literally 10 times during this podcast, i burst into tears and needed to practically pull the car over. this is mind blowing. stuff i never considered before or connected the dots. THANK YOU!!! i need to dive deeper into all of this!!!
i have been so so so anxious in my life. i literally developed stomach issues because my anxiety shows up mostly in my stomach and i ruined my pelvis. but ive done a lot of work. just got out of a relationship with a disorganized avoidant, we broke up bc of conflict. and i have learned to not take his actions personally bc i know i was a good partner and i tried to work it out and even though i was definitely codependent, i did manage to regulate myself often and always spoke without demand or intense need. im trying to learn compassion for self bc i had so much for him. and a big part of this is not blaming myself for his own inability to show up. its also removing the blame on him bc i felt the genuineness of his being and can understand his reactions to his own wounding and that it really wasnt about me. even tho i couldve handled certain situations better
Thank you for explaining it with examples. We as listeners need lots of examples because we think our experiences were normal. When I watch videos about trauma and they only explain the issues without explicit situation examples its too abstract for me.
I have 3 kids with fairly high health needs and I HAVE been the helicopter parent. But my issue is I’m a gen Xer and I was raised typical of that era. Mix of free range and dismissive avoidant authoritarian style parenting, with a good dose of trauma from previous generations thrown in. I developed a strongly Anxious leaning FA style which I feel was due to not enough care and attention. I really would have liked someone to care more about how I felt, where I was, what I was doing. But I was left to my own devices a lot and my highly sensitive feelings were certainly not anyone’s number one consideration. Rather they were pretty constantly dismissed and downplayed and belittled. So being more protective was my solution for my children who I don’t want to feel abandoned and thrown unprepared in the deep end. I don’t want them to feel continually in fight / flight mode or have an unending sense of shame about doing the wrong thing because no one gave me any guidance. And now I keep hearing that, that approach is going to make them feel anxious and unable to cope in the world. I think I learnt to navigate the physical world faster than they have but it’s the constant emotional dysregulation I can’t stand. It has been a barrier to progressing in many areas for me. My biggest hope for my children is a calmer and more regulated nervous system than I had, knowing someone had/has their back, and also a more secure attachment style so they are able to find healthy partners without the need to fawn or try to make themselves into someone else, because they don’t feel ‘good enough’ as they are. Only time will tell I guess.
This is very informative, thanks. I have a q's though. I'm secure attachment and my partner is disorganised attachment. If you subconsciously choose a partner based on your early attachment, how'd we choose eachother? 🤷🏼♀️
@@jacolisedebeer7358 - great question! It could be that the way that you and your partner interact, wounds you in a way that is familiar to one of your parents. Lots of complexity to all of this. In my community, we explore all of this. ❤️
Working with a skilled somatic therapist trained in healing trauma is actually exactly what we need to do when our nervous system is stuck in fight/flight/freeze/fawn. Combined with other modalities that may work for you, nervous system work is essential in healing trauma.
I think it’s key because it’s the worst ongoing symptom of abuse and neglect. It’s basically what cptsd is. I keep trying to heal it myself. But as they say in this video, understanding and knowing why doesn’t prevent the sympathetic nervous system from automatically and instantaneously turning on in response to everyday life events. For me it’s a continuous roller coaster of freeze, fawn, fight, flight .. I cycle through one state to another. I very rarely have any time in my day where I feel calm, regulated and happy. It’s exhausting, bad for my health and stops me from achieving my goals.
Sarah is so clear and articulate in explaining the attachment styles. Very rare. Always enjoy listening to her practical and real-world examples.
Wow what an amazing woman!! I could sit and talk about this kinda stuff for hours with Sarah.
literally 10 times during this podcast, i burst into tears and needed to practically pull the car over. this is mind blowing. stuff i never considered before or connected the dots. THANK YOU!!! i need to dive deeper into all of this!!!
ruclips.net/video/1vaLsKimqC0/видео.html
This one covers similar topics and is very good, I recommend
why does this video has less than 10 milllion views??? Super Super amazing.. made me connect the dots from childhood till now...
I love that we can also watch these Podcasts now! Thank you!
Mind blowing! Pulls so many trauma healing pieces together, creating a clearer view of the bigger picture!
you say things in a way that makes all these relationship aspects more clear.... thank you
i have been so so so anxious in my life. i literally developed stomach issues because my anxiety shows up mostly in my stomach and i ruined my pelvis. but ive done a lot of work. just got out of a relationship with a disorganized avoidant, we broke up bc of conflict. and i have learned to not take his actions personally bc i know i was a good partner and i tried to work it out and even though i was definitely codependent, i did manage to regulate myself often and always spoke without demand or intense need. im trying to learn compassion for self bc i had so much for him. and a big part of this is not blaming myself for his own inability to show up. its also removing the blame on him bc i felt the genuineness of his being and can understand his reactions to his own wounding and that it really wasnt about me. even tho i couldve handled certain situations better
That's the beauty of observing without absorbing.
With genuine love❤
Thank you for explaining it with examples. We as listeners need lots of examples because we think our experiences were normal. When I watch videos about trauma and they only explain the issues without explicit situation examples its too abstract for me.
I have 3 kids with fairly high health needs and I HAVE been the helicopter parent. But my issue is I’m a gen Xer and I was raised typical of that era. Mix of free range and dismissive avoidant authoritarian style parenting, with a good dose of trauma from previous generations thrown in. I developed a strongly Anxious leaning FA style which I feel was due to not enough care and attention. I really would have liked someone to care more about how I felt, where I was, what I was doing. But I was left to my own devices a lot and my highly sensitive feelings were certainly not anyone’s number one consideration. Rather they were pretty constantly dismissed and downplayed and belittled. So being more protective was my solution for my children who I don’t want to feel abandoned and thrown unprepared in the deep end. I don’t want them to feel continually in fight / flight mode or have an unending sense of shame about doing the wrong thing because no one gave me any guidance. And now I keep hearing that, that approach is going to make them feel anxious and unable to cope in the world. I think I learnt to navigate the physical world faster than they have but it’s the constant emotional dysregulation I can’t stand. It has been a barrier to progressing in many areas for me. My biggest hope for my children is a calmer and more regulated nervous system than I had, knowing someone had/has their back, and also a more secure attachment style so they are able to find healthy partners without the need to fawn or try to make themselves into someone else, because they don’t feel ‘good enough’ as they are. Only time will tell I guess.
So so good! Thank you! The clarity this has created for me is profound! 💜
I appreciate the value you bring to my life through your work, Mark. Thank you sir.
Beeeeest episode 💟
This is very informative, thanks. I have a q's though. I'm secure attachment and my partner is disorganised attachment. If you subconsciously choose a partner based on your early attachment, how'd we choose eachother? 🤷🏼♀️
@@jacolisedebeer7358 - great question! It could be that the way that you and your partner interact, wounds you in a way that is familiar to one of your parents. Lots of complexity to all of this.
In my community, we explore all of this. ❤️
@markgroves thanks for replying! I'll definitely learn some more about all this, it's fascinating 👌🏼
This episode! Was so amazing! I had to take notes :) Will come back to it for sure
Thank you Sarah and Mark for your amazing, lifechanging work!
This is such a helpful episode. Thank you! This explains so much.
Thankyou so much!!! Absolutely brilliant 🙏🌟
And just think all those babies that are left to cry themselves to sleep for sleep training to sleep thru the night. Smh
Me😢
@@BlueBlue23🎼🎶🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🎶💃🐦🎵💙
Fear not.
The best is yet to come.
You guys are incredible!!!!
Even "impossible", becomes "i'm possible" ❤
Have a YAHsome Day
So very interesting.
AMAZING💐💐💐💐💐
I dont think nervous system regulation is enough to heal severe childhood trauma?
Working with a skilled somatic therapist trained in healing trauma is actually exactly what we need to do when our nervous system is stuck in fight/flight/freeze/fawn. Combined with other modalities that may work for you, nervous system work is essential in healing trauma.
What do you think?
I think it’s key because it’s the worst ongoing symptom of abuse and neglect. It’s basically what cptsd is. I keep trying to heal it myself. But as they say in this video, understanding and knowing why doesn’t prevent the sympathetic nervous system from automatically and instantaneously turning on in response to everyday life events. For me it’s a continuous roller coaster of freeze, fawn, fight, flight .. I cycle through one state to another. I very rarely have any time in my day where I feel calm, regulated and happy. It’s exhausting, bad for my health and stops me from achieving my goals.