What To Do When Your Husband Doesn't Want Sex - Sheri Mueller & Erin Smalley
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- Опубликовано: 7 июл 2024
- Husbands and wives are different physically, emotionally and sexually. Tragically, 1 out of 3 married women have a greater sex-drive than their husbands, which can lead to shame, isolation, and conflict in their marriages. But couples can learn how to draw together and trust God through this struggle, and expand their understanding of intimacy in marriage.
Get the book, I Want Him to Want Me: bit.ly/4bz8uWO
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My husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer, had it removed and now is on hormone blockers. He has zero sex drive. He is a very good provider and my best friend. I miss the intimacy. But I still have him to lean on and he loves me. When we said our vows 38+ years ago it was til death do us part. God has blessed our union and is still the center of us.
Thank you so much for addressing this topic, so women who aren't loved as they should be won't feel so alone!
Some spouses use sex as a weapon because they are just abusive by nature, but the Word says that no weapon formed against you shall prosper. Over 10 years of this type of marriage 🙋♀️ I have the peace that surpasses all understanding, and I learned to see my self-worth through the eyes of my Heavenly Father.
The issue of abuse and control is addressed in the book. My prayers are with you and grateful to hear you have found peace.
I'm not sure staying in this situation is the best plan. Please consult your pastor.
One major problem is today's porn addiction issues which destroyed 2 marriages for me !
I’ve dealt with this throughout marriage. Thank you.
We're sorry to hear that. We'll pray for you and your marriage and we're glad this talk could provide some help.
Tnx for this conversation although I don’t think I heard the word REJECTION.
The ‘deprived’ partner is very likely to experience feelings of rejection as well as and perhaps even more than shame.
How long is too long not to be wanted?
I agree. Shame was used to describe one reason this topic has been hidden by wives about their relationship with their husband's for so long. It can be challenging to portray the whole heart of a book in a 20-30 minute interview. If you decide to read the book, the words rejection, loneliness, embarrassed, alone, starved, deprived, and ashamed are used throughout. Everyone's experience is different, so to define a too long wait period depends on many layers. The book also addresses the dangers of indifference and what if nothing changes.
I’ve dealt with this for several years, and we’re in our 30s. I thought something was wrong with me for wanting to have sex with my husband only to be rejected. A month ago, I felt a nudge to ask him about porn, I used to believe the best in him and I would defend him when these thoughts would come into my head, and then I asked him and he confessed. My heart was shattered. It answered questions for me, but he gaslit me for year thinking I was crazy. He’s been repentive for over a month, please contribute to pray for a Holy Spirit power to be over His life.
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Lord, I lift this marriage up to you for healing.
Have you thought about asking to watch it with him? The marriage bed is undefiled.... Keep in between the two of you
The majority of women I’ve talked to would be overjoyed if their husbands didn’t want to have sex. They act like they hate it or that it is a chore.
That’s interesting
I lean toward disagreeing with this observation on many levels as one of the societal myths that is perpetuated in movies, TV, and through distorted perceptions of female sexuality.
Wow she explained that so clear so real so transparent, switch my mind from his performance to his heart. I need to connect head knowledge with heart knowledge. yes thanks for being so vulnerable and transparent. Thanks to your husband for allowing you to share as well, i think that is the icing on the cake.
Communication is so important through the seasons.
If you truly love, weathering the storms will overcome the challenges as long as you are honest with each other.
It does change but it will bring you to a new chapter.
So true
Communication within marriage cannot be overstated
From the beginning of the relationship do not overlook the fact of one partner not wanting to talk
Excellent conversation
Thanks FOTF
Thank you for sharing @jessyjonas4988! God bless you!
-Luna H.
How about when a spouse let's herself or himself go (physically) and there is no more physical chimestry or attraction 🤔
Yes that is a great question
Marriage vows should include "sex or no sex" The Church has neglected this issue to the damage of women feeling isolated and guilty. Jokes about the wife"s excuse"not tonight honey I have a headache" has contributed to the stereotype that only man want sex. Unfortunately men who for whatever reason have no sex drive also lack the ability to be intimate emotionally or in a non sexual way. Only through the Lord can a Christian marriage survive this challenge in marriage. I'm not a counselor or ever read or heard anyone talk about this my journey is personal with my husband and the Lord. Is a lonely journey indeed, but after over 40 of marriage I've come to embrace the value of my husband's qualities that fulfill me in other ways...although sex would still be welcomed😂
Yes, I to am trying the other things
I'll say weight gain and cleanliness of spouses (in this case wives) - consequently attractiveness levels post marriage could be a huge turn off for husbands in marriage and many are terrified to bring it up with their wives. You have to eliminate the obvious before digging deeper for hidden psychological explanations of low libido in men. This is not talked enough in churches and Christian spaces.
I am past all of this !!!!
What do you mean.. past it?
Finally, is it tragic that 1 in 3 women have a stronger sex drive than their husbands OR is it tragic that this fact is unacknowledged and therefore isn’t addressed or honestly dealt with by couples, counselors and the church.
‘Tragically’ is an interesting word to apply to this issue!
Wow that a lot of information
Shout Hallelujah @
FYI Almost never addressed is undiagnosed ASD, or a spouse with Autism Spectrum Disorder, and how this can affect intimacy in every form.
Neurodiversity is discussed in the book.
I can't say my husband doesn't want it. He may, just not with me! I'm ok with that!
???
@@kimberlygreidanus5639it ok have confidence in yourself
What? uean some ladies in my church watch promo? Amazing eh
Let's be honest; most women don't self-reflect and ask themselves what role they are playing in being rejected.
I kindly suggest that you consider reading the book (I Want Him to Want Me) with your wife, which might open your eyes because it contains a great deal more information than the 19 minute interview (including self-reflection for wives and husbands). Then pursue open and honest communication about what is causing barriers in intimacy.
What are your thoughts on pity sex?
That’s just what it is
So heres the question: if a spouse (we seem to be picking on men here) refuses sex, is it grounds for divorce?
No, it’s not.
@@omowunmioyedare From a Christian perspective? Because in terms of marital law, it’s called ‘alienation of affection’. Does anyone truly expect a husband or wife to live for years - perhaps decades - without physical affection? We ARE human, after all. Sorry, but no.
My ex didn’t want sex because he had a girlfriend he never gave up when he marry me.
Well it's probably cause the women gains 100 pds and doesn't try to look good anymore so there's that lol can go vice versa too
Yes weight can be a issue
@@robertshriver8392 An issue that arises for both members of a marriage.
Our priorities are elsewhere. He works all day and is exhausted in the evening. I have had 2 back surgeries and no longer have the energy.
godbless 🙏 ✨️ 💖 ❤️ 💕 😘 yall 🙌 🙏 ❤️ ♥️ 💖 💓 faith 🙏 ✨️ 😊 💖 😘 ❤️ over 🙏 ✨️ 😊 💖 😘 ❤️ fier 🙏 ✨️ 💖 ❤️ 💕 😘 in 🙌 🙏 ❤️ ♥️ 💖 😀 Jesus Christ's name 😀 😄 😊 🤣 😜 😆 I 🙏 🤲 🕍 🕌 ⛪️ 🛕 🙏
He’s cheating
This is addressed in the book.
Or maybe he's gay?
This is addressed in the book.
Time waste!
With all due respect, but could you mention in the title, that it's a christian proselytism and not a professional discussion about a serios topic? Why did I have to waste 15 minutes of my life waiting for some useful information, but instead getting bible quotes about god's intentions? Please have some respect towards people who want to hear science and not your believes!
With all due respect, both women being interviewed are women of faith, and Focus on the Family is a Christian organization. I believe faith and science intersect. The book that is show in the background, I Want Him to Want Me, is written from a faith perspective but does integrate information on current research challenges about this topic. We may need to agree to disagree, which is the option we all have in being kind toward one another with differences of opinion. I feel it is difficult to examine this topic without a balance of faith, emotions, counseling, and science.
Thank you for dealing with this topic…there is so much embarrassment involved that it seems safe not to tell anyone…