Late Adult Diagnosis of Autism & ADHD - Featuring
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- Опубликовано: 2 дек 2023
- Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. On this video I'm joined by Jenn from @NeurodiverJENNt to explore the topic of late diagnosis. Plus, I share my personal lived experiences as an #actuallyautistic person. #orionkelly #autism #asd #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike
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ABOUT ORION:
Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (RUclipsr), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.
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"I'm a perfectly fine neurodivergent person." That made me happy, thanks for the interview.
I loved this too❤. It's a great affirmation.
Can you discuss the unique privileges that femme presenting aspies get as opposed to male presenting?
@@Fast-e-Learning This question reads as disingenuous to me, jsyk
@@Kagomai15 women aspies get married and have relationships at a much higher rate than men aspies for one, quit the ad hominem and get to the facts
@@Fast-e-Learning that's not a privilege dude and I didn't attack you I said you seemed disingenuous. As in, like you're baiting a trap, not asking a genuine question.
Don't call them Aspies. Marriage isn't a "unique privilege" it's a really weird government bank thing that more people ought to be allowed in on, imo. Polyamorous relationships ought to be able to marry.
The reason your question seemed like bait is because it smelled like the old "why doesn't feminism talk about how women have it easier than men?" BS that I used to see all the time, and the fact that you asked it under someone's completely innocuous comment and not in your own comment thread directed at the youtubers?? Maybe I read you wrong, but my reply wasn't an ad hominem.
I don't think it's a "unique privilege" to go so under the radar for so long that you despise yourself and hide who you are from your spouse. It's not a privilege that a lot of autistic women end up in shitty relationships with shitty people. Marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be. And a lot of women get trapped in marriages through childbirth still! That's why they overturned Roe v. Wade! The government wants to control women.
Yeah, autistic women statistically do better at masking and camouflaging than their male counterparts and it must seem really frustrating that they can dodge some of the more autism-related bullying, but trust me, they are just as affected by all the bullcrap as men and boys are, they internalize all of that crap, they're just better at lying about it, I guess. Because girls are socialized to learn those things faster than boys.
I didn't know her. It is very comforting to hear another woman talking about life as a late-diagnosed autistic-adhd woman. Thank you both very much.
Me too we aren’t as rare as many think once we connect online
Thank you for a great interview … really truly great. I am a very late diagnosed ADHD/autistic woman at 74 years old. I can only imagine how differently my life could’ve played out with this knowledge at a younger age. The younger the better , and thankfully medical science is beginning to see what this really is.
This was particularly resonant because I feel very similar to Jenn. On the outside I might look like I function well enough and on the inside I’m normally terrified , clueless and sure that I’ve messed up again. Or I see that I’ve been misunderstood, and trying to correct the misunderstanding, only makes it worse!
It’s such a relief to know why I am like I am. And that doesn’t mean that I’m a bad person, or that I don’t try , or that I’m too sensitive or that I don’t care. I care.
Thank you again for being bold and brave and sharing your stories. They make a huge difference in our lives.
It's never too late to get the diagnosis we need ❤
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 45. I self- diagnosed as also autistic this year, just before I turned 71. The first diagnosis was helpful, but I always knew there was more. Watching channels like Jenn's and many others on youtube, especially women with both diagnoses, has given me a lot more compassion for myself. I have to admit I am happier now that I am retired. Just less to deal with. I have fun with my interests every day. My parents and brothers passed away years ago. I wish they could have felt this greater compassion for themselves before they died. Even when I was much younger I felt medical science was way behind. My thanks go mainly to the autistic community.
@cindianajones9049 I was diagnosed as autistic level 2 in November last year at the age of 64. I am 65 now. Its bitter sweet as while I would have liked to know much earlier, growing up in the sixties I would have most likely been cast aside. I am now mostly unmasked and was when I had my autism assessment a year after self diagnosing as Autistic at 63. I m now retired on disability and lead a reclusive life with my spouse.
@@Autisticelder ❣
"Well, you made it this far, what does it matter?"
Well.
In exactly one month I will be 54. I started the year extremely battered by the ups and downs of going into the work world, a master's degree, teaching credential etc about 5 years ago, and it was so bad it was like being dragged over sharp rocks. There is nothing like thinking you are neurotypical when you are not. I was so close to giving up.
By some miracle, I got my diagnosis July of this year. Suddenly, I had accommodations from my school. I got a therapist. I got a freaking social worker from my university. I'm almost done. I'm almost a fully credentialed sped teacher, and it ALL wouldn't have been possible without the official diagnosis.
It. Matters.
Thanks, y'all.
Here in Turkiye, when people talk about autism, it is always and only about children who are on the very far end of the spectrum. Thanks to Orion and Jenn, and other very precious channels I learnt that there are many of us out there who present very differently. Like Jenn, I've felt like an alien my whole life, blamed myself for it, hated myself for it. It was only when another 'normal' looking person I followed online got diagnosed with autism that I went 'hold on, autism can look like that?' and it was the biggest eye opener and welcome home fest ever. These collabs and interviews are so important, so thank you so much! I wouldn't wish the suffering and the loneliness I went through on any one so let's all raise awareness, let's all live our best lives. 🥰
💜
Its finally here!!! You know, I think this is one of my favorite videos of yours.
JK but seriously, thank you again SO MUCH Orion for having me on. Just so everyone knows, the chatter I had with him outside this video proved to me what a kind, compassionate, and genuine guy he really is behind the scenes. Yeah he puts on a persona for RUclips that's fun to watch but he also legitimately cares about helping people in this community for real for real. It's fun to watch that passion come out in first pounding on your desk but it's because you ACTUALLY give a crap... Unlike all the bureaucratic politicians that pretend to give a crap.
Looking forward to future collabs from you and other voices in the community!
You’re a star Jenn! Wait is that offensive? Too far? Thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability.
@@orionkelly totally offensive. I'm offended. ::clutches pearls::
I'm really picky when it comes to Autistic creators. I just subbed to you. You remind me so much of me. I'm in the UK waiting to be put on a waiting list. I'm 59
@@kathryncollins8708 Yay! Thank you so much for joining my community too 😍
@@NeurodiverJENNt i also first realized my autism after having my older son diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, and noticed how much more I identified with his behavior than my younger son, who while he also has ADD is not autistic. Although it was thirty+ years later before seriously looking at my own struggles and actually being diagnosed this past summer at age 66 as having both Autism and ADHD, twice gifted. It does help my self image knowing this is who I am although I am still struggling with how to be who I am while still being relatable with the neurotypical people in my life, including my wife.
That first question really hit me. I know exactly how Jenn feels, being disbelieved because she has a certain look (coloured hair, makeup, feminine clothing choices, just generally being pretty). Some people have this idea that Autism has a visible set of characteristics, in the same way that something like Down Syndrome does, and refuse to believe that young, attractive women (or attractive anyone, for that matter) could possibly be Autistic. Thank you so much for addressing this!
Same!!!! When she said that it made me want to cry. So many things have masked my neurodivergence and difficulties. Being “pretty” isn’t one I’d heard before, but I’ve definitely been disbelieved before or just treated like I don’t deserve any understanding or compassion because of how I look. I once sat in a group therapy session where therapist used me as an example to the other people in the group, I think, because of my appearance. She just said “see, look, even SHE is here and SHE feels depressed like the rest of you.” I just sat there awkwardly thinking wtf is that supposed to mean?? Why would she profile me and use me as an object lesson like that. SMH. It was my first - and last - time there. 😒
@@PsychActually I’m so sorry to hear that. No-one should be singled out like that and made assumptions about, but especially not in a therapy group!
yeah this is definitely a misconception tons of people have. if you go online and see any conventionally attractive young woman (especially if she's feminine or hyperfeminine) try to speak about having autism, I always notice a large spike in people saying she can't have autism. I'm the same way, but really it just gets a bit comical to me after time has passed because one of my major special interests is fashion, including several hyperfeminine alternative fashion styles. Almost everything related to beauty, I've developed a special interest for and researched it into what would be ad nauseum for anyone else. I think I also have a tendency to make people uncomfortable because while I do come across a bit weird, I've been told it's often in a whimsical way which leads me to not be perceived as weird in an "off putting" manner. As a result of this, I still often get neurotypical or allistic people who are attracted to me and seem to become uncomfortable upon finding out I'm autistic. Like they could see I had this odd whimsy about me but, it's unacceptable in their head that I could be "that far from normal" but also attractive to them. I've never been quite sure how to feel about it really.
Yours is not the only lost generation. My sons are your age, approximately, and my little granddaughter is autistic, level 3. Nonverbal until age 5. In learning about her, I’ve discovered my own autism… And that of my sons. Whenever I have discussed seeking a medical diagnosis, people wonder why I would even bother in my 60s. I’m a retired professional, and they don’t see the rest.
But having that diagnosis will explain so very much about the past 60 years of my life…
Thank you both for your openness and input. I’m a new subscriber to each of your channels.
Yes it’s helps to get Diagnosed at any age, I was diagnosed at 56. It helped explain my life.
@@user-eg8ht4im6x I'm that age and was quite literally just formally diagnosed last week after months of assessments and meetings with a psychologist who specializes in diagnosing autistic adults. I'm facing a lot of what if's, grief, and also a lot of relief finally understanding now who I am and have always been.
Realistically the lost generation is anyone who is older than 30 (and even then you are still finding people who are getting diagnosed in their 20's) as it is only since the current DSM came out in 2013 that there started being a current understanding on what autism actually is and even with that it is still written how it typically presents in white boys so need to find someone who knows how autism typically presents in females and POC.
I got my diagnosis yesterday, after a 6+ hour interview at age 38. The woman conducting the interview was surprised when she "scored" the encounter and discovered I was autistic, and said I am "on the cusp" of it. That I was an extremely high functioning autistic person. That my ability to articulate my feelings enhanced her understanding of the ASD experience.
Meanwhile, I would probably be homeless if not for a family member that allows me to live in her house. Have never been able to rent an apartment or buy a car by myself. Struggle with mundane things like cashing a check at the bank and couldn't fill out unemployment cause the paperwork confounded me.
I owe a lot to the content creators that put this information out there.
Take her extremely high functioning label with a grain of salt.
I am feeling a little weird saying this, but as an ancient-self-diagnosed autistic woman I am glad to see young people being diagnosed, even if it is "late". I want to find more of us white haired, past menopause women. I know, my age group isn't into making content since we literally grew up prior to actual PCs.
I do see many similarities and these videos are so helpful.
I have realized that I am both autistic and have ADHD. It all fits. The puzzle is the same analogy that I used when I learned these things. There were differences with each, and they are like inner conflicting conditions where ADHD will modify or cover up some autistic traits.
Thanks Orion and Jenn.
PS...if you are "lost" then where does that leave me? Just asking...
@CHEISTEN13 Where about but not doing video content. I am a silver haired 65 year old autistic person. I don't do video but have a website where I write about discovering autism and being ourselves among other things. I spent 20 years of my working life mentoring others and realised most of them were neurodivergent.
Same here, but with formal diagnosis. Am 68, another 'Logician,' and soooo acculturated to life behind a mask, alienated, not able to locate peers of my age. I think we just float around hoping to ride the more knowledgeable coattails of Gen X & Millenials. I'm thinking about starting a Meetup group. It's so good to hear Orion & Jenn's experiences.
@@Autisticelder Awesome!
I think she is just blonde ?
Same, thanks for the words of wisdom. 🤍 white haired adhd/ASD too at 64 this Aug. great post.
Miracle workers of a different kind .
I think we are kind of drawn to each other, but not necessarily on aesthetics. For me, when I see something I find familiar to myself I will be drawn to it.
I agree. I have friends and relationships I've had over my life and I have since discovered they are autistic.
It seems to be an autistic trait. It is kind of funny that we are able to "detect" each other :-)
I love that all of the autistic RUclipsrs that im subscribed to are collabing together 😌
Thank you. So many people say I don't look autistic. It's very frustrating. I get it from everyone even my family... It hurts so much.
Indeed.
It is amazing to watch my own life story speaking from someone else’s mouth!!! Thank you both and much love to you all!!!🙏🪷🙏
This is my experience too, thanks! 😊
Well Said! Same experience! Already subscribed to Jenn’s channel
Well done Jenn and Orion. Thanks for being real and accepting
Jenn does well unscripted here. Her comment about realizing she’s not a crappy person really hit me. It’s so helpful to hear from people whose stories are so similar to mine. I’ve long suspected I was autistic, but it wasn’t a perfect fit, and I’ve often found ADHD content “helpful” (why not, organization hacks can help anyone!) without making the connection I might have that, too. But I’m starting to realize that the AuDHD experience is a weird third thing that holds hands with autism and ADHD while having its own characteristics (which Jenn does a great job describing). Great interview - conversations like this genuinely do help people understand themselves better.
I also have ADHD and autism, so this was very interesting and very relatable! 👍😄
I SO resonated with that uncanny valley section. That is my experience - I am just off enough that I am on the outside of every single group, but not off enough that people notice that I’m on the outside. Absolutely everyone just assumes I must be on the inside of someone else’s group… just not theirs
Listening to Jenn talk was viscerally painful because it was so utterly validating. A lot of what she said I can say about myself, especially between 25:20 and 27:26, (except I'm weirdly non-emotional and overly emotional all at the same.). I felt so lost and wounded until I started listening to autistic women talk about their experiences. I still feel kinda lost, but at least I'm starting to find the light again.
The one chapter "misunderstood" fits perfectly
Orion - can you do a video on late diagnosis vs too late diagnosis please. There seems to be a big gap between generations on this issue with Autism attitudes ranging from being a badge of honour through to a life lost. Understand that positivity is key to videos but there is a lot of damage and anger around late and certainly too late diagnosis - cheers
In a way there is no such thing as too late but at 65 I can see what you are saying. For us we can't redo so many things and knowing this would have made a real difference in the way I approached life. I wouldn't say it's too late, but there are a lot of us who are in our 60s and 70s for who the support is too late, and we struggled for so long that if we are still alive we are now invisible. People don't value our experiences because we don't know how to create "content". We lived our whole lives this way...for me going from one tragic relationship to another and trying so hard to be "normal". I do wish we had something...just a little respect for still existing when the odds are against us I suppose.
I second this request. At 69, I cannot be open about my diagnosis with my age peers due to the stigma around autism that we grew up with. I can't tell elder family members, lest I get sidelined and treated like an incompetent. And I dare not tell one friend with an authoritarian streak lest I get bullied. The biggest fear I have around this late diagnosis is losing agency. A discussion of coping strategies for VERY late diagnosis people would be wonderful.
I love how honest autistic people are. If I see someone absolutely slaying i tell them. I have gone out of my way to say I love your dress! Or your beard is awesome, etc. I think it's nice to hear.
… wow I am first, guess I’ll take this opportunity to say I really appreciate your videos and they educate a lot of people, like me. 😊
I really appreciate that.
@@orionkelly Thank you! :)
I’ve known Jenn for years and became really really close friends during the pandemic. She’s an amazing person that actually I came to know as more beautiful inside than out (I know it doesn’t seem possible, but it’s true). I’m really happy that she found herself in her diagnosis and everyone should definitely check out her channel! Thank you for having her on your channel Orion!
😊😊😊😮
I've always been way less expressive than others when it comes emotions. It didn't occur to me that this is something that many neurodivergent people relate to; but it makes sense to me, now that it was brought up.
I'm happy a neurodivergent person recommended me to you both today. I'm looking forward to raise my level of understanding, acceptance, and appreciation of the autistic community with the help of you lot (including those underneath these videos)! ✨️
I was diagnosed AuDHD last year after my son was recommended for testing. I relate to both of you. There are some common autistic traits I don’t have and some common ADHD traits I don’t have. Couple this with each diagnosis can cover up the other diagnosis traits many people in my life have difficulty accepting my diagnoses.
I’m the same way with my wife and get criticized for not making eye contact enough! Misunderstood for sure my whole life.
Really appreciate this conversation. Jenn has my same sense of humor.
I am pretty sure I fall into the same catagory however currently diagnosed late ADHD & more recently OCD.
The way Jen explains her experience is so similar.. I haven't ever felt like I fit in & it's hard to put my finger on why. I find eye contact difficult with most people, however was forced to do it as a child otherwise it was considered rude so I learnt to briefly look at someones eyes & then stare at people's mouths & lip read to filter speech from any background noise. I find social situations draining, have no idea how to start a conversation, I don't fully get social rules, I am often told I am blunt & I also understand some types of sarcasm when a sarcastic tone is used but miss more subtle sarcasm.
I do think that having ADHD masks some of the autistic traits & visa versa, but I also think that the ASD diagnosis has been missed because communicating what I am struggling with that no body sees from the outside, to someone else so they can understand is hard. All Autism tests pick it up but I look like I am functioning okay from the outside but just find it hard to communicate the internal struggle.
I feel like a walking contradiction 🤷♀️
Resonated with this vid hardcore, cheers to you both!
Autism is unlikely to be missed especially having had a diagnosis of ADHD and OCD. You can by all means explore getting an Autism assessment but understand you may be incorrect.
@@tims9434 I was diagnosed with both ADHD and OCD before being diagnosed with autism. A lot of factors go into it. She can't assume she will be diagnosed but she can't assume that she won't be diagnosed either.
I resonated completely with your experience and the duality of the two balancing together
Great to meet you Jen. I've subscribed to your channel. I believe I have AuDHD. I'm 52 yr old woman. I agree that diagnosis is extremely important. I felt that I was a 'broken' person, lazy fearful, fussy etc. My siblings think my great Aunt spoiled me. I've never married but I have 2 beautiful daughters that have kept me bothering with this mortal coil.
Realising I have neurological differences has improved my mental health no end, because now I'm not beating myself up about why I can't do this or that, when I'm supposed to want to, or am expected to, or it's easy for other folks but I can't cope etc. It is such a relief. I have permission to be myself. I have been referred for assessment, but the NHS in the UK is moving at a slow crawl so who knows how long that will take.
Thank you Orion :)
I went through it, get on with your life in the mean time. I didn't self-diagnose so I was happy to wait. I only went through the process because other people and charities suggested I did. I'm glad I had the assessment and had assessment for ADHD at the same time. I take the ADHD medication now, that's the big life changer for me.
“ your eyes look like you should be in frozen the movie” OMG you’re hilarious
I have found 10 to 20 videos on Autism and ADHD. If you type both in a RUclips search you can find them.
There is even a term used now called AuDHD that means having both autism and ADHD.
She’s basically me when it comes to the adhd and autism story she’s telling in the beginning omg! I relate so much!
A new person just entered my life! Her story is my story. Wonderful to meet you Jenn. Thanks for sharing❤
I will hop on over and binge your channel for as long as it takes to binge it all. Deep dive adrenaline thrill chills 😂
Thank you for having her for an interview! So nice to hear from another Autistic ADHDer sharing her experience!
Thank you, Orion, for board casting Jenn’s platform. I enjoy your content, but it’s so important for me to also have access to female auDHD content creators, too.
I love watching @NeurodiverJENNTt she is so great and as a late to the party autistic lady with 2 grown kids 18 and 19 yrs and a husband who is also autisitc, I love watching her, so relatable. Because we thought our kids behaviours were perfectly "normal" because that's how we played, thought and felt we missed our kids getting diagnosed earlier in life. Not one teacher said it directly to us, although looking back there were sublte hints along the way, that we just didn't pick up on. Thank you for the interview Orion and helping to promote her channel.
I was just diagnosed autistic in October at 57, my life has been an absolute nightmare and most doctors just told me to pull myself together!
Me too! Useless they were. Every time I tried to get help.
My doctor didn't even know what I am talking about. Anyway, I score very high in Autism, demand avoidance and monotropism tests.
I have seen videos from Paige Layle also talking about how she isn't taken seriously because she doesn't "look" autistic AKA she's a beautiful white woman. I get the "you don't look autistic" bit sometimes too but am not as pretty as these women though. lol. Thank you for putting Jenn on your channel so I can subscribe to another relatable person.
Im not quitee as beautiful as paige layle, but I am considered pretty in my adult life and I also put a lot of effort into my appearance, almost all aspects of beauty have been captured as a special interest at some point in my life. People become even more resistant or uncomfortable accepting you're autistic if they think you're attractive.
I thoroughly enjoyed this video, what a lovely person Jen is. She was absolutely bang on with her experience as far as im concerned. The vulnerability she showed was especially special, it's not easy to do. Excellent video 🎉 Thank you 🙂
I have both and was diagnosed late
Thanks for doing this collab! I've found another creator to follow, because finding good AuDHD content can be tough.
When I found out I was autistic in my mid-20's, I felt the "aha!" so much that never made sense, suddenly made sense! I wanted to share with everyone I knew! Too many people I knew (around 1999) were NOT welcoming to my new Dx, the worst of them said "you think you have it because you read it in a book" NO! I was told by a therapist I have autism, and THEN I went and read it in a book and most everything matched up. (me, female in America, always felt different since I was two years old, currently in my 40's)
Edit to add: very specifically similar experiences for me too.
why I didnt get a Dx when I was a kid? I talked. Adults around me when I was a child had dismissed autism as a possibility because I spoke (I was speech delayed). I felt like I could never do right, I wanted to do right, could never figure it out, how to do right, watching my brother get everything right, and I kept getting it wrong trying to do everything right.
I never had a kid. I got a wrong dx of schizophrenia, and couldn't relate well to most schizophrenics I met, then I asked for a re-evaluation. Got the Dx after a very long 6month process of testing. I do not get sarcasm, I do not like sarcasm, I wish sarcasm didn't exist! I feel many more of their same kinds of experiences. I suspect I have ADHD too (I tick everyting on some of these adhd trait lists, and I cant get a Dx because the process of testing is too much.
I'm not stupid, I'm autistic. I'm misjudged a LOT.
Suffering for decades, yeah me too, 4 so far. Mostly by other people mistreating me, usually ignorantly.
I HATE sudden sounds. Please! Lawmakers! Make a space where dogs are NOT allowed. Woken up AGAIN by Emotional support animals owned by neighbors. ARGH. Dogs allowed everywhere, and music and sirens and bell rings and cellphone noises, lawm mowers and leaf blowers ..... bright lights too! (I remember hating lighting before I said my first words. So much of the modern world is torturing me!
Argh, eye contact struggles!!!! Took me over 20 years to get the balance to NOT be criticized for my "weird" look (my gaze, not appearance). I need more time to process! I was not allowed, dad demanded immediate answers. I had to cut corners, dropped out the "think before you speak" to hurry up my communications for the others around me. THAT abuse I have suffered broke me. I was not born broken. Living in society broke me.
And MORE she says I can relate to.
Not keeping words in my head said 5 minutes ago. Needing repeats, making lists, I still struggle everyday! Not crying when my parents died, and I have extreme emotions (bi-polar in my genetics and in my dx). Being believed! I want people to BELIEVE ME! I stubbornly refuse to lie because I want people to BELIEVE ME! AGH I hate not being believed! I need routine but I can be spontaneous, I struggle in planning, I'm time blind and face blind and aggh so much the SAME! I dont know what annalytical means I will go google that.
Left out, so much. for being 'odd'. This video feels so inclusive!
I gave up trying to make my comment short for the general populations. It is so hard to simplify, being misunderstood for most of my life is horrible! I didnt misunderstand myself, most other people did that, and made me question myself as early as when I was in diapers. I hated myself over 30 years, the shame placed upon me is devistating.
I need more understanding, I want the world to understand us better than whatever the heck they have been doing so far.
A lot of unnecessary suffering and oppression, trauma too yeah. I probably would qualify for cPTSD.
I dont pick what I share either! So alike!
I pick what I dont share!
Fully agreed 🎉
Totally relate to most everything Jenn said. Just officially diagnosed this year at age 43 with AuDHD and a few other things.Thanks for this video.
There are physical characteristics that are tied to neurodivergence. A larger or smaller than average head circumference, a shorter or farther distance between the eyes, smaller or larger than average eyes, a smaller or larger stature, unusual muscle tone (high or low).
When you said that the women watching had already gone to her RUclips channel.... yes, I had. I had already subscribed. Then I had to come back and find where I'd left off on this video because I forgot to open the link in a new browser tab.
This is important work. I've been to a few awareness month presentations & thought, "Wow, that sucks for them." There's not much we can relate to at those events.
I can't speak for anyone but myself, I find it a lot easier to talk about this to a woman, perhaps it's trust issues with men or because throughout my life it's always been a woman that have come to my rescue, including my wife. Your's is the first male channel I've come across Orion that I've connected with. Just started watching Jenn's and it's great and so much resonates, I like Claire as she reminds me of my eldest daughter (not looks) and, of course, Taylor whose content on IQ and Autism really hit home and led me to you all. But, like, I have a connection to each of your content but each for different reason's if that makes any sense at all. Anyway, I love you all for helping me find answers. PS we all know when Jenn puts on a cap and a tropical shirt you two could be twins! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
You're awesome mate, Orion Kelly my most favourite part about you is your humour! 😃 I watch your content regularly you're wonderful for whom you are!! Though I'm a woman I really appreciate the male perspective, when it comes to being Autistic said with respect and kindness 😊
Thank you Orion and Jenn for this one. Your content makes me feel less alone in my autism struggles. I particularly am curious about ADHD because i believe theres a lot of crossover in my case especially.
I enjoyed this video, Thank you both❤
I gravitated with ADHD not fitting exactly. I was late self diagnosed at 41 and medically diagnosed at 42. Both at the time my son was. For me ADHD pales and comparison to autism. I am the beginning of thinking. I also have bi-polar 2 in addition to ASD/ADHD. The hypermanic highs that only last weeks to a month or so. Then, the major depression that lasts months to years. I just wanted to put this out there. Not only to see if anyone else has all three, but so anyone else knows it is possible, and you are not alone. Hypermanic is not as extreme as mania in bi-polar 1 and is much harder to diagnose. For me, I was in denial of my major depression. Witch makes it even harder to see. Thank you for reading, comments wanted ❤️
I am diagnosed with ADHD and autism but the autism is more pronounced. I also have bipolar 1 but have more hypomanic episodes than full manic episodes. My friend is also all three. So we do exist!
@Lilycat5 Thank You so much ❤️
I knew I did, but I was curious about what was diagnosed first? For me it was autism and ADHD together and my Bi-polar now.
@@KPaul7 Oh, I was diagnosed with bipolar in my early twenties. ADHD at age 27 and autism at age 47.
You are fortunate that your children were diagnosed as children when you have a say in getting them diagnosed. I've told one of my middle aged children that I'm autistic and he said "no, you're not." One of my wishes was that he would see this and get dx'd as he had been told as a child he had adhd by the pediatrician and has assumed that all his life. He's utterly resistant to the idea of my autism and gaslights me about it. It's hard to see your child's life, knowing it would help him understand who he is. Also, he sees me as weird, not autistic. I was dx'd with adhd (non attentive type) 25 years ago. He thought I was making that up, and that came out when I told him I'm autistic. Yet he's fine with his own diagnosis of adhd. Lost generations. As were my parents and grandparents, I can see now. When I told my sister I'm autistic and pointed out our father's autistic characteristics, she blew up. Yet she has struggled all her life, no job, getting by with family help, etc. I thought she might see herself when I told her about my autism. Hard no from her. Lost generations. I grieve this all the time. My grown grandchildren may have a chance. At some point I'll tell them I'm autistic and maybe they will figure it out.
Oh goodness I had a similar story. Tried to tell my brother our father was autistic. Hence the reason he struggled with eye contact, had very few friends, got irritated at noises, etc... and my brother said all the things
"But he held a job"
"We're all a little bit autistic"
"What does it matter now"
"He's not like my friends autistic son"
I was basically just trying to ease into telling him about me and after that I didn't even dare try to tell him about my own diagnosis. I love my brother very much He just hasn't had an opportunity to learn about these things.
I also tried to talk to my father about that before he passed away. I wish he could have known why he struggled his whole life. But, he didn't want to entertain the idea. His generation didn't really know about Autism.
These stories are so sad 😥. I showed my diagnostic report to my brother and he said:
- Did you pay for this bollocks?
- What a load of shīt
- Do you really think that you're mentally ill?
- I'm going to pretend I didn't see that
I think I got my autism from my mum and my ADHD from my dad, but now I wonder if I will ever be able to talk to either of them about it.
@@jsonbourne9799 i am so sorry my lord.
@@quekbridget5988 It's OK, I was more surprised and dumbfounded at the time. It is a bit sad that I can't talk to him about it when we talk, but I can talk about it with my chosen family, so it's OK.
Thank you Orion for bringing Jenn to our screens. As a woman in her mid thirties questioning her neurotype, it is wonderful to have more relatable content ❤
Thank you so much for this 🙏💕
Thank you. I felt like this conversation was a warm hug for me. Wish I could hug you back. Thank you for confirming that I am on the right path for the purpose of self-discovery and self-love. And for confirming that I have the right to see myself as different/other without thinking I am less than. I was suicidal in the past… it was self-hatred fueled by perfectionism because I always knew I was different… and one day I woke up from that and decided to love myself unconditionally. My journey as a neurodivergent individual is also a journey of self love. Thanks again!
Thank you both ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Aw Jenn, I’m sorry your hurting ❤️
Thank you for introducing me to Jenn's channel. You're absolutely right about your statement about women watching this specific video. I do love your content but this hits different. As a very recently late dx AuDHD woman... this content is an absolute lifeline. You guys are both great
I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2007 and autism in 2023. I laughed when they diagnosed me with ADHD because I get stuck snd can't change activities much more than I get distracted. I am diagnosed with ADHD but I barely meet the requirements. It doesn't fit me that well but it does explain my dislike of routines and a few other things that aren't usual for autism.
Followed Jen’s channel after watching this. Loved it 🤗
This is so important. Thank you. 53 yo female here, realizing without a doubt (and without a formal diagnosis) that I am ADHD/Autistic and suspect many other family members are as well. I don’t personally feel like I need a formal diagnosis but also don’t feel I will be believed without one. In the process of disclosing to friends and family. Everything Jen has said here is spot on. Having people notice there is something off about you but not enough that you require special accommodations. That’s due to the high masking. Thank you for this interview.
Thank you both so much for this interview! Like both of you, I've always felt weird and unacceptable, like this world is not where I belong. Now I know that I'm not broken, I'm neurodivergent! (AuDHDer)
I have an AuDHD sibling, an AuDHD nibling, my mom has ADHD, and looking back I can see that my Dad was autistic and that his alcoholism was a way of coping with the world's overwhelmingness. My diagnoses filled in lots of those blanks and answered many of my questions about my childhood for sure. Now, I'm starting the journey of learning how to love myself. 💖
I think this is one of the most important videos I have watched ever in my life! Thank you both.
Jenn, I identify with everything you said, except that I am 75 years old. When I was a child in school (in the 1950s & 60s), even boys weren't diagnosed with autism. The times and places I have NOT felt like an outsider have been very few, even with my nuclear families. I am currently in the diagnosis process -- I have my second appointment this afternoon. If I am diagnosed, it will be worth the money it cost me, because I will be able to feel like a very successful ND woman rather than an academically-talented failure. I'm concerned about my 43 year old son, who has some symptoms of neuro-divergency I don't have. BTW, you are beautiful, especially your eyes. (Orion isn't so bad himself.) Thank you for sharing.
I love this video and this conversation is such a blessing to observe
Thank you for doing what you do ,Orion !
And Jen!
💜
So excited to see her on your show. I found her channel a few weeks back. I haven't gotten a diagnosis yet, but her video about how ADHD and Autism feel when you have both resonated with me so much.
People have made a lot of comments about my eyes to me over the years. I have autosomal dominant central heterochromia, which is a really cool mix of colors. I have been told that my eyes make me look really smart. More often I have been questioned about my eye contact. My fellow ADHD and autistic son and I can make interesting expressions as we stare off. Our eyes are very prominent. For him, it makes it very obvious that he is different. A lot of his stims involve his eyes.
I always thought there must be something that made me different, like my star signs, being infp, ethnic mix, life experiences, etc. I even assumed I was bullied because of racism. I now get that I came across as different, which is what otherized me, unlike my very social and “normal” brother.
Our experiences our very similar! I was in denial until I couldn’t overlook it in my son anymore.
I saw all the amazing things in my son that I identified with rather than the “deficits.”
It's so sad that people really think autism has a certain look, I also have issues because I learned how to dress according to society's standards and style or put on makeup in a certain way and people say "well you don't LOOK autistic" which makes it even harder to get a diagnosis (I have been searching for half a year and no therapist seems to diagnose autism😢)
Therapists can't diagnose autism in many countries. You probably need to find a psychologist.
@@Catlily5 already tried, they all either don't diagnose autism anymore or don't pick up the phone
@@nanaisloved2736 It can definitely be difficult.
@@Catlily5Try to find a psychiatrist for diag. They're like a psychologist but are medical doctors.
@@ooulalah4333 I am already diagnosed. I think you meant this information for nanaisloved.
Awesome! Thank you 🙂
Thank you Orion, your Videos help me a lot these days
My mom sure didn't mind asking me if i were retarded 😂 but it was a different time and it was bad to be labeled with an disease when young because you would not be covered by insurance when an adult.
I am recently late diagnosed with ASD2 +ADHD combined types. Made aware through my son(s) and my father (so stereotypical he has always been a big train fan). I am soon to be 51. Been diagnosed for a few short months. I'm fortunate enough that I am soon to receive some NDIS support. I've had a very challenging life. I have 7 children. I receive comfort from both of you and your channels. I'm, hardcore, in the midst of processing and dealing with burn out. It's christmas and I couldn't even do christmas this year. The debilitating cross over sometimes, with the autism and the ADHD, I TOTALLY get you Jenn! I'm with you on a lot of your experiences. And I'm an Aussie like Orion. But yeah, Jenn, you and I are soul sisters, via shared characteristics and parallel experiences.
Hi Jenn! I’m excited to check out your channel! I am diagnosed ADHD, waiting to be tested for ASD. I’m so grateful you are sharing your story! ❤
Thank you so very much for sharing Jenn with all of us. You have really been an inspiration to my wife and I as we sort out autism and how to work with it. You bringing Jenn into the discussion has been such a game helper for us. My wife was watching this and just kept repeating "that is exactly how I feel" all along in this video. We have both subscribed to Jenn's channel and will now be following her as well as you in all of your future content. Thank you both so much for being so open and helpful for all of us out here learning how to navigate the world that until now we have been just bumping around in and hoping for better outcomes. Knowledge is power and you are both bringing so much of it into so many lives!! Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU!!
Wow I relate to her so much
Thank you both very much. I have learned so much from watching your channels. Your efforts, along with others in the autism RUclips community, are enhancing awareness, improving people's lives and actually saving lives.
Fantastic video, sound like me coming from someone else, both daughters just diagnosed with ASD and son waiting for ADHD assessment, I too seem to have a lot of traits of Autism but also ADHD and am going to get on the list for assessment once my son has his assessment is done and is complete. The school have been fab for our 3 kids but I feel I was missed out when I was at school, never belonged always on the fringes etc. Thank you for a brilliant collaboration video. More awareness is definitely needed especially in schools. 😊
Thank you so so so much for the comments about what does it matter you've made it this far. I've had that said about seeking my autistic assesment too many times. I'm making the arrangements by myself and its very hard for me but I'm ready for the first-time in my life to live and exist for myself knowing and understanding that I'm different and its ok. Thank you both for this ❤️
Thank you for this 😊
Sounds so familiair . Thank you for this information. The daily issues and struggles are clear. Due to all the information on Orion’s channel, mom on the spectrum, and also this information changed my life for good. And it started all with my primary -school-vriend. And my twins’ assesments. And monitoring a lot. Reading, listening, studying and vice versa. But my PTSS due abuse is still here. Wich is my issue right now.😅
Awesome video! Thanks Orion and Jenn! I'm now off to watch all the videos on Jenn's channel... ☺️ Your story and your description of what the diagnosis meant to you is so so similar to my own.
I loved this so much ❤️ you really are an inspiration. Between you, Orion, Of Herbs and Altars and the Mormon stories podcast (especially the coverage of the Jodi Hildebrandt”therapy” scandal/interview with her niece Jessi who was also subjected to torture a decade ago similar to the Franke children found in the basement near St. George, UT) I have been inspired to start my own RUclips channel called CaptMal Lingering Longer. My focus will be on the effects of the religion I was born into (Mormonism) and purity culture on my LGBTQIA+, neurospicy mind that persisted even after discovering atheism at 18. The subsequent rampant nihilism and self loathing destroyed my marriage (I was married way too young as per Mormon custom, but even I was considered an old maid at 22) loads of friendships and nearly killed me a number of times. I turned to drink/drugs/eating disorders/sex in an effort to cope with the crushing weight of life and ended up spiralling into recklessly getting knocked up and ghosted by the responsible party by age 30. Like many, I was saved by my child…bebes don’t fix anything by any means, but she was the fire I was missing to do better. She was diagnosed with ASD in August 2022 and since I’ve been ravenous for neurodivergent content, which lead me to discovering I’m AuDHD, not simply ADHD like the doctors thought when I was 5 and then medicated heavily for just that all of primary school.
That’s a very nice compliment you started with. I agree with her that it hides because I’m the same and am pretty and present feminine. That’s just me. I almost wonder if looking stereotypical boyish bothers me worse than normal for a woman.
It also hides me ADD (no outward hyperactivity but my mind is a very different story). I just got evaluated after major employment issues due to it and my dad having symptoms. I’m 41 and a complete failure in the eyes of society! I have to live with my parents in order to avoid homelessness after my ex divorced me over all this stuff that I had no clue I was doing to him. 😢 (But he didn’t need to put me through major emotional trauma and accuse me of being a bad person who deserved it leaving me wondering who I had been married to.) So I have neurodivergent and major emotional trauma and abandonment issues. 😢
As far as looking alike, you’re both very pale with a close overall coloring palette and maybe common DNA genealogy from the same countries. I see what people are seeing because of it.
The “autistic eyes” is probably just due to us observing and processing information differently than a neurotypical person.
Wow! Our shared experiences and thoughts really help me not feel alone in the world 🥲
I just learned how autistic I am from watching videos by both of you. I can't describe how overwhelmed I feel learning all this now that I'm 40 and I've destroyed my life. I really wish I had known what was going on with me. I did all the wrong things. Felt deep loneliness surrounded by people. Thought I was absolutely just a mistake... I'm glad I found you guys and I love your videos. My mind is super blown now, and it's unfortunately causing a huge amount of anxiety and urgency to fix my life... and I have no idea what to do. Thanks for the info though 😂
Indeed😊
Amazing show. I loved listening to you both. 😊
All the misinformation things ring strongly with me, I'd have probably sought a diagnosis off my own back many years earlier if there'd been any good info around, vs being recommended to in my 30s when a therapist (for workplace troubles) figured that CBT wouldn't work for me because of the traits I was showing... and it would have been rather helpful and preventative of a lot of troubles too. I even joked about maybe being autistic at one point when I was having a previous bad spot, even though most of the things I was "recognising" were more signs of depression...
The ADHD vs Autism one, still struggling with getting an assessor who actually recognises that duality. As well as bilateral impostor syndrome quite a lot. As well as gender issues etc that are associated with them.
Agree on the lost generation thing too. I feel like the two of you are probably about my age, and there wasn't any mention of any of these things other than maybe as jokes or disability stereotypes until I was maybe in my mid 20s, and the most anyone knew about really was a somewhat poor grasp of dyslexia. The only thing that was seen was early giftedness whose effect wore off quite quickly during my teens as all the challenges of dealing with more complex and less forgiving parts of life kicked in. Even at university there wasn't really any awareness or support... I was just undisciplined or not trying hard enough or whatever. Suggestions only started being made at that mid-20s point and those still weren't accurate (where a tutor figured I was dyslexic instead, seeing that I was staying over lunch / after hours in classrooms or the library to work on things but still having trouble with deadlines and quality of work, but not seeming dull when talking to her), though they kind of helped in some ways. It took until hitting crisis point for the autism to be identified, and the ADHD only came into the picture when I researched the things I had trouble with that didn't seem to make sense in the context of that diagnosis (and didn't get addressed in my report even though I would have mentioned it)... which is now being hard to get others to believe still.
And I figure that there's a lot of people in my remaining friends group who are likely in one, other, or both camps, or otherwise neurodivergent, with or without realising (or maybe diagnosed but not wanting to divulge, much as I haven't). The more I look, the more signs I pick up on. Though they generally seem to be doing better so if it is both then maybe they've actually got diagnosis and suitable prescriptions or therapy referrals, or just have better support networks. Mine pretty much starts and ends at a couple of different random online forums and that's it.
And now I need to go back and rewind the video by five minutes because I think I may have tuned out what was being said whilst typing ... whoops.
Referencing to the comment from @NeurodiverJENNt at 27min. We had a party a while ago and I was having a conversation with my friend, we're both late diagnosed AuDHD. It was fascinating to observe how the non-spectrum guests in the room had hard time following the flow of our communication.
YT lets us refer to timestamps just by writing 27:00!
I came here to agree: It's easier for me to talk to autistic people and to people with ADHD than more typical folk, but *really* easy to talk to AuDHD folk, like we are in the same brain and conversation flows without effort. It's *amazing*.
I appreciate this interview. It really helps to hear that others feel that they don't belong or fit in.
When she talks about her son being diagnosed, and her reaction, I am starting to think my fourth grade teacher may have been trying to tell my parents that I am autistic/hdhd, which I am, not "the r word" my parents use when they talk about that incident... They still remember it as her saying I was mentally deficient, when I don't think she may have thought that at all. She was still mean as hell to me tho.
More on AuDHD please!!! I was homeschooled all my life until pretty much high school (minus a few months in middle school), and so I thought my awkwardness was from that. But I didn’t really even make friends in college, I’ve done some things that were apparently socially unacceptable, I don’t struggle with eye contact, but I do believe I am also AuDHD, so it’s put a lot of things together for me. Thank you @orionkelly and @neurodiverJENNt!
New subscriber alert ⚠️ I've subscribed as i was late disgnosed with both too. Thanks for this collaboration Orion. Don't ever change, you're excellent. I'll happily watch both of your uploads ❤
As she talks 😢 it reminds me of myself so bad...
Well I’m glad you know that’s what you have. I think that makes it easier. And also it makes you special. It’s much easier these days with autism, you can embrace it. And everyone else can learn from it.
Gosh I'm grateful I found you
I was diagnosed 2 years ago at age 56 after feeling like I was different from other people my whole life
"I'm just a baby" I say that all the time in the same exact way lol. Heard it on Broad City like that and just say it the same way forever haha.
I have been struggling with this all my life I'm now in my mid 30s with two children of my own, they are both autistic I am still not diagnosed but both of my children are. I was much worse than my children when I was their ages and i did a lot of the things that they do but i have now learnt my own masking strategies. I am now finally on a waiting list for an assessment of my own but I have no idea when I will get to see anyone to help me.
Orion, in my opinion, the fact that you are concerned about being a good husband instead of just assuming, as many men do, that you're God's gift to women, is one of the things that makes you a good husband. (When my daughter was in college, 25 years ago, she commented that one of her friends said he thought he was a lesbian in a man's body. She asked, "What would you call that?" and my friend quipped, "God's gift to women.")
TRUTH!!
Thank you.
... Gonna have plenty of vids to watch once this migraine passes by...**sigh**
18:23 She just explained me perfectly, I feel so validated. Currently not diagnosed, though my 3yo son has received the educational and we are getting the referrals for the medical.