I can relate so much with what you are saying. Being an asexual is not a big deal for me, I'm pretty happy with it, but I can't help but feel lonely and that I'll never be able to have a relationship like all my friends because of that. I want to be into a relationship with someone, I have so much love to give but I know that people will expect sex at some point and I know it's too much for me. Making out, kissing and cuddling is all I can give but I know that it will not be enough because we live in a society that worship sex, sex is everywhere and it is the norm to want it, and people don't even know that what asexuality is , that it is not a disease or whatever... Because of all that I really feel lonely and sad because I can't get close to people and I don't really know what to do about that. I just hope that someday I'll find someone that will accept me and I really wish you the same, you really deserve someone kind and respecful that will understand and support you. I believe that asexuality is more and more well known and that someday people will not look down on us.
You don't understand how much I relate to everything you just said. You literally sound so so similar. Hope you're okay despite all of this and hope this video shows, as well as the comments on it, that you're not alone. Am happy to talk to you whenever!! Big love
It helps a lot to see that there're so many people feeling just like me, and watching ace youtube channels is such a big help when you have nobody around you who feel the same. Most of the time people just don't really understand asexuality and they think that it is just a phase and that it will pass, hence, I think that a lot of us are just living in the closest and trying to hang in there despite everything. I'm so happy and proud of this community and that there're people like you taking a stand for us!
I used to be so damn happy as a child. Then I formed close friendships that years later turned sour. I feel responsible for these people now, I feel responsible for their pain and wellbeing so much that it hurts and I can't focus on my own. It's absolute murder. I can't live like this. I can't feel happy because I feel like I'm disappointing them. What the fuck do I do??????? Someone for fucks sake tell me how to make it stop. I don't want these relationships to dominate my life. I don't want other people to dominate my life.
As someone who's aromantic and asexual I understand how you're feeling. It took me a while to come to terms with it, but I do get a bit depressed knowing that I can't do something that seems so fundamental and simple.
I've always wondered why we haven't got an ACE dating app, this problem would be so much less if we did. I've just pretty much put off dating unless I find another Grace/Ace.
I'm in Nairobi Kenya, these kind of videos of expression from people who are asexuals is not common at all. I feel you on the struggle especially when there's peer pressure. People in my area are not really knowledgeable on a spectrum. Appreciate the energy and time put into making this video because it helps some of us who are looking for a sense of belonging
This is exactly why I don't even start anything with anyone because it will probably lead nowhere anyway. I've never been in love and I also don't want to get close to anyone and potentially get my heart broken. It is indeed really hard because we can't really control our emotions and get feelings for someone who'll probably not understand asexuality. Stay strong and don't lose hope because I'm sure you'll find your perfect match who'll love and cherish you for who you are.
I feel your pain. Before I knew I was aroace, I only dated people because they confessed their feelings for me and I felt obligated to return those feelings to them. Unfortunately, I never enjoyed when they held my hands, my waist or kissed me. I thought maybe, I should give it time, but as soon as they wanted to get intimate... sigh.... I never felt so uncomfortable in my life. When I would break up, I would feel so terribly guilty for hurting their feelings and also wondered what was wrong with me since I couldn't explain it myself. On my last relationship, that's when I found out. One night, I couldn't sleep after my ex got to intimate a couple of weeks ago. I just keep thinking how uncomfortable it made me feel and it horrified me that it was very likely he'll try to get intimate again. Then, a video about asexuality came into my recommendations feed and that's when I found out. I was shocked since I didn't know what to think. I decided to break up him and to my surprise, he was very understanding and we ended in good terms. Right now, I'm not dating anyone and I don't plan to in the future. I just don't want to hurt anyone else, but I can't help but to feel a bit lonely sometimes.
I love your videos! I feel like your asexuality is so close to mine (if that makes sense?). Like, I get so jealous of other people's romantic relationships, but I've never been in a relationship myself and it makes me so so sad to think that I might never find someone to who will love me romantically, especially if they find out I'm ace. Anyway, I think that you and your videos are such a pure hidden gem to the asexual community. I love that you're trying to spread asexual awareness. Keep it up!
As a fellow asexual, I learned to not pay attention to human interaction much myself because for instance like you said a simple thing like sex can get them too much obsessed and human behaviour in general usually iritates me.
This sounds so much like what happened to my marriage before I came to terms with my asexuality. Finally admitting it and coming out actually saved us as an amazing friendship and coparent partnership, but anything romantic was completely shattered. And I miss that aspect so much.
are you aromantic asexual or just asexual im aromantic and asexual, obviously people hate on it which is annoying but its not really a problem, im very accepting of myself and i like being an asexual, it makes life easier for me.
I had a feeling that this would be what this video is about... (Prepare for a verrry long personal story here, so you really don't have to read through it all if you don't want to) Honestly, accepting this was probably the hardest part of being asexual for me, too. Doesn't help that I'm aromantic as well. It's not that I get super lonely (I actually haven't felt lonely in like probably 6 years?? What's wrong with me? But that's off topic) but whenever I look into the future, in the most positive futures I can imagine for myself, there is someone there by my side, someone who understands me, who I can be emotionally and physically close to and who, unlike pretty much anyone else, I am completely comfortable with (I swear I'm scared of 99% of the people I know). I don't need anyone special, I don't need anyone particularly strong or beautiful or anything, I just want someone I can trust and understand, someone who'd be okay with me. But as of right now I am at a very low point in my life concerning my mental health, I've had very low self-esteem for what seems like forever, I have way more issues than I'd ever want any partner to have to deal with, there's even more but all in all my chances of having a successful relationship would already be in the 'what you need is arranged marriage'-department. But as I said I'm aro ace too. I can't fall in love. Where other people have crushes or romantic feelings, I just have nothing. I probably wouldn't feel very comfortable in a romantic relationship anyway, so maybe it isn't the greatest loss, but I still feel terrible for lacking something that other people find so natural. I currently have someone in my life, I "only" know them on the internet, who has confessed their romantic feelings for me over two years ago. Back then I didn't know I was aromantic, but I already knew something wasn't "normal". I openly told them that I might never have feelings for them, but agreed to be in a relationship anyway, in hopes that my feelings would follow. Two years later, their feelings have not changed, but despite my best efforts, my feelings did NOT follow. Of course not. I feel like I...owe them romantic feelings?? It just feels so unfair that I'll never be able to reciprocate. I also have immense trust issues that would cause me to push someone away from me should they get too close too quickly. By quickly I probably mean several months. And on top of all that I am asexual too. I think it's safe to say that almost no one who isn't ace themselves would consider having a serious relationship with me, a non-romantic one at that. Sex is something that's considered so vital, but i just don't understand why. The thought of having to endure it just to show I have *some* "redeeming qualities" as a partner is terrifying. So all in all when I am finally ready to share my life with someone, my best bet would be a queer/quasi platonic relationship with another aro ace person. I just feel so alone out there. I have to hold on to the hope that someday I'll find someone who wants the same thing as me, accepts me, and is someone I can trust completely. Thanks for reading through this, I'm sorry I wrote so much, this topic just hits a little too close to home. If you feel similar, don't worry, you're not alone. 💕
:') for now the worst I've expince when I came out as asexual, was some troll saying "I don't think that indicates you're asexual" "you aren't just in love with sex, nor porn" & tbh, growing-up I wanted best friends over dating, however my family around me keeps making me babysit their kids, like that's gonna change my mind about, how I know I'll never want a lover/kids, basically I find that logic very skincrawling, that you have to have a baby first, before a marriage,
Stay strong and have faith in yourself! That said, I myself can't say that I have had very similar experiences as an aromantic asexual who frankly does not really care to be around people. I do think that you have really underscored one of the big challenges with being such a small sub-section of the population, finding likeminded people or people who are willing to compromise/be understanding is just so difficult. You mentioned clubbing as a means of networking, not to pass judgment to hastily, but there are systems devoted to making connections specifically between asexuals, acebook comes to mind, which could save you a good deal of emotional struggle. By connecting directly with other asexuals, it may be possible to find someone who is willing to accept you as you are. It sounds like you are having a rough time of it, but don't give up, you are too strong for that.
I enjoy this video I relate in my own experience, I used to be very sexually active to please the other person although I was in a relationship with. But I never latched on to sex. The release of stress feels nice but it's not something I like to share with others rather then our first connection. After that I don't like sex often but every once in a while. I think I was using sex to bond with the other person, gaining emotional attraction which never felt right. Although if I do not feel a deep emotional connection I would rather not. It is a very lonely feeling not finding someone whom can relate. Since I can not find what works for me I am willing to stay with someone who I can cuddle with all the time and do fun things with (preferably a good friend.) Although that also does not feel right but it is what I would settle for. I wish there was a site where I could meet more in my community of asexuals. I love you brave heavy hearts, it is a unique journey ahead for us. Fun fact, Nicolai Tesla was a asexual in his own nature
This video touched me so much... I like a guy right now. I don't know if he likes me back...and somehow I wish he doesn't. I'm so afraid of being rejected just because of sex...I'm lucky that I would try it at least. Maybe I'd like it with the person I love? But yeah...I'm sorry for you. I hope you'll find someone one day.
I'm happy that you relate but am sorry that you relate too as I know how hard it is. I completely get that feeling. I know when I get close to a girl I hate the idea of knowing I'm going to have to tell her how I feel towards sex as I realise, based on past experience, that it is probably going to end what we have together. Hope you're okay, always here to chat to!!
Thanks. How do you even get close to those girls? I'm really shy... I can't show when I like someone. And I was convinced that he likes me at least a little buuuut I'm not sure anymore. Urgh. And even if so...I'm not sure if I want him to like me back, because in that case I need to tell him about my asexuality. And I'm sooo afraid of it. Never had to tell someone that I wanted to date (because I haven't had a date/boyfriend in 3 years and I only know it for 2 years that I'm ace). Man, I feel so ugly. (That's not me on my profile pic). I guess I really need to talk to someone.
@Alexander I feel the same about what I want for my love life.. Honestly I wish more people were asexual like us (especially with the romance).. The variety of the asexual spectrum I value so much! Never apologize for being sad.. You have every right to feel how you do because people like us are normally viewed differently and are very misunderstood by most people! Why should we feel jealous though of others and how far they can go with intimacy? Why should we be worrying knowing someone will value someone else over us if they wanna be more sexually active than we do? We should just love/respect ourselves and be honest with ourselves! That's what I've started doing the end of this year.. Just being more honest with myself and others about what I want and that's lead me to where I am right now where I am no longer settling or giving into too much pressure.. We have to do what makes us happy and the right person will come along eventually and they will accept us for who we are; sure we can probably compromise in some ways with them but in the end there are so many fish in the sea! 🙂We should continue to try and fight our insecurities; believe me I get the same ones many of us asexuals experience also.. Never let yourself be someone's option; be their priority as they can also be yours! Never lose hope if you haven't found your special someone yet! 💖 Also I noticed this video is a few years old so you are my age; that's pretty cool Alexander! Hopefully you are also enjoying your late 20's! 🙂 Happy Monday, - Your fan Alexandra C.
@Alexander Ps. I've done that before too... I've actually done that most of my life intentionally though; just get to know people and then when it came to sexual stuff it didn't workout but I thought in the past that I would change or they would change because of our interest in each other.. I've realized these days though that we have to tell someone pretty early on that we are asexual and if they care to ask more we can explain and the right person will be accepting and who knows maybe they will be asexual or maybe they will be the one person who is different and will very accommodating! There should be an app for asexuals; there should be a friendship section and a dating section (anyone reading feel free to make this a reality)! 🙂💖 -Alexandra C.
I am also a hopeless romantic... even Netflix knows... lol You just need to find the right girl,who is going to be totally okay with that. Maybe you should join Aven or some other ace community. You could probably meet someone there. Not wanting go all the way is not a tease. If you don't want to, you don't have to.
I go to Church and most people talk about family and marriage. So asexuality it is out of the question. Some years ago I was dumped because this guy wanted to be intimate and I didn't and didn't know how to explain to him. It's really hard and lonely but it's not something that I chose.
As an asexual myself I always tell potential partners that they can do what they want with who they want, very similar to an open relationship because I am happy to fulfill an emotional role whilst someone else fulfills their sexual needs. I believe that if I’m not giving someone something they would have in a “normal” relationship then I shouldn’t restrict them from obtaining it in other ways. Just wondering if anyone else feels or does the same or has any opinions
Thanks for sharing this Alex (nice name btw). Suppose it's just a matter of opinion. I know if I was put in that situation I would always be fearful that the person I loved would start obtaining an emotional attachment with someone she was having sex with or the person they were having sex with wanted more from her. I think it's a very interesting situation and I respect how selfless you are.
That thought has crossed my mind before. By allowing them the option of getting the sexual intimacy elsewhere i think theres less chance if resentment yk?
The way that someone said to you "Why you're teasing me like that if you're not going all the way there?" I've had to hear it a lot. "Put your clothes on and stop teasing me. I get horny" Why can't I be how I want in my home? Why can't I show my love how I do? I'm so sick of hearing the same sentences in every relationship. The only way you can be you and get your piece of mind is to find THE person that thinks like you do.
totally get you, mate I've been in many of those situations and it has always ended the same way. Well for me I was kind of releved every time because I knew if I stayed i would have been pressured into it and I dont want that. so yeah keep your head up. your a good guy and youll get that person who will want you for who you are and not expect sex from you at all its not easy but who says it's not possible. xxxxx
I'm asexual and people don't understand that I'm not prude I'm asexual I get called pride and picked on at school I have some friends that understand and they don't make me feel alone
I'm asexual and aromantic but I would be willing to be romantic for someone if it makes them feel good. Not long ago I was willing to even be more for someone. Hahaha. Never again. I'm asexual but my problem isn't finding someone to date. What I want is to get back to that place where I'm happy as a clam without anybody. You get so used to having friends, that when they leave you, you don't know how to keep yourself from being sad.
I'm on the Dutch AVEN forum and once in a while someone mentions being afraid of not being in a relationship and a lot of people will be like "same" (but in Dutch and with a bit less internet slang and a bit more actual words xD) And being aroace, I'm sometimes even more scared.... because in a hypothetical relationship, I wouldn't want sex, and probably no kissing either :/ you see where I'm going xD but fortunately there are so many more forms of intimacy so it would be a relationship and not just... being acquaintances....
first of all. take a breath. OK. it's got to be hard to have gotten close to people only for them to not be able to handle the reality of your situation. just wanting the kissing and intimacy part of a relationship isn't wrong. you've got nothing to be ashamed about. Believe that there are girls out there who feel like this too because we are out there. Relationships are built over time and it's going to be hard to find what you are looking for if you are expecting it to happen overnight. Being so keen on having a relationship isn't wrong but dating is supposed to be the fun part and if you are rushing to get to the end we might think you'd be OK with any girl and it's not about us as a individual. heck I'd bail if I thought that was true. in fact, I have bailed primarily for that reason. I'm not saying that is the impression you are giving but maybe you should try being friends with us first. I know I'm more likely to give a guy a shot after I know him better. it's not easy not wanting sex when it seems like the whole world does but relationships are formed slowly. it'll happen if it is meant to. I know that isn't much of a comfort but I want you to try to like yourself a bit more. you liking who you are and being in a relationship with yourself is much more important than what a random girl you meet at a club thinks about you. take care of yourself first. til next time.
I just want to let you know the way you feel is fine and it's normal sex should not be a mandatory thing in a relationship. So try not to trip up over the people you talked about I know it's hard especially when you start feeling lonely but if just being happy with you in general isn't enough for them then they don't deserve you and I know that sounded super cheesy but I just want to let you know you're not alone in this and one day I'm positive you're going to find someone who loves you for the things your able and willing to give them. Damn that was really sappy so here's a joke from Tumblr, asexuals are trust worthy people, we don't fuck with anyone ,*ba dum tush*
It's a pity you live so far away -- I'm an asexual female and I usually get dumped by men the second the find out I'm asexual and won't be putting out. It's very disheartening.
A lot of the times it feels like 90 percent of the time humans suck except when we find some decent humans on the internet like if we don’t know any in real life like I mean I met so many kind people here it makes me feel a bit better hopefully we get stronger each and every day AVEN awesome and yeah all these channels too i’m Glad we have the internet
Cookee Monsterr it's okay, I suppose I'm just used to it in a way, to the point where I convince myself I don't want to be with anyone but deep down I really do
Just make the most of live, there's so much more than just this and ultimately life and what we have is such a beautiful gift. I've watched a few of your videos and am actually really impressed (especially the Bonfire one). You deserve a lot more credit than you get :) keep on doing what you're doing, you'll be okay!!
Cookee Monsterr you haven't haha 🙊 aww thank you so so much!! Means to much to me, you have no idea ☺️ same with you of course, you're so lovely! Really wish I knew people like you! But you're right, life is beautiful!!
I can relate so much with what you are saying. Being an asexual is not a big deal for me, I'm pretty happy with it, but I can't help but feel lonely and that I'll never be able to have a relationship like all my friends because of that. I want to be into a relationship with someone, I have so much love to give but I know that people will expect sex at some point and I know it's too much for me. Making out, kissing and cuddling is all I can give but I know that it will not be enough because we live in a society that worship sex, sex is everywhere and it is the norm to want it, and people don't even know that what asexuality is , that it is not a disease or whatever... Because of all that I really feel lonely and sad because I can't get close to people and I don't really know what to do about that. I just hope that someday I'll find someone that will accept me and I really wish you the same, you really deserve someone kind and respecful that will understand and support you. I believe that asexuality is more and more well known and that someday people will not look down on us.
You don't understand how much I relate to everything you just said. You literally sound so so similar. Hope you're okay despite all of this and hope this video shows, as well as the comments on it, that you're not alone. Am happy to talk to you whenever!! Big love
It helps a lot to see that there're so many people feeling just like me, and watching ace youtube channels is such a big help when you have nobody around you who feel the same. Most of the time people just don't really understand asexuality and they think that it is just a phase and that it will pass, hence, I think that a lot of us are just living in the closest and trying to hang in there despite everything. I'm so happy and proud of this community and that there're people like you taking a stand for us!
Ivraiiyn i feel you...:(
I used to be so damn happy as a child. Then I formed close friendships that years later turned sour. I feel responsible for these people now, I feel responsible for their pain and wellbeing so much that it hurts and I can't focus on my own. It's absolute murder. I can't live like this. I can't feel happy because I feel like I'm disappointing them. What the fuck do I do??????? Someone for fucks sake tell me how to make it stop. I don't want these relationships to dominate my life. I don't want other people to dominate my life.
Exactly how I feel right down to every word 🖤
As someone who's aromantic and asexual I understand how you're feeling. It took me a while to come to terms with it, but I do get a bit depressed knowing that I can't do something that seems so fundamental and simple.
I've always wondered why we haven't got an ACE dating app, this problem would be so much less if we did. I've just pretty much put off dating unless I find another Grace/Ace.
Up for making one together?? ;)
***** I don't really know how to go about it.
Do you?
I was partially joking, but honestly sounds like a great idea!!
curlyklara Thanks, I'll have to check it out,
I'm in Nairobi Kenya, these kind of videos of expression from people who are asexuals is not common at all. I feel you on the struggle especially when there's peer pressure. People in my area are not really knowledgeable on a spectrum. Appreciate the energy and time put into making this video because it helps some of us who are looking for a sense of belonging
I'm so sorry you've been just left because they can't deal with you being asexual. You're valid, I'm sex repulsed too!
It felt so good to hear someone saying that is going through the same I'm going through. Thank you for that.
This is exactly why I don't even start anything with anyone because it will probably lead nowhere anyway. I've never been in love and I also don't want to get close to anyone and potentially get my heart broken. It is indeed really hard because we can't really control our emotions and get feelings for someone who'll probably not understand asexuality. Stay strong and don't lose hope because I'm sure you'll find your perfect match who'll love and cherish you for who you are.
I feel your pain. Before I knew I was aroace, I only dated people because they confessed their feelings for me and I felt obligated to return those feelings to them. Unfortunately, I never enjoyed when they held my hands, my waist or kissed me. I thought maybe, I should give it time, but as soon as they wanted to get intimate... sigh.... I never felt so uncomfortable in my life. When I would break up, I would feel so terribly guilty for hurting their feelings and also wondered what was wrong with me since I couldn't explain it myself. On my last relationship, that's when I found out. One night, I couldn't sleep after my ex got to intimate a couple of weeks ago. I just keep thinking how uncomfortable it made me feel and it horrified me that it was very likely he'll try to get intimate again. Then, a video about asexuality came into my recommendations feed and that's when I found out. I was shocked since I didn't know what to think. I decided to break up him and to my surprise, he was very understanding and we ended in good terms. Right now, I'm not dating anyone and I don't plan to in the future. I just don't want to hurt anyone else, but I can't help but to feel a bit lonely sometimes.
"it makes me cringe" omg finally someone who thinks like me. I really don't understand why it's a huge deal tho but each to their own
I love your videos! I feel like your asexuality is so close to mine (if that makes sense?). Like, I get so jealous of other people's romantic relationships, but I've never been in a relationship myself and it makes me so so sad to think that I might never find someone to who will love me romantically, especially if they find out I'm ace. Anyway, I think that you and your videos are such a pure hidden gem to the asexual community. I love that you're trying to spread asexual awareness. Keep it up!
As a fellow asexual, I learned to not pay attention to human interaction much myself because for instance like you said a simple thing like sex can get them too much obsessed and human behaviour in general usually iritates me.
This sounds so much like what happened to my marriage before I came to terms with my asexuality. Finally admitting it and coming out actually saved us as an amazing friendship and coparent partnership, but anything romantic was completely shattered. And I miss that aspect so much.
are you aromantic asexual or just asexual
im aromantic and asexual, obviously people hate on it which is annoying but its not really a problem, im very accepting of myself and i like being an asexual, it makes life easier for me.
I had a feeling that this would be what this video is about...
(Prepare for a verrry long personal story here, so you really don't have to read through it all if you don't want to)
Honestly, accepting this was probably the hardest part of being asexual for me, too. Doesn't help that I'm aromantic as well. It's not that I get super lonely (I actually haven't felt lonely in like probably 6 years?? What's wrong with me? But that's off topic) but whenever I look into the future, in the most positive futures I can imagine for myself, there is someone there by my side, someone who understands me, who I can be emotionally and physically close to and who, unlike pretty much anyone else, I am completely comfortable with (I swear I'm scared of 99% of the people I know).
I don't need anyone special, I don't need anyone particularly strong or beautiful or anything, I just want someone I can trust and understand, someone who'd be okay with me.
But as of right now I am at a very low point in my life concerning my mental health, I've had very low self-esteem for what seems like forever, I have way more issues than I'd ever want any partner to have to deal with, there's even more but all in all my chances of having a successful relationship would already be in the 'what you need is arranged marriage'-department.
But as I said I'm aro ace too. I can't fall in love. Where other people have crushes or romantic feelings, I just have nothing. I probably wouldn't feel very comfortable in a romantic relationship anyway, so maybe it isn't the greatest loss, but I still feel terrible for lacking something that other people find so natural.
I currently have someone in my life, I "only" know them on the internet, who has confessed their romantic feelings for me over two years ago. Back then I didn't know I was aromantic, but I already knew something wasn't "normal". I openly told them that I might never have feelings for them, but agreed to be in a relationship anyway, in hopes that my feelings would follow. Two years later, their feelings have not changed, but despite my best efforts, my feelings did NOT follow. Of course not. I feel like I...owe them romantic feelings?? It just feels so unfair that I'll never be able to reciprocate.
I also have immense trust issues that would cause me to push someone away from me should they get too close too quickly. By quickly I probably mean several months.
And on top of all that I am asexual too. I think it's safe to say that almost no one who isn't ace themselves would consider having a serious relationship with me, a non-romantic one at that. Sex is something that's considered so vital, but i just don't understand why. The thought of having to endure it just to show I have *some* "redeeming qualities" as a partner is terrifying.
So all in all when I am finally ready to share my life with someone, my best bet would be a queer/quasi platonic relationship with another aro ace person. I just feel so alone out there. I have to hold on to the hope that someday I'll find someone who wants the same thing as me, accepts me, and is someone I can trust completely.
Thanks for reading through this, I'm sorry I wrote so much, this topic just hits a little too close to home. If you feel similar, don't worry, you're not alone. 💕
:') for now the worst I've expince when I came out as asexual, was some troll saying "I don't think that indicates you're asexual" "you aren't just in love with sex, nor porn" & tbh, growing-up I wanted best friends over dating, however my family around me keeps making me babysit their kids, like that's gonna change my mind about, how I know I'll never want a lover/kids, basically I find that logic very skincrawling, that you have to have a baby first, before a marriage,
i've shied away from so many potential relationships because of all the reasons you mentioned :/
Sending hugs - never got anywhere near as close as you have - also never been interested. Thanks for being vulnerable
Stay strong and have faith in yourself! That said, I myself can't say that I have had very similar experiences as an aromantic asexual who frankly does not really care to be around people. I do think that you have really underscored one of the big challenges with being such a small sub-section of the population, finding likeminded people or people who are willing to compromise/be understanding is just so difficult. You mentioned clubbing as a means of networking, not to pass judgment to hastily, but there are systems devoted to making connections specifically between asexuals, acebook comes to mind, which could save you a good deal of emotional struggle. By connecting directly with other asexuals, it may be possible to find someone who is willing to accept you as you are. It sounds like you are having a rough time of it, but don't give up, you are too strong for that.
I enjoy this video I relate in my own experience, I used to be very sexually active to please the other person although I was in a relationship with. But I never latched on to sex. The release of stress feels nice but it's not something I like to share with others rather then our first connection. After that I don't like sex often but every once in a while. I think I was using sex to bond with the other person, gaining emotional attraction which never felt right. Although if I do not feel a deep emotional connection I would rather not. It is a very lonely feeling not finding someone whom can relate. Since I can not find what works for me I am willing to stay with someone who I can cuddle with all the time and do fun things with (preferably a good friend.) Although that also does not feel right but it is what I would settle for. I wish there was a site where I could meet more in my community of asexuals. I love you brave heavy hearts, it is a unique journey ahead for us. Fun fact, Nicolai Tesla was a asexual in his own nature
This video touched me so much... I like a guy right now. I don't know if he likes me back...and somehow I wish he doesn't. I'm so afraid of being rejected just because of sex...I'm lucky that I would try it at least. Maybe I'd like it with the person I love?
But yeah...I'm sorry for you. I hope you'll find someone one day.
I'm happy that you relate but am sorry that you relate too as I know how hard it is. I completely get that feeling. I know when I get close to a girl I hate the idea of knowing I'm going to have to tell her how I feel towards sex as I realise, based on past experience, that it is probably going to end what we have together. Hope you're okay, always here to chat to!!
Thanks. How do you even get close to those girls? I'm really shy... I can't show when I like someone. And I was convinced that he likes me at least a little buuuut I'm not sure anymore. Urgh. And even if so...I'm not sure if I want him to like me back, because in that case I need to tell him about my asexuality. And I'm sooo afraid of it. Never had to tell someone that I wanted to date (because I haven't had a date/boyfriend in 3 years and I only know it for 2 years that I'm ace).
Man, I feel so ugly. (That's not me on my profile pic).
I guess I really need to talk to someone.
@Alexander
I feel the same about what I want for my love life.. Honestly I wish more people were asexual like us (especially with the romance).. The variety of the asexual spectrum I value so much! Never apologize for being sad.. You have every right to feel how you do because people like us are normally viewed differently and are very misunderstood by most people! Why should we feel jealous though of others and how far they can go with intimacy? Why should we be worrying knowing someone will value someone else over us if they wanna be more sexually active than we do? We should just love/respect ourselves and be honest with ourselves! That's what I've started doing the end of this year.. Just being more honest with myself and others about what I want and that's lead me to where I am right now where I am no longer settling or giving into too much pressure.. We have to do what makes us happy and the right person will come along eventually and they will accept us for who we are; sure we can probably compromise in some ways with them but in the end there are so many fish in the sea! 🙂We should continue to try and fight our insecurities; believe me I get the same ones many of us asexuals experience also.. Never let yourself be someone's option; be their priority as they can also be yours! Never lose hope if you haven't found your special someone yet! 💖
Also I noticed this video is a few years old so you are my age; that's pretty cool Alexander! Hopefully you are also enjoying your late 20's! 🙂
Happy Monday,
- Your fan Alexandra C.
@Alexander
Ps. I've done that before too... I've actually done that most of my life intentionally though; just get to know people and then when it came to sexual stuff it didn't workout but I thought in the past that I would change or they would change because of our interest in each other.. I've realized these days though that we have to tell someone pretty early on that we are asexual and if they care to ask more we can explain and the right person will be accepting and who knows maybe they will be asexual or maybe they will be the one person who is different and will very accommodating! There should be an app for asexuals; there should be a friendship section and a dating section (anyone reading feel free to make this a reality)! 🙂💖
-Alexandra C.
I am also a hopeless romantic... even Netflix knows... lol
You just need to find the right girl,who is going to be totally okay with that. Maybe you should join Aven or some other ace community. You could probably meet someone there. Not wanting go all the way is not a tease. If you don't want to, you don't have to.
I go to Church and most people talk about family and marriage. So asexuality it is out of the question. Some years ago I was dumped because this guy wanted to be intimate and I didn't and didn't know how to explain to him. It's really hard and lonely but it's not something that I chose.
You just need to know that we support you no matter what
As an asexual myself I always tell potential partners that they can do what they want with who they want, very similar to an open relationship because I am happy to fulfill an emotional role whilst someone else fulfills their sexual needs. I believe that if I’m not giving someone something they would have in a “normal” relationship then I shouldn’t restrict them from obtaining it in other ways. Just wondering if anyone else feels or does the same or has any opinions
Thanks for sharing this Alex (nice name btw). Suppose it's just a matter of opinion. I know if I was put in that situation I would always be fearful that the person I loved would start obtaining an emotional attachment with someone she was having sex with or the person they were having sex with wanted more from her. I think it's a very interesting situation and I respect how selfless you are.
That thought has crossed my mind before. By allowing them the option of getting the sexual intimacy elsewhere i think theres less chance if resentment yk?
*hugs*'glad you're still making videos, you sharing helps others realize they are not alone :)
The way that someone said to you "Why you're teasing me like that if you're not going all the way there?" I've had to hear it a lot. "Put your clothes on and stop teasing me. I get horny" Why can't I be how I want in my home? Why can't I show my love how I do? I'm so sick of hearing the same sentences in every relationship. The only way you can be you and get your piece of mind is to find THE person that thinks like you do.
totally get you, mate I've been in many of those situations and it has always ended the same way. Well for me I was kind of releved every time because I knew if I stayed i would have been pressured into it and I dont want that. so yeah keep your head up. your a good guy and youll get that person who will want you for who you are and not expect sex from you at all its not easy but who says it's not possible. xxxxx
I'm asexual and people don't understand that I'm not prude I'm asexual I get called pride and picked on at school I have some friends that understand and they don't make me feel alone
I think if you are doing online dating it is best to write in your profile upfront that you are ace. You weed out the undesireables that way.
i am aromantic, but I don't want to be alone forever. I wish I could change my romantic orientation so that I could have a relationship.
I feel for you. Stay strong
I'm asexual and aromantic but I would be willing to be romantic for someone if it makes them feel good. Not long ago I was willing to even be more for someone. Hahaha. Never again. I'm asexual but my problem isn't finding someone to date. What I want is to get back to that place where I'm happy as a clam without anybody. You get so used to having friends, that when they leave you, you don't know how to keep yourself from being sad.
I'm on the Dutch AVEN forum and once in a while someone mentions being afraid of not being in a relationship and a lot of people will be like "same" (but in Dutch and with a bit less internet slang and a bit more actual words xD)
And being aroace, I'm sometimes even more scared.... because in a hypothetical relationship, I wouldn't want sex, and probably no kissing either :/ you see where I'm going xD but fortunately there are so many more forms of intimacy so it would be a relationship and not just... being acquaintances....
Leontien H im also dutch (:
Zoë S. Hoi medebewoner van het kikkerlandje :) xD
Leontien H hallooo :P
first of all. take a breath. OK. it's got to be hard to have gotten close to people only for them to not be able to handle the reality of your situation. just wanting the kissing and intimacy part of a relationship isn't wrong. you've got nothing to be ashamed about. Believe that there are girls out there who feel like this too because we are out there. Relationships are built over time and it's going to be hard to find what you are looking for if you are expecting it to happen overnight. Being so keen on having a relationship isn't wrong but dating is supposed to be the fun part and if you are rushing to get to the end we might think you'd be OK with any girl and it's not about us as a individual. heck I'd bail if I thought that was true. in fact, I have bailed primarily for that reason. I'm not saying that is the impression you are giving but maybe you should try being friends with us first. I know I'm more likely to give a guy a shot after I know him better. it's not easy not wanting sex when it seems like the whole world does but relationships are formed slowly. it'll happen if it is meant to. I know that isn't much of a comfort but I want you to try to like yourself a bit more. you liking who you are and being in a relationship with yourself is much more important than what a random girl you meet at a club thinks about you. take care of yourself first. til next time.
i wish id meet someone like you
oh my god this is so relatable! :O
I just want to let you know the way you feel is fine and it's normal sex should not be a mandatory thing in a relationship. So try not to trip up over the people you talked about I know it's hard especially when you start feeling lonely but if just being happy with you in general isn't enough for them then they don't deserve you and I know that sounded super cheesy but I just want to let you know you're not alone in this and one day I'm positive you're going to find someone who loves you for the things your able and willing to give them. Damn that was really sappy so here's a joke from Tumblr, asexuals are trust worthy people, we don't fuck with anyone ,*ba dum tush*
It's a pity you live so far away -- I'm an asexual female and I usually get dumped by men the second the find out I'm asexual and won't be putting out. It's very disheartening.
Sometimes humans can really suck, I know.
A lot of the times it feels like 90 percent of the time humans suck except when we find some decent humans on the internet like if we don’t know any in real life like I mean I met so many kind people here it makes me feel a bit better hopefully we get stronger each and every day AVEN awesome and yeah all these channels too i’m Glad we have the internet
I relate to this in every way! 😔
I'm glad I'm not alone but at the same time sorry to hear you go through all this too :(
Cookee Monsterr it's okay, I suppose I'm just used to it in a way, to the point where I convince myself I don't want to be with anyone but deep down I really do
Just make the most of live, there's so much more than just this and ultimately life and what we have is such a beautiful gift. I've watched a few of your videos and am actually really impressed (especially the Bonfire one). You deserve a lot more credit than you get :) keep on doing what you're doing, you'll be okay!!
Cookee Monsterr you haven't haha 🙊 aww thank you so so much!! Means to much to me, you have no idea ☺️ same with you of course, you're so lovely! Really wish I knew people like you! But you're right, life is beautiful!!
Me, too, Man. Me, too...
I’m greysexual. I get it.
We should date lol.