There was nothing that could lure me back to work and leave my three sons in daycare. A neighbor told me, "I don't respect any woman who stays home." As my husband and I reared our three sons, my gifts surfaced that I didn't know I had: writing, music and art developed. I grew personally. My husband fully supported me; and our three sons all became good husbands, fathers and engineers. They care for their wives and children as their father did. And they all went in the direction of their educated, smart and loving father: my husband (now fifty years together).
@@sabl6381We moved. I don't know how her life and family progressed. For me, I tried to figure out through study of the Bible how to be fulfilled. "The aged women...That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good,...that the word of God be not blasphemed." Titus 2:4,5. (A "keeper at home is a guard") Though I did feel lonely when my husband and children were at work and school, all was well when they were home. More detail than this isn't important. But I did write a book on the topic...this was one of the interests that emerged because I could find time to write.
What a travesty we have done to women. Whatever they do is never enough. They should be home, the glue that keeps the family together. That’s a full time job in itself. Being a debt wage slave brings depression and angst, not fulfillment. It’s not fair to have to do it all.
I have 5 kids ranging in age from 17 to 5. My mom was a SAHM and she gave me the best advice ever. She would tell me “you can go out and do any job that you want and be successful at it. NO ONE can do your job (mothering my children) except you.” That stuck with me and made me realize how very important I was in my children’s lives. No one else could ever mother my children like I could. It was MY job.
I was always destined for a lucrative career. Im very smart, organized and got great grades. My teachers were looking forward to see which university i would choose to attend and whether i would go into engineering, architecture or something more biology related. Jokes on them, i became an illustrator so i would have the flexibility to be a stay at home mom in the future. They were very dissapointed. But now I use my smarts, my orginization skills, my time management skills etc for my own home. I am literally the CEO. I plan everything out, food, bills, chores, kids, cleaning etc. Everything is organized by me and my husband works to make money so i can make it all happen. Im using MY skills and gifts for MY family and not for some corporation.
I think the biggest problem is women definitely don't realize how much they want to stay home with their baby until they've had the baby. My older sister is a bonafide workaholic from the age of 14. She has become so career successful and owns a radiology practice. Money out the wazoo. When I got pregnant I was talking to her about going back to work. She told me "No no no, Maria no, if you have an opportunity to stay home with your daughter, definitely do it. I wish I never had to go back to work". She has cornered herself into a completely extravagant lifestyle where everyone depends on her at work and she gave herself no choice to be able stay home with her baby. And she said she never realized her mistake until she had to go back to work from maternity leave.
This is 100% true. Which is why I'm always telling women to assume they WILL want to, not that they won't want to, raise their own baby. You can always change your mind if you planned this way rather than the other way around.
Wow! This podcast helped me understand that the work-pull inside me is the cause of brainwashing! And that so many women are experiencing this now! I am 38 and a SAHM, with a masters in accounting and thought education and a career could save me; I have more peace knowing it’s ok to choose to be home raising a family and not in the workplace, although as a SAHM you know you’re working most likely harder than you did at the office, as a wife, mother, educator, cook, gardener, maid, etc. It is challenging because my husband travels a lot for work and I don’t have any family except for a sister who lives far. I have good friends though and am digging in to helping build my community where we recently moved. I was raised by alcoholic drug addicts and, God rest her soul, my mom committed suicide. Unfortunately she suffered greatly from bipolar, but I think the root cause was that she ultimately chose to serve herself and go out and party, she didn’t eat well (ho hos and ding dongs are all I remember seeing her eat, and she never ate with us and rarely did she cook), always with a different man, constantly cheated on my stepdad (who despised me from the time he met me at 9 until this day, but I still love and pray for him), leave us with whoever, sometimes years at a time, and chose work and drugs and alcohol over being a mother. It was traumatic to witness her race to her own death, but to honor her I was called into sobriety after repeating her pattern in my twenties, got pregnant two months into sobriety in my early 30s by a drug dealer who bounced when I said NO to abortion, and I handed my life over to God and started following Christ. I’m grateful for my life and the experience that has lead me to choose loving God with all my heart, which looks a lot like loving my beautiful son and now strong and stable husband who took on my son as his own when he was one year old, and creating a home I’m sure my own mother envisioned for herself and children, which is a simple and quiet life. I will do everything in my power to stay close to my husband and son, I will go wherever my husband leads me. Because of my traumas, I know how to love, let go and let God. One day at a time. Baby step by baby step. If I can be saved from such darkness, I have hope other women and mamas can be too! To create a beautiful life is what women were designed to do, and being a workhorse uglies women and creates mental illness because we are sold that having a career and making money is a woman’s highest honor, but that is a complete lie and unnatural to our biology. Praying for American women!
My mom (a biochemist and rabid feminist) constantly made condescending, insulting comments about stay at home moms. Fast forward through ugly years of me going through law school and business school and having a nervous breakdown because I was stuck pumping at my desk instead of holding and nursing my baby….and I QUIT. Happy homeschool mother and wife of three (soon to be four!) now. I would never go back. I can’t believe the lies I fell for. And my mother is miserable, divorced, and none of us kids talk to her. Why would I take marriage and parenting advice from someone who doesn’t have what I want? The only reason I ever followed those footsteps was out of fear of being devalued, not out of admiration for those values.
When we had my first son my heart knew i wanted to stay home with my baby, but i had outside pressure to send him to daycare. I felt torn. Thankfully my husband was on board with me staying home. He said to me "you always here people say 'I wish I had that time with my kids when they were little.' But you never hear anyone say 'I wish i was at work instead of raising my kids."' That to me hit home. Love your show! ❤
My parents did this. But mid 20's I got married had children then by the time I was 39 I became a Christian and read the bible and realised this is my purpose and I shouldn't feel guilty about it.
My mom taught me to love and serve her family. She is a boomer, by the way. That upbringing made it easier for me to embrace marriage and motherhood without guilt.
I wish I had this podcast when I first became a SAHM with the birth of our oldest. I was raised by a working mom. I was one of those young women conditioned to think SAHMs had no value and were taking a risk in case something happened to their husband or a divorce (and my dad passed away in my teens so I lived through that struggle, too). But then my husband and I were put in the situation where me going back to work meant almost all my earnings would basically cover daycare costs. It made no sense to work all day just to pay someone else to raise my baby. So we decided I'd stay home. And its been the most rewarding and meaningful thing I've ever done, to stay home and raise our now 3 kids. I also homeschool them. But I won't deny, I struggled so hard at first to find my worth. I burnt myself out so hard trying to do it all on my own with a very needy newborn because my sense of self identity i always had was gone and I struggled to feel comfortable and happy in my new role. But there was something else I've realized recently. I've never been too close to my own mother. Sure, I love her. She lives alone now so my husband and I help her out a lot. We're wanting to move closer to her as shes getting up there in years. But, I just never felt that closeness to her that I feel with my own babies. And I think my own early upbringing is the reason. I wasn't breastfed as an infant. I spent my earliest years in daycare starting at only a few weeks old. I really feel like that very primal maternal/infant attachment never happened with us. Its 100% different with my own kids, who all were breastfed and raised at home and had all that crucial bonding.
A lot of parents try to deny the amount of bonding that happens in the early years and how critical it is. I tried to do that myself. But ultimately, they NEED their Mom. They spent 9 months connected to you, of course they'd have a much stronger connection to their mother than anyone else. They spent those 9 months listening to your heartbeat, tasting what you eat, hearing your voice, understanding what you were feeling. There's a strong connection there and I feel like it's detrimental to their relationship to try to deny such connection. Take a look at kids who are adopted. It's almost like there is a natural/even biological curiosity that makes them want to find their biological parents. How could we assume that such connection means nothing or very little when it still stands even after decades of separation and even when parents and child are on opposite sides of the planet?
You make a great point about the mother child attachment! I was also raised in daycare and have a couple of traumatic memories from being abandoned to strangers when my mom left for work. Although I was safe at daycare it felt like abandonment to me. I became an adult and moved to a different continent than my parents. My mom used to say: “What did I do wrong to make both my kids move so far away from me?” I used to answer: “You didn’t do anything wrong.” Today I understand that the reason I could just leave and move so far away from my family is because I don’t have a strong attachment to my Mom. I love my mother and think she’s a great mother but I must admit I’m not so close to her. Today I have my own daughter and it would be a nightmare for me if one day she wanted to settle down in another continent than where I live. My daughter and I are very close because I’m a Stay at Home Mom. My cousins all grew up with a Stay at Home Mom and as adults they chose to settle down in the same town as their parents. I, on the other hand, decided to move away from Europe altogether and settle down in North America when I became a young adult. The choices we make when our babies are little will impact the rest of our lives. If we want our children to live closer to us when we ourselves become old we probably shouldn’t let them be raised by daycare workers while we focus on our careers or dreams.
I wish I had this outlook earlier too but I'm glad I'm coming into it now. I struggled with my worth so much becoming a mom because I was implicitly and explicitly taught that my worth was in what I could contribute to society (working). Though I always still felt called to motherhood I assumed that it was something that just happened on the side. My mom was very much a career woman until she was in a car accident when I was in junior high. Then she had to go on disability and our family just about fell apart. She started calling herself a stay at home mom but she she wasn't. She was at home in bed depressed most of the time and I felt abandoned by her just as I was starting to hit puberty. My family was greatly impacted financially and I could hear my parents arguing every night. This really tainted my views on being a stay at home mom. I never intended to be one because I didn't think that that was enough. It took a few years of resisting this calling to realize I was right where I was supposed to be, and that I have experienced more growth as a person in motherhood than I would have in any career.
I really identify with the letters you read and my mom WAS a SAHM so I shouldn't feel this way and yet, society has shoved its ways down my throat. As a mom I have worked outside the home, worked from home, and now I don't do anything that brings in income, but as all SAHM knows I still do loads of work. I just don't get paid in money for what I do. Financially, things are really hard, but this is a season of life - my godmother told me that it's my best season and it really caught me off guard. My godmother is very accomplished and in her 70s - and she misses these days! I need to remember that especially in a society that attacks traditional families. Why do women feel this way? I personally feel it is by design- the devil doesn't want families. Children and marriages are detestable to the devil so why wouldn't he want to make women feel turmoil at forming those children well? Turmoil comes from the devil not God. So, if we are feeling that way, and I'm speaking to myself, too, we need to step back and recognize it for what it is - dissent from the devil at the very important work we are doing - and that will lead to peace. Maybe not right away, but eventually I believe it will as is the case with the recent exchange I had with my godmother. Women reading this: you were made for greatness - be not afraid of the greatness within you! You were made for motherhood!
I honestly never even thought of staying at home until I became a mom at 36. The message from my Boomer Mom was to work and have a career. I stayed home when my son was a baby, went back to work for a year, and decided to return back home to raise my toddler son. Working and raising my son was soooo challenging and my mental health was declining. I chose to focus on family and the wellbeing of my son. My family is in a much better place now.
I am a mother of 5 grown children. Being a SAHM was the best thing we ever did for our children and for our family. My husband and I both beleived that we wanted them to be raised with our values not other peoples. That was a priority.
29 year old mom of 4 under 5 and I have been home with them all. Never missed anything and I love it. I did work from home during nap time and nights until my 3rd was born but since then I'm just focused on being a mom and wife. I totally relate to feeling like I "should" work. And its not for financial reasons, I just feel this pressure from society that being "just" a mom is not enough. My husband constantly reminds me how important it is for our whole family that I can focus on the home and thats really what keeps me from feeling too guilty
I am a firm believer that we should live our life in reverse of what society has taught us. Have and raise your babies first! There will always be time for a career after they are older.
I'm so grateful my mother was home with my sister and me. It gave me such a sense of security. Because my mom and dad gave me the best childhood, I wanted to recreate the same for my kids. I was blessed to have a hard-working husband who absolutely agreed and supported his whole family of 5. As adults, our kids say their childhoods were also idyllic, which is the best thing I could ever know. Stayed at home until my son (youngest) was a freshman in high school. I am beyond grateful. Our family is close and loving and supportive.❤
My mom was a stay at home mom and I can relate. In many ways an idyllic childhood. It wasnt always easy, but generally, by God's grace, our home was our safe place. Full of love and peace.
Ever since I was a child all I ever wanted to be was a wife and then a mother. That was my whole goal and ambition. When I became 17 I felt my biological clock ticking the loudest it had ever ticked before, but rather than being supportive of my desires to be a wife and mother my dad basically forced me to get a college education and to be in the workforce. When I confronted him recently on that I was met with "so should I have just let you marry X?" (My second boyfriend who was just that, a boy not a man). I clapped back stating that he should have taught me how to discern a good man from a horrible one, that I wouldn't have made the horrible relationship choices that I did If I had been encouraged to pursue the biological urge to be a wife and mother. Our daughters will never step foot into a college, our son will attend trade school, and anyone who tells them that God's biological design for them is stupid and should be repressed can just find the door out of their lives. Being a wife and mother is the highest role that any woman could take on, and I will believe and preach that until the day I die.
ok though "our daughters will never step foot in a college" that's some backward's ass shit right there. It's not up for you to decide, your children will figure out what they want for themselves. Lead by example and let them live THEIR life!!!
I'm so glad that we are on the same page raising your own children. It's not right for a young lady to attend college away from her parents away from her support network with predators and that a campus where anyone can enter the campus and security doesn't monitor anything. If you want to find sexual assault go to a university if you want to find drunkenness and people putting poison in your drink go to a private university if you want to find people strong up on drugs go to a public university, essentially college is a place to never grow up. Colleges and universities are neverland, and our children is grow up, that is our god-given responsibility as parents. Whether they are men or women they must grow up to be a husband or a wife and to raise children of their own who will do likewise. Be fruitful and multiply and fill the Earth. If we refused to do that even though we have the ability we should be ashamed of our selfishness
I think about the key points in anyone's obituary. This person was the son/daughter or such and such, they were married and are survived by such and such children and grandchildren (maybe great-grandchildren). This is the meat and potatoes, folks. Relationships, especially familial ones, are all that end up mattering.
Sadly, a few years ago I was told by my mother that I wasn't living up to what I was raised to be. I was pregnant with my 4th and at home since my 1st was 3. I was raised to be independent and work. It broke my heart to hear that from her but I know she regrets her own choices and wanted something different for my life. I would trade being with my children.
I quit my high level career to stay home with my children. And I don’t ever regret it. But, after being raised in feminist culture, it takes a HUGE mindset shift to adjust to the reality that I will be caregiving for the rest of my life. I am already caring for my little babies AND my elderly in-laws who are already in their 80s. Once my young children are older, I will be caring for my own parents likely well into my 60s if they are blessed with long life. I’m not going to put our parents in elder homes just like I’m not putting our babies in daycare. The reality is I’m sacrificing the remainder of my adult life for the sake of others. I’m a Christian and I believe this is the path of Christ and sanctification, and I’m working on accepting a life of service with joy. But I cannot pretend that it’s not a huge sacrifice. It’s not an easy sell to the modern woman. It’s not always going to make you happier in the way we want.
Thanks for sharing! What a privilege to be able to do that for others. You could have paid others to do this (or your aging relatives could have paid for themselves) but you are doing it. They will be cared for by someone committed to loving them and soing them good. They are so blessed. Just because you are likely doing this work for free, it is not seen as work in the same way. But just because you dont benefit financially from your work as much as others, it doesn't mean your work is less important in those peoples lives. I am sure its the opposite. May God bless you and provide for all your needs- all your life. Dont be anxious, seek to do his will and he will take care of the rest. Including making things feel like less of a burden and more of a joy.
This is sad but true, my mom never taught me how to cook, clean or any other mother skill because she assumed I would have a career and pay someone to do all that stuff, including raising my children, she wanted me to be successfull in the job field bot not in the home space and for me it's heartbreaking to see or at least feel that I'm falling behind in what I truly want, that is to be a mom and a wife, because I don't have the skill sets for that and I'm learning them way later than I should from my perspective. I'm still 21 so I hope I can catch up, I love your content
"Babies are not beneath you just because you are capable of doing more." That HITS! Our values are all screwed up, we are so backwards, and I do feel like no one told me. I am one of the 30 somethings you have talked about. Glory to God, He has redeemed my life and I will be quitting my job and staying home within the month - with much sacrifice of course, but that I am fully happy to make. I'm struggling for all the reasons you have said, I've been binging the podcasts helping to build my backbone and making sense of all the values I apparently hold but haven't thought out fully yet. I really appreciate you. DEEPLY. I am a very no nonsense - say the hard truths - type of woman, so you speaking so directly really speaks to me. I am 37 and trying to spread the word that babies are the best and warning younger women bc I don't want them to miss their window. I was told secretly that a shout-your-abortion type liberal friend I had from college who ended our friendship over my conservative views would cry to my roommate (years ago) that she was never going to find a man to marry and have children with, but all I ever heard from her was how she hated men. I also work with a guy who's daughter is 10 years my junior who isn't sure she wants kids bc she would rather have a nice car and a handbag, and is concerned her husband is too selfish to be a good father. I hate to think of anyone missing out on the best part of life, which isn't trips to Greece or snorkeling in Hawaii every weekend - but a family. I envy these 20 somethings from religious families who got married and started a family in their early 20's. I really hope to have more babies, but feel in a time crunch now. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM WITH ALL OF US WHO HAVE MISSED THE PLOT. We need you!!
Thank you. I wish there were more "Suzanne's" out there to get this message out and encourage women that have been brainwashed into one way of thinking. 😊
Yes. I think those “more Suzanne’s” should become us. 😃 We are the ones who need to dare to speak about this topic in our own inner circles, that would change the culture over time.
Yes I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I would love to find a way to be more outspoken about my beliefs especially as a mum to a young child. I love Suzanne’s wisdom but would love to find some women who talk about this topic from a current perspective who are in the thick of it!
I have been trying to be this whenever possible to younger people I meet. Im an older Millennial (almost 43) and many are surprised that Im a SAHM since my oldest was born & that I homeschool. It’s so sad that our society has come to this. I am an anomaly even to my own boomer MiL. Im just thankful I have my boomer mom’s support. My name is also literally Suzanne.
I became a mom in my 30s, chose to stay home because I didn’t want someone else to raise my kids. I wished I had planned and bought a home first! Renting on one income can feel very scary, that in of itself makes me feel like I should pull myself up by the bootstraps and “do it all”. Yes we have no support either.
Be strong, have some faith, and it can work out. Do everything you can to live below your means, and find small ways to make a side income. I am 11 years into being a stay at home mom. I have five kids. We’ve always lived just off of my husbands income, and in those first four years he was hardly making anything and money was extremely tight. I look back on those years with great fondness and gratitude. I have never had any support nor any village. My own mom has never tried to assist me. She is very much the stereo, typical selfish boomer type, who only looks out for herself. Yes, it’s been hard, but it is also so rewarding and I am so grateful that I’ve done it
I've let my fiance know that when we have kids I want to be a stay at home mom. He agrees with me and we are going to work very hard to pay off student loans as soon as we get married. But I haven't really told anyone else of my plan because I'm pretty sure people will think I'm insane. I am a professor at a research institution making over 150k a year. It isn't something you walk away from.
I would encourage you to follow Dave Ramsey's steps to get out of debt now instead of waiting until you're married as babies sometimes follow quickly. Sure, the world doesn't understand walking away from that, but there are many women like me who do. You know your future children are the future of the world and how you form them is the most important work there will ever be. Edit to add : I find it very heartening that you wrote this as I am SAHM to four children and our sole income is less than a third of the income you mentioned above. It's hard and I often feel like if I just worked outside the home like others do then things wouldn't be so terribly right financially. But I know that I want to be taking care of my children and raising them and teaching them at home (I homeschool, too). It's a mixed up kettle of fish some days, but I know that one day I will look back at these hard days and miss them.
@@chicccky Oh, we are trying, but he went to PA school so there is quite a bit of debt on his end. Even with our combined incomes it will take two or three years to get rid of all of it.
Whatever you do, do NOT listen to negative people, including family… about choosing to stay home with baby, your baby needs you! Just budget a lot, that’s what I do. Money will come and go, but you can’t take back those minutes, hours, days, weeks, etc with your baby ❤
Your future children will be worth so much more than that 150K a year. Nothing in this life is worth more than our children. Yes, people will probably have a hard time understanding your choices but at the same time you will become a great role model for other young women. I grew up in Scandinavia where Stay at Home Moms are almost unheard of. I visited the US for one year during college and was very inspired by the Stay at Home Moms I saw while living in North America. Today I’m a Stay at Home Mom because those other Stay at Home Moms I saw in my early twenties gave me this dream. If I hadn’t visited the US when I was 22 years old I would probably be sending my baby to daycare just like everyone else does in Scandinavia. We badly need role models.
Quietly listening with bursting, thankful heart❤! And yes I'm finally at the end of having raised my children, (in transition),felt that pull my ENTIRE motherhood walk. It came from society and from my own spouse. I stood alone in my conviction/ let the career go/& couldn't be more fulfilled in that decision. Now facing divorce (bcuz i was deemed lazy for not having a job, i.e keeping home, raising kids, loving my husband, was not deemed valuable). I'm here in this area of transition and I'd do it again. If i had to make a sacrifice, and this was the price i had to pay, for STANDING IN THIS SPOT, SO BE IT. Glad to know i did this against EVERY UNSUPPORTIVE FORCE- and I'm still here to look back and smile... don't know where I'm headed but i wouldn't give up raising those wonderful adults, hard times and good. They were worth it and i showed up for the job EVERY DAY. the reward is THEM. I'll figure out what to do with the rest of my life now in my 50s. And I'll do it at my own pace now- understanding what is truly important.
My mom is the epitome of a career woman she makes a ton of money and wants the same for me. I don’t see how she can’t see how unfulfilled she is and how our relationship suffered as a result. I have been married since I was 20 I’m 36 now. I have 4 kids 7,10,10, 11. I did go back to school and am just now getting my degree but I really have no desire to go to work. It’s terrifying but I feel my purpose is at home. I saw what a career did to my mom and her marriage to my father and I don’t want that for myself.
I think the reason mothers like this can’t see the damage is because they don’t want to, it’s too painful to admit that they made some choices that had negative impacts on their children. I’m a Stay at Home Mom and my mom hasn’t exactly been supportive of my choice. I notice it’s mainly because I’m doing something better than she did and she knows it. She knows daycare affected me negatively and it doesn’t feel good to think about that. I wish my mother could be happy that her grandchildren are getting a better childhood than I did. Shouldn’t we always focus on making things better for the next generation? However, what went wrong in my childhood is because of her personal failures so I understand that she doesn’t want to face that. She’d rather stick to the feminist world view that would call her a hero and never point at the negative consequences of her choices.
I have had people make comments that I should put my kid with a babysitter, and contribute financially, even though we don't need the money. I didn't care though. I think it's ludicrous to have my son be with someone else, so I can work for money that we don't need, when I could be there taking care of him and teaching him. It makes no sense. I contribute a lot to the family, and the money my husband makes is also my money. I don't really care if someone thinks I should work. It's none of their business, and my son comes first to me so they can say what they please. My first responsibility is to my child, not to anyone else's opinion.
@@jackdeniston59 It's men too, a lot of men I've went to school with have expressed that they believe SAHMs are lazy. I have actually heard a lot of men say it, including my own father, but I guess that's more common in progressive countries than traditional ones.
My mom was always home with all 6 of us kids. I know I took it for granted at the time, but she was such a loving constant for me. I pictured being a wife and mother myself as a kid. When I met my husband in high school as juniors, I fell head over heals and loved him so much, I wanted to marry him and have all the babies and just love our family. We were both set to get doctoral degrees, mine in physical therapy, his in medicine. I wish I would have just married him right after high school, but because of school, we waited until 23. This felt so unnatural and was so difficult. After we were married, we had our first son a year into marriage. 14 years later, we have 8 total. I never wanted to put our family on hold because we were busy, poor, away from family, etc. I knew whatever training and hardships would be temporary and we would never get that time back to have children or spend time with them. When my oldest was 6, I was able to be home with them full time. Before that, I was full time for 2 years, then supplemental for 4 years. I wish I could have had all those years home with them. We could have made it work. It would have been hard, but I wish I would have heard this encouragement when I was younger or known the impact it has on little children. I'm so thankful for all the information you are getting out there now!!
I’m a first time mom and came home from work when he was 18 month. This is the hardest job I have ever had. It’s been 5 month. It’s hard! I don’t have support from my parents because they spoiled me and never disciplined. They said I should be the same with my boy. I disagree. My husbands at work most of the day so it’s really up to me. At least at work you have people training you and a team dynamic. Yet ever day I run into someone that tells me my son is such a happy boy, that he is well adjusted, and that just makes this whole time worth it. I hope it has to do something with me being here with him. It’s hard but those little moments here and there make it all worth it.
Yes, you staying home with your son is the reason he’s happy and well adjusted in life. I highly recommend you read “Being There” by Erica Komisar if you want to learn about the research on how important a mother’s presence is during a baby’s first three years of life. I felt very encouraged and empowered once I understood that the science on early childhood development was on my side. Our culture tells us to do things to our babies that is detrimental to their development. Stay at Home Moms have an opportunity to meet their baby’s needs and therefore give them a great start in life, something that’s not possible to do when a baby spends 8 hours a day away from mom in a daycare. I found my “team” by connecting with other Stay at Home Moms on RUclips. I like to watch the RUclips channels by Stay at Home Moms like “Kayla Buell”, “Loeppkys Life” and “Bethany Fontaine”. I also find so much encouragement and inspiration plus great tips for motherhood from the comment sections on these RUclips channels. 😃
Hang in there, mommy! There is very little instant gratification in being a mom. It is an investment and you'll see the fruits of your labor, even if takes 25 years. I stayed home, prioritized my children and my oldest went through a very rebellious stage. I threw up my hands and wondered why I had bothered. She's now 26 and raising her own son and she's capable of telling me and showing me that what I did mattered. She's an excellent mom and appreciates her childhood. No one can provide what you do for your own child. Stay the course! ❤️
I've raised my 3 daughters to respect and prioritize motherhood and marriage. Two of them are now moms and constantly need reassurance that they're doing it right by prioritizing their boys rather than finding jobs. One told me this week that other than me and my mother, no one, even their church friends, tell them that just being a mom is enough. I am a 4th grade teacher and stayed home while my children were young, going back to work when the youngest was a 2nd grader. What I see are the results of a generation who has taken their eye off the ball. Children aren't disciplined, their childhood consists of school and activities and very little time with parental input. It shows. I feel like I have to teach them common courtesy, cooperation, thinking of others, speaking respectfully, how to attend to something and what to value. I'm weary of tiresome responses from emails about behavior that excuse their child instead of taking ownership and requiring proper behavior. We need to get back to taking pride in raising our own children and doing it well like it mattered.
I thankfully haven't had too many comments. I stayed home right after getting pregnant because I was a welder and couldn't do the work while pregnant anyway. I know I could be making a lot right now but I grew up very poor, so my perpective is different. What i have now is so much more than what I grew up with, that I dont have an itch for more. I think making friends for playdates is very useful. I have made 3 friends just at parks making small talk, and enjoy their company as much as my son enjoys playing with their kids. About to have my second and am painting the room twighlight colors and enjoying investing in my baby. It is as good as you make it. When I get fussy, I leave the house and get my son out. Most of it is just being cooped up too much i think.
There is pressure to work. I got it big time from my parents who said i was wasting my degree by not working full time after having my son. I had family say they were so disappointed in me when i gave up my full time job so that i could stay home with my son, while we moved across the country so my husband could get a higher paying job.
I had my first baby in June. Both my parents and my sister have all looked at me and said "cant you just put him down and leave him alone?" Everyone around you also acting like a baby is a toy you turn off when your busy is soooo frustrating.
I am so sorry to hear that. Babies are not toys. They are human beings, active, funny sometimes really demanding. But nobody will love you as much as your baby does. For him or her you are his whole world 🙂
I made “unwise” career decisions as a single mom in order to raise my baby girl. No regrets! Im finally getting back on my feet financially but it’s been hard. My daughter and I are closer than ever. ❤
I have been a sahm for 15 years. My fellow sahm all have degrees in law, medicine, architecture, teaching, science, and business. The culture cannot convince me that it is an uneducated choice to raise your own children, when the women I know who have obtained the highest educations all choose to run their households and raise the next generation. They understand the science of attachment and the responsibility for caring for their families. They know how to prioritize and succeed in what matters most- relationships. They also understand the importance of supporting their husbands in becoming excellent providers and fathers. It is amazing what can be accomplished when you work together to cover all the bases and raise a family.
I am a product of a feminist/60s mom who left my sister and I in daycare/school programs to become a doctor (divorced twice)...all I heard was achieve, achieve, achieve. College was my only option, STEM was preferred, and I was so confused...I became a high school STEM teacher. Then I got married and started having kids, my husband said stay home and it was a total surprise for me! It seemed so far removed from my upbringing. Until baby #3, people were asking me when I was going back to work. 😂
OMG thank you for this one, it is so needed! Nice to finally hear from a woman and what the husband has to say. Your videos are so good, appreciate it.
Meanwhile, my mom was a stay at home mom. She was widowed at a young age then divorced from her second marriage. Because she was a stay at home mom she was basically unemployable. I’ve had to completely financially support her for 10+ years, while putting most of my own goals on a permanent hold.
Thank you for saying this. I pursued a "career" and thought that I didn't want children. Luckily I was married because at 28 I wanted a child BADLY and being a mum is the most satisfying job I've ever had despite it being the most difficult thing I've done. My husband did find the adjustment to one income difficult so I just wish I could have shown him your videos back then.
Listening for a while, it became so clear - motherhood is a calling. A true & sincere calling. A woman embarking on having her children is willing to trade anything for it. Because she really wants them. The problem is some women do it anyway but never had the desire. We as women have to be brutally honest with ourselves. Not to have children out of insecurity or fear.
Ahhhhh so needed to hear this, thank you Suzanne. In survival mode homeschooling preteens and caring for a baby. Yet I somehow have the underlying feeling that I need to be working towards a career.
Boomers and their parents placed so much importance on college, degrees, good jobs, always have something to fall back on bc you never know. Not going to college wasn’t an option. But didn’t bother to teach us discernment when looking for a mate. Didn’t want us to have sex, date, even kiss, that all was dirty and shameful. But that’s your biology. I remember feeling resentful thinking why do I have to do all this shit for forty years before I can do what I want which is get married and have babies….it makes me sad looking back on it. Never once taught me DISCERNMENT or how to date or choose wisely. Fucked up now that I’m looking back on it in the context of your video here… Now I have two children with a man who works hard and I stay home with the babies….bc we decided that’s how we wanted to live, but he resents the hell out of me and it shows every single day of our lives. It was what he wanted, an ideal life for both of us, but I’m “taking advantage” of him. Even though he makes me ask for money for anything, and justify why I need it. He withholds affection and love and understanding from me and the children. I feel so lonely. Like he thinks support is keeping the lights on and nothing more. I just need encouragement. 💔
Oooooooph!!!! The first paragraph of this was everything! But i thank GOD that Jesus found me right on time and as a loving Father, the Father taught me what to look for in a mate! I’m still single but learning all that i can so i can grow to discern. Don’t beat yourself up about it!!!! The Father in Heaven will show you and your baby love and affection!!!! As He showers you with His love, He will teach you how not to resent your husband and give you authority to pray effective prayers for your husband that your husband may also learn the Father’s love and be able to demonstrate it to you and your baby ❤
Thanks so much for these podcasts. My mum stayed at home most of my childhood but it was as she had a mental illness. I don’t think I have really had any good influence to say I should be able to stay at home, always pushed to uni and career . I’ve worked since 14 now 31 and pregnant now. Praying so desperately I can stay at home but I think most guys in Australia think their partner should work
I needed to hear this, I'm a stay at home mom, the only one of my siblings who had kids, i have little support since my parents aren't nearby. I am not working but I keep thinking I "should be". Thanks for this reminder that it's OK to be a stay at home mom for right now!
If your husband wants to stay home also society stare at you how stupid and lazy a person can be…. I have worked before and traveled around the world but now I know motherhood is most beautiful job and I can say sometimes it is hard but still gives lot of joy.
I am politically liberal (think old-school, Bill Maher type) and I really like this lady. I know more “conservatives” follow Suzanne and given the modern world of male/female relationships, this is perfectly understandable. Social media, toxic feminism etc. has just about ruined things and that is a shame. I am glad I am not in my 20’s or 30’s, especially if I wanted a lifetime commitment and family. Keep up the good work young lady. 😊
Thank you! Suzanne were expecting our first and you give me confidence that being a momma is enough and I don’t have to absorb the narrative that it will destroy my life or my husbands for that matter! I’m so glad you lend your voice to this in our modern culture.
I graduated high school in 2010 and I'll tell you how it's been. 2010s - Maybe women will date me when they are done with college? 2020s - Never mind, women now have to work for eternity to pay off their debt, I guess society will collapse due to a shrinking population LOL Feminism is dead, I don't see this trend surviving in a few decades, quite literally.
My daughter is graduating debt free. Her tuition is paid by our income. Don't assume because a woman went to college she is in debt. Our daughter will graduate and work until a good man finds her.
I love being a SAHMW I do some vegan catering on the side as an extra to help my husband. Staying home is the best. We sold our house for a cheaper one.
I am a stay at home mom. I have 6 children total and two teens still at home. I recently found this youtube/podcast and my question is this, how do women with a lot of school debt stay home with their babies? Especially if the husband doesn't make enough to pay the monthly payment? So many women got loans to go to college and may have great careers that make good money to pay it back but they can't unless they work. What advice do you have for them? Perhaps there is another video or podcast where you covered this topic I could listen to. Let me also say that there is only so much you can cut out of a budget and still fall short especially in this terrible economy and inflation we are dealing with. Thanks in advance!
If you truly want to stay home and you have school debt, or any kind of debt, you must ask very hard questions and be willing to sacrifice and cut your budget to the bone to make it work. This includes selling your house and renting something cheaper. It includes selling your car and buying a cheaper one or even going to one car per family. Cut your paid subscriptions. Cut cable tv. Shop at goodwill and thrift stores.
Homeschool mom of 5 and husband has tremendous student debt. Fed loans go off by income so we “pay 0”’and private loans sued us with a judgment, won but can’t collect because we are too broke based on income/family size. I’ll never own a home. I’ll never be debt free. If I worked it would be gone in 3 years with 2 incomes but babies came when they did outside our timing so we just deal with consequences. They suck but I have the happiest kids in the world.
Marriage and motherhood WERE dirty words when I was growing up. Stay at home moms were "lazy and stupid, which is why nobody would hire them" 😠 I'm 32 for reference
I agree, but it's very disappointing that when many conservative men talk about how they value homemakers, they do it in such a condescending way that I can almost feel them patting me on the head.
The worst is working with a woman who believes she is entitled to a better work experience then her coworkers without children. They demand and expect support from teammates and employers. Please stop this! Supporting your family is YOUR business. WE DO NOT care if your over-scheduled little brats have an event you need to swap for again. And the drama when told NO is telling....................
The part of being a smart accomplished woman is the during those years of education your literally being indoctrinated with abortion and liberal anti-family propaganda on the University. Ive been a Mom for 11 years. I have ALWAYS felt like I wasn't doing enough because I was Educated and 'Should' have been doing anything besides staying home with my son...but my heart always wanted to be with my children.
Well, and the thing they don't teach is that we NEED Mom's that are willing to stay home to create well-rounded kids and a well-rounded society. We NEED Mom's staying at home with the babies because they need Mom way more than Dad in the first few years. We NEED Mom's willing to prioritize children over making money. We NEED Mom's raising kids to be there for other's and to help other's by actually being there themselves. I don't see how prioritizing making money over children should be seen as "better" or make a woman a "girlboss." As much as we wish our kids would LISTEN to what we say, they learn so much more by the example we set for them. And if our example shows that we'd rather make more money then try to make sacrifices to be there for them or that we should prioritize money over giving birth to children, what does that teach them? They don't matter and their value does not exceed that of money. Our actions will always speak much louder than words as kids will always learn much more by example than by mouth.
A woman's worth is not measured by how much she makes, neither is a man's worth. That is the world's view on worth but the hearts view on worth? People are worth far more than the money they make.
It’s also good to know that the reason the indoctrination exists in universities is because those with the most power are scared of mothers staying home. When mothers stay home their children become secure, confident, curious kids who develop critical thinking skills. When children are raised by daycare workers they develop severe peer orientation and become conformist. Those in power have always needed to control the population and they need young people to be conformist not confident critical thinkers. Stay at Home Moms seem so harmless but they are actually dangerous to powerful people who want a dumbed down population that doesn’t question things too much. Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate wrote the book “Hold On to Your Kids” that explains exactly how peer orientation develops when mothers don’t stay home. It’s a fascinating read.
@@thefuturista7836 Yeah. Exactly. Great comment. You are right. I have that book but haven't read it yet. A University shouldn't have to teach the value of a Mother. Societies knew this forever...it just seems like we have created this modern slum we've drifted so far from Truth. The only way now your going to know any value of anything is if your in a traditional religion because that's the only place to find it.
My husband was “indoctrinated” into thinking mothers have to do it all. Work full time, keep house, and raise the children pretty much on our own. His mother did that and died of cancer when he was 12, but he sees that because she did it all, that is how it is supposed to be. Needless to say we are getting divorced, but those 6 years together with our daughter were really tough, as he HATED me staying at home and taking care of our child. He went to daycare, so why can’t she? My next husband will think the way I do, I will make sure of it.
That sounds so stressful, I hope you find a man who understand the importance of his own childs needs. Thank you for fighting for your child. God bless!
Maybe because they don’t want to be in a situation where they have to be dependent on a man in case something happens, but there is a reason for wills and stuff like that. You have to prepare for those things because life happens. When I got pregnant I prepared before I did just in case it happened, which it did.
a combination of feminism, contraception, no-fault divorce, materialism, and elements of communism. I think there was a huge over correction in trying to make things "fairer" for women...where now they are expected to act like men and they wonder why they're miserable.
There was A LOT of propaganda in the sixties and seventies that pushed that it was great for kids to be raised by daycare workers. They even went as far as to say that children who are home with Stay at Home Moms won’t develop as well as children in daycare. Today we have research that proves the complete opposite is true. My boomer parents were both raised by happy Stay at Home Moms and still bought the idea that it would be best for them to put their own kids in daycare. How? Because of the propaganda that was everywhere in the media during the sixties and seventies. Just ask your own boomer parents what they were taught about parenting and motherhood from the media while growing up.
Hi! I hope you see this. I am currently the mother of an amazing 6 month old boy. For financial help, I am going back to work (from home) for two hours a day (M-F) while my son is cared for by his father or my mother. Does this seem too early for him to be away from me this long? I am so anxious that I will ruin the trust I am building with him. Any support would be helpful. ❤
Don’t work mama since you have support from husbands. They are little for a short time; enjoy it. Your babies are never better in daycare. If you can help it, stay home. Maybe babysit in your home to bring in extra cash
I think daycare can be good in ways like getting the kids out of the house and having them be on a schedule with other kids but I feel like directors and owners ruin it in a way by making it expensive to where parents have to both work full time. They put to many kids in a class and then they don’t have as many teachers in a room. A lot of the teachers aren’t even that nice because they get so burnt out. I chose to stay home with my kid and we do all the same things they do in daycare plus get out of the house so it works. I feel kids do need to socialize and get out of the house but not go to extreme like put them in daycare for 9+ hours in huge groups of children with only one or two teachers
The issue comes when you bought a house with a spouse and got it with two incomes but when she drops out to be a SAHM they're living paycheck to paycheck.
I wrote this song and recorded it recently about my 5th great grandma, who was a handcart pioneer and how strong she was and essential to her family's survival. Her strength gives me strength and helps me see my value as a mother and that if I do my best to raise my children in a safe and happy environment, by being a positive example for them, they will tell loving stories of me someday. "Dancing in the Snow" ruclips.net/video/Kl9jtT9spzY/видео.htmlsi=vgX5Kg_JRZEymQ6-
People who think motherhood is banal and meaningless and simple has never experienced motherhood. It is the HARDEST thing I've ever done. It tests my intellect and creativity and character daily. Its not that its not fulfilling, its that it feels like I fall so short of being excellent and getting positive feedback. That is an aspect of being a working mom that I can understand the appeal; concrete feedback on whether you're doing a good job, quantitative results, short term reward and feedback loop. That doesn't happen in motherhood. No one thanks me for keeping the dishes and laundry clean or scrubbing the toilet or changing the diapers. I don't get a pay raise for good work or longevity. And my subordinates fight me on every decision that doesn't involve snacks or playing at the park. I don't get sick leave, or paid vacation. And maternity leave? What's that? How many meals have I cooked while nursing a baby and holding a toddler on the other hip? Being a mother is hard. And not having anyone appreciate your efforts makes it very hard. Not seeing immediate progress makes it very hard. And that's just with the tangibles of motherhood. Tiny people take a long time and a lot of effort to raise. But the hugs and snuggles keep me going on the hard days.
Radical Feminism, the BCP and Social Media have almost ruined GenX, Millenial, and Zoomer Women in terms of finding appropriate suitable MEN to date and to marry. Us older MEN are doing our part to mentor these young MEN to be the best MEN that they can be. Please do your part.
It is absolutely delusional to think someone who doesn’t love your children will provide as good of care. It might be true if emotions had no impact on life. But if you accept this delusion, you are in excellent company because it is the most pushed philosophy. And if finances compel you to work, I am not trying to put any guilt on you, you have my complete compassion. But we have got to right this ship, and lovingly bringing up the next generation is the ONLY work of true value in the grander scheme of things. Everyone, including the childless should be deeply invested. Instead, in order to actually make things worse, political systems are now promoting the idea that those who do not “breed” are actually ethically superior to those who do, and the brats should not pollute polite society. To them I say, when you eventually fall to poor health, and have no children, and have not developed significant relationships with the younger set, who is to care for your old ass? You thinking that setting aside a zillion dollars to pay for services only works if there are compassionate and empathetic individuals to fill the roles of nurses and doctors, and the myriad of other jobs and professions that carry forth a society. Being a good mother is enough, it is occasionally boring, occasionally overwhelming. So does accounting, being a lawyer, delivering flowers, all jobs have challenges. Young families:please give careful thought to your choices, you deserve better than running ragged and out of time all the time.
What responsibility do women have to reach an understanding with regards to staying home - with their husbands? If she constantly asserted she would always want to work, and suddenly reverses herself, should not he have profound doubts and concerns? Should he not expect later to be blamed - if she reverses herself again?
Here's the HARSH TRUTH. No one talks about But WE AS A SOCIETY MUST DISCUSS. We as a society are WASTING TOO MUCH RESOURCES ON FEMALES. If females in the end are just going to end up stay at moms it's a WASTE OF RESOURCES. We need to require females to only go to school up to 12 th grade and take home ec classes. For WOMEN TO GET COLLEGE DEGREES AND EARNING HIGH INCOME JOBS, THEY ARE TAKING SLOTS FROM MEN, and minority women who don't have opportunity to be stay at home moms. It's ok for women to be stay at home women. I AGREE WITH IT. I just think we need to structure society better to fit the goal of stay at home moms. This means MORE RESOURCES FOR MEN. THIS MEANS MORE SLOTS AT SCHOOLS AND Higher EARNING JOBS NEED TO GO TO MEN and other minority women. We need more INVESTMENT IN MEN. Stay at home mom with HIGH INCOME JOBS AND Prestigious EDUCATION ARE A PROBLEM. It means WE AS A SOCIETY HAVE WAISTED RESOURCES ON THEM resources that should have gone toen and minority women.
I just had a talk with hubby today & said basically the same thing. We have 2 daughters & 2 sons. It feels wrong to discourage the girls if they are really determined to a have a degree or degrees. But we are saving more for our boys’ college education. I truly think our girls will be better off taking diploma courses & maybe to work in the family biz until the right man comes. I would have done the same thing. I feel my BA was a waste. Although I didn’t have student loan but I should have gotten Home Economics plus sewing & baking lessons instead of Uni! I honestly do. 😂😅
I was told by a woman when I was a new mother that “babies need their mothers, and mothers need their babies”. Oh how true that is.
There was nothing that could lure me back to work and leave my three sons in daycare. A neighbor told me, "I don't respect any woman who stays home." As my husband and I reared our three sons, my gifts surfaced that I didn't know I had: writing, music and art developed. I grew personally. My husband fully supported me; and our three sons all became good husbands, fathers and engineers. They care for their wives and children as their father did. And they all went in the direction of their educated, smart and loving father: my husband (now fifty years together).
This is so encouraging. Good job raising good men, mama!👍
I wonder how things turned out for your rude neighbor.
@@sabl6381We moved. I don't know how her life and family progressed. For me, I tried to figure out through study of the Bible how to be fulfilled.
"The aged women...That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good,...that the word of God be not blasphemed." Titus 2:4,5. (A "keeper at home is a guard") Though I did feel lonely when my husband and children were at work and school, all was well when they were home. More detail than this isn't important. But I did write a book on the topic...this was one of the interests that emerged because I could find time to write.
@@sabl6381right?! What a thing to say? 😮
@@sabl6381 right!
What a travesty we have done to women. Whatever they do is never enough. They should be home, the glue that keeps the family together. That’s a full time job in itself. Being a debt wage slave brings depression and angst, not fulfillment. It’s not fair to have to do it all.
I have 5 kids ranging in age from 17 to 5. My mom was a SAHM and she gave me the best advice ever. She would tell me “you can go out and do any job that you want and be successful at it. NO ONE can do your job (mothering my children) except you.” That stuck with me and made me realize how very important I was in my children’s lives. No one else could ever mother my children like I could. It was MY job.
FABULOUS CREDO!
Love that!
I was always destined for a lucrative career. Im very smart, organized and got great grades. My teachers were looking forward to see which university i would choose to attend and whether i would go into engineering, architecture or something more biology related. Jokes on them, i became an illustrator so i would have the flexibility to be a stay at home mom in the future. They were very dissapointed. But now I use my smarts, my orginization skills, my time management skills etc for my own home. I am literally the CEO. I plan everything out, food, bills, chores, kids, cleaning etc. Everything is organized by me and my husband works to make money so i can make it all happen. Im using MY skills and gifts for MY family and not for some corporation.
Love this❤ So well said. I screenshot this to keep as a reminder when I'm needing inspiration after a tiring day of being a homemaker
I think the biggest problem is women definitely don't realize how much they want to stay home with their baby until they've had the baby. My older sister is a bonafide workaholic from the age of 14. She has become so career successful and owns a radiology practice. Money out the wazoo. When I got pregnant I was talking to her about going back to work. She told me "No no no, Maria no, if you have an opportunity to stay home with your daughter, definitely do it. I wish I never had to go back to work".
She has cornered herself into a completely extravagant lifestyle where everyone depends on her at work and she gave herself no choice to be able stay home with her baby. And she said she never realized her mistake until she had to go back to work from maternity leave.
This is 100% true. Which is why I'm always telling women to assume they WILL want to, not that they won't want to, raise their own baby. You can always change your mind if you planned this way rather than the other way around.
@@SuzanneVenkerAuthor absolutely, I thank my lucky stars I took her advice, my life is so much more fulfilling being a stay-at-home mom 🩷
I never felt more fulfilled in life than when I became a mother.
Wow! This podcast helped me understand that the work-pull inside me is the cause of brainwashing! And that so many women are experiencing this now! I am 38 and a SAHM, with a masters in accounting and thought education and a career could save me; I have more peace knowing it’s ok to choose to be home raising a family and not in the workplace, although as a SAHM you know you’re working most likely harder than you did at the office, as a wife, mother, educator, cook, gardener, maid, etc. It is challenging because my husband travels a lot for work and I don’t have any family except for a sister who lives far. I have good friends though and am digging in to helping build my community where we recently moved. I was raised by alcoholic drug addicts and, God rest her soul, my mom committed suicide. Unfortunately she suffered greatly from bipolar, but I think the root cause was that she ultimately chose to serve herself and go out and party, she didn’t eat well (ho hos and ding dongs are all I remember seeing her eat, and she never ate with us and rarely did she cook), always with a different man, constantly cheated on my stepdad (who despised me from the time he met me at 9 until this day, but I still love and pray for him), leave us with whoever, sometimes years at a time, and chose work and drugs and alcohol over being a mother. It was traumatic to witness her race to her own death, but to honor her I was called into sobriety after repeating her pattern in my twenties, got pregnant two months into sobriety in my early 30s by a drug dealer who bounced when I said NO to abortion, and I handed my life over to God and started following Christ. I’m grateful for my life and the experience that has lead me to choose loving God with all my heart, which looks a lot like loving my beautiful son and now strong and stable husband who took on my son as his own when he was one year old, and creating a home I’m sure my own mother envisioned for herself and children, which is a simple and quiet life. I will do everything in my power to stay close to my husband and son, I will go wherever my husband leads me. Because of my traumas, I know how to love, let go and let God. One day at a time. Baby step by baby step. If I can be saved from such darkness, I have hope other women and mamas can be too! To create a beautiful life is what women were designed to do, and being a workhorse uglies women and creates mental illness because we are sold that having a career and making money is a woman’s highest honor, but that is a complete lie and unnatural to our biology. Praying for American women!
Thanks for sharing this. Praise God!
My mom (a biochemist and rabid feminist) constantly made condescending, insulting comments about stay at home moms. Fast forward through ugly years of me going through law school and business school and having a nervous breakdown because I was stuck pumping at my desk instead of holding and nursing my baby….and I QUIT. Happy homeschool mother and wife of three (soon to be four!) now. I would never go back. I can’t believe the lies I fell for. And my mother is miserable, divorced, and none of us kids talk to her. Why would I take marriage and parenting advice from someone who doesn’t have what I want? The only reason I ever followed those footsteps was out of fear of being devalued, not out of admiration for those values.
When we had my first son my heart knew i wanted to stay home with my baby, but i had outside pressure to send him to daycare. I felt torn. Thankfully my husband was on board with me staying home. He said to me "you always here people say 'I wish I had that time with my kids when they were little.' But you never hear anyone say 'I wish i was at work instead of raising my kids."' That to me hit home.
Love your show! ❤
My parents did this. But mid 20's I got married had children then by the time I was 39 I became a Christian and read the bible and realised this is my purpose and I shouldn't feel guilty about it.
My mom taught me to love and serve her family. She is a boomer, by the way. That upbringing made it easier for me to embrace marriage and motherhood without guilt.
A rare breed in that generation, that’s awesome! We need more like it.
@@juniper1982you feel like a loser because you're tending to your children and home ? That's really sad. 😢
I wish I had this podcast when I first became a SAHM with the birth of our oldest. I was raised by a working mom. I was one of those young women conditioned to think SAHMs had no value and were taking a risk in case something happened to their husband or a divorce (and my dad passed away in my teens so I lived through that struggle, too). But then my husband and I were put in the situation where me going back to work meant almost all my earnings would basically cover daycare costs. It made no sense to work all day just to pay someone else to raise my baby. So we decided I'd stay home. And its been the most rewarding and meaningful thing I've ever done, to stay home and raise our now 3 kids. I also homeschool them. But I won't deny, I struggled so hard at first to find my worth. I burnt myself out so hard trying to do it all on my own with a very needy newborn because my sense of self identity i always had was gone and I struggled to feel comfortable and happy in my new role.
But there was something else I've realized recently. I've never been too close to my own mother. Sure, I love her. She lives alone now so my husband and I help her out a lot. We're wanting to move closer to her as shes getting up there in years. But, I just never felt that closeness to her that I feel with my own babies. And I think my own early upbringing is the reason. I wasn't breastfed as an infant. I spent my earliest years in daycare starting at only a few weeks old. I really feel like that very primal maternal/infant attachment never happened with us. Its 100% different with my own kids, who all were breastfed and raised at home and had all that crucial bonding.
A lot of parents try to deny the amount of bonding that happens in the early years and how critical it is. I tried to do that myself. But ultimately, they NEED their Mom. They spent 9 months connected to you, of course they'd have a much stronger connection to their mother than anyone else. They spent those 9 months listening to your heartbeat, tasting what you eat, hearing your voice, understanding what you were feeling. There's a strong connection there and I feel like it's detrimental to their relationship to try to deny such connection.
Take a look at kids who are adopted. It's almost like there is a natural/even biological curiosity that makes them want to find their biological parents. How could we assume that such connection means nothing or very little when it still stands even after decades of separation and even when parents and child are on opposite sides of the planet?
You make a great point about the mother child attachment!
I was also raised in daycare and have a couple of traumatic memories from being abandoned to strangers when my mom left for work. Although I was safe at daycare it felt like abandonment to me.
I became an adult and moved to a different continent than my parents. My mom used to say: “What did I do wrong to make both my kids move so far away from me?” I used to answer: “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Today I understand that the reason I could just leave and move so far away from my family is because I don’t have a strong attachment to my Mom. I love my mother and think she’s a great mother but I must admit I’m not so close to her. Today I have my own daughter and it would be a nightmare for me if one day she wanted to settle down in another continent than where I live. My daughter and I are very close because I’m a Stay at Home Mom.
My cousins all grew up with a Stay at Home Mom and as adults they chose to settle down in the same town as their parents. I, on the other hand, decided to move away from Europe altogether and settle down in North America when I became a young adult.
The choices we make when our babies are little will impact the rest of our lives. If we want our children to live closer to us when we ourselves become old we probably shouldn’t let them be raised by daycare workers while we focus on our careers or dreams.
😊@@thefuturista7836
Amen sister!
I wish I had this outlook earlier too but I'm glad I'm coming into it now. I struggled with my worth so much becoming a mom because I was implicitly and explicitly taught that my worth was in what I could contribute to society (working). Though I always still felt called to motherhood I assumed that it was something that just happened on the side. My mom was very much a career woman until she was in a car accident when I was in junior high. Then she had to go on disability and our family just about fell apart. She started calling herself a stay at home mom but she she wasn't. She was at home in bed depressed most of the time and I felt abandoned by her just as I was starting to hit puberty. My family was greatly impacted financially and I could hear my parents arguing every night. This really tainted my views on being a stay at home mom. I never intended to be one because I didn't think that that was enough. It took a few years of resisting this calling to realize I was right where I was supposed to be, and that I have experienced more growth as a person in motherhood than I would have in any career.
I really identify with the letters you read and my mom WAS a SAHM so I shouldn't feel this way and yet, society has shoved its ways down my throat. As a mom I have worked outside the home, worked from home, and now I don't do anything that brings in income, but as all SAHM knows I still do loads of work. I just don't get paid in money for what I do. Financially, things are really hard, but this is a season of life - my godmother told me that it's my best season and it really caught me off guard. My godmother is very accomplished and in her 70s - and she misses these days! I need to remember that especially in a society that attacks traditional families. Why do women feel this way? I personally feel it is by design- the devil doesn't want families. Children and marriages are detestable to the devil so why wouldn't he want to make women feel turmoil at forming those children well? Turmoil comes from the devil not God. So, if we are feeling that way, and I'm speaking to myself, too, we need to step back and recognize it for what it is - dissent from the devil at the very important work we are doing - and that will lead to peace. Maybe not right away, but eventually I believe it will as is the case with the recent exchange I had with my godmother. Women reading this: you were made for greatness - be not afraid of the greatness within you! You were made for motherhood!
I honestly never even thought of staying at home until I became a mom at 36. The message from my Boomer Mom was to work and have a career.
I stayed home when my son was a baby, went back to work for a year, and decided to return back home to raise my toddler son. Working and raising my son was soooo challenging and my mental health was declining. I chose to focus on family and the wellbeing of my son. My family is in a much better place now.
I am a mother of 5 grown children. Being a SAHM was the best thing we ever did for our children and for our family. My husband and I both beleived that we wanted them to be raised with our values not other peoples. That was a priority.
29 year old mom of 4 under 5 and I have been home with them all. Never missed anything and I love it. I did work from home during nap time and nights until my 3rd was born but since then I'm just focused on being a mom and wife.
I totally relate to feeling like I "should" work. And its not for financial reasons, I just feel this pressure from society that being "just" a mom is not enough. My husband constantly reminds me how important it is for our whole family that I can focus on the home and thats really what keeps me from feeling too guilty
I am a firm believer that we should live our life in reverse of what society has taught us. Have and raise your babies first! There will always be time for a career after they are older.
I'm so grateful my mother was home with my sister and me. It gave me such a sense of security. Because my mom and dad gave me the best childhood, I wanted to recreate the same for my kids. I was blessed to have a hard-working husband who absolutely agreed and supported his whole family of 5. As adults, our kids say their childhoods were also idyllic, which is the best thing I could ever know. Stayed at home until my son (youngest) was a freshman in high school. I am beyond grateful. Our family is close and loving and supportive.❤
My mom was a stay at home mom and I can relate.
In many ways an idyllic childhood.
It wasnt always easy, but generally, by God's grace, our home was our safe place. Full of love and peace.
@@sarahprovencher9944 I'm so glad to hear that. 🥰
Ever since I was a child all I ever wanted to be was a wife and then a mother. That was my whole goal and ambition. When I became 17 I felt my biological clock ticking the loudest it had ever ticked before, but rather than being supportive of my desires to be a wife and mother my dad basically forced me to get a college education and to be in the workforce. When I confronted him recently on that I was met with "so should I have just let you marry X?" (My second boyfriend who was just that, a boy not a man). I clapped back stating that he should have taught me how to discern a good man from a horrible one, that I wouldn't have made the horrible relationship choices that I did If I had been encouraged to pursue the biological urge to be a wife and mother.
Our daughters will never step foot into a college, our son will attend trade school, and anyone who tells them that God's biological design for them is stupid and should be repressed can just find the door out of their lives.
Being a wife and mother is the highest role that any woman could take on, and I will believe and preach that until the day I die.
ok though "our daughters will never step foot in a college" that's some backward's ass shit right there. It's not up for you to decide, your children will figure out what they want for themselves. Lead by example and let them live THEIR life!!!
I'm so glad that we are on the same page raising your own children. It's not right for a young lady to attend college away from her parents away from her support network with predators and that a campus where anyone can enter the campus and security doesn't monitor anything. If you want to find sexual assault go to a university if you want to find drunkenness and people putting poison in your drink go to a private university if you want to find people strong up on drugs go to a public university, essentially college is a place to never grow up. Colleges and universities are neverland, and our children is grow up, that is our god-given responsibility as parents. Whether they are men or women they must grow up to be a husband or a wife and to raise children of their own who will do likewise. Be fruitful and multiply and fill the Earth. If we refused to do that even though we have the ability we should be ashamed of our selfishness
I think about the key points in anyone's obituary. This person was the son/daughter or such and such, they were married and are survived by such and such children and grandchildren (maybe great-grandchildren). This is the meat and potatoes, folks. Relationships, especially familial ones, are all that end up mattering.
Sadly, a few years ago I was told by my mother that I wasn't living up to what I was raised to be. I was pregnant with my 4th and at home since my 1st was 3. I was raised to be independent and work.
It broke my heart to hear that from her but I know she regrets her own choices and wanted something different for my life.
I would trade being with my children.
That's inconceivable to me. And rest assured her feelings are about HER and not about you.
Then go do it sister. You got this.
I quit my high level career to stay home with my children. And I don’t ever regret it. But, after being raised in feminist culture, it takes a HUGE mindset shift to adjust to the reality that I will be caregiving for the rest of my life. I am already caring for my little babies AND my elderly in-laws who are already in their 80s. Once my young children are older, I will be caring for my own parents likely well into my 60s if they are blessed with long life. I’m not going to put our parents in elder homes just like I’m not putting our babies in daycare. The reality is I’m sacrificing the remainder of my adult life for the sake of others. I’m a Christian and I believe this is the path of Christ and sanctification, and I’m working on accepting a life of service with joy. But I cannot pretend that it’s not a huge sacrifice. It’s not an easy sell to the modern woman. It’s not always going to make you happier in the way we want.
Thanks for sharing! What a privilege to be able to do that for others. You could have paid others to do this (or your aging relatives could have paid for themselves) but you are doing it. They will be cared for by someone committed to loving them and soing them good. They are so blessed.
Just because you are likely doing this work for free, it is not seen as work in the same way. But just because you dont benefit financially from your work as much as others, it doesn't mean your work is less important in those peoples lives. I am sure its the opposite.
May God bless you and provide for all your needs- all your life. Dont be anxious, seek to do his will and he will take care of the rest. Including making things feel like less of a burden and more of a joy.
This is sad but true, my mom never taught me how to cook, clean or any other mother skill because she assumed I would have a career and pay someone to do all that stuff, including raising my children, she wanted me to be successfull in the job field bot not in the home space and for me it's heartbreaking to see or at least feel that I'm falling behind in what I truly want, that is to be a mom and a wife, because I don't have the skill sets for that and I'm learning them way later than I should from my perspective. I'm still 21 so I hope I can catch up, I love your content
"Babies are not beneath you just because you are capable of doing more." That HITS! Our values are all screwed up, we are so backwards, and I do feel like no one told me. I am one of the 30 somethings you have talked about. Glory to God, He has redeemed my life and I will be quitting my job and staying home within the month - with much sacrifice of course, but that I am fully happy to make. I'm struggling for all the reasons you have said, I've been binging the podcasts helping to build my backbone and making sense of all the values I apparently hold but haven't thought out fully yet. I really appreciate you. DEEPLY. I am a very no nonsense - say the hard truths - type of woman, so you speaking so directly really speaks to me. I am 37 and trying to spread the word that babies are the best and warning younger women bc I don't want them to miss their window. I was told secretly that a shout-your-abortion type liberal friend I had from college who ended our friendship over my conservative views would cry to my roommate (years ago) that she was never going to find a man to marry and have children with, but all I ever heard from her was how she hated men. I also work with a guy who's daughter is 10 years my junior who isn't sure she wants kids bc she would rather have a nice car and a handbag, and is concerned her husband is too selfish to be a good father. I hate to think of anyone missing out on the best part of life, which isn't trips to Greece or snorkeling in Hawaii every weekend - but a family. I envy these 20 somethings from religious families who got married and started a family in their early 20's. I really hope to have more babies, but feel in a time crunch now. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM WITH ALL OF US WHO HAVE MISSED THE PLOT. We need you!!
Thank you. I wish there were more "Suzanne's" out there to get this message out and encourage women that have been brainwashed into one way of thinking. 😊
Yes. I think those “more Suzanne’s” should become us. 😃
We are the ones who need to dare to speak about this topic in our own inner circles, that would change the culture over time.
Yes I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I would love to find a way to be more outspoken about my beliefs especially as a mum to a young child. I love Suzanne’s wisdom but would love to find some women who talk about this topic from a current perspective who are in the thick of it!
I have been trying to be this whenever possible to younger people I meet. Im an older Millennial (almost 43) and many are surprised that Im a SAHM since my oldest was born & that I homeschool. It’s so sad that our society has come to this. I am an anomaly even to my own boomer MiL. Im just thankful I have my boomer mom’s support. My name is also literally Suzanne.
I became a mom in my 30s, chose to stay home because I didn’t want someone else to raise my kids. I wished I had planned and bought a home first! Renting on one income can feel very scary, that in of itself makes me feel like I should pull myself up by the bootstraps and “do it all”. Yes we have no support either.
We cannot do it all. That is a big fat lie.
Be strong, have some faith, and it can work out. Do everything you can to live below your means, and find small ways to make a side income.
I am 11 years into being a stay at home mom. I have five kids. We’ve always lived just off of my husbands income, and in those first four years he was hardly making anything and money was extremely tight.
I look back on those years with great fondness and gratitude.
I have never had any support nor any village. My own mom has never tried to assist me. She is very much the stereo, typical selfish boomer type, who only looks out for herself.
Yes, it’s been hard, but it is also so rewarding and I am so grateful that I’ve done it
I've let my fiance know that when we have kids I want to be a stay at home mom. He agrees with me and we are going to work very hard to pay off student loans as soon as we get married. But I haven't really told anyone else of my plan because I'm pretty sure people will think I'm insane. I am a professor at a research institution making over 150k a year. It isn't something you walk away from.
I would encourage you to follow Dave Ramsey's steps to get out of debt now instead of waiting until you're married as babies sometimes follow quickly. Sure, the world doesn't understand walking away from that, but there are many women like me who do. You know your future children are the future of the world and how you form them is the most important work there will ever be.
Edit to add : I find it very heartening that you wrote this as I am SAHM to four children and our sole income is less than a third of the income you mentioned above. It's hard and I often feel like if I just worked outside the home like others do then things wouldn't be so terribly right financially. But I know that I want to be taking care of my children and raising them and teaching them at home (I homeschool, too). It's a mixed up kettle of fish some days, but I know that one day I will look back at these hard days and miss them.
@@chicccky Oh, we are trying, but he went to PA school so there is quite a bit of debt on his end. Even with our combined incomes it will take two or three years to get rid of all of it.
Whatever you do, do NOT listen to negative people, including family… about choosing to stay home with baby, your baby needs you! Just budget a lot, that’s what I do. Money will come and go, but you can’t take back those minutes, hours, days, weeks, etc with your baby ❤
Your future children will be worth so much more than that 150K a year. Nothing in this life is worth more than our children.
Yes, people will probably have a hard time understanding your choices but at the same time you will become a great role model for other young women.
I grew up in Scandinavia where Stay at Home Moms are almost unheard of. I visited the US for one year during college and was very inspired by the Stay at Home Moms I saw while living in North America.
Today I’m a Stay at Home Mom because those other Stay at Home Moms I saw in my early twenties gave me this dream. If I hadn’t visited the US when I was 22 years old I would probably be sending my baby to daycare just like everyone else does in Scandinavia. We badly need role models.
Wow, that is fascinating to hear your story. I love that you were influenced by the US to stay at home. It’s the most important job in the world.
Quietly listening with bursting, thankful heart❤! And yes I'm finally at the end of having raised my children, (in transition),felt that pull my ENTIRE motherhood walk. It came from society and from my own spouse. I stood alone in my conviction/ let the career go/& couldn't be more fulfilled in that decision. Now facing divorce (bcuz i was deemed lazy for not having a job, i.e keeping home, raising kids, loving my husband, was not deemed valuable). I'm here in this area of transition and I'd do it again. If i had to make a sacrifice, and this was the price i had to pay, for STANDING IN THIS SPOT, SO BE IT. Glad to know i did this against EVERY UNSUPPORTIVE FORCE- and I'm still here to look back and smile... don't know where I'm headed but i wouldn't give up raising those wonderful adults, hard times and good. They were worth it and i showed up for the job EVERY DAY. the reward is THEM. I'll figure out what to do with the rest of my life now in my 50s. And I'll do it at my own pace now- understanding what is truly important.
Wow! I hope your children return that love and honour that loving sacrifice. I just prayed for you- may God care for you and bless you!
Absolutely powerful statement: "The one that you've been taught is less than is actually way more than." Suzanne Venker
My mom is the epitome of a career woman she makes a ton of money and wants the same for me. I don’t see how she can’t see how unfulfilled she is and how our relationship suffered as a result. I have been married since I was 20 I’m 36 now. I have 4 kids 7,10,10, 11. I did go back to school and am just now getting my degree but I really have no desire to go to work. It’s terrifying but I feel my purpose is at home. I saw what a career did to my mom and her marriage to my father and I don’t want that for myself.
I think the reason mothers like this can’t see the damage is because they don’t want to, it’s too painful to admit that they made some choices that had negative impacts on their children.
I’m a Stay at Home Mom and my mom hasn’t exactly been supportive of my choice. I notice it’s mainly because I’m doing something better than she did and she knows it. She knows daycare affected me negatively and it doesn’t feel good to think about that.
I wish my mother could be happy that her grandchildren are getting a better childhood than I did. Shouldn’t we always focus on making things better for the next generation? However, what went wrong in my childhood is because of her personal failures so I understand that she doesn’t want to face that. She’d rather stick to the feminist world view that would call her a hero and never point at the negative consequences of her choices.
I have had people make comments that I should put my kid with a babysitter, and contribute financially, even though we don't need the money. I didn't care though. I think it's ludicrous to have my son be with someone else, so I can work for money that we don't need, when I could be there taking care of him and teaching him. It makes no sense. I contribute a lot to the family, and the money my husband makes is also my money. I don't really care if someone thinks I should work. It's none of their business, and my son comes first to me so they can say what they please. My first responsibility is to my child, not to anyone else's opinion.
People....or other women. It is always dried up bitter women. You ladies need to sort this
@@jackdeniston59 It's men too, a lot of men I've went to school with have expressed that they believe SAHMs are lazy. I have actually heard a lot of men say it, including my own father, but I guess that's more common in progressive countries than traditional ones.
My mom was always home with all 6 of us kids. I know I took it for granted at the time, but she was such a loving constant for me. I pictured being a wife and mother myself as a kid. When I met my husband in high school as juniors, I fell head over heals and loved him so much, I wanted to marry him and have all the babies and just love our family. We were both set to get doctoral degrees, mine in physical therapy, his in medicine. I wish I would have just married him right after high school, but because of school, we waited until 23. This felt so unnatural and was so difficult. After we were married, we had our first son a year into marriage. 14 years later, we have 8 total. I never wanted to put our family on hold because we were busy, poor, away from family, etc. I knew whatever training and hardships would be temporary and we would never get that time back to have children or spend time with them. When my oldest was 6, I was able to be home with them full time. Before that, I was full time for 2 years, then supplemental for 4 years. I wish I could have had all those years home with them. We could have made it work. It would have been hard, but I wish I would have heard this encouragement when I was younger or known the impact it has on little children. I'm so thankful for all the information you are getting out there now!!
I’m a first time mom and came home from work when he was 18 month. This is the hardest job I have ever had. It’s been 5 month. It’s hard! I don’t have support from my parents because they spoiled me and never disciplined. They said I should be the same with my boy. I disagree. My husbands at work most of the day so it’s really up to me. At least at work you have people training you and a team dynamic. Yet ever day I run into someone that tells me my son is such a happy boy, that he is well adjusted, and that just makes this whole time worth it. I hope it has to do something with me being here with him. It’s hard but those little moments here and there make it all worth it.
It has everything to do with it. That recognition IS your pay check. :) (It'd be nice if it came every two weeks!)
Yes, you staying home with your son is the reason he’s happy and well adjusted in life.
I highly recommend you read “Being There” by Erica Komisar if you want to learn about the research on how important a mother’s presence is during a baby’s first three years of life. I felt very encouraged and empowered once I understood that the science on early childhood development was on my side. Our culture tells us to do things to our babies that is detrimental to their development. Stay at Home Moms have an opportunity to meet their baby’s needs and therefore give them a great start in life, something that’s not possible to do when a baby spends 8 hours a day away from mom in a daycare.
I found my “team” by connecting with other Stay at Home Moms on RUclips.
I like to watch the RUclips channels by Stay at Home Moms like “Kayla Buell”, “Loeppkys Life” and “Bethany Fontaine”. I also find so much encouragement and inspiration plus great tips for motherhood from the comment sections on these RUclips channels. 😃
Hang in there, mommy! There is very little instant gratification in being a mom. It is an investment and you'll see the fruits of your labor, even if takes 25 years. I stayed home, prioritized my children and my oldest went through a very rebellious stage. I threw up my hands and wondered why I had bothered. She's now 26 and raising her own son and she's capable of telling me and showing me that what I did mattered. She's an excellent mom and appreciates her childhood. No one can provide what you do for your own child. Stay the course! ❤️
I've raised my 3 daughters to respect and prioritize motherhood and marriage. Two of them are now moms and constantly need reassurance that they're doing it right by prioritizing their boys rather than finding jobs. One told me this week that other than me and my mother, no one, even their church friends, tell them that just being a mom is enough. I am a 4th grade teacher and stayed home while my children were young, going back to work when the youngest was a 2nd grader. What I see are the results of a generation who has taken their eye off the ball. Children aren't disciplined, their childhood consists of school and activities and very little time with parental input. It shows. I feel like I have to teach them common courtesy, cooperation, thinking of others, speaking respectfully, how to attend to something and what to value. I'm weary of tiresome responses from emails about behavior that excuse their child instead of taking ownership and requiring proper behavior. We need to get back to taking pride in raising our own children and doing it well like it mattered.
I thankfully haven't had too many comments. I stayed home right after getting pregnant because I was a welder and couldn't do the work while pregnant anyway. I know I could be making a lot right now but I grew up very poor, so my perpective is different. What i have now is so much more than what I grew up with, that I dont have an itch for more.
I think making friends for playdates is very useful. I have made 3 friends just at parks making small talk, and enjoy their company as much as my son enjoys playing with their kids. About to have my second and am painting the room twighlight colors and enjoying investing in my baby. It is as good as you make it. When I get fussy, I leave the house and get my son out. Most of it is just being cooped up too much i think.
There is pressure to work. I got it big time from my parents who said i was wasting my degree by not working full time after having my son. I had family say they were so disappointed in me when i gave up my full time job so that i could stay home with my son, while we moved across the country so my husband could get a higher paying job.
I had my first baby in June. Both my parents and my sister have all looked at me and said "cant you just put him down and leave him alone?" Everyone around you also acting like a baby is a toy you turn off when your busy is soooo frustrating.
I am so sorry to hear that. Babies are not toys. They are human beings, active, funny sometimes really demanding. But nobody will love you as much as your baby does. For him or her you are his whole world 🙂
I got those comments a lot too from family. I feel you.
I made “unwise” career decisions as a single mom in order to raise my baby girl. No regrets! Im finally getting back on my feet financially but it’s been hard. My daughter and I are closer than ever. ❤
I have been a sahm for 15 years. My fellow sahm all have degrees in law, medicine, architecture, teaching, science, and business. The culture cannot convince me that it is an uneducated choice to raise your own children, when the women I know who have obtained the highest educations all choose to run their households and raise the next generation. They understand the science of attachment and the responsibility for caring for their families. They know how to prioritize and succeed in what matters most- relationships. They also understand the importance of supporting their husbands in becoming excellent providers and fathers. It is amazing what can be accomplished when you work together to cover all the bases and raise a family.
Suzanne, are you at home? Your home looks lovely.
Great episode. Thank you!
Loving The Little Years by Rachel Jankovic is a very encouraging book for SAHM. 😊
I am a product of a feminist/60s mom who left my sister and I in daycare/school programs to become a doctor (divorced twice)...all I heard was achieve, achieve, achieve. College was my only option, STEM was preferred, and I was so confused...I became a high school STEM teacher. Then I got married and started having kids, my husband said stay home and it was a total surprise for me! It seemed so far removed from my upbringing. Until baby #3, people were asking me when I was going back to work. 😂
OMG thank you for this one, it is so needed! Nice to finally hear from a woman and what the husband has to say. Your videos are so good, appreciate it.
Meanwhile, my mom was a stay at home mom. She was widowed at a young age then divorced from her second marriage. Because she was a stay at home mom she was basically unemployable. I’ve had to completely financially support her for 10+ years, while putting most of my own goals on a permanent hold.
Thank you for saying this. I pursued a "career" and thought that I didn't want children. Luckily I was married because at 28 I wanted a child BADLY and being a mum is the most satisfying job I've ever had despite it being the most difficult thing I've done. My husband did find the adjustment to one income difficult so I just wish I could have shown him your videos back then.
Listening for a while, it became so clear - motherhood is a calling. A true & sincere calling. A woman embarking on having her children is willing to trade anything for it. Because she really wants them. The problem is some women do it anyway but never had the desire. We as women have to be brutally honest with ourselves. Not to have children out of insecurity or fear.
Suzanne, you are doing gods work. Thank you for all you do. You are more supportive than my uninvolved boomer mother will ever be 💜
ty, Melissa. Got your email too :)
Such an important message for Moms - thank you!! 🙏
Ahhhhh so needed to hear this, thank you Suzanne. In survival mode homeschooling preteens and caring for a baby. Yet I somehow have the underlying feeling that I need to be working towards a career.
Boomers and their parents placed so much importance on college, degrees, good jobs, always have something to fall back on bc you never know. Not going to college wasn’t an option. But didn’t bother to teach us discernment when looking for a mate. Didn’t want us to have sex, date, even kiss, that all was dirty and shameful. But that’s your biology. I remember feeling resentful thinking why do I have to do all this shit for forty years before I can do what I want which is get married and have babies….it makes me sad looking back on it.
Never once taught me DISCERNMENT or how to date or choose wisely.
Fucked up now that I’m looking back on it in the context of your video here…
Now I have two children with a man who works hard and I stay home with the babies….bc we decided that’s how we wanted to live, but he resents the hell out of me and it shows every single day of our lives. It was what he wanted, an ideal life for both of us, but I’m “taking advantage” of him. Even though he makes me ask for money for anything, and justify why I need it. He withholds affection and love and understanding from me and the children. I feel so lonely.
Like he thinks support is keeping the lights on and nothing more.
I just need encouragement. 💔
Jesus give these people wisdom snd understanding
Oooooooph!!!! The first paragraph of this was everything! But i thank GOD that Jesus found me right on time and as a loving Father, the Father taught me what to look for in a mate! I’m still single but learning all that i can so i can grow to discern.
Don’t beat yourself up about it!!!! The Father in Heaven will show you and your baby love and affection!!!! As He showers you with His love, He will teach you how not to resent your husband and give you authority to pray effective prayers for your husband that your husband may also learn the Father’s love and be able to demonstrate it to you and your baby ❤
All I can say is thank you so much for this message
Thanks so much for these podcasts. My mum stayed at home most of my childhood but it was as she had a mental illness. I don’t think I have really had any good influence to say I should be able to stay at home, always pushed to uni and career . I’ve worked since 14 now 31 and pregnant now. Praying so desperately I can stay at home but I think most guys in Australia think their partner should work
I needed to hear this, I'm a stay at home mom, the only one of my siblings who had kids, i have little support since my parents aren't nearby. I am not working but I keep thinking I "should be". Thanks for this reminder that it's OK to be a stay at home mom for right now!
I appreciate your work so much!!
If your husband wants to stay home also society stare at you how stupid and lazy a person can be…. I have worked before and traveled around the world but now I know motherhood is most beautiful job and I can say sometimes it is hard but still gives lot of joy.
Sorry, husbands need to work. My opinion. Its not natural for Dad's to mother. Of course on rare occasions.
I am politically liberal (think old-school, Bill Maher type) and I really like this lady. I know more “conservatives” follow Suzanne and given the modern world of male/female relationships, this is perfectly understandable. Social media, toxic feminism etc. has just about ruined things and that is a shame. I am glad I am not in my 20’s or 30’s, especially if I wanted a lifetime commitment and family. Keep up the good work young lady. 😊
We do get wholloped with so much negativity!!! Thank you for speaking up❤
Thank you! Suzanne were expecting our first and you give me confidence that being a momma is enough and I don’t have to absorb the narrative that it will destroy my life or my husbands for that matter! I’m so glad you lend your voice to this in our modern culture.
I graduated high school in 2010 and I'll tell you how it's been.
2010s - Maybe women will date me when they are done with college?
2020s - Never mind, women now have to work for eternity to pay off their debt, I guess society will collapse due to a shrinking population LOL
Feminism is dead, I don't see this trend surviving in a few decades, quite literally.
My daughter is graduating debt free. Her tuition is paid by our income. Don't assume because a woman went to college she is in debt. Our daughter will graduate and work until a good man finds her.
I love being a SAHMW I do some vegan catering on the side as an extra to help my husband. Staying home is the best. We sold our house for a cheaper one.
Thank you Suzanne
I am a stay at home mom. I have 6 children total and two teens still at home. I recently found this youtube/podcast and my question is this, how do women with a lot of school debt stay home with their babies? Especially if the husband doesn't make enough to pay the monthly payment? So many women got loans to go to college and may have great careers that make good money to pay it back but they can't unless they work. What advice do you have for them? Perhaps there is another video or podcast where you covered this topic I could listen to. Let me also say that there is only so much you can cut out of a budget and still fall short especially in this terrible economy and inflation we are dealing with. Thanks in advance!
If you truly want to stay home and you have school debt, or any kind of debt, you must ask very hard questions and be willing to sacrifice and cut your budget to the bone to make it work. This includes selling your house and renting something cheaper. It includes selling your car and buying a cheaper one or even going to one car per family. Cut your paid subscriptions. Cut cable tv. Shop at goodwill and thrift stores.
Homeschool mom of 5 and husband has tremendous student debt. Fed loans go off by income so we “pay 0”’and private loans sued us with a judgment, won but can’t collect because we are too broke based on income/family size. I’ll never own a home. I’ll never be debt free. If I worked it would be gone in 3 years with 2 incomes but babies came when they did outside our timing so we just deal with consequences. They suck but I have the happiest kids in the world.
❤ I love you Suzanne!!
Marriage and motherhood WERE dirty words when I was growing up. Stay at home moms were "lazy and stupid, which is why nobody would hire them" 😠
I'm 32 for reference
That's pretty much what I've been taught all my life and I'm only 27
I’m 25 and I use to think that as well. For some reason I thought stay at home moms didn’t know how to even drive or anything. Boy I was wrong
@@craziebarbietalks692I’m a stay at home mom and I don’t know his to drive but even then it doesn’t make me less valuable.
@@sofiabravo1994 never said it wasn’t valuable, just thought they couldn’t do certain things
That’s what I was taught and I’m 38. People wonder why it took me so long to get to motherhood but there’s a TON of stigma surrounding it.
I agree, but it's very disappointing that when many conservative men talk about how they value homemakers, they do it in such a condescending way that I can almost feel them patting me on the head.
The worst is working with a woman who believes she is entitled to a better work experience then her coworkers without children. They demand and expect support from teammates and employers. Please stop this! Supporting your family is YOUR business. WE DO NOT care if your over-scheduled little brats have an event you need to swap for again. And the drama when told NO is telling....................
Money is just not worth the time I'd miss with my baby.
What about once your kids reach middle school/high school? Still enough by cooking, driving, homeschooling, etc?
Thank you ❤
I'd say this : your children are your legacy. .. think hard on that. What kind of a legacy are you one day going to leave behind?
You are amazing! Thank you❤
The part of being a smart accomplished woman is the during those years of education your literally being indoctrinated with abortion and liberal anti-family propaganda on the University. Ive been a Mom for 11 years. I have ALWAYS felt like I wasn't doing enough because I was Educated and 'Should' have been doing anything besides staying home with my son...but my heart always wanted to be with my children.
Well, and the thing they don't teach is that we NEED Mom's that are willing to stay home to create well-rounded kids and a well-rounded society. We NEED Mom's staying at home with the babies because they need Mom way more than Dad in the first few years. We NEED Mom's willing to prioritize children over making money. We NEED Mom's raising kids to be there for other's and to help other's by actually being there themselves.
I don't see how prioritizing making money over children should be seen as "better" or make a woman a "girlboss." As much as we wish our kids would LISTEN to what we say, they learn so much more by the example we set for them. And if our example shows that we'd rather make more money then try to make sacrifices to be there for them or that we should prioritize money over giving birth to children, what does that teach them? They don't matter and their value does not exceed that of money. Our actions will always speak much louder than words as kids will always learn much more by example than by mouth.
A woman's worth is not measured by how much she makes, neither is a man's worth. That is the world's view on worth but the hearts view on worth? People are worth far more than the money they make.
It’s also good to know that the reason the indoctrination exists in universities is because those with the most power are scared of mothers staying home.
When mothers stay home their children become secure, confident, curious kids who develop critical thinking skills. When children are raised by daycare workers they develop severe peer orientation and become conformist. Those in power have always needed to control the population and they need young people to be conformist not confident critical thinkers.
Stay at Home Moms seem so harmless but they are actually dangerous to powerful people who want a dumbed down population that doesn’t question things too much.
Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate wrote the book “Hold On to Your Kids” that explains exactly how peer orientation develops when mothers don’t stay home. It’s a fascinating read.
Like you threw it all away. You could've been so much more.
I've heard it all too
@@thefuturista7836 Yeah. Exactly. Great comment. You are right. I have that book but haven't read it yet.
A University shouldn't have to teach the value of a Mother. Societies knew this forever...it just seems like we have created this modern slum we've drifted so far from Truth. The only way now your going to know any value of anything is if your in a traditional religion because that's the only place to find it.
My husband was “indoctrinated” into thinking mothers have to do it all. Work full time, keep house, and raise the children pretty much on our own. His mother did that and died of cancer when he was 12, but he sees that because she did it all, that is how it is supposed to be. Needless to say we are getting divorced, but those 6 years together with our daughter were really tough, as he HATED me staying at home and taking care of our child. He went to daycare, so why can’t she? My next husband will think the way I do, I will make sure of it.
That sounds so stressful, I hope you find a man who understand the importance of his own childs needs. Thank you for fighting for your child. God bless!
You have to ask yourself WHY an entire generation raised their daughters that way though. I'm 36 for reference.
Maybe because they don’t want to be in a situation where they have to be dependent on a man in case something happens, but there is a reason for wills and stuff like that. You have to prepare for those things because life happens. When I got pregnant I prepared before I did just in case it happened, which it did.
Materialism and an extreme focus on themselves in many cases.
a combination of feminism, contraception, no-fault divorce, materialism, and elements of communism. I think there was a huge over correction in trying to make things "fairer" for women...where now they are expected to act like men and they wonder why they're miserable.
There was A LOT of propaganda in the sixties and seventies that pushed that it was great for kids to be raised by daycare workers. They even went as far as to say that children who are home with Stay at Home Moms won’t develop as well as children in daycare. Today we have research that proves the complete opposite is true.
My boomer parents were both raised by happy Stay at Home Moms and still bought the idea that it would be best for them to put their own kids in daycare. How? Because of the propaganda that was everywhere in the media during the sixties and seventies. Just ask your own boomer parents what they were taught about parenting and motherhood from the media while growing up.
Because the goal of feminism was and is to indoctrinate and brainwash women.
Hi! I hope you see this. I am currently the mother of an amazing 6 month old boy. For financial help, I am going back to work (from home) for two hours a day (M-F) while my son is cared for by his father or my mother. Does this seem too early for him to be away from me this long? I am so anxious that I will ruin the trust I am building with him. Any support would be helpful. ❤
Don’t work mama since you have support from husbands. They are little for a short time; enjoy it. Your babies are never better in daycare. If you can help it, stay home. Maybe babysit in your home to bring in extra cash
I think daycare can be good in ways like getting the kids out of the house and having them be on a schedule with other kids but I feel like directors and owners ruin it in a way by making it expensive to where parents have to both work full time. They put to many kids in a class and then they don’t have as many teachers in a room. A lot of the teachers aren’t even that nice because they get so burnt out. I chose to stay home with my kid and we do all the same things they do in daycare plus get out of the house so it works. I feel kids do need to socialize and get out of the house but not go to extreme like put them in daycare for 9+ hours in huge groups of children with only one or two teachers
1:10 Women who are delaying settling down are not going to have kids or a Husband. Men are not looking to date women over 30 years old.
The issue comes when you bought a house with a spouse and got it with two incomes but when she drops out to be a SAHM they're living paycheck to paycheck.
My Mom was a Stay at Home Mother and I witnessed severe financial abuse and poverty.Quarrels on food and basic needs.
I wrote this song and recorded it recently about my 5th great grandma, who was a handcart pioneer and how strong she was and essential to her family's survival. Her strength gives me strength and helps me see my value as a mother and that if I do my best to raise my children in a safe and happy environment, by being a positive example for them, they will tell loving stories of me someday.
"Dancing in the Snow"
ruclips.net/video/Kl9jtT9spzY/видео.htmlsi=vgX5Kg_JRZEymQ6-
People who think motherhood is banal and meaningless and simple has never experienced motherhood. It is the HARDEST thing I've ever done. It tests my intellect and creativity and character daily. Its not that its not fulfilling, its that it feels like I fall so short of being excellent and getting positive feedback. That is an aspect of being a working mom that I can understand the appeal; concrete feedback on whether you're doing a good job, quantitative results, short term reward and feedback loop. That doesn't happen in motherhood. No one thanks me for keeping the dishes and laundry clean or scrubbing the toilet or changing the diapers. I don't get a pay raise for good work or longevity. And my subordinates fight me on every decision that doesn't involve snacks or playing at the park. I don't get sick leave, or paid vacation. And maternity leave? What's that? How many meals have I cooked while nursing a baby and holding a toddler on the other hip? Being a mother is hard. And not having anyone appreciate your efforts makes it very hard. Not seeing immediate progress makes it very hard. And that's just with the tangibles of motherhood. Tiny people take a long time and a lot of effort to raise. But the hugs and snuggles keep me going on the hard days.
Radical Feminism, the BCP and Social Media have almost ruined GenX, Millenial, and Zoomer Women in terms of finding appropriate suitable MEN to date and to marry. Us older MEN are doing our part to mentor these young MEN to be the best MEN that they can be. Please do your part.
It is absolutely delusional to think someone who doesn’t love your children will provide as good of care. It might be true if emotions had no impact on life. But if you accept this delusion, you are in excellent company because it is the most pushed philosophy. And if finances compel you to work, I am not trying to put any guilt on you, you have my complete compassion. But we have got to right this ship, and lovingly bringing up the next generation is the ONLY work of true value in the grander scheme of things. Everyone, including the childless should be deeply invested. Instead, in order to actually make things worse, political systems are now promoting the idea that those who do not “breed” are actually ethically superior to those who do, and the brats should not pollute polite society. To them I say, when you eventually fall to poor health, and have no children, and have not developed significant relationships with the younger set, who is to care for your old ass? You thinking that setting aside a zillion dollars to pay for services only works if there are compassionate and empathetic individuals to fill the roles of nurses and doctors, and the myriad of other jobs and professions that carry forth a society. Being a good mother is enough, it is occasionally boring, occasionally overwhelming. So does accounting, being a lawyer, delivering flowers, all jobs have challenges. Young families:please give careful thought to your choices, you deserve better than running ragged and out of time all the time.
GBY:.
😎👍❤🦘
What responsibility do women have to reach an understanding with regards to staying home - with their husbands? If she constantly asserted she would always want to work, and suddenly reverses herself, should not he have profound doubts and concerns? Should he not expect later to be blamed - if she reverses herself again?
Here's the HARSH TRUTH. No one talks about But WE AS A SOCIETY MUST DISCUSS. We as a society are WASTING TOO MUCH RESOURCES ON FEMALES.
If females in the end are just going to end up stay at moms it's a WASTE OF RESOURCES. We need to require females to only go to school up to 12 th grade and take home ec classes.
For WOMEN TO GET COLLEGE DEGREES AND EARNING HIGH INCOME JOBS, THEY ARE TAKING SLOTS FROM MEN, and minority women who don't have opportunity to be stay at home moms.
It's ok for women to be stay at home women. I AGREE WITH IT.
I just think we need to structure society better to fit the goal of stay at home moms.
This means MORE RESOURCES FOR MEN. THIS MEANS MORE SLOTS AT SCHOOLS AND Higher EARNING JOBS NEED TO GO TO MEN and other minority women.
We need more INVESTMENT IN MEN.
Stay at home mom with HIGH INCOME JOBS AND Prestigious EDUCATION ARE A PROBLEM.
It means WE AS A SOCIETY HAVE WAISTED RESOURCES ON THEM resources that should have gone toen and minority women.
Finding a husband who wants a sahm takes time. Why should she sit at home and do nothing until then? 😂
I just had a talk with hubby today & said basically the same thing. We have 2 daughters & 2 sons. It feels wrong to discourage the girls if they are really determined to a have a degree or degrees. But we are saving more for our boys’ college education. I truly think our girls will be better off taking diploma courses & maybe to work in the family biz until the right man comes. I would have done the same thing. I feel my BA was a waste. Although I didn’t have student loan but I should have gotten Home Economics plus sewing & baking lessons instead of Uni! I honestly do. 😂😅