'I have a phobia of talking' - BBC News
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- Опубликовано: 14 июл 2015
- Selective mutism is best described as a "phobia of talking". It is an anxiety disorder that affects thousands of children. Current estimates suggest one in 150 children in the UK have selective mutism. This falls to one in 1,000 with adolescents and one in 2,400 young adults. But the proportion of older adults with the condition is unknown. Victoria Derbyshire reporter, Ashley John-Baptiste, went to meet people with selective mutism.
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I have Selective Mutism, and it's not a PHOBIA of talking. Its the anxiety that kicks in when you're expected to speak, even though you can speak perfectly well. I'm not afraid to talk. I just can't in certain situations due to anxiety.
Hayley Jones yeah I have selective mutism
Hayley Jones omg same. 😭
Me too. It's a painful thing to deal with.
That's essentially what a phobia is.
@@marianabretado3103 do u know what it's like????!!!
When i was in 7th grade i remember i had to present a project in class. The teacher called on me to go up a present it an talk about it. I tried so hard to, but i denied to going up there. The teacher then started yelling at me saying "yes you can" & etc, an my peers around me even said i was "really shy". Even though they said that, she gave me a big old F+ on my Project, which was a test grade. After she basically told the whole class, i layed my head down in my jacket an cried until class was over. Other years, ive had the same situation happen to me, followed by more F+'s. I wish teachers were taught that some people have rare forms of anxiety problems. NOBODY is the same. Every school year, theres always that one teacher who expects presentations...like i cannot do it. I choke up, and cant breathe when im standing up there. I mean i wish i could tell a principal or something, but I'll even choke up around them as well. :( ive had it since i was a kid, and im 17 now. This really is stressful for me. i can really relate to this video, and the other comments.
+sueldrsyluvsutube yes. i start school August 15th. It'll be my last year, since I'll be a senior, but thank you so much for your sympathy. I hope I'll achieve success later in life because im fighting it with all i can right now.
Same here. I'm quite a chatterbox in familiar situations with people I know and trust but when it comes to presenting anything in front of a large group of people I studder and can't speak properly at all.
I've always had it but I used to be able to overcome it until in my last few years of high school I was meant to present an idea with about 4 of my classmates to a hall full of about 60 people and some aviva representatives. Made a complete idiot out of myself going in all cocky and confident "I know what to say, I'll say this then and that afterwards" then the minute it was our turn I started stuttering like crazy, breathing like darthvader because I was stuttering, was too busy trying to regulate my breathing mid sentence to remember what I was meant to say. I remember shooting my classmate this look of shear panic and desperation so he had to take over and he said the majority of my lines because I was a nervous wreck and I broke down as soon as I was out of that Hall. Now whenever I present something it has to be me and a tutor alone in a room and even then I'm still a nervous wreck.
The weirdest fear I have along that area though is ordering food at fish and chip shops or takeaways. I can go in there and happily hold a conversation with the people who take orders but if I know I have to order the food I lock up and start panicking. My mum tried to help me get over it before, the person taking my order was a friend of my mum's who I spoke to a lot and she was a really nice woman but I still couldn't do it with her, when my mum pressured me into doing it I started crying and was covering my face while standing on the other side of the room leaning against the wall.
The confusing part is that I've seen people with phobias before and they all think that they wouldn't be able to touch what they're scared of or do something they're scared of but my fear only kicks in when the situation arises. If you asked me if right now I felt that I could go order food from the local takeaway I could easily answer yes but as soon as I get round the corner from the shop it feels like an invisible wrecking ball of anxiety and panic just hit me in the chest at full force. There's no warning either.
This again happened with a group of friends who had no idea the extent of my fear, they made a joke about me ordering the food but I immediately thought they were serious and next thing they knew I was covering my face, crying, gasping for breath and sitting on the floor shaking in the middle of the path. They never made another joke about it again considering any passer by would've probably thought I was having a heart attack. This was right outside the fish and chip shop too.
I haven't been in a fish and chip shop in nearly 2 years now I think.
Same here. I'm quite a chatterbox in familiar situations with people I know and trust but when it comes to presenting anything in front of a large group of people I studder and can't speak properly at all.
I've always had it but I used to be able to overcome it until in my last few years of high school I was meant to present an idea with about 4 of my classmates to a hall full of about 60 people and some aviva representatives. Made a complete idiot out of myself going in all cocky and confident "I know what to say, I'll say this then and that afterwards" then the minute it was our turn I started stuttering like crazy, breathing like darthvader because I was stuttering, was too busy trying to regulate my breathing mid sentence to remember what I was meant to say. I remember shooting my classmate this look of shear panic and desperation so he had to take over and he said the majority of my lines because I was a nervous wreck and I broke down as soon as I was out of that Hall. Now whenever I present something it has to be me and a tutor alone in a room and even then I'm still a nervous wreck.
The weirdest fear I have along that area though is ordering food at fish and chip shops or takeaways. I can go in there and happily hold a conversation with the people who take orders but if I know I have to order the food I lock up and start panicking. My mum tried to help me get over it before, the person taking my order was a friend of my mum's who I spoke to a lot and she was a really nice woman but I still couldn't do it with her, when my mum pressured me into doing it I started crying and was covering my face while standing on the other side of the room leaning against the wall.
The confusing part is that I've seen people with phobias before and they all think that they wouldn't be able to touch what they're scared of or do something they're scared of but my fear only kicks in when the situation arises. If you asked me if right now I felt that I could go order food from the local takeaway I could easily answer yes but as soon as I get round the corner from the shop it feels like an invisible wrecking ball of anxiety and panic just hit me in the chest at full force. There's no warning either.
This again happened with a group of friends who had no idea the extent of my fear, they made a joke about me ordering the food but I immediately thought they were serious and next thing they knew I was covering my face, crying, gasping for breath and sitting on the floor shaking in the middle of the path. They never made another joke about it again considering any passer by would've probably thought I was having a heart attack. This was right outside the fish and chip shop too.
I haven't been in a fish and chip shop in nearly 2 years now I think.
+Alyssa Swann Your teachers shouldn't have given you failing grades just because of your anxiety. They should've at least tried to understand your situation, and I'm deeply sorry that they treat you this way. I'm 20 and in my third year of college. I've been receiving treatment for anxiety since I was 5 years old, but even with the meds and counseling, sometimes I feel like I'm reverting back to that Kindergartener with SM. Don't lose hope, though. I still have SM (because how can a mental disorder be completely cured?), but I'm studying abroad across the ocean right now, and I couldn't be happier. Use any resources available to you. Know your limits and figure out how far you're willing to go. It may be stressful now, but trust me, if you put your mind to it, you can thrive. The anxiety will never completely go away, but just know that you're not alone and you can get through it. Good luck to you, and I sincerely hope you get everything you want in life :)
i've been in a situation like that myself, and it was so bad i quit school after that
i hate those teachers so much
I know someone just like them. I don't know if he has sm, and I hate it when a teacher pressures him.
so tell the teacher to shut up
I'm 22. I've had SM in my childhood. I still suffer from anxiety and often find it difficult (but no longer impossible) to speak in stressful situations. I was seen by a child psychologist, but she assumed I was having trouble speaking English because of my nationality. I couldn't make friends at school. Some teachers even thought I was autistic. I knew at the time that I had some form of social anxiety, but I wasn't aware of what SM was until I got to university. The most frustrating thing has always been not being able to say anything to explain that I was having a panic attack.
If you suffer from SM or anxiety, see your GP. Bring a letter about how it's been affecting you, so you don't have to say anything. There is help available. I recommend seeing a speech therapist or a counsellor, before deciding on medication.
I'm nearly 18 and have had it since I was 3 and therapy and counselling makes it worse for me. I like working on progressing by myself so therapy takes me a couple steps back :/
the first girl looks like she has it the worst, like completely mute with disability. I think most people with SM look like every day people. Just the ones you call quiet or shy. Some people call us dumb. Incorrect, we tend to be more intelligent.
I think we're more intelligent because our silence allows us to observe things and soak in the surrounding world. We make great listeners :)
Skoodle I still have it. I've certainly gotten better with my SM, but I had the worst anxiety this freshmen year. Tensing up, tremoring and involuntarily facial twitches when people looked at me. Feeling like people are always talking about me and how weird I am. I want to talk to people so bad, but it's just so hard. I didn't make as much progress as I wanted to this year. I hope I can get over mine in the near future.
I'm 22 with SM (I've had it since I was 3) and I'm absolutely terrified of ending up like the first woman in this video. I want to have a normal life, get a job, have friends/a relationship, live on my own and be independent - but I can't. I'm trapped. This disorder is worse than a death sentence.
she has severe form. called progressive mutism. she doesn't even speak to her parents... she has no disability I can see.
Wrong wrong wrong. We don't have a phobia, we just can't. Our insides don't let us do it, no,matter how much we try.
Yousef Al-Naseem We can speak, anxiety just stops us, there is certain people we can talk to tho
yeah because of the phobia LMAO
"like i have missed out on so much..."
Me too.
Utterly disgusted with the negative comments being left here, but these remarks can only come from small-minded, arrogant bigots who have absolutely nothing better to do with their time. At least those of us with SM are able to be more productive, in helping others who share our condition, whereas bigots are incapable of even helping themselves! What dreadfully tedious life they must lead, one that will very likely result in them ending up as stroke victims, perhaps to deservingly lose their own power of speech! Time is pretty good at serving up justice & revenge in a nicely chilled dish! (Heh-heh....& now any bigots replying to this comment will be SO easy for everyone else to identify & duly label!) :D
What incredibly courageous people. The little boy at the end is going to do big things in his life, utterly amazing.
And you were right...he did! An incredible little child, must be his parents doing something right eh?
@@franrowland5550 no it's his own potential. You fuck. His parents get no credit.
I have selective mutism. I was diagnosed when I was 3 and I'm nearly 18 and still can't talk. My dad died when I was 5 and I never talked to him and I feel guilty but I know it's not my fault. I only can talk to my mum, sisters and grandma. I feel so trapped in my body, I have no idea who I am under SM because SM is what defines me now. In school I was "the girl who doesn't talk" I was never called by my own name. I want a job but I know I'll never get one. I'm happy but SM makes things so horrible.
Censored um.. yea she can speak but imagine something that you can but can't like walking on a roof people who have acrophobia can't do that easily. Normal people can see ground on a high space but they can't right? please think and consider people that you don't understand there's many people in this world
Jo Jo She's not talking about the girl in the video. She's just recounting her own personal experiences.
I can relate but even though I'm not having severe case of it, I have trouble when I talk to anyone but who I am familiar with (family and very few close friends). I have anxiety when I start talking and then at times my mind blanks out that I stumble in my words. I know it's not selective mutism but it's still very similar to a sort of social anxiety. I am still struggling and it's just leading me to some sort of mild depression.
@@aglayamajorem9546 thought i was the only1 ,haw isit naw any better ? Any techniques mine comes an goes an at the moment its constantly on a mind even just sayin 1 word to any1 feels like it comes out weird so avoid sayin anythink at all ,then it makes me feel more weird ,its so annoying
I haven't had SM all my life but I know how you feel
Thanks bbc for make this fantastic report for us
I've had sm my whole life and I just wanna say that I love this video. It wasn't perfect but when it comes to the representation of non-verbal people in the media, it was excellent.
I love that the disorder was shown in multiple age groups and people who have overcome it but also people who are still going through it.
I love that the man (idk his name) had so much respect for them. They weren't expected to speak at all, in most videos like this they are expected to answer questions verbally or they're at least asked to speak, which is very disrespectful and rude.
I love that sm wasn't treated as something strange or even as something wrong, it was just something.
I've seen basically every video about sm on the internet and apart from the few uploaded from actual sufferers of the disorder, this is one of the most accurate representations I've seen.
I'm 23 and i have undiagnosed sm... people expect me to talk and call me rude of not speaking. People dont understand why i speak to some people and not others and its SOO frustrating!! One mistake ive made is talking to someone infront of the other and not being able to speak to them... its SOO FRUSTRATING because it feels almost impossible and soo hard to speak to te people who i do speak to, let alone others. If i could speak to everyone i would.
Yes you are probably wondering why i spoke infront of othets and TRUST ME if i was able to I'd only speak at home. However I'm in hospital and its not like I'm free, i cant leave the ward alone. So yeah, its hard!!
Like actual nurses saying that they wouldn't give me my pain meds unless i spoke. Which pissed me off because i couldn't.
I feel soo lonely and miserable.
I also suffer with severe depression, mild learning dificulties, autism and anorexia so right now I've never wanted to die so much in my life 😭
Today a nurse left the medication trolly open and because i feel so low the temptation to take tablets to od on became too much so I went to the trolly and looked in but got caught on the act.
No one understands us and its frustrating!!
I knew what I'd do too. I had a plan on how to od on them and make it look like i had never even overdosed... but I got caught 😭😭😭
I wouldn’t describe it as a phobia. We want to talk, but we physically cannot.
I have selective mutism. I've only recently admitted it to my school peers and close friends. Not to my teachers yet. I'm not even sure that my teachers know but I'm hoping that now people at school know they will tell the teachers for me
Simply Luzie at school i talk to my friends it's was really hard to talk to my friends but i still never talk to my teacher
Simply Luzie same.
I understand how she fells because I am dealing with Selective Mutism right now and it is hard every day kids at school get mad at me for not responding to me but really its my Selective Mutism kicking in and I feel like I can't speak its horrible.
that's exactly how we all feel man it sucks
I'm 23 and i have undiagnosed sm... people expect me to talk and call me rude of not speaking. People dont understand why i speak to some people and not others and its SOO frustrating!! One mistake ive made is talking to someone infront of the other and not being able to speak to them... its SOO FRUSTRATING because it feels almost impossible and soo hard to speak to te people who i do speak to, let alone others. If i could speak to everyone i would.
Yes you are probably wondering why i spoke infront of othets and TRUST ME if i was able to I'd only speak at home. However I'm in hospital and its not like I'm free, i cant leave the ward alone. So yeah, its hard!!
Like actual nurses saying that they wouldn't give me my pain meds unless i spoke. Which pissed me off because i couldn't.
I feel soo lonely and miserable.
I also suffer with severe depression, mild learning dificulties, autism and anorexia so right now I've never wanted to die so much in my life 😭
Today a nurse left the medication trolly open and because i feel so low the temptation to take tablets to od on became too much so I went to the trolly and looked in but got caught on the act.
No one understands us and its frustrating!!
I knew what I'd do too. I had a plan on how to od on them and make it look like i had never even overdosed... but I got caught 😭😭😭
I had this 100%. I am now still VERY shy but I get out and socialise. Wish they'd have done more as a child with me because it sucks SO bad as an adult and from leaving school to about 20, I enclosed myself in my house. I can now speak to people, but life it's a lot more difficult and it has caused me to have chronic depression. I'm doing really well in myself now. I'm 25.
i think i have this. didint know the name of this until his year 😕
Can you explain why youre scared of talking? Im courious, and I want to know what it's like and how you feel when you talk
6:49 that kid likes slipknot, automatically a ledgend
I loved seeing Daniel dancing😭🥰 so lovely
Bless her
i have sm and i'm so afraid i won't get out of it oh god
Skoddle aw that's amazing!! i'm so happy for you
if you want to badly enough you will
I was diagnosed when I was 5 and have been taking medication ever since. The last time I was this bad was in elementary school; I couldn't talk at all and relied on my parents to organize play dates (I was fine at home and with individual kids, but at school, I never talked and only whispered in the ears of my few closest friends). I hardly remember what it was like, because although I still get incredibly anxious in certain social situations, I have come a LONG way. I have some amazing people in my life, and I couldn't have gotten this far if it weren't for them.
Wow... Seeing people who are just like me this makes me feel so much better about myself. I have selective mutism .. it started since 3rd grade. I couldn't get myself to talk and my mom would always try to force me to when i didn't want to.. People at school ask me why i don't speak at school and if my voice sounds deep or high and i got so tired of people asking me these questions im in 10th grade now going to 11th and still unable to get myself to speak so knowing people is just like me makes me happy. Btw pls dont mind my english i have dyslexia..
i get like this a lot i don't know if its sm cause i'm nor diagnosed and don't want to assume it, but i feel the same way they do. when i'm with people i trust i feel like i can talk but around people i don't know i can not make myself talk i end up feeling like i'm choking and a couple times I've had anxiety attacks. It's like there water in your throat and you can't make yourself do it, it's gotten better over the years but now it happens mostly when i get depressed which happens sadly to often so i end up feeling like it a lot
She should use a keyboard which has gesture typing function
i have sm but it is only when people shout around me or around my parent and adults of status like teachers especially asking something and around new people
Some people are better off home schooled. Conventional schools are just too slow. For bright kids, home school is way better, learning about physics and philosophy.
Yes, I think you are completely right. Well said Gil
oh h thank you
I had this for several years from around the age of 7. I was terrified to speak and even though i had loved to sing I would open my mouth and no sound would come out. It did eventually resolve as i got older as I had jobs that required me to deal with the public. Its very emotionally hard as you just feel so blocked, definitely rooted in anxiety and possibly trauma in an early age.
The amount of times people have said hi to me and called me rude for not being able to answer them
6:48 I screamed slipknot when I seen his t-shirt
WoW Daniel dances so express full and lovely. His body says it all 🕊
she doesn't live with her mother.....
Can you post an update on Sabrina?
I love Daniel!
I have selective mutism it makes me want to kms and I'm only 13
but I talk to kids and my grandparents and mom and dad it's just hard to at school and to adults
yeah same here :(
Hey, it gets better. I've had it since I was 3 and I'm nearly 18 now and I can only talk to 6 people. You will learn to live with it, accept yourself. Learn to fight SM but learn to love it too.
i know it gets you down , but just keep on moving forward.
Ah I have it too, I'd like to try and change schools.. and when I come to a new one.. I want my first time comin into the classroom be like "Whassup everyone the name's Inochi and I have autism, but it wont stop me from screaming out to the world!" but I know I wouldnt be able to.. But I just want to be some kind of troublemaker.. got no clue why.. god why am I even saying this Xd
Hey! when i was 4 i stopped talking. and...yes, every day was like a giant monster... every morning i was nervous and every night i was crying because i was afraid of school. I was alone, and trapped! when i was in secondary I started going to the psychologist, she had no idea of what selective mutism was, so she told me that my problem was "afraid to grow up"... so i left. And then i tried with other psychologists, but nope...sooo... my 3 years in secondary were in total silence, but at least all my classmates support me a lot. Now im in high school, im 18 and im able to speak with everybody!!! How?... Of course, if you dont like the place where you are, get out of there! the first thing i did was being in other group of people... i started going to gymnastics when i was 15, i was afraid of jump and run, but i really like gymnastics so i did it, and every day i was moving more and more, i was happy there! and a year later i started going to a music school... i was no sure at the beggining, and the first months were hard, veeery hard, i felt alone, like a little and weak fish into a big ocean... my voice used to tremble every time i had to talk, but some people were very kind with me..... what i want to say is... try something new, meet new people, that is what helped me a lot, and every day im better!! YOU CAN!
ohh (sorry for my english)
Used to have this shit as a kid sadly.
My stepmother has made me so afraid of speaking my mind that i have opted to remain silent..I do talk, "how are you? Hello, thank you" etc...
But it's affected me, I stuttered when someone tells me something different to what I said because my brain goes "hahaha I told you that you were wrong you pushover"
That makes me cave in and go with their view, even if my view is right and based in fact.
I have autism (Asperger's syndrome - which is now considered a controversial term), I was able to talk normally in pre-school (nursery), primary and secondary school. I wasn't diagnosed with selective mutism but it did feel like it at times from Year 10 in secondary school. I was able to speak to autism unit pupils and staff and a few main school pupils. I did respond during the subject register and if I needed help from a teacher or I finished a task. I did recover less than a week after starting college to do an Animal Science higher national diploma and degree. I do feel that I lost the confidence to speak to people due to some students misbehaving which put me off. Although I was often quiet in all my schools including nursery as well as parties and family members.
2 min into the video and i'm upset...
Its horrible ,poeple dont understand ,very sad
Please help 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
am now 55 years old,,, upon viewing this vid, i begin to realize that when i was in my late 30's to mid 40's,,, i do not speak much too... because my boss, she is a woman and some of my co workers were so judgmental. then i did not want to offend them so that i refrianed talking when they are around. even if i had a good idea and wanted to share something good for the team, i refrained doing so because i was anticipating that they will reject me and what i have to sy. instead i became thier follower that sometimes, even f i dont like what is happening, i have to go with the trend. my boss was authoritative. she even told me that she will fire me. I remained in my job, i have been promoted and have excelled in my field of practice as Social Worker because i wanted to show them that talking is just a part of the job, i can do what they cannot do.i have skills that they do not have. Somehow , i was more challenged that to be discouraged.
Sorry but that doesnt sound like SM. What were your symptoms?
Dude that is not sm.
She's beautiful
I'm 56 and its getting worse
Get hypnotherapy
I always wondered if this problem is caused by some kind of weird short circuit or dysfunction in the brain, at least in some cases. Perhaps the speech areas can develop abnormal connections to the anxiety centers or the speech centers randomly cut in and out or something?
Melissa0774 most of the time it's caused by childhood trauma. It's common for kids to stop talking in some situations after a traumatic event or death of a family member. If it isn't dealt with it can become worse and last into adulthood. Other times it starts as social anxiety or a type of ocd and develops into sm.
SM is not a phobia of talking as such but a phobia of society. Expectations from society on what to say, when to say, how to sound etc. It's not we are afraid of our own voice it's essentially other people's reactions to it. Just like social phobia/anxiety expectations on how to act & to bring ourselves across, just with our voice.
Yes it is not caused by autism or abuse, we aren't being stubborn or rude or stupid it's 100% anxiety in most cases it is genetic. We will more than likely have another family member with anxiety not necessarily SM but other high anxiety or mental health disorders. My mum is the same, my grandad was too, my son also has SM now. 4 generations.
I can't even speak to my bf cause I have this.
Jane Rentz Not trying to be rude, but I'm genuinely curious how you got a bf if you're unable to speak?
Ashley Hunter probably texting
I'm 23 and i have undiagnosed sm... people expect me to talk and call me rude of not speaking. People dont understand why i speak to some people and not others and its SOO frustrating!! One mistake ive made is talking to someone infront of the other and not being able to speak to them... its SOO FRUSTRATING because it feels almost impossible and soo hard to speak to te people who i do speak to, let alone others. If i could speak to everyone i would.
Yes you are probably wondering why i spoke infront of othets and TRUST ME if i was able to I'd only speak at home. However I'm in hospital and its not like I'm free, i cant leave the ward alone. So yeah, its hard!!
Like actual nurses saying that they wouldn't give me my pain meds unless i spoke. Which pissed me off because i couldn't.
I feel soo lonely and miserable.
I also suffer with severe depression, mild learning dificulties, autism and anorexia so right now I've never wanted to die so much in my life 😭
Today a nurse left the medication trolly open and because i feel so low the temptation to take tablets to od on became too much so I went to the trolly and looked in but got caught on the act.
No one understands us and its frustrating!!
I knew what I'd do too. I had a plan on how to od on them and make it look like i had never even overdosed... but I got caught 😭😭😭
maybe you just have bad breath.
Well, wasn't this just thrilling...
Selective mutism
I’m stupid
If you can’t talk then yell..............I feel like going to hell
It's not like talking is a basic human need or anything...
0:14 what is that last word? Is it mom?
I think it is Nan. As in Nana (grandma).
What the fk
What?
can't believe this, it is literally pretended to do so
Chishing So what does that mean?
Harvey Roland I mean I don't believe this, how can a person who can talk be afraid to talk?
Chishing So You are lucky you don't have anxiety so strong it stops you doing basic things. So you are telling me that small boy is pretending he can't talk? really?....Open your mind, go do some research!
s rowland Ok I will
+Chishing So You can't understand what you haven't experienced I guess. I don't find it scary to actually speak, but I find it sometimes scary to speak around people and no, it's not me acting up or just forcing myself to believe this, I actually do.
This has lead to repeat social problems of people thinking they can intimidate me or take advantage of me and so on. I always hope to not for into the trap of being anxious that I cant speak when I meet new people but I always do. So for me presently it just seems so obvious that my Social anxiety really has to be addressed something has to be done about it because I think I am like most people, it's just that anxiety hides my true self around most people and I can see it holding me back in life if I ignore it, in the long term.
My anxiety also goes deeper than what I have put in this comment, that is probably why it's really a problem for me.
Imagine torturing her to talk lol
Dalton Sankey yuck okay buddy