💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
I’m extremely grateful to be able to have discovered all of this at a young age, I’m 26 and I started on this path of core recovery at 23 after an entire life of deep suffering and shame. Thank you God 🙏🏼
I’ve started the recovery journey at 19. I hit a wall at 26, currently. I’m stuck in life, and I’m studying the shit out of shame, to see if that helps me progress in the recovery journey. Glad I’m not alone, at my age
Glad you recognize how lucky you are. Most of us wasted 50+ years suffering while the entire world including the joke of a mental health field failed us.. I have only myself to thank, for hitting bottom and desperately working hard enough to find my own answers finally, in people like Tim. Good for you, but no god for us.
I am so glad I found you. I finally can expect some real hope for recovery from 60+ years of shame by almost everyone in my life. I've cut off my entire bloodline due to their hyper abusive treatment of me all my life.
What blows my mind is how I drove all of this into my subconscious. I held these beliefs that governed me, with no awareness or recognition of the processes, for decades. But looking back, it is so clear what I believed.
It is wild. It goes to show how extremely important It is for us to be conscious and expand our consciousness so that we have the capacity to face the truth and be set free.
Single-handedly changes my perspective on all the abuse I went through. Thank you for all your help. Big shout out to those only discovering Tim. Welcome home, little ones. You are safe here. It’s hard work- but it feels respectfully well worth it. Keep on keeping on. ❤️
I think this man is one of the best communicators I've ever listened to. And it's clear that he deeply understands what it's being discussed and how to transmit it into practical knowledge for people who are not close to the subject. Thank you, I really like the way it's presented, and the flawless narrative, and the clarity. It's solved many doubts and misconceptions I had
I used to always ask myself... what is wrong with me? I used to say "if my mother can't love me... who can?" My mother would compare me to my sister. She took such great care of my sister. I found myself mimicking my sister. It never made my mother love or notice me. I became the invisible child. I would get attention if I was sick or caused trouble. Trouble was a rare occurrence. Sickness would be ignored unless it progressed to needing a doctor's attention. I married and divorced. Found myself in a relationship with a narcissist. It was just like this man describes. I was not aware of my shame and the behavior behind it. I think just hearing this has helped me heal more. I know more now of what I need to work on.
Similar experiences here! Sounds like we both had a pathologically narcissistic parent. My own personal healing journey has led me to make videos that have a solution. Essentially we have to go back into the past and reclaim our lost parts. I was the Invisible Child in the toxic fam structure. Boy did I ever have to grieve!!! Best wishes and good fortune on your healing journey.
If I may, healing and deliverance with Jesus will help. I'm not sure if you know Jesus but if not just know he can heal you and will hold your hand during the process
@@Ursula_Alvarado I have Jesus in my heart . . and he shows me the way. He spent 40 days and nights in the desert. I have spent 40 years there. My suffering and then my overcoming the narc abuse, is part of my own personal crusificaton and resurection. NOW I am creating a pathway on my channel. Soon I will have a handy manual for those overcoming their (unfair) conditioniong and programming. Simply believeing in Jesus is not enough. He's with me, but I must walk on my own. Blessings!
@@marjol3in I wonder what type of church you were a part of. So regardless of the church, there's a difference between having a true relationship with the Lord having the holy Spirit inside of you, Aunt loving him and being obedient to him then just having a religious relationship with the Lord. Meaning you just go to church on a Sunday and think that's it. I'm not saying that that's your case, but sometimes we think we're doing things in a pleasing way to the Lord when he's not pleased at all. And then sometimes he chooses not to heal us and sometimes we have to lean on him. There are people who have had cancer that I've known that prayed for healing and there they weren't healed. They died from the cancer. They still stayed in relationship with the Lord though they still loved him to their dying day.
This digs deep straight to my Soul. Wow all of the answers I've been looking for for why I behave and feel the way I do, for a lifetime. You don't realize how lofe changing these videos are !
These lectures are very appreciated. Even with positive, consistent parenting, none are perfect, and kids can acquire overpowerring shame from the school environment and bring that frustration into the home. Especially with adolescents, when their expectations don't meet their reality, they develop anger and resentment to their loving but less materialistic parents. Parents have wisdom and understand their kids deeper hierarchy of need, but the kid who wants what (they assume) "everybody else has" unrealistically is going to make their parents miserable in every possible way until they get what they feel entitled to. There are such children, unfortunately, and parents are often abused by their own kids, but nobody really talks about that. The extreme narcissism in our culture has facilitated grandiose entitlement in adolescents who internalize their perceived lack as shame amongst peers. It's nothing that a parent directly caused, but socially impaired kids will always choose objects and peers over parents during this stage of development. Especially in families in which parents are divorced, there is inevitable shame the child acquires, and a new sense of powerlessness, and the parents must consistently strive to assure the child they are loved, wanted, appreciated, accepted, celebrated, cherished no matter the family sutuation. Video gaming functions as the opioid for children, and parents must be very consistent and strong to ensure their relationship with their children is always fulfilling, nurturing, and primary over video game privileges.
My parents saw me soul murdered and let me play videogames in my room for my entire teen years and clearly didn't give a shit about my well being. I'm just now becoming a human again at 29 and all these memories and emotions and let downs come back to me
I think no talk about shame is complete without discussing narcissism which is fueled by shame. The deeper and more painful one’s shame, the more heightened one’s sensitivity to criticism and rejection. In an effort to preserve their persona and avoid shame, some go on the counterattack - unable to consider feedback, learn from mistakes, empathise with others and bear accountability for their actions. In other words, their shame creates an entitlement that only their feelings and needs matter.
Totally. Tho narcissism is both a product as well as the source of shame passed on to children in the family setting as well as all the systems in the world from school, work and religious institutions
I love the way Tim speaks with CLARITY, thank god, people lack that when talking about mental health and over all specialists, they are soo rigid that only can follow the manual DSM and not see the context or way worse, the person in an integral way.
I was adopted and grew up knowing this. I felt deep shame over this - I was a bastard child, and unwanted child. I was born under improper conditions - I shouldn’t exist. In my era there was a stigma of the bastard child and I was that and even less than that. My adopted sister use to tease me that I was adopted. My adopted mother was abused as a child and she was dysfunctional. I remember fantasizing that my real parents were looking for and they would rescue me. Later in my life I learned I was one of 6 children - I had 5 other siblings all to different fathers. I felt false shame over that all over. I learned I was of Métis descent and I felt a false shame over that. I tried to compartmentalize that and not think about it but it has caught up to me. Outward I look successful but my relationships are a mess. I feel like the dead dog. This material helps me understand better than I have ever heard so far - thank you so much!
Watching and listening to your guidance has given me much to go on each day. Intellectually, spiritually and emotionally fulfilled while time passing by I can sit, walk and aim with better clarity toward healing shame. Thank you.
I took all the roles of all the children. Lost child and scapegoat and later when my mom taken my side because of her own agendas, I thought to myself oh finally I am a hero and now I will do what ever it takes to prove myself
Tim is a great speaker. His podcast helps me understand my complex trauma clearly. This along with therapy has been great :) I love listening to stories and learning through story telling and I particularly enjoy the last bit of the podcast where he does that ❤
God sent this straight to me today. 47 years of shame I'm in dorsal vagal shutdown but mostly just really suicidal and I'm bed for months at a time. This is truly my last chance to find help unless God just miraculously takes it away. I thought I heard him say I was writing a book about this less than a year ago and now I'm consumed by my own shame. Like no showering and sleeping all day weeks and weeks. Thank you Jesus for sending this to me before something even worse happens
Any confidence I had, my mom beat out of me.. but she was neglected by her mother.. my gma even saw my uncle SA my mother and did nothing to stop my mom was just a baby and it didn't stop until she moved out at 11, my mom would black out sometimes... I forgive her because I know she didn't mean it I know of she knew better she would have done better. I helped her and protected my siblings by hiding them and let my mom basically beat me till she would come back to... She would be so sorry and crying telling me she was sorry..this is what made me feel shame about myself. Being poor is also to blame.
Don t he is explaining how to get rid of your psyche misfires due to circumstances, and encouraging people to develop a relation with your maker it's a celebration of sorts 😀
@@black_sheep_nation PRAY IN NAME OF YAHUSHA HAMASIACH AND ASK FOR GUIDANCE AND CLARITY YOU WILL KNOW THE ANSWER, BE YE NOT CONFORMED TO THE WORLD BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF MIND AND SPIRIT, THAT YE MAY PROVE WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE AND PERFECT WILL OF YAH. ROMANS 12:2 / FOR WE DO NOT WRESTLE AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST PRINCIPALITIES, RULERS OF DARKNESS OF THIS WORLD, AGAINST SPIRITUAL WICKEDNESS IN HIGH PLACES. EPHESIANS 6:12 RELATING TO SO CALLED WOKE PEOPLE PRAY FOR THEM THEY ARE NEED. HALLELUYAH.
This can be healed! If you do the subconscious reprogramming work, it helps rewrite the programs that made you think/feel this way. Healing the core wound of shame and the false narratives is so empowering. Have you done any reparenting work? You are allowed to take up space on this earth. You are allowed to think and feel. It may seem very foreign, if no one ever held space for you in that way. I've found, as I heal the relationship to myself...and chose not to treat myself as I was treated, I can stop self abandoning, self betraying. Often the way we abuse ourselves, is through our repeated internal dialogue, very automatic, and learned in childhood. Once we rewrite those programs, we are in charge and not under the control of the voices of the past, our wounds don't direct our lives anymore! There is hope! I wish you healing and deep peace.
Yes, I remember being drunk in a limo enroute to Bristol race track and becoming aware for the first time of the presence of shame and fear present in my subconscious
This guy describes ME methodically, the roll playing, the masks, in recovery pulling off all the masks at the same time. I remember at 8 years old hiding in the dog house until mom slept, hiding was a way of life for me
It's funny and sad at the same time that I have the same memory with me hiding in the dog house when I was little. I never made this connection until I saw your comment. Hiding was a way of life for me too... and now that I'm becoming aware of my shame, it triggers even more shame and I feel the need to hide even more... while also longing for connection. Fuck :)
@@adevarulcaredoare well I remembered it 4-5 years into sobriety what I realize now is the dog house represented a safe house a place I can be calm comfortable and not feel under threat or external danger
I've dabbled with snorting heroin for a few months off and on and loved it because it gave that faux sense of feeling good. Due undxed ptsd for over 35 years my isolation is great and desperate, stumbled on access to H when trying to find some psychedlics. Thank god I walked away from it and didn't develop a habit but that dopamine rush temporarily eased the hunger for touch and relationship. Been since 1995 since I was in a relationship because the psychiatrist kept saying you do not have ptsd the flashbacks are bipolar psychosis here's anti-psychotics on top of mood stabilizers and anti-depressants. The medicines they gave me never worked beyond chemical straitjacketing but that was the 1990-2000's psychotherapy who sold their souls to the pharmaceutical company propaganda.
I'm an atheist but I stil appreciate being able to frame Christian thought in a healthier way. It makes me realize that religion is like a set of stories we tell each other and if your story is shitty then nobody is going to have a good time. That doesn't mean you have to dump all the old stories: to the contrary, just start looking for the good, supportive, positive, inclusive aspects and use whatever makes you a more whole, more integrated person.
Very much in agreement. Became an atheist at 11 which went down poorly at my Anglican school. Punished repeatedly and went from 1st to 31st in divinity class after having the temerity to postulate that the stories of the Greek God's were better written, more interesting and more applicable. Still hold that view.😊😊😊😊😊
Have you considered alternative therapies? I healed my trauma, started the traditional way and it wasn't working. It was other practices that lead me to true healing
Been there ❤❤❤ Dont want to go backwards ❤❤❤ goodbye shamw. I dont need you anymore. Thank you for trying to protect me. ❤❤❤ I let you go.....thank you for doing this ❤️
In home environment I had to be depressed. My joy or success wasn't tolerated. This made me bitter. I had to act happy on demand, but not express genuine joy. On the outside, my depressed and bitter self wasn't tolerated, but I couldn't express joy or success either. Double whammy. Has anyone else had that experience? What persona did you adapt?
Yeah, a shitty one always hide in always thinking about if I’m saying the right thing have to say something dumb just fear in general scared if you never met anybody about nothing nothing guy nothing just nothing. Just look at something. It’s just nothing. That’s what I developed.
I love this man. I love his ability to speak this to me. When i read books, or listen to most "psycho speak" i get completely lost, and nothing lands. Everything Tim says lands. He has opened doors in my mind and in my heart, and i thank God for him. God bless you Tim! for all the love you share with us.
I am so thank full n blessed that I found this channel. It’s a blessing after a life long wrong decisions, choices and ppl I allow led in my life. In my case I was not accepting the shame and I love myself however when shame is projected on to me, I reacted very strong, makes me look like a person who is always in defensive mode. I am not sure if I was ever a loving person or it was a mask or still is a mask however I am not sure at this point who am I ? I think I am lost myself.
I was astounded by your insights and knowledge as you described my inner life (for decades). I thought I was the only one like despicable me. I also was programmed by a step parent, to project on others that they were gossiping about me, and that if the people that knew me judged me harshly, God was going to believe their judgment of me and drop-kick me down to hell. Over the years, especially 2023-4, I was blessed to have an (ongoing) break-through and at 82, am finally able to “see through a glass clearly” and help others suffering for the same reasons I did. I am grateful for all that suffering because it refined my soul, heightened my empathy, and gave me the wisdom and love to help others going through what I did. At some point, it’s important for us to forgive those who wounded us so deeply. It frees you from being a “victim” and makes you feel whole.
My mother always told me what a gift it was to be a chameleon…😢 this is so painful because so much is true, yet vital for healing. I want to stop listening because it hurts but I know I’ll never get any relief if I run away for this.
As a millennial, your point about having fake connections feels very legit, but at the same time I feel I can't function without it. The "deep" connections I do have, are only with family who are 15 hours away and I can't have a single conversation about anything without it turning religious or political. The shame and trauma I've been through is too much. So the little comforts of having social media, friends online, the "fake" connections make me feel better without being hurt. The only "addiction" I may have is just to my own desire to remain socially isolated irl.
Wow this was a particularly packed hour. Woosh! It cajn explain one s whole life if ready to hear it and apply it. To become aware and feel what these words mean. Not fear and run away, all triggered. Amazing amazing amazing. Thanks to listening to this wealth of understanding of shame it helps me to see where i am in the cycle to orient myself out of it. It s all coming together and i feel relief. ❤🎉
Where have you been? How come 30 years of my life, RUclips hadn’t recommended me this. It would helps me feel so much when I was most devastated a decade ago 😢
I'm gonna have to listen to this a couple of times, I keep getting lost in the multitudes of examples I remember from my life where I've done these things.
Right now we seem to have no idea what to do for a patient that is truly alone and truly has barriers. We pressure them to find a support network but can't help them get there. We assume they have all the skills and opportunities they need to do that and are just *choosing* not to. If they're coming from an isolated *background* or have an impairment like autism, if they don't have the capability to build connections or are rejected for a disability or for being "weird" we have nothing for that. The entire approach hinges on telling the patient that their only problem is delusions.
You named on your 6th part of this series to finde people with who you feel safe so you don’t perpetuate shame.. How can you find those people when you have massive trust issues due to childhood physical/mental abuse and abandonment? I have friends, I’m a 31 ys woman but there’s always a gap, as I’m not being my authentic self.. and when I show my shame// or talk about it, or talk about my most vulnerable parts.. there’s always the feeling that in the other person grows their shadow and they in a way put me in this vulnerable place and reinforce that image of me.. like it’s a subtle thing but I feel the more vulnerable you show yourself the more people start crossing your boundaries naturally.. I’m not sure if this is paranoid, but I’ve seen that in my friendships, maybe I had the wrong people around.. That reinforced the idea to not show my traumas and vulnerable side. Then when I decided to put distance and with terror but did it, put some boundaries , the friend put themselves again in a place of respect for me. I still did not find a person who sees your wounds and does not have the need to dominate you in a way.. it’s something energetic…. I’m not saying they doing it in a conscious way..
@@TorianTammas I totally understand what you say here. It's a dog gone shame that experience is the experience of many people with the Religous Christrian Church. I'd say a healthy recovery group gets closer to Christ's church than those that call their church Christ's church. If it's a fantasy perfection it's not of Christ's spirit.
Mephibosheth (Biblical Hebrew: מְפִיבֹשֶׁת, romanized: Məp̄īḇošeṯ, also called Meribaal, מְרִיב־בַּעַל, Mərīḇ-Baʻal) Mephibosheth, meaning "from the mouth of shame"
How many of us has tried twisting our own thoughts into not that I’m not good enough but that I haven’t listened or learned enough and let shame in the front door? 👋🏻
Is shame an underlying reason why I feel like I found my purpose in healthcare? Helping patients and having them or their families showing me appreciation fills a void. But once I leave the hospital I am back to the internal conflict of shame? And if I cannot help a patient or have a patient who is not happy with anything, my brain takes it as evidence that I am someone/something to be ashamed of
I am isolated and I was told that I am not traumatized. Hell I am traveling by sleep deprivation. I once wanted to be something. I was a housekeeper and that’s hard work and I feel a good boss.
A serious question! Is not the opposite of being ashamed, being proud? Is it a good way to heal, doing something thats is going to make you feel proud?
(Is he an empath? Or a narcissist? I don't know, anymore. Could he be both?) My soul is raped. He raped me. Oh the anguish and the agony. He fucked me up. Ruined me. Destroyed me. Raped my soul; shattered my heart; fucked with my mind. I am debilitated from the trauma. Paralyzed frozen. Living in constant terror and panic. I DIE INSIDE. THE PAIN IS UNCEASING AND UNBEARABLE. I LIVE IN A STATE OF PERPETUAL TRAUMA AND PANIC. I CAN'T BREATHE. I DON'T BREATHE. I could die from the pain of missing my best friend. Or, actually, not really my best friend, but they guy whom I thought was my best friend... He betrayed and abandoned me, discarded me like garbage!!! (HOW THE FUCK COULD HE?) Replaced me for another. My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend. I live in perpetual panic and constant longing... How could he not miss me? How could he do this to me? Did he just replace me, really, just like that? I'm dying inside. My soul is truly raped and my heart is shattered. * An important thing to add: people (such as I) who had a difficult childhood, especially those who never had their emotional needs met, are prone to limerance. The reason is because we were always prone to imagining a parallel reality, a whole world of fantasies we could escape to. Fantasies have always been a safer world for us than the real one, so our mind is already used to this dynamic (it's basically like 'muscle memory'). When something triggers this dynamic, it's like opening a portal to our safe fantasy world, and as destructive as it is, we are used to actually loving it... * REMINDER TO SELF, SWEET SOUL: This was a karmic friendship, meant to be there for a limited time (17-months-ish) to teach you, about yourself! About boundaries, about self-love, about self-respect, about self-worth, etc... About a whole plethora of magical, juicy, alchemical things! The universe, God, your guides, your ancestors, are pushing you, lovingly, in the right direction: into your own magnificent powerful magical freedom! When you let go. The universe will catch you. It’s talking to you. Let go of everything and trust the universe. It’s within you. ✨💫 Jesus said to her... “Mary.” She turned toward him and cried out, in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means Teacher) - John 20:16💖 NOTE TO MY TWIN FLAME: Dearest twin flame, I’m working on myself, I am being 100% healed, on every level, in every way. This is my purification process. I am doing this for me, for you, for us. I’m proud of myself, and I’m getting ready for you. I love you.
You say the invisible child wants approval, and I was that child, but I disagree with the approval part. I don’t try for approval bc I knew it would never happen. I didn’t ask for help or support bc it came with a price or the answer was no. I just gave up.
Don't show emotion or they will get angry,punish you, physically/ emotionally and leave you as a kid.... the burden who has been "too smart to be so stupid" I'm 29 and live in a house the own next door to them, I can't afford a vehicle and they said they will never help me again because I might try to hurt myself (I was 21 and undiagnosed bipolar when I got my DUI...I had lied and kept myself hidden until then... I was trying to heal and thought being open and honest about everything would fix things and show them I was serious about changing but they started treating me like a child after ignoring me my whole life.... they forced me to get a lawyer for $2000 and then throw it in myself face that I'm not appreciative of all they have done to help me.... all I've asked for was to go to therapy so we can learn to communicate but they "don't have time".... every time I make a little progress healing the bottom will fall out and I'm back to my childhood broke suicidal little girl.... I have no other connections because I cut everyone out when I got clean and now I'm scared to even be seen out of my house without makeup. I'm in a small town and I walk to my job and the store. I'm trying so hard but my body is deteriorating in front of my eyes and I just keep having to use drugs to keep up with everyone's expectation.... I just keep praying and failing and don't ser anyway out....
I believe in you. Start affirmations giving yourself what you needt by imagining what kind of life you want to live first in your mind. You may not know how yet, but I know you will make it though this time. Love to you. You are worth it!
Hey I want you to know I see this and am 1000% on your side! Im 38 and just now discovering some of this stuff. You are not alone in spirit. Ill say a special prayer for you.
I suggest going to therapy alone, for yourself, to work on you. Going with your toxic family members will definitely not turn out as you Invision it to be, they won't change unless they want to which requires them to put in the work and that will never happen for anyone that is going to therapy for any one but themselves. Their lack of wanting to tells you everything you need to know, they aren't healthy, they aren't interested in getting healthy, and they are perfectly accepting of how they currently are. Let them. You don't have to be the same person though, that's 100% your choice, this is your life, you get decide the story ends, it's your story. I've cut out my toxic family members for over 3 yrs now and I've never felt better, never done better, never been stronger, never been more clear minded, never felt so alive, and have never regretted my choice. It was hard in the beginning, I'm not going to lie but it does get better. Keeping them around guarantees one thing, the misery continues. Good luck! You've got this!
What about not wanting to open up to others because it shouldnt be an excuse for how my problems, whatever my parents did i dont blame them at all cuz they were also pretty young when they had me. I dont think the walls i have are for protecting my image i think theyre there to protect theirs cuz ppl are quick to judge those they know nothing about
💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
I’m extremely grateful to be able to have discovered all of this at a young age, I’m 26 and I started on this path of core recovery at 23 after an entire life of deep suffering and shame. Thank you God 🙏🏼
I’ve started the recovery journey at 19. I hit a wall at 26, currently. I’m stuck in life, and I’m studying the shit out of shame, to see if that helps me progress in the recovery journey. Glad I’m not alone, at my age
Glad you recognize how lucky you are. Most of us wasted 50+ years suffering while the entire world including the joke of a mental health field failed us.. I have only myself to thank, for hitting bottom and desperately working hard enough to find my own answers finally, in people like Tim. Good for you, but no god for us.
I’m 29 and relate ❤ all those years of struggling, not knowing why…the only answer is healing yourself. Sending love.
I am 33 and I actually don't think I could have handled the truth before my 30's
The worst part about discovering this, Is I pushed my partner away before i could ever figure out what i was dealing with internally
I am so glad I found you. I finally can expect some real hope for recovery from 60+ years of shame by almost everyone in my life. I've cut off my entire bloodline due to their hyper abusive treatment of me all my life.
@@dosgatosnegros good for you. There are seriously toxic family members out here.
What blows my mind is how I drove all of this into my subconscious. I held these beliefs that governed me, with no awareness or recognition of the processes, for decades. But looking back, it is so clear what I believed.
It is wild. It goes to show how extremely important It is for us to be conscious and expand our consciousness so that we have the capacity to face the truth and be set free.
I can’t believe I have learned more from pastors than therapist. God bless
Single-handedly changes my perspective on all the abuse I went through. Thank you for all your help. Big shout out to those only discovering Tim. Welcome home, little ones. You are safe here. It’s hard work- but it feels respectfully well worth it. Keep on keeping on. ❤️
Hi Sarah, thank you so much! I have only discovered Tim, how did you help healing? I'm just on the path and feeling very hopeless how to do it.
Thank you, Sarah. What lessons can you share with us having been on the journey before us?
Thankyou for this
This TIM FLETCHER is GoD´s tool to help highly damaged people to gain trust that help is possible! GOD I THANK YOU FOR TIM FLETCHER!
@@SeattleMartin I don't understand the problem of this connection🤔🤔🤔
God abused me in the first place. He did this to me
I think this man is one of the best communicators I've ever listened to. And it's clear that he deeply understands what it's being discussed and how to transmit it into practical knowledge for people who are not close to the subject.
Thank you, I really like the way it's presented, and the flawless narrative, and the clarity. It's solved many doubts and misconceptions I had
I used to always ask myself... what is wrong with me? I used to say "if my mother can't love me... who can?" My mother would compare me to my sister. She took such great care of my sister. I found myself mimicking my sister. It never made my mother love or notice me. I became the invisible child. I would get attention if I was sick or caused trouble. Trouble was a rare occurrence. Sickness would be ignored unless it progressed to needing a doctor's attention. I married and divorced. Found myself in a relationship with a narcissist. It was just like this man describes. I was not aware of my shame and the behavior behind it. I think just hearing this has helped me heal more. I know more now of what I need to work on.
Similar experiences here! Sounds like we both had a pathologically narcissistic parent. My own personal healing journey has led me to make videos that have a solution. Essentially we have to go back into the past and reclaim our lost parts. I was the Invisible Child in the toxic fam structure. Boy did I ever have to grieve!!! Best wishes and good fortune on your healing journey.
If I may, healing and deliverance with Jesus will help. I'm not sure if you know Jesus but if not just know he can heal you and will hold your hand during the process
@@Ursula_Alvarado I have Jesus in my heart . . and he shows me the way. He spent 40 days and nights in the desert. I have spent 40 years there. My suffering and then my overcoming the narc abuse, is part of my own personal crusificaton and resurection. NOW I am creating a pathway on my channel. Soon I will have a handy manual for those overcoming their (unfair) conditioniong and programming.
Simply believeing in Jesus is not enough. He's with me, but I must walk on my own. Blessings!
@@Ursula_Alvarado I was a reborn christian for 12 years, but He didn't heal me 😢
@@marjol3in I wonder what type of church you were a part of. So regardless of the church, there's a difference between having a true relationship with the Lord having the holy Spirit inside of you, Aunt loving him and being obedient to him then just having a religious relationship with the Lord. Meaning you just go to church on a Sunday and think that's it. I'm not saying that that's your case, but sometimes we think we're doing things in a pleasing way to the Lord when he's not pleased at all. And then sometimes he chooses not to heal us and sometimes we have to lean on him. There are people who have had cancer that I've known that prayed for healing and there they weren't healed. They died from the cancer. They still stayed in relationship with the Lord though they still loved him to their dying day.
I gave up wanting connection and chose isolation.
That's where I'm at too
Same
Sending you love ❤
Same mate
I like being alone
This digs deep straight to my Soul.
Wow all of the answers I've been looking for for why I behave and feel the way I do, for a lifetime.
You don't realize how lofe changing these videos are !
I feel the same
These lectures are very appreciated. Even with positive, consistent parenting, none are perfect, and kids can acquire overpowerring shame from the school environment and bring that frustration into the home. Especially with adolescents, when their expectations don't meet their reality, they develop anger and resentment to their loving but less materialistic parents. Parents have wisdom and understand their kids deeper hierarchy of need, but the kid who wants what (they assume) "everybody else has" unrealistically is going to make their parents miserable in every possible way until they get what they feel entitled to. There are such children, unfortunately, and parents are often abused by their own kids, but nobody really talks about that. The extreme narcissism in our culture has facilitated grandiose entitlement in adolescents who internalize their perceived lack as shame amongst peers. It's nothing that a parent directly caused, but socially impaired kids will always choose objects and peers over parents during this stage of development. Especially in families in which parents are divorced, there is inevitable shame the child acquires, and a new sense of powerlessness, and the parents must consistently strive to assure the child they are loved, wanted, appreciated, accepted, celebrated, cherished no matter the family sutuation. Video gaming functions as the opioid for children, and parents must be very consistent and strong to ensure their relationship with their children is always fulfilling, nurturing, and primary over video game privileges.
Astute observations. Thank you.
My parents saw me soul murdered and let me play videogames in my room for my entire teen years and clearly didn't give a shit about my well being. I'm just now becoming a human again at 29 and all these memories and emotions and let downs come back to me
I think no talk about shame is complete without discussing narcissism which is fueled by shame. The deeper and more painful one’s shame, the more heightened one’s sensitivity to criticism and rejection. In an effort to preserve their persona and avoid shame, some go on the counterattack - unable to consider feedback, learn from mistakes, empathise with others and bear accountability for their actions. In other words, their shame creates an entitlement that only their feelings and needs matter.
Totally. Tho narcissism is both a product as well as the source of shame passed on to children in the family setting as well as all the systems in the world from school, work and religious institutions
Great Explanation. 🌻
I love the way Tim speaks with CLARITY, thank god, people lack that when talking about mental health and over all specialists, they are soo rigid that only can follow the manual DSM and not see the context or way worse, the person in an integral way.
Tim is awesome! Unbelievable clarity on shame!
I was adopted and grew up knowing this. I felt deep shame over this - I was a bastard child, and unwanted child. I was born under improper conditions - I shouldn’t exist. In my era there was a stigma of the bastard child and I was that and even less than that. My adopted sister use to tease me that I was adopted. My adopted mother was abused as a child and she was dysfunctional. I remember fantasizing that my real parents were looking for and they would rescue me. Later in my life I learned I was one of 6 children - I had 5 other siblings all to different fathers. I felt false shame over that all over. I learned I was of Métis descent and I felt a false shame over that. I tried to compartmentalize that and not think about it but it has caught up to me. Outward I look successful but my relationships are a mess. I feel like the dead dog. This material helps me understand better than I have ever heard so far - thank you so much!
I wish I could give you a hug ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Keep purging feelings
Watching and listening to your guidance has given me much to go on each day. Intellectually, spiritually and emotionally fulfilled while time passing by I can sit, walk and aim with better clarity toward healing shame. Thank you.
So spot on! I never realized this truth. I’m blessed to be waking up t my pain/ and healing it. Been sober 8 years! Still learning and growing
I took all the roles of all the children. Lost child and scapegoat and later when my mom taken my side because of her own agendas, I thought to myself oh finally I am a hero and now I will do what ever it takes to prove myself
I'm impressed with your knowledge about this topic
Tim is a great speaker. His podcast helps me understand my complex trauma clearly. This along with therapy has been great :) I love listening to stories and learning through story telling and I particularly enjoy the last bit of the podcast where he does that ❤
@maitrishah8580 would you drop the name of Tims podcast ? Thank you
Omg. What a beautiful healing journey this lecture is! Thank you!
never seen all of this research pulled together so much.
WOW!! Where have you been all my life, hehe....
Well, I have never heard the truth I need, being spoken like this....on the mark!!
I was just thinking the same… where has Tim been my whole life! 😂🙏❤
God sent this straight to me today. 47 years of shame I'm in dorsal vagal shutdown but mostly just really suicidal and I'm bed for months at a time. This is truly my last chance to find help unless God just miraculously takes it away. I thought I heard him say I was writing a book about this less than a year ago and now I'm consumed by my own shame. Like no showering and sleeping all day weeks and weeks. Thank you Jesus for sending this to me before something even worse happens
Praying that these podcasts will give you the hope and strength to put in the work to fight. You are not alone.
MY MOM KILLED MY SOUL AND COMPLETELY CRUSHED IT
I feel you so much. Ditto. Mother is more like Murder to me
Hugs
Your mom was trouble for sure.. but I believe, it didn't start with her..
Any confidence I had, my mom beat out of me.. but she was neglected by her mother.. my gma even saw my uncle SA my mother and did nothing to stop my mom was just a baby and it didn't stop until she moved out at 11, my mom would black out sometimes... I forgive her because I know she didn't mean it I know of she knew better she would have done better. I helped her and protected my siblings by hiding them and let my mom basically beat me till she would come back to... She would be so sorry and crying telling me she was sorry..this is what made me feel shame about myself. Being poor is also to blame.
my mom had eaten all up.
Wow. I see a Light; I am intrigued to seek truth and freedom, Thank You
Thanks Tim. Keep doing what you are doing. You've been helping me in my recovery since I discovered you on RUclips in Dec 2021.
I’m watching this in agony. My body is tense, gripping, my stomach is churning and I feel like I’m going to explode. Seething anger burning inside.
Don t he is explaining how to get rid of your psyche misfires due to circumstances, and encouraging people to develop a relation with your maker it's a celebration of sorts 😀
I was right where you are.
I know. We know. Go to trauma recovery therapy. Then help others up the hill. This is how our country will take the real definition of "woke" back.
@@black_sheep_nation PRAY IN NAME OF YAHUSHA HAMASIACH AND ASK FOR GUIDANCE AND CLARITY YOU WILL KNOW THE ANSWER,
BE YE NOT CONFORMED TO THE WORLD BUT BE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF MIND AND SPIRIT, THAT YE MAY PROVE WHAT IS ACCEPTABLE AND PERFECT WILL OF YAH. ROMANS 12:2 /
FOR WE DO NOT WRESTLE AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST PRINCIPALITIES, RULERS OF DARKNESS OF THIS WORLD, AGAINST SPIRITUAL WICKEDNESS IN HIGH PLACES. EPHESIANS 6:12
RELATING TO SO CALLED WOKE PEOPLE PRAY FOR THEM THEY ARE NEED.
HALLELUYAH.
@@mgmarius70 get therapy.
Very thorough on shame, god bless! 🙏🏻
I have always felt shame for having my own needs, have my own thoughts, feels and emotions,
This can be healed! If you do the subconscious reprogramming work, it helps rewrite the programs that made you think/feel this way. Healing the core wound of shame and the false narratives is so empowering.
Have you done any reparenting work?
You are allowed to take up space on this earth. You are allowed to think and feel.
It may seem very foreign, if no one ever held space for you in that way.
I've found, as I heal the relationship to myself...and chose not to treat myself as I was treated, I can stop self abandoning, self betraying. Often the way we abuse ourselves, is through our repeated internal dialogue, very automatic, and learned in childhood. Once we rewrite those programs, we are in charge and not under the control of the voices of the past, our wounds don't direct our lives anymore!
There is hope!
I wish you healing and deep peace.
Yes, I remember being drunk in a limo enroute to Bristol race track and becoming aware for the first time of the presence of shame and fear present in my subconscious
Thank you, God, for leading me to Tim Fletcher.
This guy describes ME methodically, the roll playing, the masks, in recovery pulling off all the masks at the same time. I remember at 8 years old hiding in the dog house until mom slept, hiding was a way of life for me
It's funny and sad at the same time that I have the same memory with me hiding in the dog house when I was little. I never made this connection until I saw your comment. Hiding was a way of life for me too... and now that I'm becoming aware of my shame, it triggers even more shame and I feel the need to hide even more... while also longing for connection. Fuck :)
@@adevarulcaredoare well I remembered it 4-5 years into sobriety what I realize now is the dog house represented a safe house a place I can be calm comfortable and not feel under threat or external danger
Your work has literally changed my life and validated so many experiences that I had from my childhood. Thank you! 🙏🏽
Brilliant! THANK YOU from 2024! 🙏🏻🥰🙏🏻
I've dabbled with snorting heroin for a few months off and on and loved it because it gave that faux sense of feeling good. Due undxed ptsd for over 35 years my isolation is great and desperate, stumbled on access to H when trying to find some psychedlics. Thank god I walked away from it and didn't develop a habit but that dopamine rush temporarily eased the hunger for touch and relationship. Been since 1995 since I was in a relationship because the psychiatrist kept saying you do not have ptsd the flashbacks are bipolar psychosis here's anti-psychotics on top of mood stabilizers and anti-depressants. The medicines they gave me never worked beyond chemical straitjacketing but that was the 1990-2000's psychotherapy who sold their souls to the pharmaceutical company propaganda.
I did it for 10 years and when I got sober...I had to find away to deal w my feelings...sober ...it was a foreign concept
I'm an atheist but I stil appreciate being able to frame Christian thought in a healthier way. It makes me realize that religion is like a set of stories we tell each other and if your story is shitty then nobody is going to have a good time. That doesn't mean you have to dump all the old stories: to the contrary, just start looking for the good, supportive, positive, inclusive aspects and use whatever makes you a more whole, more integrated person.
Very much in agreement. Became an atheist at 11 which went down poorly at my Anglican school.
Punished repeatedly and went from 1st to 31st in divinity class after having the temerity to postulate that the stories of the Greek God's were better written, more interesting and more applicable. Still hold that view.😊😊😊😊😊
40 years of therapy for me. No life, basically without it.....and not much of a life with it.
Have you considered alternative therapies? I healed my trauma, started the traditional way and it wasn't working. It was other practices that lead me to true healing
Tim you are so knowledgeable about this topic. Thanks fir sharing. It is much appreciated.
Been there ❤❤❤ Dont want to go backwards ❤❤❤ goodbye shamw. I dont need you anymore. Thank you for trying to protect me. ❤❤❤ I let you go.....thank you for doing this ❤️
Thank you for your wonderful words from Germany ❤
Wow. He is hitting it out the park with me.
Really great breakdown and of shame. Great content here!
I'm so grateful and happy for having bumped into your channel, Tim. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom ❤
In home environment I had to be depressed. My joy or success wasn't tolerated. This made me bitter. I had to act happy on demand, but not express genuine joy. On the outside, my depressed and bitter self wasn't tolerated, but I couldn't express joy or success either. Double whammy. Has anyone else had that experience? What persona did you adapt?
Yeah, a shitty one always hide in always thinking about if I’m saying the right thing have to say something dumb just fear in general scared if you never met anybody about nothing nothing guy nothing just nothing. Just look at something. It’s just nothing. That’s what I developed.
I love this man. I love his ability to speak this to me. When i read books, or listen to most "psycho speak" i get completely lost, and nothing lands. Everything Tim says lands. He has opened doors in my mind and in my heart, and i thank God for him. God bless you Tim! for all the love you share with us.
The more I hunger for connection the less I receive. Everyone I loved and mattered to me leaves me
Same here
Same here too.
Same but then i made the decision to care and never leave someone and that’s how I got a pet
Superb Tim. I took notes as i listened. Thank you.
This makes sense that the feeling I got from opoid pain pills was like love, or at least what I thought it would be if I ever had gotten love.
I am so thank full n blessed that I found this channel. It’s a blessing after a life long wrong decisions, choices and ppl I allow led in my life.
In my case I was not accepting the shame and I love myself however when shame is projected on to me, I reacted very strong, makes me look like a person who is always in defensive mode.
I am not sure if I was ever a loving person or it was a mask or still is a mask however I am not sure at this point who am I ? I think I am lost myself.
Spot on, kudos to this speaker. God bless you.
I was astounded by your insights and knowledge as you described my inner life (for decades). I thought I was the only one like despicable me. I also was programmed by a step parent, to project on others that they were gossiping about me, and that if the people that knew me judged me harshly, God was going to believe their judgment of me and drop-kick me down to hell. Over the years, especially 2023-4, I was blessed to have an (ongoing) break-through and at 82, am finally able to “see through a glass clearly” and help others suffering for the same reasons I did. I am grateful for all that suffering because it refined my soul, heightened my empathy, and gave me the wisdom and love to help others going through what I did. At some point, it’s important for us to forgive those who wounded us so deeply. It frees you from being a “victim” and makes you feel whole.
Better late than never
You should read Hold Onto Your Kids by Gabor Maté and Gordon Neufeld. It really relates to what you discuss. Especially pseudo intimacy!
A lot of what he teaches is influenced a lot by Dr Gabor Mate :)
THANK YOU, TIM FLETCHER!
AND THANK GOD FOR YOU!!
There are plenty of good people out there! Heal ,so that you can be one of them ! 💥❤️💥. Let’s do this ! 💥
Amazing content, thank you
My mother always told me what a gift it was to be a chameleon…😢 this is so painful because so much is true, yet vital for healing. I want to stop listening because it hurts but I know I’ll never get any relief if I run away for this.
♥
Grace and Mercy! Thank You!
As a millennial, your point about having fake connections feels very legit, but at the same time I feel I can't function without it. The "deep" connections I do have, are only with family who are 15 hours away and I can't have a single conversation about anything without it turning religious or political. The shame and trauma I've been through is too much. So the little comforts of having social media, friends online, the "fake" connections make me feel better without being hurt. The only "addiction" I may have is just to my own desire to remain socially isolated irl.
Are you me?
Same. Except I'm in my 70s.
Get a cat... sell your tv...stop watching the news and negative things...and start serving others or feeding animals and stay off s media
So glad to have just found your teachings Tim! They just get better and better 🤯🤯🙏🙏
Thank you so much from Germany. You help me so much ❤
Wow this was a particularly packed hour. Woosh! It cajn explain one s whole life if ready to hear it and apply it. To become aware and feel what these words mean. Not fear and run away, all triggered.
Amazing amazing amazing.
Thanks to listening to this wealth of understanding of shame it helps me to see where i am in the cycle to orient myself out of it. It s all coming together and i feel relief. ❤🎉
Where have you been? How come 30 years of my life, RUclips hadn’t recommended me this. It would helps me feel so much when I was most devastated a decade ago 😢
really really good insight
I'm gonna have to listen to this a couple of times, I keep getting lost in the multitudes of examples I remember from my life where I've done these things.
Same!
Right now we seem to have no idea what to do for a patient that is truly alone and truly has barriers. We pressure them to find a support network but can't help them get there. We assume they have all the skills and opportunities they need to do that and are just *choosing* not to. If they're coming from an isolated *background* or have an impairment like autism, if they don't have the capability to build connections or are rejected for a disability or for being "weird" we have nothing for that. The entire approach hinges on telling the patient that their only problem is delusions.
Absolutely!!! Thank you
This is excellent content
These videos life changing ❤
You named on your 6th part of this series to finde people with who you feel safe so you don’t perpetuate shame..
How can you find those people when you have massive trust issues due to childhood physical/mental abuse and abandonment?
I have friends, I’m a 31 ys woman but there’s always a gap, as I’m not being my authentic self.. and when I show my shame// or talk about it, or talk about my most vulnerable parts.. there’s always the feeling that in the other person grows their shadow and they in a way put me in this vulnerable place and reinforce that image of me.. like it’s a subtle thing but I feel the more vulnerable you show yourself the more people start crossing your boundaries naturally..
I’m not sure if this is paranoid, but I’ve seen that in my friendships, maybe I had the wrong people around..
That reinforced the idea to not show my traumas and vulnerable side.
Then when I decided to put distance and with terror but did it, put some boundaries , the friend put themselves again in a place of respect for me.
I still did not find a person who sees your wounds and does not have the need to dominate you in a way.. it’s something energetic…. I’m not saying they doing it in a conscious way..
We can talk. I feel the exact same way. I won’t do that stuff because I know what it really feels like
Hugs
Recovery = Community (Groups) + Relationship with God
Shame is at the depths of it all. God bless you for your sharing. Thank you!
Not really as Christianity is a shame/sin cult in which fantasy perfection is used to shame people
@@TorianTammas I totally understand what you say here. It's a dog gone shame that experience is the experience of many people with the Religous Christrian Church. I'd say a healthy recovery group gets closer to Christ's church than those that call their church Christ's church. If it's a fantasy perfection it's not of Christ's spirit.
This is sooooooo true , it really helped me
Everytime I tried to connect they actually started abusing me. It's not in my head.
Mephibosheth (Biblical Hebrew: מְפִיבֹשֶׁת, romanized: Məp̄īḇošeṯ, also called Meribaal, מְרִיב־בַּעַל, Mərīḇ-Baʻal)
Mephibosheth, meaning "from the mouth of shame"
Thank you so much. ❤❤
This is spot on 😮
Thank you!
This is mind blowing. It all makes perfect sense. Love it.
Yes, they need to feed the monster, & sabotage your success..
Awesome!❤❤❤❤❤
How many of us has tried twisting our own thoughts into not that I’m not good enough but that I haven’t listened or learned enough and let shame in the front door? 👋🏻
Brilliant ❤
Is shame an underlying reason why I feel like I found my purpose in healthcare? Helping patients and having them or their families showing me appreciation fills a void. But once I leave the hospital I am back to the internal conflict of shame? And if I cannot help a patient or have a patient who is not happy with anything, my brain takes it as evidence that I am someone/something to be ashamed of
Its easier being myself. It's too much trouble and hassle being anyone else
I am isolated and I was told that I am not traumatized. Hell I am traveling by sleep deprivation. I once wanted to be something. I was a housekeeper and that’s hard work and I feel a good boss.
Ask God to reveal himself
A serious question! Is not the opposite of being ashamed, being proud? Is it a good way to heal, doing something thats is going to make you feel proud?
But else a very clarifying lecture.
EXCELLENT 🙌 😘
Tim just described My 3 siblings and me to a tee.
The only thing that saved me in my relationships with pathological narcissists was my connection to God. Wow
i love him
(Is he an empath? Or a narcissist?
I don't know, anymore. Could he be both?)
My soul is raped. He raped me.
Oh the anguish and the agony.
He fucked me up. Ruined me. Destroyed me.
Raped my soul; shattered my heart; fucked with my mind.
I am debilitated from the trauma.
Paralyzed frozen. Living in constant terror and panic.
I DIE INSIDE.
THE PAIN IS UNCEASING AND UNBEARABLE.
I LIVE IN A STATE OF PERPETUAL TRAUMA AND PANIC.
I CAN'T BREATHE.
I DON'T BREATHE.
I could die from the pain of missing my best friend.
Or, actually, not really my best friend,
but they guy whom I thought was my best friend...
He betrayed and abandoned me,
discarded me like garbage!!!
(HOW THE FUCK COULD HE?)
Replaced me for another.
My mind can't fathom, my heart can't comprehend.
I live in perpetual panic and constant longing...
How could he not miss me?
How could he do this to me?
Did he just replace me, really, just like that?
I'm dying inside. My soul is truly raped
and my heart is shattered.
* An important thing to add:
people (such as I) who had a difficult childhood,
especially those who never had their emotional needs met,
are prone to limerance. The reason is because we were always prone to imagining
a parallel reality, a whole world of fantasies we could escape to.
Fantasies have always been a safer world for us than the real one,
so our mind is already used to this dynamic (it's basically like 'muscle memory').
When something triggers this dynamic, it's like opening a portal
to our safe fantasy world, and as destructive as it is, we are used to actually loving it... *
REMINDER TO SELF, SWEET SOUL:
This was a karmic friendship,
meant to be there for a limited time (17-months-ish)
to teach you, about yourself!
About boundaries, about self-love,
about self-respect, about self-worth, etc...
About a whole plethora of magical, juicy, alchemical things!
The universe, God, your guides, your ancestors, are pushing you, lovingly,
in the right direction: into your own magnificent powerful magical freedom!
When you let go. The universe will catch you. It’s talking to you.
Let go of everything and trust the universe. It’s within you. ✨💫
Jesus said to her... “Mary.”
She turned toward him
and cried out, in Aramaic, “Rabboni!”
(which means Teacher) - John 20:16💖
NOTE TO MY TWIN FLAME:
Dearest twin flame, I’m working on myself,
I am being 100% healed, on every level, in every way.
This is my purification process. I am doing this for me, for you, for us.
I’m proud of myself, and I’m getting ready for you.
I love you.
This is like a narrator describing my relationships.
holyyyyy ShHHH * mind cracks open*
Isn't this the same video as the 2/7 video in the series?
I was wondering if this is the same as the first, looked up if anyone else was seeing the same..
Living body dead soul exactly everyone woman ive loved deserted me. When I sincerely authentically love they leave my life so fast never to return
"shame is a result of not being able to connect" 🤯
You say the invisible child wants approval, and I was that child, but I disagree with the approval part. I don’t try for approval bc I knew it would never happen. I didn’t ask for help or support bc it came with a price or the answer was no. I just gave up.
Don't show emotion or they will get angry,punish you, physically/ emotionally and leave you as a kid.... the burden who has been "too smart to be so stupid" I'm 29 and live in a house the own next door to them, I can't afford a vehicle and they said they will never help me again because I might try to hurt myself (I was 21 and undiagnosed bipolar when I got my DUI...I had lied and kept myself hidden until then... I was trying to heal and thought being open and honest about everything would fix things and show them I was serious about changing but they started treating me like a child after ignoring me my whole life.... they forced me to get a lawyer for $2000 and then throw it in myself face that I'm not appreciative of all they have done to help me.... all I've asked for was to go to therapy so we can learn to communicate but they "don't have time".... every time I make a little progress healing the bottom will fall out and I'm back to my childhood broke suicidal little girl.... I have no other connections because I cut everyone out when I got clean and now I'm scared to even be seen out of my house without makeup. I'm in a small town and I walk to my job and the store. I'm trying so hard but my body is deteriorating in front of my eyes and I just keep having to use drugs to keep up with everyone's expectation.... I just keep praying and failing and don't ser anyway out....
I believe in you. Start affirmations giving yourself what you needt by imagining what kind of life you want to live first in your mind. You may not know how yet, but I know you will make it though this time. Love to you. You are worth it!
Hey I want you to know I see this and am 1000% on your side! Im 38 and just now discovering some
of this stuff. You are not alone in spirit. Ill say a special prayer for you.
I suggest going to therapy alone, for yourself, to work on you. Going with your toxic family members will definitely not turn out as you Invision it to be, they won't change unless they want to which requires them to put in the work and that will never happen for anyone that is going to therapy for any one but themselves. Their lack of wanting to tells you everything you need to know, they aren't healthy, they aren't interested in getting healthy, and they are perfectly accepting of how they currently are. Let them. You don't have to be the same person though, that's 100% your choice, this is your life, you get decide the story ends, it's your story.
I've cut out my toxic family members for over 3 yrs now and I've never felt better, never done better, never been stronger, never been more clear minded, never felt so alive, and have never regretted my choice. It was hard in the beginning, I'm not going to lie but it does get better. Keeping them around guarantees one thing, the misery continues. Good luck! You've got this!
What about not wanting to open up to others because it shouldnt be an excuse for how my problems, whatever my parents did i dont blame them at all cuz they were also pretty young when they had me. I dont think the walls i have are for protecting my image i think theyre there to protect theirs cuz ppl are quick to judge those they know nothing about