After 50 years as an amputee I've noted two things. One, everybody ask, sooner or later, and it depends on who and how. I don't think there is a write answer and you need play it by ear. And, kids don't count, especially young ones. They'll blurt just about anything. Roll with it.
theres something refreshing about how blunt kids are tbh. i have to wear braces on all of my joints bc i have chronic pain. kids love asking about my "robot leg" or "rockstar gloves" (my compression gloves are fingerless and black). it makes me laugh, and sometimes it makes my day to be honest. adults tend to stare or pity me, which just makes me feel bad. my mom also has the same thing with her teeth. theyre mostly rotted out bc she cant afford dental care or dentures. kids will walk up to her and straight up ask "what happened to your mouth?" or "whats wrong with your teeth?". its blunt but she usually comes up with a silly answer like "i ate all my halloween candy in one night and didnt brush my teeth" and laughs it off. adults will judge her tho, and assume shes on hard drugs and a bad mother, just bc of her teeth. long story short, kids usually mean well, theyre just too curious for their own good sometimes lol
Thanks for the video! I recently met a guy who is deaf. He goes to my church often but I've been nervous to approach him. I'm a youth leader so I often approach youth in the church. I started communicating with him this past Sunday. He is very nice. I just need to be patient cause we communicate in person over texting. I'm learning to treat and respect him like everyone else.
The parts about bringing up another person you know with the same medical condition and pity are so relatable to me. When you bring up someone else with the same condition as you, it shows me that you don't see me for me and think that everyone with that condition are the same. Yes, I have this condition. That doesn't mean my experiences are the same as the person you know's experiences. Taking pity on me also shows me that you don't see me for me because you're only focusing on the stuff I can't do instead of the stuff I can do.
I hate that too. Its especially common with those who have Lupus, the first thing out their mouths is oh so and so has Lupus and they blah blah blah. That's great I really appreciate that you notate everyone that has Lupus so you can somehow relate to a person who has it "its irrelevant every person is different". Why the hell do people do that? They really don't get it. Each person is different we all have a different physiological makeup. Some are worse than others. That mentality of "Oh, well so and so has this or that and they work", really pisses me off. They don't get it at all. Then they try to play Dr. Explaining to you ways you can make it better and if you dont do it than you only have yourself to blame. People just need to STFU lol. I've considered making videos about things but I don't give a shit about others bullshit opinions of me or being compared and contrast to someone else. I'm grumpy in that aspect people have a lot of shit to say if you let em.
This is great feedback/info. I always smile and acknowledge anyone who makes eye contact with me. I feel it’s simple human interaction when I’m walking into a store, or walking down the street that eye contact equals acknowledgement of some sort. I feel it would be invasive to ask questions but I’m happy to help someone (older/younger/unable and struggling to reach something) reach something off a store shelf. It does strike me as odd that someone would ask about why or what happened without first developing some sort of rapport. Honestly, I want to know if it’s rude to ignore the obvious and just talk to the person like I normally talk to random strangers. Cuz I will talk about anything to anyone! I kinda feel like I’m hearing it’s cool to be my normal self ... cuz you are your normal self.
Thanks so much for making this video. I really appreciate that you noted that not every disabled person is willing to talk about their disability, because it is often very upsetting when people I don't know just ask me personal questions like "why do you use a cane?" When I know someone, it's different, but it can feel very accusatory (I'm young, and some people ask it in a way that implies I'm faking my disability) and invasive when someone just asks without saying anything else. For me, although I'm generally pretty open with people I know about my illness, it is actually kind of a sad story why I started using my cane, and I don't really like people I don't know to just ask about it in the middle of the day, especially because they then usually just jump right into pitying me. Yeah, it does suck, but guess what, you saying that doesn't make it any better, it just makes me feel both awkward and sad. (also don't say I'm "too young" to be disabled like yeah I am young but I don't think showing my illness some ID will make it stop lol) As for the inspiration stuff, I want to say that it feels very demeaning to be called an inspiration, especially just for doing regular things, like Megan said. Like, I have to live my life this way, it's the way my life is. It makes me (and many other disabled people) feel like an object to be reduced to an "inspiration" for abled people. If you want a better explanation of "inspiration porn," I highly recommend Stella Young's TED talk. She was an amazing disability advocate and her explanation is way better than mine. Sorry for the super long comment, I just kind of wanted to give my two cents for anyone who wants to read it. Thanks for doing what you do, Megan!
Abby Yes, “invasive” is the word! And yeah, it’s SO weird when people are like, “Wowww you’re so brave and amazing!” Like yes, I am. lol But they’re solely basing it on the fact that I’m eating at a restaurant while sitting in my wheelchair, or driving my car while also being a wheelchair user... Which could be a challenge for me or not, depending on the day (and nowhere *near* the most challenging aspects of my life), and for some people is nothing extraordinary at all. They don’t actually have any real idea of what makes me brave and amazing.
Yes!!! Like you should say I'm inspiring for getting a master's degree, or managing to deal with all the bullshit ableist compliments I get without tripping people with my cane lol! Those are actual achievements, not me daring to bare my face outside while using a mobility device. It's nice to be able to rant with people about this lol! So thanks
I’m quite open about being bipolar and the second I mention it, people tell me stories about the bipolar people they know! Often saying was so crazy and ruined everything but then quickly back peddling and saying I’m sure you’re not like that.
I work for the federal government and I have two masters degrees. When I started my fourth year at my second location as a supervisor, the EEO manager in employee orientation told me that she was sorry that the TV had no captions for me to read and this was after I told her I was visually impaired, not deaf, but she continued to sign to me in ASL! My coworkers and I laughed because we work with blind individuals and could not believe that she got the disabilities mixed up! She was nervous or just uneducated! But being the EEO manager you really hoped she knew the difference between blind and deaf! 😂
Hello Megan I just stumbled on to your channel and I'm intrigued. I have been an amputee from the tender age of 3 and I'm now a confidant 54 year old woman. I have learned a lot on being physically challenged through my life. I lost my complete left arm and partial right foot in a farming accident. I just started my RUclips channel 6 months ago. Like you, I feel it was my calling to show the world that I can do anything that I put my mind to....I work as a waitress. There is nothing I can't do! You are beautiful! Thanks for sharing your story!
Thanks so much for this! I will definitely use your point on, rather than trying to relate through someone else you know who is disabled, and instead finding common ground elsewhere in your life!
I wonder that the point behind people saying, “you’re inspiring” because you don’t have an arm, and still doing a great job at what you’re doing, is just that. They can only imagine how they would do in your position and maybe wouldn’t try as hard to do the “normal” things, believing it’s in achievable. Maybe them mentioning that as well as learning you’re an Olympian would be better. Just a thought. I’m not in your position, so I could be wrong. Love your videos; they definitely keep me going with my disability and encourage me to keep positive and keep going!! Thank you!!!
I think that elderly gentleman was the exception. I feel like being disabled (like me and my leg amputation) belong to a kind of fraternity. I don’t mind going up to another disabled person and talking about my prosthetic. I feel like we connect no matter what the disability is.
Recently had rotator cuff repair and biceps tenodesis (Which i know doesn’t compare to what you had to go through).This is my second go round. The first time, I had short hair and was able to just wash and blow dry easily one handed. This time around my hair is longer and its summer so was dying to put my hair in a ponytail. So, went to RUclips and looked up one handed ponytail and there you were. I was amazed at how easy you made that look. Then I was like, 🤔 I wonder how she lost her arm. So here I sit recovering from rotator cuff surgery and watching your videos. Thank you for sharing.
Ok so I know it’s not the same, but I have a port wine stain on my cheek and these tips still apply. Another form of pity I’ve dealt with was people thinking that they have to tell me “you’re still beautiful” like that’s what I need to hear to get through my day. 😖
Just found your channel and I’m loving it so far! You are awesome for starting a channel and being willing to open up to a whole different world. I was born Deaf but I am still pursuing more than I think I would have if I were hearing. If looking at the glass half full, having a disability only pushes us further as individuals to be more than me not being able to hear without my “ears” or you missing an arm. Not saying that it’s any different for those without disabilities cause I wouldn’t be where I am without them! But the life that all of us have received is only a blessing!
Hey Megan....I totally respect your open, good hearted honest curiosity. Don't ever stop being that way. I get that many people haven't come to terms with a loss such as a limb, sight, mobility, etc. I was severely injured in combat; I dont at all mind people, usually kids, asking why I look the way I do or walk differently, etc. I still get to the gym, work, break balls on my squad, etc. In other words, just living a normal life. I think people often times use such a loss as an excuse as opposed to motivation. I was told I would absolutely not walk again. About 4 years years later I walked into the docs office to tell him he was wrong 😜 Keep bein' you, dude....! You are amazing 😍😍
1971irvin It's impossible to overlook a missing limb. I can't help but look at extraordinary things, but I don't keep looking. A few seconds, that's all. They never seem to mind a "short stare".
I can relate to this, I’ve gone to the store before where the cashier had only one arm. I did not notice this till my family had pointed out that she had only one arm.
Yeah I get asked a lot about why I am disabled. Then I explain my car crash story and they then feel sorry for me. LOL I just laugh and say No don't, I am actually much happier in my life than I was as a fully abled person. I have all my limbs however they don't cooperate with me. I just leave them with something positive because I am just a person. I am naturally a positive person. This (points at all the medical related stuff) just allows me to appreciate life more. I have nerve damage in my neck and lower back and now a brain issue? Well it is affecting my speech and memory and motor function. LOL LONG story hahaha! I have a ton of disabilities. (if you ask I will gladly explain it all.)
Hey Megan, I think this a great thing you’re are doing with your RUclips channel! I am not an amputee but I’m going to college next fall to study to be a nurse and love hearing your story! So I’m not an amputee but I had a seizure in my 5th grade classroom, which lead me to my cities hospital then med flighted to Arkansas’s children’s hospital ( all unconscious). They found a bundle of blood vessels bleeding in my brain AKA Cavernous Malformation. Then again in 7th grade a reconstruction of my skull since it dissolved around the medal plate they put in. So I’m a Senior now and partly blind in my left eye. I say all of this because I believe God has a plan for us and all the ones who go through these things! Thanks again for all the videos you decided to do!
I was born without half my left forearm. This is a belated welcome to the club, my sister. i can spot a curious kid at 100 paces. I will often approach the parent && say "I know your child is curious. I *love* curious kids. My name is bandit - I'm the one-armed bandit." then i look at the kid && tell them i was born this way. If you do it right, the parents will not be embarrassed && the kid's curiosity is rewarded and satisfied.
With me the kids are more curious than the adults. Kids are the worst, they dont not hold back. I almost have to laugh, because I could be having a normal conversation with their parents and their kid will walk by and interrupt our conversation just to ask one of their parents about why my voice is so high pitched. Meanwhile I am standing right there and I hear their question.
Johnny Eck (former carnival attraction, billed as "the Half Boy") would tell people he'd gotten run over by a train. He also had the best response ever to "How do you go to the bathroom?" "In private."
By the way, you are inspiring because you can do a one armed headstand. I worked my butt off to do that on two arms and I still wobble like a newborn once I am there...
I love this video! My daughter is fed via feeding tube and it amazes me how many people just stare at her while she is eating! I love sharing her journey and raising awareness for feeding tubes and I wish more people would approach us and ask about it! Also all the people that say "aww poor baby" when I share her story. Umm she's not a "poor baby" she is a very happy thriving little girl because of this amazing tube that allows her to get her nutrition safely!!! Ohh and you are freaking gorgeous BTW!
I was at the Laura Ingalls Wilder museum in DeSmet, South Dakota, when I saw the most adorable little girl, maybe a little more than two years old, toddling around in her dress and sun bonnet. I am an absolute baby maniac, so of course I crouched down to interact with her. She was cute and bubbly and full of fun, peeking at me from behind columns. She giggled and grinned and we were having a good time, just two strangers interacting at a tourist place. But the parents were giving me the stink eye and I knew it was probably because they thought I was pretending to think she was cute because I wanted to stare at their little quadruple amputee and her glaring old prosthetics. And that wasn't the first time I got ugly looks from parents when I was treating a baby with an obvious disability the same way I'd treat any baby. I played peek a boo with a baby that kept popping up over the back of a restaurant booth. I can't even remember now what the baby's obvious disability was -- a facial deformity or part of a hand missing or what. I just remember the kid was so engaging and the parents were scowling at me the way parents of a non-disabled child have never done. So if there's a parent of a visibly disabled child who wants to do a "How to reassure parents that you're just interacting with their kid because you find kids irresistable, not because their kid is a curiosity to you" video, I'd appreciate it.
Hi, I'd like to offer insight. older generations had it rough and life was more sensitive. they didn't use/need so many words to communicate. it helps when we look at ourselves, and not the generation before. every generation says the same about the one before not realizing how hard life was for them and what they went through to make our lives easier. its not always a generation thing though... usually its a people thing. long pauses and wanting to consider the bigger picture is a skill that comes with experience. I find them to be as transparent as I am patient.
Wasn't it Chewbacca from star wars not big foot? Anyhow thanks for your videos. You are amazing for taking this challenge head on with a positive attitude. I don't know if I would be like you. Thanks
I liked the bigfoot analogy! Thanks for your vid and perspective~☆ it was interesting to get insight from someone who prefers to be approached much the opposite to me 😄 I dislike answering to stranger people coming up to me to satisfy their curiosity. Off they go, and I feel kind of... robbed? After a while it feels like the only interesting thing about me is my disability. A bit isolating and boring to keep rehashing on cue. But I do quite enjoy the conversations when strangers *have* related the disability to someone they knew. It gave their curiousity some context, for one thing. And that made the information exchange more equal. A fair trade, we were both opening up to complete strangers. I was asked by someone who turned out to be a kindergarten teacher who had disabled pupil in mind. That was a memorable convo. When people think can't contribute like that, maybe they feel like they need to respond with something, so they give the fluffy pity spiel or how brave and inspirational you are for getting out of bed. Bleh. I'll take mother-in-law's second cousin's ex's pilates instructor any day haha... I personally prefer and am more open to fielding questions when I've known someone for a while. Likewise, I don't ask about someone's disability until they feel comfortable to broach the subject themselves. I'm just not that curious lol
Wow much thanks! I always hated when I talked to people with visible disabilities and make it extremely awkward by how i say something or how i ask them something. So much thanks!!! And much love to you Megan! ❤❤❤😁😁😁😁 I'm a new sub from Ross creations and u where HILARIOUS on their! Just freaking love how good that vid cane out and hope u can do more vids with ross.
I don't like it when people ask about my disability. I'm minding my own business when I'm out somewhere and the story is like 2 hours long and very hurtful so I dont want to tell it to strangers. But I just say I don't want to tell, and if they don't respect it, that is when I get annoyed.
Thank you! Very helpful and interesting, I won't bring up my irrelevant friend I know :) But this content is extremely helpful and relevant. And mega congrats on the channel growing 👌🏼
BTW - if you do what you want, you are not "disabled". (I also detest "limb difference" I *hate* euphemisms. We are *all* different. Attitude is the key.)
Great video 👍 if I notice someone is different no matter what the disability is I don’t stare .i would hate to make anyone feel hurt 😞 definitely wouldn’t ask how it happen unless they won’t to tell me. If I see someone struggle with something let it be a disabled or able person I offer help but now I hope I have done the right thing little bit confused about it now am I doing the right thing 🤔🤔.i think your great not because you have only one arm but because you have not let it define you in any way .👌
sue Duf As a disabled person, I find that there’s a difference between noticing and looking at someone for a brief moment and staring them down. I’m also quite happy when people see that I might be struggling with something or could use help and offer. Sometimes I’ll accept and sometimes I’ll say “I’m fine but thanks for offering!” I would even recommend offering even if someone looks able-bodied to you. I get so many offers to help with my small lightweight wheelchair (which I usually don’t need help with) when I’m assembling it from the driver’s seat because people assume I’m paralyzed I guess and therefore need help (?), but when people see me struggling to get my huge 60 lb. wheelchair out of the trunk of my car, I almost never get offers to help I guess because people assume the chair is for someone else and I’m standing and not visibly disabled so I must be fine, when really, I would almost never turn down help with that chair. The only thing that gets annoying is when people don’t ask first or don’t take no for an answer. That’s really obnoxious because it takes away my agency as a human being.
I also think it’s ok for a disability to be a part of someone’s identity. It can actually be really important to some people and there can be a sense of empowerment in it, especially in a world that thinks of disability as something to be ashamed of. Who I am is heavily influenced by my disability and that’s ok.
I don't mind explaining my issues at all. But what I don't like is people not even saying high or just staring at me without asking questions. I have tubes and wires coming from me at all times and wearing braces. I have become very unaware of people staring at me because it happens so much. My mom on the other hand is very aware people are staring at me. She told me about a month ago that a woman asked her husband what those tubes were and the husband was explaining and I had no idea. I would rather people ask then assume what is wrong.
I personally disagree with curious people coming up to ask just because they’re curious. I actually really hate that and am left feeling objectified. It is definitely more acceptable when it’s a person who also has a visible disability or illness, or when the person asking has either already built a rapport with me or we know that we will have some sort of ongoing relationship, but I get really tired of having my day interrupted by random people who are JUST looking to satisfy their own curiosity. Being sick and disabled is tiring enough without being made to feel like a freak show every time I leave the house. When people do the double take, I think just a simple smile - not a pity smile but a smile to acknowledge my existence - on the second time around is fine.
As someone who uses a cane, I completely agree. I think that it's always important to note that all disabled people have different opinions on how they want to be treated, and I think it's generally best to err on the side of caution.
I feel very similarly. I can't go ANYWHERE without people asking me what happened, what's wrong, or other really personal questions. I get so tired of just being a circus attraction or something to serve others' curiosity. I DO almost always answer them and do so really friendly and lovingly, but inside I definitely start to feel really hurt, really tired and wish they had been a bit more tactful. I also wouldn't assume that just bc someone answers your questions and does so with a smile on their face that it means they were okay with you doing that. They often just feel pressured to be the "super friendly disabled person" to combat the "angry at the world" stereotype. I sometimes do better between other disabled strangers, than able-bodied people, but not always. I can feel like a magnet to other chronic illness sufferers and they just want to talk for hours or commiserate in the aisles and I juuuuust wanted to go about my day and finish my shopping at Target. I didn't want to be the receptacle for all their frustrations finding a diagnosis, lamentations w/ healthcare and personal questions. Even though we are alike, I want to live my life, too. SOMETIMES I'm okay with it, but the longer I'm disabled the more I juuuust want to be able to go somewhere without being stopped and interrupted just bc I'm disabled. You wouldn't do that to me if I was just like everyone else. I'm far more open with friends, online, or even with someone new that I've been talking with for quite awhile about things completely unrelated first. ...but never as an introduction or icebreaker. If they stared, a nice nod and smile in exchange is a wonderful feeling. I wouldn't want them to come up, ask more questions, and pour salt in the wound of their original ignorance.
Yilena Lots of other disabled people feel the same as I do. Maybe you would understand if you lived our lives. I would recommend trying to understand where we’re coming from and being curious about it rather than telling us how we should feel.
Idk if u have a video on this but could u talk about how disabled people can tell their friends and not be afraid to tell their friends about their disability. Cause I have trouble telling my friends that I have a disability. 1. I don’t want to be made fun of 2. It’s kinda hard to understand.
I think my first comment would be how beautiful you are, as, that is the first thing I noticed. As far as asking about your condition, I think only people who are close to you, and, you are comfortable with should even bring it up.
So how do you ask somebody with a non-visible disability? I went on a date with a girl and she mentioned that she had been in the Special Olympics. She doesn't seem to have any physical disability and it seems like she might have some mild mental impairment. I'm just not sure how to ask without being offensive. I want to make sure before I do anything with her if she can actually consent.
I always get younger kids steer at me an they tell there mother look mom he missing his leg. I just tell them it ok if they want too know. I tell them.
I've always been direct with people about their disabilities, of course not in an entitled sort of way. Maybe it's the autistic part of my brain, but I think of how lonely I would feel if I had some obvious disability, and instead of acknowledging it, people only ever avoided me out of fear/discomfort. Sure, some people don't like to talk about it, and that's fine, simply say so. But many people are totally okay with talking about it, and have been actually relieved by my direct acknowledgement of it, because it's something they don't get every day in a civilized way. Oh boy this threw my bosses for a loop when I worked at Didnyworl... ha. (edit to add:) I should note, I only did this whenever relevant, and not totally out of the blue like STOP THE SHOW AND TELL ME.
I was surprised to hear that Dick's Sporting Goods played such a positive role in sponsoring Olympians/Paralympians going into Rio. I had attempted to buy a ball cap online through them for a friend who was going through chemo and couldn't complete the purchase. I reached out to them through social media and someone contacted me and said they would get back to me and never bothered. So I reached out again and once again talked to someone in regards to the purchase. To make a long story short I never was able to complete the purchase because they kept dropping the ball with their customer service and didn't seem too eager to make the sale happen. I would never deal with them again. They seemed very insensitive and like they just don't care.
I'm actually not surprised to hear that, so sorry that happened to you! I no longer work there because my personal experience with the management at my store was horrible. That being said I have nothing against the company, and think that the Contenders Program was great. Maybe I'll make a video about this.
Megan Absten Yes the program sounds great and like all things I’m sure there are amazing staff that work there and do good by the company name. I just happened to get the rotten ones when I dealt with them which was a shame given the circumstances.
I've heard of ghost itches or something like that. My dad has a friend that has a fake leg and was kind of trying to make my dad laugh when he was telling one time that they were at a hotel together that his foot was itching like crazy😂. So does your hand ever itch or your arm?
Lol I worked ant dicks Sporting good too (2 years) and recently quit. I got over that place so quickly. But I did like how they are so involved with the olympics
After 50 years as an amputee I've noted two things. One, everybody ask, sooner or later, and it depends on who and how. I don't think there is a write answer and you need play it by ear. And, kids don't count, especially young ones. They'll blurt just about anything. Roll with it.
theres something refreshing about how blunt kids are tbh. i have to wear braces on all of my joints bc i have chronic pain. kids love asking about my "robot leg" or "rockstar gloves" (my compression gloves are fingerless and black). it makes me laugh, and sometimes it makes my day to be honest. adults tend to stare or pity me, which just makes me feel bad.
my mom also has the same thing with her teeth. theyre mostly rotted out bc she cant afford dental care or dentures. kids will walk up to her and straight up ask "what happened to your mouth?" or "whats wrong with your teeth?". its blunt but she usually comes up with a silly answer like "i ate all my halloween candy in one night and didnt brush my teeth" and laughs it off. adults will judge her tho, and assume shes on hard drugs and a bad mother, just bc of her teeth.
long story short, kids usually mean well, theyre just too curious for their own good sometimes lol
Thanks for the video! I recently met a guy who is deaf. He goes to my church often but I've been nervous to approach him. I'm a youth leader so I often approach youth in the church. I started communicating with him this past Sunday. He is very nice. I just need to be patient cause we communicate in person over texting. I'm learning to treat and respect him like everyone else.
As a stroke survivor that lost use of my dominant side limbs I agree with u 100%.....keep informing.....ur awesome!!!!
The parts about bringing up another person you know with the same medical condition and pity are so relatable to me. When you bring up someone else with the same condition as you, it shows me that you don't see me for me and think that everyone with that condition are the same. Yes, I have this condition. That doesn't mean my experiences are the same as the person you know's experiences. Taking pity on me also shows me that you don't see me for me because you're only focusing on the stuff I can't do instead of the stuff I can do.
I hate that too. Its especially common with those who have Lupus, the first thing out their mouths is oh so and so has Lupus and they blah blah blah. That's great I really appreciate that you notate everyone that has Lupus so you can somehow relate to a person who has it "its irrelevant every person is different".
Why the hell do people do that?
They really don't get it. Each person is different we all have a different physiological makeup. Some are worse than others. That mentality of "Oh, well so and so has this or that and they work", really pisses me off. They don't get it at all. Then they try to play Dr. Explaining to you ways you can make it better and if you dont do it than you only have yourself to blame. People just need to STFU lol. I've considered making videos about things but I don't give a shit about others bullshit opinions of me or being compared and contrast to someone else. I'm grumpy in that aspect people have a lot of shit to say if you let em.
This is great feedback/info. I always smile and acknowledge anyone who makes eye contact with me. I feel it’s simple human interaction when I’m walking into a store, or walking down the street that eye contact equals acknowledgement of some sort. I feel it would be invasive to ask questions but I’m happy to help someone (older/younger/unable and struggling to reach something) reach something off a store shelf. It does strike me as odd that someone would ask about why or what happened without first developing some sort of rapport.
Honestly, I want to know if it’s rude to ignore the obvious and just talk to the person like I normally talk to random strangers. Cuz I will talk about anything to anyone! I kinda feel like I’m hearing it’s cool to be my normal self ... cuz you are your normal self.
Thanks so much for making this video. I really appreciate that you noted that not every disabled person is willing to talk about their disability, because it is often very upsetting when people I don't know just ask me personal questions like "why do you use a cane?" When I know someone, it's different, but it can feel very accusatory (I'm young, and some people ask it in a way that implies I'm faking my disability) and invasive when someone just asks without saying anything else.
For me, although I'm generally pretty open with people I know about my illness, it is actually kind of a sad story why I started using my cane, and I don't really like people I don't know to just ask about it in the middle of the day, especially because they then usually just jump right into pitying me. Yeah, it does suck, but guess what, you saying that doesn't make it any better, it just makes me feel both awkward and sad. (also don't say I'm "too young" to be disabled like yeah I am young but I don't think showing my illness some ID will make it stop lol)
As for the inspiration stuff, I want to say that it feels very demeaning to be called an inspiration, especially just for doing regular things, like Megan said. Like, I have to live my life this way, it's the way my life is. It makes me (and many other disabled people) feel like an object to be reduced to an "inspiration" for abled people. If you want a better explanation of "inspiration porn," I highly recommend Stella Young's TED talk. She was an amazing disability advocate and her explanation is way better than mine.
Sorry for the super long comment, I just kind of wanted to give my two cents for anyone who wants to read it. Thanks for doing what you do, Megan!
Abby Yes, “invasive” is the word! And yeah, it’s SO weird when people are like, “Wowww you’re so brave and amazing!” Like yes, I am. lol But they’re solely basing it on the fact that I’m eating at a restaurant while sitting in my wheelchair, or driving my car while also being a wheelchair user... Which could be a challenge for me or not, depending on the day (and nowhere *near* the most challenging aspects of my life), and for some people is nothing extraordinary at all. They don’t actually have any real idea of what makes me brave and amazing.
Yes!!! Like you should say I'm inspiring for getting a master's degree, or managing to deal with all the bullshit ableist compliments I get without tripping people with my cane lol! Those are actual achievements, not me daring to bare my face outside while using a mobility device. It's nice to be able to rant with people about this lol! So thanks
Abby Hahaha yes!! 💜
I’m quite open about being bipolar and the second I mention it, people tell me stories about the bipolar people they know! Often saying was so crazy and ruined everything but then quickly back peddling and saying I’m sure you’re not like that.
You have the attitude of I’m ok nothing happened, very good attitude.
I work for the federal government and I have two masters degrees. When I started my fourth year at my second location as a supervisor, the EEO manager in employee orientation told me that she was sorry that the TV had no captions for me to read and this was after I told her I was visually impaired, not deaf, but she continued to sign to me in ASL! My coworkers and I laughed because we work with blind individuals and could not believe that she got the disabilities mixed up! She was nervous or just uneducated! But being the EEO manager you really hoped she knew the difference between blind and deaf! 😂
Brittany M. Omg to learn asl requires quite a bit of education! Not sure what was going on there but glad you are able to laugh about it
Hello Megan
I just stumbled on to your channel and I'm intrigued. I have been an amputee from the tender age of 3 and I'm now a confidant 54 year old woman. I have learned a lot on being physically challenged through my life. I lost my complete left arm and partial right foot in a farming
accident. I just started my RUclips channel 6 months ago. Like you, I feel it was my calling to show the world that I can do anything that I put my mind to....I work as a waitress. There is nothing I can't do!
You are beautiful! Thanks for sharing your story!
Thanks so much for this! I will definitely use your point on, rather than trying to relate through someone else you know who is disabled, and instead finding common ground elsewhere in your life!
The answer is: Directly.
No judging, no fake compassion, no anything.
I wonder that the point behind people saying, “you’re inspiring” because you don’t have an arm, and still doing a great job at what you’re doing, is just that. They can only imagine how they would do in your position and maybe wouldn’t try as hard to do the “normal” things, believing it’s in achievable.
Maybe them mentioning that as well as learning you’re an Olympian would be better. Just a thought. I’m not in your position, so I could be wrong.
Love your videos; they definitely keep me going with my disability and encourage me to keep positive and keep going!! Thank you!!!
I think that elderly gentleman was the exception. I feel like being disabled (like me and my leg amputation) belong to a kind of fraternity. I don’t mind going up to another disabled person and talking about my prosthetic. I feel like we connect no matter what the disability is.
Recently had rotator cuff repair and biceps tenodesis (Which i know doesn’t compare to what you had to go through).This is my second go round. The first time, I had short hair and was able to just wash and blow dry easily one handed. This time around my hair is longer and its summer so was dying to put my hair in a ponytail. So, went to RUclips and looked up one handed ponytail and there you were. I was amazed at how easy you made that look. Then I was like, 🤔 I wonder how she lost her arm. So here I sit recovering from rotator cuff surgery and watching your videos. Thank you for sharing.
Ok so I know it’s not the same, but I have a port wine stain on my cheek and these tips still apply. Another form of pity I’ve dealt with was people thinking that they have to tell me “you’re still beautiful” like that’s what I need to hear to get through my day. 😖
Just found your channel and I’m loving it so far! You are awesome for starting a channel and being willing to open up to a whole different world. I was born Deaf but I am still pursuing more than I think I would have if I were hearing. If looking at the glass half full, having a disability only pushes us further as individuals to be more than me not being able to hear without my “ears” or you missing an arm. Not saying that it’s any different for those without disabilities cause I wouldn’t be where I am without them! But the life that all of us have received is only a blessing!
i respect your strength. a lot are missing that. we are all missing something
How to talk to somebody with a disability: You…"Hello". Person with a disability… "Hello". And a disaster has been averted!! xo
Hey Megan....I totally respect your open, good hearted honest curiosity. Don't ever stop being that way. I get that many people haven't come to terms with a loss such as a limb, sight, mobility, etc. I was severely injured in combat; I dont at all mind people, usually kids, asking why I look the way I do or walk differently, etc. I still get to the gym, work, break balls on my squad, etc. In other words, just living a normal life. I think people often times use such a loss as an excuse as opposed to motivation. I was told I would absolutely not walk again. About 4 years years later I walked into the docs office to tell him he was wrong 😜 Keep bein' you, dude....! You are amazing 😍😍
Love you, love your videos!
When I see a person who is missing an arm or leg, I tend to overlook that they are missing a limb, and do not stare at them...
1971irvin It's impossible to overlook a missing limb. I can't help but look at extraordinary things, but I don't keep looking. A few seconds, that's all. They never seem to mind a "short stare".
I feel like if you overlooked it completely, you wouldn’t know your reaction to this situation, because you’d never have noticed any amputees
I can relate to this, I’ve gone to the store before where the cashier had only one arm. I did not notice this till my family had pointed out that she had only one arm.
Yeah I get asked a lot about why I am disabled. Then I explain my car crash story and they then feel sorry for me. LOL I just laugh and say No don't, I am actually much happier in my life than I was as a fully abled person. I have all my limbs however they don't cooperate with me. I just leave them with something positive because I am just a person. I am naturally a positive person. This (points at all the medical related stuff) just allows me to appreciate life more. I have nerve damage in my neck and lower back and now a brain issue? Well it is affecting my speech and memory and motor function. LOL LONG story hahaha! I have a ton of disabilities. (if you ask I will gladly explain it all.)
Thank you! Especially on the pity part! I wish more people would realize I don’t need pity. I just want to be accepted as a human being!
Hey Megan, I think this a great thing you’re are doing with your RUclips channel! I am not an amputee but I’m going to college next fall to study to be a nurse and love hearing your story! So I’m not an amputee but I had a seizure in my 5th grade classroom, which lead me to my cities hospital then med flighted to Arkansas’s children’s hospital ( all unconscious). They found a bundle of blood vessels bleeding in my brain AKA Cavernous Malformation. Then again in 7th grade a reconstruction of my skull since it dissolved around the medal plate they put in. So I’m a Senior now and partly blind in my left eye. I say all of this because I believe God has a plan for us and all the ones who go through these things! Thanks again for all the videos you decided to do!
love this video. amazing for everyone who doesn’t know how to handle someone w a disability
love you videos. so enlightening.
I was born without half my left forearm. This is a belated welcome to the club, my sister.
i can spot a curious kid at 100 paces. I will often approach the parent && say "I know your child is curious. I *love* curious kids. My name is bandit - I'm the one-armed bandit." then i look at the kid && tell them i was born this way. If you do it right, the parents will not be embarrassed && the kid's curiosity is rewarded and satisfied.
Thanks for the tips Megan
Love this video. So informational. So motivating.
With me the kids are more curious than the adults. Kids are the worst, they dont not hold back. I almost have to laugh, because I could be having a normal conversation with their parents and their kid will walk by and interrupt our conversation just to ask one of their parents about why my voice is so high pitched. Meanwhile I am standing right there and I hear their question.
Your so influential luv ur vids
Johnny Eck (former carnival attraction, billed as "the Half Boy") would tell people he'd gotten run over by a train. He also had the best response ever to "How do you go to the bathroom?" "In private."
By the way, you are inspiring because you can do a one armed headstand. I worked my butt off to do that on two arms and I still wobble like a newborn once I am there...
I love this video! My daughter is fed via feeding tube and it amazes me how many people just stare at her while she is eating! I love sharing her journey and raising awareness for feeding tubes and I wish more people would approach us and ask about it! Also all the people that say "aww poor baby" when I share her story. Umm she's not a "poor baby" she is a very happy thriving little girl because of this amazing tube that allows her to get her nutrition safely!!!
Ohh and you are freaking gorgeous BTW!
I was at the Laura Ingalls Wilder museum in DeSmet, South Dakota, when I saw the most adorable little girl, maybe a little more than two years old, toddling around in her dress and sun bonnet. I am an absolute baby maniac, so of course I crouched down to interact with her. She was cute and bubbly and full of fun, peeking at me from behind columns. She giggled and grinned and we were having a good time, just two strangers interacting at a tourist place. But the parents were giving me the stink eye and I knew it was probably because they thought I was pretending to think she was cute because I wanted to stare at their little quadruple amputee and her glaring old prosthetics.
And that wasn't the first time I got ugly looks from parents when I was treating a baby with an obvious disability the same way I'd treat any baby. I played peek a boo with a baby that kept popping up over the back of a restaurant booth. I can't even remember now what the baby's obvious disability was -- a facial deformity or part of a hand missing or what. I just remember the kid was so engaging and the parents were scowling at me the way parents of a non-disabled child have never done.
So if there's a parent of a visibly disabled child who wants to do a "How to reassure parents that you're just interacting with their kid because you find kids irresistable, not because their kid is a curiosity to you" video, I'd appreciate it.
I have noticed that people from the older generation are not as comfortable with being transparent.
Hi, I'd like to offer insight. older generations had it rough and life was more sensitive. they didn't use/need so many words to communicate. it helps when we look at ourselves, and not the generation before. every generation says the same about the one before not realizing how hard life was for them and what they went through to make our lives easier. its not always a generation thing though... usually its a people thing. long pauses and wanting to consider the bigger picture is a skill that comes with experience. I find them to be as transparent as I am patient.
Michael Perry I was referring to the example that Megan gave when she asked an older gentleman how he lost his arm and he hissed at her.
Wasn't it Chewbacca from star wars not big foot? Anyhow thanks for your videos. You are amazing for taking this challenge head on with a positive attitude. I don't know if I would be like you. Thanks
Rebecca H. #wookieelivesmatter
One more video from amazing Megan !
It's possible they are staring because you are so beautiful and captivating!! I admire you so much.
I liked the bigfoot analogy!
Thanks for your vid and perspective~☆ it was interesting to get insight from someone who prefers to be approached much the opposite to me 😄
I dislike answering to stranger people coming up to me to satisfy their curiosity. Off they go, and I feel kind of... robbed? After a while it feels like the only interesting thing about me is my disability. A bit isolating and boring to keep rehashing on cue.
But I do quite enjoy the conversations when strangers *have* related the disability to someone they knew. It gave their curiousity some context, for one thing. And that made the information exchange more equal. A fair trade, we were both opening up to complete strangers. I was asked by someone who turned out to be a kindergarten teacher who had disabled pupil in mind. That was a memorable convo.
When people think can't contribute like that, maybe they feel like they need to respond with something, so they give the fluffy pity spiel or how brave and inspirational you are for getting out of bed. Bleh. I'll take mother-in-law's second cousin's ex's pilates instructor any day haha...
I personally prefer and am more open to fielding questions when I've known someone for a while. Likewise, I don't ask about someone's disability until they feel comfortable to broach the subject themselves. I'm just not that curious lol
Love you and your videos. Super inspirational.
Great video Megan!!!
It was Chewbacca 😉 love your videos! ❤️
Thank you for making this video. I need to be educated in many of these types of things. Congrats on being such a good athlete. You are very pretty!
Wow much thanks! I always hated when I talked to people with visible disabilities and make it extremely awkward by how i say something or how i ask them something. So much thanks!!! And much love to you Megan! ❤❤❤😁😁😁😁 I'm a new sub from Ross creations and u where HILARIOUS on their! Just freaking love how good that vid cane out and hope u can do more vids with ross.
I dig your channel. Thanks for being you! ✌🏼
Love your channel!!!
1st comment 😊 you’re so inspirational! I clicked so fast lol
You’re cool. Thank you for sharing your story. ♥️
I can lister your stories all day! Haha keep it up! God bless!!!
wow meagn! you had 30k when you made this video, and only 10 days later you have another 16k new subs!! congrats
Congrats on 40k!!
I don't like it when people ask about my disability. I'm minding my own business when I'm out somewhere and the story is like 2 hours long and very hurtful so I dont want to tell it to strangers. But I just say I don't want to tell, and if they don't respect it, that is when I get annoyed.
Can you make a video about talking to people about your disability. Cause I have a bone disease and I hate talking about it, so yeah I need advice.
Thank you! Very helpful and interesting, I won't bring up my irrelevant friend I know :)
But this content is extremely helpful and relevant. And mega congrats on the channel growing 👌🏼
I'm really glad I found your channel!
You are really impressive. You have a great personality and speak very well. I wish we were friends :)
BTW - if you do what you want, you are not "disabled". (I also detest "limb difference" I *hate* euphemisms. We are *all* different. Attitude is the key.)
You are an inspiration
Great video 👍 if I notice someone is different no matter what the disability is I don’t stare .i would hate to make anyone feel hurt 😞 definitely wouldn’t ask how it happen unless they won’t to tell me. If I see someone struggle with something let it be a disabled or able person I offer help but now I hope I have done the right thing little bit confused about it now am I doing the right thing 🤔🤔.i think your great not because you have only one arm but because you have not let it define you in any way .👌
sue Duf As a disabled person, I find that there’s a difference between noticing and looking at someone for a brief moment and staring them down. I’m also quite happy when people see that I might be struggling with something or could use help and offer. Sometimes I’ll accept and sometimes I’ll say “I’m fine but thanks for offering!” I would even recommend offering even if someone looks able-bodied to you. I get so many offers to help with my small lightweight wheelchair (which I usually don’t need help with) when I’m assembling it from the driver’s seat because people assume I’m paralyzed I guess and therefore need help (?), but when people see me struggling to get my huge 60 lb. wheelchair out of the trunk of my car, I almost never get offers to help I guess because people assume the chair is for someone else and I’m standing and not visibly disabled so I must be fine, when really, I would almost never turn down help with that chair. The only thing that gets annoying is when people don’t ask first or don’t take no for an answer. That’s really obnoxious because it takes away my agency as a human being.
I also think it’s ok for a disability to be a part of someone’s identity. It can actually be really important to some people and there can be a sense of empowerment in it, especially in a world that thinks of disability as something to be ashamed of. Who I am is heavily influenced by my disability and that’s ok.
I don't mind explaining my issues at all. But what I don't like is people not even saying high or just staring at me without asking questions. I have tubes and wires coming from me at all times and wearing braces. I have become very unaware of people staring at me because it happens so much. My mom on the other hand is very aware people are staring at me. She told me about a month ago that a woman asked her husband what those tubes were and the husband was explaining and I had no idea. I would rather people ask then assume what is wrong.
FYI I came your your channel looking for tips to dress and do my hair after a right handed shoulder surgery.
Love your story so inspired 🤩😍
Your almost to 40k!!!
I personally disagree with curious people coming up to ask just because they’re curious. I actually really hate that and am left feeling objectified. It is definitely more acceptable when it’s a person who also has a visible disability or illness, or when the person asking has either already built a rapport with me or we know that we will have some sort of ongoing relationship, but I get really tired of having my day interrupted by random people who are JUST looking to satisfy their own curiosity. Being sick and disabled is tiring enough without being made to feel like a freak show every time I leave the house.
When people do the double take, I think just a simple smile - not a pity smile but a smile to acknowledge my existence - on the second time around is fine.
As someone who uses a cane, I completely agree. I think that it's always important to note that all disabled people have different opinions on how they want to be treated, and I think it's generally best to err on the side of caution.
After I rewatched my video I definitely feel like I should have included that point! So thanks for commenting 😊 I definitely agree with you.
I feel very similarly. I can't go ANYWHERE without people asking me what happened, what's wrong, or other really personal questions. I get so tired of just being a circus attraction or something to serve others' curiosity. I DO almost always answer them and do so really friendly and lovingly, but inside I definitely start to feel really hurt, really tired and wish they had been a bit more tactful. I also wouldn't assume that just bc someone answers your questions and does so with a smile on their face that it means they were okay with you doing that. They often just feel pressured to be the "super friendly disabled person" to combat the "angry at the world" stereotype.
I sometimes do better between other disabled strangers, than able-bodied people, but not always. I can feel like a magnet to other chronic illness sufferers and they just want to talk for hours or commiserate in the aisles and I juuuuust wanted to go about my day and finish my shopping at Target. I didn't want to be the receptacle for all their frustrations finding a diagnosis, lamentations w/ healthcare and personal questions. Even though we are alike, I want to live my life, too. SOMETIMES I'm okay with it, but the longer I'm disabled the more I juuuust want to be able to go somewhere without being stopped and interrupted just bc I'm disabled. You wouldn't do that to me if I was just like everyone else.
I'm far more open with friends, online, or even with someone new that I've been talking with for quite awhile about things completely unrelated first. ...but never as an introduction or icebreaker. If they stared, a nice nod and smile in exchange is a wonderful feeling. I wouldn't want them to come up, ask more questions, and pour salt in the wound of their original ignorance.
Wow.. That's more negative than you should feel... Sadly I can't chance that, but I hope it will in the future ..
Yilena Lots of other disabled people feel the same as I do. Maybe you would understand if you lived our lives. I would recommend trying to understand where we’re coming from and being curious about it rather than telling us how we should feel.
He was probably a vet
40k and growing...
A lot of people stare excessively because you are extremely beautiful.
Once again you are a rockstar!
Idk if u have a video on this but could u talk about how disabled people can tell their friends and not be afraid to tell their friends about their disability. Cause I have trouble telling my friends that I have a disability. 1. I don’t want to be made fun of 2. It’s kinda hard to understand.
You’re intelligent. 👏 awesome 😎
"I don't want to be called 'inspiring' for working at Dick's Sporting Goods." Lol... U rock Megan!
Could I just smile kindly if someone catches my gaze and I have noticed they seen me looking twice? Or could someone take that as snickering at you.
I think my first comment would be how beautiful you are, as, that is the first thing I noticed. As far as asking about your condition, I think only people who are close to you, and, you are comfortable with should even bring it up.
So how do you ask somebody with a non-visible disability? I went on a date with a girl and she mentioned that she had been in the Special Olympics. She doesn't seem to have any physical disability and it seems like she might have some mild mental impairment. I'm just not sure how to ask without being offensive. I want to make sure before I do anything with her if she can actually consent.
I love you and your videos !! your so pretty!
Can you to a video on how u did the intro to your video!!!!! Plz
I always get younger kids steer at me an they tell there mother look mom he missing his leg. I just tell them it ok if they want too know. I tell them.
I've always been direct with people about their disabilities, of course not in an entitled sort of way. Maybe it's the autistic part of my brain, but I think of how lonely I would feel if I had some obvious disability, and instead of acknowledging it, people only ever avoided me out of fear/discomfort. Sure, some people don't like to talk about it, and that's fine, simply say so. But many people are totally okay with talking about it, and have been actually relieved by my direct acknowledgement of it, because it's something they don't get every day in a civilized way.
Oh boy this threw my bosses for a loop when I worked at Didnyworl... ha.
(edit to add:) I should note, I only did this whenever relevant, and not totally out of the blue like STOP THE SHOW AND TELL ME.
If you're curious about how someone became disabled, just don't worry about it. Move on with your day. Cool.
Esme Lodbrok yeah, just ignore it and it will go away.
/s
I was surprised to hear that Dick's Sporting Goods played such a positive role in sponsoring Olympians/Paralympians going into Rio. I had attempted to buy a ball cap online through them for a friend who was going through chemo and couldn't complete the purchase. I reached out to them through social media and someone contacted me and said they would get back to me and never bothered. So I reached out again and once again talked to someone in regards to the purchase. To make a long story short I never was able to complete the purchase because they kept dropping the ball with their customer service and didn't seem too eager to make the sale happen. I would never deal with them again. They seemed very insensitive and like they just don't care.
I'm actually not surprised to hear that, so sorry that happened to you! I no longer work there because my personal experience with the management at my store was horrible. That being said I have nothing against the company, and think that the Contenders Program was great. Maybe I'll make a video about this.
Megan Absten Yes the program sounds great and like all things I’m sure there are amazing staff that work there and do good by the company name. I just happened to get the rotten ones when I dealt with them which was a shame given the circumstances.
How would you put eye liner on with only having a right hand i had a stroke last year and I can't figure it out.
What‘s with the sound- it jumps up after a take switch?
Anyway, great video as usual.
Do you ever feel more lonely after your accident? Or do you feel like you have more friends? Just curious.
Hi Megan!! I hope you see this 😊
I've heard of ghost itches or something like that. My dad has a friend that has a fake leg and was kind of trying to make my dad laugh when he was telling one time that they were at a hotel together that his foot was itching like crazy😂. So does your hand ever itch or your arm?
You gained 10k in one day!!!!
I need ur little help mam.
Lol I worked ant dicks Sporting good too (2 years) and recently quit. I got over that place so quickly. But I did like how they are so involved with the olympics
Totally random question do you have your clothes altered do you alter them yourself?
is there someone on the background??
I absolutely hate the pity look!
Hold up, were you in the Olympics? I’m shook
ilyy
Video of u running ?
Maybe people are staring at you because your so beautiful.
megan!!!!!!!!! Where is Ross!!!!!!! LOL JK no one knows
Isn’t it Chewbacca?
10 k in 1 day you are at 40!
It's not Bigfoot it's chewbacca