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Lessons on Accountability From My Marriage (and divorce)
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- Опубликовано: 4 авг 2018
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*The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.*
Great Quote!!!
Truth is...they are the enemy and allowing marriage invites the disordered individual in like a wrecking ball on a condemned building
I know.... I know...
That sometimes your worst enemy is actually lying/ sleeping right beside you.
Define "enemies."
@@LonersGuide Perhaps to answer your question with another question...
How would you explain, "enemies"?
Same thing happened to me. Identical circumstances, but I wasted $30K+ on lawyers trying to find justice. The lawyers laughed all the way to their bank. My -ex got half the house, both kids and none of the bills she racked-up.
20 years later, the kids know the truth, my -ex's 2nd husband killed himself, she hit the wall and I learned many lessons. I am doing better than ever. I completely cut her off from communication with me. Like I said, I am doing better than ever.
Good onya, mate!
RTFLDGR Do you see your kids often?
Re3iRtH These days, I do see my kids often. Recently, I helped my 22 year old son move from one apt to another. When his wacko mother found out, she said mean things to him and cut off her money assistance to him. She's a true borderline. But I still see my kids often now, these days. It wasn't always that way, when they were babies. 20 years of child support later, here we are.
Although I never had a wife and never will, I helped a friend of mine to get full custody of his son and am currently helping another to get out of his house by providing dirt cheap accomodations for him.
Life only gets better.
"She lying like she had cancer and lying was a cure" - this is a new gold standard!!!
Marko Petre Absolutely classic hey! Made me laugh out loud!
Cheers, bro and peace from the land down under. 👍😁
Every time a woman opens her mouth in a relationship, she's lying
Lied to her brother in front of my face and then rejoiced when she told me he believed her. It is true, the red flags are there, we ignore them.
My grandpa was married 5 times and told me not to ever get married because women only want your money
Wow Red Pill Lion...what a post! Much to ponder. It's a shame but it's the truth regarding the situation men find themselves in, in these modern times.
Red Pill Lion. Beautiful said brother I hope a lot of read your post its priceless and true
woman abuse the power over men from teen years on..we chase them and wine and dine etc..just for chance to get laid. .we have all experienced rejection from them for whatever reason.. woman chose who will get the sex...men chose who will get the ring and we have every right to reject them as they rejected us earlier in life...next time you hear them whine they cant find a husband just think back lol..karma is a bitch
@Red Pill Lion Fred, Fantastically stated. An in-depth synopsis, which every young man ought to read. Personally, I have had my share of girlfriends. I have never married, do not have any kids and remain to be single for life. I am 47. My longest relationship was 12 years. Boys-to-Men: Trust me, it is not worth it. Live your life, pursue your dreams with fervor and zest. Best to all.
No love, just money
There are no victims. Only volunteers! Great quote sir!
Mgtow Mogul Within the correct context yes it is. I've no doubt some libtard is going to quote him on this out of context lol.
trollmastersage I agree
I totally signed up for the shit storm. And without an umbrella. Yep, raised my hand in the I do and didn't understand what I was vowing to, until 20 years later of a complete shit show.
@@jromeo8247 haven't hit the shit show yet, 20 yrs with a covert...IM SCREWED.
I'll not publicly say any more, might derail my ....nothing...😎
Woooow!!! Bars 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Been there. 27 wasted years. Lost everything. Glad she's gone!
David Daughenbaugh I nearly lost my mind over wasting 2 years of me life on a woman. I can't imagine 27 years....
At least you are free. She's gone!
My ex keeps telling me she misses me. Oh well, I'm not falling for that shit.
34 years wasted, lost most every
Me too.
28 years
I got to witness this stuff first hand while working in the Alberta oil patch. Too many guys work hard, get paid well, buy the lifted pickup, and suddenly find women hitting on them at the sports bar. When a waitress started hitting on me, one of my coworkers asked if I was going to do anything about it. My answer was a simple no. Why? "Because I came here to make money. Not lose it all." He laughed and then became a bit more wistful.
Another time I was asked if I was holding out for a "rich one". Without even blinking, I replied: "Women don't marry down." Again, he laughed, then stopped when his brain kicked in. Yes, he was married. Take a guess who was the bread winner and who got to stay home.
Those red pills can hit hard, but usually it's too late.
It's not too late for me, thankfully. I owe a lot to the MGTOW community.
A lot of Alberta guys moving back to Ontario. I see the jacked up truck, and a wife that sits at home all day. Is that how it is in Alberta? They land a guy and stop working? Also, the wives are super flirty, seem like trouble.
Are you a Maritimer?
@@PalashaGabarra If you use "the Golden Rule" of mutual reciprocity, doing to others as you want/need, (reasonably) then you (reasonably) have "dues" to personally pay besides vague expressions of gratitude to pay to MGTOW red pill-ers. Remaining personally irresponsible and unaccountable with anonymity and NO solutions or further action called for from others or supplied by you is just words and such empty "me too's".
Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid - of ALL good men, imho. With all good men worse than blind today, it seems, to unmitigated, unrelenting amoral opportunism by, of and only for females and the most preeminent mass crime against humanity in history, by far, so far - female enslavement, destruction, predation and life-theft of any and all males. Where are "government"?, science?, religion?, the "Band of Brothers"?, . . . god(s)?, . . . No where, mon frere.
M G T O W red pill
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and beat the living shit out of my 20 year old self for what he did to me!
Ray Maritz I can agree with that. Except mine was my 5 years ago self.
XD
It's all programming by society....
Wouldn’t it be great to be able to pick a date, go back and get just 5 minutes with our younger self? But my younger self probably would not believe what I tell him and potentially make it worse. I think Paul has the right idea. Own your mistakes, learn from them and make the best with what you have now.
Don’t we all? Men are abjectly stupid until close to 30 (if they’re a quick learner). I know because I am one, and I sure as fuck was. And so we’re all my buddies. We compared notes. 😆
I'm trying to prep my 14 year old son to deal with the world as it is. I grew up completely blue pill. It was the unbelievable experience in family court that drove me to search for others who had similar experiences. I found Paul, and others, who were able to be honest about the reality. I've been teaching my boy to trust his own perceptions. That he must in the end rely upon himself. We've talked a good deal about psychological issues. He understands that projection is when someone sees in you what is more accurately applied to them. I've also told him that more often than not you can't communicate with someone who is projecting onto you. That he must trust and act upon his own perception regardless of what he is told. Erin Pizzy says it is intergenerational abuse that is the problem and I agree. I hope I can inoculate my son against the very kind of abuse that I myself accepted as normal. Thanks Paul for talking about the hard truth.
Riddle me this. If successful how will mgtow result in anything but regressive eugenics? Single women don't breed with an eye to the future and with people like your sons witholding their genetic contribution I see humanity back in caves. My sons wont be caving it though, we've had long talks too. They will be adapting, overcoming and reproducing. Thats the true blue pill.
Royer 714 I take your point. We may simply be at the fulcrum point in our society. Misandry may well be an indicator of a society on its way to collapse. But, teaching my son to treat himself with self respect, is not going to contribute to that collapse. If anything learning to expect and demand reciprocal mutual respect in all his relationships will provide him, hopefully, with a solid foundation for success.
+Royer 714
I'm down with dating and having children with a good woman.
I'm just not holding my breath anymore that there is one out there that is both single and attracted to me.
Royer 714 - Ummmmm, shouldn't that be "Rorer 714"? ;-)
Every father must understand that he will have to put his relationship with his child or children ahead of the selfishness of their mother. Fathers, tell your son this: If you become a dad, you will have to be ready for the possibility that you will be put in a position of having to choose between the attention of your wife and the well being of your kids. Always put your relationship with your kids first. Always.
The amount of men that go through this then hook up with another woman who’s just done the same to her former husband is staggering.
I thought that getting a pre-nup, and actually truthfully handling everything domestically like kids and being extra careful to no get angry would put me at least at 50/50. I knew how she will react and how she will lie. I could not imagine hower the family court will completely disregard the proven facts and call the black white. She acted as expected.. I am surprised how little I knew about that and how 50 million men in my position never speak up about such injustices. I am now convinced it makes much more financial sense to pay a surrogate mom for the babies, then hire maids, sitters and hookers for everything else. Marriage is a marketing gimmick. We need to educate young males about their options.
Yes!
My son will be 20 next week. I've been teaching him about the duplicitous and corrupt nature of women since he was 14. He knows how manipulative and insidious they can be. I will teach him and protect him from whores as long as I draw breath.
Wish I'd found other men who tell the truth 4 yrs ago. You described my exact plan moving forward.
I got married at 31, divorced at 34 ( now 38 ). Immediately I could see a change in her behaviour, becoming very lazy and glued to social media . For at least 12 months I let her know I wasn’t going to accept her lazing around while I work all day . I then decided to ask for a divorce and bail out before the marriage became too costly ( good decision ). I’ve now gone onto buy a bigger house of my own while she has spent all of her payoff and living in a small council home .
Don’t worry, she is old now and most likely will marry a loser.
I've seen many guys who worked in Iraq as contractors send their money home and then when they returned home, there was nothing left.....I have seen this happen to soldiers, West Point grads, guys in Alaska who work in the cold arctic oilfields...I've seen it hundreds of times..
We actually got a lesson from a financial planner in Australia before deploying to warn us about this...
It still happened to heaps of guys.
Hi ETB.
Can you expand on this a bit please.
Just because you wear a military uniform does not make you an "Alpha male".
In many ways men who wear the uniform are the opposite... i think ?/?/?
Not having a go just hoping you can expand your statement mate ;)
I agree. I was a car salesman right next to an AFB and and sold many cars to military men and women. I cannot begin to count the times that the man, looking to buy the, car deferred the decision to the wifey. I cannot tell you how many times the wife actually berated and name called the guy for his choice that did not take HER needs into consideration for HIS car. I saw military wives walk in and choose her husband's car for him. I have always thought that the military was filled with men that couldn't make it in the real world: and as far as I am concerned, I was proven right and hope that there is never a war that requires these "men" to fight against women...
ETB: Thanks for the reply.
Spot on mate. Completely agree.
Tim Carter
My ex girlfriend picked up my 1911 from the nightstand during an argument in 2015. I took the weapon away from her for safety reasons, but my neighbors heard her screaming about a gun and called the police who saw me with a gun and arrested me for felony assault and domestic violence. Despite her consistent support of my defense and factual insistence that I never assaulted her, it took nine months and $58,000 in legal fees to prepare for trial, only for the violent charges to be dropped as the jury was being selected. What I realized after that experience was that I had been trained from my adolescence, growing up in a household where I had to walk on egg shells and be screamed at by a woman on a near daily basis, that I developed an internal mute button to tolerate screaming women in general. My ex was probably similarly trained that in order to be heard she had to scream at people. It’s all just very toxic and destroys relationships. Thanks for the message, Paul.
Nick M fuq, Fuqn
Fuq. Can u still buy a piece. Far reliable than a chiq
Nick M It can depend on the type of environment people were raised in. I’ve had more than one friend over the years that grew up with screaming, bitchy mothers and became a screaming bitchy girlfriend/wife. I’ve seen guys grow up with screaming mothers and end up in relationships with screaming women.
I have a mother with the patience of a saint and had a Vietnam vet father with PTSD and high blood pressure who was verbally & physically abused as a child and could fly off the handle quite easily. I can count the number of times I heard my mom raise her voice on one hand. I ended up with a mix. I’ve screamed at a guy I was dating one time in my life. It took a lot for me to reach that point but when I did... God help him. I have my dads stubbornness and vitriol but don’t like to go there with people I’m close to and I do t like people who want to fight all the time. I had enough of that growing up.
Polly's Shore sorry if I wasn’t being clear but that is kind of my point. People grow up believing that their parents relationship is the normal way to have a relationship. Not everyone is this affected by their parents and even fewer actually realize it if they are, but speaking for myself I think I certainly accepted near-constant screaming as a normal thing for a woman to do in a relationship. Just didn’t question it until it created a serious problem for me.
Nick M Understanding your parents helps. I knew my dad couldn’t help a lot of his behaviors/issues, especially when I was younger and his PTSD was worse. I grew up watching him have flashbacks and was woken up in the middle of the night and put in my older brothers room while he ripped the house apart looking for ammo and explosives. My mom always stayed right by him, talking him down.
I knew he had issues due to the horrible abuse his dad, a WWII vet who was in the Big Red One and did not come home the same person, inflicted on him, his mom and his older sister. They got the worst of it. He killed my dads older sister and best friend when she was 19. He beat her in the head with a broom stick and a couple days later she went to the bank to withdraw money for her wedding dress (she was marrying the love of her life and getting out that house) and she was found in the parking lot, unconscious. Her brain had swollen, she went into a coma and she never woke up. It was blamed on the mosquito bites she had gotten at the beach a week before. You don’t get over stuff like that easily.
My dad was always very open and honest about these things and he and his 2 remaining younger siblings talked about it regularly. I know he was routinely beaten with 2x4’s for nothing. I was told my grandfathers 2nd wife rolled up all the car windows on a hot August day when he was drunk and passed out in it, and proceeded to shop for several hours. He was dead when she returned... as planned. None of them were mad at her.
I don’t mean to make it sound like my dad was a bad person or parent. He wasn’t. He just had some issues.
I butted heads with my father the most in my early tween & teen years. After that I learned the best approach was walking way until he cooled down. We still had some fights here & there and neither one of us would back down but I’ve never had an urge to carry that over into other relationships.
Nick M Many don’t for some time. Not until they grow up and ponder. That’s what I’ve witnessed with my friends & family at least. It’s good when you/they do.
Lesson on accountability:
Women have none.
Expecting a woman to have accountability is misogynistic, and victim blaming whenever applicable. She can do whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and it is YOUR fault for all of it.
Learned from life experience of my own and from other men.
And that is why men in the past never gave women power. If we could solve it with a mean stare like in the old days, everything would be easier. Now we have a child in our hands who has more power than we could ever dream of.
Quite simply, women are children and they should be treated as such. If you let your teenager do whatever they want whenever they want you are going to wind up with a fucked up adult. Is it any wonder that women are so terrible now? It's because they are never held accountable for anything.
I don't want to go back to the old days but we need to stop coddling them. Women need to be held to the same standards as men if they want to be treated as equals and if they get up in your face and get violent we should be allowed to slap the shit out of them the same way we would do with a man who behaved that way.
I came to the same realization without making the huge mistake of getting married or having kids. I feel like I have won the lottery.
Yes!! Same here.
I was married to a charming narcissist. I pretended to be as boring as possible after leaving her so that she quickly find someone else to lavish her attention on. It’s pathetic that I had to act that way but it worked and I had a hassle-free divorce. From what I can tell, I was lucky in that regard.
Being boring like that, to avoid drama, they call that Gray Rocking.
I am in my 40s and have never married. I wanted to get married when I was younger, but I am an introverted guy and just didn’t pursue women hard enough to make it happen. Now, even though life can be lonely sometimes, I am extremely grateful I did not rush into marriage in my youth.
Same here, much luv from iran!
Thanks for sharing the personal experience. Your bluntness & humour sprinkled throughout your video (to get the points across) is, hopefully, spearing men where it should (in the heart & mind)... keep swinging, Paul... Love your work.
huMAN you and Paul should do a collaboration.
Phant0m I second that
I third that....lol
I third that....lol
Thank you!
Married to my loving bride, me 23 her 18 first kid on the way right away. After she gave birth she immediately turned into a manipulating scheming lying woman who hated her own child and me for causing it. Got birth control and within a few months she quit taking them without telling me. Our second child was born and it was all my fault. Got her back on birth control and watched like a hawk to make sure she took it. Five years later child number 3 was born. I buried myself in the job and outdoor activities which I shared with the kids. After a while the kids asked to go somewhere "without mom" because she was going to make it miserable for everyone. 10 years after saying I do I said enough. Same as Texas she got the house, kids, and all the money plus nearly half my paycheck for child support.
Damn. Its amazing how similar his story is to mine. The video may sound like a somber story to some but it actually brightened my day. If you hear it the right way, it’s actually an empowering story. Your Happiness comes from sovereignty/self determination. If any man stumbles upon this comment, know this: you are not alone. It does get better over time. You probably won’t take a lot of solace in that statement unless you are at least a year into whatever happened to you, But it does get better with time.
Hauling those kinds of loads in the mountains takes massive balls. I don't drive truck, but I have great respect for those who do.
Alexander Albert put your shirt back on
As well you should. If you bought it, a truck brought it.
Wonderful video!
You know I'm an atheist, but, listening to this talk I was consistently like... thank God I had a Father (capital F, for sure).
I learned all of these things before I was 14. All from my Father.
Two days from now I'll be traveling in the area where my parents still live. I'll make sure to translate this video into Romanian to my father - maybe I'll get him to speak to me about his divorce from his first wife.
Luckily for my Father, he was a quick study and didn't repeat the mistakes from his youth and fixed his shit before he had me.
At age 12-13 when he was teaching me these things, I could certainly understand what he meant and what he wanted to - but I did not understand until more than a decade later why was he so passionate in making damn sure I understand the dating scene and women as they ARE, rather than what they say they are. So passionate indeed that even when he taught me how to avoid dying from working with electrical tools he wasn't so passionate as he was when teaching me how to own my shit and insist on exactly the same on everyone else, particularly and especially on women.
In fairness, my grandmother (whom I half-jokingly refer to as the most 'misogynistic' individual I ever met) was also busy teaching me this even earlier in life. In fact, I started asking my father about these things after my grandma told me, and I'll never forget this, when I was just 7 years old and preparing for my first day in school: "Lucian, don't you ever forget this: Girls are far worse than boys."
I thought she was joking. Or perhaps exaggerating. And for the first two or three years in school I hadn't noticed anything that would corroborate her wisdom. But then I noticed. Sadly, she died before I had the chance to fully thank her for her wisdom.
But I sure as hell will enjoy a good cigarette and a glass of vodka with my dad 4 days from now as I'll be live-translating your video to him.
Cheers!
Great comment. Nothing to add.
Freedom Alternative ...wish we all had a grandmother and father like yours my friend. You were truly blessed.
As Phant0m stated: Great comment. Nothing to add.
I would like to add: tell us how it goes when you translate it to your dad
This is a great story. I wish I had been so fortunate as to have had a mentor like your father.
So I had a golden retriever that I took care of in my first and only marriage 3 decades ago. When the judge awarded the retriever to her I asked him " Your honor, why is it that I am losing both the dogs?"
One thing a lot of men don't know about women is that all of them (or at least the vast majority) can make themselves cry if they want to. It's like flipping a switch. I think that's an important thing to know if you're a man. Take that as you will.
Yes. I also learned that women can cry at will. Since learning this, it has made me immune to that tactic.
“Trust not a woman when she weeps, for it is her nature to weep when she wants her will.”
- Socrates
A guy works a lot to provide for his wife: "You're neglecting me! I cheated on you because I'm lonely, I don't get enough of your time!"
A guy spends more time at home with his wife: "You're not a good provider! Why don't you work more and make more money? I cheated on you because you're a broke loser!"
No replies after 10 months? Surprising.
They ALWAYS find a reason to turn on you so they can “justify” disloyalty and disrespect to themselves and their peers.
There has NEVER been a woman whom cheated or ditched a loyal man that didn’t think she had every right to.
Generation X here and I was sold the lie. Cost me everything I worked for up till 35, but most importantly, it robbed me of being the father that I wanted to be.
One thing I’ve recently observed in women that I never realized: if things go right, even if they have little to no part to play, they’ll take credit... but if things go wrong, it’s never their fault.
I’ve been banging my head against this wall my entire life. I’ve just learned to accept and that it’s part of their makeup. Add another character flaw, that keep me from making any long term commitments.
If you would have told me this before I got married (to my ex, of course) some 20 years ago, I would have called you crazy. Hearing this now, I could not agree with you more. It's very unfortunate that we sometimes have to get burned to know that the fire is hot. Yes, I did get burned once. But the good news is, I will have been burned only once.
Sharing stories like this saves lives, man. In a global scale. Know that you are helping countless young guys protect themselves and their future!
The thing is... The fire doesn't have to be so hot! If we'd just change the laws a little bit, many of us wouldn't get burned even once! We might still get our hearts broken when women leave, but at least our lives wouldn't be absolutely destroyed when women leave through no fault of our own. Then again, without no-fault divorce laws, women might be less likely to leave at all!
@@anonymousnearseattle2788 The cycle would more likely just repeat eventually if that were to happen.
That's the sad part. You can't convince a guy that he's playing with fire until he's already been burn, often very badly.
"how do you write women so well?"
Jack - "I think of a man. Then I take away reason and accountability."
Eh eh eh. I always love that one.
I am stealing this one
Truer words have never been spoken. Thanks Melvin (Jack).
Thank you Paul Elam. I am equally grateful as I am indebted for the wisdom that you have bestowed upon me.
My mind has parsed the memories of a dark period in my life in what can be best described as a frequency all too foreign; an alternate timeline disembodied and in utter discontinuity.
Lured by the bait of toxic optimism and benevolent naivety; I was an Antichrist, a martyr possessed through the agency of a demonic harlot.
Willfully culled towards my unjust crucifixion, I was undoubtedly a volunteer. Like a cow to the slaughter, I ignored the red flags firmly supplanted on my path, I ignored her blood stained hands of Midas. She was a harlot with the demands of hydra, as each passing sacrifice upon the altar of gynocentricism only served to stoke the coals beneath my feet.
Without account, the seeds of desolation had been sowed; their roots festered as they fed on my essence. A parasitic Trojan Horse of experiential disembodiment had usurped innumerable neurological junctions, manifesting as an odious enigma, a virus with alien characteristics had emerged.
Over the entirety of 13 months, I had endured a near-fatal level exposure. By all account, she was radioactive; my DNA was mutated by her presence.
I had lost myself. I was chronically depressed and had developed suicidal tendencies.
In the 23rd hour, I stumbled across your content. And it hit me. The stress, the paralyzing anxiety attacks, the lack of direction, the lack of intrinsic motivation, the nihilism and the pit of despair it summons; this was not me whatsoever.
A week later, I woke up the news of someone whom had been an overwhelming source of positive energy having committed suicide.
That afternoon, I left her.
Thank God.
Donald Piniach The path to hell [blue pill] is wide and well travelled, whereas the path to heaven [red pill] is narrow and winding.
After 21 years I found out that it was all a game to get the money. The signs were there all along but I let them slide... 40k a year for life is the price of that.
Ouch!
it's all about money for them. It is all grift.
1) Thank god I've never been married.
2) "Women's lack of accountability... keeping divorce lawyers in business since 1857."
The problem for young men growing up is they are not given this information about women's nature. When they find out this is quite common its to late and they blame themselves for not understanding this to begin with. Men for the most part have to learn the hard way. Once you sort this out it all makes so much sense. Yes even when you realize this you want to avoid the hurt and pain these type of woman can cause you.
My buddy offered his soon-to-be ex-wife a pretty sweet settlement, which all her friends told her to refuse. They told her to take him to the cleaners. The funny part is that the court ordered a settlement that was much less generous than his original offer.
My god. This channel is like a religion for the red pill. A religious movement for the truth. Love it.
Great video Paul! You hit the nail on the head with this one. You basically described my life with my ex wife, except we have two children together. My divorce and custody battle ended in May, and took two years and coast me a lot of hard earned money. She moved the guy who she was cheating on me with into the marital home 1 month after I moved out. The cycle repeats I guess... She still continues to be a thorn in my side, as I was able to get 50% custody of our children. I pray to God, that my children will never end up like her: A BPD robot, that you can never satisfy. Thanks again for the video.
After I started figuring some of this out. (I was not mgtow yet. Hadn't even heard of it.) The most common complaint I heard was. "You are too controlling". "You don't trust me". Ah... Well no why should I? You haven't earned my trust yet. Then I finally figured out trying to hold a woman accountable is an exercise in futility. So I decided that relationships are just a lost cause. I don't hate women in general or even any of my ex's. (Not anymore) They are just dangerous animals that are better left alone. I am responsible for me no one else. Another good video Paul.
i agree...it is just a waste of time there is no evidence to support any other conclusion.
This guy Paul is poisoning your minds. He's an angry bitter divorced misogynist, don't pay him any attention. Not all women are "evil bitches" like he wants you to believe.
@@MissTina62 Paul is a hero and he save lives. So shut the f...up and stay far from this channel.
My ex was so controlling, manipulative, and selfish that her misery inspiring company and abuse eventually made my beautiful son want to retreat from life altogether. He took drugs, had a seizure, suffered severe irreparable brain damage, and requires full time hospitalization. My ex committed suicide to escape from the consequences of her folly, all without ever saying “sorry” for a single thing. Never underestimate the total commitment some women have to destroying a man. Inability “to own” flaws and mistakes can be a sign of deep pathology. In some cases, the egotism simply cannot be moderated. It can destroy everything, and anyone, including the children. If you’ve made it out with sanity and well-balanced children who you have a relationship with, you’re doing great. Believe me, there are men who lose it all, forever.
I have an 8 year old son, and I told him "I'm fighting this so you don't have to." With the March of time, I will become more hypervigilant of his mental health. The red pill slow drip needs to happen, for his sake. We are flanked by enemies.
Hello, from México. Here we are as well filled Up to tonsils with the farce of romantic love. Everyone
Has neurotic expectations about coupling and the results, failing to trace a logical path between the beginning and what follows.
Everyone faking a happy life until a break or tragedy.
I just want to sus thank you for letting me know that I'm not nuts for walking away from some bitch that wouldn't and couldn't feel nor express respect, No matter what. You are so generous to share and to help other men. It is sad that ladies just can't see.
Thank you.
Halfway through your video and I'm in tears, mate.
Things that women do.....
Just Bloody evil...
Tough to swallow but too true. Took me two years to realize what u just said. As much as i hated her, it was my fault. I laid my head on the chopping block and i knew the axe was coming. Thank you for sharing. I hope some younger men hear this and heed it.
This sounds like my personal experiences too, I was married to a borderline personality disordered woman who lied, slept with other men, and took my children after 12 years of emotional abuse, I am still recovering from the divorce. In the beginning of my relationship with the crazy woman, I saw multiple red flags but ignored them, I was a blue pilled mangina simp who sought validation from a woman and society, but I have gone beyond self-blame, I accept what happened and never to happen again.
An art teacher (of all people) once told me that accidents don't happen; it's just that we aren't paying attention and get what we asked for! I would like to say that I empathize with you (and ironically I do), but in looking at my own current situation, I am grateful because without this intense pain I would never have taken a Red Pill.
Life sometimes pushes you into a direction that you otherwise would not have chosen. My curse and punishment is a blessing in disguise. It won't kill me, but make me stronger when I reach the ending of it and am movin' on.
Thanks, brother!
Paul, I’ve listened to this piece three or four times for emphasis. Now a couple years after my public lynching by a feminist-led mob in a Recovery meeting, I am just beginning to reckon with my part in the drama. It’s taken a few years... How can an innocent somebody NOT be a victim when falsely accused and targeted by a smear campaign? Let me explain.
Yes, I was a victim. But, without much of a clue of what I was doing, I was.asking for an ass whooping in my female dominated Recovery group. I was laboring under the mistaken belief that women are the compassionate sex - the nurturing sex. They appear to be a fountain of mercy for struggling children and orphaned kittens and other women. But their sympathy quickly turns to revulsion in the face of a non-attached man who is in sustained emotional struggle- as I had been with naked abandon at 12-Step meetings while trying to reckon with my own character defects. And, where I thought I was heroically pushing through my family-of-origin emotional shit in a Recovery group, in the unconscious bowels of my female compatriots I was revealing an unacceptable, stress-inducing weakness - the weakness of a man who appeared to be less than ready to do what men are made to do - to protect and cherish women at all cost, even while he’s in dire emotional straights. I had been attempting to garner the sympathy and nurturance of women and, unknowingly, I was breaking a gynocentric Golden Rule: - give unto women as you would NOT expect them to give unto you.
One of your many gifts to me, Paul, has been to demonstrate the hard facts of a man’s life and to help me recognize the treasure men have when they find the courage to be fully accountable for their conduct - even when the world is cruel.
Twice divorced here, just my first marriage produced a child, not the second. Single for 9 years now, and haven't dated in 2. My son and I get along great. I've forgiven everyone including myself and I'm happy with my MGTOW hermit existence. My oh my I do love this red pill.
What are you doing while living the hermit lifestyle outside a possibility of earning a little scratch on the side?
I've driven past a lot of 18 wheelers over the years without it ever occurring to me that the driver
might be able to write like this. What doesn't kill us *does not* make us stronger, but sometimes it reveals our strengths.
Thank you Paul!!! You are the only Channel that cuts through the bullshit to the core! You are the only one knows the issues thoroughly and speaks on it so eloquently that I feel you are light years ahead of everyone. Thank you for all the energy and effort to you are putting into helping us!
Hi Paul, I've listened to this several times and I think it's one of your finest, wisest talks. Thank you for your teaching.
Thank YOU, good sir.
What he said....
Wow, Paul, I honest to Christ don't know how you don't have a million subscribers. Fantastic talk, as always....
Thanks, Ken.
Truth-oriented channels without a corporate-built machine to back them up rarely exceed 100k subs, even after years of consistent and constant work.
It's just the way it is.
Add to that RUclips's consistent meddling with both the view count and the sub count...
Easy my friend paul does not have a million subscribers because being human most men fall for the romatic luv and marriage fantasy. peace!
i'm the luckiest guy in the world. i understood women from an early age. i never had kids with them. never married one. and now i'm a monk of 20 years. i dont' interact with them at all. i listen to these stories and wonder why men put themselves through the misery. the greatest most liberating thing i ever did in my life was walk away from women. of course people dont' understand. a friend of mine's wife tried to fix me up recently without telling me. she just put me in the situation. i was polite but got up and left. it boggles their minds. you can't understand until you are here. post red pill rage.
That was a hard talk Paul.. Thank you for sharing it.
And Paul's talk was also real and authentic. Even if his red pill messages are hard to swallow sometimes, I myself know it's worth the effort because of Paul's authenticity as a man which makes it worthwhile.
I listened to you 2 years ago. Bak then, I eneded a marriage to a narcissist (diagnosed)/borderline (suspected) woman. My boy was only 7 months old.. I did not understand what was going on but then some light came into the picture. You really helped me and after 2 years of legal battle I am able to take my boy to the park and have our own time. It took will and ability to argue against lies in court, and debate the. with evidence. Evidence is key when dealing with a liar. Thank you again and to all men struggling, just fight and stay close to your kids no matter how much she will take revenge on you through them. Greetings from Romania.
Whenever I’m feeling lonely or am becoming smitten with a woman I’m talking to, I quickly take a dose of Paul Elam advice and I quickly snap out of it. It’s a shame his name has been buried in place of some of these current Red Pill grifters. His message is by far the most potent one I’ve heard in the manosphere.
Two divorces in four years I lost everything I had earned in my 50 years of working and trying to save .but its over now and that will never happen again I have not met a woman yet that can tell the truth , there may be some unicorns out there but I am close to 70 now and I have never seen one .
One of the biggest mistakes a man can make is trying to make a woman happy! First it's a never ending process and 2) it is not reciprocal and 3) make yourself happy instead!
Woman: “How do you write women so well?” Jack Nicholson: “I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.”
- From the movie, "As Good As It Gets."
Someone once pointed out to me that when you see something in a TV show or a movie, remember this-THEY HAD TO GET IT FROM SOMEWHERE!
“The difference between truth and fiction: Fiction has to make sense.”
Mark Twain
As compelling as Bill Wilson's story in chapter one of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Someone let me borrow a DVD about Robert Bly. Robert Bly got divorced. He probably should never have gotten married or had children. He wrote that book Iron John in the 1980s. (The feminists attacked him for it.) Robert Bly's work and the men's consciousness activities of the 1980s and 1990s probably saved my ass as a man in his twenties. Robert Bly didn't get to reap the benefits of being Robert Bly until late in his life. But I got to reap the benefits of Robert Bly's work for my whole life. Just like Paul Elam didn't get to reap the benefits of being Paul Elam until later in his life. At the same time, young men who listen to Paul Elam will benefit from Paul's experience for their whole lives.
Thanks, Roger. Kind of you to say.
I had a similar experience a few years back, although we never married. She turned out to have bpd, which i found out about once the relationship had ended.
That relationship and its fallout led me to an existential crisis like none other before. Like you, I had an epiphany. I realized and accepted that I myself was responsible for my misery, nobody else. I had seen plenty of red flags which I chose to look past. That helped me see that I had unfinished family issues that kept getting me in trouble.
I swore to myself that I would never ever let this happen to me ever again. From that point on I started dealing relentlessly with my family of origin issues, and since then my life has improved dramatically. It has been like being born again. That was my first red pill. I am a happy man.
I was with a BPD for a little over a month and it warped my mind. A man that stays with a BPD woman for any significant length of time could be permanently damaged.
Both Rodrigo Ramirez and Dave Garry : Do either of you find that after a psychologically abusive relationship your critical thinking skills get a permanent lifelong boost and remain on all the time (as in hypervigilance with relationships)?
Yes. And you learn a lot about yourself in the process... you notice what kind of women you choose, and what kind of energies you attract ...it's all all part of that hypervigilance you mention..
Daniel Kaiser I certainly do. Also, my experience with the bpd, and other life experiences leading up to that, helped me become vigilant and critical not only in terms of interpersonal relationships, but also helped me realize how we men need to watch our backs all the time because we are vulnerable to all sorts of female abuse.
Rodrigo Ramirez yep a bpd breakup led me to examine my childhood and I had shit I had to resolve that had caused me to have a poor self image.
Yes, so true. As and when she screws up (like we all do), tell her she has and hold her to account. See how she reacts. If it's like a hurt little princess, RUN. If its like an adult who says, hey yeah, maybe that wasn't so great, have the discussion and find out together what happened and move on stronger together.
Never felt I was a victim (though several of my indulged siblings do), and never had trouble owning my bad choices. It was the wife's lack of accountability and downright cruelty that provoked me to file. Even so, I was too green, wet behind the ears to understand what the signs were that began with the very first "date." Everyone I counseled with had no idea what to make of them either. At the center of it however was my inability to honor my own intuition and judgment. That inability was a direct result of being the abandoned child and being tossed from one home to another within the family after my mother committed suicide. Of all the people I counseled with, my father who treated me like a dish rag, was the most messed up of all. I just wasn't able to put it all together for another 3 decades. Now that I have a handle on it, its too late for me, but I'm hoping to pass on what I've learned to the grandchildren.
The hardest lesson for me to learn out of this gynocentric world has been how facile it is for women AND men to be so cruel to one another. It still is a hard thing to swallow about men. When Tom Golden featured the lives of the C&O canal men, I am reminded of why men just can't get together on anything except sports or maybe union work. Fathers may be the source for children to learn empathy. But my experience has been the vast majority of fathers need lots of work on that trait. Its been quite a chore not to drag the crap of family origin into relations with others.
The one thing I never accounted for was the background and emotional issues that women deal with. I was not smart enough yet to understand how to ask the correct questions to find out how deep her issues go. Marriage and divorce taught me some very painful lessons which I never forgot. After listening to many women over the years since my divorce, I have had to accept all women have them. Men aren’t much better but we don’t have the additional baggage of being emotionally creatures. End result for me was to keep my expectations very low with women and don’t expect any relationship to last. Best thing for a man is to learn how to be his own best friend and accept that being alone is not lonely.
Died laughing at “pipe of her own”.
There is absolutely no incentive to getting married. None. Why men chose to get married confounds me.
One bloke I knew was going through his fourth divorce and still had no idea he was doing it to himself. It's a bitter pill to swallow.
Dear Paul Elam. For what is worth, please know that your videos inspired me and protected from making one of the worst mistakes of my life. I avoided marriage at a very very low price. I'm grateful to you for that. Thank you.
Nailed it Man
Wow
This quote "there are no victims, just volunteers" from Paul has shaken me to the core. So many lessons from this quote. Thanks
Owning my mistakes was the only way to get past them. I don't know how many people, both men and women, I have told, 'It's not all their fault, you picked them.'
Amen Deacon! I realized too that once I owned my own choices in who I let into my life that there was really nothing to be mad at. I just forgave myself and now I don't make those choices with women again.
Everyone makes mistakes, but let's make new and improved mistakes, not the same one over and over and over...... :)
Learning to own my mistakes has been one of the primary ways I can live with a clear mind which results in a better overall quality of life.
Men often pick woman similar to their mothers. That was their role model and what conditioned them to serve moma.
Absolutely bro. The moment where I took responsibility for choosing the woman I chose, was the most pivotal and best moment of I in my life.
It’s been steady climb Upward and onward to a greater life since that moment.
I'm never getting married, I've heard way too many horror stories from you older guys.
Red Pill Lion
I'm in a bit of a dilemma, I do very much care about the decline of the White population, I know full well that the "diversity is our strength" bullshit, will not apply to us when we're the minority. The powers that be hate our people, and they've worked very hard to turn men and women against each other. I really don't think the future is going to be a nice place.
@Red Pill Lion I wish I could copy this and put it on my wall for a reminder, good advice and then memorize it. Thanks.
@Red Pill Lion too much..simple...pump, dump..go fishing
cjbbooks at Bitchute is good
I'm from Houston tx and haul drill pipe also. You have a great voice and opinion.
I drove those road in Colorado too, I remember them perfectly. Hairpin turns, rock cliff on one side, 1000 feet drop off on the other, and no guard rails and not shoulder. I don't trust my truck that much!
I so much understand the healing power of accountability. I grew up in a loving cool family where we all trust and support each other, my parents remained married until they passed, very few divorces in 5 generations. Then there is I !! I married a fellow who lied, lied and lied...took me two years to see this because of my naive, trusting upbringing...I pray and pray that with all my love and support he will cherish us, me and the two boys, took me a while to leave because he threaten me to kill me in various different ways or the kids...eventually I rather to be dead that in that situation and I left to a shelter.. I was angry with all man, God , I was sad and scare....until I remember I choose him, I brought that piece of waste of skin into my life...once I dealt with this accountability....my life flourished!! I discovered there are good men and bad the decision is mine!! cheers!!
At the time of my divorce two years ago, I started writing down from memory all of the red flags with my Ex. The first one happened on our first date when she walked out of the lady's room with another guy. Another 136 flags happened over the next 12 years. The final flag was her conniving an accidental pregnancy in our openly failed marriage. I too came to accept that I held the door open for this piece of trash to wreck my life.
It's a strong possibility that we encountered the same devil. My goodness...you described my relationship with the ex(NPD/BPD) I was involved with exactly as it happened.
No agency, no accountability, no guilt, no empathy, no remorse... I swallowed a bunch of shit although the sings were abundant. Now all I swallow are RED PILLS. Thanks Paul. Keep up the great work.
My mind has been boggled too. How can someone become so deceived? A mind lying to itself and unable to break free because of the sheer explicit evil implied. It is unbelievable yet totally understandable. What mind would admit to doing something like this while simultaneously being unable to stop. Possessing a mindset that infects the mind of the opposite sex like a virus when relationships goes bad. We are all getting screwed over by this. Men and women alike. And we are loosing big time. I mean cmon, we all know what is happening.
Some of us are the victims, some of us become the perpetrators and some of us are the players. Entropy dictates that this only ends when we stop devouring each other and live in peace. How we get there though is impossible to figure out at this stage I believe. The shit has really hit the fan.
What were the warning signs?!
David Z ...patterns of lies, conversations always comes back to her, never apologizing for her shit, never being accountable for her actions, attention seeking, triangulation, crying to get what she wants, it's always someone else's fault, jealousy, hates to hear no...brother the list goes on and on. Loving a woman can make a man do foolish things. You eventually feel as though you're loosing your identity.
@@familystone255 can you please elaborate on triangulation? Thank you for your response.
David Z ...it's when you cant see eye to eye on a subject...then she will say something to the effect of "well so and so thinks I'm right about the situation or everyone sees it the way I do or my ex have alwys done things this way". To get you to second guess yourself or position on a subject matter. It's an insidious form of manipulation.
Every man needs to hear this.
Hey Paul, I drove tractor trailer for one month. During that month I met countless drivers that would spend months on the road while their pay checks would go direct deposit to a joint bank account they shared with a wife. I remember thinking how foolish these guys were. There is no way a wife would remain celibate while the husband was driving over the road for months at a times. When the drivers did get home, it was just for a couple of days. The hardest part of driving a truck is being away from those you love. I was living with my girlfriend at the time and we split everything 50/50 and we kept our money separate. After one month of driving I missed my girlfriend so much that I quit. I got a ride with another driver and after driving all night I was back in bed with my girlfriend. We were together for 7 years. Unfortunately I was a male borderline and eventually she kicked my ass out.
Fellow big truck driver! Awesome, brother!
My last 3 encounters with women ran as follows 1. 3 years and engaged until her mask came off and she emerged as an entitled selfish child, 2. 4 and 1/2 months of pure misery 3. 1 day of texting and 1 phone conversation when I could clearly see she is not relationship material. I am getting the message.
Thanks! You really nailed it! I myself went through exactly the same thing and in my mind I’ve recently come to the same conclusion but I’m still pissed off and working through some issues perhaps you could help me out with them?
Yes, i must accept responsibility for my actions and for allowing myself to be taken advantage of however what bothers me is how my upbringing, my beliefs of women, my values and code of ethics made me a perfect target.
-Why did I believe women are inherently good?
-Why did i actually believe the lie that women don’t like sex? They actually enjoy it more, need it more and somehow manage to make us believe they don’t... thus able to charge an admission fee to men for something they want and at times need more than men?
-Why did I believe men cheat in spite of the fact that i have never cheated in my life? It’s absolutely a farce that men cheat and sleep around more than women....really funny, just think about it, for every man that’s sleeping around there is a woman which means it’s equal ...really u think all men that sleep around are all screwing the same woman? You know why? Because they are better at cheating than men! Men cheat based on opportunity while women cheat deliberately...they decide to cheat then it’s planned and executed with stone cold precision. So because of how women are cheating they seldom get caught ...and here’s the stupid part when we husbands suspect she is cheating why do we feel a need to have a 100% proof of it...why? I did that and honestly that was so stupid, having proof fixes nothing...she showed no remorse or regret just turned it around and blamed me for her cheating, so guys if you suspect it, follow your intuition just move on and discard the idea u need proof!
And yes i found out after getting married she lied outright about her #’s - I said 7 partners at age 44, she said like 15 at 38...but after married she admitted at age 17 she fucked 50 different guys....women know they must lie about sex or be discarded...we men allow this to continue because we really don’t want to know the truth! Yes, finding this out i wanted to run and never look back, but i had already given my word ...fucked up situation, it wasn’t fair because she lied but still i couldn’t break my code why?....i felt i had no choice but to ignore it..what choice did i have? Looking back now i should have broken my vow due to her not being honest but it was like boiling a frog in hot water....it was a slow process of new info and finding she was not even close to the person she pretended to be while dating. My question that i cannot get over is how or why would anyone want to go into a relationship pretending/lying about what they believe, who they are, what they enjoy, and what they believe and then expect to be happy with the relationship built on lies and false info????
-As a man my word is my bond, I’m proud of that but....i agreed to love, honour to death do us part, I lived through hell but not once did i consider divorce because of my beliefs. Women do not honour promises made of any type, they do not take responsibility for their actions i had exact same issue...i was working my ass off to support her fat lazy ass and her 2 kids while she bitched about not enough money and me not treating her as a princess so she cheated on me from day 1 ....my work to support her was her reason to fuck around...how can they blame us for working to support them? (6 figure income and it was never enough )
- I still find women attractive and would really like a relationship but having learned so much in the last 2 years since the divorce I simply can’t find a way to live with my principles and not end up being taken advantage of by women. In all honesty i really enjoyed being married, as it gave me a reason to strive to do better, be more, and the best possible person i could be. Now i find myself kinda drifting, I have enough $ for myself, i don’t need a lot of stuff for myself, I miss having someone to share my life with and to do things with. I miss buying her flowers for no reason! I find myself a reluctant MGTOW because it seems to be the only rational model, yet it goes against all my upbringings, I wanted a family and the whole catastrophe that goes with it, sad but true.
If you don't mind me throwing in my two cent:
"Why did I believe women are inherently good?"
It's what we're being told from pretty much everyone. Men tell us this because if they don't they drastically lower their chances of "getting something". Women tell us this because what others think of them is much more important to them than it is for us men - being accepted by a community is/has been a necessity for women's survival, unlike men who're able to survive to a greater degree even when not liked. It's the difference between having to rely on others to get what you need and want and being able to get it yourself. And unlikeable people don't get as much "free stuff". If women weren't seen as inherently good, they'd have a much, much harder time and society would be very different - if it even existed.
However, the world has changed - interpersonal relationship aren't nearly as important today as women can rely on a government for their "free stuff", almost regardless of how likable they are (that's actually a key concept of socialism - how useful, productive or desired you are shouldn't matter at all). Thus women don't put as much effort into fitting in and "playing nice" as they used to - and they're even encouraged, primarily by feminists, to not "play nice". Which results in the train wreck we see today, as men aren't on board with that change.
"Why did i actually believe the lie that women don’t like sex?"
That's another thing we're being told, in particular by women. Not because it's true - as you've found out they really do like sex, especially the kind that releases large amounts of oxitocine etc (or some other hormone - I tend to get them confused - something produced due to skin contact anyway). The reason they hold back is twofold, though. Primarily, sex has meant a chance of getting pregnant, which is the greatest hardship most women ever go through. That's what got most of them killed before old age back in the day. The other reason is that of all a women can offer, sex is what men want the most from them. It's their bargaining chip, so to speak.
Once again, the world has changed and having sex isn't a big deal anymore. Women have access to the pill, abortion, hospitals, various financial aid etc etc. Thus they have more freedom when it comes to having sex. And at the same time, they're working hard to get rid of the competition - like hookers, porn, and even sex dolls. 'cause sex is still their bargaining chip, even though some of them make their own money etc - men simply aren't as attracted to things they can get themselves, which is pretty much everything else.
How much bargaining power would women have if sex was viewed as it actually is - two people (or more - I don't judge) mutually giving and receiving pleasure? Nothing besides their ability to say yes or no. However, if they don't like it, it's more of a sacrifice they make. A sacrifice they should be rewarded for making. Of course, back in the day, before the pill etc, it was a potential sacrifice, but it hasn't been for some time.
"Why did I believe men cheat in spite of the fact that i have never cheated in my life?"
Because some men do. Women too, of course - but that's been seen as "a lesser sin". Women having sex without being married caused problems as someone needed to provide for her and her child, while a married women was provided for, regardless of who the biological father actually was. Courts think exactly the same way today - if there's a man to extract child support from, that's all they care about - even if he can prove the child isn't his. And as mentioned above, it's obviously in women's interest to let men think that women cheat less - a cheating wife risks being thrown out of the community.
When a woman is looking for a partner she's actually looking for two kinds of partners: One that has "good genes", and one that has good provider potential. The best catch is thus both of these in one man, preferably someone who's already realized their potential for gathering resources for some time. If they don't find both types in one man, they'll marry the provider and cheat with those who have "good genes". Not all, obviously - a lot of children are as genetically unfortunate as their married parents. That doesn't mean that the mother/wife didn't cheat, of course, just that it didn't result in a child.
Proof only matters to people who're willing to take responsibility for their own actions. I had proof of how my ex really was quite early on, yet I ignored it as I wasn't ready to take full responsibility for my decision to move in with her etc. Eventually I did, though, and I don't regret taking that responsibility at all. My ex is still pretty much in denial, comfortable in her belief that it was all my fault. Even though her following relationships have gone pretty much the same exact way - we men must all be the same (she can't be the common reason, right?)
"i had already given my word"
A lot of men (and likely women too) use that as a reason. It isn't. You entered into a contract of sorts, and when one party breaches the contract, the other party is not required to honor their side of it anymore. It's not easy to go back on one's word, though, even if it's no longer valid.
"finding she was not even close to the person she pretended to be while dating"
My take on what responsibility we men have might be a little different from Paul's. It's our responsibility to go through some sort of due diligence before entering into a relationship (of any kind, really) - if we fail to do that, or we choose to ignore the red flags, that's on us. Changing our significant other is not on the table - they are "as is" and that's what we need to judge, not what they could or should be. However, if they change significantly, or have really hidden sides that we couldn't be expected to see, whatever shit that results in isn't really on us. Only if we accept this "new" behavior is it on us (and on them, of course, but there's no way for us to make them take responsibility for that if they don't want to). Thus if one breaks it off rather than "accepting" her cheating, it wouldn't be their responsibility. That is, they'd still be screwed over in court..
"My question that i cannot get over is how or why would anyone want to go into a relationship pretending/lying about what they believe, who they are, what they enjoy, and what they believe and then expect to be happy with the relationship built on lies and false info????"
Because they get more out of being in such a relationship than they get out of being alone. Shitty people usually have a really hard time getting into a relationship if they're being honest about how shitty a person they are. So they lie and deceive, to get something more than they would otherwise.
Both men and women do this, but the similarities end there for the most part. For women it's mostly about appearance. As long as they can cover up the truth by lies so that they appear better than they are, all is good. For men, however, it's mostly about what they do. You can't lie about a seven digit salary for very long. What makes a woman less attractive is easier to hide than what makes a man less attractive as concealing is so much easier than conjuring.
"As a man my word is my bond, I’m proud of that"
And it is something to be proud of. Words are worthless unless backed up by action - it's actions that make a difference. Actions come with a price words don't, though. If all you get in return for that cost is "a perfect track record" even when the other party has reneged on their end of the deal, it's not as much to be proud of - you're basically allowing others to get things for free that they do not deserve. My aunt used to say "if you're man enough to make a promise, you're man enough to break it". She never really explained what she meant by that, but my understanding was that promises are made - and honored - on personal conviction, and that said conviction is strong enough to break your word when circumstances changes so that it's no longer the moral/ethical thing to do. That is, you don't just make promises out of a sense of obligation, but because of your principles - and they can both make and break promises. (If any of that makes any sense..)
"how can they blame us for working to support them?"
Because not all their needs are being met, and they don't take any responsibility for that themselves. They want it all, and they don't care how we manage to provide them with it. Feelings matter more than reality, and they're so used to men bending over backwards to force reality to look like the "reality" in their dreams that they have no concept of what's feasible or not - if someone else has managed it (or, managed to make it appear that way - women constantly fool other women as well with their lies and deceptions) that's good enough for them.
"I still find women attractive and would really like a relationship"
I think all MGTOW still find women attractive, and I think most miss having a relationship with one, at least some of it (both good and bad - nothing in life is only good). Going your own way is the rational choice, if you don't think a woman's company is worth giving up a sizable portion of your life for, but we humans aren't entirely rational. And the basic urges are the worst - companionship, physical intimacy, sexual needs, wanting children. I'm sort of glad there's no real solution to that problem - if it were, no man would have any reason to not go his own way, which would mean the end of civilization rather quickly. The modern world depends on men working for themselves and all those that don't work, be they women or children. AI and robotics may change that to some degree, though, just like the steam engine etc did.
pH7oslo, it's very interesting what you say about "if you are man enough to make a promise, you're man enough to break it."
Even in platonic friendships, I struggle when situations change, when I dont want the other person to have reason to accuse me of breaking our agreement. The path of higher honor is to have that difficult conversation and change what needs to be changed (even if it must be an end to the relationship). That is, instead of being a miserable slave/prisoner endlessly to the agreement that rested on false assumptions.
What you said about (paraphrasing) "being man enough to protect your vales higher than your promise," is life affirming.
4loops43, the next step for you is to find a reason to be compelled to become your best self, similar to how you felt when married, without having a wife as the reason to be.
I've heard people list reasons why they are in favor of marriage, but haven't heard them cite that it helps them be their best self. I like your reason and can relate. The idea of taking care of a woman we love, inspires us.
Yet when you think about it, why should a person have to get married to have that pathway to their best self available to them? Why can't a single person find a compelling reason? I think you can, but you have to seek it out. I hope you can.
It's always easier to try harder in life when it's for someone we love, not for ourselves. What a crappy deal. :)
Powerful words she made have broke you but you have came back a legend your words reach deap in to my core I hear them, thank you for some real talk
@an ear for men
Hello Paul.
I've been following you for the past year or so. Unfortunately for me, I found you 4 years too late.
Right now my 4th year of divorce is starting (which is twice as long as my marriage lasted), albeit it's for the custody of my (now) 4 year old daughter.
Without going into details, should a man had done to his wife and child what she has done to us, he would have lost any rights to see the child long ago. Kept it cool with just 1 panic attack and went forward.
Luckily for me, there was nothing material we needed to split as all was provided by MY parents (she still tried to get her bloody hands on the house though). But by God, did she take a full bite of me and my soul!
As many others, I ignored the red flags and now even my child is paying for it (I'm just paying child support and dealing in heartache watching my kid getting tortured). What a cruel reality! Let's hope others find you earlier!
Oh and to answer the key question: yes, she is classic borderline!
Keep up the good work. This kind of kick in the butt is God's send!
Vlad Vadim we need to get a real estimate on the number of borderline women out here. My guess is that nearly 60 to 70% if American women have some form of mental illness.
Mr. Elam's best video. Every young man should hear this and learn.
Fantastic talk. The point you made that "we chose" to marry the specific women hit home! I could have went the opposite direction; lesson learned.
Good stuff Paul
I'm not at all sure if this is a fantastic essay, or just really good poetry. I'm going with BOTH!
Young men need to hear this
jnixongo00: what the hell did he say, ‘there are no victims only volunteers.
Good morning, Paul! Just got done relistening to this vintage talk! Thank you for all of your hard work, especially making monologues again!
A lot of men out there will still try to deny that their partner is capable of doing such things, but not until it happens to them will they see what female nature really is
indego spirit - I totally agree. When I exposed my wife for cheating and told her she would not get everything in the divorce, she turned into a wild animal. I never thought she would lie, and go through such lengths to hurt me and “try” to take everything. She was so damn selfish, that she couldn’t see that most of all she was hurting the children, and setting herself up for an even more unhappy life. Those things come with a cost.
Shane in case you didn't know buddy, "Selfish" is womens real middle name, they think the world evolves around them and that men owes them something. They will stop at nothing to get what they want and often threaten you with the law because we all know the justice system favors women, they're the ones that votes the most and also the ones that spends the most money so it's no coincidence they would rather tell us men to kick rocks. Im MGTOW all the way bro, and im loving every second of being single with the control in my hands
indego spirit - I’m not all the way MGTOW, but I get it. I have been estranged from my ex for 3 years and officially divorced for 1. I just date occasionally, and am not out there actively pursuing another relationship. I don’t date online either. If something comes along, great, if not I’m ok with it too. There is a great freedom in being single and not answering to a woman, I will definitely agree with that.
It isn't "the female nature" .. it's the nature of narcissistic abusers. The reason you don't encounter this behavior from any men is because you are not dating men, or marrying men.
That was very inspirational
I too entered into marriage as a simp while in the military. She ran up bills, cheated and I lost time with my Son. I got to pay all the marital bills an She get 25% of my military retirement till I die. In the long run I’m doing better than ever. My son and I are close and he will be better armed than I was.
Fantastic talk Paul Elam. The content and delivery is spot on and serves as a strong reminder that we men have the ability to control our futures with regards to women.
I for one am glad I discovered the red pill as a single man (albeit a blue pill simp mangina white knight at the time). I see the world so differently now, and as much as it is upsetting, it's the truth, and I'd rather know the truth than stay ignorant in the lie. Thanks again.
The Essential Paul Elam.
James Peters - Well said ! To - A - "T" .
Yep, you picked her alright. Damned Fool!
Can you imagine just how bad I felt after doing it twice? There are no words for it!
at least you got your swamp back.
By "the weaker sex" they don't mean upper body strength. They mean self control, fortitude, honour.
It's amazing how much anguish and irritation as men we have accepted and been through. Our stories are all very similar. As men it is "us" who is seeking love...not the women. They have their own self serving private agenda. Usually it involves....your money...their happiness....and your pain.
Great content. I lived this too. Red flags were everywhere the whole relationship was a rerun of my childhood and I re-simped on cue. Divorced with some money tho, one kid hates me, no contact, but I get up each day free and hopeful and liking myself. I too had the “own up to your decision” moment. I’ll never forget the time and place and awakening. Thank you.
I probably listen to this video at least every couple of weeks.
It's only *the truth* .
...and it helps keep me grounded.
Why we don’t have this monologue in high schools around the world? Instead, they are teaching classes about nothing of importance. Incredible!
I like how You gave Your job descript.
This was tough... Out of all your videos, I think THIS is the must watch one.