As I’ve gotten older-and especially after autistic realization-I’ve shifted from “struggling” with oversharing to embracing authentic expression without fear of how I come across. And I know, that’s not exactly a linear scale, but that perspective shift has significantly improved my self-esteem and sense of identity. Of course I’m mindful of privacy for the sake of personal security, but beyond that, if feel something personal is worth sharing, I just do it. No ragrets lol
I feel ya, Soup! I don't want to be perceived in a negative light by others. I am still combating the intrusive thoughts of what I share in Orions collab a few weeks ago. 😅 Did I overshare...Probably...but did it need to be shared? Yes! Absolutely! I hope people don't look down on me because of what I shared. But the general oversharing is certainly a real struggle. I wish I didn't care so much on what others think of me, but that's a trauma thing that I am working on.
I think you articulated it all very well. I try not to stress so much about over sharing. I've learned that so much of my experience of the world is internal, and that much of that isn't visible to other people. TLDR I'm rarely giving the bad impression that I think I am! If I think I've said too much I just say 'welcome to my over share!' which gets a laugh and everyone moves on 🤗
I also struggle with over sharing. The fear of over sharing keeps me quiet in social situations, which makes people think I don't care. It's definitely frustrating.
As an older Autistic person, I have just found that I naturally started to share less. Idk why, just did. I only share more if I feel like it’s needed in a situation or if someone asks me a question about what I did share.
I've been struggling lately with the mental load I have to deal with. I have a lot of things I need to do for my new job, like fingerprinting and background checks. My son is struggling with school so I need to call for an IEP meeting and tour other schools he's on the waitlist for. I have seasonal depression and I'm just so drained, but I have to keep going. I hope we all find the energy we need. Have a great week, Claire and friends! 💞
Hey Whitney! I am sorry you are going through all of that. I know what it's like to feel that way with having to navagate a lot of tasks, resulting in overwhelm and exhaustion. I am going through a similar experience as well. My heart goes to you! Much my dear friend! ❤
It’s a lot but try to focus on the gratitude you feel for the new job. I just started a new job on September 19, and I am just forcing myself to remember that I had a lot of stress without the job. So now I have stress and some overwhelm, but I also have income. Blessings to you.
Thanks for sharing Claire. I struggle a lot with interaction, I can often end up over sharing or saying the wrong thing without realising so I tend to just stay quiet most of the time which also seems to rub people the wrong way. It's quite tiring. Since my diagnosis in January I too have had a year of changes. I am more freely myself and allow myself to just be how I am more. It also comes at the cost of realising where I don't really fit which is a struggle. My special interest (Silent Hill 2) got a remake this weekend so I have been throwing myself into that as I have been feeling very burnt out recently! Hope everyone has a good week
Your struggles sound very much the same as mine. Differences are that I am self diagnosed and unable to play Silent Hill 2. My special interest is Xbox gaming hence the reason for no SH2.
Over sharing… gahhhh! I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve written a post or comment that I very soon went back and deleted, feeling like an idiot!! Funny thing is…I’m usually very closed up, quiet, and introverted. But once in awhile, I’ll get a wild hair and share things- regretting it very intensely. I think my anxiety and fear about over-sharing causes me to be very much like a clam.
✨💜 So relatable, and that feeling once you move through that adjustment stage is so amazing! 🙂 💜✨ Also, I overshared / worried about oversharing most of my life, but in recent years (especially I try to unmask) I've become much more comfortable with allowing people to just find me where I am. It's taken a while, but I don't care much what people think of me anymore and it's such a burden lifted. There are sometimes difficult realizations when people I care about don't seem to share that wish to truly know me. But most of the time I know where I stand with people and it's the best place I've been in ever with people. I totally understand how anxiety inducing that fear is, and how it feels like you're kind of locked in place. But I hope you find ways to move out towards a more open space and find your own comfort level. I think most of us here empathize with what you're going through ✌🐈⬛💤 ☕
You are not alone, Claire! Hang in there. I have no idea what is appropriate to share. And I don't understand why we can't just share what we are comfortable sharing and leave it at that. Also thank you for being so vulnerable. Growth times can be so painful and take all of our energy. But soon ish you will turn into a beautiful butterfly. Not literally, lol.
Thanks for another awesome porch coffee. Oversharing. Yes I struggle with this. I also struggle with anxiety about making any comments at all. This is mainly about misinterpretation, ambiguity, and judgement. I try to keep commenting here because I feel it is a safe space. My week has been busy. I'm going to have a lot of podcasts to catch up on at some point. Lots of deadlines first. I hope everyone has a great week!!
I have had a bit of extra dopamine this week as I challenged myself to finish something each day in crochet. I even kept up with it for a bit over a week and now have 7 pumpkins, and not a single one is the same. Okay, so there are two from the same pattern but different sizes of yarn were used in each one. I had one of my funny weekends of church where I get to do 5 2 hour sessions from my couch at home. It takes 2 days and happens twice a year. I struggle at times with the over sharing but figure that it can be a good thing with doctors and therapists. (I'm on my third therapist this year). I wish I could leave a smiling pumpkin photo for you to see. I hope we all have a good week.
Hey Claire. I definitely have a hard time with change even if it’s good change. Thanks for being vulnerable and trying to articulate your feelings and experience. It’s definitely nice to know that others are human and struggle too. Have a good week
Good morning Claire and everyone. I hate when I say something I think is clever but it turns out to be inappropriate in some way I hadn't considered. At least there's something about inappropriateness that cracks me up, but in this case it isn't funny until years later after the embarrassment has worn off. I think with people I don't know well I try to follow their lead... But even then... So frustrating!!
I feel like I either share too much or too little, although I have been steering on too little for so long people might find it hard to believe I overshare sometimes. I think I mostly felt safer that way, because even with my family anything I said would possibly be held against me. Lately I've been starting to share a bit with close friends and making the experience of them actually being really supportive, which has been great even though I struggle with trying to give back to them the right way if that makes sense. You sharing how you're handling life after your diagnosis has helped me a lot the past year, but you should of course only share what you are feeling comfortable with. I hope you are feeling better soon Claire
An interesting subject, for sure. I think that plenty of neurotypical people struggle with oversharing too, and particularly if they see you as a trustworthy person to overshare to (I've had loads of experiences of this within the workplace). It's something that I'm way less bothered about as I get older tbh and it's one of the advantages of middle age. Maybe because I don't have children, I see my own channel as a way to pass on my experiences (and maybe wisdom? 🤪) to others, but I'm still mindful in exactly how much I share.
This is my favourite porch coffee! I loved how raw your share was and because of it I felt I could relate and it's why I'm here. It's Tuesday so I'm doing a Tuesday porch coffee lol. 🌼💖Thank you!
I don't feel you've ever overshared but I understand that fear of not knowing.. I've had a tough fortnight with family staying and too much socialising. Now I have a week completely to myself which will be bliss 😊
If there was an Oversharing Olympics, I would definitely compete. Oversharing on the internet has led to lots of problems for me in the past, so I think you're wise to be careful 👏🏼 I tend to want to overshare so that I feel more true to myself. But I have learned that some people will take advantage of me if I share too much, and that's sad. Anyway, I relate to the struggling feeling and the concern about oversharing. Have a good week!
Morning, Claire! Oversharing happens so easily with me if i feel safe with a person even tho it may or may not be a reciprical feeling with that person. I think i go out on that limb to establish a connection ( i found i really struggle with connecting with people). I realize i do NOT know what i am doing when it comes to social norms. Also, with RSD, it does not take much to shut the oversharing off if i feel that the effort fell flat. Its like stomping on the social gas pedal and if the car goes nowhere, i think i broke something and back off.
Good Morning! No wonder nothing at 4AM eastern. The missing notification was legit. Glad Porch Coffee was a little late. All good. Good things take time coming to life :) Thank You!
Claire! I commend you for what you shared about oversharing. I am, too struggling in this field as well. I also don't like my voice but I am currently learning how to value and cherish it because I need to. Lol. I've said it before and I'll say it again that I can empathize with you in this field. I am afraid of how others are going to perceive me if I share whatever is on my heart. You are certainly not alone. Thanks for being vulnerable! Much love ❤
Amanda, thanks for understanding about the voice things - it's probably accurate to say that no one likes hearing their own voice, they just get used to it?
Good morning Claire! I love love the cats and birds taking part in Porch Coffee😂😂😂 I have lost friends over oversharing. Its definitely something I struggle with. I rarely feel safe in conversations, but when I do, I tend to overshare real quickly. Also info have been used against me, so I am really cautious nowadays.
Growth is tough. You’re already wonderful and growth will make you even richer. I’m my mid sixties. Still thankfully going through those growth cycles. And yes the unmoored bit is unsettling and yes as you know you’ll be fine on the other side of the growth spurt. Just a little awkward and ‘gangly’ or gooey as you transition 😊
Claire… I love you ☺️ I love your personality and your … hmm je ne sais quoi … nature? I know you struggle with negative feelings about yourself when it comes to productivity and other functional difficulties… but I relate to that so much. It does not make you a bad person. And you comfort me. (Prob nothing to do with today’s video. But it’s a feeling that’s been developing over time 🩵)
Hey Claire! I know what you mean by going through waves of changes throughout your life and feeling like one is coming on/happening. Sending you love as you navigate all the good/hard things that come with that!
Hi Claire, its a case of what is right at the time what to say depending who you are with at the time. I know what you mean. I had a good week I did take care
I get that about over sharing. I have gone through times where I was trying to be more outgoing (which is opposite of my naturally introverted nature) where I thought ok that means talk about anything, everything, keep conversation going. In the process, I over shared. Many times. I could see it on their faces I had gone too far. Then I went in the opposite direction, hardly speaking, afraid to speak up and then people thought that was weird too. It's a struggle. My week here is good. The past couple weeks I got to read a book for a book review site and they paid me for my review.. Pretty cool! I don't have a lot of time to do that usually but it was fun to do that this time.
Thank you, parasocial friend! I feel you're sharing way more than enough. I always struggle at my kids' parties when talking to other parents: I totally over share. Don't know what the answer is, but my therapist does keep reassuring me that "small talk" is okay, and I don't need to commit to connecting with everyone I meet.
I’m in my 30’s, and this is still a big problem. I’ve learned to listen more and resort to pertinent questions and properly timed humor, but sometimes I just give too much info, or so my wife tells me. Sometimes it just slips out around new acquaintances, and my wife later tells me I was giving too much info..
I'm not really sure how much this connects to the thoughts articulated in this video, but something I've started to notice lately related to personal change is that sometimes it can be difficult to tell whether I'm moving forward or moving backward. And sometimes it feels like both at the same time.
The lesson I have had to learn is how to to hold back information. I over share to the point where my word has been used against me. Not the exact same. Part of me has felt if I am not sharing everything I am not being honest but really it’s just there are details no one else needs to know . Thank you for being you Clair .
If I had a you tube channel I would be terrified of oversharing! I don't think I'd want to ever do a live one. I think you're very brave to be on here, here be trolls and other beasties. Also the lovely community that's growing too, but I guess I have huge amounts of fear around people judging me so I don't think I could do it even with a lovely supportive community, I would believe they are silently judging me! Lol you gotta laugh eh? I think it's RSD to be honest. Hope you have a lovely week Claire :D I will be clearing junk from my home of 12 years, it's long overdue.
I totally get where you are coming from - I really struggle more than I thought I would with worrying if I am doing and saying the correct things. and I worry about being judged. I also worry about the livestreams so I try to set a time limit boundary for myself to where I feel comfortable.
💯 over shared online in the past before knowing I'm autistic. Then it made sense why and how - kind of. Since then, studied what others share with whom and when. I can't say I understand completely; however, now I error on the side of not saying. This strategy is not always "good" though because I really get into comfy hermit-mode lol. We grow the way we need to hopefully, so don't judge the process. You give a lot to so many. Thanks for another amazing and reflective porch coffee 🤗
I also fear oversharing, and I have sometimes in the past overshared things I later regretted. I don't know why did I tell some weird dreams I had to colleagues. I think dreams can make an impression on us, and sometimes there is an urge to share with someone. Well, not a good idea. Also, I realised family problems and some certain things are better left unshared. Usually it's not a good idea to share things that involve other people, or things that could be used against us or other people. I have become quieter in the workplace because of that. I try to participate in the conversation by contributing in the same level as the others, and staying clear of personal subjects. As a child, I enjoyed telling jokes and making people laugh, but a few times it turned out I am not always able to choose my audience. So this fear, of making a judgement error in this regards, keeps me from telling jokes or sharing things. Sometimes I am feeling depressed and I want to share something with someone, but I prefer to wait. I wait a day, a week, a month. I end up not sharing it at all. It hurts deep inside. I should maybe consider therapy, but I'm unwilling to do so. I'm going through a difficult time, but I feel sharing with someone what I have deep inside would not make a difference, things wouldn't change.
Oh my gosh, I struggle so hard with social "rules". Here's me in a small group conversation: I'm listening, I stay quiet mostly. Then they touch on an area that is one of my special interests. Someone sort of leads me into the conversation because they know that this is one of my special interests. I say, "Yes, I do that. I actually do that a lot." Meanwhile in my head....."Oh my gosh! Should I tell them all about all the things that I like to do? No, wait, don't overshare! Wait, should I tell them a bit more? Do I seem aloof or cold if I don't add more? But be careful, you don't want to overwhelm them. Should I wait, should I say it now? What should I start with? Meanwhile, they've continued the conversation and are onto something else. Still in my head the train has now gone off the rails and suddenly, I blurt out the most obscure knowledge of my special interest and start talking so fast and excitedly that I sound like someone put me on fast forward. In my head, I'm telling myself to shut up, stop talking, they don't care. How do I stop talking so much gracefully? So here I go again here, probably oversharing, scaring people off because either contribute too much or not enough in a conversation. All I can say is thank goodness for crochet & knitting because I can do that in public and just listen to a conversation instead of trying to contribute in any sort of reasonable way. I understand. Talk away, I'll listen. Take care & have a good week.
I have no idea where I heard it or the veracity of the information... but I heard that people who use filler words more often are generally more intelligent. The implication was that they actually are using the time to choose their words more carefully. I love when someone says to me "Wow, you are so honest!" Oh great, I've overshared again.
Hey Claire, not much going on this week for me, lots of sorting out to do, still not got very far on that task. Watching the kittens growing fast, they will be 13 weeks tomorrow and they are big now! Have a good week, I will look out for further videos. 😊
When it comes to those periodic existential struggles, I totally understand that uneasiness. Mostly I learned the hard way (i.e. losing trusted friends) that pretty much all difficult sharing is bad...then I had to retrain myself to try to open up when safe, but of course I have the alexithymia thing going and words for feelings are jot my best route. It's all very difficult. Yes. But I have this to say about struggle...struggle is how I know I am on the right path, maybe it's even what makes the path right...an airplane can't fly without wind resistance...so I have taught myself to get excited about struggle. I have to trust myself to sort it out. And once I do that period of struggle becomes part of my gift to the world. I could keep going but I'm trying hard to be brief lol. If you can't share about a struggle that's ok, it will become part of you and you interact with the world, and the sharing happens even without words for it. We carry it all with us and it's all there in what we offer...even if most people can't see it or know it it's in our wisdom. That it's a struggle is a valuable thing. Brief... I'm being brief, I swear!
I do this at work, once I got comfortable with the staff. I am thankful to work for a Christian non- profit. People from all walks of life. Accepting people.
You're not alone and I think the most here understand you. I thought all my life I was bad at communication . Until I joined an autism talking group. That did have some impact. Suddenly, I was able to participate in a conversation and we understood each other. Neuro difference has a different communication style. For myself, I need clarity, including the details. Otherwise, I'll get blocked by all the questions in my head I can certainly understand that this comes across as oversharing for neurotypical. I just can't say all this in one sentence. And when I look at the posts here, I think I'm not alone in that either. What I do see is gaslighting or deregulation that some not stop talking . But co-regulation helps tremendously. In addition, I have learned that it is more about expression without words. Especially when I don't have a lot of energy I now have a coach who works more with creativity. Instead of chatting a session, I draw the whole session. And that has helped so much. For me, it's much easier to talk about it if I've drawn it first. She also told me that we as humans communicate much longer with images than with words. And that stuck with me. A fellow oversharer.. 😉Take care
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. I have never heard of an autism talking group - if you see this comment please do share more about what that is all about.
@@WoodshedTheory English is not my mother tongue. So maybe you call it something else. I was looking for what our government (Belgium) had to offer in terms of support. There is an autism house where you can 'just' step in. (in a city a long way away) Or a number you can call (something we love so much) And a online talking group. But this was also very NT organized, so I missed it. This was so hurtful and frustrating. The only thing I found now is house keep help. Which I still find hard to allow. And you'll never guess a free thing for public transport. I don't think they know the term support system and double body yet. So very happy with you tube. (Now even found someone for trauma work) And there I found "mom on the spectrum" on youtube and she called it connection group. I think that name fits better. Also highly recommended for 'autistic people talking'. She explains it better on her website and also some other people's experience which certainly resonates. For me, it was a unique experience. So funny. I was going to send a short message. Well, it's stronger than myself
I only self diagnosed a year ago at age 58. I have realized I was going in and out of autistic burnout since 2014 till 2022 when I retired. I have walked through my life and found approx every 7 years it is likely I underwent something more than meltdown or shutdown. Of course I cannot accurately determine this as it relates up to 50 years ago. I do feel it was preceded by a period of atypical confidence and fitting in probably due to masking effectively. But this was followed by the cost. Coming out of the down usually occurred after a period of treading water and eventually a growth in confidence at say work when I found someone who I could relate to and who had confidence in me. These people could certainly be defined as neurodivergtly leaning because of course I cannot diagnose. I had to rebuild myself off a person or a purpose. I was raised with the expectation the high achievement was normal and at times these "successes" may have even beem egotistical and selfish not growth in self. Today I am really pleased with my iceberg of autism under the water. But the tip which is the only portion I was aware of till a year ago, is a complete mess. I am sharing this in case something provides any solace or energy or shows I might not understand everything about you but most of what you see shines little lights on my iceberg. Not sure how to help but typically autistically and irritatingly, I wish I could. I do think oversharing is due to our lack of understanding the rules but it may also be due to our need to be understood. I mean "fine thank you" says nothing about us and our greatest struggles have been understood so we lean there.
When it comes to oversharing, I guess I learned to mask that habit, so I don't really do it as far as I'm aware. Only when I drink and drop the mask do I overshare... Thanks for a good porch coffee. Sound like a contradiction, but this one was really relatable, despite the fact that I don't really overshare.
Last week was okay. Summer was horrible and tragic. This week will probably suck since there is a category 5 hurricane barrelling straight toward us. I often brain dump onto family and friends, but I do not seek out interactions with strangers IRL, so oversharing is only occasionally a problem. (I definitely fucked up a job interview one time when I muttered something I shouldn't have about a previous employer when I thiught it was just internal dialogue because I hadn't slept that night, so that was a learning experience kind of.)
Hi Clair, I also struggled with what to share in some situations. I hope you find your person. Claire, since you also love yarn, you might have enjoyed what I did this weekend. 7 yarn shops in a weekend with new patterns and yarn deals. Have a good week,
I've followed you for more than a year and I don't see much oversharing! (but then, I do realize I don't have the guidebook either, so what do I know?) You're in my prayers.
I certainly struggle with oversharing, you can probably tell from my comments. Most people I know do not share things with me because they know I cannot keep my mouth shut. If they tell me its a secret, do not spread it, that's fine. But apparantly I'm supposed to know when certain things can be shared and others should not be shared with out being told specifically. They say that I should just know. I certainly don't and often put myself in the fire unintentionally. It's very frustrating for me, and well I suspect also for them. I would like to have some ND friends who understand me and my way of thinking.
Lest week was demanding, but the weekend was really great🙂!. Not knowing the "boundaries", not been able to reed social situations well, and oversharing has always been a problem for me too, especially when I am dys-regulated . It can be traumatic or just so dame shameful!. Sorry, I don't have en tips for you, only empathy and validation!. Hope you all have a safe and regulated week:)
I don’t always realize I’m oversharing in the moment. I’m completely blind, autistic and have CPTSD. I think my oversharing is due to ASD, CPTSD, and sometimes even being completely blind. I rely so much on verbal tone and communication. Sometimes I might bring something up or say something, and then someone might get a shocked look on their face. I don’t know this, until someone else lets me know the other person’s expression.
Yo🎉🎉🎉🎉i waited all morning for this🎉🎉🎉 i could use a mug though Wait ,i thought you had nothing going on this week I picked up an internet beed with one of the vlogbrother2.0 maybe both ,not sure but their thumbnail seem menacing Some of my facebook and irl friends have been coming out as being in the spectrum or their children being autistic I think if you share too much in the first 3 seconds of the conversation than you have to keep it going for at least eighty more seconds before you get a queue to leave (if not you made a new internet friend🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉)
Good morning! I don’t know if this is helpful or not for a benchmark but as far as editing goes, I usually start out with about 30 minutes of footage and edit out about 10 minutes. I have a lot of filler too but I think it’s easier to edit than to change 😂
all the best for your transformation emotions, I use an emotion app that forces me to name emotions and an app that generates with AI after some emotion input from me some small text that sometimes is helpful. I struggle with sharing to much, but I would say I only regret it with the wrong people. when I share to much with people I trust I am down with that. I feel it also can be a sign where I know oh this person share quite much, that is someone like me, like it can be nice to hear from others sharing. I don't like the term oversharing to much since I feel it is comes from the needs of neurotypicals. stay safe and rather share less and you do NOT come across cold or distanced imo at all.
Hey, Claire. Yep to the overshare. All the time. Off and online both. Hence, I draw into silence and excuses to get out of conversations in person and on the phone. I script a lot. I mean...A LOT a lot. And online? Scripts...then, it is read, re-read, and then do it again, combing for concise phrasing, zeroing in on not only spelling, grammar, but also on what could be misunderstood or just too much. It isn't to be disingenuous, but much will get deleted. Much HAS been deleted... from blogs to profiles to mere comments. Art pieces and poetry become fodder to my ultra harsh inner critic, the one that says people must think what I say is stupid, that illogical one that says silence always equals they hated what I said. It's exhausting. Anyway...overshare. Obviously understand. 🙄 But I say you do great, really. Keep being you. Blessings on your week, friend.❤
I struggle with folks not knowing what I'm talking about. I reference a lot of things and many I am learning are quite obscure to others. I do a lot of scripting from books/movies and shows I like but they are not popular and so nobody understands what I'm saying. So I keep things to myself because there's no point in trying to communicate unless it's info exchanges related to work or home management. Most folks don't get what I'm talking about so there's really no point in even saying anything. At this juncture I can either work on it and try to communicate more effectively or I can be like Harvey Firestein in Mrs. Doubtfire and say "Honey I don't have the strength," because communication is harder than turning Robin Williams into Elizabeth Taylor.
I do not think as a rule I have had issues with over sharing, my issue is people do not listen to my word choices and then claim it is I that is guilty of whichever issue is the focus of that situation. I had an issue with the ignition cylinder on my car, all the other locks functioned well with the key. My thought was that lock was a problem especially since it is a 24 year old car. My bosses tried to 'help' me with it but instead of replacing the lock they used the passenger door lock to make a new key. Now, while that did get the ignition functioning again to my surprise, the car is my property and once I got paid, got to love bi-weekly pay schedules complicating schedules, you would think what I wanted should take priority. I point out the error in their tactics, I gladly gave credit of their solution to them, and they spin it to make me the bad person. Crap like this is why I do not mess with too many, and keep in mind I am abbreviating the situation greatly to keep this short. There are no set rules, they make it up as they go, that is why a manual is mythical at best for any of this. I had hopes to learn what is missing to adapt around that, feverish pipedream is probably what that is now.
☕️ 💜 I couldn't help but notice your shirt matches YT channel Creative Autistic. She wears the same shirt in every video 😅 (not laughing at her). Maybe she would be a great interview? I think she's close to 50 y.o. Yes, as a 61 y.o., changes occur inside continually. Now, I don't take life so seriously. Have fun and be you 💜 Wish I had this widsom as a younger gal Have a great week y'all 📖 😊
How about undersharing? I've never been able to talk about myself while I'm socialising. Even being asked 'Where are you from' is a massive burden on me, and I may or may not even answer it depending on mood.
In UK it's baking pies not giving biscuits so I get surprised every time you say your cat's brought you some biscuits. I think a) clever cat & b) what sort? Oversharing shows we didn't get the kind of social interaction that enabled us to learn what to share, what not to & how much as we were growing up. This can also be because we just don't think that way. Yes, we get shamed for it which does produce trauma. Can also just be that few people ever take an interest in us & we have real backlog of stuff we want to share. Depends on the content too. Over explaining is slightly different and is much more likely to be a trauma response. I wish there was a guide book for normies too so they do some of the work for once. I always always turn this 'we do x wrong' the other way round because it's a two way street and other (bloody) people, almost without exception, demand the accommodation be made for their weird normie ways and I don't buy that sht anymore. update: I've decided I will be taking the 'mop up' chemo treatment but I will not be letting the adverse effect get anywhere near as bad as previous and will stop as soon as anything neuropathy or heart palpitations start. Other than that things are still doing well. Still buying Daleks ;)
@@WoodshedTheory Thanks. I'm trying to rest, but it's not working too well. When I don't have work and try to sleep in, neighbours are loud. 😅 It'd be nice to be able to get more than 6 hours sleep. Tired isn't helping. I am trying to relax and play Sims in the evenings a bit.
I had to over share with Apple Support because the Apple Support person I messaged last night did not use common sense when I told them I could not block and report spam numbers individually and at first they sent me to a support article on Apple's website on how to Silence all spam which is not what I needed to do at all. It wasn't until I stated there is feature under recent under the Apple phone app that when I swipe left on a spam phone number I get the option of a orange square with hand that gives me the option to block or block and report junk that doesn't work for me and other option I get is a red square with a trashcan next to this orange square with a hand in it that works for me and saying I was only able to maybe block and report junk once yesterday. I finally told this person I tired force restarting this iPhone and I told them I was able to quickly press the up and then quickly press the down button afterwards on the volume buttons on the left side of this cellphone and finally I was able to press and hold the on/off button on the right side of this iPhone to only get a message to swipe left to do a regular reset on this iPhone.
Monday, Monday, Monday: Kitties of Chaos in the Woodshed, wrestling for the championship mug! Online privacy concerns are relatable; I've actually quit all other social platforms for similar reasons, taking it a further step to ask, Is it worth sharing anything online when it will only be arbitrarily filtered according to the pro-profit algorithm anyway? 🤔
I just don’t understand other people at all. I do not understand what to share what not to share what is gonna make someone use me what people will use against me just be they misunderstood what I am saying or what I am doing. I always get disrupted when other come into my safe place. Like I like everyone and I am everyone’s friend but like one or two people at a time. Change is very hard change has stressed me out to where I have tics now it’s like my life is over when change happens lol I even hate change from the store
Just submitted my autism show & tell video! I couldn’t figure out how to squish multiple animals in a one minute video so you might get more submissions from me 😸
You feel unmoored. Do you feel like something(s) that you considered stable (lifestyle, relationship(s), philosophical outlook) has been wavering? Has something happened to make something in life not feel sturdy? I think it's like you said, you've gone through a few times like this and you'll find your way to another, even more stable understanding. I hope you don't start to become more cynical. I hope you haven't been burned by something or someone. If/when I start a youtube channel, I will probably talk about such things myself. I've been through a few crucibles, internal and external. I think I've been through them because I've lived so much life as undiagnosed autistic. I'll probably overshare. Because of my nature to want to talk about things, get to the essence of understanding things, problem-solve and always trying to find the purest truth I can find, I have offended people. So, people have become crucibles in my life. Especially those with status and the power to do so. I think our tendency to overshare is because we value information, and people's experiences is good information. We think that maybe our experience is just as valuable. I think that we mostly have to be careful about sharing things that the wrong kind of people might want to take advantage of (narcissists _love_ information about others to use and abuse. It is their currency). Other than that, how are we supposed to find each other in the real world if we aren't being our true selves? How are we going to recognize each other in the wild? I hope wherever you are, you can feel free to be unmasked. I hope you have someone in real life to talk to when it gets dark or shaky during your internal reckoning.
@@WoodshedTheory LOL you're welcome! I have to give credit to Olan Rogers, and his show Final Space for that one. it conveys its meaning with precision ;)
I don’t feel like you overshare online. You talk about your interests, but keep your relationships and most personal information private. I usually don’t worry about over sharing. I figure that I am very open with people and what they want to do with that is their problem, not mine. Anyway..most of my friends and family are autistic so we get each other.
12:00 I like to say I’m in a new layer of myself I didn’t know before. I have to integrate it so it’s dizzying. Need one leg to stand on, so yes the unmoored ship is great analogy. 🩵
As I’ve gotten older-and especially after autistic realization-I’ve shifted from “struggling” with oversharing to embracing authentic expression without fear of how I come across. And I know, that’s not exactly a linear scale, but that perspective shift has significantly improved my self-esteem and sense of identity. Of course I’m mindful of privacy for the sake of personal security, but beyond that, if feel something personal is worth sharing, I just do it. No ragrets lol
I second that emotion. No regerts!❤
I feel the same way. I just care less the older I get. It is very freeing.
I feel ya, Soup! I don't want to be perceived in a negative light by others. I am still combating the intrusive thoughts of what I share in Orions collab a few weeks ago. 😅 Did I overshare...Probably...but did it need to be shared? Yes! Absolutely! I hope people don't look down on me because of what I shared. But the general oversharing is certainly a real struggle. I wish I didn't care so much on what others think of me, but that's a trauma thing that I am working on.
@@AmandaSeacrist absolutely. Also I should clarify that this is still very much a work in progress for me, and probably always will be.
I think you articulated it all very well.
I try not to stress so much about over sharing. I've learned that so much of my experience of the world is internal, and that much of that isn't visible to other people. TLDR I'm rarely giving the bad impression that I think I am!
If I think I've said too much I just say 'welcome to my over share!' which gets a laugh and everyone moves on 🤗
I also struggle with over sharing. The fear of over sharing keeps me quiet in social situations, which makes people think I don't care. It's definitely frustrating.
As an older Autistic person, I have just found that I naturally started to share less. Idk why, just did. I only share more if I feel like it’s needed in a situation or if someone asks me a question about what I did share.
never apologize! your ums and ars are more meaningful than most words that fall from others' lips. have a lovely week!
I've been struggling lately with the mental load I have to deal with. I have a lot of things I need to do for my new job, like fingerprinting and background checks. My son is struggling with school so I need to call for an IEP meeting and tour other schools he's on the waitlist for. I have seasonal depression and I'm just so drained, but I have to keep going. I hope we all find the energy we need. Have a great week, Claire and friends! 💞
Hoping you find the energy you need this week!
Hey Whitney! I am sorry you are going through all of that. I know what it's like to feel that way with having to navagate a lot of tasks, resulting in overwhelm and exhaustion. I am going through a similar experience as well. My heart goes to you! Much my dear friend! ❤
@@AmandaSeacrist thanks friend I really appreciate it 💞
It’s a lot but try to focus on the gratitude you feel for the new job. I just started a new job on September 19, and I am just forcing myself to remember that I had a lot of stress without the job. So now I have stress and some overwhelm, but I also have income. Blessings to you.
@GhostofMrsMuir1443 thank you and I will definitely try to focus on that! ❤️
Thanks for sharing Claire. I struggle a lot with interaction, I can often end up over sharing or saying the wrong thing without realising so I tend to just stay quiet most of the time which also seems to rub people the wrong way. It's quite tiring. Since my diagnosis in January I too have had a year of changes. I am more freely myself and allow myself to just be how I am more. It also comes at the cost of realising where I don't really fit which is a struggle. My special interest (Silent Hill 2) got a remake this weekend so I have been throwing myself into that as I have been feeling very burnt out recently! Hope everyone has a good week
Your struggles sound very much the same as mine. Differences are that I am self diagnosed and unable to play Silent Hill 2. My special interest is Xbox gaming hence the reason for no SH2.
There is so much to process esp. during the first year after dx. be kind to yourself
@@WoodshedTheory thank you, I am trying but a lot of neurotypical expectations make it very difficult sometimes!
You are amazing Claire and you speak so eloquently.
thank. you for your kind words
Over sharing… gahhhh! I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve written a post or comment that I very soon went back and deleted, feeling like an idiot!! Funny thing is…I’m usually very closed up, quiet, and introverted. But once in awhile, I’ll get a wild hair and share things- regretting it very intensely. I think my anxiety and fear about over-sharing causes me to be very much like a clam.
✨💜 So relatable, and that feeling once you move through that adjustment stage is so amazing! 🙂 💜✨
Also, I overshared / worried about oversharing most of my life, but in recent years (especially I try to unmask) I've become much more comfortable with allowing people to just find me where I am. It's taken a while, but I don't care much what people think of me anymore and it's such a burden lifted. There are sometimes difficult realizations when people I care about don't seem to share that wish to truly know me. But most of the time I know where I stand with people and it's the best place I've been in ever with people. I totally understand how anxiety inducing that fear is, and how it feels like you're kind of locked in place. But I hope you find ways to move out towards a more open space and find your own comfort level. I think most of us here empathize with what you're going through ✌🐈⬛💤 ☕
Someone really should write the guidebook so we can have some kind of a reference.
You are not alone, Claire! Hang in there. I have no idea what is appropriate to share. And I don't understand why we can't just share what we are comfortable sharing and leave it at that. Also thank you for being so vulnerable. Growth times can be so painful and take all of our energy. But soon ish you will turn into a beautiful butterfly. Not literally, lol.
Thanks for another awesome porch coffee. Oversharing. Yes I struggle with this. I also struggle with anxiety about making any comments at all. This is mainly about misinterpretation, ambiguity, and judgement. I try to keep commenting here because I feel it is a safe space. My week has been busy. I'm going to have a lot of podcasts to catch up on at some point. Lots of deadlines first. I hope everyone has a great week!!
I appreciate how ….present….you are in the video❤
I have had a bit of extra dopamine this week as I challenged myself to finish something each day in crochet. I even kept up with it for a bit over a week and now have 7 pumpkins, and not a single one is the same. Okay, so there are two from the same pattern but different sizes of yarn were used in each one. I had one of my funny weekends of church where I get to do 5 2 hour sessions from my couch at home. It takes 2 days and happens twice a year. I struggle at times with the over sharing but figure that it can be a good thing with doctors and therapists. (I'm on my third therapist this year). I wish I could leave a smiling pumpkin photo for you to see. I hope we all have a good week.
Right there with you firmly in a season of changes. Excited to get to the other side!! Thanks for sharing. We can do it 🎉
we got this!
Nature was out for you today! 😆 Love Porch Coffee and thanks for sharing as always! ❤
it really was!
I usually go to the other extreme of not sharing anything, which is also a problem. Finding the right balance is hard!
Finding the right mask.
Good morning, Clare! Hope you had a great week!
hello~!
Hey Claire. I definitely have a hard time with change even if it’s good change. Thanks for being vulnerable and trying to articulate your feelings and experience. It’s definitely nice to know that others are human and struggle too. Have a good week
thanks for always watching porch coffee Jenna :) have a great week
This is my 2nd time watching Porch Coffee. I hope that you make more.
have a good week - we do try to keep this positive around here!
Good morning Claire and everyone. I hate when I say something I think is clever but it turns out to be inappropriate in some way I hadn't considered. At least there's something about inappropriateness that cracks me up, but in this case it isn't funny until years later after the embarrassment has worn off. I think with people I don't know well I try to follow their lead... But even then... So frustrating!!
I feel like I either share too much or too little, although I have been steering on too little for so long people might find it hard to believe I overshare sometimes. I think I mostly felt safer that way, because even with my family anything I said would possibly be held against me. Lately I've been starting to share a bit with close friends and making the experience of them actually being really supportive, which has been great even though I struggle with trying to give back to them the right way if that makes sense.
You sharing how you're handling life after your diagnosis has helped me a lot the past year, but you should of course only share what you are feeling comfortable with. I hope you are feeling better soon Claire
i'm glad it has been helpful
Thank you, Claire. 🥰
Any time!
An interesting subject, for sure. I think that plenty of neurotypical people struggle with oversharing too, and particularly if they see you as a trustworthy person to overshare to (I've had loads of experiences of this within the workplace).
It's something that I'm way less bothered about as I get older tbh and it's one of the advantages of middle age. Maybe because I don't have children, I see my own channel as a way to pass on my experiences (and maybe wisdom? 🤪) to others, but I'm still mindful in exactly how much I share.
That is true, it can be an issue for any neurotype.
This is my favourite porch coffee! I loved how raw your share was and because of it I felt I could relate and it's why I'm here. It's Tuesday so I'm doing a Tuesday porch coffee lol. 🌼💖Thank you!
Thank you I appreciate you!
I don't feel you've ever overshared but I understand that fear of not knowing..
I've had a tough fortnight with family staying and too much socialising. Now I have a week completely to myself which will be bliss 😊
If there was an Oversharing Olympics, I would definitely compete. Oversharing on the internet has led to lots of problems for me in the past, so I think you're wise to be careful 👏🏼 I tend to want to overshare so that I feel more true to myself. But I have learned that some people will take advantage of me if I share too much, and that's sad. Anyway, I relate to the struggling feeling and the concern about oversharing. Have a good week!
Morning, Claire! Oversharing happens so easily with me if i feel safe with a person even tho it may or may not be a reciprical feeling with that person. I think i go out on that limb to establish a connection ( i found i really struggle with connecting with people). I realize i do NOT know what i am doing when it comes to social norms. Also, with RSD, it does not take much to shut the oversharing off if i feel that the effort fell flat. Its like stomping on the social gas pedal and if the car goes nowhere, i think i broke something and back off.
Morning Claire ☕️ 💞👊. Off to pcp this am. Definitely have been busy oversharing. My learning process is hard going. Have a wonderful week 💞👊
Good Morning! No wonder nothing at 4AM eastern. The missing notification was legit. Glad Porch Coffee was a little late. All good. Good things take time coming to life :) Thank You!
Claire! I commend you for what you shared about oversharing. I am, too struggling in this field as well. I also don't like my voice but I am currently learning how to value and cherish it because I need to. Lol. I've said it before and I'll say it again that I can empathize with you in this field. I am afraid of how others are going to perceive me if I share whatever is on my heart. You are certainly not alone. Thanks for being vulnerable! Much love ❤
Amanda, thanks for understanding about the voice things - it's probably accurate to say that no one likes hearing their own voice, they just get used to it?
@WoodshedTheory I hope so because for me, getting used to it is past due. 😆
Good morning Claire! I love love the cats and birds taking part in Porch Coffee😂😂😂
I have lost friends over oversharing. Its definitely something I struggle with. I rarely feel safe in conversations, but when I do, I tend to overshare real quickly. Also info have been used against me, so I am really cautious nowadays.
I have also strained relationships from oversharing in the past, you are not alone. i have become more careful as well.
Growth is tough. You’re already wonderful and growth will make you even richer. I’m my mid sixties. Still thankfully going through those growth cycles. And yes the unmoored bit is unsettling and yes as you know you’ll be fine on the other side of the growth spurt. Just a little awkward and ‘gangly’ or gooey as you transition 😊
Claire… I love you ☺️ I love your personality and your … hmm je ne sais quoi … nature? I know you struggle with negative feelings about yourself when it comes to productivity and other functional difficulties… but I relate to that so much. It does not make you a bad person. And you comfort me. (Prob nothing to do with today’s video. But it’s a feeling that’s been developing over time 🩵)
Hey Claire! I know what you mean by going through waves of changes throughout your life and feeling like one is coming on/happening. Sending you love as you navigate all the good/hard things that come with that!
Hi Claire, its a case of what is right at the time what to say depending who you are with at the time. I know what you mean. I had a good week I did take care
I get that about over sharing. I have gone through times where I was trying to be more outgoing (which is opposite of my naturally introverted nature) where I thought ok that means talk about anything, everything, keep conversation going. In the process, I over shared. Many times. I could see it on their faces I had gone too far. Then I went in the opposite direction, hardly speaking, afraid to speak up and then people thought that was weird too. It's a struggle.
My week here is good. The past couple weeks I got to read a book for a book review site and they paid me for my review.. Pretty cool! I don't have a lot of time to do that usually but it was fun to do that this time.
Thank you for sharing! I haven't heard of book review sites like that - pretty cool!
Thank you, parasocial friend! I feel you're sharing way more than enough.
I always struggle at my kids' parties when talking to other parents: I totally over share. Don't know what the answer is, but my therapist does keep reassuring me that "small talk" is okay, and I don't need to commit to connecting with everyone I meet.
good to know i am not alone!
I’m in my 30’s, and this is still a big problem. I’ve learned to listen more and resort to pertinent questions and properly timed humor, but sometimes I just give too much info, or so my wife tells me. Sometimes it just slips out around new acquaintances, and my wife later tells me I was giving too much info..
it is really hard to know what is ok to share sometimes
I'm sorry you're going through this. I unfortunately understand the feeling :-(
i appreciate all of the support
I'm not really sure how much this connects to the thoughts articulated in this video, but something I've started to notice lately related to personal change is that sometimes it can be difficult to tell whether I'm moving forward or moving backward. And sometimes it feels like both at the same time.
Yes I think I understand what you are saying.
The lesson I have had to learn is how to to hold back information. I over share to the point where my word has been used against me. Not the exact same. Part of me has felt if I am not sharing everything I am not being honest but really it’s just there are details no one else needs to know . Thank you for being you Clair .
i'm sorry people have used information against you
If I had a you tube channel I would be terrified of oversharing! I don't think I'd want to ever do a live one. I think you're very brave to be on here, here be trolls and other beasties. Also the lovely community that's growing too, but I guess I have huge amounts of fear around people judging me so I don't think I could do it even with a lovely supportive community, I would believe they are silently judging me! Lol you gotta laugh eh? I think it's RSD to be honest.
Hope you have a lovely week Claire :D I will be clearing junk from my home of 12 years, it's long overdue.
I totally get where you are coming from - I really struggle more than I thought I would with worrying if I am doing and saying the correct things. and I worry about being judged. I also worry about the livestreams so I try to set a time limit boundary for myself to where I feel comfortable.
💯 over shared online in the past before knowing I'm autistic. Then it made sense why and how - kind of. Since then, studied what others share with whom and when. I can't say I understand completely; however, now I error on the side of not saying. This strategy is not always "good" though because I really get into comfy hermit-mode lol. We grow the way we need to hopefully, so don't judge the process. You give a lot to so many. Thanks for another amazing and reflective porch coffee 🤗
I am the same with keeping things close to me knowing that I overshare. Thanks for sharing this so I don't feel as alone.
💛💛💛💛
heyooooooo
I also fear oversharing, and I have sometimes in the past overshared things I later regretted. I don't know why did I tell some weird dreams I had to colleagues. I think dreams can make an impression on us, and sometimes there is an urge to share with someone. Well, not a good idea. Also, I realised family problems and some certain things are better left unshared. Usually it's not a good idea to share things that involve other people, or things that could be used against us or other people. I have become quieter in the workplace because of that. I try to participate in the conversation by contributing in the same level as the others, and staying clear of personal subjects. As a child, I enjoyed telling jokes and making people laugh, but a few times it turned out I am not always able to choose my audience. So this fear, of making a judgement error in this regards, keeps me from telling jokes or sharing things. Sometimes I am feeling depressed and I want to share something with someone, but I prefer to wait. I wait a day, a week, a month. I end up not sharing it at all. It hurts deep inside. I should maybe consider therapy, but I'm unwilling to do so. I'm going through a difficult time, but I feel sharing with someone what I have deep inside would not make a difference, things wouldn't change.
I'm also experiencing the thing that I call a shift. It's the first shift since my diagnosis shift. Maybe this is the end of my honeymoon period.
Ohai Bert! 😻 Hi Claire 💚
Oh my gosh, I struggle so hard with social "rules". Here's me in a small group conversation: I'm listening, I stay quiet mostly. Then they touch on an area that is one of my special interests. Someone sort of leads me into the conversation because they know that this is one of my special interests. I say, "Yes, I do that. I actually do that a lot." Meanwhile in my head....."Oh my gosh! Should I tell them all about all the things that I like to do? No, wait, don't overshare! Wait, should I tell them a bit more? Do I seem aloof or cold if I don't add more? But be careful, you don't want to overwhelm them. Should I wait, should I say it now? What should I start with? Meanwhile, they've continued the conversation and are onto something else. Still in my head the train has now gone off the rails and suddenly, I blurt out the most obscure knowledge of my special interest and start talking so fast and excitedly that I sound like someone put me on fast forward. In my head, I'm telling myself to shut up, stop talking, they don't care. How do I stop talking so much gracefully?
So here I go again here, probably oversharing, scaring people off because either contribute too much or not enough in a conversation. All I can say is thank goodness for crochet & knitting because I can do that in public and just listen to a conversation instead of trying to contribute in any sort of reasonable way.
I understand. Talk away, I'll listen. Take care & have a good week.
Good morning all 😊 have a great week.
hi Margo
I have no idea where I heard it or the veracity of the information... but I heard that people who use filler words more often are generally more intelligent. The implication was that they actually are using the time to choose their words more carefully.
I love when someone says to me "Wow, you are so honest!" Oh great, I've overshared again.
well then i will try to say um a lot more to show everyone i am really thinking it through lol
@@WoodshedTheory 😆
Hey Claire, not much going on this week for me, lots of sorting out to do, still not got very far on that task. Watching the kittens growing fast, they will be 13 weeks tomorrow and they are big now! Have a good week, I will look out for further videos. 😊
glad to hear the kittens are doing well - i bet they are so cute
When it comes to those periodic existential struggles, I totally understand that uneasiness. Mostly I learned the hard way (i.e. losing trusted friends) that pretty much all difficult sharing is bad...then I had to retrain myself to try to open up when safe, but of course I have the alexithymia thing going and words for feelings are jot my best route. It's all very difficult. Yes. But I have this to say about struggle...struggle is how I know I am on the right path, maybe it's even what makes the path right...an airplane can't fly without wind resistance...so I have taught myself to get excited about struggle. I have to trust myself to sort it out. And once I do that period of struggle becomes part of my gift to the world. I could keep going but I'm trying hard to be brief lol. If you can't share about a struggle that's ok, it will become part of you and you interact with the world, and the sharing happens even without words for it. We carry it all with us and it's all there in what we offer...even if most people can't see it or know it it's in our wisdom. That it's a struggle is a valuable thing. Brief... I'm being brief, I swear!
an airplane can't fly without wind resistance... i like that!
I do this at work, once I got comfortable with the staff. I am thankful to work for a Christian non- profit. People from all walks of life. Accepting people.
You're not alone and I think the most here understand you.
I thought all my life I was bad at communication . Until I joined an autism talking group.
That did have some impact. Suddenly, I was able to participate in a conversation and we understood each other.
Neuro difference has a different communication style. For myself, I need clarity, including the details.
Otherwise, I'll get blocked by all the questions in my head
I can certainly understand that this comes across as oversharing for neurotypical. I just can't say all this in one sentence.
And when I look at the posts here, I think I'm not alone in that either.
What I do see is gaslighting or deregulation that some not stop talking . But co-regulation helps tremendously.
In addition, I have learned that it is more about expression without words. Especially when I don't have a lot of energy
I now have a coach who works more with creativity. Instead of chatting a session, I draw the whole session. And that has helped so much. For me, it's much easier to talk about it if I've drawn it first. She also told me that we as humans communicate much longer with images than with words. And that stuck with me.
A fellow oversharer.. 😉Take care
I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this. I have never heard of an autism talking group - if you see this comment please do share more about what that is all about.
@@WoodshedTheory English is not my mother tongue. So maybe you call it something else.
I was looking for what our government (Belgium) had to offer in terms of support.
There is an autism house where you can 'just' step in. (in a city a long way away)
Or a number you can call (something we love so much)
And a online talking group. But this was also very NT organized, so I missed it.
This was so hurtful and frustrating. The only thing I found now is house keep help.
Which I still find hard to allow. And you'll never guess a free thing for public transport.
I don't think they know the term support system and double body yet.
So very happy with you tube. (Now even found someone for trauma work)
And there I found "mom on the spectrum" on youtube and she called it connection group.
I think that name fits better. Also highly recommended for 'autistic people talking'.
She explains it better on her website and also some other people's experience which certainly resonates. For me, it was a unique experience.
So funny. I was going to send a short message. Well, it's stronger than myself
I only self diagnosed a year ago at age 58. I have realized I was going in and out of autistic burnout since 2014 till 2022 when I retired. I have walked through my life and found approx every 7 years it is likely I underwent something more than meltdown or shutdown.
Of course I cannot accurately determine this as it relates up to 50 years ago. I do feel it was preceded by a period of atypical confidence and fitting in probably due to masking effectively. But this was followed by the cost.
Coming out of the down usually occurred after a period of treading water and eventually a growth in confidence at say work when I found someone who I could relate to and who had confidence in me. These people could certainly be defined as neurodivergtly leaning because of course I cannot diagnose. I had to rebuild myself off a person or a purpose. I was raised with the expectation the high achievement was normal and at times these "successes" may have even beem egotistical and selfish not growth in self.
Today I am really pleased with my iceberg of autism under the water. But the tip which is the only portion I was aware of till a year ago, is a complete mess.
I am sharing this in case something provides any solace or energy or shows I might not understand everything about you but most of what you see shines little lights on my iceberg. Not sure how to help but typically autistically and irritatingly, I wish I could.
I do think oversharing is due to our lack of understanding the rules but it may also be due to our need to be understood. I mean "fine thank you" says nothing about us and our greatest struggles have been understood so we lean there.
thank you for sharing your experience with us
As far as change is concerned, I think it just takes more effort and takes longer for our neurodiverse brains to process and accept it all.
When it comes to oversharing, I guess I learned to mask that habit, so I don't really do it as far as I'm aware. Only when I drink and drop the mask do I overshare...
Thanks for a good porch coffee. Sound like a contradiction, but this one was really relatable, despite the fact that I don't really overshare.
Last week was okay. Summer was horrible and tragic. This week will probably suck since there is a category 5 hurricane barrelling straight toward us.
I often brain dump onto family and friends, but I do not seek out interactions with strangers IRL, so oversharing is only occasionally a problem. (I definitely fucked up a job interview one time when I muttered something I shouldn't have about a previous employer when I thiught it was just internal dialogue because I hadn't slept that night, so that was a learning experience kind of.)
sorry to hear you are in the storm path - wishing you and yours safety from the hurricane
Hi Clair, I also struggled with what to share in some situations. I hope you find your person. Claire, since you also love yarn, you might have enjoyed what I did this weekend. 7 yarn shops in a weekend with new patterns and yarn deals. Have a good week,
Oh wow sounds like an amazing Yarn Crawl! I have never done a yarn crawl but it sounds fun!
I've followed you for more than a year and I don't see much oversharing! (but then, I do realize I don't have the guidebook either, so what do I know?) You're in my prayers.
thanks for letting me know
Same, Claire, same. ❤
I certainly struggle with oversharing, you can probably tell from my comments. Most people I know do not share things with me because they know I cannot keep my mouth shut. If they tell me its a secret, do not spread it, that's fine. But apparantly I'm supposed to know when certain things can be shared and others should not be shared with out being told specifically. They say that I should just know. I certainly don't and often put myself in the fire unintentionally. It's very frustrating for me, and well I suspect also for them. I would like to have some ND friends who understand me and my way of thinking.
Lest week was demanding, but the weekend was really great🙂!.
Not knowing the "boundaries", not been able to reed social situations well, and oversharing has always been a problem for me too, especially when I am dys-regulated . It can be traumatic or just so dame shameful!. Sorry, I don't have en tips for you, only empathy and validation!.
Hope you all have a safe and regulated week:)
empathy and validation are just fine to me
I don’t always realize I’m oversharing in the moment. I’m completely blind, autistic and have CPTSD. I think my oversharing is due to ASD, CPTSD, and sometimes even being completely blind. I rely so much on verbal tone and communication. Sometimes I might bring something up or say something, and then someone might get a shocked look on their face. I don’t know this, until someone else lets me know the other person’s expression.
Hi Sienna, I understand what you are saying. I hope you have a good week.
Yo🎉🎉🎉🎉i waited all morning for this🎉🎉🎉 i could use a mug though
Wait ,i thought you had nothing going on this week
I picked up an internet beed with one of the vlogbrother2.0 maybe both ,not sure but their thumbnail seem menacing
Some of my facebook and irl friends have been coming out as being in the spectrum or their children being autistic
I think if you share too much in the first 3 seconds of the conversation than you have to keep it going for at least eighty more seconds before you get a queue to leave (if not you made a new internet friend🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉)
I had to find other autistic people to be friends with because we understand each other.
Good morning! I don’t know if this is helpful or not for a benchmark but as far as editing goes, I usually start out with about 30 minutes of footage and edit out about 10 minutes. I have a lot of filler too but I think it’s easier to edit than to change 😂
thanks for sharing Shannon - it is helpful to know what others find works for them
all the best for your transformation emotions, I use an emotion app that forces me to name emotions and an app that generates with AI after some emotion input from me some small text that sometimes is helpful. I struggle with sharing to much, but I would say I only regret it with the wrong people. when I share to much with people I trust I am down with that. I feel it also can be a sign where I know oh this person share quite much, that is someone like me, like it can be nice to hear from others sharing. I don't like the term oversharing to much since I feel it is comes from the needs of neurotypicals. stay safe and rather share less and you do NOT come across cold or distanced imo at all.
thanks!
Hey, Claire. Yep to the overshare. All the time. Off and online both.
Hence, I draw into silence and excuses to get out of conversations in person and on the phone. I script a lot. I mean...A LOT a lot. And online? Scripts...then, it is read, re-read, and then do it again, combing for concise phrasing, zeroing in on not only spelling, grammar, but also on what could be misunderstood or just too much. It isn't to be disingenuous, but much will get deleted. Much HAS been deleted... from blogs to profiles to mere comments. Art pieces and poetry become fodder to my ultra harsh inner critic, the one that says people must think what I say is stupid, that illogical one that says silence always equals they hated what I said. It's exhausting. Anyway...overshare. Obviously understand. 🙄 But I say you do great, really. Keep being you. Blessings on your week, friend.❤
Thanks for sharing Marisa - have a great week
❤
I struggle with folks not knowing what I'm talking about. I reference a lot of things and many I am learning are quite obscure to others. I do a lot of scripting from books/movies and shows I like but they are not popular and so nobody understands what I'm saying. So I keep things to myself because there's no point in trying to communicate unless it's info exchanges related to work or home management. Most folks don't get what I'm talking about so there's really no point in even saying anything. At this juncture I can either work on it and try to communicate more effectively or I can be like Harvey Firestein in Mrs. Doubtfire and say "Honey I don't have the strength," because communication is harder than turning Robin Williams into Elizabeth Taylor.
Interesting topic - thank you for sharing
I do not think as a rule I have had issues with over sharing, my issue is people do not listen to my word choices and then claim it is I that is guilty of whichever issue is the focus of that situation. I had an issue with the ignition cylinder on my car, all the other locks functioned well with the key. My thought was that lock was a problem especially since it is a 24 year old car. My bosses tried to 'help' me with it but instead of replacing the lock they used the passenger door lock to make a new key. Now, while that did get the ignition functioning again to my surprise, the car is my property and once I got paid, got to love bi-weekly pay schedules complicating schedules, you would think what I wanted should take priority. I point out the error in their tactics, I gladly gave credit of their solution to them, and they spin it to make me the bad person. Crap like this is why I do not mess with too many, and keep in mind I am abbreviating the situation greatly to keep this short. There are no set rules, they make it up as they go, that is why a manual is mythical at best for any of this. I had hopes to learn what is missing to adapt around that, feverish pipedream is probably what that is now.
☕️ 💜 I couldn't help but notice your shirt matches YT channel Creative Autistic. She wears the same shirt in every video 😅 (not laughing at her). Maybe she would be a great interview? I think she's close to 50 y.o.
Yes, as a 61 y.o., changes occur inside continually. Now, I don't take life so seriously. Have fun and be you 💜 Wish I had this widsom as a younger gal
Have a great week y'all 📖 😊
I didn't realize that about the shirt! What a coincidence!
How about undersharing? I've never been able to talk about myself while I'm socialising. Even being asked 'Where are you from' is a massive burden on me, and I may or may not even answer it depending on mood.
Hi, thank you for bringing up a point I hadn't considered. I will have to give it some thought, the idea of under-sharing.
In UK it's baking pies not giving biscuits so I get surprised every time you say your cat's brought you some biscuits. I think a) clever cat & b) what sort?
Oversharing shows we didn't get the kind of social interaction that enabled us to learn what to share, what not to & how much as we were growing up. This can also be because we just don't think that way. Yes, we get shamed for it which does produce trauma.
Can also just be that few people ever take an interest in us & we have real backlog of stuff we want to share. Depends on the content too.
Over explaining is slightly different and is much more likely to be a trauma response.
I wish there was a guide book for normies too so they do some of the work for once. I always always turn this 'we do x wrong' the other way round because it's a two way street and other (bloody) people, almost without exception, demand the accommodation be made for their weird normie ways and I don't buy that sht anymore.
update: I've decided I will be taking the 'mop up' chemo treatment but I will not be letting the adverse effect get anywhere near as bad as previous and will stop as soon as anything neuropathy or heart palpitations start. Other than that things are still doing well.
Still buying Daleks ;)
I've been struggling. I think I have burnout. I'm not sure how to make it better.
I struggle with oversharing, so I have no advice.
I am sorry to hear you are struggling. I hope things improve soon and remember to be kind to yourself and get rest.
@@WoodshedTheory Thanks. I'm trying to rest, but it's not working too well. When I don't have work and try to sleep in, neighbours are loud. 😅 It'd be nice to be able to get more than 6 hours sleep. Tired isn't helping. I am trying to relax and play Sims in the evenings a bit.
I had to over share with Apple Support because the Apple Support person I messaged last night did not use common sense when I told them I could not block and report spam numbers individually and at first they sent me to a support article on Apple's website on how to Silence all spam which is not what I needed to do at all. It wasn't until I stated there is feature under recent under the Apple phone app that when I swipe left on a spam phone number I get the option of a orange square with hand that gives me the option to block or block and report junk that doesn't work for me and other option I get is a red square with a trashcan next to this orange square with a hand in it that works for me and saying I was only able to maybe block and report junk once yesterday. I finally told this person I tired force restarting this iPhone and I told them I was able to quickly press the up and then quickly press the down button afterwards on the volume buttons on the left side of this cellphone and finally I was able to press and hold the on/off button on the right side of this iPhone to only get a message to swipe left to do a regular reset on this iPhone.
Everybody is different and has a different line.
Monday, Monday, Monday: Kitties of Chaos in the Woodshed, wrestling for the championship mug!
Online privacy concerns are relatable; I've actually quit all other social platforms for similar reasons, taking it a further step to ask, Is it worth sharing anything online when it will only be arbitrarily filtered according to the pro-profit algorithm anyway? 🤔
i wish i had the answer to your question.
First! Maybe!
i think so! first comment
@@WoodshedTheory awyeah 🤣
I just don’t understand other people at all. I do not understand what to share what not to share what is gonna make someone use me what people will use against me just be they misunderstood what I am saying or what I am doing. I always get disrupted when other come into my safe place. Like I like everyone and I am everyone’s friend but like one or two people at a time. Change is very hard change has stressed me out to where I have tics now it’s like my life is over when change happens lol I even hate change from the store
Just submitted my autism show & tell video! I couldn’t figure out how to squish multiple animals in a one minute video so you might get more submissions from me 😸
I can't wait!
You feel unmoored. Do you feel like something(s) that you considered stable (lifestyle, relationship(s), philosophical outlook) has been wavering? Has something happened to make something in life not feel sturdy? I think it's like you said, you've gone through a few times like this and you'll find your way to another, even more stable understanding. I hope you don't start to become more cynical. I hope you haven't been burned by something or someone.
If/when I start a youtube channel, I will probably talk about such things myself. I've been through a few crucibles, internal and external. I think I've been through them because I've lived so much life as undiagnosed autistic. I'll probably overshare. Because of my nature to want to talk about things, get to the essence of understanding things, problem-solve and always trying to find the purest truth I can find, I have offended people. So, people have become crucibles in my life. Especially those with status and the power to do so.
I think our tendency to overshare is because we value information, and people's experiences is good information. We think that maybe our experience is just as valuable. I think that we mostly have to be careful about sharing things that the wrong kind of people might want to take advantage of (narcissists _love_ information about others to use and abuse. It is their currency). Other than that, how are we supposed to find each other in the real world if we aren't being our true selves? How are we going to recognize each other in the wild? I hope wherever you are, you can feel free to be unmasked. I hope you have someone in real life to talk to when it gets dark or shaky during your internal reckoning.
I think its loneliness and rarely speaking to anyone irl that causes me to spray wordarhea and overshare when I actually do start talking
thank you for teaching me this term "wordarhea" - such a good one. i can't wait to use it
@@WoodshedTheory LOL you're welcome! I have to give credit to Olan Rogers, and his show Final Space for that one. it conveys its meaning with precision ;)
Kitty acupuncture. If they love you they make you bleed 😁
yes the sharp claws say they care lol
I don’t feel like you overshare online. You talk about your interests, but keep your relationships and most personal information private. I usually don’t worry about over sharing. I figure that I am very open with people and what they want to do with that is their problem, not mine. Anyway..most of my friends and family are autistic so we get each other.
thank you!
Idc about oversharing. Maybe someone will understand. And come.
Are you aware that MugClub is the name of political youtuber Steven Crowder's membership plan?
i was not, thanks for letting me know.
@@WoodshedTheory Np
12:00 I like to say I’m in a new layer of myself I didn’t know before. I have to integrate it so it’s dizzying. Need one leg to stand on, so yes the unmoored ship is great analogy. 🩵
i like that way you put that - a new layer
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