Kind of like when I played The Nutcracker in the 8th grade play and the Mouse King's sword broke in half during our fight and I just kept swinging and he was terrified 😂
IDK. But they seem to have also confused a map of the state of Washington with their own home state (or else they think that's where polar bears come from) 😜
"For every rat you do see, there's 50 you don't." Conservatives in Texas should remember this, right after they say "Don't go after the police, it's just a few bad apples."
@@Fernball21 It's hard to say - I watched again and it sounds like there's a CH sound, but that might just be his accent. Also because its Texas, I wouldn't be surprised if it's ranch. But who knows
Reminds me of this bit from America (The Book) about George W: “This Connecticut-born, Yale- and Harvard-educated multimillionaire son of a former president ran as an outsider in 2000. Many experts still wonder how the f*** he pulled that off.”
One day when I’d just moved to Texas while honking at a person who cut me off my friend told me we don’t honk at people here in Texas, we’re the friendly state. I said well we honk at people in NY to let them know they can’t drive. She said well you keep doing that here somebody is likely to shoot you. I said let me get this straight, I shouldn’t honk my horn because in the friendly state of Texas I’ll get shot at for doing so?
@Splitter honey, you know an awful lot about me from a casual RUclips comment that was 29% humor. Your insight is amazing. Any honey, people who start sentences with honey sound so condescending. Unless you’re from Texas bless your heart.
@Splitter you’re too funny for words. I have no idea what you are talking about with missing comments, if there are any I have no control over that. A RUclips conversation chain isn’t so important to me that I’d edit it. And with that, over and out.
@Splitter Splitter, bro, you're blowing a fuse over this person's telling a simple story that happened to him while in Texas. You're telling him that his threshold for what counts as jerk behavior must be low... do you even have a threshold or are you always that expressive? Maybe you're the weird one, condoning shooting people over a honk because you're a bad driver. What is this? Stupid Apologist?
"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, 'Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me, you can't get fooled again.'"
As a resident of Austin, I can assure you that you have not said it enough. They're still coming. Stop them. Traffic and housing prices are beyond ridiculous.
@wta1518 Could be, but it won't. City and state governments have refused to make the right steps for over 25 years and neither show any indication of improvement.
Ones that are actually said in Texas: "Don't piss (in my boots/down my back) and tell me it's raining." Translation: Don't bullshit me. "Come and get it." Usually refers to a large homecooked meal. "Don't let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass." Translation: Don't talk shit if you can't back it up. "All hat, no cattle." This refers to posing as a cowboy when you've never worked cattle, so it's a bit ironic seeing it used by suits. The rest I've never heard before, and I've been around long enough that I would have heard them if they were at all common.
@@marcjohnston4271 More of a slogan than a saying. Its roots significantly predate Texas. The first use in Texas history was the Battle of Gonzales, when the Federalist Mexican Army attempted to seize a small artillery piece commandeered by the Texian Army.
“Why use a nutcracker when you have a sledgehammer?” Because why would I want to smash the nut when I want to eat it? Using a tool that just removes the shell is way better
To me it sounds like some of them are attributing “as my Grandma used to say” to “as they say in Texas,” because they think everyone else in Texas talks just like their meemaw did.
@@SerenityNow9015 Your comment reminded me of how, growing up, my mom (from Nebraska) would frequently say things like "waste not, want not. That's what grandpa says" or "eat well, get well. That's what grandpa says" ;)
"Why use a nutcracker when you have access to a sledgehammer?" What? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. What are you going to eat if you use a sledgehammer? Woody paste...? Or is this a euphemism for "We turn something with some value into useless crap with a single swing"
Other things we say in Texas: You mess with the bull, you get the horns. It's hotter'n a fresh f'ed fox in a forest fire. It's hotter'n two muskrats f'n in a wool sock. It's hotter'n a French w*ore on dollar night. I'm busier than a one-legged man in an a$$ kicking contest. It's colder than a witches t*t in a brass bra face down in the snow. He's as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
0:16: as we say in Texas, ‘why use a tool designed for the task, when you can use a gesture of wildly over the top and self-defeating violence that makes you seem like you’re compensating for more than just being a wealthy out of touch pundit?’ Nah, too wordy.
Hey hello! Is there any way you can upload (or share with me a file of) the recent section about trans kids (in episode 11) I am useless at technology and don't even have an hbo account, it's just that my kid is trans and I'm desperate to share it but don't know how.
As we say in Texas "as we say in Texas".
L
As they say in Texas “You can’t beat perfection.”
Good one “good one”
The infinite loop, the Ourobouros.
"as we say in texas: as we say in texas, as we say in texas, as we say im texas-,"
Here’s an oldie but a goodie , “ in texas there’s three kinds of sun , sunshine , sunflowers and sunsofbitches “ ………
classic
here's another
"might? mites grow on chicken asses. cept stalagmites, ear mites, and dyno-mites"
As we say in the rest of the world: "Your state sucks."
I once saw a shirt that said: "I'll believe corporations are people when the State of Texas executes one."
Amen brother
Enron bby
"why use a nutcracker when you have a sledgehammer" A recipe for a truly disturbing Christmas ballet.
"And now we present 'The Sledgehammer Suite,' starring Michael Myers and Darcy Bussell!"
Kind of like when I played The Nutcracker in the 8th grade play and the Mouse King's sword broke in half during our fight and I just kept swinging and he was terrified 😂
Tchaikovsky x Mahler
A re-imagining by Peter Gabriel
I'm very interested to know what in the hell Texans are confusing for Polar bears
@@judacia Alamo is Spanish for poplar trees. That must be where the bears are.
A cousin of those cuddly Eucalyptus Bears...
We’re pretty drunk….
IDK. But they seem to have also confused a map of the state of Washington with their own home state (or else they think that's where polar bears come from) 😜
I assume it's their version of "when you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras"
"For every rat you do see, there's 50 you don't."
Conservatives in Texas should remember this, right after they say "Don't go after the police, it's just a few bad apples."
blue apples
He said ranch - but I think rats works better hahaha
@@MrAwesomeSaucem You think so? I hear "For ev'ry rat 'chyu see, there's 50 you don't" I don't hear an "n" sound between the 3rd and 4th words.
A few bad apples ruin the bunch
@@Fernball21 It's hard to say - I watched again and it sounds like there's a CH sound, but that might just be his accent. Also because its Texas, I wouldn't be surprised if it's ranch. But who knows
As we say in Texas, "I'm an out-of-touch rich person desperately trying to sound working class."
Reminds me of this bit from America (The Book) about George W: “This Connecticut-born, Yale- and Harvard-educated multimillionaire son of a former president ran as an outsider in 2000. Many experts still wonder how the f*** he pulled that off.”
One day when I’d just moved to Texas while honking at a person who cut me off my friend told me we don’t honk at people here in Texas, we’re the friendly state. I said well we honk at people in NY to let them know they can’t drive. She said well you keep doing that here somebody is likely to shoot you. I said let me get this straight, I shouldn’t honk my horn because in the friendly state of Texas I’ll get shot at for doing so?
@Splitter thanks for your permissions
@Splitter honey, you know an awful lot about me from a casual RUclips comment that was 29% humor. Your insight is amazing. Any honey, people who start sentences with honey sound so condescending. Unless you’re from Texas bless your heart.
@Splitter you’re too funny for words. I have no idea what you are talking about with missing comments, if there are any I have no control over that. A RUclips conversation chain isn’t so important to me that I’d edit it. And with that, over and out.
@Splitter Splitter, bro, you're blowing a fuse over this person's telling a simple story that happened to him while in Texas. You're telling him that his threshold for what counts as jerk behavior must be low... do you even have a threshold or are you always that expressive? Maybe you're the weird one, condoning shooting people over a honk because you're a bad driver. What is this? Stupid Apologist?
"That ain't no polar bear." I'd sure like some context on this one.
It's something people in Texas say when they see a bear, and they think it's a polar bear but it ain't
@@marcelofa89 Thanks for clearing that up.
I need to ponder that.
@@marcelofa89 you sir, are a genius
Someone approached Trump from the back.
"All hat no cattle" is a good one ngl
Having lived in Texas my entire life I can definitively say no. No we don't say any of those things in Texas.
We can come up with new sayings like "That news source you watch is about as reliable as a Texas power grid."
"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, 'Fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me, you can't get fooled again.'"
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
@@ray.shoesmith "Too many docs are getting of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all over the country."
we wont get fooled again
Ah, quoting G.W. Bush. Never gets old.
To be fair, Texas is kind of Tennessee's fault
As we say everywhere else, “Don’t go to Texas”
Truth!
As a resident of Austin, I can assure you that you have not said it enough. They're still coming. Stop them. Traffic and housing prices are beyond ridiculous.
@@SIS3W3N It's same for almost everywhere. Millennials need homes too you know.
@@SIS3W3N All that could be solved with some transit oriented development.
@wta1518 Could be, but it won't. City and state governments have refused to make the right steps for over 25 years and neither show any indication of improvement.
Ones that are actually said in Texas:
"Don't piss (in my boots/down my back) and tell me it's raining." Translation: Don't bullshit me.
"Come and get it." Usually refers to a large homecooked meal.
"Don't let your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass." Translation: Don't talk shit if you can't back it up.
"All hat, no cattle." This refers to posing as a cowboy when you've never worked cattle, so it's a bit ironic seeing it used by suits.
The rest I've never heard before, and I've been around long enough that I would have heard them if they were at all common.
Or the variation, "Come and Take It," which is about taking your guns away.
@@marcjohnston4271 More of a slogan than a saying. Its roots significantly predate Texas. The first use in Texas history was the Battle of Gonzales, when the Federalist Mexican Army attempted to seize a small artillery piece commandeered by the Texian Army.
They forgot "when people are suffering because you stripped away all the power grid's regulations, just go to Cancún"
Chuck Schumer getting “all hat no cattle” wrong is GLORIOUS
For non-Texans, it’s basically “all bark no bite”
It's more like calling someone a poser, which makes it hilarious to see all these white-collar pansies using it.
I don't think there was anything more Chuck Schumer-esk possible in this clip
“Why use a nutcracker when you have a sledgehammer?”
Because why would I want to smash the nut when I want to eat it? Using a tool that just removes the shell is way better
You are, perhaps, unfamiliar with Texans? You're not wrong, but good luck convincing them.
Thought the guy was gonna say why not use a gun lol
#thatsthejoke
Why use a BB gun when you have an AR15.
If it’s worth doing, it’s worth overdoing.
As a native Texan, some of these, sure; but others....idk wtf they're talking about!
As we say in Texas, make shit up ' cause it doesn't really matter.
Same. "All hat and no cattle," is the only one i've heard.
To me it sounds like some of them are attributing “as my Grandma used to say” to “as they say in Texas,” because they think everyone else in Texas talks just like their meemaw did.
@@SerenityNow9015 They're attributing “as my Grandma used to say” to “as they say in Texas,” because they think it'll win them political points.
@@SerenityNow9015 Your comment reminded me of how, growing up, my mom (from Nebraska) would frequently say things like "waste not, want not. That's what grandpa says" or "eat well, get well. That's what grandpa says" ;)
As we say in texas: "I haven't ever heard of this gibberish"
I've lived here for 25 years, and haven't heard ANY of these (of course, I've lived in the RGV and San Antonio, so it's a little different).
I've been here my entire life. I've lived in rural east Texas, the suburbs of Dallas, and the city of Austin. I've heard 4 out of the entire video.
"as we say in texas, if grasshoppers had shotguns, crows wouldn't fvck with em"
As they say in Texas: „What the f are they talking about?!“
"Happy as a dead pig in the sunshine."
"Let me tell you how the cow ate the cabbage."
"He's not just stingy. He's tighter than Dick's hatband."
that alligator-humming bird bit
The guy at the end just smiling with a slow "...no-" was really funny.
As a native Texan, the only one I instinctually knew was "all hat and no cattle"
Dont 👏 let 👏 your👏 alligator 👏mouth👏 overload 👏your humming bird 👏rear end👏
Grow the fuck up and use your words not fucking emojis
I can't hear you over the sound of me embroiderin' that shit on a tea cozy right about now. yeehaw.
Another thing they apparently say in Texas, "screw children, I want an assault rifle"
The only reason to move to texas is to be able to say "as we say in texas"
"Why use a nutcracker when you have access to a sledgehammer?"
What? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. What are you going to eat if you use a sledgehammer? Woody paste...? Or is this a euphemism for "We turn something with some value into useless crap with a single swing"
That did not help Chuck Schumer's cred.
Neither do his little red old lady spectacles, but he’s holding onto them too…😂
I think he probably meant “come and take it” which is for guns. “Come and get it” is for supper.
It’s true, everything really is stupider in Texass.
Calm down, bigot.
Other things we say in Texas:
You mess with the bull, you get the horns.
It's hotter'n a fresh f'ed fox in a forest fire.
It's hotter'n two muskrats f'n in a wool sock.
It's hotter'n a French w*ore on dollar night.
I'm busier than a one-legged man in an a$$ kicking contest.
It's colder than a witches t*t in a brass bra face down in the snow.
He's as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
You forgot one “ why do birds fly upside down over abbott’s house ? …….. nothing worth S**TING on ! !……….
You just wanted an excuse to use that last one. Granted, it is a good line.
“Oklahoma, where the men are men and the sheep are scared”
@@Tonyhouse1168 Now see, I’m a native Texan. But I first heard that one when I went to West Virginia! 😂🐑 😂
Here in Fort Worth we say none of those things!
Love John Oliver. Guy could make opening an envelope entertaining.
As we say in Philadelphia, "Fuck what you heard."
No we don’t
Just add a spittoon spit before the punchline, then it is truly accurate
Things they say in Texas...I think the book depository would be a good bet...
When the Governor of Texas first stated talking about secession, I called his office. Told a secretary:
"OK. Go, just go."
0:16: as we say in Texas, ‘why use a tool designed for the task, when you can use a gesture of wildly over the top and self-defeating violence that makes you seem like you’re compensating for more than just being a wealthy out of touch pundit?’
Nah, too wordy.
Born and raised in Texas. Almost 50. Nobody says this stuff.
"There's an old saying in Texas: 'Fool me once... uh....'"
I’m from Texas and I have never heard ANY of these “sayings”…
All hat no cattle is dope tbh
"aint much for book learnin"
Geoff you do a great service to the stoner community
That ain't no polar bear lol
Vote blue
What so great about dumb ol' Texas? ~ Patrick Star (from SpongeBob)
YESSSSSSSS.
Been in Texas for decades. Those are all new to me except come n get it. Clearly those bozos have out southerned me.
As they say in Texas, "Please help me I'm in Texas."
Stop doing this to yourself. It's not worth it.
Thank you Chuck 🤣🤣 Dying
Schumer! XD
LMAO i just moved to Texas and this hits different now
I've lived here 25 years, and never heard ANY of these.
@@guccideltaco I've heard a couple of them. Guess it just depends on where you are and the people you talk to.
Hey hello! Is there any way you can upload (or share with me a file of) the recent section about trans kids (in episode 11) I am useless at technology and don't even have an hbo account, it's just that my kid is trans and I'm desperate to share it but don't know how.
I need to use that “don’t pee on my boot and tell me it’s raining.”
That's the only one I've actually heard before, but hey... I don't live anywhere near Texas.
Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining.