We Need To Talk About Neil Gaiman
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- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- Neil Gaiman was my favorite writer. Let's process this together.
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It’s one of the sad truths of life that flawed, fucked up and even evil people can have talent and make amazing things. And I stop supporting them financially when it comes to light. And sometimes it’s so bad I can’t enjoy their work anymore.
But here’s the thing I try and remember: the special place those works of flawed people have in your heart? They’re not there JUST because of those authors. You bring huge parts of yourself to those stories to make them special: your life, your experiences, your sense of meaning.
And no amount of the author being shitty can take that away from you, even if the person is forever marred.
Oh, we all need to read this. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Pinning! 🤗🤗
This hit home for me. I hadn't thought of it that way before. Thank you ❤
I used to read Cerebus in the early eighties by Bill Sim.Something very similar happened to him but those Cerebus comics were special to me growing up and it is hard to separate the writer and artist from the real person.
This case is angering, and I'm not even a megafan of Gaiman's work. There was a point well made on social media: "Before you judge Neil Gaiman, remember all the warmth and humanity in his work, the joy it brought. Then judge him even more harshly because you know he knows exactly how to be a decent person and does the opposite."
That is a point well made indeed! Thank you for sharing.
Funny. Gaiman is not without some talent, but what I primarily remember about his books, after I had read a few, was the impression "this was written by a sexual predator." Also, how can a moral nihilist be morally sound?
@@johnwhelan9663 I just want to believe in good people once in a while. 🤷🏻♀️
@@johnwhelan9663you can be very cynical while holding morals, because people can be hypocrits.
You still can even write messed up dynamics, and write it aproviate bad in context and wrong
Yes you can call yourself a moral nihilist yet want that.
Not saying anything against the neil gaiman part.
@@marocat4749 I'm not interested in debating broad generalities whether one can be "cynical" (in some sense while "holding morals" (in some sense). When I referenced Gaiman's books, I had a number of very specific things in mind. Which I can list if you like. And even so, I did not think I had found absolute proof that Gaiman was, in comparison to others, a particularly immoral man. I was merely, as I said, sufficiently suspicious to google if there had been allegations against him.
This reminds me of a quote from Dune Messiah.
Here lies a toppled god,
his fall was not a small one.
We did but build his pedestal,
a narrow and a tall one.
I loved that book! Perfectly said. Thanks for sharing. - MJ
"the same crowd that cheers for you, is the same crowd that cheers for your hanging." Terry Prachette
What a coincidence. I just read Dune Messiah a week before the allegations broke out.
So well spoken about this horrible situation. I first found out about Gaiman through Tori Amos's lyrics. She's mentioned him in several songs, and I always admired their loyal, longtime platonic friendship. I can't imagine how this news has been for her since she is a survivor of brutal sexual assault and a key spokesperson in the RAINN organization. This is very hard for us longtime book fans to process, and I'm sure many in his close circle also had no idea. 💔
Thanks Johanna. I agree with you. People keep saying, I wonder what Tori has to say. I know what Amanda has to say from her lyrics. Interestingly, from a lot of the comments in this video, I get the impression the some of us are the last to find out. 😞
I think putting people on pedestals and idolizing and being super fans of artists, authors, politicians, musicians and really just people is a recipe for disappointment.
As I got older and people in my real life such as relatives, teachers, co workers etc.. disappointed me greatly it helped me learn that lesson.
I enjoy peoples work a lot and may even collect it and admire the work, but I know in the back of my mind that I do not know these people. I hope they are wonderful but they may not be.
And that’s the thing about people. Even ones who do rotten things can create or do wonderful things and this is what makes humanity so messy.
Agree. I guess it's the whole irrational belief that they can do no wrong and that makes for the worst letdown. Sad really. I meant what I said about Keanu though. 😂
Well said, I will only add that we as well are guilty of disappointing others, including those we love and love us.
@@ingridfitz5677 we are all human and we make mistakes, some mistakes harsher than others
I think this is the exact point. And I don't even think you can ever trust someone's public image. I know enough industry people to know that it's all part of their job, it's never who they really are. Richard Osman's podcast is good for this, they do sometimes spill tea on celebs who have nice guy images who are really quite unpleasant. (Dwayne Johnson is one..)
I tend to just think why can't these men behave? It seems simple enough just to be half decent. It is just disappointing and never worth idolising anyone.
@@ericamacs3875 Thank you for adding to the conversation!
Part of what I think it is comes from us connecting to the art on such a deep level that we feel such a connection with the creators as well.
💯 We seek like minded beings. It’s in our basic nature I think.
I’ve had vague “alarm” bells about Gaiman for a while now (was a HUGE follower of his on LiveJournal), as there were just some things that were…off about him and what he was sharing with his young audience. But I pushed that aside because I did like his writing. But now? It’s something I’m not able to push aside any longer, and my heart hurts for these women.
And people can do morally great things to cover up the rot beneath the surface. It’s so hard to hold both points of view in our heads.
I’m sorry that you’re having to grapple with this, MJ, since you are such a fan of his. 💖
Do you remember the things he shared with his young audience?
There were always rumors of him having young groupies at conventions. And he was known for sleeping around a ton.
@@BbGun-lw5vi - it was just weirdly personal stuff? Like, I hate to be cliche, but it had the feel of that Steve Buscemi “hey there fellow youths” skit from SNL, like he was trying hard to fit in. Plus all the stuff about his ex-wife, and the start of his relationship with Amanda Palmer.
It’s a toughie for sure. Thank you so much for sharing!
Def his relationship w Amanda Palmer began my icky feels Abt him @@pandorabox82
@panidorabox82 I followed him then, too, and I was uncomfortable with some of the things he shared, but I would have had a difficult time explaining why. Then when when he and Amanda shared that they had an open relationship, I thought it was oversharing. If both parties agree, that's fine, but why make it public? I know not to idolize people, but I thought he was a decent human. I respected him as a creative force who wrote books I connected with on a deep level.
I feel you on all of this. I was heartbroken and disappointed to hear about the Neil Gaiman allegations. I think we all believed Neil was a good person and he always seemed so lovely and polite but I believe the survivors and it's sickening to hear what's happened to them. Yeah we really shouldn't put people up on pedestals. We don't know what celebrities are really like or how they act in private. Omg yes! I'm such a Keanu Reeves fan too so I'd be so devastated if anything negative came out about him too.
Hugs! 🤗
Until anything negative actually comes out, anyone deserves a benefit of a doubt. We can’t judge people based on how someone else behaves.
@@waverlyking6045 I agree. It’s difficult to stay balanced and neutral when the news stings.
Thanks for this MJ. As someone of the same generation I have been a huge Gaiman fan for a long time. Sandman and Good Omens started me off and I’ve read most of his work for years.
When similar allegations were made about Warren Ellis, another one of that generation of British writers and artists who turned the American conic industry on its head, that was a bitter pill.
But this one sucked. Like you said, I always kinda assumed he was one of the good ones.
Why can’t we have nice things?
I think separation of art from artist is important. So many great writers and artists were such horrors of human beings that if that separation doesn’t exist, you end up consuming no art. But it’s bloody hard, especially when the artist in question is still around making that art.
There aren’t easy answers to this. But talking helps.
I know. It's so hard. I totally get it!
My thing is tho, why is expecting the bare minimum of decency holding someone to an impossible standard? I didn’t think Neil was a god, I just thought he was what he said he was. Should we assume everyone is a monster?
Great point. I think we have to assume that everyone has a shadow self not many get to see. The level of monster revealed is up to that person. Idk. I really hate thinking the way, but it’s proving itself true these days.
My personal motto remains true: always try to be kind and do no harm.
I didn't know until this video. This is why I don't generally have a desire to meet famous people. I figure they can only disappoint. It is rough if you have spent years loving their work....to just drop that love when something like this hits. Those stories are now part of YOU. It is hard to separate.
Sorry 🫣
A mistake I think we make when talking about abuse and power, is separating "abusers" into their own class of citizen. We have a lot of social dialogue around clinical narcissism these days too which complicates it, and I just think it keeps us from seeing what's actually at play.
Neil is a person, just like all of us. He's done very good and wholesome and kind things, and he's done heinous horrible things. We're ALL capable of doing heinous and horrible things, but 98% of us choose not to.
Neil made an incredibly awful choice. AND we know that he made that choice *repeatedly*. He has untold victims at this point, we have no idea how many will come forward as time goes on, but anecdotally at least 14 spoke to Amanda Palmer.
My point thought is that we don't need him to be a monster to have done horrible and awful things. We don't need to other him. We need to hold him accountable and find out what tf else he's done.
And we need to look at WHY wealth and power corrupts people, or perhaps why corrupt people keep ending up with gross amounts of wealth and power. But comforting ourselves by believing abusers are just abnormally more evil than regular people doesn't actually has a positive effect imo.
Instead, it allows us to never ask what in our society and culture is creating this, and we need to know the answer if we want to stop it.
People who rise to fame consistently end up being horrific and awful. Why. We have to stop avoiding the fact that we could ALL make these choices, but we don't. Why don't we? Why did he?
It's not as simple as just carting folks off to prison, especially since cases like this so frequently favor abusers.
Thanks so much for adding to the discussion.
@@M-J Thanks for having the conversation. 💜
@@catie5939 💜
I think both things can be true - women are victimized by men with power/celebrity AND some men don’t understand that some women can’t reject sexual advances because they don’t know how, they’re afraid of retaliation or rejection, or any number of other things. The proof of character in the man is when this imbalanced dynamic is pointed out to him and he modifies his behavior (or not).
Indeed. Hearing the news was just a bit of a shock for me. Thanks for adding to the conversation.
I just watched Nick Cave’s interview with Colbert immediately prior to this video. There are very interesting comparisons to make there. Nick has admitted openly that he was a nasty little guy at the start of his career. He has been honestly awful in the past. Being punk and part of the punk scene there was that licence to be a bad guy and you know what? If he had no talent at all and made a living doing something else, he would still have been like that, I am sure. I can accept Nick Cave as he is and love the beauty of his constantly developing and maturing and deepening work BECAUSE he never pretended to be anything else. The important difference was that Gaiman and Joss Whedon pretended to be on our side, when it was actually just charm, another tool in their seduction tool kit. Nick made a living out of being honestly problematic, and that helps the audience think through what he gives us in his art. At least you know to keep your heart protected. It’s the feeling that we’ve been deceived that makes us feel sick. It’s the sudden change in dynamic from safety to danger, even if it is not personal, that shocks us. If Gaiman offered one of my daughters an internship I would have squealed with joy and I could have made a massive mistake by letting her go! That is why revelations like this are frightening and cause such outrage. It’s not about perfection or idealisation. It’s about _safety_ .
@@user-sr1kc6jj2b-p1q Thank you for sharing this. I love the brutally honest Nick Cave of today. His Q&A series is a fave of mine.
I forgot about Joss Whedon. Dammit now I’m extra sad. 😞
@@riveramnell143 😑
Neil Gaiman's books together with Anne Rice's are part of my whole life as a youngster and the 50 old woman that I'm now..I never never will get rid of Neils comics and books, I'll treasure them forever..but I truly hope and support that he pays dearly for all the lives he has destroyed 😢😢😢😢
🤗🤗
I had always been an avid reader and my to-read stack was very tall when a couple friends started insisting I read him years ago.
One of them enthusiastically told me the plot of Coraline and they noticed, I guess, that I looked preoccupied and uncomfortable because they asked.
And I said, "well, the main theme of the story can be wanting to warn young readers about harmful strangers who want to love bomb you....of course. And a warning to parents to BE parents, no matter how constrained their time is.
But because you said he was partly inspired by his career preoccupying him so much while he was a parent ...and because it doesn't seem like he chose to slow down his career, even though he was already so successful....
The other message seems to be 'no matter how little time or or attention or affection I give you, no matter how low a priority you seem to be in my day to day life, don't you DARE risk loving someone else, because they will be worse than I am. In fact, don't you dare even try to IMAGINE a parent who will meet your emotional needs.' That's....wow.
That feels deeply manipulative and unsettling to me.... "
After that, they stopped talking to me about his work.
But I always stuck in my mind.
Writing that book while a parent seemed to be burying manipulation that borders on emotional abuse UNDER complex, nuanced art that critics will praise as "not didactic" and "a modern Grimms fairytale"...
It just made me feel glad that I was not raised by Neil Gaiman.
It felt like a little flicker of a hidden, very red flag for me.
It somehow made it all worse that the main character is required to save her own parents.... And then learn to be contented with the life that had previously left her feeling so lonely.
Possible undertones of parentification and scapegoating the child as **causing** the problem by experiencing a wish to have a little more parental attention?
And then, when the American movie was made, the ONE thing he didn't like about it was that she made a friend who helped save her from the Other Mother.
On the one hand, this reads as a feminist theme wanting her to save herself!
On the other, it reads as the author's discomfort from a departure of the themes I thought I had picked up on....the main character is allowed to make an emotional attachment who actually invests time and attention in her, and helps her, I stead of requiring her to push down her emotional needs and save the whole family.
Just...I don't know, man.
I didn't like it.
Fantastic insight. Thank you for participating in this conversation.
Thank you for your thoughtful and careful words here. I’ve not heard of any news about him - so I might need to go find out what is going on. But this is such an important discussion to have about how do we separate creatives from their work if they turn out to be problematic. It’s one I struggle with concerning some of my own favorite authors ( like Dickens, J K Rowling and others). I really appreciate your insight here!
Thank you. Feel free to add to this conversation. The Rolling Stone article was, I think, very well done.
I guess I benefit from having trust issues, cause I always assume the public faces of famous people are fake to some degree, and that I don't have access to enough information to know where the facade ends. It is hard enough to truly know my real-life friends, and sometimes they do things that make me have to re-evaluate my image of them. Gaiman has always seemed like the sort of guy I'd have fun hanging out with in public spaces, but not someone I'd let walk me home.
Great analogy!
Enough other people whose work I admire have turned out to be less than admirable people that this news about Gaiman didn't sting so much. The thing I try to remember is that people are complicated. People aren't good or bad. We're people. It's our actions that have moral consequences. We can genuinely do good things with one hand while using the other hand to stab and cripple.
So true! Thanks for sharing!
When someone abused their power and coerced ppl to consent to sex (which btw is no consent, which btw means it's r*pe), to differentiate between the action and the person being bad becomes semantics, IMO. But in the case Gaiman, I see a lot of this, we're sort of 'dancing around the issue' cause it's someone we used to admire. Lots of "people are messy.... people are complicated... people are flawed". Examining the integrity of the podcast that first broke the story. Even expressing doubt how believable the women are. I wonder if the same leeway would be given if there were the same allegations against someone we dislike, someone like Weinstein for instance. Probably not. Btw I include myself in this. The first reaction is to make excuses, benefit of the doubt etc. And then I realize what I am doing and I sort of hate how not objective I am. Perfect opportunity to examine one's bias.
I feel your pain. I'm a Gaiman fan. It does not change how I feel about his past works, but I doubt we see anything new for him for a long while...maybe ever.
So sad. 😞
Thanks for sharing this. This is very tough to process. Neil Gaiman inspired my love of reading as a teenager, and while I don't read him much anymore, to this day American Gods is one of my favourite novels. I honestly hope the allegations aren't true, but it looks like another case where in order to deal with this, I need to learn to separate the art from the artist.
Yep, it’s a topic to process as a community and as a group think and the grouo support is what I thought was best. Please add to the conversation on your channel if you feel like it. Hugs. - MJ
I remember how disappointed I was when I heard the allegations against actor Kevin Spacey. How I knew his incredible body of work would be clouded by the controversy
I agree with you.
And Spacey's case was completely dismissed in the end. But of course nobody cared about that in today's world of "guilty until proven innocent".
And he has since been completely exonerated in court, a court which determined the accusations were lies.
@@russ9117 That is a good thing!
That's a good point. It's that aspect of it as well-how could they do this to their own work? It feels like they betray their own legacy, and so their work, and, in extension, the people who love what they do.
Some good points. A lot of issues here. Almost like it’s the subject for a good livestream discussion. Just saying.
PS - the day Keanu falls, it’s time to just pack it in and move on to the next life.
@@BookBlather I agree on all points!
I adore Neil Gaiman's work. I consider him to be one of my favourite writers. That will never cross over into thinking he's a good person. This is the difference. I think most people constantly have that prehistoric brain where we see success as being good.
@@JackWard66 I think my brain just assumes that most people are good, when in fact they aren’t - success or not.
I share your sentiments. He had been such a big influence, inspiration & personal hero. Was doubtful of certain things with the first two allegations, but the 3rd one (Caroline Wallner), really cemented my opinion on him probably not being a morally sound person, who abused his power & influence. "Never meet your heroes" as they say. Deeply dissapointed in his behavior & actions.
It really is a hard place to be as a fan. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on my channel. Hugs to you.
@@M-J 🤗
@@joshfa5526 🤗
I started to suspect when he left his wife for Amanda Palmer that the old boy was having a bit of a crisis. Sad to hear he was always abusing his power
Yeah, we don’t know all the facts yet. It just stinks learning stuff like this.
"Nobody knows anybody. Not that well." - Tom Reagan, Miller's Crossing.
100%. “Be kind and do no harm.” - MJ 🤗
I so agree with this. I have liked his work from the Sandman days, and when some strange events made it so, I happened upon him reading the American Gods book in Oslo. I was just randomly at a place, and then my favourite comic book author walked in and started reading. I didn't even know he was publishing novels. Later that week, I also greeted him in the street, thinking he was someone else (this was before his fame, so he looked really surprised). He is a part of my coming-of-age story and has been one of my favourite authors for a long time. However, I went off him and stopped following him on Twitter a few years ago. At first, I was curious about his relationship with Amanda and followed them both. Though she seemed attention-seeking, in the end, I found I liked her better than him. She posted a lot but at least seemed open and genuine. He just seemed to be introverted, endlessly self-promoting. I know he has supported good causes, and I can't put my finger on what it was. There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. Perhaps I feel he is curating his own image a little too obviously. The open marriage thing annoyed me as well (there is a good article about that somewhere about why these things annoy us. For me, it was the "I'm too good to just limit myself to one person"-aspect of it). The point is, he had done nothing wrong, I just went off him and stopped following them both. Then the divorce and everything leading up to it happened, and they seemed messier than ever. When this final, horrible thing happened, I was surprised but not shocked. His books are still a part of me and as someone else said here, I feel like part of me is in them, not only the author. But I will not support him financially any more.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you, you articulated everything I'm been feeling. I will continue to read his books, and essays and I will still listen to his wonderful voice on audible, but I am so disappointed in him. Unfortunately, he is not the only man that has disappointed me in my life. I guess it's good that I still have the capacity to be disappointed, that I still believe there are honorable people in the world.
Thank you for adding to this conversation. That’s where I have the most struggle - the capacity for disappointment and still believing that there are good people on the planet.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I don't know the full details as yet, so need to look into it but I heard a mention of this a few days ago and I, like you, felt shook because I am a fan and admirer of him as a person. I think what you say about not idolising people rings true. They tell you never to meet your heroes, and it is for the very reason that they are really only human at the end of the day, with all the good and bad that that entails. They are almost bound to disappoint, so I'm not someone who seeks to ever do that. I am someone who finds it relatively easy to separate art from artist in most cases, so if the allegations are upheld, I will still value and read Gaiman's existing body of work - at least the parts I already valued as I am not a blanket across the board fan of all his writing but was more so about his work for libraries etc. And I am with you on Keanu - he was my first teen obsession!
Thanks Jack. You totally get it. Keanu for life!
@@M-J just watched a video over on Council of Geek on the podcast itself - worth watching.
I’ve been avoiding videos on this topic for various reasons but yours grabbed my attention. I’m not as big of a fan of his work as some people but I’ve always been a fan of (my perception of) the man. He’s said a lot of things that have meant a lot to me as a fellow (alleged) writer and human being. He always seemed so wise and insightful and always knew the right words. When the allegations broke I was gutted. You’re right, we do put people we don’t know on a pedestal and we shouldn’t, but it’s hard not to admire people who present a façade of being worthy of it. It sucks, it really sucks. I can only hope that the survivors find peace and he’s never able to use his position to take advantage of people again. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. This one does hurt.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It really sucks and it did hurt hearing that news. Hugs. 🤗
_"Why do we..."_ - I never have. I've never pretended any knowledge of someone personally based on their art. I don't expect any celebrity to be anything other than human - sometimes to a fault, which may be why their art is good. There is no pedestal for me. I also can't honestly say I care about celebrities leveraging their fame / power for perks (like sexual access). If a rock star wanted to get famous to sleep with women it makes no difference at all to me. Unless they've actually forced someone to do something - thus breaking the law - it doesn't matter. And concepts like 'power imbalances' are deliberately vague notions to imply 'extra badness' to things which are either criminal or they're not. In the case of Gaiman I think she was an employee or something (the initial accuser) which makes things more messy.
Well, good for you - a lot of us have. Indeed, it seems messy. Thanks for sharing.
MJ, this got me thinking. Hm. Thanks for sharing even if it’s tough.
Horrible food for thought though. Be well.
Well this is news to me. Gotta put a defrentiation between art and the person once you become a fan. Dont mean you gotta keep fan girling though.
Ooof, it's an allegedly shocking rabbit hole to uncover. I agree with you100%!
They say we shouldn't meet our heroes. I met Tom Baker (fourth Dr Who) he was drunk and rude and I was upset and disappointed. A lot of celebrities who do a lot for charities have many skeletons in their closets. Sorry one of your heroes has toppled off his pedestal. One of my favorite fantasy reads is Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley. I was shocked and upset when I heard disturbing news about the author. She has passed now, but I can't see myself picking up another of her books.
Perhaps surprisingly, Colin Baker is an absolute sweetheart. So was Patrick Troughton, but that is perhaps not as surprising.
Me & my father met Tom back in 1998 at a convention. I was 5 at the time & was very new to Tom's work on Dr.Who. My father grew up watching him in the 70s & was incredibly excited to see him. He seemed incredibly interested in me someone whom barely knew his work. But my father the guy who grew up watching him & followed his work for decades he couldn't care less about & was quite rude. My father walked away incredibly disappointed that day.
I loved the mists of Avalon and her books about Other characters in that world. But after I read her daughter’s deposition I couldn’t even bear to keep them in my house, and I had a big collection of several versions of each
@@dixiedawnmillergoode6850 Thank you for the information. It makes me want to read the deposition. I've tried several links from Google, and I haven't yet found one that is still active. I have found some excerpts, but so far they seem to be redacted in such a way as to make it seem that Marion *only* was aware of and did nothing about her husband's sexual abuse, *not* that she was responsible for primary sexual abuse as well. This seems to be the story promulgated in Wikipedia and elsewhere.
Nevertheless, _Entertainment Weekly_ published an excerpt from one of Greyland's emails, saying, "She was cruel and violent, as well as completely out of her mind sexually. I am not her only victim, nor were her only victims girls."
I can remember a time when Bradley was _the_ SF feminist icon. Not LeGuin, who had sense and produced rich nuanced commentary and was by all accounts a very good person.
This is interesting to me as a cognitive linguist with a political bent. It seems to me that there's a similar reality-distortion framing field going on in both cases, given that the mainstream press seems to be pulling a _pay no attention to the Gai-man behind the curtain_ thing. Frankly, I'm more concerned with this than with what particular individuals do. Given that people work so hard to enable the indicated behaviors, it seems likely that this will never end, and that there will be more and more people who will take advantage of performative pseudo-feminism for cover. It obviously and evidently works. It obviously and evidently has a much wider appeal than actual feminism. There needs to be some consciousness-raising about it.
That is, *if* anybody actually cares about ending sexual abuse and sexism. Frankly, I don't see a lot of evidence for that. At minimum, it appears not to be as appealing to do the work. More likely, bad things are functionally enabled because the performance is what drives the politics, and it wouldn't be possible to get so upset and sling mud if things actually got better. I cannot point a finger of individual blame on commentators, but people are people regardless of sex or whatever, and people are piggy.
I'm not the one being cynical here; I'm making fair comment on cynicism, which is plentiful.
A Kurt Loder (also know as Turd Floater) shout out! Luckily I've tried several Gaiman books and I have yet to have liked a single one.
Oh My! 😂I liked Kurt back in the day. That’s the beauty of reading, we all have different favorites.
I wasn't exactly a "super fan" but i really liked his work and I found him very inspirational and im so sad... I don't even think its putting someone on a too high pedal to want someone to NOT be an abuser... Its just really sad...
I know what you are going through. It’s very very sad to hear.
I think it's not so much expecting extraordinary things but basic human decency. And we do put achievements in our mind together with the people that made them, so it's probably especially disappointing when we loved their creations. I know I was really disappointed in she who shall not be named because I loved her books as a child.
Yes!!!!! I absolutely understand.😥
I was a Neil Gaiman fan for a long time, not a super fan and I didn't like everything he's done but I'd at least try it. Now, I am upset. He clearly was untruthful with his fans, EVEN if it's only upheld that he ONLY did what he admitted too, I'm done with any new work. A 61 yo man jumping in a tub with a 21 yo nanny {who has been homeless} hired a couple hours ago just isn't acceptable to me, even if she was 100% ok the entire time. The power imbalance is just too great, and that would be true in all these cases, he's admitted to the sexual encounters, just not that there was abuse.. It's just ikky. I knew he was in an open marriage but I never thought it went this far.
The only thing I really struggle with is S3 of Good Omens, that involves so many other people. If they pull him as showrunner, I'm totally gonna watch. Otherwise, just not sure. I certainly will not try any new material from him.
PS, I really hope Terry Pratchett didn't know.
Thanks for sharing. I think we didn’t know all facets of Neil even though we think we might have - if that makes sense? The news definitely hit hard and a lot of us are processing it. I’ll still read his work because I really loved his writing - but I won’t pay for it. I’ll wait for second hand books. It’s just sad. 🤷🏻♀️
I believe victims too, but allegations can be made by people who are not victims. How do you know who's a victim and who's not without due process?
Again, I’m simply processing my thoughts from TWO weeks ago.
To give my answer to the question "Why do people put other people on pedestals wgen they haven't even met?" it's lack of personal power. In a nutshell. Most don't even realise how often they give it away. And what that action actually looks / feels like. Nor what the empowered state is and how to embody it and reclaim it when a manipulation (marketing) ploy is used on them. Personal power isn't over the top and it doesn't have anything to do with overwhelming others. There isn't education on personal power. And the star industry doesn't want that. It needs people worshipping others so that they become excellent consumers. Otherwise, we wouldn't see a famous man falling down and his work going down with it.
Thanks for sharing!
This sucks. I remember going through these feelings when I learned about horrible allegations about Josh Weldon.
@@Spacegirl3200 Totally! Thanks for sharing.
Totally get it as a fan since I was 15, now 39. I was also attracted to him as a teen, and definitely looked up to him as an aspiring writer. All that said, somehow when the news broke I wasn’t as shocked as I thought I would be. Disappointed surely, but not all that surprised. It’s almost like somehow deep down I knew, and I definitely believe the victims.
One hundred percent. Thank you for adding to the conversation.
Hi. I am not a Neil “fan” and just hearing of the allegations. The one thing I find interesting is that these allegations are reported to police in New Zealand. I remember during Covid lockdown there was alleged story about how he had left New Zealand and was in a remote part of Scotland. People were not happy with him for not following the rules of not travelling. I like you am a Gen X, and love Keanu. He appears so humble and his kindness appears to be shown day after day in small ways.
I remember that! Thanks so much for sharing! We need to keep Keanu safe! ☺️
Why are your books all facing the wrong way?
I did a video on it. It’s a new way of reading randomly from my shelves.
I think looking up to creative people I admire is largely an aspirational thing for me. So, yes, it is hard when they disappoint or are revealed to be unforgivably flawed. It is disorienting. What is important to remember, for me, is that my aspirations and my ideals are not tarnished just because the hero I had imagined shared them has fallen. Good talk. Thank you so much, MJ. 🤗
Oh, I needed to hear this today. Thank you for adding to the conversation. 🤗
Did anyone else see “Coraline” and wonder who on Earth would show that to children?
No, I read the book.
@@M-J I came across the movie without knowing anything about Gaiman or a book. I read some of his work thereafter.
I mean as a kid I loved coraline, hear a lot of other kids liked it too. Some kids like being scared or enjoying semi serious stories. The fact that the fan base for fnaf was composed mostly of children says a lot (its literally a franchise where the central plot element is child murder)
I feel like saying that I'm worried people are letting this news colour too much of their perception of these stories to see hidden malice and general wrongness where there wasn't before.
@@Xenomorthian That is certainly another perspective to consider.
@@Xenomorthian Thanks for sharing! I grew up on 70´s horror movies and I think I turned out okay.
Hi lovey - been meaning to message for ages and will, but replying here befire i forget!
Very brave to put yourself out their and talk about someone you respected whose work lifted you and inspired you. To see their feet were clay on the pedestal.
I have had a similar experience,
(many have had much worse) with JK Rowling turning out to be transphobic.
I grew up on Harry Potter, the books were sbout inclusion, bravery, loyalty, freedom - but to hear she does not allows those values to be for everyone made be uncomfortable and as she got more hateful and loud about her hatred and heari g readers who found a place they belonged in her books now be told, actually you aren't invited to this party is crule.
My books i still have for what they meant. I hope to re-read, but i have them hidden at the back of the shelf. Any other books we got gifted by her i have charity shopped as I can't bring myself to read them.
Different situation, different circumstances and people feel differently.
Hope you still get past joy and i appreciate the video 🫂💜📚
Thank you so much for sharing, Chattie. 🤗🤗🤗
I haven't read him. Did hear him speak at the World Fantasy Con in San Diego in 2011.
I really enjoy his writing. That’s fun!
I was a fan of Justin Timberlake until Britney called him out for cheating on her first in her memoir (I believe Britney obviously) and that's when I decided I would still listen to his music but I would never ever be a fan of his ever again. And I also believe he was intoxicated when he got a DWI just two months ago so Idk why his lawyer is helping him get off of it by saying the police officer was lying because if he was lying why would he give him a field soberity test when he ran a stop sign and was drifting in and out of the lane he was in? So basically what I'm trying to say is that I lost all respect for him as whole and why people are continuing to look up to a cheater and someone who would put others in danger on the roads and is trying to justify his actions when what he did was just wrong on all levels. (Millennial here)
Preach! I got pissed when I read the Britney book. Nobody's eyes look like that after one martini, just sayin'. Hi Millenial, GenX says Hi 😊
70% of the population cheats on a loved one at some point in time. Allow a bit of room for human failings. My 2 cents.
Heck. MLK Jr. cheated on his wife a number of times. But was he a hero to the world? Yes. Yes he was.
@@M-J Her book made me cry the whole time I was reading it, uff.
Lust and infatuation caused King David to have Uriah killed. But King David so beautifully wrote about his sin and broken and contrite heart in Psalm 51, asking for God's forgiveness. I don't know if that applies directly to this situation, but indirectly I think it does.
@@WINGTV9 Thanks for sharing.
@@M-J You're welcome. It used to be that the 1662 Book of Common Prayer used Psalm in morning prayers of the Anglican Communion... So here was a king who had killed the husband of the woman he wanted and his song to God was one of a broken heart for the crime he had committed. It's really quite amazing.
@@M-J And thank you for your very well stated thoughts in this video, which I am in the middle of now.
@@WINGTV9 Thanks. It’s basically me processing my thoughts out loud.
This is one of your best videos, IMO. Speaking hard truths with sincerity on a subject that is so upsetting.
@@musicroom7185 Oh goodness, thank you so much. I never script my videos, I talk from my brain and prayed it would be transparent. 🤗🤗
I just found out about this. I haven't read a lot of his books. I read Snow, Glass, Apples and Coraline, and I was about to read Stardust. I already bought the book so I still will, but after that. I don't know... What do you think?
Read it. His writing is good.
Thank you for this video. Casual reader of Neil Gaiman so no pedestal but have been enamored of other celebrities in the past. Your questions and comments are good food for thought esp putting them on a pedestal when they haven’t earned it.
Thank you for adding to the conversation.
I had three favorite authors: Jk Rowling, Neil Gaiman, and George RR Martin. I’m two for three and it HURTS. It makes it difficult if not impossible to enjoy their works I love so much and takes that love away. If George RR Martin turns out to be a serial killer or something I will riot.
I see you! Thank you so much for sharing. Hugs.
@@M-J Thanks ❤️
I have been surprised about the radio silence about this in general among the bookish community because of who it’s about. Thanks for being vulnerable about this.
It really got under my skin and I wanted to process it with the bookish community. Thank you for being a part of it.
Why do we love people we don't even know?
Exactly
I feel the way you do about this news. I'm gutted. I'm taking his books off of my shelves, I won't getting rid of them, but they will live in a box for the time being until I can process this. IF the news is proven and depending on what Neil actually has to say about it (like you I believe the victims) beyond flat out denial, then we'll see. But I won't be buying or reading any of his new work (in this country he will get a payment if I borrow his book from my library).
So disappointing to hear. 😔 Second hand will be the way to go. Thanks so much for your thoughts on this!
i think its cause we want heros. we want people who give us confidence about the nature of humans . about our nature . roll models to fallow. and when someone that is close to be that in reality turns out to not be at all that. it hurts it put into question our own judgment it makes it seem we where foolish for believing in the good of people .
I agree with you. I always want to see the good in people.
As a casual reader who read and liked The Sandman for the first time from a library (I'm also a library user) ten years ago, thank you for sharing this video.
Thanks for watching.
How lovely when the people who try to tell others how to live are exposed for their own heinous behavior.
Indeed.
I've come to the belief that entertainers at his level are all tainted by their actions or inactions because the gatekeepers would not have let them pass to achieve the success they have if they weren't.
@@6140LIBRA thank you for sharing!
Fame gives us the illusion of familiarity. Celebrities can be everyone's "friend" because there are layers of stories where we automatically associate them with an emotional journey. Authors even more so because they create and navigate that emotional journey. I remember when Fred Savage got revealed after a lifetime of multiple accusations. It gutted me because I grew up with him and he felt like a friend. His smile. His charm. His voice. All of them were so familiar to me. But then I realized...I don't know him. All signs point to him being an abuser who likes to fondle women behind the scenes. It takes a while to separate yourself emotionally from the people who you think you know from the real people who we really don't know.
Thanks so much for sharing and adding to the conversation.
Read John Rawls on the veil and think about how to apply it to authors works and their lives
Thanks
I wondered about you when this story broke. 😢. I think the man has immense talent. It makes me sad to hear such things. I remember when Ravi Zacharias, a Christian apologist, that I deeply admired passed away. After his death, allegations surfaced that were so heinous it made me sick. When this sort of thing happens we have to choose how to deal with it. I separate the art from the artist. I look at the good they do and the bad they do. Then I remember that we are all broken human beings. It is easy to say that, “I would never do such and such.” However, we are not in that position. This in NO WAY excuses such behavior but should serve to remind us that we are ALL capable of great darkness. However, we have to draw a line in the sand of decency. Some things are just NOT acceptable. I choose to pray for the victims and for Ravi and Neil. Who knows what dark demons they fought. We don’t know what caused this level of brokenness. I just think it is best try and see everyone as human. I doubt we will ever fully know the “truth” about this. Meanwhile we can educate others, keep a watchful eye, and try our best to protect ourselves and others from such things. In truth, the whole thing makes me horribly sad.
Thank you! It’s good to see you! Yeah, very disappointed in hearing the news. I’ll still read him, just second hand books from now on.
I loved a quote in one of his books: "Evil always contains the seeds of it's own destruction." Hmmm...🤔
Yep, hindsight CAN be very telling.
7:45 so did Jimmy Saville, Stuart Hall and Rolf Harris and what became of them.......
Even roman polansky is genius director ...but but he is a monster
@@victoryv116thanks
This was a really good video. I haven't seen much conversation about this on booktube, and I really appreciate that you brought it up, and were so open and honest about your feelings. Subscribing.
Thanks so much! I really tried to make a video that captured what fans are going through rather than talking about specifics of the news.
Just a thought. But as a grown up woman when i think back in my life there where some sexual encounters that didn't work out all to well. I was young. I was polite. Sometimes just curious. Sometimes just to insecure to say no. And in one or another case just in the middle of the action i thought 'i don't need that a second time'. And that was it. I learned. But at no point, not once, i made a victim out of me and threw all responsibility on my partners ♀️♂️. Things happen. Thats life. Just to be clear:Rape is unforgivable. But any other kind of sexual encounter has two people who are consent for whatever reason.
I appreciate your thoughts. It all makes for an interesting conversation with so many facets and nuances. The news hit me hard. That was me two weeks ago. You all have helped me gain a broader perspective for sure. Thank you for sharing with us.
Most writers are not celebrities and have no opportunity to prey on their readers. Great success sometimes carries the seeds for failure.
Agreed.
Thank you. This is how (i think) so many of us feel on this. It really does sting. Humans are fallible, but their good that they do put out, that affects others on fundamentally life altering ways, shouldn't be condemed because the person that authored them and is in some ways a hero for that... also has a dark side. I believe the victims. But, i also beieve that there are victims out there with malicious intent. I'm on the same page with you as keeping, and still allowing myself to be entertained by his work... but I won't be attending any potential meet and greets in the future.
Again, thank you sooo much for putting this out. The phrasing and the kindness is a welcome tone and i think, more people ought to take a note from you.
Also, i literally said "Hello!" out loud when you said "Hello GenX" HAHA
♥
Thank you so much! “hello back!” 😂
I heard the news like a week after I finished reading Neverwhere, and I loved that one so much that I was about to go all in on reading Neil, so this was a bummer. It's hard for me to find writers I like, so I guess I'll keep looking. Suggestions welcome.
I think the truth of humanity is that people who do terrible things or treat people badly can ALSO have positive parts about them. It's entirely possible that Neil means every positive word he's spoken in the past, or every uplifting thing he's written in a book, but also has a moral weakness around this particular part of his life.
True! Thanks for sharing.
So when he was writing about the author in Sandman he was writing about........,?
Hindsight!
Neil gaiman is a trustfund kid who had everything handed to him, many suchncases etc.
@@madseason5614 I didn’t know that. Thanks.
Skimming through these comments, I notice one thing. Most have already convicted someone who hasn't had a trial. Podcast accusations are legal evidence now? How about waiting for the full story?
@@noelstafford7266 There are a ton of comments. My video sure did bring out a reaction.
Why? Why do we need to talk about this? What unique qualifications or insights do we have to add to this case? We don't need to take a side. Our opinions are irrelevant to this case.
Because it’s MY channel, and you really don’t have to watch anything I say. If I feel like expressing myself, in my own forum, in my safe space, you had better believe that I will.
An adult should never look up to anyone. I don’t look up to Julius Cesar, Victor Hugo or Marie Curie, Tolkien and many others. I am inspired by their stories. But, I know they were only humans and all had their strengths and weaknesses. Fortunately, I learned this at about 20, when I realized that a brilliant expert can be an immature child in other aspects of life, but maybe this has deprived me of the thrills of fandoms and separated me from many fan connections
I still look up to my dead father.
This was SO well done. Thanks.
Thank you so much. This made my heart smile. I really tried to have a fair discussion.
Buy his work secondhand if you must, but he doesn't deserve your money.
💯
I adore Neil Gaiman's books and connected with many of them on a deep level. The Sandman introduced me to so many other incredible stories, myths, and artists. I met Neil Gaiman once. He was gracious and kind and took some moments out of his busy evening to talk to me. I can never think of that interaction the same way now. Clearly, we never really know who other people are, but I respected Neil Gaiman. I made the mistake of thinking he was a decent human. Obviously, there are other authors and artists who have done similar things and even worse. That doesn't make it any less awful. The other part of it that infuriates me is that Gaiman would dare to use his Autism as an excuse with one of his accusers. I am Autistic. I know the difference between right and wrong, probably more so than most neurotypical people. I've also been the victim of SA, like so many other Autistic people. Humanity is so disappointing.
Humanity IS disappointing. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me. That part also made me very very upset. Hugs to you.
So... the man hasn't been convicted of anything as of yet. The word "allegedly" gets used a lot in this video. Yet the tone clearly says that the verdict of the Court of Public Opinion is already in.
Allegedly, yes!! I don’t want any legal action on my channel. The facts will all play out sooner or later whether we are allowed to know or not.
I’m simply a fan trying to process the disappointing headlines.
Thank you for making this video. I made a video months ago about how much I adored his work, a few months before the allegations came out, and it really hurts. I made that video private.
It just hurts when you put someone on a pedestal. But like you said, we need to believe victims. This is the first video I’ve seen on the subject, so thank you for being braver than the rest of us and addressing this head on.
@@Mister_Sosotris Thank you for that lovely comment. I’ve sang his praises in previous videos. All of us can feel the sting of the news. There are videos out there that deal with the specifics of the allegations, but I wanted to steer clear and talk about how we fans process this type of information. Thanks for sharing.
People are disappointing. Sounds like Neil has allegedly hurt several (many?) people. I have never been a big fan, but I know what it feels like to be let down by people I admire. In all cases, like you, I feel for the victims. I like your channel
Thank you for adding to the conversation. People are disappointing!
I hadn’t heard. A tough conversation. People do good and bad. We can sometimes expect people to be perfect and no one is. Keanu is a good Canadian boy! 😊💙
Indeed! Yes, yes, he is!
Imagine how it feels when it's a person who has sat exactly where I'm sitting now. You just want it not to be true so badly. I 'll still keep all the signed books, and read the new ones, but it won't quite be the same.
I agree with you. It’s sucks.
I won't tell anyone how to feel about an author's or artist's work & if they want to continue supporting said author/artist but I will say history has shown that many Great Artists were not nice people. They abandoned or cheated on their wives, abandoned thieir children, were notorious lotharios or alchoholics who did not work to support their familes, some raped & murdered...the list goes on. Someone can be a brilliant scientist or artist & also a terrible person. It kind of sucks. I did not know Gaiman as a celeb personality, only a few of his literary works once they were adapted for screen so it didn't hit me as hard as some other people who really felt "seen" & represented in Gaiman's work. They must be devastated.
The news stung me for sure, but I’ll still read his stuff - I just won’t directly pay for it. Thanks for sharing!
It matters. There's plenty of other stuff to read. (The Soul Gene)
My gosh, IS there other stuff to read! 👏🏻👏🏻
I read Sandman when the comic book came out. Few people read the comic at the time. Gaiman didn't think it would go beyond six issues before it was cancelled by DC. But the first tradepaperback changed that. It attracted many new readers, especially women and non comic book readers to a medium dominated in the U.S by super hero comics. He helped changed that, along with other comic book creators like Frank Miller, Grant Morrison, and Alan Moore, to name just a few. I was surprised to see him write novels later in his career and to see him enter the literary world (a large portion of which looks down on comics as not equal to novels and films). He was a good ambassador for both worlds. His novels didn't attract me, though, still don't, but Sandman and his comics still do. I still respect him and admire Sandman. The allegations haven't changed my opinion about him or his work. I never place anyone on an unrealistic pedestal forgetting they are human just like me, so when anything unflattering or worse is revealed or alleged as in this case, I'm not disillusioned. The problem for Neil is that many of his fans don't see him as a human being and have unreasonable expectations about him. That's on them. Gaiman and the women were adults in a consensual relationship at the time. Gaiman has been cooperating with the police and they haven't found anything criminal. At this point it is delving into the sexual acts by adults, which are by nature complicated, intimate, and personal. When I was nineteen I was dating women much older than me. Not once did any of my friends tell me it was inappropriate or that maybe I was being taken advantage of. If they they it would've been insulting to me because I was an adult. If I remained or stayed in a relationship it was on me. Whenever I've seen or read interviews by Neil, I never was led to believe his ethics and morality were above question. That's now what he was talking about. He never misled me. But when he spoke about his reading, creativity, and how he sees storytelling, he was, is, effective and convincing. Now, if it comes out one day that all his literary ideas and opinions were not his but that he plagiarized and copied others books and ideas and claimed them as his own, then my opinion about him will change.
I get your point but I have a problem with a 61 year old pouncing on his 22 year old nanny in the hot tub within hours of meeting her. (Those were their ages at the time.) He’s much older and her employer. It’s not illegal but it’s definitely immoral to me.
Thank you both for sharing and engaging in the discussion. There are so many facets to consider. It definitely will be a story that won’t go away anytime soon.
I think you're missing the detail about the twenty year age gap with two young women (one who was employed as a nanny for his kid) and the power dynamic of him being a celebrity.
@@sergeifranson1636 the dynamics of power and control are definitely important point to remember.
@@sergeifranson1636 With the nanny it was a 40 year age gap.
Completely agree with you on handling it. I’m seriously gutted as well
Phew! Thanks. Ugh. It’s awful. Hugs.
Great video MJ. I have no answers. I’m much less forgiving I fear, but that’s not necessarily the right course.
Thanks Brian. It’s a tough dance for sure when you really enjoy someone’s work. I’m the same way - I hold massive grudges. ((Don’t ever get mad at me, okay?!?! 😁)
My random thoughts...There was something about Gaiman's personality that felt very approachable, "boy next door", someone you could (and, crucially, would given the opportunity) be friends with and spend time with. He was aware of that fan fantasy and apparently chose to exploit it in a dark way. Yes it is all "alleged" so far, but as you point out, patterns of behavior and of allegation matter.
It disturbs me what I'm hearing about his behavior being an open secret within the industry for decades. That he may have gotten a pass for a long time because, in part, of his approved political activism and because he knew the right things to say through the years. If this turns into criminal cases I'd like to know if anyone else has been enabling it for him.
Any future work of his will now be tainted, but I do think it's possible to separate the person from their past work and still enjoy it. If you're worried about monetarily supporting him, then there are still the used markets and libraries for the win. It's a shame that this will mar a good part of Tori Amos' work as well.
Ultimately it's the same old story. People in positions of power abusing that power because they feel they can get away with it, that they're special and that rules and morals don't apply to them.
Same old story is right. Thanks for sharing!
Bill Cosby, Kevin Spacey come to mind. I loved the Cosby show, and thought it was a great example of Black upper middle class. The Huxtables being a doctor and lawyer. Cosby doing much for the black community and education. … and then all the allegations, now proven true. How does one wrestle with the cognitive dissonance? I am saddened by the news. I am a big Good omens fan and just discovered Neil last year. I feel sad for the victims and for all his fans that are disappointed by this news.
Thank you so much for adding to the conversation.
My step dad's father owned a music store and Cosby used to show up there back in the day with lots of young women and doing all sorts of "partying" snif snif.... the dad wasn't a good person and was friends with gross people so we heard lost of stories, all really really bad.
@@Blue-xk8vq ugh. The character was a better human than the actor I guess.
I just cut art out of my life if the artist does this type of thing, I understand im not as passionate as other people though, I have tried reading books that the author wont profit from, but it still somehow feels "tainted".
I get that. Thanks so much for sharing and adding to the conversation.
I love the style of this video it’s just like a chat with a friend
Thank you so much! 😊
This is difficult for me. I've been a reader since the 1980s. He basically introduced me to queer culture in Sandman. I also thought I knew him but people are charged by fame and power. It's difficult. I've loved some author's who have done horrible things and condeamed other's. I don't know how to react, but it does tell me don't raise anyone up too high because it's not them it's just your imagination.
Hang in there. That’s pretty much how I felt. Lesson learned. Hugs. 🤗
I am male, so this may or may not disqualify. But I grew up in a society where violence against women was not only encouraged but emphasized. I'm an immigrant to the US. The American society has a high expectation of itself but very little accountability on an individual basis. The abuse of women in our society is widespread and has and will become worse. It's now going to be nearly impossible for a victim (woman) to go to court and win especially after Johnny Depp ruling. No one is perfect and there shouldn't be any expectation. But we need repercussions and punishment to go along with it. We cannot have fame and stardom adjudicate violence against women, especially because it's extremely hard to prove...we need to facilitate expertise in investigations and deliberations otherwise no one should be shocked to know this; abuse is common, in every spectrum of society (women and children).
Thanks for your comment and sharing. All of the comments in this discussion have been illuminating in one way or another. 🙂
I'm shocked that a rich and famous man with adoring fans has slept with people. Lol. If there were some underage people involved okay he should probably go to jail for that. But consenting adults fooling around is hardly shocking in this day and age
LOL. I simply didn’t think about him in that way.
See: Roman Polanski, See: Woody Allen ,... How do you separate the artist from the art?
Right. I completely get it. I tried to be “balanced” in this video. Thank you for sharing.
I believe Woody Allen was cleared by authorities on 2 separate occasions.....and.....Mia Farrow seems to be a whack-job herself.
@@peterlynley I met Woody's child wife and she's a completely traumatized woman, I've also researched people who were in cults and she has been groomed on many levels. He's not a good guy, also you don't marry your kid, adopted or not.
Thank you for your very thoughtful observation! I consider myself a good, simple, honest man... I'm obviously not famous or powerful, yet I have been in a position to abuse situations, particularly with women, but I never did! This very notion is completely foreign to me! I am a man and yet I cannot explain to anyone, or to myself, how a man is able to be... let's say "excited" at the idea of abusing someone, anyone, either with a fragile mental state or ego, or under the influence, or just simply abusing someone's trust! So it's not just Keanu (your sign-off was very funny) ...there are good men out there, but too many good women still chose the exciting, or dangerous, or famous, or powerful, etc... type, refusing to see the obvious red flags, and yet hoping to "change" them... I will never understand that...
Thank you for adding to the conversation. I applaud you. Stay Keanu. 😉