable of properly raising children, whether it's mental health issues, financial issues, health issues, genetic issues, etc it doesn't matter. I will always support and have more respect for people who admit they are not fit to be a parent and make their choices accordingly, whether it's working on being a better fit or choosing to not have children at all.
Absolutely. I wanted, more than anything, to be a mom and wife. I see so many degenerates neglecting and abusing their kids and believe they didn't have to be a parent. As far as moving out, my 11 year old tentatively broached the subject of moving out at 18. I said she had a home and that wouldn't change based on age.
There are bad parents who wish their kids had never been born and there are bad parents who love their kids, because they can toy with them abusively. This isn't an easy issue to solve.
we’re no longer accepting trauma bonds or staying stagnant in codependency! if you hate me that much when i’m young, don’t ever need me again when you’re old!
I like the idea of having a child "pay rent" after 18, and secretly putting it away and giving the lump sum when they want to move out to help them adjust that first year being out on their own
I got screamed at to get out when I was 18 and I took that as final, I really did want to move out way younger around like 16; Yes my home was very neglectful and abusive (More of mental abuse but some psychical) which made me just ugh, I just wanted to hide away in bed and forget that my mother existed. On the other hand I was very fortunate to get into a decent but small apartment to which I am grateful for because my grandma helped me out especially when waiting to get my place, Life has been much more peaceful but yet lonely however I am very glad that I made the right choice instead of continuing the abusive cycle which wouldn't have been good for me. Also my mother still decides that she wants to see me when I want nothing to do with her 😂 My life has been better without her! Edit: I'll be 21 this January so it's kinda a fresh story.
My boys are still with me at 22! They both work and go to school and I love having them here. It’s so ridiculous to toss your kids out there and hope for the best. Not here at this house.
For some reason when I graduated highschool- I was already 18- my mom wanted me to start paying rent (as a punishment) before I left for college in another state that fall. I said hell no and hurriedly switched my start date to the summer semester. My mom had the gall to cry as I moved into the dorms.
if that’s what you deem as bad, then sure. i know plenty of people who smoke with their parents. i’m sure they’re talking about literal defiance and irresponsibility
Ok well one, there’s many definitions of “bad”. Who said that’s what qualifies them getting kicked out?? And two….yes. LOL. There’s definitely extremities to it but yeah acting out of line warrants getting tf out.
My Asian parents are strict, but I’m forever grateful that they welcome me to stay at their house for as long as I want or need to. This allows me to save a lot of money and spend it on vacations that they want to go on.
I worked from the age of 12. I was licensed for babysitting (CPR and first aid) through the Red Cross. My grandparents gave me $50 bonds for my birthday and Christmas each year from when I was a baby through high school graduation. They cost $25 to purchase and are worth 50 when they mature. We were taught in 8th grade how to manage a checkbook and checking account. We had to do mock budgets with current area wages and cost of living right down to budgeting for entertainment and recreation. My parents helped me set up a checking and savings account as soon as I started a regular babysitting gig after school. It was a family from church that lived right across the street from school. I would walk over after school since they both worked second shift. I was basically a nanny for 3 kids for 8 hours and then they'd drive me home. I got to do my homework while chilling with the kids. My parents taught me to make and save as much as I could before turning 18 and I had to pay taxes.
The first story is crazy, getting kicked out as soon as ur an “adult” is insane. Ik completely unrelated to the video but why is her whole outfit vibe slaying, especially her hair 😂😅 Love ur videos
I was kicked out the day of my high school graduation (10 days after i turned 18) I had ZERO places to go - with my cap and gown still on I loaded up what my mom allowed me (no bed, no dresser, only clothes) into my car and drove around town. Thankfully my aunt and uncle opened their doors and I moved into their home then after a couple months I moved in with my sister (her house was in town thus saving in gas and wear and tear on the car - gravel road aren't the nicest) I was told years later, after I became a mother myself, the reason she kicked me out was simply because I told her "No, not today" about working at her store - mind you senior year is full off projects and activities - she stated I had nothing but an attitude all the time and couldn't do anything.
Im sorry to hear that but I’m glad you’re out of that woman’s house. I won’t address her as a mother, I don’t see people that do this as true, loving parents.
This is very encouraging, I always feel bad living with my parent, they’re supportive but sometimes I feel like a failure for it since for a short while I was independent but had to come back because it was too expensive to live on my own. Some people are really judgmental about this so I’m glad you’re not busiswa! (I’m 23 and trying!)
Don't be, I only moved out at that age because I was finishing higher ed and saving for a downpayment since rents were already getting to be insane. And I was on my way to be married and 2 incomes makes the dream work, sorta. There's weird pop culture and nonsense that are judgmental, if some coworker or stranger is weird about it, just say it's the European way. Out here in Canada, where I live, people usually say "you're so lucky" if they find out you can still live with parents given the housing costs. Unless you're 35, then people start to wonder. You better be taking care of parents or grandparents, or encountered bs in your life, otherwise it's at least a little odd.
@@DevinOwens-wf6nkliving with your parents doesn’t mean you don’t grow up. I definitely think people should move out at some point (unless they are severely mentally disabled), but if you aren’t in the right financial situation it will not regress your maturity just to stay with them for a bit 😂
@@DevinOwens-wf6nkthis some American shit and only Becuase even fucking Europeans don’t believe in that shit 🤣like it’s slow to just move out with nothing In hand when u can move out with potentially alot of money in hand I mean my uncle bought a whole house with out a loan just by staying with my grandpa for 5 years hell 😭
As a 17 yo, This is INSANE, I know the age of 18 might be consider the age of maturity and adulthood, But some 18 yo aren't even that matured yet, they still need your guidance and supervision as a freaking parent ‼️‼️ atleast till they get married or they have a really good job ( very good ) then you SUGGEST ( not kick out) YOU SUGGEST they get an apartment or smth
Glad you're feeling better!!! I was 18 in 1973 and couldn't wait to go out on my own!! Left at 19. But it was my choice. Kicking kids out at 18 for no reason makes no sense to me
I'm so happy that my mom told me that me and my sister can stay as long as we'd like until we get our shit together. I'm 19 and I low key was scared my mom and dad were gonna kick me out soon, but I literally hugged her so hard when she told me "I really don't understand why parents (especially black parents) kick out their own babies at 18 and expect them to do well without any sort of experience or anywhere to go. As long as you're doing what you're supposed to do and helping pay a bill or two you can stay until you're ready to leave." I love my mom so much y'all I'm thankful for her everyday. Like I'm still figuring out what I wanna do, I didn't have much of a plan for myself other than the military but due to my mental history I was unable to join, so this made me feel absolutely grateful.
This conversation is often a lot more complicated than "good kids" or "bad kids" getting kicked out at 18 or younger. I was a "bad kid". I was an addict, and I refused to go to school. Most of my "bad kid" behaviors weren't really a problem for my mom though. She really didn't care, as long as it didn't effect her. However, I got kicked out at 18 all the same, because of some drama with my mom's boyfriend. You see, my mom's boyfriend was saying nasty, perverted things to my sister, who was only 14 at the time. I said something along the lines of "If he touches you, I'll be sure he goes to prison for it.", and when my mom's boyfriend later apologized to my sister, she told him what I'd said. So my mom kicked me out, and I had to stay with my grandma for about a month until I could get a place with my dad and this lady he met in a mental hospital. Edit: As a stepmother to a 15 year old girl, there's no way in hell I'd kick her out at 18, or not let her move back in with us.
Seriously, it's not hard not to be extremely loud coming into the home. The curfew was to keep some type of control. Football games go past that time, so if they decide to attend such an event to support a family member then their parents going to block them from coming thru their door cause it is past 10pm, wow dumb of the parents. Sure they don't have a 10pm curfew. @@JAM661
@@ItsJae_37 They do, it is their house. Having said that, most reasonable adult parents will only impose curfew within reason. If someone has to get up early the next morning and you come into the house/apartment like a hurricane after staying out or you start cooking or something, they're within their rights to impose it at their home. The solution is to plan your nightly adventures so you cause the least inconvenience and communicate it. Otherwise if parents are treating you like you're 5 just because you won't move out, they're only a step up after the ones that just kick you out. They want you gone, they're just nice enough not to say it to your face, they'll just inconvenience you into leaving. My parents started being a pain in my ass and weren't respecting my working schedule (worked from home part way during covid before flying the coop), but they cried when I left home and weren't enthused about an apartment search. Some parents are just oblivious and have trouble seeing their adult kids like adults.
It is a privilege to have a supportive family. Im European. I was living on friends couches 15-16 and got my own place at 18. I was taught no life skills, no financial literacy. Im in my 30s, my credit is finally just going back up.
For most Africans our parents allow/let us move out the day of our wedding!! If they allowed you to live on campus during your university years, you are expected to go back home after graduation; unless you convince them that you found an amazing job somewhere far from home. Even that takes a lot of convincing when you are a female child!!
I was kicked out when I turned 18. I saw it coming due to the years of emotional neglect and constantly being told that I don't have any "rights" until I turned 18. I started working full time at 16 to buy a car. Still didn't have enough to live off of because it was minimum wage. After I was kicked out, I worked 60+ hours a week until I could afford an apartment (I had been staying with friends in the meantime). In the end, I was incredibly lucky and found out that I had an inheritance that was transferred to me when I turned 18. I graduated from University and worked 6 years in the military. I'm 32 now and living a comfortable life. I'm married and have my own child. I will never forgive my mother for kicking me out. I stopped talking to her years ago, but our relationship truly died the day she kicked me out. Every time I look at my child, I couldn't imagine ever treating him the way I was treated by my own mother. I think she wanted me to suffer in life and that's the reason she kicked me out. I think she wanted me to end up homeless and desperate because I didn't appreciate her enough. I think that's also why she thought she'd reach out to me years later and we would just bond over shared trauma, I guess.
I’m in my late 20s still live at home, pay my parents rent, and help them around the house and help them in their older age. I do plan to move out some day but not until I find a significant other or friends who want to be roommates. Had a really bad experience in college with an abusive roommate and am very nervous of living with people I don’t completely trust after that, and where I live even my full time and part time job that work can’t cover an apartment without roommates unfortunately.
@katierucker2870 Also not creating space and a mindset for success for your children. People that don't prepare their children for the world suck. Don't have them or too many if you don't have the money and patience to do so.
I had to stay with my parents until marriage. I got married at 24 turning 25! And dad literally told my husband upfront that he was my provider now it’s my husbands job! If he can’t step up and do that than it’s a hard NO. I come from a EXTREMELY cultural and religious family. I was a virgin until I got marriage. My husband was my first kiss.
My boomer dad was kicked out at 18, ended up having to sleep in people’s basements and live with his older brothers for a while. Didn’t talk to his dad for a long time, and even after they reconnected and his dad has now been dead for 16 years, he still talks about how he could never do something as awful as his dad did to him.
My mother was an addict with 7 kids and kicked me out just after my 15th birthday, leaving me with no choice but to move in with my on and off boyfriend . Thank you for this video, not enough people talk about this..
I was kicked out at 17 and pregnant because I wouldnt “get rid” of my baby. I was a great kid previous, was still in school... But it was best thing for me. My 18 yr old is not getting kicked out. We are helping her buy her first home. It’s a trailer in a trailer park. But it’s 3br, her lot rent will only be $500/mo and she’s inviting her friends as roommates. All bills will be $350/mo each (1050 total for just her if she was alone). Don’t kick your kids out. Help support them to find an affordable way to support themselves. Unfortunately today, it is extremely hard to find affordable living.
I've always told my kids they can always stay/ come home. They both left when they wanted. They both came home for awhile when I got cancer and I couldn't really take care of their dad. My oldest and my grandbabies are still here, taking care of us and my youngest helps whenever I ask. I try to help whenever/however I can, but my babies are protective and they always have my back. ❤❤❤❤
My daughter just turned 18 about two months ago. I can see that she clearly isn’t ready to be out on her own trying to navigate life. I’ve taught her a lot of life skills thus far. There’s a lot that she’s just doesn’t know. She’s not ready to be out in the world like I was at 18 winging it and trying to figure it out. She’s getting ready to apply to colleges. I told her that she doesn’t have to feel obligated to live on campus since I know she’s worried about the cost of getting her education. She’s still welcome to live at home and go to school as it’ll be cheaper. I’m going to help cover the cost of college so that she doesn’t finish with tens of thousands of dollars of student loan debt plaguing her as she fully enters the workforce after graduation. I’m set to retire in less than four years and told her I’d be building my retirement home and building her a tiny house (399sq ft) in the back. This way, if she wants to, she can live there (charged really low rent and paying her own utilities to allow her to have some independence and allow her to learn some more of those life lessons), while having a little bit of security/safety net. It’ll also help her to save her money. No point in bleeding herself dry and stressing about how she can afford to live off of what she’s making if she doesn’t have to for a little while until she’s more stable. But even then, I told her that even if she is making great money after college, she’s welcome to live in the tiny house for as long as she wants. It’s hers.
This was my reality I got kicked out when I turned 18 in 2022. Forcing me to live and depend on my current boyfriend. Trapping me in so many ways and its something i would never wish on anyone. But narcissistic parents exist. We got this! Just never give up on yourself or you will not make it.
My dad and his wife sent me and my brother (year younger than me) to live with our grandparents when I was 18. The catalyst was that my brother (who btw was a special ed kid, has always had behavioral problems) hadn’t taken a shower in like 2 days. Not great but he’s a 17yo boy what do you expect. They forced us to apologize to them and beg our dad to let us come home after spending 4 months with our grandparents. About 6 months later I left to join the military and they put my brother in a group home that teaches special education children how to live on their own, get a job, pay bills, etc. I came home about 8 months later after I finished my training and they had just left my brother in the group home and not really checked on him. They kicked me out again when I was 19 when I was so very deep in depression I was basically a shell of a person. They haven’t talked to me since and I’m 25. I prefer it this way. I am thankful for what they did because it led me to meet my husband and now we have an amazing life with a 1yo daughter and another one on the way. My brother is doing alright now too he has a good paying job and a family of his own.
I was never kicked out. I actually lived with my parents until I was 27. However, living with my parents was not good because I was financially supporting them and 5 younger siblings. I'm not the oldest child, I have older siblings too, but they didn't care about those that were still living with the parents, so I had to step up and care for my younger ones. I know it's not my responsibility to care for my younger ones, but our parents never really supported us and teach us life skills, so I stayed with my parents to care for the younger ones. And both my parents dont work, so if I leave, they will be homeless. I love my younger ones, and didn't want that to happen, so I decided to stay. And it was hell living with my parents. It was their house, but I was paying for it.
That’s messed up your parents did you and your siblings dirty like that. I couldn’t imagine asking my child for money, even if I were struggling. Your parents should’ve paid you back at the very least. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I wasn’t kicked out (until 19), but the pressure to move out even at the age of 16 was tremendous. My mom’s siblings, who were rarely even in our lives, would gossip to my grandma and call me and my older brother losers for still living with the family.
I remember my stepmom telling me when I graduated high school that I was no longer welcome and was considered a “trespasser” in my father’s home. I was told to either get married or go to college. I went to college but they still insisted on telling me where I could be and when. Pick your lane!
I moved out at 23 and my mom didn't want me to go then!! There is absolutely NO world in which I would kick my son out!! She didn't do it to me and I'm not doing it to him!!
"I grieved the mother i deserved, not the one who passed away." Damn that's deep
I feel that :( my mom lives in my building and I can’t even talk to her, she told my sisters that she only has 3 daughters not 4
Damn, that hurts. That's my dumbass mom saying "The ball is in your court if we talk again" Tf?? I don't owe you nothing??
CHILLS.
It’s sad but I completely agree 😢❤
@@carlacatyoI absolutely hate when parents put everything on their kids. It is not our responsibility to just put up with their garbage behavior to maintain relationships with them. Hearing stories like this makes me glad I don't have to deal with my mom anymore.
Imagine being a teenager and overly obsessing about how you will make it when your 18th birthday present is homelessness 😮
so fucked up
That was my husbands 18th bday present 😢
Yep kicked out at 12am that was an interesting experience
This is me right now. And I can't find a job, but only have two years to save up so I can have somewhere to live as soon as possible once I'm 18 💀💀💀
As someone who almost experienced that, I feel for other teenagers. Luckily for me my aunt took me in when I got kicked out of my house at 17.
I’m from a Caribbean household. An 18 year old is still a “child” to me. I moved out at 31 when I was financially stable and not struggling. Kicking kids out at 18 is WILD!
An 18 year old is a young adult
Maybe on paper but not really
I’m also from a Caribbean household. I was welcome to stay as long as I needed and could come back whenever I wanted. I moved out at 19, came back at 21, and moved back out at 22. My mom was actually sad I was leaving
if i said at 18 that i’d move out my parents would have had a heart attack, my mom tells me i should live at home until i get married but i don’t know 😂
The culture in America is horrible
I ran away at 20 and people keep belittling me telling me it's "normal to move out at that age, you didn't run away, you moved out" uhhhhhhh no????? Being abused and terrified to the point I'd rather be homeless isn't moving out, nor is it normal to move out 18,19,20.
Don't let anyone shame you!!! The Italian guy in this video had such good points. I relate!
I am on the opposite side of being kicked out, I’m being kept in, my parents don’t want to allow me to become an adult. I feel like I have to do the same and “run away” because they’re not teaching me anything, but they’re constantly treating me like shit and wanting me to do everything they want even if it’s not good for me. But I’m so scared of failing, I can’t bring myself to do it 😭
Hey, similar deal here. Running away into homelessness is DEFINITELY not the same as moving out, and whoever thinks otherwise needs to have their brain checked.
Omg same 💔 Had to deal with a jerk who said something very similar about my situation, where I had money stolen and was beaten terribly in my late teens...having to run from an abusive person and leaving everything behind (including my job!) is NOT the same thing as someone who had the option to save and move out peacefully. They know the difference, their just CHOOSING to not understand you. 💔
Left at 18 and never considered it running away, for my own well being I made the effort to live away from my parents and that involved being disconnected from any little support I had. You definitely ran away from a situation but you also moved out by finally maturing enough to make a decision for yourself and leave.
Some parents like to make every excuse in the world from "I raised them wrong" to "they need to learn real life" when they could just admit they don't care for their kids well-being and only had them because they felt pressured to have them by society.
Facts
It'd be a miracle to hear some fault on my parents' side! What I get is the fabled "there's something wrong with you."
My mom has done this a lot
Many of them were actually never pressured by anyone. They were sexually irresponsible as they were paternally irresponsible.
My sister is being kicked out at 18. She honestly deserves it. Shes difficult to live with. Shes horrible to my mother (telling her f*ck you, i hate you etc etc). Shes horrible to me. My mother is a good woman and shes a good mother. Sis and i have the typical sibling thing (we get along just not best friends and not all the time). Neither of us have done anything to deserve it. And we are being verbally and mentally abused by my sister. Some kids are absolutely awful and just NEED to leave. Shes got 7 months. We count down the days. Sometimes its not the parents fault. It’s entirely the kids fault
My mom kicked me out when I was 19. I was homeless and she locked me out of my accounts. She fell terminally ill during this time and demanded I come home and take care of her. She even got all her friends to try and contact me telling me to leave the school and housing I just got into to come back home and take care of her. Come back to what home? I remember how she smiled while telling me that was no longer my home and I wasn't welcome there.
For years, she told me she wished she aborted me, threatened to put me up for adoption, threatened my life. She told me when I was 18 I wasn't her problem, as well as the "I'm your parent, not your friend. I'll take away whatever I want and you can't do anything about it."
So, because I blocked all her attempts to make me come back, she left me out of the will entirely and I was NOT allowed to come to the house after and collect the things I BOUGHT. All because she believed I owed her my time after she put me in a dire situation for the second time. All because I was finally controlling my life, and for once she couldn't do anything about it.
I don't miss her. I grieve the mother I deserved, not the one that passed away. I paid bills since I was 16, took care of the farm and her animals, took care of her, gave her all MY money I made, and I was still garbage in her eyes no matter what I did.
If you turn your back on family, don't be surprised when their backs stayed turned to you too. Blood doesn't mean anything, and no one has to put up with or forgive abuse because your folks decided to bring a kid into the world. Period. Don't like kids? Keep your legs closed and keep it in your pants. It's not hard to do.
I experienced the same at 18! Was homeless in college. Dropped out after it's got pregnant (my issue) but I took accountability and grind to provide what my kid needs. She will never be treated how I was
Wow I’m so sorry you went through this, your mother sounds truly evil and sadistic; I truly believe my father is a narcissist so I can definitely relate. I’m glad you are out of that situation! God bless you, and here are some scriptures that I pray will fill you🩷🩷
Matthew 11:28 - Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:29 - Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Matthew 11:30 - For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
1 Corinthians 15:1 - Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
1 Corinthians 15:2 - By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:3 - For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
1 Corinthians 15:4 - And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:
Romans 4:5 - But to him that worketh not, but believeth on him that justifieth the ungodly, his faith is counted for righteousness.
Why do they do this?
@@mmc1227 because nobody loves you
Your mom was a classic narcissist
And when the parent reaches the age where they can't wipe they own behind the kids should leave them to fend for themselves 🤷🏾♀️ I'm all for reciprocity
🎉
💯💯
Omg I watch your videos funny seeing you here
My grandmother was lucky my mom was a good person
She emotionally abused my mom her entire life and she still took care of her until she couldn't and was there when she died because no one should die alone. Her brother was treated like a saint by her and never saw her.
So in your logic, the parents should have always neglected your care? (Lmfao this was some easy b8 and you all took it)
Yeah my parents are Asian and they would never kick me out. Usually Asian parents just let their children live with them until they're able to move out on their own.
Same in latin america except when you are married then you can leave and start a family
Yes its the same with Asian families@@coffee_2234
I’m an African American female and that was my parents they didn’t kick me nor my sister out even after we graduated college. They didn’t charge us rent and wanted wanted us to save up to buy a house.
@dawnjerido4897 yes its exactly what my parents are doing right now.
Yeah it’s very similar in Latin America
My 25yr old 'baby' just walked past my room on his way to get more Thanksgiving leftovers!! He has a job (found out a few hours ago that he is a candidate for a promotion at the turn of the year, yay!), he has a little business/side hustle and he wants to study some more. He will be here until HE decides he doesn't want to be, however, we recently had a conversation about trying to buy a house - we live in an apartment - so we can stay together but he can have his own space. One thing that he mentioned that kind of surprised me - but made me so touched, grateful and proud - was that staying with me gave HIM piece of mind because he didn't have to worry about me: economically, health-wise and safety-wise since he is my only child and I'm single. Even if he decided he wanted to go try it out, my door will NEVER be closed to him!!
❤ I love this. I'm so glad you two have each other.
my partner is also 25 and lives with his single mom, he is soon going to move to korea and will be taking mom with him
Whenever he marries . If it’s okay with him And his spouse maybe you guys can get a house with a mother in law suite. Some are just like a one bedroom apartment (bedroom, living room, dining area, kitchen) with it’s own entrance and parking area. That way you all can have privacy.
This is sweet, but sounds like som
Husbandry, this can stunt him while also helping him financially. Plz don’t let him be/make him a son husband
@@ccd5942 I always wanted an in-law house because my mom likes her space but also want to be in close proximity lol
I was a bad kid, and my parents sent me away to fix my shit. I fixed it and came back home, and my parents gave a phone, computer, and support to go to college. They used to even drive me to college and have always let me stay with them. I am incredibly grateful for them and want to continue to talk to them and take care with them. It's crazy that parents expect their kids to come back and take care of them when they are old, when they throw their kid out at 18.
congrats man
How bad
Good on you, friend.
My parents did this... I'm 30 now and my life is an absolute mess. They let my siblings stay until they were better established and they're doing much better than me
Sending hug for u buddy 🥺❤ i hope everything will be allright 💕💕💕 🫂❤
Story of my life and a struggle ever since. My parent was obviously n a r c in personality but a different personality around everyone else. Never diagnosed. Ppl hardly could believe anything I said happened to me
Same happened to me.
@carlismycat I'm so sorry..
@@Essetheartist I'm sorry.. I feel like a lot of us go through this and it's so sad.. 💔
This is 100% American culture. For a country that claims to value family, it takes every opportunity to destroy it.
I don't believe you can say you truly love your child and kick them out unprepared, basically making them homeless
Can't believe in this economy any parent would still show such abhorrent behaviour 😡 Hopefully karma reaches back to these so-called parents.
The ones that scream about the "boot strap" mentally are usually the ones that kick their kids out early. America is a very strange place.
Fr lol here in east europe everyone lives close with family unless they move for work, multi generational households are key for a healthy society, everyone needs a safety net and a tribe to rely on
And then these same parents expect you to care for them when they're old
Only in America or USA. I am not sure if Canada shares our insanity.
This isn't much the case now. Maybe don't generalize everyone because of a few TikToks.
Fellow African here. My mum didn’t let none of her kids go to University until a year after graduation. She wanted to make sure we had common sense before sending us to another man’s land/property to fend for ourselves. You had to know how to shop, cook, clean, manage your time and be proactive. THEN you could go to the school of your choice I. Whatever country would accept you.
Still fumbled the ball sometimes. But I could always go home/call home for help or advice.
Every vacation was spent at home or with my sisters. After University. We moved back home until we were ready to leave.
It’s so normal in Africa.
LOVE THIS! your mom is such a blessing
Wait so I’m confused, did you have a job in the area when you were home? I’d love to do this but there are no jobs in my area, and my career is so competitive that it’s encouraged to get an internship every summer while in college. I attend a college 12 hours away now. I’m thinking of settling for a job close enough to where I can come back to my parents on the weekend cuz there aren’t many if any at all in my hometown. ( I’m American btw!)
Thank you for sharing! I might do this with my kids! If they want to go right out of high school I don’t want to stop them but I love the idea of a gap year to teach them how to survive as an adult!
Your mom sounds freaking awesome and has a great head on her shoulders. I wish there wasn't shame in doing that in the US, that this was normalized. Taking a gap year to figure out how to be an adult and get a foothold on being somewhat self sufficient is seen as being lazy. Why? Don't know. Bootstrap culture, I guess? Doesn't make it less heinous.
THIS is what I want to do. I come from Med/ Eastern cultures (parents born not in the UK) and even I could tell my husband was NOT ready for university. His mother kicked him out & said if he doesn’t go he has to get a job & move out anyway. I tried to advise him to stay near & pursue more education with the support of living at home. That wasn’t an option. Madness to me bc I could see he wasn’t ready. He went anyway & just partied his time away. He didn’t graduate. Why? Because he wasn’t emotionally ready, he wasn’t mature enough to stand up to his flat mates who encouraged dr*gs & constant binge drinking. He ended up super depressed & left. Each kid is unique. You need to know your kids & their personalities & abilities to be able to advise them. But she didn’t bc of all the trouble she had. 🤷🏻♀️ all I can do is try to learn from our parents mistakes.
Many parents who seemingly want their children out of the house as soon as they're 18 are usually the ones who only wanted children because babies are cute and completely reliant on you so when they start growing and learning, their parents grow bored with them.
That's so true, the love is entirely superficial to the poor child, it's fun to show it off and to tell everyone "look at our cute baby!!" but the moment needs basic child necessities it's suddenly a burden. I unfortunatly know quite a handful of people that are in big families just because their mother wants to "experience having a baby" because she misses when they were all little kids. (sorry for my bad grammar english is not my first language)
You are not kidding. I swear just because babies are cute and all that doesn’t magically peaches and cream. No and when that ball of joy grows up and learn that they only wanted them because there cute or just cause, that’s not good enough. I can’t stand people that use that excuse
@@SarahShields-s2si agree, I consider it inhumane. It’s absolutely disgusting and neglectful.
Hell, it is also common sense too! Care for each other!
Mom said (several times in fact) that "everything went to shit when you hit puberty".
"if i haven't taught you how to live on your own by the time you're 18 then I've failed and you have to go figure it out on your own"
Admitting you failed as a parent and making it their problem is crazy work.
What does he mean "how to live on your own by the time you're 18" that was in the PAST my guy, the boomer parent struggles to comprehend how inflation or economies work and doesn't realize that while for him it was pretty feasible to move out at 18 since college wasn't a hard requirement and houses didn't cost as much, nowadays the minimum you can move out at is at 20-22 because you still either need community college, vocational school or college degrees to get any job that will allow you to live unless you want to be stuck at a dead end job or 2-3 jobs.
The child didn't fail and the parent didn't fail in that regard (he failed in the fact that is too up his arse to see the state of everything right now) it's just how the world works right now and what's it asking of you. The world wants qualified and educated professionals and yet the parents still think the world wants cheap interns ready for training like it did for them.
Ah kinda sorta what mine father did
I do agree that 18 is adult age, but reminder. The number very much has the word 'TEEN' in it. You are very much expected to still be in schooling. Yet that's the magic number you're allowed to stop giving a crap about your kid. Before they even really matured into adulthood. Gross.
In america, if you are an adult still living with your parents, they will shame the hell out of you.
Yes and that is so stupid
I got told "well you're a slacker, aren't you?" When I mentioned to my coworker I still live at home. Meanwhile I'm ALMOST entirely debt free 🎉🎉
Just their response cause they can't or aren't allowed to stay at home with their parents anymore. @@PotatoChipChippity
They’re just jealous of people who are smart enough/allowed to stay home and save up as much as they can to not only support themselves once they do move out, but also treat themselves to vacations and nice things.
The idea of moving out once you become an adult is pushed so hard to get people to spend more instead of saving.
I beg to differ! In my neck of the woods parents are actually encouraging their kids to move back in with them.
Yes, I was kicked out when I was 17 originally but the police found me and told my dad he couldn't do that. They made me pack my things in a suitcase because we had a disagreement and just walk down the sidewalks outside of our suburban neighborhood at 11pm on a Sunday night and I was absolutely terrified of cars passing me and seeing me so I hid in dark less visible spots with my bags. A police officer who was off duty did see me and asked where I was going, and what happened. I told her I was heading to walking towards my best friend's house. I didn't have a car and I still don't right now. My dad who kicked me out didn't show up to look for me until 1.5 hours had passed, and if that police officer had not found me i am scared to think what could have happened to me. I picked a college far away from my parents and lived on campus in the dorms at 18 so I didn't have to deal with them. however I dreaded having to head back home for summer and Christmas break, because during summer and Christmas break my parents would kick me out AGAIN during those breaks until I had to go back to college. At the time, I just thought we couldn't get along or live together which is what they said (even tho I was a big introvert and avoided them like the plague in the house, I barely left my room, or came downstairs to the kitchen, or came downstairs to talk to them at all). They still found ways to make my life harder.
Now that I am grown up and in my late 20's I realize they may have been trying to sabotage my potential and my success while I was very young, by traumatizing me in this way and giving me major trust issues. I had to dropout of college because at the time they refused to financially pay for it since we weren't getting along. Before that in high school, I was a very good student got a 3.75 GPA in high school, took all honors or AP classes, and had a bright future. I realized later on they just wanted to dim my light and my potential success, that's all. They did not succeed. I went back to college in 2021 when I turned 24 and got my bachelors degree and graduated college THIS YEAR without any of their help. I also got jobs and my own apartment without their help.
@@elanachan4014 Wow congrats on your accomplishments without the help of your parents.
Congratulations 🥳! I’m so proud of you. 💚
Major congrats to you!! You’re such a strong person ❤
Congrats op!! I am happy for your well-earned success 🥰
Good fckn shit! I’m proud of you and i hope you absolutely keep up with the accomplishments ❤❤
American here... my parents kicked me out the summer right after HS graduation. It's set me up for a life of failure and set backs that I am still paying for (literally and figuratively) at 46 years old. My mom decades later said she regretted it, but the damage was already done. I will never do this to my kiddo. He can stay with me for as long as he needs and/or wants to....especially if he needs to. He didn't ask to be born. He didn't ask to struggle out there by himself. It is the bare minimum I should be doing as my JOB as a parent, to help give him a boost in life. Plus...he's my kid!!! My only family left at that! I will always want him around.
Congratulations for breaking the cycle. 💜
That's so sweet of you ❤ may god bless you 😊
Same, after my graduation ceremony, outside the building,she told me I had to leave. I lived in a trap house slum. I jumped into relationships just to have roof over me. I'm homeless again at 30
@@moxiemaxie3543Damn that's crazy right after high school.......my goodness!
I'm 27 and this is 10 years of failures for me. From high honor roll to homeless shelters. I'm currently crying right now because I have nothing and no one.
My parents didn't wait until I was 18. I was 15 (and involuntarily committed to a mental health facility after a recent attempt) and one of the counselors sat me down and told me that my parents had signed their rights away and they were trying to come up with somewhere for me to go. My sweet 16 was spent with strangers in an abusive Southern Baptist group home.
I allowed them room in my life after that, but they just kept victimizing me (even kidnapped my son from me, lied about the circumstances so they could sue me for custody and I never got to be his mom). Finally had enough therapy I was able to cut ties. This will be the first Christmas "without" them and it's bittersweet. Not because I miss THEM, but because I missed out on having loving parents to begin with and will never know what it's like to have anything like love and support.
dont let your life go to waste because of some corrupted nut cases. You have the ability to still make the best out of your life and keep the toxic ones behind. You cant fix them, but you can give yourself what you deserve
I have alot of questions. How did your son get kidnapped and how were you never allowed to be his mom? You don't have to answer I am sorry this happened to you.
@Purplepie404 I developed a drug problem when my son was a year old. I overdosed and lost Custody of him. Custody was temporarily given to my parents so I could go to rehab. I got clean, got a job, got an apartment (they lived a few states away and I moved to their state after I got out of rehab).
After I was clean for a year, I attempted to get him back. My mom took him and hid out with a family member a few counties away, and filed court papers stating I abandoned him with them (with those same family members providing false witness for them). I couldn't afford a lawyer (and they had thousands to spend for theirs) and I couldn't get legal aid to help. The judge nearly threw me in jail because I showed up to a hearing without a lawyer. He made a phone call to legal aid and I was assigned a lawyer.
I met with her one time before that, and she showed up to the custody hearing with a blank legal pad and a small box of raisins in case her sugar dropped. She didn't really ask any questions (even when I was providing her info and asking her to do so).
They presented "evidence" that I wasn't around by providing a bunch of pictures of my son with me in none of them. Because I took them. (One picture was even from my birthday!) I couldn't get her to challenge that. They also brought his father (who resented me because I wouldn't get an abortion, and who moved in with them from out of state shortly before the hearing) to testify against me (they made a deal regarding child support if they won).
Of course I lost, and I had to spend the next 13 YEARS swallowing it so I could have access to my son (although there was a period of about 4 years where she wouldn't let me see him, only talk to him on the phone; I didn't have money to take them to court over it and I didn't have much faith in the legal system, anyway).
Now that he's an adult, he moved out as quickly as he could and doesn't have much contact with them. He hasn't spoken to his dad in over a year, and I don't think he's even met our new grandbaby.
I found out a few months ago that my mom once told my son that the reason why they raised him instead of me was because I tried to sell him for drugs.
I'm planning on doing a series of videos exposing the various horrendous things they've done. I'm very nervous in front of a camera and this is sensitive stuff to put out there, but they've spent my whole life trying to put out my light and steal my truth. And I think it would be cathartic to finally name it and let it go.
My sister also sent DHS to my house at the beginning of the school year saying something to the effect of my kids were in danger because my husband and I argued sometimes. The worker knew it was a BS claim and only showed up to get our signatures so she could close out the case.
I recently found out that my dad subscribes to my channel (I usually post dash cam videos or videos of me singing), so this ought to be fun (I've been 'no contact's since the end of summer when they tried to keep my 12 year old daughter (I let her go visit my sister as we had spent the last year "reconciling"). I immediately got her home and cut them all off.
Anyway, yeah, just trying to get the "balls" to do it. I don't know what I'm so scared of. It's not like they can hurt me any more (unless writing letters to disability judges in order to torpedo my claim is a thing). I don't know why, but I always felt like a scared kid around them, even though I'm 41 now.
But they are coming. Getting that weight off will be a Christmas present to myself.
@@PhoenixRising883 please make the recording. Tell the world what they did to you. Also I hope you and your son are doing okay.
@@repeatedecho idk if you have seen it but she seems to have uploaded the first part to her channel :)
My boyfriend lived with his parents on and off until he was 22. When he turned 18 they were pushing him to move out and he kept saying it wasn’t affordable. They set out to prove him wrong by making him set aside money every month(in a savings account for him). They made him set aside the amount in the average price of a studio apartment including utilities, wifi, etc. He ended up with not enough money to afford his own groceries after those payments each month. Keep in mind, at this time he was working an entry level tech job that was very high paying for his demographic. He ended up proving his parents wrong and they let him stay as long as he needed. They looked at the numbers and realized how unrealistic it truly is…
It just seems so COLD to me. They aren't baby birds leaving the nest. It says to me that their "obligation" is over and they no longer have to deal with you. Sad
It’s funny to compare this kind of parenting with baby birds. Baby birds don’t get kicked out of the nest, they leave when they are ready! Even when they do leave, they still don’t know how to feed themselves and are still under the care of their parents long after they’ve fledged! 🙃🥲
Their “obligation” is over until you have your own children for the most part. Then they all of a sudden have “rights” to see your kids.
@@katierucker2870 yeah I could see that happening with the people I know like this.
@@scarbine1396 aww that's very true. You think the parents are done with them but if you go around the baby on the ground you'll soon find out they're parents are watching 😁 I think it's more an expression than reality 😉
🎯
My mother tried to put me up for adoption at 16/17. they said no suck it up shes almost an adult. when i turned 18 she wanted me to stay so she wasn't alone.
The switch up is crazy.
I hope you cut contact with her, a stranger able to treat you better than her tbh
@@cookiesncream8490no contact should only be initiated after both parties engage in therapy to fix their relationship. It should never be the first course of action unless it’s violent
I don't know what my parents did, but they were able to sign their rights away when I was 15 and I spent my 16th birthday in a group home.
@@PhoenixRising883 what a horrible thing to do to your child 😢
I was "kicked out" at 18. I fought for my literal rights to stay in the house because my family took all of my earnings from any job I had before I got out of school, then I was able to move out into a boyfriends parents house. I learned to drive, got a bank account and schooling to become a groomer and moved out with my own money. My relationship with my family is nonexistent. I have much more to the story but its honestly quite a lot. I did try to reconcile with them after my first divorce and they treated me like a dog, haven't seen them in years now and happy about it.
It's wild how some people will commit serious abuse and not stop to think that maybe they're in the wrong. How did they expect you to move out if they took all your money? I have multiple friends who experienced financial abuse from their parents, some people just see their kids as something to milk money and later care from.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that! What’s your parents background? If you don’t mind me asking ?
Expect them to try to reconnect at some point to only ask you for something. Don't let them in again!
Holy crap I’m so sorry. I sometimes forget that people had parents like this. How traumatizing. I’m glad you were able to move on from it. 🖤
Happy that things worked out
The people who kick their kids out at 18 or younger, clearly never got the, "Once youre a parent, you're a parent for the rest of your life" memo literally the entire rest of the planet got.
Sadly many, like my mother, think their obligations end at 18. In fact, it goes further. There's an expectation of RETURN. When you grow older, you MUST eventually come back to take care of not only said mother, but also her children that she had well after you turned adult. You should be happy to visit and do all the chores in the house and take care of everything for free after having over half your paycheck stolen from you every single payment because "You owe me for everything I've done for you." the entire time you're in highschool. Did I mention I was forced into employment at 16? This was in response to me struggling in school. That's right. Me doing worse in school urged my mother to force me to just try and skip it and make money now.
What?? I was born and suddenly I'm saddled with debt before I even get out the gate? And no discounts despite all the beatings, how fun. I'm abandoning her completely. I'm proud to say I can't even really remember her face anymore. People are such horrible, gross creatures. It's only in typing this out now, honestly, that I realize I was purely a financial investment for my mother. I'm glad that investment detonated for her.
@NononJakuzure-rh4ti you never stated why she kicked you out.
What doesnt make sense to me is that people in the United States want their kids to leave the house at 18 but they also want their kids to take care of them when they' re old
Because they’re selfish idiots . I told my mother I pray she never needs my help because she won’t be getting it
I wasn’t kicked out at 18 but I had plenty of friends that were. And they hated their families for it. One of my friends left on her own because she was being SA’d by a family member that lived with them. And her parents chose him over their daughters. The rest were just thrown to the wolves. They couldn’t do much of anything for themselves because they weren’t taught by their parents. They asked me for financial advice because nobody taught them at home.
That's horrifying!!! I'm so sorry.
I know you mean well, but don't offer them financial advise, or if so, offer them the basics and resources to learn more, you aren't a financial advisor, it's not your job, and if you do give it to them you are not only legally obligated, but also if they lose money they'll look badly at you.
Give basics like investing into funds, diversifying and online resources, more than enough.
Bro really said give them the bare minimum advice when your friends come to you with nothing 😂😂 @@shroomer3867
@@shroomer3867 Those options are likely the financial advice she was talking about.
@@lilmshavok7297 learn your place.
I was kicked out freshly turned 15 by my mom. She said I was trying to steal her husband it was a lot. I ended up living with my grandmother.
Bro wht????😢💔 i hope u are ok now ❤💕💕💕
15?… she needs to know her husband is a ped 😅
@anime_queen2123 I’m guessing you’re a melanated woman.
That's a crime 😭, shouldn't called the police get her in trouble then you'd still live with your grandmother. Sorry I'm petty af lol
@@Rose-uf1eh the police and the social worker believed my mother that I was just severely mentally ill and just made the whole story up because when I told her what happened the first time she refused to believe me nor take me to a hospital so there really wasn’t much evidence and I was kept under lock and key in that house so I couldn’t really just leave and go to the hospital on my own at the time. I’m 24 now it’s been years I had time to process it I stil view my grandmother as my mother honestly. But I’ve heard a lot of similar stories from other women as well some people just shouldn’t be parents.
This happened to my husband. He was a good hard working child, teen and as an adult. His parents kicked him out at 18 for wanting to hang out with his friends for 2 hours after getting off work WITH ONE HOUR NOTICE! His parents have been nothing but trouble for us. He is the only one of his siblings that had never been arrested and actually became a cop later. His parents have the emotional maturity of 3 - 8 year Olds. They have never done him any favors and yet expect him to be their butler, they have wasted all their money doing exactly what they wanted but resent him for being an adult and having his own life now.
The first time I was kicked out, I was 11. She proceeded to kick me out every time she was mad, if I spoke back, or what it felt like..if she was bored. Homelessness was a form of punishment. I never felt a sense of security. What do little girls do on the streets? I wasn't even old enough to get a job. She didn't raise me at all or teach me anything. Now at 40, she is sick and her hand is out. She need to keep that same energy!! I'm protecting what I built. ❤
Oh baby girl, protect your peace.
My wife’s dad did something like this but a bit more sinister. Around when she was 17 going to 18; He charged her $600 for rent on their house and would increase it so he could buy stuff for himself or Christmas presents for the family. He’d also tell her it was due at a certain day and then come for it early and threaten to kick her out if she didn’t give it to him early. He’d threaten to kick her out the house at the drop of a hat all the time and wouldn’t let her eat any of the food in the house. I know some people are thinking “maybe he was making a savings account for her” he was not. He spent every extra dollar he charged her. Then he was shocked and angry when she up and left his house. Dude had a lot of issues but this was arguably the worst thing he ever did.
14:50 ish when she said, "I didn't have my kids to abandon them," that brought me to happy tears. It is beautiful when a mother (or future possible mother) truly loves her children.
Yes! She has a heart of gold ♥️
The same people who are kicking their kids out at 18 they are same ones being mad at millennials and gen z for not having kids not knowing that most are either traumatized or not stable enough to raise a kid, why have kids to let them suffer? Why have kids if hate them? Why have kids if you’re going to compete with them?
I was not able to live at home past 14 due to neglect and abuse. I'm now 37 and have friends still living at home at 27 - they've never been outside the home. This means when she does leave she will buy her own home as she's saving the rent money for a deposit (In Aus most rental properties are now $500+ per week). Families supporting each other should be the norm, especially in this economy and with how the world is Xx
I am also 12 years estranged from my mother.
Why do people have children if they don't want to be parents?!?
I had to leave home at 18/19 because of abuse as well and it worked out because i had a bf at the time amd i got a couple of nice lucky breaks. My parents did help financially a little at the start because they felt guilty and had talked a big game about not being like "those" parents who's kids need to move out at 18. But it was at the cost ofy mental health and they were incredibly unreliable with their financial help. So, I just had to figure it out by myself. The kicker was that in those early years they would call *me* for help with their taxes or ask me to fork over my tuition credit. I eventually learned to refuse it. The last nail in the coffin was when my mother asked me for my tuition credit for the year where she refused to offer any financial help and I was starting to work in a career field tied to my degree. I still remember how baffled she was when I told her no.
@mydarlingfreak796 To be honest. It is the norm in other countries around the world. That's why we are so shocked and appalled that it is even happening in America. On paper, they are adults at 18, but in reality, it couldn't be further from the truth.
Relatable. I was kicked out at 14 and was very abused and neglected also. Now. I’m in my 30’s with my own children. And feel like a migrant in my own country. And stuck living in a hotel. Because I can’t afford any of these places. And even if I did fork out the cash? Idk how I’m expected to be able to afford feeding my kids. Also. It’s not going to happen. Oh Canada 🇨🇦🤦🏻♀️☠️
I’ve been estranged from my mom over half my life. And my parents? Know me and their grand kids are homeless in a hotel rn. And can not be bothered with it and still want to sell their house.. they hung up on my 11 year old daughter recently and block and ignore my call now.. thanks mom and dad!
My mental health was absolutely tanking around this time and it caused fights around the house. I would try over and over again to talk to my parents about getting me help. mom walked into my room one day at age 19 and said to me " you need to leave." It was also at the beginning of covid on new years eve. I was able to stay with a friend until i got back on my feet but it still plays through my mind to this day. She claims she doesnt remember, but I always will.
her power over your life is an illusion, dont get manipulated by toxic broken individuals
Oh she definitely remembers
Shes lying because how do you forget that you kicked your own child out. Be fr
My daughters bf in high school turned 18 during the pandemic and kicked him out.
We made sure he finished high school and had a home during covid.
Recently turned sixteen and my mum said that if I didn’t get a job, she’d kick me out. I went, got an interview, got accepted only to find out that I cannot legally be hired for another 6 months until I’ve finished my GCSEs. She still wants to hold it over my head, saying she’ll kick me out if I don’t get a job, mama I can’t even work yet!!
My mum is Japanese married to someone from the UK and so often gleefully told me growing up how she would kick us out at 18 and she couldn't wait. I left home at 17 actually to start uni.
Soon after I turned 30, something bad happened and I ended up in another country not being able to work or find a job and with no money. My father invited me home to find a job and get back on my feet. After four days back in my home country/parent's home (I hadn't lived there for about 5 years) my mother demanded I start paying rent, called me a ungrateful failure and that I should already be married. She grabbed me and tried to push me out the door at 2am to walk the streets. I was an adult at that point, but if you don't want me there, don't invite me.
I've learned I can't rely on my parents for anything to be honest, and even if it's hard it's better to never ask them.
The lady that took a ride from a stranger, that story hit hard. Thank God she crossed paths with a dad that warned her. That could have easily turned fateful or SA otherwise. Vulnerability is what evil people look for.
I had to legally fight my mom evicting me from her house. She "thought" I was autistic growing up but I went without any therapy or basic parental guidance for life, despite my very evident struggles. I was diagnosed with autism and ptsd in my early 20s. Kicking me out in that state would have been a death sentence. I'm now almost 30 and have never been able to afford the tens of thousands of dollars for the specialized therapy I need to function in life. Please guide your kids and address any major issues immediately.
I was undiagnosed autistic until i was 19 years old, and my mother thought i was lazy/freeloading her when in reality i was struggling and had been, especially in school since 4 years old and i ended up dropping out and i started working but couldn’t keep a job when my mental would decline and now i have serious depression that would worsen in the winter even worse. I love her but id ended up leaving to live with my dad. I’m 21 years old and work at toyota now.
Good on you for winning the legal fight!
I'm sorry...are you expecting your mom to pay for all of that?
Wow this is so similar to my life too.. My mum used my autism against me to have me removed from our home that I was on the lease for because I was SA’d by a family member and not getting over it like she wanted. She also happened to kick me out 2 weeks before the whole world shut down from C*vid. I had thousands of dollars sitting in an account for my disability costs. She sabotaged the couple of therapies I already had in place like occupational therapy & physiotherapy and flat out didn’t want to organise anything to do with the SA or trauma fueled meltdowns that were affecting me badly, let alone pay for anything even when the money was accessible to her. She used it for cigarettes though. She tried to turned my therapists & family on me and verbally abused them when they wouldn’t join her in her smear campaign to have me “committed” to a mental hospital. She even called me a sl*t for the SA and smirked while saying it, then denied ever saying so saying I “made it up to make myself feel better” while saying my ptsd flashbacks were just like my dad, who did have ptsd & passed away years before I was diagnosed. He is the reason why I had the money for help in the first place and all it got spent on was her and then all of my moving costs since she kicked me out. I still don’t have a permanent place to live & am extra scared of homelessness because I have nowhere to go & now have no car to sleep in again like I had to two years ago. I’m almost 30 and have achieved nothing in life in 10 years trying to clean up the mess still from her act of punishment because as I’ve found out since, she doesn’t like me & never has, I’ve never been a normal little girl, I’ve always been f*cked in the head, I’m not the only one it happened to or that has problems and she “wants me to suffer in the same way she did until she had to get over it as well” word for word how she said these things & I’ll never forget any of them. She’s also bipolar so it’s wonderful having this stuff randomly thrown at me in her often manic episodes with no preparation whatsoever or knowing where she’s going to come from even when blocked on multiple devices/accounts. Sorry for long reply but I really resonate with your comment. Narcissism is a different world to be in but being in that world having autism yourself, is honestly like walking hell on earth. You don’t need enemies when you have a mother like this.
@@Bug.Carltonare you expecting a child to fund the costs of medical bills 100% themselves? I need to ask how that would practically work and do you expect children to pay their own dental bills, pharmacy bills, maybe even grocery bills as well?
The majority of parents in America women in particular hate their children and regret having them because they were told it was their job to grow up and have kids they had them to comply not because they wanted them this is why I fully support the 4b movement I was an unwanted and hated child
Yup. While watching this video, I was thinking “Damn, it’s a lot of unwanted kids these days.” 🥲
Yes! I’m in my 60’s and was treated as a burden (in private) and a show pony (for public display). From 12 I had to work for money for clothes and personal products. I would receive “fancy” clothes as presents, so I could be dressed up to show off at church and events. Attended an Ivy at 17. She bragged on me (even though she told me I could not go) and complained about how expensive it was (even though she only paid my transportation home for holidays, because I told her I wouldn’t pay a dime to return). Parents definitely didn’t want us (4 kids) and didn’t want us to do better than them. They enrolled my brother in Navy at 17 (kicked him out), wouldn’t pay for our college, actual stole money that was gifted to us. Instead of lifting us up, they tried to stomp us down.
My older sister told me that she would be kicking out her only child on her 18th birthday...and THEN, she literally said that since her only child had turned 18, she was no longer a mother!!! That her days of being a mother were over!!! 😮🤯
I have four kids...and I will be absolutely thrilled if they want to live with me after they turn 18. They can live with me forever if they want to! Either way, I will always be their mom. That's a lifetime commitment and title!
How much do you want to bet that if her child has a child she’ll start thinking she has grandparent’s rights? I hope her kid sets huge boundaries with her during that time if she decides to have children of her own.
Can you ask ur nibbling to live with you if your sister make her child homeless
My mother bought me dishes, silverware, drinking glasses, pots and pans for Christmas during my Junior year in high school.
Not that she didn’t tell me my whole life, after high school I need to move out; message was loud and clear that day - Merry Christmas
My daughter is 20, she can’t decide on a direction and feels guilty for needing my financial support. I told her numerous times I’d rather her move out when she was ready, not before, and she’s welcomed to stay as long as she needs.
(divorced her father 12 years ago. Finances was a struggle until recent years.)
It saddens me, this is one of the take aways from her childhood - anxiety around finances.
I'm American, but my mom is Filipino, and i was raised very culturally Filipina. My son is 23, lives at home, and as far as I'm concerned he can continue living here as long as he likes, regardless of how many years that is.
It's definitely a Western culture thing, this out at 18 stuff, and there's a lot of contributing factors as to why. But that doesn't change the fact that it's a selfish and cruel idea, and one that I'd like to see go away. Multigenerational households make sense, and it sets your young adult up for success later on down the road. Shouldn't that be what every parent wants for their kids?
My in-laws are Filipino and can attest to this. My husband and I had to move home in out 30s to save up to get stability but we still helped with bills. That welcome home was a huge turning point and am so grateful
It's not a "western culture" thing. It's an american thing.
@@Maialeen It's illegal to not support your child, if they're not able to support themselves yet here in Austria. Whether it be because of Uni, bad job market or illness.
It's not a Western culture thing. This is illegal here in Austria. You have to support your children if they're not able to work yet, because of Uni, a bad job market or illness. It's a pull-yourself-up-by-bootstrapsmentality thing.
Most of the time multi generations living together in America just isn’t possible. A lot of people live in tiny apartments or homes, and the others just don’t have contact with a lot of family members… it’s sad honestly
When I became a teenager, my mom kept counting down the days until I turned 18 despite me being great in school/nerd, no drugs/alcohol, giving money to her, etc. When I did turn 18, she kept asking me when I’m going to move out especially with my evil stepdad in the household. Mind you I stayed in my room and out the way🤦🏾♀️ I’ve been living on my own since last year basically since my mom and stepdad purchased a new construction home. The previous house was my childhood home that he moved into and was very abusive. I have no generational wealth and my mom would ask me for money.
But I still love my mom soooo much though💕
@@jazzisojazzy2642Well she clearly doesn’t love you, but as long as you are happy.
I'm sorry...
People pleaser molded by your evil parents
@@jazzisojazzy2642that’s truly so sad. She cares more for her husband than she does you and you still find it in your heart to love her. Better than me.
Im glad to live in a culture that you cannot get kick out unless you are married and want to start a family
In my country you are financially responsible for your kid until they are 18 if they are not going to school or until they are 26 if they continue their education. Not only you can't kick them out but you have to buy them food, clothes, etc or give them money for that. If parents don't want to do that you will go to court and the law will force them to give their kids enough money so they can live at the same living standard as parents are.
You would think in a culture where you have to pay for education parents will be more likely to let their children stay with them but no... what's wrong with so many americans? Are there still lead water pipes in the US?
@@LalineMenulis What country do you live in? 😮 (In America?)
@@yeetthefeetus3384 Poland, and we have (somewhat) free education and (somewhat) free health care and you are still financially responsible for your kid. Now here you are getting money from the national budget for having a child but laws about being financially responsible for your kid are much older than those social benefits. Social benefits for having kids are from 2016 and law about being financially responsible for your kid even if they are adult is from 1964
@@LalineMenulisdid you just generalize Americans? What's wrong with you?
@@toidIllorTAmI you should work on your reading skills because you should clearly see "MANY Americans". Not even "most", just "many".
Or was it sarcasm? It's hard to tell just through text
What's not to understand? They never wanted to be parents in the first place but didn't think about that before popping out babies - probably unplanned and irresponsible. That, or they had kids for selfish reasons and realized part way through that the benefits they were seeking didn't outweigh the responsibilities. Either way, they became parents without understanding what parenting is. It doesn't end when kids turn a certain age. It’s a role that lasts until you die. How dare these people bring life into the world and treat their own children like burdens? It's actually disgusting.
My mother was a troubled teen, but she was pregnant whem her parents kicked her out. She ended up moving in with her grandparents and still kept contact with her parents all her life, but she will never forget how they treated her when she messed up. She needed support and compassion in that moment and all they had for her was a cold shoulder
I moved out at 19. came back at 25. still here at 31. Grateful that the house type we have lets me have my own apartment so we have shared and separate spaces. but it's nice to be able to rely on each other. I've had friends move in for a time to save money too because their parents didn't let them move back. I can help my mom out more. We have brunch every Sunday morning. it's nice and i don't regret it. plus. it's letting me pay down my student debt.
I left for University at 18 for my own sanity. My mum tried to sabotage the whole thing. In toxic parents, they expect you to provide for THEM.
I can’t imagine treating my daughters the way I was treated. They can live with me as long as they need to get on their feet ❤
I turned 18 half way through my senior year. I still had a whole semester of high school. Can't imagine my parents doing that. Our rule was as long as you were still going to school you didn't have to pay rent to stay.
That was my parents rules too lol. If I quit, which I did. I had to pay rent but I ended up moving out anyways with my now husband. Which I think is pretty fair. Not the whole rent obviously lol
That's the law in Austria. If the child can't work yet and has a good reason for that, you can't kick them out without any support.
I grew up being told my job as her kid was to finish school. I was 18, still had a year of highschool left and I got kicked out because I couldn't be financially abused anymore due to my age. I wish I could was it wasn't a traumatic experience but it was. She wouldn't just let me pack in peace (which I was already doing before my birthday cause I had a feeling), taunting me and calling the cops on me. They didn't even exercise MY RIGHTS they backed her up when I was still a kid. She sprayed my babies cats with raid all other their faces and foods. They were babies. Three months old.
It left scars ontop of the ones I already had. I finish highschool but since I have to work a lot to provide for myself and the family I fought to have for myself.. I couldn't attend my graduation. That I put myself through. It hurts. Even more so because everyone thinks finishing your highschool is something anyone and everyone can do and it's nothing special... Other kids had support.. I'm 23 now pretending im not damaged goods to everyone so I don't get seen as lesser.
@@annaa3772but is it actually allowed in America?
I am a parent whose child left at 18. I had people judging and saying I pushed him out too soon, which I didn’t. He was ready to go. I raised him to be independent and taught him how to take care of himself. He is thriving, married, has a child, never needed to move back in which he is welcome if his family needed to, never asks me for money. My son impressed me with how well he did after he moved out. He is my baby, and that's why I prepared him. What I think some people don't understand is that you aren’t raising a baby. You're raising a future adult. It is possible for young people to do just fine after high school.
I was cut off at 16 , officially kicked out at 18 as well. I was homeless by 19-20 .. homelessness had me doing drugs, involved in gangs, committing crimes , the one thing I refused to do was sell myself, which resulted in me being raped by a few men ..and is what made me sit down .
I met my childrens father at 20 , he put a roof over my head and taken care of me/ put me on my feet . Which I'm very thankful for.
4 children / 10 years later we are no longer together but is someone I can still call ,he always stays close by . And is someone I will always look out for as well.
I have no regrets.. but I am very protective of my children and I have broken generations of curses . I know what to teach my children.. my trauma makes me look at life completely different and with humbleness . I hope to raise my children to be grateful , motivated and humble as well. With lots of love ..
My home will always be my childrens . And one day their childrens ❤️
The tiktok by Slippy brings up a really solid point. As a parent, unless you have fulfilled your responsibility to teach, encourage and support your child in building the necessary skills to succeed in this world, you have no business trying to kick them out as soon as you can.
Now if the child chooses to reject your efforts that falls on them, but if you completely neglect your role as a parent to help your child prepare for living on their own and just hope they figure it out themselves… you’re failing them as a parent.
i live in germany and earn a lot of comments and looks for living at home at the age of 31. but i do have and lead my own very independent life and i absolutely adore being with my family. they would never ask me to leave, nor throw me out. they dont want to take money from me, not even for rent, thats why i put gas in their car tanks and buy groceries and pay a portion of their bills. this sharing experience makes me feel so loved and makes me want to give them back the feeling of shelter and love i have received all my life! if i ever get to have kids, they will be living in this house and with me, for as long as they need and want.
Beautiful 😊
Doesn't Germany also have laws that forbid kicking kids out, if they're still at Uni? Austria has.
@@annaa3772 I am not sure. They definitely can get kicked out as soon as they are 18 (unfortunately)
I graduated high-school at 17. My family and I went out to eat after my graduation ceremony, and then I went to the senior graduation party by myself. When I came home the next day, my Mom had all of my stuff packed up in boxes and informed me that I no longer lived there. She didn't leave me homeless, thankfully. She paid a month's rent on my new place 30 miles away. 😊 Now, I'm a parent. I will let my kids stay as long as they need.
That should be illegal. 17 and kicked out because you’ve graduated? Yikes. 17 is still underage here.
She shipped you away and put a bow on it 😢 that’s sad. Idk what I would have done to have been alone at 17!!
30 miles 💀
I would have been so happy OMG 😆 😊
I’m from Greece, and my parents were heartbroken when I moved abroad. I’m 30 now, and they still tell me I have a bed and a plate of food if I need to come back.
Your parents should just let you go if you’re financially responsible they shouldn’t worry about you then
@ they’re Greek parents he umbilical cord will always be there in spirit.😂 But it’s nice to know I have a support system in case of emergency. I feel bad for other people who don’t and end up in hard or dangerous situations because the people that should have been there for them let them down. I guess it’s part of my culture.
@@barbara9315 your culture is babying you. parents should not be worried about their 30-year- old kids
@ I’ll take it over being left in the cold and ignored. Are you American by any chance?
@ yes I’m American. It’s a good thing 18 is the legal age because we have to grow up sooner! parents should not be worried about their 30-year-old children that are financially responsible for themselves
I was kicked out at 17 and at 20. When i was 17, my parents decided i was grown enough to take care of myself. I moved back in when they begged me to come back to continue managing the household and raising my sibs after 6 or so months. The second time, I'd failed out of college, had to move back home, and was dealing with severe depression. My mom kicked me out after two weeks for making her feel bad that she'd intentionally sabotaged me in college so i would come back. Moved in with my grandparents and refused to come back after that.
I’m southern European and if my family had it their way we’d all be living together under one roof. This is incomprehensible to me.
Same!!
I live my parents in my 30s. It's seen as I'm lazy or a failure.
Doesn't matter that I pay rent because it's cheaper than starving to death in an apartment I can't afford.
Great topic! My kids are 13 and 16, they know they can live here as long as they need to. My parents are well off but made me leave at 18 and still refuse to help me as a single parent.
Sadly some parents love to see their kids suffer 😫🤦🏾♀️
But why opt to have children when you are struggling? Knowing what I went through, there's no way in hell I am having children until I can afford them ON MY OWN. Why would you put yourself in that predicament?
@ferzinhaN I was married for 15 years, I never expected to be divorced or a single parent, we were financially responsible when we had our children.
Whoa calm down @@ferzinhaN
@@ferzinhaN The fucking privilege you have to think having children is always a choice. "Why would you put yourself in that predicament" assuming people have full control of the entirety of issues they have to deal with?, go outside and socialize with actual humans. Your sense of reality is fucked.
I'm South African, 21 still living with my parents but my mom is quite abusive so while I'm here I'm trying to save up to leave as soon as possible. Being the oldest child comes with more burden of no enjoyment or free time because I take care of the kids and my parents just have me as a free babysitter.
I'm Mexican Guatemalan, and my kids and I live with my parents and disabled brother. We help each other out any way we can. My kids are 18 and 26. I'm thankful and grateful for my family.
Wait, your kids are 18 and you’re 26? I might have misread, but does that mean what I think it means?
@@Angeledits2759Noo, one child is 18 and the other is 26
@ oh, I was confused for a second when, my apologies!
One of my friends were kicked out from home when he was 19. He found a job the same day and started to live together with his girlfriend and so far, he's doing good. I'm really proud of him and I admire him because he became mature pretty quickly and even has his own band now and a circle of friends who support him.
I'm 33 and I'm living with family for school. Before that, I was living with my parents after I graduated college.
Both are luckily well off and are happy and willing to give me a room.
For sure, I felt so embarrassed that I didn't have my own place or a job, but my dad said to never feel shame about that. As long as my end goals are being financially stable and independent, I can stay as long as I need.
Yeah... I'm 24, and my parents never explicitly kicked me out, but basically deprived me of food and support to the point I no longer felt welcome, and I left. It's been rough going since, but at least I know how to survive the worst of things (even though that's genuinely not necessary...)
This is why I hate the pressure from society to have kids, it leads to parents who shouldn’t be parents. It leads to neglected and/or abused kids. Don’t have kids if you don’t want to. Don’t have kids if you’re not financially able to. Don’t have kids if you’re gonna treat them like slaves and be their landlord instead of their parent. I’m so tired of people underestimating the massive and never ending responsibilities of having kids.
Yes! Humans are not a monolith. All of us are not capable of properly raising children, whether it's mental health issues, financial issues, health issues, genetic issues, etc it doesn't matter. I will always support and have more respect for people who admit they are not fit to be a parent and make their choices accordingly, whether it's working on being a better fit or choosing to not have children at all.
Absolutely. I wanted, more than anything, to be a mom and wife. I see so many degenerates neglecting and abusing their kids and believe they didn't have to be a parent. As far as moving out, my 11 year old tentatively broached the subject of moving out at 18. I said she had a home and that wouldn't change based on age.
There are bad parents who wish their kids had never been born and there are bad parents who love their kids, because they can toy with them abusively. This isn't an easy issue to solve.
we’re no longer accepting trauma bonds or staying stagnant in codependency! if you hate me that much when i’m young, don’t ever need me again when you’re old!
PERIOD!!!! i love that last part!!!
I like the idea of having a child "pay rent" after 18, and secretly putting it away and giving the lump sum when they want to move out to help them adjust that first year being out on their own
Don't expect college then?
I got screamed at to get out when I was 18 and I took that as final, I really did want to move out way younger around like 16; Yes my home was very neglectful and abusive (More of mental abuse but some psychical) which made me just ugh, I just wanted to hide away in bed and forget that my mother existed.
On the other hand I was very fortunate to get into a decent but small apartment to which I am grateful for because my grandma helped me out especially when waiting to get my place, Life has been much more peaceful but yet lonely however I am very glad that I made the right choice instead of continuing the abusive cycle which wouldn't have been good for me. Also my mother still decides that she wants to see me when I want nothing to do with her 😂 My life has been better without her!
Edit: I'll be 21 this January so it's kinda a fresh story.
My boys are still with me at 22! They both work and go to school and I love having them here. It’s so ridiculous to toss your kids out there and hope for the best. Not here at this house.
For some reason when I graduated highschool- I was already 18- my mom wanted me to start paying rent (as a punishment) before I left for college in another state that fall. I said hell no and hurriedly switched my start date to the summer semester. My mom had the gall to cry as I moved into the dorms.
What a disgusting mother. No offense to you ofc, hope you’re doing well ❤❤
@Alice-y7k7c I've been no contact with her for years now- It's freeing 💜 Thank you!
@@dariasdouble212 No problem 💖💖😊
It’s always the parents who say “you’re grown, figure it out” are the SAME parents who never lifted a finger to teach their kids about life.
the whole “unless they’re bad” thing keeps rubbing me the wrong way. like i talked back and smoked weed so now my punishment is actual homelessness ?💀
Right. All kids deserve a chance at life even if they do mess up, because that’s what humans do.
Yeah, whatever happened to “the punishment must fit the crime”
if that’s what you deem as bad, then sure. i know plenty of people who smoke with their parents. i’m sure they’re talking about literal defiance and irresponsibility
Ok well one, there’s many definitions of “bad”. Who said that’s what qualifies them getting kicked out?? And two….yes. LOL.
There’s definitely extremities to it but yeah acting out of line warrants getting tf out.
i don’t think she meant that bro 😭😭
My Asian parents are strict, but I’m forever grateful that they welcome me to stay at their house for as long as I want or need to. This allows me to save a lot of money and spend it on vacations that they want to go on.
I worked from the age of 12. I was licensed for babysitting (CPR and first aid) through the Red Cross. My grandparents gave me $50 bonds for my birthday and Christmas each year from when I was a baby through high school graduation. They cost $25 to purchase and are worth 50 when they mature. We were taught in 8th grade how to manage a checkbook and checking account. We had to do mock budgets with current area wages and cost of living right down to budgeting for entertainment and recreation. My parents helped me set up a checking and savings account as soon as I started a regular babysitting gig after school. It was a family from church that lived right across the street from school. I would walk over after school since they both worked second shift. I was basically a nanny for 3 kids for 8 hours and then they'd drive me home. I got to do my homework while chilling with the kids. My parents taught me to make and save as much as I could before turning 18 and I had to pay taxes.
The first story is crazy, getting kicked out as soon as ur an “adult” is insane. Ik completely unrelated to the video but why is her whole outfit vibe slaying, especially her hair 😂😅 Love ur videos
I was kicked out the day of my high school graduation (10 days after i turned 18)
I had ZERO places to go - with my cap and gown still on I loaded up what my mom allowed me (no bed, no dresser, only clothes) into my car and drove around town.
Thankfully my aunt and uncle opened their doors and I moved into their home then after a couple months I moved in with my sister (her house was in town thus saving in gas and wear and tear on the car - gravel road aren't the nicest)
I was told years later, after I became a mother myself, the reason she kicked me out was simply because I told her "No, not today" about working at her store - mind you senior year is full off projects and activities - she stated I had nothing but an attitude all the time and couldn't do anything.
Im sorry to hear that but I’m glad you’re out of that woman’s house. I won’t address her as a mother, I don’t see people that do this as true, loving parents.
This is very encouraging, I always feel bad living with my parent, they’re supportive but sometimes I feel like a failure for it since for a short while I was independent but had to come back because it was too expensive to live on my own. Some people are really judgmental about this so I’m glad you’re not busiswa! (I’m 23 and trying!)
Honestly, (in my opinion) in this economy it’s smart to live with your parents.
@@beanzahh no we have to grow up
Don't be, I only moved out at that age because I was finishing higher ed and saving for a downpayment since rents were already getting to be insane. And I was on my way to be married and 2 incomes makes the dream work, sorta.
There's weird pop culture and nonsense that are judgmental, if some coworker or stranger is weird about it, just say it's the European way. Out here in Canada, where I live, people usually say "you're so lucky" if they find out you can still live with parents given the housing costs. Unless you're 35, then people start to wonder. You better be taking care of parents or grandparents, or encountered bs in your life, otherwise it's at least a little odd.
@@DevinOwens-wf6nkliving with your parents doesn’t mean you don’t grow up.
I definitely think people should move out at some point (unless they are severely mentally disabled), but if you aren’t in the right financial situation it will not regress your maturity just to stay with them for a bit 😂
@@DevinOwens-wf6nkthis some American shit and only Becuase even fucking Europeans don’t believe in that shit 🤣like it’s slow to just move out with nothing In hand when u can move out with potentially alot of money in hand I mean my uncle bought a whole house with out a loan just by staying with my grandpa for 5 years hell 😭
As a 17 yo, This is INSANE, I know the age of 18 might be consider the age of maturity and adulthood, But some 18 yo aren't even that matured yet, they still need your guidance and supervision as a freaking parent ‼️‼️ atleast till they get married or they have a really good job ( very good ) then you SUGGEST ( not kick out) YOU SUGGEST they get an apartment or smth
Glad you're feeling better!!! I was 18 in 1973 and couldn't wait to go out on my own!! Left at 19. But it was my choice. Kicking kids out at 18 for no reason makes no sense to me
I'm so happy that my mom told me that me and my sister can stay as long as we'd like until we get our shit together. I'm 19 and I low key was scared my mom and dad were gonna kick me out soon, but I literally hugged her so hard when she told me "I really don't understand why parents (especially black parents) kick out their own babies at 18 and expect them to do well without any sort of experience or anywhere to go. As long as you're doing what you're supposed to do and helping pay a bill or two you can stay until you're ready to leave." I love my mom so much y'all I'm thankful for her everyday. Like I'm still figuring out what I wanna do, I didn't have much of a plan for myself other than the military but due to my mental history I was unable to join, so this made me feel absolutely grateful.
Same here. I’m 25 and they’ve been gracious with us.
This conversation is often a lot more complicated than "good kids" or "bad kids" getting kicked out at 18 or younger. I was a "bad kid". I was an addict, and I refused to go to school. Most of my "bad kid" behaviors weren't really a problem for my mom though. She really didn't care, as long as it didn't effect her. However, I got kicked out at 18 all the same, because of some drama with my mom's boyfriend. You see, my mom's boyfriend was saying nasty, perverted things to my sister, who was only 14 at the time. I said something along the lines of "If he touches you, I'll be sure he goes to prison for it.", and when my mom's boyfriend later apologized to my sister, she told him what I'd said. So my mom kicked me out, and I had to stay with my grandma for about a month until I could get a place with my dad and this lady he met in a mental hospital.
Edit: As a stepmother to a 15 year old girl, there's no way in hell I'd kick her out at 18, or not let her move back in with us.
I left at 20 because my curfew was 10 pm.
I noped right out.
Moved out, struggled. But I had control over my own life.
Well it is there house, there rules.
@@JAM661 when you are an adult you have the right to make choices for yourself. Your parents have no right to put a curfew on you...
@@JAM661 In my parent's house we can come and go as we please as adults.
Seriously, it's not hard not to be extremely loud coming into the home. The curfew was to keep some type of control. Football games go past that time, so if they decide to attend such an event to support a family member then their parents going to block them from coming thru their door cause it is past 10pm, wow dumb of the parents. Sure they don't have a 10pm curfew. @@JAM661
@@ItsJae_37 They do, it is their house. Having said that, most reasonable adult parents will only impose curfew within reason.
If someone has to get up early the next morning and you come into the house/apartment like a hurricane after staying out or you start cooking or something, they're within their rights to impose it at their home. The solution is to plan your nightly adventures so you cause the least inconvenience and communicate it.
Otherwise if parents are treating you like you're 5 just because you won't move out, they're only a step up after the ones that just kick you out. They want you gone, they're just nice enough not to say it to your face, they'll just inconvenience you into leaving.
My parents started being a pain in my ass and weren't respecting my working schedule (worked from home part way during covid before flying the coop), but they cried when I left home and weren't enthused about an apartment search. Some parents are just oblivious and have trouble seeing their adult kids like adults.
It is a privilege to have a supportive family. Im European. I was living on friends couches 15-16 and got my own place at 18.
I was taught no life skills, no financial literacy. Im in my 30s, my credit is finally just going back up.
My parents' rules were that you work or you go to school. They would have never kicked us out. They just wanted us to be productive. ❤
That was my parents also. They never asked me to leave. I wanted to.
I either had to be in school full time or be paying rent
For most Africans our parents allow/let us move out the day of our wedding!! If they allowed you to live on campus during your university years, you are expected to go back home after graduation; unless you convince them that you found an amazing job somewhere far from home. Even that takes a lot of convincing when you are a female child!!
I was kicked out when I turned 18. I saw it coming due to the years of emotional neglect and constantly being told that I don't have any "rights" until I turned 18. I started working full time at 16 to buy a car. Still didn't have enough to live off of because it was minimum wage. After I was kicked out, I worked 60+ hours a week until I could afford an apartment (I had been staying with friends in the meantime). In the end, I was incredibly lucky and found out that I had an inheritance that was transferred to me when I turned 18. I graduated from University and worked 6 years in the military. I'm 32 now and living a comfortable life. I'm married and have my own child. I will never forgive my mother for kicking me out. I stopped talking to her years ago, but our relationship truly died the day she kicked me out. Every time I look at my child, I couldn't imagine ever treating him the way I was treated by my own mother. I think she wanted me to suffer in life and that's the reason she kicked me out. I think she wanted me to end up homeless and desperate because I didn't appreciate her enough. I think that's also why she thought she'd reach out to me years later and we would just bond over shared trauma, I guess.
I’m in my late 20s still live at home, pay my parents rent, and help them around the house and help them in their older age. I do plan to move out some day but not until I find a significant other or friends who want to be roommates. Had a really bad experience in college with an abusive roommate and am very nervous of living with people I don’t completely trust after that, and where I live even my full time and part time job that work can’t cover an apartment without roommates unfortunately.
18:27 It's not an American thing, it's a selfish person thing.
Yup, a lot of parents just want to be selfish.
@katierucker2870 Also not creating space and a mindset for success for your children. People that don't prepare their children for the world suck. Don't have them or too many if you don't have the money and patience to do so.
I had to stay with my parents until marriage. I got married at 24 turning 25! And dad literally told my husband upfront that he was my provider now it’s my husbands job! If he can’t step up and do that than it’s a hard NO. I come from a EXTREMELY cultural and religious family. I was a virgin until I got marriage. My husband was my first kiss.
My husband called my dad (on speaker) to see if he and my mom would come to our wedding. He said "No, and if you were smart, you wouldn't marry her."
Wow@@PhoenixRising883
@@PhoenixRising883 How awful!
@@PhoenixRising883So is your dad toxic? Or are you?
My boomer dad was kicked out at 18, ended up having to sleep in people’s basements and live with his older brothers for a while. Didn’t talk to his dad for a long time, and even after they reconnected and his dad has now been dead for 16 years, he still talks about how he could never do something as awful as his dad did to him.
My mother was an addict with 7 kids and kicked me out just after my 15th birthday, leaving me with no choice but to move in with my on and off boyfriend . Thank you for this video, not enough people talk about this..
I was kicked out at 17 and pregnant because I wouldnt “get rid” of my baby. I was a great kid previous, was still in school... But it was best thing for me. My 18 yr old is not getting kicked out. We are helping her buy her first home. It’s a trailer in a trailer park. But it’s 3br, her lot rent will only be $500/mo and she’s inviting her friends as roommates. All bills will be $350/mo each (1050 total for just her if she was alone). Don’t kick your kids out. Help support them to find an affordable way to support themselves. Unfortunately today, it is extremely hard to find affordable living.
Isn't that illegal? You have awful parents. You should've sued.
@ 😂
@@annaa3772 Hard to sue when you have no money.
I've always told my kids they can always stay/ come home. They both left when they wanted. They both came home for awhile when I got cancer and I couldn't really take care of their dad. My oldest and my grandbabies are still here, taking care of us and my youngest helps whenever I ask. I try to help whenever/however I can, but my babies are protective and they always have my back. ❤❤❤❤
My daughter just turned 18 about two months ago. I can see that she clearly isn’t ready to be out on her own trying to navigate life. I’ve taught her a lot of life skills thus far. There’s a lot that she’s just doesn’t know. She’s not ready to be out in the world like I was at 18 winging it and trying to figure it out. She’s getting ready to apply to colleges. I told her that she doesn’t have to feel obligated to live on campus since I know she’s worried about the cost of getting her education. She’s still welcome to live at home and go to school as it’ll be cheaper. I’m going to help cover the cost of college so that she doesn’t finish with tens of thousands of dollars of student loan debt plaguing her as she fully enters the workforce after graduation. I’m set to retire in less than four years and told her I’d be building my retirement home and building her a tiny house (399sq ft) in the back. This way, if she wants to, she can live there (charged really low rent and paying her own utilities to allow her to have some independence and allow her to learn some more of those life lessons), while having a little bit of security/safety net. It’ll also help her to save her money. No point in bleeding herself dry and stressing about how she can afford to live off of what she’s making if she doesn’t have to for a little while until she’s more stable. But even then, I told her that even if she is making great money after college, she’s welcome to live in the tiny house for as long as she wants. It’s hers.
This was my reality I got kicked out when I turned 18 in 2022. Forcing me to live and depend on my current boyfriend. Trapping me in so many ways and its something i would never wish on anyone. But narcissistic parents exist. We got this! Just never give up on yourself or you will not make it.
My dad and his wife sent me and my brother (year younger than me) to live with our grandparents when I was 18. The catalyst was that my brother (who btw was a special ed kid, has always had behavioral problems) hadn’t taken a shower in like 2 days. Not great but he’s a 17yo boy what do you expect. They forced us to apologize to them and beg our dad to let us come home after spending 4 months with our grandparents. About 6 months later I left to join the military and they put my brother in a group home that teaches special education children how to live on their own, get a job, pay bills, etc. I came home about 8 months later after I finished my training and they had just left my brother in the group home and not really checked on him. They kicked me out again when I was 19 when I was so very deep in depression I was basically a shell of a person. They haven’t talked to me since and I’m 25. I prefer it this way. I am thankful for what they did because it led me to meet my husband and now we have an amazing life with a 1yo daughter and another one on the way. My brother is doing alright now too he has a good paying job and a family of his own.
I was never kicked out. I actually lived with my parents until I was 27. However, living with my parents was not good because I was financially supporting them and 5 younger siblings. I'm not the oldest child, I have older siblings too, but they didn't care about those that were still living with the parents, so I had to step up and care for my younger ones. I know it's not my responsibility to care for my younger ones, but our parents never really supported us and teach us life skills, so I stayed with my parents to care for the younger ones. And both my parents dont work, so if I leave, they will be homeless. I love my younger ones, and didn't want that to happen, so I decided to stay. And it was hell living with my parents. It was their house, but I was paying for it.
That’s messed up your parents did you and your siblings dirty like that. I couldn’t imagine asking my child for money, even if I were struggling. Your parents should’ve paid you back at the very least. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I wasn’t kicked out (until 19), but the pressure to move out even at the age of 16 was tremendous. My mom’s siblings, who were rarely even in our lives, would gossip to my grandma and call me and my older brother losers for still living with the family.
Love the silk press babe 😍😍😍
I remember my stepmom telling me when I graduated high school that I was no longer welcome and was considered a “trespasser” in my father’s home. I was told to either get married or go to college. I went to college but they still insisted on telling me where I could be and when. Pick your lane!
I moved out at 23 and my mom didn't want me to go then!! There is absolutely NO world in which I would kick my son out!! She didn't do it to me and I'm not doing it to him!!
And when we say we don't want kid's, yo all out here and calling us selfish.
EXACTLY
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯