Shame As A Prison
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- Опубликовано: 28 авг 2024
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A sad reality about Complex Trauma is not just that it results in shame; it's that the shame becomes a prison, keeping us from changing, growing, becoming healthy. Tim explores the many sophisticated layers of security in this prison that all work to prevent us from escaping - from growing.
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It feels like i just cant change, I know I'm aware of my shame, my people-pleasing ways, my control issues, perfectionism, caring too much about the opinions and thoughts of other, I am paralysed and stuck in anxiety, I feel hopeless some times so I try my best to keep to myself now and isolate myself, being around others is so so exhausting I am always on alert, always on edge
Same
Oh my God, You have said exactly what I think 🤔. We will win, brother. It is a large path buy We will overcome. (My first language is Spanish sorry 😊)
OH MY you just descibed me😮
Your english is better than my spanish. Celebrate your accomplishment!
@@williamstark9568 Oww thank youuuuu. I will improve. By the way, I hope You get better :)
Physically sick in stomach after listening. This is my thinking forever. It feels very hopeless to get thru. I do have some help & have lost so much in past year.
Stop beating yourself up for being human!!!
...easier said..than done.( sigh)
Try to use it to be more compassionate with yourself and keep fighting that mean inner critic which is a recording of your abusers who don't want you to move forward but keep you stuck. ❤
Highly recommend finding a trauma therapist to heal the childhood CPTSD. If you find a good one that has survived their own CPTSD they will help you reparent yourself while addressing your daily triggers, flashbacks thru EMDR, or similar modality. Over time you will notice your inner parts integrate and emotions regulate... nervous system becomes more grounded and self compassion becomes a daily occurrence. The toxic shame and inner critic wont continue to direct our behavior in 4F's...Limbic brain. We will become more goal oriented in healthy self care... we will be more curious and compassionate toward self and others! We will develop a new purpose for living!
Don't give up! You are resilient! ❤️🩹
@@MarkThrive thank you. Good advise. Doing emdr. Therapy. Healing course. Inner child work. Very slow. Hard.
It seems like shame is the ultimate abusive relationship
Pavlovian conditioning through shame and fear.
AMEN!!!
It is !! Most definitely !! ... Abuse induces a ton of (sh*t)-shame ... 👎🏾😵💫💩
Shame came up today. Months later. Good days have finally happened. I smiled this week.
@@cristianm7097 my employers business plan
If only you were my therapist 30 years ago, wasted decades on "therapy" that went nowhere 😢😢😢
Same! I used to be resentful in so many ways for those wasted years!
What a story we will have as we finally become grounded... integrating our parts and becoming emotionally regulated! Don't give up... you are resilient ❤️🩹
Most therapists are clueless or are cowards. Go to a new primary care physician and they will do a medical history including family history on the first visit. If therapists did the same, first visit, it would be FVCKING OBVIOUS what the issues are. Now the resolution isn’t easy, but at least the WHY would be out in the open.
I have lived with shame so long.I am 79 years old and think it's hopeless.I have been to therapy for years.I thought I was done with it but when I got into a relationship with and emotional toxic relationship with a narcissist.The shame is worst than it has ever been.I relapsed in that relationship but I have 9 yrs now but it's so painful .l feel like a imposter in recovery.
Same
Please be careful with the term 'emotionally regulated' ... sounds robotic
What an accurate description of the shame spiral! The details of singing while cleaning and remembering my siblings making fun of me. For some reason, in my family singing for the sake of singing and expression is a sign of madness and showing unexplained joy for being alive is shameful. How bitter they were at seeing joy! How miserable must be a person to be bothered by someone else's joy!
Thanks again, Tim.
I'm going to save this piece of art because I know I will need to hear it again to battle and not get stuck in any trench.
Me too dam
@@saulbeiza7303
This is now the second time I hear it 😂
Indeed , this is actual artwork made out of Truth.
I HATE when someone sings or whistles around me. My mother and sibling did this all the time. But I tried to not shame them for it, even though it invaded my auditory space and made me miserable.
This man is a God sent. You just described my whole life. I just realized that all my guilty feelings are nothing but shame and fear 😢
I've been living comically literally in this prison for the past 5 years. After failing the grad school, I came back home and locked myself. I even stopped checking my social media accounts under the heavy shadow of shame. At first, I genuinely believed that it was just a break to figure out my true calling. I would let myself to be, sharpen my skills, and come back stronger. I was tragically naive. I glamorous prison break plan had been nothing but the sinister, gulish plan of Shame's head of torture office, agent perfectionism. It took three to four years that I yielded to this fact that i am here for a lifetime. The prison is my life. I will keep listening to you, though. For a moment, I almost remembered the taste of hope.
This isn’t a temp 5 year thing, this is something that people with complex PTSD and childhood trauma experience throughout their life
Yes , I took a similar road , for more than. 10 years. Now I overcome all my fears and anxiety and I'm walking on earth like a little God that we are all. Probably be a coach is a good idea finally
@@richardcardinale7152what help you?
@@richardcardinale7152how did you escape from the spiral?
@@tanasaflorin3699 years of chasing my fears.
I am 35 and hid away from the world due to massive amounts of shame for most of my life. I have done things that, if they were to come out, would make me lose friends and family (it is not illegal).
I wish i found videos like this, had a mentor or youtube was a thing when i was a teenager. I have struggled for more than half my life and kept every single thing to myself, not sharing anything with a single soul.
It all makes sense now because i am a perfectionist and try to control everything (someone said that it was due to childhood trauma and not being in control as a kid)
Hey! I’ve been there and am working through it. Every person alive has done shameful things we wouldn’t want others to know. That’s human life. We are not perfect nor meant to be. Anyone who says they haven’t done something they regret or are ashamed of are liars. The Bible says the man who says he has no sin is a liar. We’ve allll done it. Just different areas. Jesus paid for that shame for us all. The shame of every human alive and form the past and the future. You’re not beneath anyone and I promise you’re worthy of love and connection. I’ve hidden and hated I struggled with alcohol. Even when I stopped and was sober for years the shame stayed. No one on this earth is above falling into something we aren’t proud of. Just know this is everyone. We just took it to the umpteenth degree by isolating because of traumas from young. We are worthy of being seen and loved and heard. I’m 30 and just want you to know Jesus is the answer. I didn’t grow up on church I got saved at 22. He showed me that is why we need Jesus. None of us can make it to heaven for the fact we’ve all made some mistakes and different degrees of bad. But all bad is still bad. If I knew you in person I’d be your friend and sit and talk this through. Sometimes we just need to feel understood. I pray you know Jesus is at the door and you’re worthy of being here and loving yourself. Your creator loved you so much He made you. You were born with value even if people mistreated that along the way as none are perfect. You’re not a burden you’re human ❤ God bless you and seek out a local church as it’s for the broken not just for the healed. We go to doctors because we are sick not because we are healed. Church is the practice and God is the doctor. Come join us 🎉
I notice my shame was a protective part when I was younger because it made me small, quiet, unobtrusive and apologetic. Now as an adult if I feel vulnerable or tired or upset or angry or sick my body reacts by triggering my shame. Shame I can't be perfect or happy or healthy. It tells me I am broken or faulty and need to withdraw from everyone around me. It shuts off my access to love and ability to accept love from others. It's so isolating and exhausting. Healing is possible but it definitely does take time!
It's tremendously hard but worth it. You are worth it.
And so you are 😊
There's aback story to every problem that pops up. Years long resentments run deep. Best thing I ever did was to leave.
Oh how I wish that I had run away when I was younger. I knew something was wrong but I thought it was me. It was my parents, who should never have been able to procreate.
@@tammyhiatt1804same here, I should've left when I was younger now I have been infected with their vibe😢
THANK YOU!!!
You are answering questions I have had since I was a child and throughout my years.
The way you explain it is very easy to understand and comprehend.
This information has magically opened my eyes to the cause and effects that has controlled my entire life. But not no more...
I can now see others going through the same and will definitely send them your way.
shame is hard to identify when it has always been the norm.
@@leslieleslie1284 you are 100% correct. The good news is that we have time to practice so we control the monster instead of it controlling us. Can't allow it to make excuses for us not to succeed...
Yep! I agree 💯...We had no capacity to understand what was taught to us... we normalized it.
Tim is sharing science!!! Neuroscience- the brain can be rewired via neuroplasty.
@@leslieleslie1284
So true, interesting though I never thought of it as shame. Shows how easily a person can be manipulated and groomed. That's the scary part of it all...
This makes me wish that I ran away when I was younger. My parents have destroyed me.
Your parents didn't destroy you. They helped you to understand how to become a better you.
We have to change the way we speak to ourselves
I tried to run away 3 times, but I had no planning or survival skills, I just got caught straight away and everything ended up worse than before. Now my favourite daydream is about how I could have succeeded in running away. I also feel that I was destroyed by my family. Obviously I'm still here but my life is a lonely nightmare.
Sure, you can sugar coat it and lie to yourself.@jfreemanoliver1
Lots of parents had no idea how to parent and repeated exactly the same their own parents did. We need to break the cycle, be aware and empower ourselves. We are fortunate these days, we have social media and access to psychologists, books and people who have been through the same and we can educate ourselves and CHANGE! The power is within us like ‘Louise Hay’s says,
Me too
Tim, that abrupt ending was brutal. After leading your listeners into the pits of despair with that closing letter, at least spend a few minutes leading one back up the trail to a positive space with some positive affirmations and encouragement. Remember folks, stay vigilant and keep putting one foot in front of the other. "I am worthy, I am worthy, I am worthy. I am a precious and beloved human being simply for being human. Any and every effort I make towards being more healthy in any way is counted and valued in the annals of eternity."
This is me 100% all the time. I started feeling some anxiety just listening to this, but it help me to understand what is happening. Thank you so much.🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
The first step towards healing! Continue to accept bad feelings - you will understand later…
You gave my apathy a name - I now can see my "prison" and why I struggled for nearly a year now to get help.
I thought it was depression without the black cloud - but it is/was shame all along.
Whatever, big thanks to you, I listen to a lot of your lectures, but this one hit the spot. Thank you very much!
I forgot all my childhood experiences and always puzzle later in life for my own wierdness
Thanks to Tim,for bringing back my memories,now I know how all my life decisions make sense
This is one of the BEST teachings on Shame, I have ever heard. He broke the effects down to where a little child could understand. I’ve been helped tremendously! Thank you and may God grant you the fortitude to keep up the good work you are providing to the world at large. 👍🏽👏🏽🙏🏽😇
This video helps me realize that I don't have to be so hard on myself for feeling ' it's so much work' to get through those bars, guards, and security systems.
Thank you to Tim and to 'Jessica' for sharing your struggles in everyday things.
Bless you both.💗
The last bit was so heart breaking. I know that self imposed prison very well. Looking from the outside in, it's soul shattering witnessing someone punish themselves for doing something as simple as waking up. I've been punishing myself for so long.
Thank you Tim. You are helping me to change my life. I'm forever grateful. ❤🙏 I get so much out of these Shame videos.
Thank you and the person who wrote the dairy for reading it.
It feels like you just spent a week in my head. Wow. The difference it makes to have language and reasoning behind what happens for me makes such a difference.
I'm exhausted burned out in my 8 years old marriage. I had a 9 months of trauma counseling 4 years ago as a community church helped me to access for a very low fee. I'm married to a man w a TBI front lobe very verbally aggressive, disrespectful towards calling me names. He is also very secretive about his past and often goes out for long hours behaving like a single, not married person. He drinks with buddies almost every day and lie to me often. It seems I'm his 4th of 5th wife, I'm not sure, I thought I was his 3rd wife. I just can't take it anymore he crushes me often and I'm unhealthy passive to my circumstances. I'm full of shame in my marriage and need to have courage to leave him. I need to get rid of this heaviness I'm carrying around and start to run free to the goal of my race. I'm 61 years old and feel so old and so tired. I pray wisdom enable me to stand for myself and find my voice and space again. I don't trust people, I avoid people and have a tendency to keep to myself to feel safe but I need safe kind people in my life.
I need prayers to walk away and feel free to laugh and enjoy life again.🙏
I left after 19 years. My ex-husband who was verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially abusive. I was told by an angel that came in human form “RUN!!!!!”
@@LeaveYourAbuser at least you can heal now.
Run
I found a safe, supportive community in codependency recovery meetings. I did the recovery work on myself and got healthy enough to leave my toxic marriage. Counseling was helpful too. I wish you all the best. It is possible to be responsible to ourselves and change!
It will never get better until you leave. If you can, leave town altogether
This has got to be one of the best series on RUclips. It definitely one of the main things that helped me get over my divorce and my work on my drinking issues. Great work!Thank you for everything.
How have you just described my whole life Tim.
The Daily routine is mine.
Jessica's notes:
"Big trigger shame which I can feel as conscious pain. I am in the way and worthless. I was right. Mind fills with darkness, eyes down, senses dull and lost in feelings of inferiority and rejection."
This is Rejection Sensitivity Dypshoria.
It is found also in ADHD and Autism where neurodivergents were ashamed since childhood repeatedly and being disciplined to become neurotypical that the amount of criticism is now became trauma of rejection.
Incredible content as always Tim. Thank you for helping me realise the huge part shame plays in my life, which before I was completely unaware of.
Called “pig, lazy pig, slob, stupid, lazy, dumb” etc by my parents for years growing up. Horribly shamed for simply being a messy little kid.
Fast forward to 37 and my MIL is very nit picky. Watches most things I do and makes “funny” helpful comments. I panic being around her
Hopefully you will put up healthy boundaries so you may heal ❤.
Ditto 🙏 praying for you ❤
Excellent explanation
I am watching it again. I am relief for your clarification that it is long war or process. Sometimes I have felt like giving up. Thank you Sir. your work is so helpful. God bless.
This is great, shame said I deserved my yucky relationship, you tell me why and I'm smiling!!
The only shame I feel is that I felt this shame.
Thanks for the profound insight!!!
Thank you for showing me that I'm in prison. I came back here in 2004. I should have stayed in Washington. But I'll never be able to walk out of the shame if I had not come here. I hurt my back in 1993 I thought if I came here, back close to family, would be good. Thank you for showing me the way to excape my prison.
This is a God-given teaching.
As an avid student of relationships with God and my fellow man, the comments in this video are the most genuine I've ever seen.
Let us surrender all our worries, damage and sin to Jesus and become and remain born-again in Him!
It seems to me a majority of society is afflicted with shame.
A shame filled society we live under.
Really? Nobody has any shame. They do whatever they want, and expect you to not only tolerate it, but support it.
@@6MyUsername9you haven't scratched beneath the surface
Tim Fletcher is so easy to understand & hits so so many truths for so so many people. Including me 🙋♀️
Thank you, Tim. You go into deep into the "resistance" spoken of in "The War of Art". And thank you, Jessica. You have expressed the way I experience things.
The mom scenario is exactly what happened to me except I ended up cutting out my entire family. I have been struggling with crippling shame and this video is exactly what I needed.
I love you mama, you got this!!💗💗😘😘
thank you for putting your finger on exactly what I have felt for so long, too long. it's really hard to express in words myself but you've put the words together that nail how the past few years of my life have felt at the low points where shame was controlling me.
So glad I have worked through and let go of so many layers of shame. Still got many to go, but I See the work working!
Thank you so much for this, and for the journal entry. I almost cried listening to it as it reminded me of how I used to be and made me reflect on the monumental amount of progress I've made. For those of us who are far along in our healing journey, a reminder of the shame spiral of CPTSD that we've all experienced.
I am only halfway through this video and love ❤️ every word Tim is communicating. I will have to listen to it on repeat.
Sir I was badly exploited and humiliated in church by my pastor and another one likewise a prophet and the saying is that if you have commited a sin in the church you have to be excommunicated and be treated as a sinner and unbeliever according to the rules as laid out by apostel paul in the book of corinthians it was terrible I had nearly reach a point of death please help me to heal after these many years I believe you are a trustworthy servant of god and he uses you on your area of expertee amen god bless ye
I have seen more mental health and recovery specialists than I could list and recall. I had a good childhood, but it never admitted to traa but “the trauma I brought on myself. Of course I knew I had shame, but this complex trauma definition, coupled with the biggest harm of shame and repeated failures…This is the explanation I've been dying for for decades. I've been following you for some time, but this video. It's like youve entered my mind and are reporting back to me everything you see, things that I can feel but not express in words. Thank you.❤ Thank you.
These videos are very difficult for me to watch, I do about 10min at a time with breaks to think and breathe. I notice myself holding my breath a lot, and my neck is really sore after. But the clarity they are bringing, even if really painful, is something i can see the value in. Thank you very much
That was great! I do hope there is a follow up video in the works on how-tos of dealing with or addressing getting rid of shame🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
❤God answers our prayers of healing and freedom through this psychiatrist GLORY!!!
Ok, now I have tears in my eyes. This is so much like me. Thank you for this, this is a brilliant validating video. 🙏🙏🙏
Edit: I will be watching this multiple times
You letcions are absolutely brilliat, thank you
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for rationalising this, which my tired mind can no longer trust itself. I never knew that my sense of shame was that powerful. The prison is very real, and I can see how a prolonged situation of helplessness traps someone in a prison they might not even realise they are in. I do introspection, and have came across all these features. Chains, walls, and people that just only hold me back further. Im also aware that I have this bubble of black around me, which is now clear that it is a prison. I get tormented by my own thoughts and emotions every night I run out of things to distract myself with, stuck in a place that just seem unreachable for almost everyone outside without hurting them. Your mentoring words are bringing light to these vicious and invisible traps in people that can't be seen by others.
How are you so articulate this shit SO WELL?! 🙏🏻🙏🏻💁🏻♀️ Thank you.🙏🏻
I found Tim through Theo Von's podcast. He hits the nail on the head. All of his videos are so informative and healing.
Thank you Mr Fletcher for your time that you share to educate all of us. Bless you!🙏💚😊
I am going to listen to this one a few more times but I felt like you were describing me from start to finish-even the mother example at the beginning and the partner one too. Wow-it helped me just to hear those examples knowing I’m living them and to hear that it’s really not my fault is somehow freeing and all at once troubling to realize. Thank you for this video-truly helped me.
Thank You so much! Because of Your videos I started therapy of trauma. Before I had 3therapies that were just touching the top of my problems. Thank You!
Omgosh- this is 100% how i have felt lately. I am stuck, in prison. I'm always trying to improve, learn, grow, fix, help save, clean...and, then find fault about myself. I look at my past and feel like I messed up. I miss out on all that i want to do- because of the prison, guards, etc. Wow. Can I get out? I want to be FREE, so badly. I pray that this video, may well be the key, or at least a map to get the key to be free. Thank you.
Wow!!! This topic helps me greatly. Thanks
Jessica's journal is almost exactly what used to happen & sometimes still happens inside of me due directly to the toxic shame from my parents & a few others. Therapy has helped to lower my compulsive SELF CONTEMPT but it can sometomes still pop up again, especially in crowds. I have some coping tools now & sometimes they work. Self contempt seems PERMANENT within me but i know i can beat it with just a little effort. Self love seems nearly impossible yet there are days when i actually FEEL OK!
I won't quit trying now that i know how & why my poisoned parents INFECTED me & i can overcome their POISON - some day! 😅😅😅
Tim expresses this so clearly!! Not only is this helping me it’s understanding my father that recently died of cancer what he bound by, so deeply and unconsciously… Alanon helped me break out of the people pleasing and Pete Walkers book on c-ptsd helped me understand it, make it conscious- but I’ve been working on it over a decade and it is such a prison! Even tho I’ve gotten out of the main cell, I still haven’t got off the property. This is so helpful I’m in tears, thank you…
Omg this is so powerful!!!
Every single word! I can't even explain!! I have had memories of child abuse come to me after 40 years! God chose toWake me up in the middle of my addiction 25 years of fighting this disease! trying to stay sober! I never had a chance with all the blocked klout child abuse inside me drinks over for a year or two going home to get my daughter from my mother and as soon as I'm around her she puts me down and I relapse! Every time! Now I know what's going on having a spiritual awakening epiphanies knowing that my mother is a narcissist ! I was abused badlyy by psychopath with narcissistic personality disorder who abused me for 3 years! Cuz of his abuse, all my memories that I disassociated from came up! God is showing me so much and I'm growing and learning but I'm back to relapsing and I'm using again I'm trying to get sober now in the past month three times! Everything you're saying is so true and I don't know how I'm going to do this it's hard I've been doing inner child work and Shadow work what is it so hard I can't stay sober!! These memories are too painful! And my physical pain is so bad I don't know how I'm going to do this I feel like giving up!+
Amazing. Mind blowing how evrything is so clear explaind and felt. Thank you.
thank you so much for this lecture, it was enlightening for me and allowed me to see my unconscious emotions in a new light
This is soo true ! I’ve gone through all this my whole life creating all those mechanisms to “protect” me . Not loving myself and giving myself a break . An till today I’m still alone- not married or friends and no achievements , waking up feeling a sense of deep shame , watching everyone run past me in life an watching my parents grow old looking at me as the only hope . I pray that I cultivate new mechanisms of positivity, self forgiving and self love. I pray I get closer to Jesus an delivered from Shame an to see an instant miracle of lifting me up in my life . Amen !
I have to train myself to think differently because this is exactly the problem.
Use your rational brain to shut up in defiance your inner critic. Changing is about being yourself and not what the inner critic wants you to be. It's not so much about changing and being someone else but using your rational brain to stop the tyrant in you.
This idea to train ourselves is shame itself. It slithers like a snake. It infects everything with shame. Doing something or not doing - shame will be behind it, with torrent of inner criticism.
Consider CBT, meditations, a vigorous exercise regime with lots of self affirmations while training.. remember we are all gonna die, so go all in and leave no stone unturned, practice is love.. No one is judging you more than you, and if they are it's cos they are more messed up than you, so fuck them people
Wow! Thank you so much! You helped me realize so much about myself. Lightbulb moment! Thank you so much for posting this 🙏
Hi Tim, i just recently found your channel and i am so thankful to be here. You’ve given me a pretty detailed roadmap to figure out how my life’s experiences have affected who I am. Shame and disappointment are probably my worst enemies. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wealth of insight.
It's always some dude with a PowerPoint and a low-resolution video getting put on my Algo that changes my life lol. You literally solved my social anxiety
I'm impressed by your level of knowledge on shame. It's like your in my mind. Feel less alone but long IS the way but possible. Thank you Tim. You give Hope and help me to feel less alone on this journey.
My shame came from my narcissistic parents who used shaming as a weapon to control and use me.
I was a full time narcissist for a good part of my life.
I went through trauma and acquired great personal shame.
Talk about a conundrum lol.
Always remember to love yourself, and be your number one advocate.
No one pays your bills but you.
Find hobbies and home based interests. Keeps you busy with minimal expenditure. An idle mind is your worst enemy.
Be happy and stay well.
We have people at my work whispering the word "SHAME behind people's back to put people into people pleasing _ it's hilarious _to watch in real time a bunch of people pleasers +me included) who have to keep saying _ your amazing to the blubber seals.
Whoa...
Words to my thinking.
Im shook
Sometimes you gotta fight with your fears,sometimes you gotta fight with your mind! There's a war going on that nobody knows about. War inside my head!
Great band ST
It is a war to find happiness and peace. We struggle and overcome and thus are stronger than many normal folks
I've been following Tim's wisdom for about 2.5 yrs! I have seen a major shift in my behavior!
Highly recommend finding a trauma therapist to heal the childhood CPTSD. If you find a good one that has survived their own CPTSD they will help you reparent yourself while addressing your daily triggers, flashbacks thru EMDR, or similar modality. Over time you will notice your inner parts integrate and emotions regulate... nervous system becomes more grounded and self compassion becomes a daily occurrence. The toxic shame and inner critic wont continue to direct our behavior in 4F's...Limbic brain. We will become more goal oriented in healthy self care... we will be more curious and compassionate toward self and others! We will develop a new purpose for living!
Don't give up! You are resilient! ❤️🩹
How can i solve my shame?
One of the few instances I’ve felt compassion for myself 😀 thank you!
This. The diary made me tear up. Made me realise how much internalised shame I have in me. I related very much. The pattern of thought is familiar.
Tim- I just watched your talk from a few years ago 32/33 about self sabotage. It resonates in my life since I was 14(?).
I have always tried to get past it.
I had gotten away from the family. And was getting very good at manifesting. Then the undermining started. Then my girlfriend did some bad things to me, felonies if it was a man, it was physical; it involved lying to police.
Then a psychologist with a phd stole everything. I couldn’t defend myself. Now I’m really broken.
What can I do? Both of these women punished me when I self improved. It put me back 50 years. My life is ruined.
This is serious and important to me.
Edit: I have found out what a narcissist is. Never heard of it before. I have accepted, through therapy, that I had a lot of complex trauma in childhood.
Just wanted to say this is an amazing video!
I didn't even realise that I had shame issues, till I started listening to this.😮
Same.
This is like looking at myself in a mirror. I suffer shame from past failure and narcist people. The biggest problem I have is getting over the shame of really bad things I have done but I've owned these mistakes and admitted them and sought help and been punished yet I cannot shake the shame😢
I feel like Tim is reading my mind, as crazy as it is!!!
WOW ❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️. inter-generational shame prisons … keeping me “stuck”. This is so so resonating, My Mother, myself & my connecting with my brother’s youngest daughter who is wrestling with this shame & I am in denial…. and constantly stuck in this swamp. THANK YOU 💞
this is the realest thing ive seen regarding to exactly what im dealing with
Thank you very very much 🙏🏻🙏🏻
My Friday and Saturday alone for decades is a constant reminder of my mistakes, no Family, no Friends, constant companion of fear, what is next punishment God?
Dziękujemy.
Thanks for Your analysis on shame cycle
Thank you so much. It was so uncomfortable when I started noticing my thoughts. I didn’t realize that this was something that I was going to have to go through. I also didn’t notice that God made us in a way that when we start noticing our thoughts the Holy Spirit inside of us starts working on them of his own accord.
Thank you Tim ! I found you courtesy of Theo vonn and I love the mssg u send thank you for all that you do to feed the Lords sheep ! 🐑
i just went through a big cycle of this and am just around 50 starting to get to where i can start evaluating it.
Good lord, her description of her internal monologue at the end is SO familiar but it's so jarring to hear it spoken out loud. To hear the near constant barrage of negative thoughts that we have to fight against every day. It truly is so exhausting.
Thanks for this video. I'm very thankful. I think it'll be a great help for me.
Even though my cortex was fighting to keep the shame under control, there's times when my limbic system would completely take over and I'd feel shame for this. I'd get past the bars, past the walls on the daily but then the prison guards would come along. And I'd spiral back into prison.
There'd be days I would be tired of fighting. But now that I'm aware that this is an entire system, I think I'll be able to be consistent in my healthy changes.
I've come this far with little changes. And those changes were good. So all's I gotta do is keep going. Doesn't matter if I fail. Just gotta keep going.
The worst guilt trip that a parent, especially narcissistic parents, can do is to raise the child to believe 'god said to honor your parents'. They never say the rest of that scripture. This notion that setting boundaries and defending myself against my parent was 'disrespectful', I carried unnecessary shame. It has taken years to deprogram my brain. Thank you for this!
Another guilt trip my Communal Narc Mom used to say was, “If you would stop doing this, God might be able to use you”. She is probably still teaching in her cult church. This is what the Lord finally told me and maybe it will help you, too. “We honor our parents by not enabling their bad behavior or allowing them to continue their abusive ways with us or any others under our protection. We honor them by giving them clear boundaries and consequences, if they are not remorseful, repentant and willing to work towards ending their abusive ways.”
It also says "don't anger your kids" but they don't care about that
Tim thank you you are a real pro in human souls
A very accurate description of my relationship with my husband. What made it really hard for me is when he accused me of being narcissist, he did it in front of others, especially those I care how they see me. What can I do to manage the way out of the being trapped by shame by ignoring him but also don't want those I care not affected by what he said? Should I argue back, I felt like I fall for the same trap again, arguing over a lie.
You are the best on RUclips! ❤
Tim. Recently I recovered feelings associated with a childhood experience. It’s like in a matter of moments, I saw how I had gone from a sense of shame, to a sense of humiliation, then hopelessness and confusion. As a child, it was more than I could handle, and it appears that I shutdown. Or, in other words, repression kicked in. I think it’s a good thing that it did, because as a child, I didn’t have the resources to cope with what I was going through.
After the recovery of these feelings, I feel as if my shame has reduced considerably. I don’t think talk therapy, or reading more books or listening to more videos could have helped to alleviate my shame as effectively as revisiting the feelings associated with this childish experience
On the other hand, in the last few months, I’ve watched many of your videos. Perhaps in some way watching the videos helped me get to the point where I felt safe enough to allow myself to open up to and face the memory component of a childhood experience that had for years been too difficult for me to allow to come up. I probably should add that I’ve been working with an empathic therapist who is a good listener
I don’t know if everyone who has a shame based identity has to recover repressed feelings for real healing to occur. But in my case, I have a more significant understanding of how repression works, and a new found respect for this important defence mechanism
My sense is that a repressed memory in regards to a humiliating childhood experience can imbue us with a sense of shame that informs all of our relationships in the here and now
If you think that you may have had one or more experiences which were too much for you to cope with as a child, consider that there may have been a moment when it became more than you could handle on your own. You may need the support of a good therapist to help you get to the point where you are ready to recover a part of the experience which you had to block, or repress. In my case, I went through a period where I experienced a range of difficult feelings as I began to open up to an experience which had been more traumatic for me than I had been previously aware. Therefore, I think it’s a good idea to have the support of a therapist who really understands this process
I like the metaphor of a prison. Bars are fixed unmoving beliefs that were installed there by the jailers. The guards are fragments of my own subconscious that have been hired by the jailer to actively work to keep me in.
One of the hardest bars I had to get past was the idea that creating your own surrogate family is bad somehow.
Tim seems to really understand what it's like to feel shame. Maybe I can finally get over some of my shame.