Having BPD is hell. Not only for myself, but for everyone around me. I am very much aware of the monsters living inside me. However, I am on the road to recovery. I may never be completely cured, but between my husband, family, and God, I'm more able to take control of my anger and rage, and a million and one anxieties that I call spoiled brats. Sometimes I feel so completely lost and confused, that I don't even know who I am. I want to get better. I hate this elephant on my back, and I want it gone! Feeling frustrated one day at work, I told one of my coworkers: I don't know where Sandi is, but I'll be glad when she gets back! Needless to say, he looked at me as if I were crazy. Well, he wasn't 100% wrong!
I’ve suffered with codependency, and depression/anxiety my whole life basically. Nothing has ever brought me more pain than a 7 month relationship with a pwBPD. These relationships can do some very long lasting and serious damage to people in a relatively small amount of time.
It's probably not healthy for me to keep watching these. Idk anymore. I've been watching these alot and they definitely help understand. I just wanna be healed of this already.
I took some time away and I've come back with a fresh perspective. Be patient and kind to yourself, keep practicing self compassion and I think you'll get there. I think the expectation of wanting to be healed already is definitely a sign some more work is needed if you want to get there. The work you put into trying to heal and change your perspective and to change your way of life will reflect in the outcome of how well you do feel about yourself and your healing progression. Also there's no end point, there's always learning to be done. Acceptance is key, along with an open mind and being open to learning new things. I like learning about health, nutrition and fitness related stuff as well as BPD content so my neurons are engaged with more than just completely focusing on one concept which is BPD. Once you get the main concepts of BPD understood, come back occasionally when you do feel the need to validate your experiences. It's like coming back to a song that got you through a depression and listening to it years later and finding enjoyment in it while you are now in a different place. Branching out and trying new things kept my life a little more interesting. Meet other people can help shift your perspective and help you feel better too. Don't isolate. Avoid unhealthy behaviours and addictive patterns if you can help it. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms that hinder healing. Fixing the root of the problem unfortunately is what it takes without an extreme amount of self control and self discipline, which is very hard to do. Wish you the best on your journey.
Some of these videos can be triggering. In those times, you gotta stop watching. For us borderlines,not everything said pertains to each one of us. I'm very aware of mine but there has been times where I've been triggered and had to tell myself not to take everything little thing talked about to heart. Sometimes I can't even finish the video because of it. That's ok though. Just stop watching, be mindful, and do something else
What I love about David's videos is how he taps into the visceral components of the relationship experience, which renders the arcane clinical terminology of Cluster B mayhem accessible to everyone. It's a refreshing combination of research and personal experience that makes his work so compelling. He slices through the bullshit faster than obsidian cutlery.
I was originally diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 19 yrs old and then at 33 found out that I was actually battling/dealing with the challenge of borderline personality. Was a HARD pill to swallow! I just thought that getting the one of bipolar was until then! I was very thankful for the correct diagnosis, though it took time to accept. I finally knew why my moods could flip so easily and quick! Finally understood why I was the way I was. I use past tense, though I still battle bpd,because I have come a long way and my inner self deep down has come out. This video hit splitting right on the nail! We aren't lost causes though! There is hope! You just have to accept it, do the work, and be mindful! No, it does not go away, it is in our wiring, but we can take control of our lives and not allow it to dominate us! Takes work and effort every day, but we can be ok and amazing people
I don’t have the PP I have CPTSD. I have tendencies towards splitting, but I’m totally aware of those tendencies and do not move or make decisions based on them.
I am sorry for your loss sir. Your videos really help me to understand things about myself and a friend of mine with bpd. Thank you and keep up the great work!
On every borderline personality disorder video, there's always tons of people with b p d commenting, disagreeing. If you've been diagnosed, you should know you're not always self aware. I understand everyone is different as well however, but this is a part of your diagnosis . Also if you are so quick to disagree with all of the symptoms .. maybe you don't have the disorder you think you do . However a symptom is lack of self awareness , so its a pickle situation .
You are very correct! Coming from someone who is borderline, they can be in denial and unaware! When we are experiencing a good bit of the symptoms, we don't see things clearly or in reality! Our minds see it differently. We aren't lost causes, though! Their is hope, and we do have the ability of not letting it dominate us for those who think we can't. Takes acceptance and a lot of work
Thank you David for making this video. You really summed up what happened when describing the typical BPD relationship scenario, and how that's exactly what happened in my situation. I really needed clarification on how splitting occurred, and I know now it's when the devaluation part came into play as a prime example. And how my ex's ex became the most amazing man in the world (when he was the most horrible when we met). Our wedding planning most definitely caused stress, and I saw it. I didn't know that it would trigger her to fall out.
I'll likely delete this, but I'll speak for myself as someone with the disorder. Sometimes there is self awareness. But the brain and emotions will be so uncontrollable that the unhealthy thoughts and behaviors will arise no matter how hard I fight it. I don't usually realize the damage it causes others until after I calm down or when they express it to me. Because otherwise I'm consumed by my own emotional distress. I'll be so panicked and preoccupied trying to keep my head above water, that I won't be able to prioritize the person that I'm dragging down with me. My self awareness allows me to reflect but I have only limited to no control in how I percieve something, and no control over how intensely something will make me feel. I think most normal people can think of a time where they lost emotional control and said or did something illogical because of it. It's like bpd causes a malfunction that creates that level of intensity much more than any person should endure. Just like a drug addict, there's a preoccupation with alleviating the distress. I did that before I was conscious of it. Desperately siphoning validation and reassurance from others in an attempt to soothe the pain from the abuse and absence of love throughout childhood. I didn't realize I was harming others with my emotional extremes. I just felt extreme. Even now that I realize, I still lack control.
Thanks for sharing. You might find some solace in reading my comment :) You have my compassion, you are human like the rest of us and I hope you find ways of dealing with the distress and gradually find your way to a better emotional place inside of yourself. I felt like a drug addict to, a drug addict to repairing the relationship, to find that conflict resolution since I couldn't stand conflict (even healthy conflict was difficult but not impossible). Referring to others as normal is understandable but I can assure you, we're on a spectrum as David has said and we all have different struggles. I wonder what you think of what I have said below if you have the time to respond :) I indeed lost emotional control in that relationship right at the apex of it all (after it ended even!), I felt very guilty and shameful about my anger and how I dealt with it, it was a learning experience. No contact was the unfortunate outcome, I didn't know how to do it myself at the time, I lacked healthy emotional boundaries as gave too much empathy to my partner while having minimal for myself (mostly after we had broken up) this went to the extreme after our conflict, after our make up when I accused her of cheating, mostly because I trusted my external source more than her. I regretfully and hesitantly went back to trying to be empathetic and compassionate but the damage was already done at this point to the both of us. I don't exactly know what's true to do this day, but I've had to let go of it and just accept because of all of her behaviours, I had trust problems and that in itself is a great sign the relationship was never going to be able to restart unless I kept my thoughts to myself and blindly carried on abandoning my emotional needs and suppressed myself to get what I wanted, which was her love, which I didn't exactly get much of in the first place as she was too stressed at the end.
I don't think I'm a true bpd, but I rant in my head every day about my employer, and I push back against my rantings, back and forth all day long. I push back by thinking about all the good things about my job, about how it's childish to have such high expectations, that I have many bad traits as well and would do well to focus on those instead of on the shortcomings of my employer, etc. I got upset at Mass last night, but by the time I got home I had dis-armed myself and begun to see the situation in its proper perspective. But I would like to stop critisizing my employer once and for all, and just accept them as they are. ANd I would like to have more self control/self-restraint than I have sometimes. Perhaps a pre-emptive strike would help, to imagine what might piss me off in my day's march, and to anticipate a healthy response, i.e. self-restraint plus a realistic assessment of my expectations of others. What did I expect from the world? The amazing thing is that it's not 10 times worse than it actually is.
I have seen him in a fine mood, nothing has changed at all, literally walks out the door to have a cig, come back in, completely different mood, I listened to him shouting from anther room , about his stuck in a job he hates, he slow hand clapped himself saying well done! He commented on my silents then he went to sleep. I didn't have any argument there wasn't one all I could be was silent. As literally he walked out in one mood walked back in completely angry .
I originally started to watch your content, because I was living with someone who told me they’ve been in mental institutions, and I was having trouble with them and their behavior. I think I spoke too soon I discovered they had been in mental institutions. Once they were living with me they revealed those facts to me. But she was pretty. I liked her personality. We worked together for a year. You just can’t tell until it shows itself. I’m really not sure why I am thinking about this type of content. I see my ex at work, but we don’t talk which is pretty good for me. I don’t know that I will ever have the wisdom to be able to avoid the problem people. It just appears as if all of us have some kind of problem not a mental disorder just problems. I feel very fortunate to be in the good position that I enjoy today. I have the opportunity to do even better but there is stress. Maybe this stress puts me in the same frame of mine, as when I was living with the mentally ill ex-girlfriend? I think probably yes.
Do borderline self talk a lot ? Like express their thoughts out loud… also do they act like nothing has happened after an argument or fight ? For example; sing and dance right afterwards ….
Apologies in advance, I have an alternative view of splitting which may help some people (with a summary of my story), which affected me a lot. TLDR: I'm not sure how common this is, but my ex split on me but mostly on herself it seemed. It was never overly extreme towards me but she split on herself a lot. I suspect this is most common with quiet borderlines? As to whether they actually split on themselves or me internally is another story. My ex initially went very quiet on me for about 2 days (was being extremely affectionate before this for weeks), but suddenly withdrew affection and her need for attention pretty much vanished, this was followed by an abrupt angry projection after I asked if she was okay as I had noticed a change in behaviour. She said that I apparently did not want her to see her friends. She mentioned that she saw me plenty of times a few months ago so I had no reason to complain, even though I didn't complain. This was because I asked when I could next see her as I hadn't seen her for about 2 weeks and was gentle about asking. When she got angry at me, she mentioned I looked angry because my eye brows lowered a little bit. After her angry outburst, I said I wanted her to have friends and that it's not true. She seemed to be certain I had a problem with her friend though, to which I said I did not. She was adamant that I did, so she came up with more reasons and things she "heard" that proved it. I said that if she has a problem with something she should come to me about it and that it wasn't fair that she was doing this. She didn't like that and said she needed some space so she can decide if she wants to stay or go (the second time in the relationship). I was upset and tried to reason with her, but nonetheless respected this need for space and gave her a little message each day to check in on her. After some positive supportive messages, it appeared she already had made her mind about ending the relationship (left our duo group on some apps). This was followed by some text messages with her crying saying "I want this but I can't do this" and then I thought we were just having a break. A few days later, she tells me she found it sad that she just told her carers that we broke up, and I was confused and asked if we could meet up to discuss this. After much convincing, we met up and it felt like talking to a rock. I was trying to get her to speak but I said what I had to say and she was pretty much like "I never should have got in a relationship, and that's it, that's all I have to say" and I did get a very haunting and screaming "SORRY" which echoed through my entire body for days after. I felt like I got some closure from that, seeing that I really thought she was not in a good mindset. She did say that she would be "fine" and that she doesn't need to talk about her mental health and that she doesn't need anyone, she can do life by herself. After I got home, spoke again, she said she loved me so much and she doesn't know why she does this (sabotaging and ending the relationship is how I understood this). Said when she felt loved she didn't want it anymore. She then said some disturbing things which I never heard before like "I think I like to be hurt" and something a bit too inappropriate to write here about how she wanted me to do something like I didn't love her. She then really started to say a lot of self-deprecating things and basically said I deserve better because she is really shit and that I deserve to be loved by someone not so traumatised. I was still absolutely fine after seeing all of this, I thought I got a lot of closure etc. Also, she really showed a lot of signs that she hated herself deeply and I can't cover everything here, but my ex only split on me right before the discard a few months later, after I was getting emotionally needy as I lost myself trying to get the relationship back on track. I got a lot of mixed signals and push/pull which eventually lead to her giving up. One of her most common lines was "I don't deserve anything good" and this was really sad to hear. After I accused her, she said many things, but one thing that stood out was "Try being me, I want to be with you but didn't know how to be" after I expressed how hurt I felt by the way she messed me about. She apologised for most of her behaviours, despite taking them personally. She seemed aware of most of what she did after I told her. Lastly, I could see she really didn't think anything of herself at all. I'd come up with plenty of reasons why I thought she said this and thought this of herself, but essentially she is so traumatised but also self-aware about it (I think this gave me hope) that only after she teased me for weeks and then ended it, anger stewed in me as I began to think about that I got told she cheated on me a few weeks before that and ignored it. I fawned at the time, but after we stopped talking, I confronted her in an angry abusive way by accusing her and saying some horrible things. This all got denied and I felt absolutely terrible and she kept in contact with me for 3 weeks after this happened (after some empathy and attempted explaining and kindness mixed with angry projection from herself for weeks) which I endured and then she discarded me eventually as she was done trying to be nice to me. Not sure if anyone else can relate to this, but I spiralled into a hell-hole of shame and guilt and it took me months to recover. Doing a lot better now :)
Talk to someone please. Its splitting, she couldn't trust you or herself and they will sabotage their lives and especially relationships. It caused her too much stress.
@@daviddemars Thanks David, I've got myself on the right track, been doing really well in my healing journey. Still a lot of buried trauma inside of me which I am looking to heal as I persist in this recovery. Doing everything I can :) I am personally moved by my experience, it was a real eye-opener. It was cathartic for me to write that story. I am not affected by it like I once was and I no longer hold any anger towards her. She is hurting so much inside, like so many others, including myself to a lesser degree. Appreciate all that you do to help guide people into healthier lives!
Useful information regarding disorder of boderline. Therapist are good or bad hard to say because they are too expensive Once l went with a friend. she paid in advanced for hour session.Then when she at the session she had given the impression the one hour session was not enough should pay two hours she had to borrowed the money to pay for an extra hour. So how many hours need for patient with boderline disorder and how much cost to have a therapist? Certainly won't be enough for short term period could be life time treatments. Whether should fellow method of self healing through a faith more advisable
Yes they can be comorbid and have bpd npd aspd with bipolar disorder, my last relationship 2 year ago was with a lady who had bipolar disorder type 1 with bpd aspd and npd, i ended up being traumatised but I'm now in recovery...@@kellyandaaron2005
@@kellyandaaron2005 you're welcome. I'd also recommend to search for "AJ mahari". I found her content very useful as well as David's. I like the differences in perspectives. Best of luck!
So …. what do you do when you are in a relationship with some one with 9/9 DSMV 5 traits of BPD but they are a therapist and unequivocally state that their traits consistent with BPD (they’ve been formally diagnosed with BPD previously by at least 1 qualified mental heath professional) are instead due to autism? I’m guessing the expert answer is to disengage as quickly as possible but just wanted to check.
I enjoy your videos and have gained some knowledge for dealing with someone in my life who has BPD. I do have to point out your flawed logic on morality. Even if you are an atheist you should accept the idea that morality comes from a higher power. If you believe humans are the arbiter of morality than you end up in an endless circle jerk. Why are your morals better than mine? Because you said so? It’s the same with democracy, if everyone votes to kill one group of people, does that make it right? Morals come from God, same with free will.
PwBPD are every bit as hard to get along with as narcissists
Having BPD is hell. Not only for myself, but for everyone around me. I am very much aware of the monsters living inside me. However, I am on the road to recovery. I may never be completely cured, but between my husband, family, and God, I'm more able to take control of my anger and rage, and a million and one anxieties that I call spoiled brats. Sometimes I feel so completely lost and confused, that I don't even know who I am. I want to get better. I hate this elephant on my back, and I want it gone! Feeling frustrated one day at work, I told one of my coworkers: I don't know where Sandi is, but I'll be glad when she gets back! Needless to say, he looked at me as if I were crazy. Well, he wasn't 100% wrong!
I’ve suffered with codependency, and depression/anxiety my whole life basically. Nothing has ever brought me more pain than a 7 month relationship with a pwBPD. These relationships can do some very long lasting and serious damage to people in a relatively small amount of time.
It's probably not healthy for me to keep watching these. Idk anymore. I've been watching these alot and they definitely help understand. I just wanna be healed of this already.
I took some time away and I've come back with a fresh perspective. Be patient and kind to yourself, keep practicing self compassion and I think you'll get there. I think the expectation of wanting to be healed already is definitely a sign some more work is needed if you want to get there. The work you put into trying to heal and change your perspective and to change your way of life will reflect in the outcome of how well you do feel about yourself and your healing progression.
Also there's no end point, there's always learning to be done. Acceptance is key, along with an open mind and being open to learning new things. I like learning about health, nutrition and fitness related stuff as well as BPD content so my neurons are engaged with more than just completely focusing on one concept which is BPD. Once you get the main concepts of BPD understood, come back occasionally when you do feel the need to validate your experiences. It's like coming back to a song that got you through a depression and listening to it years later and finding enjoyment in it while you are now in a different place.
Branching out and trying new things kept my life a little more interesting. Meet other people can help shift your perspective and help you feel better too. Don't isolate. Avoid unhealthy behaviours and addictive patterns if you can help it. Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms that hinder healing. Fixing the root of the problem unfortunately is what it takes without an extreme amount of self control and self discipline, which is very hard to do. Wish you the best on your journey.
@@hurricaneaquaticsty but youre not healthy either cause this just a blaming trauma dump for no reason thats extreme to
Talk to someone.
Some of these videos can be triggering. In those times, you gotta stop watching. For us borderlines,not everything said pertains to each one of us. I'm very aware of mine but there has been times where I've been triggered and had to tell myself not to take everything little thing talked about to heart. Sometimes I can't even finish the video because of it. That's ok though. Just stop watching, be mindful, and do something else
@@joshy2joshy👏👏👏👏 well said
What I love about David's videos is how he taps into the visceral components of the relationship experience, which renders the arcane clinical terminology of Cluster B mayhem accessible to everyone. It's a refreshing combination of research and personal experience that makes his work so compelling. He slices through the bullshit faster than obsidian cutlery.
I was originally diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 19 yrs old and then at 33 found out that I was actually battling/dealing with the challenge of borderline personality. Was a HARD pill to swallow! I just thought that getting the one of bipolar was until then! I was very thankful for the correct diagnosis, though it took time to accept. I finally knew why my moods could flip so easily and quick! Finally understood why I was the way I was. I use past tense, though I still battle bpd,because I have come a long way and my inner self deep down has come out. This video hit splitting right on the nail! We aren't lost causes though! There is hope! You just have to accept it, do the work, and be mindful! No, it does not go away, it is in our wiring, but we can take control of our lives and not allow it to dominate us! Takes work and effort every day, but we can be ok and amazing people
I struggle with BPD as well. There is hope for us. Like you said, we have to take control of it. And it's hard work!
@@sandrastaton19 👏👏👏👏👏💖
Thank you so much
I don’t have the PP I have CPTSD. I have tendencies towards splitting, but I’m totally aware of those tendencies and do not move or make decisions based on them.
Really good.
I am sorry for your loss sir. Your videos really help me to understand things about myself and a friend of mine with bpd. Thank you and keep up the great work!
Thank you very much!
Las Vegas Raiders! Lol. I do it all the time. Still slip and call Chargers from San Diego. Thanks for the video.
On every borderline personality disorder video, there's always tons of people with b p d commenting, disagreeing. If you've been diagnosed, you should know you're not always self aware. I understand everyone is different as well however, but this is a part of your diagnosis .
Also if you are so quick to disagree with all of the symptoms .. maybe you don't have the disorder you think you do . However a symptom is lack of self awareness , so its a pickle situation .
You are very correct! Coming from someone who is borderline, they can be in denial and unaware! When we are experiencing a good bit of the symptoms, we don't see things clearly or in reality! Our minds see it differently. We aren't lost causes, though! Their is hope, and we do have the ability of not letting it dominate us for those who think we can't. Takes acceptance and a lot of work
Hello david ! Great video as usual .thank you 😊
Me, myself, and I. We are always right. Even when we're not, it's everyone else's fault.
Bpd / Npd in a nutshell !
David, good to see you again. Keep up the good info and content.
Thank you Ken!
And if individuals could see gray areas they would be much happier and things would be much more realistic rather than fantasy .
Because it is being talked about , does not mean you're being attacked, another common trait in the disorder, everything is an "attack" ..
I deleted my comment and posted it on the video .
Thank you David for making this video. You really summed up what happened when describing the typical BPD relationship scenario, and how that's exactly what happened in my situation. I really needed clarification on how splitting occurred, and I know now it's when the devaluation part came into play as a prime example. And how my ex's ex became the most amazing man in the world (when he was the most horrible when we met).
Our wedding planning most definitely caused stress, and I saw it. I didn't know that it would trigger her to fall out.
Thank you and I'm sorry you have had this experience. Marriage, children, playing house, even working can become too stressful for them.
Couldn’t agree more with you on politics.
I don't notice that I was slitting until I start meditating on how was the day before i fall asleep.
Great video❤
excellent👌🏻
Hi!
I split for sure. Its a primative defence. Reduces risk of being hurt (in theory). Also, low self worth exacerbates it.
Thank you for another informative video, David! I hope you are well! Ohio here!😎❤️
Hello Rory, good to see you and I am very well, thank you. I hope you're great Rory!
@@daviddemars Thank you David! I am! Went out with family today!!😎❤️
I'll likely delete this, but I'll speak for myself as someone with the disorder.
Sometimes there is self awareness. But the brain and emotions will be so uncontrollable that the unhealthy thoughts and behaviors will arise no matter how hard I fight it. I don't usually realize the damage it causes others until after I calm down or when they express it to me. Because otherwise I'm consumed by my own emotional distress. I'll be so panicked and preoccupied trying to keep my head above water, that I won't be able to prioritize the person that I'm dragging down with me. My self awareness allows me to reflect but I have only limited to no control in how I percieve something, and no control over how intensely something will make me feel.
I think most normal people can think of a time where they lost emotional control and said or did something illogical because of it. It's like bpd causes a malfunction that creates that level of intensity much more than any person should endure.
Just like a drug addict, there's a preoccupation with alleviating the distress. I did that before I was conscious of it. Desperately siphoning validation and reassurance from others in an attempt to soothe the pain from the abuse and absence of love throughout childhood. I didn't realize I was harming others with my emotional extremes. I just felt extreme.
Even now that I realize, I still lack control.
Thanks for sharing. You might find some solace in reading my comment :) You have my compassion, you are human like the rest of us and I hope you find ways of dealing with the distress and gradually find your way to a better emotional place inside of yourself.
I felt like a drug addict to, a drug addict to repairing the relationship, to find that conflict resolution since I couldn't stand conflict (even healthy conflict was difficult but not impossible). Referring to others as normal is understandable but I can assure you, we're on a spectrum as David has said and we all have different struggles. I wonder what you think of what I have said below if you have the time to respond :)
I indeed lost emotional control in that relationship right at the apex of it all (after it ended even!), I felt very guilty and shameful about my anger and how I dealt with it, it was a learning experience. No contact was the unfortunate outcome, I didn't know how to do it myself at the time, I lacked healthy emotional boundaries as gave too much empathy to my partner while having minimal for myself (mostly after we had broken up) this went to the extreme after our conflict, after our make up when I accused her of cheating, mostly because I trusted my external source more than her. I regretfully and hesitantly went back to trying to be empathetic and compassionate but the damage was already done at this point to the both of us. I don't exactly know what's true to do this day, but I've had to let go of it and just accept because of all of her behaviours, I had trust problems and that in itself is a great sign the relationship was never going to be able to restart unless I kept my thoughts to myself and blindly carried on abandoning my emotional needs and suppressed myself to get what I wanted, which was her love, which I didn't exactly get much of in the first place as she was too stressed at the end.
Please don’t delete your comment
Omg, this is so wholesome 😭 Only few words but you touched me, thank you for being sensitive, empathetic person ❤ @@exwhy7007
Thank you for sharing your personal perspective.
I don't think I'm a true bpd, but I rant in my head every day about my employer, and I push back against my rantings, back and forth all day long. I push back by thinking about all the good things about my job, about how it's childish to have such high expectations, that I have many bad traits as well and would do well to focus on those instead of on the shortcomings of my employer, etc. I got upset at Mass last night, but by the time I got home I had dis-armed myself and begun to see the situation in its proper perspective. But I would like to stop critisizing my employer once and for all, and just accept them as they are. ANd I would like to have more self control/self-restraint than I have sometimes. Perhaps a pre-emptive strike would help, to imagine what might piss me off in my day's march, and to anticipate a healthy response, i.e. self-restraint plus a realistic assessment of my expectations of others. What did I expect from the world? The amazing thing is that it's not 10 times worse than it actually is.
🤗❤️
I have seen him in a fine mood, nothing has changed at all, literally walks out the door to have a cig, come back in, completely different mood, I listened to him shouting from anther room , about his stuck in a job he hates, he slow hand clapped himself saying well done! He commented on my silents then he went to sleep. I didn't have any argument there wasn't one all I could be was silent. As literally he walked out in one mood walked back in completely angry .
I originally started to watch your content, because I was living with someone who told me they’ve been in mental institutions, and I was having trouble with them and their behavior.
I think I spoke too soon I discovered they had been in mental institutions. Once they were living with me they revealed those facts to me. But she was pretty. I liked her personality. We worked together for a year. You just can’t tell until it shows itself.
I’m really not sure why I am thinking about this type of content. I see my ex at work, but we don’t talk which is pretty good for me.
I don’t know that I will ever have the wisdom to be able to avoid the problem people. It just appears as if all of us have some kind of problem not a mental disorder just problems.
I feel very fortunate to be in the good position that I enjoy today. I have the opportunity to do even better but there is stress. Maybe this stress puts me in the same frame of mine, as when I was living with the mentally ill ex-girlfriend?
I think probably yes.
Thanks for your message. It sounds like talking to a professional and healing some more would benefit you very much.
Do borderline self talk a lot ? Like express their thoughts out loud… also do they act like nothing has happened after an argument or fight ? For example; sing and dance right afterwards ….
Apologies in advance, I have an alternative view of splitting which may help some people (with a summary of my story), which affected me a lot.
TLDR: I'm not sure how common this is, but my ex split on me but mostly on herself it seemed. It was never overly extreme towards me but she split on herself a lot. I suspect this is most common with quiet borderlines? As to whether they actually split on themselves or me internally is another story.
My ex initially went very quiet on me for about 2 days (was being extremely affectionate before this for weeks), but suddenly withdrew affection and her need for attention pretty much vanished, this was followed by an abrupt angry projection after I asked if she was okay as I had noticed a change in behaviour. She said that I apparently did not want her to see her friends. She mentioned that she saw me plenty of times a few months ago so I had no reason to complain, even though I didn't complain. This was because I asked when I could next see her as I hadn't seen her for about 2 weeks and was gentle about asking. When she got angry at me, she mentioned I looked angry because my eye brows lowered a little bit. After her angry outburst, I said I wanted her to have friends and that it's not true. She seemed to be certain I had a problem with her friend though, to which I said I did not. She was adamant that I did, so she came up with more reasons and things she "heard" that proved it. I said that if she has a problem with something she should come to me about it and that it wasn't fair that she was doing this. She didn't like that and said she needed some space so she can decide if she wants to stay or go (the second time in the relationship). I was upset and tried to reason with her, but nonetheless respected this need for space and gave her a little message each day to check in on her.
After some positive supportive messages, it appeared she already had made her mind about ending the relationship (left our duo group on some apps). This was followed by some text messages with her crying saying "I want this but I can't do this" and then I thought we were just having a break. A few days later, she tells me she found it sad that she just told her carers that we broke up, and I was confused and asked if we could meet up to discuss this. After much convincing, we met up and it felt like talking to a rock. I was trying to get her to speak but I said what I had to say and she was pretty much like "I never should have got in a relationship, and that's it, that's all I have to say" and I did get a very haunting and screaming "SORRY" which echoed through my entire body for days after. I felt like I got some closure from that, seeing that I really thought she was not in a good mindset. She did say that she would be "fine" and that she doesn't need to talk about her mental health and that she doesn't need anyone, she can do life by herself.
After I got home, spoke again, she said she loved me so much and she doesn't know why she does this (sabotaging and ending the relationship is how I understood this). Said when she felt loved she didn't want it anymore. She then said some disturbing things which I never heard before like "I think I like to be hurt" and something a bit too inappropriate to write here about how she wanted me to do something like I didn't love her. She then really started to say a lot of self-deprecating things and basically said I deserve better because she is really shit and that I deserve to be loved by someone not so traumatised. I was still absolutely fine after seeing all of this, I thought I got a lot of closure etc.
Also, she really showed a lot of signs that she hated herself deeply and I can't cover everything here, but my ex only split on me right before the discard a few months later, after I was getting emotionally needy as I lost myself trying to get the relationship back on track. I got a lot of mixed signals and push/pull which eventually lead to her giving up. One of her most common lines was "I don't deserve anything good" and this was really sad to hear. After I accused her, she said many things, but one thing that stood out was "Try being me, I want to be with you but didn't know how to be" after I expressed how hurt I felt by the way she messed me about. She apologised for most of her behaviours, despite taking them personally. She seemed aware of most of what she did after I told her.
Lastly, I could see she really didn't think anything of herself at all. I'd come up with plenty of reasons why I thought she said this and thought this of herself, but essentially she is so traumatised but also self-aware about it (I think this gave me hope) that only after she teased me for weeks and then ended it, anger stewed in me as I began to think about that I got told she cheated on me a few weeks before that and ignored it. I fawned at the time, but after we stopped talking, I confronted her in an angry abusive way by accusing her and saying some horrible things. This all got denied and I felt absolutely terrible and she kept in contact with me for 3 weeks after this happened (after some empathy and attempted explaining and kindness mixed with angry projection from herself for weeks) which I endured and then she discarded me eventually as she was done trying to be nice to me.
Not sure if anyone else can relate to this, but I spiralled into a hell-hole of shame and guilt and it took me months to recover. Doing a lot better now :)
Talk to someone please. Its splitting, she couldn't trust you or herself and they will sabotage their lives and especially relationships. It caused her too much stress.
@@daviddemars Thanks David, I've got myself on the right track, been doing really well in my healing journey. Still a lot of buried trauma inside of me which I am looking to heal as I persist in this recovery. Doing everything I can :)
I am personally moved by my experience, it was a real eye-opener. It was cathartic for me to write that story. I am not affected by it like I once was and I no longer hold any anger towards her. She is hurting so much inside, like so many others, including myself to a lesser degree.
Appreciate all that you do to help guide people into healthier lives!
Useful information regarding disorder of boderline.
Therapist are good or bad
hard to say because they are too
expensive Once l went with a
friend. she paid in advanced for
hour session.Then when she at
the session she had given the impression
the one hour session was not enough should pay two hours
she had to borrowed the money to pay for an extra hour.
So how many hours need for
patient with boderline disorder
and how much cost to have a therapist? Certainly won't be enough for short term period
could be life time treatments.
Whether should fellow method
of self healing through a faith
more advisable
Can someone that's borderline, also have NPD?
Yes they can.
Essentially they can just exhibit the behaviours required to be diagnosed for both BPD and NPD
Thank you so much for your information. I'm new to learning about these disorders.
Yes they can be comorbid and have bpd npd aspd with bipolar disorder, my last relationship 2 year ago was with a lady who had bipolar disorder type 1 with bpd aspd and npd, i ended up being traumatised but I'm now in recovery...@@kellyandaaron2005
@@kellyandaaron2005 you're welcome. I'd also recommend to search for "AJ mahari". I found her content very useful as well as David's. I like the differences in perspectives.
Best of luck!
So …. what do you do when you are in a relationship with some one with 9/9 DSMV 5 traits of BPD but they are a therapist and unequivocally state that their traits consistent with BPD (they’ve been formally diagnosed with BPD previously by at least 1 qualified mental heath professional) are instead due to autism? I’m guessing the expert answer is to disengage as quickly as possible but just wanted to check.
I enjoy your videos and have gained some knowledge for dealing with someone in my life who has BPD.
I do have to point out your flawed logic on morality. Even if you are an atheist you should accept the idea that morality comes from a higher power. If you believe humans are the arbiter of morality than you end up in an endless circle jerk. Why are your morals better than mine? Because you said so? It’s the same with democracy, if everyone votes to kill one group of people, does that make it right? Morals come from God, same with free will.