Ironically, this is coming out on my Dads death anniversary, which I've realized was probably part of why I have been feeling off. I just want to say that these thoughts are part of grieving .. do I need to seek some help? maybe - but I also want to normalize the fact that grief (especially from unexpected death) never really goes away. You aren't wrong for feeling this way. It's ok to question. It's ok to get angry, mad, sad. I give myself grace. I love you all - go give your loved ones a big hug and kiss today xx
def start the process of finding a therapist in your town that you jive with. Its a good secret weapon to have for times like this. esp before next winter comes, the seasonal blues are real and it will be good to go ahead and have a therapist nailed down that you can talk through things with.
As someone who lost a brother suddenly, I completely agree with everything you said. And I wanted to add, not all therapy is talk therapy. EMDR or DBT might be helpful for you as well to process and work things out ❤
Every emotion exists for a reason & it’s okay to feel them. You are not your thoughts, try detaching from them. The affirmation - everything always works out for me best case scenario truly changed my life. Everything always works out is true for every single person on this earth. No matter what has happened (good/bad) to you or didn’t & by that I mean- like you didn’t get something that you really wanted (house/school) whatever it is- it always works out in your favor. & you may not be able to see how/why in that moment but one day it will all make sense. If not this, something better. You’re exactly where your suppose to be. :)
Same goes with mental health which also ties into seasonal depression. Life and everything in it does come in waves, feelings/mood, relationships, jobs etc. Wrapping our heads around an imperfect world is enough to make us go into a spiral. Sit in those down feelings and process through them because without the sad/ bad says, we wouldn’t have the cheerful/ good days! Chin up, summer is in the air 🫶
I lost my dad in 2019 and just went through another traumatic family loss. It’s really helpful to hear you talk about all your thoughts around your trauma and losses. Survivors guilt is real and it’s okay to feel it. Sending love ❤
Hi Renee! I did counseling for a short period in my life but one thing I took away from it that I use consistently is every time I start to have a negative thought that doesn’t serve me I try to be aware of it in that moment and instantly redirect that thought and turn it into a positive thought as fast as possible. Literally yesterday I was saying all these negative things about myself looking in the mirror (my skin is looking old, I have horrible skin, etc) and I realized I was doing that and then started saying oh what am I saying, I’m beautiful, I’m still young, etc. Words and thoughts are so powerful we just have to do our best to live life in the present moment and make the best of it! ❤
Absolutely! Trying to keep the peace in my mind by looking at the bigger picture (God and His word), gratitude, slowing down, getting outside, and spending time with loved ones ♥️
Your words are so beautiful. I have mobility problems and have to have a full hip operation next year. When I’m at my lowest, I try to tell myself how strong my body is for coping with what it has to cope with, and how strong my head is for pulling me through the pain and stress. Humans are amazing and we sometimes need to remember how much we deal with and how well we push ourselves through difficult times. ❤
The guest bedroom is so dreamy. I love the color, too. What you said about your feelings is very much appreciated. I know it’s not easy to do on the internet so thank you for sharing 💕
Something I’m trying to learn is that I don’t have to experience something bad in order to have something good. I don’t have to earn good things. Life does not work that way. Bad people feeling good about their life are proof of it.
as a fellow empath, it is literally DRAINING on our emotions. I'm always overwhelmed and worried and exhausted and I've tried everything to get relief (medication, counseling, etc....). The only thing that semi-helps is 1. cognitive behavior therapy (I talk myself through it - not with a therapist - no luck with that!) and 2. acceptance. Practice gratitude and read the old poem "Footprints" (it's very comforting). Thank you for sharing with us - I'm praying for you
That used to happen to me way too often. Being an "empath" can actually be a sign that you're functioning on a trauma response. I used to be very sensitive but without the capacity to really feel my emotions (I used to function in freeze and fawn response most of the time). Talk therapy only worked for me when I integrated that with somatic theraphy which teaches you how to create capacity in your nervous system to feel your emotions. Hope it helps!💘
Honestly, I feel the same about waiting for the next bad thing, and overall feeling down after my mom passed away 13 months ago, these feelings come and go, it’s grief, it doesn’t go away
It’s been 11 years since my mom passed away & I still have my days. Sometimes that pain sticks when we are really bonded and close to the person we lost. I think it just takes time and allowing ourselves to sit with those uncomfortable emotions. Journaling has really helped me. Maybe do some art or things younger Renee enjoyed. The older I get, the more I realize our inner child needs to be acknowledged. I love your videos 🌟🩷
So crazy you said that bc I remember the first thing I ate after my dad’s death was fruit loops .. literally never had those since I used to live with him .. almost like my mind went back to life with him without even noticing!
Build your resistance to the “rabbit hole”. The more you’re allowing yourself to have these thoughts, the more you’re perpetuating that reality. I used to have fake arguments in the shower, or start thinking really negative “what ifs”, and I didn’t think much about it. But it’s crazy what your subconscious creates in your life that you don’t realize. It’s not about surprising the thoughts, but try reframing. Instead of “how come I was the one to make it out of the NICU” you can say “I’m grateful everyday for making it out of the NICU, and going to make it count and love Bryson even harder today”. When the thoughts pop up, say “nope, today I’m choosing to think about it in this light”. It’s a long term practice. Give yourself grace, you’re only human.
@@nayimarie it’s a long term practice. One day, you decide you’re going to try reframing. Then you just build a consciousness of always trying to reframe positively. Every day won’t be perfect but over time you will get better at it.
Renee- I think feeling this way is so normal where grief is concerned. My mom passed in 2009 and there isnt a day that goes by that I don't think of her. And it will hit me when I hear a song that was her favorite, sing a hymn at church, read her handwriting where she has written inside a book she has given me . There have been many times I will just cry, in my car, at home wherever I can. Its a process to grieve someone and there isnt a time limit. Continue to give yourself grace and thank you for sharing these feelings with all of us. Sending hugs! ❣
Ik exactly what you're going through Renee. I went through the exact same thing and still dealing with stuff. I tried therapy for the third time after having not the vest experience with it. This time i got lucky and its just made me look at things so differently. Its a great first step for healing. You are so strong. You are everything ❤. Lots of love.
I feel u Renee! i lost my dad suddenly a couple months ago. it feels surreal and overwhelmed at the same time. been through a lot of emotional waves, sometimes calm and some days are really bad. i feel the same way as you like waiting for bad thing to happen or not destined to have a happy and easy life. I pray for all of us who going through grief. May God bless all of us ♥
You’ve reminded me why you’ll always be my favorite youtuber. You’ve gone through things that make you very relatable, and while it’s not a good thing or anything i’d want. A lot of people uitentionally dismiss feelings these days with those kinds of comments you mentioned “this will make you stronger” or “everyone’s suffering”, “we’re all depressed” etc when really, some of us have been pushed a little further than others, and that’s not to down play their own suffering because we all have different tolance and endurance levels, not meaning anyone is stronger or weaker. It can be a lot, along with the usual struggles of life, working too hard, trying to be healthy, maintain mental health and physical health, pay our bills, etc. YOU KNOW what i mean hahaha but you trying to find ways even through the struggle of all these years,i’ve been following you since you were a teacher and then some and i’ve loved you through it all, i’ve lost a lot in life too and i have these same dark thoughts. i’ll try to find something that can make me happy and then it will for a little bit and then those thoughts come back as well as those feelings. you kind of learned that it’s just the way that we have to go on these days and we have to keep pushing through even the worst. But it won’t always be this way, one day we will all realize the journey was worth it and for a reason.
Therapy doesn’t “fix” you, it’s like an ongoing thing that just helps you cope and eventually that becomes your mind state, but going a couple times and feeling better doesn’t mean you are done with it, if that makes sense.
You described survivors guilt in many ways. I so relate to this and going through so much in a short amount of time messes with you. I personally also fight with “will I lose this good in my life too?” and it’s so scary. Sending you love and good vibes. You have been through so much. 💛
Therapy!! Consistency and long term will benefit in the long run. Therapy isn’t a quick fix kind of deal. Therapy is pricey, but can you afford to continue to feel the way you are feeling? Give yourself room to grow, the chance to learn new things about yourself, and opportunity to your amazing family to normalize asking and reaching out for help! Continuous practice and building a foundation for yourself and family is priceless. Do you want a mobile home in the midst of a storm with a weak foundation or a brick house? (Hint:Be the brick house ❤) Good luck!
I think your feelings are both from all of the changes you’re under going. Feeling from the lost of your Dad, the weather all the remodeling/relocating all takes it’s toll. Be kind to yourself. My Mom passed on Mother’s Day 26 years ago and it still makes me down every spring but I think of all the good times we shared. The memories live on and they’re always with you. 😘
Your house is really coming together! It looks so warm and cozy. I’m so sorry that you are still feeling so much hurt and anger from the PTSD of your dad passing, your traumatic pregnancy and birth, and Nova’s health issues. It’s so much to go through and when grief compounds like that the weight of it can feel impossible to get out from under. You’re doing a great job though. Just take it day by day. It’ll get a little easier and better over time. And when/if it starts to feel like it’s too much EMDR therapy might be a good thing to look into. It helped me a ton with a lot of dark things I was battling. Wishing you all the best!
I think women look better natural like Pamela Anderson. I haven't wore make-up in 8 years and my skin looks and feels much better. Your baby's curls are so cute.
one of the very few influencers who keep it real on here when it comes to struggles with mental health. We appreciate that more than you know. I think the majority of us feel the same waiting for that shoe to drop whenever life is becoming too "good" it's an exhausting cycle. Grief will never go away every single day will look different.
Renee❤ Thank you. For opening up. I've have similar experiences around grief, and I'm currently finding myself being stuck in some past traumas that i thought i moved on from, its extremely hard i know. But thank you for opening up, you make me feel normal❤❤ I have not worded things properly at all but i love you
** I say this with love If you assume/believe that life is ALWAYS unfair & you expect/wait for bad things to happen…I see why it’s hard for you to enjoy all the amazing blessings in your life. It’s kinda like what’s the point because something bad is right around the corner?MINDSET is EVERYTHING!! Daily gratitude changed my life. Yes, it’s unfair that other family’s weren’t as fortunate as you but those same family’s in the NIC U who didn’t bring their baby home would give anything to be where you are. Focus on all the amazing blessings! & I’m not saying your not grateful but what’s the point of overcoming what you went through if your just gonna dwell on the your past what ifs that never happened? Tip: instead of saying I have to clean the house or have to get work done/edit a video. Say, I get to clean my beautiful home. Say, I get to edit a video. I’m go grateful I get to do what I love ..
This is so normal. You’ve been trying to find your feet for a while now, and you’ve achieved a lot of the things you were working towards. Imagine running at high speed for a long time and then you suddenly stop because you’ve reached your destination. What now? I’m here. The trick is to pause and reflect, and create new goals, but at the same time appreciate how far you’ve come. 💕
hey Renee, have you ever heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? i too used to do a lot of talk therapy and it definitely felt great to get everything off my chest in the moment and have someone listen / give their advice, but i felt like i wasn't really getting anywhere. i switched to CBT with a psychologist instead and saw a huge change in my spiraling / thought patterns so quickly! it trains you to rethink a lot of how you think about yourself and life. obviously we both have our own things we are working on, but i wanted to share what helped for me :) i was also against taking antidepressants for a long time, but started lexapro about 3 months ago and feel such a difference in my mood from day to day. take care ❤
Hi Renee- Im also very empathetic and often feel the same, guilt, when I have big moments blessings and happiness, and that others in the world are hurting. Here’s what helps me… First off I pray for others, even if I don’t know them. Then I do small but meaningful things that give support… I feel bad when my elderly neighbor sees me & my family having a private get together, so I make it a point to stop over and say hi or give her a quick phone call after to chat. I felt guilty about having a wonderful supportive partner, when so many woman are abused, so this year I sent fam & friends a link to donate to a women’s shelter, instead of buying me a birthday gift. You could send encouragement cards to the parents of NICUs. Turning the feelings of empathy outward, instead of inward, really helps me…and others!
Have you tried EMDR therapy? It’s been on my radar for a while, talk therapy hasn’t worked for me much. Talk therapy gets me stuck in thought loops. My current therapist is using Internal Family Systems and I’m combining that with somatic movement and yoga. IFS is helping me identify where my emotions and thoughts are getting “stuck” and then Yoga/Somatic movement/Meditation is helping me move the energy. But I keep watching videos about people who did EMDR and how it helped them cope with triggers.
You’re normal based on the things you’ve been through you’re so aware and showing your family that regardless of those experiences you want better for yourself and others it’s beautiful!! I feel the same way about therapy i definitely had to kid a low low to start again this past fall and it’s felt different this time it’s validating my experiences and helping me challenge these thinking patterns that feel inescapable when I’m in them. Anyway that and at John’s wort haha it worked for me! ❤❤❤ do what feels best for you mama you’re great!
Ignorance is bliss and intelligence can be a curse. I try to tell myself "it is what it is" to calm the mind. If not I try to let it pass, like flowing water in a river, not allowing any one bad thought to "stick around."❤
I think what makes me feel better in such situations is when I do something simple to help other people who need that. And therapy.. it definitely helped me! But I was in a constant therapy for like 2 years It changed me a lot. In good way
I have been going through this as well:/ I’m sorry it really isn’t easy. It seems like a rollercoaster at times but I was told once to “take care of yourself in moments of hardship”.
I have an amazing Christian therapist who taught me about internal family systems. I found it so helpful to have a therapist I can click with to help objectively understand my feelings! Alternatively if you want to work on your mindset solo, some amazing Christian psychology books that changed my life are Boundaries For Your Soul and Get Out Of Your Head. For grief, The Grief Recovery Handbook was super healing ❤ sending lots of love Renee!!
Not here to push my advice on you just wanted to say I resonated a lot with everything you’re feeling. I thought life would be a lot different when I was younger (now I’m 32) but it’s been heartbreaking for me to see and experience how much heartbreak there is in the world. Accepting how the world works hasn’t been easy for me. Hope things start looking up for you. 🫶
The thing about talking these issues out over & over again is that these issues end up being front & center & our lives start revolving around them. I think we need to get out of ourselves to heal & even to feel less guilty if we lead privileged lives. Think about volunteering at say a food bank or clothing bank. Your boy is in day care a few hours a week. Think about giving some of your time to humanity. I just thought how about something like Habitat For Humanity? You’re a real do it yourself woman now!
You should try somatic therapy! (look for a therapist that offers EMDR). It's therapy geared specifically to heal from trauma. Unfortunately, not all therapists offer this type of therapy (which is honestly strange since basically everyone goes through some kind of trauma in their lives). Regular talk therapy tends to make trauma survivors feel even worst.
It totally makes sense Renee. It makes me think of “survivor guilt”. People often feel guilt because of something that happened had a great impact on their life (or life of others) : cancer, NCIU...and the person feels guilty for surviving a traumatic event while others did not. It can manifest as feelings of self-blame, and a sense of responsibility for the suffering of others. It is what you're describing, kind of? Sometimes people cant take the reality so as a justification they take the blame, and they feel guilt. But keep in mind that feeling guilty does not mean you are responsible. Do not think about what you could have done better, it's too late for that. Instead, find what actions you were responsible for (and maybe there aren't any). So instead, just take pride in the fact that you even care about others. And do good things for others. Like immerse yourself in volunteer work, keep donating to organizations etc. Take care
I lost my mom unexpectedly at 13 and those waves didn’t really stop for me until I was about 21/22. But they’re very typical with loss and grief. I still get them now from time to time when big life events happen. But I realized that my negative feelings that would carry into everything when I was in the funk were stemming from me being sad that I have this big life milestone going on and my mom isn’t there to see it/be with me in it. And because that is something so out of my control, my mind would just try to pour the negative feels into everything until it found something I could get uncharacteristically upset over that I could change, and then it still wouldn’t feel completely gone. It wasn’t until I just started acknowledging and validating my own feelings that though life is awesome because I’m hitting whatever that happy life event or big milestone, it’s ok that it also makes me sad because it’s sad seeing life go on after someone has passed, and that’s ok. It’s ok to be happy and grateful and sad and frustrated with the loss of someone all at the same time. But you need to validate all of your feelings, and give yourself permission to feel sad because if it were you talking to a friend you would be like omg of course you feel that way! Treat your own feelings with the same empathy you would have if it were a friends feelings ❤
Overthinking the past is dangerous since we’re always moving forward. Focus on today, here and now can feel scary but also always full of hope. Take care of yourself ❤
I feel the same way with therapy. It is useful to have a safe space to process and be supported but also, it never does feel like things are resolved or done. I have had a therapist for three years to work on specific things and I still deal with it on a daily basis three years later. So it's tough to spend a lot of money with no definite of when things will be done.
Thank you for putting into words what I’ve been feeling over the past 2 years after the loss of my dad. What you said stopped me in my tracks. “I wish I could go back to that naive girl.” I didn’t want to earn the wisdom that I unfortunately have now. I didn’t need this lesson.
We overthink, therapy never worked for me, but I will try it again. Yes, we will be your therapy. Do not spend your money. I love to see you cook. Have a blessed day.❤
Awe Renee, you sound so much like me. I think you are an empath, meaning you feel things very deeply. I find writing poetry helps me a lot. Meditation and breathing does help too. I wish there was a lot I didn't know too. I also find saying a prayer and asking God to take this from me helps. I'm sending you lots of hugs. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do but wait until it passes. You are a beautiful soul and your light shines, always remember that. ❤❤❤
I totally get where you're coming from Renee. All that you spoke about on this vlog is "normal", it's hard but it's normal. Acknowledging what you have been through is good but as you said when you start to go down that rabbit hole and if you find it more and more difficult to get out of, talk therapy is good for you to help you manage those periods even though it doesn't change anything. From my experience you have more time in between those bouts and they don't last as long. You're living life the best way you can - you're doing good Renee. You're allowed those times and I hope as time goes on you find it easier to deal with those times as well as truly enjoy the good times. When you share you're tough moments, I'm sure it helps others who are going through their hard times and you're thought process is really very reflective and aware. You are a great example for others of your generation. I love checking in to see how you and your young family are doing. You are all in my prayers :)
I pray to god you read this comment. Ive struggled on and off with grief and one thing that helped me alot was staying busy. I mean it. Hear me out. I used to think talking about stuff will help me and it did but only for a while. Whay really helped me was going back to uni and getting so busy that i didnt have time to think about my grief. It may seem like you're ignoring your mental health but with time it genuinely does get better. Especially when you make friends in that University or job and they make you laugh every single day, life seems to get lighter and better. The fact that you are doing a social media job which gives you the Liberty to stau at home really might be affecting you❤ it really effective me in covid. But now when im out and about i find myself slowly building a new life which is bigger than my grief.i hope i could make some sense❤❤❤
Staying busy also prevents you from overthinking traumas and analysing oneself. What i see you doing is what i saw myself doing alot, which was overanalyzing life. Ill be honest if you think too kuch about life you wont want to live, cause theres so much poverty, injustice, diseases, lack of love, war, jealousy, malice, hatred and what not. Ive done that nd i slowly felt like i was loosing my will to live. You have such a bful life with your little one. This time wont come back. Focus on the good and cherish it. Try not to think too mych.
Therapy is so big and important part of taking care of yourself! I know it may be expensive, but think of it as investing in yourself and helping yourself to have a better life. ❤ And I absolutely love how you can selfreflect and ask questions about those things 😉
I constantly have thoughts in waiting for the other shoe to drop...I had my first big surgery 6 months ago and went in with no real way of knowing how the following 2-3 months would be. It gave me bad anxiety. That feeling of ur independence being ripped away left me very highly anxious (I am control freak) for months to follow. Not being able to do ur day to day activities and literally just sit there for days/weeks while everyone else moved on with life. I'm getting married this year and my mom's health is deteriorating every year. (She was givin a 5yr life expectancy in 2019) so my constant thoughts of her passing have led me to taking meds to help me sleep. It may not sound like a lot or a big deal to some but it really messed with my head for some reason. I cried...a lot...journal a bit and try and keep my mind on other things. Friends help and my fiancé tried their best also. Support systems are a miracle. Good luck ❤ Time heals all wounds
I find it's important to remove yourself from the perspective of it being you, when it comes to going to that dark place. If your partner/friend/mother was having a bad day/going to dark places, what would you do to help them get out of it? Candy, walking, phone call, watching an old movie in the background. You have to take care of yourself like you take care of others. I go to great lengths for others but not usually myself. This year I am working on that. And as far as death anniversaries go, those days are so fucking weird. There is no right way to be those days. I just passed the 8th one for my mother but still don't know what to do for myself that day. Just be gentle with yourself and eventually you will realize you feel like you again. It's just a new you. I was 21 when my mom passed and I turn 30 this year.
I’ve been having a hard time lately too, I lost my job a couple weeks ago and I’ve been fighting to get EI and looking for a new job as well. That combined with having Borderline Personality Disorder and dealing with the loss of my dad in 2022. It’s been a hard couple years. Take care and just keep looking for happy moments
Love the fact that you say no to a lot pr. I see clicks of these other RUclipsrs with their pr and think what a waste. They receive a massive amount of products and then 6 months later they do a declutter and into the land fill it goes. I love your decorating and painting and admire you do everything yourself. Everybody has a off day. But you will bounce back. Keep busy, but also rest, find your balance. Only represent those companies you believe in and that will show your genuine self and that is what people want to see. Life is a learning curve.
I think sometimes funks just come out of the blue for no apparent reason and we don't have to assign a lot of meaning to it, but just lean on things that can help you ride the storm. Therapy, confiding in a a close friend or Zander, eating healthy and sleeping well, etc.. I found that forcing myself out of funk or trying to "figure it out" wasn't that helpful and that we just go through seasons. Sometimes short, sometimes a little longer. I also think this time of year is hard for many people who are ready to be done with winter. My mom passed away in Sept and my freelance work has been so slow. I was in a major funk in February but I think I'm coming out of it even though there are still some tough things that I'm dealing with. It's a tried and true cliche but "this too shall pass."
'such is life'. your feelings are universal, you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your feeling. All you can do is feel the emotions as they come. Yes its sad that you know there is sadness out there in the world and you feel guilt that your life is going well right now but just like how you have dealt with hardships and have gotten through it, other people can too. People are very smart, resilient, strong and adaptable. You should only focus on your life and let other people worry about there's. Be present and happy in the moment where everything is going well because just like how bad days don't last forever... the good days don't last forever too. You can also take comfort in the fact that, other peoples bad days won't last aswell, and a good day will come again. To feel for others is a very good trait to have and what this world needs. Im not sure if you already do this, but when I feel sad, guilt, or negative feelings, I try to help and give to other people.
Girl I know exactly how you feel. You honestly explained it all so well!!! the only thing I can say that helps me is thinking about Jesus. And I just rest in Him. That’s really it.
When you lost your dad, I recognized your hurt, I lost my mom very unexpectedly when I was 23. That was a little over eight years ago now, which is still mind blowing and breaks my heart. I make sure to take time and space for myself on her birthday and the anniversary of her death, which is a few days before Christmas, sometimes it still sneaks up on me. It sucks to feel the lingering sadness of not having someone you love around for the holidays and it's extra painful when they died so near them. I'm sure you know and like I do that it ever really gets better, the pain is always there for me, but I've worked through a lot of the surrounding issues about my relationship with my mom and I have a lot more compassion for myself when I am feeling "negative." Which I don't think you should ever feel bad for. However, I will say, if you feel like therapy hasn't really done much for you but you're thinking it's probably the best thing to try to feel better. I recommend a few things, first, finding a GOOD therapist. Unfortunately, there are many not-great ones, and I know the cost is prohibitive to shopping around until you find one you fit with, but it makes a world of difference. I lucked out and clicked with the one I found closest to my job, I'm still seeing her on and off five years later. Second, find a therapist that works in EMDR or other methods beyond CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy - which, I am fairly certain, is mainly just talk therapy). The first time I did EMDR with a therapist in college I had a horrible experience, dizziness, nausea, etc. The second time (and all subsequent times) I've done EMDR with my current therapist, we use tappers that cross paths in your brain with alternating buzzing and it essentially walks you through reprocessing your trauma and difficult beliefs, emotions, memories, etc. By reprocessing while just holding the tappers, I walk through the memories but the next time they come up outside of therapy, the pain previously associated with that memory doesn't hurt or choke me anymore. It's hard to explain succinctly, but might be a good idea to research. Another good modality is "parts work" - it compliments EMDR therapy really well, a therapist who uses this method might also help you weed through the not-so-great therapists faster. This was a novel, but everything you said about essentially feeling guilty or like you might jinx the happiness away because you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, my therapist and EMDR helped me dig into the root cause of. I don't feel afraid to feel the happiness when it springs up now. The process of getting to this point was painful but that's why people who frequent therapy often say "they're putting in the work" or "doing the work." It's emotionally draining, but you come out the other side feeling so, so much better. Dealing with your dad's passing, your NICU experience, and everything else are so similar to things I've worked through. Maybe this tiny (but long-winded) bit of information could help you on the track to finding ways to feel better, more often 🤍
I'm still in a funk. I'm doing several things to get it going but nothing is working. My dad died in January and it was a bad start of the year. I've tried cinvincing myself it was last year but that is not working most of the days. I love watching your videos during my kids nap and in between work. But focussing has been hard and I love what I do. Life is hard and it's ok for feeing that like does not run smoothly because it doesn't and we have to overcome everyday hard things. What I try to do is ignolage that life is hard and thing it's making me grow so tomorrow I will be better and know how to react better to what bad thing comes. (some things take more days/goes to overcome and that is ok every step is growing even the steps back so we can breath, learn and get strong to step up again and again)
I understand a bit of what you are saying. My son was just diagnosed with cerebral palsy on top of cortical visual impairment and global developmental delay and I also feel guilty for feeling sad because it could be worse or then I spiral thinking about the fact that he will never be normal…. Gods plan… it is but it still hurts.
Honestly - sounds like the main thing that is the issue here is that for some reason you think that thoughts like this are an issue. They are not. Everyone has them, that's life, it's not all happy and light thoughts and memories. You gather bad experiences through life and it's natural that sometimes they come back. It doesnt mean you didnt heal or you need therapy. What you're experiencing is just being human and having a brain. Everyone has moments when some bad experiences or thoughts come back, I know I do, and it's difficult to make them go away. Sometimes you can, sometimes you just need to be patient. But there is nothing wrong with you or nothing you need to fix because you're experiencing this.
To me sounds like Postpartum Depression and even though ur son 1 already it can still hit u at any time. I've been told it can take ur body up to 2 years to full reset and heal. So I would really think about seeking help, but u do what is best for u.
I lost my dad when I was four and am now 31..and I still miss him. It’s crazy to miss someone I didn’t even really know but to this day I wish he was here in so many times of my life. I don’t think it’s meant to go away and I’m glad because I’m so glad I still have his memory alive in my life. But I also feel almost exactly how you do..I feel like I can’t ever do enough. Like I won’t ever have done enough to enjoy happiness. I don’t feel worthy of it and I don’t know why? Because it doesn’t look how everyone else’s does? Idk I’ve just kept trusting that I am where I’m supposed to be. But I always have a nagging feeling that it isn’t okay. Ugh idk I totally get that and I do think it’s because of the pain life has caused us. It changes you..I don’t know the answer either but thank you for opening up. It is so nice to hear other people think and feel the way I do about life/death. I hope you keeping asking questions..I think it’s important to do so. Sending you so much love ❤
Hi Renee, I'm not a therapist, but an old "semi wise" soul, but still learning. What you're feeling is normal, natural, and okay. Sometimes we get more concerned that these are abnormal thoughts and shame ourselves into thinking something is wrong with us. Allow yourself to feel the thoughts and process them and then let them go, like a wave or a cloud floating by. Also, when we revisit old traumas in our mind, our bodies don't know the difference and think that the event is happening in real time. It might help to say, "the past is past" or repeat a positive soothing mantra like, "all is well in my world." (a Louise Hay affirmation). Another You Tuber I watch, The Cottage Fairy, just posted a video today about ending the negative cycle. She's your age and an old soul with a soothing, calm energy. She recommended another RUclips channel, Therapy in a Nutshell. Anyway, I hope some of this was helpful. ❤
Hi! I think that you are very sensitive person, with a big heart.. Life is unfair, but you shouldn’t feel bad for the rest of the universe. I am like that, and it hurts sometimes. But you must embrace the good things and, probably therapy will help you a lot. (I also go to therapy and really helps). Lots of love!
I do resonate with how you are feeling. Also a Christian and an overly sensitive person of late I have been praying through His Holy Spirit to help me slay negative and disruptive thoughts that have plagued me for years. Just as you would be real, raw and confide in a therapist you can be that way in prayer. Who understands you more than your Creator? Who cares so much about your well-being? Your Creator. Be intentional about it and don’t give up until you see results and get the relief you need. If you have to fast and pray…do so. I just completed a Daniel fast (not able to do a full one) and am beginning to see changes in my own life especially thought process. If you prefer to speak with a therapist, that’s fine but don’t underestimate the power of prayer.
There is not quick fix by going to therapy. It's a very long process and you have to put in the work. I've been to therapy for years and I'm just starting to see results. Be patient.
I get it. Greif hits unexpectedly. This month is also my dad's death anniversary. I find myself thinking it's so unfair that my dad was at my older sister's wedding. Father daughter dance. Met both of her sweet babies. He never even met my now husband. He passed away the same year that I met him. It's just so hard living a life without him. Moments you want so desperately to share, but can't. I have no advice, but I get it.
Renee, allow yourself to have a good cry, let it out. Search online for grief therapy through your local churches... Most of the time it's free, they are there to help you cope, feel and heal. Embrace your blessings and allow yourself to be happy without guilt. Pray for the people in your thoughts who had a different outcome. Remember what God says about worrying.
I think as long as she has all these home projects to do she'll be ok, but once everything is done I feel like she's gonna get bored and depressed again. Seems like its happened every place she's moved once the newness wears off. Not having a job is not always a good thing. When her husband is working and the kids in daycare, what is there to do all day. I'd be bored.
It's kind of rich hearing you talk about how life isn't fair because of your misfortunes after you just brushed off how problematic Temu is when they literally use slave labor so that you can buy things to support your super cushy 1st world life.
My Dad died at home when he was 38 from a Heart Attack. My daughter said some of the same things you've said when she turned 16. She ended up taking Prozac. My advice is to go Volunteer somewhere! Helping other people will help your ❤
Get to a trauma exercise therapy class. General therapy is dumb? Haha. I truly think it would be amazing for you. Do sound baths, take a week at a mental health spa, hatha yoga, etc. and if you need meds THATS OK - they're temporary to help you get through the day to be present for learning how to cope. You got this. I keep tripping and failing and I'd kill to have your life, but I recently found faith (Steven Furtick, Do the New You is amazing) and every time those moments happen I push it off. But suddenly some things started happening where I was like Oh, I understand why that happened to me because now I can help people that have been through it one day. And SAD is a real thing - Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing with Vitamin D. Goodbelly Gut Shots are AMAZING and I feel differently when I take a shot of that and liquid chlorophyll in the morning (mint). IDK if you will read this or that will help, but omg READ LOST CONNECTIONS! Amazing book, and its all about how we've lost community. It helps when you're moving.
Ironically, this is coming out on my Dads death anniversary, which I've realized was probably part of why I have been feeling off. I just want to say that these thoughts are part of grieving .. do I need to seek some help? maybe - but I also want to normalize the fact that grief (especially from unexpected death) never really goes away. You aren't wrong for feeling this way. It's ok to question. It's ok to get angry, mad, sad. I give myself grace. I love you all - go give your loved ones a big hug and kiss today xx
It might be 'The Anniversary Effect'. ❤
def start the process of finding a therapist in your town that you jive with. Its a good secret weapon to have for times like this. esp before next winter comes, the seasonal blues are real and it will be good to go ahead and have a therapist nailed down that you can talk through things with.
Totally makes sense!!!
As someone who lost a brother suddenly, I completely agree with everything you said. And I wanted to add, not all therapy is talk therapy. EMDR or DBT might be helpful for you as well to process and work things out ❤
Every emotion exists for a reason & it’s okay to feel them. You are not your thoughts, try detaching from them.
The affirmation - everything always works out for me best case scenario truly changed my life. Everything always works out is true for every single person on this earth.
No matter what has happened (good/bad) to you or didn’t & by that I mean- like you didn’t get something that you really wanted (house/school) whatever it is- it always works out in your favor. & you may not be able to see how/why in that moment but one day it will all make sense. If not this, something better. You’re exactly where your suppose to be. :)
I have found that grief is like waves.. some days are calm.. then out of nowhere you are hit with a wave of overwhelming grief!! Sending much love!!❤
Yes!!
Same goes with mental health which also ties into seasonal depression. Life and everything in it does come in waves, feelings/mood, relationships, jobs etc. Wrapping our heads around an imperfect world is enough to make us go into a spiral. Sit in those down feelings and process through them because without the sad/ bad says, we wouldn’t have the cheerful/ good days! Chin up, summer is in the air 🫶
I lost my dad in 2019 and just went through another traumatic family loss. It’s really helpful to hear you talk about all your thoughts around your trauma and losses. Survivors guilt is real and it’s okay to feel it. Sending love ❤
Ugh I’m so sorry ♥️ Thanks for this xx
Hi Renee! I did counseling for a short period in my life but one thing I took away from it that I use consistently is every time I start to have a negative thought that doesn’t serve me I try to be aware of it in that moment and instantly redirect that thought and turn it into a positive thought as fast as possible.
Literally yesterday I was saying all these negative things about myself looking in the mirror (my skin is looking old, I have horrible skin, etc) and I realized I was doing that and then started saying oh what am I saying, I’m beautiful, I’m still young, etc.
Words and thoughts are so powerful we just have to do our best to live life in the present moment and make the best of it! ❤
Absolutely! Trying to keep the peace in my mind by looking at the bigger picture (God and His word), gratitude, slowing down, getting outside, and spending time with loved ones ♥️
Your words are so beautiful. I have mobility problems and have to have a full hip operation next year. When I’m at my lowest, I try to tell myself how strong my body is for coping with what it has to cope with, and how strong my head is for pulling me through the pain and stress. Humans are amazing and we sometimes need to remember how much we deal with and how well we push ourselves through difficult times. ❤
The guest bedroom is so dreamy. I love the color, too. What you said about your feelings is very much appreciated. I know it’s not easy to do on the internet so thank you for sharing 💕
Something I’m trying to learn is that I don’t have to experience something bad in order to have something good. I don’t have to earn good things. Life does not work that way. Bad people feeling good about their life are proof of it.
Love this - thank you xx
as a fellow empath, it is literally DRAINING on our emotions. I'm always overwhelmed and worried and exhausted and I've tried everything to get relief (medication, counseling, etc....). The only thing that semi-helps is 1. cognitive behavior therapy (I talk myself through it - not with a therapist - no luck with that!) and 2. acceptance. Practice gratitude and read the old poem "Footprints" (it's very comforting). Thank you for sharing with us - I'm praying for you
That used to happen to me way too often. Being an "empath" can actually be a sign that you're functioning on a trauma response. I used to be very sensitive but without the capacity to really feel my emotions (I used to function in freeze and fawn response most of the time). Talk therapy only worked for me when I integrated that with somatic theraphy which teaches you how to create capacity in your nervous system to feel your emotions. Hope it helps!💘
@@Ana-gq7ce very interesting - thank you for sharing :)
Honestly, I feel the same about waiting for the next bad thing, and overall feeling down after my mom passed away 13 months ago, these feelings come and go, it’s grief, it doesn’t go away
I’m so sorry - praying for you and your healing xx 💕
You’re an empath Renee. It’s so hard not to let the outside world affect you. Takes a lot of work. You’re not alone xx
♥️🫶🏻
It’s been 11 years since my mom passed away & I still have my days. Sometimes that pain sticks when we are really bonded and close to the person we lost. I think it just takes time and allowing ourselves to sit with those uncomfortable emotions. Journaling has really helped me.
Maybe do some art or things younger Renee enjoyed. The older I get, the more I realize our inner child needs to be acknowledged.
I love your videos 🌟🩷
So crazy you said that bc I remember the first thing I ate after my dad’s death was fruit loops .. literally never had those since I used to live with him .. almost like my mind went back to life with him without even noticing!
@@ReneeAmberg sounds like you need to go buy some fruit loops 🫶☺️
It takes a lot to be vulnerable. Thank you for sharing that part of yourself. You’re definitely not alone in having thoughts like that.
Build your resistance to the “rabbit hole”. The more you’re allowing yourself to have these thoughts, the more you’re perpetuating that reality.
I used to have fake arguments in the shower, or start thinking really negative “what ifs”, and I didn’t think much about it. But it’s crazy what your subconscious creates in your life that you don’t realize.
It’s not about surprising the thoughts, but try reframing. Instead of “how come I was the one to make it out of the NICU” you can say “I’m grateful everyday for making it out of the NICU, and going to make it count and love Bryson even harder today”.
When the thoughts pop up, say “nope, today I’m choosing to think about it in this light”.
It’s a long term practice. Give yourself grace, you’re only human.
♥️ thanks for this xx
how do you do this 😢 I'm so bad at this, cause I feel like I'm falling into toxic positivity
@@nayimarie it’s a long term practice. One day, you decide you’re going to try reframing. Then you just build a consciousness of always trying to reframe positively. Every day won’t be perfect but over time you will get better at it.
you/re so good at home renovations and decor!!! it's insane what it looks like, the panels and the floor, you have a decor imagination haha!
Renee- I think feeling this way is so normal where grief is concerned. My mom passed in 2009 and there isnt a day that goes by that I don't think of her. And it will hit me when I hear a song that was her favorite, sing a hymn at church, read her handwriting where she has written inside a book she has given me . There have been many times I will just cry, in my car, at home wherever I can. Its a process to grieve someone and there isnt a time limit. Continue to give yourself grace and thank you for sharing these feelings with all of us. Sending hugs! ❣
Ik exactly what you're going through Renee. I went through the exact same thing and still dealing with stuff. I tried therapy for the third time after having not the vest experience with it. This time i got lucky and its just made me look at things so differently. Its a great first step for healing. You are so strong. You are everything ❤. Lots of love.
Hi Renee, I think you should paint kitchen cabinets white, I would look really awesome and bright with the new flooring
I totally would!! But we are going to gut it one day and I don’t want to spend all that time and money :/
I feel u Renee! i lost my dad suddenly a couple months ago. it feels surreal and overwhelmed at the same time. been through a lot of emotional waves, sometimes calm and some days are really bad. i feel the same way as you like waiting for bad thing to happen or not destined to have a happy and easy life. I pray for all of us who going through grief. May God bless all of us ♥
You’ve reminded me why you’ll always be my favorite youtuber. You’ve gone through things that make you very relatable, and while it’s not a good thing or anything i’d want. A lot of people uitentionally dismiss feelings these days with those kinds of comments you mentioned “this will make you stronger” or “everyone’s suffering”, “we’re all depressed” etc when really, some of us have been pushed a little further than others, and that’s not to down play their own suffering because we all have different tolance and endurance levels, not meaning anyone is stronger or weaker. It can be a lot, along with the usual struggles of life, working too hard, trying to be healthy, maintain mental health and physical health, pay our bills, etc. YOU KNOW what i mean hahaha but you trying to find ways even through the struggle of all these years,i’ve been following you since you were a teacher and then some and i’ve loved you through it all, i’ve lost a lot in life too and i have these same dark thoughts. i’ll try to find something that can make me happy and then it will for a little bit and then those thoughts come back as well as those feelings. you kind of learned that it’s just the way that we have to go on these days and we have to keep pushing through even the worst. But it won’t always be this way, one day we will all realize the journey was worth it and for a reason.
Therapy doesn’t “fix” you, it’s like an ongoing thing that just helps you cope and eventually that becomes your mind state, but going a couple times and feeling better doesn’t mean you are done with it, if that makes sense.
You described survivors guilt in many ways. I so relate to this and going through so much in a short amount of time messes with you. I personally also fight with “will I lose this good in my life too?” and it’s so scary. Sending you love and good vibes. You have been through so much. 💛
Therapy!! Consistency and long term will benefit in the long run. Therapy isn’t a quick fix kind of deal. Therapy is pricey, but can you afford to continue to feel the way you are feeling? Give yourself room to grow, the chance to learn new things about yourself, and opportunity to your amazing family to normalize asking and reaching out for help! Continuous practice and building a foundation for yourself and family is priceless.
Do you want a mobile home in the midst of a storm with a weak foundation or a brick house? (Hint:Be the brick house ❤)
Good luck!
I think your feelings are both from all of the changes you’re under going. Feeling from the lost of your Dad, the weather all the remodeling/relocating all takes it’s toll. Be kind to yourself. My Mom passed on Mother’s Day 26 years ago and it still makes me down every spring but I think of all the good times we shared. The memories live on and they’re always with you. 😘
Your house is really coming together! It looks so warm and cozy. I’m so sorry that you are still feeling so much hurt and anger from the PTSD of your dad passing, your traumatic pregnancy and birth, and Nova’s health issues. It’s so much to go through and when grief compounds like that the weight of it can feel impossible to get out from under. You’re doing a great job though. Just take it day by day. It’ll get a little easier and better over time. And when/if it starts to feel like it’s too much EMDR therapy might be a good thing to look into. It helped me a ton with a lot of dark things I was battling. Wishing you all the best!
Renee. Your honest content is why your the ONLY youtubers videos I know I need in my life. Your honest videos help me so much!!!
I think women look better natural like Pamela Anderson. I haven't wore make-up in 8 years and my skin looks and feels much better. Your baby's curls are so cute.
Yes I love her!
one of the very few influencers who keep it real on here when it comes to struggles with mental health. We appreciate that more than you know. I think the majority of us feel the same waiting for that shoe to drop whenever life is becoming too "good" it's an exhausting cycle. Grief will never go away every single day will look different.
Renee❤
Thank you. For opening up.
I've have similar experiences around grief, and I'm currently finding myself being stuck in some past traumas that i thought i moved on from, its extremely hard i know.
But thank you for opening up, you make me feel normal❤❤
I have not worded things properly at all but i love you
** I say this with love
If you assume/believe that life is ALWAYS unfair & you expect/wait for bad things to happen…I see why it’s hard for you to enjoy all the amazing blessings in your life. It’s kinda like what’s the point because something bad is right around the corner?MINDSET is EVERYTHING!! Daily gratitude changed my life. Yes, it’s unfair that other family’s weren’t as fortunate as you but those same family’s in the NIC U who didn’t bring their baby home would give anything to be where you are. Focus on all the amazing blessings! & I’m not saying your not grateful but what’s the point of overcoming what you went through if your just gonna dwell on the your past what ifs that never happened?
Tip: instead of saying I have to clean the house or have to get work done/edit a video. Say, I get to clean my beautiful home. Say, I get to edit a video. I’m go grateful I get to do what I love ..
There will forever be a parent sized hole in your heart when you lose your mom or dad. Grief is cyclical. It never goes away.
thinking of you....i think like that also at times...its hard and its up and down....have a lovely week ahead...prayers and hugs..
Thank you 💕
Sending lots of love and peace your way during the highs and lows that you’re experiencing 🩷
This is so normal. You’ve been trying to find your feet for a while now, and you’ve achieved a lot of the things you were working towards. Imagine running at high speed for a long time and then you suddenly stop because you’ve reached your destination. What now? I’m here.
The trick is to pause and reflect, and create new goals, but at the same time appreciate how far you’ve come. 💕
hey Renee, have you ever heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? i too used to do a lot of talk therapy and it definitely felt great to get everything off my chest in the moment and have someone listen / give their advice, but i felt like i wasn't really getting anywhere. i switched to CBT with a psychologist instead and saw a huge change in my spiraling / thought patterns so quickly! it trains you to rethink a lot of how you think about yourself and life. obviously we both have our own things we are working on, but i wanted to share what helped for me :) i was also against taking antidepressants for a long time, but started lexapro about 3 months ago and feel such a difference in my mood from day to day. take care ❤
Hi Renee- Im also very empathetic and often feel the same, guilt, when I have big moments blessings and happiness, and that others in the world are hurting. Here’s what helps me…
First off I pray for others, even if I don’t know them.
Then I do small but meaningful things that give support…
I feel bad when my elderly neighbor sees me & my family having a private get together, so I make it a point to stop over and say hi or give her a quick phone call after to chat.
I felt guilty about having a wonderful supportive partner, when so many woman are abused, so this year I sent fam & friends a link to donate to a women’s shelter, instead of buying me a birthday gift.
You could send encouragement cards to the parents of NICUs.
Turning the feelings of empathy outward, instead of inward, really helps me…and others!
Loooove this!
I just want to say that you aren’t alone in those feelings. I hope you are feeling better by now, sending you a hug 🩵
Have you tried EMDR therapy? It’s been on my radar for a while, talk therapy hasn’t worked for me much. Talk therapy gets me stuck in thought loops. My current therapist is using Internal Family Systems and I’m combining that with somatic movement and yoga. IFS is helping me identify where my emotions and thoughts are getting “stuck” and then Yoga/Somatic movement/Meditation is helping me move the energy. But I keep watching videos about people who did EMDR and how it helped them cope with triggers.
Coming from a therapist, EMDR is great!
I begin EMDR therapy in a few weeks!! I hear that it can be life changing ✨
You’re normal based on the things you’ve been through you’re so aware and showing your family that regardless of those experiences you want better for yourself and others it’s beautiful!! I feel the same way about therapy i definitely had to kid a low low to start again this past fall and it’s felt different this time it’s validating my experiences and helping me challenge these thinking patterns that feel inescapable when I’m in them. Anyway that and at John’s wort haha it worked for me! ❤❤❤ do what feels best for you mama you’re great!
Ignorance is bliss and intelligence can be a curse. I try to tell myself "it is what it is" to calm the mind. If not I try to let it pass, like flowing water in a river, not allowing any one bad thought to "stick around."❤
i can really relate to you in so many ways.. we share a lot of the same type of mental space. Thank you so much for sharing!
Your allowed to be Happy!! Bring Honesty and Love to this world.
I think what makes me feel better in such situations is when I do something simple to help other people who need that.
And therapy.. it definitely helped me! But I was in a constant therapy for like 2 years
It changed me a lot. In good way
I have been going through this as well:/
I’m sorry it really isn’t easy. It seems like a rollercoaster at times but I was told once to “take care of yourself in moments of hardship”.
I have an amazing Christian therapist who taught me about internal family systems. I found it so helpful to have a therapist I can click with to help objectively understand my feelings!
Alternatively if you want to work on your mindset solo, some amazing Christian psychology books that changed my life are Boundaries For Your Soul and Get Out Of Your Head.
For grief, The Grief Recovery Handbook was super healing ❤ sending lots of love Renee!!
I need to find a Christian therapist! Never been down that route 🤔
It was such a different experience and much more of what I needed! Highly recommend!!
Not here to push my advice on you just wanted to say I resonated a lot with everything you’re feeling. I thought life would be a lot different when I was younger (now I’m 32) but it’s been heartbreaking for me to see and experience how much heartbreak there is in the world. Accepting how the world works hasn’t been easy for me. Hope things start looking up for you. 🫶
The thing about talking these issues out over & over again is that these issues end up being front & center & our lives start revolving around them.
I think we need to get out of ourselves to heal & even to feel less guilty if we lead privileged lives. Think about volunteering at say a food bank or clothing bank. Your boy is in day care a few hours a week. Think about giving some of your time to humanity. I just thought how about something like Habitat For Humanity? You’re a real do it yourself woman now!
I think she would gain such a wider sense of purpose and love this, solo and as a family activity!
You should try somatic therapy! (look for a therapist that offers EMDR). It's therapy geared specifically to heal from trauma. Unfortunately, not all therapists offer this type of therapy (which is honestly strange since basically everyone goes through some kind of trauma in their lives). Regular talk therapy tends to make trauma survivors feel even worst.
It totally makes sense Renee. It makes me think of “survivor guilt”. People often feel guilt because of something that happened had a great impact on their life (or life of others) : cancer, NCIU...and the person feels guilty for surviving a traumatic event while others did not. It can manifest as feelings of self-blame, and a sense of responsibility for the suffering of others. It is what you're describing, kind of? Sometimes people cant take the reality so as a justification they take the blame, and they feel guilt. But keep in mind that feeling guilty does not mean you are responsible. Do not think about what you could have done better, it's too late for that. Instead, find what actions you were responsible for (and maybe there aren't any). So instead, just take pride in the fact that you even care about others. And do good things for others. Like immerse yourself in volunteer work, keep donating to organizations etc. Take care
that floor looks INCREDIBLE!!!!
I’ve been feeling this way with the news and the wars. Feeling helpless and heartbroken about some of the evils in the world 💔
Yes 😔 I literally can’t watch or read about it
I lost my mom unexpectedly at 13 and those waves didn’t really stop for me until I was about 21/22. But they’re very typical with loss and grief. I still get them now from time to time when big life events happen. But I realized that my negative feelings that would carry into everything when I was in the funk were stemming from me being sad that I have this big life milestone going on and my mom isn’t there to see it/be with me in it. And because that is something so out of my control, my mind would just try to pour the negative feels into everything until it found something I could get uncharacteristically upset over that I could change, and then it still wouldn’t feel completely gone. It wasn’t until I just started acknowledging and validating my own feelings that though life is awesome because I’m hitting whatever that happy life event or big milestone, it’s ok that it also makes me sad because it’s sad seeing life go on after someone has passed, and that’s ok. It’s ok to be happy and grateful and sad and frustrated with the loss of someone all at the same time. But you need to validate all of your feelings, and give yourself permission to feel sad because if it were you talking to a friend you would be like omg of course you feel that way! Treat your own feelings with the same empathy you would have if it were a friends feelings ❤
Overthinking the past is dangerous since we’re always moving forward. Focus on today, here and now can feel scary but also always full of hope. Take care of yourself ❤
I feel the same way with therapy. It is useful to have a safe space to process and be supported but also, it never does feel like things are resolved or done. I have had a therapist for three years to work on specific things and I still deal with it on a daily basis three years later. So it's tough to spend a lot of money with no definite of when things will be done.
Thank you for putting into words what I’ve been feeling over the past 2 years after the loss of my dad. What you said stopped me in my tracks. “I wish I could go back to that naive girl.” I didn’t want to earn the wisdom that I unfortunately have now. I didn’t need this lesson.
i have those exact same thoughts and its hard…i would advise you to get a PLAIN JOURNAL & JUST WRITE…🙏❤️ and Bryson is so cute 🥺🥰
Thank you ♥️
We overthink, therapy never worked for me, but I will try it again. Yes, we will be your therapy. Do not spend your money. I love to see you cook. Have a blessed day.❤
I lost my dad in 2007 and my mom in 2015. Believe it or not it does get better. ❤
Awe Renee, you sound so much like me. I think you are an empath, meaning you feel things very deeply. I find writing poetry helps me a lot. Meditation and breathing does help too. I wish there was a lot I didn't know too. I also find saying a prayer and asking God to take this from me helps. I'm sending you lots of hugs. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do but wait until it passes. You are a beautiful soul and your light shines, always remember that. ❤❤❤
I totally get where you're coming from Renee. All that you spoke about on this vlog is "normal", it's hard but it's normal. Acknowledging what you have been through is good but as you said when you start to go down that rabbit hole and if you find it more and more difficult to get out of, talk therapy is good for you to help you manage those periods even though it doesn't change anything. From my experience you have more time in between those bouts and they don't last as long. You're living life the best way you can - you're doing good Renee. You're allowed those times and I hope as time goes on you find it easier to deal with those times as well as truly enjoy the good times. When you share you're tough moments, I'm sure it helps others who are going through their hard times and you're thought process is really very reflective and aware. You are a great example for others of your generation. I love checking in to see how you and your young family are doing. You are all in my prayers :)
Your mom is right, God has a plan for everyone. Sometimes it doesn't look fair but he knows what's ahead.
I pray to god you read this comment. Ive struggled on and off with grief and one thing that helped me alot was staying busy. I mean it. Hear me out. I used to think talking about stuff will help me and it did but only for a while. Whay really helped me was going back to uni and getting so busy that i didnt have time to think about my grief. It may seem like you're ignoring your mental health but with time it genuinely does get better. Especially when you make friends in that University or job and they make you laugh every single day, life seems to get lighter and better. The fact that you are doing a social media job which gives you the Liberty to stau at home really might be affecting you❤ it really effective me in covid. But now when im out and about i find myself slowly building a new life which is bigger than my grief.i hope i could make some sense❤❤❤
Staying busy also prevents you from overthinking traumas and analysing oneself. What i see you doing is what i saw myself doing alot, which was overanalyzing life. Ill be honest if you think too kuch about life you wont want to live, cause theres so much poverty, injustice, diseases, lack of love, war, jealousy, malice, hatred and what not. Ive done that nd i slowly felt like i was loosing my will to live. You have such a bful life with your little one. This time wont come back. Focus on the good and cherish it. Try not to think too mych.
Therapy is so big and important part of taking care of yourself! I know it may be expensive, but think of it as investing in yourself and helping yourself to have a better life. ❤ And I absolutely love how you can selfreflect and ask questions about those things 😉
I constantly have thoughts in waiting for the other shoe to drop...I had my first big surgery 6 months ago and went in with no real way of knowing how the following 2-3 months would be. It gave me bad anxiety. That feeling of ur independence being ripped away left me very highly anxious (I am control freak) for months to follow. Not being able to do ur day to day activities and literally just sit there for days/weeks while everyone else moved on with life. I'm getting married this year and my mom's health is deteriorating every year. (She was givin a 5yr life expectancy in 2019) so my constant thoughts of her passing have led me to taking meds to help me sleep. It may not sound like a lot or a big deal to some but it really messed with my head for some reason. I cried...a lot...journal a bit and try and keep my mind on other things. Friends help and my fiancé tried their best also. Support systems are a miracle. Good luck ❤ Time heals all wounds
I find it's important to remove yourself from the perspective of it being you, when it comes to going to that dark place. If your partner/friend/mother was having a bad day/going to dark places, what would you do to help them get out of it? Candy, walking, phone call, watching an old movie in the background. You have to take care of yourself like you take care of others. I go to great lengths for others but not usually myself. This year I am working on that. And as far as death anniversaries go, those days are so fucking weird. There is no right way to be those days. I just passed the 8th one for my mother but still don't know what to do for myself that day. Just be gentle with yourself and eventually you will realize you feel like you again. It's just a new you. I was 21 when my mom passed and I turn 30 this year.
I’ve been having a hard time lately too, I lost my job a couple weeks ago and I’ve been fighting to get EI and looking for a new job as well. That combined with having Borderline Personality Disorder and dealing with the loss of my dad in 2022. It’s been a hard couple years. Take care and just keep looking for happy moments
Good morning Renee happy Monday morning and I hope you having amazing day today and I loved your vlogs and you are amazing
Love the fact that you say no to a lot pr. I see clicks of these other RUclipsrs with their pr and think what a waste. They receive a massive amount of products and then 6 months later they do a declutter and into the land fill it goes. I love your decorating and painting and admire you do everything yourself. Everybody has a off day. But you will bounce back. Keep busy, but also rest, find your balance. Only represent those companies you believe in and that will show your genuine self and that is what people want to see. Life is a learning curve.
I’m struggling rn too, sending you my love Renee ❤
And YES, The#kkuwan Tote! I have in Candy Pink and I've been rocking my "Barbie" bag all summer. Yay!
I think sometimes funks just come out of the blue for no apparent reason and we don't have to assign a lot of meaning to it, but just lean on things that can help you ride the storm. Therapy, confiding in a a close friend or Zander, eating healthy and sleeping well, etc.. I found that forcing myself out of funk or trying to "figure it out" wasn't that helpful and that we just go through seasons. Sometimes short, sometimes a little longer. I also think this time of year is hard for many people who are ready to be done with winter. My mom passed away in Sept and my freelance work has been so slow. I was in a major funk in February but I think I'm coming out of it even though there are still some tough things that I'm dealing with. It's a tried and true cliche but "this too shall pass."
It's hard not to be affected by the outside but remember You deserve all good things that happen to you!!
'such is life'. your feelings are universal, you can take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your feeling. All you can do is feel the emotions as they come. Yes its sad that you know there is sadness out there in the world and you feel guilt that your life is going well right now but just like how you have dealt with hardships and have gotten through it, other people can too. People are very smart, resilient, strong and adaptable. You should only focus on your life and let other people worry about there's. Be present and happy in the moment where everything is going well because just like how bad days don't last forever... the good days don't last forever too. You can also take comfort in the fact that, other peoples bad days won't last aswell, and a good day will come again.
To feel for others is a very good trait to have and what this world needs. Im not sure if you already do this, but when I feel sad, guilt, or negative feelings, I try to help and give to other people.
Also, you showing that you can get through hardship and come out the other end happy is what motivates people do get through their hardships.
LOVE KITCHEN FLOOR
Girl I know exactly how you feel. You honestly explained it all so well!!! the only thing I can say that helps me is thinking about Jesus. And I just rest in Him. That’s really it.
I love to see your church ❤😢
When you lost your dad, I recognized your hurt, I lost my mom very unexpectedly when I was 23. That was a little over eight years ago now, which is still mind blowing and breaks my heart. I make sure to take time and space for myself on her birthday and the anniversary of her death, which is a few days before Christmas, sometimes it still sneaks up on me. It sucks to feel the lingering sadness of not having someone you love around for the holidays and it's extra painful when they died so near them. I'm sure you know and like I do that it ever really gets better, the pain is always there for me, but I've worked through a lot of the surrounding issues about my relationship with my mom and I have a lot more compassion for myself when I am feeling "negative." Which I don't think you should ever feel bad for.
However, I will say, if you feel like therapy hasn't really done much for you but you're thinking it's probably the best thing to try to feel better. I recommend a few things, first, finding a GOOD therapist. Unfortunately, there are many not-great ones, and I know the cost is prohibitive to shopping around until you find one you fit with, but it makes a world of difference. I lucked out and clicked with the one I found closest to my job, I'm still seeing her on and off five years later. Second, find a therapist that works in EMDR or other methods beyond CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy - which, I am fairly certain, is mainly just talk therapy). The first time I did EMDR with a therapist in college I had a horrible experience, dizziness, nausea, etc. The second time (and all subsequent times) I've done EMDR with my current therapist, we use tappers that cross paths in your brain with alternating buzzing and it essentially walks you through reprocessing your trauma and difficult beliefs, emotions, memories, etc. By reprocessing while just holding the tappers, I walk through the memories but the next time they come up outside of therapy, the pain previously associated with that memory doesn't hurt or choke me anymore. It's hard to explain succinctly, but might be a good idea to research. Another good modality is "parts work" - it compliments EMDR therapy really well, a therapist who uses this method might also help you weed through the not-so-great therapists faster.
This was a novel, but everything you said about essentially feeling guilty or like you might jinx the happiness away because you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, my therapist and EMDR helped me dig into the root cause of. I don't feel afraid to feel the happiness when it springs up now. The process of getting to this point was painful but that's why people who frequent therapy often say "they're putting in the work" or "doing the work." It's emotionally draining, but you come out the other side feeling so, so much better. Dealing with your dad's passing, your NICU experience, and everything else are so similar to things I've worked through. Maybe this tiny (but long-winded) bit of information could help you on the track to finding ways to feel better, more often 🤍
I'm still in a funk. I'm doing several things to get it going but nothing is working. My dad died in January and it was a bad start of the year. I've tried cinvincing myself it was last year but that is not working most of the days. I love watching your videos during my kids nap and in between work. But focussing has been hard and I love what I do.
Life is hard and it's ok for feeing that like does not run smoothly because it doesn't and we have to overcome everyday hard things. What I try to do is ignolage that life is hard and thing it's making me grow so tomorrow I will be better and know how to react better to what bad thing comes. (some things take more days/goes to overcome and that is ok every step is growing even the steps back so we can breath, learn and get strong to step up again and again)
I understand a bit of what you are saying. My son was just diagnosed with cerebral palsy on top of cortical visual impairment and global developmental delay and I also feel guilty for feeling sad because it could be worse or then I spiral thinking about the fact that he will never be normal…. Gods plan… it is but it still hurts.
Honestly - sounds like the main thing that is the issue here is that for some reason you think that thoughts like this are an issue. They are not. Everyone has them, that's life, it's not all happy and light thoughts and memories. You gather bad experiences through life and it's natural that sometimes they come back. It doesnt mean you didnt heal or you need therapy. What you're experiencing is just being human and having a brain. Everyone has moments when some bad experiences or thoughts come back, I know I do, and it's difficult to make them go away. Sometimes you can, sometimes you just need to be patient. But there is nothing wrong with you or nothing you need to fix because you're experiencing this.
To me sounds like Postpartum Depression and even though ur son 1 already it can still hit u at any time. I've been told it can take ur body up to 2 years to full reset and heal. So I would really think about seeking help, but u do what is best for u.
I lost my dad when I was four and am now 31..and I still miss him. It’s crazy to miss someone I didn’t even really know but to this day I wish he was here in so many times of my life. I don’t think it’s meant to go away and I’m glad because I’m so glad I still have his memory alive in my life.
But I also feel almost exactly how you do..I feel like I can’t ever do enough. Like I won’t ever have done enough to enjoy happiness. I don’t feel worthy of it and I don’t know why? Because it doesn’t look how everyone else’s does? Idk I’ve just kept trusting that I am where I’m supposed to be. But I always have a nagging feeling that it isn’t okay. Ugh idk I totally get that and I do think it’s because of the pain life has caused us. It changes you..I don’t know the answer either but thank you for opening up. It is so nice to hear other people think and feel the way I do about life/death. I hope you keeping asking questions..I think it’s important to do so.
Sending you so much love ❤
Hi Renee, I'm not a therapist, but an old "semi wise" soul, but still learning. What you're feeling is normal, natural, and okay. Sometimes we get more concerned that these are abnormal thoughts and shame ourselves into thinking something is wrong with us. Allow yourself to feel the thoughts and process them and then let them go, like a wave or a cloud floating by. Also, when we revisit old traumas in our mind, our bodies don't know the difference and think that the event is happening in real time. It might help to say, "the past is past" or repeat a positive soothing mantra like, "all is well in my world." (a Louise Hay affirmation). Another You Tuber I watch, The Cottage Fairy, just posted a video today about ending the negative cycle. She's your age and an old soul with a soothing, calm energy. She recommended another RUclips channel, Therapy in a Nutshell. Anyway, I hope some of this was helpful. ❤
Dying over the caulk pronunciation issue you’ve been having, because literally same 🤣🤣
Hi! I think that you are very sensitive person, with a big heart.. Life is unfair, but you shouldn’t feel bad for the rest of the universe. I am like that, and it hurts sometimes. But you must embrace the good things and, probably therapy will help you a lot. (I also go to therapy and really helps). Lots of love!
I do resonate with how you are feeling. Also a Christian and an overly sensitive person of late I have been praying through His Holy Spirit to help me slay negative and disruptive thoughts that have plagued me for years. Just as you would be real, raw and confide in a therapist you can be that way in prayer. Who understands you more than your Creator? Who cares so much about your well-being? Your Creator. Be intentional about it and don’t give up until you see results and get the relief you need. If you have to fast and pray…do so. I just completed a Daniel fast (not able to do a full one) and am beginning to see changes in my own life especially thought process. If you prefer to speak with a therapist, that’s fine but don’t underestimate the power of prayer.
Decorating and home stuff is 100% homemaking!!
There is not quick fix by going to therapy. It's a very long process and you have to put in the work. I've been to therapy for years and I'm just starting to see results. Be patient.
Home Depot also has peel and stick flooring!
I get it. Greif hits unexpectedly. This month is also my dad's death anniversary. I find myself thinking it's so unfair that my dad was at my older sister's wedding. Father daughter dance. Met both of her sweet babies. He never even met my now husband. He passed away the same year that I met him. It's just so hard living a life without him. Moments you want so desperately to share, but can't.
I have no advice, but I get it.
Be 💪 these are tough crazy times
Renee, allow yourself to have a good cry, let it out. Search online for grief therapy through your local churches... Most of the time it's free, they are there to help you cope, feel and heal. Embrace your blessings and allow yourself to be happy without guilt. Pray for the people in your thoughts who had a different outcome. Remember what God says about worrying.
Mayb moving to this state its finally setting in that is not for u its it looks like it's boring there
I think as long as she has all these home projects to do she'll be ok, but once everything is done I feel like she's gonna get bored and depressed again. Seems like its happened every place she's moved once the newness wears off. Not having a job is not always a good thing. When her husband is working and the kids in daycare, what is there to do all day. I'd be bored.
Look into NLP and brain rewiring Renee....i think it would really help you ❤
Hi Renee ❤ you are a perfect girl who is my pattern in my life. I really, really appreciate you😊🥰 love u❤
Please don't sit in your car with the engine on. This is terrible 😭
It's kind of rich hearing you talk about how life isn't fair because of your misfortunes after you just brushed off how problematic Temu is when they literally use slave labor so that you can buy things to support your super cushy 1st world life.
Have you tried breathing tachniques that can relax your mind and heal you
Here for you! ❤❤
Love and hugs!
My Dad died at home when he was 38 from a Heart Attack. My daughter said some of the same things you've said when she turned 16. She ended up taking Prozac. My advice is to go Volunteer somewhere! Helping other people will help your ❤
I know people take Zoloft when they have to many bad thoughts. I don’t know I can’t overcome these thoughts either
Get to a trauma exercise therapy class. General therapy is dumb? Haha. I truly think it would be amazing for you. Do sound baths, take a week at a mental health spa, hatha yoga, etc. and if you need meds THATS OK - they're temporary to help you get through the day to be present for learning how to cope. You got this. I keep tripping and failing and I'd kill to have your life, but I recently found faith (Steven Furtick, Do the New You is amazing) and every time those moments happen I push it off. But suddenly some things started happening where I was like Oh, I understand why that happened to me because now I can help people that have been through it one day. And SAD is a real thing - Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing with Vitamin D. Goodbelly Gut Shots are AMAZING and I feel differently when I take a shot of that and liquid chlorophyll in the morning (mint). IDK if you will read this or that will help, but omg READ LOST CONNECTIONS! Amazing book, and its all about how we've lost community. It helps when you're moving.