“How am I supposed to know that???” Was a question I often asked my I.T. application developers when I was working. And I keep asking that in my retirement whether it’s assembly instructions, road signs, medical offices, and myriad other situations. It’s my hope that we raise expectations on behalf of people with disabilities, ESL, and others who are assumed to know whatever the communicator is trying to communicate. You are not the problem!
What is so obvious to some people really isn't to others. Different life experiences will create different knowledge basis. Good poing also a out English as a second language and other reasons why something may not be obvious to someone else.
I don't know where 'anxious bumblebee mode' came from... but I LOVE it! So true. Just kind of awkwardly meandering around sort of half-heartedly engaging with things because you're embarrassed/scared/confused/overwhelmed slightly. Perfect.
Oof! I feel so seen. So many times I've been told, "Stop overthinking!" The thing is I'm not overthinking, I'm just not understanding what they're meaning. One time someone told me to park in front of the left side of her garage. The thing was, I was outside the garage looking in and she was inside the garage looking out. I asked if she meant the left side from her perspective from the house or my perspective from outside the garage looking in. I was told not to overthink it. That didn't give me a clue where I was supposed to park. After several rounds of my asking and her not answering (and it was important because her husband had an intolerance for the unexpected and my friend would suffer if I did it wrong and he came home), I finally asked her if she wanted me to park on the lilac hedge side or the front door side. That got me the answer I needed. I won't bother with more examples but another phrase is "Keep it simple." "Keep it simple" and "Stop overthinking" are pretty good indications there's a communication failure. (Sometimes keep it simple can be relevant but, when following instructions and the instruction-giver isn't happy with the result, it means they weren't clear to begin with.)
I remember once wanting to join Friends of the Library volunteer program but their application was so confusing I never did. I forgot about that until now. That was a few years ago, before I was diagnosed. 🤔
My son was terribly disappointed when his order of chicken fingers where not actually chicken fingers! He was 5 or 6 back then and he said, the reason he ordered it was because he’s curious as to what they look like!
Again: sooo relatable! I feel I almost got used to not having my questions answered or having even more of them when I tried to get ONE answered. You put so many thoughts in my head into words, I can't thank you enough. ❤
What I have discovered is that many, many, MANY systems are designed to walk up to a living breathing human and go "What this?", and it's CRIPPLING for some % of the population, yet it's continued on as if that was the only option, even in the modern world with basically infinite low cost printing. We don't even have any way to know how impactful this is because the people it turns away never really report it. Hanging out with my parents, it's amazing how often they just go talk to people like it's NBD. A lot of time, I can too, but it ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS has a cost. It seems like other people can just do things "blindly", meaning going into a conversation with no idea if the person you're talking to knows or the best or even a good way to ask clearly and concisely and possibly deal with rejection (Ie asking the wrong person who just goes "IDK sorry", which is crippling IMO), but for ME, doing "blind" or 'risky' things where I'm not sure if it's the correct thing that's intended drains me away every single time. Even when it goes well, I still can't just "go ask". It's like telling someone "Just buy a McDonald's meal every day for lunch, duh!" but then you find out they have an app that makes their meals $1 and you're paying full price every time so when you stop going, they're confused because they just assume it's very low cost for you like it is for them. Adding a "new person" to my life just to ask how to get a library book is, oftentimes, just too high of a cost for me to pay. Or rather, it might end up being a low cost, $5 interaction... but what I feel like the avg person NEVER understands about me and, it sounds, like others like you and us... is that I have no way to understand how much a social interaction will 'cost' (in spoons I guess) until it's ALREADY OVER. I think you all would be hesitant to make a purchase virtually EVER if you went to a grocery story and every item was marked "Between $2 and $50". You'd freak the hell out too!!! I feel like the allistics can tell when a social interaction costs $5 and it ends up costing $8 they're like "oh fine", but if you're like us, it's more like getting prepared for a $5 dollar purchase that turns out to be a $25 purchase and you can't tell until it's already in progress! Then in order to abort, it becomes a $45 fee scenario and you get nothing. I am CONSTANTLY evaluating for what kind of social capital I can afford to spend whenever I'm out in public.
But aren’t there also autistic people that just blurt out stuff? I’m thinking of someone in particular who seems to be autistic and who always blurts out stuff randomly - basically the opposite of what she mentioned in the video. Are there both extr./opposite sides in different autistic people? Or does it maybe differ depending if highly autistic or just a little bit? And would you say that autistic people have maybe difficulties reading between the lines? I’m trying to understand?
@@IntegrityMeansAll Many autistic people can exhibit various traits differently to others, though, yes she has mentioned in a previous video she has done this herself. Someone will say something and it may cause her to repeat a joke that conversation reminds her of, or read/think out loud something that may have nothing to do with the subject at hand. In a previous video she also mentioned how on one occasion a commenter questioned her Autism and she was direct about it and while trying not too come off as sarcastic, just a little direct and blunt, the person still took her response as sarcastic. I have recently discovered that Autism can also cause people to be unintentionally hypocritical. Amanda has also said this line over the last couple videos I watched "Autistic traits are human traits", meaning you could exhibit some traits an Autisitic person may have, but not actually be as such. Its if you have more of those traits or those traits are elevated above an area considered normal. Autism is also generally just different person to person. To answer your latter question, some Autistic people CAN understand certain things, like sarcasm, as well as give sarcasm, others really need to be told that what you said to them was sarcastic. Some Autistic people can have trouble reading the room, knowing the right time and place for something, while others are somewhat able to learn.
@@itsrickyschannel. I do appreciate your response but everything you wrote can be summarized with “it all depends/it’s different in every person” which doesn’t help at all diagnosing or understanding it. That’s like saying a tree can look like a couch or a cat or the sun or a house and it’s still a tree. Anything with a classification system or necessary traits/criteria to fulfill a certain diagnosis can’t be diagnosed at all then because if a tree can be a sun just like a house etc. then who are you to say claiming a airplane can’t be a tree too if it claims it is
@@IntegrityMeansAll Saying I was comparing a tree to a couch, cat, sun, etc is a silly and a completely out there argument. To use your tree analogy, are all trees completely 100% identical to one another? If you look at two trees side by side, are they identical twins or did they more than likely grow seperately? Are the branches in the exact same spot, or are they scattered around? I would argue its highly unlikely that you would ever find a tree that is 100% identical to another. The problem with your whole thing of "Anything with a classification system or necessary traits/criteria cant be diagnosed" This is sadly the probelm, because Autisitic people can indeed present differently. Why do you think it took until Amanda was in her 40's to get diagnosed? Some Autisitc people are really good at hideing it, expecially with masking. There is a reason why I plan to get diagnosed. There is no one-size-fits-all. If there is an exact list of say, 100 traits an Autistic person may have, you dont need to have all 100 to be diagnosed, at least 50 or more is argument that you may be. Theres a reason why Autism has been reclassified as a "spectrum", because nothing is 100%. Some Autisitic people can still engage within greater society, others will need 24 hour care to gewt them through the day. If you at all are concerned that you or someone you may know may be on the spectrum (your self awareness WILL kick in on most cases) write down any traits you think you may have and see your GP.
I just had this issue. I needed to buy paint. It was my first time, I had always let other people do it because the process seemed so daunting. To prepare myself, I asked my mom and sister how you do it and they looked at me like I was asking them to translate the Rosetta Stone. Their advice was "ask the store employee". I really needed more steps but I was so hurt by them acting like this was obvious that I didn't press further. I went to the store and tried to ask for help and the employee looked at me like I had sprouted horns. It was horrible. I needed step by step instructions and all I got was open disgust and dismay. I had a meltdown. It was awful, and just reiterated to me why I never ask for help.
This is a really good example and I'm sorry it went so poorly for you. If it's Home Depot or Lowes pick out your color card and then go to the paint desk. They'll ask you what brand you want. I usually go with the store brand or sometimes I tell them I want one with primer added (it'll be more expensive but then you don't need as many coats.) Then they'll ask you if you want eggshell, gloss, semi-gloss or matte. I'd look those up ahead of time but they usually have a sample. Gloss is usually for doors or trim, I usually go semi-gloss for walls because you can wipe scuff marks. Matte walls don't reflect or bounce light back as much. They'll tell you how long it should take, anywhere from 5-20 minutes usually depending on how busy they are. Walk around the store and browse while you wait. Then you can come pick it up and pay for it at the regular cash registers. ❤️
I didn’t realize this was a trait of autism. I have never been diagnosed with autism nor has anyone ever suggested that I do so. But I’ve always wondered why other people don’t seem to know that words and phrases can have several different meanings and can be taken several different ways. Personally, I’m not someone who minds asking questions when I feel like the explanation isn’t specific enough, but I find that other people tend to get annoyed that I have to ask so many questions. But honestly, I’ve never thought of it as a deficiency in myself. I’ve just always thought that other people were not very good at explaining things lol.
Thank you for this video! I'm sharing it to so many people in my life because I feel like this so perfectly describes how I feel in a lot of experiences! People always thought I was just shy, but it's really that experience of being misunderstood when I ask for help that keeps me from asking. Which sucks! Also a funny note about library signage: I remember my supervisor when I worked at a library specifically saying not to make too many signs or put too much information because people won't read it. People ignoring signs is definitely something I've seen, but as an autistic person I'm always looking for signs and information to help me figure out how to interact with a space so it's so confusing to be told something like that.
Not to mention the Pandora’s box of possibly a flood of information - which I can’t process immediately - and the counter questions that might follow - I will probably not know the answer (yet)- you open up when asking for help in a situation like that. I would have to be having a very good day before I would venture into the unknown of interacting with a library employee about this
Oh wow, what a great video, so relatable. I get scared of asking because in the past people have either laughed at me or treated me like I'm stupid or annoying or all of the above. But I'm none of those, I'm just autistic.
Oh my goodness Amanda, you've done it again! You've explored out loud the precise kind of struggle I've had all my life without realising it's a thing. Relating to your library experience, a new state of the art library opened in my city a few years ago where they had self service machines for returning and checking out books. This change really worried me. What if i couldnt understand how to use them? How stupid would that look. It's not being able to go with the flow, it's the pre-empting of problems, the what ifs and you're right, it does lead to paralysis and avoidance. It took me months to go into that library and i had to hang around the machines for a while watching others use them before I used them myself, and thought it would be fine because it seemed straight forward, but i got it wrong because I made myself so anxious over it, i couldnt follow the instructions on the screen. It upset me for the day. This is why i hate anything new, it can be torture at first.
You are SO GOOD at describing and detailing the challenges of someone with high functioning autism. So grateful to for sharing (a challenge in itself) and glad I have access and found your videos. It is comforting to know that at least one person "gets it". Thanks for that.
If people and messages/signs were simply more descriptive and precise, it would make things much easier and we would have easier access to the world with much less effort.
Let me just say, I’m not autistic, but from the way you described that that would bother me extremely! For the reasons you mentioned. People these days don’t seem to explain themselves very well you’re absolutely right he needs more Explanation.😮
Thank you for sharing this, I was getting emotional just hearing you describe a chain of thoughts very similar to my own. I’m going to share this with someone close. The hope being your words will help explain what is very new to me. It’s so difficult to understand without completely overwhelming myself, yet alone explain. Feels like life itself ran up from behind and ripped the rug right from out under me.
I understand that feeling of the rug being pulled. I'm glad my video can help some though. I put it in a Playlist of videos that I think can help explain autism to friends and family. ❤️
Sometimes my brain just doesnt, I cant explain it really. My brain just wont let me think, I get stuck and I know rationally that I can just ask for help but I cant because I am stuck.
There was one time at an interview that I said, when asked to say something about myself, that I don’t have common sense (which is true) because I am unique (which I realise now wasn’t entirely true 😅). Turns out I am [just] autistic! /actuallyautistic
10:46 Little Bumblebee, is from Blind Melon.... and is, and I sometimes think of what I and is and I do..... Shellshock, when I think alone. If I'm out in public, I'm more functional with and around people
It's off topic a little bit, but I tried the sensory friendly hours at Walmart. Thank you for telling me about it. It was much less stressful than it normally is. If only they would stop changing the store around, lol. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks.
Oh, guess I can't watch! Hope you are enjoying this relatively nice weather we are having! This is the weather and cloud cover I moved to Portland for =oD
The small print says even if you are autistic! 😂😊❤️ I need to go on a walk. Actually I may go do that right now. I've been at my computer for the past several hours! 🤔
Wow, thanks so much for your insight! I admire your resilience and determination in facing your challenges. I often find leaving the house stressful with ADD, but I can only imagine how much harder it must be for you. Interestingly, my teenage daughter was filling out a form today and asked me what her "print name" was. I was initially confused because it never occurred to me that the phrase "Print Name" could mean anything other than to print your name, not sign it. However, now I realize it is a logical question for those wired to consider every possibility.
I love that story about your daughter! Sounds exactly like something I'd do. When I was a kid, I used to ask my mom what country my grandma lived in. Because she lived "out in the country" while we lived in the city. But I thought she must live in a different country. 😂
You explained it perfectly! I wasn’t even aware of it until you put it into words, but all these variables were the reason why I couldn’t just go to a store and buy a loaf of bread. There was too much to remember! What do I have to say? What if they react differently from what I expected? I still struggle with this a lot and really need to work up my courage to go to unfamiliar situations, even if it’s something as easy as going to gym
This is why i shop all the same stores, pharmacy, walmart, marshalls, for over 30 years.. i need to know the place and staff, the layout..lol The struggle is real..
Can you imagine how exhausted the librarians must be about person after person interrupting them to ask about purchasing those books? But, evidently not tired enough to improve the sign.
We have a program here in Aurora Colorado called Friends of The Aurora Public Library. They have good instructions how it works... Too bad they don't have a good explanation in your city. Its a great program, I have gotten a few books from them.
That was a really nice example! Very apt delineation. I have a similar story about this. It is long but I think worth saying, because it reinforces your points: I was in a Joanns fabric store looking for art supplies. Usually they have some, but I was having a very hard time finding them, cursing the fact they didn’t have complete signage for the aisles. I didn’t want to ask, go through an entire social interaction just to find what should be marked. But, then I thought maybe they don’t have art supplies at that location, and really the only way to find out would be to ask. Ugh. So, I found a kid who seemed no too busy, wearing a store apron, and approached him, and asked if there were any art supplies in the store and where they were. Turns out, this kid was doing some sort of high school work experience program, where he was there for a day, and also, he showed many signs of being ND. He didn’t know the answer, but he couldn’t say so… and he kept asking me to repeat the question, and looked around like he didn’t know what to do, and as I started to recognize what was happening, this woman runs over to explain to me the situation. And she kinda just railroaded over the kid, and rapid-fired instuctions to him about how if he didn’t know the answer he needed to get help. And then we were in this chain reaction of confusion, where this kid was trying to follow her instructions and she was apologizing to me over his “ineptitude” which only irritated me and I wanted her to stop being so pushy and let me talk to him, because I understood how he felt (I believe) as I’d been in that state before. But then he got distracted and so she chased him down and told him again what to do, and we fumbled our way through and found the art supplies. And of course, I said thank you for his help, and the lady then rushed him off again. And it honestly made me a bit angry. The way she didn’t help him learn what to do. I kept thinking about, what might have made it easier for him - like, if he’d been given a sort of script for when customers came to ask him questions, to inform them he was a high school student and learning, and he’d need to get someone else to assist (if he wasn’t sure). I had a feeling he was just sort of thrown out there - and expected to adapt, and he clearly was uncomfortable and socially awkward. And that lady being frantic and apologetic didn’t help. I know I could have *slowed it down* to take the pressure off and worked through it with him once I understood he was having trouble, and I could do it just fine without her because I’d been there before (having worked a customer service job and choked while talking to customers many times). Instead she made it unpleasant and confusing. So yeah. Better signage. Clear instructions without being impatient and pushy and dismissive of the struggles. Having some empathy. These would be nice, lol.
How frustrating all around! I really hate it when people apologize for their kid or in this case their employee displaying neurodivergent traits. Different, not less! Let us exist and communicate how we need to. Everyone is in such a rush. Glad you were at least understanding even in your frustration too.
Omg, this so much! Thank you! One of my trigger sentences is “everybody knows that”, especially said in an irritated tone. Ufff! But I’ve got a perfect reply now: Well I don’t know that, so clearly not everybody. I’m just trying to understand. Which usually leads to more frustration on both parts because then I’m seen as either completely stupid or arguing (I’m not either) but at least I made myself clear and I spoke up for myself 😂 And I just had an epiphany because my therapist said to me “stop trying to control the weather” and I know what he meant but it didn’t feel right and now I realise it’s not about control, it’s about understanding so I don’t feel overwhelmed. Thank you, Amanda and I wish you a wonderful weekend!
I have made the decision to get myself checked for having both Autism and ADHD as I feel actions I have done in the past (including some really dumb mistakes) were partly thanks to symptoms of both. Now I want to mention I am not blaming the potential condition I may have for making those decisions, I still did those actions, but I think they do play a factor in my sometimes very impulsive actions. As well as that I am starting to gain a sense of self awareness to my actions, clikcing on to things I would never have noticed. Getting easily upset over mundane things, having both the wanting to be around people but also getting very stressed if a situation around other people becomes sour, to the point I want to run somewhere to safety. Adding to my impulsive thing, oftentimes once Ive done these actions, I have had moments of severe meltdown and guilt, which is almost unshakable. I hate change and often go for creature comforts over things that may benefit me, often having to overthink things, but also at the same time jumping at things and regretting it later. In other areas, I am very sympathetic to various groups of people, I have some people-pleasing tendancies and enjoy seeing those around me happy.
Yep... I was to often said "can't You get it yourself" I am afraid to ask. Or I am shamed to do something wrong. One horrible thing was when I went to a court where high security standards were that day, so everybody was ordered to a room were we were checked. I was told (in german in germany, so maybe it is a bit confusung in english) to get on a chair to check my shoes. I was end of pregnancy that time so I looked at this chair in the middle of the room and asked the officer to reach me an arm for help. He looked a bit concerned but reached me his arm. I took it and began to climb on this chair. He was screaming at me "NOO, what are you doing, just sit down on the chair to take off your shoes". I was so ashamed and everybody was laughing. I didn't know what he wanted from me. That time I just had two flights in europe and it was before 9/11, so I didn't know that they want zo look into my shoes. And no, I can't "jist imagine how others do". It is more then twenty years ago and I still feel so ashamed I want to die when I think of this situation.
hahaha... please don't misunderstand, I laugh because this is totally my husband and explains a lot. Since marriage, I've been told he's much more outgoing yet to me he's an extrovert in an introvert's body and is much more outgoing than me and I'm the NT lol But I've suspected it's been because of this very thing. Having me around as his "emotional support human"(his words) is that little edge that gives him that space to perform and I think the confidence that I'll be there... for something lol😅 it's something I've noticed but never been able to explain but i appreciate your experience as it helps me understand and support my husband better😊
Coming from an allistic person: It is confusing signage. In our small local library they have a similar thing and they call it book flea market. It’s in a small seperate room with a sign that says „book flea market“ and on every book there’s a big X over the barcode, so it’s clear, those books can’t be checked out anymore. Also there’s a sign that says „Every book 50 cents“. You pay for those books at the checkout, which is the only thing you have to figure out on your own, or by asking. I‘m from Germany and we might be a little more neurofriendly by accident, because Germans are direct and precise and we love organization and structure.
I love to try a new restaurant, but dread having to find out what their system is. I tried a good bagel place last month and they had where to go order clearly marked, but then where to wait oh my!?
Does it involve me taking multiple steps in order to get what I want? If yes, I then ask myself " is this worth is?', if the answer is 'no'. I don't even go there. I'll just leave it. During communion at church ( new church ) my daughter said ' I want to but the same time I don't.' I then told her " it's new huh and a lot of people and standing in line?' she's like " yeah". So I said, ' don't worry about it, im not going up either.' Because I'm just shy and everyone is looking at us standing in line. Its all new. At the same time, a man kept insisting we should go and I'm like , no that's ok. We are fine. So after the 3rd time we said no he stopped. So this is a neurotypical vs neurodivirgent. He did bring me a bible verse which was very kind. 😊
When I told my therapist that I don’t know how to talk to other people and he said: it’s easy you say hi or hello! 😂😂😂😂😂😂 I just cannot!!!! And my anxiety of going inside small shops and boutiques: he said, what do you mean? You just go in. 😢😢😢😢😢
Oh my goodness, I thought it was just me. Small shops & boutiques are so intimidating and anxiety producing as well. Especially if there’s nobody else in there. They could have the best sale ever, but if it’s empty, I’m walking right on by.
No, you’re not the only one! I am not going in an empty shop either! Unless I really have to because it’s the day before an event and I have no choice but to go in to check out an outfit then ending up not getting anything because the fabric on all tge clotges are too scratchy or too shiny or too whatever.
@@Catlily5also the fear of being perceived! I could spend 10-15 minutes in (which feel like hours) and not get anything. Plus being a person of color also adds to the stress that I might somehow be seen as a shoplifter (I don’t know whether it is only in my head though).
It is not just your autism that situation is not obvious you are in a library, which would automatically make you wonder because they haven’t clarified in the signage. Example these books are for sale go to the desk to purchase. The reason they need more explanation is because they’re selling books in a library.
I am autistic - and I believe that my unusual upbringing of my Mom literally having me bring myself up and moving around so much, me having to learn about so many different ways of the world - I have been able to learn how to sustain situations out sooner than most Allistic folks. It may be because I HAD to learn it. I think more than anything - autistic folks need to start getting comfortable with making mistakes and sticking up for themselves. I make mistakes in front of people - and just laugh it off or if people are rude - in the isn't obvious way - I am not afraid to tell them - NO it wasn't obvious to Me and that is why I am asking THEM a customer service person. But honestly - people are rarely rude. Sometimes I preface a question - Can I ask a "dumb" or "obvious" question - and most of the time they say - Oh that's not a dumb question - people ask this all the time. And truthfully - if things are confusing to us - because we are human beings after all - it will be confusing to others. We can use our logical brains to figure things out in most logistical situations AND I think the panicky stuff we get from asking questions is more about rejection sensitivity than from our ability to figure things out. I know for myself - I often avoid business calls if I fear I will get an answer I don't want to hear - mainly because I am worried I will have a meltdown on the phone - which is not a good look!
I also have problems with signs that over explain, with SO many words. For example, a yellow diamond sign, by its shape and color, is intended to warn you about something that might be endangered by traffic, or may be a danger to drivers and their vehicle. So, all that is implied and all the sign has to specify is what you are to look out for. Then they write a whole sentence on the sign, "Caution, children playing" "Caution is implied by the sign shape and color. Does it matter if the children are playing, or walking home from school, or are doing anything else that children might be doing? One word or pictorial symbol is all that is needed. "Children"
"Caution look out for falling rocks" is another one. Am I supposed to look up, because only rocks that are falling, at the moment are a hazard but fallen rocks on the pavement are not? I think the odds of rocks that have already fallen are more of a hazard that ones that might just above me, in mid air. The sign should say, "Rocks" Put that thought into my mind.
Where in the world is that? Sounds stupid. Give me the minimum amount of information necessary to unambiguously signal how I should orient my attention in order to reduce the risk for accidents. Why would you make me read prose while I'm driving? Why would you have my mind conjure up imagery of an arbitrary, possibly very specific scene of children "playing" (with marbles? ball? tag? hide & seek?) instead of giving me the actual object to look out for ("children"), so that I can also infer increased probability for "chaos", "unawareness" and "unpredictability" in the vicinity. Now, instead there's a game of marbles playing out in my head.
@@jpopelish In Finland, we have the sign depicting falling rocks, to inform the driver that they are now entering an area where, generally, rocks may be falling. That is just what I need to watch out for rocks on the road AND to stunt-dodge the ones trajecting toward my car from above (happens every day). Again, I can infer the fallEN rocks from the static picture of falling rocks because it's a generalization of the process that leads to at least two types of hazard. The rocks in the picture are on their way down to the ground, and because the picture is static it may present the past, present or future. If I read "look out for falling rocks", I imagine it's currently raining rocks that evaporate when they come into contact with the road, but may hit your car on the way down.
I also have problems with signs that over explain, with SO many words. For example, a yellow diamond sign, by its shape and color, is intended to warn you about something that might be endangered by traffic, or may be a danger to drivers and their vehicle. So, all that is implied and all the sign has to specify is what you are to look out for. Then they write a whole sentence on the sign, "Caution, children playing" "Caution is implied by the sign shape and color. Does it matter if the children are playing, or walking home from school, or are doing anything else that children might be doing? One word or pictorial symbol is all that is needed. "Children" "Caution look out for falling rocks" is another one. Am I supposed to look up, because only rocks that are falling, at the moment are a hazard but fallen rocks on the pavement are not? I think the odds of rocks that have already fallen are more of a hazard that ones that might just above me, in mid air. The sign should say, "Rocks" Put that thought into my mind.
I would put it here and say, WHY do you know what you know about that sign? The only reason you know this is because the collective of people around you know, you were raised/educated to understand what that sign means. But, things change overtime. Things rebrand, things change colour, shape, identity, etc. How long ago was that sign put up? How long ago did the legislation change to enforce that sign to be put up? How old is that sign and how long ago was that system (because everything has one) that causes that sign to exist, get drafted? Sometimes it can be for legal reasons. Some people like to feign ignorance or may actually BE ignorant to things like road signs. Some signage systems may have been updated or changed after certain groups of people passed thier driving theory tests at that time. So there are occasions where too much info is better than little info. Growing up, I didnt know what a give way sign was, and I even thought "give" in that content was its own word or pronounced differently, like "[JYVE] way" or something.
@@itsrickyschannel.The meanings of the shape and color of road signs is specified in the Uniform Traffic Code, that all states have signed on to. They are not subject to local whims and feelings. Keeping the text on signs terse is useful, because drivers have a flood of information to deal with, while driving.
"For me". Understanding would be so much easier if neurotypical people learned to automatically add "for me" to their observations. Like, "FOR ME it's easy to just go ask someone." Right then they'd be able to get past the misconception that their own experience is universal and start to conceive of the notion others have a different experience. I have social anxiety and (in certain circumstances) social phobia, and moments like the one you describe can be more than "difficult", and neurotypical people don't get it. I don't know if it's ever the same for people with autism, but it's a PHYSICAL barrier. Moving -- taking that step -- is physically more difficult. Breathing is more difficult because it's like my lungs are more rigid. My body is locked in position while the thoughts are going. And it is EXHAUSTING to have to "submit an application" for understanding and/or assistance every time. As you say, neurotypical people tend to focus first on whether or not the barrier or symptom is "legitimate", rather than how they can accommodate it. If they could imagine having to fill out something like a job application from scratch every day for their employer before they start the day's work or come back to their desk, office, or building, they'd have a FRACTION of the experience anyone who isn't neurotypical has getting through the multiple daily moments like this. ESPECIALLY if they had to argue about that application, provide references, and also have it rejected at least half the time. If they didn't NEED the job, would they keep showing up?
I've been doing that with my husband. I'll say I'm cold and he'll say "it's not cold!" and I say, "it's not cold for YOU." He's now getting it and it's been so helpful for our communication. He can't fathom how I can be cold in some temperatures that he's very comfortable in.
They assume that if it is easy for them it should be easy for you. I know a lady who is a retired Special Ed teacher. She tells me, "I don't understand why you can't do this!" I wonder how she could teach Special Ed for 20+ years and not understand that people have learning differences.
“How am I supposed to know that???” Was a question I often asked my I.T. application developers when I was working. And I keep asking that in my retirement whether it’s assembly instructions, road signs, medical offices, and myriad other situations. It’s my hope that we raise expectations on behalf of people with disabilities, ESL, and others who are assumed to know whatever the communicator is trying to communicate. You are not the problem!
What is so obvious to some people really isn't to others. Different life experiences will create different knowledge basis.
Good poing also a out English as a second language and other reasons why something may not be obvious to someone else.
I don't know where 'anxious bumblebee mode' came from... but I LOVE it! So true. Just kind of awkwardly meandering around sort of half-heartedly engaging with things because you're embarrassed/scared/confused/overwhelmed slightly. Perfect.
It just sort of came out! I like it too. 🐝🐝
Hey im Kathleen how deal with someone that has autism with anger and augment
Oof! I feel so seen.
So many times I've been told, "Stop overthinking!" The thing is I'm not overthinking, I'm just not understanding what they're meaning. One time someone told me to park in front of the left side of her garage. The thing was, I was outside the garage looking in and she was inside the garage looking out. I asked if she meant the left side from her perspective from the house or my perspective from outside the garage looking in. I was told not to overthink it. That didn't give me a clue where I was supposed to park. After several rounds of my asking and her not answering (and it was important because her husband had an intolerance for the unexpected and my friend would suffer if I did it wrong and he came home), I finally asked her if she wanted me to park on the lilac hedge side or the front door side. That got me the answer I needed.
I won't bother with more examples but another phrase is "Keep it simple." "Keep it simple" and "Stop overthinking" are pretty good indications there's a communication failure. (Sometimes keep it simple can be relevant but, when following instructions and the instruction-giver isn't happy with the result, it means they weren't clear to begin with.)
Oh, sh@t! That’s an aha moment!
I am not overthinking, I just don’t understand what they’re saying/meaning.
Thank you!
Yes we see all the variables, from all angles, every option and all this happening at the same time!😂
Does the library consider ME a friend..? How do you become a friend of the library? These are just some of the questions that run through my mind.
I remember once wanting to join Friends of the Library volunteer program but their application was so confusing I never did. I forgot about that until now. That was a few years ago, before I was diagnosed. 🤔
No, the library just wants your time or money.
There was a licorice that was called Cat Licorice and I had to ask if it was for humans...
I'd definitely wonder that too.
My son was terribly disappointed when his order of chicken fingers where not actually chicken fingers!
He was 5 or 6 back then and he said, the reason he ordered it was because he’s curious as to what they look like!
To be fair I would have probably done that as a joke. My only struggle then would be not to make it.
A new large store is very confusing to me....
Me too, I always get so overwhelmed
Again: sooo relatable!
I feel I almost got used to not having my questions answered or having even more of them when I tried to get ONE answered.
You put so many thoughts in my head into words, I can't thank you enough.
❤
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Thank you for telling us the numerous mental steps, or additional steps, that are required for you to accomplish any task.
Thank you for watching. 😊
What I have discovered is that many, many, MANY systems are designed to walk up to a living breathing human and go "What this?", and it's CRIPPLING for some % of the population, yet it's continued on as if that was the only option, even in the modern world with basically infinite low cost printing. We don't even have any way to know how impactful this is because the people it turns away never really report it. Hanging out with my parents, it's amazing how often they just go talk to people like it's NBD. A lot of time, I can too, but it ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS has a cost.
It seems like other people can just do things "blindly", meaning going into a conversation with no idea if the person you're talking to knows or the best or even a good way to ask clearly and concisely and possibly deal with rejection (Ie asking the wrong person who just goes "IDK sorry", which is crippling IMO), but for ME, doing "blind" or 'risky' things where I'm not sure if it's the correct thing that's intended drains me away every single time. Even when it goes well, I still can't just "go ask". It's like telling someone "Just buy a McDonald's meal every day for lunch, duh!" but then you find out they have an app that makes their meals $1 and you're paying full price every time so when you stop going, they're confused because they just assume it's very low cost for you like it is for them.
Adding a "new person" to my life just to ask how to get a library book is, oftentimes, just too high of a cost for me to pay. Or rather, it might end up being a low cost, $5 interaction... but what I feel like the avg person NEVER understands about me and, it sounds, like others like you and us... is that I have no way to understand how much a social interaction will 'cost' (in spoons I guess) until it's ALREADY OVER. I think you all would be hesitant to make a purchase virtually EVER if you went to a grocery story and every item was marked "Between $2 and $50". You'd freak the hell out too!!! I feel like the allistics can tell when a social interaction costs $5 and it ends up costing $8 they're like "oh fine", but if you're like us, it's more like getting prepared for a $5 dollar purchase that turns out to be a $25 purchase and you can't tell until it's already in progress! Then in order to abort, it becomes a $45 fee scenario and you get nothing. I am CONSTANTLY evaluating for what kind of social capital I can afford to spend whenever I'm out in public.
I really like this money analogy. Thank you for sharing it! ❤️ I'll take it forward with me in future conversations.
But aren’t there also autistic people that just blurt out stuff? I’m thinking of someone in particular who seems to be autistic and who always blurts out stuff randomly - basically the opposite of what she mentioned in the video. Are there both extr./opposite sides in different autistic people? Or does it maybe differ depending if highly autistic or just a little bit?
And would you say that autistic people have maybe difficulties reading between the lines? I’m trying to understand?
@@IntegrityMeansAll Many autistic people can exhibit various traits differently to others, though, yes she has mentioned in a previous video she has done this herself. Someone will say something and it may cause her to repeat a joke that conversation reminds her of, or read/think out loud something that may have nothing to do with the subject at hand. In a previous video she also mentioned how on one occasion a commenter questioned her Autism and she was direct about it and while trying not too come off as sarcastic, just a little direct and blunt, the person still took her response as sarcastic. I have recently discovered that Autism can also cause people to be unintentionally hypocritical.
Amanda has also said this line over the last couple videos I watched "Autistic traits are human traits", meaning you could exhibit some traits an Autisitic person may have, but not actually be as such. Its if you have more of those traits or those traits are elevated above an area considered normal. Autism is also generally just different person to person.
To answer your latter question, some Autistic people CAN understand certain things, like sarcasm, as well as give sarcasm, others really need to be told that what you said to them was sarcastic. Some Autistic people can have trouble reading the room, knowing the right time and place for something, while others are somewhat able to learn.
@@itsrickyschannel. I do appreciate your response but everything you wrote can be summarized with “it all depends/it’s different in every person” which doesn’t help at all diagnosing or understanding it. That’s like saying a tree can look like a couch or a cat or the sun or a house and it’s still a tree. Anything with a classification system or necessary traits/criteria to fulfill a certain diagnosis can’t be diagnosed at all then because if a tree can be a sun just like a house etc. then who are you to say claiming a airplane can’t be a tree too if it claims it is
@@IntegrityMeansAll Saying I was comparing a tree to a couch, cat, sun, etc is a silly and a completely out there argument. To use your tree analogy, are all trees completely 100% identical to one another? If you look at two trees side by side, are they identical twins or did they more than likely grow seperately? Are the branches in the exact same spot, or are they scattered around? I would argue its highly unlikely that you would ever find a tree that is 100% identical to another.
The problem with your whole thing of "Anything with a classification system or necessary traits/criteria cant be diagnosed" This is sadly the probelm, because Autisitic people can indeed present differently. Why do you think it took until Amanda was in her 40's to get diagnosed? Some Autisitc people are really good at hideing it, expecially with masking. There is a reason why I plan to get diagnosed. There is no one-size-fits-all. If there is an exact list of say, 100 traits an Autistic person may have, you dont need to have all 100 to be diagnosed, at least 50 or more is argument that you may be. Theres a reason why Autism has been reclassified as a "spectrum", because nothing is 100%. Some Autisitic people can still engage within greater society, others will need 24 hour care to gewt them through the day.
If you at all are concerned that you or someone you may know may be on the spectrum (your self awareness WILL kick in on most cases) write down any traits you think you may have and see your GP.
I just had this issue. I needed to buy paint. It was my first time, I had always let other people do it because the process seemed so daunting. To prepare myself, I asked my mom and sister how you do it and they looked at me like I was asking them to translate the Rosetta Stone. Their advice was "ask the store employee". I really needed more steps but I was so hurt by them acting like this was obvious that I didn't press further. I went to the store and tried to ask for help and the employee looked at me like I had sprouted horns. It was horrible. I needed step by step instructions and all I got was open disgust and dismay. I had a meltdown. It was awful, and just reiterated to me why I never ask for help.
This is a really good example and I'm sorry it went so poorly for you.
If it's Home Depot or Lowes pick out your color card and then go to the paint desk. They'll ask you what brand you want. I usually go with the store brand or sometimes I tell them I want one with primer added (it'll be more expensive but then you don't need as many coats.)
Then they'll ask you if you want eggshell, gloss, semi-gloss or matte. I'd look those up ahead of time but they usually have a sample. Gloss is usually for doors or trim, I usually go semi-gloss for walls because you can wipe scuff marks. Matte walls don't reflect or bounce light back as much.
They'll tell you how long it should take, anywhere from 5-20 minutes usually depending on how busy they are. Walk around the store and browse while you wait. Then you can come pick it up and pay for it at the regular cash registers.
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I didn’t realize this was a trait of autism. I have never been diagnosed with autism nor has anyone ever suggested that I do so. But I’ve always wondered why other people don’t seem to know that words and phrases can have several different meanings and can be taken several different ways. Personally, I’m not someone who minds asking questions when I feel like the explanation isn’t specific enough, but I find that other people tend to get annoyed that I have to ask so many questions. But honestly, I’ve never thought of it as a deficiency in myself. I’ve just always thought that other people were not very good at explaining things lol.
Well said, Amanda. Perfectly described. This is exactly it.
Thank you for this video! I'm sharing it to so many people in my life because I feel like this so perfectly describes how I feel in a lot of experiences! People always thought I was just shy, but it's really that experience of being misunderstood when I ask for help that keeps me from asking. Which sucks!
Also a funny note about library signage: I remember my supervisor when I worked at a library specifically saying not to make too many signs or put too much information because people won't read it. People ignoring signs is definitely something I've seen, but as an autistic person I'm always looking for signs and information to help me figure out how to interact with a space so it's so confusing to be told something like that.
Oh yeah that's so weird. Good signage is important!
Thanks for sharing the video! ❤️😊
Not to mention the Pandora’s box of possibly a flood of information - which I can’t process immediately - and the counter questions that might follow - I will probably not know the answer (yet)- you open up when asking for help in a situation like that. I would have to be having a very good day before I would venture into the unknown of interacting with a library employee about this
Oh wow, what a great video, so relatable. I get scared of asking because in the past people have either laughed at me or treated me like I'm stupid or annoying or all of the above. But I'm none of those, I'm just autistic.
Exactly!
Oh my goodness Amanda, you've done it again! You've explored out loud the precise kind of struggle I've had all my life without realising it's a thing. Relating to your library experience, a new state of the art library opened in my city a few years ago where they had self service machines for returning and checking out books. This change really worried me. What if i couldnt understand how to use them? How stupid would that look. It's not being able to go with the flow, it's the pre-empting of problems, the what ifs and you're right, it does lead to paralysis and avoidance. It took me months to go into that library and i had to hang around the machines for a while watching others use them before I used them myself, and thought it would be fine because it seemed straight forward, but i got it wrong because I made myself so anxious over it, i couldnt follow the instructions on the screen. It upset me for the day. This is why i hate anything new, it can be torture at first.
I'm glad you resonated with the video. It's so validating to hear others with the same struggles because we aren't alone.
You are SO GOOD at describing and detailing the challenges of someone with high functioning autism. So grateful to for sharing (a challenge in itself) and glad I have access and found your videos. It is comforting to know that at least one person "gets it". Thanks for that.
If people and messages/signs were simply more descriptive and precise, it would make things much easier and we would have easier access to the world with much less effort.
Let me just say, I’m not autistic, but from the way you described that that would bother me extremely! For the reasons you mentioned. People these days don’t seem to explain themselves very well you’re absolutely right he needs more Explanation.😮
Thank you for sharing this, I was getting emotional just hearing you describe a chain of thoughts very similar to my own.
I’m going to share this with someone close. The hope being your words will help explain what is very new to me.
It’s so difficult to understand without completely overwhelming myself, yet alone explain.
Feels like life itself ran up from behind and ripped the rug right from out under me.
I understand that feeling of the rug being pulled. I'm glad my video can help some though. I put it in a Playlist of videos that I think can help explain autism to friends and family. ❤️
I understand what you mean, this is what we Autistic people have to face everyday and that is exhausting!
I know that it's because they think the answers are obvious, but it feels like they're gatekeeping knowledge that I'm expected to know.
Sometimes my brain just doesnt, I cant explain it really. My brain just wont let me think, I get stuck and I know rationally that I can just ask for help but I cant because I am stuck.
There was one time at an interview that I said, when asked to say something about myself, that I don’t have common sense (which is true) because I am unique (which I realise now wasn’t entirely true 😅). Turns out I am [just] autistic!
/actuallyautistic
10:46 Little Bumblebee, is from Blind Melon.... and is, and I sometimes think of what I and is and I do..... Shellshock, when I think alone. If I'm out in public, I'm more functional with and around people
It's off topic a little bit, but I tried the sensory friendly hours at Walmart. Thank you for telling me about it. It was much less stressful than it normally is. If only they would stop changing the store around, lol. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks.
Oh that's awesome!
Oh, guess I can't watch!
Hope you are enjoying this relatively nice weather we are having!
This is the weather and cloud cover I moved to Portland for =oD
The small print says even if you are autistic! 😂😊❤️
I need to go on a walk. Actually I may go do that right now. I've been at my computer for the past several hours! 🤔
Wow, thanks so much for your insight! I admire your resilience and determination in facing your challenges. I often find leaving the house stressful with ADD, but I can only imagine how much harder it must be for you.
Interestingly, my teenage daughter was filling out a form today and asked me what her "print name" was. I was initially confused because it never occurred to me that the phrase "Print Name" could mean anything other than to print your name, not sign it. However, now I realize it is a logical question for those wired to consider every possibility.
I love that story about your daughter! Sounds exactly like something I'd do. When I was a kid, I used to ask my mom what country my grandma lived in. Because she lived "out in the country" while we lived in the city. But I thought she must live in a different country. 😂
Im extremely grateful for your channel and informative content. 🙏❤️
❤️ Thank you for letting me know. I do my best and appreciate your support.
You explained it perfectly! I wasn’t even aware of it until you put it into words, but all these variables were the reason why I couldn’t just go to a store and buy a loaf of bread. There was too much to remember! What do I have to say? What if they react differently from what I expected?
I still struggle with this a lot and really need to work up my courage to go to unfamiliar situations, even if it’s something as easy as going to gym
7:05 omg this is SO true.
It's ironic, isn't it?
This is why i shop all the same stores, pharmacy, walmart, marshalls, for over 30 years.. i need to know the place and staff, the layout..lol
The struggle is real..
Can you imagine how exhausted the librarians must be about person after person interrupting them to ask about purchasing those books? But, evidently not tired enough to improve the sign.
Interruptions don't seem to bother non-autistic people as much as autistic people.
We have a program here in Aurora Colorado called Friends of The Aurora Public Library. They have good instructions how it works... Too bad they don't have a good explanation in your city. Its a great program, I have gotten a few books from them.
I'm so glad you've got a good program!
That was a really nice example! Very apt delineation. I have a similar story about this. It is long but I think worth saying, because it reinforces your points:
I was in a Joanns fabric store looking for art supplies. Usually they have some, but I was having a very hard time finding them, cursing the fact they didn’t have complete signage for the aisles. I didn’t want to ask, go through an entire social interaction just to find what should be marked. But, then I thought maybe they don’t have art supplies at that location, and really the only way to find out would be to ask. Ugh.
So, I found a kid who seemed no too busy, wearing a store apron, and approached him, and asked if there were any art supplies in the store and where they were.
Turns out, this kid was doing some sort of high school work experience program, where he was there for a day, and also, he showed many signs of being ND. He didn’t know the answer, but he couldn’t say so… and he kept asking me to repeat the question, and looked around like he didn’t know what to do, and as I started to recognize what was happening, this woman runs over to explain to me the situation.
And she kinda just railroaded over the kid, and rapid-fired instuctions to him about how if he didn’t know the answer he needed to get help. And then we were in this chain reaction of confusion, where this kid was trying to follow her instructions and she was apologizing to me over his “ineptitude” which only irritated me and I wanted her to stop being so pushy and let me talk to him, because I understood how he felt (I believe) as I’d been in that state before.
But then he got distracted and so she chased him down and told him again what to do, and we fumbled our way through and found the art supplies. And of course, I said thank you for his help, and the lady then rushed him off again.
And it honestly made me a bit angry. The way she didn’t help him learn what to do. I kept thinking about, what might have made it easier for him - like, if he’d been given a sort of script for when customers came to ask him questions, to inform them he was a high school student and learning, and he’d need to get someone else to assist (if he wasn’t sure). I had a feeling he was just sort of thrown out there - and expected to adapt, and he clearly was uncomfortable and socially awkward. And that lady being frantic and apologetic didn’t help. I know I could have *slowed it down* to take the pressure off and worked through it with him once I understood he was having trouble, and I could do it just fine without her because I’d been there before (having worked a customer service job and choked while talking to customers many times). Instead she made it unpleasant and confusing.
So yeah. Better signage. Clear instructions without being impatient and pushy and dismissive of the struggles. Having some empathy. These would be nice, lol.
How frustrating all around! I really hate it when people apologize for their kid or in this case their employee displaying neurodivergent traits. Different, not less! Let us exist and communicate how we need to. Everyone is in such a rush. Glad you were at least understanding even in your frustration too.
Omg, this so much! Thank you!
One of my trigger sentences is “everybody knows that”, especially said in an irritated tone. Ufff! But I’ve got a perfect reply now: Well I don’t know that, so clearly not everybody. I’m just trying to understand. Which usually leads to more frustration on both parts because then I’m seen as either completely stupid or arguing (I’m not either) but at least I made myself clear and I spoke up for myself 😂
And I just had an epiphany because my therapist said to me “stop trying to control the weather” and I know what he meant but it didn’t feel right and now I realise it’s not about control, it’s about understanding so I don’t feel overwhelmed.
Thank you, Amanda and I wish you a wonderful weekend!
Love this! Thanks for sharing too. Yeah it's not often about control, it's about understanding the whole picture of something.
I have made the decision to get myself checked for having both Autism and ADHD as I feel actions I have done in the past (including some really dumb mistakes) were partly thanks to symptoms of both. Now I want to mention I am not blaming the potential condition I may have for making those decisions, I still did those actions, but I think they do play a factor in my sometimes very impulsive actions. As well as that I am starting to gain a sense of self awareness to my actions, clikcing on to things I would never have noticed.
Getting easily upset over mundane things, having both the wanting to be around people but also getting very stressed if a situation around other people becomes sour, to the point I want to run somewhere to safety. Adding to my impulsive thing, oftentimes once Ive done these actions, I have had moments of severe meltdown and guilt, which is almost unshakable. I hate change and often go for creature comforts over things that may benefit me, often having to overthink things, but also at the same time jumping at things and regretting it later. In other areas, I am very sympathetic to various groups of people, I have some people-pleasing tendancies and enjoy seeing those around me happy.
Good luck with the evaluation process. I know it takes a lot mentally. The validation was worth it for me. It's a long healing journey. ❤️
I love your content!
😊😊❤️ I'm so happy! ✨✨
Ahh, I feel so seen. Thank you for this video
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Yep...
I was to often said "can't You get it yourself" I am afraid to ask. Or I am shamed to do something wrong.
One horrible thing was when I went to a court where high security standards were that day, so everybody was ordered to a room were we were checked. I was told (in german in germany, so maybe it is a bit confusung in english) to get on a chair to check my shoes. I was end of pregnancy that time so I looked at this chair in the middle of the room and asked the officer to reach me an arm for help. He looked a bit concerned but reached me his arm.
I took it and began to climb on this chair. He was screaming at me "NOO, what are you doing, just sit down on the chair to take off your shoes". I was so ashamed and everybody was laughing.
I didn't know what he wanted from me. That time I just had two flights in europe and it was before 9/11, so I didn't know that they want zo look into my shoes. And no, I can't "jist imagine how others do".
It is more then twenty years ago and I still feel so ashamed I want to die when I think of this situation.
Hugs. Especially in high stress situations like that, everything gets even more confusing! I'm so sorry
hahaha... please don't misunderstand, I laugh because this is totally my husband and explains a lot. Since marriage, I've been told he's much more outgoing yet to me he's an extrovert in an introvert's body and is much more outgoing than me and I'm the NT lol But I've suspected it's been because of this very thing. Having me around as his "emotional support human"(his words) is that little edge that gives him that space to perform and I think the confidence that I'll be there... for something lol😅 it's something I've noticed but never been able to explain but i appreciate your experience as it helps me understand and support my husband better😊
Coming from an allistic person: It is confusing signage.
In our small local library they have a similar thing and they call it book flea market. It’s in a small seperate room with a sign that says „book flea market“ and on every book there’s a big X over the barcode, so it’s clear, those books can’t be checked out anymore. Also there’s a sign that says „Every book 50 cents“.
You pay for those books at the checkout, which is the only thing you have to figure out on your own, or by asking.
I‘m from Germany and we might be a little more neurofriendly by accident, because Germans are direct and precise and we love organization and structure.
I love to try a new restaurant, but dread having to find out what their system is. I tried a good bagel place last month and they had where to go order clearly marked, but then where to wait oh my!?
Oh yeah that awkward wait. Like do you go sit down? Do you hang around the counter? Do you stand back but in people's way?
I so relate to this!
Does it involve me taking multiple steps in order to get what I want? If yes, I then ask myself " is this worth is?', if the answer is 'no'. I don't even go there. I'll just leave it.
During communion at church ( new church ) my daughter said ' I want to but the same time I don't.' I then told her " it's new huh and a lot of people and standing in line?' she's like " yeah". So I said, ' don't worry about it, im not going up either.' Because I'm just shy and everyone is looking at us standing in line. Its all new. At the same time, a man kept insisting we should go and I'm like , no that's ok. We are fine. So after the 3rd time we said no he stopped. So this is a neurotypical vs neurodivirgent. He did bring me a bible verse which was very kind. 😊
When I told my therapist that I don’t know how to talk to other people and he said: it’s easy you say hi or hello! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I just cannot!!!!
And my anxiety of going inside small shops and boutiques: he said, what do you mean? You just go in. 😢😢😢😢😢
Oh my goodness, I thought it was just me. Small shops & boutiques are so intimidating and anxiety producing as well. Especially if there’s nobody else in there. They could have the best sale ever, but if it’s empty, I’m walking right on by.
No, you’re not the only one! I am not going in an empty shop either! Unless I really have to because it’s the day before an event and I have no choice but to go in to check out an outfit then ending up not getting anything because the fabric on all tge clotges are too scratchy or too shiny or too whatever.
Cause the owner will talk to you!
@@Catlily5also the fear of being perceived! I could spend 10-15 minutes in (which feel like hours) and not get anything. Plus being a person of color also adds to the stress that I might somehow be seen as a shoplifter (I don’t know whether it is only in my head though).
@@almostahippie Yes, I feel guilty if I don't buy anything.
Unfortunately, that is not all in your head.😞
It is not just your autism that situation is not obvious you are in a library, which would automatically make you wonder because they haven’t clarified in the signage. Example these books are for sale go to the desk to purchase. The reason they need more explanation is because they’re selling books in a library.
I am autistic - and I believe that my unusual upbringing of my Mom literally having me bring myself up and moving around so much, me having to learn about so many different ways of the world - I have been able to learn how to sustain situations out sooner than most Allistic folks. It may be because I HAD to learn it. I think more than anything - autistic folks need to start getting comfortable with making mistakes and sticking up for themselves. I make mistakes in front of people - and just laugh it off or if people are rude - in the isn't obvious way - I am not afraid to tell them - NO it wasn't obvious to
Me and that is why I am asking THEM a customer service person.
But honestly - people are rarely rude. Sometimes I preface a question - Can I ask a "dumb" or "obvious" question - and most of the time they say - Oh that's not a dumb question - people ask this all the time.
And truthfully - if things are confusing to us - because we are human beings after all - it will be confusing to others.
We can use our logical brains to figure things out in most logistical situations AND I think the panicky stuff we get from asking questions is more about rejection sensitivity than from our ability to figure things out.
I know for myself - I often avoid business calls if I fear I will get an answer I don't want to hear - mainly because I am worried I will have a meltdown on the phone - which is not a good look!
So relatable
true that 🍀
I also have problems with signs that over explain, with SO many words. For example, a yellow diamond sign, by its shape and color, is intended to warn you about something that might be endangered by traffic, or may be a danger to drivers and their vehicle. So, all that is implied and all the sign has to specify is what you are to look out for. Then they write a whole sentence on the sign, "Caution, children playing" "Caution is implied by the sign shape and color. Does it matter if the children are playing, or walking home from school, or are doing anything else that children might be doing? One word or pictorial symbol is all that is needed. "Children"
"Caution look out for falling rocks" is another one. Am I supposed to look up, because only rocks that are falling, at the moment are a hazard but fallen rocks on the pavement are not? I think the odds of rocks that have already fallen are more of a hazard that ones that might just above me, in mid air. The sign should say, "Rocks" Put that thought into my mind.
I totally agree
Where in the world is that? Sounds stupid. Give me the minimum amount of information necessary to unambiguously signal how I should orient my attention in order to reduce the risk for accidents. Why would you make me read prose while I'm driving? Why would you have my mind conjure up imagery of an arbitrary, possibly very specific scene of children "playing" (with marbles? ball? tag? hide & seek?) instead of giving me the actual object to look out for ("children"), so that I can also infer increased probability for "chaos", "unawareness" and "unpredictability" in the vicinity. Now, instead there's a game of marbles playing out in my head.
@@jpopelish In Finland, we have the sign depicting falling rocks, to inform the driver that they are now entering an area where, generally, rocks may be falling. That is just what I need to watch out for rocks on the road AND to stunt-dodge the ones trajecting toward my car from above (happens every day). Again, I can infer the fallEN rocks from the static picture of falling rocks because it's a generalization of the process that leads to at least two types of hazard. The rocks in the picture are on their way down to the ground, and because the picture is static it may present the past, present or future. If I read "look out for falling rocks", I imagine it's currently raining rocks that evaporate when they come into contact with the road, but may hit your car on the way down.
I also have problems with signs that over explain, with SO many words. For example, a yellow diamond sign, by its shape and color, is intended to warn you about something that might be endangered by traffic, or may be a danger to drivers and their vehicle. So, all that is implied and all the sign has to specify is what you are to look out for. Then they write a whole sentence on the sign, "Caution, children playing" "Caution is implied by the sign shape and color. Does it matter if the children are playing, or walking home from school, or are doing anything else that children might be doing? One word or pictorial symbol is all that is needed. "Children" "Caution look out for falling rocks" is another one. Am I supposed to look up, because only rocks that are falling, at the moment are a hazard but fallen rocks on the pavement are not? I think the odds of rocks that have already fallen are more of a hazard that ones that might just above me, in mid air. The sign should say, "Rocks" Put that thought into my mind.
I would put it here and say, WHY do you know what you know about that sign? The only reason you know this is because the collective of people around you know, you were raised/educated to understand what that sign means. But, things change overtime. Things rebrand, things change colour, shape, identity, etc. How long ago was that sign put up? How long ago did the legislation change to enforce that sign to be put up? How old is that sign and how long ago was that system (because everything has one) that causes that sign to exist, get drafted?
Sometimes it can be for legal reasons. Some people like to feign ignorance or may actually BE ignorant to things like road signs. Some signage systems may have been updated or changed after certain groups of people passed thier driving theory tests at that time. So there are occasions where too much info is better than little info. Growing up, I didnt know what a give way sign was, and I even thought "give" in that content was its own word or pronounced differently, like "[JYVE] way" or something.
@@itsrickyschannel.The meanings of the shape and color of road signs is specified in the Uniform Traffic Code, that all states have signed on to. They are not subject to local whims and feelings. Keeping the text on signs terse is useful, because drivers have a flood of information to deal with, while driving.
"For me". Understanding would be so much easier if neurotypical people learned to automatically add "for me" to their observations. Like, "FOR ME it's easy to just go ask someone." Right then they'd be able to get past the misconception that their own experience is universal and start to conceive of the notion others have a different experience.
I have social anxiety and (in certain circumstances) social phobia, and moments like the one you describe can be more than "difficult", and neurotypical people don't get it. I don't know if it's ever the same for people with autism, but it's a PHYSICAL barrier. Moving -- taking that step -- is physically more difficult. Breathing is more difficult because it's like my lungs are more rigid. My body is locked in position while the thoughts are going.
And it is EXHAUSTING to have to "submit an application" for understanding and/or assistance every time. As you say, neurotypical people tend to focus first on whether or not the barrier or symptom is "legitimate", rather than how they can accommodate it. If they could imagine having to fill out something like a job application from scratch every day for their employer before they start the day's work or come back to their desk, office, or building, they'd have a FRACTION of the experience anyone who isn't neurotypical has getting through the multiple daily moments like this. ESPECIALLY if they had to argue about that application, provide references, and also have it rejected at least half the time. If they didn't NEED the job, would they keep showing up?
I've been doing that with my husband. I'll say I'm cold and he'll say "it's not cold!" and I say, "it's not cold for YOU." He's now getting it and it's been so helpful for our communication. He can't fathom how I can be cold in some temperatures that he's very comfortable in.
They assume that if it is easy for them it should be easy for you. I know a lady who is a retired Special Ed teacher. She tells me, "I don't understand why you can't do this!" I wonder how she could teach Special Ed for 20+ years and not understand that people have learning differences.
😁
The audio is very unclear. Can you improve it at all please ?
It's working fine on my end. Sorry you are having issues. 😔
something that could help is enabling subtitles/closed captions (press c)
they transcribe most the words currently most the time
ok thanks@@aceae4210
I use subtitles on most RUclips videos. They help me concentrate.