Thanks to PROVEN Skincare for sponsoring this video! You can get 50% discount off the retail price on your personalized 3-step skincare routine using my code ELIN99: bit.ly/elin99_proven - Valid for limited time only!
Growing a baby is WORK. HARD WORK! Women are natural born caretakers and we forget ourselves to prioritize others. Taking care of yourself is so needed, especially in the last trimester of a pregnancy. ❤
That section about 'the mom cut' had me dying. 🤣 I suggest to cut down on working so much. No matter how much you work you will always feel that you never have enough money for a child. You just work with what you have.
We also need to learn to say "yes" to accepting help from others when they offer. (And I'm talking only about those that we totally trust) This can be really hard. But Elin, especially when the baby comes, the first two weeks will be a whirlwind. Learn to say yes when someone offers to make you meals, clean your house, or just come over to hold the baby for a couple of hours so you can take a shower or nap. This makes all the difference.
I find that society in general forces us to be busy all the time. Especially those of us that are in our working years. People around us expect us to always be running around doing things, getting things done and staying busy. Relaxing seems to be frowned upon for whatever reason
One thing I have found that is the most helpful to truly feel rested for me is to take one full day per week and do NOTHING. I actually get bored and it was so surprising how much it helped me be more productive the rest of the week. The boundary I set is that for the full day, I cannot do anything on my ‘to do’ list…no matter how small it is, even just picking up some items that need to be ‘put away’ in another room. And I have absolutely no screen time at all. I try to plan to have food ready that requires no cooking and very little prep. Sometimes it just needs heating a little. I even do not do any hobbies’, reading or listening to music, knitting, gardening etc. no matter how enjoyable it might be. The most I do that is an activity is to go for a walk. It sounds so counter intuitive but it has been really restoring and helpful. Doing literally ‘nothing’ is actually quite difficult at first but now having experienced the benefits and how much it improves the rest of my week, it is so worth it. I also let other people in my life know this one day is my ‘day off’. I am not available to them for that day. If someone has young children they may need to have a family member watch the kids and it may only be for a couple of hours or half a day. I think someone could still have the same benefit with less time. I think the key is to have the boundaries set very firmly doing it very consistently. For myself, it feels like when my body and mind know that there will be a ‘real’ solid, true, complete break, and especially on a consistent basis, then the break is really deeply restorative and renewing and refreshing. In my experience,it is like I now know experientially the difference between a true ‘break’ versus when I am just ‘trying’ to DO something to get rest or be less stressed. For me, having this real, complete break to the point of boredom… is what really provides the true rest I feel like I’m always seeking but never quite finding. This is sort of what it sounded like you were realizing in this video…sort of realizing how much ‘work’ it was to try to find ‘rest’. This is what has worked for me. It’s not always easy to give myself this time but now I really notice the difference ( as in missing the benefits) if I do not have this break.
I have been living with a chronic disease (RA) for 30+ years. One of my biggest challenges, to this day, is to recognize when I need to take a step back. Our culture is one of "doing" and I feel guilty when I need to stop "doing" for a while. Especially because my disease is pretty much invisible to others. Once I am able to recognize that I am in a flare and it is the reason I am feeling like I do, I can slow down. But it would be nice to get there earlier in the process. You are not alone, Elin, but regretfully I don't have any great insights or solutions for you. Keep being self-aware and advocate for yourself when needed. Don't be afraid or reluctant to ask for help, especially with a baby coming! And keep the discussion and awareness of these issues alive, as you have on your channel. It is very helpful to know we are not alone with our challenges and feelings! ♥
I found that focusing on the things I got done at the end of the day instead of the things I didn’t get done helped a lot. Also I tend to be a perfectionist/to hyperfocus and I found that setting a timer for how long a job should take to do it reasonably well helped me let go and get more done. Thanks for the video.
I think you are doing great. Other people will always have their opinions. You just need to keep it simple, and dont worry about everyone else's "shoulds." Just do what you know is best for you and your soon to be family.
Of COURSE YOU’RE OVERWHELMED! Wow! Growing a baby, dealing with MS, AND 3 jobs???!!! I’m impressed you haven’t driven round the twist. Please use all those great skills of yours to assess what you can do and what is too much (and cut those things out.) you may love the things you need to cut back on, but your battery needs to be mostly charged. Love and prayers ❤️🙏🏻
The last trimester especially, you nest. Even though you may be drained, you feel this need to make everything "perfect" before the baby comes. I decided at 9 months pregnant with my babies to clear out the basement (totally unnecessary), prepay bills, and rake all the leaves by myself on an acre of property (paid for that dearly). Pace those urges the best you can, especially with a diagnosis.
Eilin, you don't have to fit any mold. You are a bright individually made lady. I didn't know about any Mom cut or moon during my pregnancies. This is the time to live and appreciate the joy of having a human being inside of you who needs your care and attention right now. On top of going through the fatigue we at times feel during pregnancy, you are dealing with symptoms of MS. Money and material mundane things can get in the way of this amazing and miraculous time of making a baby inside you. Connect with yourself and this God sent gift inside of you. I love your videos. We'll wait for you if you don't make videos as often. Love, Francis
I really resonated with the wanting to do more and better mindset but something I’ve realized when we’re thinking this we should put on the brakes and see how much we’re already doing! One time my therapist stopped me and had me list a day in the life and I realized like wow I do a lot and of course it makes sense that maybe I don’t do other stuff and it helped me be nicer to myself
What a great video! Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. What a privilege it is to watch your insights unfold. When I am struggling to decide whether or not something might be good for me, especially a social event, I often use a practice I call ‘act as if’. I will ‘ act as if‘ I am going and continue to check in with myself along the way. It usually takes me all the way through to the event, but there are times when I realize that I’m just too tired and what I really need is to stay home and rest. It has served me well and I hope it may serve you too. All the best for you and your family! You are already a great mom!
Yes to things that make you comfy and cozy. The slippers look amazing. I don’t have a serious illness but I am an introvert, so I challenge myself to engage in three social outings a month. Such as, book club, meeting a friend for coffee or lunch, and this week we are going to a charity sponsored wine tasting. As an empty nester, and something no one told me to do as a new mom is rest when you need to and take advantage of any help you can get.
With having MS and pregnancy you need to slow down and prioritize yourself without guilt. No one but you know your limits. There’s nothing more important than your health. Stress is harder on someone with a pre existing illness. You also need to rest so you have an uneventful labour and delivery. If your body is tired it’s telling you to rest. Listen to your body, take care snd good luck!
You are doing great! Stay simple and not worry about what others think. As a leukemia survivor, losing my hair twice, and it re-growing....my looks, self-care, and being overwhelmed is part of the journey. I focused on a manicure, pedicure, hair care and that walk in the yard, not even park...and that herbal tea made a difference in the process. More than anything...I realized I had to let go of the person I was before the leukemia...because the new me had experienced more and there was a shift in my thinking and the Lord helped me let the joy thrive not just survive.
I'm a mum of two they're 14 and 10. I feel like being a new mum now there's even more pressure than there was 10 years ago. There's no right way. There's only the right way for you and your baby. Your hormones are all over the place also. Be kind to yourself and try go with the flow more rather than letting outside noise dictate to you xx
My dear, there will be a time in your life when you can really relax, it’s called retirement! I just love it! I am like you, i tend to take on too much. And then I remember-oh! I’m retired! I can just choose what I want to do!
Try a 30 minute guided nap meditation. Then maybe when the baby comes you will have found one that works well for you and when the baby goes down for a nap you will rest for 30 minutes before trying to get stuff done( you seem like you might over do 😊)
I'm 16 week pregnant with my 4th and have fibromyalgia. Figuring out sustainable ways to "do everything" without completely burning out or getting into a flare has been so hard. What helps me is not planning things 2 days in a row. So i have a recovery day inbetween. I stay in pjs, make easy food, only do the bare minimum on my recovery days. I love being productive and working and so the way my health and very difficult pregnancies have forced me to slow down and carefully choose my priorities has been a challenge. Just wanted to say, I slept way better with my newborn than I did pregnant ❤ people would always tell me "just wait..." when I would say how hard of a time I was having. Atleast when you're up at night you have your baby to snuggle too. Pregnancy insomnia and pain, especially chronically ill, is so miserable.
I guess we did go on a “baby moon” with my daughter, but I didn’t know it. We had some money, a free weekend and a month before she was due. I don’t think we did that with my son. I never knew it had a name. I totally understand the guilty thoughts when someone asks questions like this. You aren’t doing anything wrong at all. Btw: I don’t know what a “mom cut” is. LOL!
Elin just remember you are enough. The people who are closest to you and love you know that you are doing your best. When I feel insecure about whether or not I’m doing something right or not I ask myself am I responding and/or doing this with kindness and love. As a parent we are never going to do everything right even if we had all the right intentions. Sincere apologies and acknowledging to our children that we have never been a parent before and are learning as well have been great conversations with them when they were older and questioned why we did things the way we did when they were younger. Not sure if this is what you needed to hear or maybe this is just unsolicited advice 😬( sorry not my intention if seen this way) but I’ve been watching your videos from the start of your channel and to me you seem genuine and kind and always have the best intentions and I think with that kind of attitude you are going to be a great mom. Also I have never in my lifetime have heard of a babymoon. I think you will absolutely still be great parents without taking one. Sincerely Tanya
Thanks to PROVEN Skincare for sponsoring this video! You can get 50% discount off the retail price on your personalized 3-step skincare routine using my code ELIN99: bit.ly/elin99_proven - Valid for limited time only!
Growing a baby is WORK. HARD WORK! Women are natural born caretakers and we forget ourselves to prioritize others. Taking care of yourself is so needed, especially in the last trimester of a pregnancy. ❤
That section about 'the mom cut' had me dying. 🤣
I suggest to cut down on working so much. No matter how much you work you will always feel that you never have enough money for a child. You just work with what you have.
Agreed 💯%
We also need to learn to say "yes" to accepting help from others when they offer. (And I'm talking only about those that we totally trust) This can be really hard. But Elin, especially when the baby comes, the first two weeks will be a whirlwind. Learn to say yes when someone offers to make you meals, clean your house, or just come over to hold the baby for a couple of hours so you can take a shower or nap. This makes all the difference.
This is sound advice. I have ”accept help” on my goals list for this year. It takes practice!
More employers are offering parental leave to both 🙋
I find that society in general forces us to be busy all the time. Especially those of us that are in our working years. People around us expect us to always be running around doing things, getting things done and staying busy. Relaxing seems to be frowned upon for whatever reason
Yep.
One thing I have found that is the most helpful to truly feel rested for me is to take one full day per week and do NOTHING. I actually get bored and it was so surprising how much it helped me be more productive the rest of the week. The boundary I set is that for the full day, I cannot do anything on my ‘to do’ list…no matter how small it is, even just picking up some items that need to be ‘put away’ in another room. And I have absolutely no screen time at all. I try to plan to have food ready that requires no cooking and very little prep. Sometimes it just needs heating a little. I even do not do any hobbies’, reading or listening to music, knitting, gardening etc. no matter how enjoyable it might be. The most I do that is an activity is to go for a walk. It sounds so counter intuitive but it has been really restoring and helpful. Doing literally ‘nothing’ is actually quite difficult at first but now having experienced the benefits and how much it improves the rest of my week, it is so worth it. I also let other people in my life know this one day is my ‘day off’. I am not available to them for that day. If someone has young children they may need to have a family member watch the kids and it may only be for a couple of hours or half a day. I think someone could still have the same benefit with less time. I think the key is to have the boundaries set very firmly doing it very consistently. For myself, it feels like when my body and mind know that there will be a ‘real’ solid, true, complete break, and especially on a consistent basis, then the break is really deeply restorative and renewing and refreshing. In my experience,it is like I now know experientially the difference between a true ‘break’ versus when I am just ‘trying’ to DO something to get rest or be less stressed. For me, having this real, complete break to the point of boredom… is what really provides the true rest I feel like I’m always seeking but never quite finding. This is sort of what it sounded like you were realizing in this video…sort of realizing how much ‘work’ it was to try to find ‘rest’. This is what has worked for me. It’s not always easy to give myself this time but now I really notice the difference ( as in missing the benefits) if I do not have this break.
Find a reliable baby sitter. Make them exclusive & set a weekly schedule together. Win Win 💕
I have been living with a chronic disease (RA) for 30+ years. One of my biggest challenges, to this day, is to recognize when I need to take a step back. Our culture is one of "doing" and I feel guilty when I need to stop "doing" for a while. Especially because my disease is pretty much invisible to others. Once I am able to recognize that I am in a flare and it is the reason I am feeling like I do, I can slow down. But it would be nice to get there earlier in the process. You are not alone, Elin, but regretfully I don't have any great insights or solutions for you. Keep being self-aware and advocate for yourself when needed. Don't be afraid or reluctant to ask for help, especially with a baby coming! And keep the discussion and awareness of these issues alive, as you have on your channel. It is very helpful to know we are not alone with our challenges and feelings! ♥
100%!! ❤
I found that focusing on the things I got done at the end of the day instead of the things I didn’t get done helped a lot. Also I tend to be a perfectionist/to hyperfocus and I found that setting a timer for how long a job should take to do it reasonably well helped me let go and get more done. Thanks for the video.
I think you are doing great. Other people will always have their opinions. You just need to keep it simple, and dont worry about everyone else's "shoulds." Just do what you know is best for you and your soon to be family.
Of COURSE YOU’RE OVERWHELMED! Wow! Growing a baby, dealing with MS, AND 3 jobs???!!! I’m impressed you haven’t driven round the twist. Please use all those great skills of yours to assess what you can do and what is too much (and cut those things out.) you may love the things you need to cut back on, but your battery needs to be mostly charged. Love and prayers ❤️🙏🏻
You put so much thought into how you live your life that you will be a good mom!
Elin,
As a MS thriver myself I have these same concerns. I decided that my mantra would be that saying NO to others would be saying YES to my family 💗
The last trimester especially, you nest. Even though you may be drained, you feel this need to make everything "perfect" before the baby comes. I decided at 9 months pregnant with my babies to clear out the basement (totally unnecessary), prepay bills, and rake all the leaves by myself on an acre of property (paid for that dearly). Pace those urges the best you can, especially with a diagnosis.
Eilin, you don't have to fit any mold. You are a bright individually made lady. I didn't know about any Mom cut or moon during my pregnancies. This is the time to live and appreciate the joy of having a human being inside of you who needs your care and attention right now. On top of going through the fatigue we at times feel during pregnancy, you are dealing with symptoms of MS. Money and material mundane things can get in the way of this amazing and miraculous time of making a baby inside you. Connect with yourself and this God sent gift inside of you. I love your videos. We'll wait for you if you don't make videos as often. Love, Francis
Congratulations Elin on your pregnancy. Everything will fall into place as it should. You have great insight 💖
I absolutely love and appreciate your epiphany about liking yourself. That's huge! Great "discussion"! I appreciate your insights.
We all doubt ourselves at times, more than others. But you'll be an amazing Mom! And I have MS too. Its so imperative that you get your rest.
Elin, congratulations To You & your Family. Being a Mom is a blessing & also a Life long joy. Savor this time. Look for ways to acknowledge your gift
Your time & health are more valuable than any secular work
I really resonated with the wanting to do more and better mindset but something I’ve realized when we’re thinking this we should put on the brakes and see how much we’re already doing! One time my therapist stopped me and had me list a day in the life and I realized like wow I do a lot and of course it makes sense that maybe I don’t do other stuff and it helped me be nicer to myself
What a great video! Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. What a privilege it is to watch your insights unfold. When I am struggling to decide whether or not something might be good for me, especially a social event, I often use a practice I call ‘act as if’. I will ‘ act as if‘ I am going and continue to check in with myself along the way. It usually takes me all the way through to the event, but there are times when I realize that I’m just too tired and what I really need is to stay home and rest. It has served me well and I hope it may serve you too. All the best for you and your family! You are already a great mom!
I appreciate your honesty. 🎉
This just might be my favorite video of yours...I can relate to everything you said!!!❤
Yes to things that make you comfy and cozy. The slippers look amazing. I don’t have a serious illness but I am an introvert, so I challenge myself to engage in three social outings a month. Such as, book club, meeting a friend for coffee or lunch, and this week we are going to a charity sponsored wine tasting. As an empty nester, and something no one told me to do as a new mom is rest when you need to and take advantage of any help you can get.
With having MS and pregnancy you need to slow down and prioritize yourself without guilt. No one but you know your limits. There’s nothing more important than your health. Stress is harder on someone with a pre existing illness. You also need to rest so you have an uneventful labour and delivery. If your body is tired it’s telling you to rest. Listen to your body, take care snd good luck!
You are doing great! Stay simple and not worry about what others think. As a leukemia survivor, losing my hair twice, and it re-growing....my looks, self-care, and being overwhelmed is part of the journey. I focused on a manicure, pedicure, hair care and that walk in the yard, not even park...and that herbal tea made a difference in the process.
More than anything...I realized I had to let go of the person I was before the leukemia...because the new me had experienced more and there was a shift in my thinking and the Lord helped me let the joy thrive not just survive.
I'm a mum of two they're 14 and 10. I feel like being a new mum now there's even more pressure than there was 10 years ago. There's no right way. There's only the right way for you and your baby. Your hormones are all over the place also. Be kind to yourself and try go with the flow more rather than letting outside noise dictate to you xx
My dear, there will be a time in your life when you can really relax, it’s called retirement! I just love it! I am like you, i tend to take on too much. And then I remember-oh! I’m retired! I can just choose what I want to do!
Try a 30 minute guided nap meditation. Then maybe when the baby comes you will have found one that works well for you and when the baby goes down for a nap you will rest for 30 minutes before trying to get stuff done( you seem like you might over do 😊)
Music is self-care. As the saying goes, music can calm the savage beast.
I'm 16 week pregnant with my 4th and have fibromyalgia. Figuring out sustainable ways to "do everything" without completely burning out or getting into a flare has been so hard. What helps me is not planning things 2 days in a row. So i have a recovery day inbetween. I stay in pjs, make easy food, only do the bare minimum on my recovery days.
I love being productive and working and so the way my health and very difficult pregnancies have forced me to slow down and carefully choose my priorities has been a challenge.
Just wanted to say, I slept way better with my newborn than I did pregnant ❤ people would always tell me "just wait..." when I would say how hard of a time I was having. Atleast when you're up at night you have your baby to snuggle too. Pregnancy insomnia and pain, especially chronically ill, is so miserable.
I think you are great and it is enough if you enjoy what you achieved the last months ❤
You said I need a lot … you ended it correctly just be … creating list of I need I need is claiming deficiency thoughts
I guess we did go on a “baby moon” with my daughter, but I didn’t know it. We had some money, a free weekend and a month before she was due. I don’t think we did that with my son. I never knew it had a name. I totally understand the guilty thoughts when someone asks questions like this. You aren’t doing anything wrong at all. Btw: I don’t know what a “mom cut” is. LOL!
Oh and what is a baby moon? Who makes this stuff up?
Elin just remember you are enough. The people who are closest to you and love you know that you are doing your best. When I feel insecure about whether or not I’m doing something right or not I ask myself am I responding and/or doing this with kindness and love. As a parent we are never going to do everything right even if we had all the right intentions. Sincere apologies and acknowledging to our children that we have never been a parent before and are learning as well have been great conversations with them when they were older and questioned why we did things the way we did when they were younger.
Not sure if this is what you needed to hear or maybe this is just unsolicited advice 😬( sorry not my intention if seen this way) but I’ve been watching your videos from the start of your channel and to me you seem genuine and kind and always have the best intentions and I think with that kind of attitude you are going to be a great mom.
Also I have never in my lifetime have heard of a babymoon. I think you will absolutely still be great parents without taking one.
Sincerely Tanya
Dear lord, never do a "Mom" haircut. You make yourself look 10 years older.
Our daughter got a Chin length bob a month prior to Bhodi being born & it made daily hairstyling super easy! She looked like a model & not old 💕
You need a manipedi, fingernails painted or hand massage.