I wish it worked the same way with non-hateful phobias. "How I went from arachnophobic to spide", "how I went from fearing height to being a skyscraper" it'd be so metal to watch videos like those. Anyway incredible vid, very happy for you!
@@massivetism in the west we kinda internalize prejudices to some extent both against people of color, but also against anything that goes against the heteronormative culture.
I had a lot of anti trans, anti gay, and anti liberal stuff pushed into my head at a young point by my narcissist mother. It’s hard carrying that kind of guilt around. You are a beautiful young lady now and I can’t wait to see more of your videos.
It’s crazy how often I hear about people who have abusive narc parents who are also very bigoted, maybe it’s cos it’s an easy way to feel like you’re better than people cos you can just think well at least I’m better than *insert group they hate here*
i wish i had someone like you as a rolemodel while growing up, i dont know how many times i can say that kids today are so lucky to have people like you sharing your experiences in a public format as opposed to the incredibly transphobic shows and films i grew up with. the internet is becoming a better place and i will forever be thankful for that.
haha your "rolemodel" doesnt even sound like what they're pretending to be literally none of them pass for the gender they claim you can tell its a man so quickly unfortunately you're making up some fake story for your autogynephelia thankfully these types of people resolve themselves
you are genuinely a really pretty girl! and also dw literally everuone at one point in their life is like this, the only factor deciding if that person is genuinely terrible or not is if they keep that bigotry and don’t grow up
I think alot of trabsphobia js either people being jealous because they see others be brave and confident enough to live life as they actually want, and they feel as if they cant do that themselves, Or because they're trying to supress their own feelings. I was the second one, during Covid I was a loyal Matt Walsh and Steven Crowder viewer (both of which have been exposed to be genuinely horrible people since then). Then it took hanging around people who were apart of the LGBT, not only to realize that theres nothing wrong with it, but also that its kinda cool
Most transphobia is political agenda and conservatism and religion being passed down generations and plain ignorance, people don't think about it that deeply. You gotta realise most people are primal animals that would bash your head in if it was legal. Really sad, but hopefully we can move forward societally and make even the smallest progress into peace and harmony
You're presenting a false dichotomy. What do you even mean by transphobia? You can disagree with the notion that a man can become a woman and vice versa without holding some kind of hatred against trans people individually.
@@RippleSticks you don't seem to understand what transphobia means. Denying the existence of trans people is transphobic (and wildly ahistoric, and in denial of the reality of how those categories function). like, sure, hypothetically one can imagine a world where those positions are without animus and apolitical. But we don't live in that world. (They're also very very hard positions to hold if you build your position from material reality. The evidence is such that I'm not sure you _can_ hold those positions in good faith, even in that hypothetical world.)
@@_iarna_ Nobody (rational or worth listening to) is denying the existence of transgender people. Their existence is self-evident. The lack of belief in the idea that one can "transition" from man to woman is totally separate from the idea that trans people should be denied rights or respect.
im in a very bad place mentally right now and binging ur videos for the last couple of days has really helped me allot ❤ ps: i am also a trans girl in the uk and went through a very similiar experience to you! ps2: ur really pretty :3
seeing this video - didnt even watch it all then, just the first 50 seconds - made me reflect on my own journey, because the thing that made me realize i want to be transfeminine, was quite weird. and i wrote a touching paragraph to my girlfriend about it. thank you very much Melanie for making me reflect on myself
This is eerily similar to what I went through, except I never really had a trans best friend. I went from being completely homophobic and transphobic to not caring, to coming out as bisexual, to becoming a femboy, to becoming transfem. There were a few instances where I would say something bigoted, and then someone would simply ask who cares. I guess I stopped caring completely once I became an agnostic atheist in 7th grade. I think a big part of it for me was that I was ashamed of who I was, and thought that because I felt the need to repress myself, that it was unfair if others didn't do the same. In reality, I was being unfair to both myself and others. I was still transphobic for a while, which somehow decreased once I started watching a lot of Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah type content, though I was a transmed for a while. I guess I stopped caring for a while again, and then later watched Hunter Avallone (former conservative who became a liberal) who presented rational pro-trans arguments that don't require targeting "transtrenders" or gatekeeping. I had also wanted to become a femboy for a while, so one day (almost 2 years ago when I was 18) I just bought a bunch of stereotypical femboy fits and felt so happy when I saw how I looked in them. I learned that some femboys take HRT, so you better believe I went to a Planned Parenthood and got some for myself. I had been using any/all pronouns on RUclips for a while, but after a certain point, a few chatters started using she/her, and I really liked that, so eventually I decided to just use she/they pronouns and realized I was trans. And here I am today, a little over 1 year on HRT writing an absurdly long RUclips comment that no one will read but myself :3
I had a relative who came out as trans-masc a few years ago, and i don't really know what was going on in my head when he came out but I just felt generally weird. Looking back now I think younger me was just kind of confused that it was just something you can just do, just come out and be yourself, like you can just decide what you want to do and then go do it, and for the longest time I had a hard time gendering him correctly. I also think my dad said some terribly transphobic things that day because I have only seen him once since that day, and my dad has handled me coming out rather poorly, not "get out of my house you freak" poorly but "I'll still see you as my son" kinda poorly, which can be worse in some circumstances, and definitely is in mine.
im pro trans just because they self sterilize themselves AND have a very high chance of just removing themselves you can never fully pass as what you're pretending to be unfortunately we dont promote the beliefs of a schizophrenic, right? should be the same way for this topic this bony face thing in the video dressed up won't convince me especially because he sounds exactly like a man...
Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you for being the person you are. People make mistakes and can treat others badly because of their upbringing, I do think that what is the most important is what we do after that, how we as person grow out of being judgemental to others. I'm happy that you managed to find yourself and wish you all the best.
trans guy here and almost the exact same thing happened with me, the pewdiepie and ben shapiro and fortnite and evrything, but kalvin garrah was the person who really pushed me into the transphobic mindset when i was like 13. im 18 now and fully out as a trans man, been on T for a year
2016 youtube was so toxic, i remember my first exposure to trans people was blair white 😬🤕 when i was like 12 years old . Pewdiepie is still far right also 🤮. I went through i similar thing but im non biary/gender fluid and pan. I went through so much internalised homophobia because my mom is a super ""religious"" homophobe. So i went from being ignorant/right wing when i was 12 to now being a 19 year old intersectional vegan anarcho-communist. Now doing a degree in social sciences.
@@BlaireBlaireBlaire he literally is friends with and following so many alt right people and barely did anything when the mosque attack happened in New zealand. Literally look at his track record and his favorite content creators and authors. Elliot sang on youtube recently made a video essay about pewdiepies favorite author which is related to his conservative views. Another video is "the pewdiepipeline" which I forgot who made but also goes into detail about 2016 RUclips and the Christchurch shootings.
@@nsjhdhdhdbhsudgvdydb7751you are brainwashed to an insane degree. “barely did anything” you wanted him to fly to new zealand and resurrect the dead with his youtube powers, or what? what exactly did you do for new zealand? are you currently fighting in a trench for ukraine? listen to yourself
@@nsjhdhdhdbhsudgvdydb7751 I mean he publicly condemned it, what else is he supposed to do? Are you implying he actually sympathizes with that whole attack and that person?? I don't know much about Pewdiepies political leanings but I have extreme doubts that he's that much of a radical right winger.
While my story is a whole lot more depressing and tragic, I appreciate a video like this one. Not only am I happy to see gaming being something that is part of the story (and not frowned upon like in my days), I also love that you shared something personal from your life that will probably change the perspective of many people in the future. Glad to see you are doing okay! Being trans is not something that is "allowed" in every country... remember that.
this pipeline is a very real thing that a lot of people don't talk about or brush off.. so it's good that you're able to talk about this.. Contrapoints did a video on this topic as well if i'm not mistaken
We love a good redemption ark. In all seriousness though huge respect to you for being indoctrinated into such beliefs and having the strength to reflect and say "nah this ain't me". I wish more people could have that kinda introspection. btw love the trigger warning for fortnite lmao
Homophobe to gay pipeline is similar. Most people don't care, it's usually deeply repressing people that care the most. I realized I was trans way back in like 2008, and started trying to transition, until I was like "hey I don't know any girls that are 6 foot tall" Well, I repressed for like a decade, and now I"m glad I finally stopped repressing, it fucks you up big time
I have a similar story (transitioned at 16, now 30), but in hindsight, I really think a lot of us are too hard on our younger selves. What we call transphobic is still probably more progressive than a good half of the population at the very least
I remember when people started making fun of the gender list and I went along with it. I also used to back the conservative parties in my country, thankfully I wasn't allowed to vote yet. Now I've been out as a transgirl for 4 months. Thanks for sharing your story.
Jasmin is such a legend i was never transphobic but i did get a lil 'gender critical' for a few months as i was figuring things out. I ended up figuring out my gender on my own and have yet to really make strong friendships with other trans people. Not having anyone to push me forward to be the version of myself that I wanna be has kept me going slow. I'm not the type of person to fight for myself so all changes have been fraught with self doubt / procrastination. I am 19 and a half now and my egg cracked a lil over a year ago. I see where you are now and I must admit I am both envious and a lil disappointment in myself for not taking what seems to be easily obtainable I'm just lacking willpower/support. I think I can attribute those failings to not have someone to guide me on my journey thus far - I most certainly plan on continuing searching to find friendships that can aid me but i am out of practice and slow. I hope it doesn't sound to much like me just whining about my problems here; what I really mean to say is this: Jasmin is such a wonderful person for doing what she has done for you.
So glad you figured yourself out! I went down the conservative pipeline pretty hard, but making a trans friend was one of the first things that turned me around. Similar to you, I had the "this is obviously a girl" trans friend, when others bullied her and called her a boy. I don't look back with any pride, but not too much shame either. I was stupid and led along by too many malicious talking heads. The world is so much better on the other side! :)
congrats on your healing and a shout-out to Jasmine! that is such a wholesome friendship story ❤🔥❤🔥 you were still there for each other despite all the hateful shit that's being constantly pumped into us all. i used to be bigoted too :( too hard to completely avoid with all these influences, but we can and do heal. we'll stay human 😉
facts, doesn't help that its so taboo and no one really wants to teach about it, so when I finally learned about trans stuff, it was from shitty cartoons like south park and youtube videos from people that could care less about who they hurt. Took me along time break free from the thinking too. i think its good for trans people to speak up about their story's it does help a lot and that's how i got over the phobia.
I'm 17 too and I went through a similar pipeline. I think as a kid i always knew i was different but the environment i grew up in was not accepting at all (and pretty isolated! I didn't even know about gay people until i was around 11), and i didn't even have the language at the time to describe how i was feeling. I think once you go out into the world and meet more people it really helps break out of that mindset. At least thats how i was able to come to accept myself and other people
I had a similar experience as a transmasc guy. So in denial about who I was and being internally transphobic. I'm happy this video came up on my recommended.
I was pretty young during that 2014-2017 edgy era myself, I just didn't wanna be picked on or felt like an outcast so I would usually join in with not some of the best people... so as someone who also grew up in the UK, I really get where you're coming from. Now after 7-8 long years of running away out of fear and wanting to belong, I've finally accepted who I really am... I only just started my journey on HRT 1-2 days ago and I've never felt better.
I grew up i the 90s when there was no exposer to LGBT people outside of shows like Jenny Springer or Eurotrash. At 10 i remember seeing trans people on Jerry Springer and thinking they were interesting despite the show trying to make them the joke. Also around the same time i thought gay people were a "bit weird" (my words at the time if i remember correctly) until i watched South Park, the episode "Big gay Al's big gay boat ride" was positive about gay people and made an impact on me at the right time and made me pro LGBT. I had also questioned my gender since i was 8 so felt sympathy and interest towards trans people and watched anything trans related on TV (before we had internet access) and never felt any negativity towards. Now I'm in my mid 30s and consider myself nonbinary.
I enjoyed this a lot. My egg didn't crack until my mid-30s, but my trajectory was very similar in the sense that I had become quite radicalized and then took a step back and realized that I wanted to understand "The enemy" better (no, I never really thought of it in that sense, but I did want to understand why people felt like it was something that was valid and what it was all about. I now realize that the signs were always there. A lot of what caused me to feel disgust and fear was literally something that I didn't understand because I'd only heard one side of the discussion my whole life. Yet, it was a feeling I was so familiar with that it clicked pretty profoundly once I had the space and emotional maturity to consider my real feelings. Also, femboys are what got me too. I never really even had a femboy phase, I just started enjoying the memes unironically and once I even considered exploring my gender presentation, It was clear that there was a woman inside begging to be seen. 💜
That summary at the ending made me burst out laughing!! Loved the vid and the story, thank you for telling it even though it was hard to do. I don't want to steal your spotlight or coast off of your courage but I'd like to share my own (I'll try to keep it short) (I'll try). I myself went through something similar: played games and was friends with a older and homophobic / transphobic group and I didn't want to feel left out, especially with my ADHD causing me to always feel like people thought negativly of me so I joined in the 'owning the libs / feminists' talk with them. That made me also think that LGBTQIA+ people were just 'exaggerating' or 'whining' or just bad in general, like they were some sort of enemy, which I still feel terrible about to this day. This didn't really change untill the moment covid happend and we were all in lockdown and LGBT representation became more apperent on the internet, and I just saw a lot of hate for it, just borderline hate. This made me realise that although I did not go on the streets myself and counter-protest pride marches or harm or harass LGBT people my comments and the things I said contributed and enabled to that kind horrible beheviour. Along with that I also started getting into music from artists who were openly LGBT. This made me really question myself: how could I hate people for being themselves while also alot of music I loved to listen to was made by people just being themselves? This turned me from a homophobic / transpobic into an ally. And I've supported LGBT ever since, I became the A in LGBTQIA+ for Ally. And then a few years later, a couple of months ago on the day of my 28th birthday I randomly came across the asexualty-handbook website and everything just clicked for me and all the years of struggles with my sexuality (or the lack off) fell into place, that day I realised I am and always have been an asexual man. So the A from LGBTQIA+ came again, but now for Asexuallity and not just Ally. Now a couple of months later I am currently struggeling with my gender identity. I am a huge hulk of a man (1,99 meters tall) with a bulky physique. But I've always had some feminine traits and act sometimes more akin to a girl than a boy. But I don't feel like I'm a women, more just a man with female traits. So maybe I am genderfluid or something? I don't know yet. But oh my god it feels so liberating and euphoric when I feel safe to express myself fully and act how I want to act, I just want everyone in the world to be able to feel this kind of freedom all the time and just feel safe enough to get to be be themselves. Anyway, moral of the story is: Times change, people change, perspectives change and sometimes they change for the better :) If anybody made it this far, thank you for reading. Use your energy and voice to always spread love and condemn hate. Warm greetings and love from the Netherlands ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤lot
I was never transphobic but I was around 14/15 around the time of Gamergate... Yeah, I got swept up in it and it's extremely embarrassing to look back on it now. Like you said, we were all pretty embarrassing around that age 😅
Pretty similar age to you (16 rn, gonna be 17 soonish) and had a relatively similar story to you a couple years back. Got sucked into the whole anti-SJW "there are only 2 genders bullshit" when I was like, 10ish (not even super deep into it necessarily, just watching people like Hunter Avallone back when he was still doing that whole anti SJW conservative shtick and being too young to really grasp it beyond "wow, those *insert marginalized group here*s sure are unreasonable), and I think there were 2 things that combined to get me out of that hole. The first of them was having a nonbinary classmate in 6th grade and realizing "oh hey these people can just be chill", admittedly making a lot of hurtful comments that I didn't understand the full ramifications of but generally trying to be supportive. Honestly kinda surprised they put up with me in retrospect, if I was in their position I would've stayed the hell away from me. But the second thing, I'd argue the one that really made me internalize "hey, being queer is perfectly fine lol, the people you were watching a couple years ago were just assholes and you got sucked into their vortex" was joining this one discord server around a month into the pandemic. This server was largely comprised of queer people, and I quickly took a liking to the server while also learning about what it's actually like being gay/trans/etc. Hell, that pride month I even realized "oh, I'm bisexual, lol." Honestly joining that server was probably the single most important thing that happened to me during the pandemic, even if I don't really keep in touch with most of the people there anymore and just lurk. By 2021, most of the game communities that I inhabited were, if not majority trans, still had a sizable contingent of trans members in them (speedrunning, rhythm games, fighting games, precision platformers, hell by this point celeste had been my favorite game of all time for well over a year), and I was kinda acting as the token cis dude who just hung out around all the trans girls. The grungler, if you will. I think the majority of my friends were already queer by this point. I think this is about when I started questioning "hey, am I even really a boy?" I'd given the question some thought around 2020, but ultimately just went "meh, probably" after a bit of introspection and talking about it with my mom, but this was where I actually started giving the question some real thought. I think it took until 2022 for it to really become something that I frequently gave my attention to, and late 2022 especially was when stuff started clicking. Funnily enough I think one of the puzzle pieces was a non-binary friend of mine calling me "the most transbian cis guy of all time", which, in hindsight, yeah LMAO. But I very much remember the one video, hell, the one day, that made me think "OK, I am 100% certain that I'm not cis". It was Leadhead's video explaining how her transition saved her life, and I watched it on November 24th, 2022 (which was Thanksgiving, and this is an important detail). I'm not a huge Leadhead fan or anything, but I'd watched a video or two by her and thought "hey, she seems pretty cool, I'll watch more", which eventually lead to me watching the transition video. And watching that video inspired probably the single most intense and focused bout of gender questioning I'd had up to that point. I thought about some aspects of myself that didn't exactly put me as the pinnacle of traditional masculinity (pretty much since I came back to school after the pandemic I noticed that I got along way better with the girls in my classes than the guys, also I'd wanted to grow my hair out for a couple years by this point but my mom would always take it to get cut anyway, generally being unhappy with how I sounded while talking, tho in hindsight this might not have been a gender thing), but I think the final piece of the puzzle was when I went to eat Thanksgiving dinner with family and realized that I really didn't gel with my birthname. My parents said they were gonna give me the name regardless of if I was born a boy or a girl so I guess that's just tough luck, but I felt a really big disconnect between who [Real Name] was and who I actually was as a person. And here's the kicker: when I tried thinking of names that I DID feel represented me more, they all ended up being more feminine names (Liz, Emma, Kel, and Sara were the ones I initially wrote down, but I still haven't decided on a feminine name yet, most close friends called me Caco before this and still call me Caco now). I reached out to close online friends who I knew would be understanding, talked it out a bit more, and... started playing osu on the drawing tablet that I got as a present (my birthday is November 26th so it tends to double as the day that my extended family celebrates my birthday). I thought about it a bit more once I finished and ultimately decided on "Girl(?)" as a rough approximation of how I felt and decided I would experiment with she/her pronouns for the time being. I still didn't decide on an exact label, all I knew was that I was some flavor of not cis. Basically everyone who I told it to was accepting as I expected (the aforementioned non-binary friend was not surprised in the slightest when they found out), and I definitely felt some positive emotions from getting she/her'ed that I didn't really know in my life prior. But the label search continued for a little while, until it, admittedly, met maybe the funniest end possible. Around June of last year, I was scrolling twitter and saw a tweet that said "is it possible for a mega man boy and a touhou girl to fall in love?" On instinct, without thinking about it whatsoever, I QRTed it to say "I'm both of them at the same time." Within the night I was typing up my genderfluid coming out tweet. I still cannot believe that THAT was the final puzzle piece, like oh my god that's so unserious lmao. I've settled on this label for a year and some change, but over the past month or so have been thinking a lot about if I'm genderfluid or just an out and out trans girl considering that when talking with close friends I basically always feel pretty fem (I think the one thing that's made me feel masc in the past month ish was that Joey Valence and Brae album). It's been kinda rough, since I'm not really out to anyone I know in public yet and I'm not really able to present fem for a good while (most of the people at my school kinda suck + parents handling stuff like haircuts so I'm just waiting until I'm done high school and in uni to properly go through with transitioning), but I'll thug it out. To slightly paraphrase an old indie folk song, "I am gonna make it through these years if it kills me." Can't wait until I can leave this chapter in my life behind and be who I know I really am rather than what I need to be. Wow, this ramble went on way the fuck longer than I anticipated. I don't even know why I wrote all this, I just got done writing a 2500 word paper for English like an hour ago and I instantly decided to start churning this out. Why did I even write all this? Sidenote I love your look, you're really pretty!!!
i went through the same thing, i used to be transphobic when i was younger and when i took the time to really consider it, i came to the realization that i was trans. i’m really glad you’ve found your way and i wish you the best!!
i'm an nb now and super supportive of all my trans friends and stuff but back when i was like 8 years younger or so i was an absolute homophobic transphobic pos lmao it's kinda funny how many people are kinda similar in that regard
i went through this too, when i was starting secondary school i started watching hunter avalone when he was a conservative and because what he was saying sounded smart, i never fact checked anything and just believed it all, how my mind was changed was mostly my friends having complete opposite opinions and over time convincing me and then later down the line hunter also realised he was wrong which solidified me changing my mind
I think it would be a big benefit, and will help you grow your channel, if you write a script - or even built points/time line, off camera, for you to refer to. it's a big help to maintain focus when doing a piece to camera style filming
Just wanna say I 100% relate with social and political views being shaped by youtube videos, I think for me it was around 2016 when I stumbled upon TYT, and I think if not for that I wouldn't be as accepting or leftist or whatever today, ironic considering their transphobia in the last few years. But for real, good on you for coming up outta that hole, or coming out the other side of the pipeline or whatever, I think regardless of your past behaviour, be/keep being proud of yourself for getting yourself to where you're at today.
This is incredibly incredibly similar to what I went through. I had been a really accepting and kind kid, and trans positive stuff (the few things I did see) came pretty naturally to me, but I started seeing lots of subliminally transphobic / "cringe content" things and that changed my views. Until I started going to subliminally trans *positive* things like r/GCJ (I was a redditor until I was like 14 I know I'm sorry) and had my sibling talk about trans positive stuff before I did, I had my views change. Especially after getting a tumblr account, I started seeing all these transfems and realize I wanted to have that too. It feels comfortable knowing that my very shameful period of how I was isn't something unique to me, or something that I have to uniquely punish myself for being like that and having to recover from it. Also, you very much are cute!
older nb here. wow. i honestly have no words to describe the character development you’ve gone through from your story alone. i went from girl to nonbinary so on and off because people straight up told me or indirectly would say things like “i don’t believe in nonbinary”, or “nonbinary isn’t a real gender”, you know, the whole “there are only two genders” which maaaan i have not heard over a decade ngl. it’s incredible that your mindset completely changed esp when you mentioned something like being skeptical about it being real, it takes a lot to self reflect about this and i’m glad you came to a positive conclusion. i’m happy that you’re realizing your true self too, not a lot of 17 year olds do. cheers m8
I relate to you so much abt the toxic people from video games! I don’t play much anymore but for years I would play a very popular mobile game called “Marvel Contest of Champions” on and off. I ended up having to get an app called “Line” for the alliance i was in, it was used to chat with your alliance and was popular with the players. There were also other chats channels in the app used for this game. The built in chat in the actual game was already super toxic but then I started getting on the chats on this line app and it opened the door to even more mean and toxic people. I was like 13 then and had extreme views about stuff I didn’t really understand, similar to your experience, so that made me a bit of a target for these people but I never made fun of anyone as far as I remember. Almost everyone was mean to everyone there though. I remember one time a literal adult with him and his wife in his pfp was cursing at me for several minutes and when I would reply he would get even more mad over something, I still don’t know what but there a misunderstanding somewhere, and the dude knew I was a kid. The community is terrible but the game is pretty good.
Im in a similar bucket. I was one to harrass trans people at my school when I was younger. I remember saying just the most awful stuff to this transgender guy at my school. Most people around me at that time were not accepting of trans people. I took this garbage that was getting fed to me and turned it up to 11. I had not really connected what I felt to being trans at that point. In retrospect, I think all that transphobia was really directed at myself. That time of my life was absolute rock bottom for me personally and I was just jealous of people who had figured it out before I did. One of my friends that I was really close with came out as trans and she explained to me what she felt. I realised almost immediently how wrong I was. I started transitioning 6 months ago and it has made my life do a complete 180. I have never been happier but I am still so ashamed of the way I acted when I was younger. It tears me up inside thinking about all the awful things I did and all the hurt I caused people just because I was miserable and wanted to bring others down with me. p.s. I found your channel a few days ago and have bindged all your videos already. Keep posting, I love listening to your escapades!🥰
"Owning the libs" is a funny concept to me as an anarchist cause I own everyone all the time and I'm openly trans and proudly queer as fuck. But I live with a lot self-discipline. It's a lot of work to defend our rights and empower the working class while being one of us. You have to heal your traumas, and feel your feelings. I'm a buddhist Dharma punk and that helps a lot too. ♥
the transphobe to trans pipeline is so real, i feel like a lot of transphobia is deffo closeted people unable to process their transness etc its kinda crazy, humans fear what they dont understand a lot of the time and i feel like its easy to lash out and deflect as opposed to confronting why you feel fear towards something
I feel like a lot of gay people go through this, I dont know because my sample size is a kid i knew in highschool who was so in the closet the would call everyone a certain slur and then came out as gay later. Its good to have a healthy amount of regret for that, but its a new beginning so dont think too much about it i told him.
@@Nik-lf4rw Uhh…what? My brother in christ idk how you got the idea that my reply was angry but i have a feeling that it was because of the period that i added at the end and that’s hilarious lol Anyway, sassy? Yeah sure, but angry? lmao
ive always been a pewdiepie fan and i never got any transphobic signs from him, idk if i was watching different content from him but he always seemed wholesome and funny, even in the edgy era
First of all, huge respect and congratulations for talking about this openly! It was really honest and personal, and you handled it beautifully. I spent a significant time just upvoting every trans related post on reddit just to show my support as a cis ally and not an NB egg. I also remember there was a funny comment on youtube that said something like "I had no idea straight cis men being into fanfiction was a thing", and I immediately thought I'm an exception... it took me about 2+ years to realize I was wrong though...
such a similar story for me. i'm just a bit older. shortly before i ended up in the pipeline - i think i was 12 - i learned what gender noncomformity and nonbinary was. they/them pronouns and the whole shebang. i instantly realized why i felt so different. i came out, briefly, impulsively, and then went back in the closet due to fear and bigotry.... and that whole time of discovering myself was pushed deep in the back of my mind. fast forward a couple years and gamergate happens. i played a lot of online games so the "humor" and gamergate sentiment i was exposed to definitely primed me. btw i dropped out of school when i was 12 and i never left my bedroom, ever, so the stuff i saw on the internet was my entire world. i already watched a lot of atheism type channels pre-gamergate. post-gamergate they all started shifting from anti-religion content to anti-sjw content. i was really sucked in without even knowing. i was an early subscriber to blaire white. i watched kalvin garrah. i was really eating up that transphobia, and even more i was eating up the mockery and hatred for nonbinary people. thankfully i was almost totally out of the pipeline when i was ~19 . at 20 i really started examining my gender identity again, at 21 i started coming out to people for the 2nd time. i started on a journey of learning to like myself. the transphobia was always self hatred that i was projecting on to others. once i developed the tiniest bit of self love and self respect, i accepted who i was and in turn lovingly accepted all of my peers.
At school I had a neighbor and she came out to me telling me, tgat she was actually feeling like being a boy. I didn't make fun of her, but I only repeated, what I have learend in biology class. I am sorry, Andrea, or Andrew now, I hope. We didn't became close friends. Now I regret being so exclusive.
that ending with the dont play fortnite caught me offguard lmao really nice video and i related SO MUCH listening to this, i think im the same age and when you were talking watching pewds and playing fortnite my goodness the nostalgia really epic video and soothing voice maybe u should do asmr lol
Projection is pretty strong protective mechanism. People use it for a reason. You might be interested in such technique as shadow work. I think you're actually started doing it unknowingly. Pretty cool for you to speak out that way.
The pipeline
I LOVE BEING TRANS
THE PIPELINE IS AMAZING 🎉🎉🎉🎉
aware
the pipeline is real! THE PIPELINE IS REAL!
its too real… it does cause some awful impostor syndrome. but with time… it gets better :)
I wish it worked the same way with non-hateful phobias. "How I went from arachnophobic to spide", "how I went from fearing height to being a skyscraper" it'd be so metal to watch videos like those. Anyway incredible vid, very happy for you!
Well, that's how it worked for Batman
@@DChatcDid he hate orphans or something?
@RadioactiveBluePlatypus no bro he hates bats 😭
you MIGHT be onto something
@@ThatBowl0fRice I was joking
i did that too 😭 it's usually the most bigoted ppl who end up coming out i've noticed
Fr, happened to me
This makes me feel sm better because it literally happened to me too 😭
Trans moment 🌈🌎🏳️⚧️
Happened to me too, and now all the things I used to say about gay and trans people are things people say about me 😅
@@Femyoz reallll im just waiting for all of them to realise they're trans too 🫶
used to constantly say the f word everyday, turns out 3 years later i would end up having a boyfriend
You had me at “every pony”, I hope that your journey bears many fruit.
I was transphobic a lot some time ago and now I am trans. It is basically a classic scenario at this point.
No, it really isn't
@@massivetism in the west we kinda internalize prejudices to some extent both against people of color, but also against anything that goes against the heteronormative culture.
I had a lot of anti trans, anti gay, and anti liberal stuff pushed into my head at a young point by my narcissist mother. It’s hard carrying that kind of guilt around. You are a beautiful young lady now and I can’t wait to see more of your videos.
It’s crazy how often I hear about people who have abusive narc parents who are also very bigoted, maybe it’s cos it’s an easy way to feel like you’re better than people cos you can just think well at least I’m better than *insert group they hate here*
being trans in the uk is so cooked. my condolences.
damn, I hear it is actually getting worse and worse..
@@UNSTABLE111 we must save all the English tranners and bring them to a real country
being trans in russia/soviet countries is much worse
@@endlessrestlessdream I 💕 oppression Olympics
@@spookyelectric5000just the truth, sorry 🫶🏻
i wish i had someone like you as a rolemodel while growing up, i dont know how many times i can say that kids today are so lucky to have people like you sharing your experiences in a public format as opposed to the incredibly transphobic shows and films i grew up with. the internet is becoming a better place and i will forever be thankful for that.
PFP 🤖
>I w-ACK!
coal
haha your "rolemodel" doesnt even sound like what they're pretending to be
literally none of them pass for the gender they claim
you can tell its a man so quickly
unfortunately you're making up some fake story for your autogynephelia
thankfully these types of people resolve themselves
you are genuinely a really pretty girl! and also dw literally everuone at one point in their life is like this, the only factor deciding if that person is genuinely terrible or not is if they keep that bigotry and don’t grow up
i could tell its a man just by turning my phones volume up by one
and the face shape 🥶
I think alot of trabsphobia js either people being jealous because they see others be brave and confident enough to live life as they actually want, and they feel as if they cant do that themselves, Or because they're trying to supress their own feelings. I was the second one, during Covid I was a loyal Matt Walsh and Steven Crowder viewer (both of which have been exposed to be genuinely horrible people since then). Then it took hanging around people who were apart of the LGBT, not only to realize that theres nothing wrong with it, but also that its kinda cool
Massive W
Most transphobia is political agenda and conservatism and religion being passed down generations and plain ignorance, people don't think about it that deeply. You gotta realise most people are primal animals that would bash your head in if it was legal. Really sad, but hopefully we can move forward societally and make even the smallest progress into peace and harmony
You're presenting a false dichotomy. What do you even mean by transphobia? You can disagree with the notion that a man can become a woman and vice versa without holding some kind of hatred against trans people individually.
@@RippleSticks you don't seem to understand what transphobia means. Denying the existence of trans people is transphobic (and wildly ahistoric, and in denial of the reality of how those categories function). like, sure, hypothetically one can imagine a world where those positions are without animus and apolitical. But we don't live in that world. (They're also very very hard positions to hold if you build your position from material reality. The evidence is such that I'm not sure you _can_ hold those positions in good faith, even in that hypothetical world.)
@@_iarna_ Nobody (rational or worth listening to) is denying the existence of transgender people. Their existence is self-evident. The lack of belief in the idea that one can "transition" from man to woman is totally separate from the idea that trans people should be denied rights or respect.
UR SO PRETTY OMG
nonce
you forgot to turn the volume up 😂😂😂
dont forget underneath is just a bony frail mess of messed up male biology
im in a very bad place mentally right now and binging ur videos for the last couple of days has really helped me allot ❤ ps: i am also a trans girl in the uk and went through a very similiar experience to you! ps2: ur really pretty :3
Chris Evans is now that big time we night and now that you soon and up and you will have just like you do that show up on this weekend
seeing this video - didnt even watch it all then, just the first 50 seconds - made me reflect on my own journey, because the thing that made me realize i want to be transfeminine, was quite weird. and i wrote a touching paragraph to my girlfriend about it. thank you very much Melanie for making me reflect on myself
This is eerily similar to what I went through, except I never really had a trans best friend. I went from being completely homophobic and transphobic to not caring, to coming out as bisexual, to becoming a femboy, to becoming transfem. There were a few instances where I would say something bigoted, and then someone would simply ask who cares. I guess I stopped caring completely once I became an agnostic atheist in 7th grade. I think a big part of it for me was that I was ashamed of who I was, and thought that because I felt the need to repress myself, that it was unfair if others didn't do the same. In reality, I was being unfair to both myself and others. I was still transphobic for a while, which somehow decreased once I started watching a lot of Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah type content, though I was a transmed for a while. I guess I stopped caring for a while again, and then later watched Hunter Avallone (former conservative who became a liberal) who presented rational pro-trans arguments that don't require targeting "transtrenders" or gatekeeping. I had also wanted to become a femboy for a while, so one day (almost 2 years ago when I was 18) I just bought a bunch of stereotypical femboy fits and felt so happy when I saw how I looked in them. I learned that some femboys take HRT, so you better believe I went to a Planned Parenthood and got some for myself. I had been using any/all pronouns on RUclips for a while, but after a certain point, a few chatters started using she/her, and I really liked that, so eventually I decided to just use she/they pronouns and realized I was trans. And here I am today, a little over 1 year on HRT writing an absurdly long RUclips comment that no one will read but myself :3
nobody is reading allat
I read allat
i also read allat
i also read allat
I too read allat :3
I found this channel by pure chance two days ago and i love it, it unwinds me. Consider me a fangirly
"Don't play fortnite" had me in tears
bewar the pipeline!! ur so pretty btw genuinely as an artist u have such a pretty facial structure 😭😭
‘So you probably wonder how I got into this situation’ type vibe. Great vid
we r the queens of breakwater i hope ur doing good mel!!! seeing this made me v happy
Thanks for sharing your experience, feeling really confused rn and honestly listening to all experiences kinda helps, gl in everything
tl;dr "I was a child"
Shes still a child
@@wigglypfff he*
@@sleep0x So Brave
@@sleep0x i sure wonder why this is in your feed then hmmmm 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
@@sleep0x It's OK sweetie you'll figure it out soon enough 💅
We can all agree that Jasmine is one of the nicest cutest people ever
I had a relative who came out as trans-masc a few years ago, and i don't really know what was going on in my head when he came out but I just felt generally weird. Looking back now I think younger me was just kind of confused that it was just something you can just do, just come out and be yourself, like you can just decide what you want to do and then go do it, and for the longest time I had a hard time gendering him correctly.
I also think my dad said some terribly transphobic things that day because I have only seen him once since that day, and my dad has handled me coming out rather poorly, not "get out of my house you freak" poorly but "I'll still see you as my son" kinda poorly, which can be worse in some circumstances, and definitely is in mine.
im pro trans just because they self sterilize themselves AND have a very high chance of just removing themselves
you can never fully pass as what you're pretending to be unfortunately
we dont promote the beliefs of a schizophrenic, right? should be the same way for this topic
this bony face thing in the video dressed up won't convince me especially because he sounds exactly like a man...
@@s3i284ufj5what??
Thank you for sharing your experience and thank you for being the person you are. People make mistakes and can treat others badly because of their upbringing, I do think that what is the most important is what we do after that, how we as person grow out of being judgemental to others. I'm happy that you managed to find yourself and wish you all the best.
trans guy here and almost the exact same thing happened with me, the pewdiepie and ben shapiro and fortnite and evrything, but kalvin garrah was the person who really pushed me into the transphobic mindset when i was like 13. im 18 now and fully out as a trans man, been on T for a year
also maybe weird comment but thank you for not being very mean about americans lol
2016 youtube was so toxic, i remember my first exposure to trans people was blair white 😬🤕 when i was like 12 years old . Pewdiepie is still far right also 🤮. I went through i similar thing but im non biary/gender fluid and pan. I went through so much internalised homophobia because my mom is a super ""religious"" homophobe. So i went from being ignorant/right wing when i was 12 to now being a 19 year old intersectional vegan anarcho-communist. Now doing a degree in social sciences.
i dont think pewdiepie is far right lol
@@BlaireBlaireBlaire he literally is friends with and following so many alt right people and barely did anything when the mosque attack happened in New zealand. Literally look at his track record and his favorite content creators and authors. Elliot sang on youtube recently made a video essay about pewdiepies favorite author which is related to his conservative views. Another video is "the pewdiepipeline" which I forgot who made but also goes into detail about 2016 RUclips and the Christchurch shootings.
@@nsjhdhdhdbhsudgvdydb7751you are brainwashed to an insane degree. “barely did anything” you wanted him to fly to new zealand and resurrect the dead with his youtube powers, or what? what exactly did you do for new zealand? are you currently fighting in a trench for ukraine? listen to yourself
What is an intersectional vegan?!
@@nsjhdhdhdbhsudgvdydb7751 I mean he publicly condemned it, what else is he supposed to do? Are you implying he actually sympathizes with that whole attack and that person?? I don't know much about Pewdiepies political leanings but I have extreme doubts that he's that much of a radical right winger.
While my story is a whole lot more depressing and tragic, I appreciate a video like this one. Not only am I happy to see gaming being something that is part of the story (and not frowned upon like in my days), I also love that you shared something personal from your life that will probably change the perspective of many people in the future.
Glad to see you are doing okay! Being trans is not something that is "allowed" in every country... remember that.
i can somewhat relate
i was pretty young when i was transphobic (probably from confusion of the concept) and looking back is so awkward
I appreciate your honesty. You show that it's possible to reflect and grow.
I'm turning to dust in real time now that I'm old enough to see kids who grew up on fortnite turning 18...
It truly is vivid. Especially since many of these kids never played games like Halo CE or watched the Original Star Wars trilogy.
Before and after Team Fortress 2
Didnt play enough Teemo in LoL
Before and after Deltarune. (W Noelle pfp btw!)
you are genuinely so pretty :3💗💗 also your presence (idk the right word) is like really like comfortable !!
this pipeline is a very real thing that a lot of people don't talk about or brush off..
so it's good that you're able to talk about this.. Contrapoints did a video on this topic as well if i'm not mistaken
Youre showing me that you're sweet and honest young lady. You really have a bright future ahead of you.
"tw fortnite" thank you melanie much appreciated
We love a good redemption ark. In all seriousness though huge respect to you for being indoctrinated into such beliefs and having the strength to reflect and say "nah this ain't me". I wish more people could have that kinda introspection.
btw love the trigger warning for fortnite lmao
Homophobe to gay pipeline is similar.
Most people don't care, it's usually deeply repressing people that care the most.
I realized I was trans way back in like 2008, and started trying to transition, until I was like "hey I don't know any girls that are 6 foot tall"
Well, I repressed for like a decade, and now I"m glad I finally stopped repressing, it fucks you up big time
I really envy you, i will suppress this in myself for the rest of my life, because I live in homophobic Eastern Europe
I have a similar story (transitioned at 16, now 30), but in hindsight, I really think a lot of us are too hard on our younger selves. What we call transphobic is still probably more progressive than a good half of the population at the very least
I remember when people started making fun of the gender list and I went along with it. I also used to back the conservative parties in my country, thankfully I wasn't allowed to vote yet. Now I've been out as a transgirl for 4 months. Thanks for sharing your story.
girl your hair is lookin phenomenal!! also great vid
Jasmin is such a legend
i was never transphobic but i did get a lil 'gender critical' for a few months as i was figuring things out.
I ended up figuring out my gender on my own and have yet to really make strong friendships with other trans people. Not having anyone to push me forward to be the version of myself that I wanna be has kept me going slow. I'm not the type of person to fight for myself so all changes have been fraught with self doubt / procrastination.
I am 19 and a half now and my egg cracked a lil over a year ago. I see where you are now and I must admit I am both envious and a lil disappointment in myself for not taking what seems to be easily obtainable I'm just lacking willpower/support.
I think I can attribute those failings to not have someone to guide me on my journey thus far - I most certainly plan on continuing searching to find friendships that can aid me but i am out of practice and slow.
I hope it doesn't sound to much like me just whining about my problems here; what I really mean to say is this:
Jasmin is such a wonderful person for doing what she has done for you.
So glad you figured yourself out! I went down the conservative pipeline pretty hard, but making a trans friend was one of the first things that turned me around. Similar to you, I had the "this is obviously a girl" trans friend, when others bullied her and called her a boy. I don't look back with any pride, but not too much shame either. I was stupid and led along by too many malicious talking heads. The world is so much better on the other side! :)
congrats on your healing and a shout-out to Jasmine! that is such a wholesome friendship story ❤🔥❤🔥 you were still there for each other despite all the hateful shit that's being constantly pumped into us all. i used to be bigoted too :( too hard to completely avoid with all these influences, but we can and do heal. we'll stay human 😉
facts, doesn't help that its so taboo and no one really wants to teach about it, so when I finally learned about trans stuff, it was from shitty cartoons like south park and youtube videos from people that could care less about who they hurt. Took me along time break free from the thinking too. i think its good for trans people to speak up about their story's it does help a lot and that's how i got over the phobia.
Trans people have always been some of my favourite people :] I'm definitely an ally
HOW ARE YOU SO PRETTY WHATTTT
I'm 17 too and I went through a similar pipeline. I think as a kid i always knew i was different but the environment i grew up in was not accepting at all (and pretty isolated! I didn't even know about gay people until i was around 11), and i didn't even have the language at the time to describe how i was feeling. I think once you go out into the world and meet more people it really helps break out of that mindset. At least thats how i was able to come to accept myself and other people
I had a similar experience as a transmasc guy. So in denial about who I was and being internally transphobic. I'm happy this video came up on my recommended.
i envy your whole setup its so authentically 2000/early 2010s
I was pretty young during that 2014-2017 edgy era myself, I just didn't wanna be picked on or felt like an outcast so I would usually join in with not some of the best people... so as someone who also grew up in the UK, I really get where you're coming from.
Now after 7-8 long years of running away out of fear and wanting to belong, I've finally accepted who I really am...
I only just started my journey on HRT 1-2 days ago and I've never felt better.
I grew up i the 90s when there was no exposer to LGBT people outside of shows like Jenny Springer or Eurotrash. At 10 i remember seeing trans people on Jerry Springer and thinking they were interesting despite the show trying to make them the joke. Also around the same time i thought gay people were a "bit weird" (my words at the time if i remember correctly) until i watched South Park, the episode "Big gay Al's big gay boat ride" was positive about gay people and made an impact on me at the right time and made me pro LGBT.
I had also questioned my gender since i was 8 so felt sympathy and interest towards trans people and watched anything trans related on TV (before we had internet access) and never felt any negativity towards. Now I'm in my mid 30s and consider myself nonbinary.
I enjoyed this a lot. My egg didn't crack until my mid-30s, but my trajectory was very similar in the sense that I had become quite radicalized and then took a step back and realized that I wanted to understand "The enemy" better (no, I never really thought of it in that sense, but I did want to understand why people felt like it was something that was valid and what it was all about. I now realize that the signs were always there. A lot of what caused me to feel disgust and fear was literally something that I didn't understand because I'd only heard one side of the discussion my whole life. Yet, it was a feeling I was so familiar with that it clicked pretty profoundly once I had the space and emotional maturity to consider my real feelings. Also, femboys are what got me too. I never really even had a femboy phase, I just started enjoying the memes unironically and once I even considered exploring my gender presentation, It was clear that there was a woman inside begging to be seen. 💜
That summary at the ending made me burst out laughing!!
Loved the vid and the story, thank you for telling it even though it was hard to do. I don't want to steal your spotlight or coast off of your courage but I'd like to share my own (I'll try to keep it short) (I'll try).
I myself went through something similar: played games and was friends with a older and homophobic / transphobic group and I didn't want to feel left out, especially with my ADHD causing me to always feel like people thought negativly of me so I joined in the 'owning the libs / feminists' talk with them. That made me also think that LGBTQIA+ people were just 'exaggerating' or 'whining' or just bad in general, like they were some sort of enemy, which I still feel terrible about to this day.
This didn't really change untill the moment covid happend and we were all in lockdown and LGBT representation became more apperent on the internet, and I just saw a lot of hate for it, just borderline hate. This made me realise that although I did not go on the streets myself and counter-protest pride marches or harm or harass LGBT people my comments and the things I said contributed and enabled to that kind horrible beheviour.
Along with that I also started getting into music from artists who were openly LGBT. This made me really question myself: how could I hate people for being themselves while also alot of music I loved to listen to was made by people just being themselves? This turned me from a homophobic / transpobic into an ally. And I've supported LGBT ever since, I became the A in LGBTQIA+ for Ally.
And then a few years later, a couple of months ago on the day of my 28th birthday I randomly came across the asexualty-handbook website and everything just clicked for me and all the years of struggles with my sexuality (or the lack off) fell into place, that day I realised I am and always have been an asexual man. So the A from LGBTQIA+ came again, but now for Asexuallity and not just Ally.
Now a couple of months later I am currently struggeling with my gender identity. I am a huge hulk of a man (1,99 meters tall) with a bulky physique. But I've always had some feminine traits and act sometimes more akin to a girl than a boy. But I don't feel like I'm a women, more just a man with female traits. So maybe I am genderfluid or something? I don't know yet. But oh my god it feels so liberating and euphoric when I feel safe to express myself fully and act how I want to act, I just want everyone in the world to be able to feel this kind of freedom all the time and just feel safe enough to get to be be themselves.
Anyway, moral of the story is: Times change, people change, perspectives change and sometimes they change for the better :)
If anybody made it this far, thank you for reading. Use your energy and voice to always spread love and condemn hate.
Warm greetings and love from the Netherlands ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤lot
I was never transphobic but I was around 14/15 around the time of Gamergate... Yeah, I got swept up in it and it's extremely embarrassing to look back on it now. Like you said, we were all pretty embarrassing around that age 😅
Thank you! Just started hormones n ur videos make me feel better
I thought you were in the early 20s. Love your videos. You are a beautiful person. i love your channel
Pretty similar age to you (16 rn, gonna be 17 soonish) and had a relatively similar story to you a couple years back. Got sucked into the whole anti-SJW "there are only 2 genders bullshit" when I was like, 10ish (not even super deep into it necessarily, just watching people like Hunter Avallone back when he was still doing that whole anti SJW conservative shtick and being too young to really grasp it beyond "wow, those *insert marginalized group here*s sure are unreasonable), and I think there were 2 things that combined to get me out of that hole.
The first of them was having a nonbinary classmate in 6th grade and realizing "oh hey these people can just be chill", admittedly making a lot of hurtful comments that I didn't understand the full ramifications of but generally trying to be supportive. Honestly kinda surprised they put up with me in retrospect, if I was in their position I would've stayed the hell away from me. But the second thing, I'd argue the one that really made me internalize "hey, being queer is perfectly fine lol, the people you were watching a couple years ago were just assholes and you got sucked into their vortex" was joining this one discord server around a month into the pandemic. This server was largely comprised of queer people, and I quickly took a liking to the server while also learning about what it's actually like being gay/trans/etc. Hell, that pride month I even realized "oh, I'm bisexual, lol." Honestly joining that server was probably the single most important thing that happened to me during the pandemic, even if I don't really keep in touch with most of the people there anymore and just lurk.
By 2021, most of the game communities that I inhabited were, if not majority trans, still had a sizable contingent of trans members in them (speedrunning, rhythm games, fighting games, precision platformers, hell by this point celeste had been my favorite game of all time for well over a year), and I was kinda acting as the token cis dude who just hung out around all the trans girls. The grungler, if you will. I think the majority of my friends were already queer by this point. I think this is about when I started questioning "hey, am I even really a boy?"
I'd given the question some thought around 2020, but ultimately just went "meh, probably" after a bit of introspection and talking about it with my mom, but this was where I actually started giving the question some real thought. I think it took until 2022 for it to really become something that I frequently gave my attention to, and late 2022 especially was when stuff started clicking. Funnily enough I think one of the puzzle pieces was a non-binary friend of mine calling me "the most transbian cis guy of all time", which, in hindsight, yeah LMAO. But I very much remember the one video, hell, the one day, that made me think "OK, I am 100% certain that I'm not cis". It was Leadhead's video explaining how her transition saved her life, and I watched it on November 24th, 2022 (which was Thanksgiving, and this is an important detail).
I'm not a huge Leadhead fan or anything, but I'd watched a video or two by her and thought "hey, she seems pretty cool, I'll watch more", which eventually lead to me watching the transition video. And watching that video inspired probably the single most intense and focused bout of gender questioning I'd had up to that point. I thought about some aspects of myself that didn't exactly put me as the pinnacle of traditional masculinity (pretty much since I came back to school after the pandemic I noticed that I got along way better with the girls in my classes than the guys, also I'd wanted to grow my hair out for a couple years by this point but my mom would always take it to get cut anyway, generally being unhappy with how I sounded while talking, tho in hindsight this might not have been a gender thing), but I think the final piece of the puzzle was when I went to eat Thanksgiving dinner with family and realized that I really didn't gel with my birthname. My parents said they were gonna give me the name regardless of if I was born a boy or a girl so I guess that's just tough luck, but I felt a really big disconnect between who [Real Name] was and who I actually was as a person. And here's the kicker: when I tried thinking of names that I DID feel represented me more, they all ended up being more feminine names (Liz, Emma, Kel, and Sara were the ones I initially wrote down, but I still haven't decided on a feminine name yet, most close friends called me Caco before this and still call me Caco now). I reached out to close online friends who I knew would be understanding, talked it out a bit more, and... started playing osu on the drawing tablet that I got as a present (my birthday is November 26th so it tends to double as the day that my extended family celebrates my birthday). I thought about it a bit more once I finished and ultimately decided on "Girl(?)" as a rough approximation of how I felt and decided I would experiment with she/her pronouns for the time being.
I still didn't decide on an exact label, all I knew was that I was some flavor of not cis. Basically everyone who I told it to was accepting as I expected (the aforementioned non-binary friend was not surprised in the slightest when they found out), and I definitely felt some positive emotions from getting she/her'ed that I didn't really know in my life prior. But the label search continued for a little while, until it, admittedly, met maybe the funniest end possible.
Around June of last year, I was scrolling twitter and saw a tweet that said "is it possible for a mega man boy and a touhou girl to fall in love?" On instinct, without thinking about it whatsoever, I QRTed it to say "I'm both of them at the same time." Within the night I was typing up my genderfluid coming out tweet. I still cannot believe that THAT was the final puzzle piece, like oh my god that's so unserious lmao. I've settled on this label for a year and some change, but over the past month or so have been thinking a lot about if I'm genderfluid or just an out and out trans girl considering that when talking with close friends I basically always feel pretty fem (I think the one thing that's made me feel masc in the past month ish was that Joey Valence and Brae album). It's been kinda rough, since I'm not really out to anyone I know in public yet and I'm not really able to present fem for a good while (most of the people at my school kinda suck + parents handling stuff like haircuts so I'm just waiting until I'm done high school and in uni to properly go through with transitioning), but I'll thug it out. To slightly paraphrase an old indie folk song, "I am gonna make it through these years if it kills me." Can't wait until I can leave this chapter in my life behind and be who I know I really am rather than what I need to be.
Wow, this ramble went on way the fuck longer than I anticipated. I don't even know why I wrote all this, I just got done writing a 2500 word paper for English like an hour ago and I instantly decided to start churning this out. Why did I even write all this?
Sidenote I love your look, you're really pretty!!!
I swear every time I write a RUclips comment it's either some shit like this or a random one liner
Best luck to you!
chat is this real?
Idk If I was transphobic or I just parroted stupid shit I saw online then grew out of it.
parroting transphobic stuff is transphobic
@@artifactU yeahhhh I agree but some people will say that since I was a kid it didn’t count or whatever.
i went through the same thing, i used to be transphobic when i was younger and when i took the time to really consider it, i came to the realization that i was trans. i’m really glad you’ve found your way and i wish you the best!!
i'm an nb now and super supportive of all my trans friends and stuff but back when i was like 8 years younger or so i was an absolute homophobic transphobic pos lmao
it's kinda funny how many people are kinda similar in that regard
Honestly, I relate to all of this, and unrelated you look pretty, I hope you're doing well!
i went through this too, when i was starting secondary school i started watching hunter avalone when he was a conservative and because what he was saying sounded smart, i never fact checked anything and just believed it all, how my mind was changed was mostly my friends having complete opposite opinions and over time convincing me and then later down the line hunter also realised he was wrong which solidified me changing my mind
I think it would be a big benefit, and will help you grow your channel, if you write a script - or even built points/time line, off camera, for you to refer to. it's a big help to maintain focus when doing a piece to camera style filming
hello I'm also a trans girl
hi
👋😁
Just wanna say I 100% relate with social and political views being shaped by youtube videos, I think for me it was around 2016 when I stumbled upon TYT, and I think if not for that I wouldn't be as accepting or leftist or whatever today, ironic considering their transphobia in the last few years. But for real, good on you for coming up outta that hole, or coming out the other side of the pipeline or whatever, I think regardless of your past behaviour, be/keep being proud of yourself for getting yourself to where you're at today.
This is incredibly incredibly similar to what I went through. I had been a really accepting and kind kid, and trans positive stuff (the few things I did see) came pretty naturally to me, but I started seeing lots of subliminally transphobic / "cringe content" things and that changed my views. Until I started going to subliminally trans *positive* things like r/GCJ (I was a redditor until I was like 14 I know I'm sorry) and had my sibling talk about trans positive stuff before I did, I had my views change. Especially after getting a tumblr account, I started seeing all these transfems and realize I wanted to have that too. It feels comfortable knowing that my very shameful period of how I was isn't something unique to me, or something that I have to uniquely punish myself for being like that and having to recover from it. Also, you very much are cute!
i went from transphobic homophobe to a nb lesbian :D the good pipeline
This story perfectly portrays how all it takes is a TINY amount of confusion and peer pressure to convert someone into being transphobic
Internalised hate is so common sadly
She’s perfect
older nb here.
wow. i honestly have no words to describe the character development you’ve gone through from your story alone. i went from girl to nonbinary so on and off because people straight up told me or indirectly would say things like “i don’t believe in nonbinary”, or “nonbinary isn’t a real gender”, you know, the whole “there are only two genders” which maaaan i have not heard over a decade ngl. it’s incredible that your mindset completely changed esp when you mentioned something like being skeptical about it being real, it takes a lot to self reflect about this and i’m glad you came to a positive conclusion. i’m happy that you’re realizing your true self too, not a lot of 17 year olds do. cheers m8
Brave of you to record this all the way back in 2006.
didnt realize how common this was (same)
“Hello every pony” hit me like a fucking *TRUCK*
I relate to you so much abt the toxic people from video games! I don’t play much anymore but for years I would play a very popular mobile game called “Marvel Contest of Champions” on and off. I ended up having to get an app called “Line” for the alliance i was in, it was used to chat with your alliance and was popular with the players. There were also other chats channels in the app used for this game. The built in chat in the actual game was already super toxic but then I started getting on the chats on this line app and it opened the door to even more mean and toxic people. I was like 13 then and had extreme views about stuff I didn’t really understand, similar to your experience, so that made me a bit of a target for these people but I never made fun of anyone as far as I remember. Almost everyone was mean to everyone there though. I remember one time a literal adult with him and his wife in his pfp was cursing at me for several minutes and when I would reply he would get even more mad over something, I still don’t know what but there a misunderstanding somewhere, and the dude knew I was a kid. The community is terrible but the game is pretty good.
Good story!!! You're very brave.
lots of love for you darling!!! love your hair!
u seem like such a nice person
Im in a similar bucket. I was one to harrass trans people at my school when I was younger. I remember saying just the most awful stuff to this transgender guy at my school. Most people around me at that time were not accepting of trans people. I took this garbage that was getting fed to me and turned it up to 11. I had not really connected what I felt to being trans at that point. In retrospect, I think all that transphobia was really directed at myself. That time of my life was absolute rock bottom for me personally and I was just jealous of people who had figured it out before I did. One of my friends that I was really close with came out as trans and she explained to me what she felt. I realised almost immediently how wrong I was. I started transitioning 6 months ago and it has made my life do a complete 180. I have never been happier but I am still so ashamed of the way I acted when I was younger. It tears me up inside thinking about all the awful things I did and all the hurt I caused people just because I was miserable and wanted to bring others down with me.
p.s. I found your channel a few days ago and have bindged all your videos already. Keep posting, I love listening to your escapades!🥰
"Owning the libs" is a funny concept to me as an anarchist cause I own everyone all the time and I'm openly trans and proudly queer as fuck. But I live with a lot self-discipline. It's a lot of work to defend our rights and empower the working class while being one of us. You have to heal your traumas, and feel your feelings. I'm a buddhist Dharma punk and that helps a lot too. ♥
Based. But only if you're a real anarchist, as in libertarian, and not commie slave owner fantasy
You're exactly my type lol. Liberals are insufferable hypocrites.
Uh-huh....
She just like me fr fr :3333
the transphobe to trans pipeline is so real, i feel like a lot of transphobia is deffo closeted people unable to process their transness etc its kinda crazy, humans fear what they dont understand a lot of the time and i feel like its easy to lash out and deflect as opposed to confronting why you feel fear towards something
i never liked transformers but trans people are cool 👍
I feel like a lot of gay people go through this, I dont know because my sample size is a kid i knew in highschool who was so in the closet the would call everyone a certain slur and then came out as gay later. Its good to have a healthy amount of regret for that, but its a new beginning so dont think too much about it i told him.
This same pipeline happened about a billion times. Im with u
i went from "end all gays" to "i dont care that im a boy im wearing a maid skirt and you cant stop me"
I love this aesthetic coming back in 2024 lol
Keep making stuff!!
I went from homophobic to gay lol
nah its cause your like 15 year old you got no clue what your doing
@@Nik-lf4rw Im not 15 but sure, internet stranger that apparently knows me better than i do, go off.
@@ATMEIDAREYAIDOUBLEDAREYA calm down
@@Nik-lf4rw Uhh…what? My brother in christ idk how you got the idea that my reply was angry but i have a feeling that it was because of the period that i added at the end and that’s hilarious lol
Anyway, sassy? Yeah sure, but angry? lmao
@@ATMEIDAREYAIDOUBLEDAREYA uh you scaring me
ive always been a pewdiepie fan and i never got any transphobic signs from him, idk if i was watching different content from him but he always seemed wholesome and funny, even in the edgy era
This has so much 2009 vibes and i love it.
Cocaine is a hell of a drug
dialectical materialism in motion
First of all, huge respect and congratulations for talking about this openly! It was really honest and personal, and you handled it beautifully.
I spent a significant time just upvoting every trans related post on reddit just to show my support as a cis ally and not an NB egg.
I also remember there was a funny comment on youtube that said something like "I had no idea straight cis men being into fanfiction was a thing", and I immediately thought I'm an exception... it took me about 2+ years to realize I was wrong though...
the ending is beautiful
I wish i knew what being transgender actually was before i turned 20.
such a similar story for me. i'm just a bit older.
shortly before i ended up in the pipeline - i think i was 12 - i learned what gender noncomformity and nonbinary was. they/them pronouns and the whole shebang. i instantly realized why i felt so different. i came out, briefly, impulsively, and then went back in the closet due to fear and bigotry.... and that whole time of discovering myself was pushed deep in the back of my mind. fast forward a couple years and gamergate happens. i played a lot of online games so the "humor" and gamergate sentiment i was exposed to definitely primed me. btw i dropped out of school when i was 12 and i never left my bedroom, ever, so the stuff i saw on the internet was my entire world. i already watched a lot of atheism type channels pre-gamergate. post-gamergate they all started shifting from anti-religion content to anti-sjw content. i was really sucked in without even knowing. i was an early subscriber to blaire white. i watched kalvin garrah. i was really eating up that transphobia, and even more i was eating up the mockery and hatred for nonbinary people.
thankfully i was almost totally out of the pipeline when i was ~19 . at 20 i really started examining my gender identity again, at 21 i started coming out to people for the 2nd time. i started on a journey of learning to like myself. the transphobia was always self hatred that i was projecting on to others. once i developed the tiniest bit of self love and self respect, i accepted who i was and in turn lovingly accepted all of my peers.
your hair is actually so pretty how do you get it like that
At school I had a neighbor and she came out to me telling me, tgat she was actually feeling like being a boy. I didn't make fun of her, but I only repeated, what I have learend in biology class. I am sorry, Andrea, or Andrew now, I hope. We didn't became close friends. Now I regret being so exclusive.
that ending with the dont play fortnite caught me offguard lmao
really nice video and i related SO MUCH listening to this, i think im the same age and when you were talking watching pewds and playing fortnite my goodness the nostalgia
really epic video and soothing voice maybe u should do asmr lol
Projection is pretty strong protective mechanism. People use it for a reason.
You might be interested in such technique as shadow work. I think you're actually started doing it unknowingly.
Pretty cool for you to speak out that way.