Why Compatibility Is More Important Than Chemistry | by Jay Shetty
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- Опубликовано: 27 авг 2024
- Ever get caught up in the chemistry of a relationship, only to realize later you weren’t compatible? Jay Shetty reminds us that most of our visions of compatibility and chemistry come from the media. We expect one person to be everything in our lives, but that’s not possible.
In this video, Jay Shetty explains three foundations to compatibility: the ability to communicate well, common personal goals, and honesty and comfort in expressing one’s soul with each other.
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Jay Shetty is a storyteller, podcaster, and former monk who wants to make wisdom go viral. He loves taking his own life experiences, lessons from his time as a monk, and truths he has learned to make others’ lives better.
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Chemistry to get it started.
Compatibility to keep it going.
Shared values and vision to make
it last.
Relationships in a nutshell. 👏👏👏
Idk man, Vision wasn't that great of an MCU character. Kinda don't want him meddling in my relationship
This is it man. This is why it's very important to date PAST the romance stage of a relationship before getting married. What is your s/o like once the sparks have faded? Do the two of you survive the stage where the sparks fade and you start withdrawing from each other? Etc.
And freely expressing oneself to see it till the end
Bro I’m gonna have to copy this quote and put it on my wallpaper
"Your partner can't be everything and neither can you" 👏👏
Yes, that’s entirely too much to expect of a person!
Only women want their men to be everything. Guys are happy with their lives, I don't believe we expect our women to be our beer buddies
Rajdeep Ghosh thats why you’re lonely
I can be everything I want to ,but I won't be everything what you want
@@apontutul It's precisely that attitude that will keep you single for a long time
When I start considering my partner as boring, I remind myself too that I can be boring sometimes. Just give each other time and space to get back to each other in a better version. He is not here to entertain me, it’s not his duty so let both of us be ourselves
Yo Uniqca 💯
Very wise.We expect things of our partners that we can't even deliver ourselves.Thats hardly fair.
That's y compatability is more important
'Men are not our entertainers', wish more women would understand this fact. Much respect.
“Boring” isn’t bad. “Repugnant” is a bit less forgivable.
Chemistry is like riding a rollercoaster that gives you this ephemeral euphoria whereas compatibility feels like home, it's stable and sure.
Well said x
Really? What if you grew up in an unstable house that you called home? 😂 😂 😂
Euphoria💜
It's better to be friends with someone first and get to know them well before committing. Ask more questions to know the person well. I think there's a video by Jay about this
Just like what kuch kuch hota hai thought us
Perhaps if you've disclosed the intention of the friendship otherwise you may end up...disappointed.
@mojo It is the name of a hindi movie. I have not watched it but sounds interesting.
@mojo it's a Srk film.. Bollywood film..U should watch it sometime.. it's good.
@mojo kuch2 hota hai is a very gud movie
It’s the worst feeling thinking we had so much chemistry and had so much fun only to realize in the end we just weren’t made for each other. And when it’s gone it’s easier to remember how much chemistry we had not how much compatibility we didn’t.
Real talk right here ! You feel like you should have tried a bit differently, but the end result is that when you want to be with someone that effort should come naturallg from both sides.
@Krishna Patel just do you. Seriously, the time you are so passionate about what youre doing with yourself, anyone will feel attracted 😌
That happens only because the relationship is just making fun or having sex , no feelings and motions no chemistry !
Having sex isn't necessary at all before marriage . Having fun makes any relationship weak and not serious
Micah M Bc chemistry is just as important as compatibility!
Whoever that says it’s not is a fool! Jay Shetty is not qualified to speak about this! You need both or deal with eventual divorce or a lifetime of unhappiness!
Also depends on the person. Some people don’t care much if there’s chemistry and for those super logical minded people then it may be fine. But proud who are more connected to their emotions and feelings you better know that chemistry and connection matters very much!!!
@@lover3308 yes it is. they both are. commitment to making it work is another c i will add to it, chemistry, compatbility and commitment.
This is SO TRUE. I met this guy on a trip and we INSTANTLY gelled. I was head over heels. Finally someone I clicked with and someone who understood me. Same culture, same sense of humour, same family structure, similar interests..
HOWEVER we had different "goals" or "visions" in life, which is why it didn't work out.
He wasn't immature per se, but he wasn't as mature as me, and thus did not share the same set of core values as me. (Despite being from the same culture)
Although I noticed this, I naively brushed it off because I really wanted it to work between us. But ultimately it couldn't because we were in different stages in life. To cut a long story short, I broke my own heart by investing my energy into a relationship, that i could CLEARLY *SEE* wouldn't work out.
I should've listened to my gut at the first red flag, but I didn't - and paid the price later.
It's very easy to be fooled by chemistry, so don't be. Always listen to your intuition, it will never misguide you
@Robert Raghav you're so missing the point. Watch the video again. The guy was attracted to her and in the end it fizzled for both parties. Btw people aren't stupid. You can compromise so much until you lose who you are as an individual
U will never find ur own Xerox
There will always b differences
@@msharmaravi I think you missed the point. There's nothing wrong with differences. There is a problem however, if you and your partner aren't on the same page. That's where compromising comes in. But if the other person isnt willing to compromise, the relationship will never last
@Robert Raghav you can compromise on everything but never never never on yiur personal values.
@ Bayleaf...yiu have just shared wisdom that can save someone a lot of pain. Hope you have healed too. As people we are so different. But when we are young we are so naive to recognize that.
I think it comes down to a person's background, upbringing and their values in life. How a person reacts to certain problems reflects on the way they were raised.
Thats true
You are so so right
But does that mean then we cant do nothing about changing that behaviour when we grow older?I think that we can change that way if we are around people who are acting different than us,because it would show us different perspectives of life
@@nikolamilosavljevic8785 no girl.. i tried to do so wit my gf.. bt she started thinking that im trying to change her.. she was like u don't understand me.. we r not ment to be instead of talking to me.. she took this decision on her own
@@Reenanaik674 sucks bro but im 100 percent sure that just blaming our parents for our behaviour isnt solution
Chemistry is something you have right away. Compatibility is something you learn over time.
Compatibility is better it's natural
You will exactly behave as your zodiac sign you cannot be like another zodiac even if you try
If you are pisces you can never become like aries...it's not possible
THE SIMPLE DEVIL you are just plain stupid lol
What if the chemistry lacks?
If you have chemistry, but aren’t compatible, walk away. They aren’t for you. !!EQUALLY IMPORTANT!! - If you share compatibility, but there’s no chemistry, walk away. They aren’t for you. Don’t sell yourself short on either end. You deserve a man/woman in your life who is ON FIRE for you, AND is compatible with you. It may take longer to find him/her, but it’s worth it. Consummate Love people. Don’t settle for anything less.
The best option is a person with whom you have both compatability&chemistry. Because compatility without chemistry is just a friendship and chemistry without compability is just a passion. So relationship without passion can be boring but passion without understanding can probably burn down one day.
I totally disagree,not only are the odds of finding someone like that small ( I assume) but in my own personal opinion compatibility is the best way to go it was one of the pillars in which arrange marriages were built upon and it does make sense from a rational point of view . Chemistry is just how you feel about a person it’s just feelings that’s all .
@@LungaMasilela don`t underestimate the importance of your instincts. We are still animals and we react to smell, saliva, etc. Have you ever kissed someone you don`t really like? If not, believe me, it`s awful. Now let`s imagine living and being intimate with someone you don`t like physically for the rest of your life? You`ll hate yourself and your partner.
@@sabinabavenlee not really there was a time in history where people married people that they didn’t love themselves at first and I like to think they went through the same crap as people who marry for love (not exactly though but they themselves had problems too). You only believe that marrying for love is the way to go because you live in a world where romanticism is supreme.
@@LungaMasilela people were burned to death in the Middle Ages at some point in history why should we even address the past? As it wasn`t great back then , especially for women, they had fewer rights or sometimes no rights at all other than to marry some old wealthy dude(if lucky).
If your beliefs work for you, then great. But it`s not right for others
@@sabinabavenlee what does people getting burnt to death have anything to do with what we are talking about and by addressing the past you can potentially learn something . The point that I am trying to make is that in long term relationships it’s better to be with someone based on compatibility rather than with feelings because at the end of the day feelings come and go people fall out of love .Also the basis of marriage was never intended to be romance but rather comparability.
looks /chemistry will attract you to a person
compatibility and having similar goals and values will make you stay together.
married for 19 years and she sure didnt have any chemistry towards me she actually really didnt like me at all.
but we worked together and thats how we got together.
so i dont believe in finding soulmate.
i believe in finding that someone that completes you and makes you whole
This couldn't be more true!!! Be very careful who you marry. My 8 year marriage ended because we were so opposite. He wanted to drink, watch football, be lighthearted and have fun. I long for deep connection, conversation and bonding. It's been a painful lesson. Do not sell yourself short to fit in another person's vision of what your life should be. It WILL END in heartbreak. Soul based relationships only. Do it for yourself. ❤️💔
Amen! That is so true! Chemistry is for sprinters, compatibility for long-distance runners.
Thank you for sharing this, wishing you all the best!
Most of the men will watch one or other game .b lighthearted and have fun
Y
Bcoz Men will b men
Wats wrong in that
I've been married to a woman for 12 years. We've been together for 15. The reason it's lasted is because of compatibility. Yes, we work well as a team. We hardly ever disagree. But let me tell you. This relationship is coming to an end. There isn't an ounce of passion. Not a drop of chemistry. We aren't United soul mates for which we breath in our desires of one another. We are simply bonded by friendship. It is far from terrible yet it's not even close to good. Be careful people. That spark in your eyes when you see a specific someone could mean more than you think. Don't settle like we have. Chemistry plays a big role in happiness.
@@JustineMfulama Wow. Did you take it from somewhere or make it up. Well said either way
Chemistry, compatibility, communication, patience and being at the same stage in life. Accept your partner for who they are and take time to enjoy each other and spending time together. After 2 failed long term relationships I found the one and these things I found are key.
I can't agree more. Chemistry is a feeling of the moment and is not a solid enough foundation for a long term commitment
what I found strange was having chemistry with someone makes it feel like it will all work out yet not having it gives you doubts. In reality, this is not actually true
Is not a solid foundation at all. But not many people have this wisdom
totally agree. try dating someone with a completely different cultural background and you'll see how important compatability is
True over time the chemistry and honeymoon phase will fade and then it's just choosing to stick it out and having conversations even the hard ones ..
Not having chemistry though makes them just a friend. It’s good to have more friends but I’m looking for a serious relationship.
My husband told me that he had chemistry with his lover and he didn’t have that with me. He said I was his best friend, but had more in common with her. We’ve been together for over 30 years. We were very passionate early on and I thought we had chemistry back then. We got married after all, but I guess people forget and/or change. I don’t understand why people can’t get that back. Kinda “throwing the baby out with the bath water”. I wish him all the best and hope he finds what he’s looking for. I’m moving on with love and gratitude💔
I agree that friendship is the best foundation to build on. However, in a relationship I need great chemistry. And usually this chemistry is either there from the start or not at all. So for me, first comes the chemistry and then the reason I'd stay in the relationship is compatibility and friendship built in time.
thankyou, chemistry is "the desire of your heart"
Chemistry is not ever lasting. That's why there are so many divorces. Similar upbringing, values and live goals are more important. Effects of dopamine will fade off as time passes, its the life journey that remains. And both should be on the same path with same vehicle.
Fucking well said. A+
Values and life goals I 110% agree with. However, when it comes to upbringing, I have to say that it highly depends on the circumstances of their upbringing along with how they responded to it. My father was raised in a family that would consistently beat him in the name of "discipline". My mother grew up being spoiled and sheltered almost every turn. (spoiled with no offense intended. She was just treated very well) yet here they are now, still raising me and my two siblings for 18 years.
Those are my thoughts though. In the end, everything else you've said, I absolutely agree.
@@maxii6254 thats gud to know. I mean if all matches its best. But it doesn't' mean it won't work if a few is not matching. Also depends people's nature, if both can adjust for greater good, a little differences will work out.
Speak for yourself. I've been with my partner for coming up to 6 years. Chemistry is definitely still there.
Chemistry can be developed even if you don't have it at the start. A lot of it comes down to how much you are willing to give/compromise out of your love for your partner, and not how much you can get out of your partner.
Your partner (or you) may suddenly change one day, are you just going to breakup/divorce because they're not compatible with you anymore? Of course not.
Lasting relationships, whatever their nature, are best built on common ground. Most people take this to mean shared interest in music, movies, or recreational activities. As meaningful as those things may be, it's far more important to share principles, values, and a vision of the future- where you want to go and how you want to influence your world, together. You can have a "relationship" without compatibility, but it will only last if you're also a good fit. -me
I feel communication is everything...the less we talk the less understanding about each other...
“Consistency over intensity!
Intensity is almost always on emotional impulses. Therefore, temporary.
Consistency is based on creating a long lasting and solid foundation of habits. The chore of your character” -@mosiahmtz
That's a VERY insightful little line!!!
I'm much more attracted to intense people. Why does one has to exclude the other?
#simon_sinek
Mad Hatter It doesn’t have to exclude each other. It just usually does. Intensity comes and goes. Like tidal waves, its always up or down.
Consistently is almost the exact opposite. Many people who are intense are also either emotionally unstable or unavailable. So it’s important to really understand what is causing the intensity in the person or relationship. If it’s coming from a healthy place then go for it!
@@veridrift because intensity that comes from consistency is way more satisfying.
This was me and my ex we had great chemistry but definitely not compatible. 10 years later we broke up and it was painful but also very enlightening. I wish I seen this video years ago lol but It's all good I have no regrets! It was a lesson I will never forget.
I second this because this happened to me too and I really got hurt by the break up but when one door closes another opens. I hope all works out well for you
Probably your zodiac signs didn't match...
@@helloworld7818 we are both pisces so it had nothing to do with signs and our bday was 3 days apart. It had to do with roles. Masculine and feminine ones.
10 years???
@@miloudivyne can you share more ?
This is a lifetime’s work. Notice I didn’t say goal. Everyone forgets to enjoy the moments. Don’t get blinded by comparisons or what society says works. Life is not a fairy tale. Its a roller coaster. Buckle up and get ready for the ride of your life.
I was talking to a former co-worker about this (he just retired) and his response about his marriage was like what is said here. He said that he and his wife aren't perfect, nor do they look like models. But, they've been married for nearly 40 years because they are compatible. He says they accept each other - their commonalities and differences - as they are and they can work around the latter. They're honest about who they are to each other and are able to communicate their goals. Looks fade, he said, so you need to be able to have other interests that unite you.
In my estimation chemistry is when you can be in the same room with that person you care for without a word being said and be absolutely content simply with their presence nearby. That is my definition of chemistry and is very important. Spirit recognizing Spirit and the future will reveal compatibility, I believe both are needed.
I agree. Dated a great guy for a year and NOT having chemistry with him made me leave.
We didn't have sex, personality wise completely different from me and that missing spark made start to resent him.
You have good chemistry with friends. You have good compatability with partners.
Jay, I hope you'll see this. Your videos have a huge impact on my life. When I'm lost I always go through your channel to "recharge myself".
So all I gotta say is Thank you and never stop doing this..
Problem with long term relationships is that humans take each other for granted.
Much better to remain single, never pay more than your share, and be free to spend time doing whatever you wish to do.
Humans should not try to own or dictate to each other. It’s a form of abuse.
Respect each other’s differences And make yourself happy. Don’t expect others to row your boat ✌️
Charlie Chase your cmt is a point. I think i know sth new from here
Agree.
Charlie Chase we weren’t created to be alone.
This video speaks to me. I had great chemistry with my ex, but we weren't remotely compatible, which is why we should have remained, just friends. It's actually refreshing to hear it explained.
This is the torn in the side of relationships, and why romanticizing love is such a damaging experience for many young people today.
It took many books, but they all seemed to have one thing in common; that compatibility comes before chemistry. The chemistry of my relationship - the intense dopamine and oxytocin rush - has long faded, but with it has deep intimacy, visions of a bright future and complex communication taken it's place, and it has enriched my life more than the intense honeymoon phase could ever do.
Love your profile name by the way.
I’d love to hear more thoughts on how to be in a relationship successfully with someone who’s in a different place in life than you.
There's no such thing as a successful relationship just hard work and discipline.
It can only happen if *both* parties are open-minded, willing to compromise and have patience with where the other person is in life. If one or neither partner does this, no matter how much they 'love' each other, it will never work
It’s called UNCONDITIONALLY LOVE! When you see the person thru the Lens of GOD Eyes , it makes it easier to understand, to have patience towards them, but most importantly it allows us to Extend the same Grace that GOD extends to us daily. Always Pray for your Partner instead of Preying on them(big difference)
I think you are making a mistake by looking for ways to make it work, rather than letting go. Why would you want to jump on a train that is headed in a different direction than you? Stay on your track and hope your paths cross again later.
Justine Mfulama looking at it that way, you’ll be constantly jumping from relationship to relationship. Sometimes it takes a little more patience, but most importantly loving them unconditionally. If it’s not GOD , then it won’t work anyway
I think sometimes the evidence of chemistry is achieved by the discovery of compatibility. Just a thought.
I would also agree, my and my ex had wonderful chemistry but we were not compatible at all with our personalities and lifestyle values
I experienced the same exact thing. Next time we'll be more aware...
My worst breakup was when someone who said he would communicate through problems (I was smart enough to talk about it early) broke up with me when I pushed him (not super kindly, I would admit, not badly, just not warmly) about a goal he had mentioned. He got scared and then backed away without trying to fix anything. And in our breakup, I tried to open up communication by reminding him we both valued it, he gaslighted me next by saying “no amount of communication or anything else would have changed it”. Good learning that some people are just not capable even when they promise things. I had apologized and given him space and was open to talking about how we communicate, but we were not compatible in ability or willingness. Still hurts a year later
Went through the same. It's been one year,Nothing changed.He never understood and I never tried to explain any further, just apologized and moved on with life but deep down it still hurts
Omfg I can totally relate to this! Damn, almost the same thing happened to me
learn from that and try to move on, not your fault nothing that you can do now, thats my honest opinion from a dude that not know you but doesnt want you to be sad
@@imroob9702 Well said!
You tried your best. You cannot force things in the end if the other person isn't willing to compromise and try to understand your side too. It has to be a two way street. A ships needs a team/crew to keep it afloat, and a team means working together which is important in every kind of relationship in life.
With time you will definitely feel better as you learn more about yourself, and eventually find the one that is compatible with you. Things that are meant to be in the end will be. You will be okay. Much love and peace to you
But some people take it in other sense.. they start to cheat because they cant find everything in that person and at the same time they do not want to lose that person and it all becomes messy in between.
I think it comes down to a person's background, upbringing and their values in life. How a person reacts to certain problems reflects on the way they were raised.
@thelma bukikun yes it totally depends what we do is what we have seen our parents reacting to a particular situation
It’s simple. that person isn’t for you. He said both have to be in a similar place in life accepting what the next phase in life is. If that person isn’t ready for the next phase than reality hits and you learn to fight the urge to want to stay and move on. Time keeps moving forward if you think about it too much eventually tike leaves you behind. “You can never go too far when you can’t come back home again”
Great to see the first comment on this video by someone who shares the same name and surname as me XD
The best thing is when your crush make you believe you have a chance while you have absolutely not...
That's the worst. She'll say and do things that indicate she really wants you but when you try to go in she actually didn't.
That's a classic lesson, James. Young attractive women are fickle and don't really know what they want.
@@1911Zoey Not only young girls, unfortunately. The same occurred to me with a 50 years old man (I'm 45). So...
I am looking for both chemistry and compatibility and hence i am single.
Sucheta Bagchi ✋
@@shamatembamelvin1023 meanwhile you ," I'M HERE"!!
SAGAR KHANDEKAR meaning
@@mrsigma7669 😂
Me too
Always find balance chemistry and compatibility are both important you need to feel the emotions and you also need to feel the similarities
it's really really true...we think that good chemistry is good compatibility...but it's not always true...
As I grow older, I understand this point so much more ♥️
On point. Compatibility is important - having the same basic values in life is so important. It’s sad how chemistry and love is not enough.
Yep Understanding & Having same values & Dreams are so imp. Thts why it's important to ask questions. Don't assume if they look Spritual they have same values as you.
I see this in so many couples and the saddest thing is that these people get married and down the road they find themselves trapped in a relationship that doesn't work, because they don't find the way to make it work due to lack of compatibility!
Hollywood taught us to confuse „love“ with „lust“. We‘ve been horribly duped 😮
My relationship ended last year and all I can say is that I learnt all of this by myself and it hurt like crazy because I wanted to make things work no matter what but my ex didn't want to understand or to compromise
Guys take this video into account cause it's 100% accurate and true!
It's the same with stars. The impressive ones burn the brightest and burn out. The slow fire lasts.
Chemistry and love are actually really important. They can motivate a person in a romantic relationship to become more compatible with the other person and vice versa. For example, a man may give up porn if it bothers his special lady. She may attend church if he grew up going every Sunday with his parents and siblings. He may start reading books if having conversations on a deeper level are necessary for her to avoid feeling bored in a relationship. Maybe as a feminist wearing lingerie feels sexist to her but every now and then she'll wear it because she loves him and knows he occasionally likes to see that on her. So yes, there is a fair amount of compromising that goes into a successful relationship that began with a chemical spark.
When we serve one another in love, both people are kept content in the relationship. Of course there are always a few things each of us are not willing to compromise on. It's up to each of us to figure out what those things are and to communicate them up front to a person of romantic possibility, so that they are also given a chance to decide if we are compatible for them.
Kara - Wise inputs. Ty.
One of the best analyses on relationships, wonderfully put. Maturity is better than compatibility which is better than chemistry but all three are necessary in various stages of relationship, more care is needed in the long term when newness and uncertainty is gone.
When you really like a person and this happens in very early stages of relationship, you willingly take care of likes, dislikes and areas of opposite views with other person, either by communication or showing by little actions. And this goes a long way since other person notices it, and this makes the other person like you even more, ending up them taking little efforts on their own for smoothen relationship bumps, which exist everywhere.
But this needs such maturity from both partners else one gets taken advantage of or feels like one sided effort to make it work. Both partners should want to make it work or respond to efforts of other and this is seen as work by many hence many choose to give up. They dont get it that it is their own life they are working for, a stable, content, companion with adventurous streak is good for their own long life, they are not doing a favor for either their partner or the relationship, lol.
I feel given up something to accommodate someone doesn't make you authentic. So you are faking for your partner that isn't even sustainable long term. What if you get bored and can no longer keep up? Or worst case scenario the relationship falls apart? Then what you go back to your old ways? Change should be for you not for someone else
Akwesi Boachie a habit does not make a man, so why say that person who changed is faking when it is for the better to the both of them and for someone he/she loves?
@It’s a Bunnay True. Leaving porn isn't compromise, it is a result of demand. What is wrong with keeping old habits and still worshipping your partner?
Chemistry is a must! It is not just the only one thing important of course, but we start with it. I will never make a mistake to give another chance to a man, it doesnt matter how great he is, if i dont have a chemistry with. I prefer to die alone BUT never be with someone i like only as a person, with no sexual chemistry
I am facing this right now. I really don’t know what to do. He is a great person everything I wanted in a man but I can’t imagine being physical. I am afraid I am doing a mistake by letting him go bit at the same time I wanna have that passion
I finally underatand why me & my ex didnt work out. We had the most amazing chemistry, but struggled tremendously to be compatible to eachother's lives.
This video literally shows how my relationship went previously. Exactly the same. We just love each other so much but can't handle the fact that we both are so different. We come from different continent, religion & culture.. our personality was also the big reason which impacting our relationship towards each other until one moment we realized.. we love each other so much, we can't see each other suffer for the sake of each individuals needs that we can't keep up. Compatibility is a big deal.
Definitely what I'm going through right now. Seems so familiar.
You have to absolutely, *absolutely* be best friends with the person you marry or at least spend your life with. If they aren't your best friend then it simply won't last.
It doesn’t matter what one is more or less important. They’re both critical along with so many other things needed to maintain a healthy relationship.
Life is generally a run of difficulties to overcome. Nobody can prescribe how you can or will manage your relationship. As time goes by things change... If you don't want to be disappointed then stay single... But who wants that . It's a game of chance. Very difficult to see it again through and can ruin many people. Many don't see it coming , some try and try and try but fail. Just remember the honeymoon period is wonderful, but life is not like that and it can take a lifetime of suffering to understand that.
Totally on point! Chemistry can be easily found, while compatibly requires a perfect fit, just like puzzle pieces!
True. But don't change or compromise your wants, likes and needs just too fit the puzzle. It's never appreciated the way you want it to be. That's just my opinion. Have a nice day....
we don't need to be confused about it we just have to understand each other enough
I needed this. My life long crush have never done anything to meet me. I have always waited for him. And always worked to be good enough for him. But I am over 40 now. I have two failed long lasting relationships behind me. The first was very emotionally violent. The second was a marriage without attraction or love. But we got a wonderful child together. He did not want a family with me, and he left after many years with constant complaints from him. I still love a guy I have never socialiced with. I contacted him many times after my divorce in 2016. I said I want to meet him. He ignored it but was polite and responded to many other messages. The last months litterally many men have approached me. One of them is very compatible with me. We share the same choice of lifestyle. And we both want a stable family life. We both want kids. I have one happy 13-year old, and she wants siblings. An old woman whom I respect a lot vouched for him and says she believes we will be a good match. We are compatible, we can have a good life together. I will not dismiss him totally. I will give it a chance.
So much respect to our brother Jay Shetty for this inspirational video 🙏✊
🙏🙏🙏🙏
Krishna Patel rights brother !!
I suggest being able to love, respect, and trust yourself first before being in a relationship. You can't actually treat someone else better than yourself. The expectations start to become tiring when you're depending on someone else for your own being, and when you don't get that care back, you start to pull back. People need to be able to keep themselves together and trust that the other person can pull their own weight too. So that you have the room to be dependable in the times that really matter and make a difference. Otherwise you start to resent the fact that you refuse to do the things you should be doing for yourself and feeling as if you are giving too much. Compromise and balance your love, otherwise there isn't much left to give, and your affection gets overwhelming for having a bad credit score of spending too much.
It's not about chemistry, compatibity, or anything it's all about wanting to be together and moulding like water in vessel with each other.
Interdependence is the keyword!
Wait... You should be a relationship guru.
@@DivineProphetessCoral Indian values are way stronger in adhesion of maratial relationship
@@gauravkalita143 I think that you are absolutely right and that we overcomplicate relationships sometimes. 🙂 As a song I once heard said, "If you want to do it, do it."
@@DivineProphetessCoral Right. We give up just too easy.
Jay, this was such a beautifully done video. Thank you brother
They are both equally important. You got to find a guy or a girl that you find attractive from the inside and outside. Not just one of them. Cause you'll always feel a void or make the other person feel like they are not enough. Imagine a guy is with you but you're not his type but he likes you're personalty?? You'll always feel ugly. Or imagine the opposite? You'll always feel empty... Find both in that one person.
Relationship is not about you but coming out of yourself and serve others.
You can be compatible with anyone on this planet.
I can't believe Jay blew my mind in less than 5 minutes.
Relationships can survive a lack of common interests, but NOT common values, and that's what compatibility often means....shared common values. Alot of people, often Guys, will point out to Women, apparent shared common interests, which they hope she'd agree could form the basis of a relationship. When that relationship doesn't happen, they're miffed. I mean why doesn't she likes him, he's a good Guy, and they have stuff in common.
What that's not taking into account is, one, the Guy's lack of confidence makes him unattractive. And Two, and very much more importantly, that despite their alleged common interests, their deeply held philosophical values don't align. By that, I mean any religious, or political views. In this day and age, could you imagine a Republican and Democrat maintaining a relationship? You get the idea
This comment really helped me so much, thank you!
thais gesterling religion and political interest don‘t take part in any of this. It’s more about the openness and tolerance of two persons. My mom and dad both come from different countries, different upbringings and different religions. Yet they been married for over 20 years
@It's a Bunnay *High Fivesya*:P
@It's a Bunnay that comment goes both ways
@It's a Bunnay You know it hon. That's why "Nice/ Good Guys" ALWAYS finish last with Women. They're squeamish low self esteem, and insecurity issues, make them MASSIVELY unattractive to Women. Simple as that
The ability to communicate well and the comfort to express one's self are learned skills. It is maturity or in layman's terms 'dropping the clutch.'
Common personal goals are just that, common.
Oh, you like to travel? You like music and good food? Those are all derivative personal goals because the more foundational aspects are what you would do with complete financial freedom, what kind of effort you are willing to put into achieving it as a gift to your partner, how tolerable you are on that journey (another function of maturity) and if your actions align with your stated priorities. If you would drop your partner, really, as the marriage vows go "for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others," then you aren't compatible and your relationship is headed for heartbreak, resentment/contempt, or regret.
However, values trump both chemistry and common goals but people won't be able to communicate them if people don't know themselves at their most stable state and that won't occur without a solid relationship with God. Developing which early, they can avoid the common pitfalls that lead to the emotional baggage and bad habits which act as obstacles, not only to romantic relationships, but all relationships.
Me and my ex broke up not a long time ago. We decided we had to move on as we didn't talk to each other a lot any more, we weren't meeting up anymore etc.
At first we were both alright. Sure, a breakup isn't always easy, but at least I was feeling very well, and didn't cry actually. Because I thought I didn't love him anymore.
But now I am bawling my eyes out, regretting everything I have done, regretted every decision I made on that matter.
He told me that he wasn't feeling good about himself and while on our relationship we had talked about it and I tried to help him and lift him up. But I hate myself so much for not being there for him enough. He stopped loving me, as I stopped being there for him.
Because he stopped loving me, I eventually did too. Nothing, no texts, no calls whatsoever came from both sides.
If I could go back in time, six months back, I would do everything differently. Telling him how much I love him, how I am always there for him, how amazing he is, how him and I are a perfect team. It's all gone now.
I haven't put enough thought into breaking up with him(as I started to think about it) and thought:"heh, it's boring, we don't do anything together anymore, it's over."
And went right into breaking up.
My best friend told me that it was a bummer we would break up, cuz I talked to her about it. She thought we were a perfect team. And we were.
We were an amazing couple that didn't need attention all the time, we were always handling fights maturely and healthily, we weren't lying and toxic to each other. Our story from having a bad first impression of each other, to friends, to best friends and then a couple and best friends. And now it's all gone. And I hate myself for not talking about our issue, but instead, breaking up just because I was bored.
Compatabilitypronciples:-Communication style approach, personal goal,honesty& comfort in expressg dat makes chemistry
Yes... Jay.... U R very right...... Spark need not be everything......May be momentary...... But Chemistry is...... Which lasts longer than compatiblity rather it leads to compatibility.... If it is stronger..... Nice subject rather strong subject U chose for the younger generation..... An eye - opener.... 👏👏👏👌👌👌👍👍👍
Chemistry is actually a part of compatibility and both are quite similar. Chemistry is emotional compatibility as well as physical compatibility.
Best jay shetty video i have seen. Confirms a recent insight that i have developed regarding relationships. That is, to go for compatibility and have enough self control to keep involvement and chemistrt for later.
I cant think you enough I am in this part of life where i was going for women beauty but your point is bang on
thanks for saving me , this will heal me.
Chemistry doesn’t mean same values.
Compatible ensures that vision for the future is same.
@Robert Raghav Polarity is what creates desire
@Robert Raghav You can have a good chemistry with a friend. Nonsexual chemistry.
I think chemistry is great for the start of a relationship, but compatibility is what will sustain it.
If you can get both, hold on for dear life!
Opposite personalities-22 yrs in relationship 2 kids married, facing struggles but also having wonderful experiences. In every situation there is a good side and there is a bad side. The only situation I would ask to avoid for sure is if there’s substance abuse, violence, and dangers etc. Life is long and if you have variety of experience then it’s not a bad thing. We live in the world where we would happily struggle for careers and enjoy the success but when it comes to love and creating a family, people look for the easiest route. Again there is good and bad side to everything , but only ones who dive deep finds the pearl. There are relationship that just keep you happy and moving and there are relationships that demands growth, your deep rooted strengths and understanding. We still talk and laugh about how we came together and stayed together and are still baffled and annoyed but then there comes time where we are in each other’s arm in peace and it’s like the world doesn’t exist. 🙏🙏🙏 love deeply, stay strong and enjoy the journey. Do business with head and love with your heart ❤️
Honestly ... I have been stuck between two great guys and I've been feeling like shit ...not being able to decide who to pick . Then I read this comment section and got instant clarity ....didn't even bother watching the video. Thank you for sharing your experiences it helps others make sense if their own.
Fun fact: chemistry itself (I'm talking about the branch of science) is all about making bonds between atoms to create stability for compounds. The more similar characteristics the atoms have, the more stable they will be when they bond.
If we just paid attention to the chemistry class.
We have all the lessons in front of us available, be it in nature or in books, we have it all. We have to recognize. We just have to.
Cheers ❤
cooool.
At this point in my life I'm open to whatever the Universe brings me. I've had that spark I've had Compatibility I've had both at the same time. And to be honest that spark is okay but Compatibility is so so so so so much more important to me. We can create that spark but what happens when that spark fades. And it does fade fast.
Wow, first video I see with no dislike so far but with already 10k views. Good work, Jay.
I agree with your message too although it's not easy to act on it. It definitly isn't.. But thanks for being the one and only who for once tells us that not every relationship is meant to last. Very refreshing! I think we should wait a bit and be friends before the relationship. It helps to still see more clearly and make the right decisions.
All the best to all relationships out there!
Phil
Compatibility of goals and dreams in life is very important, but I still keep some romanticism in my way of being. If I don't love her, if I am not attracted to her body and to her brain, we might share all the dreams and goals in the world and want absolutely all the same things, it is not going to work. Why? Because a relationship for me, a love relationship, is not an enterprise, it is not business. I need more than that. Still, compatibility is very important.
Too many people get caught up in each other bodies first without building the emotional connection and discovering if they are both compatible. Sex at the wrong time blurs the true reality of the relationship.
Actually, actually you need compatibility and you need chemistry one does not work without the other if you don't have both it's doomed to fail. Compatibility helps you get along chemistry keeps you together.
Every relationship has its own unique quality, so how can we expect different qualities from single relationship.
My ex and I had chemistry. Lots of it. But after 4 years we realized we weren't compatible. She left me a bit back. I hit depression. I wish I had seen this video before
I just don't understand how some people start dating someone they just met. They don't know eachother enough so how can they expect for the relationship to go well?
Livingthe Life my pet peeve . People wanna put labels on things so fast.
They are driven by their emotions (sexual and otherwise) I think this is normal for a lot of people in their 20’s but it’s sad to see people beyond that making the same mistakes
Over and over again:(
@@angelinaschlesingerYea i agree. They should know they're boundaries and where they stand. Even if they're driven by their sexual energy.
@@nicolelollipops8268 Yeaa. Students in where i school in doesn't seem to u understand that ;-;;
Apart from the fact that this video has a good message, I would also like to point out that the actors are good looking as well. I hope they know that themselves as well (Because not everyone realizes that they are handsome/pretty).
It's about understanding each other, having *empathy* , it's about *support and trust* being there for each other no matter what ♡
I was so attracted to my ex and the chemistry was fire.. relationship was shit .. he was horrible.. the guy I’m seeing now.. not a lot of chemistry but MAN the way he LOVES me .. how could I not choose him?
happy for you!
At least you have some chemistry. .
What to do when you don't have any?
Because I'm seeing a guy where there's compatibility but there's no chemistry. . Not much similar interests either but I like him.
Ugh...
Omg same situation. Me and my ex love each other like crazy but we are not compatible. The new guy I’m dating shares a lot of same values and knows how to make it work, but I don’t have much chemistry on him. My ex really wants to get back and change things. Who’d I choose?
Give me boring stable and secure over spontaneous, romantic, and unstable any freaking day of the week.
Nowadays in relationships the meaning of compatibility has changed to sexual compatibility.Its really sad that our sexual pleasures have taken over our lives. Today people do not care about your education, your values, your personality they only care about two things 1. How good you are in bed. 2. How much there is in your pocket.
I broke up with a girl that we had a lot of things similar, we cared for each other, but got anxiety by her actions and wverything went south. Pretty sad right now but most important thing is, make sure your partner loves or appreciates the things you wanna do!
Yes chemistry can fade fast. Just like opposites attract, then they CLASH BIG TIME.
This man always inspires me. I just listen to him when i am down in life. Thank you JAY for all you have done ❤️👍
Brilliant, Brilliant, Brilliant! Thank you for sharing.
Compatibility is long lasting warmth. Chemistry is just spark at beginning which anyone can have.
Most often We confuse chemistry with compatibility
The first principle of Compatibility is communication, style and approach, figure out the best ways to communicate ur pbs, or challenges.
-personal goals
-honesty and comfort ( u need to free up and be completely honest)
Always my favourite speaker Jay genius l love his speech very much.
This guy is so cute! Like I’m so in love but.... he looks like Flynn Rider. Jay, you do have a good point. Sometimes.... we want too much of someone but it’s us pushing our ideas on them.
Thank you for this🙏♥️
While this is true you stil need the chemistry at the start. You can be compatible all u like but when that spark isn't there at the beginning alot of people just don't even bother to continue
Bollywood Star Shahrukh khan
said "Pyaar Dosti Hai" means Love is a friendship because that's the best relationship where you get a real comfort to express yourself ❤️
The personal goals commentary aside, the concluding statments of the video I am not inclined to dispute. I know two people who were together briefly, they fell apart because of a similar narrative in spite of having chemistry and being compatible. Third party influence can be a huge detriment to relationships.